Tailspin2 & Tailspin3
by RoRoWrites
Summary: AU: One choice can change everything. Vows broken, friendships betrayed, lives forever altered. A triangle story about Mercedes, Sam, and Quinn, told from each of their POV as they deal with the consequences of their actions and try to pick up the pieces of their lives. Samcedes, Fabrevans, Quick, Finncedes romance and Kurtcedes, Puckcedes, Mike/Sam, Quinntana, Quartie friendships
1. Chapter 1

The sequel to Tailspin. If you haven't read that one, go back and start there.

_Is everyone ready for the next part of this journey?_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

She had been placed in a room by herself. Two twin sized beds against opposite walls, two dressers, and one bedside table between them. The walls were white, which at first Quinn thought was an improvement over the yellow at Lima University hospital, until she spent a few hours staring at them. White walls were just as bad, blank, sterile, nothingness. She found herself searching for cracks in the paint, just to have something of interest to focus on, anything to keep from retreating inside her head. Her mind was feeling like a scary place since she had arrived at the Midwest Psychiatric Hospital seven days earlier.

The fears about further losing her sanity, trapped in a place filled with unstable minds, were pushing at the back of her brain. Quinn worked feverishly to ignore them. She didn't want to succumb to the thoughts, the realization that she hadn't been sent there as punishment by Dwight, but she had to be sent there because she deserved to be locked away. She didn't want to admit that maybe she really was crazy.

Right behind those thoughts about her sanity was Beth. Her sweet face lurked in the fringes of her mind. The last time she held her was starting to slip away. She was starting to forget whether her blond hair had a hint of a curl or if she held her left fist or right fist up to her mouth as she slept. And her smile, so much like her father's, how long would it be before she forgot that as well? She was facing years in this place. She wouldn't even recognize her own daughter when she was released.

Then there was Sam. Quinn could still feel his hand gently squeezing hers in his hospital room. It was the most vivid thing in her mind, as clear as if it just happened a few moments before. Thoughts of him wouldn't stay put, they filled her head like a flickering lamp. He wouldn't give her peace. He wouldn't let her go. If she had believed in the supernatural, she almost could believe that Sam was trying to communicate with her somehow, all the way from his bed in Lima. The way he invaded her mind, an ever present resident, his face just as it had been when she last saw him, quiet and still. But this time his eyes were open and he was watching her, but saying nothing, just watching. And every now and then Quinn would feel a squeeze. It was all in her head of course, but it felt so real, as if Sam were holding her hand through all of this. That crazy notion was the sole reason Quinn hadn't lost it. For the first time in what seemed like so long, Quinn didn't feel completely alone.

"Santana, I can't believe you did this?" Quinn smiled at her friend in disbelief.

Santana was sitting across from her, at the visiting room table, in a blonde wig, tortoise shell glasses, and a gray suit. Santana had somehow managed to snag the ID and credentials of a Dr. Morgan Guerin. Quinn had been surprised to find out that Puck was the one that had helped her pull the whole ruse off. He was usually opposed to such obvious bouts of deception since he got sober.

"It was the only way I could get in to see you," Santana whispered looking around for eavesdroppers. They were pretty much alone in the place. The hospital tended to give doctors privacy to consult with their patients.

"Yeah they are so strict here. They told me I can't have visitors for maybe another week. They need to assess my character. Whatever that means."

There were so many rules. They actually were written up and taped on the wall of her room. She was starting to memorize them, she had stared at them so much. The right to have personal effects would have to be earned. Phone privileges one hour a day between seven and eight pm, calls limited to fifteen minutes per patient. All patients must wear white, pre-approved items only. No patient will be allowed to walk through the halls unattended. The list went on and on.

"It means they want to figure out what kind of prisoner you are. If you will go with the flow or cause trouble. You did get sent here for sneaking out of the hospital."

"But it's not like this is prison."

"It kind of is. This is the place they send the criminally insane." She adjusted her wig and straightened her frames on her face.

"You are making me feel so much better, Santana," said Quinn sarcastically.

"Stop using my name. I'm Dr. Guerin remember?"

"So Dr. Guerin," said Quinn lowering her voice. "Any news from the hospital?"

"Right duh. That's the reason I am here in the first place. You must be going out of your mind with worry." Santana took Quinn's hand in hers and squeezed it.

"I just need to know he's all right. Is he really out of the coma?"

It had been a week and she had received no news. Not even Artie had been allowed to see her the first seven days. It all happened in a blur. One minute Sam was grasping her hand, the next Beth was being lifted from her arms, and her hands were being pinned behind her back. Will had told her he had to get her out of the hospital ASAP. Too much attention was being put on Sam as he came back to consciousness. She had one last look at Beth, and then she was gone.

"Yep the doctors confirmed it. He has been staying alert longer and longer each day. Things are looking good for him," said Santana with a smile.

"Is he talking yet?" Quinn couldn't help but wonder what his first words would be. She wanted to know what it had been like for him all those months.

"No. Puck says it is going to take time. He has to do all sorts of therapy and rehab. They won't know for sure the extent of the damage until they finish testing and examining him."

"Damage?" asked Quinn in alarm. "Is there something wrong with him?"

"He's been in a coma a long time. His body went through a lot. There might be some permanent changes."

"Like what? Like brain damage?"

She hadn't even considered that Sam could still be in danger. She should have known better than to just think it would be smooth sailing. It never had been for them. Everything was always a struggle. Just once Quinn wished things could be like on TV, where the patient makes a miraculous recovery and is back on his feet in days. Sam beat the odds coming this far. Why couldn't he get a little bit more magic?

"Puck didn't say. All we can do right now is just hope for the best. It's possible that Sam might be perfectly fine."

"I hope so Santana. Beth really needs her father, while I am stuck in here."

"Well she always has little Miss Diva Sunshine to take care of her." Quinn wasn't sure what Santana had against Mercedes, but she never cut her any slack.

"I know. I just want her with her father."

"I get it. I am kind of shocked that Mercedes let you near Beth, and Sam too for that matter. That girl is like a rabid guard dog when it comes to that man. So protective. Half the times I got into see Sam, Puck had to intervene on my behalf, and even then, I swear she wanted to pat me down. As if I would do anything to hurt Sam. She is one crazy chick," said Santana as she leaned back in her chair.

"She was just scared for him. I can't really imagine what it must be like to be in her shoes. To have to watch someone you love just waste away month and month." She had been starting to feel more for Mercedes the past few days. They had found some common ground that day in Sam's room and Quinn was starting to see that Mercedes was suffering as much as she was.

"It was hard on all of us. We all love Sam in our own way. Isn't that right?" asked Santana raising one eyebrow at Quinn. It was as if she were trying to hint at something with her statement.

"Right," said Quinn slowly.

"Still good on you and Beth for sticking it to her. She must have just turned green when Sam responded to you by his bedside." Santana grinned.

"I think she was just happy he was coming around."

"For now. But in time it's really going to piss her off. You better watch your back Quinn. I think you just added one more strike to your hate column."

Quinn shook her head. "She's really not that bad. I think we've come to an understanding."

"Quinn listen to me, as your older and much wiser friend. Once two women have shared a man they can never be friends."

Quinn eyed Santana skeptically. "What about us? We both were with Puck."

"That's different," Santana shrugged. "We duked it out and made our peace."

"Maybe Mercedes and I have too."

"You haven't. There's still so much between you. There's Beth, the cheating on Puck who is like her brother, not to mention the fact you still want Sam," said Santana counting out each point on her fingers.

"Wait what?" asked Quinn sitting upright, shocked by Santana's assertion. "I do not want Sam."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you the same woman that told me not so long ago that you had wished you had taken a chance with Sam instead of turning to Mike?"

"Yeah but I was just daydreaming. Wondering how different things could have been, I wasn't being serious." She had been voicing regrets about her bad choices, not making statements about wanting Sam back. Santana had it all wrong.

"In my experience, people don't daydream about things they don't want. You could have daydreamed about not breaking up with Puck or about never cheating on him, but you didn't. You were fantasizing about being with Sam."

"It's just because of Beth." Quinn said dismissively. "It is bringing up old feelings."

"Could be. But seems to me those old feelings were there before Beth was even conceived. You and Sam turned to each other for a reason."

"We are close, so we lean on each other. Friends do that."

"How come Sam didn't turn to Rachel that night?" Quinn turned her nose up at the question. It seemed weird to even be thinking about Sam sleeping with Rachel.

"Well Sam just stopped by and things happened." It was coincidence, a drunken coincidence that had brought them together that night. He was suffering and most likely looking for Puck and she just happened to be home instead.

"What if Mike had been the one to stop by all upset at your door, do you think things would've happened?"

"How can I even answer that? I don't know."

"Let's try this. Close your eyes and think about Mike. No wait, think about Puck."

"Santana you do know you're not really a doctor right?" she asked raising her eyebrows at Santana.

"Oh just play along. Close your eyes and think about tall and hot Noah Puckerman."

"Okay." Quinn closed her eyes and let Puck enter her mind.

"What's the first thing that pops into your head?"

"Sweet." She saw Puck standing in front of her smiling, flowers in his hand. He was always so thoughtful.

"Okay good," said Santana eagerly, getting into her role. "Now think about Sam."

Quinn started to close her eyes, but then stopped, opening them abruptly. "This is stupid. It doesn't even mean anything."

"Just do it," said Santana.

Quinn sighed heavily, but closed her eyes and thought of Sam.

"What popped into your head?" asked Santana leaning forward over the table.

"Obviously I'm just happy that he is doing better and out of his coma. That is all this is," said Quinn dismissively.

"Spill it," Santana urged.

"I pictured him on his knees," Quinn stated.

"Wanky! Doing what? Was he putting that trouty mouth of his to work?" Santana's eyes lit up in anticipation.

"He was begging me to stay."

"Is this some sort of fantasy or…"

"No it is something that happened," interrupted Quinn. "The first time Sam and I ever slept together, after Puck and I broke up and I had moved back to Lima, Sam had asked me to be his escort for some D&E formal event. There was a band and dancing, we were in formalwear, sort of a big deal. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car, we had come separately because it wasn't a date, and we had a moment, and he kissed me. I remember trying to resist him because I was still getting over Puck, and I didn't want to rebound with Sam, but his lips, you know?"

Santana nodded. "Made for kissing."

"Yeah and also made for sweet talking. Sam was being very persuasive and by the end he had got down on his knees and asked me to stay with him for the night. So I did. That was the first time we ever made love."

She could see it all so clearly. Sam on his knees, in a black suit, her hands in his, smiling at her. She had been feeling like her whole world was ending. She failed with Puck, she had no job, no prospects and Sam had made it all good again. He had this way of lifting her spirits even during her darkest moments.

"Interesting," said Santana as she watched Quinn intently.

"What?" asked Quinn shifting uneasily in her seat under Santana's scrutiny.

"I just find it interesting that your mind went there."

"Well we were talking about all that time period just now and sex, and stuff." Quinn glanced away, trying to appear disinterested. "I don't think it is any surprise that I thought about it."

"Yeah but why that particular moment? You didn't flash to the actual sex or even a kiss. You went right for him asking you to be with him."

"So?"

"Me thinks your mind is trying to tell you something," said Santana with a small smile.

"What? That I want to be with Sam?" Quinn could feel herself turning red. What a ridiculous conclusion Santana had jumped to. There was no basis in reality for that statement. "That is so crazy and the last thing I need. I just got out of this thing with Puck. I am in a mental hospital. I don't have custody of my baby. Besides Sam is married."

"True. You do have a lot going on. But at some point you're going to have to allow yourself to face some facts." Santana took out her phone and toyed with it, obviously feeling like the matter was settled, the mystery solved.

"What facts? I don't want to be in a relationship with Sam Evans." She felt the need to convince Santana that even jokingly thinking in this way was too absurd to persist. She wanted to nip it in the bud.

"Well maybe not. But you definitely have feelings for him. And that, you are going to have to deal with or else things are going to get a whole lot worse for you. Trust me on that. Harboring denied feelings is like living with a festering wound, it just gets worse and worse until it has spread throughout your entire body."

"Honestly, I think this just has to do with that connection I felt with Sam when he started coming around last week." A smile spread on her face as she thought back to that day. "It was the most amazing experience to have him grab my hand like that. All of us together like a family. It felt almost like destiny or kismet. I don't know. It was just powerful."

"Sounds like a beautiful moment."

"It was. I have never felt anything like that before." Quinn's eyes filled with tears as she pictured the three of their hands all touching. She never realized that something so simple could mean that much to her. But it had. Seeing that visual symbol of all they were to each other, of their connection, may have been one of the most intense moments of her life.

"I wonder what Sam will have to say about it once he can talk again."

"You think he even remembers?" asked Quinn.

"If it was as powerful a moment as you say, how could he not? Something happened between you three that day. Something so huge that it brought him out of a coma. That is life altering stuff. I bet it is all he can think about right now."

If Sam did remember, if he felt it too, what would that mean for all of them? It seemed so unreal, but Quinn couldn't shake the feeling that everything in their lives had just shifted. The future suddenly felt a little more certain. Quinn was starting to feel like she might have a place in this world, something to hold on to, some hope for happiness. And it all came from holding his hand.

* * *

><p>Three hours. After days of him just being awake for minutes a day, today, Sam was fully back. Mercedes had come in that morning expecting to find him once again resting, instead she entered to find Sam staring back at her. He had even eased himself into an upright position. It was simply amazing. She had been watching him closely for the first hour, waiting for him to fade away again as he had been doing all week, but he didn't. He just tracked her with his eyes as she moved around the room. By the second hour, he was following her movements with his head. So Mercedes started talking. At hour three she hadn't stopped and Sam was not only watching her as she moved but also reacting to her words, his facial expressions starting to reveal what he could not convey through speech.<p>

Finally her Sam was back and Mercedes allowed herself to release the breath she had been holding since he first responded to Quinn a week ago. She knew about cases where patients came out of comas only to slip away again in a matter of hours. Mercedes didn't want to get her hopes up only to have them shattered so quickly. She wasn't sure her heart could take another blow. The months had taken their toll, and it was getting harder for Mercedes to ignore the fact that all the stress was starting to get to her. If Sam relapsed or left her again, she wasn't sure she would be able to withstand it. All of her reserves felt spent, her optimism had been running on fumes for months.

She pushed open the door with the side of her arm, a plastic shopping bag in her hand. He was sitting in his bed, semi upright, leaning against his pale blue sheets. The deep green of his pajamas highlighted his eyes, making them seem brighter green than usual. His hair was in dirty blond spikes all over his head. She'd have to fix that before he got his hands on a mirror. When he was on his back it didn't look so bad, but now sitting up, Mercedes could really see what a hatchet job she had done on his head. He needed a shave as well, a week's worth of growth covered his face. Ever since he arose from his coma their routine had been disrupted. His team of physicians were now ever present, poking and prodding, whispering about defying medical science and even miracles. Sam had definitely surprised them all, when he went from near death to his current state of consciousness. Leave it to Sam to do the unexpected. He never liked being predictable or conventional.

"I know I've been gone longer than ten minutes," she said as she plopped down into the chair beside his bed, placing the plastic shopping bag on the floor by her feet. "But you know it is so easy to get sidetracked in the hospital. People pulling me in all directions, mostly asking about you. You're the talk of the hospital. Did you know that?" she asked pointing at him.

Sam shook his head slowly, as he listened to her from his bed. He ran his large hands over the smooth blue and green quilt, reading it like Braille, periodically pausing to examine certain squares with his fingers.

"Well you are. We've been waiting for your big comeback for so long. People are just itching to get in here and see you."

His eyes widened in surprise. Mercedes guessed Sam didn't think that anyone would be interested in his recovery. Really he should be used to the attention. The media followed his activities fairly regularly, even before the accident. The news liked to report about attractive rich playboys. The Evans' were like the Hiltons of Lima.

"Don't worry I didn't tell anyone you were so alert today," she said reassuring him. "They all think you're still Mr. Sleepyhead. So you got a little bit of a reprieve. Feel free to thank me. I accept tips."

Sam gave her thumbs up, seeming pleased with her choice not to let the world know about his new level of alertness.

Mercedes flashed him a grin as she took her black hair out of the loose ponytail she had braided it into hours before. She momentarily worried about how unattractive she must look to him. Pink scrubs, messy hair, no makeup but she quickly let those worries pass, when she looked over and saw Sam smiling at her. Mercedes' stomach did a little flip when she saw a hint of a dimple emerge in his full cheeks. Sam was back, nothing else mattered.

"I can't get over you smiling like that. I was starting to think I would never see that crooked grin again." Sam looked down at his lap, his cheeks reddening slightly. "Sorry I keep staring. It's just so good to see you moving around. I want to like jump on you and squeeze you or something," she giggled excitedly.

Sam drew back a little, looking a bit worried that she might really pounce on him. He held up his hands slightly in defense.

"Don't look so scared. I'm not actually going to do it," she laughed. Sam relaxed into his former position.

"The doctors made it very clear not to expose you to any excess stimulation until they are done with their tests. I think they're trying to figure out if you're in any pain or have any injuries or something." She focused on him, a thought just occurring to her. "Are you in any pain? I guess I should've asked you that first off, but you were only staying up minutes at a time. This is the first chance I am really getting to talk to you. Well really it's just me talking, and you just looking at me like I'm crazy." She leaned forward in the chair, her hands moving dramatically as she talked. "Am I driving you nuts? I know I keep talking. I tend to ramble around quiet people. You know I feel this need to fill up the space with my voice or something. So I keep going on and on," she chuckled nervously.

Placing his palm on his cheek, Sam continued to watch her, a slight smile on his lips.

"What? You think I'm talking too much don't you?"

He cocked his head to the side, as if he were thinking about her question. Then he held up his hand, bringing his fingers to his thumb, forming the shape of a beak of a bird, opening and closing his fingers slowly to mimic Mercedes' talking.

Mercedes put her hands on her hips and frowned. "Is that supposed to be my mouth? How rude Mr. Evans. Here I am trying to keep you entertained, and you're making fun of me."

He grinned at her widely, making the talking motion with his hand again.

Mercedes tried to keep up her mock anger, but his smile was infectious. She found herself laughing at Sam's teasing. It felt good to laugh, especially with him. So many things she had taken for granted, things everyone takes for granted really. She never thought she would have to appreciate every smile, or every laugh, until they were all gone. Nothing was worse than seeing Sam devoid of all emotion for months.

"I guess I don't have to ask if you understand what I'm saying. You seem to get it just fine. Well enough to mock me even. But what a sucky nurse I am, I didn't ask you about pain. Ugh I forgot again. Ok, Sam, are you in any pain?"

He shook his head.

Mercedes couldn't help but wonder what Sam was thinking. He hadn't even tried to speak since he woke up. The doctors assured her this was normal, his vocal cords were weak from lack of use. The other possibility was that Sam could be suffering from some issues getting his brain to control his body. It required more tests according to his doctors. So she hadn't pushed Sam to try to speak. She figured he would if he could, but she did worry if this were an indication of a larger problem, perhaps brain damage. Mercedes pushed that thought from her head, refusing to focus on negatives when so much good had just happened.

"Next question do you understand the words I am saying to you?"

Sam shot her a look, arching his eyebrow at her question.

Mercedes groaned inwardly at her stupidity. "Of course you understand. Mercedes, stop acting like an idiot. See I'm not usually this spacey. I actually graduated first in my class, well will graduate. I technically haven't gotten my degree yet. Well I earned it, all finished, but I haven't gone to the actual graduation ceremony yet. Not that the ceremony actually means anything. It is just to make the parents proud right? My dad is insisting I walk at graduation, even though I have been done for months. I guess he doesn't want to miss out on the photo op."

Sam shifted in his bed, so he was leaning slightly on his side, facing her. He rested his chin on his hand and continued to watch Mercedes as she talked.

"I'm doing it again aren't? I wish you could just tell me to shut up or something. I guess you will be able to soon. The speech therapists will be working with you, now that you seem to be fully alert. But until then I guess you are my captive audience."

Shaking his head and rolling his eyes, Sam nestled down into his pillow, placing both his hands under his head.

"Don't look so disappointed. I have many interesting things to say. You won't be bored trust me. And bonus. You actually understand what I'm saying. You could have woken up like this one lady I read about in class. She came out of her coma and swore she had been living in the Philippines, she even only understood their language. Here's the crazy part, she had never been to the Philippines in her life. She was a claims adjuster from Iowa. She never even knew any other language besides English before she got sick. The brain is one wacky organ, let me tell you."

He shot her a skeptical look.

"You think I made that up?"

He gave his head one affirmative nod.

"I didn't. True story. Do you want to hear another story or would you rather I stop talking? I can you know, stop talking. It might take some duct tape, but it is possible."

He laughed soundlessly, his eyes transforming into slits as his large smile overtook his face.

"Sometimes sucking on a lollipop works too. Gives me something else to focus on. But I don't want to eat candy in front of you since you can't have any yet. That would just be rude. I always hated when parents did that to their kids. You know ate things their kids couldn't have right in front of them. Just so mean."

He stared over at her, just shaking his head at her words.

"I can go. Maybe leave you alone for a bit," she said rising from her seat. "I can put in a DVD. The doctors said no TV yet, but there are few approved DVDs here." She rustled through the pile of DVDs on the shelf under the wall mounted television. "One might be something about the Amazon River. I don't know why the hospital thinks nature shows are low stimulation. I mean I personally can't stand to watch lions chase down those poor gazelles and have them for lunch. I am always rooting for the gazelle to get away." Mercedes noticed that his eyes were closed. "Do you want to sleep?"

Sam quickly opened his eyes and shook his head, straightening up his posture to appear more alert.

"Ok I am going to go then. Should I put on the DVD?" she asked as she offered him the remote to the dvd player.

Sam pushed her hand away, shaking his head to indicate he didn't want it. He leaned forward slightly and pointed to the bag on the floor.

"What are you pointing to?" asked Mercedes looking around the area. "Oh I almost forgot. This is why I left in the first place." She picked up the plastic shopping bag and peered inside it. "I swear I would forget my head if it weren't attached. Actually that's not true I am pretty organized about stuff, just sometimes my mind starts racing and flitting about and I get all off track. So yeah I totally got caught up in the Philippines and forgot all about your surprise."

Sam eyed her curiously as she pulled out a bright red Speak & Spell with yellow buttons from the bag.

"Don't look at me like that. It was either this or the Ouija board Darcy from the fifth floor had in her locker."

Sam raised an eyebrow at her.

"No I didn't ask why she had a Ouija board at work, but then again she is assistant to one of the meanest doctors in oncology, so maybe she needed some reinforcements to deal with him. To each their own. You know what I'm saying?"

He put his hand on his forehead, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"So we just need to figure out how to use this thing." Mercedes flipped the toy over in her hands looking for a power button. "I think you can type some words on it and talk to me. I'm sure they have some high tech stuff to use somewhere in this place, but we are trying to keep a low profile today. I'm not ready to share you just yet. Once they find out you are so alert, the doctors will be all over you. I'm being selfish but I thought it would be nice to have one afternoon alone with my favorite patient."

Sam tilted his head and gave her a small smile.

"I can go get the doctors though if you want."

Sam shook his head taking the Speak & Spell from her hands. He turned it on, a boyish smile lighting up his face.

"I guess you know how to work it then. Had one as a kid?"

He nodded, still playing with it. The toy asked him to spell the word "chair" in its digitally synthesized voice.

"I never had one of these before," she explained sitting back down in the chair, watching him play.

"Maybe they weren't popular when I was a kid? Or more likely my mom didn't give a damn to buy me educational toys."

He looked up at her words, his eyes narrowing.

"Sorry. Childhood stuff, always gets to me. You know. So, should we try this out?"

"Yes," he typed, holding it up to show her.

"How did you get it not to talk that time?"

He pointed to the volume settings and showed her how he switched it to mute.

"Cool. So what should we talk about?" she asked inching forward in her chair. Finally she was going to be able to really communicate with him.

Sam paused for a moment in thought, and then he started typing. He tilted the Speak & Spell toward Mercedes so she could see that he had written the word "crash".

"The crash, you don't play around do you? I thought we would start with something easy like the day of the week. I really am not supposed to talk to you about the accident. The doctors don't want me jarring you. Can't we just be happy everyone survived and leave it at that?" she asked uneasily.

With an audible sigh and a slump of his shoulders, Sam reluctantly nodded in agreement.

"Can I try?"

He clutched the toy to his chest possessively, leaning out of her reach, a serious look on his face.

"Someone doesn't know how to share."

Sam stuck his tongue out at her and grinned.

Mercedes reached across the bed to grab the game, as Sam leaned further back trying to keep it away from her. He playfully held it up higher, almost over his head, as Mercedes reached for the Speak & Spell again. Mercedes frowned in mock anger as he continued to try to evade her. Finally he handed it over to her, his eyes dancing with amusement.

"Thank you," she said. Her heart soaring that Sam had been able to do so much. Maybe he would make a full recovery after all.

She typed in her name, just messing around with the buttons. He leaned over her and erased what she wrote, his fingers grazing hers as he typed in his own name.

"I guess I don't need to ask if you know who you are," she chuckled.

He smiled at her as he tapped rhythmically on the screen. It was as if he was trying out all his senses, getting reacquainted with his body and the world.

"You've really mastered that smiling thing. Are you happy?"

She wanted to reach out and touch him, almost to prove to herself all of this was truly happening. Mercedes tended to have extremely vivid dreams, maybe this was one of them. She needed to pinch herself to see if she were really awake, or better yet pinch him to see if he responded. But she held back, trying to follow the doctors' orders to take it easy on him.

"Confused," he typed, shrugging his shoulders.

"I know." Mercedes patted his shoulder quickly before pulling her hand back, the only contact she would allow herself. "Soon you will know everything okay?"

"Okay," he typed. They sat quietly for a moment just staring at the screen, until he leaned over again and typed, "Mother".

"Oh Sue. She was here already. Constantly in fact. You were always sleeping though. She is going to be so thrilled to see you finally awake. Your dad too. I will call them in a little while. So they can come back and see you. Sound good?"

"Good," he typed giving her a bright smile.

"Maybe we should play one of the games on here," suggested Mercedes.

Sam nodded enthusiastically taking the toy from Mercedes.

The door swung open and in walked Malika with a very unhappy Beth in her arms. Sam's eyebrows shot up as the woman entered.

Malika's slender 5'10" frame, deep brown skin, and dark hair made her a favorite of many of the male patients in the hospital. Even with a crying baby in her arms she looked stunning. Mercedes quickly hopped out of her chair and went over to them.

"What are you doing here?" Mercedes asked in hushed tones, hoping Sam didn't overhear. She glanced over her shoulder to see if Sam was listening. Thankfully, he was engrossed in the Speak & Spell.

"She got really fussy in the nursery after you left. I think when she saw you for the few minutes when you got the game, she was upset you didn't stay. No one can calm her down. So I brought her to you. Is that okay?" asked Malika.

Mercedes took Beth out of Malika's arms, rubbing her back. Beth instantly calmed down as she rested her head on Mercedes' shoulder.

"It's fine. We just got to do some creative thinking here with Sam, but luckily I am fast on my feet. Beiste will be here soon to pick her up anyway."

"So good to see Sam conscious," said Malika looking over at Sam on his bed. "I can sit with him if you want, while you tend to the baby or something. Not everyday I get to spend time with a patient as gorgeous as this one," she added with a quick wink.

"Ok wipe the drool. He's mine." Malika was cool people, one of her closest friends from nursing school, but she also had the reputation for being a shameless flirt.

"Easy girl," Malika laughed. "Just appreciating the man. I'm just happy he's back with us. I'm happy for you Cede."

Mercedes realized that she was happy. Sam on the mend, Beth in her arms, maybe things were on the upswing. It was nice to have her two favorite Evans in the same spot, this time both alert. She couldn't tell Sam about Beth yet, but they could at least meet each other unofficially.

"Thanks. We're going to be good here."

"Talk to you later," said Malika as she walked out the door.

Mercedes turned back toward Sam with Beth in her arms. She adjusted her clothes, straightening her navy knit jumper and tugging down the sleeves on her white shirt. She was about to meet her daddy, truly this time, she wanted her to look her best.

"Sorry about that," said Mercedes as she eased into the chair, placing Beth in her lap facing Sam. "This little princess here was demanding my attention."

As if on cue, Beth cooed and smiled at Sam, leaning forward to get to him on the bed.

Sam typed, "Cutebaby" on the screen.

"She is very cute, just like her daddy. This is Beth," said Mercedes standing Beth up on the edge of the bed, holding her steady underneath her arms.

Sam reached out and took Beth's hand. Beth gripped onto Sam's finger happily. Wrapping her arm around Beth's torso, Mercedes sat her down on the bed beside Sam.

"I think she likes you."

Sam smiled and nodded as he continued to play with the baby. While Sam was distracted with Beth, Mercedes pulled out her phone and quickly tapped an SOS text to Beiste with her free hand.

"Do you mind if we come sit next to you?" asked Mercedes, turning her attention back to the duo. "The doctors want me to watch it, but you said you weren't in pain."

Sam slowly moved over making room on the bed beside him.

"That's better. That way you two can get acquainted easier."

Mercedes had to turn away from them to hide the tears that were building in her eyes. It was an incredible feeling to see Sam and Beth interacting this way, finally. They seemed to be taking to each other so naturally. Beth was trying to inch closer and closer to Sam, Mercedes could feel her wiggling in her arms. Sam couldn't take his eyes off of Beth, giving her his full attention as he let the baby play with his hand. She watched Sam rub his hand gently over Beth's blond hair. Mercedes wanted to tell Sam that Beth was his. She wanted him to pick her up and hold her, to give her all the love that she was so sure Beth had been missing.

"Well playtime's over. I've got to get this little one home." Instead she had to separate them, her heart twisting as Sam's face fell as she lifted a suddenly whiney Beth from the bed. "Be right back Sam."

Mercedes stepped out into the waiting area, leaning her back against the door momentarily to compose herself. She spotted Beiste rushing toward her from the elevator.

"Mercedes, my word, I got your frantic text. I thought something was wrong," said Beiste when she reached her.

"Something was. I had Sam and Beth together and I couldn't tell him that Beth is his baby."

"It's not like Sam can talk to ask any questions."

"Sam is communicating. Not talking, but still he is curious. He wants to know about the accident."

"Give it time," said Beiste patting Mercedes on the arm. "Everything will be out and dealt with. For now we just have to keep Sam calm. We just got him back, we don't want to shock him."

"I just hate keeping things from him, especially something as big as this. I almost broke down in tears when I saw Sam playing with Beth. I have been wishing so hard for a moment like that."

Beiste gave Mercedes a sympathetic smile. "Our prayers have been answered. It's a good thing. Just be patient for the rest."

"See you soon baby," said Mercedes as she kissed Beth on the cheek and handed her to Beiste. She watched Beiste carry Beth to the elevator, before she turned to go back to Sam.

From the doorway, Mercedes watched as Sam slowly tried to roll up the sleeves on his pajamas. He licked his lips in concentration as he focused on getting his hands to cooperate. A small smile broke on his face when he finally was successful.

"Sorry about that," said Mercedes alerting Sam to her presence in the room."Beth's ride was here. Have you been playing without me?"

Sam shrugged, looking down at the Speak & Spell in his lap. His mood had seemed to change since just a few minutes before.

"What's wrong? You seem a little down now? Getting tired?" asked Mercedes with growing concern.

Sam shook his head. "Steviestacey", he typed, holding the toy up so Mercedes could read the screen.

"Seeing Beth made you think about Stevie and Stacey?" asked Mercedes as she stood next to the bed.

Sam nodded, turning to look at her quizzically.

"Sorry Sam. I know you must miss them."

He nodded sadly.

"I'm sure we can get Will to bring them by soon. I know they would love to see their Uncle Sam. And maybe I can bring Beth back again to visit. You two seemed to like each other."

"Likethat", typed Sam, perking up at the suggestion.

"Good." She sat back next to him on the bed. He shot her a curious look. "I know that we're breaking the rules. And if they come in here and catch us together on the bed, I'm just going to blame you."

His eyes widened in surprise, at her words.

"It's all your fault. You forced me to sit next you. I can't help it if my patient finds me irresistible," she teased.

He poked her in the arm with a finger as he laughed silently.

Mercedes leaned back against the pillow, closing her eyes, just enjoying the feel of him next to her. It had been a week since she had been this close to him. The constant stream of doctors and Dwight and Sue had made it hard for Mercedes to get any alone time with Sam. She felt his elbow gently nudge her side. She looked down at the word he was showing her on the Speak & Spell.

"Kiss? You're really pushing your luck Mr. Evans," she smiled. "But I won't tell if you won't." She leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek. Sam leaned back from her a surprised smile on his face. "What? You didn't want a kiss there? Why don't you show me where you want a kiss?"

Sam shook his head and looked down at her hand, lightly touching her wedding rings.

"My rings?" Mercedes squirmed next to him. They would have a lot to talk about in terms of their relationship. She really didn't know where to begin. "I guess we should talk about that. Not now though. Soon."

Sam shook his head emphatically and erased the word from the screen. She watched as he wrote a new word on the Speak & Spell and handed it to Mercedes. She looked at him in shock, tears starting to puddle in her eyes as she let their meaning sink in. He had written "missquinn".

"Miss Quinn?" Mercedes read aloud, hoping that somehow he had meant something else.

Sam just nodded sadly, and looked away from her, his green eyes clouding with emotion.


	2. Chapter 2

**OK first of all thanks to everyone for reading and commenting etc. This is a really angsty story and I know not everyone is into the rollercoaster ride. So thank you so much for sticking with me. I need to address a few things in light of Sam being back...first of all...This is NOT a Fabrevans story...yes Fabevans are a part of this and have an emotional connection but it is not about their relationship per se. This is a story about all three characters SAM, MERCEDES, and QUINN...they all have issues to overcome, they all are struggling to find their way...the relationship stuff is secondary to that. **

**However. Sam and Mercedes are MARRIED. Mercedes just stuck by his side for nine months...Sam would have died for Mercedes in that car. Quinn and Sam are best friends and share a child but Sam told Mercedes that he would never speak to Quinn again if she took him back. Think about all those things as you read.**

**I know this story is AU, but the essence of the characters remain...think about what marriage means to canon Sam or canon Mercedes...remember that as you read. I won't spoil the ending...and this story is more about the journey than the ending...but I will say that by the end of this everyone reading should get why things shook out as they did.**

**Now hopefully you're still with me and are ready to buckle in for this ride because things get 'different' now that Sam has a POV.**

**MissE - Thanks so much for your detailed comments...I love how you see things.**

**Marigold - You crack me up.**

**And to all my other guest commenters sorry I can't respond directly but I appreciate you all. Keep a look out up here, because I will probably respond to you directly in my notes. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

Quinn sat in the small enclosed room, hands folded on the table in front of her, waiting. She imagined the room must have been a supply closet at some point in the past. The walls were covered in a thick coat of white paint, but she could still see the holes in the wall where shelves must have been hung. And of course, no windows, barely any of the rooms in the hospital had them. She had been spoiled back in Lima with her private room with its large window. The state hospital provided no such luxuries. White walls, no windows, glaring fluorescent lights, and roommates.

Iley was her name, or so she had been told. She hadn't actually met her roommate yet, just saw the evidence of her arrival, strewn all over the floor of the room. Quinn hadn't stayed for a meet and greet. She had gone to the recreation room, her first earned privilege; to read a book, watch TV, to get some light. The recreation room was one of the few areas in the hospital that had windows, large almost floor to ceiling windows that gave the room almost a cheerful glow in full sunlight.

She had found a seat away from the other patients. Quinn wasn't much in the mood for mingling. She just wanted to try to block out her thoughts. The television was playing, a commercial for floor cleaner. She hoped a movie or sitcom was what they had all been watching, something to let her escape from harshness that had become her life. No such luck. It was a replay of the previous night's LT, Lima Tonight, the entertainment news magazine.

Sinking a little in her seat, as all eyes turned toward her. The feature story, the transfer of the mother of the Evans heir to the state mental institution. Life was definitely mocking her. Years of wanting fame, only to get it this way, under these circumstances. Even the patients at the hospital knew her face now. How would she ever get past all of this? The media had placed a spotlight on her for months, not to mention on Sam. His miraculous recovery had made LT as well, although no in depth report was given. Quinn bet Dwight had placed a gag order on the media and threatened legal action against anyone that invaded Sam's privacy. Quinn on the other hand was fair game. She was sure Dwight even fed them information just to ensure she was always shown in the worst possible light.

When the aide came into the recreation room to escort her to an impromptu therapy session, it had felt like a rescue to Quinn. The other patients were slowly inching closer to her, looking ready to pounce. She had escaped for now, but she knew in time she would have to address the countless questions the other patients were going to have for her. She briefly entertained the idea of doing something dramatic to get placed in solitary confinement, or the suicide room as it was nicknamed by the other patients. Patients that attempted to kill themselves or others were placed in a room alone with no furniture and padded walls. Apparently the phrase padded cell wasn't just a term people used when they talked about mental institutions. They actually existed. Alone in a padded cell almost seemed like a better alternative than facing all the questions, or worse yet the judgment. If she were to believe the whispers, even mentally unstable people watched the news and took sides. She had been there a little over a week and already her life was fodder for the hospital gossips.

Quinn adjusted the sleeves on her white cotton sweatshirt. It was a pullover, zippers were not allowed. Another not so subtle reminder about the reality of her situation, Artie had been right. Every detail of her life was planned for her now. If only she had listened to him and not snuck out of the hospital. Maybe she would be free right now, and on the road to getting her daughter back. It was done, she couldn't dwell. The drugs the hospital had given her had clouded her judgment, although Quinn wasn't so sure she wouldn't have made the same choice even if she weren't drugged up. She needed to be with her child. She would do anything to be with her, including this. Enduring this place, becoming the model patient. Just maybe that would get her a reprieve, an early release, a chance to visit her at least. Anything would be better than being stuck here hours away from the most important person in her life.

Persons, if she were being honest with herself, Quinn was locked away from the most important persons in her life. Not being able to see Sam, to make sure he was truly okay with her own eyes, was starting to physically hurt. Almost as much as being away from Beth hurt. That strange link they forged when Sam woke up grasping her hand was stronger than ever. Being away from Sam, from Beth, it was starting to feel like someone had severed a limb from her body. She didn't understand it, couldn't explain it, but since that morning, Quinn had changed. She was no longer alone, and she could feel it. That feeling is what got her out of the bed every morning, kept her faking smiles, cooperating with staff, kept her from giving up. She had too much to live for, and it all was waiting outside the hospital doors, in Lima.

A female aide, with brown hair pulled tightly into a bun, dressed in too tight pale green scrubs entered the room, placing a black telephone in front of her on the table.

"What's this?" asked Quinn. "I thought my doctor was coming."

"Your doctor is on the phone. Apparently she is conducting her session remotely. But don't get any ideas, we may not be able to hear you in here, but we are watching." And with that, she promptly left the room, leaving Quinn to stare at the phone.

With shaky hands she picked up the receiver, not sure what to expect. Dr. Hill wasn't supposed to meet with her until later in the week, and she couldn't imagine the woman opting to consult over the phone. She seemed to like face to face interaction way too much. So Quinn suspected that Santana could be role playing again, masquerading as her doctor, to get her a message.

"Hello? Dr. Guerin?" she asked into the phone. She had almost used Santana's name but thought better of it just in case. The hospital said they weren't allowed to listen to patient sessions, just observe, but Quinn still didn't trust them. Privacy didn't exist for people like her.

"Quinn, it's me, Mercedes," the voice on the other end responded.

"Mercedes? What's wrong? Why are you calling me?" Quinn got chills at the sound of Mercedes' voice. It had to be something truly awful for Mercedes to make contact in this way. She almost wanted to hang up the phone immediately, to avoid the probable pain to come.

"Puck told me to use the doctor's name. I hope I don't get you into trouble," said Mercedes. She sounded a bit uneasy, almost nervous.

"Just tell me why you called," urged Quinn. "Is something the matter with Beth?" She wanted to mention Sam too, but she stopped herself, trying to respect the boundaries of her position. She didn't have the right to question Sam's wife so eagerly.

"Oh no, no. Beth is good. That's not why I'm calling."

"So you called just to check up on me?" Quinn asked a puzzled expression on her face. "I mean that's nice if you did…"

"It's Sam," stated Mercedes abruptly.

Quinn's stomach twisted. "What about Sam?" she asked not able to expand further on that question. She didn't want to say any of the scenarios that had suddenly popped into her mind.

"Well you know he is out of his coma."

"Yeah. I was there," said Quinn slowly.

"Right. I know. I mean, Santana told you about how he's doing?" Mercedes asked.

Quinn's tension level was rising. It seemed like Mercedes was deliberately being obtuse. Quinn wondered what she was trying to avoid.

"Yes she did," responded Quinn. "Did something change? Has he taken a turn for the worse?"

"Not exactly. He's still not talking, but he's getting better every day. It is amazing actually. I never thought," she hesitated. Quinn could hear her getting choked up on the other end of the line. "I just never thought it would be like this. He's really back."

"I'm so glad Mercedes," Quinn paused, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm so happy for you both. Must have been some reunion."

"Well he's not talking yet, and we are trying to ease him back into things. Not jar him, you know? So he hasn't been told anything," Mercedes paused. "About anything."

"About Beth you mean?"

"Right. It's too soon still."

"I can understand that. You still didn't tell me why you called." Quinn nervously chewed on her lower lip, awaiting Mercedes' response.

"I don't know how to put this. I can't even believe I'm about to say this. I mean just to be having this conversation with you of all people," she said, words stopping and starting as she tried to explain.

"Can you please just tell me Mercedes?" asked Quinn cutting her off mid ramble.

"Sam needs you."

There was silence. It was as if they both were holding their breaths after that statement, unsure where to go from there.

"What?" asked Quinn, confused. "I don't understand."

"He's been asking about you? Asking for you."

"I thought you said he couldn't talk."

"We have been communicating with a Speak & Spell." Mercedes giggled slightly after she said it, as if she were remembering a private joke.

"A what?"

Nothing was making sense, and Quinn was starting to wonder if she were having another allergic reaction to her medication. Why would Sam be asking his wife about her?

"It's a toy. Doesn't really matter. The point is Sam has been asking where you are and wanting to see you. I can't tell him anything about what has gone down these past nine months yet, but I needed to do something. He's getting upset."

"Upset?" Quinn asked trying to keep the alarm out of her voice, She clearly failed because she could hear Mercedes let out a disgusted sigh on the other end.

"I think he's worried about you."

The strangest feeling passed over Quinn's body. Her heart lifted and broke all at once. Sam was thinking about her, but he was in pain because of it. She didn't know how to take that information and the worst part of all was that there was nothing she could do about it anyway.

"Mercedes I'm so confused. What can I do for him? I am stuck all the way here. There's no way they're letting me out to go visit Sam." She ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. Once again she was letting down someone that needed her, first Beth and now her father.

"I need you to talk to him, reassure him you're okay."

"Over the phone?"

"I am going to put you on speaker and you can talk to him. If he responds I will read what he types. Can you do that?" asked Mercedes.

She could hear the almost desperation in Mercedes' voice. It must have taken a lot for her even to make this call. Sam must be really upset if Mercedes was willing to do this for him.

"I will do anything for him." She paused, cursing herself for her choice of words. "I mean I will help you guys any way I can."

"Just remember you can't mention Beth or anything that has happened."

"I understand," replied Quinn, her heart pounding in her chest.

"I'm going to put you on speaker now. Hold on."

Quinn heard Mercedes talking in the background. "Sam I've got a surprise for you. Someone wants to talk to you."

It felt strange, after all of these months she was actually going to talk to Sam again. Well she would be talking, he would be listening, but still it was a rush to imagine that he was awake on the other end, hearing her voice. There was so much she wanted to say to him.

"All set. You're on speaker now."

"Sam? Hi," she said timidly. Now that she was on the spot, her mind went blank.

"He's smiling and he typed in your name. He knows it's you Quinn."

"I am so glad to hear you're feeling better. You had us all so scared."

"He typed 'he's sorry'," said Mercedes.

"Don't be," replied Quinn softly.

He had absolutely nothing to be sorry for. If he knew all the things she had done, while he was in the coma, he would be appalled. Quinn shook those thoughts from her head, trying to remain focused on the present.

"Wait he's typing something else," said Mercedes. "He wants to know when you're coming to visit."

"Sam I would love to see you." Quinn smiled into the phone. "I can't wait to get that chance, but I'm sort of busy right now. Out of town."

"He typed in 'singing'."

"That's right. I'm singing, so I can't leave just yet. You know the show must go on, gotta face the music."

"I think he's trying to say he's proud of you. Is that right Sam? Yes, he's proud of your singing."

"Thank you Sam. You've always been my biggest supporter."

Quinn wiped the tears that were falling down her face. Sam was just back among the living and he was already being her cheerleader, trying to boost her confidence. She made a silent vow, to return the favor one day. She was going to become a positive presence in his life, be the friend he had always been to her.

"He typed, 'so talented'."

"You're making me blush. No more compliments."

"He typed," Mercedes hesitated for a moment, her voice cracking as she continued. "Beautiful."

Her cheeks warmed, as she imagined him saying those words directly to her, instead of through Mercedes. She could almost see him, smiling at her, his eyes sparkling.

"Always the charmer Sam Evans. Has he been laying it on like this with you too Mercedes?"

"Well…he's typing. He wrote, 'cute little nurse'." Quinn could hear the smile in Mercedes' voice as she spoke. "There's something really creepy about you flirting on a child's toy Sam. He's laughing now."

Quinn pressed her ear closer to the phone, hoping to hear some sound from Sam, some evidence he really was there listening.

"I'm glad you're in a good mood. How do you feel?"

Mercedes laughed. "He wrote 'hungry'. I guess your liquid diet is not holding you? He's shaking his head no."

Quinn let out a sob. She covered her mouth with her hand, hoping that her reaction could not be heard over the phone. She was glad Sam seemed to be in good spirits, but it was killing her to be so far apart from him. All of those months of praying for her friend to open his eyes and talk to her, only for him to finally do it when she was three hours away.

"I wish I could see you Sam. I want to see your face." Quinn knew she shouldn't have said it, Mercedes was probably scowling, but at the moment she couldn't bring herself to care. She needed him to know how much she missed him.

The line went quiet. Quinn almost thought Mercedes had hung up on her, but then she finally spoke. "He said he wants to see you too."

"I need to go now Sam," Quinn said, no longer able to contain her emotions. She had to hang up before she broke down in tears on the phone. "I hope to see you real soon. Okay?"

"He typed 'you promise'," said Mercedes softly.

"I do. I promise." She closed her eyes and sent a mental hug to Sam, hoping somehow he could feel it.

"I'm going to talk to Quinn before she hangs up okay? Quinn?"

"Yeah," responded Quinn her voice hoarse from crying. Once Mercedes had taken them off speaker, the tears just started flowing.

"Thanks again for doing that. You made him very happy," she said. Mercedes had been crying too, Quinn could hear her sniffling.

"Happy to be of some help. I hate that I'm stuck here useless."

"You're not useless. Sam is back because of you."

"I don't think that's true.." Quinn drew slow circles on the table with her finger.

"It is," Mercedes interrupted. "He came back for you," Mercedes added in a tear filled voice.

"Doesn't matter who he woke up with," said Quinn feeling a sudden need to reassure Mercedes. She was only guessing, but it seemed like maybe Mercedes was struggling with the fact that Sam had responded to her. "We just have to be glad he's back right?"

"Right. Well hopefully this will put him at ease. I think he was wondering why you weren't around."

"It seems a little strange though, him being so focused on me."

"I wouldn't say focused," said Mercedes. Quinn detected an edge of defensiveness creep into Mercedes' voice. "He's been getting lots of visitors and the doctors are here constantly."

"Oh I know. I didn't mean…I don't want you to think I meant anything by it. I just meant I don't get why he was asking about me specifically. He has you and his family around."

"Maybe he remembers you were there when he woke up."

The brown haired aide opened the door to the room, and stood in the doorway. That was Quinn's cue that therapy time was over.

"Could be. I better go now. The aide is giving me a funny look."

"Okay. Take care Quinn."

She glanced at the aide in the doorway. "And Dr. Guerin?"

"Yeah."

"You take care of them…Beth and Sam." Quinn took a breath, trying to keep the tears at bay. "Knowing they're safe is sort of what's keeping me going in here."

"I'll always take care of them. They are my family."

Quinn wanted to say they were her family too, but she thought better of it. "I know."

"Goodbye Quinn."

"Bye," Quinn said softly as she hung up.

The aide came over to the table, retrieving the phone, before indicating that Quinn should leave the room as well. Back to her regimented life, and her new roommate. She wasn't looking forward to any of it, yet Quinn couldn't contain her smile. Sam had been thinking about her. It probably was wrong for her to be feeling this way, especially about another woman's husband, but Quinn didn't care. It was the proof she had been hoping for, evidence that something wonderful had happened between them that morning he woke up. It wasn't all in her head. He had felt it too.

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><p>The line went dead, Quinn was gone, and all the air went out of the room with her. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She had managed to keep it together in front of him, allowing only a few tears to escape as she watched him react to the sound of Quinn's voice. It had been agony seeing his smile grow, the creases in his cheeks deepening, the longer Quinn remained on the phone. Sam hadn't been this happy since he had woken up. It wasn't like Mercedes could be upset that Sam was happy, only a grinch would deny a man that had been in a coma for months any source of joy. But why did that joy have to come in a tall, blonde haired, model thin package?<p>

She was doing it again, allowing herself to get all worked up over Quinn. She was trying so hard to trust him, to hang on to all the things he said the night of the accident, about how he felt about her. It just was really hard to keep her insecurities at bay when he kept bringing up Quinn or when his face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning at the sound of her voice. He was giving smiles to Quinn, albeit over the phone, that he had not once given to her since he came out of the coma. Mercedes was starting to worry that maybe Sam had given up on them, somewhere in his mind while he was in a coma. Maybe he thought they were still breaking up and that's why he was being so distant with her.

He had been giving her small little shy smiles and tentative touches all week. It was as if he were almost afraid of her. Yet other times he was joking with her and having fun. He really seemed to enjoy her steady stream of one way conversation, and he loved beating her at the memory game on the Speak & Spell. There was something odd about Sam that she couldn't quite figure out. The doctors so far hadn't found anything wrong with him, but it still was too soon to rule out any permanent brain damage. When Sam fell from the car, he hit the ground pretty hard, it was more than plausible that some of his brain cells could have been destroyed. The results of his scans wouldn't be in until later, so all Mercedes could do was wait, and hope Sam was okay. She hoped his strange behavior was just his attempts at readjusting to life, and not a sign of anything worse.

Ironically, she missed Sam more now than before, since he had been awake. She no longer spent nights in his room, uncomfortable with the scrutiny she received from his constant flow of visitors. It was like someone barging into her bedroom unannounced. So Mercedes had began to spend more time at home, with Beth and Beiste. Her days were still filled with Sam though, he was her number one patient, and she was right by his side whenever he didn't have visitors or examinations. He seemed to need her there, looking to her uncertainly whenever the doctors began their prodding, at times grabbing her hand when blood was drawn or when skin was pinched. Those were the times when Mercedes felt most at ease. She had been taking care of Sam for months, it was natural to her to be the one to hold his hand through his recovery. At least he wasn't pushing her away in that regard. He seemed to appreciate her as his nurse. It was just his other needs, the ones she couldn't seem to meet, that were killing Mercedes. His emotional attachment to Quinn, the sadness in his eyes when he asked about her, the loneliness she seemed to sense from him, even while she was in the room. Sam was searching for something. It was something that Mercedes was slowly realizing she wouldn't be able to give him.

She had called Puck under the pretense of thanking him for helping her get in contact with Quinn, but really she just needed him. Sam and Puck had always had this strained relationship teetering between love and hate, but when the chips were down they were always there for each other. They counted on each other. And Mercedes had grown to count on Puck too, he was like a brother to her. He had been by her side through everything, good and bad. So even though Puck didn't always approve of her choices when it came to Sam, he always understood. No one else knew the depths of her feelings for Sam like Puck did.

Puck must have been reading her mind, or perhaps he heard something in her voice, because not fifteen minutes later Puck had arrived at the hospital, with hugs and coffee. Mercedes had looked up in surprise when she saw him approach, he hadn't told her he was coming to the hospital. He just smiled sheepishly as he opened his arms to her, coffee cup in each hand, and let her squeeze his torso tightly.

"We could go out for coffee instead of torturing ourselves here with this sludge," said Noah 'Puck' Puckerman as he handed Mercedes a cup of coffee before taking a seat beside her.

"That's okay." Mercedes blew on the steaming hot coffee. "I'm immune to it, it almost tastes good to me now."

Puck scrunched his nose up in distaste as he took another sip. "That's some powerful imagination you have there, Cede. No way is this stuff even remotely good."

"You can go out and get something if you want," she shrugged. I just don't want to leave him." Mercedes looked over toward Sam's door. She had been sitting out in the waiting room for hours, the doctors had kicked her out to do more tests.

"And miss out on the chance to talk with you? Not a chance. It feels like ages since we've hung out." Puck rubbed her shoulder affectionately.

"Maybe that's because you've been spending all your time in bed with Santana."

Puck sighed. "Cede, let's not even go there. I'm not discussing Santana with you."

"Good. I don't want to hear about your tawdry little affair anyway."

"Santana's a good friend, and for the record we're not sleeping together." He took off his leather jacket and put it on the seat behind him. "Anymore," he added.

"Trouble in paradise so soon?" asked Mercedes sarcastically.

"It's complicated."

"It always is when you're doing a home-wrecker."

Mercedes hated being so judgmental. Normally she wouldn't even care what or who Puck did. But after being the victim of a cheating spouse, her outlook on life had changed. It didn't seem right for Santana and Puck to be carrying on when Santana had been the one that helped destroy Sam's first marriage when she got involved with Brittany. Technically Mercedes should be grateful to Santana, by cheating with Brittany she set Sam's divorce in motion and made him available for her to love. But even with that small benefit to Sam's ex wife's infidelity, Mercedes still couldn't completely get on board with Santana. She didn't like the woman, and furthermore she didn't trust her. She had heard somewhere along the way that when it comes to relationships "you lose them, how you get them" so if Santana had no problem getting involved with someone else's wife once, what's to say she wouldn't do it again. Puck deserved better than that. He was a better man than that.

Puck shot her a look. "Can we not do this in the middle of the hospital waiting room?"

"Fine. I just worry about you. You seem like you're drifting these days. I need you as my rock, I can't have you losing it over some wife stealing ho."

"I'm good. Really," he said patting her knee when she looked over at him skeptically. "The one you need to focus on is Sam. He's looking better everyday."

"He is doing better too. It feels like such a cliché, but it truly has been a miracle."

"I'm so happy that finally something went right for this family. We keep getting hit after hit. It was high time for some good news."

Mercedes nodded her head and smiled. "Thanks again Puck for helping me call Quinn."

"You're welcome. I guess since I dipped my toe into forgery and fraud I should just jump all the way in," he chuckled, glancing around to make sure no one was listening.

"It's only illegal if you get caught anyway."

Puck shook his head and smiled. "I think my cousin Will would have something to say about that."

"Will hasn't been back to see Sam yet. You know since the day he woke up."

He scratched at the stubble on his chin. "Really? I wonder why."

Emma told me he's been busy and there was another stakeout or something."

"You say that like you don't believe it."

"I just think it is hard facing someone when you are filled with so much guilt. I think he's worried Sam is going to blame him for what happened."

"That's ridiculous. Sam's not like that," scoffed Puck. "Besides he hasn't done that to you has he?"

"He's only tried to bring up the accident once, but that could change once he gets his voice back."

"Any idea when that might happen?" Puck asked.

"He's been getting therapy to strengthen his vocal cords, so it could be at any time," she replied.

"You must be so anxious for that."

"I am. I really need to hear his voice again. I miss it. I actually missed everything about him, but I really miss hearing him talk. The way he says my name used to give me shivers." A slight smile formed on her face as she remembered. "It's crazy. I have known Sam for a few years, married the man, and he still gives me butterflies."

"Not crazy. Love. We should all be so lucky to find someone that makes us feel that way."

"I am pretty lucky, aren't I?" she asked, smiling.

"I should say so," he grinned. "Not many women can say they landed the crush they stalked and harassed for months."

"Hey!" she exclaimed. "I didn't stalk him. I was just persistent."

"Wearing him down, until he bent to your will?" Puck teased.

"More like helping him face the truth, that I was the only woman for him."

"I think he got that message loud and clear. Finally. He's all yours."

"Yep, mine," Mercedes responded softly.

"So why did you do it?"

"Do what?" Mercedes asked turning to look at him.

"Call Quinn? I couldn't believe it when you came to me about it."

"Sam needed to talk to her."

"Sam needed to talk to the woman he cheated on you with and you just let him?" Puck asked incredulously.

"You know it is more complicated than that Puck. They have a baby together."

"Sam doesn't know that."

"Well I do. He was asking about her so much, raising his blood pressure. I just wanted to make him feel better."

"So you were just taking care of him?" Puck asked drawing his words out slowly.

"Right, as his nurse and his spouse, it is my job to make sure his needs are met."

"Enough with the Stepford wife act. Did you want to claw her eyes out or what?"

"He smiled and was happy. So I was happy. Let's leave it at that." Mercedes stared into her coffee cup.

"What are you not telling me?" asked Puck looking down trying to meet Mercedes' eyes.

"Nothing," Mercedes said shaking her head, trying to rid herself of all the doubts. "Quinn just reassured him that she was okay and that she would see him soon."

"You look like you want to throw up. Tell me what else happened."

Mercedes paused, unsure whether she should tell Puck anything about the call. "It might just be in my head, I'm not sure. But it seemed like he was sort of flirting with her."

Puck's jaw dropped. "Flirting? With a Speak & Spell?"

"I know. Weird huh? I think I'm just being paranoid."

"I think I need to go in there and knock some sense into him," said Puck rising to his feet.

Mercedes frowned. "Great idea, beat up the guy with the head injury."

"Clearly he has a screw loose if he's flirting with another woman in front of you, Quinn no less."

Mercedes could hear the irritation in Puck's voice. He always got so protective of her when it came to Sam. Mercedes often wondered if that protective streak had more to do with their history with Quinn and less to do with her. It had felt at times that Mercedes was caught in the middle of a pissing contest between the two men. Each of them wanted to prove themselves the better man.

"He can't talk Puck. I'm sure I was getting it all wrong."

"You have some of the best instincts around. Don't ignore them."

"I am just focusing on his recovery. Let's just drop it," she said lifting her hair up, fanning the back of her neck to cool off. "We can deal with all the impending drama later."

"Looks like the doctors are leaving," said Puck turning his attention toward Sam's door. Three doctors in white lab coats exited Sam's room.

Mercedes stood up beside Puck, taking the coffee cup from his hand. "Duty calls. I better get back to my patient."

"Don't pretend like you're not excited to go be with him. It's written all over your face."

"That obvious?" asked Mercedes over her shoulder as she discarded their cups in the trashcan a few feet away.

"Extremely. Sam must be overjoyed that you are looking at him like that again. He had pretty much thrown in the towel before the accident."

"Well we talked things out while stuck in the car. He had swayed me then to take a second chance with him. I just never told him."

It had been one of her biggest regrets. She had let Sam think that there was no chance for them the night of the accident. She shouldn't have been so stubborn. She should've let him know that she wanted to be with him again. That was a big lesson learned for her out of all of this. Never let things go unsaid. Time is too precious, life too fleeting, to hold back how you feel.

"Now you can."

"I just need the green light from his doctors that I can talk to him about the major stuff."

"Like Beth?"

"Yes like that."

"He's in for a big surprise," said Puck with a slight smile. "I wonder how he'll take it all."

"I think about that often. Sometimes I think he'll be fine with it all, but other times, I'm not so sure. It's a lot to take in at once."

"With you by his side, he'll be able to handle anything," he said pulling her into his arms, resting his chin on her head.

"Are you sure that coffee wasn't spiked?" Mercedes asked stepping away from him. "I can't believe you are being so positive about me and Sam as a couple."

"Your love brought him back. How can I deny that?"

"Actually it was Quinn that brought him back. My months by his side didn't do a thing," she said sadly.

"Nonsense and you know it. Sam would be dead if it weren't for you. I don't care if at the moment he opened his eyes Quinn was there. It was you that fought for him, took care of him, did everything in your power to keep him with us. Don't let Quinn take that from you."

"I can't help it. What does that say about my connection to Sam if he wouldn't even respond to me?" she asked blinking back the tears in her eyes. "Deep down I must mean nothing to him."

"How do you even know that he didn't think it was you holding his hand? We don't know how much he was aware of at the time."

Mercedes shrugged. "He keeps asking about Quinn. That has to mean something."

"Let's go ask him. Right now," he said grabbing her hand and leading her toward the room.

"He's not ready for that conversation," said Mercedes pulling back from him, before coming to a full stop. "I'm not ready for that conversation. We just got him back, let's not stress him out yet."

"I won't stress him. I promise. I just need to ask him a few questions."

"You'd have to get rid of Sue. The last thing we need is for her to know that Sam has been asking about Quinn."

The absolute last thing they needed. Sue would make a scene, upset Sam, world war three would break out. The best way to keep Sam calm was to keep his mother calm.

"She's in there? I thought he was being examined."

"He was. Sue refused to leave. She's in full on mama bear mode at this point. You know how worried she was about Sam. Now it's like she doesn't want to let him out of her sight."

Puck rolled his eyes. "I can't deal with Sue right now. I guess all of this will have to wait."

"Probably for the best."

"You stay strong Cede," said Puck hugging her again. "No more worrying about Quinn. Sam came back to you. Time to enjoy your miracle."

"I'll see you Puck."

Mercedes hesitated outside of Sam's door after Puck left, feeling a bit apprehensive about going back in. She really wasn't sure if she was up to watching Sam continue to fixate on Quinn. She hoped the phone call would curtail his interest in Quinn, but something told Mercedes that it wouldn't be the case. The world had shifted somehow since Sam had woken up, and Mercedes could feel the turbulence ahead. Squashing down the rising dread in her stomach, she turned the knob on the door, and went inside. She couldn't run away from a miracle, no matter how much her instincts were telling her to.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks to everyone for commenting and reading and favoriting...I'm so happy you guys are reading my little story. _

_**Cherica** - if you have any questions...just ask. I'll clear up anything you're confused about._

_Love to hear what you think!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

"There you are. I was hoping you'd come back," said Sue as Mercedes entered Sam's room.

"What's going on?" asked Mercedes closing the door behind her.

Sue was standing in the middle of the room, coat over her arm, hand on her hip, looking very annoyed.

"Sam is being a brat," stated Sue turning to face Mercedes. Mercedes glanced over Sue's shoulder at Sam. He was mouthing the words "help me" from his bed. "The therapist brought in this keyboard communicator and Sam refuses to use it."

"Why are you giving your mom a hard time Sam?" she asked walking over to his bed. He was sitting upright in his loosely fitting blue striped pajamas, the Speak & Spell clutched to his chest.

"It is like he and that ridiculous toy are joined," Sue complained.

Sam set his jaw resolutely, standing his ground against his mother. Mercedes tried to cover her amusement at this little standoff. She was pretty sure Sam was just asserting his independence. Something patients often did when confined in a situation that left them helpless. Sam had little control over anything in his life, but he could dictate whether or not he communicated.

"Well maybe if you threaten him with a timeout he'll put it down," offered Mercedes in a mock serious tone.

"Cute," replied Sue, clearly not amused.

"What do you want me to do Sue? I can't force him to use that other machine."

"You're his nurse, aren't you trained in this sort of thing?" Sue asked with a flip of her hair.

Mercedes sighed smoothing out the wrinkles in her scrubs. "In what? Making big babies obey their mommies?" Mercedes could see Sam's face scrunch into a snarl at the comment. She bit back her urge to laugh at him.

"I don't know? Patient management," huffed Sue. Mercedes turned her head to hide the roll of her eyes from Sue. Her mother-in-law had a way of ordering people around and making everyone feel like her servants.

Normally, Mercedes would have given a nastier retort, but she was trying to keep things civil, for Sam's sake. "Oh that. Let me go get my rectal thermometer. He'll be typing in no time."

Sam grabbed Mercedes' hand and pulled her closer to him on the bed. She sat down next to him, leaning back against his pillow.

"I can take a hint. You two want some alone time. But you better be using that thing when I get back Sam. I'm not going to speak to you through an electronic game," said Sue as she walked out of the door.

When Sue was gone, Mercedes turned to Sam. "So you're mouthing words now? What other changes have I missed since I've been gone?"

"Wheredidyougo," he typed tilting the Speak & Spell so she could read it.

"You were getting examined so I went and had coffee with Puck."

"Puck?" he mouthed, a surprised look on his face.

"He was going to come in, but he had to go. He'll be back soon. He's been anxious to see you. See you up and alert that is."

"Longtime," he typed.

"It has been. Everyone can't wait to come and visit. We should sell tickets," she chuckled.

Sam shook his head, a smile on his face.

"So why didn't you want to talk to your mother?"

"Confusing," he typed.

"What was confusing?"

He shrugged. "Letsplay," he typed.

Mercedes sighed. "Avoidance will get you nowhere." He looked at her, a slight pout on his face. "Don't give me that look. You know I can't deny you when do that." He made his face more pitiful, sad eyes and a bigger pout. "Fine. I've got the cards."

Over an hour later, they were locked in an intense battle. Sam was staring her down over his hand of cards, trying to read her face. Mercedes returned his gaze from her seat in the chair opposite him. Sam stuck his tongue in his cheek, and decided to call her bluff, placing his hand down on the little table they had pulled between them. Mercedes' eyes brightened when she saw his cards.

"Full house! I win!" she yelled as she slammed her cards on the table. She jumped up from her chair and did the running man in front of him.

Sam frowned and shook his head in disgust.

"That's the third time I've beat you," she taunted. "Should we play again? Give you a shot to redeem yourself?"

Sam knocked the table with his hand, making the cards go flying across the room.

Mercedes frowned as she watched the playing cards fall all around her feet. "Sam Evans! That was beyond rude. You don't have to be such a sore loser. It's just a stupid game."

He crossed his arms and turned away from her with a scowl.

"I really shouldn't even pick these cards up," she said bending down collecting the cards. "I should make you do it. Just you wait until you're back on your feet. I'm going to get you back for this. I can't believe you had a tantrum because I beat you at cards."

"Cheater," he rasped.

Mercedes turned around in a huff, placing her hands on her hips. "I did not cheat. I beat you fair and square."

He shook his head. "No you cheated."

"You take that back I…" Mercedes stood up ready to defend herself, when she stopped. Did she just hear that? "Oh my God! Sam, you're talking."

He shrugged. "I guess I am."

"How long have you been able to do that?" asked Mercedes, as she climbed up on the bed next to him, her smile so wide her mouth was starting to hurt.

"Since I was about two," he answered. His voice was low and scratchy, like someone with a bad cold that was just getting their voice back.

"I'm being serious. Have you been holding out on me this whole time?"

"The words just came out." He looked up at her sheepishly, almost as if he were wondering why she was so excited.

Mercedes leaned across him, feeling his glands, examining his face. Sam stared at her amused by her actions.

"I'm so happy to hear your voice," Mercedes said finally taking his face in her hands , gently stroking his hair back from his face, looking into his green eyes.

"I can tell," he smiled, his cheeks reddening, but never dropping her gaze.

Something about the way he was looking at her, his eyes shining, she couldn't resist. Mercedes leaned closer, pressing her lips against his, giving him a full lingering kiss.

Sam sat back in surprise. "Wow! What do I get if I start walking?"

"You just get back on your feet Mr. Evans and I will give you everything you deserve," she said through lowered lids, the tone of her voice shifting to something more intimate.

"I need to give you a raise," he smirked. "What did I do to deserve a nurse like you?"

"I better go get a doctor and let them know you're speaking again," said Mercedes getting up to leave.

"No wait," he said grabbing her hand and pulling her back down beside him. "Don't go."

Mercedes smiled shyly, feeling like a girl with crush at his words. "They need to know. Everyone is going to be so excited. Your mom is going to be thrilled."

"Can we just hold off on the big announcements? Stay here and talk to me." She could hear his tone soften even through the rough rasp of his voice.

"I can do that I guess. I thought for sure your first words would be telling me to shut up."

"Why would I do that?" he asked in surprise.

Her eyes widened in shock. "Do you even need to ask?"

He ducked his head, hiding his small smile. "I kind of like how you babble."

"Babble? I don't babble, ramble maybe, but never babble. Everything I say is meaningful stuff."

"I just mean I like listening to you talk. It's sort of comforting."

"Really?" Her cheeks warmed in embarrassment. She had known Sam for years, but something about talking to him now felt like the first time. It all felt so new, like finally getting to spend time with a guy she had longed for from afar.

"Really," he said giving the hand he still held, a gentle squeeze. "But if you insist on going to tell everyone you can do that. I know you have a job to do."

She looked up at him and smiled. "The only thing I have to do is be here with you."

"You're so sweet," he said pulling the end of her ponytail, a smile on his face. "Your bedside manner is incredible."

"You said that to me before," she said shyly looking down at their still joined hands. He was rubbing his thumb gently over her hand as they talked.

"I did?" Sam asked.

Mercedes started to respond when the door opened. An African-American woman with short dark hair peeped her head into the room.

"Knock, knock you two."

"Cheryl!" announced Mercedes happily as the woman entered the room. The head nurse was wearing her usual green scrubs, but this time her normal scowl was replaced by a bright smile.

"How's it going in here?" asked Cheryl as she stepped a bit further into the room, one hand behind her back. "You, Mr. Evans," she said pointing a dark brown finger at Sam. "Are the talk of the hospital. I had to come in here and see a real live miracle in person."

Mercedes looked over at Sam to find him grinning widely. He seemed to be eating up all the gushing.

"It's so amazing isn't it? And guess what else?" Mercedes could hardly contain her happiness, Sam was back, and now he was talking. She felt like she would burst if she didn't share the news. But Sam grabbed her hand to get her attention. He shook his head at her, reminding her to keep things under wraps a bit longer.

"What?" asked Cheryl.

Mercedes hesitated trying to think of something else to say now that she couldn't tell Cheryl about Sam getting his voice back. "I…I beat him three times at cards," Mercedes declared proudly. Sam rolled his eyes at her. Mercedes nudged him playfully in his side, literally rubbing it in.

"Three times? I hope you weren't playing for money. You've got to watch this one, she's a shark."

Mercedes frowned. "Wherever did you get an idea like that?"

"The hospital Christmas party when you took two neurologists and that lab tech for all their money."

"Oh that. Dumb luck." She fanned her hand at Cheryl, indicating the lack of validity of that statement.

"Uh huh. Before I forget I came to give you this," said Cheryl taking her hand from behind her back, revealing a little blue plate with a frosted chocolate cupcake on it.

"Looks yummy," said Mercedes as she took the plate from her hands.

"From Wendy's party. I knew you wouldn't make it up there, so I got you some cake."

"That's so nice Cheryl. Thank you."

"I'm going now. Leave you two to your therapy session. Take it easy on the man. He's been sick a long time."

Mercedes glanced over at Sam and winked at him. "Oh I will. I'm not doing anything he can't handle."

"Mmm hmm," said Cheryl as she left the room, a disbelieving smile on her face.

"Sorry I almost let it slip to Cheryl," said Mercedes after the woman had left. "My mouth sometimes just keeps going."

"That whole non babbling thing," he chuckled.

Mercedes rolled her eyes at him before throwing him a playful smile, which Sam quickly returned. Maybe she had been overreacting. Sam seemed like he was getting back to his normal self with her. That tentativeness seemed to be evaporating as time passed. She was actually starting to feel close to him again.

"So what should we talk about?" asked Mercedes dipping her finger into the chocolate frosting on her cupcake. She leaned over to put the cake on the table next to the bed. "The frosting's the best part don't you think?"

"Mm hmm," he said as his lips closed over her finger, closing his eyes as he savored the taste.

"Sam!" she exclaimed pulling her finger out of his mouth. "You're not supposed to have that."

"Well you were teasing me, waving your finger around like that," he explained with feigned innocence.

"I hope it doesn't make you sick." She leaned over and stuck her finger in the frosting again. "This lick is mine," she said as she quickly put her finger in her mouth sucking off the frosting. "It's really good," she said dipping into the frosting again.

He put his hand on her thigh, rubbing it slowly. "Why don't you lean a little closer so I can get another taste?"

"That depends on where you want to taste it from," she responded suggestively, feeling more than she should have from a simple touch on her leg. But the way Sam was looking at her, was starting to make her dizzy. He licked his lips and leaned closer, as if he might attempt to taste some lingering frosting on her lips.

"Is it getting hot in here?" he asked. The rough tone of his voice was so sexy, and Mercedes' stomach was doing flips as Sam leaned into her at such close proximity. "You're pretty sassy for a married woman. Are you sure your husband's not going to come in here and kick my ass?" He arched his eyebrows at her provocatively.

"I have it on pretty good authority that he won't mind," she said as she leaned closer to him.

"Swingers?" he asked, a smile playing over his lips, as he stared at her intently.

It felt like he was seeing her for the first time, the way his eyes explored her features, moving from her eyes, to her lips, to her hair, then back to her eyes again. His hand was still on her thigh, and it almost burned, the warmth of his touch was filling her mind with so many memories.

"Whoa," she laughed, moving back a little trying to ease the tension between them. She didn't want to excite him too much. She wasn't sure how much his body could take. "Glad to see that the coma hasn't affected your mind. Still dirty as ever."

"If you only knew the things I'm not saying," he said licking his lips as he leaned back, pulling his eyes away from hers, squeezing her thigh one last time before removing his hand. "You'd have me brought up on harassment charges."

Mercedes leaned across him, her hands on both sides of him, capturing him between the bed and her body. His smile widened at her new position, and he nestled back into his pillows, as if watching to see her next move.

"I'm just glad you're back. After nine months of watching you lie in this bed, I'm down for anything."

His smile dropped and he shoved her back away from his body. "Did you just say nine months?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to everyone for reading, commenting, favoriting...**

**Marigold **- No prequel, but it would be fun to read. We could see all the things Mercedes did to get Sam's attention and try to steal him from Rachel.

**MissE**- Thank you for your comments. I can't respond to you directly, but I want you to know I appreciate how fully you share your thoughts.

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

"Answer me. Did you just say nine months?" he asked his green eyes searching her face in confusion.

"When did I say that?" asked Mercedes nervously. She wanted to slap herself, her big mouth once again causing trouble.

"Just now," said Sam pushing Mercedes off of him completely. "You said I was in a coma for nine months."

Mercedes got up from the bed and walked over to the window, away from his questioning eyes. She needed to figure out how to get him off the subject quickly. "I must've misspoken. I think you need to rest now, you're getting over excited."

"Don't try to wiggle your way out of this. Tell me the truth." She could hear Sam's temper starting to flare. The last thing she wanted was for his blood pressure to go up. She wasn't sure what to do, once Sam set his sights on something there was no getting him to back down.

"Sam, let me go get your doctor." Maybe if she left the room, he would have cooled down by the time she got back. Perhaps the doctor could give him a sedative or something. "You seem like you're getting agitated."

"I am agitated because you're withholding information from me," he said gruffly, his raspy voice making his tone sound even more menacing.

"I'm not. Calm down," she said quietly.

"Don't tell me to calm down. This is my life you're messing with here. I want answers," he demanded raising his voice as loud as he could. He twisted in the bed so he could see her, as she moved around the room trying to avoid looking at him, he followed her with his eyes, like a lion stalking his prey.

"I don't have any answers to give. I'm going to get the doctor now."

Mercedes rushed toward the door, feeling like she might be in peril if she didn't escape. It wasn't that she was afraid of Sam, that was one thing she never was, but she was afraid of what he might do to himself, if he persisted with this demeanor.

"If you walk out that door, don't bother coming back," he said just as her hand twisted the door knob.

"What?" she asked turning around shocked by his statement.

He was facing forward, deliberately not looking at her, as if she weren't worth his attention. "You heard me. Don't come back. I need people around me that I can trust, not some sneaky little liar that is trying to shut me up by using sex."

"Excuse me! I wasn't trying to shut you up. And for the record, you were the one with your hand on my leg." Mercedes felt her anger rise as he continued to talk to her in a condescending tone.

"Do you always practically straddle your patients? Is that some new form of alternative medicine?" he asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"You're a bastard. A spoiled little rude ass bastard that is sitting there pouting because he can't get his way."

"Stop treating me like a child. I need to know what happened to me."

"I told you I have nothing to say."

"Get the hell out. I don't want you as my nurse anymore."

A chill ran through Mercedes' body at his words. She knew he was just frustrated and upset because he was shocked, but something about his tone put her on edge. It was so impersonal, detached, as if she didn't mean anything to him at all.

"Are you firing me?" she asked her face twisting in anger.

"You got it. Don't let the door hit ya on the way out," he said turning away from her dismissively.

"Who do you think you're talking to?" asked Mercedes placing her hands on her hips. He was really starting to tick her off. "You can't fire me."

"I'm Sam Evans, I can do whatever I want." His green eyes went cold as he stared her down, his ruthless streak coming out. "One word from me and you're out of a job."

Mercedes never backed down from a challenge and he definitely was giving her one now. There was no way in hell she was going to let him intimidate her into doing anything.

"I'm not going anywhere. You need me."

"Nurses come a dime a dozen. I can throw some money on the ground and ten nurses would run to pick it up. Anyone off the street could do your job," he scoffed.

"You think another nurse would put up with this bullshit from you? No one can handle you the way I can."

"You act like I'm some sort of problem patient. I've been a breeze."

"Oh really? And what is this right now? So you aren't freaking out because you think you've been rip van winkling it for almost a year?"

"I'm not freaking out. I just want to know what's going on. How long have I been here?"

"I told you. I have nothing to say. So stop asking."

"Fine," he said running his hands roughly through his cropped blonde hair. "Go get the doctor."

Mercedes shook her head. "Not until you calm down."

"I said get my doctor. You can't deny me medical treatment," he demanded again, his hoarse voice actually sounding stronger the longer he talked.

"I'm here if you need anything." She plopped down in the chair, crossing her legs at the ankle in feigned nonchalance. In actuality, every cell in her body was on fire, she was so mad, she wanted to smack him. What right did he have to speak to her this way?

"Get your ass out of that chair and do what I tell you."

Mercedes saw something flash in Sam's eyes. It was almost as if he were enjoying this. But she wasn't going to let him get off on some power trip at her expense. She was too stubborn for that.

"Who do you think you're ordering around Sam?" asked Mercedes her eyes narrowing at him in anger.

She really was dealing with this all wrong, in fact she probably would get fired on the spot if a doctor saw her goading a patient in this manner. But this was Sam, and he was being an ass. No matter how wrong it was, she couldn't let him get away with it.

"I swear to God if you don't get up…" Sam was so angry he couldn't finish his sentence. Mercedes could see the tension in his whole body. She really needed to get control over the situation before he hurt himself. She tried to change her tactic.

"Relax and change your tone and maybe I'll help you," she said deliberately forcing her voice to sound calm. She examined her nails casually, glancing over at him occasionally just to make sure he was getting the message that she wasn't going to take his crap.

"You know what? I don't need some sassy little nurse running my life. I can do it myself. I'm going to get some answers, but first I'm going to put you out of my room."

"I'd like to see you try," she said daring him as they stared each other down.

Sam's face contorted into a scowl, he was receiving her message and he didn't like it, Mercedes knew that look so well. He suddenly threw back the covers, and started easing himself over to the edge of the bed.

"Sam what are you doing? Stop that! Get back in bed," said Mercedes jumping to her feet. She tried to stop him with her hands, pushing him back in the bed, but he slapped her hands away with every approach.

Sam put one foot on the floor, shaking as he tried to drag his other leg over. The alarms on his monitors started blaring as one of his catheters became disconnected. Mercedes slid her body under Sam's catching him before he hit the floor. Even in his much leaner state, Sam was still too heavy for Mercedes to maneuver. She tried to reach for the nurses' desk call button, but couldn't stretch far enough to grab it while holding on to him.

"Help! I need some help in here!" she yelled, trying to shift Sam back into his bed. He had collapsed fully in her arms, his body weight sagging against her. His eyelids fluttered as he struggled to remain conscious.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting. I truly appreciate it.

I guess I need to repeat...this is a **SAMCEDES & FABREVANS** story...more accurately this is a **MERCEDES/SAM/QUINN** story. All sides have equal weight. There's no way you can predict the ending of this story right now at chapter 5. There's so much ahead...and if you're a samcedes fan...now would not be the time to stop reading. That's all I'm saying...

Our angsty journey continues and as always everyone needs to hold tight

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

"You gave us quite a scare sweetheart," said Sue as she leaned over and stroked Sam's cheek from her seat on the edge of his bed.

"Son, what was all this foolishness about getting out of bed?" asked Dwight from his chair.

Both Sue and Dwight had rushed over to the hospital when Mercedes called them and told them about Sam's attempt to get out of bed. She had hoped that having his parents around would help to keep him calm, as crazy as that seemed, considering his parents were not the calming types.

"Ask her," said Sam pointing at Mercedes as she walked further into the room. "She's the one that started it."

"Mercedes what's he talking about?" asked Dwight.

Mercedes sighed. "Sam threw a fit when I accidentally said he was in a coma for nine months."

She hovered by the wall where the television was mounted, not wanting to set Sam off again by getting too close. A safe distance seemed the best choice. She could see everyone in the room from her spot, but was still far enough removed from Sam.

"I asked her to explain that statement and she wouldn't. I won't tolerate people coddling me dad."

Sam had pushed the sleeves up on his blue pajamas. He was sitting upright again, looking very alert. That nap must have rejuvenated him. If it weren't for his extremely thin appearance, he would've looked just like his old self.

"And you shouldn't. The doctors be damned. What she said was true. You were in a coma for nine months," stated Dwight matter of factly.

"So this was because of the crash?" asked Sam looking back and forth at his parents.

"You had extensive internal injuries and head trauma," said Mercedes from her spot in the corner.

"I didn't know I was so bad." Sam shook his head in disbelief, staring down at his lap. "I remember being huddled under a blanket waiting to be rescued. Everything was fine besides the fact I reinjured my leg."

"It's all healed up now son," said Dwight patting Sam's arm reassuringly.

"Wait, what about Will?" asked Sam suddenly. "He was in a bad state."

"I'm fine Sam," said Will as he entered the room, and walked over to stand next to the chair Dwight was sitting in. Mercedes had called Will too. She need all the reinforcements she could get to keep Sam calm and in bed.

"Will, you're okay." A look of relief flashed over Sam's face. It struck Mercedes as odd that Sam seemed so concerned about his brother. Had he heard Will's guilt ridden words during his visit? "You look great actually."

"Thank you," said Will with a confused smile.

"How's Emma?" asked Sam.

"She's good," replied Will still looking a bit perplexed.

"Tell me the truth and you have to promise not to hold back, but is Carlos still alive?"

Will blinked once before responding, clearly shocked by Sam's question. "Yeah, probably working on his tan," said Will. "He worked for your father until he retired to Miami about six months ago."

"I'm so relieved. How are Stevie and Stacey?"

Will quickly glanced at Mercedes, raising his eyebrows. "Both are fine."

"Good to hear. Was I the only one hurt this badly?"

"You got the brunt of it," answered Will quickly, fidgeting with his collar, looking like suddenly his shirt felt too tight.

"What happened? How did things get so bad? I could've sworn I was feeling okay."

"Well uh…" Will faltered seeming not sure how to proceed. Mercedes wanted to speak up for him, to shield him from this moment. It was the one thing that Will feared most, having to tell Sam about the accident.

"We can discuss details later, son," said Dwight stepping in, saving Will from the unpleasant explanation. "One step at a time."

"What about Quinn?" Sam had avoided looking at her the entire time, but he deliberately looked at Mercedes when he asked that question. Peering at her expectantly, as if she could offer some clues.

"What about her?" asked Dwight sharply, the distaste evident in his voice.

"I just talked to her on the phone earlier and she seemed fine, a little strange but I figured that was just me not being able to speak properly and being on speaker. Is she really okay? Or was that something else that was being withheld from me?" he asked shooting a pointed look at Mercedes. Mercedes squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze.

"Quinn should be the last person you're concerned about. How could you even ask about her right now?" asked Sue appalled, gesturing toward Mercedes with her hand.

"She was right there with me, waiting to get rescued. If something went wrong with me I need to make sure nothing happened to her too. Maybe she was injured worse than we thought."

"What do you mean Quinn was with you?" asked Dwight looking at Sam strangely.

"At the crash site. We were together. I know you don't like her dad, but she's my friend and …"

"What crash site?" asked Dwight cutting him off.

"Uh, the limo crash. What we've been talking about this whole time."

"You weren't in a limo crash. You were in a car accident," said Dwight.

"What in the hell are you talking about?" asked Sam confusion all over his face. "Of course I was in a limo crash. You were there Will, and Emma too with Stevie and Stacey, we were coming back from Quinn's concert and the limo flipped." Sam looked over at Will, his eyes clouding with concern. "You and Emma were thrown and we couldn't wake Emma up."

"That's right Sam. It was scary there for a bit, I thought I might lose Emma," Will said quietly.

"I'm so sorry Will."

"Thank you. She's all better now." Will paused cocking his head to the side. "Sam, what year is it?"

"2011. I mean I think it still is. Let me do the math," he said physically counting on his fingers. "Nine months on February, yeah it's still 2011. Was that some sort of a test?" Sam asked smiling.

"In a sense," Will replied with barely a hint of a smile. "So you don't remember being in a car accident?"

Mercedes swayed unsteadily on her feet, holding onto the wall to keep her balance. She let herself slowly sink down to the floor, squatting in the corner, her fist balled in her mouth to keep from screaming. The whole conversation was happening in another dimension, it was playing out in front of her, but her mind kept screaming it was fiction. It just couldn't be true. He couldn't have forgotten it all, forgotten her.

"Why do you keep talking about a car accident? The limo flipped over on the way back from Quinn's concert. We were stuck on the side of the road in the cold. It was a pretty unforgettable experience."

"Sam, I don't know how to tell you this." Will began slowly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he pulled together his words.

"Maybe we shouldn't Will," interrupted Sue.

Sue had been uncharacteristically silent, sitting back against the footboard of the bed, watching it all play out. From time to time, Mercedes caught Sue giving her sideways glances, monitoring her reactions. Mercedes guessed everyone in the room was waiting for her to collapse, to fall apart in a puddle of tears. That wasn't going to happen. The urge to cry had left her body, in fact she wasn't feeling much of anything.

"He has the right to know," stated Will.

"But the doctors…" warned Sue.

"To hell with the doctors," interjected Dwight. "I agree with Will. I won't keep my son in the dark."

"What are you guys talking about?" asked Sam looking from one person to the next trying to make sense of their little debate.

"Sam that limo crash happened in 2011," said Will.

Sam gave Will an odd look. "I know. I just told you that." Sam's patience was starting to wear thin. Mercedes could hear the annoyance creeping into his voice.

"It's 2014," Will explained. The air went still, as everyone held their collective breaths, watching Sam's reaction.

Sam's eyes widened in shock. "What?"

"You were in a car accident nine months ago, and that's why you were in a coma," said Dwight bluntly, revealing what everyone was so hesitant to say.

"I don't understand. How can it be 2014?" Sam shook his head vigorously, as if he were physically trying to make things in his head fall into place. "I clearly remember the limo crash."

"I know, but it seems like you've forgotten everything else," said Dwight. "Everything that has happened since."

"You expect me to believe this?" asked Sam frowning. He shoved his hands through his hair in frustration. "I have just forgotten years of my life?"

"Three years to be exact," Will stated.

"This is a joke. You're making it up." He searched his mother's face for some sign.

"We're not sweetie. It's true," said Sue. Mercedes could tell Sue was crying, the tears were choking her voice, making her words sound thick and slurred.

Mercedes watched through the metal slats in the footboard as Sam recoiled from everyone in the room. He was confined to his bed, leashed by his network of catheters and tubes, but he tried his best to back away, even if he could only move a few inches. He crossed his arms over his chest, curved his legs up into his body, turning his back to them all, to stare at the wall.

"I don't believe you. I couldn't have lost years. Not years," he said shaking his head, his back still turned to them.

"Sam…" said Sue reaching out to comfort him. Sam flinched away from her, not wanting to be touched.

"Where's my little nurse?" he asked, his rough voice breaking with emotion. "I need her."

All eyes shifted to Mercedes crouched in the corner by the foot of the bed. She slowly stood up, holding onto her churning stomach, and walked over to the side of the bed, easing past Dwight's knees to stand in front of Sam. He reached behind him, opening his hand, beckoning her to grab it. Mercedes tentatively placed her small hand in his, closing her fingers around his palm.

He rolled over, looking up at her, trapping her with his green eyes. "Tell me what year it is."

"It's 2014, Sam. February 2014." He squeezed her hand tightly as she said the words, as if he were trying to transfer some of his pain to her. Mercedes wished she could take it all away. It was her fault this was happening. He now had not only lost months, but years because of her actions.

Sam shook his head in disbelief, tearing up as reality set in. Mercedes stepped in front of him, blocking his face from the view of his family.

"I think we need to give him a moment," said Mercedes addressing the room.

"I'm not leaving him like this, after all we just told him," declared Sue from the end of the bed. She hadn't tried to touch Sam again but her concern registered all over her face.

"Let's just do what she says," urged Will heading toward the door, Dwight close behind.

Sue sighed heavily as she rose to her feet, giving Mercedes one last look before glancing at her son. With another sad sigh and a toss of her hair, she turned to leave with the others.

Mercedes let go of Sam's hand and started to follow everyone out of the room.

"Wait," Sam called out hoarsely. Mercedes looked back. He had his head in his hands, covering his face. "Can you stay?"

Mercedes nodded and took a seat in the chair next to his bed. They sat silently for a few minutes, Mercedes on the edge of the chair, hands in her lap. Sam slouched in his bed, hands over his face.

"I've lost years," he finally said glancing over at her with red rimmed eyes.

"You haven't lost them. They're just mixed up in your head somewhere."

Mercedes tried to think of a joke, a little quip, to lighten the mood, but her mind was blank. Wasn't much humor to be found in their situation. Sam was adrift, swimming in confusion, searching for lost memories. And Mercedes was just plain wrecked, abandoned and alone, forgotten on some deserted shore in his mind.

"They feel gone, like they're never coming back." He leaned his head back into his pillow, closing his eyes. He looked so young in that instant, like a scared little boy wandering lost in the dark.

"You felt gone while you were in a coma, and you came back." Sam opened his eyes, attempting to smile.

She had worried he would wake up and not feel the same about her, that somewhere in the abyss of his coma, the love he felt would disappear. Mercedes had hoped against it, trying to believe in the promise of second chances, but deep down she knew she had lost the right to be with him the night of the accident, when she let him think she didn't want him anymore. She clung to her anger, ignoring his pained pleading, his declarations of love. She had killed his hopes that night, so it seemed only fitting that that he killed her from his memory, erasing every trace of her and all the pain she had caused.

Once again she was nothing and Mercedes stepped back into that role with surprising ease. It had always been waiting for her anyway, this place for the discarded. Sam would have eventually come to his senses and moved on to a more worthy mate. She was kicking herself for even thinking it would end up any other way, for letting herself believe that their love was something special, something solid, something that would last. Nothing good ever lasted, not for her.

Mercedes could see the tears in his eyes, the slight quiver of his lower lip, he was barely holding it together. He looked like she felt. Like a sudden earthquake had hit, knocking everything off balance. Nothing seemed right. Everything was leveled, leaving them destroyed, staring at the wreckage.

"What do you need me to do?" she asked. If nothing else, she still was his nurse.

Sam shook his head, unable to answer. Mercedes got up from her chair and moved toward the bed, tentatively at first, as if she were approaching a scared animal. He looked up at her, almost seeming startled to find her standing so close. Mercedes' heart twisted as she watched him fight back the tears that were trying to fall.

"It's going to be okay," she said wrapping her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. "I swear it is going to be okay."

At first he remained stiff in her arms, allowing her to hold him, but not touching her back. Then she felt Sam shift closer, his arms spanning around her waist, pulling her in tighter, burying his face into her neck. She felt the warmth of his tears as they dampened her skin. She rested her head on his shoulder as she continued to hold him, finally letting her own tears fall.

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><p><strong>Next chapter: Sam's POV<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

Finally Sam...

Thanks for reading and commenting!

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><p>Chapter 6<p>

Sam's head was pounding, a constant throb, that felt like a heartbeat in his brain. His throat was sore too, raw and stinging with every swallow. He knew he had done too much today, over exerted himself, pushing his body further than it was ready to go. It wasn't like he had much of a choice, he wasn't going to sit back and let everyone keep lying to him. Technically, not lying, but definitely withholding, and that felt almost as bad. It made him feel like a child, as if they thought he was unable to deal with the circumstances of his life. Sam may be weakened, but he wasn't fragile. How dare they treat him like he would break from even the slightest news?

He looked over at the young woman sleeping in the chair beside his bed. She had curled herself into a little ball, pulling her feet under her, head resting on her arm. Strange that the one person he felt most comfortable around at the moment was a complete stranger. Or maybe not so strange, since the fact that she didn't know him was the reason he felt more at ease. His family, soon everyone, would know that he had lost his memories of the past three years. He would be faced with pitying stares and unspoken condolences for his misfortune. Sam had been there before, when he injured his leg, he couldn't bear it again. Nothing was worse than being treated like some poor pathetic freak that had to be tip toed around and coddled. Sam hated to be coddled. He was a man, an Evans at that. He was strong and he could handle anything, he didn't need his feelings pampered, he needed, no he demanded to be dealt with straight up.

He had accused his nurse of coddling him. Sam cringed as he recalled the harsh words he unleashed on her earlier in the day. He had been so angry that she wouldn't tell him the truth about his coma, that he lost it, and had taken it out on her. Big time. But thinking back on it, he realized she never really coddled him at all. Quite the contrary actually, she always dealt with him like he was a whole man, not some chump stuck in a bed. He had actually liked that about her. He looked over at her again, her dark hair in disarray, coming out in sprigs from her loose ponytail. Her face was puffy, probably from crying. Why had she been crying? A wave of embarrassment washed over Sam as he remembered the way he broke down in front of her. He didn't understand why he felt it was safe to do that with her, to freely let all of his pain out, to place it all on her shoulders. Maybe it was because she was his nurse, and that was her job, to manage his pain. Whatever the reason, he was glad she was there. He couldn't face his family yet, but he didn't want to be alone either.

She twitched in her sleep, her head rolling from side to side. "Don't let go," she called out.

Sam didn't know if he should wake her. She had been making noises and talking in her sleep the entire time. He had just watched, curious about what could be making her so upset in her dreams. She seemed so sweet, so upbeat, fun loving. A girl like her should be dreaming about rainbows, days at the beach, boy bands, but something had her spooked. It was strong and relentless, whatever it was, wouldn't let her sleep in peace.

Just as Sam had decided to wake her, she sat up abruptly, looking around disoriented.

He thought she was going to ask where she was, instead she said, "Have you been watching me sleep? Are you staring at my drool?"

"Staring, pointing, a little laughing." He thought it best to keep it light, things were weird enough between them already, so much had happened in just a short span of time he didn't need to reveal he had been watching her.

She rolled her brown eyes in his direction. "How are you doing?" she asked sitting up straighter in the chair. She went to smooth her hair, but gave up halfway, bringing her hands back down to her lap when she saw him watching her.

"I'm doing okay, all things considered." He glanced over at her quickly, just to check for any sign of pity on her face. There was none.

"Had I been sleeping long?" she asked rubbing her eyes groggily. "I usually don't do that."

"Do what?" he laughed. "Sleep?"

"Yeah," she said looking down shyly.

"Don't you have any help?" he asked trying to get comfortable in his pajamas. The sleeves kept falling down over his hands. He hated that.

"Help?" she asked, a confused expression on her face.

She looked tired, dark circles under her sunken in eyes. She was compact, solid, but surprisingly not hard, when she hugged him Sam wanted to bury himself in her, just nestle himself in the softness of her body. And that body, so many curves his eyes didn't know where to look first. She reminded him of those old models from the 50s on the calendars his dad used to hang in his study or like Jessica Rabbit, the girl of his childhood dreams. All breasts, and rounded hips, thick thighs and that ass. Oh god, he needed to stop. Here he was, his life in the shitter, and yet he still found time to ogle his nurse. His spunky little nurse, Sam still couldn't believe how she stood up to him, not giving an inch, even when he threatened her job. He was impressed with her.

"Sam," he heard her say, jarring him from his inappropriate thoughts.

"Right. Sorry. I was wondering if you had any help with the baby. She's yours right? I mean she doesn't look like you, but that doesn't mean...I mean well it seemed like you were close to her and I just thought...okay you can tell me to shut up at anytime."

She looked a little uncomfortable, but she still responded. "You're fine. The baby is my husband's."

"Your husband's child? The baby seems really young. How old is she anyway?" Sam adjusted his pillows and turned to his side to face Mercedes.

"Almost five months." She pulled her feet up on the seat resting her chin on her knees.

"I know infants can be a handful. Does your husband pitch in?"

"Beth's a good baby." She smiled softly, as if she were seeing the baby in her mind. "She's not big on sleep, but then again neither am I, so we get along," she giggled, seeming a bit nervous.

"I take it you share custody with her mom."

"We have full custody at the moment," she responded her voice fading as she buried her face into her knees, only the top of her head visible.

Sam frowned, trying to work things out in his mind. Something seemed off with all of this. Why would her husband have a baby that young with someone else? Then it clicked.

"Oh I get it now, you and your husband used a surrogate. So if she's five months old that means you were working with me before she was born. Did you get a maternity leave or anything? I know you didn't physically have the baby but still new mothers need to have time to bond with their babies before…"

"Sam how's your throat feeling? Your voice seems a little more hoarse now." She leaned over and felt his glands, switching into work mode. Sam suspected his questions were making her uncomfortable. Not that it made any sense. New moms loved to gush about their babies.

"Abrupt subject change," he said pulling away from her hands. "Was I being too nosey?"

"I just don't like talking about myself."

She had striking brown eyes, pretty, not like Quinn's, where he sometimes had to catch his breath when she looked at him, but something about his nurse's eyes drew him in. Sam couldn't put his finger on it, but it was almost like she was hiding something behind them, if he looked deeper he would unlock whatever secrets she kept. He must be really bored, searching for adventure in the eyes of his nurse. Sam pulled himself away, focusing on the colors of the quilt covering the bed instead.

"I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, but you just witnessed one of the most painful moments of my life. A little reciprocity wouldn't kill you. Evens the field a bit."

"I guess that's fair," she agreed slowly. "What do you want to know?"

Sam paused momentarily trying to decide what it actually was he wanted to know. He had started the conversation to break the ice, to ease the weird tension that had settled over the room. He had thought things would flow naturally, instead it had felt like he was pulling teeth trying to draw her out.

"Tell me something about yourself. How long have you been married?"

"It's coming on a year."

"Newlyweds? You didn't waste any time, started a family right away." Sam couldn't help but envy her a bit. She had the life he always wanted, a home and a family, something Sam felt would forever remain just beyond his grasp.

She shrugged. "Time's precious, don't you think?"

He let out a deep breath. "I'm starting to realize just how true that statement is."

Her eyes widened, as she sat up straighter in her seat. "Sorry. I didn't mean to go there, bringing that back up."

"It's not like I haven't been thinking about it this whole time. Hard to forget, losing three years of my life."

"I'm sorry you have to go through this. I wanted you to have an easy recovery." She shifted uneasily in her seat, moving around, as if she couldn't find a comfortable spot.

"Could be worse. I could still be in a coma or dead."

"You almost were," she said, her voice cracking with sadness.

"That bad?" he asked his heart lurching when he turned to see her tear filled eyes. He must have been really bad off to make a nurse react that way.

"You scared us all. Your family was terrified you weren't going to make it."

"Hard to picture. They're a pretty cold hearted bunch."

"I think it's just a cover. They love you a whole lot."

"Sounds like you got to know them pretty well."

It just hit him how nice his parents had been to Mercedes whenever she was around. They almost seemed fond of her, which was ridiculous because his parents never wasted time caring about the help. They often criticized him for his friendly interactions with staff, saying it made him look weak, like a pushover. Sam just couldn't manage to be so cold. He got to know people who worked for him and naturally cared about their lives.

"They were here a lot visiting you. Your parents rushed right over when I called them earlier."

"Why did you call them? Because I got out of bed?"

"Because you were asking questions. I thought they should be here."

"Thank you for calling them."

"No problem. Sort of my job, looking out for you, at least it used to be. I guess you sort of fired me." Her voice hitched as she spoke and Sam's gut twisted even worse. It was as if she took it personally.

He really couldn't blame her, no way she could've known that he was prone to fits of temper, where he'd say and do things he usually later regretted, and wished he could take back. He had fired his assistant Katrina numerous times in the months she had worked for him. Sam suddenly remembered it hadn't been months. It had been years. Katrina had probably stopped being his assistant years ago. She probably had finally quit, weary of his tirades. Sam didn't even know if he had still been working for D&E, maybe he had left, took up a new career path, maybe he wasn't even living in Lima at all at the time of the car accident. He couldn't remember anything. So many maybes.

"I feel really bad about that. I had no right to do that, to say those things to you." He tried to catch her gaze, but she seemed to be avoiding him, her eyes flitting about the room.

"Nothing I haven't heard before."

"Well it's unacceptable. Patients don't have the right to verbally abuse their caregivers."

"It's hard being sick, feeling helpless and afraid. Nurses have pretty thick skins."

His mind flashed to earlier when she hugged him. She'd been so sweet trying to comfort him. It felt like she truly cared. He marveled at how someone so small could feel so strong, as she offered her shoulder and caressed his back.

"So why were you crying?"

He hadn't meant to ask her but the words just slipped out. It had struck him to see her crying earlier, her tears still flowing, long after he had pulled himself together. At first, he chalked it up to the sentimentality of females, or hormones, but now he wasn't so sure. Something in the way she looked at him, the sadness she exuded from every aspect of her body, led him to suspect something deeper was troubling her.

"I was upset for you. I don't like to see you in pain. That's my curse, I care too deeply for my patients." She was tearing up as she spoke, her eyes shining.

Her sad brown eyes beckoned him, drawing him into their watery depths. A sudden urge to comfort her overtook him and he had to forcibly resist, reminding himself that she wasn't the one hurting. She was merely reacting to his pain.

"I have to say, I like being cared for by you. You make me feel special like I'm your only patient."

"I'm a nurse, that's what we do."

He nodded. "You need a bonus. I don't know how much my father's paying you but he needs to double it."

"I'm not in it for the money."

"I didn't even ask if you work for the hospital or if you work for me, like as my private nurse."

"I'm all yours."

Their eyes locked. She seemed to be reaching for something, searching his eyes, almost a pleading. It was disconcerting and Sam had to look away, feeling suddenly uncomfortable.

"That explains why you're around so much. How long have you worked for me?"

"I've been here since the beginning, when you first arrived," she replied getting up from the chair and walking over toward the window. She was almost out of his eye line, Sam had to strain his neck to see her.

"Wow. So you've been watching over me this whole time?"

"Something like that." Her back was to him, as she continued to look out of the window.

"It's kind of nice knowing you were with me all this time. It's comforting."

"Well you've got me until the end," she said turning to face him, looking as if she were forcing a smile. "Until you're back on your feet 100%. That is if you want me."

"Oh I want you." Sam groaned inwardly at his poor choice of words. "I mean I want you to stay as my nurse, despite what I said during my rant earlier."

She leaned over the back of the chair, gently rocking herself back and forth, like on a see-saw. "You mean your hissy fit."

"I'm thinking men don't have hissy fits," he said scrunching his nose up at the term.

"Well you sure did. I thought your head was going to spin. And when you tried to get out of bed…"

"Okay, okay," he said raising his hands in surrender. "Let's call it a meltdown. How's that?"

She smiled. "That works."

"I need you to know I didn't mean what I said. I do trust you. I know you were just following doctor's orders when you didn't tell me about how long I was in a coma."

"We were trying to prevent you from having a meltdown."

"I get that now. I just don't like being kept in the dark, even when it's for my own good. I need to know at least one person in my life will always be upfront with me. You think you can be that person?" he asked watching her intently for her response.

"Why me?" she asked her voice sounding shaky. "You don't know me."

"I know enough. I've got good instincts. I feel I can trust you."

"I'll be whatever you need, Sam." She said it so quietly he had to strain to hear her.

"Good. I also need to apologize for something else." He sat upright in the bed, turning slightly so he could face her.

"What's that?"

"All those things I said to you, the suggestive stuff, the flirting. I was out of line there too. I mean you're young. How old are you anyway?" he asked eyeing her up and down. She didn't even look old enough to be a nurse, more like a candy striper.

"Old enough," she responded with a slight roll of her eyes, looking slightly annoyed by the question.

"Right," he said drawing out the word.

She smirked. "Don't worry I'm legal."

"I figured, since you're married. Which is another reason I shouldn't have said those things. I was really disrespectful. It's just that I…" he hesitated unsure whether he should continue.

"What? Finish your thought."

"I thought I picked up something from you. I don't know, a vibe."

Not being one to beat around the bush, he threw it out there, just to see if she would bite. It wasn't that he was looking to start something up with her, that actually was the last thing on his mind, especially after learning about the huge holes in his memory. He had bigger issues to worry about than sex. Although Sam was pretty sure it had been a long time since he had been with a woman, nine months at least, so maybe it was somewhat of an issue for him, just not an urgent one, not yet at least. For his nurse however, it seemed to be a different story. Sam got the impression that she actually was looking to start something, maybe with him.

"A vibe?" she asked, looking at him blankly.

Okay, maybe he was wrong, she didn't seem interested in the least at the moment. Maybe she was just a flirt and used it as a tactic to get patients to relax. Silly of him to assume he was anything special to her. She didn't even know him.

"Yeah, like maybe you were interested. And I know that was completely off base now," he covered quickly. "You were just being friendly, I just took it wrong. You must think I'm the biggest jerk on the planet."

"No I don't." Mercedes took a seat back in the chair, smoothing the wrinkles out of her pink scrubs, before crossing her legs at her ankles.

"Come on, really?" he asked raising his eyebrows. "I had you play translator between me and another woman then I proceeded to flirt shamelessly with you. You must think I am some sort of player." He was a little embarrassed thinking about how his actions must have seemed to her.

"I do know your reputation."

Sam frowned. The tabloids must have really done a number on him in recent years. "Don't believe everything you read. I'm actually quite loyal."

"I know you can be. I mean I can sense that about you." He wondered why she seemed so nervous. Something really bad must have been in the papers about him.

"Thanks. Just to set the record straight, Quinn is not my girlfriend. I mean she was, once, a long time ago, but that's over."

"I can tell how much you still care about her."

"I'll always care about her, you know? She was my first love, but I'm not sure the feeling is mutual."

She looked uneasy, fidgeting in her chair. "You don't think she cares? Sounded like she did over the phone."

"I think I am forever friend zoned with her and she sees me as this sad puppy with a perpetual crush."

"So you're not over her."

"I can't imagine ever getting over her. She was my first love, best friend, and dream girl all in one. How do you forget a person like that?"

"Yeah," she trembled, wrapping her arms about herself.

"You're shivering. What's wrong? Are you cold?"

"I just got a chill. Go on. You don't think you have a shot with Quinn anymore?" she asked leaning forward, her hands on her knees.

"I think, to her, I'm just her friend and old boyfriend, can't imagine I'd be more than that after she got with my cousin."

"She and Puck broke up."

"You know about that?" he asked very surprised.

"I know Puck very well."

Sam looked at her quizzically. Did she used to date Puck? He couldn't seem to picture Puck trolling the Lima University campus looking for love.

"Well even if she did leave Puck, still doesn't change how she sees me. I'm the one she passed over, the one she gave up. Hard to make a comeback from the number two spot." Even after so many years it still hurt to admit that. Sam wondered if he had managed to truly put that pain behind him during his missing three years.

"You don't seem like a number two kind of guy."

Sam just shook his head and smiled. She had no idea about his terrible romantic history. "Believe me I am, with Quinn, with my ex-wife, always the consolation prize."

"Maybe you just haven't fallen for the right person."

There it was again, that vibe. Clearly he was rusty in the attraction deciphering department because he was so off the mark about her, and yet he still couldn't shake the feeling something was there.

"Maybe." He gave her one last look, trying to figure her out, before shifting his gaze away. "Anyway, Quinn's just my friend and I thought we were in a crash together and I was worried. That's why I kept asking about her. Little did I know that years had passed since we were in that limousine accident."

Sam's mind drifted back to that cold night of the limo plane crash. Chest to chest, both naked to generate heat, it had somehow felt right to be under that blanket with her, possibly facing their deaths together. The one woman his heart couldn't let go of. It didn't matter that Brittany was probably somewhere cozying up with Santana, not anymore, not when Quinn had returned to his orbit, blazing into his life, leaving a trail of stardust at his feet for him to follow. And Sam knew he was headed back there, back to her, even when he had enlisted her help to win over Brittany. He knew deep down, that Quinn would end up being the one, his ultimate goal.

In some ways she had always been, the one who got away, his first love, lingering and true. It didn't matter that he had been married to another woman or that they hadn't seen each other in years, when she turned her green eyes on him and graced him with her gorgeous smile, it all came rushing back. Who was he kidding? It had never left. To preserve his sanity, Sam maintained a calculated distance from her, keeping contact, but never getting too deep. He had accepted the fact that she had moved on with Puck, but he couldn't bear to see it. He tried to avoid any situations that would put him in blatant contact with that relationship.

"Must be hard adjusting to that." Mercedes said, pulling Sam's thoughts back to the present.

"I'm still trying to wrap my head around it," he admitted.

"Give it time. You'll get there," she assured him softly.

"I can't help but wonder about everything I missed while I was in the coma," he said sighing heavily as he leaned back into his pillows, to stare up at the white tile ceiling. "Not to mention all the things I can't remember. I could have a wife and kids somewhere and not know it."

Although, he was pretty sure he wasn't married. If he had been his wife would have been by his side or at least visited by now. Then again if he went by his track record, it could have been completely possible that he was actually married, but to a woman that didn't give a damn. His wife could have already moved on to a new man or woman while he was comatose, probably secretly praying he never recovered. That thought was just too cynical, even for him. If he were married, had a family, he would know it.

"You'll get those missing pieces back. I promise."

"I hope so, because to me its 2011 still. So much could have happened between then and now."

"You could look on the bright side. You get to live your life twice now. Everything will seem new to you. It will be like trying to solve a mystery. Never know," she shrugged. "Could be fun."

He smiled over at her. "You have a really unique way of looking at things Little Nurse."

"My name's Mercedes," she said giving him a small smile, that didn't seem to reach her eyes. She looked sad all of a sudden.

"I know. But you're Little Nurse to me," he said softly, smiling at her when she finally looked him in the eyes.

"I better let you get some rest," she said standing up. "I need to head to my class."

"You're still in school?" he asked a little shocked, thinking his father might have pawned a trainee off on him. "I thought you were a real nurse."

"I am a real nurse. These are extra classes."

He relaxed slightly, relieved she was actually qualified to be there with him. "Oh you're one of those overachieving types."

"I suppose."

"I can see that about you. I can tell you're smart."

She ran her fingers through her hair, adjusting the ponytail she had it in. "Most people look at me and see a party girl."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Really? I don't see it. I picture you home on a Friday night, head in the books."

She shot him a look. "So you see me dateless? Good thing I'm married then. If your image of me were accurate I wouldn't have a shot at a social life."

"I didn't mean it like that," he laughed. "I'm sure they're tons of guys dying to go out with you. By the size of that rock on your finger, you hooked yourself a real winner," he added gesturing toward her left hand.

She looked down at her hand, running her finger over the rings, a ghost of a smile on her face. "Could be diamonique."

"I know quality when I see it," he said reaching out, grabbing her hand, pulling her closer to bed so he could examine her rings closer. "The man who put these rings on your finger loves you very much."

"Yes he did," she said snatching her hand away, backing away from him, toward the door. "I really need to go. I'll see you tomorrow Mr. Evans."

Sam chided himself for crossing that line with her again. He hadn't meant anything when he took her hand, but the look of horror on her face could only mean she had taken it all wrong.

Flashing a smile, hoping to put her at ease, he waved slightly. The last thing he wanted was for her to start acting strangely around him. She felt like his only ally in the place. The only person he could talk to openly without reproach. Sam didn't want to lose her as his nurse. He just needed to remember to keep his hands to himself.

"Tomorrow then…Mrs…hey it just dawned on me I don't know your last name."

"I guess you don't," she said over her shoulder as she went out the door.

Sam settled back in his bed, relishing the silence in the room. The company had been great, it kept his mind occupied from more unpleasant things, but now he was ready to think. Not about his memory problems, he wasn't quite ready to tackle that, but about the other thing plaguing his mind. Quinn. He had meant to ask Mercedes to help him contact Quinn again. Now that he had his voice back he wanted to talk to Quinn for real. He needed to see she truly was all right. In his mind, they had just escaped a limo crash, their lives were on the line, Sam needed to make sure she survived without any lasting damage. Really, he just needed to hear her voice again.

When he came out of the coma, he could've sworn he heard Quinn, her voice calling his name, urging him to come to her. Maybe it was just his mind playing tricks confusing the past with the present, the jumbled memories misdirecting his thoughts. Days had passed and Sam could still hear Quinn calling out to him, each time he closed his eyes. She had sounded fine on the phone, off singing someplace, she had said. But Sam couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right, that Quinn wasn't fine, that she was somewhere calling for him to help her, a place just out of his reach.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting. I love hearing your thoughts on the story.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

She had made it through class, barely holding it all in, resisting the urge to crawl under her desk and cry. They had the little one piece desk and chair connected thingies in her class, so it wouldn't have been discreet, and it definitely would have garnered way too much attention. Mercedes still had to think about appearances. Quinn may have been the center of all the media scrutiny but Mercedes still was on their radar. She was the wife of Sam Evans, the media was just as eager to see her reactions to all the turmoil and tragedy that had befallen them this past year. Now that the news had leaked that Sam had come out of his coma, things were only bound to get worse. Dwight had tried to protect them from it all, by getting injunctions and making numerous threats to withhold donations and financial support, but when a story this big hits a small town, an invasion is inevitable.

Rushing down the stairs that led from the Nursing School wing of the hospital to the main building, Mercedes's head started to spin. Once she reached the bottom landing she leaned her head against the cool white brick wall and closed her eyes, willing the dizziness to stop.

"Mercedes. Hey!" Her eyes shot open at the interruption. Rachel Berry had popped up beside her on the stairs, looking cheery like a ray of sunshine in a fitted short yellow dress.

"Rachel," said Mercedes, attempting to smile weakly, but fearing her face was more likely in a grimace.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good," said Rachel leaning forward and peering into Mercedes's face.

"Just tired," said Mercedes instinctively shifting away from the other girl.

Rachel smiled brightly at Mercedes, although something about the way her eyes crinkled made her smile seem less sincere. "So have you seen Shane?"

"Shane?" asked Mercedes wondering why Rachel would go there with her, now of all times. "Why would I have seen Shane?"

Rachel shrugged, tossing her long brown hair over her shoulder. "Just figured you might have. He got that fellowship at Duke."

"That's great," Mercedes smiled. "I knew he could do it."

"Yeah, he has made everyone here so proud. It's great news. Even better news for you right?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Mercedes, confused.

"Well with Shane leaving you won't have to be torn between two lovers anymore. You can pour all your energy into Sam," Rachel stated, her tone overly upbeat. "That is until the next distraction comes along."

Mercedes sighed, bored that once again she was being forced to have a conversation about Shane. "I've never been torn, Rachel. I'm fully committed to my husband."

"So do you always leave secret voicemails on your wedding day to men you have lukewarm feelings for?"

"I don't have time for this," said Mercedes pushing past Rachel and heading down the hall. "I need to get back to Sam."

"Right, you run along Mercedes," Rachel called after her. "Enjoy your big romantic reunion with your hubby. Oh wait you can't do that, can you?"

Mercedes stopped in her tracks, and turned back toward Rachel. "Do you have a point? Or are you just here killing time because you have no life?"

"My point is that with three years erased from Sam's mind makes it pretty hard to have any sort of reunion doesn't it?" asked Rachel as she walked up the hallway to where Mercedes was now standing. "I mean isn't it ironic, that out of all the periods of time that Sam could have blanked out, he chose the one with you in it. It was like he wanted to purposely forget all about you. Must suck huh?"

"You really are a piece of work. How can you stand here and mock what we're going through?"

It had been in his eyes. She realized that now. The same green that darkened with his moods, staring back at her, blank without depth of emotion. Without recognition. Sure he had laughed and flirted with her, listened to her chatter incessantly, but there had been nothing there. He might have reacted the same way to anyone else, a circus clown, a trained seal, or the television.

"I think Sam will be fine. He'll recover, healthy and strong as ever. He'll find out about Beth, he'll reclaim his life."

"He lost three years. That's not fine," said Mercedes, tears starting to sting in the back of her eyes as she thought about how upset Sam was earlier that day.

"I look at it this way. He remembers what's important. His family, his friends, and most of all Quinn, the woman he shares a child with. I think he has all he needs for a bright future. You on the other hand, are totally unnecessary. I don't think he'll lose one wink of sleep when he finds out the only thing important he missed in the past three years is his impulsive decision to marry you."

Mercedes gulped down the lump that had formed in her throat. It was hard to deny the truth in Rachel's statements. Rachel was right. Mercedes was irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Who was to say that she wasn't just a blip in his timeline, a love in a long string of others? They were just closing in on being married a year, and most of that year was spent with him in a coma, before that he had cheated and Mercedes had planned to leave him. When you laid it all out, there really wasn't much to see.

"You're forgetting one thing Rachel. If he has forgotten me, then he has forgotten you as well. Your little love affair happened in those three years." Mercedes didn't feel like she had a leg to stand on in this fight but she couldn't let it go. No way would she let Rachel just have the upper hand.

Rachel snorted, the contempt evident all over her body. "Every time you open your mouth, you further prove how stupid you truly are. Sam and I have known each other longer than three years. He may have forgotten our engagement, but he won't have forgotten me. Can you say the same?"

"You're such a bitch," said Mercedes coldly, shaking her head in disgust.

"Resorting to name calling. I must have struck a nerve." Rachel smirked. "Oh well, off to look for Shane. Take care." She bounced off down the hall, her brown hair swaying as she walked away.

Finally alone, the rumbling in her stomach started again. The rush of adrenaline from arguing with Rachel must have kept the queasy feelings at bay for a bit, but they were back full strength now. Bracing herself with one hand on the wall, the other on her belly, Mercedes inched herself toward the staff locker room. Steps from the doors, she had to break out into a run, bounding through the doors, flinging herself into a stall, where she quickly purged the meager contents of her stomach. Mercedes heaved and wretched over the porcelain bowl for about five minutes, her ribs aching from the force of her movements. Her nose was running, and her face felt hot. She made her way over to the sink and splashed cold water over her head hoping it would help calm her body.

Mercedes stared into the mirror above the sink, studying her reflection. Her brown eyes were wide and blood shot, red tingeing the normal whites. She looked young, younger than usual. She usually tried to cover her babyface, a habit that started in Los Angeles. So many of her mom's "friends" liked her doe eyes, chubby cheeks, and button nose, that Mercedes would put on false eyelashes, and cake on makeup attempting to cover up and to somehow make herself look older and less desirable to the men. In Mercedes's mind, if the men didn't find her attractive, she wouldn't have to be with them. Sadly that was far from the truth.

Sam had liked her babyface too, the first time he saw her without makeup, the night he proposed. She had washed her face before bed, momentarily forgetting that a sheer fuchsia nightie and little girl features might be a bad mix. But Sam didn't seem to mind. He said he liked seeing the real her, fresh and natural. He said finally she had stopped hiding from him. And she guessed she had.

Twenty-two minutes he spent tracing the outline of her lips with a single long finger that night, as he stared at her by the glow of the Manhattan city lights streaming into their hotel room. No one had ever looked at her so closely before. Sam had been the only one that had seen all of her, inside and out, and had never once looked away. He had held her closer the more he saw, until finally he had told her he wanted to keep her forever. Mercedes had thought forever sounded like a long time, she had been skeptical he would want her for that long. She had always been discarded and replaced by men once they had their fill. But Sam had made her start to believe in forever, that love could last. He almost had her convinced. Then he woke up and proved her right. Forever was fleeting, and he too, like all the rest, had grown weary of her, and found a way to have her discarded, and probably replaced.

With that thought her stomach churned again and she was back in the stall letting it all go. Her torment hitting the water, with every heave it dulled a bit more, numbing her senses to the pain. Then she was done, relieved and much calmer, and surprisingly dry eyed. She hadn't shed a single tear since she had been with Sam earlier in the day. Where had all her tears gone?

At her locker, after brushing her teeth and changing into her street clothes, jeans and a baby blue tee-shirt that said "Cleveland Rocks" across the front, she lingered to look at the photos taped to her locker door, one of Beth, smiling in her crib, and the other of Sam, in a navy suit, with just a hint of a crooked smile on his face. Her two favorite people, they were everything to her, all that she loved, all that she had ever wanted. A family completely her own, finally. But it was all lies, with her borrowed baby, and her barely there husband, Mercedes realized she wouldn't have much at all if she were to lose them.

"Dad, what are you doing here?" asked Mercedes when she saw her father come through the doors of the locker room, dressed in his usual green scrubs.

"Looking for you. I thought you might need to talk or something," Julian replied.

Mercedes turned back to her locker, pausing a moment to gain her composure, before shutting the door and facing her dad. "I'm fine. Really. You can stop looking at me like that."

"You know I'm worried. Sam's memory loss has to be a lot to take in."

He reached out and stroked her arm, stopping when Mercedes didn't seem receptive to his comfort. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to her father, she just didn't want to risk getting emotional now. She had to meet Beiste and Beth, she had to hold it together.

"I'm dealing," she said. "He's out of his coma, doing better, nothing's more important than that."

"It is remarkable and really good news, but that doesn't change the rest of it. How are you doing really?" Julian asked bending slightly at the knees to look her in the eyes.

"Dad, please, stop worrying," she said moving away from him. She could feel herself starting to crack. "If you should be concerned for anyone it's Sam. It has to be extremely hard for him right now. I'm sure he feels confused and distressed."

"And you don't feel those things? Confused and distressed?" He took a seat on the couch. "Sam doesn't remember you at all."

"I'm sure it's only temporary. He just needs time," she responded, playing with the lock on one of the locker doors.

"You have been singing that same song for months now…time, time time," he said gesturing his arms wildly. "Can we just be honest with each other for a minute here?"

"I am being honest."

"Sam might never recover those memories. What will you do then?"

She didn't want to hear this. What did her father expect her to say? Of course she had been thinking about the fact his memory loss could be permanent, but she couldn't allow herself to dwell on it or she would just fall apart. Memory or not, Sam still needed her to be strong for him.

"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I just have to focus on helping him fully recover."

When Sam had called out for her earlier, taking her hand, pleading for her with tear filled eyes, Mercedes knew that no matter what else happened she wouldn't leave him. Sam needed her in his life, to help him through this.

"Maybe it's time you focus on yourself," said Julian pulling Mercedes down on the couch next to him.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you have spent months on Sam, doing everything for him to get him well, night and day, running yourself ragged. Then you added Beth into the equation, and you have no down time. Your whole life is about Sam."

"Sam is my life."

She looked over at her dad, finally realizing he would never understand, that what she felt for Sam was more real than anything else in her life. Loving him was the biggest and best thing that ever happened to her. Even with all the pain she would never change it.

"Maybe he shouldn't be. You used to have dreams and goals before all of this. What happened to them?" asked Julian as he put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side.

"I finished school. I'm working. I have a family."

Julian shook his head slowly. "You finished school to help Sam, you only work taking care of Sam, your family is Sam's family. Where are you in this scenario?"

"Dad…"

"I'm not trying to upset you," he said raising his hands, cutting her off. "I just want to see my baby girl shine." He smiled. "I want you to have the best possible life."

"What if that best life is with Sam? Would you support me then?"

"I support you now. I am telling you all of this, because I love you. I just want you to think about things."

Mercedes stood up and walked across the room to lean against the bulletin board filled with course listings and job openings. "With all due respect, I think you're telling me these things because you hate Sam."

"I don't hate Sam."

"Yes you do. You blame him for leading Quinn astray and ruining Puck's life. But if you blame him you should be blaming me too. It was my voicemail to Shane that started all of this."

"You didn't make Sam and Quinn sleep together." Julian leaned forward, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. He looked upset just from talking about this subject. Mercedes knew he tried to cover, but he still was in so much pain.

"Maybe not, but I did something that I knew would set Sam off. I knew if he found out about the voicemail and Shane he would do something stupid. I guess I should be glad he only made a baby and didn't end up committing murder." She knew Sam so well. She knew his weaknesses and his hot buttons. Mercedes had hit them all when she left that message.

"See that right there is what I have been trying to say. You feel guilty." Julian got up and walked over to her, grabbing her by both arms, turning her to face him. "Guilty about Beth, guilty about the crash, about all of it, but guilt should not be confused with love. You don't have to keep paying for these imaginary crimes you think you've committed."

"I love him," Mercedes said, stepping away.

"Honey I know but…" Julian started.

"Dad, I love him," she pleaded, looking into his eyes, needing him to understand once and for all.

Julian looked at his daughter and sighed. "What can I do to make this better?"

"You can just…" The room started to spin and she reached out for the wall to hold herself up, but it was nowhere to be found, she was falling.

"Mercedes are you okay?" She heard her father's voice from far away. Her vision blurred as she tried to search for the sound. Mercedes stretched out her arm hoping he would grab her hand and catch her.

"I can't breathe. Dad-" she said in panic, as her throat closed and everything went black.

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><p>Quinn sat in the middle of her bed, legs crossed Indian style as she watched her roommate organize her belongings in the middle of the floor. Iley Plunkett from Evanston, IL, blond hair, brown eyes, age twenty-four with a sister and two brothers. She had been in and out of institutions for years, but it was her first time at the State hospital. She was new too, she had explained to Quinn, overly excited, as if it were their first day of college and not a stay at a mental institution. Iley talked a lot, which was nice for Quinn because she didn't. Nothing was worse than being expected to carry a conversation when you had nothing to say. That would never be an issue with her and Iley. Quinn was sure Iley would find something to feel any lulls in their conversations.<p>

Over an hour had passed and Iley was still unpacking her large suitcase. Quinn didn't realize that patients were allowed to have so much in their rooms. She was given only the option of taking the bare necessities. Maybe it was just an oversight, or maybe Dwight had insisted she had the least comfortable experience possible. Quinn wouldn't put it past the old man to stipulate that she have nothing but the clothes on her back, and a strictly bread and water diet.

"Are you married?" asked Iley as she folded her clothes into neat piles.

"Almost, once. Recently broken up with my fiancé," responded Quinn, feeling a little embarrassed by her relationship stats.

"So you tried to off him? Your ex-fiancee?" Iley asked the question so nonchalantly, as if she were asking Quinn where she grew up.

"What? I would never try to kill anybody."

"You had to have tried to kill someone. They stuck you in the killers ward."

"What do you mean, killers ward?"

Iley ran her hand through her pale blond hair as she explained. "Every ward in this place is segregated by crime or mental illness, different levels of security in each section. Here, where we are, is for the murderers."

Quinn's heart jumped in agitation. Where had Dwight put her? "There must be some sort of mistake, I'm not a murderer."

"Attempted murderer then?" Iley asked raising one eyebrow.

Quinn shook her head emphatically. "I think you've got it all wrong. The only person I tried to kill was myself."

"That's a given, we've all done that here at one time or another."

"You tried to kill yourself too?" asked Quinn shocked that apparently suicide was a common occurrence.

Iley shrugged. "Yes, just once. I'm a cutter."

"I've read about that, some say it is like trying to commit suicide slowly."

"Isn't it funny how you become an expert in all that psycho garbage?" she laughed. "I think I should become a therapist after all the time I've spent in sessions. But I'm not a cutter like you think. I'm one of those special cases."

"I don't understand."

"I liked to cut other people," Iley stated flatly, looking Quinn directly in the eyes.

Quinn's eyes widened in alarm. "You don't mean…"

"Yep. It started when I was about fifteen, I used to do it to my little sister. I got shipped to an institution, six months later I was cured."

"So why are you here now?" asked Quinn growing increasingly nervous, something about the way her roommate was staring at her made her uneasy.

"No one is ever really cured. You just learn to manage it all, to try to function. Things got bad for me in college and I started in on my roommate."

"You cut your roommate?" Quinn asked in alarm, easing herself backwards on the bed, until she had hit the wall.

"With a paring knife, little slits in her sleep. She didn't notice at first, thought she was bleeding from nicks from her shaver."

"You cut your roommate and they put you in here with me?"

Quinn's first impulse was to scream for help. There had to be some sort of mistake. She shouldn't be locked up with crazy people and criminals. Then reality set in, that was exactly where she should be. She was one of those crazy criminals.

"I was pretty surprised too. I've been in an out of hospitals for years. They've never given me a roommate. Not that I'm complaining. You seem sweet." Iley smiled at Quinn, showing all of her bright white teeth.

"Oh uh..." Quinn stammered nervously trying to come up with something to say next.

"Don't look so nervous," she chuckled. "I haven't cut in months. Maybe that's why they put me with you, to test my willpower or something."

"But to test you with me?"

"Maybe because you are all high profile, they assumed I wouldn't risk it."

"You know who I am?"

She wasn't sure why she was surprised by that at this point. Once she had been on CNN, her privacy was pretty much shot. Quinn just had hoped that in a mental hospital she would be able to escape some of the stares. No such luck.

"Doesn't everyone? Besides we were both at Lima University psychiatric ward."

"I don't remember seeing you."

"You sort of stayed to yourself, from what I can tell, so I'm not surprised."

"If you knew who I was, why did you ask me about why I was in here?" Quinn asked her defenses shooting up. Maybe her new roommate was a plant working for Dwight, someone sent to spy on her, or to make her life even worse. There was no telling how far Dwight's influence reached.

"Never fair to assume. We all get to tell our own stories. And if you don't want to tell me the truth, which you clearly don't, then it's on you. I'm not gonna judge you."

"I did tell you the truth."

"Except the part about how you tried to kill your baby," stated Iley shooting Quinn a look, before returning to her clothes.

Quinn started tearing up. Is that how the world truly saw her? Some heartless baby killer that was trying to get away with her crimes? Didn't they see she was trying to protect Beth, not hurt her? Things just went wrong. Quinn knew now that she should have left Beth with Maggie, or taken her to the hospital to be with Sam. Just at the time, the woods seemed the most logical place that Sam would be able to find her.

"That never happened," said Quinn shakily. "Not how you think."

"I understand. I would try to block something like that too. Just be careful around here. Women don't like baby killers."

"I didn't kill her. She's fine." Quinn pulled her knees up to her chest, and rocked herself back and forth slowly on the bed, humming in her mind to block out Iley's words.

"Is she with your parents?" asked Iley raising her voice, as if she knew that Quinn was trying to ignore her.

Quinn eyed her suspiciously. "I thought you knew all about me."

"I haven't been allowed to watch much TV so I'm behind. Last I heard, your baby was with her father's wife, but I figured you'd nip that in the bud."

"Can't do much stuck in the hospital."

"I suppose. If it were my kid, I'd make sure my mom had her. You don't want another woman raising your child."

Quinn definitely agreed with that. She didn't want another woman, namely Mercedes, raising her child. Mercedes had taken care of Beth long enough. She didn't need to grow anymore attached to her. Thank goodness Sam would be able to take her soon. But it had also occurred to her that Sam would probably be raising Beth with Mercedes, and she would be still stuck in the mental hospital. So no matter what happened, Mercedes would still be in Beth's life. If Quinn couldn't find a way out of the hospital soon, she would have to call her parents. Mercedes may have her good points, but there was no way she was going to have her baby calling that girl 'mommy'. Quinn would die before she let that happen.

"Her father will have her soon. He's better now."

"Good. But if you find out that's not the case, and that other bitch still has your baby, let me know. I'll take care of it."

"Take care of it how?" Quinn asked apprehensively, the dread rising as she eyed her roommate on the floor.

"I've got my ways," said Iley with a sinister looking smirk. "I can cut her in places she'll never recover from, just like I did my college roommate."

Quinn's heart pounded as she imagined just exactly where Iley could have made those cuts on her college roommate. Every idea that popped in her mind was utterly disgusting, not to mention painful. Suddenly the door opened and a brunette female aide appeared.

"Quinn, your attorney is here to see you. You'll have to come with me," the aide announced.

"Oh thank God!" Quinn exclaimed as she jumped off the bed and rushed to the door. She couldn't get out of that room soon enough. Iley was creeping her out.

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><p>Through the glass panel in the door, Quinn could see Artie seated at the table, coat on, brown hair combed back, drumming his fingers on the screen of his phone. He had been waiting for her in the stark white closet, turned consultation room that Quinn had been escorted to before when she had talked to Sam on the phone.<p>

"Artie I am really glad to see you right now," said Quinn as she took a seat across from him across the table.

"What's wrong?" asked Artie taking off his charcoal gray blazer and putting in on the table next to them. "You're all flushed."

"The roommate from hell, literally." Quinn didn't want to be too quick to judge, but there was something in Iley's eyes that made her worried. She didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night covered in blood because her roommate decided to take up cutting again.

"Maybe I can try to do something. Get you moved."

"No don't. The last thing I need is special favors. People already know who I am." Never draw attention to yourself, another lesson she learned spending time in group homes. She couldn't help that her face was plastered all over the news, but Quinn didn't have to set herself apart from the other patients either. Her life at the hospital would go a lot smoother if she just tried to blend in.

"So has it been awful?" Artie asked.

Quinn could see the concern in Artie's blue eyes. He was probably thinking she would breakdown being stuck in this place. He really didn't need to worry. Quinn was determined to make it through this, through all of it, for Beth.

"It doesn't matter. I deserve to be here." She truly did. It was high time she stopped running away from her problems. She needed to face things head on, commit to getting better. Maybe if she had been more receptive to treatment sooner, things never would have gotten this bad. She wouldn't be separated from everyone she knew and loved.

"You didn't deserve this. Dwight Evans put you in here."

"Dwight never would've been able to if I hadn't given him ammunition." Impulsive, stupid choices put her in this place. She played right into Dwight's hands. With each passing day, she realized Dwight wasn't even really to blame, she had done it all to herself.

"I've been working on your appeal but I have to say I'm hitting road blocks. What exactly did you do to make Dwight so angry with you?" asked Artie as he pulled his Ipad out of his bag, his dark green dress shirt stretching across his narrow but tone chest.

Quinn pushed the hair out of her face. "Dwight and I go way back. He's pretty much always hated me."

"Because of Sam?" asked Artie, raising one eyebrow.

"And Puck, probably even Mike too. See I'm screwed," she said sinking in her chair.

It probably wasn't the smartest of ideas to get involved with so many men in the same family. If for no other reason than it gave them all a chance to talk about her behind her back, to compare notes. Not that she thought that Puck or Sam would do that to her. Even with their bad breakups things hadn't deteriorated to the point of mud slinging. Now Mike, well he was another matter. She could certainly see him trashing her all over the place. Good thing he was still in China, or he would probably be conducting exclusive interviews with the news, to tarnish her image even further.

"I'm not giving up. I've got a meeting with Judge Leery tomorrow," said Artie as he flipped through his files on the screen.

"It won't do any good," stated Quinn feeling discouraged by her situation.

"We've got to try. Dwight Evans has been throwing his weight around in this town for far too long. He can't keep getting away with it."

Quinn narrowed her eyes at him. "This is the second time I've heard you mention Dwight like this. You were lying when you said you didn't know him, weren't you?"

"First time I met him, that I can recall, was in court," replied Artie. "Before that I was too young."

Just as she had suspected Artie was hiding something. "You knew him as a kid?"

"My parents have a history with him. Dark and complicated."

"Who are your parents?'

He looked up at her in surprise. "I thought you knew. Douglas and Melissa Abrams."

It all finally clicked in her mind. "Oh, your parents were the ones that got Dwight brought up on insider trading charges right? I've heard stories about them."

"Yeah well they and Dwight go back, way back, all the way back to Tennessee. My dad was Dwight's accountant at one time, knew all the company's secrets. So I really could get some sort of dirt to use against Dwight from my dad. I'm just reluctant to go to him."

"Because you want to do it on your own?" They had that in common. Neither of them wanted to involve their parents if they could help it.

"Yes. But I won't risk your freedom because of my pride," he assured her. "I'll call him. See what I can find out."

"Don't do that," she said putting her hand on his arm." I think I know a better way."

"Like what?" Artie leaned forward, intrigued.

"You have to go talk to Sam. He's the only one who can convince Dwight to back down."

Sam and Dwight fought often, but Quinn knew, even if Sam failed to see it, that Dwight held his son in high regard. Sam had the power to talk some sense into Dwight. All Artie had to do was talk to him.

Artie smiled. " Burt told me he's doing better."

"Yeah he is. He wasn't talking yet, but he was alert."

Quinn looked down at her lap trying to hide her smile. She didn't want Artie to see her reaction to the subject of Sam. It was silly really, everyone knew that Sam was her friend, so it was natural she would care about his health. Somehow, for Quinn things were feeling a bit different now. Her feelings for Sam were transforming, growing stronger, deeper somehow. It felt almost too intimate to share with other people, she felt like she needed to hide, almost as if a change could be seen in her eyes.

"That's great news Quinn, but I think you might have forgotten one thing."

"What's that?" she asked.

"This whole case is about you harming his daughter," he said slowly. "What makes you think Sam won't agree with his father and think you deserve to be locked up?"

"I know Sam. We've been through so much together. He'll understand that I was sick and I wasn't in my right mind at the time."

Every single time they had made it back. Through heartache, anger, jealousy, she and Sam had always managed to keep their friendship intact. She couldn't believe this time would be any different, especially since it involved their daughter.

"I hope you're right Quinn. Sometimes when a kid is involved people feel differently. Most of all, never forget Sam is an Evans. They are very protective of their families."

"You say that like you know from personal experience."

"I do, and I just want you to keep your guard up, even around Sam," he warned.

"I appreciate your concern but Sam is the one Evans we don't have to worry about. Oh and Puck, but you already know that."

"Know about Puck?" He scratched his head, looking quite confused.

"Yeah I'm sure you've talked to him a lot since he's the one that hired you."

"Puck didn't hire me, Quinn. I don't work for him."

"You don't? Then who's paying for my legal bills?"

This didn't make any sense, if Puck wasn't helping her who could it be? Santana didn't have any money, and there really was no one else she could call a friend in town. Her mind instantly went to Sam, but that was impossible, since he was comatose when it all happened.

"Oh I almost forgot," announced Artie abruptly, scrolling rapidly through on his tablet." Ms. Beiste wanted me to show you these." He turned the Ipad so Quinn could easily see the screen.

She flipped through picture after picture of her happy baby girl. "Look at my Beth."

"She told me she took these the other day," said Artie.

"Did you see here?" she asked pointing to the picture on the screen. "She's wearing a 'I love my mommy' shirt. This was so sweet of Coach B. Please thank her for me."

Their hands grazed as she handed him back his Ipad, a gentle crackle of electricity went through her body causing her to shudder slightly. It had been weeks, months actually without much human contact. Kind hugs and pats on the arm, couldn't compensate for not having anyone to touch her that truly cared. Not that Artie actually cared about her on a personal level, Quinn would never assume that, but it felt nice to be touched by a man, even accidentally.

"I will." He smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "She's pulling for you."

"I've got to get home to my little girl. Promise me you'll talk to Sam."

"If I can get in to see him, security has been tight. They're not letting just anyone get into his room."

"You'll find a way."

"It's worth a shot at any rate. So we've got a few more minutes before they kick me out. Do you want to stay here with me, or go back to your room?" he asked a smile playing on his lips as he stared at her awaiting her response.

"Oh stay with you. Definitely. Why would I pass up the chance to hang out with an attractive young man?" she asked smiling.

"I guess I should feel flattered, but something tells me you just want to avoid your roommate."

As nice as it was to be with Artie, her thoughts gravitated toward Sam, that morning, clinging to her hand, a moment that she never would forget. Amazing as that experience was, Quinn couldn't help but long for more. She wanted Sam to hold her hand, and mean it. She wanted him to touch her and be conscious that he was doing it. And more than anything, she wanted him to hold her, to take her in his arms and tell her things would be okay. He would rub her back, stroke her hair, look deeply in her eyes and make her believe that some good was just around the corner, because he was there, and he was never leaving again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you for reading and commenting. **

**MissE - love reading your in depth reviews. They are so much fun to read.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

There should be 'do not disturb' signs for hospital patients, same as hotel guests have, but neon, to keep the doctors at bay. Pretty much as soon as his nurse had left, the team of doctors had appeared. Barging in, throwing him fake pleasantries, placing their cold hands on his body. And Sam had to lie there and take it. That was the biggest indignity of all, he had no choice. The doctors were calling the shots and if they decided on more tests, then more tests it was. Sam was trying to be a model patient. Trying to cooperate, answering all of their questions in the hopes it would garner his release sooner, although, things didn't look promising on that front. He was too weak to hold anything heavier than a book. And walking? Not a chance. Even if his damaged leg seemed to be fully healed, he didn't think he could balance himself enough to keep steady. His head was continuously spinning whenever he kept his eyes open, and since he apparently he had his eyes closed for months, shutting them for any other reason than sleep was not happening. Sam could deal with a little dizziness and blurred vision.

Dinner time must have been approaching, not that Sam was even allowed solid foods. Apparently they didn't trust him to swallow properly, even though he seemed to be able to swallow that lick of frosting pretty well. But Sam suspected that it was meal time for the rest of the citizens of Lima, because his doctors finally scurried off rumbling about reservations and drinks. Must be nice to be able to just up and leave, to go to dinner, meet a friend, or just go home. Sam really wanted to go home, to sleep in his own bed, to wear something besides ill fitting pajamas. Then again Sam wasn't exactly sure where home was these days. Did he still have the penthouse? Was he back at the mansion? Or was he living somewhere else entirely? There were so many blanks he needed to fill, but unfortunately no one was talking. His doctors had put a gag order on everyone he knew. No talking about the years he lost, and no discussion of current events. Sam wasn't allowed to watch TV, use a computer, or even talk on the phone. He was starting to feel more like a prisoner and less like a patient.

Maybe he could convince his little nurse to sneak him a peek at SportsCenter or at the Financial Times, she seemed pretty eager to please. With a little coaxing, Sam figured he could have her wrapped around his finger. Then he remembered that big ass ring on her finger, and dismissed the idea altogether. Just his luck, he gets stuck with a cute, flirty nurse, who obviously liked him, but who also was very married. Flirting and using his charms was far less effective on a non willing woman. Though Mercedes did seem almost willing at times, she had made some very suggestive comments to him over the last few days. It had to be all an act, though. She was a newlywed, and a new mom, no way would she be willing to jeopardize all of that for a patient that didn't have the strength to hold her in his arms. So he had to think of another way to sweet talk his little nurse. Maybe he could bribe her with extra paid leave. She looked like she could use a vacation. She had that frazzled mom look, but worse. Sam remembered how tired Emma used to get from taking care of the twins. She would be worn out, but so happy, because every lost minute of sleep was being spent with her babies. It was good tired. That's how Mercedes seemed, good tired, but to the extreme. The girl needed a break and Sam could make sure she had one, right after she helped him get to Quinn.

There was a tap at the door. Sam turned his head toward the sound. Then a head popped in, blurry, but Sam thought he could see a smile.

"Mike?" asked Sam squinting toward the door. "Is that you?"

Mike Chang, Sam's older half brother, walked into the room shutting the door behind him. Jeans and a tan sweater, his black hair grazing his shoulders and a huge grin, came into focus as he approached.

"Ah yeah, do I look that different?" he asked.

"No just a little fuzzy. I can't believe you're here." Mike grabbed Sam's shoulder and shook it, their manly version of a hug.

"Sorry I couldn't get here sooner," he grinned. "Couldn't get a flight out." Mike leaned against the chair by the bed, but didn't sit in it.

"From West Lima?" asked Sam.

"West Lima?" He laughed. "No from Hong Kong. I haven't lived here for years." His voice trailed off. Then he said, "Oh I forgot."

"Yep," Sam smiled sheepishly. "I got a few holes in the brain."

"You always had that problem, a few screws loose, probably some missing," said Mike as he playfully knocked Sam in the bed with his fist. Sam laughed as he tried to dodge his blows.

"Very funny. Laugh at my anguish."

"That's what brothers are for. So how are you otherwise?" he asked returning to his spot against the chair. "You look great. Webcam does not do you justice."

"Webcam?" asked Sam.

"Cede used to Skype with me and put you on webcam so I could see you and talk to you."

"While I was in a coma?"

It seemed so bizarre to think of his friends and family just sitting next to him while he was in that state. He couldn't imagine what it must have been like for them. Maybe like a big wake except he wasn't really dead.

"Mercedes thought that you might be able to hear us talking to you and respond."

Sam smiled shaking his head. "I can't believe the little nurse did all that. She went above and beyond."

"She was always getting these crazy ideas from those seminars and classes."

"Classes? So you mean the class she is taking right now was for me?"

"I think so." Mike nodded. "She was pretty dedicated to finding a way to bring you around."

"I hope my dad is at least paying for her tuition. She's like the model employee. We need to double, no make that triple her salary."

Were nurses really this dedicated? It didn't seem normal that Mercedes had taken such a profound interest in him while he was comatose. Sam was starting to feel suspicious. Maybe she had ulterior motives and was looking for a meal ticket or some leverage to use against his family. No one did this much for no reason.

Mike snickered. "How about giving her half your net worth?"

"Let's not take it that far. It's not like she's my wife," Sam chuckled. "Seems like you know her pretty well." He stopped himself short of asking Mike about his nurse's background. If she was doing something underhanded, he needed to feel her out more, so he wouldn't tip her off.

"I do. She's a cool girl. I think of her like family."

"Like family?" This was getting weirder by the minute. His whole family seemed to know her and even like her. It just wasn't how things happened in his world. His family was too jaded to just embrace random strangers, especially not employees. "Wow she must have really charmed you. Did she get all flirty with you too?" Sam glanced at Mike sideways, trying to gauge his reaction.

"I can't say she has. I don't think I'm her type." Nothing. Mike seemed to genuinely like the girl.

"She got really friendly with me, not that I'm complaining, but she is married," said Sam letting his guard down a little. Maybe he was just being paranoid.

"Yes she is. So what's the last thing you remember?" asked Mike changing the subject.

"Being in the limo crash with Quinn."

They almost had sex that night, but that wasn't what Sam remembered most. It was the way she had accepted him. How she didn't flinch when she saw his leg. She made him feel whole again, like he still had something to offer, he still could be worth something, maybe even to her.

"With Quinn?" asked Mike as he took a seat on the edge of the bed. "Now that must have been something."

"Let's just say I think it was a life altering moment. I felt like it was the start of something big. Being stuck in the dark under a blanket like that, emotions flare, things rise to the surface. You know?"

"Oh I know," he nodded with a devilish grin. "Stuck in tents, supply closets, elevators."

"Sounds like you've been there." Mike must have been getting lucky in some pretty tight places by the look in his eyes. Sam knew a sex flashback when he saw one.

"I can certainly relate." Mike smirked.

"I'm very anxious to talk to her again. I did talk to her on speaker earlier, but that was before I got my voice back. I need to talk to her again, for real this time." Sam adjusted himself more upright in the bed, to get a better view of Mike.

"How did you to talk to her without your voice?" Mike asked.

"Little nurse Mercedes hooked it up." That was pretty cool of her, maybe she wasn't all bad. She could just be a truly caring and thoughtful person.

"She called Quinn for you?" asked Mike a shocked look on his face.

"She did. Why are you acting so surprised? I just told you how helpful she's been." Now that look could mean something. Mike looked like he was going to fall over when Sam had mentioned the call to Quinn.

"So what did Quinn have to say for herself?" asked Mike making himself comfortable by leaning back against the footboard and putting his feet up on the chair.

Sam shrugged, still feeling like his prior conversation with Quinn left so much unsaid. "She told me she was out of town at a singing gig."

"That's one way of putting it," mumbled Mike.

"What do you mean?" asked Sam, his eyes slanting as he tried to figure out what Mike meant by that comment.

"Nothing, just talking." Mike tried to act casual but Sam wasn't buying it. He was hiding something. "I think I might be jet lagged. I came directly here from the airport."

"I feel honored, but don't tell Tina you came to see me first, she might slaughter you."

"Tina is not an issue. We are no longer together and she has remarried," he stated.

"What?" asked Sam raising his eyebrows. "You and Tina have been together since high school."

"We hit a rough patch and couldn't make it work."

"How's the baby?"

"Not a baby anymore. Maria is four and in pre-school."

"No way. Little Maria is in school already?" Sam asked, his mouth gaping in disbelief. "Man I feel old."

"How do you think I feel? My baby girl is not so little anymore. It seems like just yesterday when she was as small as yours." Mike's eyes widened as he finished his sentence. He started to fidget uncomfortably on the bed.

"Mine?"

"Uh…" Mike stuttered, quickly avoiding Sam's eyes.

"Please don't tell me you're referring to Brittany's cat Lord Tubbington as my child now. It was bad enough when she did that shit when we were married."

"I was just messing with you man. Sorry. I shouldn't have crossed that line. I know how much you wanted to start a family with Britt."

It was such an awkward subject. Mike clearly regretted even hinting at it. Sam couldn't blame him. He was sure his brother probably felt bad that his ex-wife had wanted to raise kittens instead of babies with him.

Sam sighed, leaning his head back into the pillows. "I wonder about it sometimes. What it would be like if Brittany and I had actually had a baby together. There was a time when I would have done anything to make that happen. But somehow I let her convince me to get her a cat instead. What kind of man does that make me?"

"I think that makes you a good husband. You tried to keep your wife happy. You can't beat yourself up over it. It just wasn't meant to be with her," said Mike patting Sam's leg. "And you never know, you might get another shot at fatherhood."

"I wouldn't put money on that. Seems to me I am very single right now. Not a woman has come through that door looking for me," he declared pointing toward the door. "I can't believe that I haven't formed a lasting relationship in all of these years."

"Don't knock bachelorhood. I'm embracing it," said Mike jumping up to examine the stack of DVDs under the wall mounted TV.

"So no one for you since Tina?"

"I wouldn't say no one," responded Mike, his back to Sam as he continued to look at the DVDs. "I had some hits and misses."

"Pull up a chair brother and fill me in," said Sam leaning over and patting the chair with his hand.

"I'm not supposed to do that. They want to monitor how much you find out."

Sam frowned. "That's such bullshit. It's my life and my brain. I should be able to determine what I can and cannot handle."

"I think they are just worried you'll pop a blood vessel or something from information overload."

"Whatever," he said dismissively. "I think people just like to control me." It was divine payback for all the ordering around he had done in his life. Now it was his turn to be forced to follow orders.

"You just came back to us. Give it time."

"Can you at least give me a hint at what I missed? A crumb? Something?" He was close to begging. At this point he had no shame, it was getting annoying being in the dark about his own life.

Mike shook his head. "Mom and Mercedes would kill me if I upset you."

"What's up with that anyway? Mom actually seemed like she was being nice to Mercedes." His mother wasn't nice to anyone, especially not females. It was like she saw any woman in his life as a threat, even ones he had no romantic involvement with.

"Don't look at me I've been in Asia," said Mike holding up his hands and backing away. "Cede has been here with you the whole time. I'm sure it counts in her favor with Mom."

Sam decided to try another tactic, the direct route. "Do you know if Quinn ever came by? To visit?"

"I'm pretty sure she has, but like I said, I've been out of the country."

"This is going to drive me nuts. I've just got to talk to Quinn," he said running his hands roughly through his hair.

"Man, you just won't let this drop. What the hell happened the night of that crash?"

"Mike you don't understand, it was…" he paused, a smile spreading over his face. "I can't even find the words. And now I find out three years have passed. I'm starting to feel like I missed out on something really good."

"With Quinn?" asked Mike as he wandered about the room examining things.

"Yes with Quinn, who else? You know how I feel about her."

No secrets in a town like Lima, not for someone like him, besides he had crashed and burned spectacularly with her in high school. At the time he had been the topic of much gossip. That was part of the reason he decided to enlist, to put some distance between not only himself and Quinn, but also from the idle minds of the town. Being humiliated and heartbroken was no way for an eighteen year old to live. So he ran. Sam was so glad he had made that choice. Joining the Army was one of the best decisions of his life.

"Back then you were all about Brittany, from what I remember," said Mike as he turned the faucet handles on the little sink on the wall with the door.

"I love Brittany, part of me always will, but that was always completely separate from this thing with Quinn. You of all people should understand."

Before he met Quinn, Brittany was Sam's first love. He'd never declared his affections of course, the ones he had been secretly harboring since the third grade. She had been a fixture in his life, her blond pigtails and big blue eyes. She followed Santana and Puck around like their shadow, annoying them endlessly, but Sam had loved her. It was a crush he thought he would never shake. Even as it became increasingly clear that Brittany would only ever have eyes for Santana, Sam held on to the hope that one day he would get a shot. She would give him a chance to prove that he was the man that could really make her happy.

Finally Sam did get that shot, well sort of. Complications and miscommunications that seemed to plague all love matches in Lima, had for once worked in his favor, giving him a chance to be with Brittany. Denial is powerful, but deep down the heart always knows the truth, and deep down Sam knew that Brittany's heart wasn't really his. She loved Santana. He just fought like hell to change that fact. He couldn't lose another love. He couldn't go through that pain again. Not after Quinn.

"Because of Tina," he said slowly, understanding on his face.

"Exactly." Sam nodded. If anyone could understand the nature of a love you just can't shake, it would be Mike. He and Tina had been on a merry go round of romance since they were kids.

Mike sighed, running his hands down his face. He looked tired. "I think you just need to relax, you'll get all your answers soon."

"I'm not going to be able to relax, until I see her. Mike, just tell me one thing." Sam turned on his side to face Mike fully.

"What do you want to know?" asked Mike moving closer to the bed, but stopping just short of sitting on it again. He leaned his knee on the mattress.

"Is Quinn single? I know she and Puck broke up, but is there anyone else, another man?"

"Not a man per se, but someone else, yes," Mike smirked.

"What do you mean not a man?" Was she a lesbian now? He couldn't see Quinn making that switch, although the thought of Quinn with another woman was hot. "Is she hooked up with a younger guy? Some teenager? I can't picture Quinn with some college guy."

"College students have their appeal. Sometimes a little youthful energy is good for the soul."

"You're telling me that you'd date a college girl, some chick barely out of high school?" asked Sam narrowing his eyes.

"I don't know about that, but I wouldn't count anything out."

"I'm not sure I could do it. You've got to at least be able to drink legally to get in my bed. I think I'd feel like a dirty old man."

Mike broke into a fit of laughter, actually doubling over as his laughs shook his whole body.

"What's so funny?" asked Sam.

"You're still a little young to be a dirty old man." Mike shook his head as his laughter subsided, his face flushed from his outburst.

"You know what I meant. A girl's got to be legal. So just tell me straight up, is she seeing anyone?"

"Quinn is very much alone these days," replied Mike. Sam's heart lifted unexpectedly at the news, a broad grin overtaking his face. Quinn was single.

It always came back to Quinn. She had changed his life for the better, for the worse, for always. Sam just couldn't imagine any other woman being able to take her place in his heart. She was a permanent resident, the one he compared every other love to, the one that set the benchmark for what real love should feel like. If any other woman came close, and Brittany definitely had, he shut a just a little piece of himself off, to protect himself from feeling anywhere near what he had felt for Quinn. He wanted to keep those memories sacred, yet also bury them at the same time. Sam never wanted to love anyone that deeply again, he didn't want to subject himself to that level of pain. The inevitable pain that comes from giving yourself completely to someone else, to letting someone inside your soul, Sam just couldn't risk it. Unless it was for her. Quinn was the only one that would ever make him face the pain again. She was worth it.

"Earth to Sam. Where'd you go just now? Don't tell me back to Quinn?"

"I can't help it. I'm thinking about her more and more. What do you think it means?"

"I think that is your last memory, so your mind is hanging on to it. Making you fixate a little."

Sam leaned his head on his hand. "I think it's more than that. I remember loads of other things from that time, but they are not popping into my head every few minutes."

"Maybe because the other things don't come in such a beautiful package." Mike grinned.

Quinn's face appeared in Sam's mind. "She is unforgettable. Those eyes, that smile…"

"Those breasts," added Mike.

"Don't go there man, please," groaned Sam, his face contorting in distaste.

"I'm not allowed to appreciate a beautiful woman's assets?"

"It's bad enough I have to think about Puck appreciating. I don't want to have to worry about you too."

"Okay, fair enough. Just try to keep a level head." He reached over and ruffled Sam's hair. A move he often did when he wanted to put Sam in his place, to remind him that he was the younger brother. "No snap decisions until you know all you've missed these past few years. What you find out might change your perspective."

"I won't be jumping into anything, trust me. I'm just getting over Brittany, she's dealing with Puck."

"That was years ago, Sam," Mike said softly.

"Right. I guess she's over Puck then?"

"I would say so."

He exhaled sharply. "I've got to get used to this."

"You'll adjust. Patience brother," said Mike patting Sam's arm.

The door opened and Shannon Beiste, dressed in a light purple button down and jeans, walked in with a baby in her arms, Mercedes' baby. Sam had a hard time making out her features, she was a bit fuzzy from that distance, but her bright green eyes were like a beacon.

"Sorry to interrupt," said Beiste.

"Coach B, am I late?" asked Mike turning his back to Sam, stepping in front of Beiste, blocking Sam's view. "I thought we were meeting up with Cede later."

"Mrs. Beiste?" Sam leaned forward in the bed to see her.

"Hello there Sam," said Beiste, leaning around Mike to wave. Sam could hear the baby making happy sounds as Beiste spoke. "So nice to see your smiling face."

"Thank you. It's nice to be smiling," Sam responded, his smile widening.

"Let me get a look at this girl." Mike took the baby from Beiste's arms. "How's my little niece?" he asked.

"Niece? You weren't kidding about thinking of Mercedes as family." Mike quickly looked back at Sam before once again stepping in front of Beiste. Sam could've sworn a look of horror had passed over Mike's face.

"She is family Sam," said Beiste walking over to the bed. "Mercedes is like a daughter to me. She's lived with me since she came to Lima."

"She lives with you still? Even though she's married?" Sam asked perplexed.

Beiste smiled. "Yes she does. It's nice to have a full house."

"I just don't get it. I saw the size of that ring. Her husband's got to be loaded. Why is she working all hours when she has a baby? And why is she still living with you? What is he, some sort of deadbeat?"

Mike let out a huge laugh from the back of the room. Sam noticed Beiste shoot Mike a sharp look that made Mike stop mid laugh. Sam had no idea what was going with those two.

Beiste took a seat in the chair. "Our home life is unconventional, but it works."

"Mike, I couldn't find Mercedes. You think you and Beth could go look for her? I want to sit with Sam for a bit," said Beiste turning toward Mike from the chair.

"No problem. Gives me a chance to bond with this little lady. I'll see you later Sam," said Mike without a backwards glance. It was like he was eager to get out of the room, away from him.

"I'm sort of surprised you want to visit me," said Sam as Beiste returned her full attention to him.

"Why's that?" she asked.

"I always got the impression you didn't like me much."

"I think I might have judged you unfairly. We didn't know each. Your father tells such wonderful stories about you all the time." She rubbed his arm affectionately, before grabbing his hand and giving it a quick squeeze.

"You talk to my father?" Sam asked in amazement.

"We're friends," Beiste explained.

"I never would've pictured the two of you associating. How did you even meet?"

"I've known your father for years, not well of course. We got to really know each other over the past year, a special event brought us together."

"Something for the town council I assume. I guess that makes sense." Sam shook his head from side to side trying to let all of the new information sink in. "I still can't imagine you hanging out with my dad though. From everything I've ever heard about you from Puck and Mike, you're too good for the likes of him."

"Thank you, Sam. Enough about me," she said shaking her head as she laughed lightly. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." He really wasn't. His head hurt, his vision was blurry, his throat was raw, and he couldn't stop thinking about Quinn, but that was nothing he could say to a practical stranger.

"Mercedes keeps me posted about you. She was very excited that you got your voice back. She told me about that toy you used. Crazy girl."

Sam could tell Beiste really cared about Mercedes. The woman smiled every time she said her name. Shannon Beiste wouldn't embrace some shyster or con artist, so maybe he was off base about Mercedes' motives. He had to learn that not everyone was as messed up as his family. Good people did exist in the world.

"I sound like a frog, but it is better than having to type out words. Now if I only could get my memory back."

"You're always in such a rush. Slow down and let yourself heal. I know it's probably pointless to say that to you."

"How well did we know each other Mrs. Beiste?" he asked looking the older curly brown haired woman over. She spoke to him with such familiarity, as if she knew him well and spent extended amounts of time with him. He couldn't think of any reason that would have him hanging out with Shannon Beiste. They just were part of really different worlds.

"Well enough that you could call me Beiste," she said squeezing his hand again.

"Well enough that I could ask you a favor?" asked Sam, a slow grin spreading on his face.

"I should think so. What do you need?"

"Can I borrow your phone?" he asked flashing his most charming smile.

"I get the feeling your doctors wouldn't like that," said Beiste wagging her finger at him disapprovingly.

"We can just keep it between us. I really need to talk to Quinn," he pleaded.

"I thought you spoke to her earlier."

"How did you know that?" He really didn't have any privacy. Every move was common knowledge it seemed.

"Mercedes told me," she explained.

"Right. I did speak to her earlier, but I didn't have my voice back then. I just want to be able to talk to her normally this time."

"It means that much to you?" Beiste asked looking at him with what seemed like sympathy.

Why did everyone get so weird whenever he brought up Quinn? He felt like everyone was in on some big secret and he was the only one out of the loop.

"Nothing means more to me right now." Sam admitted. He wasn't sure he would be able to sleep if he didn't check up on Quinn soon.

"I really shouldn't do this," said Beiste pulling her phone out of her pocket. "But I think I know how to get in touch with her."

"That would be great. I know she's performing, but maybe we can catch her before she hits the stage."

"Hi Artie. This is Shannon Beiste. How are you?" Sam briefly wondered who this Artie was, but let it go. If he could get to Quinn, it didn't matter.

"I'm very well, thank you. Artie, I have a special request that I'm hoping you could help me with. It is about Quinn. I need to speak with her. Oh you're with her now? That's perfect. Can I talk to her for a few moments?" Beiste gave Sam a thumbs up as she waited for Quinn to come to the phone.

"Hello Quinn? This is Coach B, punkin. How are you? It's good to hear your voice too. Are you taking care of yourself? Good, you have to stay strong."

Beiste smiled as she spoke to Quinn on the phone, seeming really happy to talk to her. Sam hadn't realized that Quinn and Beiste were close. In fact, he wasn't aware that they had ever been more than passing acquaintances. So much must have happened in the past three years.

"Quinn I have a little surprise for you. Someone wants to speak to you. No, no not her. But I think you'll like this person just as much. Hang on Quinn."

"Okay Sam, remember she is under a lot of stress. Be sure to keep things light," said Beiste before handing Sam the phone.

"I will Beiste," Sam assured her as he put the phone to his ear, and watched her leave the room. He suddenly was feeling shaky now that Quinn was on the line. "Hello, Quinn?"

"Sam?"

"Yeah it's me." He cringed as his voice cracked slightly. He could only imagine what she must have been thinking about how he sounded.

"You're talking," she said. Sam could hear the smile in her voice.

"Yes it seems that way." He tried to pull himself together, put on his most disarming voice. "I had to talk to you again, our last conversation just wasn't good enough."

"I did all the talking," Quinn teased, laughing lightly.

"Yeah, you wouldn't let me get a word in. So this time I thought maybe you would let me talk." He teased her back, wishing he could see her face while they had this conversation.

"I guess I could do that. You sound like Froggy though."

"From the Little Rascals? You remember that?" he asked with a shocked smile.

"How could I forget? We watched so many hours of Little Rascals when I was stuck in that psych ward the last time."

Sam hadn't thought about those days in years. He tried to forget that Quinn was ever that locked away, that he almost lost her. They had spent so much time in the hospital, cuddled on the bed together, just watching TV. Quinn always wanted to watch some old movie, some romance in black and white. Sam preferred a western if he was being forced to watch classic cinema. A gunfight could make even the lamest movie good. Or even better, cartoons. Sam had tried to convince Quinn that laughter was the best medicine and therefore they should watch Cartoon Network. Finally they compromised and agreed on the Little Rascals. It came on daily, two episodes, from 3PM to 4PM. Sam rushed from school to be there to watch. No way would he miss their standing date.

"I used to call you Darla and…"

"And you threatened to serenade me like Alfalfa," she interrupted laughter in her voice.

"But I wouldn't have been off key like him."

"Sure you wouldn't have," she teased.

"Watch it Darla! Or I'll start singing right now," he threatened laughing heartily despite the pain in his throat.

"Please don't, my head is messed up enough as it is."

"Why's your head messed up?" he asked not liking the sound of that. "Stage fright?"

"Something like that," she answered, far more subdued than she had been before. "So you're talking again, which is good. Any other improvements? Will you be going home soon?" Sam knew avoidance when he heard it, and Quinn was sidestepping big time. But he decided not to press her about it. Not yet.

"I think I have a bit longer in this place. You are just going to have to come and visit me. We can watch Little Rascals."

"I would love that. So much," she said warmly. A sadness had crept into her voice and Sam wasn't sure what had changed between them so quickly. They were just laughing.

"Great, so when are you coming?" he asked his voice lifting hopefully.

"Oh Sam, I can't," she said sounding very disappointed.

"Are you touring or something?"

"Or something. You know that I would be there in a heartbeat if I could. Nothing would stop me." She was crying. Sam could hear it and it tore him up inside. He never could stand it when Quinn cried.

"I just really want to see you." It was more than that, he needed to see her. But he kept that tidbit to himself, so he wouldn't scare her away with his intensity.

"I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Wondering how you are."

"I've been thinking about you too. Every time I close my eyes," he admitted, putting it all on the line, hoping she wouldn't crush him.

"Same here," she said.

Sam couldn't contain his smile. "Really?"

"Yes, sounds crazy doesn't it?"

"Sounds like maybe we are just too far away from each other. Our minds are trying to tell us something."

He felt like he could levitate from the bed, he was so happy. A weight had been lifted, she had been thinking of him too.

Quinn sighed. "I have so much in my head, I don't know what's real anymore."

"And I have so much missing from mine," he said quietly.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

He tried to laugh it off. "Nothing. I'll bore you with that another time."

"Sam I have to go now," she said apologetically.

"Okay. We will have to talk again. You can't be singing all the time."

"We will," she said softly.

"Quinn, can I ask you something?"

"Anything," she almost whispered.

"Were you with me while I was in a coma?" Sam pressed the phone closer to his head as his pulse pounded in his ears.

"Do you mean did I visit you? Of course I did," she replied.

"No I mean when I was waking up. Were you by my side? I keep hearing your voice, like you were calling my name." Faintly in the background, pulling him to the surface, until he was surrounded by her sound, he strained to reach her and when he finally did, she wasn't there.

"Yes," she said breathily. "I was holding your hand the whole time."

"Wow." That was all he could say. There were no other words.

"I've got to go. You be good, Alfalfa," said Quinn.

Sam smiled as the call disconnected. He knew it. He had felt it. Suddenly it all made sense. She had been with him.

As Sam let the conversation sink in, his apprehension rose, it had been great to talk to her and even better to know he had been right in his feeling that she was with him when he came out of the coma. Yet something felt very wrong. Where was she now? Why wasn't she here with him? It didn't make sense that she would watch him wake up and then just leave before getting a chance to talk to him. And mostly why was he still hearing her voice in his head, calling out for him to help her? There was something he was missing in all of this, and he had to figure out what it was. He couldn't shake the feeling that his life and Quinn's life depended on it.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate you all. MissE if you ever decide to get a ff account be sure to message me. I would love to get into a conversation with you.

Please remember this fic is au and a true triangle so all three have a pov. It is way too soon to predict the ending and if you think this story isn't about Sam and Mercedes relationship too then you are missing something. Sam and Mercedes are at the core of this story. It is their marriage that is on the line.

Speaking of Samcedes...any fans of that pairing will probably enjoy the next several chapters.

Dr Hill is played by Candice Patton in my head.

* * *

><p>Chapter 9<p>

Mercedes was itching to move. She had only been confined to the hospital bed for one hour, and already she was bored out of her mind. There were so many other things she could've been doing, besides resting on her butt. Now Beth was being inconvenienced, her already hectic schedule, being disrupted once more, since she had to be shuttled to her grandfather's house.

"Are you sure you packed everything she needs?" asked Mercedes from the middle of her hospital bed, where she sat with her chin propped on her knees facing Beiste. She was hooked up to an IV so she couldn't go far.

Beiste pulled out the checklist that Mercedes had given to her earlier. "All the usual stuff we keep in her bag."

"And Starlight? Did you remember that?" she asked not recalling if she had actually included Beth's favorite toy on her very detailed list.

"Yes and I packed her castle snow globe." Beiste was getting irritated, her smile was getting tighter and tighter. Mercedes wasn't trying to be a pain, she just wanted to make sure Beth had everything she needed. She wasn't sure how long Julian would try to force her to stay in the hospital.

"Good. She doesn't sleep well if she doesn't hear the song before bed."

"I know. I gave specific instructions to play it for her."

"And just who is this woman Dwight hired? Is she qualified to take care of a baby?" asked Mercedes. She didn't like the idea of Dwight just bringing in some stranger to take care of Beth. She should have at least been consulted, so she could have checked the woman out first. Beth was her responsibility, and if anything happened to her under her watch, Sam would never forgive her.

"She has almost thirty years of experience, and excellent references. She was a nanny to royalty in Eastern Europe," replied Beiste. This was Beiste's third trip to the hospital of the day, this last trip was made especially for Mercedes, to bring her some pajamas and to fill her in on the arrangements for Beth.

"Eastern Europe?" Mercedes turned up her nose. "Does she even speak English?"

"English, French, German, Russian, Latvian, and she grew up in Nashville which is why Dwight hired her."

"Dwight just happened to find an experienced nanny who speaks multiple languages fluently and is from Tennessee on a moment's notice?" asked Mercedes suspiciously.

Mercedes knew Dwight had wanted to hire a nanny for months, and Mercedes had always protested, wanting Beth to spend all of her time with family, instead of a stranger. There would be time enough in Beth's life for nannies and tutors, but now, while she didn't have her parents, Mercedes thought it would better if she were surrounded by family.

"He had her on retainer for a while. He's been wanting to bring her on staff," said Beiste as she folded up the list of instructions and put it in her caramel brown leather purse.

"He was just waiting for me to fall on my face, to crash like I did today." Mercedes suspected no one believed she could handle taking care of the baby. She felt like they were all waiting for her to prove them right and fail.

"Not at all sweetheart. He thinks you're wonderful with Beth," Beiste said with a reassuring smile. "He just figured you and Sam would need some extra time to yourselves while he recovers."

"I'm not sure there is a me and Sam anymore," Mercedes said sadly looking out the window. At least her room had a window. Her dad didn't lock her in a windowless cell. She guessed she should've been thankful for that.

"Don't think like that Mercedes. Things will get better," said Beiste patting Mercedes on the leg.

"I don't know how. He has no idea who I am."

Mercedes almost felt like she did back when she was first getting to know Sam, totally outclassed, without a shot that he would ever notice her. Back then her main competition had been Rachel. Mercedes could easily see Rachel's flaws, and she could tell fairly quickly that romance wouldn't last. But this was different, in many ways her opponent was unbeatable. Quinn was not only the mother of his child and his first love, she also was the woman he remembered. The last memories in his mind were of Quinn. There was nothing Mercedes could do to compete with that.

"Maybe not now, but he could get his memory back. You have to stay optimistic."

"I'm trying, but I know the realities of brain injuries. Some things just never heal."

"We've got this far, beating every odd, let's not give up now."

"My dad thinks I'm in denial and that I need to step back from Sam, focus on myself."

"He's just worried about you. As am I. You're not taking care of yourself, young lady," said Beiste with a stern look on her face.

"I'm fine. I just fainted," Mercedes insisted. She was just a little tired and Beiste and her father were acting like she had a hellacious disease.

"Fainting doesn't usually get you admitted to the hospital," Beiste countered.

"My dad is overacting."

"Julian told me you're suffering from dehydration, borderline malnutrition, and extreme fatigue. I think he reacted more than appropriately. I wish we could keep you here for a month, force you to get some rest."

"I can't stay." Mercedes shook her head. "I've got to get back to Sam. He needs me."

"Sam has a big family that can pick up the slack for you while you rest. I've already set things in motion."

"What do you mean? What have you done?"

"I've told Dwight and Sue that you're not going to be able to be there at all hours for Sam. They're going to have to get you some help."

"Beiste no…"

Sue and Dwight probably now thought she was some immature weakling that had to be sent to bed by her parents. It was embarrassing.

"I don't want to hear it Mercedes. You scared the living daylights out of me. When Julian told me you were a patient, my mind immediately went to the worst. I thought about when you were in that car accident. I was worried out of my mind that night. I can't go through that again. You're too precious to me."

Beiste was tearing up, and Mercedes felt bad about putting her through this, but it wasn't like she hadn't done everything in her power to keep their lives running smoothly. If they couldn't have Sam with them at least they could have some semblance of a regular life. Falling out in the staff locker room was not part of the plan. Now Mercedes was worried she had destroyed everything. Being stuck in the hospital away from Beth and from Sam, gave her father, Dwight, and Sue a chance to take away her life. They could bring in someone new to care for both Beth and Sam. It seemed like it was already starting to happen. And Sam wouldn't protest. He didn't even know her anyway.

"But Beiste…" she started, close to a whine.

"But nothing. You are making yourself sick and it's high time that stops. So lie back and rest," said Beiste as she helped Mercedes get under the covers.

"You don't understand. Sam is really in a bad place right now. He trusts me and he is relying on me to help him through it."

"Sam would not want you to jeopardize your health for him."

"He doesn't care about me like that. He doesn't know me."

Mercedes briefly contemplated trying to make him care, pushing things, dropping hints. Then she thought better of it. What would be the point in trying to manufacture a connection with a man that already had a real connection to someone else? A someone he shared a child with.

"I beg to differ. From what I've seen memory or not, Sam cares about you. He was asking all sorts of questions about you and your home life."

"Questions? Like what?' she asked perking up. He had been asking about her when she wasn't around, maybe that was a sign he was starting to remember.

"He thinks you're working too hard, especially with a baby at home."

Mercedes deflated, not what she wanted to hear at all. "Probably just his nice way of saying he wants a new nurse."

"No, I think he is genuinely concerned. He thinks your husband's some deadbeat that makes you do all the work," said Beiste her blue eyes twinkling with amusement.

"He said that?" Mercedes asked smiling. "Oh Beiste. How did you respond?"

It was pretty funny and definitely nice that Sam had been so concerned about her "husband". At the same time, Mercedes felt bad. She was essentially lying to him by not letting him in on the fact that he was the husband he was trashing.

"I just let that one slide. My point is Sam wouldn't want you taking care of him when you're not well."

"I'll stay the night," agreed Mercedes, resigned to the fact that there was no arguing with Beiste.

"As if you had any choice."

"But that's it," she warned. "And don't tell Sam a thing. He has enough on his plate."

"Honey, I should tell you something about my visit with Sam today," said Beiste her mood changing. She toyed with the championship ring on her finger nervously.

"Okay."

"I let him use my phone to call Quinn."

"Why would you do that? Don't tell me he was asking for her again right?" Mercedes was really just grateful Sam was back and thinking of anyone at all, even Quinn. It was a miracle he was even conscious, she wasn't going to belittle that by succumbing to jealousy.

"Something like that. It seemed really important to him."

"I'm glad you did that Beiste." The last thing she wanted was for Beiste to feel bad. She had put Sam first, something they all should be doing right now. "Maybe it will make him feel better."

"How does it make you feel?" asked Beiste gently.

Of course it bothered her that Sam was so preoccupied with Quinn. It actually hurt so much that her stomach often churned at the mention of her name. But all she could do was deal with it. Crying or getting upset wouldn't change anything.

"Everyone keeps asking me that. I'm fine. She is an important person in his life and he remembers her so it makes sense he would want to talk to her."

"I kept feeling like I should fill him in, so he would at least be more sensitive to your feelings."

"He'll find out in time, besides I don't want him to feel like he has to hide anything from me or edit himself. He told me he feels like I'm the one person in his life he can totally trust."

"That's how he always felt about you isn't it?" asked Beiste.

When they had nothing else they had their trust. Begrudging at first, earned piece by piece, tested and proven, until it could no longer be denied. They had each other's backs. Once romantic feelings got mixed in, and the inevitable pain that always chases love, things got rocky and their trust got damaged, but never was it fully destroyed. He had understood about the message to Shane and she had found a way to understand his night with Quinn. When she learned just how long he had held that lie, the fact that he had cheated on her, she still knew in her core that it was the only lie he had told her. She still trusted him enough to take his word. Not that any of that mattered now. It never happened in the current state of Sam's mind.

"For a good while yes. Once we built that trust it just kept strengthening. That's partly why the things I did to hurt him and the things he did to hurt me were so hard on us. We broke our trust, twice. The first time we managed to repair the damage stronger than before. This last time…"

"The accident happened before you could fix things," said Beiste completing Mercedes's thought.

"And that's what I want us to do now. Fix things and restore that trust, but he doesn't remember."

She had such hopes for his recovery. She had dreamed he would open his eyes, smile at her, tell her he loved her, and she would finally get the chance to tell him she loved him too. That she never stopped loving him. Instead he woke up holding Quinn's hand, and asking for her. A cruel twist of fate, but Mercedes really shouldn't have expected anything else. That was how life always went for her.

"A part of him remembers something if he's trusting you. So maybe there's a chance you can get back what you had."

"I hope so Beiste. If he stops trusting me, I'll have nothing. I really will be just a nurse to him."

It hurt to admit that out loud. All these months in a coma and she was accepted as the most important person in Sam's life. She was his wife and she had his power of attorney. She had made all of the decisions. Then one day it was all wiped away. She had become nothing more than the hired help.

"I'm going to go and tuck Beth in," said Beiste rising to her feet.

"Give her kisses from me."

"I will sweetheart. You get some sleep now. Your family needs you healthy," said Beiste as she kissed Mercedes on top of her head.

"Didn't mean to interrupt," said the young attractive woman as she entered the room. She had golden brown skin, and shiny black hair that hung straight along her face, a long haired version of a bob. It was after hours, yet she was still dressed for work, in a fitted red suit, and pumps.

"No you're fine," smiled Beiste turning toward the woman. "I was just leaving."

"I don't think you two have ever met," said Mercedes. "Shannon Beiste this is Dr. Kalina Hill."

"Ms. Beiste. I've seen you around the hospital," Kalina said as she shook Beiste's hand. "You do so much for our fundraising efforts."

"I like to stay busy," Beiste replied picking up her purse and putting it on her shoulder.

"It is an honor to meet you."

"Aren't you sweet. Well I'm off. I'll see you later Mercedes."

"Love you," said Mercedes as she reached up and hugged Beiste, closing her eyes as she squeezed her closer.

"Love you too, very much," said Beiste as she released Mercedes and made her way to the door.

"Nice lady," commented Kalina as she watched Beiste leave the room.

Mercedes nodded in agreement. "She's the best. What brings you by Kali? Did my dad send you so we could plan another play date?"

Kalina Hill was a psychiatrist, practicing for a few years, but she was still young. Most doctors her age would have been just starting out. Julian, embracing his role of father to the fullest, had hooked Mercedes up with Kalina to talk about educational options. Mercedes guessed her father had thought that she would be inspired by Kalina's rise through medical school at such a young. Instead, it had been a weird meal, filled with awkward silences and very little conversation. They both felt very much put on the spot.

"Julian told me you were here, but this is not about school," said Kalina taking a seat in a chair.

"Good. No offense but one awkward lunch about how we are Doogie Howsering through life was enough. Besides I'm only two years ahead of myself and you're like a gazillion."

She laughed. "Actually just five years ahead. But I agree, it was weird. Maybe sometime in the future we could just hang out for fun."

"I'm not sure. I think I might feel like you're trying to psychoanalyze me the whole time."

"I know how to turn it off, trust me," said Kalina pushing the hair off her shoulders.

"So what did you want to see me about?" asked Mercedes.

"Sam."

"What about him?" asked Mercedes.

"I'm his psychiatrist and my first meeting with him is tomorrow."

"Tests for brain damage came back negative I take it?" If his memory loss had been caused by head trauma, he wouldn't need a shrink.

"I would prefer to discuss that with him first," said Kalina, in a very professional tone. That was doctor speak for 'mind your own business', Mercedes knew the language well.

"Absolutely. I understand. I can read his file easily enough anyway. And I know what bringing in a therapist means."

"Even if there were physical injuries he still would need me. I'm going to help him try to adjust. I heard he had a bad reaction to finding out how long he was in a coma and about his memory loss."

"Yes he did." Mercedes's heart still ached thinking about how upset Sam had become. Sam rarely let his guard down that much to show weakness. It was unsettling to see him so distraught.

Kalina smiled. "Hopefully, I can get him on track, in a better state of mind."

"That would be great. Since you can't discuss his case with me, why exactly are you here?"

"I want to tell him about Beth."

"Tomorrow?" asked Mercedes very surprised. She had thought they would've waited until he was home to break that news to him.

"I don't think it can wait."

"What about easing him back into his life?" The entire family was told not to tell Sam anything about what he missed, and here this doctor was ready to just drop it all on him.

"That's still the plan, but certain facts he must be told about immediately. Sam needs to know about his family, so that means telling him about his daughter and you…"

"And Quinn," added Mercedes glumly.

"I will have to touch on Quinn, but I don't want to go into too much detail yet. That's a volatile subject."

"Don't I know it." She was getting ill just thinking about it. "I'm not looking forward to the day he finds out what she did."

"One step at a time. Step one is his immediate family. Will you be well enough to be there tomorrow?" asked Dr. Hill.

"You want me there when you tell him?"

Mercedes wasn't sure if that was such a good idea. It might set him off to see her there, visual proof that she had been lying to him about Beth. She had hoped to come around once the dust had settled and maybe after the doctor had drugged him to keep him calm.

"It makes the most sense. He needs to see both you and Beth, so he can make the proper associations. I really wish Quinn could be there as well, but that's not possible."

"He remembers Quinn, so he'll associate her just fine," said Mercedes squirming uneasily as she pondered Sam's reaction to it all.

"Does the idea of being there make you uncomfortable?"

Mercedes shrugged. "I'll do whatever Sam needs."

"But are you okay with it? Would you rather sit it out?"

Heck yeah, she wanted to sit it out. After the way he reacted to finding out how long he had been in a coma, Mercedes couldn't imagine he'd take finding out about his baby any better.

"What do you think is best for him?" asked Mercedes.

"I'm asking what's best for you," Kalina pressed trying to draw a response from Mercedes.

"Don't do that. Don't turn it on me. Just take care of Sam okay?"

"Mercedes, if you need to talk…"

"I'm good," said Mercedes curtly cutting Kalina off. "There's nothing to say. My husband doesn't remember me. Case closed."

"You make it sound so cut and dry."

"It is. No other way to put it." And nothing she could do to change it.

"He may not remember, but you do. You can't just ignore your feelings. You need to deal with this as much as he does."

She sighed, her shoulders slumping forward. "Let's just make it through tomorrow first. A big day."

"Indeed. So you and the baby be ready about 2pm. Will that work?" asked Kalina typing it into her Iphone.

"We'll be here," said Mercedes forcing a smile, despite the rising dread in the pit of her stomach.

"I'll see you then. And Mercedes?"

"Yeah."

"Don't forget to take care of yourself. You matter too," said Kalina as she stepped out the door into the hallway.

If she really mattered Sam never would've forgotten her. At least tomorrow Beth would have her father back. Mercedes hoped Sam would embrace the baby right away and not have any issues about being a father. Mercedes was less worried about his reaction to finding out about her. Sam had been married before, wouldn't be much of a shock to find out he had done it again. But to find out he fathered a child, and missed out on all this time with her that would be tough. Mercedes really hoped Sam was ready to hear it, like Dr. Hill believed.

She needed to check on him one last time before bed. His life was about to change and he didn't even realize it. She almost wanted to prepare him in some way, to cushion the blow. But that wasn't allowed, there wasn't anything she could say to make it easier anyway. It would just have to be said flat out. Beth is your baby. Mercedes desperately wanted to give him a hug before it all went down. Hopefully, he would be sleeping and she could stroke his hair like she used to, lie by his side and hold his hand. She didn't want him back in a coma, she would never wish that, but she missed the intimacy she could share with him then. Now that he was alert and she was a stranger to him, caresses and loving touches were strictly off limits. The few physical interactions they had already shared had made things incredibly awkward between them. Making his life harder was the last thing she wanted to do.

It was decided. She would just pop into his room for a bit and watch him sleep. No one would ever have to know. Mercedes leaned over and switched off the monitor that alerted the nurses' station when a patient's IV or catheter was removed, before unhooking herself from her IV. In pink fuzzy socks, pink sleep shorts and a yellow happy face t-shirt, she crept silently down the hall to Sam's room.

* * *

><p>She didn't even let him know how to contact her. She promised they'd talk again. But how? When? Maybe he was being too clingy and she could hear it in his voice and was trying to get away. He was pretty eager with her on the phone. He needed to remember that the crash didn't just happen and the connection they made during that experience was probably lost. For her at least, it had been years. For Sam, it was all there strong as ever, maybe stronger now that he knew she was by his side when he came out of the coma. It felt like sign, maybe destiny, that she was with him during two huge moments where his life hung in the balance. They were linked somehow. He could feel it.<p>

He turned to stare at the white gold designs being painted on the wall by the moon, as it glowed through the blinds. Sam knew he should try to sleep, he could feel the drain of the day on his body. But his mind wouldn't stop, persistently searching for the lost pieces of his life. They had to still be in there somewhere. He just had to try harder to reach them.

She came in so quietly he almost didn't hear her. But years in the military had trained him to be aware of his surroundings, so he turned instinctively when he heard the floor creak across the room. Mercedes slowly approached, like an apparition, like a dream, in short pajamas. She seemed surprised that he was awake, her eyes widening slightly when she saw him move. She stood quietly by his bed, just staring, her big brown eyes seeming to say so much, but he couldn't decipher their meaning.

"You need a shave," she said reaching out and rubbing his cheek. He caught her hand as it trailed down his face, removing it, but not letting it go.

"I had one earlier in the week. Can't do it daily like I used to in here."

"I used to do that for you. It was one of our things."

"Our things?" Sam asked.

"Our rituals, our routine, our life these last few months."

She talked about it all so intimately, like she was a part of it, a part of him. The cold detachment that most in the healthcare industry had was absent from her. Everything felt so personal, even now with her standing by his bed was something more. This wasn't a professional visit. She'd come to see him, not because she had to, but because she wanted to. He could see it in her eyes. It was as if she wanted something from him, but was reluctant to ask.

He dropped her hand when he felt her fingers twitch beneath his, suddenly embarrassed that he had held it so long. She stared down at her released hand, seeming not sure what to do with it, as if the fact that she was no longer touching him left her off center, lost, and she had to force herself to figure out what to do next. Though the shadows of moonlight often tricked the eyes and maybe it wasn't longing he saw in her brown depths at all, maybe it was simply friendly concern. She had seen him at a really low point, could be she just felt sorry for him and wanted to make sure he wasn't in here melting down. That seemed more plausible than the idea that his nurse was feeling something more for him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked his voice sounding scratchy and hoarse to his own ears. "It's late."

She lowered her eyes, hesitating. "I came to check on you," she said finally turning her large brown eyes on him. Even in the near darkness the color stood out, like iced tea on a sunny day, and Sam felt himself being pulled into them. Her eyes like magnets, drawing him to places he shouldn't go.

"Shouldn't you be home with your baby?" he asked trying to bring himself back from the brink by mentioning reality. She was married with a kid, not some woman that was interested in him. "In bed with your husband?"

She shrugged. "I'd rather be here." She swung her arms back and forth alongside her body like a child being forced to stand still.

He cocked his head at her response, studying her face. "What's up with that Little Nurse? What's wrong that you don't want to go home?" he asked his tone softening as he noticed the tears pool in her eyes. He wanted to kick himself for asking a question that made her react like that.

"I couldn't sleep," she said fingering the edge of his quilt.

"So you came back to the hospital? You're so strange," he chuckled, hoping to lighten things up and make her smile. "Most of us are hoping to break out of this joint, not spend extra time here."

"I like to separate myself from the pack. Try to do the unexpected." She almost smiled, he could see her mouth attempting to lift at the corners, but it was as if she gave up midway.

"Definitely didn't expect to find you standing over my bed like a little angel. You look like you're ready to drop. Do you want to sit?"

Even in the shadows of the room her brown skin glowed bright like a halo, her black hair hanging in waves about her shoulders, and her eyes unusually large as they strained to adjust to the lack of light. She created quite a vision, and Sam couldn't tear himself away.

She shook her head. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I didn't much feel like it. I'm the opposite of you. I've had too much rest."

Truth was his mind wouldn't let him sleep. Even when he managed to stop thinking about all that he couldn't remember, he was still haunted by Quinn. Her voice calling him, echoing in the darkness, and lately her cries were sounding more urgent.

"Sometimes my mind is so filled, thinking about everything in my life, that I just can't sleep. Actually most nights I don't even bother." She wrapped her arms about herself, rubbing up and down as if she were cold.

"Is that what's giving you nightmares?" he asked glancing at her quickly before turning his attention to his hands in his lap. "I heard you talking in your sleep earlier when you took a nap in the chair. Sounded like something big was on your mind."

"I don't know. I never remember my dreams." She swayed on her feet, putting her hand on the bed to steady herself. Sam reached out and grabbed her elbow, even though she was already leaning on the bed. The overwhelming urge to touch her returned and this time he didn't fight it.

"I really think you should sit down." He moved over on the bed, to make room for her. "Only if you want to," he added when he saw her hesitation.

Mercedes bit her lip contemplating his suggestion, her full lips reddening slightly from the pressure of her teeth. "Thanks," she said. Sam continued to focus on her mouth, imagining her lips in places he shouldn't. He was so fixated that he was startled when she got in the bed next to him.

He really hadn't thought this through. With her this close to him he was very aware of her. He could tell she wasn't wearing a bra under that tight t-shirt, her full breasts and her rounded belly strained beneath the fabric, and he briefly wondered if that was why the yellow face on her chest was smiling so damn wide. Plus she smelled like vanilla and flowers. It was driving him nuts at such close proximity, made him want to lean closer to her so he could inhale that scent. Then she moved, making herself more comfortable on top of his quilt, her legs, nice and thick, surprisingly long for a woman her size, so creamy brown and smooth, were fully on display, begging him to just reach down and touch them.

He ran his hand over his hairy chin, cursing himself for even suggesting she get in the bed. He couldn't even think straight now. How was he going to function and carry on a conversation with her when all his thoughts were coming from below the belt? Sam tried to pull himself together. He had faced down enemies in battle. He could handle one little woman in his bed without losing it.

"So how shall we spend the night, since we're both members of the Insomnia Association? Ghost stories? Embarrassing childhood memories? Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall?"

"Missed you," she murmured.

He looked down to find her eyes closed, snuggling into the pillow they shared, her body curved toward him. He reached out and pushed the hair out of her face, fully knowing that touching her was the absolute wrong move. But he couldn't help himself she looked so pretty in the moonlight. And so damn young. He retracted his hand feeling a little unnerved that he was attracted to someone that clearly was inappropriate for him, on so many levels. Her eyes were still closed, but she was smiling as she pressed herself into his side, her hair spilling over the pillow and onto his chest. Against his better judgment, Sam didn't move. There was something about having her close that he liked.

"You missed me?" he asked. She nodded, eyes still closed. "Missed me since earlier today? We haven't been apart that long."

"It felt like forever," she said softly.

"I guess I should be flattered. It's been a long time since I had a woman in my bed. Nine months I guess." He tried to joke but didn't feel much like laughing when he felt her rubbing his chest.

"Not that long." She opened her eyes and looked up at him, tears brimming over her dark lashes. Sam's breath caught in his throat as he stared into those eyes. What was it about her? He ran his finger along the side of her face, as he continued to watch her. The tears finally fell, and Sam tried to catch every one as he brushed them away with his fingertips.

"What is wrong? Please tell me," he pleaded pulling her closer to his body so her head rested on his chest. Sam had given up on staying strong. He just needed to hold her. The pull toward her was completely incomprehensible to him, but he wasn't going to fight it.

"I'm so tired Sam. I think this stuff they gave me is kicking in. Can I stay with you?" she asked as she continued to stroke his chest.

"I don't know if that's a good idea. What would your husband think?" he asked as he pressed his lips against her hair. He was totally screwed now, allowing himself to get wrapped up in her was a bad idea.

"You don't want me," she pouted looking up at his face. Sam wanted to laugh, she looked so cute, but thought better of it because she seemed so serious, like she was really hurt by the idea he didn't want her.

"I didn't say that. I'm just not sure you're aware of your actions right now. I don't want you to do anything you might regret." Really he was concerned about himself. Regret was just around the corner, as he sat in his bed, in the dark, with an armful of nurse Mercedes.

"I could never regret you." She said it so emotionally, as if she wanted to convince him of that fact.

Sam's brows knitted together in confusion. "You're not making any sense."

"Yes I am," she insisted. "You just don't remember."

"What don't I remember?" he asked almost holding his breath as he awaited her answer.

She leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips, pulling back to stare him in the eyes. The sweetest smile spread across her face and Sam couldn't help but return it. The kiss had felt so nice. She kissed him again, deeper this time her full lips with gentle pressure against his. He opened his mouth to kiss her completely. He was going to hell for this anyway right? So might as well make it good. She smiled against his mouth before kissing him back with rising intensity her tongue gently sweeping against his, little pockets of sweet warmth in his mouth. Sam gave her one last peck on the lips, before pulling away.

"Goodnight," she said through lidded eyes, a dopey smile on her face.

"Goodnight," he whispered. She climbed across him to the foot of the bed, curling into a ball by his legs. She fit perfectly, as if she had occupied that spot before.

Sam had no idea what just happened. She clearly was on some drugs. But he guessed he was right about that vibe, the way she kissed him there was no mistaking it, his nurse was into him. But why? Was she some sort of wacko that fell for comatose men? Or did she have a thing for patients? She had made it seem like something more, like he should have known she felt this way. So strange. Like everything else in his life at this point.

With his little nurse asleep at the end of the bed, Sam was again left alone with his thoughts, which inevitably drifted back to Quinn. Their phone conversation had been good, but it left him filled with so many questions. Something was off with her, he was sure of it. Or maybe he just wanted to be sure of it. Thinking Quinn had some secret or was somewhere needing him were whole lot better scenarios than the more likely option that she just didn't care all that much. So much could have changed in three years, maybe what they had always felt for each other, that connection, that bond, had been lost along the way. Sam had no way of knowing until he started getting filled in about his life. He hoped that would be a soon, because he was tired of being a clueless bystander to his own history.

Mercedes shifted by his foot, placing her arm across his leg as she repositioned herself. It was safe to assume she knew about his deformed lower leg, being his nurse she would probably have fairly detailed knowledge of his entire body. Normally Sam felt strange about revealing his injury to women, he didn't like the look of pity or worse the look of revulsion, he usually found in their eyes. Most days he felt fine, like his normal self, like he could take on the world and nothing could hold him back. Then he had to undress and it all came rushing back, all that he was lacking. Those were the times that he couldn't help but feel like half of a man.

Brittany had taken his injury in stride, but Sam figured she had to. She was his wife and she loved him, well claimed to love him. It was easy to be around hjer at any rate. He didn't have to pretend there wasn't something different under his clothes. Quinn had been another story. Circumstances at the limo crash site forced him to reveal himself to her. Sam had braced himself for her reaction. He figured he would mainly see pity with just a hint of disgust. When he got her reaction, he was way beyond surprised. Quinn still saw him as the man he always was. She even still had an attraction to him. It reminded him of when he saw her at her worst, in the psych ward, sick from too many mind altering drugs. She looked as beautiful as ever to him. It didn't change a thing, it was the same Quinn he had always loved. Under that blanket that night it had hit him, in a way this was the same thing. Physical changes didn't impact how they felt about each other. He felt silly for even thinking otherwise.

Now it was three years later and the wrong woman was by his side. He remembered being caught between life and death with Quinn, only to open his eyes and find a little brown girl with a super huge grin in her place. It was so hard to get used to. The one person he was so sure would be there was nowhere to be found, and a complete stranger was ever present, his constant support. As much as he wished for Quinn to come walking through the door with her sparkling green eyes, and dazzling smile, he just as much didn't want his nurse to go. Sure he was a little freaked out to find her standing over his bed in the middle of the night like that crazy lady from Misery, but he was glad she came. Something about her was comforting. He guessed that was the hallmark of a good nurse, being a comforting presence. Sam couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but there was something else about her too. It felt right to have Mercedes in his bed. And that was the thought that freaked him out most of all.


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting. Our angsty journey is only beginning so hold tight.

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><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

"Are there no visiting hours in this place?" asked Sam watching his mom come in his room, dressed in jeans, a navy blazer, a long strand of knotted pearls, her heels clicking on the tile floor. "It's like Grand Central station."

She had on a black leather coat with fur trim, real of course, because Sue Evans Sylvester didn't let animal rights get in the way of her fashion. She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead, fussing with his hair before straightening up. She smelled of perfume, and the outdoors, she was still fresh and frosty from the chilly February air.

"Those rules don't apply to us. We can see you anytime we choose," said Sue as she threw her coat over the back of the chair before taking a seat.

"So I'm not allowed any privacy I suppose?"

"What do you need privacy for, got a hot date?" she asked teasing him.

Sam pointed to Mercedes at the foot of the bed. In the low light of the room she was almost invisible to anyone that didn't know she was there.

"She just curled up there like a stray kitten," said Sam with a hint of smile as he looked down at her. Her lips were slightly parted, and her hands were tucked under her head as she slept.

"Aww poor thing," said Sue, sounding almost sincere. "She must have snuck out of her room."

Sam looked at his mother in surprise. "Her room? Is she a patient here?"

"She didn't want us to mention it to you, I guess she was embarrassed or something. But yes she was admitted earlier."

"What happened?" Now it made more sense why she had come to his room so late at night, wearing pajamas no less.

"She collapsed. Apparently she is suffering from exhaustion, dehydration, poor nutrition," said Sue as she looked over at Mercedes. Sam actually saw honest concern in his mother's eyes. It was unreal to see her so interested in a person that wasn't family, a female no less.

"That's not surprising. I can look at her and see she is tired."

"She's been through a lot lately. Sometimes things take a toll."

"So you know about her history? Her background? I think something is really wrong with her." There was more to his nurse than met the eye. He was starting to think his family was deliberately keeping the real deal from him.

"What do you mean?" asked Sue running her fingers through the ends of her layered shoulder grazing blonde hair.

"I heard her talking in her sleep. She was very upset, like something traumatic happened to her. And she's so sad, mom. I know there has to be something going on with her."

Sue sighed heavily. "Sam, maybe we should respect her privacy for now."

"You know something, I can tell. You've got to let me know what's going on. How else can I help her?" he asked feeling suddenly very frustrated he was stuck in the bed. If he were stronger he could just dig a little and find all the answers on his own. He hated having to rely on other people for information, or anything for that matter.

"You want to help her? You hardly know her."

"She has been taking care of me for months, pretty selflessly from what I've been told. If there is any way I could repay the favor, I want to do it." Money didn't even seem like enough at this point. As the picture of all that Mercedes had done for him came slowly into focus, Sam realized that this woman just might have been responsible for him being alive today.

"You don't owe her anything. She wouldn't want you to feel obligated."

"Mom, just tell me what you know," he urged.

"Her family situation is complicated right now."

"It's because of her husband right?"

"Why would you assume that?" she asked slowly, leaning back in the chair.

"Come on, she is obviously married to a rich man, yet she is working so hard. And she keeps telling me he doesn't care about the hours she keeps. She has this baby, that's always here at the hospital with her, never with her father. Huge red flag. The husband sounds like a real scumbag to me."

This guy had everything and it was like he didn't even appreciate it. Sam would pretty much give up all that he owned to have a loving wife and some kids. He never knew just how much he wanted those things until he married Brittany. More than anything he wanted a home, a place he could retreat to after a long day at work. A beautiful wife waiting for him, kids calling him daddy, Sam wanted a life where he knew he was the center of someone's world.

"Sam…"

He continued as if his mother hadn't spoken. "I know I shouldn't be quick to judge, but no man would leave his wife to handle all of this alone. He would be trying to make her life easier. He would be trying to carry some of the weight. At least that is what I would do if I were married."

"That's because you're a good man," said Sue rubbing Sam's arm. "I'm so proud of you honey."

"So help me do something nice for Mercedes then. Maybe we can send her on a vacation."

"She's not going to want to leave Lima," said Sue pursing her lips. "Too much here she cares about."

"She came in here tonight, saying she'd rather be with me than at home. She's a newlywed. What newlywed doesn't want to be with her husband?"

She came to see him, she climbed into his bed, and she kissed him, if Mercedes was really into her marriage Sam couldn't tell. All of his instincts were telling him that his nurse wanted him. No way could she be happily married.

"Well you are charming and very good looking, maybe she has a little crush," said Sue smiling at him.

"Mom, you're evading." His mother was bouncing her crossed leg at an increasingly rapid pace. She only did that when she was lying or hiding something.

"I know Mercedes pretty well, we all do. I promise you sweetheart, she'll be fine. We are taking care of her."

Maybe her husband was from a rival corporate family and he was threatening her and her child. She could be hiding out at Shannon Beiste's house. Sam dismissed that theory quickly. That seemed like too much of a stretch even for his family. Besides Mercedes didn't seem scared, she seemed sad. She got emotional whenever she brought up her husband. It had to be something more personal.

"Is she under our protection? Is that it? You guys treat her like family, is she the daughter of one of dad's associates or something."

"Her father is a close friend of Dwight's, well really he was close to your father's sister Elizabeth before she died, so in a way I guess she is under protection."

"I think I remember him." Sam thought back to his childhood. His Aunt Elizabeth did have a male friend she spent time with. "A doctor right?"

"Yes Julian Jones." His mother made a face when she said his name. Sam got the distinct impression she didn't like the guy much. "He works at the hospital."

"Dad must be thrilled. Is he one of my doctors?"

"No. Conflict of interest."

"I don't understand."

"Well he's practically family sweetheart. Doctors take oaths about that sort of thing."

"So who's her husband?" That's what he wanted to know most of all. He wanted to talk to him man to man or better yet put a hurting on the guy. Sam was convinced he was a selfish bastard. Mercedes deserved better.

"You're talking about Mercedes so much sweetie. Maybe you're the one with the crush."

Sam ignored the crush comment. He didn't want to play games. He wanted answers. "I just want to know why my nurse looks like she is about to burst into tears at any moment. She wasn't like that a few days ago when I first woke up."

"She's going through some personal drama, just leave it Sam." His mom was shutting down on him. He knew he'd get no more info out of her tonight.

"Fine. Why are you here so late anyway?" He squinted over at the clock on the bedside table. It was after midnight.

"Just wanted to check in on you. We haven't had a chance to talk, since well you started talking again."

"Please don't ask me how I'm feeling."

"I won't. Any memories come back yet?"

"Nope. It's still 2011 up here," he said tapping his temple. "I was just telling Mike earlier how it is really hard wrapping my mind around the fact three years have passed."

"Mike told me he stopped by. He was very happy to see you."

"It was good to see him." Although it would've been nice if he had stayed longer, or at least left after saying a real goodbye. Something was up with Mike, actually something was up with everyone in his life it seemed.

"He'll be back I'm sure, if we can just pry him away from that baby."

"Mercedes' baby?"

Sue nodded as she pulled her phone out of her pocket. "He had never met Beth before. I think he's found a new playmate. Last I checked he was still over at the mansion playing with her." She handed Sam her phone so he could view the screen. There was a picture of Mercedes' daughter on Mike's lap in what looked like the living room of his house.

"Beth's at the mansion?" asked Sam, scrolling through the pictures. His mom had an extraordinary amount of photos of the baby. She usually only put pictures of her own children or her grandchild on her phone, not the kids of her staff.

"Well yeah, because Mercedes is sick…"

"And you guys just naturally take in her kid?" he asked cutting her off. "That's it. Tell me what the hell is going on. Did I fall into another dimension as well as lose my memory? No way would my parents, Sue Evans Sylvester and Dwight Evans, take in some stray baby off the street."

"I just told you Mercedes is your father's friend's daughter."

He handed her back her phone. "That explains him, but what about you? You hate everyone."

Sue rolled her eyes. "That's is the biggest distortion of the truth I've ever heard."

The mother he knew didn't like many people. She had an opinion about everyone, usually a negative one. That was why her fairly positive attitude about Mercedes shocked him. Only a miracle or a hefty trust fund could get Sue Evans Sylvester to like someone, and even then it was a long shot.

"You don't play well with others Mom, you've got to admit."

"Mercedes took really good care of you, the whole time you were in a coma. I appreciate how much she cares about you. She has proven herself to me."

Sam looked her up and down, feeling like his mother had been body snatched and replaced by an alien. "Test time. So if I decided to start dating my nurse, you would have no objections, provided she was single that is."

"None whatsoever." Man she didn't even twitch. What the hell was up? Mercedes had really managed to win over his family. He wondered what was her secret, maybe she could teach Quinn her techniques.

"You are so full of it. I think all ya'll are playing one big joke on me."

"Let me turn it back on you. Test time. If your nurse were single, would you be interested in dating her?"

"I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you," he stalled.

"Who else are going to have it with? Answer the question."

Yeah he liked her, but the last thing Sam needed was to start up a new relationship, especially with someone that a) wasn't available and b) worked for him. It would be like dating his administrative assistant. Granted Sam had dated a few of his assistants before but it never ended well and he always had to search for a replacement. Sam hated interviewing and breaking in new staff. So no he wouldn't date his nurse, he needed her too much in his life right now. And he was pretty damn sure no other nurse would care as much as she did.

"I think she's cute and sweet and really young. I might be too much for her to handle."

"It does take a pretty strong woman to deal with an Evans man. That's your answer? You wouldn't date her, hypothetically that is." His mom was just too eager to hear his answer. It was like she was matchmaking or something.

Definitely no. Although to get the chance to feel those lips again and those legs wrapped around his waist. Okay no, he didn't want to go there. Just no, he wouldn't date his nurse. She was more like a buddy, a little sister even. Well maybe not a sister because those lips were so yummy, but definitely a buddy, just a good friend and a valued employee.

"She seems like fun, but I don't think she's my type. At any rate, she's married and I have my sights set elsewhere."

If there was even a chance this time with Quinn he was going to take it. His first impulse was to proceed with caution, but Sam had lost too much to waste any more time. He needed to start living his life, no holds barred.

"To where?" asked Sue leaning forward in her seat.

"I'm not getting into it with you Mom."

"Oh no," she said illustrating her point with her hands. "You've just woken up from a coma, don't risk a relapse by getting involved with that slut."

"Just stop it. You've always been so hard on Quinn for no reason." Sam guessed he should be glad at least some things were still the same. His mom still hated Quinn as much as ever.

"I have plenty of reasons, some you don't even know about," she said with a flash of anger. Sam could tell something bad must have happened to set his mother off like this.

"Like what? Something that happened in the past three years?"

"Now's not the time for that conversation. And you young man, need to focus on getting well and not some green eyed bimbo. Thank goodness she can't get to you from where she is."

"What do you mean by that? Where is she?" asked Sam sitting up straighter in the bed, but careful not to disturb Mercedes still sleeping by his feet.

"She's pretty much out of touch, hopefully indefinitely."

"I thought she was touring." Sam noticed his mom's leg bouncing again.

"A very long tour, an extended engagement," she snorted twirling her long pearls around her fingers.

"I appreciate your concern mom, but let me make one thing clear. Nothing you can do or say will keep me away from Quinn. I want her in my life. Through all of our ups and downs she's always been a good friend to me. We've gotten past that stuff in high school and I know now that she would never do anything to intentionally hurt me."

Not that he particularly cared about his parents' opinion of Quinn. He liked her and that was all that mattered. But he had seen Mike endure enough of their mother's meddling to know he didn't want any part of that in his life. He had to find a way to keep his mother out of his love life. Not to assume that he was going to have a love life with Quinn. He had no idea where things actually stood between them. And he was trying to keep his expectations low. Quinn didn't want him before why would things be any different now? In the off chance that these feelings he had about them lately were actually symbolic of something, of some promise to come, Sam wanted to ensure they had the smoothest ride they could get. Meddling mothers, jealous exes, and secret feelings wrecked far too many romances in his world. He wanted to avoid any of that this go round.

"We'll see."

"Mom promise me you'll stay out of it. No matter what I decide."

"I won't say a word I'll let you figure it all out on your own. It's your life." Sam didn't believe that for an instant but he planned to hold her to it nevertheless.

"Thank you."

"Should I get someone to escort Mercedes back to her room?" asked Sue pulling on her coat.

"No let her sleep." He smiled. "She looks so peaceful."

"That's because she's with you," his mother said as she hugged him.

"I don't get it. Why would sleeping at the foot of my bed give her peace?"

Sam watched his mother lean over the foot of the bed to check on Mercedes. She brushed the hair out of her face, it was almost maternal. Yep, his mother had definitely been replaced by a pod person.

"I think that's something you'll have to ask her. I'm going to go now," she said heading toward the door. "Get some rest."

"I'm gonna try. Night mom."

Like he could really sleep with a woman at the end of his bed. Her pink shorts had inched even higher up her legs. Sam was being tortured for something, he must have committed some cosmic crime to deserve this punishment. Here he was stuck with a woman in his bed and he couldn't even do anything with her. Well there were a few things he could do, but he doubted she would be game. His mind flashed back to that kiss, and the way she had teased him with her tongue. His little nurse was definitely game for something, he just wasn't sure what.


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you for reading and commenting. I apologize for the lack of angst in this chapter. Let me know what you think!

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><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>

She woke up gently, nuzzling his leg, before she realized where she was. "Oh, I didn't mean to drift off like that. How long have I been sleeping?" she asked looking very embarrassed.

"Not that long, but from the looks of it, you needed to sleep." Sam had been watching her, for the better part of an hour. No nightmares this time, she seemed to be sleeping quite soundly.

"I should go," she said sitting up running a hand over her hair. "I'm sorry I just took over your bed like this. You must be so uncomfortable."

"I'm good actually. You sort of fit in the perfect spot."

"I usually sleep here…"

"I sort of figured you must have done this before."

"Now I feel really embarrassed. You must think I'm such a freak."

Well maybe a bit of a freak. It was strange to find out someone was so close for months and not even know it. "I don't think you're a freak. I'm just curious why you seem to care so much about me."

"I guess I got attached over time." She got this faraway look in her eyes like she was lost in a memory. "Though I have to say from the first moment I saw you, I was kinda hooked."

"Love at first sight huh?" He was just teasing but she definitely reacted to the comment, smiling sheepishly and if she were a lighter complexion she would have turned pink.

"Something like that," she said quietly.

"So you were here when I was brought in from the accident?" Sam didn't even know what caused the accident, where it happened, who was involved. Nothing. He was totally blank about an accident that derailed his life.

"Yes, right by your side."

"I must've been in pretty bad shape."

She looked like she wanted to cry. Her face falling as she spoke. "You scared the crap out of me. You coded so many times."

Maybe it was because she was new to the profession, since she couldn't have been that long out of college, that could've been why she was so emotional about the night of the accident. She probably wasn't yet used to life and death matters that are part of the job. She'd have to toughen up or she wouldn't last long as a nurse.

"You're really something. I know most nurses don't care this much."

"I have no objectivity when it comes to you. I can admit that. You are my favorite patient. I'm not sure I would've been able to handle it if you something bad had happened to you." She looked him directly in the eyes when she said that, her brown eyes making his stomach flip the longer he held her gaze.

"I probably should be screaming for help and scared as hell, because this is a little freaky."

She started to climb over him, leaving the bed. "Sorry. I can go." Sam grabbed her arm stilling her movements. She stopped, straddling his leg, her hands bracing herself so she wouldn't put her weight on him.

"No don't. I'm not scared. All I want to do is thank you." He let his fingers slide down her arm to her hand, pausing when he hit her wedding rings. "It's probably very obvious to you that I am single, not a woman anywhere wanting to be with me."

"I'm sure you have your fans," she smiled as she stared at his pale hand on top of her brown one. It was as if they both were waiting for something to happen, for someone to make a move.

"Not a woman I can call my own then. Knowing you were with me, through all of this, for the whole nine months, makes me feel like at least one woman out there cared about me, other than my mother."

"Quinn cared. She came to visit you quite a bit."

"Did she care as much as you?"

Their eyes met. "She's not your nurse." Mercedes answered not looking away.

He licked his lips as he let his eyes drift down her face. "That didn't answer my question."

"How should I know how Quinn felt?" she asked dropping her head and moving off of him to sit on the edge of the bed, her feet touching the floor. "I only can speak for myself."

"So speak for yourself. Tell me the truth. Why do you care so much about me?"

"I really can't do this right now. I'm going to go." She got up abruptly, pulling down her pink shorts that had bunched up while she slept. Sam had to turn away to hide his reaction to that sight.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you on the spot." She hadn't moved, even with his head turned away from her, he knew she would be still standing by the bed, watching him. "I just want to know what this thing is I'm feeling between us."

Sam wasn't even sure why this was so important to him. So his nurse had a big heart. He should be thankful and move on. But his mind wouldn't let him. It felt like whatever Mercedes said next would change things between them. It was the key to why he was so drawn to her.

"I don't know what you mean," she replied. Sam rolled back over to face her.

"Yes you do," he said grabbing her arm pulling her back down on the bed next to him. She was on her knees in front of him, her hands clutched at her sides, twisting the sheets with her fingers.

"I feel safe when I'm with you," she admitted still unwilling to look him in the eyes.

"Why?" he asked his voice cracking.

"I don't know. I just do. Whenever I couldn't sleep or when things got too stressful, I would come in here with you and curl up next to you and talk."

"You used to talk to me?" He could picture it, her sitting by his bed chatting away.

"For hours, every day."

He smiled. "That could explain why I like listening to your voice."

"Could be."

"Talk to me now." He put his hand on her thigh, letting his middle finger skim the edge of her shorts. "Tell me what's wrong. Why are you so sad all of a sudden?"

"I'm not sad," she said trying to sound convincing, even forcing a smile. But her eyes betrayed her, still wide and haunting, her pain was reflected there.

"You can trust me Little Nurse."

"I know." She reached out and stroked his chin absently, as if she wasn't even aware she was doing it.

"Is it about your husband? What did he do?" He was feeling bolder as he let his hand grasp her hip, shaking her slightly to get her attention. He wanted her to answer him, once and for all.

"He broke my heart. He sort of left me, and I'm not sure if he'll ever come back."

Mercedes was upset, flustered by her admission, backing away from him, trying to get off the bed. Avoiding his eye line at all costs. She ran her fingers through her hair, looking frantically around the room, like she was searching for an escape. Sam wasn't about to let her flee. Ever since coming out of his coma, the only thing that felt remotely right was her. He didn't understand much else, but he knew he couldn't let her go. Reaching out and grabbing her, the IV in his arm straining against his movements, he gathered her into his body, surrounding her with his arms. And she melted, like he somehow knew she would, holding him closer, grasping the back of his head.

"Why would he leave you?" he whispered into her hair. "Why would he leave that beautiful little girl? It doesn't make any sense."

"Some things are just not meant to be," she said letting him go, breaking free of his arms. She sat upright, pulling her knees up to her chest.

He couldn't help but touch her again, his hand resting on her thigh. He couldn't be this close and not touch her. It was absolute insanity. Sam had never been this drawn to a woman he had practically just met. Sure he had made instant connections before, and those connections usually led him into bed. But this was different. It wasn't about sex, it was about an inexplicable need to make her feel better.

"What can I do? Do you need money? A place to stay?" Sam asked rubbing her head softly.

"You're sweet," she said as she finally looked at him, sad eyes trying to fake composure.

"I want to be there for you, like you've been here for me."

This was starting to feel like one of those cheesy romances on the woman's network on cable, where the man meets some down on her luck lady and starts making all these declarations to help her get her life back on track. Riding to the rescue was not usually something Sam did. He just wasn't the heroic leading man type, but she made him wish he were. He felt like he should be doing something to make her sad brown eyes brighter.

"That really isn't necessary."

"I know I can't make you feel better, I mean I'm not the man you love, and I'm not trying to be a substitute for him. But if you need someone to lean on, even just for a little while, I want you to know you've got me."

Tears spilled as she pressed a kiss against his cheek, soft yet lingering, her hand caressing his face even after she had pulled away. Sam tried to read the look in her eyes. Was it awe, admiration, gratitude, something deeper? All he knew for sure was that it made him want to slay dragons for her, place the world at her feet, anything to see her look at him that way again.

"You don't even know me. Why are you doing this Sam?" she asked watching him intently.

He honestly couldn't answer that. Witchcraft was the first thought that popped into his mind. Not much else made sense. He just didn't get this involved with women he hardly knew.

"Just feels like something I should do. Not to mention you're almost family." That was the best response he could muster.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"My mom told me your dad is close to my father. So that would make you almost an honorary Evans."

Maybe he could think of her like a godsister. That was almost like family, then he could push all these inappropriate urges out of his head. He would just help her and let that be that. Now if only he could take his hands out of her hair. Sam let his fingers fall through her black waves, telling himself that this time would be the last stroke, only to find his hand tangled up in her hair again.

The door opened and a tall bald looking man appeared. Sam breathed a sigh of relief, as he finally let his hand drop to his lap.

"Mr. and Mrs. Evans? I didn't think you'd still be awake."

"Marcel? What are you doing here?" asked Mercedes getting out of the bed and walking toward the man.

"Mr. Dwight hired me back. He said you were sick."

Marcel was about 6'5", very lean, dressed in loosely fitting scrubs. Sam wasn't sure of his age. He could have been thirty or fifty. He had an accent, sounded like French but not quite.

"I'm not sick," said Mercedes. Sam could hear what sounded like annoyance in her tone.

"Yes she is," Sam interjected. Smiling when Mercedes turned and shot him a glare. "She's a patient here like me. I'm Sam by the way."

"I know sir. I'm Marcel. I've been with you here before."

"Marcel is a nurse from the agency. He used to take care of you when I wasn't here," stated Mercedes.

"Mrs. Evans was always so particular about your care sir," said Marcel as he walked over to the bed, Mercedes right on his heels. "She never wanted you left alone and everything had to be perfect."

"That sounds like my mom."

Marcel frowned. "No not…"

"Marcel as you can see I'm here right now," Mercedes interrupted quickly. She was acting pretty rude to the man. Sam was surprised by her attitude. "So maybe you can start your shift in the morning?"

"I can do that," he said and Mercedes physically escorted him to the door, her hand on his back. "And I promise no emergencies this time. I won't leave without telling you."

"Thank you Marcel," said Mercedes shutting the door behind him.

"Didn't that guy remind you of Lurch from the Addams Family?" asked Sam laughing lightly.

"What's the Addams Family?" asked Mercedes.

"A classic TV show from the sixties." He had almost forgotten how young Mercedes was. Not that he knew her exact age, but clearly she was too young to appreciate black and white TV. Not that he appreciated it much before Quinn.

"Don't watch much TV," she said as she leaned against the chair.

Sam tried not to let the fact that she had put so much space between them bother him. In fact, it was a good thing. He wouldn't be tempted to touch her from that distance. Problem solved.

"Quinn and I watched tons of TV Land when we were in high school."

"Sounds like you have a lot of nice memories," she said sadly.

Again Sam was left wondering what was going through her mind to make her get suddenly so emotional. They were just talking about television.

"Good and bad memories, you know how it goes."

"Yes I do."

"I really can't wait to see her." Sam smiled thinking about when he would actually get to see Quinn in the flesh. "I think we have a lot to talk about."

"You definitely do," she said almost under her breath.

"What do you mean by that?" Sam asked tensing up from her tone.

"Just that you have three years to catch up on. Lots of new developments I'm sure."

"Right," said Sam relaxing. "So that Marcel seemed nice."

Mercedes nodded taking a seat in the chair. "He lasted the longest of all your nurses. Your dad was firing them weekly at one point."

"He didn't fire you."

She flashed a grin. "He knows better than that."

"Weird that he said Mr. and Mrs. Evans. I got excited for a minute there."

"Thought you might have a wife?" she asked glancing at him quickly before dropping her eyes.

"No, I know I don't have one of those," he chuckled. "She would have come around by now."

"Then what?"

"I thought my parents had gotten back together." That would have been a surprising plot twist for sure, but a lot could happen in three years.

"Really?"

"I know completely not happening, but couldn't help but have the thought. I've always wanted that deep down since I was a kid," Sam admitted.

"What kid doesn't want to see their parents happy and together?"

Sam shrugged. "I'm a little old to still be having that dream now though."

"I don't know about that. There's a part of all of us that never grows up. You'll always be that little blond boy with missing teeth running through the house fixing stuff."

He raised his eyebrows. "That's a pretty accurate description of me as a kid. How'd you know that?"

"I've heard stories. Between your dad and Will, I've got a good picture of you as a child. It was helpful with Beth, let's me know what to expect."

"I'm glad the stories helped you with your daughter. Though, I'm not sure how. Evans' are a rare breed, doubt your child will have our traits. But at least my embarrassment is good for something."

"They weren't bad stories. Your dad just loves you and is very proud."

"My dad? Dwight Evans? I think you've got him mixed up with someone else," Sam scoffed. "We don't have that type of relationship. Did you notice he's barely been to see me? He's not the type to care, let alone share stories."

"He's been scarce because he doesn't agree with your doctors. He thinks you should be told about all you have forgotten."

"I'm in total agreement with him there. So why is no one talking?" asked Sam.

The reminder that everyone was so tight lipped around him brought his frustrations back to the surface. If his dad didn't agree with the doctors, why in the hell weren't things changing? His father could just fire them all and tell him what he missed.

"He agreed to cooperate and respect my wishes."

"Your wishes?" asked Sam eying her warily. "How do you have any say in this?"

"That didn't come out right. Probably still groggy," said Mercedes. Sam could tell she was trying to cover her ass. "I meant that he agreed to respect the doctors' orders."

Sam scowled. "My father doesn't follow orders. This doesn't sound right."

"I'm going to let you in on something," she said leaning forward as if she were afraid she would be overheard. "Tomorrow they are going to start filling you in on stuff."

"Finally. Now I can start putting my life back together," Sam said feeling very relieved.

"I hope you're happy with everything you discover."

"Even if the past three years were horrible, there's at least one good thing." He reached over and took her hand.

"What's that?" she asked her eyes showing just a hint of sparkle even in the low light.

He threaded his fingers through hers. "I made a new friend. Which in and of itself is amazing. I'm not one to let new people in my life. I don't let people get too close."

"Why'd you let me in?" she asked inching to the edge of the chair, letting their entwined hands rest on her knee.

"I keep trying to figure that out myself. Just feels right."

He kept saying that. It feels right, but that was the only explanation he had. It was just something that was in his gut, pure instinct. He was one to trust his instincts, they usually never steered him wrong, so he was going with it, wherever it led him.

"I never really had any friends until I came to Lima. I've made some good ones here."

"Like Puck? You mentioned you knew him well."

There might have been the slightest hint of jealousy in that question. He could admit, to himself at least, that it bothered him when she said she knew Puck. Puck had already messed with one of his girls, he really didn't want to have to share another one with him. Not that Mercedes was his girl or even his to share, but it was the principle of it all. Technically, Puck had known Mercedes longer than Sam, he had to have, since Sam was comatose for almost the entire time she had been in his life. But things had progressed this past week, and Sam was feeling just a little possessive of his nurse. He didn't like the idea that she was friendly with Puck in the same way she was being friendly with him now.

"Yes, like Puck. He's more like a big brother though." Sam smiled. Big brother was good. That was a perfect way for her to feel about Puck. "I don't know what I would've done without him. He's been so good to me through this. Everyone has."

"Through losing your husband you mean?" he asked wondering if this was what his mother had been hinting at earlier, or was there more to it.

"It was a long road."

"Sorry Little Nurse," Sam said pulling her over to the bed. "First year of marriage should be happy not heartbreaking. I hope things get better for you soon."

"That means a lot. Thank you," she said sitting down next to him, still holding his hand.

"I've been in your shoes. My marriage was not the best either. So if you ever need to talk…"

"It goes both ways you know. I'm here for you too."

Sam made a face. "I'm not really into sharing. Don't like to unload my problems on people."

"Sometimes it helps. No pressure, it's a standing offer."

"Thanks." He felt her pulling away, and he reluctantly let go of her hand.

"I guess I need to head back to my own room," she said turning her back to him to put her feet on the floor.

"Stay," he said placing a hand on her shoulder. "I would like the company."

"Are you sure?" she asked still not turning around. "I don't want to cramp your legs."

"You can stay up here next to me. More comfortable that way."

He let his hand trail down her back, and Sam could have sworn she leaned into his touch. He really needed to stop being so timid with her and find out what was in her head. Worse came to worse, Marcel would just have to be promoted to working with him full-time. But all of this halfway stuff was driving Sam crazy. He was still too weak to try to read between the lines with her.

"I don't think that would be appropriate," she warned, but still turned and got under the covers next to him.

"Don't get all squeamish and PC on me now," he teased unable to contain his smile as he looked at her next to him. "You just admitted you did this all the time while I was comatose."

"That was different, you didn't know I was here."

"Maybe I did," he said tracing a circle on her bare arm with his finger. She was shivering and he had barely touched her. "Having you here feels pretty natural."

She ducked her head trying to hide her smile. It was cute that she was acting so shy. He didn't believe for a second that she was really this embarrassed though. He got the sense that she could be very direct when she wanted to be.

"About the kiss earlier," she started, as she reclined fully in the bed.

He propped up his elbow, resting his head on his hand, leaning over her. "Oh you remember that?"

"How could I forget? I wanted that for so long." She turned bright red when the words left her mouth. Apparently she had said more than she wanted to. "I shouldn't have said that. Things are going to be all weird now."

"Things aren't weird, they've just changed."

"How have they changed?"

"We've gotten closer wouldn't you say? We've become more."

"How much more?" she asked, her breath quickening. Sam watched her chest rise and fall beneath her happy face t-shirt. He put his hand on her stomach, just to see what she would do. She stopped moving the moment he touched her, holding her breath it seemed.

"I guess we'll see where this night takes us," he said leaning in a little closer to her. "Are you tired?"

"I don't think I could sleep if I tried," she responded a little breathless.

"Me either. Any suggestions on what we do about that?" She placed her hand on top of his that was still resting on her belly. Sam wasn't sure if that was his cue to remove it or take things further. He tried to read her eyes.

"Not a one," she replied as she started to play with his fingers. He guessed that was his answer. She didn't want him to move his hand.

"I can't think of anything either," he said his eyes fixating on her mouth.

"It's going to be a boring night," she said letting her hand wander up his arm. He was so glad he had managed to roll up the sleeves on his pajamas. Her hand on his skin felt amazing.

"Mind numbingly dull," he agreed inching his head closer to hers.

"There's always the Speak & Spell."

"Haven't you noticed?" he smirked. "I can talk now."

"Oh right. Must have slipped my mind," she said, her focus moving from his eyes to his mouth. There was no mistaking the look on her face now.

"Meds making you hazy?" he asked sliding his hand from her stomach to her side, dragging her closer to his body.

"No you are. Can't seem to focus when you're this close."

"You too? I've been having the same issue."

"Maybe I should get in the chair. Might help," she said gesturing toward the chair with her head.

"Mental clarity is overrated. That's why drugs are so popular."

"I tend to just say no. I'd like to keep my good girl image intact." He felt her hand run through his hair, with a gentle pressure that nudged him closer to her face.

"What can I do to make you just say yes?" he asked with a smile. He licked his lips, deciding what his next move would be.

"Wait what was the question?" she asked her voice barely above a whisper.

He was a breath away now, hovering above her. Her eyes slid closed as she arched her back slightly to put herself even closer to him. Her tongue peeped out, moistening her full lips, and that was all it took for Sam to make that choice. He slid his free hand through her hair as he let his lips sweep against hers, tugging on her bottom lip lightly with his teeth. She moaned opening her mouth to him, allowing him to deepen the kiss. She pulled him closer, molding her body into his, kissing him harder, sliding her tongue into his mouth.

Less than two weeks out of a coma and Sam was dangerously close to falling into old patterns and thinking with the wrong part of his anatomy. He thought he would have gained some new insights from his latest near death experience, but clearly some things would never change for him. That thought was actually comforting in his currently very screwed up life. If he had forgotten all else, at least he still knew that sometimes you just had to shut up and kiss the girl.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks for reading and commenting!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

"What are you doing here?" she asked looking up in surprise. "It's so early." Quinn never would have expected her morning appointment to be Noah Puckerman dressed in blue jeans and a leather jacket. She figured it was going to be yet another doctor's visit when they had gotten her out of bed at 6am and ushered her into this room.

"I drove all night so I could see you," said Puck taking a seat beside her on the padded wicker bench. The glass enclosed solarium made even the cold February morning seem warm, almost like a garden in spring.

"I'm not even officially allowed social visits yet. How did you get in here? It's not even visiting hours."

"Are all these questions your subtle way of saying you're not happy to see me?" he asked with a teasing tone.

"You know I love seeing you Puck," she said squeezing his knee. "I'm just really surprised."

"Let's just say this beautiful sun filled room we're sitting in affords me special privileges." Puck just pointed to a shiny plaque embedded in the floor by the window. It read, 'Courtesy of D&E Industries, 2004'.

"Your family built this solarium? No wonder I was sent here. Dwight is running this place?"

"Not running it. But he has made sizable donations to the facility. At one point he had hopes of having one of his ex-wives sent here as a permanent resident."

"Great he bought his own personal prison and made me his first inmate," she sulked.

"Don't think that way. Besides can we really blame my uncle for this?"

"Uh yes I can. The judge was going to let me go free until Dwight got to him."

"Aren't you forgetting the little fact that you snuck out of the hospital, broke into Coach B's house, and threatened to take Beth?" asked Puck a bit cautiously as if he were afraid of her reaction.

"I haven't forgotten. You're right Dwight's not to blame for my actions. I actually realize that. It is just so much easier to blame him. Makes me feel far less stupid, for what I have done to my life."

"You'll bounce back," he said throwing his arm over her shoulder. "Quinn Fabray is about due a comeback."

She smiled, leaning into him. "So what was so important that you had to come here so early in the morning?"

"I just wanted to see your pretty face," he replied looking into her eyes for what felt like a beat too long. Quinn shifted uncomfortably beside him.

"Sweet," she said blandly hoping to ease the weird tension in the air. "Now what's the real reason?"

"I needed to talk to you about Sam." Quinn's stomach instantly clenched. She could barely hear those words these days without thinking the worst.

"I hate when people say that and then nothing else. Always scares the hell out of me," she said trying to relax, but her heart was pounding in her chest. If it had been truly bad news Puck would've said it already.

"It's nothing bad, well not that bad," he assured her. "He's getting stronger every day."

"That's good to hear. But what is it you're not saying?" Quinn could see that Puck was holding back, struggling to find the words to explain.

"There are some side effects from the accident," said Puck getting up from the bench.

"Like what?" Quinn asked starting to panic again. Her first thoughts were that he was paralyzed or lost a limb. She could only imagine the pain he could be suffering after being comatose for so long. And that horrible infection, she was sure it took its toll on his organs. "Stop stalling and just say it."

"He's suffered some brain damage, well not damage actually. He's lost his memory."

"He has amnesia? How can that be?" she asked shaking her head in disbelief. "I talked to him on the phone and he knew who I was and he was even bringing up stuff from high school."

"He hasn't forgotten everything," said Puck leaning against the large glass window "Just the last three years."

"The last three years." Quinn stood up shocked. "That means he doesn't remember..."

"Mercedes," Puck interrupted.

"Or that we slept together, or that I dated Mike," said Quinn as she walked over to him.

So much had happened in those three years, to both of them. They had been through so much. Sam didn't remember being with Rachel, his mom's battle with cancer, their nights together. Quinn tried not to go there, but she couldn't help it. Some of the best sex of her life was with Sam when they were reconnecting. It hadn't led to a relationship, but Quinn wouldn't trade those memories for anything, and she was pretty sure Sam would feel the same. And now they were all gone.

"He's missing a big chunk of his life."

"Puck that is so awful. How is he taking it?" Quinn knew Sam must be mad as hell about his condition. Sam was a man who liked to be on top of things, in the control. He must hate not knowing the details of the recent past.

"Not well at first apparently. I haven't been to see him yet, because not remembering the past three years means he doesn't know about me being in rehab and all that. There would be too many questions at this point. So I'm going to wait."

If he didn't know about Puck's drug addiction then he probably thought she and Puck were still together. The thought of that bothered Quinn greatly. For some reason, she hated the idea that Sam would even for a moment think that Puck was an issue between them anymore.

"Is he expected to get his memory back?" Quinn asked. "When are they going to start telling him about everything he missed?"

"I'm not sure about his prognosis for recovery but his doctors are actually going to talk to him today."

"I'm sure he'll be relieved to find out some answers."

"Mercedes says he has been very agitated by not knowing."

Guilt washed over Quinn as she pictured Sam trying to deal with all of this, his family was probably just making things worse. She needed to be there with him, to help him cope. He had called her and been thinking about her, most likely wondering where she was. And Quinn had offered him no answers. She didn't know at the time he had lost his memory, but even still she had been a rotten friend. He must think she was so callous to put some stupid singing gig above coming to see him.

"He must feel like everyone is keeping secrets from him."

"That pretty much describes it. Last night at Uncle Victor's house, Mike was telling me how Sam was asking him so many questions and how it was so hard not to answer them. He almost let some things slip a few times."

"Mike is home?" asked Quinn cringing inwardly. She could only imagine the stories Mike could tell Sam about her. He probably was chomping at the bit to let Sam know all about their train wreck of an affair.

"Yeah he came to see Sam."

"Great," said Quinn rolling her eyes.

"Sam was glad to see him. And he got to meet Beth for the first time. That was nice." Puck smiled. "He was at the house with Beth all night. I think Mike might have even slept over there."

"Beth is staying at the mansion?"

She still couldn't get used to the idea of her daughter spending so much time with the Evans. It was like having her baby be raised by her mortal enemies. They weren't here enemies per se, but the way that Dwight and Sue had it out for her, it felt like it at times. Quinn was scared that their influence and their negative opinion of her would somehow be transferred to her child. She would come home and Beth would hate her after hearing all the lies from her grandparents. At least Sam was back now, and able to step in and take control of all that. Sam wouldn't let her be trashed in front of their child.

"For the moment, since Cede's sick," Puck responded.

"What's wrong with her?" Quinn asked, fear starting to take hold. If something horrible was wrong with Mercedes then Beth would really have no one. She would be forced to call her parents and Quinn wasn't quite ready to do that. She was still trying to work up the nerve to face them.

"Exhaustion. She collapsed and Julian had her admitted to the hospital."

"So both Sam and Mercedes are in the hospital? Who's looking after my baby?"

Feeling helpless and completely out of the loop being stuck so far away, Quinn began to pace the length of the room wringing her hands in front of her. She needed to calm down and start thinking straight. She had to make plans for her daughter. Then it struck her that she probably wasn't even allowed to make plans. She had no rights to care for her. Maybe Artie could help her. He could work on her behalf and get Beth into a new home.

"Dwight hired someone and you know the family is pitching in. Beth will be fine. I'm actually going to pick her up and bring her to the hospital later, so Sam can meet her." Quinn stopped.

Sam could handle it all. She relaxed, feeling relieved that Beth did have someone there to look out for her. She finally was going to have her father back in her life. Quinn really didn't need to worry about her anymore. Sam was going to be a great dad.

"I wish I could be there to see the look on his face." She actually wished she was going to be the one to tell him. Something like that is far too personal to be learned from a doctor. She wanted to look Sam in the eyes and explain to him about the night they conceived their child. She wanted to assure him that she was glad he was Beth's father, despite her first reactions to the news.

"Sam is going to be surprised for sure. Mercedes is a little worried though, she's been texting me all night. Makes me regret giving her that new phone."

"You gave her a phone?" asked Quinn curiously.

"Yeah Julian confiscated her phone to force her to get some rest, but you know Cede," he chuckled lightly. "She called me from the nurses' station at like 2am, had me run to Walmart and buy her a phone so she could stay in contact."

"Sounds like she is really attached to her phone."

She was trying to keep up her positive feelings about the girl but really she was growing tired of hearing all the cute little Cede anecdotes. She had everyone wrapped around her finger thinking she was the perfect little wife. Puck she expected this from, he had been a goner for Mercedes awhile now, after having adopting her as his little sister. Quinn didn't even know what Mercedes did to endear herself to him so quickly. It seemed like one day he just met her, the next day they were best friends.

"It's not that. She just wanted to be able to talk to me while I was coming up here. She didn't want me falling asleep at the wheel."

"But getting into an accident because you are texting while driving is okay? That girl makes no sense at times," Quinn said, perhaps a bit sharper than she had intended. But she couldn't help it. Puck was a decade older than her, yet she was worried about his night driving skills?

"Cede's just a little squeamish when it comes to cars."

Quinn closed her eyes in realization, suddenly feeling awful, because of her constant self-absorption. Of course Mercedes would be worried about Puck's driving. It was because of the accident. Maybe Mercedes deserved to be embraced by the Evans. She seemed able to muster far more concern about Sam's family than Quinn ever could. It didn't even cross Quinn's mind that the fact that a car accident almost took Sam's life would make Mercedes skittish.

"I can understand that," Quinn said softly, unable to meet Puck's eyes.

"Besides, she's been with Sam all night, she couldn't tip him off."

"How has he been around her? Mercedes I mean? Since he doesn't know her."

"It's been weird. He's been asking for you as you know."

"Because he remembered I was with him when he came out of the coma?"

"I think it is also because the last memory he has is of you and him together the night of the limo crash. That was the accident he thought he was in."

Quinn's eyes widened at Puck's words. That was the night they almost made love.

"By your silence I take it that night was something special."

"Well it was one of those moments you never forget."

Facing frigid temperatures and possible death but not caring because she was in the arms of one of the most important men that ever came into her life. It was beyond unforgettable. It was the moment she knew that they could get it back, all they had lost since high school. She saw it in his eyes, she felt it in his kisses, and she just knew that the love was still there.

"Seems so since Sam didn't forget it."

Quinn leaned her head against the cool glass window, a smile blooming on her face. Out of everything else he had clung to that, clung to her. It felt like a sign of something amazing. That they could make it back from the impossible, and still find each other.

"And Mercedes is just accepting all of this?" asked Quinn, not quite able to let her smile fade away yet.

"She's being Mercedes. Pretending to be okay, while she's dying inside. It is killing her that Sam only thinks she's his nurse."

"I bet. She must feel like she's been erased." Quinn knew that feeling. Julian had been making her feel invisible for months.

"From what Sue and Dwight were saying he likes her as his nurse. He's pretty dependant on her."

"That's not the same as him treating her like a wife though. No woman wants to feel like the help."

Puck sighed. "Those two have been through so much, hopefully they'll work it out, provided no new bombs fall on them." Puck shot Quinn a pointed look.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

He leaned his shoulder on the glass, facing her. "Santana happened to let it slip the other day that you were pretty concerned about Sam."

Quinn narrowed her eyes at him. "Well yeah, he just got out of a coma."

"She said you were concerned in more than a friendly way."

Damn Santana and her big mouth. Quinn had told Santana those things in confidence. Leave it to Santana to get it all wrong. Just because she was feeling connected to Sam didn't mean she wanted to be with him. In fact, that was the last thing she wanted. Quinn had decided to swear off men for the time being. She had to focus on getting her life together for Beth. For the first time she had to think about someone other than herself. A man, even if that man was her baby's father, would just get in the way of her goals. Men always threw Quinn off track. She couldn't afford to make any more impulsive decisions or mistakes.

"Santana is bored and trying to create drama. Sam is the father of my child and my friend. That is why I am concerned."

"Bonds form when you share a child. Hell bonds form when you share a pet. Look at Brittany and Santana. She can't let go of the girl because of that connection to that cat they bought together."

Quinn reached out and touched his hand, her tone softening. "It must hurt you that Santana still has feelings for Brittany. I'm sorry Puck."

"I'm not hurt," said Puck walking away. "I'm just worried about her. Brittany is not someone she needs in her life. Hopefully in time she will see that. But I do know how hard it is to get over an ex. Sometimes you never get over them."

"I'm completely over Sam, if that's what you're hinting at."

"I wasn't talking about you at all, but interesting you assumed that I was," he stated sitting on the bench.

"Why did you come here today Puck? To scope things out for Mercedes? To make sure I'm not plotting my escape?" Quinn asked crossing her arms over her chest.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to talk openly with Puck the way she used to. His friendship with Mercedes, made him seem like a spy for the enemy camp. Puck was too good of a guy to use anything Quinn said against her, but she couldn't help but wonder how much of his current motivations were about testing the waters for Mercedes. Quinn knew that Puck was hurt she had slept with Sam, not only because it destroyed their relationship, and because it had hurt Mercedes, but also because it flared up old wounds. Quinn had cheated on him once before, when she was on tour in Europe. Puck claimed he understood, saying his drug use made him a terrible partner, but Quinn always suspected it hurt him more than he let on. The day he found out about her night with Sam, Puck got this look in his eyes. Quinn could only describe it as disgust. He almost looked at her the way Sue or Dwight did. Then it was gone and he was back to being old Puck. But Quinn never did forget that look.

"I came here to see you. I thought you might like to know that Sam is going to find out he has a daughter today and he also is going to find out about you."

"About me? Like about me being here?" asked Quinn taking a seat next to Puck on the bench.

"Yes. Cede said the doctor is going to tell him a little bit about your condition."

"I'm glad he'll finally know."

"Hoping he'll come and save you?" asked Puck.

"I don't know maybe." Quinn was actually getting pretty tired of having to rely on some man to get her out of a jam. It felt past high time to do more for herself. And she fully intended to, once she got out of this place. The getting out part would be tricky though. She honestly felt that Sam might be her only hope.

"How come you won't ever let me be the one to do that? I could be your hero. I pretty much owe it to you after all I put you through while we were together."

Quinn could never seem to make Puck understand that he didn't have to make up for anything. They both were young and stupid, and hurt each other equally. Quinn had gotten over it and moved on. Why couldn't he?

"Puck, you don't owe me anything. We both made mistakes. This thing with Sam...it's not about needing him to rescue me."

"It's just about needing him," Puck said completing her thought. She nodded sadly, with tears glistening in her eyes.

Somewhere along the line Sam had become more important to her than just an ordinary friend. Quinn fully understood that she could just be transferring her feelings of loneliness and at times despair on to him, wanting him to be the solution to take all of her pain away. She'd been in therapy long enough to know she just might be clingy and skimming the surface of codependent. It just was that he had become her life line during her time in the hospital. Sam, or at least the idea of Sam, had been the one thing that kept her from going completely insane. In a way he represented hope. Hope he would wake up and take care of Beth. Hope he would convince his father to set her free. Hope that she wasn't completely alone. And the biggest hope of all, the hope that one day he'd be her home. They were all just fantasies that provided comfort in her many dark hours, just as dreams of living on a beach in Tahiti had as well. Most of these dreams would never come true, she wasn't so far gone that she didn't know that much, but she still clung to them, keeping them close and safe in her heart. She didn't have much these days but at least she had Sam. If only in her dreams.

"Cede needs him too."

Quinn just couldn't bring herself to completely pity Mercedes. Yeah she knew she'd had it rough, and this new development with Sam was a tough blow, but at least she had family, friends, and her freedom. Maybe she'd lose Sam. It wasn't like she was so eager to keep him before all of this. Mercedes had planned to move on then. She could live her life without Sam. She was young and her whole future was still ahead of her. There would be other men for her to love. Quinn had loved her fair share and she knew that the heart could be filled and emptied numerous times before it weakened. Mercedes had only just begun. The way Quinn saw it, Sam was just a step, not the whole journey. Quinn just wasn't convinced Mercedes was the long haul girl for Sam. There were so many little signs saying otherwise. And when you put all those signs together they seemed to all say the same thing. Mercedes was not the one. Or maybe that was just what Quinn was hoping the signs meant. She shook her head trying to free her mind of those really unsettling thoughts and brought her focus back to Puck.

"He doesn't remember her," Quinn reminded him.

"There's something there. She just sent me this." Puck handed her his phone to show her a picture of Sam and Mercedes smiling brightly on the screen.

"He looks happy."

He was smiling, a light beard on his face, not quite thick enough to hide his dimple and the creases in his cheeks. From the looks of it they were in his hospital room, snuggled up to take this super close-up photo. Quinn felt like she could cry. She wanted to be the one that close to Sam, starting the day with him.

"She must have just taken it. They've been together all night."

"Why are you showing me this Puck?" She handed Puck back his phone. Seeing the picture just made her miss him worse.

"I just don't want you to forget that your hero belongs to someone else."

"I think you're a bit jealous that I'm not leaning on you more," said Quinn bitterly. She didn't like what Puck was insinuating. Despite popular opinion, she wasn't some home wrecking slut.

"Maybe I am," Puck admitted staring down at his feet. "I'll always want to be the man you turn to."

"Puck..." She really didn't know what to say to that. So much had changed between them now.

He shrugged finally looking her in the eyes. "Just being honest. Some feelings just don't fade."

"Sometimes they don't fade even when you want them to," Quinn said miserably, thinking about a number of feelings she wished she could just poof out of existence.

"I hope Sam doesn't let you down. I don't want to see you hurt."

"Sam is the best friend I've ever had. I know he'll be here for me." That might be the only sure thing left in her life, the knowledge that Sam would always come through for her.

"And you'll let him?" asked Puck raising his eyebrows. "No matter what it costs him?"

"What do you mean by that?" she asked.

Puck turned his phone toward her to show Quinn the rectangular screen. There in perfect color, was a picture of Sam his arms wrapped around Mercedes, his lips pressed against her cheek, her smile so wide her eyes had closed. Quinn pushed the phone away unable to look anymore. A chill went through her body and she had to wrap her arms around herself to keep warm.

"I thought you said he didn't remember her," she said feeling incomprehensibly sad from seeing such a happy photo.

"He doesn't," Puck replied pulling Quinn into a hug.

The phone made a low buzz as another message came in. Puck flipped the phone in his hand, as he leaned away from Quinn. It was another picture. This time it was just Sam, alone in profile, his hand under his chin, looking lost in thought, the hint of the morning sun in the background. Quinn's mind instantly went back to one of their nights at the Beacon when he had struck a similar pose as they looked out at the Lima horizon. Quinn smiled. It was another sign.


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks for reading! Fluff alert.

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><p>Chapter 13<p>

Mercedes coaxed herself out of sleep as she squinted against the bright sunlight that filled the room. She rubbed her face in the soft silk of his pajamas before reluctantly lifting her head from his chest.

Sam's pale green eyes were on her, a smile on his face. "Good morning," he said.

"Oh no," said Mercedes feeling her face warm in embarrassment.

"What?" Sam asked, looking amused by her discomfort.

"Did I fall asleep? I must look terrible." She tried to straighten her hair, rubbing down the strands that felt like they were standing up on the top of her head. She was in desperate need of a mirror.

"I haven't seen a woman in months, let alone sleep with one. You could be green and have warts like a witch and you'd still look good to me."

"Gee thanks," she mumbled feeling even more like she should make a sprint down the hall to the public restroom to fix herself up.

No self respecting woman would be caught in bed with a man as gorgeous as Sam, looking as bad as she probably did. Although he had seen it all before, exhausted and in need of a shower when he was in the hospital after their wedding, snot nosed and disgusting when she had that bad cold, covered in blood the night of the accident. Mercedes really shouldn't have been so self conscious. It was just Sam, her husband, the man that had promised to love her no matter what. Except it really wasn't him. He looked like Sam, he felt like Sam, although a bit thinner, he had the same devilish spark in his eyes, the same heart stopping smile, he even kissed just as she had remembered, but something had changed.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked taking her hand from her hair and enclosing it in his own.

"I actually did. Shocking."

"I managed to doze off too. The voices in my head stopped for a bit."

He had told her about hearing Quinn calling to him in his mind. Mercedes didn't know how to take that information. On the one hand she wanted to comfort him, let him know he wasn't losing it maybe it was all just a byproduct of the coma. Yet on the other, she wanted to shake him and fix whatever was out of place in his brain. She didn't want him thinking about Quinn, she wanted him thinking of her and all that he missed from their life together. Instead he was daydreaming about an unknown future with the woman that almost destroyed their marriage. It was hard to take, and Mercedes was finding it almost unbearable to just sit back and remain closed lipped about the true nature of her relationship with him. She was pretty sure that Sam wouldn't have been so open about his feelings for Quinn if he knew he was talking to his wife.

"So much for our pledge to stay up all night."

"We did watch the sunrise, so I think we upheld it."

"I better give you back your bed," she said sitting up. "I'm sprawled all over you."

"You're fine. I wouldn't mind if you stayed all day," he said threading his fingers through hers.

They had watched the sunrise. Mercedes had opened the blinds and shifted their position in the bed so they could see out of the window. As the golden glow overtook the room, Sam smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. It was his first sunrise since he had come out of the coma. He said he had never felt happier to see the sun in his life. Funny how Sam didn't even know he was in a coma, but still felt like he had been gone for a long time. He said it was like coming out of a dark tunnel, finally reaching the surface only to realize that he made a wrong turn, and had wound up in the wrong place. Mercedes couldn't help but wonder if he were wishing he were watching this sunrise with someone else. She had even asked him that, boldly picking at the thinly scabbed wound of being forgotten. After a moment of just staring her in the eyes, as if he were truly seeing her for the first time, he simply said, he was where he should be. Then he thanked her for helping him find the sun again.

"They might send out a search party if they notice me missing," she said a little fearful that the nurse on duty on her floor might be heading into a panic thinking she lost her patient.

"I'll hide you under the covers. They'll never know. You'll be my little secret."

The words ' I love you' spread across her mind as she stared into his eyes. Never had she felt more sure about him, about their future, as she did now. Almost losing Sam, then to finally get him back, made her want to hold him in her arms and never let him go again. She was so close to just telling him. Screw the doctors this was her husband and he had a right to know. But she held back curbed more by fear than a desire to follow the rules. Something was telling her that the time was not right for Sam to know who she truly was to him. Didn't stop her from wanting it desperately. Every touch, every kiss, every look she hoped would be the one that made him remember, that triggered something in his mind, that would make him feel her love.

Mercedes leaned into him, tugging at the collar of his pajamas, and kissed him softly on the lips. "I didn't mean to do that," she said ducking her head shyly.

"Yes you did," he said lifting her chin, forcing her to look at him. "What are you hiding for? Look at you, getting all embarrassed. It was just a little kiss."

"I keep crossing the line with you," she said getting lost in the green of his eyes.

"I think we might be beyond lines now," his still rough voice sounding smoother as he dropped his tone.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I'm not." He placed a gentle kiss on her lips, caressing the curve of her chin lightly as he pulled back. "Now we're even. No more acting all shy."

He felt something that was for sure. Their kisses had grown more and more intense throughout the night, growing in passion the longer they spent time in each other's company. This was probably the Sam that Rachel fell in love with, sweet and attentive, sharing stories about his life and glimpses into his dreams. He was charming, flirtatious, and far less guarded than when he first met her. Mercedes used to wish Sam would be like this with her, back then, when she was the only one in love, and he thought she was a nuisance. She wanted the stolen kisses, the shy smiles, the romantic dates, she wanted to be the one he chose to spend his time with. Their interaction had built them a bond, a true friendship, that had ultimately led them down the aisle, but they had missed out on all the little things lovers do, the lazy stroll that often led to true love.

Sam hadn't minded the unconventional nature of their relationship. He felt it just proved they were meant to be. Mercedes, however, couldn't help but miss some of the romance, especially since she had never experienced it before. So he had tried to give it to her, after the wedding, when love usually starts to become more like a routine and less like a surprise, Sam decided he was going to date his wife. He promised every day would have a hint of romance. Mercedes was skeptical he could pull it off, especially since there was less incentive now that they were fully committed. The cow was bought, the milk was on the table. She should have known better than to doubt him, Sam always tried to be a man of his word, and he had romanced her far beyond her fantasies. Nothing fancy, no flights to Paris, or expensive jewels, but a life filled with little things. Walks to work, cooking her favorite meal, unexpected flowers, kisses just because, breakfast every morning, skipping work just to spend the day with her, lazy afternoons in bed and so much love, he never left her side without telling her how much he loved her. Better than any fairytale she had ever read. She should have known it couldn't last. Blow after blow crushed all of the little things until she was left with nothing but his motionless body imprisoned in the bed. Now he was back, just like before, but he wasn't her Sam. He was some version of himself from another time, a time before Mercedes had even known him.

"Can we do that again?" she asked, feeling very seduced by the nearness of him. He wasn't even touching her but just the heat from his body was exciting her. Anticipation built in her chest as she imagined his lips on hers again. She couldn't even bring herself to care that he didn't remember her, as she stared into his darkening green eyes. All she wanted was to be close to him again.

"You're pushing it," he laughed. Mercedes tried to hide her disappointment with her own light chuckle.

"Right sorry I..." He grabbed her face in his hands, and kissed her again, deeper this time, her lips parting to allow him entrance.

"Sorry," he murmured across her lips. He pulled back, running his fingers through her hair before releasing her completely. "I didn't mean to cut you off. What were you saying?"

"I was talking?" she asked feeling dazed, a warm flush blooming over her body. "I'm tingling all over."

"Glad to see I haven't lost my skills," he said, smiling as he watched her recline in the bed. "A man can get rusty after months of disuse."

"You're not rusty at all," she grinned as she rolled over, turning her back to him.

"Trying to kiss and run?" he asked pulling her back, closer to his body.

"No, I just couldn't keep looking at your lips. I was getting all fluttery." His arm encircled her waist as he remained pressed behind her, the hair on his face, tickling her cheek as he leaned closer.

"I'll try my best not to smile," he said against her ear.

"No don't!" She rolled over quickly to face him. "I missed that smile."

"I take it I didn't smile in the coma?" he asked, his lips looking even pinker peeking through his beard.

She reached up and stroked his cheek, liking the feel of his soft hair under her fingertips. "That's one of the things you never did."

"So when did you ever see me smile before? Was I conscious when you first brought me in after the accident?" The struggle to make sense of it all was in his eyes. He moved away from her trying to focus on all the details that painted a picture of the life he missed.

Mercedes ducked under the covers, finding it easier to evade his questions than face him, especially after the night they had just shared. Images of the night played through her mind like a film.

He had kissed her passionately, making out like teenagers in his dark hospital room. Things started to heat up and Mercedes' heart was pounding so hard she thought her chest might explode. Then he pulled back, looking into her eyes, and her heart fell. His eyes were lidded with desire, and she could tell he had truly enjoyed himself but there was something missing. There was no pent up passion from months of fighting attraction like when they first slept together, there was no love or depth of emotion that was always in his eyes after they got married. It was like meeting a cute guy at a club and making out with him in a dark corner, it was hot and it was fun, but it meant nothing. Not that Mercedes had ever made out with a cute guy in a club just for fun. Her nights at the club were strictly business, but she did know the feeling.

When she was thirteen she ran away to the beach in Cabo San Lucas with the girl staying in a hotel room three doors down from her suite with her mom Keisha. Mercedes had so much fun playing on the beach, eating sweets from the little shops in the village, just being free and far away from her mother. She never wanted to leave. On the second day, as she searched for seashells on the edge of shore, she met Estefan. He was fifteen, with dark hair, a long nose that hooked and a full red mouth. He found her a bucket and filled it with shells, he held her hand as they ran along the beach, the warm sea tickling their toes. And under the shade of the rocky cliffs, she had almost let him kiss her. She wanted him to, but as his head cast a shadow over her face, a pang of fear hit, and she pushed him away, running as fast as she could to find her friend. It seemed boys were the same as men for Mercedes, their touches led to the same awful things, but for a moment, she knew what it was like to be swept away by someone she hardly knew. It was thrilling and sweet all at once.

Mercedes suspected that this is what she was for Sam right now. A thrilling and sweet way to pass the time. She didn't dare hope that it could be mean anything more than that. How could it? He didn't even know who she was.

So when Sam sat up in the bed and suggested they talk, Mercedes had been relieved. It was easier to play the friendly nurse than something more. Her own emotions tended to betray her when she was so close to him. So a more platonic diversion was greatly appreciated. Before they knew it the morning had crept over them bringing a renewed closeness and the desire they had let cool, started to slowly simmer with the rising sun.

"I could live under here. It's toasty," she said from underneath the blankets.

"Sorry to just barge in. I'm looking for Mercedes."

Mercedes shrunk down even further in the bed as she heard her father's voice in the room. She really didn't want to talk to him at the moment. Not only had she skipped out of her hospital room, but she had spent the night with Sam. She was sure he would have some comments on both those actions. The morning had been going so well that she would have just preferred to skip it all together.

"It's cool. You're Julian right? My father's friend?" Mercedes hadn't realized that Sam even knew who her father was.

"That I am," replied Julian. "Mercedes is my daughter." Sam probably didn't notice but Julian's tone was decidedly less jovial than usual. It had to be really hard for her father to talk to Sam with all the past drama between them.

"My mom mentioned that," said Sam.

"I'm surprised you recognize me. Puck never really brought you by the house."

"I've seen you around. There was that trip to Los Angeles," said Sam sounding rather friendly. If he only knew all the bad blood between them, he wouldn't be taking this all so casually.

"Oh yeah. You and me and Dwight all went out there on a little vacation. That had to be like almost ten years ago."

"Maybe more. I was still in high school."

"Good memory," Julian commented.

"With some things." Mercedes could feel Sam tense up next to her. Any mention of his lost memory and he just got stressed. It clearly was still bothering him more than he was letting on.

"I heard about that. The brain's tricky."

"Is that your medical opinion?" Sam asked laughing lightly.

"Mercedes I know you're under there I can see part of your hair sticking out." She'd been spotted, so much for avoidance.

Mercedes lifted her hand out from under the blanket and waved. "Hi, dad."

"Let's go. You've got to get back in bed." His voice was closer now, so Mercedes could tell he was moving toward the bed. She wanted him out the door, not further in the room.

"I am in bed. I even slept. Ask Sam," she said raising her voice from under the blanket.

"She did, like a rock, a black haired snoring rock," said Sam poking her arm under the covers.

She swatted his hand away. "Hey! I don't snore."

"Cede you were supposed to be hooked up to your IV. Despite what you keep telling everyone, you didn't faint, you collapsed. Your body gave out on you because it needed food and water. I'm not playing now. I need you back in bed." Mercedes sighed at her father's lecturing tone. She knew he meant well but he always seemed to forget she was an adult and could take care of herself.

"I don't want to be in there all alone," she said rolling herself into Sam's chest. He put his arm around her and held her close, rubbing her back softly.

"I'll sit with you and Beiste will come," her father replied. He didn't sound like he was going to let it go. Mercedes really didn't want to argue with him, she had far too many other things on her mind than food and sleep. Sam was about to find out about Beth today, she needed to be alert for that.

"She can stay with me," Sam volunteered.

Mercedes pulled the blanket from over her head and looked at him. "Do you mean that?"

"Yeah," he said with a crooked smile.

"She needs to be in a bed of her own," Julian countered, taking a seat in the chair. So much for not having to argue, her father was not going to make this easy.

"Can't you put one in here for her? The room's huge."

"I've been trying to get a bed in here for her for months. So she wouldn't have to curl up next to you."

Mercedes turned and gave her father a sharp look. "Dad…"

Julian continued. "But she kept telling me, no she didn't want one, and that she'd rather be close to you."

Mercedes wanted to crawl back under the covers, or better yet under the bed. Her father was completely mortifying her with his every word. Sam must think she was some crazy stalker lady. Nurses don't want to sleep in bed with their comatose patients. It is not only frowned upon, it's also very creepy.

"Dad can you please stop talking?" she asked covering her face with her hands.

If only she could teleport or had the power to make herself invisible. That would've come in so handy right now. Sam rubbed her arm, coaxing her to relax. Great, now he's trying to placate the insane woman in his bed. He probably was pretending to like her until he could safely get help to get her away from him.

"Julian just set her up in here. We can be roommates." He hugged her close from behind, nuzzling his face into her neck.

"Can you give us a minute, Dad? I need to talk to Sam." Mercedes gestured that he scram with her eyebrows, hoping he would get the hint.

Julian reluctantly got up from the chair and headed toward the door. "Sure. But I'll be back in half hour. I want you back on your drip."

Mercedes didn't even wait for the door to close before she turned around in Sam's arms. "Okay, Sam be straight with me. What's really going on here?"

"What do you mean?" he asked letting go of her.

"After what my dad just said about me, why aren't you yelling for help?" She asked sitting upright in the bed, crossing her legs Indian style. "Are you just trying to get some or what?"

* * *

><p>"Why would you think I just wanted to get some?" he asked trying not to laugh at her directness.<p>

That was something he never expected to hear out of her mouth, such a blunt question about his sexual intentions. Yes things had progressed between them but to the point of sleeping together? Well not sleeping together literally, since they did that already, but sex, to the point of having sex. Were they even relating on that level? Did that question mean he had a shot? Strike that last part, he wasn't looking for a shot. A shot would be nice, since it had been so long, but really he didn't think he was up to it at the moment. Still a little weak, and definitely feeling stiff in certain areas. Although that one particular area did get pretty stiff around her repeatedly through the night, so maybe he was underestimating his body's abilities. Maybe he could take that shot she might be offering.

Sam took a deep breath trying to get himself thinking with the right part of his anatomy. He wasn't going to have sex with a woman he barely knew, although now that she brought the subject up, he could think of nothing else. In fact, if she decided to push the issue he probably could be easily persuaded to go along for the ride. And by the looks of her, that ride might be quite exciting. She had this deceptive sexiness hidden behind her innocent looking face and wide brown eyes. Careless men could easily be caught up in her before they even realized what was happening. Sam was starting to feel like one of those careless men right now. Her eyes were luring him into some sort of trap, he could feel the pull, but there was nothing he could do to resist. He was compelled to do whatever it took to make her sad eyes spark. He had tried all night to erase the pain reflected there, and a few times he succeeded. He had felt like he won a gold medal when her eyes brightened as he talked to her. Then he would say something else, and her eyes would grow dull, and the teary sadness would reappear.

"Come on Sam, my dad just painted a pretty warped picture of me for you. I can only imagine what must be going through your mind right now."

"You told me earlier that you liked to talk to me. Maybe he was just misconstruing what he was seeing when you were in here talking."

She eyed him skeptically."You don't buy that. You're too jaded to believe that."

"How do you know what I'm like? You've only seen me in a coma." The scary part was she really did seem like she knew him. He couldn't be that transparent.

"I'm a good judge of character and I can read people pretty well."

"If you can read me, then you should know better than to ask me if I am after sex," he challenged.

She didn't seem convinced as she asked, "So you don't want to sleep with me?"

"Are you making me a proposition?" Sam couldn't help himself. She put it out there with all the sex talk, maybe she was the one looking to get some.

She attempted to ignore his question, but Sam noted the tell tale sign of a response. She was looking down and he bet if she were lighter he'd see pink all over her cheeks.

"I just want to know what's going on here. We had this incredible night together and I feel like we've made a breakthrough…gotten closer."

"I feel the same way," he agreed. "It has been fun."

"Fun?"

Fun was all he was willing to admit. She didn't need to know that he had connected with her in a way that he hadn't with anyone else since Quinn. Not even Brittany, a woman he married, had made him feel this close and comfortable. There was a safety in her company that made him feel he could tell her anything and she would understand. It scared the shit out of him, especially in light of what Julian had said. She clearly had spent more time with him than he had realized while he was comatose. And the fact that he wasn't scared of her and actually felt closer to her than ever even after hearing that was the freakiest part of all. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Yeah, so why do we have to stop?" Maybe it was because he didn't have Brittany anymore and was all alone, but Sam really wanted Mercedes to stay. "You can stay in here with me and keep me company. Maybe I can get that rematch in poker."

"Well if you want to be humiliated again it's on. Thank you, Sam. I really don't like to sleep alone," she admitted lowering her eyes.

"I sort of got that. I'm surprised your father didn't say anything about you being in bed with me. He did seem a little tense though." Tense and not all that friendly, although who could blame the guy? No father wants to see his daughter in the bed with a man, a patient no less.

"He's not really the type to judge. I better go and tell my dad," she said standing up.

"Not yet." He grabbed her by the hand. "Stay with me awhile." Again it felt like his brain had stopped working. He should be putting some distance between them, yet here he was pulling her back into bed.

"I can do that," she said smiling softly as she leaned back against the pillow. "Let me just send a quick text to Beiste, I need to check on Beth." She picked up her phone from the table and started typing.

"Must be hard being away from her."

"I worry about all the disruptions in her schedule." She paused her typing to look at him. "She's been through so much already."

"What happened to her? Was she sick?" The girl seemed really healthy. Sam couldn't imagine anything being wrong with her.

"Uh well…she was premature and shuffled around a lot, the hospital, new places. It can be hard on a baby."

"I'm sure she's fine. You seem like a great mother." A little shy about gushing, but Sam could tell she loved her baby.

"I'm faking it. I have no clue what I'm doing."

"I thought that stuff was instinctive after you have a child, the mother bond."

"It's complicated."

"I get complicated," he chuckled. "You should meet my family."

"I sort of already did, remember?"

"Right. I keep forgetting you know them all."

"You just have to get used to all the changes. It will get easier."

"I can't wait until I start getting more details. I feel like there's something big staring me in the face and I'm missing it." He had given himself a headache trying to figure it out, searching the blank spaces in his mind for any sort of a clue.

"In a few hours you'll know more," she said quietly.

He had expected to see Quinn there when he awakened. He had heard her voice so clearly. Then when he finally opened his eyes all he saw was his nurse's smiling face and later his parents. It was disappointing and unnerving. He started to doubt if he had really heard Quinn at all. Each time he opened his eyes in the first few days all he saw was Mercedes. Eventually he started hoping Mercedes would be there. He always felt so disorientated when he woke up during that time, seeing her face was the one constant, her smile was something he could count on.

Now that Quinn had confirmed that she was with him while he was awakening but hadn't stayed, he was thoroughly confused. In his head, Quinn was his companion, her face and her voice floating through his mind like a hazy dream. But in reality she wasn't there, it was Mercedes that never seemed to leave him. It was her hands that touched him, her voice that made him smile, and her presence that made him feel less confused and alone. He liked having her around, and he needed her there. She was the only thing that felt real in his world now. That's why he wanted her in his room, in his bed. She anchored him to this place where he felt like he was drifting, where he didn't seem to fit.

"Will you be there? I noticed sometimes you disappear during my doctor consultations."

"Trying to give you some space. You don't want me hanging around all the time."

"Maybe you can stay this time." He gave her a quick glance to check her reaction. He didn't want to seem needy about it, but he just felt like he wanted some support. He didn't know what to expect.

"I'll do whatever you want Sam." The way she said it made him think she meant something more than sitting in while he talked to a doctor.

He squeezed her bare knee. "I want you there."

"Then that's where I'll be."

Maybe he should have been leaning on his mom more. Sam was starting to feel bad about putting his nurse in an awkward position, a position that should've been filled by a girlfriend or a wife. Apparently the last three years had left him alone as ever. He had hoped he would have found someone to spend his life with by now. In his dreams it was Quinn, their second chance should have happened during these forgotten years. Sam couldn't help but feel disappointed that it didn't seem to have happened.

She stroked his hair gently as he leaned his head on her shoulder. "That feels nice."

"I did this all the time, and full body massages."

"Is that why my muscles are not completely atrophied?"

"You had physical therapy the whole time, but I would massage you and moisturize you, keep your circulation moving." She moved away from him looking embarrassed. "I guess I'm grossing you out."

"It's just weird to think about not being aware of all this happening to me. Thank you for doing all of that."

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's my job."

"Don't say that. It's more than a job isn't it?"

It bothered him every time she made it seem like he was just a patient. They felt like so much more than that, right from the start.

"Yes. It's not a job to me."

Mercedes gave him this look, an incredible look that seemed to say everything she was feeling without words. The things she was too scared to admit. The things he had been feeling too. There was something between them growing inexplicably deeper the more time they spent together.

Quinn had given him that same look once, the night of the limo accident. He couldn't help but wonder if it was still there, that spark of something more? He and Quinn had been through so much, did the last three years erase it all?

He needed a drink. He was looking at Mercedes searching for more in her eyes, while at the same time wishing Quinn was looking at him the same way. Unreal. Something like this would only happen to him. Two women had been by his bedside. The one he always wanted, didn't stay, and the one he never knew, always remained and Sam was feeling things for them both.

He ran his hand through his hair. "I should not be feeling these things. My head must be mush."

"Feeling what things?" she asked with a little more eagerness than Sam was prepared for. He didn't know how much he should reveal to her.

He had Quinn in his head, Mercedes in his bed, and a foot in two different times. Neither scenario was good for him. Quinn was off singing somewhere, not caring enough to come see him and he was crazily falling head over heels for her all over again. His mind just couldn't let go of the possibility that this was their chance to finally get it right and be together. Sam wasn't one to deal in psychic visions or find hidden meaning in dreams, but Quinn's haunting of him had to mean something. He was convinced of it. He needed to see her, look her in the eyes and then he'd know where they stood.

Then he thought back to earlier that morning, when he opened his eyes and saw her dark hair on his chest, and as he let his fingers play in her waves, he couldn't imagine Mercedes not in his life. He hadn't even known her a month and he already had this overwhelming sense that she was supposed to be with him, in his arms, in his bed, in his life. He wanted to save her from her pathetic excuse for a husband, take her and her baby in, and keep them safe. It was more than just wanting to do a good deed for his kind and caring nurse. Every time she looked up at him with those haunting brown eyes it hit him to his core, somehow she was his to look after.

"The things I'm feeling about you," he said deliberately being vague. No need to scare her prematurely. "You're my nurse. I shouldn't be so attracted."

"You're attracted to me?"

"I thought that was obvious," he said swiping his finger down the point in her chin. "My mom asked me if I had a crush."

"Do you?"

Man, she wasn't going to make this easy for him.

He exhaled sharply. "This is so complicated. I can't stop thinking about another woman."

"Quinn." She said it more like a statement than a question. Something Sam couldn't quite understand flickered in her eyes.

Behind closed eyes it was a different story his need to see Quinn had been steadily increasing just as his bond with Mercedes had been building. He was starting to feel separated, existing in two planes, two versions of himself. There was the one Sam that dreamed of Quinn, that was still under that blanket with her. It was comfortable and it felt more real to him than anything that existed when he opened his eyes. The other version of himself, the one that was stuck in the hospital room in 2014, confused and frustrated, was dangerously close to entangling his heart in the worst possible place. Around a sweet little nurse with sad doe eyes, an infant, and an absentee husband. Everything about her was giant warning sign to steer clear. But Sam was starting not to be able to help himself.

"Yes, but I'm feeling very much like I want to kiss you right now."

"Nine months is a long time. You're probably just craving some action." She was trying to sound lighthearted, but it came out sounding like defeat. As if she had resigned herself to thinking he only wanted sex from her.

"It's more than that. I liked you from the moment I met you. I don't know why," said Sam feeling the need to reassure her.

"I like you too."

"I picked up on that," he teased. "But what about your husband? He might have left but you got to still care." Sam really didn't want to hear the answer, he was already starting to have jealous thoughts about her invisible spouse, but he had to know where her head was.

"I love him. I don't think that will ever change."

He officially hated the guy. She was totally hung up on him, he could see it in her eyes. Maybe it was better this way. He could stop feeling weird for being hung up on someone else too.

"I can't stop feeling like maybe something is in the cards for me and Quinn. Though I'm probably being stupid. She hasn't even come to visit." He didn't bother to add that his feelings came from a night that happened three years ago. He was feeling pathetic enough as it was.

"She would if she could." She said it so matter of fact, not like an appeasement, but like truth.

"How do you know that?"

"A woman knows these things. We know when someone truly cares. Quinn cares about you."

Sam fought the urge to ask her what Quinn had said and done all the times she had come to see him. Things were weird enough between them as it was.

"We are a strange pair. In the bed together talking about other people."

"Nothing wrong with being unique," she said throwing him a smile.

"You are the most wonderful surprise," he said before he could stop himself.

"What do you mean?

"Never thought I would wake up and find someone like you in my life." He might as well put it all out there, he had told her practically everything else.

She smiled softly. "You didn't even know you were in a coma, so I doubt you thought much of anything."

"You know what I'm saying. I've never met anyone like you before."

"You don't even know me that well," she said looking down, but Sam could still see the shine of tears in her eyes.

"I want to," he said taking her hand. "Maybe when I get out of here and get stronger we can spend some time together, get dinner."

"Like a date?"

"It would be nice to see you in something other than scrubs, though I have to say your current outfit is pretty cute. And I do have more to my wardrobe than pajamas. We can just be normal." His mother would never let him live this one down. He just asked out his nurse. He could hear her gloating already in his mind.

"I'm not sure I can pull off normal, but I'd love to try for you."

"I look forward to it."

"Me too," she said climbing out of bed and smoothing her shorts. "I'm leaving for real this time."

"See you when you get back."

She hesitated. "Sam are you sure you want me in here with you?"

"You're probably my closest friend in the world right now, scary as that sounds. You make me feel better."

"So you're using me?"

He hoped he wasn't, but he had to admit the fact that she was always there made her even more attractive. She filled his loneliness and helped him focus on the present and not all that he missed.

"Aren't you using me? To feel better about your husband?"

Even if she didn't realize it Sam could tell. The problem was that he didn't care. He just wanted to spend time with her. Yep, he was sucked into her trap, he was feeling might hooked.

"I suppose."

"Nothing wrong with using each other for awhile. Who are we hurting?" They both were so open and honest with each other. What could go wrong?

"And the kissing?" she asked leaning her knee against the bed.

"I'm a man and you have the prettiest mouth I've ever seen. Those lips…" He trailed off as he focused on her mouth.

She frowned but still got back on the bed, crawling toward him on all fours. "That totally sounded like a line. A pretty mouth?"

"I mean it. I can't help myself. I just want to taste…" His hands were on the side of her face before he knew what he was doing. Soft lips over his, warm and moist, open and inviting, he let himself get lost in the soft feel of her kisses.

She pulled away, her hand running down his chest. "You better stop that or a girl might never want to leave."

"That's the plan," he smirked covering her hand with his own, holding it there against his rapidly beating heart.

"I'll be back," she said tearing herself away nearly running for the door.

"Can't wait."

Sam laughed as she looked back longingly, before turning the handle and leaving. He guessed she wasn't lying when she said he still had skills. That dazed look in Mercedes' eyes told him that she liked every bit of that kiss and would be back for more.

It was nice to feel wanted. All he could remember was Brittany running from their attraction and her endless rejections. Enough of that takes a toll on a man. Maybe that was why that night with Quinn had meant so much. He finally felt like he was on the right track, that he had stopped chasing the wrong dream, and was face to face with his destiny. Cheesy indeed, but that's how it always felt with Quinn, something bigger than either of them were ready to handle. Sam was feeling up to the challenge now. He was ready to see what was still there with Quinn. It was the right time.

Sam picked up the phone Mercedes had left behind, tapping through, hoping to find a game, instead he found the pictures. All those photos they had taken overnight and in the early morning. It was a little jarring to see himself so thin and with his beard that full, but otherwise he looked as he remembered. No scars or major changes in the past three years. His hair was awful. Mercedes claimed it was bed head but now looking at the pictures, he could clearly see someone had butchered his hair. It almost looked like they cut it with their eyes closed. Someone would answer for that. It was unacceptable.

He scrolled through more photos of the two of them making faces into the camera, stopping when one caught his eyes. Mercedes was full frame, smiling into the camera and he was just staring at her, with a look on his face that Sam knew all too well. He tossed the phone back on the table, unable to look at any more. Sam wondered if he could book a flight to Acapulco and have himself transferred to a hospital there without anyone noticing. Running away might be his only answer, because now Sam knew with absolute certainty, that he was totally screwed.


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks for reading and commenting! I hope you like it.

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><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

Looked like he was getting a roommate. It was official now that the last orderly had left the room shutting the door behind him. One bed, identical to his own except with beige sheets instead of blue, was set up a few feet away with only a small table separating them. Sam had been fluctuating between excitement and anxiety the entire time the orderlies had been setting things up. He wanted Mercedes to stay with him, having some company would be a welcome change especially during the long nights. But on the other hand having her so close now that the lines between patient and nurse had blurred between them sort of complicated things. Sam was still very much preoccupied with Quinn. All the feelings for her were still there, despite the building attraction and attachment to Mercedes. Sam wasn't the playboy type. He wasn't sure he could handle juggling two women, especially not when one was going to be in his face for hours on end. He was pretty sure he'd end up doing or saying something stupid that would hurt Mercedes' feelings, send her heading for the door, and he would be left more alone than ever.

The phone vibrated on the table, jarring him from his thoughts. Sam picked it up from the table. The message read "To Beth". Sam probably should have just put the phone down, it wasn't his, but curiosity got the better of him and he had to see what kind of message a baby would be receiving. He clicked 'accept' and waited for the message to appear. In a matter of seconds he was staring at something he hadn't expected to see. Puck and Quinn, cheek to cheek, smiling brightly into the camera. They had sent a photo of themselves to the baby. The fact that they had sent a message to Beth didn't particularly surprise him, everyone in his life seemed to know Mercedes and her daughter, but the fact that Puck and Quinn were together right now made Sam see red, or maybe it was green. Either color brought on the same effect, nausea. It may have been three years later, but apparently one thing had not changed, Puck and Quinn were still together.

Mike had said that Quinn was alone. But Mike had been in Japan or was it China, somewhere in Asia, what did he really know about what was going on in Lima? No need to book that flight, he didn't really have to worry about having feelings for two women anymore. Quinn clearly was not available, no wonder she hadn't stuck around to see him awake. She probably had to run off and meet up with Puck. She probably had only stopped by out of some sense of obligation to their long standing friendship. It probably was just a coincidence he even started coming around while she was in the room. Those thoughts of any deeper meaning were just wishful thinking on his part.

There was no reason to hide. He could explore this crazy thing with Mercedes, without any guilt. Sure she was married, but her husband was gone. Nothing was holding Sam back on that front. Quinn clearly wouldn't give a damn who he got hooked up with.

"I see they moved me all in," announced Mercedes cheerfully as she entered the room.

"Yep," said Sam with far less enthusiasm.

"I guess all I have to do is climb in." She ran her fingers lightly over the sheet on her bed, glancing in his direction.

"Guess so," he responded flatly.

"Sam, are you sure you want me to stay in here?" Mercedes asked, her voice sounding shaky.

"You keep asking me that. I told you I did." He tried to keep his tone even, but the way her eyes widened, he guessed he wasn't successful.

"You seem sort of distant right now, and I thought maybe…" her voice trailed off as she watched him expectantly. She must have wanted him to interject some reassurances or something. It wasn't going to happen, he just didn't have it in him at the moment.

"It has nothing to do with you."

"Okay," she said drawing out the word. "Then what is it?"

"I'm going to keep this one to myself. If that's okay?"

He just didn't feel like sharing his latest foray into loserdom. She seemed to have a pretty good opinion of him thus far, he didn't want to mess that up by giving her evidence of just how pathetic he actually was. So much for Quinn having lingering feelings for him after all this time. She looked like she was feeling very good about Puck in that picture.

"I didn't mean to pry," she said quietly staring down at her feet. She still hadn't put on any shoes. Her pink socks must be pretty dirty from walking around the hospital.

"So are you getting in the bed or what?" He tried to stave off the feelings of disappointment and get right with the here and now. "We can bust out those cards."

"I actually can't stay yet. My dad wants to see me. I just came to get some clothes." She went over to the dresser near the window and started rummaging through a drawer. The dresser was wooden, probably oak, it was solid and looked well made. Sam suspected that it had been brought in by his family and not part of the hospital décor, looked far too expensive.

"You keep your clothes in my room?" he asked very surprised.

"Well I…." she stuttered. "I know this must look pretty strange."

"Everything is strange to me at this point," he sighed. "What is really going on Mercedes? How much time did you spend with me while I was in that coma?"

"I don't want to weird you out." She shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, twisting the clothes in her hands haphazardly.

"I am pretty sure nothing you can say will shock me. Just tell me the truth." Finding out that he was in a coma for nine months and had forgotten three years of his life was disturbing enough. Sam couldn't think of anything that could possibly trump that.

"I spent a lot of nights with you. I didn't like leaving you alone, so I would send the agency nurse home and stay with you instead," she said coming over to lean against her bed.

"What about your family? Was this before the baby was born?"

"Before and after."

"Why weren't you going home?" A stillness overtook the room. The conversation was starting to feel very important.

She closed her eyes and let the words spill out of her mouth in one continuous stream. "After my husband left I didn't like to sleep in our bed. Felt wrong without him," she said opening her eyes and staring at him intently.

"I get that. So did you try another room or the couch?" He could tell she didn't like his questions but he had to know.

"The couch mainly. The thing is I didn't sleep well anywhere without him. I would just be up all night instead."

"But you could sleep when you were in here with me?"

"It's really the only place I could sleep." Mercedes's sad brown eyes finally met his and he was almost floored by what he saw there, so much emotion and Sam was sure it was all for him.

"I don't get it Little Nurse. Why me?" he asked hoping she would just admit what she was trying to hide.

"What do you mean?" she asked sitting on the edge of her bed facing him.

"Why was I the one to make you feel better, to help you sleep? You didn't even know me."

It almost seemed like she needed him, which was crazy since he was in a coma and was of no use to anyone. Nevertheless, Sam couldn't shake the feeling that he somehow meant more to her than she was saying.

"I can't answer that."

"Can't or won't? I think you're keeping something from me."

"It's embarrassing to talk about."

"My mom knows. She said you were at peace because you were with me. I didn't know what she meant by that comment."

"Sam can we please just change the subject? It's making me uncomfortable."

"You're always here, your voice is comforting to me. I feel like we have this connection. Why is that?" he asked not able to just let it go. He felt like he was so close to getting her to admit to something. What he had no clue, but he could tell she was holding back.

"Sam…" she pleaded.

"Do you believe in that destiny kismet stuff?" He was grasping at straws but that might be the only explanation. Sam just didn't feel so much for people this fast and he definitely didn't let them in like had been doing with Mercedes.

"Not until you," she said.

He held her gaze for a moment, trying to find some meaning in her eyes. She didn't look away as he continued to stare, almost as if she wanted him to know her secret.

"So you feel it too?" He swore his heart stopped as he waited for her response.

"Yes," she whispered, tearing up.

"You felt it while I was in a coma?"

"From the moment I met you."

Sam considered that they could have known each other before, but quickly dismissed the thought. If she had known him she would have said something by now.

"This is so bizarre. I've never had this happen to me before."

Girls had always liked Sam. He had been the object of many a crush since his youth. He had just always been picky and often didn't return their affections. As an adult, women were bolder in their flirtation. He had been hit on quite a bit over the years, especially as he spent more time in the public eye. This thing with Mercedes felt different, he could tell her interest ran deeper than getting a fancy dinner or a chance to sleep with him.

"Scary?" she asked her voice breaking.

"Hell yes," he laughed shaking his head in disbelief. "But good scary. I guess we were meant to meet."

"Guess we were."

"I know it was hard opening yourself up like that to me. Thank you for trusting me."

"I feel like I can trust you with anything."

"I am starting to feel the same way about you," he said lacing his fingers through hers.

"What had you upset when I first came in here?"

"This message came for you," he said pushing the phone over to her.

She stared at the picture. "Oh," was all she replied.

"I guess Quinn and Puck are together right now. She has time to hang out with him but none to come see me." He hoped the pain and bitterness he was feeling couldn't be detected in his voice. Sam wasn't in the mood to wallow about this. He had to find a way to let go of Quinn and move on. Although that had been something he'd been trying to do for years and had yet to succeed.

"You don't know that. Puck just went to see her, to fill her in on your memory loss."

What gave Puck the right to fill someone in about his medical status? Sam really didn't like the idea of people knowing he had some blank spaces in his head, especially before he found what exactly happened during those missing years.

"He couldn't have told her over the phone? Puck hasn't even bothered to come visit me but he can go find Quinn on tour? I think it's obvious what's going on here."

How many years had passed and he was still bitter. They both had been with other people, moved on with their lives, yet here he was back running in place. Nothing had changed, he still resented the hell out of Puck for taking Quinn from him. The small hope Sam had always harbored, that Puck was a passing phase for Quinn was now completely dashed. One picture made the truth all too clear. Puck wasn't a phase. He was the one.

"What do you think is going on?" she asked suddenly dropping his hand that she had been holding. She seemed tense. Sam began to wonder if Mercedes knew what was going on with Puck and Quinn was just trying to spare him.

"I think Quinn told Puck about my pathetic phone calls and he went to see her to discuss how to deal with me."

"I don't think that's it at all. And Quinn doesn't think you're pathetic."

"How can you possibly know what she thinks?" he asked looking over at her. "You don't know what it was like between the three of us. Puck, Quinn and I have this intense history."

"I've heard enough about it."

"It's my turn to ask for a subject change now," he said sighing heavily. He had wasted enough time thinking about Quinn.

"I have to get going anyway," she said but didn't make any attempt to move. "My dad's waiting. Not that I'm eager to have this conversation with him."

"It is about me?"

"It's always about you."

"Damn. I didn't know you've been taking so much heat for this." Sam reached out and grabbed her hand tugging her over to his bed. He moved back so she could climb in next to him.

"He's just concerned and new to the whole parenting thing, so he's over zealous with the lectures and advice."

"Julian didn't raise you?" he asked adjusting himself against the pillow so she could lean back against his chest.

"Nope. I had a mom from hell. She was pretty much the scum of the earth."

"Sorry to hear that," he said as he lightly stroked her arm.

"I managed to survive somehow. I even ended up with a great dad. I shouldn't be complaining." He rested his chin on the top of her head trying to swallow the lump in his throat. He didn't want to imagine what could've possibly happened to her that she needed to survive it.

"How do you explain all of this to him? I mean this stuff with me." Sam hoped Mercedes had a good answer for that question because he had no clue how to even begin to explain any of this.

"My father will probably never understand my choices. All I can do is reassure him I'm okay and hope he backs off."

"I think parents always see us as children no matter how old we get. Speaking of which, how old are you anyway?"

She had told him she had graduated recently, so Sam figured she was about 22 or 23. A bit young, especially since now he was about to turn 29. Didn't seem fair that he missed so many birthdays. He felt like he had slept through his twenties.

"I'm legal."

"How about an actual number?" he asked turning her to face him.

"I'm twenty," she said finally.

"Whoa! Twenty." He wasn't expecting that at all.

"Do you have a problem with that?' she asked raising an eyebrow.

"How are you even a nurse? Shouldn't you be like a sophomore?"

Apprehension crept in and he wondered if she had been lying. Was she even a nurse? Maybe she was some volunteer that attached herself to him, like one of those women that married men on death row. Maybe Mercedes liked men that were stuck in bed, harder to leave to her that way.

"I was homeschooled, so I'm ahead of myself." That made sense.

He relaxed slightly. "When are you turning twenty-one?"

"In November," she stated.

"Damn little nurse, you're almost jailbait."

"Eighteen is the age of majority in this state," she laughed.

"I can't even buy you a drink without breaking the law."

"I have a fake ID."

He smirked. "I bet you do."

"Are you kicking me out of bed now?"

"Maybe I should. I'm breaking so many rules here with you," he said putting his arms around her. "We've got pedophilia."

"I'm an adult." She kissed his forehead.

"We've got adultery."

"My husband won't mind a bit." She kissed his cheek. Sam closed his eyes enjoying the feel of her lips on his skin.

"We've got doctor patient fraternization."

"I'm a nurse." She brushed a kiss across his lips, pulling away before he could react.

"I bet it counts for nurses too."

"I think it does, but I never read my handbook. I guess I better get back in my bed over there. I don't want to risk my job as your nurse," she said turning out of his arms to get out of the bed.

"You're fired. Come here," he said pulling her back against his body, kissing her hard on the mouth.

"What about my age and my husband?" she asked breathlessly after they broke apart.

"Your husband's an idiot and he deserves to be cheated on and like you said, you are an adult."

Running her fingers through his hair she said, "I like the way you think."

"I thought you might. I still feel a bit like a dirty old man though," he said to Mercedes as she got out of his bed and climbed into her own, pulling the sheet over her bare legs.

"You're not that much older than I am. It's not like your mom and that med student."

"What about my mom and a med student?"

"She used to date one. He was second year I think, they were hot and heavy for a time, but it's over now." she admitted hesitantly.

"I can't really picture my mom with a younger guy, well at least one that much younger, but then again my mom always did her thing so, ugh okay. I really just want this mental image out of my head now." He laughed. "But thank you though. Thank you for telling me that."

"I shouldn't have. Doctor's orders."

"That's why I like you though, you put me before even the doctors' rules. You are so honest and upfront with me. I value that." Pure instinct, but he was more sure about her than anything he had felt before, well anything he remembered feeling. He knew he could trust her completely.

"Sam we're not keeping things from you to hurt you. We just want to let you adjust first." She looked uncomfortable and maybe a little queasy.

"I get that, but sometimes I just need a straight answer. Everyone is tiptoeing around me and giving me double talk. That's why I'm so glad I have you in my corner. I can trust you."

"I really don't want to go."

"Then don't. Get the cards."

"I'm going to have to face him some time."

"Who says it has to be now? If he comes looking we'll tell him I needed you."

"I'm not supposed to be working. I'm a patient too remember?"

"I don't need you as my nurse," he said smiling at her suggestively.

Mercedes rolled her eyes. "Oh that'll help. He'll probably double the lecture."

"You can always just be honest."

"And say what? Sam is so irresistible that I had to get in his bed?"

Sam grinned. "I like that. Works for me."

"You're so cocky," she said laughing.

"Confidence is sexy. So I've been told," he said giving her a quick wink.

"Yes it is. Remember that the next time you're dealing with Quinn."

He scratched his head in confusion. "Huh?"

"She doesn't think you're pathetic and Puck's not a threat."

"Did you just give me advice about another woman?"

Mercedes shrugged. "Seems like."

"Why would you do that? Doesn't make sense with all that has happened between us." Sam knew he hadn't misread a thing. Mercedes was interested in him. This just didn't make sense.

"Trust me. I don't want you to fall madly in love with Quinn or anyone else. But I also don't want you sitting here thinking Quinn doesn't care about you. You deserve to know how loved you are."

"Loved?" he asked his voice sounding more hoarse than it had all morning.

"Yes loved. Sam, so many people were sad to see you sick. Quinn was very distraught. You mean so much to her."

"Where is she now, if she cares so much?" It had been days and if he hadn't been the one to contact her, he would never have even heard from Quinn. That didn't seem much like love.

"I'm sure wherever she is, you are on her mind." For some crazy reason he believed her.

"Thank you for saying that." He held his hand out, letting it dangle between their beds. She immediately grabbed it, squeezing his fingers tightly. "You always seem to make me feel better. You take such good care of me."

"It's the least I can do in exchange for you keeping your promise."

"I made a promise?"

She nodded. "The night of the accident. You promised you'd come back."

"I said that to you?"

His last moments of lucidity before his coma were spent with her, and his first moments awake as well. No wonder he felt this connection, she had gone through all of this with him. Her dad's lectures were probably about being too emotionally involved with a patient. Julian was probably trying to teach her to be more objective and detached.

"You did. I've been holding you to it for nine months."

In a way she had been in a coma too. From what he could piece together she devoted so much of her time to looking after him. That could explain the strange intensity between them. She had placed so much hope on his recovery.

"Kind of like you've been waiting for me." He wondered if he turned out like she had expected. Was he everything she had imagined he would be while she sat by his bedside hoping for him to open his eyes?

"I was. Sometimes I feel like I've been waiting for you my whole life."

She gave him that look again, intense and longing, the look he had received a few times in his life. The look he had hoped to see in Quinn's eyes so many times over the years. Only to be left disappointed when he rarely saw it there. Their night in the limo was the last time, and Sam had been holding on to that memory ever since.

Chill ran over his body. "Okay now I'm weirded out."

A woman he barely knew shouldn't have been giving him looks like Mercedes had been giving him since he opened his eyes. Maybe she was crazy and maybe he had some brain damage that the doctors were not aware of, because none of this was making sense. If Quinn had been the one with him this whole time, he would have understood it. They had a bond that was years in the making. His feelings for her had barely faded since he first fell in love with her. He hid them away, to keep himself safe, but they were always there just out of view. It would have been a dream come true to open his eyes and find Quinn in his life, here with him daily. Handling all of this confusion would have been easier to bear if she has been the one holding his hand every step of the way. But she wasn't here, and his confusion was only compounded by this other woman giving him constant attention and care.

"Sorry. I didn't mean…"

"Don't apologize. Things are starting to make a bit more sense."

Like a bolt it hit him, the truth he had been trying to deny since last night, since before then. His mind had been trying to run from it, but now there was nowhere left to go. Sam understood with startling clarity. He could even relate, he had been doing the same thing in his mind with Quinn, holding on to a moment and building it in his mind, banking all his hopes on what it could lead to. Mercedes must have been doing the same while he was in a coma, building up dreams based on one promise.

"Are you remembering something?" she asked leaning over the edge of the bed toward him.

"No, but I think I understand that look you get in your eyes at times now. I think I know what it means." She really was pretty. Not in a conventional way, but in a way that made him find something new to admire every time he saw her. Her beauty wasn't apparent at first glance, it took more attention to be fully aware of it.

"Care to share?"

"I think I'll hold it for awhile, to see if you tell me first."

No woman had openly cared about him the way Mercedes seemed to care. She didn't hide her emotions like Quinn, Mercedes was easy to read and she actually seemed like she wanted him to understand the depth of her emotion. He watched her struggle to keep some things from him, but her eyes always gave her away. He realized now that she wasn't trying to hide from him at all, she was silently begging him to figure it out, and she was terrified that he wouldn't. Sam wasn't ready to give her any answers, not when he was filled with so many questions about his life, about Quinn.

"Sam there is something I need to tell you," she blurted out unexpectedly. Her eyes suddenly filled with tears.

"Why do you look so upset? What is it?" he asked alarmed by the shift in her mood.

"It's about my husband."


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks for reading!

Oh I noticed a few of your commented on the phone Mercedes left behind in the room with Sam and why Sam didn't look through it. That phone was a new phone (not a smart phone) that Puck bought for her that night because Julian had confiscated her phone in the hopes of her getting rest. There was nothing to see on that phone but the photos she took while spending the night with him._  
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><p><strong>Chapter 15<strong>

"Puck thank god you sent that text when you did. I totally dodged a bullet," said Mercedes as she pulled her still damp hair into a high bun. She had gotten in a quick shower and changed into her black yoga pants and electric blue long fitted t-shirt before coming to meet Puck in one of the private waiting rooms.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "I thought you were with Sam."

"I was with Sam. I almost messed everything up."

She was so close to telling Sam she was his wife when the phone buzzed saving the day. Mercedes wanted Sam to know. She hated lying to him like this, but she couldn't seem to find the words. It wasn't something she could just blurt out. Sam had to work up to the news that she was not only his nurse but also the woman he had married. Maybe she should have just come right out with it. Might have stopped Sam from asking so many questions and from looking at her like she had fallen from outer space. She could tell he was completely thrown by their quickly developing closeness.

Actually Mercedes was feeling a little thrown herself. It had been quite a surprise to find Sam taking to her so quickly and easily. When she found out he had amnesia she figured it would be a long slow process to get him to accept her in his life. She imagined it would have been more like it was when they first met, a hesitant attraction mixed with building curiosity. Instead Sam had embraced her right from the start. Relying on her at first for his medical care and eventually leaning on her for his emotional needs as well. The physical attraction had always been there, but Mercedes was a little surprised Sam had been so willing to act on it, especially when he was so fixated on Quinn.

"What are you talking about?" asked Puck.

"I was about to tell him that we are married."

"I thought the doctor was going to tell him that this afternoon."

"She is but you know me. I started feeling really guilty about keeping this from him."

"And you couldn't wait a few more hours? He will know soon."

In less than two hours to be exact. Mercedes was so anxious for it all to be over. Beth was ready in the hospital nursery, waiting to meet her father officially this time.

"He had been asking me questions all morning about why I was always there, why I used to sleep in his room, why we feel such a strong connection."

She couldn't help but wonder if that connection he was feeling was some residual memory of her, of their life. Sometimes a look would cross his face and Mercedes would be so sure that the moment she had been hoping for had come, and that he'd finally remember. But so far nothing. Just his continued awe at how much he felt for her so fast.

"How did you respond to all of that?"

"As close to the truth as possible without saying the real reason."

"That must have confused the hell out of him."

"It was hard to tell, he was bringing up destiny and meant to be type stuff."

"Oh man," said Puck rubbing the back of his neck. "If Sam is resorting to the metaphysical, he is completely lost."

"I am guessing he might think I'm some sort of crazy person that falls for her patients."

"And that didn't scare him?" Puck asked.

"Nope. He said he had good instincts about me and that he trusts me." That was the worst part of all. He trusted her and she was lying.

"Oh Cede," said Puck sympathetically.

She plopped down into an empty chair. "I know. I feel like crap."

"It's for his own good. You're not trying to hurt him. He'll understand that." Puck tried to reassure her as he took a seat beside her.

"I hope so. We've gotten so much closer Puck. Last night was…" She smiled just thinking about it. It had been a special night.

"How much closer? You know he is still recovering you can't give him too much excitement."

"Not that close," she laughed. "We talked a lot."

"Just talked? I'm not buying it, you are all gushing. Look at that smile."

She probably was grinning like a fool, but Mercedes didn't care. The way Sam had looked at her last night, still made her tingle all over. There were a few times that it actually seemed like the old Sam was back, that he remembered her and still loved her.

"Maybe a little more than talking," she admitted. "Our connection is still there Puck. He doesn't remember me but he still feels it."

He had brought it up over and over, that connection, trying to make sense of how he was feeling. Mercedes's heart soared with each mention. She was on his mind and making headway into his heart. That had to be a good thing.

"That's how you know it's real. The heart never forgets."

"That is so poetic," she sighed.

Puck threw her a goofy grin. "Thank you. I read it in a greeting card once."

"So that picture of you and Quinn, was that your heart not forgetting?" Puck had volunteered to make the three hour trek to see Quinn. Mercedes couldn't help but wonder if there was something more going on with him.

"It was for Beth," he said avoiding her eyes.

"Yeah, you looked pretty cozy though."

"You have to get in close to fit in the frame. You know that."

"Sam saw it," Mercedes said the corners of her mouth dropping.

"He did?"

"Yep he picked up the phone. It upset him pretty badly."

Mercedes didn't know what was worse. The fact that he was thinking about Quinn and wanting to see her or the fact that he was feeling so much that he was actually jealous. No question, the jealousy was worse. It made it all too real. Sam had legit feelings for Quinn.

"I take it he's still asking about Quinn."

Sam trusted her so much that he had even confided in her about his feelings for this other woman, not knowing that every time he brought up her name, a part of Mercedes felt torn to shreds. She held her tongue, swallowed her pain, and tried her best to just listen. She wanted to continue being a supportive presence in his life. If his last memories were of Quinn and retreating back to them made him feel better, then Mercedes wasn't going to get in the way of that. She had waited for so long for Sam to come back, she wasn't going to risk doing anything to jeopardize his health.

"He pretty much admitted to me that he wants to see where things could go with her."

"Like for them as a couple?"

It was surreal to be even having this conversation. Mercedes never considered Quinn a threat to her marriage, not even after she found out that Sam had slept with her. She was always so secure in their love after he made it clear he had chosen her. And now the day before their first wedding anniversary, she was in competition for his heart. Things were not supposed to end up like this.

"He wants a second chance." Just saying the words felt like someone had punched her. The idea that he wanted Quinn made her sick.

"Cede, how are you taking all of this so lightly? This is a big deal."

She knew this was major. She was pretty much scared out of her mind that Sam would wake up one day and announce he wanted to leave her to go take that chance with Quinn. She had just got him back from the brink of death, only to possibly lose him to another woman.

"I'm trying to just hold on to the fact that he wants to see where things go with me too. He asked me out you know."

That was as close to an upside as the situation had. At least Sam was still attracted to her and still liked her. Even without his memory he was showing her attention. Quinn might have the advantage of beauty, history, and of course Beth, but Mercedes wasn't completely out of the fight. Sam felt something for her too. She was hoping that something was the same thing he had always felt, that undeniable connection, that kinetic bond that made them feel like kindred spirits. If he could feel that again, then Quinn didn't have a prayer. They had a love that could withstand anything. She had to keep believing that.

"Sam has not lost his touch. Not even out of the hospital and already setting up dates with his nurse and all the while he has another woman pining away for him upstate."

"She's pining?" Mercedes had suspected this, especially after hearing what Quinn had said to Sam the morning he woke up. There was more than friendship in her tone.

"Oh no. I was just saying.." said Puck back pedaling a bit.

"Tell me the truth. Quinn wants Sam back doesn't she?" Mercedes asked looking Puck directly in the eyes.

Puck shifted in his seat uneasily as he responded. "I think Quinn is just lost and alone and is clinging to the good things in her life."

"Like my husband."

"Like her baby's father."

"Maybe this was how things were supposed to be. Maybe this is their chance for a reunion."

She didn't want to let him go. They had already gone through so much and never even had a real chance to be together. But sometimes life had a tendency of derailing plans. She was starting to learn that so many things happened for a reason. Maybe all of last year was just a way to get Sam and Quinn to this point, back to their start, so they could raise Beth together. Maybe life had just been using Mercedes to make that happen.

"You can't mean that."

"He woke up remembering her and now you are telling me she is feeling all warm and fuzzy about him too. What else can I think? This could be some sort of divine intervention to make sure Beth has her family together."

"Beth will have her family no matter who ends up together. We all love that little girl too much to let her have a bad life."

She pushed the superficial thoughts about her relationship woes to the back of her mind. "You're right and that's so important. Really this is all about Beth. She's getting her father back today."

"I'm glad. It will be good for the both of them."

"I think so too. Gives Sam something real to hold on to since he's so hazy about so much stuff in his life." He needed a real connection to 2014 and Beth could be the perfect way to make that happen.

"He'll have you too. Sam's going to find out he has a family that loves him."

"I'm a little nervous about it all. What if he is disappointed that I'm his wife?"

Mercedes often felt like she didn't measure up to the women in his past. What if Sam had always hoped for someone better as a wife? She highly doubted that he would ever pick her out of a lineup given the chance.

"You just told me he already asked you out. And what about all that not just talking you did last night?"

There was that, but Mercedes was also the only woman around at this point. Once he was back on his feet, he could have anyone he wanted, including the one that got away it seemed.

"There was a whole lot of kissing. This is true. We could hardly keep our hands off each other."

Sex had never been their issue. Mercedes knew Sam wanted her pretty early on. It was everything else she doubted. A relationship couldn't last with just sexual attraction.

"Did I just hear you right? You were kissing Sam?" Julian asked as he walked into the waiting room.

"Dad!" Mercedes exclaimed jumping up, her face burning with embarrassment.

Of all the things for her father to overhear, why did it have to be that?

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><p>Next chapter - Sam and Dr. Hill<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate all of your support.

**To Jess** - Mercedes does have lowered self esteem in this story because of her childhood, and she is very guilty about Sam's accident since she was the one driving. As far as her begging for Sam's love...I think it is more that she's trying to hold on to the hope that he'll remember her and they will get that second chance she's been dreaming of all these months he's been in a coma. He's only been awake now for a couple weeks, far too soon for her to throw in the towel after waiting so long. Now down the line who knows...

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><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

Not too long after Mercedes left, Marcel came in carrying a large navy duffel bag and what could have been a smile on his face. Sam wasn't sure about the smile however, the man had a perpetual blank look that made him hard to read.

"Are you ready Mr. Evans?" asked Marcel as he started removing items from the bag and setting them on the bedside table.

"Ready for what?" asked Sam eying the items Marcel was lining up in front of him.

"For the bath, to fix yourself up, for your appointment."

"I'm not getting spruced up for a doctor."

Sam actually wasn't opposed to getting spruced up at all. He was feeling rather scruffy and just knowing his hair was standing on end was driving him insane. But he was hoping that someone other than Marcel would help him do it, someone cuter and decidedly more feminine.

"But Mrs. Evans says you like to look nice. Very GQ."

"I haven't seen my mom all day. Did she tell you that last night?"

"I have not talked to your mother." He held up a pair of pajamas from the oak drawer. "We like the red silk yes?"

"No we don't like those. Can't I wear something else? Maybe a t-shirt."

The pajamas were nice, all of them were, and a few were even his favorites. Sam liked fine silk pajamas, but there was also a side of him that liked to kick back in a t-shirt and some sweats. He felt more comfortable and free in more casual clothes.

"Non. You like the red," decided Marcel as he closed the drawer and brought the pajamas over to the bed.

"Different color then? Green maybe."

Marcel gave his version of a smile. "Mrs. Evans always likes the green too. She says it brings out your eyes."

"Okay," he said slowly. "Let's do green for mom."

"Non. We like the red."

"We like the green," Sam insisted.

"All the green is dirty. Red." Marcel began unbuttoning Sam's pajama top as Sam tried to move away. "Sit up straight so I can help."

"I can take off my shirt by myself," said Sam swatting Marcel away. "I don't need help."

"Non. I must help," said Marcel as he continued to help Sam undress.

Thirty minutes and a few tugs of war later, Sam was in fresh red pajamas. Sam had to admit he was impressed. Marcel hadn't let any of Sam's growled complaints and threats of termination deter him from his task. He tended to all of Sam's needs as if Sam were sitting there cooperatively. Once Sam realized his protestations were getting him nowhere, he relaxed. Marcel had a nice touch, firm without feeling forceful. He even had given Sam a massage. That was worth enduring all the rest. Marcel's hands were gold. He had talent.

"Hold the mirror comme ca, so you can watch," said Marcel tilting the large wooden handled mirror in Sam's hand so he could see himself better. His vision has been better last night, but now things were starting to fuzz up again. He must be getting tired.

Sam ducked as Marcel approached his head. "I don't like people messing up my hair."

"It is already a mess," stated Marcel pulling Sam back up. "Like cats fighting on your head."

"Someone gave me a bad haircut," Sam said sulking. He couldn't help but wonder how long he had looked like this.

"We must not speak of it," warned Marcel. "Hurts Mrs. Evans' feelings."

"My mother did this?" asked Sam as Marcel tugged at his hair with a brush and a spritz bottle of water.

He shook his head. "Non Mrs. Evans, but I will fix it." Marcel squirted some cream from a dark grey bottle into his hand.

Sam jumped when the cold cream hit his scalp. "Wait what are you putting on my hair?" he asked twisting away. "Stop that," he said pushing Marcel's hands away from his hair. "Oh…that's good."

Sam checked himself out in the mirror. His hair had been transformed. The haphazard cropped spikes were now tamed into a pretty nice looking hairstyle.

"Yes I know."

Sam reached for the bottle. "What's this stuff?"

"Pomade from France. Works miracles." Marcel began to clean up his supplies, placing them back into the duffel bag.

He handed Marcel back the bottle. "Yes it does. Can I keep that?"

"It's yours, Mr. Evans."

"Thank you." Sam smiled. "Do you think you can help me shave?" He ran his hand along his chin.

"Non."

Sam was really tired of Marcel telling him 'non'. That was one word he just was not used to hearing too much, especially not from someone he was paying.

"Why no? There's too much hair on my face. I don't like it."

"I know but Mrs. Evans will take care of it," stated Marcel taking the mirror from Sam.

"My mother is not here and I don't need her shaving me. I'm a grown man."

"Mrs. Evans is very strict with the rules. I wrote them down." He pulled a folded up white square of paper from the chest pocket of his scrubs.

"Let me see that." Sam took the paper and unfolded it. It was a typed list in pretty fine print. Sam squinted as he read it to himself.

1) Never leave Mr. Evans unattended. He must have continuous stimulation and attention.

2) Bihourly physical therapy must be conducted, no exceptions. He must be shifted positions and his muscles exercised.

3) All pajamas must be natural fibers, preferably silk. Please make sure they are placed on him properly. No mismatched buttons or overhanging sleeves.

4) Mr. Evans must be clean shaven, no more than one day's growth is acceptable. Grooming will be handled by Mercedes unless instructed otherwise.

5) The television or music must be played at all times. Check the list by the TV for his favorites.

The list went on, fifteen more items in total. His mom meant business. He handed the paper back to Marcel.

"I think we can make an exception this time on the shaving." Sam could deal with his mother. Things were different now anyway, he was awake.

"Non. Mrs. Evans would not like that. You talk to her first and let me know."

While it was really nice to know that his mom had taken such good care of him, it was starting to get very frustrating having to live by the rules she created. Sam figured his mother must also be behind the slow pace in which he was being told about the years he had forgotten. Now that he was out of the coma, it only made sense that he would be able to start calling the shots in his own life. He'd have to talk to his mother and set her straight.

"I realize my mom can be a little scary, but I promise I will let her know I said it was okay." He tried to bargain with the man, if he had any cash he would have resorted to bribery. The beard had to go.

Maybe he could get Mercedes to help him. She had mentioned something about rituals. His mother must have allowed Mercedes to do some things for him. The idea of her shaving him or doing too much of any nursing duties was starting to seem strange to him now. They had turned a corner in their relationship and he was starting to not want her to see him so weak. They had just met each other and it already felt like they crossed the line into maybe being too close. He had known Quinn for years and she had never seen some of the things that Mercedes already had. Sam was starting to wonder if pursuing a relationship with Mercedes outside of the hospital was a good thing. It would probably just get too awkward, like they knew too much about each other, and there would be no where left to go.

"Your mother is a pussycat," said Marcel.

"I think you've got her confused with someone else." That was the last way he'd describe his mother, unless the pussycat was a tigress.

Marcel pursed his lips. "With the blonde hair, very fashionable, bossy?"

"That would be her."

"Pussycat," he said again. "She only wants what's best for you. Mrs. Evans, une petite virago. She looks so sweet, but she does not tolerate mistakes. She and your father very terrifying."

Sam was confused, maybe Marcel was mixing up his words, English clearly wasn't his first language.

"But you just said she was a pussycat."

"Your mother is, yes," he said putting the duffel back over his shoulder.

If he wasn't talking about his mom, then who was Mrs. Evans?

Before Sam could ask Marcel that question the door flew open and a young woman with brown skin, long black hair, and a fitted purple suit rushed in.

"Let's just cut to the chase. My name is Dr. Kalina Hill and I'm…"

"A shrink," said Sam finishing her sentence. She never offered him her hand, she just took a seat on the empty bed across from Sam.

"Psychiatrist is what I prefer, but yes." She crossed her legs at the knee, causing her skirt to rise. "How did you know?"

"Doctors come in, stand around looking important clinging to their clipboards. Shrinks come in, sit down like you just did and pretend to be all human and engaging." Sam noticed Marcel quietly exit the room.

"Interesting observation," she said pulling out a pad and paper. The paper was pink and her pen was sparkly, like with glitter.

"I am very aware of my surroundings," said Sam sizing her up.

She looked fairly young, about his age. Nice body, he could tell she worked out. Her hair was really shiny and not a strand out of place. She had almond shaped eyes that were a deep brown, framed by dark lashes. Dr. Hill shifted on the bed and her skirt rose again revealing more of her skin. Sam had to admit she was pretty hot. If he was forced to sit in therapy, at least he would have something good to look at.

"Does that come from your military training?" she asked.

He nodded. "Indeed it does. Also very helpful in business."

"That's right you used to be co-CEO of D&E Industries." She pulled a file folder out of her bag.

"V.P. actually," he corrected her.

"No says right here, co-CEO of D&E with Noah Puckerman until you stepped down in February 2013."

"Dad actually made me CEO? And I quit?" He couldn't believe his father had finally handed the reins over to him. He never thought the old man would walk away.

"Don't know all of the details. You'll have to ask your father."

"I'll do that because leaving D&E doesn't make sense. D&E is my birthright." Maybe his father had fired him and Sam just said he quit to save face. No other explanation fit.

"Being in the family business is important to you?"

"I wouldn't call it the family business. D&E is a media empire." Diversified and successful, built from the ground up by his father. D&E was what he was raised to do, to continue his father's legacy.

"I'm well aware. Everyone in this town knows the Evans name."

"Are you from Lima? You don't look familiar." He was pretty sure he'd remember someone that looked like her.

"I'm from St. Paul actually, but I have Lima ties."

"Family here?" Again he tried to place her, but couldn't. Lima was such a small place, Sam pretty much knew everybody.

She put down her file and pad and tucked her hair behind her ears. "Full disclosure time especially since I have personal knowledge of someone in your family."

"Don't tell me you dated one of my brothers."

Just his luck, his shrink was some jilted lover that Mike or Will left behind. She probably was trying to get her revenge by messing up his head even more. This was Lima after all, everyone had an agenda.

"I'm actually related to someone who I guess technically is close to you."

"Not one of my stepmothers? Which one?" he asked dreading her response. He tried to remember all of his father's wives. Only the crazy ones stuck out, which was basically all of them.

"Santana Lopez is my cousin."

What the fuck! He never saw that coming.

"Santana? Oh hell no. I want a new doctor," he demanded sitting up in the bed. If he could walk he would have escorted her to the door.

She didn't even flinch. She actually relaxed more into her seat on the bed, folding her hands together on her lap.

"That certainly is your prerogative but before you make that decision can you hear me out?"

She definitely had guts. Coming in here related to Santana and expecting to keep her job with him. He'd give her one point and a chance to explain before he kicked her out. It's not like he had anything better to do, and her attempt at rationalizing all this could be at the very least be entertaining.

Sam settled back into his pillows, crossing his arms over his chest. "Go ahead."

"Santana's father, Luis Lopez is my mom's brother."

Damn not even a distant cousin. The crazy was close.

"Telling me that is not swaying me in your favor. Santana Lopez is psychotic."

"My mom, Lina Lopez, left Lima Heights Adjacent, went to college in Minnesota, where she met and married my dad, Kalvin Hill, CPA."

"Did you know Santana growing up?"

"I did. I spent a few summers in Lima with our abuela Alma as a kid. We lost touch over the years. Seems she had a hard life."

"We all faced difficulties growing up. That doesn't excuse Santana's behavior. She slept with my wife and helped end my marriage." And she sent her personal lap dog Dave Karofsky to rough him up and warn him not to fight for Brittany.

"Santana and I have reconnected since I moved to Lima. She's made some poor choices but she's not a bad person."

"She's back in Lima?" Now that's a twist. Sam didn't think she'd show her face back in town after she ran off with Brittany.

"She's been back for years. She's part of the reason I chose to set up my practice in Lima, nice to be around family." This woman is talking about Santana like she's some normal relative. Did she even know that Santana was major trouble?

"You've got a soft spot for attempted murderers?" he asked feeling like he should be warning her of the dangers of Santana. What Dave had done to him felt like a hit. Sam might have come out of it with only bruises a few broken ribs, but the attack had been brutal. What kind of person resorts to violence to resolve a love triangle?

"I just try to look at the whole person before judging. You've made some questionable choices along the way but I'm not holding them against you." She shot him a knowing look.

So she knows how he retaliated against Dave in the Brittany situation. Sam knew he had no room to throw stones, but he had pulled himself back from that dark place and tried to change for the better. He really didn't think that he should be lumped in the same category as Santana. He never tried to kill anyone outside of combat. Okay seriously maim, but Dave had it coming, but kill? Not something he'd do.

"Since your family is full of wack jobs, you decided to go into psychiatry to help them?"

"From the looks of your file, you should think about joining the profession. Seems like wack jobs fill your life as well." Well played. He really couldn't judge at all. His family was beyond messed up.

"Why don't you just hand that file over to me and you can go. I will fill myself in."

Seemed like that little file was the key to all he'd missed. He needed to get his hands on it and get caught up. He hated that some doctor, with a psycho cousin, knew more about his life than he did.

"Oh so you think a laundry list of the last three years is all you'll need to get up to speed?"

"If I have any questions, I'll ask."

"Do you really think you can handle that? I heard you had a bit of an issue with finding out how long you were comatose." Here we go. He had one bad reaction and he couldn't live it down. He was shocked, he overreacted. Let it go.

"I don't like feeling like people are lying to me." Or coddling me, or judging me, or knowing more than me. Basically Sam needed to be in control. He was a bit anal, he could admit that.

"So you act like a child when you're lied to?" She looked in her file. "That is what I have in my notes...spoiled brat."

"Who said that?" he asked the anger rising.

"Does it matter? From what I am observing currently from you, I think it was pretty accurate."

He was on to her, she was trying to get a rise out of him. It was psychology crap to get him to reveal himself. Sam wasn't falling for it.

"Where's my nurse?" he asked changing the subject. "She should've been back by now."

She had said she'd be here with him. Mercedes was pretty much always around so for her to be absent now was odd. Sam hoped she was okay and not passed out somewhere.

"Are you experiencing pain?" asked Kalina reaching for the call button.

Sam shook his head. "I just want her here."

It sounded stupid now that he said it out loud. There was no real reason he needed a nurse he barely knew, with him during this.

"Now that's interesting," she said jotting something in her pad.

"What's so interesting about that?" asked Sam getting defensive. "She's been taking care of me."

He knew he'd have to explain his closeness to his nurse at some point, but now that the point had arrived he didn't much feel like doing it. So he liked his nurse, not a big deal.

"But you just said you were fine and not in pain. Why do you need to be taken care of?"

Sam narrowed his eyes at her. "Is this what doctors are being taught in medical school these days? How to harass and be rude to patients?" It was like she was just plain nosy. His relationship with Mercedes had no bearing on why they were meeting. Seemed to him she just wanted some gossip.

"I only asked you about why you need Mercedes. How is that harassing you?"

"All the questions are harassing me. You are supposed to be filling me in on my past not playing twenty questions." She was coming off more like a reporter than a doctor. How did she even know about his involvement with Mercedes? Wait did she even say anything about a relationship between him and Mercedes? Maybe he was overreacting.

"Ready to jump right in?" she asked rubbing her hands together.

"Been ready. You're the one stalling."

"I was hoping we could get to know each other better first," she said leaning forward her hands now on her knees.

"Sorry, I'm not in the market for a girlfriend. Let's just do the deed and go our separate ways."

"Interesting that you took my comment in a sexual slant. Do you make innuendos like that to all your doctors?"

"It's just my Evans charm."

"And women fall for that?" she asked looking more surprised than Sam liked.

"I haven't had any complaints."

"That you can recall," she added.

"Mocking the condition of the patient now. Someone needs to write you up."

"You seem awfully concerned about medical ethics."

He shrugged. "I've been a patient for a long time now, sort of a pressing matter of my life currently. Have to make sure all the standards of my care are on the up and up."

"And sleeping with your nurse..."

She did not go there! Totally related to Santana. He could see the resemblance now.

"Hold on there lady! I'm not sleeping with anyone."

"This bed I'm sitting on is for Mercedes right?"

"She is just keeping me company while she is a patient here."

"When does she arrive?"

Sam tried to sound as nonchalant as he could. "She's been here all night. She just had to go do something."

"This bed doesn't look slept in," she noted smoothing the sheets with her hands.

"What's your point?" he asked annoyed they were still on the topic.

"If she has been with you all night, where did she sleep?" She raised a knowing eyebrow at him. Sam could tell she had already figured it all out for herself.

"I hate when shrinks pull that crap. Ask a question they already know the answer to. Just say what you want to say."

She smirked. "I want to hear you admit it."

"I don't think what my nurse and I do is any of your business."

"Well in the name of medical ethics..."

"Maybe I need to ask to see your ID, you don't act like any therapist I've ever met."

"Been in therapy a lot? It wouldn't surprise me given your mom's reputation, your notoriously hard ass father, and your injuries from the Army."

"They made me do some when I hurt my leg." Mandatory, almost like a debriefing. They threw him in a room with a psychologist for a few hours and then shipped him home.

"Was it helpful?"

"My leg's still fucked up, so I would say it was a fail." Some parting gift for serving his country. It was like 'thanks for sacrificing life and limb, but you're useless to us now, so see ya.'

"Did it make you feel better?"

Right as if dwelling on problems ever made anyone feel better. The best thing to do was suck it up and move on.

"I don't see how whining to a total stranger about your problems would help anyone. I'm pretty convinced psychology is a complete scam."

He shared quite a bit with Brittany about his time in Afghanistan. Not everything, some things there was just no voicing, but he did try to confide in her. It didn't help. He never felt any better and he was pretty sure it just ended up driving her away quicker. No woman wants to be with a man bogged down by inner demons and haunting memories.

Dr. Hill started writing in her pad again. "Fearful of sharing emotions."

"You do realize you said that out loud as you wrote it."

"I know. I wanted you to hear."

"Let's just get a move on. Mercedes should be back soon."

"Do you want to wait for her? Maybe you'd like her to hear what I'm about to say."

"It doesn't matter. I will probably end up telling her anyway."

"You talk to her a lot?"

"She's the one that's usually here. Either her or the walls."

"I know your family comes to see you quite often. You could talk to them."

Sam laughed. "I think that file should give you a hint why talking to them is not high on my list."

"You're not close to your family?"

"I am. Doesn't mean I'm big on sharing with them." Talking to his parents only led to being mocked and judged. Sam could do without either of those two for the time being.

"Don't share with psychiatrists, don't share with your family, but you can talk to your nurse."

"Seems like."

Sure Mercedes talked a lot, constantly if he let her, but she also was a good listener. She seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say. And nothing ever seemed to shock her or sway her. The way she looked at him never changed. Sam liked that, made him feel free to say anything.

"I see."

Sam turned on his side to face her. "I can't wait to hear your comment on that morsel."

"I don't have one. You can talk to your nurse. Mercedes is nice. It's understandable."

"Nice might be an understatement. She has done so much for me. She's been here day in and day out for months."

"That is what nurses do," she said unfazed.

"That's bull and you know it. She is doing more than just her job." A whole lot more. He smiled as he remembered their night together. Mercedes had been there for him in every way he needed.

"Do you think there's more to her actions? Like she has some other reason for being so attentive to you?"

Yes he did. One big reason, but he wasn't about to share that with this woman so she could tear it to shreds.

"I think she must, because she has a baby she should be focusing on, yet she still finds time to be here for me. Not to mention that worthless piece of shit husband."

"Have you met him? Her husband that is?"

"No, but I have a pretty good idea what he must be like. He left her all alone to take care of their daughter."

Mercedes was working herself sick and where was he? Off probably pursuing selfish endeavors, most likely cheating on her with another woman. She was too young to handle all of this on her own. No wonder she had to lose herself in a fantasy of a man in a coma.

"Maybe he had no choice."

"There's always a choice. No real man would walk away from his family. It's just pure cowardice."

Complete bullshit. A real man faced his problems head on. That was how Sam had been raised to think. It's not always easy but a man just had to step up and take care of business. If he ever had a family again, no way in hell would he just let them go and walk away. The mother of his child would be given all the respect and support she deserved. She would know how much he appreciated the precious gift she had given him.

All of this was hypothetical of course. Sam was pretty sure he would never get the chance to have a child. He wasn't being pessimistic, just trying to stay real about where his life choices would take him. It would be hard to find time for a family and pursue his plans to run D&E. His father had always made it clear that family and business were a hard mix. Even if he did manage to perfect that juggling act, things weren't looking great for him in the love department these days. Already he was mixed up in two fantasy almost relationships. One with a nurse he didn't really know, but was drawn to and another with a version of Quinn that probably no longer existed, a Quinn from three years prior.

"I read in your file that you and your ex-wife Brittany started fertility treatment but then stopped."

"That just wasn't meant to be. Brittany decided she didn't want kids, well not human ones. Which is totally fine in hindsight. I didn't need to be procreating anyway."

"You don't think you're father material?"

She needed some sensitivity training. Dr. Hill kept bringing up all this painful stuff like nothing. What happened to tact? He was recovering from a coma, did she really think he wanted to talk about the children he'd probably never have?

"At the time, I was not in the right place in my life or state of mind to give a child the kind of life he or she deserved. My time in the Army messed me up for a bit."

Sam didn't know why people assumed that because he had money he should be a father. All the money in the world can't replace a good home life. Sam had been raised never wanting for anything, except a stable family. His parents had broken up and made up more times than he could count and each time he was caught in the middle, their little pawn. Sam never wanted any child to go through that especially not his own. After he was discharged he had been having night terrors, fits of rage, and probably clinical depression. That was no way to be around a baby. He was too messed up to be a father to anyone.

"So you and Brittany decided to wait to start a family? Must have of been a hard decision."

"Actually it wasn't that hard since Brittany wanted to raise cats not babies. Ask anyone around here and they will tell you I was a selfish bastard that didn't want my wife to have a baby, but the truth was she didn't want one. At least she didn't want one with me. I bet if Santana asked her to, she'd pop out a kid though," he admitted bitterly.

"Think you ever want to have children one day with someone else?"

"I always wanted to have a big family. I always pictured myself with a house full of kids."

Now he realized his desperate need to hold onto Brittany and keep her away from Santana, was not only about trying to recover the marriage he lost while he was in Afghanistan, but also about holding onto the hope that the love of one person could help bring him back from the edge, to maybe save him. In the end, he had lost Brittany, lost his dreams for a family, even lost part of himself. He had no real hope for a happy future until that night in the cold under a blanket. Until Quinn.

"That's nice. Fatherhood is a very rewarding experience, from what I'm told."

"Do you have any children?"

"Not yet," she smiled flashing her perfectly straight teeth. "Have to find the right man first."

"If you loosen up a bit, I'm sure you'll have no problems there." She seemed the type to have men falling all over her and never even notice.

"How do you know I'm not loose already? I could be hanging out at bars throwing back scotch neats when I'm off duty."

"Your blouse is done up all the way to the top button and your skirt covers your knees. I don't see you bar hopping," he said letting his eyes drift over her body.

"Looks can be deceiving. To look at you I wouldn't think husband and father right off."

"That would be because I'm neither of those."

"But you are."

"Let me see that file. Did Brittany put down me as the father of her freaking cat?"

"I'm not talking about a cat. I am talking about the baby you have with Quinn."

Just when he was starting to think the crazy skipped Dr. Hill, she comes up with this. Unbelievable.

"Quinn and I have never even slept together, let alone had a child. Did you even do your research before coming in here?"

If sex with Quinn was what he missed the past three years then he needed hypnotherapy, shock treatments, a time machine. No way could he have finally been with beautiful Quinn and forgotten about it.

"I am well versed in your life Sam Evans. I know that you have a four month old daughter with Quinn Fabray."

"You've got to be shitting me. Are you for real?" She was serious. He could see it in her eyes, and for a moment it felt like his heart had stopped.

"For real. You've even met her already. Beth."

An image of the baby flashed in his mind. Big green eyes, blond hair, sort of chubby, she was such a happy little girl. She smiled so much the day he met her. She even had a little dimple in her chin just like his own. Sam sat up straight in the bed, his eyes widening in disbelief as he faced Dr. Hill.

"Beth? Mercedes' little girl?"

Rushing back, flashing images in his head, he was seventeen staring into her eyes on her parents' front porch. He had dreamed of this. A family with her, babies, a home, the whole works. It had been all he wanted for years. He clung to it, long after it had reached the point of impossibility.

"She's not Mercedes'. She's yours."

Now, while he was sleeping, like some miracle, it had all come true. He had a daughter. A daughter with Quinn.


	17. Chapter 17

We're getting there...

**Thanks for reading and commenting.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 17<strong>

"Uh Cede. I'm going to go," said Puck popping up to his feet. "Got big things to do at D&E."

"Puck you don't have to rush off." She tried to grab his arm before he got to the door. She really didn't want to be left alone for this conversation.

"I need to talk to you Mercedes," said Julian walking further into the lounge and leaning against the counter that housed the coffee and water.

Puck patted Mercedes on the shoulder. "Talk to your dad. I'll see you later Cede." He looked over Mercedes' head. "Julian, good to see you."

"Do I need to sit for this?" Mercedes asked resigned to her fate.

"Yes you do. Sit and eat this," he said pushing her down in the chair and handing her a bag.

Mercedes peered into the white paper bag. "I'm not hungry."

"Eat," Julian insisted pulling a wrapped sandwich from the bag and handing it to her. "You've been here all night and barely any nutrients have entered your body."

"I'm fine," she said frowning at the sandwich as she slowly unwrapped it.

"Unhooking yourself from your IV does not mean you're fine. Can you please just eat?"

"Fine, but only because you asked so nicely." Mercedes took a bite. Turkey with lettuce and mayo, it tasted like cardboard in her mouth. "I think you forget that I'm an adult."

"I realize that, but sometimes you still need taking care of." He stroked her head softly lingering until he saw her take another bite of her sandwich.

"I have a husband for that."

Julian shook his head slowly. "You don't anymore."

"How can you say that? Sam is getting stronger every day." Pretty soon he would be back 100% better than ever. His recovery had been going so well.

"Physically yes, but mentally he's still the same. He doesn't remember you," Julian reminded her gently. It felt like a piece of the sandwich had lodged in her throat.

"He's going to find out today about me and Beth." She got nervous just thinking about it. Their lives were about to change today. Finally her little make shift family was going to find its way back together.

"Knowing and feeling are two different things."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He'll know you are his wife, but will he care?"

The thought had been on her mind since she found out about his memory loss. What if he just didn't care that he had a wife, especially a wife he didn't know? Mercedes tried to hang on to the positive. Sam had always wanted a family, he had been talking about it just the last night. She had to believe that he would care about their life together.

"He already cares about me and he thinks I'm just his nurse."

She could feel it, see it in his eyes, she knew she meant something to him. He wouldn't ignore those feelings just because he had a baby with another woman.

"Is this the kissing you were telling Puck about?"

Mercedes had been hoping her father would spare them both the embarrassment and just not bring this subject up.

"I really don't want to get into that with you, dad."

"I was a little surprised to find you in bed with Sam this morning," he pushed on. Apparently her father wasn't squeamish about the subject as Mercedes was.

"You've seen me in there before," she said trying to play it off.

It wasn't like he caught them getting physical she was just in the bed beside him, under the covers, as if she had something to hide. Okay so it may have looked a little strange to her father.

"Not while he was conscious. Things have changed," he said taking a seat beside her.

Things had changed for the better. Sam could respond to her now and he had been with gusto.

"You act like I was jumping in bed with some random patient. I am married to the man." Which probably went to the heart of her dad's problem with it all. She was still married to Sam and he didn't like it.

"I just don't want to see you hurt anymore by him. He's done enough damage to your life."

"He's not going to hurt me. We've been getting along very well."

It was different this time. He was so open and trusting. They had felt a connection and hadn't run from it. Not like when they first met and he was always playing hide and seek with his feelings. Sam hadn't held back with her at all this time.

"Right now he thinks you are some super friendly nurse. He probably feels like he hit the jackpot with you."

"Meaning?" she asked although she knew full well what her dad was implying.

"Meaning he's a man that has gone without sex for months and now he has this woman throwing herself at him."

"I didn't throw myself." Sure she had kissed him first but Sam had done all the rest. She hadn't forced him into anything.

"I bet he sees you as some easy lay to get his rocks off with. Once he's released you will be the last thing on his mind."

"Dad, how can you say this to me? You don't think that I can tell when a man is after only one thing?"

The thought had crossed her mind but she had confronted Sam about it and he had assured her it wasn't true. And she had believed him. Mercedes' instincts were telling her that all of this between them was about more than sex.

"Not with Sam you can't. Everything about the guy clouds your judgment. You have not made one smart choice since you got involved with him."

She probably did look like a fool when it came to Sam and half the time she felt like one, but there was just something inside her that wouldn't allow her to let him go. No matter what pain he put her through, deep down she always knew they'd find their way together. At one point, that knowledge was very deep down, practically invisible, and she had almost given up on him a few times. But each time she had almost successfully put him out of her heart, he would do something, give her a sign, and she'd be right back where she started. Hopelessly in love with Sam Evans.

"I've known Sam longer than I've known you. You don't know the whole story."

"I know all about what went down at D&E, that sex tape, and all those games you were playing while he was with Rachel. You two just make mistake after mistake with each other."

If this was all they ever had. If she remained lost to him forever and his heart never wanted her again, Mercedes still wouldn't have any regrets about being with him. The ups and downs, the pain, the fears, all of it, was worth enduring just for him. He had given her the greatest gift, even so briefly, he had made her feel completely loved. She knew without question that she had been all he wanted, if they never found their way back at least she had that feeling to hold on to. No one could ever take away the love they shared. He might have forgotten, but Mercedes knew she never would.

"Marrying Sam wasn't a mistake. We've had our issues, but we have worked through every one. You don't know as much as you think about our relationship."

"Okay," he slumped back in his chair with a sad smile.

"That's all you are going to say? Just okay?" She was a bit surprised he hadn't challenged her more.

"You're right. I don't know everything. I just want you to keep a level head about the situation. As long as you do that there's nothing more I can say."

"I'm trying dad. It's just hard sometimes to hold back. I missed him so much."

There was a moment after the sun's glow had filled the room and the birth of the day had left them speechless, he had turned to look at her, a smile on his face, and for an instant it was like her Sam was back. All the love and emotion he had forgotten was in his eyes. It was then that Mercedes wanted to throw caution to the wind, disregard the doctors, risk it all and tell him everything. Tell him that she loved him and that she was his wife. Instead she let kisses consume them and hoped that he'd somehow feel all the words she couldn't say.

"I know you did."

"It's kind of hard not to want to rush to make up for lost time. And I do realize that he doesn't remember any of it, but I truly believe a part of him does. He wouldn't feel so strongly about me if he didn't remember something." Everything else between them might have died in the crash, but their connection had survived.

"From what I gather his amnesia is not being caused by a brain injury."

"He's blocking this stuff out on his own?" She had suspected there was more going on with him since his memory loss was so specific. Of all the times to lose, he chose those years, didn't seem like coincidence.

"Something like that. The trauma of the accident set it off and now his mind is protecting itself against something."

"Against me? Because I'm really the only new part of his life in the last three years." Taking it personally was something she was trying to avoid, but it was hard not to when she was really the only person he had forgotten.

"Not necessarily you, maybe just the accident, and since you were in the car with him…"

"He blocked me out too." Maybe he was blaming her for the accident and this was his way of subconsciously punishing her. She deserved this fate. She had taken so much from him when she crashed the car.

"Could be."

"You think he'll ever get those memories back?" Suddenly feeling like she was stuck on death row, she couldn't help but pray for a pardon.

"If this is truly psychological in nature then I think he will."

"How long will it take?"

She had been prepared to stay with him as long as it took him to recover from the coma. She would never have left him abandoned in the dark. But she didn't know how long she could handle being the one his heart forgot, especially when he seemed so focused on Quinn.

"That really depends on him sweetheart. Whatever is broken inside him needs to heal."

"Kali is going to be working with him."

It was already after two. She should be with him right now. Not only did Kalina want her there, but also Sam had asked her to be his moral support. A fact that was simply amazing. He didn't remember her but he wanted her close. It had meant so much to her, and now she was here stuck with her dad, letting Sam down. She hoped he wouldn't hold it against her.

"That just might do the trick. We have to stay positive."

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Go back and forth like that. One minute you were scolding me about throwing myself at Sam and now you're telling me to keep the faith that my husband will get better."

"Dads can be bi polar I'm learning, especially when it comes to their daughter's love life. I want you safe but I also want you loved. I just keep praying you can get that with Sam."

"You don't think I can?"

"No I don't. He's hurt you too much already. But it is not my choice. You get to love who you want."

"Sam's a good man. He just made some mistakes. So have I."

"I know he has good in him. I've acknowledged that before. I just don't know if he is the right man for you."

"Not your decision, remember?"

She wished there was someone that believed in them, so she didn't feel so alone in all of this. Puck was trying to be supportive, but Mercedes wasn't fully convinced his positivity wasn't more about keeping Sam away from Quinn. Kurt had her back, but he really had no idea what her relationship with Sam had been like. Beiste and her father had voiced their concerns repeatedly. And Sam's family, they were always so hard to read. Never knew if they were just tolerating her presence or actually glad she was in Sam's life. Worst of all she didn't even have Sam. Before the accident they faced questions about their relationship together, and if people didn't understand it didn't matter because they knew what they had was real. Now Sam was just as much an outsider to their relationship as everyone else. Once he found out the truth about their marriage, would he question it all too?

"I know and I am trying to stay out of it and trust you." Mercedes hugged him knowing how much it must have taken for him to even say that much.

"Thank you for that."

"But make no mistake, if he so much as looks at you funny, I'm going to hurt him."

"Dad…" She rubbed his arm trying to soothe away the angry lines on his face. She hated that the two most important men in her life were at odds.

"I'm serious. I'm not going to let him break your heart again."

"He's not going to hurt me."

Mercedes had been the bigger heartbreaker in their relationship, letting him think they were solid when all the while she was filled with confusion. He had trusted her when they met at the altar and exchanged their vows. He had no idea of the betrayal and the lies she had heaped behind his back. Sam had been blindsided by the truth because he had let himself trust her completely. Nothing had hurt her worse than knowing she had broken his heart so completely, all the pain that happened after that came from that first blow. If only she had just been honest, she could have spared them all so much pain.

"He better not Mercedes, because I seriously don't know what I'd do if messes up your life again."

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><p>He had a daughter. Sam was proud, happy, and extremely overwhelmed, everything had changed, this time Sam was ready to be a father. Back when he first came home from Afghanistan, despite his efforts to convince Brittany they should start a family, Sam was running scared. Becoming a father was something he always wanted, but deep down he had serious doubts about his ability to handle such a huge responsibility. He basically ran away from it the first time, allowing himself to be easily swayed by Brittany to let a cat be an acceptable substitute for a child.<p>

This time there was nowhere to run, Sam was married and had a daughter. It didn't matter that he didn't remember how any of it happened. It was still very real. Just a few hours ago his future was cloudy. His fate seemingly set on a course much like his father's, lots of work without much love. In an instant, it all changed. He actually had the family he always wanted. Hopefully he was up to the challenge of being the husband and father they needed. That was always the issue for Sam. He wanted a good life, filled with family, respect, and love, but a part of him didn't fully believe he was worthy of it. Sam figured that his questionable choices in life had made him less than deserving of getting all of his dreams fulfilled. Suddenly it seemed he couldn't have been more wrong.

"But Mercedes..."

"Did Mercedes ever say she was her daughter?" asked Kalina.

"Now that I think about it. No she hasn't said those words, but she always had her." That explained the lack of gushing. Mercedes wasn't a new mother at all. She was just acting as some sort of nanny. She had the tired look of motherhood, but not the glow.

"She's taking care of her."

"She takes care of me and she takes care of my daughter? Is it because Quinn is on tour?"

The door opened and the older head nurse entered with the baby in her arms, his baby. Beth was frowning and looked like she might burst into tears at any moment. Sam wondered if the little girl had maybe caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. He was wearing a shirt with a huge smiling duck on the front, not very cute at all.

"You've got a little visitor. She's a bit cranky. We had to wake her up from her nap," said the older nurse as she walked into the room. Beth squealed in her arms, her little face fixed in a frown.

"Cranky seems to run in the family. I thought Mercedes was bringing her," said Kalina as she walked over to Cheryl and Beth.

"She's going to be a few minutes, she is with Dr. Jones," responded Cheryl.

"Thank you Cheryl." Kalina took Beth from the nurse's arms. "You think you'd like to hold her?" asked Kalina turning her attention back to Sam.

Kalina brought Beth to Sam's bedside. For a moment Sam simply stared in awe of the little person that was in the world because of him and Quinn. She handed Beth to Sam carefully making sure that he could hold the baby securely.

"Let me see this little girl," said Sam settling Beth in his lap. Beth's frown straightened out as he looked up at Sam's face. "Man you're a big girl. Are you sure she's only four months?"

"She was actually premature, but it's hard to tell isn't it?" Kalina played with the baby's hand trying to get her attention, but Beth remained focused on Sam.

"She looks older. Glad to see your mommy has been feeding you well." As if she understood, a smile spread over Beth's face at Sam's words. "Wow, look at that," said Sam smiling brightly. He lifted Beth up, dangling her above his lap, to look at her better.

"I think she has your smile."

"I think so too. I didn't notice it when I saw her before." Sam never took his eyes off of the baby as she wiggled in his arms. He placed Beth facing him in his lap once again.

"Probably because you weren't looking for it. I think she looks a lot like you, in her own baby way of course."

"She has Quinn's eyes. How could I have missed that? It's like looking at her." Wide and murky green, flecked with gold, so striking they ruled her face making her other features seem secondary.

"You two were a couple for a long time? Since high school?" asked Kalina returning to her file.

"No we broke up senior year. She actually ended up with my cousin Puck." Actually that statement was no longer true. Quinn had ended up with him. Seemed like the past three years went better than he had ever dreamed.

"I see that here. They broke up in 2011."

"I remember they were having problems."

"How much of 2011 do you remember?"

"Just up to that crash, so that was February. It's blank after that."

"You've missed a lot."

"Ya think? You were supposed to be filling me in all this time."

"I wanted to focus on the most important parts, your family."

"This baby is a big shock. An awesomely big shock."

Sam cradled Beth against his chest, feeling a sudden surge of happiness when the baby relaxed against him. Usually babies were leery of strangers, fussy around people they didn't know, but Beth was very at ease with him, as if she already knew who he was. Maybe it was the primal call of their shared bloodline or DNA, because somehow his daughter seemed to know that she was safe with him.

"I take it you're pleased."

"Pleased doesn't even begin to cover it. Quinn and I...it is just so amazing...we created this perfect baby." Sam stumbled over his words, his emotions getting the better of him.

"Yes you did. She is beautiful."

If only he could have some time alone with Beth. There was so much he wanted to say to his child. He wanted to tell her that she would be the best father to her, always there, never too busy to be around for her. He wanted to make promises, to be at every dance recital, softball game, school play, or just to talk. He wouldn't be cold and judgmental like his own father had been. Sam would be open, loving, and accessible. He wanted to promise that his daughter would never have to wonder if her father loved her or was proud of her. There was just so much, the future was in his arms, staring up at him with big green eyes and blond hair. Sam could hardly believe that he had been so blessed.

Sam had never been much for religion. He was raised by Dwight Evans, a man that thought all it took to secure a place in heaven was a big donation. Quinn had been the one with all the faith, the one that saw miracles in the moonlight. Today he finally felt what she must've all along. The wonder of a child that was a part of him, entrusted to him to raise and love with Quinn by his side. If ever there was evidence of God, of a higher power, Sam truly felt it in this moment. A complete sense of certainty that life and love combined in an otherworldly brew to create the little miracle in his lap. Amazed, humbled and honored to have this gift bestowed on him. Sam groaned inwardly at his sudden need to get all poetic, but honestly he was feeling so much that he probably could write a sonnet or song. Not that he'd ever admit that to anyone, well maybe to Quinn, she'd understand. He wished he could share this all with her right now. Dr. Hill shouldn't have told him about Beth, his wife should have.

"Can we at least get her on the phone? I'd like to tell her I know and that I'm holding our baby. I can't believe she's not even here for this. How could you tell me without her? I mean it seems only right that my wife would be by my side for this."

"I thought your wife was going to be here," said Kalina glancing at the clock.

"I thought Quinn was on tour. Why would you think she would just show up? What are you hiding?" Sam was starting to get suspicious. It didn't make sense that his wife would not be there when he met their son.

"You should probably relax. I'm not hiding anything. I was just saying that I had planned for your wife to be here for this." Dr. Hill was hiding something. Sam could see it all over her face.

"And you couldn't hold off until Quinn got back?"

"Sam we have to talk about Quinn." Dr. Hill paused. Sam could tell she was watching him, probably trying to gauge his reaction. "She won't be coming back."

Apprehension grew with every passing second. "What do you mean? Did something happen to her? Is she hurt?"

"She's not hurt, but she is sick. Quinn had postpartum depression after she gave birth to Beth."

"Is she getting treatment?" asked Sam his heart pounding in his chest. He slowly rubbed Beth's back in comforting circles, the gesture more to calm himself than the baby.

"She's at the Midwest State Psychiatric facility."

Sam's heart dropped. Her voice crying out to him whenever he closed his eyes, the sadness during their phone conversations, Quinn had been calling for him the whole time.

"Upstate? Why would she be all the way up there? That's for the hardcore cases and the criminally insane. Why couldn't she be treated here in Lima?"

"She was here at first."

"Was that why she was with me when I was waking up?"

"She was transferred to Midwest that same morning," said Kalina.

The pieces started to fit together in his mind. Quinn didn't deliberately abandon him, she just couldn't stay. He selfishly felt relieved by that knowledge. He knew he should have been solely focused on Quinn and her health, but Sam couldn't help but be a little happy that his fears had been unfounded. Quinn still cared about him.

"That's why she couldn't stay. I couldn't believe she hadn't stayed to talk to me or come to visit."

"She's not able to come."

"Well, I want to go see her." He needed to be there for her. He felt sick as he imagined Quinn alone, locked away in a mental facility. She couldn't have been that bad off to deserve that. If only he had been conscious to help her. Sam was sure that he could have prevented things from getting this bad.

She shook her head. "I don't think you're ready for that yet. But you should check with your doctors."

"I definitely will. I need to see my wife. She must be so alone up there. I can't imagine what it must be like for her being away from Beth." He had only held Beth for ten minutes and he didn't want to let her go. Sam could only imagine the agony Quinn must be feeling being separated from their baby.

"Things have been hard for Quinn but she's determined to get her life back on track."

Sam shook his head sadly. "I can't believe she went through all of this without me. I wasn't there for her when she needed me. I let her down."

Sam wasn't clear about what happened in his car accident, but he felt pretty certain it was probably his fault. He had a self-destructive streak that liked to rear its head whenever his life was on the right track. From the looks of things his life was definitely good. How could he have let himself get in a situation that would take him away from his family like this, and for so long? He felt so guilty for abandoning Quinn all this time. She went through her entire pregnancy without him. He wondered if that was what caused her depression, having a comatose husband couldn't have been easy for a pregnant woman to handle.

"She understood. She just wanted you to get better." Dr. Hill had put on this soothing voice that ticked Sam off. He much preferred her more direct demeanor, felt less patronizing.

"Don't try to placate me. I wasn't there for my family. I missed so much."

Quinn had needed him and he wasn't there. He had failed her completely, something he never wanted to do. Even when she had broken his heart and hooked up with Puck, Sam had made a silent vow to always be there for Quinn, he didn't want to let anything destroy their friendship. If they had nothing else, he would make sure they always had that. He wanted her to know that she could still count on him no matter what. Now when it seemed as if she might have been facing the worst challenge of her life, he had been of no use. Sam couldn't help but feel angry at himself for allowing it all to happen this way.

"You can make up for the lost time with Beth. I know Mercedes has been bringing her to see you since she was two months old."

"Two months? Mercedes has been taking care of her that long? Quinn was in the hospital all that time?" Sam asked in disbelief.

"It's complicated, but yes Mercedes has been with Beth for months. Sam we need to talk about your wife now."

"There's something else wrong with Quinn?"

Fear gripped him as he clung just a little tighter to Beth as if another word would blow his little family away. Quinn was in a mental hospital, suffering alone, he had been in a coma, leaving Beth to be raised by a stranger. Maybe he was being made to pay for all of his sins after all. This dream was quickly starting to feel like a nightmare.


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 18<strong>

The door opened just as Sam was about to really lose his temper with Dr. Hill. She had this way of taking unreasonably long pauses, scribbling in her notebook, instead of just coming out with information. It was almost like she was testing his reaction to every statement she made. He felt like a giant lab rat.

"Sorry I'm late," Mercedes said with a bright smile, slightly out of breath, like she might have run all the way. "I got held up by my dad."

"It's okay Mercedes, you are right on time," said Kalina.

Sam noticed that Beth seemed to perk up when Mercedes came into the room, moving her head to try to find the source of her voice.

"Hey Beth, sweet princess. I missed you," said Mercedes planting a kiss on Beth's head. Her black hair brushed against Sam's face as she leaned over the baby. It was hard having her this close without touching her. "I'm so glad you two finally are together. I've been waiting for this for so long."

"Mercedes, I was just about to tell Sam about you. Why don't you sit down so we can continue?"

For a minute Mercedes looked confused, as if she didn't know where she was supposed to sit. Sam scooted over in the bed, making room for Mercedes to sit down. She settled in on the edge of the bed near his knee. Beth was moving a lot now, trying to get to Mercedes, so Sam turned the baby to face her in his lap.

"How come you didn't tell me this little lady was mine?"

He wondered why she would let him think the baby was hers. All of the time they spent together she never said a word. Now that he thought about it, everyone was keeping him in the dark about his child.

"Let's get focused again guys," said Kalina before Mercedes could answer his question.

"It's okay, Kali. I can answer. I wasn't allowed to say anything, Sam. It was so hard not telling you though."

Those damn doctors had his whole family under control. They acted like he was made of glass. How could knowing he had a daughter be anything but a positive thing? There was no need to protect him from his own flesh and blood.

Sam nodded. "I can imagine. I'm sure you figured it wasn't your place to say anything anyway. You probably thought Quinn would be the one to tell me."

They had even gotten Quinn to go along with it, his own wife keeping such vital information from him. Sam realized Quinn was ill and not in the position to put up much argument, but it seemed to him that the bonds of marriage trumped doctor's orders. If Quinn had been with him at the hospital, he was sure she would have told him about their baby. They had always been straight with each other, even when it had hurt. Sam cherished that aspect of their relationship most of all.

"Yeah, it wasn't my place," said Mercedes staring down at her lap. She was more quiet than usual. The smile that had been on her face when she arrived was fading.

"As you can see Sam, Mercedes and Beth have a close relationship," said Kalina opening her file once again.

"Thank you so much for taking care of her while Quinn is sick. I'm surprised my parents let you. They are usually more protective."

"Mercedes is very close to your family Sam."

"You've done so much for my family. I can't thank you enough for helping my wife with the baby."

"Now that we're all here, we need to talk about your wife," said Kalina.

A blond nurse peeked into the room. "Sorry to interrupt but Dr. Hill there is an issue with one of your patients," said the nurse.

"I'm in the middle of a consult."

"I apologize but it is an emergency," the nurse insisted.

Kalina rose to her feet with a sigh. "Okay you two. I will be right back. Let's hold everything until then. Okay Mercedes?"

"Okay," said Mercedes as she leaned forward and took Beth from Sam's arms. Sam was reluctant to let his daughter go, but when he saw the smile on Beth's face as she went to Mercedes, he relaxed. His child clearly liked her.

"I missed you yesterday Beth. Did you miss me?" she asked hugging the baby close. "I bet you had a good time with Papa D and Beiste right?"

"Papa D? My dad let's you call him that?"

"Not really but I feel confident he's warming up to the idea."

Sam laughed lightly. Mercedes certainly had guts making up a pet name for his father. It was either 'Dwight' or 'Mr. Evans' for his dad. He didn't do nicknames.

"You think you can wrap my father around your finger?"

"Beiste always says sweet talking women have the power to tame even the surliest of men. You should see her and your father together. They are so cute."

"It's hard to picture my dad doing anything cute."

"You'll see," she said casually, sitting Beth in her lap.

"So is that what you're trying to do to me? Tame me?"

She was doing something to him that was for sure. That same indescribable force that he had felt almost from the moment he had regained consciousness was pulling him in. He now knew that he had the life he always wanted with Quinn, there was no reason for Mercedes to still be affecting him this way. Yet here he was watching her with his daughter on her lap feeling an intense urge to lean over and kiss her. He just had to see Quinn, that would fix the problem. All this time apart, not knowing he was even married to her, had messed with his head. Once he had his wife back in his arms this strange attraction to his nurse would dissipate.

"I tend to like a little wild in my man." She shot him a quick glance, a flicker darkening the light in the brown of her eyes, with a sexiness he wasn't sure she even realized she had. One look made him shiver and her simple sentence made his mind wander to dark and dirty places.

Sam pulled his focus back to his baby, unnerved by how quickly inappropriate thoughts overtook him around her. He had no right to entertain any sort of attraction toward her. He was a husband and a father. The thought brought a smile to his face. How did he manage to get so lucky?

"I can't believe Quinn and I created this miracle," he said almost to himself. A feeling of complete awe struck him again, as he looked into Beth's eyes that were so much like Quinn's. He still couldn't quite believe that they had created this life together.

"She's a sweet baby."

"I'd always dreamed, but I never…" he trailed off mid sentence as a sudden realization hit him. "Wait after everything that happened between us last night, all that stuff we talked about. I sort of went on and on about Quinn. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to shock you. The doctors wanted me to wait. Believe me Sam I wanted you to know about Beth right away." Sam flinched as she rubbed his leg reassuringly. Something didn't add up.

"I'm not talking about Beth. Why didn't you tell me I was married?" he asked narrowing his eyes at her suspiciously.

"Sam..." she stuttered, putting Beth on her shoulder before getting up off the bed. She was putting space between them. Sam sensed apprehension coming off her in waves. Mercedes was definitely hiding something.

"It doesn't make any sense. We talked about so much. All that stuff about marriage and family and you never even told me I had a wife."

The anger was building within Sam, she was more than hiding something, she had been lying to him. She had to have known he was married the whole time, yet she still pursued a flirtation with him. More than a flirtation, they had crossed so many lines last night. He thought they were forming a connection, acting on a mutual attraction, but the whole time she knew he was a married man and just didn't care. No wonder she was so dismissive about her own husband. Clearly she was morally challenged when it came to fidelity. Sam's stomach started to churn as the sickening realization took hold. What if his initial thoughts about her had been correct? What if she was just after him somehow? Out to use him for his money or his status? Or what if it was something else entirely, something darker?

"I just explained to you I wasn't allowed to say anything. I wanted to, so many times but…"

Even from across the room he knew she was starting to cry. Her voice was becoming muddled with tears. A small part of him thought maybe he should ease up on her, let her explain herself calmly, but Sam just couldn't reign himself in. He was too upset and he needed answers.

"You don't get to hide behind the rules after last night. After you were in my bed. You should've told me I was married. I could've cheated on my wife last night. I guess technically I did. You let me tell you all that stuff about Quinn and thinking I had a shot with her. How come you didn't tell me I was already married to her?" Sam asked raising his voice. His throat was still a bit scratchy but his voice was getting steadily stronger. He knew he could yell if he needed to.

"Okay I'm back and by the looks of things we need a time out," said Kalina as she re-entered the room. "Mercedes why don't you take the baby back to the nursery? And Sam you need to calm down."

"I don't need a break. I need answers. I think my little nurse has been keeping things from me."

Mercedes crossed back over to the bed. Now that she was closer Sam could see the reddened splotches on her face and the tears in her eyes.

"Sam don't be upset with me please."

"Were you trying to fulfill some sick fantasy? I had this thought that you were maybe some sort of nut case that liked to get it on with her patients. Was that what last night was about?" he asked.

She visibly flinched at his words, and Sam almost smiled. He was getting to her. Good. She needed to understand that she couldn't play with an Evans.

"Sam stop it..." she pleaded. Her voice was so small and quiet, like the fight had left her body. He had never seen her so meek before, as if she were withdrawing into herself right before his eyes.

"That's enough. Sam you need to back off of her," said Kalina coming to stand by Mercedes' side. Even from the confines of his bed, he still felt confident he could take on the both of them. Their attempt at a united front wasn't going to stop him from finally getting to the bottom of all this.

"I'm having a conversation with my employee. I would appreciate it if you butt out."

"So I'm back to being just your nurse?" Mercedes asked, her voice still weak, as she slowly rocked Beth back and forth in her arms.

"That's what you always were right? Just doing your job to make me feel better any way you could?"

Once again a reaction to his words registered on her face. He could actually see her turn a shade paler. Both sickening and thrilling at the same time, Sam couldn't stop himself from pushing her further.

"You're acting like I was seducing you or something. We both wanted what happened."

Maybe it was because Beth had fallen asleep, but Mercedes' voice had gotten softer and softer the longer they spoke. He almost had to strain to hear her.

"That's when I thought I knew you. My gut was telling me I could trust you and that you really cared about me. I must have lost my instincts in that crash along with my memory."

"You didn't lose your instincts. You were feeling those things for a reason," Mercedes said quietly.

"Mercedes is more than your nurse," said Kalina.

Sam wondered if she would do anything else to defend Mercedes, apparently scribbling notes about their exchange was more important to her. Not that it mattered anyway, he was just about done with his nurse. She was just taking everything he threw at her, probably because she had no excuses to make to explain her lies.

"Not anymore she's not. I want her out of my sight, out of my life. Dr. Hill once Nurse Mercedes is gone can you please get my wife on the phone. I need to talk to Quinn," said Sam dismissively.

"Mercedes is not going anywhere Sam. She's a part of this conversation," said Kalina.

He had leaned on her, confided in her, told her some things he had never told anyone else. He thought he had found a friend, a kindred spirit, instead she was just the type of person his parents had always warned him about. Treacherous women that will lie, cheat and steal just to get up close and personal with his wallet. Sam thought he had developed a sixth sense about women like that, he usually could sniff them out long before they ever got close. Mercedes had somehow got under the radar. Must have been because he was sick. If he were in fighting form, she never would have gotten within an inch of him.

"I just told you. I want her gone. I can't deal with liars. All this time I wasted with her. I should've been with my wife. I have so many questions about my life with Quinn. What was our wedding like? I don't even know how long I've been married."

Tears were streaming down Mercedes' face as she trembled with Beth sleeping in her arms. She looked whipped, as if their conversation had truly taken a toll on her. Sam almost felt badly for her, but he couldn't quite bring himself to care completely. She had brought this all on herself.

Barely above a whisper Mercedes responded, "We'll have been married a year tomorrow. We got married on Valentine's Day."

Sam shook his head in disbelief. "We...are you totally insane? I'm married to Quinn not you."

"No you're not Sam. Mercedes is your wife," said Kalina.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks to Whoknowstv and another anonymous reader I will be fixing the discrepancies in the timeline...aparently my counting is way off. So a few tweaks and things will be right...not much will be impacted with the story and I will put the changes in the A/N when I have it all edited.**

**Also for Samcedes fans...I will be writing and posting some samcedes flashbacks (of the time before their wedding) that will be added to a revised version of Tailspin1. Because all of you are already in the middle of the journey I will share them in their entirety, so you won't have to search for them in the other story. So stay tuned for that..  
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**Another...Thanks for reading and commenting**

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><p><strong>Chapter 19<strong>

Her husband's baby. She had said it outright the other day, only he didn't know he was the husband she was talking about. Everything about this seemed wrong. He didn't want to believe it. He refused to. Something about all of it didn't sit right with him. Being married to Quinn made sense. Years of friendship and attraction could have reunited them as a couple. Sam had planned to reconnect with her anyway, once he had recovered. So to find out they were already married and had a child, was the best news he had received in a long time. Only it wasn't true. They had Beth, but not each other, and that couldn't be right. Sam knew he wouldn't get that close to Quinn, close enough to conceive a child, and just walk away from her.

Dr. Hill tapped her glittery pen against the file on her lap. His whole life was summed up in that folder and she was just casually beating out a tune on it as if it were nothing. It pissed him off even more the longer he watched. The minutes were ticking away since Mercedes left the room with his daughter. She said she needed to put her down in her crib in the hospital nursery, but Sam suspected she really just wanted to get away from him. He had jumped all over her, relentlessly pushing for answers, that by the end of the it all Mercedes was left a limp, quivering shell. Sam had definitely gained the upper hand with her, until Dr. Hill dropped that bomb on him and he was the one left quivering and pale.

Sam prided himself on being one step ahead of things in life, although his memory loss put him at a disadvantage lately, he had been so sure he had a handle on this situation with Mercedes. He had pretty much figured out her angle. She was a lonely girl that had fallen for him while he was in a coma. At first Sam had been drawn to that, maybe a little flattered by such obvious attention. He could tell that her obsession with him was just her way of coping with a bad home life. He had felt sorry for her and could sympathize, having been through his own fizzled romance. When he found out she had withheld information about his child and his relationship with Quinn however, he had been angry with her for lying and with himself for trusting her. He should've known better than to trust a stranger with what appeared to be a deep seated crush, but his instincts were telling him that she was okay to be around, to confide in, his gut was telling him she could be someone special. Never would he have guessed that he had it so wrong. In fact, he still wasn't convinced that he actually did have it wrong. His therapist was from a family of lunatics and his nurse appeared to be a pathological liar, it suddenly occurred to him that maybe he was being played.

"Both of you are crazy," said Sam when Mercedes finally returned. She took a seat on the bed opposite his own, beside Dr. Hill. "I should've kicked you out the moment I found out you were related to Santana. Probably just as untrustworthy as she is."

"I thought we agreed it is unfair to judge each other by our families," said Dr. Hill.

Her voice was even and calm, almost devoid of emotion, clinical and detached. Yet another thing that annoyed him. His life had gone into disarray and his doctor couldn't even be bothered to fake some concern. She hadn't even raised her voice when he started in on Mercedes earlier.

"I decided to give you a chance. You failed. I can't believe you expected me to fall for this. Are you two in on it together? Some sort of con?"

A con job made the most sense at this point. What other reason could there be for two women to just heap all of these lies on him? They tell him he has a family and then they yank it all away before he could even fully used to the idea. It had to be some sort of plot.

Then again if it were a plot it was one that Sam had fallen for before. His mind wandered back to high school and Quinn. He was so sure about their relationship, he knew deep down she truly loved him even if she never said the words, but then one day – there was Puck. Puck ended up being the one that Quinn loved and wanted. Sam had never seen it coming. There were signs, but he thought Puck was just messing things up for them, making his life hell as he always had, he never believed that Quinn could be the one falling for someone else.

"No one is conning you Sam. We loved each other and we got married," said Mercedes finally saying something.

Mercedes' voice was stronger now, louder since Beth was no longer in the room. She might be finally speaking up for herself, but Sam didn't believe a word that came out of her mouth. They had spent days together and not once did she mention these supposed feelings of love. It seemed to him if she felt as strongly as she claimed to, there would be no way she could've kept it all bottled up inside, especially after he had been in a coma for months.

"Lies," he mumbled. No way could he have married someone like her, not with Quinn still in the picture.

He'd had her in his arms, asked her to dinner, offered to save her from her scumbag husband when all the while she never said anything. Question after question he had asked her about her marriage and her husband, about why she seemed so sad, and she never let on that he was the reason for her pain. How could she have been that intimate with him last night and not tell him who she was?

Sam felt like a complete idiot. He hadn't gotten lucky and landed a playboy bunny for a nurse, instead she was his wife, a lying, sneaky woman that chose to control him by keeping him in the dark. Sam definitely was his father's son all right, following right down the old man's path of getting involved with malicious, back stabbing women.

"You know I'm not lying. You can feel it. You feel something for me even now. Remember all that you said to me?" she asked, her tear filled eyes pleading for him to give her a sign, some acknowledgement that he still felt connection.

Sam didn't want to remember. He felt like a fool. Flirting with her, baring his soul, all the while she was reveling in her victory. She had gotten him to reveal himself. Sam couldn't figure out her motives, what was she after? Was it his money or the chance to spend the night with him? Sam had dealt with his fair share of women who went to extremes in the hopes of getting into his bed. Maybe Mercedes was one of those women.

"A man will say anything to get what he wants. You seemed like a fun diversion to pass the time, especially since you were so willing to do anything I wanted."

Her eyes flickered with pain, tears fell down her cheeks but she didn't bother to wipe them away. Sam refused to let her get to him. He turned away from her coldly, before her brown eyes started to make him feel more than he wanted. She's a liar he reminded himself. Nothing he felt for her was real.

"Sam I think you need to stop right there. You're just being deliberately cruel," said Kalina.

"Let him talk Kalina, he should be able to express how he really feels, even if it is complete bullshit."

He shot Mercedes a pointed look. How dare she call him out as if he were the one dealing in untruths? Her eyes flashed with a spark of anger and there was a definite challenge in her tone.

Sam turned his focus to Dr. Hill, deliberately avoiding glancing in Mercedes's direction. He wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of playing along with her little game. "I don't have anything else to say to her. I want her to leave."

"Sam can you try addressing Mercedes directly? She's still in the room."

"It's fine Kalina. I know how Sam gets. He tends to shut down when things don't go his way, wallow in denial, drown himself in scotch, then go out and do something impulsive and stupid."

"Stop talking like you know me."

"I do know you, maybe better than anyone."

She was pushing him, trying to get a reaction. Sam wasn't biting. "Yeah right."

"I know that Quinn was your high school sweetheart," Mercedes began.

"I told you that the other day," he scoffed fanning his hand at her.

"I know that you were so head over heels for her that you used to serenade her and you carved your initials into a tree in the woods."

He was a sap in high school. Everyone knew it. She must have heard the stories.

"That's pretty much common knowledge in this town. You'll have to do better."

"You keep a brown and silver flask in your pocket at all times. You got it on your 21st birthday from your dad. Most of the time it only has water in it, until you get stressed or upset, then you fill it with scotch."

A little more detail, he'd have to hand it to her, she did her research. But again it was nothing that couldn't have been learned from talking to his family.

"So you saw my personal affects when I was admitted to the hospital."

Mercedes got up and walked over to his bed, blocking Dr. Hill's view, leaning in close to face, her hair brushing against his skin. Sam should've pushed her away. She didn't have the right to encroach on his personal space, even when that morning they had been all over each other. Curiosity got the better of him and he let her be, watching her every move.

"The first time you had sex was when you were eighteen, in the Army, you just completed basic training," she said lowering her voice so that only he could hear her words. Mercedes leaned in even closer, pressing her palms against his chest. "You wanted to sleep with a woman that looked just like Quinn, because she hurt you so bad when she left you for Puck. You thought that if you could be with someone that looked like her it would get her out of your system. But whenever you got alone with any green-eyed blonde you couldn't close the deal." She smirked, pulling back slightly just to make sure he saw that glint in her eyes. "So you ended up meeting a brunette in a bar and spending the night with her."

"How do you know all of that?" he asked angrily shoving her away from him.

"You told me," Mercedes responded nonchalantly as she returned to her seat next to Dr. Hill, who was busy scribbling away in her notebook.

"I've never told anyone that before."

"I'm not just anyone. I'm your wife. I know you like to cuddle in bed, your favorite food is a cheeseburger with mustard, you sing in the shower, you don't like coffee, you…"

"Enough…" He felt sick as his stomach dropped. He couldn't deny it anymore. It was all true.

"Are you sure? I can keep going."

"None of this changes anything. You lied to me."

The past few days ran through his mind. She was always there, so happy to see him, she had clothes in his room, slept next to him while he was in a coma, and the kisses. All the kisses, never tentative, so much emotion, those eyes constantly watching him, searching for something. He hadn't been wrong, his gut was right, it was all for him. Every look, every touch, all the smiles, there was no freaking cosmic connection between them, no otherworldly bond. She just already knew him. She knew which spots to hit, which buttons to push. He wanted to throw something. This could not be his life. He was not married to a person he couldn't even remember.

"I was trying to protect you. The doctor's said…"

"Screw the doctors, if you really loved me like you say you do, then you would have told me the truth."

Sam had told her how much he wanted a family. Even shared his disappointment that he didn't seem to have any love in his life. Mercedes had just sat there, wide eyes, tight lipped and let him ramble his tale of self-pity.

"I do love you."

He choked out a humorless laugh. "I find that hard to believe. A wife puts her husband first. You knew I had all these questions about Quinn, about my life and you said nothing."

He covered his face with his hands all the things he told her about Quinn, about his feelings for her. She had let him go on and on. He just couldn't wrap his mind around it at all. If she truly cared about him why didn't she just tell him the truth? He could have maybe let go of this thing with Quinn, or at least kept it all to himself.

He wanted her to disappear. He wanted to rewind the clock and go back to the time when he thought he was married to Quinn, a real family with his baby.

"I did put you first. Did I say a word about you wanting to speak to Quinn? I even got her on the phone for you."

"Why would you do that? You know how I feel about Quinn."

"You were upset and it seemed like you needed her."

"Touching, you really are a good, loving wife."

"I try to be," she said quietly.

"Here's an idea. Why don't you be a good wife now and bring Quinn here for a little visit?"

Mercedes slanted her eyes in anger. "Quinn doesn't get out much where she's at. They don't like crazy people roaming the streets, it scares the neighborhood children."

"Don't talk about Quinn like that. She's not crazy."

"If you say so. I think you have a little fantasy cooked up in your head about a happy family with Quinn and Beth, but it's going to come crumbling down all around you. You and Quinn will never work."

She was clearly jealous, trying to trash Quinn, in order to cling to the chance that they could be together. Sam hoped her dreams were vivid because there was no way he was ever going to be with her. Finally the time had come for him to be with Quinn, and this time they were going to last. It wasn't just a fantasy. Sam felt it to his core that Quinn would want this too.

"You have no idea what Quinn and I share, our history, our bond."

"It's a dream come true, no doubt. I just hope this time she actually wants to be with you."

"We have a daughter together now."

Beth was the proof, the living sign that he and Quinn were meant to be together. This must have been why he kept hearing Quinn's voice in his mind. His subconscious was urging him to claim his family.

"Maybe that will sway the odds in your favor, I guess we'll see. I've always had the impression that she just wasn't that into you."

She was trying to hurt him, he could see it in her eyes. Her attempts at playing on his insecurities weren't going to work. All it did was further prove to Sam how threatened Mercedes was of Quinn.

"You little…" He had a few names on the tip of his tongue for her, and none of them felt quite nasty enough.

"Okay you two, you need to cool down now," said Kalina putting a hand on Mercedes's arm. She had been very quiet during their whole exchange. She probably was too busy taking dictation to play referee. "We don't want to take things too far."

"I'm not saying anything Sam doesn't already know. Isn't that right Sam?" A hint of a smile played on her lips. She wasn't backing down at all.

"There's nothing you can say that will make me turn away from Quinn."

Mercedes smiled, a full mocking grin that Sam couldn't wait to wipe off of her face. "Oh I think there's plenty I can say. For starters…"

"Mercedes," interrupted Kalina. "Please don't say anything else. We're taking it easy, remember?"

"Don't stop her now Dr. Hill. The little nurse has finally found her tongue. It's not like she has the power to stop Quinn and me from being together anyway. Mercedes is nothing more than my nurse," said Sam folding his arms behind his head. He couldn't contain his smile as he watched her flinch. He had struck a nerve.

"I'm not going to stop anything. If you want Quinn, so be it. Too bad she'll never make you happy."

"Oh and now you're going to try to convince me that you can make me happy instead? Are you going to tie me to the bed, do that little trick with your tongue again?"

She jumped to her feet looking ready to curse him out. It might have been a low blow to bring up their physical encounter so explicitly, but he wanted to make it clear that he was on to her. There were no tricks she could pull now to keep him away from Quinn. Not even a trick that made his eyes roll back in his head and his toes twitch. She might know the ways to get his body to respond, but she would never be able to get to his heart. He'd never give her the chance to get that close again. Not after all of this.

"You and Quinn can try to resurrect the shambles of your so-called great love for the eighteenth time. Have at it. That will be your pain to carry, but if any of that spills onto Beth and hurts her, I'm going to step in." She was shaking, she was so upset, her face scrunched up tight.

"Beth is my child. You don't have any say in her life," he said sitting up straighter in the bed.

"I'm her stepmother and her custodial parent. I have more say than you realize. I will die before I let Quinn hurt her again."

Why would she even take it there? The idea that Quinn would hurt their baby was too ridiculous for words. Mercedes was grasping at straws now, trying to find any way to discredit Quinn.

"Quinn would never hurt our child."

"Of course not. Just like she'd never hurt you right?"

A chill ran over Sam's body at Mercedes's words. The way she had said it, so calm and resolute, made Sam shudder. He could tell she actually believed Quinn was capable of hurting Beth.

* * *

><p>Twenty uncomfortable minutes of silence and Mercedes finally got the hint and left. After she had made those ridiculous statements about Quinn hurting Beth, he had completely shut her out. Turned his back, stared at the wall, and didn't say another word. Dr. Hill decided to do her job and suggested that Mercedes leave so she could talk to him alone. Sam was relieved. He could hear Mercedes sniffling, crying behind his back. He tried to block her out, humming a tune in his mind, but her sad doe eyes crept in and Sam was forced to see what his words had done to her, even though his eyes were closed.<p>

Once he was alone with Dr. Hill, he began to relax. Mercedes' presence had stifled him, making it hard for him to form a coherent thought. Slowly things were starting to become clearer in his mind. There was Beth and there was Quinn, this other stuff with Mercedes wasn't important.

"Dr. Hill why is there an insane woman taking care of my daughter? She's completely delusional."

"What makes you think that?"

"She just told me she'd die before she'd let Quinn hurt Beth."

Dr. Hill shrugged. "Mercedes loves her. It's not surprising she is protective."

"She said she had custody."

"She does. You were in a coma. The judge allowed her to take Beth since she's your wife."

Sam wondered why a judge was involved at all. Quinn could have just taken care of the baby, she didn't need him to be conscious for that.

"What about Quinn? Where was she?"

"I told you she's suffering from postpartum depression."

"Being sick doesn't mean someone else gets custody of your baby. So does Mercedes actually have legal custody or is she just taking care of Beth?"

"Would you even believe anything I told you at this point? I am related to the wicked Santana after all."

She was teasing him now, but Sam didn't find it at all funny. He had the right to have a doctor not connected to a woman that had destroyed his marriage. It might seem hypocritical given his own history, but it was how he felt.

"Good point. I should be demanding a new doctor."

"Why aren't you?" she asked.

"Don't get too comfortable. I still might."

He wasn't sure why he was still letting her stay. She was infuriating as hell. The way she never gave him a straight answer about anything was driving him up the wall. He guessed it was the fact that she had that little file on his life. Sam thought he might have a shot at sweet talking her into showing him some of it if he let her stick around. Switching doctors might land him a hard ass male that would be immune to his certain brand of charm.

"I'll keep that in mind," said Dr. Hill, a small smile on her face.

"Why did you tell me Quinn was my wife?" he asked.

It all came back to this, if she had just told him the truth in the first place it could have saved him so much stress. She had let him continue to hold onto the idea that Quinn was his wife, building it up in his mind, only to suddenly take it all back.

"I didn't. You just assumed."

"Well you said I was a husband and father and then said I have Beth with Quinn." It was a completely logical assumption to make. Why wouldn't he be married to the mother of his child?

"And unmarried people don't have kids together?" Kalina asked.

"That's not something I would've done."

"But you did."

"I see that now. I don't understand this though. If I am married to Mercedes, and Beth is only four months old then that means…."

"Means you cheated."

No way. Sam knew he would never betray someone he loved like that. He may be a lot of things, and have made more questionable choices than he could count, but one thing he prided himself on was that he was loyal and faithful.

"That's impossible. I wouldn't cheat on my wife. I am not a cheater."

"Seems like you are now." She tried to stifle a laugh, as she hid her smile behind her hand.

"Are you getting off on this or something? You seem almost amused."

"I do find it somewhat amusing that you think it impossible that you could have cheated. Given your history. You don't come across as the voice of moral responsibility."

"I'm a one woman kind of guy. If I loved someone enough to get married, I wouldn't cheat on her."

He had seen the damage that infidelity inflicted on his parents. From a very young age, Sam vowed to never be like them, using the heart like a weapon. Love was too rare and wonderful to waste. It might make him seem like less of a man to feel that way but he didn't care.

"Mercedes would beg to differ there."

"That's the thing I can't wrap my head around. Why did I even marry her? She doesn't seem like the type of person…" He ran his hands through his hair as his voice trailed off. Sam wasn't quite sure what he wanted to say about her.

"But you said earlier you felt close to her and you liked her," said Dr. Hill reminding him of his previous statement.

"That's not the same as marrying her. She's just a…she's so young."

The age thing had caught him off guard. It was hard enough to deal with his attraction to someone so young when he thought she was just his nurse, now that he knew he had actually married her, he was really confused. What had happened in his life that made him decide to marry a teenaged college student?

"She is."

"She's not really my type either."

Maybe that was part of the problem. If all the women in Lima were lined up for his selection, Sam wasn't sure he would've chosen Mercedes. There was something about her that was definitely attractive, but she didn't have the look he usually went for. Not that it was all about looks for him, but appearance is what drew him into a woman in order to get to know her better. If he had spotted Mercedes across the room, he might not have ever given her a second glance. Alone in his hospital room she had been enticing. She was really cute and flirty, but he had been forced to be around her. Sam just didn't know if anything would have been there under other circumstances.

"How so?"

"She's just…she's not… You know I don't want to talk about her. Tell me more about Quinn." He was tired of trying to figure this Mercedes thing out. Sam was convinced that there would be no answers that made sense.

"Interesting you went back to her."

"She is my daughter's mother. Only natural I would be concerned."

He didn't even want to think about how horrible it must be for Quinn now, alone in a mental hospital. He was feeling pretty lonely himself and he had a steady stream of visitors. Things must be so much worse for Quinn.

"But no concern for your wife? You ripped into her pretty hard. She was in tears."

"She withheld information from me about Quinn, about Beth…about herself. I can't stand liars."

"Does your stance on that change now that you know you lied to her?"

"When did I lie to her?" Sam had been very upfront with Mercedes, even told her about his conflicting feelings for her and Quinn.

"I am assuming you didn't rush home and tell her about sleeping with Quinn."

"See that. There is something more there. I am wondering if Quinn and I were the ones in love and I had to marry Mercedes for some reason."

"Had to? Like a shotgun wedding?"

"No, but maybe it was about business, or some sort of deal." Or maybe he had lost a bet.

"Couldn't have been something as simple as you were in love with her?"

"If I loved her, I wouldn't have cheated on her. And with Quinn of all people. I have always cared about Quinn. I am thinking maybe we were having an affair and Mercedes got in the way of that. I need to speak with Quinn."

"I think you do as well. Tell you what? As soon as you get cleared by your doctors I will make that happen."

"Can't you fill me in on this in the meantime?" Sam couldn't hold out much longer for answers. His mind was creating elaborate scenarios. He needed to know what was real, once and for all.

"I would rather you get your information directly from the source. I think you will accept it better if you hear it straight from Quinn."

The thought of finally seeing Quinn made him smile. There was so much he needed to say to her. He hoped he could put it all into words when he was in her presence. She had a way of making him lose his train of thought whenever he looked at her for too long.

"I have all these questions."

"You could start by talking to your wife."

"I have nothing to say to her." Not like he could trust her to tell him the truth anyway.

"Are you sure about that? You two have these matching beds, the whole night ahead of you."

"No way in hell is she staying in here. I want her out." And to think, just a few hours ago he had been looking forward to spending the night with her.

"Sam, I think it is time for you to grow up and face facts."

"You are the worst shrink I have ever met," Sam said angrily. "I just got out of a coma and you lay all of this on me and you expect me not to react?"

"I was hoping you would take it like a man. All that stuff you were saying earlier about family and responsibility."

She was making him feel like an idiot for not acting per her expectations. He felt like a child being scolded.

"Can you give me a minute? I just found all of this out."

"Sam, you were married before. Since you think it is 2011, that experience should be fresh on your mind."

"This is not the same. I have this dream come true with Beth and Quinn then you tell me I have a wife on top of that."

He had won her back, for those fleeting moments when Dr. Hill told him he was married and had a baby, he had Quinn, something he had wanted for years. Countless nights of dreaming of her coming to him and telling him that it was never Puck and always him. She would tell him that she loved him and that she wanted him back. That dream recurred for years, ultimately feeling more like a nightmare as the harsh reality became too hard to ignore. She wasn't coming back. Then today she had, with their baby in her arms, and his ring on her finger.

"So the problem is Mercedes and the fact you are married to her? Not that she lied to you about it?"

"All of it is a problem. Everything about her is wrong. It shouldn't be like this. It should be me, Quinn and our child."

"That's not how you felt before the accident. You were very dedicated to your marriage."

"How do you even know that?" The file couldn't have that much detail, she had to be making stuff up.

"This file holds many clues. For one, your wife filed for divorce before the accident."

"I knew it! Quinn and I were trying to be together." All that love talk from Mercedes was bogus. If she truly loved him, she would've spared him all of this and just leveled with him from the start. Maybe she was trying to torture him in some way as an act of revenge, since he had cheated on her.

"You were the one that didn't want to sign the papers. Your attorney, Burt Hummel has said you were planning on fighting her."

"Did we have a pre-nup?"

"From the looks of it, you did not."

"There you go. I was trying to hang on to my assets, working out a plan."

"Seems like you have it all worked out now."

"Well it is the only thing that makes sense. Quinn and I were in love, I had to get married for some reason, and we had an affair and conceived our daughter."

"So you were star crossed lovers kept apart by big bad Mercedes?"

"I don't like your tone. I'm not an idiot. I am just trying to figure things out."

"In the most illogical way…"

"I have brain damage, I lost my memory can you cut me a break?"

"You don't have brain damage. Your memory loss is not stemming from anything physical."

"What are you saying?" he asked turning to face her.

"I am saying your mind is blocking the past three years for some reason. The accident probably triggered this reaction, but it is not from physical injury. It is all psychological."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Are you saying I want to forget?"

"In a manner of speaking."

"What the hell happened that I needed to block it out?" Must have been something majorly bad that he would put himself through this, he had completely derailed his own life.

"That is what we need to explore."

"Not in your little file?"

"Oh I am pretty sure all the answers are in here. But I want to go easy with you. You don't seem to handle new information well. After your initial reaction to finding out about your coma, I knew I had to proceed with caution."

"I was shocked and might have overreacted just a little. No big deal."

"Well I didn't want a repeat performance. I figured it was best to tell you things little by little."

"I get that, but why did you let me believe a lie? You let me think I was married to Quinn."

"I will admit that I might have let that go on a tad long but it was fascinating to see where your mind went with the idea. I never would have gained so much insight about you otherwise."

Sam exhaled sharply. "So it was all a big experiment?"

"You're resistant to therapy and hesitant to talk to me. I needed answers. I figured this approach was best and I was right."

"You put me through hell, built me up and then tore me down and you think that's best?" he asked shaking his head in disbelief.

"I knew you could take it," she said simply.

"Where did you get your degree? ?" Dr. Hill was a total quack. He was sure of it.

"Disparaging my education? I don't see that you went to school anywhere."

"I went into the service. I got a whole different kind of education."

"Learn anything of use?"

"Sure did. The Army taught me how to problem solve, how to think on my feet, to be aware of my surroundings, so I'll never be caught off guard. It made me tough and tenacious. I can handle anything that comes my way. I can adapt to…" He paused. "I see your point now."

"I had every confidence you would. I can tell you're a smart man, once you close your mouth and let your brain work."

This woman was unbelievable. It was like she had no internal censor. "I could fire you for a comment like that."

"Yep you could."

"So are you going to share any of these new insights you gained with me?"

"Maybe another time. I do have one question though. What was Mercedes saying to you when she came over to your bed? I couldn't hear."

"It was personal."

"Something about what happened between you two last night?" she asked, actually leaning toward him in rapt attention.

"Should've known you'd find a way back to that. You're just dying of curiosity aren't you?"

"Psychiatry is a haven for nosy people. Let's us snoop legitimately."

"Not much to tell about last night. We talked."

"I'm not buying that. It seems to me the reason you are so upset with Mercedes is because of something that happened last night."

"I thought she was someone I could trust. Turns out she's not. End of story."

The absolute end. He was thoroughly disgusted that she had gotten so close to him, claimed to feel so much, yet kept her mouth shut. If he had been able, Sam was sure she would have slept with him and still never told him she was his wife.

"You do understand she wasn't allowed to tell you about the past?"

Maybe he was making too much out of it all. He probably should let it go, but he had trusted her and she let him down. He'd only known her a short while, but he thought that they had meant something to each other. Now it all felt like a lie. In the end, she didn't have his back, and it hurt.

"So she said, but she could have been straight with me if she wanted to be. She chose not to. Actually my whole family kept me in the dark."

"That they did. And don't forget about Quinn."

"What about her? She's not even here." How he wished Quinn were here. He needed her badly. Sam was starting to feel like he had absolutely no one on his side in the world.

"She kept you in the dark too. Never said anything to you about Beth."

"That's different. She's upstate."

"Oh, so only people in close proximity can get blamed?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"She wasn't around me to see my mental state. If we were face to face she never would've kept that from me. We've always been honest with each other."

"Sounds like a good foundation for a relationship."

"I think so."

"Why didn't you end up together?"

"She fell in love with another man." It still hurt to say the words.

"That's right. Noah Puckerman."

"If you don't mind I'd rather not reminisce back to those days. It still stings."

"Really? After all of these years?"

"Some loves you just don't get over." No matter how hard you try.

"Not even when you marry someone else?"

"I don't know anything about Mercedes and our so called marriage," he spat out in disgust.

"I was talking about Brittany. You married her after Quinn and by all accounts you were committed to her."

"I loved Brittany. It was good for awhile but…"

"But then she fell for another woman?"

"I can admit now that the other woman was always in the picture. I just didn't want to see it at the time."

"Living in denial is better than facing the pain?"

"Sometimes. You never really know you're in denial while you're going through it though."

Kalina nodded. "I think that is about eighty percent of my job, helping people face their denial."

"I'm not in denial if that's what you're hinting at. I'm just angry about the whole situation." Angry at his family, angry at his nurse, and most of all angry at himself for allowing all of this to blindside him.

"I don't blame you. Stuck in the bed, other people making decisions for you, years of your life erased, it must be confusing and frustrating."

"It is. I just want to reach out and hurt somebody," he said clenching his hands into tight fists.

"Kind of hard when you can't move."

"Tell me about it." If he could just get out of the bed things would be better. He wouldn't feel so trapped, like his body was holding him prisoner.

"You did a pretty admirable job though."

"What are you talking about?"

"Hurting somebody. I assume that was what you were doing when you went off on Mercedes, taking your pain out on her?"

"She had that coming." He was so tired of talking about Mercedes.

"She has spent almost the entire last year caring for you and you just attacked her like she was your enemy."

"I explained that to you already," he said curtly. He was done talking about it.

"None of what you said works for me."

He shrugged. "Too bad, that's how I feel." Sam crossed his arms over his chest and stared blankly at his doctor.

"I think we've done enough for today," she announced, closing up her files. "You need to let this stuff marinate."

"I really need to see your credentials."

Kalina pulled her medical license out of her wallet and showed it to him. It looked legit. Sam guessed she was who she claimed to be. He still planned on having her investigated though.

"Well Dr. Kalina Hill, when do we see each other again?"

"Soon. I will get you scheduled," she said packing up her belongings. "In the meantime, think about this. The one new addition to your life before the accident, is the one you seem to be blocking out, the same one you just went off on."

"Nurse Mercedes," he sighed.

He let his head fall back on the pillow, struggling to keep his eyes open. The day was wearing on him. The lack of sleep from the night before was starting to hit him.

"You might want to start thinking about why you are reacting so strongly toward her."

"I would rather think about getting Quinn out of the mental hospital."

"You have no control over that."

"That's where you're wrong. I am Sam Evans. I can control whatever I want."

"Can't seem to control your own memory though," she said with a smirk.

"That's pretty harsh Doc." Sam had to admit his doctor had spunk. She had no qualms about taking shots at him. He sort of liked it, made him feel like he was back to normal.

"I know you can take it. And never call me Doc. Dr. Hill, or Kalina. I might even let you call me Kali if you're good."

"Kali it is then, because I'm always good." He winked at her letting a slow grin spread on his face.

"Welcome back Sam Evans," she said shaking his hand. "You certainly have been worth the wait." She flashed him a bright smile.

"Thank you. I'm just getting started, soon I will be back on my feet."

"That should be fun. Will I have to wear padding to our sessions? Do you throw chairs?" she asked laughing lightly.

He grinned. "I'm Irish and from Tennessee. Bourbon and beer bottles only."

"Duly noted. Take care," she said as she left the room.

Finally alone, and Sam was thrilled. He had hated being on display for his shrink as he found out about his life. Something so personal revealed by a stranger, it was a bit hard to take. Now that no one was watching he really could let it all sink in. He was a dad. Amazing.

Sam rolled on his side, straining his neck upward to stare out of the window. The sun would be setting soon. Where had the day gone? Seemed like it just had been sunrise. He turned away from the window in irritation, when memories of his morning with Mercedes popped into his mind. She had ruined sunrises for him. Everything in the room was tainted by Mercedes now. He couldn't wait to get out of the place and away from all evidence of her. He didn't know what the hell he was thinking when he married that girl, but it didn't matter now. He had to find a way to get to Quinn. Their daughter needed to be back with her. He'd deal with the whole wife business later. First priority was the well being of his child. He wanted Beth to have a loving and stable home life and that needed to happen soon. Quinn had to come home now.

His hands were tied in the hospital though. He wasn't allowed any communication without express approval from his doctors. The phone in his room was a useless piece of junk, nothing but modern sculpture, since the staff had made sure it was disconnected. He looked over at the phone in disgust, wanting to knock it off the bedside table, out of sheer frustration, and that is when he saw it, the cell phone. Mercedes must have left it behind again.

Sam picked it up and turned it on. It still was almost fully charged. He couldn't believe his luck. Now he had the power to make something happen, to set things in motion, to put his family back together. He just needed some help, someone to be his legs while he was confined to the bed. Who could he trust to ignore the doctors and listen to him? Sam knew just the person. It was a risk, but if it panned out Sam could get anything he wanted even while stuck in the hospital.

He thought of Quinn as he dialed the number. He had let her down all this time, by not being able to help her, but now he was going to make things right. First he was going to bring her home and then he was going to win her back. Sam was determined to give his baby the family she deserved.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks for reading and commenting.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 20<strong>

Beth and Sam face to face and she wasn't there to see it. Didn't seem right that she was missing out on yet another milestone in her daughter's life. She was meeting her father, a crucial part of her that had been missing since birth. Finally Beth would have all the love she deserved. Quinn had felt more than a little guilty about Beth not having a father in her life. She hadn't known about the clerical error with the paternity test, nor did she put Sam in a coma, but she couldn't help but feel that her poor choices had left Beth deprived. She should've had a dad, even if she couldn't have Sam. She should've had Puck.

Not that she wanted Beth to be Puck's baby, she had come to terms with that fact and had accepted reality. However, she should have found a way to be in a better place with Puck, so even if he had walked away from her, he wouldn't have turned his back on Beth. She just wished she had handled things better and of course had been able to hang onto her sanity in the process.

Dr. Hill would remind her to focus on the present and not dwell in the past. Easy for her to say, Dr. Hill wasn't stuck in a mental hospital with no hope for release. The past was all Quinn had to hold on to in here, the past and her dreams, which were lately becoming one and the same. She couldn't help wanting to go back and change her actions or decisions, maybe if she did, she never would have ended up alone and separated from her child.

"Earth to Quinn." Iley's voice jarred Quinn from her thoughts.

"Huh? Were you saying something?" She looked down at the towel in her hands and for a moment was at a complete loss about what she was supposed to be doing.

"Uh yeah, for the past fifteen minutes. Where did your mind go?" Iley asked, taking the towel from Quinn's hands and folding it. Right. Laundry. They had laundry duty.

"Just daydreaming, laundry makes my mind wander." Quinn sighed. How did they expect her to work on day like today? Life was changing back home.

"Well can you pick up the pace? We have to get all this stuff folded before five o'clock." Iley shoved a pile of sheets over to Quinn on the metal topped table.

"Sorry," said Quinn as she picked up a sheet and started to fold.

The sheets smelled fresh, reminded her of all the laundry she did for Beth the first month at Coach B's, the only month she'd ever lived with Beth. She hated the never ending laundry and baby bottles to wash. Between that and Beth's constant crying, she felt like she could never get a break, catch her breath, get a little time to herself. All she ever did was look after her, never mind that Puck had left her and her world was crumbling, everyone expected her to suck it up and just be super mom.

Quinn couldn't pull it off and some things got neglected as she struggled to yank her life back from the abyss. Sadly Beth had been the one that suffered. If only she could do it over. She longed to be faced with piles of laundry and a sink full of bottles. She'd do it right this time. She'd appreciate being her mother. She just needed another chance.

"Balling the sheets up doesn't count as folding. They check for quality you know."

Quinn looked down at the knotted up sheet in her hands, her cheeks warming in embarrassment. "Right. I'm focused now, back to work."

She wondered if Sam was holding their daughter right now, smiling at her, marveling at her sweet baby perfection. Did he see himself in Beth's face? That blond hair and that smile were so much like her father.

"Quinn!"

"What!" Quinn yelled back, startled.

"You're staring off into space again," Iley said with an exasperated sigh.

"I just can't help it Iley. My mind is a million miles away."

"Clearly. Maybe if you talk about it, you'll be able to work better. I don't like having to do all of this laundry by myself," said Iley lifting her blond hair up and fanning her neck.

She had gotten a little closer to Iley, confided in her a bit more. For some reason, Iley had been easy to talk to. Quinn hadn't realized how lonely she had been until she got a roommate. It probably wasn't the wisest move to tell so much to a strange woman in a mental hospital, but it was better than having a conversation in her head.

"It's nothing really I'm just thinking about back home, about my daughter and about…" she hesitated.

"Her father?" asked Iley finishing Quinn's sentence.

"He is finding out that we have a baby today. He probably already knows by now."

"Wow, that's a biggie," said Iley sitting up on top of the metal table.

"I wish I could be there to see his face. I wanted to be the one to tell him."

In her mind she had come up with a few ways to break the news to Sam, if given the opportunity. The first was the direct approach. Just come out and say, "Congrats, you're a dad" and plop Beth in his lap.

The second was to ease him into it, talk about high school memories, remind him of their years of friendship, maybe even some subtle hints about their incredible nights making love. She would let him see how all that had led them to the inevitable – Beth.

Now that she knew Sam's memory was impaired, a trip down memory lane probably wouldn't be the best choice. Maybe she would've let nature take its course. The three of them in a room, just as they had been the morning he woke up, and Sam would just feel it somehow and he'd know his child, know his family.

"Who's telling him? Not his wife right?"

"I think his doctors, but I suppose his wife will be there."

"You better hope she's not. That girl will have his head spinning. He'll end up seeing you as the villain in all of this."

Quinn shook her head. "She wouldn't do that. Mercedes wants Sam and Beth to have a relationship."

That was the one thing she and Mercedes were in complete agreement on, Sam and Beth needed each other. Quinn knew she didn't have to worry about Mercedes keeping them apart.

"She wants Sam and Beth together for sure, but I am betting she wants you to stay out of the picture."

"She's not that cruel. She will do what's right for my baby, no matter what," said Quinn.

"If you say so."

"I do."

Most days she still hated Mercedes was taking care of Beth, mainly because she didn't want her daughter around someone that didn't like her. She didn't want Beth influenced against her own mother. However, Quinn also realized that Mercedes loved Beth and at the very least she wouldn't have to worry about Beth being neglected. She knew Mercedes loved her baby like her own. Which led to another issue, attachment. Quinn worried that maybe Mercedes loved Beth too much, and one day she wouldn't be able to give him up. Or worse yet, each day with Mercedes meant Beth was growing attached as well. What if her own child ended up not wanting to be with her because she saw Mercedes as her mother?

"The thing is, I actually saw some of the footage of the court stuff, and I don't think the wife is all that sweet and innocent. It was pretty clear to me that she wanted you locked up."

"Things are different now. Sam's awake." Sam was the key to all of this, his presence would balance things out. He'd make sure Beth knew who her real mother was.

"Awake and around his wife 24/7. Who knows what sort of lies she's telling about you."

"You sound like my best friend, so completely cynical."

"Listen to your friend, and keep an eye out," warned Iley.

"I wish I could find out how he took it. I mean I would hope he would be happy to be a father, but you never know."

If only she had access to a phone she could just call Puck and have him check on things. She didn't need to know much, just if Sam knew and was happy about it. She didn't have her phone privileges yet, so that was not an option.

"Back during the trial there was an online poll – Who would end up with your baby's father – you or the wife?"

"You can't be serious." Quinn's eyes widened in disbelief. She knew there was a media circus, but talk on the internet too? Unbelievable.

"Oh yeah, there are so many posts online about you and your case. Once CNN broke the story you became like famous, like the Octomom."

"I can't believe people are talking about my life like it's some reality show."

Quinn felt sick. Basically everyone knew about her pathetic excuse for a life. The small hope that just maybe her parents hadn't heard much about her woes vanished.

"If only. I bet it would be top rated. I can just see it, you, your baby's father, the wife and your daughter all under one roof. I'd watch it."

Quinn leaned her hip against the table as she folded another towel. "That would never happen. Mercedes is not big on sharing." Mercedes would put her in the doghouse out back before she'd ever let her get that close to Sam again.

"Well she's got no choice now. If she wants to keep that man, she has to deal with you," said Iley.

"Who knows how long I'll be stuck here. Dealing with me won't be an issue for her anytime soon." If Artie couldn't get through to Sam, Quinn knew she pretty much was toast. Dwight would make sure she'd be stuck here until Beth hit puberty.

"Eh, I'm not convinced. That man of yours will spring you."

"Are you talking about Artie? My lawyer?"

"Nope. I'm talking about your little girl's father. My money's on him to get you out of this place."

"I'm not even sure how much he knows about where I am now."

Quinn didn't know if they told him about her postpartum depression or about her case with Beth, or any details at all. It was unbearable not knowing about so much that impacted her life. What if Sam didn't understand what happened with Beth? He could refuse to help her like Artie said. No way, she quickly dismissed that thought, Sam always understood.

"He'll find out and he'll make things right for you. Wait and see. It'll be just like the movies."

"With my luck it will be like a horror movie," she sighed pulling herself up on the table beside Iley. She was in desperate need of some good news. There had to be a limit on how much bad one person got. Quinn was sure she had hit her threshold.

"Your man's a hero, I'd bet my life on him coming to your rescue." Iley did have a point there. Sam always came through for her.

"He's not my man. He's married remember?"

A fact she didn't particularly like. Sam wasn't supposed to be taken. He was supposed to be always there and available. Her thoughts were truly selfish and she needed to stop. Sam found love. She shouldn't wish that away from him because she was feeling needy and possessive.

"He's more yours than hers. You had him first and now you have his baby. Stake your claim Quinn and he will be yours for keeps."

Iley was like a devil on her shoulder, Quinn wished she'd shut up. She didn't need to be encouraged in this line of thinking. Quinn knew all too well that she could push something with Sam. They had that pull that never faded and she was sure Beth would just heighten all of that. Quinn didn't want to be that person. She wasn't going to further complicate his life to insure he was firmly in her corner.

"Why are we even having this conversation? I don't want to be with Sam. I just want to get back to my baby girl."

Beth was all that mattered. She reminded herself of that every day. Beth would have Sam, even if she didn't. She swallowed the lump in her throat. The thought of not having Sam bothered her more and more.

"How are you going to do that?" asked Iley.

"Hopefully my lawyer will find a way."

"Aka talk to your daughter's father."

"Perhaps." Quinn hoped that Sam could find a way to convince his dad to ease up. He truly was her only hope.

"So say he comes through and you get home, then what?"

"I start making up for lost time, being a mother to my baby." Bonding with her, letting her get to know her all over again. She missed her terribly.

"But how are you going to do that when you don't have custody?"

"Hopefully my lawyer will help me with that too." Artie had made it seem like dealing with Child Protective Services would be a daunting task. She hoped he was being overly dramatic. She wanted Beth back as soon as possible.

"By talking to your baby's father?" asked her roommate.

Iley wouldn't let this idea of Sam as her hero go. Not that Quinn could talk, she was putting all of her hopes on Sam too.

"I think Sam will help me, maybe he can put in a good word with Child Protective Services."

"Not if his wife is telling him to do otherwise. She really could do a hatchet job on you with him."

"She won't," Quinn said, but she was starting not to feel so sure. Quinn really didn't know how Mercedes would be now that Sam was better.

"Quinn listen to me. I've been in and out of mental hospitals for years, and you learn a lot about human nature on the inside. One thing I know for sure, everybody is a little bit crazy. And love makes people craziest of all. So don't keep thinking that the wife won't do something to hang you out to dry. You say you don't want the man, but I can guarantee she does."

"I used to feel that way about her too, but now that my head is more clear, I can see I was just being paranoid. She just wants what's best for Beth. I'm sure of it," she said trying to convince herself more than her roommate.

"Oh Quinn, I hope so, for your sake," said Iley patting Quinn lightly on the shoulder.

"Sam wouldn't listen to her anyway. We've been friends for too long, he knows me."

"What's wrong with Sam that you don't want to be with him? I've seen the guy, he's very attractive, not to mention loaded."

"Nothing's wrong with Sam. He's great." Quinn had been increasingly asking herself why she had chosen to let such a great guy slip away? On more than one occasion she and Sam could have found a way back to each other, yet each time they never quite did. Quinn couldn't figure out the answer to that question, no matter how long she thought about it.

"Still hung up on your ex fiancé?"

"There's nothing there to be hung up on. Puck has been a good friend to me now that he's calmed down but it's not the same. The love that used to be in his eyes, that trust, all gone. Puck and I have been through so much, neither one of us are saints, but we never turned on each other, even when we were at our worst," she said starting to get teary as she thought about Puck.

She probably had messed up the best thing that ever happened to her. Sleeping with Sam broke something between them. Puck might still have her back as a friend, and he might at times seem to want more, but Quinn knew the truth, what they had together was destroyed by her betrayal. If she couldn't make it work with someone like Puck, who knew her and accepted her so completely, what were her chances with anyone else in the future? Love just wouldn't be in the cards for her again, and that was okay, as long as she had her baby.

"Having another man's baby is always hard for a guy to take, big blow to the ego."

"It's not just Puck though. I lost more than that. I lost my family. Julian was like a dad to me, most days I think he cared about me more than my real father. But Julian never looked at me the same after he found out Beth wasn't Puck's. Almost doesn't seem fair. Julian kicks me out Mercedes sticks by Sam."

That thought had crossed her mind so many times, but this was the first she had voiced it. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. They were father and daughter, yet so different. Mercedes had found out about Sam cheating and yes she kicked him out, but she battled him, engaged him in heated arguments, threw things and cried. There was such passion in her reaction. Puck on the other hand had shut down, probably with prompting by Julian he put Quinn and her possessions on the curb without a backwards glance. Any communication was pretty much strained annoyance on his part.

Quinn had been jealous of how much more Mercedes seemed to care about Sam. During their time at the Beacon Hotel, Sam would have daily recounts of his showdowns with Mercedes, while Quinn had nothing to share. Puck just didn't care enough to even fight with her. And Julian couldn't even muster one ounce of fatherly concern for her. What about her made her so easy to leave behind? The only one that had never left, no matter the drama, was Sam. Something she had always taken for granted.

Being at the Beacon with him was so natural, and Quinn was ashamed to admit, she had expected it. Once their one night stand had come out, she knew she'd have Sam to lean on, to be her rock. She thought they'd go through their breakups together. Never did she anticipate that Mercedes would take him back. At first she assumed it was because of the coma, but pictures don't lie, and the pictures that Puck had showed Quinn said one thing – Mercedes loved Sam. A fact that bothered Quinn more than she ever would have imagined.

"So that's it. You resent Sam for messing up your life, getting you pregnant and causing your fiancé to leave."

"I don't blame Sam for anything. We both made an impulsive decision in the heat of the moment. His wife did a number on him and he needed a shoulder to lean on."

"So you blame the wife?"

Yes and no. She wished Mercedes wasn't such an immature twit and could have made up her mind before the wedding. The night she and Sam slept together was gut wrenching. She had never seen Sam so broken. If Mercedes had been in the room Quinn would have beat the girl senseless. Sam didn't deserve that kind of pain.

"It's no one's fault. Okay? Things just happened and we all have to deal with the consequences now." No point in dwelling. They all had to move on.

"You lost your fiancé, Sam was in coma, what did the wife lose?" asked Iley.

"Her husband, he was sick for a long time." The guilt she was carrying about her role in events and about the accident had Mercedes in just as much hell as the rest of them. None of them had survived unscathed.

"He's better now though, and she's back with her happy family, and she even has your baby on her hip. I think she's coming out on top here."

Quinn had thought that too. Mercedes' guilt wasn't enough in comparison to her own ordeal, but then Sam forgot her, poetic justice in a way. Quinn felt bad for the girl, but she also felt a twinge of satisfaction. They all had to pay for their crimes. This was Mercedes' punishment.

"She's paying for it too, in her own way." Quinn didn't mention Sam's memory loss to Iley. It seemed wrong. She knew Sam would want something like that kept private.

"You really need to stop defending that girl. I wish I could get on Facebook in here. The girls on the Sam and Quinn page would back me up. They'd all tell you to watch out for his wife."

"I can't even believe there is a Facebook page. This is completely surreal. How did you even get to see it while in the hospital?" Quinn asked.

"I refuse to let anything hold me back. I always find a way to get what I want, no matter where I'm forced to be." Iley slid off the table and resumed folding laundry.

"I used to be the same way as a kid," she said with a smile. "I would break the rules and go where I wanted all the time." Her escape artist days, she had been almost fearless as a child. She needed that little girl back with her now, to get her through this.

"Back at Lima University hospital it was a cinch. I knew my way around there with my eyes closed."

"You used to leave the ward?"

"Of course. How else do you think I was able to use a computer, get a decent meal, get some fresh air?"

"You went outside?" Quinn was surprised. She figured security would have caught patients leaving the area. Then again, she had managed to get out that once too.

"Well yeah. What's the point of breaking out of the ward if you're just going to wander around the building?"

"I only broke out to visit Sam." Her nights at his bedside were the only thing keeping her together at one point. Quinn wouldn't have made it without him.

"I knew it! I figured you were one of us."

"One of us? What do you mean?"

"There was a group of us back in Lima that used to break out of the ward. You kept to yourself, but something told me you weren't staying put at night."

All of this going on right under her nose and Quinn didn't have a clue.

"It wasn't like I planned to sneak out. One night I got out of the shower, and I saw this open door, so I went through it."

"And you didn't think it was odd that a door was just left open?"

"I figured it was left open by accident."

"Left open or unlocked every night by accident? Lima University doesn't have the most competent staff, but they are not that bad," said Iley.

"So you think someone planned for me to see that open door?"

"Someone was showing you the way. Someone showed us all the way."

"Who?" A shiver went down Quinn's spine as she imagined some unseen benefactor aiding her nightly escapes.

"I have no idea. We all tried to figure that out, but couldn't come up with anything concrete. We figured one of the aides just had a hard on for one of us and hoped to get lucky by doing us a favor."

"That one aide, Jim, was always nice to me."

"Maybe he left that door open for you. It didn't matter one way or the other to me as long as I got free. It was a cushy set up. I miss it. Here I don't know the lay of the land yet. I need to find out who all the players are."

"No point in me breaking out here. Nowhere to go. Everyone I care about is back in Lima." Or Chicago. She was starting to miss her parents surprisingly, maybe she had been wrong not to call them.

"It's not always about seeing friends and family. Sometimes you gotta be free for you. A person needs room to breathe. We don't have much of that here, with all the aides on our backs, and doctors watching our every move. Speaking of which, it's just about five, they'll be coming in any minute."

They quickly started working through the mound of sheet and towels. "I can't believe they left us alone for so long."

"From what I gather, aides use work detail time to attend to their private affairs. I noticed they are the least attentive during that time."

"I can see the wheels spinning in your head." Quinn chuckled.

Iley shrugged. "Never too early to start plotting an escape."

"I pray I'm out of here before I get the urge." Years, she was looking at years in this place if Artie didn't find a way to help her.

"If you're not, I'll hook you up." Iley grinned. "We'll run away together."

"That's sweet thanks."

"I'm a sweet type of girl, mostly, but I have to warn you."

"What?" Quinn asked feeling a little nervous at Iley's change of tone.

Iley put down her towel and walked over to Quinn, stopping in front of her. Quinn was a few inches taller than the girl, so Iley had to look up slightly to catch her eyes. "If you don't start folding faster you're going to feel my wrath, little tiny cuts along the base of your throat."

"Uh Iley, maybe you need a little break…" stammered Quinn, backing away.

Iley broke out into laughter. "Look at you, all scared. I'm just kidding silly."

"You are?" asked Quinn, feeling uncertain and a little bit scared.

"I'd never hurt you. We're sisters. The sisterhood of insanity,"

"Okay." Quinn faked a smile, still feeling freaked out.

"You've got to stop being so jumpy," said Iley shaking her head as she went back to folding her pile of laundry.

Sam just had to get her out of this place. She wasn't sure how much longer she would last.


	21. Chapter 21

**Everyone still holding tight? The ride is just getting started... Thanks for reading and commenting.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 21<strong>

Mercedes had put off coming back for hours, telling herself that Sam needed some space to finish his session with Kali. Really she had been running away, from his harsh words, his angry eyes, his complete disgust. All the warmth he had held for her before, all the feelings of trust and friendship, were gone. Sam turned cold on her, treating her as if she wasn't worth his time.

In the back of her mind, Mercedes had feared the worst, but she had assumed Sam would be more upset about Beth, conflicted about being a father again. She figured he would have anger toward her initially, possibly lashing out at her for not being completely forthcoming about their relationship. She had been right on that one, she just hadn't anticipated the level of anger that he displayed. Sam literally despised her now, seeing her as the worst possible person, a liar and a cheat. He was disgusted by her in every way. Nothing had prepared Mercedes for that reaction.

The hope she had felt just hours before when she thought that maybe they could make it work even if he didn't remember quickly dissipated as she recalled the coldness in his green eyes. Whatever feelings he had been starting to have for her were completely gone now, pushed back to the corner of his mind where he kept all of his memories of her, never to resurface.

Taking a deep breath, Mercedes pushed through the door, determined to face him with her head up. She couldn't let him see how much his words had hurt her.

"What are you doing back?" he asked the moment he saw her, crossing his arms over his chest. The red pajamas he was wearing seemed appropriate for his clearly sour mood.

"I came to get some stuff," Mercedes answered quickly. She went directly over to the dresser and began sorting through her clothes, trying to ignore the feel of his eyes on her back.

"Great. Get it and go," he said gruffly.

"I have to wait until they can move me." Mercedes grabbed a bag from the top drawer and began to fill it with necessities.

"How about waiting outside?"

Mercedes frowned. He was being a jerk and it was uncalled for. She angrily shut the drawer with her arm and walked over to her empty bed across from his. She dropped her bag on the floor before getting into her bed, pulling the covers over her body in an exaggerated motion.

"I'm a patient too. I'm supposed to be in bed."

She had pleaded with her father to let her go home. She tried to get him to see that Beth didn't need to be away from her for another night. Julian wasn't budging. He countered that Beiste was more than willing to take care of Beth. So Mercedes tried to go around her dad, asking any attending physician that would listen to help her. No luck, Julian Jones had them all on his side.

After showering Beth with kisses, and telling her story about her castle in the stars, she reluctantly handed her over to Beiste and made her way back to the room with Sam. At least she wouldn't have to stay the night with him. Her father had assured her she would be placed back in a room of her own.

"Don't give me that. You haven't been in that bed since you were admitted."

Even with his persistent scowl, Sam's dimple was visible. As much as she wanted to wipe that scowl off of his face, she cherished it at the same time. Despite his temperament, Sam was back, and Mercedes couldn't help but be happy about it.

"You're right. I've been in yours," she said cutting her eyes at him.

"Don't remind me," he huffed.

"Why do you have to be like that Sam? So damn nasty. I didn't do anything to you." She'd had enough of his snide comments. She wanted him to just shut up and leave her alone at this point, talking didn't seem to be getting them anywhere.

"Nothing but lie," he responded under his breath.

"For the last time, I wasn't allowed to fill you in." Mercedes wanted to scream, he was deliberately being difficult to piss her off. She was sure of it. He wasn't this stupid, he knew the doctors wanted him to learn things slowly.

"Bullshit. Never did they say don't tell Sam he has a wife. You made that choice on your own."

His voice cracked with emotion as he said the words and Mercedes could feel the anger starting to rise from his body. Every time he brought up their marriage, he reacted this way, it cut her to her core to think that being married to her was the source of his distress. She wouldn't admit it to him, but he was right. They never told her not to tell him. She had made a judgment call, fearing his reaction.

"I didn't want you to have a relapse. I couldn't take the risk."

"Be honest with me, if you're even capable of that." He turned on his side to look her fully in the face. "It wasn't about my health, it was about being scared I would reject you, wasn't it?"

Mercedes dropped her head at his question. "I was worried about your stress levels, elevated blood pressure is no good for you," she said not willing to meet his eyes.

"That didn't answer my question."

A part of her had been worried he would be disappointed that she was his wife, but after the night they had spent together, she had convinced herself those fears were unfounded. She should've stuck with her first instinct.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked blinking back the tears that were starting to fill her eyes. She was determined not to let him get to her this time.

"I want you to admit that because I woke up not remembering you and looking for Quinn, that you decided to hide the fact we are married."

So cold and direct, his green eyes bore through her like a detective doing an interrogation. Mercedes couldn't figure out why he needed to hear the answer to that question, he had made it clear that she meant nothing to him. What did it matter if she were upset about his feelings for Quinn?

"It wasn't like that. I genuinely was concerned about your health." She had held on to the belief that Quinn wouldn't be a factor between them for as long as she could, but with each passing day she saw that would not be the case. Quinn was all Sam could think about. "I wanted to tell you about us so many times."

Sam rolled his eyes in disgust, turning away from her. "You'd think you could have found a moment last night. I guess you were too busy trying to get some from me to speak up."

"You make it sound so dirty. We connected last night. It wasn't about getting some and you know that."

Then it finally clicked, he wasn't asking questions to prove she was jealous of Quinn. He was asking to prove to himself that Mercedes had actually wanted more than sex from him. He wanted to know if last night had just been a scam or something real they had both felt. A surge of power shot through her body, and Mercedes sat up with renewed confidence. This coldness was just a mask, Sam was still feeling something for her somewhere. Mercedes mentally scolded herself for being so silly to think otherwise, she knew him almost as well as she knew herself. She had let her emotions throw her off. Sam may not remember her, but he still was the same man she had always known.

"I think you figured that if you got me all caught up in you, I would forget all about Quinn." He was trying to push her buttons, knowing from their past encounters that any reference to sex would make her react.

A small smile settled on her face. "Actually I try to think about Quinn as little as possible."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Isn't that a little difficult, since she is the mother of my baby?"

Mercedes shrugged. "She hasn't been much of a mother."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked narrowing his eyes at her. He was gearing up to get defensive, as he always seemed to do lately when Quinn was mentioned.

"I take care of Beth."

Maybe subconsciously she wanted to prove to him her value, her place in his daughter's life, and in his. She wasn't trying to stick it to Quinn, although she was sure Sam was taking it that way, she just felt that she should be standing up for herself.

"Well that's only while she's sick."

"She's been sick Beth's whole life. She tried to kill herself."

"What?" His face turned a shade paler and his mouth dropped in shock. Mercedes's gut twisted at his reaction. She reached out to touch him, to comfort him, but thought better of it and let her hand fall. "It's hard for me to imagine that things were so bad for her."

"Maybe I shouldn't have just blurted it out like that. I didn't mean to be insensitive." Sam was sitting across from her in pain, his green eyes clouded with hurt and confusion, all because of the woman that helped wreck their marriage. Yet she still wanted to hold him. She was so pitiful.

"I'm glad you told me. I needed to know." There was so much more Sam needed to know, but Mercedes held her tongue.

"Yeah. She's in the hospital for a reason."

"I guess I should be thanking you, for looking after Beth."

"I don't need your thanks. I love her," said Mercedes.

Mercedes had loved Beth before she was born, so excited to have a new addition to her makeshift family. Puck was like a brother, so she was more than ready to be Aunt Mercedes to his child. When she found out that she was Sam's daughter the love actually grew. She could admit that to herself now, she loved Beth all the more because she was a part of Sam. The love she had for her father just naturally spilled over to the baby. Not that Beth wasn't lovable in her own right, she absolutely was, but her feelings ran so much deeper because of her connection to Sam.

"Even still, you didn't have to do it. So I just want to say I appreciate it," said Sam giving her a sideways glance.

"I'd do anything for her," she said pausing, her eyes drifting over toward Sam. "For her father too." Their eyes locked and for a moment they remained, searching each other's faces for answers.

Mercedes could see that Sam was pondering what she said. He opened his mouth as if he were going to speak, but quickly closed it again, looking away. There was a time when Mercedes could look into his eyes and see nothing but pure love there, one look and he made her feel like the most important person in his life. Now she was only left to contemplate cold green, any flickers of connection, were now quickly extinguished by him as he blocked her from him at every turn.

"I don't get why you feel that way," he said finally. "Obviously I cheated on you with Quinn."

"I guess I am a glutton for punishment," she said trying to joke with him. She didn't like where the conversation was heading, she didn't want relive all the reasons why she shouldn't care, why she should have walked away months ago, long before the crash.

"Come on, can you be straight with me please?" he asked.

"It was a complicated situation. I don't know if I should be going into it with you yet."

She didn't even know how she could begin to explain their complicated history. She was still trying to make sense of it herself.

"Kali says I should ask Quinn about it," said Sam fidgeting with the collar on his pajama top.

"Seems like good advice."

"That only gives me half the picture though. I want to know your side."

She looked up in surprise. Mercedes thought her feelings were obvious to him. "I forgave you."

"I know you were divorcing me before the accident." He eyed her warily, seeming unconvinced. "Did you just forgive me because I was in a coma?"

"No. I actually forgave you before you were in a coma."

"Was this before or after you filed for divorce?" Sam asked.

Mercedes felt harassed, like he was grilling her until he found an answer he wanted to hear. She wanted him to care, she hoped he wanted to know about their life together, but not like this, not like he was accusing her of something.

"Why do you even care Sam? You made it clear earlier all you want is to be with Quinn."

"I need my life to make sense. I find out I have a child with Quinn but we aren't together. And I find out I'm married to you but you were going to leave me but now…"

"I don't want to go," she said completing his thought.

"So what changed? You said you forgave me, but I feel like there might be more to that."

"Watching the man you love comatose in a bed for nine months puts things in perspective you know? Some things just didn't seem important anymore."

"Even me having a baby with someone else?"

"Like I said, it's complicated," said Mercedes bowing her head.

The hospital room door opened and head nurse Cheryl came bustling through.

"Mercedes, I didn't know you were still in here."

"Yeah I am waiting for my room to be ready. What's up?"

"I just came in to give your husband over there his first shot at ice cubes," said Cheryl gesturing toward Sam. "His doctors want him to slowly get back on solid foods."

Mercedes turned to address Sam, a huge smile on her face. "That's great Sam. That means you are improving."

"Does that mean I will get to go home? I'm tired of this place," said Sam, almost whining.

"That's up to your doctors, but if you keep going like you are, I'm sure you will be out of here soon," said Cheryl. She handed the plastic cup of chipped ice to Mercedes. "Since you're here, you can take care of this right?"

"UH sure," answered Mercedes uncertainly. She didn't know if Sam would be willing to take any treatment from her at this point.

"Great! I have to get back to the 5th floor. Mr. Walters is having a crisis."

"Again?" Mr. Walters was the patient from hell. Everyone had a horror story about him.

"It was strained pea day," said Cheryl.

Mercedes groaned. "So glad I'm not working."

"I bet you are. You always seem to be his prime target. Peas in your hair every time," said Cheryl laughing quietly.

"Don't remind me. One problem patient is enough for me these days," she said throwing Sam a look.

"Well I will leave you to it. You two take care."

"Bye Cheryl." She watched the woman leave, before turning around in her bed to face Sam. "So are you going to make this hard or what?"

"It's just ice. I think I can handle it on my own. I don't need a nurse for that," he said reaching for the cup.

Mercedes shook her head. "We have to get you used to swallowing again. I don't want you aspirating on my watch, so I will be holding your hand through it all."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Fine, let's get on with it. I'm actually kind of thirsty,"

"Not surprising by the amount you have been running your mouth lately. I bet your throat is throbbing and raw."

"I'm fine. Come here with that ice."

Mercedes got up and walked over to his bed, stopping right in front of him. Sam opened his mouth and closed his eyes waiting for her to put some ice on his tongue.

"Not like that. You need to hold it while you suck it at first, until you get the hang of it." Sam opened his eyes and watched her as she dug a piece of ice out of the cup. She put it in front of his lips, holding her hand there so that he could lean forward and suck on the piece of ice. He hesitated, eyeing her uncertainly, before letting his lips close over the ice and her fingertips. "Take it slowly," she said. She felt his tongue swirl along her fingers and she almost dropped her hand, feeling stirred by the sensation. It didn't take much for Sam to get to her, he could drive her crazy with just a look.

"Can I get another piece?" he asked startling Mercedes from her thoughts.

She picked out another chip of ice and handed it to him. "I think you can do it on your own this time."

She sat beside him on the edge of the bed, handing him ice chips as he devoured them one by one. It was pretty safe to assume Sam had mastered swallowing. She would have to tell the doctors how well he was doing with it.

"So do you normally put your fingers in patients' mouths and let them suck ice?" asked Sam, popping a piece of ice in his mouth. He had forgone the whole holding it with his hands technique at this point.

"I use a spoon usually."

"I just get special treatment."

"Perks of being married to a nurse. You get hand fed ice and extra special sponge baths."

He raised his eyebrows. "Sponge baths? You gave me those?"

"I wouldn't let just anyone get that up close and personal with my man."

"Another thing I should probably thank you for. I'm not sure I like the idea of Marcel being that intimate with me."

"I am sure Marcel would be very gentle." She chuckled lightly. "All done?" she asked sitting the cup on the table between their beds. "I wonder what's taking so long?" asked Mercedes looking toward the door. "I thought I would be in my room by now."

"Eager to get away from me? Sam asked.

"You're the one that insisted I get out. Remember that?"

He sighed heavily. "I may have been a tad rude."

"Just a tad."

Mercedes pulled her tube of chapstick from her pocket, opening it and rubbing her finger across its slick surface. She placed her finger on Sam's lips, rubbing the moisturizer across them.

Sam leaned away from her in surprise. "What are you doing?"

"Oh sorry." She looked down, her cheeks warming in embarrassment. "Habit. I always did this for you. Keeps your lips kissable."

"Was I doing much kissing while in a coma?" he asked with a hint of amusement. He poked out his lips, indicating Mercedes could continue with the chapstick.

She shook her head sadly, tears clinging to her lashes. "Not much. Only in my dreams." She hastily wiped away the tears, not daring to look up at his face. She couldn't bear the disgust she would undoubtedly find there. She got up and went back to her bed, only looking at him once she was safely under her covers.

"If I ask you a question, will you answer me honestly?" he asked quietly, his head propped on his elbow, his eyes seeming to study her.

"Sam you know I am following the doctors' orders."

"Don't do this to me Little Nurse." Sam ran his hand roughly through his cropped hair in frustration. "Forget about the doctors. This is between you and me. It's so crazy. Yesterday I would have trusted you with almost anything."

"You still can trust me."

"Prove it," Sam said.

"What do you want to know?" Mercedes asked.

She owed him this much. They had gotten too close last night and she should have been brave enough to tell him they were married. Maybe if she gave him some answers, it could make up for that somehow. Even if she had to tell him about Shane, about the voicemail, about him and Quinn, she could do it. She could face it all for him. She had to, he needed her to.

"What happened to me? How did I end up in a coma?"

Mercedes' stomach churned. He had just asked the one question she never wanted to answer.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Odd to know that someone is in love with you but have no memory of the person. Even odder still that Sam knew she was in love with him since last night, even before finding out she was more than his nurse. The look she got in her eyes, the way she talked to him, how she wanted to be near him, Sam knew with certainty that his nurse had fallen for him during his coma. Little did he know that she had fallen long before that. As he sat in his bed watching her stare back at him he knew his thoughts about her last night were not wrong. He could see the love all over her face, she may be lying about everything else, but she wasn't lying about that. It angered and confused him all the more. How could she treat someone she loved like this?

He thought back to minutes before when she fed him ice. Sam had deliberately let his tongue glide across her fingers just to see her reaction, to see if he could get to her. Shivers and even a slight moan as he watched her slide her eyes closed and relax, her body leaning against the side of his bed. If this was a con she was in deep. Sam was sure he could have her on her back and screaming his name in minutes, if he wanted to. She was just that into him. Of course, he didn't want to. He could never trust her enough to let her get that close again, but her obvious attraction to him made him feel good. It was sort of nice to know that someone found him appealing, especially after all he had gone through with Brittany.

She took a deep breath, smoothed her hair and answered, "You fell out of the car."

"Was I thrown when it crashed?"

Her eyes widened as she spoke, getting emotional practically from the start. "No you fell. We were waiting to be rescued and you were badly injured but I thought you would be fine once we got to the hospital. But then things just went so wrong."

"You were in the car with me?" Sam was shocked, never had it crossed his mind that she might have been with him.

"Yes I was with you, even though it was the last place I wanted to be that night." She said with a small smile that clearly held no joy. He could tell talking about this was hard on her, but he needed answers, so he continued.

"Why was that?" Sam asked.

"I had served you with divorce papers earlier that day."

Dumped and in a coma the same night, it was almost comforting to know he was still the same loser in love he had always been.

"Wow. So I got served the day of the accident?"

"Yes. I was at the Scandals that night, waiting for a friend, and he was late, which was fine by me since I all really wanted to do was get drunk. Carol Hudson-Hummel carded me and all I had was my fake ID so…" She hesitated.

"No drinks for you."

His mind flashed to their conversation earlier in the morning about her age, when she had brought up her fake id. This morning he was feeling a little weird about being attracted to someone so young, never realizing that he had actually married her. A few kisses in a hospital seemed like nothing, when Sam considered the fact that he had been sleeping with a teenager. What the hell happened in his life that he would do something like that?

"Exactly. I got upset and went outside. It was raining but I didn't care at that point and that's when I saw you. You offered me a drink from your flask."

"I was at the Scandals too?"

"Yeah drinking. Apparently Carol had cut you off."

"So I was drunk? Man I figured I did something stupid to end up here but I didn't know I took someone down with me. Were you hurt too?" he asked filling with concern. All this time he spent being angry at her and he could have seriously hurt her in the accident.

"Not really. Bump on the head, sprained my ankle pretty bad."

"I'm relieved I only hurt myself. I don't know if I could take it if I hurt someone because of my recklessness."

"None of it was your fault. I was to blame," she said shaking her head swiping at her tears with the back of her hand. Her tears were starting to get to him and he hated it. He wanted to maintain his emotional distance from her, it seemed safer that way.

Despite his better judgment he found himself trying to console her, hoping his words would make her calm down. "I don't think you can blame yourself for my actions."

"Sam you being drunk had nothing to do with the crash."

Nothing he was saying seemed to help, she was getting increasingly upset, and he was feeling more uncomfortable in her presence. Just once he wanted not to let a woman in distress get to him. Why couldn't he ever steel himself against their pain? Brittany had got to him every time with her big blue eyes filled with tears. He had been a complete sucker, letting her cry on his shoulder about another woman. Now his wife, he still couldn't get his mind around that one, but nevertheless his wife that had betrayed him was sitting across from him crying, and Sam found himself longing to comfort her and dry her tears.

"I shouldn't have gotten behind the wheel," he said covering his face with his hands, more to block out the sight of her crying than anything else.

"You didn't…" she started but Sam couldn't let her make excuses for him. He was to blame.

"I can't believe this. I need to know everything. How did I fall out of the car? Were we on an embankment?" he asked with a frenzied stream of words.

She bowed her head, sniffling loudly. "We swerved to miss hitting a tree and hit a mountain instead."

"There are no mountains in Lima."

"Whatever. The big rock we hit pinned your leg to the door."

"My disfigured leg?" Sam tried to picture the scene in his mind, but all he could see was the limo crash. His leg had been pinned that night too.

"Yeah, and you had some internal injuries and some cuts. You were pretty banged up. The car slid down the hill a bit before stopping so we were stuck sort of with our legs in the air," she explained illustrating her tale with her hands.

"Sounds scary," he said softly. Mercedes was starting to shake, and Sam felt even worse about making her talk about the accident. "Is that what's giving you nightmares?" He should have changed the subject, at least let her calm down a bit. He had seen her in fitful sleep, whimpering and calling out in anguish, if all of that was because of him, he needed to know.

"I have nightmares of you being trapped in the car and of you falling. Not something I like reliving. I guess that's why I can't sleep most nights." She tried to shrug it off, downplaying the impact of her frequent bad dreams, but the steady flow of tears down her cheeks derailed her attempt.

"I'm so sorry. I can't believe you're going through that because of me." He wished at that moment he could get out of bed and go to her, so much for cold detachment. He had made her nights hell, he had to put it right.

"Sam, please don't blame yourself," she said turning her brown eyes toward him.

Sam was instantly floored by all the pain he saw there. He reached his hand out between their beds, hoping she wasn't too upset about their argument earlier to take it. She stared at his outstretched hand for a beat, slow extending her own soft brown arm into the space between them, until she hesitantly touched his fingers. Sam grabbed her fingers covering them with his own, sliding his hand down until it fully enclosed hers.

"How can you be so understanding?" he asked staring at that clasped hands. "Why did you even forgive me?"

"The accident was not your fault," she said breaking down into sobs.

That was it. He tugged her hand firmly, willing her to look at him. When she didn't move, he pulled harder, forcing her to acknowledge his presence.

"Come here," he whispered, pulling her again. She climbed out of bed, never releasing his hand and walked over to him. Sam made a space for her to sit beside him.

He was shaking as he let his free hand smooth the hair from her face. He didn't care, he reminded himself, this was just human decency at work. She was upset because of him, it was his role to make it better. Nothing more.

"How can you say that?" he asked lifting her chin to get her to look at him. "I was drunk."

Shaking her head back and forth, she covered her face with her hands and sobbed even harder. Sam exhaled sharply, mentally preparing himself for his next move. Once his hands, were on her shoulders, he knew he had to do this. That overwhelming feeling he had last night, that he was supposed to take care of her somehow, hit him full force. It felt beyond his control as he pulled her into his body, holding her close.

"Don't cry. It's all right now." he whispered into her hair. She went still in his arms and for a second he thought she would push him away, but then she moved closer wrapping her arms around his neck, and letting him continue to hold her. "Why are you letting me do this?" he asked. "After everything I have put you through, then, now. I cheated on you. How could you get past that on top of everything else?"

She pulled back to look in his eyes. "I told you the accident put things in perspective. In the car while we were waiting to get rescued you made me believe in us again."

"You took me back that night in the car?"

"In my heart I did, but I never told you." She gently rubbed her hand along the soft hairs that covered his chin, smiling slightly, before letting her hand fall into her lap. "I couldn't bring myself to say the words." The love that was so apparent in her eyes was making him feel things he didn't want. He forced himself to look away, not wanting to get sucked in by her yet again.

"So I never knew," Sam said staring down at the rings on her finger. He had been the one to give her those. It was all starting to feel more real than he wanted. He couldn't deny what had been in front of him the whole time. She felt like his to take care of, because she was his. A part of him, must have remembered that somehow.

"Nine months I sat here hoping you would wake up so I could tell you everything I wanted to that night. I wanted us to have our second chance, but you woke up talking about second chances with Quinn."

Again he was gutted by her sad brown eyes, the emotion was too much for him to handle. Sam subtly pushed her away from him, turning toward the wall in his bed.

"I don't know what to say to that. I can't help how I feel." His connection to Quinn had only grown stronger since he found out about Beth. Despite his anger earlier, he really didn't want to be cruel to Mercedes, he could see she cared about him, but his heart was so full with Beth and Quinn, he couldn't see how there could possibly be room for her too.

"I know and I guess it's only right. I should have spoken up when I had the chance, back on that night." She seemed to realize his desire for space and moved back over to her own bed.

"I probably would've forgotten it anyway," he said half smiling at her.

"At least I would've known you heard me," she said with a sad smile.

"I feel like such an ass. I stole months of your life because I was drinking and driving. How can you even look at me?"

"You weren't driving. I was." Mercedes pulled her knees up to her chest and stared out into the nothingness of the room. "I had taken your keys and you started walking down the road in the rain. I made you get in the car."

Apprehension started to build in his chest as he asked, "What happened?"

"It all went by so fast, like a movie. We were arguing and then you were trying to convince me you loved me and I didn't want to hear it. You kept talking and I tried to shut you up but you wouldn't stop and I just remember covering my ears with both my hands to block you out."

"You took your hands off the wheel?" he asked sitting straight up in the bed.

"The next thing I knew you were in front of me blocking me, grabbing the wheel and then we crashed."

Sam's heart pounded in his chest, pulse racing in his ears, he wanted to throw something. He searched the room looking for something he could abuse. With a forceful swipe he hit the table next to his bed, causing it to crash to the floor, its contents sailing across the room.

"Oh my God! You fucking took your hands off the wheel? On the highway? In the rain?"

Mercedes's eyes widened in terror at his outburst. Her face was wet from her tears and her running nose. She spoke quickly trying to make him understand. "I just got so distracted and upset. I know I was stupid. I can't believe how I hurt you."

"You did more than hurt me. You destroyed my life. What the hell are you doing here? Why aren't you in jail?" He was yelling. His throat felt like he had been gargling razor blades, and his head was starting to throb. He literally saw red behind his eyes, he was that angry.

"No charges were filed," she said shrinking away, as if his words were actually blows to her body.

"I don't believe this shit," he said nastily, shaking his head in disgust. "I almost died because of you and no one thought to put you behind bars?"

"It was an accident." He could barely understand her through her tears, she was choking on them.

"The hell it was. You took your hands off the wheel. I can't remember years of my life. I didn't know I had daughter. I've been stuck in this bed for months. It's all because of you. It's your fault," he said pointing at her. He needed something else to throw. He eyed the wall, thinking about putting his fist through it.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I just didn't want you to drive home when you were so drunk."

"I don't care what you meant to do, you wrecked my life and I want you to answer for it. What if I had never woken up?"

"I would've taken care of you for as long as it took. I never would've left you. Never." She turned toward him on her bed, sitting on her knees. She was so pathetic, begging for him to understand.

"Your urge to forgive suddenly makes sense. You're guilty and playing the part of the dutiful wife so your ass won't land in jail."

"That's not true. I'm here because I love you."

Again he had fallen for her lies, those eyes must be her trick, what she used to get men to bend to her will. Sam was on to her now. She didn't love him, despite all her pleading and batting of her haunting doe eyes.

"I don't think you know what those words mean. Every time they come out of your mouth I find out about another way you've hurt me or betrayed me."

"I'm so sorry. It was an accident. It was killing me to see you in a coma all those months."

"I'm sure. I bet you were devastated when I finally woke up. You knew you'd have to face what you did to me. Did you want me knocked out permanently so you could take all my money?"

"I never wanted your damn money! I just wanted you back," she screamed back at him, jumping off the bed.

"If only I believed a word that came out of your mouth."

Mercedes pulled at her hair, yanking the dark strands in frustration. She still hadn't bothered to wipe her face that now looked shiny and swollen from all the crying. "I love you so much. What's it going to take to convince you?"

"Maybe if you didn't constantly lie to me, try to kill me with a car…I don't know how you managed it, but you seemed to have conned my whole family. Quinn is locked upstate because of PPD, she didn't even hurt anyone besides herself, but you put me in a coma and are sitting here scot free. Doesn't seem right somehow."

"You're right okay. I deserve to be locked up. I destroyed us. I messed up our life, Puck's life, I almost killed you. It's all my fault, everything's all my fault."

Over and over she shook her head, crying hysterically, her body shaking as she sobbed. She fell to the floor, collapsing into a lump of tears and hair. Sam was sickened by her display, convinced this was yet another one of her attempts to con him into feeling something for her.

"You're damn right it's your fault, and you're going to pay." He angrily pressed the nurses call button.

"Call the police and tell them, it's all my fault. It's all my fault, my fault, my fault…"

Her sobs settled into whimpers, pitiful and sad like a wounded animal, Sam turned his back to her, blocking her out. He couldn't take it, he just wanted her to stop, but she continued whimpering guilty admissions. Every cry was like a slash on his back, as her pain started to physically affect him. She was the one that put him here, caused the crash that stole his life, he shouldn't care about her tears. Sam pulled his pillow over his head, hoping to muffle the sounds in the room and resist his increasing urge to find a way to climb down to the floor and soothe her. He prayed a nurse would come into the room soon, because he didn't know how much longer he could last.

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><p><strong>Should have put an angst warning right? Thanks for reading and commenting.<strong>


	23. Chapter 23

**Thanks for reading and commenting. Hold tight**

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><p><strong>Chapter 23<strong>

Surprised didn't begin to describe Quinn's feelings when she learned she had a visitor so late in the evening. Actually her heart soared, she prayed it was Santana or Puck who was waiting for her, maybe they had bent the rules again and found a way in to see her. She needed news from back home, she had to know how Sam was doing, how he handled the news. It probably was silly to be so concerned, Sam already had a nephew and two nieces, he wasn't exactly a novice when it came to children. And Sam had wanted to start a family with Brittany, at one time that was all he talked about. So Quinn didn't really expect Sam to reject Beth, she felt it fairly safe to assume he would be thrilled, but there was something else that worried her, and that something else was why she was so desperate to hear how the day went.

"You can go right in," the orderly said, holding the door open for her.

Into the closet turned meeting room, Quinn took a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly, before turning to see who was waiting.

Daddy, she thought, a smile breaking on her face. He smiled back as he slowly approached, opening his arms slightly, as if he were going to pull her into a hug once he was near enough. Quinn wanted to fall into his arms. She hadn't realized just how much she missed her father, until she saw him in front of her. Relief, comfort, maybe even understanding awaited in the circle of his arms. Then she caught herself, reality setting in, this was not who they were. She didn't have that sort of relationship with her dad, outside of her daydreams. Cutting off her smile, and sidestepping his arms, Quinn walked over to the opposite side of the table and took a seat.

"Russell, what are you doing here?" she asked, feeling a bit nervous.

She heard his sigh and saw his face fall slightly as he returned to his own seat at the table.

"I was in the area for a conference, thought I would stop in."

"How did you know I was here?"

"Honey, you're all over the news." Quinn inwardly cringed remembering Nancy Grace, the Lima Gazette, and the latest tidbit about Facebook pages. She was officially out of denial, everyone knew her fate. "Besides, you didn't think I would be looking in on you at some point?"

"Well I hadn't heard from you so I assumed…"

"Did you want to hear from me?" he asked interrupting her.

"I don't know. Not really, but, I figured I wouldn't have much choice in the matter. You and Judy never do what I want," she said pushing her long blonde hair over her shoulder. She needed a haircut, soon she would be sitting on her hair.

"I don't think that's quite true. There are many instances of how we never interfered. If we had our way, we would have been by your side sooner, long before all of this."

"To pass judgment you mean." Quinn tried to remain calm, but it was always so hard in her father's presence, the way he looked at her, his blue eyes seeming to stare right through her before they clouded with disappointment, always made Quinn feel like she couldn't quite measure up. As if he felt like any daughter of his would have accomplished more in her life, more than being a washed up pop singer, unwed mother, and now mental patient, all before she was thirty no less.

"We would never judge you sweetheart. Why do you always say things like that? Has your mom or I ever stood in the way of any of your choices?"

"No but..."

"When you wanted to run off across the world to sing, did we stop you?" asked Russell cutting her off.

"No but, Puck was with me."

"And we didn't say anything about you being serious with Puck so young did we?"

"You liked Puck's family," said Quinn. Her parents had always been supportive of Puck. The moment they found out she wanted to be with Puck and not Sam it was like a wave of relief washed over them. After she started dating Puck, suddenly she was the perfect daughter.

"He is an Evans," said Russell his face twisting with just a hint of distaste.

"He's Jacob Puckerman's son." Quinn watched as Russell nodded his head in agreement. Puck being related to Jacob Puckerman made all the difference to everyone in Lima, it canceled out his supposedly tainted Evans blood. Puck's dad might have neglected him his entire life and left him to be raised by Dwight, but the community never seemed to notice that flaw. Jacob Puckerman was wealthy, old money rich, and that's all that mattered to anyone it seemed.

"I admit that I always liked Puck, I thought he would be a good influence on you, give you some grounding while out of the country."

"Too bad he was the one that took flight while I was on tour." Quinn looked down at the table, focusing on a stain in the tabletop as she remembered those dark days. Puck had fallen so fast. They had spent so much time apart, she was always singing and he was home in their apartment finishing his degree online, or so she had thought. Quinn had no idea that Puck spent most of his days, and nights crawling the streets of New York City losing himself in drugs.

Russell ran his hands over his short blonde hair. "That was a sad situation, drugs can take down even the best of men."

"Why is it you're so understanding about Puck's addiction, but you can't muster one ounce of compassion for me?" Quinn asked narrowing her eyes at his father. Her parents could cut everyone in the world slack but her, nothing she ever did was good enough in their eyes.

"That's just not true Quinn. Your mom and I are behind you 100%."

"Is that so? Where were you when I needed help trying to get Puck into rehab?" she asked her eyes starting to blur with tears. "I was alone in NYC dealing with that."

"You never called us," Russell said quietly.

He was right, she didn't call them. Mainly because she knew how disappointed they would be and she couldn't bear to face them. So many years they had tried to fix her, sending her away to mental institutions whenever showed any sign of independent thought or defiance. Instinctively, she shied away from going to them after that. Stupid and immature as her line of thinking was she had hoped that somehow her parents would just know she need them and come to her aid. She shouldn't have had to call.

"But I did call when I was so confused about Sam and Mike. I called mom trying to find some answers."

Sheer desperation had led her to call her mother of all people to discuss her love life, but she had been so confused by the feelings she was having for the brothers. She had hoped someone would talk her down and help her make a wise decision. Her hopes got her nowhere, and she was left to her own devices.

"And didn't mom give you answers? As I recall, she had a lot to say on the matter."

"Judging me you mean. She was three steps from calling me a slut." Quinn wiped at the one tear she managed to let fall. She had put all of this behind her, but the conversation was opening old wounds. A part of her had never really forgotten her mother's condescending attitude on the phone that day. After years of minimal contact, Quinn had finally reached out and all she got were insults and criticism.

"Quinn!" Russell exclaimed. "Your mom would never say anything of the sort."

"Right, Judy never says anything." She just hinted at it with sharp edged innuendo. Her mother could convey more meaning with a series of sighs than most people could with a whole sentence.

"I think we need to relax, we are getting off on the wrong foot here," said Russell patting the back of Quinn's hand. Quinn flinched at his contact, but her father didn't seem to notice, he kept rubbing her hand like nothing was wrong.

"Why did you come here tonight? How did you even get in? I'm not allowed visitors yet."

"Being a married to Judy Garwood Fabray has its perks," said Russell with a small smile. "I just introduced myself as Mr. Russell Garwood and they let me in to see you."

"So they don't know you're my father?" asked Quinn. She really hoped they didn't. The last thing she needed was yet another thing to set her apart from the other patients. It was bad enough that Puck seemed to be able to waltz in and out of the place at his whim. Sometime soon the other patients would notice, and call her out about it. The last thing Quinn needed was more drama. She needed to keep her head down here and just make it out in one piece.

"I'm not sure what the staff here knows, and I don't care. I'm here for you. How are you?"

"I'm locked in a mental hospital how do you think I am?" Annoyance was creeping into her voice, she was starting to think it was time for her dad to go.

"Must be hard, being away from Beth," he said glancing at her.

"I do miss her."

"I'm sure you do," he said watching her intently. Quinn squirmed under his gaze. It felt like he was watching her, to make sure she actually did mean what she was saying, as if he wanted her to prove that she truly did miss her daughter.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked.

"I just meant I understand how you must feel, being separated from your child. Your mom and I have been feeling similar pain, not being able to see you or Beth."

Quinn wanted to believe her dad meant what he was saying, but it was so hard to trust him completely. After everything her mother had done to her, sending her away, trying to fix her appearance with surgeries and makeovers since she hit puberty, after her father knowingly allowed her mom to do it, never interfering or responding to Quinn's pleas for help, he just didn't feel completely like family. Quinn couldn't help but wonder if he was just saying all of these words of loving concern, because he felt he should, but not because he actually felt them.

"I wanted you to visit after Beth was born, so you could meet her."

"You called and told us not to come," he reminded her.

"I know, and I'm sorry I had to do that, but things were just out of control. Finding out that Beth was not Puck's daughter was a very taxing time for me, for everyone."

"Your mom and I wanted to help you through that, if you had let us."

"There was nothing you could do to help me, I couldn't change the facts. Beth was Sam's daughter, not Puck's."

She had come to terms with that, even felt pleased that she shared a daughter with Sam, but there was still a slight sting whenever she thought about Puck, and what might have been. Sam had been her friend for years, and sharing a child with him made an odd sort of sense, but Puck was the man she had wanted to spend her life with, to start a family with. No matter how much she was okay with Sam being Beth's father, a part of her would always miss the life she had dreamed of having with Puck.

"We could have been there for you, been your support. Who was there for you while you were going through all of that stress?" asked Russell reaching out and grabbing her hand again.

"Shannon Beiste was very good to me and my friends." Her friends consisted of just Santana, and Puck too now that he'd forgiven her, but they were very supportive, quality over quantity.

"That's not the same as family. Your mom and I should have insisted on coming, I don't know why we listened to you. We should have been here. Maybe if we had…"

"Maybe I wouldn't have lost my mind? Is that what you were going to say?"

"Quinn no. Postpartum depression happens to so many women, there is nothing to say you wouldn't have suffered from the condition even if Beth's birth were drama free. I do think the fact that she was premature, and sick, on top of the paternity issues, did make you have an unusually harder time of it."

"Well it's in the past now. As you can see I'm getting treatment." She looked around the small white walled room. This was her life now.

"Yes you are. I can't say I like you all the way out here though. This place is in the middle of nowhere."

"Perfect place to bury the body," she shrugged.

"What are you saying?" asked Russell sitting up straighter in his chair.

"Dwight Evans is not pleased I am his grandchild's mother."

"Dwight Evans doesn't have a choice in the matter. Did that man do something to you? Are you saying he pulled strings to get you sent here?" he asked angrily.

"I don't know Russell. I had a lot to do with getting myself sent here on my own. I made some stupid mistakes. I think Dwight just made sure I paid for them."

"I saw the court proceedings and Judy and I were so sure the judge was going to set you free. We were shocked to find out you were sent back to the hospital."

"I guess you missed the part where I tried to choke Mercedes while she was on the witness stand." Not one of her finer moments, but at the time she couldn't think straight. All she knew was that Mercedes was keeping her from her baby.

"I saw that, but I think you were under a tremendous amount of stress and the day just took its toll."

"That's one way of putting it. I actually had a reaction to my medicine."

Quinn didn't like lying to her father, but she also wanted him to see her as someone stronger, someone capable of handling her own life, maybe if he thought she was just overdosed he would stop looking at her with those sad eyes. She would never stop being his poor crazy daughter.

"Shannon Beiste mentioned that."

"You spoke with Coach B?" asked Quinn surprised.

"She keeps us informed. If it weren't for her we would only have the internet to give us information, and you can imagine how inaccurate that would be."

"I've been told I'm the talk of cyberspace."

"Things will die down. Sam has a reputation so the media is interested. Why they insist on glamorizing the lives of petty thugs and moonshiners is beyond me."

Quinn sighed. "Sam's not a thug."

It had been years since she was involved romantically with Sam, yet her father still hadn't let go of his dislike for him. Her parents were a lot like Dwight and Sue in that way, holding onto old grudges for life. Beth was in for a lifetime of drama from both sets of her grandparents, luckily they lived in different states.

"Let's not talk about Sam. I know you're protective of him since he is Beth's father, and I don't want to fight."

Sam was more than Beth's father, her best friend, her constant support, such an important part of her life, a fact she was just starting to fully realize.

"We can't just ignore Sam. He's going to be around from now on."

"I heard he came out of his coma. That's great news," said Russell smiling. Quinn knew he was just trying to smooth things over with her now, she was pretty sure he could care less about Sam's medical triumphs.

"It is. Now Beth can be with her father."

"Honey, I know we've never discussed this and at first your mom and I assumed you chose Sam's wife to look after Beth because of a close connection or something."

"No I didn't choose Mercedes, the courts did." If she had thought things through, she would have made sure a more suitable person had custody of Beth, someone that wouldn't run the risk of keeping her from her in the long run.

"I understand that now. So here's what your mom and I have been discussing. How about we move back to Lima, just temporarily and take care of Beth? We would love to spend time with our granddaughter."

A shocked smile appeared on Quinn's face. "I don't want you to change your life for us. Besides Sam can take care of her."

"Do you think Sam is equipped to be a full time dad? I'd bet my last dollar he's going to let that wife of his continue to raise that girl. Do you want another woman in the role of mother to your daughter?"

"Sam will be an amazing dad. I'm sure of it."

"I'm not convinced. I'm worried about him growing up under the Evans influence and that girl he married is far too young to be a decent example. She probably bows down to everything Sam and Dwight tell her."

Quinn laughed lightly. "You don't know Mercedes, she's not the bowing down type."

"So you approve of Mercedes raising Beth?" asked Russell raising his eyebrows.

"I don't want Mercedes to raise her, I want to be the one to do that. I want to have that family with Beth, and Sam." Quinn wanted to clamp her hand over her mouth, she had revealed too much.

Russell looked up in surprise. "You want a family with Sam? Now that's something new. What about Puck?"

"Puck left me, and I can't say I blame him."

Her father looked disappointed. "Your mom and I always liked Puck, we had hoped you two might find a way to work it out."

"I cheated on him. I don't think he can ever forgive me for that." Puck had made it clear in so many ways that they were done and there was no hope of anything every being romantic between them again. She had destroyed them completely, but at least he was still her friend.

"Sam's wife seemed to have forgiven him. Which begs the question, how are you going to have a family with a married man?"

Tears rolled down Quinn's face. Her father was very right, she couldn't have that family with Sam, he already had one.

"I'm not going to have a family with him," she admitted. "His wife's not going to let him go, and I would never get in between that."

"I see," said her father cocking his head to the side. "What are you going to do then Quinn? It seems like your heart may have gotten out of control."

"What do you mean? My heart is fine." These things she was starting to feel for Sam were just silly daydreams because she was locked away from everyone she knew. It wasn't real. Just safe fantasies about a happy life, she knew none of it would happen.

"You're crying because you can't have Sam," said her father reaching over and wiping her tears from her cheek with his thumb.

"No I'm not," she snapped pulling back from him. "I'm crying because I am away from my baby and my parents think I'm a hopeless cause incapable of raising my child without their help."

"I never said anything like that. It's all in your head," he said gently.

"Great," laughed humorlessly through her tears. "Confirmation from my dad that I'm insane."

"Stop this now. You're not insane. I just think you're in serious denial about what you're doing to yourself in here."

"What am I doing?" Quinn asked. Here it comes, the judgment. She was surprised her father had gone this long without starting up sooner.

"I think you're setting yourself up for heartbreak, putting your hopes in a man that doesn't want you."

"How do you know he doesn't want me?" she asked defensively. "He doesn't remember his wife you know? Only me. I'm the one he misses and can't wait to see." He had come out of his coma with her and their baby. That had to mean something. Actually Quinn was sure it meant more than just something, it meant everything.

"I see. And he knows about his daughter?"

"He found out today." Her thoughts went to Lima and Sam getting the news about Beth. She was going to have to find a way to get some info soon, the suspense was killing her.

Russell nodded. "That's good."

"I don't know how he took the news though. He also found out he's married today."

"I'm sure it will be fine. A man has an instinctive pull toward his blood and his family."

"That's what I think too. He and Beth are going to be bonding soon." Quinn smiled imagining Sam holding their daughter in his arms. That's the picture she hoped Puck captured on his phone. She wanted to see them together.

"As will he and his wife."

"Russell, why would you say something like that to me?"

"Quinn you may not believe this, but you and I are so much alike. We both are stubborn and proud. We like to keep our emotions under our hats, and we like to carry the world on our own shoulders, never asking for help."

"I just want to fix my own mess."

"I know. We have that in common. That's why I tried to respect your wishes and stay away."

"I appreciate that." Things would have been so much worse if her parents had been around to see all of her turmoil first hand. She wouldn't have been able to handle trying to keep her sanity and keep up appearances as the perfect daughter at the same time.

"Sometimes honey, a person needs help. You can't be too afraid to ask for it."

"I will call you if I need you, I promise."

"Good. That's what your doctor said too."

"You spoke to Dr. Hill?"

"No your doctor, Julian."

Quinn's eyes widened in surprise. "You spoke to Julian?"

"It's been awhile, back when you were first arrested. I called him."

"Why would you do that?" Quinn sat back in her chair completely shocked. Just the idea of her dad and Julian speaking to each other after all that had happened, made her queasy.

"I'm a father. I trusted him to look out for you. I needed him to explain why he wasn't standing by your side, through all of this."

"I can't believe you would do that. Do you know how much pain I put him through? Mercedes is his daughter, Puck is like his adopted son." Russell had no right to bother Julian with anything, not after all she had done.

"He put you through just as much pain, abandoning you the way he did. No real man should be that cold to a mother and a newborn, especially not one he claimed to love like his own child."

"Oh God." Quinn groaned.

"Julian was surprisingly contrite. He admitted his shortcomings when it came to you and how he let down Beth."

"Beth wasn't his responsibility."

Russell shrugged. "He felt like she was. He loved her like a granddaughter."

"I know." That was the worst part of it all. She had no only hurt Puck, but she'd hurt Julian too. They had created a little extended family together, and she had blown it all up with one selfish act. Both Puck and Julian were looking forward to Beth's birth. The hurt and sadness in Puck's eyes when he told her about the paternity test mistake still haunted her. The only other time she had seen someone looks so completely wrecked was when Sam came to her door the night that they slept together, upset over Mercedes and Shane.

"At any rate he explained to me some about your condition and your case and that you were with Shannon Beiste. I told him about my plan to come to Lima to be with you if you had to face the courts, and he gave me some advice. He told me you were strong, and that you'd call if you needed us."

"He said that? About me?"

"Your doc thinks very highly of you and seems to know you very well."

"Not anymore, he couldn't care less."

"Sometimes it is easier to turn your back on someone than to deal with all the hurt, seeing them can be a reminder that is too painful."

"I felt like that about Beth. Sometimes it was so hard to look at her," she admitted sadly, not able to meet her father's eyes.

"I know baby. Your mind was protecting you. I just wish we could have gotten you some help sooner."

"I wouldn't have let you help me. Even Julian tried to get me treatment and I ignored the doctor."

She hadn't wanted help, she just wanted everything back to the way it was. She wanted Sam healthy and happy with Mercedes, and she wanted her baby with Puck, just as they had planned. Unless a doctor could accomplish that, she didn't want to hear it.

"Isn't it odd that a man that can't stand you helped you get medical assistance."

"He's a good man. I think he's the one that encouraged Puck to forgive me."

"We always did like Puck."

"You said that already," Quinn sniffled.

"Thought it was worth repeating." Russell smiled.

"Sam's a good man too, you just have to give him a chance. You'll see he won't let down Beth or me," said Quinn hoping to convince her father of how special Sam was.

"I hope so. You seem to be putting so much stock in him, I want him to live up to it all."

"He will. He always has. And once I get out of this place, I'm going to get my life together. I'm going to be the best mom to my baby."

"That's what I like to hear. No Fabray lets life lick em. My mom always used to say that."

Quinn smiled. "I wish I could have met her." It would've been nice to know her grandparents and extended family.

"She was a lot like you actually. Strong, beautiful, smart, and she never let anyone see her break."

"That doesn't sound like me. I've been breaking all over the place lately."

She felt like a mess most days. A crying, confused, pathetic mess, her emotions were so out of control she didn't even feel like herself anymore. She used to be so fearless. As a child she dealt with life head on, even in high school she had a determination that fueled her to follow her dreams. Somehow bit by bit, all that went away, and she was left unstable, needy, and afraid. She wanted the old version of herself back.

"Oh no, come here," said Russell rising from his chair and walking over to Quinn. He picked up both her hands and pulled her from her seat. "You are strong, intelligent, so very talented. You're my beautiful girl, and you're every bit like my mother. I have faith you will turn this around and give your daughter the best life, filled with music and love."

"Really?" she wiped at the tears that fell from her eyes. "I think you're just saying all that because you have to, you're my dad."

"Nonsense," he said pulling her into a hug."I'm saying it because it's true. Every word. I know I haven't been the best father to you. I let many things go on on unchecked, but I love you so much sweetheart."

Quinn rested her head on her father's shoulder. "I love you too daddy," she whispered.

She felt Russell squeeze her tighter and Quinn melted into his arms.

She could do this, she could survive, no matter what this place, or the world threw at her, she would make it. She had friends, she had her family, and she had herself, and that was all she needed to get back to Beth.

Even if she never had Sam, she would always have the rest, and that finally was starting to feel like enough.


	24. Chapter 24

**Thanks for reading and commenting! I truly appreciate your support.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 24<strong>

There had been no consoling her as she kept repeating the words "it's all my fault" barely above a whisper. They had picked her up off the floor, put her in the bed, and shot her up with something in a syringe. It was strong, whatever it was, she was knocked out in a matter of minutes. A nurse or two stayed behind, even after Mercedes had fallen asleep, to check her vital signs or something, or more likely to check him out. They had hid behind clipboards, giving him sideways glances, barely hiding their dislike for him. Sam didn't care if Mercedes' nursing buddies hated him. He was justified in his position, she had put him in a coma, he wasn't going to be nice about it. He did briefly consider that these nurses had the power to put him back in said coma fairly easily, he was weak and couldn't walk and they had access to an array of drugs. In the end, Sam let that idea go, choosing to believe that no nurse would stoop that low. If anything they would put salt in his orange juice or something, if he were allowed to drink orange juice that is.

The nurses finally cleared out and Sam was left alone, well almost, Mercedes was still there breathing softly in the bed next to him. Looked like he was getting a roommate after all. He wished he had never suggested her moving in here with him this morning. If he had just been thinking with the right head, he could have spared himself this current discomfort. He could have relaxed in his room without having to look over and be reminded how Mercedes was the one that wrecked his life.

Sam squinted at the clock on the bedside table, his vision getting fuzzy again as the day wore on. It was almost nine o'clock. He wondered what Quinn was doing right now, was she getting ready for bed, was she thinking of him? Could just be a leftover silly wish from his youth, but Sam still had to believe that wherever Quinn was she was feeling the same things too. He regretted knocking over the table earlier, the nurses had cleaned up all the mess, righting everything that had spilled onto the floor. The phone though, Mercedes' cell phone had been destroyed, bits of it scattered about the room. Sam wished he had pulled the phone off the table before he hit it, he sure could use that phone now. At least he got to make that one call. That would have to be enough for the time being.

"What the hell is going on here? I get out of surgery and they tell me they had to sedate my daughter," said Julian Jones as he stormed in the room in his scrubs.

"She's right over there," stated Sam gesturing to the bed where Mercedes laid sleeping.

"I can see that. I want to know why she had to be drugged," demanded Julian standing in front of Sam in the bed.

"I guess carrying around all that guilt finally got to her," said Sam shrugging. He didn't want to discuss Mercedes, especially not with her father. "She admitted what she did."

"Admitted what?" asked Julian confused and suspicious.

Sam could sense the animosity coming from the man. He wasn't sure he knew what he had done to warrant such a response. Mercedes had been the one to hurt him not the other way around.

"She told me about the car accident, I know she was driving that night."

"And…" said Julian running his hands over his face in irritation.

"And? She put me in a coma," said Sam shocked at Julian's nonchalance.

"It was an accident." Julian stared blankly at Sam.

"Maybe you don't know all the details, so let me clue you in." Sam pushed the sleeves up on his red pajamas as he spoke. "She took her hands off the wheel and crashed us into a rock. That's no accident."

"I am well aware of what happened that night. If it wasn't for your drunk ass she wouldn't have even been in the car at all," said Julian emphasizing his point with his finger in Sam's face.

"Nobody told her to drive me home," retorted Sam not flinching a bit as Julian invaded his personal space.

"Are you actually going to sit here and blame her for keeping you from getting behind the wheel? You could've killed somebody."

"I bet I would have driven a lot better than her, even drunk I know better than to stop steering a two ton vehicle." Sam could see the veins in Julian's forehead bulge after that remark. The guy was ticked.

"You're unbelievable! She fricking saved your life!" yelled Julian backing away from the bed.

"If she hadn't been so stupid I wouldn't even be in this spot."

"I think your doctors need to examine your head again," said Julian pointing to his temple. "You're out of your mind."

Sam really didn't want to get into this with Julian, he didn't have a beef with the guy. It was his daughter that Sam took issue with.

"So are you the one that convinced my dad not to put Mercedes in jail? Did you use your pull as his friend?" asked Sam cocking his head to the side.

"That wasn't necessary thanks to you," said Julian almost under his breath. He went over to Mercedes and gently stroked her hair, before pulling her blanket up higher.

"I just don't know how she did it," said Sam shaking his head. "She seems to have my whole family fooled."

"Let's get back to why my daughter required sedation. I suspect it was all because you." Julian leaned against Mercedes' bed facing Sam.

"Why would you think that?"

"Everything that bothers my daughter is because of you. You have been this plague on her life for years."

Sam couldn't help but roll his eyes at Julian's statement. Clearly he was deep into his role as oblivious parent. The only plague in the room was Mercedes. "A plague? She's not the one that was in a coma."

"You think you're the only one suffering. You're such a self absorbed punk."

"I don't see anyone else stuck in the hospital."

"You fucked up my family you ass! Mercedes has been heartbroken and devoting her life to you for the past nine months. She's barely taking care of herself, she's not having any fun, she's just living her whole life for you."

Sam shrugged not caring to hear Mercedes' tale of woe. "Guilt will do that. She should have thought about the consequences before almost killing me."

"I should break your jaw for that," said Julian through clenched teeth. "You're lucky you are bound to that bed or I would…" Julian's voice trailed off with a humorless laugh. He ran his hand over his graying black beard, instead of finishing his statement.

"Threatening a man that can't defend himself, now I see where your daughter gets it. She's just as morally challenged."

"I think you better shut the hell up about Mercedes." Sam could see Julian clenching and unclenching his fists that hung at his sides. The man looked like he could blow at any minute.

"I get it," said Sam trying to diffuse the situation a bit. He didn't relish the thought of getting himself into a fight he couldn't handle. His brain was far more agile than his body at this point. Not much use if things came to a physical head. "She's your child, you have to defend her, but I don't know if you realize all that she's done. She sat in this room and got close to me, all the while never letting on we were married."

"The accident must have messed up your head, you were never this stupid before Sam. Mercedes was just following your doctors' orders."

Nothing anyone could say would be enough to make Sam get over that simple fact. She allowed things to get to an intimate level, and never even bothered to tell him the truth. That was low.

"So the doctors said, don't tell Sam the truth about his life, but go ahead and try to fuck him?"

Julian lunged toward Sam, his fist reared back to make contact. Sam steeled himself for the blow, he was still too weak to fight back, but he wasn't going to let him Julian know that. Sam stuck his chin out and crossed his arms over his chest, daring Julian to hit him.

"You have the nerve to sit here and act like the smug victim, after all you've done?" asked Julian his fist still hovering in the air. Sam could see Julian was struggling not to actually throw that punch.

"The way I see it I'm the only victim. Me and my daughter."

"Yeah your daughter, the one you conceived in my house," said Julian shaking his head, letting his fist fall, backing off from the bed.

Sam was confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I know they want us to take it easy on you, but I can't bring myself to care. You had sex with Puck's fiancé, in my home, and then lied about it day after day to your wife's face."

"Puck's fiancé? Puck and Quinn…but..."

"Yep Puck and Quinn were engaged and happy until you came along and blew it all to hell."

Sam shook his head, looking down at his lap trying to make sense of what he was hearing. "So Quinn was in a relationship when we slept together?"

"What did you think? She was sitting around waiting for you?"

Sam didn't know what to think. He figured he and Quinn had some sort of ongoing relationship that was put on hold because he had to marry Mercedes for some reason. He never thought that she was cheating too. Why would they even have slept together if they both were involved with other people? Something wasn't right.

"So if we cheated while she was with Puck that means…" Sam tried to put the pieces together in his mind.

"Beth could have been his," added Julian.

"I don't believe this."

"It's all true. My daughter is taking care of your baby, a baby she once thought of like family, like a little sister."

It was like something from a talk show. The convoluted mess of his life was almost too much to even comprehend. No wonder he had blocked it out, apparently he had been acting like a fool the past three years.

"I need to talk to Quinn, so I can make sense of all this." Quinn just might be the only one he could trust to give him a direct answer about anything in his life. She never held back the truth with him, she always kept things real.

"Good luck with that. I doubt you will get a straight answer from her about anything."

"Quinn and I have always been honest with each other."

"Oh right I forgot. Sam and Quinn best friends for life. Too bad neither of you extended the same honesty to the people you supposedly loved."

"I'm sure we had a good reason for keeping things a secret." Sam just needed to figure out what that reason was. Quinn wasn't the type to lie. He had a love/hate relationship with the truth at times, he was raised that all facts were negotiable and flexible, but Quinn had always been so fixed in her moral convictions.

"Wanted to screw each other and keep your happy homes? I really don't care what was going on in your minds. If I had my way I would never have to look at either of you again."

"So I guess Puck and Quinn have broken up?"

"Would you have stayed with a woman that had a child with another man?"

"If I loved her I would. I would at least have to try to make it work."

He could hear his dad calling him weak in his mind. Dwight Evans never approved of his soft streak. He thought it made him look like a pushover and an easy target. Sam struggled with this aspect of his personality for years, but in the end, there was no changing it. Sam believed that real love was the ultimate cure all to any problem, even a problem as complex as loving another man's baby.

"How noble. I guess you're a better man than most of us. Hard to look in the face of a baby that you thought was your own, knowing she is a product of an affair. Puck's been struggling with it for months."

"I take it Mercedes doesn't feel the same way, since she's been taking care of Beth."

"Mercedes has one of the biggest hearts I have ever known."

"I have witnessed that heart first hand when she neglected to tell me she was my wife or that she caused my accident."

"It's like talking in circles with you," said Julian slapping the back of his one hand into his other palm. "You just don't want to listen to the truth."

"No you don't want to listen to the truth, you have your daughter up on some pedestal. She's a liar, and a reckless disaster that has destroyed my life. The sooner I am free of her the better."

"Finally something we agree on. I have been telling her to leave your ass for months. You're not worth one drop of the tears she's wasted on you."

Sam didn't want her tears anyway. He was certain they were all faked for effect. Nothing he had learned about Mercedes today had convinced him to believe she had a genuine bone in her body.

"Now that we've got that settled, you can go. Be sure to wheel her out while you're at it. I can't stand to look at her," said Sam a smirk on his face as he watched Julian's face get tight with anger.

"You son of bitch. I can't wait until you're released, you and me…" Julian's whole body was shaking with anger, as he purposely kept to the opposite side of the room.

"Look forward to it," said Sam practically taunting the man. Give him a few weeks to recover and they could have this whole conversation again, with their fists.

"So is that it now?" asked Puck walking into the room from the door.

"Puck what are you doing here?" asked Sam surprised to see his cousin appear in the room.

"I've been enjoying the floor show for about ten minutes, you two didn't even know I was here."

"So you saw him threaten me? And you did nothing?"

"After what you said about Cede, I was hoping he would punch you in the nose," said Puck coming over to his bed and clamping his hand down on Sam's shoulder, squeezing with a hard pressure.

"Should have expected as much from you, disloyal bastard," said Sam shaking him off.

"I'm going to leave you two to it, I've got rounds," announced Julian with one hand on the door.

"Hey Julian. Don't forget to take my wife with you."

"Sam, stop being an ass," interjected Puck.

"If you hurt my daughter again I will break your neck," said Julian pointing at Sam angrily.

"No worries there, I want as little to do with that girl as possible. Quinn and Beth are my main concerns."

"Quinn? You know where she is right?" asked Puck.

"I know she's upstate, a place she doesn't belong. I'm going to get her out of there as soon as I can,"

"You have no idea what you're getting into there Sam," said Julian.

"Julian has a point. Quinn has been struggling with some serious issues," said Puck leaning against the bed where Mercedes was sleeping.

"We'll work through it all together. As I just told Julian I don't walk away when things get hard." Sam shot Julian a pointed look.

"I'm out of here. Talk to you later Puck," said Julian over his shoulder, as he went out the door.

"Are you proud of yourself?" asked Puck watching Julian leave. He turned back toward Sam. "You brought a girl to tears. Does that make you feel like a man?"

"Here we go." Sam sighed heavily. He ran his hands through his head in annoyance. "Is it time for you to defend Mercedes now?"

"You had no cause to treat her that way."

Sam shrugged. "I think she got off easy. If she were anyone else she would be begging for her life right now."

"You sound just like Uncle Dwight."

"It's how we Evans' handle things, unless that has changed too in the last three years. Dad seems off his game."

"How do you figure?" asked Puck.

"Mercedes' running around still free. You'd think he would've taken care of her by now."

"Uncle Dwight is not going to do anything to Mercedes. He doesn't blame her for your accident."

"That's what I don't understand. What's she got on him? Has to be something big for him to turn a blind eye. And my mom, she was acting strangely too, she almost seemed like she was fond of Mercedes."

Puck took a seat on the edge of Mercedes' bed, looking at her sleeping face, before turning back to address Sam. "She is. We all are. She's family."

"I don't get that. We were only married a few months before the accident, she couldn't have ingratiated herself with you guys that fast."

"Mercedes and I have been close for years. When I first got back to town, she was a good friend to me. And since you were treating her like shit back then, I was there for her too."

"So you two used to date?" asked Sam eyeing Puck up and down. He just couldn't picture the two of them together.

"Sam you're so predictable," laughed Puck.

"What are you talking about?"

"You claim to want nothing to do with Mercedes, want her taken care of," he said making quotes in the air with his fingers. "Yet you're asking me if I was ever with Mercedes, like you're jealous."

"Jealous! I just want to find out what's up around here. If you used to mess around, that would explain your unwillingness to turn her in."

"We didn't mess around. We're just friends. She's like my sister."

"What's up with my father then?" Sam asked.

The brief encounters he had with his father since waking up all had been odd. The man had seemed more concerned about Mercedes than his own son. Although Dwight would never win father of the year, making Sam feel second rate had always been the backbone of his parenting style.

"She's his daughter in law. She's been taking care of you, everyone appreciates it."

"That's her angle then. She's using being my nurse as a way to stay out of jail. The old man must be going soft to fall for that one."

"You need to talk to your father. I'm going to call him," said Puck pulling out his phone.

"Sounds good. While you're at it can you call Quinn too?"

"Quinn is in the hospital Sam."

"I saw those pictures of you two this morning. I know you are in contact with her." He resisted the urge to comment further. Sam had many questions for Puck about the current status of his relationship with Quinn.

"I went to see her to tell her you were finding out about Beth."

"What a prince. Had to do it in person, a phone call wouldn't have worked?"

Puck seemed pretty friendly with his ex. Sam knew all too well what that could mean. He had remained friendly with Brittany after their divorce, keeping her close, staying involved in her life, all because he was trying to subtly win her back. Sam wouldn't be surprised if Puck were up to the same thing.

"She's not allowed calls yet. I pulled some strings and got in to see her."

"I've spoken to her on the phone before."

"We had to make those calls happen. You can't just call her out of the blue."

Sam wasn't convinced Puck was being honest with him. The Evans name opened many a door, no way he couldn't get in contact with Quinn at will. He suspected Puck just didn't want him talking to her.

"I really need to talk to her. I want to tell her about Beth."

"That's a pretty special little girl you have," said Puck with a smile.

"She's something. I can't believe Quinn and I…" Sam smiled. There were really no words to adequately describe how he felt about his daughter.

"Yeah, it takes some getting used to. Beth came into our lives sort of unexpectedly but we are so glad we have her now."

"Julian filled me in on some of that. They thought she was your daughter at first?" That must have been rough," he said quickly glancing over at Puck.

"Yeah paternity tests got messed up in the lab or something." He ran his hand down his face. "I can't believe you're bringing this up with me. I mean jesus. It was a shock to everyone, especially Quinn."

"Why especially Quinn? What happened?"

"I think that is what helped her confused mental state along. It was hard for her to accept that Beth was not mine."

"She wanted her to be yours?" asked Sam dropping his head, his words sounding more like a statement than a question.

Somehow he had hoped that Quinn had known Beth was his all along, feeling a part of him inside of her during those nine months. He thought maybe that was why he was feeling so linked to her these days. Turns out he couldn't have been more wrong. Quinn had wanted a very different outcome for her life.

"Quinn loved me and wanted to marry me. We had plans and dreams. Beth being your baby derailed all of that. Too many hits at once can knock over even the strongest body."

"I wish I had been able to be there for her during all of that. Maybe I could have helped."

Something else Mercedes had stolen from him. If he hadn't been in a coma, he could've helped Quinn, maybe saved her from going over the edge. Instead he was useless and Quinn was alone, all because of Mercedes.

"Quinn was in denial a long time, I'm not sure what you could've done."

"I could have at least helped her with Beth," said Sam. He not only let Quinn down as a friend, he also was a poor father to his child.

"Coach Beiste and Mercedes were there. Beth never felt unloved, I'm sure of it, even when Quinn started to deteriorate."

"Coach Beiste and Mercedes are not Beth's family. I should have been there."

"Mercedes brought Beth to see you. Her room is like a shrine to you, your face is plastered all over the walls." Puck grinned. "I think she knows you're her dad already."

Sam smiled. "She did seem to take to me quickly."

"Mercedes wanted her to know you, and Quinn too. She tried to keep you guys real for her."

"How can she be so good to my daughter, yet so crappy to me?" Sam asked unable to reconcile the stories he was hearing about Mercedes with the woman in the bed next to him.

"Mercedes loves you, though at this point I don't see why. She's never been crappy to you, she's devoted her life to you."

"Guilt is not love."

"I agree she is very guilty about the accident and how badly you were injured, but I know that's not all that is motivating her actions. She's been in love with you for so long."

How long was 'so long'? His relationships never went the distance in the past. There was a two year cap on love in his world. Unless he had forgotten some other relationships during the past three years, maybe he had improved his average, and had managed to sustain a lasting relationship. He couldn't believe it was Mercedes though that had ended his losing streak.

"Yeah right, I see she has you fooled too. Is there anyone in Lima immune to her?" asked Sam.

"I'm sure you and Quinn will have tons to talk about. Quinn's not fond of Mercedes either."

"Because of the accident?"

"You'll have to ask her. Quinn's not as forthcoming with me as she used to be. I get the sense she's waiting for you to be the one she spills her guts to. You're her best friend after all."

"Julian said that too. We got pretty close it seems."

Best friends, Sam mulled the idea of that over in his mind. Not quite what he had hoped to hear, girlfriend, lover, wife, were more what he wanted with Quinn, but Sam could actually see himself close to Quinn in that way. They had maintained a friendship despite distance and awkward breakups. This almost seemed like a natural evolution of things.

"You did. You confided in each other, looked out for each other, made stupid mistakes together, you name it."

"Was there anything romantic between us?" asked Sam, still not willing to give up on that feeling persisting in his gut. There had to be something more than friendly there with Quinn.

Puck shrugged. "Again you'll have to ask her, but back then, before the accident, you only had eyes for one woman as far as I could tell."

Sam looked over at his sleeping wife, knowing that she was who Puck was referring to. All he felt was his anger start to simmer, if there used to be love for her somewhere within him, he couldn't feel it at all now.

"I think Quinn and I may have had more going on between us than anyone knew."

"You better pray that's not true Sam or I will beat you within an inch of your life. I'm letting you off the hook right now because you were sick, but keep talking man and I won't give a shit anymore about your little bump on the head."

"Love your loyalty Puck. You're the best," said Sam sarcastically.

Puck titled his head first to his right then to his left, his jaw ticking with the movement. "This is why I took so long to come and see you. I never fail to want to hit something when you're around. You're over there all high and mighty like you're not just as dirty as the rest of us. You fucked that girl up over there," said Puck gesturing toward Mercedes as he approached Sam's bed. "I trusted you with Mercedes' heart, against my better judgment, and you broke it. That girl has been through far too much in her young life. I'm not going to let you destroy what's left of her. My loyalty lies with her in this instance." Puck grabbed Sam roughly by the collar of his pajamas, lifting him partially from the bed. "And if I find out that you and Quinn had some secret affair going on, I will be right in line behind Julian to kick your ass," said Puck looking Sam dead in the eye. "You got that," he added as he let Sam drop.

Smoothing out his pajamas, Sam tried to appear unfazed by Puck's threats. Inside his heart was pounding. He knew that look in Puck's eyes. Nothing but pain ever came from that look.

"I just want her gone," Sam mumbled.

Puck took a deep breath as he made his way to the door. "Get some sleep, you look like hell. I'm gonna call Uncle Dwight now, tell him you need to see him. Maybe he can make you see the light."

Sam saw the light just fine, in fact things had suddenly become much clearer. Puck dumping Quinn, and Mercedes' betrayal made his path so obvious. It all led to where he began, that feeling when he woke up from his coma, he was supposed to be with Quinn, be there for her, help her get better. Together they were supposed to build a life, Sam knew that now, they were meant to, for Beth.

His eyes drifted over to Mercedes again. She was tightly tucked under sheets and blankets, her black hair fanned over her pillow in wild waves, her lips slightly parted as she breathed in and out. He had watched her the same way earlier that morning, when she had nodded off to sleep in his arms, but things felt so different now. He knew the truth about her, and all that closeness he felt for her had burned away. He was left with just this blackened pit of anger and pain, and something else, something that felt a bit like disappointment. He had been happy with her, alone in the room, filled with idle chatter and spontaneous kisses. She had felt like a gift, a nice surprise in the midst of all his confusion and frustration. She felt like she was his to confide in, lose himself in, just be free with. She felt like a friend that could become so much more. It felt like something different than what he felt for Quinn, unexpected, and totally unique.

A large part of him wanted her out of his sight, he prayed she was moved to her own room soon, he couldn't bear another moment looking at her face, but a smaller part of him, a part that he tried to squelch from the surfacing, actually was relieved they sedated her. Her sobs and moans were like a knife twisting in his heart and he couldn't handle that he had been the one to make her crumble. That part of him had never wanted to see her in pain, he wanted to shield her from it, no matter the cost to himself. Sam scrunched his nose in distaste, annoyed with himself for even thinking about her in such sympathetic terms. She didn't deserve anything but his wrath after what she had put him through. He rolled away from her, to once again face the wall. The lights of his monitors were a far better sight than her pouty lips and button nose. He could block her out and focus on how he was going to help Quinn.

He needed to know more about why she was sent upstate, so he could formulate a plan. Puck had made it seem like Quinn was relying on him to help her, and there would be no way he would ever let her down. Not again. She was everything to him, his past, his future, his whole life rolled into one. There had never been a time when Sam hadn't wanted her in some way. Quinn was just it, the one. He felt it in his bones, the truth of it stirred in his soul, and echoed in his ears. She had always been it for him, and finally they would be together, he could feel it. Sam smiled, content about the prospects for his future, for the first time in what seemed like ages. He closed his eyes drifting off to sleep, Quinn's face swirling in his mind. Everything felt right.

Then she moaned, slow and pitiful. Sam quickly turned his head to see what was wrong with Mercedes. He only found her as she had been before, lips parted, sleeping soundly. It must have been a dream. Sam settled back in his bed, trying to sleep again, but this time peace evaded him. The moans replayed in his ear over and over, and he knew now the sounds were not coming from Mercedes but from his own mind. He couldn't shake her, she was inside his head now. Sam prayed sleep would come quickly, he didn't want to spend the night being haunted by her cries.

Sleep didn't come however, and Sam was stuck eyes wide open staring at the white tiled ceiling of his room. There was no blocking her out, even after all that had happened today, she was there firmly etched on his mind, just as Quinn had been only minutes before. Instead of Quinn's green eyes and radiant smile he saw Mercedes, sad and shaking, she was looking at him, silently pleading with him to come to her. Sam tried to ignore her pleas, blocking her out of his mind by trying to think only of Quinn, but it was of no avail,

No matter what Sam did, he couldn't escape the truth, even as he desperately fought against it, still it shone brightly, just as clear as all he felt for Quinn, and Sam wished he could dash it from his brain, but it remained. As surely as he had felt it the night before, he felt it now, Mercedes was his to take care of, she was supposed to be here. And that thought kept sleep from coming, as he continued to stare at the ceiling, utterly confused.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Hands in her hair, tugging her mouth closer, his lips suddenly on hers, soft and warm, he kissed her harder giving her no other options but to open her mouth and let him kiss her fully. She moaned when his tongue swept against hers. Sam's lips ghosted down her neck, whispering promises, until he once again kissed his way back to her lips and explored her mouth once more. Breaking for air, he pulled back looking at her, his green eyes dark with desire.

"Sam," She moaned his name as she felt his hands run down her back and around her torso until they reached her breasts. He stopped there, hesitating. Quinn arched her back, pressing herself into his large hands, urging him to move, to do something, to stop torturing her this way. A smile spread on Sam's face, slow and sexy, his eyes narrowing with desire.

"Do you want me Quinn?" He looked up at her as his mouth closed over her breast, teasing the peak with his tongue. Quinn sucked in her breath as shivers ran down her spine.

"You didn't answer my question," he said as he gave her other breast the same attention. The warmth of his mouth coupled with the cold night air made her skin tingle from the contrast.

"I…" She stammered, she couldn't catch her breath the feel of his mouth on her body as his hands slid down her hips was making her dizzy. Waves of pleasure all over her skin as he dragged his lips down her torso. His hands on her back arching her closer to grant his tongue greater access to her navel.

"I didn't catch that. Can you repeat it?" He looked up at her and smiled before diving lower, his hair tickling her stomach as he moved lower between her thighs. Soft pecks along her inner thigh, grazing her skin with his teeth, smiling against her leg as she moaned his name.

As his tongue explored her core, Quinn writhed beneath him in pleasure, her hips lifting from the ground to make his tongue dip deeper. Unable to take anymore she ran her fingers through his hair, roughly grasping his scalp, pulling his head up so he had to look at her. His lips were red, used and swollen, his eyes in half moon slits as he peered up at her. Sam's tongue snaked out of his mouth, moistening his lips with a deliberate swipe. She tugged his dirty blonde hair urging him up, to cover her with his body. She bent her legs back, giving him room to settle fully on top of her.

The hard rippled plane of his torso, pressed against her, his hands everywhere, touching, teasing, her legs, her breasts, her back, imprinting their mark on her body. He was everywhere at once, flooding her senses, filling her with himself. She couldn't tell where she ended and he began, they felt like one body, moving in unison, searching for a release. Quinn ran her nails down his spine, as his assault on her body with his hands and mouth continued. Fire and warmth, burning within, she felt feverish and lightheaded, she held onto his back, rolling her head from side to side unable to endure anymore she had to be closer to him, be with him completely.

"Sam…" His name was the only coherent word she could muster.

His lips skimmed a trail from her shoulder to the side of her neck, stopping briefly to nip at her earlobe.

"Tell me what you want Quinn." He whispered in her ear. He pulled back, stilling his motions, to look her in the eyes, breathing heavily as he awaited her response.

A lazy smile across his face, he brushed a curl off her forehead and caressed her cheek softly. His eyes locked with hers, his intent unmistakable. She let her gaze fall to his lips, silently signaling him to end her torment. She squeezed her thighs around him, locking her legs behind his lower back, trapping him against her. His warmth filled her completely, as he drew her into a kiss, his tongue slowly mimicking the movement of his body.

"Quinn keep it down over there."

"Huh?" Quinn opened her eyes groggy and disoriented.

"You're moaning."

"I was not." Quinn opened her eyes wider embarrassed at what Iley must have overheard. Her dream had been intense, she still felt it all over her body, as if she actually was reliving the moment physically and not just in her mind.

"Yeah you were. Either tell me what's going on in that dirty little mind of yours or shut the hell up."

"Sorry, I must have been having a nightmare." Quinn tried to cover. No way was she sharing the details of this particular dream.

"Nightmare my ass. You were having a sexy fantasy. Valentine's Day came early for you huh?" Iley giggled, rolling on her side to face Quinn.

"Is it Valentine's Day already?"

"It's after midnight so yeah. The big day of love has arrived. Woo." Iley's 'woo' was lacking in enthusiasm.

"I take it you're not a fan."

"I am all for love and celebrating it with cheesy boxes of candy and obnoxious flower bouquets. I just don't have a sweetheart this year, so it's kinda hard to get excited."

"I'm very single myself." Quinn sighed as she turned to gaze out at the full moon. They left the curtains open, even at night. Anything to make them feel less enclosed, less trapped.

"Didn't your ex come and see you earlier? Maybe he could be your valentine."

"He's ex for a reason. We're just friends now."

"Who was starring in your dreams? The ex or the baby's daddy?" Iley sat up in her bed crossing her legs, eager to hear Quinn's response.

"I have two exes actually."

It would have been so much easier if she actually had been dreaming about one of her ex boyfriends. That at least would have made more sense than where her mind had just gone with one of her oldest friends.

"Ooo threesome!" Iley clapped her hands excitedly.

"Iley, will you quit it?"

"Sorry, but my mind is racing over here. Can you at least tell me who was in your dream?"

"Brad Pitt," Quinn said flatly.

"Really? I guess that could be hot. I am more of a Orlando Bloom type girl. Dark curly hair and that accent. What were you and Brad doing?

"Iley." Quinn whined. "I'm not giving you details."

"Come on just a little something, a crumb." She was begging, Quinn could see her eyes dancing even in the low light.

"We were outside."

"Exhibitionism au natural. I like it."

"No one was watching, we were alone."

"Alone and naked?"

"Yes. But that's all you're getting. Go have your own fantasy." Quinn rolled on her back and stared at the ceiling wondering what was wrong with her mind.

There was no reason for her to have had a dream like that about Sam. They hadn't even had sex that night. They did come pretty close, but they had held onto their senses, that time. Sam was her friend, Beth's father, and that was all. Quinn didn't want to sleep with Sam, she didn't even want to kiss Sam. Well maybe kiss, Sam was always so good at that. His kisses were slow and deep, intense, he made her feel like kissing her was the only thing he wanted to be doing. She always liked his focus and attention to detail. It made him an exceptionally good lover. Especially when he focused his attention to lower parts…oh no her mind went there again. Quinn's eyes flew open as thoughts of making love to Sam began to invade her mind again.

She shook her head trying to physically get her brain on something else. Beth, her sweet baby, she missed her so much. Quinn bet she had grown even more since she had seen her a couple of weeks ago. Pretty soon she would be so big she would hardly recognize her. Beth's cute baby smile slowly morphed into her father's sexy one, as Sam came into focus in her mind once again. No matter how upset or sad Quinn got, the sight of Sam's lips always made her feel better. He had a smile that just made her insides flutter, even after all of these years. That was the one thing that never changed, Sam still got to her. She never lost that attraction to him. Didn't matter if she loved someone else or if they hadn't seen each other in years, it always remained.

Quinn looked over at Iley. Her roommate looked like she had fallen asleep, her eyes closed both hands under her pillow, a smile on her face. She wondered if Iley was off having her own hot dream, starring her own sexy valentine.

Quinn yawned as she tried to force herself back to sleep. Perhaps if she slept long enough, she could skip Valentine's Day all together this year. Although she doubted the hospital staff would allow her to hibernate. They were too concerned about structure and control to let her do something so blatantly lazy. Her eyes closed as her mind transported her back to a cold night, under the stars, a Valentine's Day three years before, one she thought would be her last.

* * *

><p><em>"You're trembling," he said as he pressed his body against hers.<em>

_"So are you."_

_Sam ran his hands down her bare back before pulling her flush against him. "You don't have to be nervous. It's just me."_

_"I'm not nervous, I'm cold."_

_"Right of course," he chuckled uncomfortably. "I just thought for a minute that this might feel odd."_

_"I've been naked with a man before."_

_"Not with me," he said softly._

_"I think you are getting senile in your old age." She teased. "You forget we've been naked before."_

_"Not this naked. And how could I ever forget that night?"_

_"It was a long time ago."_

_Sam's green eyes locked with hers. "One of the best nights of my life."_

_"Best night of your life, you're kidding right?" Quinn laughed tearing herself away from his stare. "We were wet and miserable."_

_"I was alone with you. Not to mention you were in your bra. My teenage dream."_

_"Oh I get it now. You decided to get all nostalgic and relive high school by trapping us here alone and naked."_

_"You got me," he grinned._

_Quinn's smile faded. "What are we going to do Sam? They might never find us out here."_

_"Sure they will. The limo driver probably had to report his itinerary to the dispatcher. They'll be looking for us."_

_"But it's so cold. What if we don't last the night?"_

_"Just keep holding on to me. We'll keep each other warm."_

_He wrapped his arms around her, and Quinn rested her chin on his bare shoulder, trying to draw comfort from his nearness._

_"I'm not ready for it to be over. I have so many amends I need to make, so much I need to do."_

_Her mind went to Puck, and her parents, and all of her dreams. Everything could be over after tonight._

_"Stop thinking this is the end. We are going to survive this Quinn."_

_"How can you be so sure?" she asked looking at him._

_"I know I can't die on the night that my dream came true."_

_"Sam if you bring up that I am naked again I'm going to pop you," Quinn warned._

_"I wasn't going to say that, though you know how I feel about your body."_

_"Sam…" Quinn exhaled sharply, rolling her eyes._

_"Ever since high school I have dreamed of a night like this, just you and me alone under the stars."_

_"But we've done that before," she said lowering her voice to match his suddenly more serious tone._

_"Not for the whole night. I've always dreamed about spending the night with you. I'm not talking about sex. I am talking about being with you. Holding you close, talking all night, falling asleep in each other's arms. I wanted us to be like that back then."_

_"We did so much as kids, it's hard to believe we never did that."_

_Sam bowed his head. "Well your heart was divided. We never got to do a lot of things."_

_"I'm sorry Sam." She rubbed his back, hoping to ease some of the hurt from the old memories._

_"Don't apologize for how you feel. You loved Puck, you don't have to be sorry for that."_

_Quinn sighed heavily. "I did love Puck, a part of me always will, but it's not the same now. And sometimes I wonder if it ever was what I thought it was."_

_"How do you mean?"_

_"Just wonder why we didn't last, if our love was so real, you know?"_

_"Being in a relationship with somebody and loving them can be two very different things. Take me and Brittany, I will always love her, but I'm not with her, probably never should have been." Sam rolled over on his back, breaking their skin to skin contact._

_"Maybe we should change the subject this is getting depressing."_

_"You're just jealous of Brittany."_

_"I am not," she said shocked by his statement. "I have no problem you guys were married."_

_"Uh huh," he said sounding like he didn't believe her. "Every time I bring up Brittany's name you get this strange look on your face and you want to change the subject.'_

_"I'm just trying to respect your feelings, I know she is a sensitive subject for you."_

_"Don't pull that. You're jealous admit it." He turned back toward her grabbing her arms, shaking her slightly to urge a response._

_"I'm technically still with Puck. I can't be jealous."_

_"I was married to Brittany and jealous of Puck the whole time."_

_"You were not," said Quinn shocked._

_"I was. I have never liked you were with him. I can't help it, in my heart you'll always be my girl." Sam ran his fingers through her hair, as he watched her intently._

_"You never said anything."_

_"What would be the point, you were happy with him, you had made your choice."_

_She poked his shoulder with her finger. "You've changed. You used to go after what you wanted."_

_"I still do," he said, catching her hand in his. "But all I ever wanted for you was your happiness."_

_"Even if I was with another man."_

_"Even then." Sam brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it softly._

_She looked him over suspiciously. "I'm seeing a whole other side to you tonight."_

_"Maybe you're just seeing me for the first time tonight. I don't think you ever fully understood me."_

_"Right because you were so deep back in high school," she joked._

_"I had layers baby."_

_The laughter died on both their lips as Sam brushed the hair off her bare shoulders, the mood shifting as his fingertips lingered on her skin._

_"I knew you were about more than met the eye back then Sam. Believe me, I saw you."_

_"Too bad you didn't like what you saw."_

_"That's not true. I loved it." Her words caught in her throat when she saw the intensity in his eyes, maybe they shouldn't be talking about such things while naked._

_"Why didn't you ever tell me?"_

_Feather light touches kissed her skin as his fingertips slowly glided up and down her arm. Mesmerized Quinn closed her eyes as she let the sensation consume her. His gentle fingers teased and she longed for him to stop being so delicate._

_"You scared me Sam, you made me feel things I wasn't ready for."_

_"You sure were ready for them with Puck."_

_"Puck is very different than you. He was safe."_

_"Safe."_

_"Uh huh," she tried to think of more words to add to that sentence but she was distracted by Sam tracing slow circles on her upper arm._

_"Did you think I would hurt you?"_

_"I knew you would. I felt too much, you had this power."_

_"Funny I never felt powerful. I always felt like I wasn't what you wanted."_

_"To one part of me you were everything I wanted."_

_He let out a deep breath. "Too bad the bigger part wanted Puck."_

_"I never meant to hurt you."_

_"Don't worry about it," Sam snapped. "I got over it. I'm fine."_

_"Okay. Let's just drop it."_

_"Sounds like a plan."_

_"Great." Quinn tried to think of something to say to ease the tension that had crept between them. She didn't want them to spend what could be their last night on earth, ticked off at each other._

_"One thing though, if you were so into Puck back then why did you almost sleep with me that night after homecoming back in high school?" Sam asked._

_"I told you I cared about you both. It was two separate things."_

_"Were you almost sleeping with Puck too?"_

_"What? No!" How could he even ask her something like that?_

_"I didn't think so."_

_"What's your point?" she asked frowning._

_"My point is you're not trembling because it's cold."_

_"Yes I am, it's frigid out here."_

_"Try again." He shifted his eyes to her mouth, as he let his hands drift to the back of her neck, to tangle in her long hair._

_"Sam what are you doing?"_

_"I'm proving my point," he said as he leaned in closer a breath away from her lips. Quinn shuddered in his arms, her hands clutching the muscles in his back._

_"Sam," she moaned, closing her eyes, pressing herself closer to his body. Quinn's heart started pounding in anticipation. When nothing happened her eyes snapped open, narrowing in irritation when he didn't make any moves toward her._

_"You are such a jerk you know that?"_

_"What'd I do?" he asked, a smirk on his face._

_"You…you…you're just you."_

_"Oh my bad, would you like me to be someone else? Puck maybe?"_

_She slapped at his arm, completely pissed off, Sam just laughed as she landed each blow._

_"I so should kick your ass."_

_"Only if you promise to do it naked," he said still laughing._

_Quinn scowled. "I think I'm going to find another blanket."_

_"No you're not."_

_"Just watch me. Where are my clothes?" Quinn pulled back the blankets, exposing her nude body to the cold air, to search for her discarded clothing._

_"You're not going to leave here and you know it."_

_"Pretty sure of yourself. Have fun keeping warm all alone."_

_Sam grabbed her arm, pulling her back against his body._

_"If you don't stay you're going to miss it," he said huskily against her ear._

_"Miss what?" Quinn asked her voice shaking._

_"This," he whispered as he buried both his hands in her hair and covered her mouth with his._


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

The sunrise came quickly that morning, bright light heating up the room, when just a few hours before it had hardly been the middle of the night. Sam hadn't slept well, plagued by his constant thoughts about Quinn, his life, and the woman sleeping in the next bed. All night he couldn't keep his eyes from drifting over to her, as hard as he tried to fight, he still ended up looking at Mercedes. By about 1am he had given up, and rolled over on his side to comfortably watch her sleep. He stayed like that for hours, just staring at her, trying to find answers in her peaceful face.

She had rounded cheeks, and eyelashes that were long and dark, that softly fluttered like butterfly wings as she slept. Her body position never changed, hands under her head, her knees curved toward her chest. This was the woman he married. Sam just couldn't reconcile it in his head, even if she hadn't lied to him or caused the accident that stole precious time from his life, he still couldn't figure out how he had ended up with her. Sam knew how seriously he took marriage, so all his thoughts before about being forced to marry her had felt hollow, even in his own mind, he knew himself better than that. He would never use marriage as a bargaining chip for business, so he must have wanted to marry this girl. Why?

Marcel had come in early, barely 7am to help Sam start his day. Finally rid of those red pajamas, Marcel pulled out navy sweatpants and a gray ARMY t-shirt. He wondered where the man managed to find that shirt? Sam kept those types of clothing buried in the bottom of his drawer in his room. While Mercedes still dozed in her bed, Sam prepared for his day, with the help of Marcel. He was transferred from his bed to a wheelchair for the first time and after weeks of at times feeling helpless and trapped, Sam finally felt like he was making strides toward recovery. Home wouldn't be too far off. He could feel it.

His morning had been one session after another. Physical therapy and strength training first, speech therapy next, then he was ushered off to meet his occupational therapist. After getting his first taste of solid food, well almost solid, they fed him something that was supposed to be like yogurt, but tasted like thick and milky cherry cough syrup, it was finally time to visit with his father.

Marcel pushed Sam into a bright and sunny area of the hospital. It was a breezeway that connected the old wing to the new.

"I thought you might like some sun," said Marcel as he stopped in front of an unobstructed section of the window. Most of the breezeway was filled with benches and plants along the sides, making it difficult for someone in a wheelchair to enjoy the view of the grounds below.

"It's a glass enclosed hallway." Sam wasn't impressed. While it was good to be out of bed, he'd rather have been at home, looking out at the grounds of his house.

"Oui, with sun."

Sam sighed in annoyance. He really didn't want to be stuck in a wheelchair, planted in the middle of a hallway, with Marcel.

"When's my father going to get here? I need to talk to him."

"Shortly."

Sam ran his hand over his chin, frowning as he felt his thickening beard. "You could have at least helped me shave first, since you knew we had time before my father arrived."

Marcel shook his head. "No. Mrs. Evans…"

"Please don't mention Mrs. Evans to me again. I am the one you work for. You must attend to my needs. So take me back to my room and help me shave."

"Of course," said Marcel with a curt nod.

"Thank you." He folded his hands in his lap and waited for Marcel to take him back to his room.

Marcel leaned against the window, his back against the glass. "As soon as Mrs. – I mean your wife, tells me it is okay."

Sam gripped the armrests of the wheelchair in his hands, knuckles whitening under the pressure. "I just told you that you work for me. Forget about Mercedes."

"No. She will take my job."

"I promise your job is safe."

Marcel looked at Sam uncertainly."I don't think so. Let's wait for Mrs. Evans to wake up and ask first."

"I told you not to say her name!"

Sam pounded his fist against his thigh, tension filling his body. Mercedes was not even around and she still was making a mess of his life.

"Sorry." Marcel sounded anything but sorry, in fact he didn't seem interested in what Sam was saying.

"I sign your checks, what I say goes." He crossed his arms over his chest, and gave Marcel a look that proved his seriousness on the matter.

"Actually Mrs.," He stopped himself mid sentence. "The Mrs. gives me my checks."

"This is unacceptable. I am going to mention this to my father. He won't be happy about it at all Marcel."

"I won't be happy about what?" asked Dwight Evans as he approached them in the hall, his charcoal gray suit tailored perfectly to his large frame.

"Marcel is refusing to do the things that I ask of him."

Dwight nodded a quick greeting in Marcel's direction. "What did you ask?"

"I wanted him to help me shave. I can't stand this beard."

"I agree it looks terrible," said Dwight taking a seat on a nearby bench.

"You see Marcel, my father agrees. Let's take care of this."

Marcel looked from Sam to Dwight then back to Sam again. "I must wait for Mrs. -"

"Marcel!" Sam yelled interrupting him.

"Sam what the hell is the matter with you? Why are you yelling at the man? He's just following orders."

"No he's not. He's not doing what I want at all." Sam had grown accustomed to getting things done they way he wanted, when he wanted, especially from employees. Marcel's behavior would have gotten him fired if he worked at D&E Industries.

"He doesn't work for you son. Mercedes hired him."

"With my money, to take care of me." Sam frowned, somehow Mercedes had entrenched herself in every facet of his life.

"If you were so concerned about your assets you shouldn't have given her free range access to your accounts."

Sam rubbed at his chin roughly. "Obviously I was out of my mind."

"Yep you were. Crazy in love. I tried to get you to think about how much control you gave the girl. But you went ahead and shared everything with her, even gave her power of attorney."

"I did what?" Sam looked over at his father in shock. "No, no way. There must be some mistake."

"No mistake, it's all legitimate. You can speak with Burt about it later, but for now I am standing by Marcel on this. Mercedes was very particular about your care and if she hasn't authorized him to do a task, then he's not going to do it."

Sam was starting to wonder if everyone in his family had lost their minds. His father never took the side of a spouse over family. He always said he couldn't trust anyone that was only bound to him by a flimsy sheet of paper.

"That little witch! She has everyone fooled."

"Marcel, if you would please leave my son and I alone, I will call you if we need anything," said Dwight as he pulled Sam's wheelchair closer to him on the bench.

"Yes Mr. Evans," said Marcel moving away from his perch at the window. He dipped his head lower and acknowledged Sam. "Enjoy the sunshine sir."

"Yeah thanks," grumbled Sam. "Thanks for all your help dad. You made me look like an idiot in front of staff."

"You did that all on your own. You should have just accepted what he said about your wife and dealt with her about it later."

"Mercedes's been put down, so there's no dealing with her."

"Put down? Do you mean to tell me she's still under sedation?"

"Yep. Probably gave her horse tranquilizers, at least I'm hoping. I couldn't take her for another second." Maybe he should've been the one sedated. An endless night watching Mercedes sleep hadn't done much to improve his mood.

"I've heard that before," said Dwight under his breath.

"She caused my accident. I can't even begin to explain how mad I am. I lost so much because of her."

Sam couldn't understand any of what he was feeling about her. The past eight hours had brought him no answers, if anything they had only made him more confused. He was stuck swinging back and forth between loathing her and wanting her completely out of his sight, to feeling intensely drawn to her and curious about all her motives. Sleep was the answer, Sam was sure of it. Once he got a good night's rest he would stop over thinking things.

"You're alive because of her."

"She's a nurse. She's supposed to keep me alive. Doesn't change anything."

Dwight unbuttoned his jacket and relaxed back into the bench. "I see falling on your head hasn't improved things for you. Still stupid as ever."

"Nice, our first chance to talk alone and already you've started with the insults."

"I can't take your whining," Dwight growled in irritation.

"She's a menace. She needs to be in jail. Why didn't you put her there? You didn't care enough about me to go through the effort of a trial?" Sam and his father didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but Sam had hoped that at least family loyalty would prompt Dwight into seeking revenge.

"She's not in jail, because I care about you. The only person to blame for Mercedes not being punished is you."

"How am I to blame? I was in a coma." Only his father could find a way to make things his fault while he was incapacitated. Sam didn't get a break from his judgment, even while sick. Typical Dwight.

"So do you want to walk? It's too cold to go outside, but we could go around the hospital for a bit."

"Blatant subject change, what's that about?" His father wasn't one to sidestep any issue. There was definitely something going on with him.

"Do you want to move or not?"

Sam shook his head. He knew he wasn't going to get Dwight to say anything he didn't want to. "I don't think so. It might be too strenuous for you."

"You think I'm a weak old man? I'm not dead yet son."

His father didn't seem weak by any means but Sam couldn't help but notice the increased amount of gray in his father's blonde hair, and that he moved at a slightly slower pace than he had remembered.

"I know that. How's your health been by the way?"

"What's this about Sam?"

"Nothing really. I just keep thinking about the limp accident and how everything seemed perfectly fine, and then…"

Sam thought back to the limo crash, everyone scared and holding tight to loved ones. He remembered how his first thoughts were of Brittany and how he hoped he'd live to see her again. Then he remembered Santana was the person she loved, and Sam had no real place in her life anymore. He had felt so alone in that moment, aching in the wreckage of the rolled limousine. He couldn't let go of the feeling that he was going to die, somewhere in rural Ohio, totally alone. No one back home would even miss him after he had gone. His family would mourn him a bit, but no one would be devastated by his absence, no wife or kids would be anxiously waiting for news of his fate.

He had looked over at Will and the twins, huddled over Emma who was barely clinging to life, her family all around her, and Sam had been jealous. He wanted love like that, a family, people that truly cared. Then Quinn had crawled under his arm, putting herself against his chest, relying on him to make her feel better, to calm her fears, to keep her safe. She needed him. It felt like a sign, as if some higher power sent Quinn over to him to make him see that what he sought was right within reach.

"Accidents happen and lives are sometimes lost. All we can do is use the time we've been allotted to the fullest."

"Trust me I know. Here one minute, gone the next. The guy sleeping in the bunk next to you for months, one day just never comes back. I know all too well how fleeting life is."

Dwight glanced over at Sam, then returned his focus to adjusting his cuff link. "You never talk much about the Army."

"Not much to say. Saw a lot, did a lot, now I'm trying to forget it."

The experience was something he was glad he went through and never would he change his choice to serve his country, but that choice came at a cost, and it was only his to pay. It was bad enough his family had to deal with his leg injury. If there had been any way to handle it completely on his own, Sam would've done it. Sam would never burden his others with his demons, or expose them to his scars.

"Seems like you're trying to forget more than your time in the service these days."

"According to Dr. Hill, I'm doing it on purpose, although I'm not sure I believe her diagnosis. I don't trust her."

"Why not?"

"She's related to Santana for one."

"Santana Lopez?" Dwight sat up in shock.

"Yep cousins on her dad's side."

"Well we will have to find you a new doctor. She's probably up to no good just like Santana." His father grumbled something indistinguishable under his breath.

"I'm going to stick with her for now. I'm trying to scope her out first, see what's going on there." Mostly he wanted to get his hands on her little file about him.

"Fine, but be careful son, crazy tends to run in packs. She's probably just as nutty as her cousin and Quinn."

"Quinn? What does Quinn have to do with this?"

"Quinn is a wackjob and very close to Santana."

Quinn and Santana close? How the heck did that happen? "She's sick dad. Postpartum depression."

"A fancy term for out of her mind. She was mentally impaired long before she gave birth."

"I guess that answers my question. Do you still have it out for Quinn?"

"Actually I try not to waste my time thinking about her. The only good thing that slut's ever done was give birth to my grandchild."

"Don't talk about Beth's mother like that," Sam warned his dad. He was going to make sure both his parents learned quickly that trashing Quinn was off limits. Sam wouldn't let comments fly as he had in the past. He had to consider his daughter now.

"Dammit! I had hoped you'd have lost the urge to defend that girl, but no such luck, you're still whipped."

"I'm not whipped. Quinn is my friend and the mother of my child. Show her some respect in my presence and definitely around Beth. I don't want her to hear you bad mouthing her mother."

"Beth won't be around Quinn much anyway. She'll be gone a long time."

"I don't think so. I'm going to find a way to get her released." Quinn needed to be back in Lima with him and Beth. His father had better get used to the idea, because Sam was determined to make it happen as soon as possible.

Dwight smoothed out his gray suit. His movements casual, his tone unmistakably serious. "And if you do, you'll live to regret that decision."

"Quinn doesn't deserve to be kept away from her child just because she's depressed, being around Beth might actually help her." It was pointless to try to convince his dad of anything positive about Quinn, Sam could see nothing had changed with that situation in the past three years.

"The last place she needs to be is around that baby. She's done more harm to that baby…"

"What are you talking about?" asked Sam cutting Dwight off. "Quinn would never hurt Beth. Mercedes said the same thing yesterday. Are ya'll in cahoots or something?"

"We both can see Quinn for who she really is, unlike you, who is still blinded by certain parts of her anatomy."

Sam ignored the remark. "I want you to explain to me why Mercedes is out free and Quinn is locked away. Seems like things got twisted."

"No your brain is twisted. Everything is as it should be, justice has been served."

"Justice won't be served until Mercedes pays for her crimes and Quinn is free. Since it seems you won't take care of it. I will. I want you to call the police."

"Sam you don't know all the facts."

"Oh but I do, Mercedes put me in a coma. Call the Lima PD now."

"Fine. I'll call Will. He's commissioner." Dwight pulled his phone out of his pocket.

Sam nodded his head in agreement. "I think calling Will is a great idea."

"I'm not getting any reception in here," he said holding up the phone, trying to find a signal. "I'm just going to step into the old wing and see if I can place the call. Will you be okay alone for a few minutes?"

"It's not like I'm going to be popping wheelies in this thing. I'm sitting in a chair. I'll be fine."

"Okay. Be right back."

Sam stared out the glass wall of the breezeway at the gardens below. Even in the heart of winter, the garden was rich with plant life. The hospital probably paid landscapers to keep hearty plants on display all year round. The sun was bright and through the glass it was warm, felt almost like April, instead of February. It was February 14, 2014. Sam couldn't believe how much time had passed. It seemed like just the other night he was huddled under that blanket with Quinn, celebrating Valentine's Day in each others arms.

She wasn't his Valentine then, not officially, she was still with Puck, but as that night wore on she inched her way back into his heart. Not that she had ever fully left, but that night Quinn came out of the shadows of his heart and stepped into the forefront again. With the softness of her skin, the sweet scent of her hair, those kissable lips and those mesmerizing green eyes, Sam had felt himself falling in love with her all over again. Could've been his mind just enchanted by her beauty, or his hormones going wild because she was naked in his arms, but Sam knew neither of those things was true. His heart knew what his head couldn't yet admit. Quinn Fabray was still the woman he wanted, still the woman he loved.

* * *

><p><em>She was above him, her blonde hair covering his face like a curtain. He wanted to smooth her hair back, so he could see her beautiful face fully, but his hands couldn't seem to find their way back from their spot on each of her breasts.<em>

_"Sam, maybe we should slow things down here. We might be getting carried away." She rubbed his lower lip with her index finger, tracing its curve. She laughed as Sam playfully sucked her finger into his mouth, giving it a quick nibble._

_"I thought that was the point. To get lost in each other, so we could forget our fears." He strained up to kiss her again, his head lifting from the makeshift pillow of rolled up clothes._

_She fell into him, her hands caressing the sides of his face, as the kiss deepened. Closing the gap between their bodies, Quinn pressed him down on his back, moaning softly as she kissed him harder, intense and forceful as if she couldn't get enough of his mouth._

_Suddenly she rolled off of him, breathing hard. "Yeah, but now this is scaring me worse than the crash."_

_He took a deep breath and stared up at the sky, the faint glow of stars was visible through the clouds. "Maybe you're right. We wouldn't want to do something we both regretted."_

_"Right." She rolled onto her back beside him. "I am still a taken woman after all."_

_"And I wouldn't want Puck to kill me for sleeping with his girlfriend, although since I'm probably going to die anyway, I'm finding it hard to care." Sam looked over at her feeling her absence acutely. He didn't want to break that contact. With just a fingertip he stroked the underside of her breast, silently hoping she wouldn't move away._

_"Puck wouldn't kill you," she said. Sam smiled slightly when she didn't move his hand._

_"I think he would have a hard time handling the fact we slept together."_

_"I doubt he would care." Quinn sighed. "Puck's not really interested in what I do anymore."_

_"What's that mean?" Sam turned on his side to face her, his finger now journeying lower to trace the soft curve of her stomach._

_"We just have very separate lives. I mean he even took off and left without telling me. Just proves how high I rate in his life."_

_"Quinn what's really going on with him?" Sam asked as he pulled her onto his chest, and then pulled the blanket up over the both of them_

_"It's…It's nothing. I mean we are having problems but you shouldn't be concerned."_

_"You're not acting like it's nothing, and the police were involved." He could feel her breathing hitch and he knew he had hit a sensitive subject._

_"That's life being with someone in the Evans family, always an adventure." She ran her hand over his chest as she spoke. "I bet if we had been the ones that ended up together it would have been the same way. You Evans boys are nothing but drama." She chuckled lightly then shifted off of him, choosing to lie on her side facing him._

_"I don't think things would have been the same if we were a couple." Sam rolled over too, mirroring her position. "First difference would be I would always care about what was going on in your life. I wouldn't have left you alone in a stranger city and I definitely wouldn't have wanted to break up."_

_"You're just saying that because we never actually got together as adults. Look at you and Brittany…drama galore and now divorced."_

_He bowed his head, suddenly feeling unable to look into her eyes. "Brittany's not you. I know if I ever was lucky enough to be with you again, I'd never let you go."_

_"That's so sweet." She smiled. "But a complete crock. Things happen in relationships, bad, ugly things, even when you start out with the best intentions."_

_"I know but I wouldn't let that happen to us." He touched a strand of her hair, coiling the light strands around his finger. "I feel like I've learned a lot since we were together, and when I was with Brittany. I know what's important now and I know how love is special and precious and needs to be treated with care so it will last."_

_"That's a beautiful thought, truly. You're going to make some woman so happy one day."_

_"For a long time now I felt like love wouldn't be in the picture for me again." He shook his head sadly, as he dropped his hand from her hair. "I have too much baggage, too much anger, and of course my leg. No woman wants to deal with all that."_

_"That's not true. Anyone would be lucky to have you." She stroked his face, and smiled, her green eyes shining even in the low light. "You're such a good man, sweet, loving, loyal."_

_"You forgot breathtakingly handsome," he said with mock seriousness._

_"I wasn't done. You're smart, attentive, breathtakingly handsome," she laughed._

_"Thank you. It's nice to know one woman in the world appreciates me." He caught her hand that had drifted from his face to his shoulder, threading his fingers with hers._

_"I'm sure there's more than one. Women are always approaching you."_

_"They are only after my money and my family name. I want someone that wants me for me. A real love like Will and Emma have. I want that too."_

_"You'll find it Sam. I've got to believe you will, because maybe if you do, there will be hope for me too. After all this is done with Puck, maybe one day I can get some real love again."_

_He could hear the emotion in her voice, and knew tears were in her eyes, even though he could not see them. Pulling her into a hug, he stroked the length of her bare back, as she rested her head on his shoulder._

_"You will. All you have to do is reach for it," he said against her ear. Quinn shivered in his arms, and he instinctively held her closer fearing she might be cold._

_"It's that easy huh? Just close my eyes and wish?" she asked pushing back from him, her hand trailing down his bare chest, until she placed it under head like a pillow._

_"Or open your eyes and see what's staring you in the face." Their eyes locked, and the night grew quiet, even the sounds of the wilderness seemed to be on mute as he lost himself in her gaze._

_"I just might take your suggestion and try that Sam, but if I only see a man in green plaid suit and a porn star mustache, I'm blaming you," she joked looking down._

_"What if I promise that won't happen?" he asked lifting her chin to get her to look at him once more._

_She smiled sheepishly. "Fortune teller now?"_

_"Something like that." He grinned. "If, no when, we get out of this mess, and get back to Lima, I'm going to show you real love exists. All you have to do is promise me that you'll grab it when you see it."_

_Quinn eyed him skeptically, before responding. "You've got a deal. I'll let you be my love guru and let you show me the way."_

_"Good."_

_"Now I've got a proposition for you," she said rubbing his upper arm._

_"Proposition. I love that word!"_

_"Get your mind out the gutter." She chuckled. "I'm talking about love here."_

_"What about it?" he asked his voice cracking a little as he felt her hand move lower on his body beneath the blanket._

_"I will let you be my love guru when we get back to Lima but in exchange you have to let me show you that all this damage you think you have, that you think makes you unattractive to women, is all in your head. I'm going to show you that someone will want you and love you, just the way you are."_

_"Okay," he smiled. "I have to tell you though, you're in for a hell of a challenge. No woman has ever wanted me just the way I was, even before I hurt my leg. So good luck with that," he added laughing lightly._

_"I don't need luck. I already know someone that feels that way." Sam looked up at her and all the air went out of his lungs. She was giving him a look, he hadn't seen in years. It took him back to those summer nights under the stars when they were teens._

_He swallowed hard, trying to maintain his composure. "Really? Do tell."_

_"You'll have to wait until we get to Lima," she teased, as she slowly stroked his hip._

_Sam put his hands on both sides of her face, pulling her nearer, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "Just a little hint," he said as he pulled away. Quinn slowly opened her eyes recovering from the kiss._

_"I think I might need more persuading than that."_

_Sam smirked. "Get over here," he said as he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her against him. "Time for me to make my case."_

* * *

><p>"Excuse me. Sam Evans?"<p>

Sam roused himself from his memories and focused on the dark haired man in front of him.

"Yes, I'm Sam." The man looked to be about his age, in a suit, well put together.

"Hi," he said extending his hand. Sam shook it briefly. "I'm Artie Abrams. We need to talk."

"About what?" Sam eyed Artie suspiciously.

"About Quinn Fabray," he said taking a seat on the bench his father had occupied earlier.

"What about her?" Sam's heart pounded in his chest, a feeling of dread overtaking him.

"She's in trouble, and you just might be the only one that can help her."


	27. Chapter 27

**Thanks for reading and commenting.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 27<strong>

Quinn placed her head against the cold laminate tabletop, her eyes closed as she tried to fight sleep.

"Am I boring you?" asked Dr. Kalina Hill tapping the table lightly in front of Quinn's nose.

Quinn lifted her head and tried to sit up normally in her seat. She was so tired that a slump was all she could muster. "Sorry Dr. Hill. I am just so tired this morning."

"Late night?"

"You could say that. My mind was all over the place."

Recurring sex dreams about Sam, intermingled with memories from Valentine's Day past had Quinn running from sleep. It got to the point that she wouldn't let her eyes close, afraid of what new image her mind would display. It was completely disconcerting to think about Sam in such physical terms. Quinn had never even had dreams like that about Sam when she was dating him, maybe a quick fantasy or a daydream, but never a full out sex dream that stemmed from somewhere beyond her control.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Oh just random stuff." Quinn wasn't going to share this particular part of her psyche with anyone. It was just too embarrassing.

"Random stuff about?" Kali prodded.

Quinn sighed. "My father came to see me yesterday."

"He did?" Kali's eyebrows shot up in interest as she wrote something in her notebook. "How did you feel about that?"

"Never expected him to pop up like that, and I am really glad he didn't bring my mother along. I really don't want to deal with her."

"How did things go with your father?"

"It was fine. He just was checking in on me. I haven't seen or talked him in awhile."

It had been good to see her father. Quinn had been glad he came, despite the fact it was totally unplanned and unannounced. Russell had given her a boost in confidence, a jolt of mental strength to help her persevere miles away from her baby. It was a good visit, but Quinn prayed Russell respected her wishes and never dropped in again unless she called him. There was only so much of her parents she could take, and the next time Quinn knew she wouldn't get off so easily, her mother Judy would most certainly be accompanying him. Dealing with her mother was just not something she was ready to do.

"Family can be nice to have around."

"Sometimes and in small doses."

"Good point." Kali chuckled lightly.

"Though I guess I would feel differently if I had a family of my own."

"You don't consider the people in your life now family?"

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I mean like a regular family, father, mother and baby." The life normal people have. Babies conceived out of love, paternity tests are never needed, and monogamy is the norm.

"There is more than one way to make a family."

"I know. I'm just dreaming I guess. I would love for my daughter to have that picket fence life you always see in the movies. Something I never had, I want Beth to have that." Quinn smiled as she imagined that life.

"Maybe she will have it."

"I meant with me, not with Sam and Mercedes."

Maybe she was being selfish, Sam had the means to give Beth the closest thing to a normal life. He was married, he lived in a nice house, and his wife already loved and accepted his daughter. Beth was pretty much set without Quinn doing a thing. Except that was the problem, Quinn didn't fit into that picture perfect life, and she wanted to, she didn't want Mercedes taking her place.

"I was talking about with you. You have the power to give Beth a good life."

"Not from in here." Quinn wasn't even sure when they would let her out, if they would ever let her out. Dwight probably could keep her locked away forever. Her life was on hold until she got back to Lima.

"You getting strong and well is the first step, so yes the things you do in here are helping you work toward that life you want for her."

"I know you're right and I'm trying to get the most out of my time here, but it's just hard being here knowing what's going on out there. Or more accurately not knowing what's going."

"What do you mean?"

"Just all the stuff with Sam and him finding out about Beth and about me, and I feel like I should be a part of that, but I'm stuck in here instead."

"It's got to be difficult being on the outside of your own life."

"I feel like I am being forgotten, fading into the background, like I'm not necessary. Beth is doing just fine without me." Better than fine, Mercedes was the perfect stepmom, with her nursing training she was more qualified to take care of Beth than Quinn ever could be.

"You're not forgotten. You were a big part of things with Sam yesterday, even though you weren't in the room."

"Can you tell me about it?" Quinn asked feeling a bit excited at the possibility of finally getting some news.

"I need to respect Sam's privacy but some of it does apply to you so I will say this: He knows about Beth and he knows you're here."

"How did he take it?"

Kalina smiled at Quinn. "I think we can say Sam is a proud papa."

"Really? He was happy?" Quinn was overjoyed. She had hoped Sam would take finding out about Beth well.

"Very much so. His face lit up when he held her."

Quinn grinned. "Wow. I wish I had seen that. Did Beth respond to him?"

"Beth seemed to like him right from the start. You'd think they'd never been apart."

"That's amazing. Thanks for telling me that Dr. Hill. I feel so much better now."

"Were you concerned it wouldn't go well?"

"Wasn't sure what to think. Mercedes could have poisoned him against me or something."

"Quinn we've been over this before."

"I know Mercedes is not my enemy and I need to focus on the positives. Beth is being well taken care of," Quinn recited in a monotone voice. Dr. Hill had been drilling it into her head for weeks.

"Your feelings are valid and important Quinn, but some things just do more harm than good."

"I know. I shouldn't think about Mercedes but she's just so much in my life it's hard not to. Half the time I feel like she's taking my place."

"With Beth?"

"Yes with Beth and..." She hesitated not sure if she wanted to open this subject for close scrutiny.

Kali looked up from her writing when Quinn's explanation lagged. "And..."

Quinn exhaled sharply. "And with Sam." Kali scribbled in her notebook. "What are you doing writing a up a prescription for stronger drugs?"

"No, just taking notes. You've told me before how Sam is important to you and now that you have accepted he is Beth's father, you feel even closer to him. Is that still the case?"

"Yeah, maybe more. After being with him when he woke up from the coma, something changed. I feel linked with him somehow. Does that sound crazy?" She looked over at Dr. Hill nervously. She didn't want the woman to deem her delusional again.

"You went through an amazing experience with him, to see someone come out of a nine month coma is nothing short of miraculous. I'm not surprised that the experience had an effect on you."

Quinn had slowly come to rely on her sessions with Dr. Hill. They were a safe place for her to gather and organize her thoughts. Only with Dr. Hill had Quinn finally allowed herself to admit the sad and scary truths she had been trying to hide. That she had resented her own baby because he had the wrong father, that she wanted to die because she might not be able to be a mother and that a small part of her never wanted to be one. Those were the whispers that pushed her to the edge at the height of her PPD and with Dr. Hill those whispers were amplified and spoken aloud. Once she had revealed all she had tried so hard to hide, it became easier to deal with the issues behind them. Slowly she began to see that her negative feelings were not because Beth wasn't Puck's daughter, but because she was Sam's. Quinn had been beating herself up not because she messed up her life with Puck and caused him to lose a daughter, but because a part of her was relieved that her life with Puck was over. The guilt about that had been more than her mind could deal with at the time.

Quinn had spent months trying to recapture the love, and restore the trust between her and Puck. The unborn child they thought they shared had been the motivating force to try to move past the hurt of her one night affair. For a time it worked, things seemed better, they reunited and vowed to marry and have the family they had planned. However, the reunion was less than perfect, Puck was hesitant and distant, as if Quinn were untouchable somehow. And Quinn was withdrawn and disinterested, as she became preoccupied with her best friend trapped in a coma. The time at the Beacon had changed Quinn in ways she never realized until she was back with Puck. Things didn't feel the same and Quinn had found herself fantasizing that she was back on the balcony at sunset, that her nights were being spent in the company of Sam and not Puck. As Puck remained aloof, using the guise of taking things slow, Quinn grew more relieved by the distance, she didn't have the energy to fake feelings that were starting to fade. Of course at the time she wasn't ready to admit any of this to herself, instead she blamed her hormones and her quickly changing body for her shift in disposition.

In spirit she was with him all the time, talking to him in her head throughout much of her pregnancy. The support Sam couldn't give in actuality Quinn created in her mind, an imaginary collage of memories, things he used to say, advice he used to give. When the imagination wasn't quite enough Quinn snuck off to see him in person, waiting until Julian was in surgery, and Mercedes was gone, to sit by his bedside, gripping his hand. No wonder Beth had turned out to be Sam's baby, Quinn had spent so much time thinking of Sam during her pregnancy that it couldn't have been any other way. When she should have been thinking of Puck, fighting for their relationship, working to fix their broken hearts, Quinn had wanted Sam instead.

The moment she realized that the heart of the problem was that Puck wasn't Sam. Everything fell into place. Deep down Quinn had been happy that Sam was Beth's real father, and the fact that she felt that way after all the damage her cheating caused was the proof she was a worthless excuse of a woman and definitely not fit to be a mother.

Beth deserved better than to have a mom that secretly preferred the company of a man that had helped destroy all their lives, than her own fiancé that had found a way to forgive her and take her back. Puck would have been a great father to Beth, she hated that some secret part of her wanted anything different. She had a chance to give her daughter a good life, in a good stable home, and Quinn ruined it all for him by wishing for a man that didn't belong to her, that probably didn't love her. The postpartum depression had heightened those feelings of guilt and self-loathing. Quinn had convinced herself that her feelings for Sam had magically made Beth become Sam's child and not Puck's. Another life wrecked, this time her own daughter's. Quinn wanted to save Beth from her destruction, so she left her in the woods for Sam, and she tried to put herself out of her misery.

Things were clearer now, as therapy and drugs helped her find light through the fog. She knew now how convoluted her thoughts were back then. Things happened as they were meant to, it wasn't her fault that Beth turned out not to be Puck's, or that her feelings for Puck had changed. Life was just like that, full of highs and lows, unexpected surprises. Every day she let go of a little more of her guilt and she allowed herself to accept that during her pregnancy she had been preoccupied by her sick friend because she had missed him. It was okay to want Sam in her life, he had been a part of it for so long, and she didn't have to hate herself for caring about him. She was allowed to love her friend.

Now if only she could get herself to accept the other part. The thing her mind was still so apt to deny. If she could just admit out loud what had been building for close to a year, then maybe she truly could feel recovered, back to normal, totally free.

"I can't get it out of my mind." Miles apart now, but somehow since he came out of the coma, Quinn felt closer to Sam than ever.

"The experience or Sam?"

"Well it's all about Sam right? He was the one in the coma."

"So do you just relive that moment or do you think about other things as well?"

"Usually it starts with me seeing his smiling face. He's got a gorgeous smile. He's quite handsome you know?" Quinn smiled as she pictured Sam in her mind.

"Oh I do. Those lips are unforgettable."

"I've been thinking about our past a lot lately. Memories of when we were a couple and later when we were just friends."

If she had been feeling a bit bolder she might have tried to subtly slip in a mention about her recent explicit dreams. Maybe Dr. Hill could shed some light there, but wouldn't dare. It was just too personal.

"You must miss him."

"I do. I spoke to him a couple of times, but it's not enough. I need to see him." See him, touch him, make sure for herself he was actually back and doing better.

"He wants to see you too."

"Has he asked about me?"

"You're on his mind."

"I just don't know what to say." Quinn rambled flustered by what Dr. Hill has told her. "I'm just so…I mean…after all we've been through. I'm still on his mind."

Quinn could feel Dr. Hill watching her reaction, probably silently analyzing the width of her smile. Quinn knew she should take things down a notch, play it more cool, but she just couldn't help it. Sam was thinking about her…still.

"I take it you know about his memory loss."

"I do. I feel bad for him, and for Mercedes."

Well not all that bad for Mercedes, at least she still got to be near him, even if he didn't remember her. Quinn was stuck in the hospital not able to see him at all.

"It is a difficult situation. His last memories are of you."

"I know." Quinn smiled.

"Makes you happy to hear that?" asked Kali.

"I'm happy that he at least has something familiar to fall back on."

"Familiar can be comforting but we have to make sure he doesn't ignore his present by dwelling in the past. It's easy to get caught up in happier times, especially when life gets hard."

The door opened abruptly and Santana popped her head through the crack in the door, a huge grin on her face. She waved over at Quinn excitedly, before turning her attention to Dr. Hill.

"Santana you can't be in here, I thought we agreed you were going to wait in the car."

Santana came in the room, shutting the door behind her, grabbing a chair next to Kali and taking a seat.

"Now prima, you didn't really think I was going to drive all the way up here with you knowing you were coming to see my best girlfriend and just sit in the car?" asked Santana winking at Quinn.

Quinn had found out Santana and Kalina were related fairly early on. Dr. Hill had told her almost immediately wanting to be upfront about any possible conflict of interest. Quinn hadn't minded the connection, she chose to judge everyone on their own merits, not by their bloodlines. Although it was quite possible Quinn had been too crazed at the time to think her choice in doctor through. If she had a clearer head she might have considered that Santana could potentially gain access to her innermost secrets. Santana could take that info and run wild. Then Quinn realized Santana didn't have far to run, the media always seemed to know everything about her life almost the moment it happened. She really didn't have secrets anymore.

Kali shook her head. "This is unacceptable and unprofessional."

"Think about how your profession would suffer if I let that little cat out of the bag," said Santana as she wrapped her arm around Kali's shoulder.

Kali scowled as she removed Santana's arm from her shoulders. "Santana, don't go there."

"Oh I won't Kali, as long as you make yourself scarce so I can chat with Quinn for a few."

"I can't just leave you in here with a patient."

"Yes you can, I'm your colleague." Santana whipped an id badge out of her pocket and pinned it to her blue button down shirt. "I'm here for a second opinion."

"Where the hell did you get that?" Kali leaned in and examined the tag. "Dr. Guerin. Really? Santana you can't do this."

"You're right. It's a shame everyone will know though."

"I hate you," said Kali as she got up from her seat.

"No you don't. You love me. I'm your favorite cousin." Santana blew Kali a kiss, before moving over to the chair she had had vacated directly across from Quinn.

Kali rolled her eyes as she gathered up her stuff. "You got ten minutes and that's it. I will see you next time Quinn."

"Bye Dr. Hill." Quinn waved as the woman left the room. "Santana I can't believe you just did that," said Quinn leaning over the table and grabbing Santana's arm, her eyes wide in amazement. Santana was so out of control.

Santana shrugged. "Eh, She's family. I can get away with it."

"What exactly do you have on her?"

"What don't I? I've got more blackmail material than I can count. She wasn't always Miss Prim & Proper Priss you know."

"I just don't want you to get her in trouble, or worse me in trouble."

"It'll be fine, trust me. I just had to get up here and talk to you. Oh my god, Quinn, you will never believe what happened." Santana leaned forward across the table eager to share the news.

"What is it? Something with Beth?"

"No the baby is fine. Last night Puck came over and we had some wine."

"I thought Puck didn't drink anymore."

"He usually doesn't but he was so wound up he couldn't help himself."

"What was wrong?"

"Sam. Apparently Sam had it out last night with Mercedes and Julian." Santana leaned back and watched Quinn process the information.

"What happened?" Quinn asked slowly.

"Well turns out Sam is not happy with his wifey. In fact, he wishes he never met her." Santana crossed her leg, letting her foot flap in and out of her black pump that dangled in the air.

"What are you talking about Santana? I know he doesn't remember her but last I heard they were getting along. Puck told me." Puck had showed her pictures, one in particular Quinn would never forget - Sam's lips on Mercedes's face.

"That was before Sam found out they were married." Santana grinned her words laced with excitement. "The minute Kali told him that, all hell broke loose. I heard he was cursing, calling her names. He hates he's married to her."

"Whoa. I wonder what brought that on?"

"Puck said Sam was upset Mercedes didn't tell him they were married from the get go. He doesn't trust her now."

"I can understand that. Sam probably felt betrayed since they had spent so much time together and she didn't tell him."

Sam was big on honesty once he let you into his life, betraying his trust was almost an unforgivable sin in his eyes. Sam must have been closer to Mercedes than Quinn realized, if he got so upset.

"Exactly. But it gets better."

"None of this sounds good Santana. I feel so bad for them." Quinn wouldn't wish this type of drama on anyone. Couldn't for once life just go smoothly and without conflict?

"Girl don't waste your sympathy on that little troll. She's not worth it, not after what she did."

"What did she do?"

"You know, causing the accident that put Sam in the coma."

"Yeah well you and I know that, but charges were never filed so..."

Santana had a point. Mercedes had acted pretty foolishly in the car that night. She was lucky Sam finally recovered, he could have died and then she'd have murder on her conscience.

"So the family covered it up, no surprise. Here's the shocker. Sam found out and he lost it. Throwing stuff, steam coming out of his ears, yelling, he made that little girl practically go catatonic. Puck said she was sobbing uncontrollably they had to sedate her."

"Oh my god! Is Sam all right?"

"He's fine. He's hell bent on making Mercedes pay though. Puck says he wants her in jail."

"That's because he doesn't know the truth. Did anyone fill him in?" asked Quinn.

Sam must feel like he is losing his mind, so much probably didn't make sense and just confused him worse. Quinn could relate. She felt that way during her postpartum depression. She didn't know which thoughts to trust inside her own brain.

"The truth about what?"

Quinn tried to cover. She had forgotten that Santana didn't know the whole story. The only reason she knew as much as she did, was because Puck told her about it when they were back together. "Just the truth about the accident and how she saved him by doing cpr and stuff."

"Oh that. I doubt he gives a crap about her nursing skills. Sam's out for blood."

"This is so bad Santana. I can't believe this is happening."

"Quinn, don't you see. This is perfect. Those two are not going to last a week. He's going to dump her ass and he'll be all yours."

"Santana I have told you repeatedly I don't want to be with Sam. I'm not trying to break up any relationships."

"That's the beauty of it." Santana rubbed her hands together, looking very pleased with herself. "You won't have to lift a finger. They are imploding all on their own."

"Doesn't change how I feel, Sam and I are just friends."

"Quinn I wish you would cut the crap. I have been letting you sing this song for months. And little by little you have revealed more and more to me that you really have a thing for Sam."

"I never told you that," Quinn said quickly.

"You didn't have to. You've been in denial about it since you were pregnant, but I'm pretty intuitive about stuff."

"I was just concerned about a sick friend nothing more." The fact that she cared about Sam proved nothing.

"What about when you told me that you thought you should have chosen him over Mike, or that you felt a connection when he came out of the coma, or when the image of him on his knees was the first thought on your mind."

Leave it to Santana to bring that stuff back up. Her memory was flawless, she never wasted an opportunity to remind Quinn of something she never should have told her in the first place.

"Santana that proves nothing, that was just me talking. It's pretty boring in the hospital, I just like to occupy my mind."

"Explain the times when you weren't in the hospital. When you used to sneak to see Sam late and night, even though you knew Julian didn't like it. Or when you were pregnant and living with Puck but you told me you sometimes wished Sam were there instead."

Quinn felt like she was back in court, everything she had ever told Santana was back to haunt her.

"Santana I was hormonal and sad, Puck and I were going through a rough patch." She looked her friend in the eyes, silently pleading with her to just let this go.

Santana blew her bangs out of her eyes. "Keep denying how you feel Quinn and you will be sorry. One day it's going to hit you like a ton of bricks and it will be too late, you'll have lost him to Mercedes or some other woman."

"But you just said Mercedes and Sam are on the outs."

"Never underestimate Mercedes. She will find a way to slink back into his bed, even if Sam puts her out. She was raised by Keisha Jones, she's sneaky by nature."

Quinn shook her head, denial clamping her mouth shut. There was no point, nothing good could come of revealing anything on that front, if anything it would just make matters worse. He'd still be married, and she'd still be here. Wishing for anything different wouldn't make those two things any less true.

"This whole conversation is stupid. We don't even know how Sam feels. Being mad at Mercedes doesn't mean that he wants to be with me."

"You're right it doesn't."

"So let's just drop it. No point in wishful thinking about something that is never going to happen anyway. Sam doesn't see me as anything more than a friend."

"And the mother of his daughter."

"Exactly, we are just Beth's parents and friends."

"Doesn't explain why his last memories are of you," said Santana picking at her pink fingernails.

"Coincidence." Quinn shrugged. "He confused the two crashes in his mind."

"You've got an answer for everything."

"I'm just being realistic, for the first time in a long time. Just because I care about Sam and those feelings may be getting a tiny bit stronger now, doesn't mean anything. It's not like he wants to be with me."

"What if he did?"

"He doesn't." Quinn pressed her forehead against the cold tabletop hoping if she just blocked out Santana this conversation would end.

"But what if you found out he did want to be with you, more than friends? Would you be willing to go there again with him?"

Quinn groaned against the table. "I can't believe we're even talking about this."

She grabbed Quinn by the hair and lifted her head. "Stop avoiding and answer me. If Sam wanted to be with you, how would you feel about it?"

Quinn leaned all the way back in her chair, tilting the front legs of the chair off the floor. She chose to stare up at the ceiling rather than face Santana. Quinn had a feeling her eyes were giving away more than she wanted these days.

"It's just a silly dream Santana, doesn't matter what I wish would happen, it's never going to come true."

"What if I told you your wish might be granted?"

"What?" Quinn glanced over at Santana.

"It's pumpkin time Quinn." Santana slammed both her palms on the table, a huge grin on her face.

"Santana are you feeling okay?" Her friend was acting odder than usual. Quinn resisted the urge to move away when Santana walked from her side of the room to take a seat on top of the table directly in front of her.

"Just call me fairy godmother because baby your wish is about to come true," said Santana gesturing with her hand above Quinn's head as if she held a magic wand.

Quinn was starting to think she needed her meds adjusted, because suddenly nothing was making any sense.

* * *

><p>Sam sized the man up. He didn't seem to be particularly menacing. He didn't see any hint of a concealed weapon, although his briefcase could have something stashed in it. The man looked too clean, his hands too smooth and manicured, his face too open and easy to read. There didn't appear to be an immediate threat. Still a random man approaches him and brings up Quinn, Sam had to be on guard.<p>

"How exactly do you know Quinn?"

"I'm her attorney. I took over her case after Burt Hummel stepped down."

"Case? Is Quinn in trouble or something? And what did you say your name was again?"

"I'm Artie, well Arthur Abra." Artie pulled a silver case from the breast pocket of his coat, and retrieved a business card. He passed it over to Sam.

"Arthur," he paused trying to recall why the name sounded so familiar. "Arthur Abrams? Have we met before?"

"Not exactly." Artie smiled. "Maybe someone in your family mentioned me since I took on Quinn's case."

Sam took a deep breath, his chest constricting as his thoughts were pulled back to Quinn. "What's this about Quinn? What's wrong with her?"

Artie hesitated. "I've heard about your condition. I know your doctors don't want to bombard you with info."

"Just tell me please. I need to know," said Sam brushing off Artie's attempts at holding back with him.

"She's upstate at the mental hospital."

"I know that. She has postpartum depression."

"That she does, but there's more to it." Artie stalled again.

"It's all right," Sam assured him. "I know she tried to commit suicide."

He tried to keep calm as he said the words, but on the inside Sam's stomach was churning. Just the idea that Quinn had tried to leave this earth made him sad and sick all at once. Things must have gotten so bad for her, if she had resorted to that extreme. Sam could still remember how excited Quinn had been about the future when they were in high school. She had so many dreams, so many places she wanted to see. Finally she was turning 18 and able to get out from under her parents' thumbs. Quinn was ready to live life, and do it to the fullest. How had that exuberant girl, ready to set the world aflame, become someone that wanted to end it all? It didn't seem like his Quinn at all.

Artie let out a sigh of relief. He dug through his briefcase and pulled out his Ipad. "Okay, I wasn't sure what you had been told."

"Not much beyond that. I just know she's upstate and my wife has been taking care of Beth." Wow he actually managed to say the word wife without choking. He was making progress, not that it mattered in the long run. Sam didn't plan on staying married for long.

"What you need to know is that her suicide attempt and depression led her to lose custody of Beth. The state found her unfit."

Unfit mothers were drug addicts, irresponsible teens, criminals, not someone like Quinn. Quinn grew up in and out of facilities and group homes. She knew how unsettling that environment could be for a child. Sam couldn't imagine that Quinn would let her own flesh and blood face going through the same childhood she had. It was as if Artie were talking about a different person.

"For how long? Just until she gets better?" Sam asked running his hand through his hair.

Sam was trying to hold it together but his mind was racing. He had been eager to get home because he was going stir crazy stuck in the bed all day, but now he realized he needed to get out of the hospital for an even greater reason. Quinn was alone in the hospital, no hope of immediate release, probably worrying about Beth. He could only imagine how distraught she must be. Sam just had to get to her. He couldn't wait much longer.

"That will be up to CPS and the family court system. There is a process for things like this. The issue is that Quinn won't even have a chance to work toward getting Beth back if she remains upstate."

"When do you think she will be getting out?"

"She shouldn't have even been there in the first place. She was getting treatment here in Lima and was making dramatic strides."

"So why did she get sent upstate? What happened?" Sam held his breath waiting for the inevitable bad news. Depressed patients don't get sent upstate to the criminal psychiatric facility without good reason.

"I think your father happened. He got to the judge somehow and Quinn was shipped off."

Sam squeezed the arms of his wheelchair. My father? Are you sure about this?"

Not that Sam was especially surprised. His father had it out for Quinn for a long time. It was his style to take care of his enemies in such a neat and tidy manner, letting the law do his dirty work. Dwight Evans loved to work the system to his advantage, kept his hands clean.

"Quinn snuck out of the hospital one night and tried to see Beth at Shannon Beiste's house. Your father found out and told the judge."

"I feel like I'm missing something here. I get that the courts found her unfit to take care of our daughter because of her mental health at the time, but why would she be penalized for just visiting him?"

"Quinn wasn't found unfit only because of her mental health. She was also found to be a danger to your daughter."

There was that word again - danger. There was more to this story than he was being told. Mercedes clearly couldn't be trusted, but his father wasn't one for exaggeration or extreme distortions of the truth, if he said that Quinn was a danger to Beth, something must have happened.

"A danger? You know my father and Mercedes said the same thing. What are you not telling me?"

Artie leaned in closer to Sam, looking around the area, before lowering his voice. "A word of advice about your wife. She may not agree with your decision to help Quinn."

"Mercedes has no influence over me." Mercedes might think she had full say on all matters now, but she was about to receive a rude awakening. Sam had plans to swiftly kick her from his life, and with Will on his side, Mercedes soon would be locked away for years, unable to bother him again.

"You might feel a certain way now, but what if things change, with your memory?"

Sam looked Artie in the eyes. "Memory or not, how I feel about Quinn will never change."

"Glad to hear it." Artie relaxed back into the bench and smiled. "I will admit I was scared you might side with your own family or your wife. Mercedes had a lot to do with Quinn going upstate."

"How do you mean?" Sam asked a rage starting to simmer. Putting him a coma was one thing, but to inflict harm on someone he cared about, on Quinn, the mother of his daughter, Mercedes would pay.

"She just gave some compelling testimony in court. She was very persuasive about her fears for Beth's safety around Quinn."

This was about Beth. Sam let that settle in his mind for a moment. He had assumed Mercedes was trying to rid herself of a rival, the woman he had cheated with, but if all of this had been about Beth, that changed things. Mercedes loved the baby. Sam could sense that from the first time he saw them together, he had even assumed Beth was hers. Sam had been surprised when he found out that Mercedes was his wife and that Beth was conceived while they were married, that Mercedes would even be willing to have anything to do with the child. The fact that she was taking care of her and actually loved her was an unexpected twist.

"Why is she afraid of Beth being around Quinn?" The answer to that question was the key to this whole situation. Sam was sure of it.

"Sam we don't have much time. I can't get into it all with you now. If your father catches me talking to you, it might hurt Quinn even more. Quinn begged me to come see you and ask you to help. I was skeptical, I wasn't sure if you would be even willing to help."

"Of course, I will help. I would do anything for Quinn. She knows that." At least Sam hoped she knew. He clung to the small hope that Quinn remembered his promise and was holding it fast to help her survive upstate.

* * *

><p><em>"The wind is picking up and it's starting to snow. What if this blanket isn't enough?"asked Quinn as she slowly rubbed Sam's bare chest under the blanket. Her hair was spread out all over his arm and shoulder, his head rested against hers.<em>

_"We seems to be warm enough," he said looking up. "I don't think we have to worry about it."_

_"Sam how can you remain to so calm? It's freezing out here, we have barely any food. We're not going to be able to survive." She tensed up beside him and Sam instinctively held her tighter, hoping to make her feel safe and calm._

_"I've got survival training. So does Will. We're going to be fine." He kissed the top of her head, a cluster of small pecks, to put her at ease._

_"But you're not in the best shape, your leg…" He raised her chin with his hand and leaned closer, cutting off her words with a kiss. She smiled against his lips, before grabbing the back of his neck and kissing him harder._

_"I can manage. I promise nothing will happen to us out here," he said when he pulled away from her lips. He caressed her cheek gently, losing himself briefly in the soft feel of her skin. "I'd die before I let anything hurt you," he said holding her gaze a beat, before he felt overwhelmed and had to look away. He felt her relax, and she sighed softly, nuzzling closer to him._

_"I don't want you to risk your life for me. Why do men always say crap like that? Don't you guys know we want you here with us alive?"_

_"Don't you know that we could never live with ourselves if something happened to the women we loved?" Sam has been trying to keep his response light, playful and a bit flirtatious, but something more popped in and made his statement more revealing than he had intended._

_"I'm not your responsibility," she said looking at him intently. Her green eyes seemed to probe him, searching for something he wasn't ready to share, so he averted his gaze, and turned his focus to her hand that continued to massage soft circles on his chest._

_"You're my cousin's girlfriend, you're like family. I would look out for you even if you weren't my friend," he said backing away from the intimacy of a few moments before. "I wouldn't be able to look Puck in the eye if I came back and you weren't with me."_

_Her motions stilled on his chest. "So this is about Puck?"_

_A sharpness had crept into her voice, and Sam immediately felt the need to soothe it. His fears about revealing too much were quickly forgotten as he tried to make Quinn understand. He sat up slightly, pushing her away from him, so he could look directly at her face._

_"What have we been doing here for the past few hours? This isn't about Puck." His fingers tangled in her hair as he spoke. "This is about you and me and the fact that ever since I was sixteen years old not a day has gone by where I haven't thought about you, wondered what you were up to, hoped you were happy and safe."_

_"I've thought about you too."_

_"Then how can you say this is about Puck? Puck has nothing to do with the way we feel about each other."_

_"There have been other people, we're not sixteen anymore." She dropped her head. "None of that matters now."_

_"It matters to me," he said lifting her chin and forcing her to look at him again. "I knew it back then and I know it now, you will always be in my life."_

_Quinn's eyes filled with tears as they continued to stare at each other, letting his words surround them. If death were to take him that night, Sam knew he'd go a happy man. There was something in Quinn's eyes that he had missed for so long, suddenly back on this cold, dark night. He couldn't contain himself as he pulled her on top of him, her body molding with his, kissing her with an intensity that matched all he was feeling. One hand in her long blond hair, the other on her lower back pressing her closer than their bodies would allow. Soft moans as she let her hands fall from his hair, down his shoulders, then back up again. They broke apart abruptly, gasping for air, but still clinging to each other._

_The cold air must have hit Quinn resurging all of her doubts, she shook her head moving off of him, returning to her spot in the crook of his arm. "Nothing lasts forever, there's no such thing as always. Look at me and Puck we made promises to each other."_

_"Yes there is always, that is real and true. I feel it." He took her hand and placed it over his heart. "Right here, I always have. You have a permanent spot there. Other people can't change that, there's no shaking it, we're connected."_

_"Sam I really want to believe that, but how can I? So many people have gone, let me down, my own mother didn't want me, Puck abandoned me. What does that say about the kind of person I am? I'm not even worth sticking around for."_

_He rolled her over on her back, hovering over her body, trapping her beneath him. He held himself above her, his hands on each side of her face, forcing her to focus on him._

_"I'm still here. I'll never abandon you. You've got me, whenever you need me."_

_She shook her head with uncertainty. "What happens when you fall in love again? Find that perfect woman that loves you for you?"_

_"Listen to me. I don't want to talk about other women or other men. This is about you and me. We're tied together, like the sun and the moon. We're forever Quinn. Nothing in this life will change that."_

_"You promise?" she asked, her voice shaking with emotion._

_Sam smiled softly, letting his eyes sweep over her face before focusing on her lips. He brushed a feather soft kiss across her lips, pulling up when she tried to respond. Sam let his weight fall on her, the need to be closer to her too strong to resist. She put her arms around his neck, entwining her fingers behind his head._

_"Always Quinn," he whispered. "I'll always promise you that." Then he leaned in and kissed her again._

* * *

><p>Sam pulled himself back to the present and returned his focus to Artie.<p>

"Well I'm relieved to hear that," said Artie. "At this point she is out of options, she is stuck there for the foreseeable future, the judge won't even take my calls anymore."

"What do you need me to do? Talk to the judge on her behalf?"

"No, I need you to talk to your father. Convince him to get Quinn set free."

Sam exhaled sharply. "My father really hates Quinn, it's going to be a hard sell."

"So it's hopeless," said Artie dropping his head dejectedly.

"I didn't say that. I will make it happen, no matter what it takes it."

Artie looked up and smiled. "Quinn will be so relieved. She's barely holding it together up there. She misses Beth, her friends, you…"

"I miss her too."

"Seems like Quinn has been right all along. You are the one that would help her. Provided you come through for her that is."

"Don't doubt me, my word is solid." Sam warned. The last thing he wanted was for Quinn's lawyer to make her think he wouldn't come through. "You just tell Quinn that she doesn't have to worry. I'm back now, and I'm coming for her."

"Sam not that I don't believe you have good intentions, but I don't want to raise her hopes for…"

"Listen to me, just give Quinn this message please," said Sam interrupting him mid sentence.

"Okay," he said his finger poised above his Ipad.

"Tell her, that we're tied together, like the sun and the moon. We're forever."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Artie, clearly confused as he typed in the message.

Sam stared out the window, watching the bright sunshine, reflect off the snow speckled plants below. The sun was just as bright the morning they were rescued. They stood together holding hands, smiling at each other, as the others frantically flagged down the helicopter. In that moment, it didn't even matter that help had arrived, they knew they had each other, and that felt like all they needed.

"Don't worry about it," he said softly. "She'll know."


	28. Chapter 28

**Big Chapter! Will and Sam**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 28<strong>

"So you took me for three laps around the wing, can we stop and talk now?" Sam asked looking up at his brother.

"Ok, how about here?" Will pushed him into a darkened conference room, flicking on the lights with his one hand while he pushed the wheelchair with the other. "Dwight said you needed to see me. What's up?"

"Well first off how ya been? I haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah sorry about that little bro, been busy."

"Cop stuff?"

"Something like that." Will chuckled. "I have been keeping tabs on you. Looks like you are doing great. You look good."

Sam looked down at himself imagining what his appearance must seem like to others. His hair was unruly, Marcel hadn't used his magic gel this morning, his beard was scruffy, and he felt thin. His sweats were loose and his ARMY t-shirt was baggy where it used to fit tightly across his chest and arms.

"Thank you. I'm feeling pretty good. Except I hate this hair, hate this beard, hate being stuck inside in pajamas all day," said Sam gesturing to the offending areas with his hands. "And did you know they just started feeding me? If you can call it that, slop if you ask me."

"Good to have you back Sam," said Will with a smile as he pat Sam on the shoulder. "I've missed you. You had us all pretty scared there."

"That's me." He grinned. "Always keeping you on your toes."

"Yep, that you did. We weren't even sure you were going to make it. Your parents would have been devastated."

"They have other kids," Sam joked feeling a bit uncomfortable with all the talk about his near death.

Will sat on the edge of the conference room table, facing Sam in his wheelchair. "Well Beth doesn't have another father. Sure am glad you're going to be around for her now,"

"Me too. Talk about waking up to a surprise." Sam smiled. Best surprise ever. He didn't think he would ever come down from this high he was feeling knowing he had a daughter.

"Yeah you didn't do too shabby with that one. She's a big healthy girl. I see lots of sports in her future. Already started schooling her on the Titans. I hope you don't mind, but I figured you wouldn't stick to the girly stuff with your child."

"Nice. You did exactly right. I knew I could count on you."

Football was one of the few things he and Will shared. Sundays at Will's house in front of the TV, couple of beers, lots of armchair quarterbacking, one day Beth would be a part of that tradition.

"I would've stepped up in every way Sam, if you hadn't…" Will paused looking down at his lap, then back up at Sam again. "Well if you didn't make it back."

"I know you would've. I appreciate it."

"Beth and I bonded quite a bit. Some evenings while Mercedes was tending to you, Beth and I would hang out in the waiting area outside your room, our play time."

Life had gone on all around him while he was comatose. It seemed like they tried to keep him a part of things even though he wasn't conscious. Sam felt a bit uneasy with that knowledge. He couldn't help but imagine himself like the corpse in the room, propped up on display while everyone busily went on with their lives around him.

"That sounds great." Sam's smile faded. "Will can I ask you a question about Mercedes?"

"What's on your mind?" asked Will.

Sam had planned to approach Will guns blazing. He wanted Mercedes taken care of immediately, yet once Will was in his presence, Sam became hesitant, for some reason uncertainty was starting to seep in. Sam wasn't sure if he was actually doing the right thing anymore. He needed more answers to the hundreds of questions swimming in his head.

"Can you explain to me why she's not in jail?"

"Jail? What for?" Will laughed. "For marrying your sorry butt? Last I heard that's not a crime."

"Let's just cut to the chase. I'm sure our father has clued you in." Dwight would not have called Will over here with no explanation. Will was trying to throw him off.

Will sighed heavily. "He did mention you had some concerns about your accident."

"I think concerns is putting it lightly. What the hell happened Will? The woman that drove me into huge rock, and put me in a coma is sitting vigil by my bedside, in charge of my care no less." And no one seemed to give a damn but him.

"She's your wife," Will said quietly.

"I know that! I wish everyone would stop reminding me."

Will got up and checked the door, opening it and peeking out into the hallway before closing it again. "Maybe we should keep it down. This is a hospital."

"Why is everyone trying to keep me quiet about this girl? What is the deal?"

"There's no deal," said Will as he sat back on the edge of the table. "You married Mercedes she's family. I realize it must be difficult having no memories of her, but it is the truth. You guys were a couple."

"She sent me divorce papers the day of the accident. Did you know that?"

"I did."

"So didn't that make you suspicious at all? Like maybe she was trying to take me out, kill me off so she could bypass divorce court and just get my money."

"The thought never crossed my mind actually. I know she loves you." Will scooted back to sit more comfortably. He crossed his feet at the ankles, slowly swinging his scuffed black boots back and forth.

"Don't tell me she has you fooled too."

"Okay look, I am willing to admit that back when you first told me you wanted to marry Mercedes I was concerned. I thought maybe you were rushing into something, maybe it was rebound, and I definitely thought she was too young. But in the short time you were married before the accident, I watched you two. You were very happy."

"I cheated on her. We weren't even married six months. How happy could we have been?" Sam leaned on the arm of the wheelchair, propping his cheek on his palm, awaiting Will's response. His brother would need some pretty creative thinking to explain this. Happy people don't cheat, simple as that.

"There's more to it than that."

"Care to fill me in?" asked Sam raising his eyebrows.

"I don't think I'm the one who should do that. Talk to Mercedes."

"I will do that, once she's safely behind bars. So what do I have to do to make that happen?" Sam ran his hand along his chin, frowning as he felt his ever growing beard. He silently cursed Mercedes for yet another crime she had committed against him. Her stupid list of rules was hampering the progress of his life.

"It was an accident Sam."

Sam rolled his eyes. No one in his life understood the difference between an accident and negligence. What Mercedes did was a deliberate act of stupidity. "She took her hands off the wheel."

"I know. She probably was over the limit too."

"Drunk driving no less. I know Lima PD has been known to drop the ball on a few cases in the past, but this one seemed like a slam dunk. What went wrong?"

"No charges were filed Sam."

Sam ran his hands over his hair in frustration. "I know that. That's my point here. Why the hell not? The girl put me in a coma."

"Mercedes is not the blame for your coma. I am." Will looked at him with red rimmed green eyes.

"How are you to blame? You weren't driving." Sam felt compelled to comfort his brother in some way. Even without knowing all the facts, he knew his brother could never hurt him. It just wasn't in Will's nature.

"No but I was there. First on the scene. Call came through on the radio about an accident involving a car registered to Sam Evans. I found you guys on the side of highway, car smashed against a rock, tilted backwards down a cliff leading to the river."

"You were the one that rescued us?"

Will shook his head, covering his face with his hands. "No I didn't rescue you," he said, his voice muffled by his hands. "Everything just went so wrong."

Sam touched Will on his shoulder. His brother was always so in control, even when he was seething in anger, he never lost his composure. Before Sam's eyes Will was starting to lose it now. It was something Sam hadn't expected and wasn't quite sure how to deal with. "Tell me what happened Will."

"Your car was tilted like I said before, and was slipping slowly down that embankment, because of the rain loosening the sediment or something. All I could think is if we didn't get you guys up on solid ground, you were going to end up heading toward the river."

He could see it all hazy in his mind. Rainy and dark, they had to have been on the cliff road that circled the city limits.

"Mercedes said my leg was stuck in the door."

"Yeah your leg was all twisted up there, and part of the door frame was embedded into your leg too."

Sam rubbed his leg, just imagining the pain he must have been in. "Sounds painful."

"You claimed it was nothing. Didn't want to scare Mercedes, but I could tell it was bad. Wasn't just your leg though, there was so much blood."

"It's almost surreal to hear all this. It is like it happened to someone else." He closed his eyes trying to will his mind to cooperate, to make any of this click in his brain. How could something so vivid mean so little to him?

"Do you want me to stop?" Will asked touching Sam on the arm to get his attention.

"No I need to hear this," said Sam opening his eyes. "Where was Mercedes during all of this?" Sam imagined her on the sidelines watching him bleed, probably silently praying that the car would fall.

"She was right there with you. She wouldn't leave your side."

Sam shook his head. Will's account of Mercedes' actions didn't ring true for him. "I find that hard to believe."

"Why's that? Hasn't she been here at the hospital with you since you came out of the coma?"

"Well yeah but it is her job. She's my nurse."

"You've got some stilted thinking there brother. You mentioned that you know she was divorcing you, so that would make you think she would be long gone by now right?"

Will looked disappointed in him, as if he expected he would just accept all the stories about Mercedes as the truth.

"That's where you're wrong. Apparently I never signed the papers, so she was stuck with me. Either I had to die or wake up for her to be free."

His brother's jaw slacked slightly and Sam braced himself for the hard sell on Mercedes. At this point everyone was just wasting time. Sam had a clear picture of just what kind of woman Mercedes was. Nothing anyone said would change that.

"You're up now. Has she mentioned divorcing you?"

"Mercedes has an issue with the truth. She hasn't said much to me about anything real."

"Dwight told me you were upset that she didn't tell you that you were married right away."

Upset wasn't even a strong enough word. "I think that was a detail I needed to know sooner rather than later, especially after what happened between us."

Will looked up in surprise. "What happened?"

He didn't want to talk about that night ever again. Now if only he could just get his mind to stop going back to it and reliving it. He felt stupid for trusting her, and almost falling for her, he wished his mind just would let it go.

"I'm not getting into it with you Will. Basically Mercedes screwed me over. I don't trust her. I think she is only out for herself and getting all she can from me monetarily."

"Where is this coming from? I can't believe anything Mercedes did around you would lead you to believe that."

Sam let out a breath in disgust. "Believe it. My wife may have fooled all of you, but I can see through her."

"You got a lot of anger there."

"Hell yes I'm angry. She destroyed my life."

"If it weren't for your wife, you would be dead."

"So I hear." Sam leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling. He was tired of this endless loop of conversations about Mercedes. They all could sing her praises it they wanted, he wasn't joining in.

"You collapsed a lung, lacerated your liver, and ruptured your spleen."

"All thanks to Mercedes," said Sam lifting his arms above his head, stretching his spine.

"Yes Mercedes was reckless and took her hands off the wheel during an argument with you. You leaned in front of her grabbed the wheel and swerved to avoid hitting a tree but you lost control somehow, so you shielded Mercedes with your body and braced for impact."

That's a lot of detail. Sam looked over at Will. "How do you know all of this?"

"Between what you and Mercedes told me that night, and the investigation we did at the scene."

"So you are saying it was my fault we hit that rock?"

"I am saying that you put yourself in front of her, and thank God you did. Her airbag didn't deploy Sam. You told me when you came to after the crash, Mercedes was lodged up on the dashboard against the windshield. If you hadn't been in front of her I am certain she would have been through that windshield outside the car, dead."

"I saved her." The thought landed in his mind like a thud.

"Yes you risked yourself to save her. The reason there was so much blood was because your seatbelt was imbedded into your skin. The pressure from impact and the force you were thrown back into your seat caused that injury. All your injuries actually."

"I don't get it. You are telling me I sacrificed myself for her and she was divorcing me? Was I out of my mind?"

Will smiled as he moved from the top of the table to the chair directly across from Sam. "The majority of us call it being in love. You loved your wife, and you were willing to die for her that night."

"It all is so hard for me to make sense of, when I look at her, I don't feel any of that."

Except that wasn't exactly true. Sam did feel something since almost the first time he met Mercedes. He had felt an overwhelming sensation, a knowledge, that she was someone he was supposed to take care of and look out for. It must be some sort of psychological residue from the memories he lost. The feeling made no logical sense to him, it didn't connect with any emotions that were usually attributed to this level of concern, yet he felt it just the same. Ignoring it didn't make it fade, no matter how much he tried.

"You used to. Like I said, I was the biggest skeptic when it came to you two, and when it came out you cheated on her, I was livid. I hated that you hurt yet another woman."

"Are we talking about Brittany?"

Snapping and holding Brittany emotionally hostage was something he was never going to live down. He had tormented her and played mind games with her, all in a pitiful attempt to win back her love. If only he could've thought it through, maybe things would've turned out differently for all of them. Then it hit him, he really didn't want things to be different. Brittany was with Santana, where she wanted to be. It made sense, always had, Sam had just refused to acknowledge that. Like in a movie, along came Quinn just when he needed her most, and suddenly not having Brittany didn't mean so much. Nope, he wouldn't want to change a thing. Finally they all were going to end up where they were meant to be.

"Yes among others."

His interest was piqued. What had happened during his missing three years and did any of it happen with Quinn?

"Others? Such as."

"I'm not getting into your dating history right now Sam. I need you to hear me out."

"Go on." Sam let it drop for the time being. Soon he would know all anyway. He was determined to reclaim his life.

"I got this idea to hook the cables I had in my Land Rover to your car. I hooked it all up and pulled you guys up a bit. I couldn't get you far, but at least you were off the incline."

"I don't get how this led to me being in a coma. Was it just my injuries that took me out?"

"No I took you out." Will's voice shook with emotion.

A chill ran through Sam's body. His brother was visibly upset and Sam had no clue why. "What are you talking about Will?"

"There was a pile up, a bad accident, all the paramedics were on that scene so there was a delay getting help to you guys. I called Dwight and he had a private rescue squad sent, medivac. They finally arrived and they were trying to land and they got a little too close and the cables attached to my truck that were holding you up started to waver and you guys were sliding again. I can see it all clearly in my mind it was like a horror movie. I was standing there watching you slide back down the hill and I remember running trying to get you. I don't know what I would've done actually, not sure I could've held the car up with just my strength but I had to try. Then by some miracle you guys stopped. Some rocks underneath the car stopped you from slipping any further."

"Sounds like a hell of a night."

"Sam you just don't get it. I was scared out my mind. You don't know what it is like to watch someone so close to death and be almost powerless to stop it. You were trapped in that car, we couldn't get you out, and the paramedics in the medivac didn't have any tools to help in that regard so we had to wait for Lima FD."

Sam knew all too well what it was like to stand by and watch someone die. He lost many a fellow soldier in Afghanistan, and there was nothing he could do to help. Hell on earth is watching death consume, and have no defense against it.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." Sam wanted to reach out and touch Will, but he resisted. He didn't want Will to take a gesture like that as a sign of weakness.

"I see stuff like that almost every day, being a cop I am trained to handle moments of extreme crisis."

"You're still human, man. All the training in the world won't stop you from caring."

Sam had been on both sides, ordered to kill, while charged to protect. Enemy is such an abstract term really, especially when you hold another man's life in your hands. Only a truly cold person wouldn't feel something. Sam had been trained by some of the best in the world, he had been a model soldier. But complete detachment? That was a skill he never mastered. He prayed he never would.

"I probably should have let someone else respond to the call. I just thought I could handle it. But seeing you like that, my baby brother, it really got to me. I've gone over it in my mind so many times, I lost all objectivity and just wasn't thinking right. I dealt with the whole situation badly."

Sam squirmed as he saw tears begin to well up in Will's eyes. He wasn't sure what he would do if Will actually broke down in front of him. "Don't say that. I'm here now aren't I?"

Will squeezed the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "But look at what I cost you. You were in a coma for months now you lost your memory. I keep hearing you blame Mercedes, but I'm the one you should be blaming. I am the one that destroyed your life."

"You were only trying to save me. How can you blame yourself? The cables just didn't hold."

He shook his head sadly. "No Sam there is more. You see I didn't wait for help, for reinforcements, I just rode right in like the cavalry. I wanted to save my little brother, I let my fears cloud my judgment."

"Nothing you've said indicates to me you did anything wrong. Sometimes bad things happen. If the car was meant to go down the cliff, it just was. You couldn't stop that."

"The car didn't go down the cliff, not on its own." Will stood up and walked across the room. He leaned his head against the wall, eyes closed as he spoke. "Mercedes was so upset. She kept asking me when help was coming. And you didn't want me to scare her with the truth that the paramedics were caught up and traffic was a mess. So I kept trying to stall her, make excuses to get her to hold on. But Mercedes," he shook his head and laughed. "Mercedes is a smart one. Nothing gets by her. I remember she asked me point blank that night if help really was on its way. I couldn't lie to her, not when she was looking up at me with those wide brown eyes of hers, I couldn't let her down."

"I think you put too much pressure on yourself Will."

"I was the only hope. I had to handle the pressure. If we had waited, you would've died, if not from the car falling then from your injuries. You were in bad shape Sam. You knew it."

"I knew I was dying." So many times Sam had faced down death, always narrowly escaping just in the nick of time. He must be blessed with nine lives, because he should have been dead a few times over by now.

"You pretended you were ready to be rescued, kept up appearances for Mercedes and me, but I knew you were starting to let go. You asked me to look out for Quinn."

"Quinn? I thought you said I was happily married to Mercedes. Why would I be asking about another woman?"

"Sam, it was Quinn."

"Yeah..." He really didn't even need to ask. If he were feeling so close to death, of course he would be thinking of Quinn. She had never failed to be on his mind all the other times his life was in peril.

"You and she always had that thing no matter what happened in your lives, and even though you both were going through a hard time since your affair came out, you still were friends and supported each other. I brought up Mercedes to you, asked you why shouldn't I look out for her too. You said Mercedes had friends and family, support, and that Quinn was all alone and needed to be looked in on. You ended up being so right about that. All that stuff with Beth," Will paused, stopping mid sentence. Sam looked over at him, struck by how once again Quinn being mentioned with Beth made people stop talking.

"I've heard Quinn had a hard time lately with her postpartum depression. I don't know all the specifics, but I do know she is in the hospital."

"I drove her up there myself, the morning you woke up. She was pretty upset about leaving you here."

"I was pretty upset about waking up and not finding her. I could feel her next to me while I was waking up, sense her somehow." He still felt her absence even now, a dull ache, like a subtle reminder that something important was missing from his life.

"Must've been confusing."

"It was." Sam slowly wheeled himself over to where Will was standing. "All I saw was Mercedes, her smiling face popped up whenever I expected to see Quinn."

"That should tell you something right there."

"It does. The wrong woman was by my side."

"You're just being stubborn about this. I don't believe that you don't see all Mercedes has been doing for you."

"I think she is trying to appease her guilt and probably trying to make herself look favorable in a divorce proceeding."

"Mercedes doesn't want to divorce you. Not anymore. We talked quite a bit while you were in a coma. I guess you can say we were partners in arms or something, we went through it together, losing you."

"But I wasn't lost."

"You were to us." Will's voice cracked with emotion. "After you finally convinced Mercedes to get out of the car, to let go of your hand, I got ready to set up my great rescue attempt. You called me over to the car where you were barely holding on, fighting for each breath, fading right before my eyes, and you made me promise to look out for her. I tried to calm you, assure you that everything would be all right, but you wouldn't listen. You made me swear to keep my word."

"Will, what went wrong with the rescue?"

"I hooked the car up to the medivac chopper I figured the helicopter could lift the car a few feet and move you away from the cliff. And it worked, for a bit. Mercedes and I were standing watching as the helicopter lifted the car, then all of sudden the car started shaking the chopper was struggling, the cord snapped and like some slow motion reenactment the car fell from the air down the cliff into the woods."

"Was I still in the car?" Sam's heart pounded in his chest.

"No, thankfully. The car burst into the flames a few minutes later."

"Where was I Will?" he asked in almost a whisper. The truth was about to be revealed and he almost felt afraid to hear it.

"You fell. We were watching, then it all was shaking and you just came out of the car door, in mid air. All I heard was the shrieking getting louder as I watched you hit the muddy ground. I just stood there paralyzed I was sure you were dead. I mean you fell from the sky. Then Mercedes took off like a flash, racing down that embankment to get to you. I watched her stumble a few times, actually roll a bit down that hill, but she just got back up and kept going, she never stopped until she got to you. I finally pulled myself together and ran after her. She rolled you over, and there was blood coming out of your head. Mercedes went into this mode, she was almost like a machine, demanding for my button down to wipe your wound, yelling at me to keep calling for help. She put her head to your chest, her eyes got wide, and I knew, you weren't breathing. It was like the wind got knocked out of me. I kept thinking you were dead and it was my fault. I just stood there and watched as Mercedes performed CPR on you for what seemed like forever, and nothing, you just wouldn't breathe. I was praying, making all sorts of deals with God, in that moment I was wishing it was me instead of you."

"Will..." Sam wanted to stop him, that sort of thinking would get him nowhere. Will had a wife and children, people that loved him. Sam's life was not worth more than that, no way should his brother have even thought it was.

"Look Sam I know we haven't been the closest of brothers in all these years, it is has been hard because I don't consider Dwight my real father, but I have always cared about you. There you were barely holding on, your whole life ahead of you, and it just wasn't fair that my stupid mistake would take all of that away."

Sam was floored. He had no idea his brother felt so strongly. Being brothers was just something Sam had thought Will dealt with because he had to, he was born into it, so he had to tolerate his little screwed up brother. Sam had always looked up to Will, enjoyed hanging out with him, but he never thought Will felt much on his end.

"Will, you were trying to save me. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Yes I did. Don't make excuses. Those cables weren't made for that sort of lifting, they were already compromised from when I had them attached to my car. I panicked and I made the wrong move, nearly cost you your life. If it weren't for Mercedes and the fact that she could keep a clear enough head to try to revive you, you would be dead. You pretty much were Sam. It took a lot to get you breathing again, and Mercedes just would not quit. It got to the point I wanted to pull her off you. It was like she was fighting a losing battle. She wouldn't hear me, she knew you were going to make it. She kept saying you promised you wouldn't go. Finally you took a breath, opened your eyes, that little girl of yours just smiled and looked at me and said 'I told you he wouldn't leave us'. She might be seem sort of small but her strength impressed the hell out of me that night."

"You're the reason Mercedes didn't get charged aren't you?"

"No Sam, don't you see? You are," said Will bending down to get to Sam's eye level. "You made me swear that Mercedes would never be blamed. That I would do whatever it took to make it all go away for her."

"And you did."

"Yes I did."

"You put your badge on the line for a person I wasn't even married to for a year? How did you even know we would last? I had cheated, she filed for divorce." Sam thought about how things ended badly with Quinn, with Brittany, yet Will for some reason trusted in his feelings for Mercedes. It still felt like a big piece of the puzzle was missing here.

"You told me with the last breath you had to protect her. You told me how much you loved her. I would never doubt you in that moment. You knew what was coming."

"A man knows when he is meeting his own end."

"Exactly. I could see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice, you knew you weren't going to be around for her."

He thought of being with Quinn during that limo crash, death could have been right around the corner for them, Sam could almost taste it. Yet he tried to reassure Quinn, and he held her close. He had known without hesitation, that if it came down to it, he would risk it all for her. He was willing to die for Quinn Fabray. Now it all came into focus, he had felt the same way about Mercedes. He had loved her then. Like figuring out who done it at the end of a mystery. This was his "aha" moment, all the pieces were revealed and snapped into place, the only thing missing were his memories of it, his connection to her.

"So you looked after Quinn and protected Mercedes?"

Sam was speechless. Will had come through for him in a big way. He had given him peace and he had taken care of his loved ones, his family, while he was sick. After all he had done in his life, all the trouble he caused, the people he hurt, Sam was shocked that Will would still do something like that for him.

"I did."

"Damn Will I don't even know what to say."

"How about thank you? Your brother risked his career for you. I hope you appreciate it," said Dwight as he appeared in the room.

"I do. It means so much to me that you would do that Will. Just now it feels like someone else's life. All I can see is that you saved Mercedes from jail but you didn't keep Quinn from the hospital." Sam cringed as he realized he had said his thoughts out loud.

"Sam, are you for real? You are actually going to blame Will for what that crazy bitch did?" asked Dwight.

"I'm not blaming anyone dad. I'm just saying how it feels to me now."

Dwight took a seat at the table. "You better snap out of it and fast. You are about to make some serious mistakes if you stay in this line of thinking. Quinn is nothing but trouble and she has done nothing but add misery to your life even while you were in a coma. You have a wife passed out cold upstairs that would give an organ for you, do anything for you, and here you are crying about some woman that has never done anything but bring you down."

"Dwight, take it easy," said Will. "He doesn't remember."

"That's bull. He knows what Quinn was like, even back then. Take off your rose-colored glasses son and wake the hell up. Quinn is in a mental hospital for good reason."

"Because you arranged to have her there. Right dad?" asked Sam as he wheeled himself closer.

"Quinn made her own bed." Dwight fanned his hand dismissively.

"And you just helped her get into it?" asked Sam, his anger starting to build. He had some doubts about his father's involvement, but it was becoming abundantly clear he was up to his eyeballs in Quinn's situation.

"Will can you leave us alone for a bit? I need to talk some sense into my son."

"Dwight I don't think I want to leave you two alone right now."

"It's okay Will, I can handle our father. Thank you for telling me what happened that night." Sam reached out for Will's hand, giving it a swift tight squeeze.

Will placed his hand on Sam's shoulder as he walked by him to make his way to the door. "I'll talk to you soon Sam."

"Oh and Will one more thing," said Sam just as Will's hand hit the door knob.

Will lingered by the door. "Yeah."

"Thank you for saving my life." Their eyes met and Sam gave him a small smile. He hoped Will understood all he was trying to say without words.

"But Sam…" Will bowed his head starting to dispute Sam's statement.

"Will, thank you." Sam interrupted. "I wouldn't be here today without you. You saved me."

Will looked to Sam and then to Dwight and quickly nodded before heading out of the room without saying another word.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

"Thanks for saying that to Will. He's been carrying around a lot of guilt for months," said Dwight.

"I meant it. He saved my life."

"Yes he did. So did your wife."

Sam let out a deep breath. "Here we go."

"Listen to what I'm telling you. Mercedes is not this evil shrew you're making her out to be. Marrying her just might be the best decision you ever made."

"Why? Because she has medical training and knows CPR?"

"Because she got in the trenches with you and never left your side, even when you damn well deserved to be alone and miserable. That girl never gave up on you. Take heed. You don't find women like that everyday."

"I do appreciate her efforts and all the things she did to take care of me, don't get me wrong. I just don't feel all these things you claim I used to. There's nothing I can do about it. I have a child with Quinn, a woman I have cared about for years, that is real to me. This stuff with Mercedes seems like a work of fiction."

"Fiction is your focus on Quinn. You have her idealized in your mind. Trust me on this son, she'll never live up to your dreams."

There was just no winning with his father on the topic of Quinn. "That's for me to find out. Right now I need to put my family together. That is what I want most in this world."

"That's what you wanted most then too, before the accident. Only then your family was your wife, you wanted to make things right with Mercedes."

"Things have changed. I can't go back there. I don't know her."

Sam actually believed what his father was telling him. He could see himself feeling that way about Mercedes, wanting to hold their marriage together, but none of that mattered now. In this reality, Mercedes didn't mean much of anything to him, and all he could do was focus on the people that did. His family now was Quinn and Beth, even if that fact hurt Mercedes, Sam didn't have any way to change it, even if he wanted to.

"You're not even trying son. How do you know that you won't start feeling something, or even remembering her if you don't spend time with her? You fell in love with her before, maybe you can again."

"It's not going to work."

If Sam had the power to snap his fingers and change his heart, to just will things to change, he would have done it long before now. If love could just be willed in and out of existence, Sam would have saved himself years of heartbreak over Quinn.

"You are being resistant."

"I'm being realistic. I already know what I want."

Seventeen years old, his whole life ahead of him but if someone asked him back then where he saw himself in 20 years, his answer would have been no different than now. With Quinn. The only dream that ever stuck, the only version of the future that truly felt right, Sam had just been holding onto the hope that one day he would get a chance at that future. While in the Army, married to Brittany, even now when he had forgotten so much, he still held onto those hopes for Quinn. Whenever he felt like he had nothing, at least he always had that.

"Get your head out of the clouds son. Quinn held your hand and you woke up, big fucking deal. Mercedes was by your side day in and day out for months, she was even in the room the day you woke up too. Did you know that?"

"It doesn't matter."

He had a feeling Mercedes had been there when he was waking up, the same certainty that had clued him in to Quinn's presence that morning. It just didn't matter. Mercedes wasn't what he was looking for, not when he had opened his eyes, and still not now. Sam had been surprised by his initial pull toward Mercedes, and he even let himself give into it a bit, before he wised up. That never changed his greater desires though, the need that existed within him just as he needed to breathe, it all came back to Quinn. Sam was sure that once he saw her again, all the confusion, the doubts, the strange pull toward Mercedes would disappear. Quinn felt like the answer to everything, what he had been searching for since he opened his eyes a few weeks ago.

"I get this is hard for you Sam, and I know it must seem strange, but if you just give her a chance," Dwight urged.

This didn't seem like the father he knew. Dwight Evans never would push a relationship on him. His father always told him to beware of women, to run from commitments based on emotions, to never let his guard down. Yet here his father was trying to get him to feel something for Mercedes.

"Why are you pushing this so hard? You never gave a damn before about my love life."

"That's not true. I've always wanted your happiness."

"Fine way of showing it. All you did was criticize me and tear down everything I loved. Nice support there, dad." If Sam wasn't mistaken his father just winced. That couldn't be right, Dwight rarely showed chinks in his armor. Must be his still fuzzy vision playing tricks.

"You were making foolish choices, I couldn't let you pick the wrong path."

"You mean the path that you didn't choose for me. Did you handpick Mercedes for me? Was it an arranged marriage?"

Dwight snorted. "I thought Mercedes was a gold digging slut. I didn't want you to go near the girl. I told you to just sleep with her to get her out of your system and then move on."

"Seems I didn't take your advice," said Sam eyeing his dad. What had happened to make his father's opinion of Mercedes change? Was it just that she was his nurse?

"No you didn't, and good thing. She's the best thing that ever happened to you."

Sam couldn't believe it. He never thought he'd live to hear his father say something like that. Maybe he was softening in his old age.

"So you would say my judgment was right about Mercedes?"

"Yes I would." Dwight nodded in agreement.

"Well trust my judgment now. I know in my gut that I'm supposed to try again with Quinn. Beth is proof of that."

Beth is what made all of this more than a pipedream. If they hadn't had Beth maybe he could convince himself that he was just once again fantasizing about the impossible with Quinn. She didn't really want him, she hadn't in the past. Their child was the proof that his doubts might be unfounded. There was something between him and Quinn or else that baby would never have been conceived. Even if they were too wrapped up in their own problems then to see it, the universe had stepped in and forced them to look at what was before their eyes. They had a future waiting in the wings.

"Beth was conceived during a drunken one night stand when you were upset about your wife. You weren't in love with Quinn, you just needed an open hole," said his father hitting the table with his open palm.

"Keep talking like that about my daughter's mother and I'll make sure you never see her." Sam gripped the arms of his wheelchair tightly between his fingers, the metal making indentations in his skin.

"You're in no position to make threats son, especially when you are at such a disadvantage."

"Don't underestimate me because I'm in this chair," Sam said trying to keep a tight leash on his anger. He was a step away from exploding if his father said anything else about Quinn. "I'm a man of my word."

"I know you are. That's why I know in time you will be regretting your choices if you keep on this way about Quinn." Dwight seemed to deliberately lighten his tone, as if he sensed Sam's impending assault.

"Why would I regret making a home for my baby?" Sam relaxed, hoping to take this shift in the air as a chance to make his father see his side of things. "She needs her parents with her, to raise her."

"You're right, but her mother will never let that happen. She will destroy any chance at a happy home that girl has, just like she destroyed you, countless other men, and now herself. She's toxic."

"You're wrong and I'm going to prove it."

"How?" Dwight asked.

"We're going to make a good life for our daughter."

He didn't have much more of a plan than that, just an instinctive urge to build a home for his baby. He hadn't even talked to Quinn, perhaps he was being presumptuous about her own desires when it came to Beth. He had been wrong about Quinn before in high school, he had thought they were in sync in their feelings back then too, and she ended up with Puck. This time wouldn't turn out like that he could feel it. He was going to stop at nothing less than happily ever after, his little girl deserved it, and it was time he and Quinn grabbed it.

In the woods the night of the crash, nothing between them but the cold air and the starlit sky, they hinted at their dreams, whispered about a future too scary to admit out loud. Sam knew she had been there with him, her heart finally ready to accept what had been there since they were teens, it had been lurking above them that night, waiting for them to take hold of it. What had happened that they let it slip away? How had he awakened three years later with his heart pledged to someone else, while his fairytale lingered in his daughter's green eyes?

"Good luck with that. She's locked up for the foreseeable future."

"I think that should change."

"Insane people need supervision."

"She's not insane. She just needs to be around people that care."

"You certainly know a lot for man that has been in a coma for nine months. You need to learn the facts before you start taking on causes and defending lunatics."

Maybe his dad was right, he didn't know much, and he probably should wait for the facts before leaping. Sam was never one for wasting time, right now was always better than down the line, sooner better than later. Nine months gone, three years forgotten, he had to move forward now, nothing was guaranteed. He didn't want to wait and miss his chance for this life.

"I'm going to make up for all the time I lost with Beth. I'm going to be a good father." The father he always wished he could be while he was married to Brittany, only then he never was blessed with the opportunity. Beth was his chance, he'd be the dad he always wanted to be.

"I never doubted that for a moment Sam."

"First thing I'm doing for my child is bringing her mother home."

"I think the legal system would have something to say about that."

Sam shot his father a pointed look. "Oh I think the legal system will say anything we want, once you have another chat with that judge."

"You want me to help you free that bat shit crazy girl?" Dwight shook his head in disbelief. "Hell no Sam. She's finally where she belongs."

"Either you help me get Quinn out or I'll go to the police and tell them everything I know about the accident, how Mercedes took her hands off the wheel, how she was drinking before she drove that night." Sam stared his father down, proving his seriousness.

"Your brother made that all go away. There is no evidence," Dwight countered.

Sam shrugged. "Don't need much evidence in the court of public opinion. An eager young journalist would love a story like this."

"The scandal would wreck Will's career. I'll never let that happen. You try to speak out and I will suppress everything."

Sam felt a twinge of guilt. Things could get ugly for Will, but this was about family, hopefully his father would cooperate and things wouldn't get to that point.

"Nice try but I know there are ways to get around even your influence. One strategically dropped rumor and it will snowball. You will be powerless to stop it."

"You'd really sell out your own brother for that slut?"

"I'm doing what I have to for my daughter. She deserves to have a mother in her life."

"I agree with that. Beth does need a mother," Dwight said slowly as if he were mulling things over in his mind.

"How soon will you talk to the judge?"

"Just as soon as you go to Will and tell him that you are going to throw him under the bus because you want to be with Quinn."

Sam looked down. The idea of going to Will after all he'd done for him made Sam a little queasy. "I just told you it was about Beth."

"No it's not Sam. If this were about Beth you would be asking the question that you seem so keen on avoiding."

"What question?"

"Don't play dumb Sam. I know you didn't lose all your brain cells in that crash. It's the question you're dying to know the answer to but are afraid to ask."

Oh that. Sam again pushed it aside, as he had been doing for days. "I'm not afraid to ask. I already know, she tried to kill herself and they took Beth away."

"Maybe I was being too generous, clearly you did fry your brain."

"I'm going by what I've been told. If there is more to it, I don't know it." Truth be told he was a little nervous about knowing it. All of the new information had been bombarding him, most of it had been pretty bad, he wasn't sure he could take more.

"Oh there's more to it all right. That crazy bitch left your daughter in the cold and then jumped into the river."

Sam's heart constricted, an image of Beth floating in the river flashed through his mind. He physically shook himself from it.

"She took Beth with her?" Sam asked, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Luckily she had enough sense not to jump with her in her arms. Puck was right there when she took her swan dive, so he fished the slut out."

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. "So she wasn't in long?"

"Nope. Puck was coming out of one of our warehouses on the docks when he decided to play the hero."

"Thank God, they weren't in danger long." Quinn must have chosen to go by the D&E warehouse docks so she could be found. She must've known someone would see them.

"It depends on how you calculate time. A baby doesn't need long in the cold to be dead. Are you really willing to risk Will's career for a woman that would do that? I'm not."

"She was sick. I know you don't like her, but you must understand that."

Sam could see why his father was upset. Beth could've died. Sam was trying to hold on to the fact that the threat was low and Quinn left Beth where she could readily be found. She hadn't meant to hurt her. She was distraught not murderous.

"That's why she needs to stay where she is."

"Dad I can help Quinn. I know it. Just trust me please. For Beth." He grabbed his father's arm on top of the table, trying to will him to understand. He needed to do this for them. He had to get Quinn back home.

"I love my granddaughter." Dwight sighed. "I would do anything for her."

"So do this," Sam implored.

"I think you're making a big mistake." Dwight quickly rubbed Sam's hand on his arm before moving away. "Quinn is just not what you or Beth needs."

"She's her mother."

"Biology doesn't make a mother. Quinn has never been a mother to that girl."

"She just needs a chance. She'll get healthy and get her life straight. She just needs time to readjust."

He could see his father wavering. Hope started to build that his father actually was going to help.

"Here's how it will go. I'll let your little loony bird free on one condition."

"Which is?"

"You give yourself time to adjust."

Sam narrowed his eyes at the old man. He was up to something. "What's that mean?"

"That means Quinn can get out of the hospital and come back to Lima, but in exchange you have to agree to stay married to your wife. I mean really married, no faking it, no going through the motions, I want you to take the time and give your marriage a shot, for a period of nine months and Mercedes must never find out about this little deal we made."

He pushed back from the table, rolling away from his father. "This is crazy, you know that? You can't force me to be with someone I don't want to be with."

"Take it or leave it. It's the only way you'll get Quinn out, because I will never ever let you hurt Will for her."

Sam wanted to break something. This is not how he had wanted things to go. He put his hands on his head pulling the spiky strands of his hair in frustration. "I don't want to hurt Will either. I just couldn't think of anything else to hold over you."

"I can see how much this means to you, rebuilding your family, and I respect that. I just think you're looking in the wrong direction. I don't want you to wake up one day, with your memory back and have regrets about your choices."

"I know this is the right decision dad. Quinn and I need to make a life for Beth." Even if his memory returned tomorrow, Sam was sure he would still feel the same.

"You will get your shot, if you agree to my terms."

Staring down at his lap, slowly shaking his head at the sheer insanity of this situation, Sam tried to find a silver lining to this dark cloud over his head. "How am I supposed to make things work with Quinn while I'm married to another woman?"

"I thought this was about Beth not Quinn. Being married shouldn't prevent you from helping her mother get back on track. Unless you were misleading me and you were thinking about something more with that woman."

"It's about Beth. She's my first priority," said Sam.

Dwight stood and walked over to Sam, extending his hand. "Good. So we have a deal?"

Sam stared at that hand, his head flooding with thoughts. It felt like the devil himself was asking for his soul. Was he really willing to sacrifice his freedom for Quinn's?


	30. Chapter 30

**Probably one of my favorite chapters I've written...not sure why. LOL Thanks for reading!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 30<strong>

The moon was like a beacon brighter than Quinn had seen it in months, or maybe she had forgotten just what a full moon could be. Glowing in the sky, silently watching over the night, a celestial vigil over the worn and weary below. Quinn closed her eyes briefly, steeling her nerves and gathering her courage. She rose to her feet, eyes still clenched closed, raising her arms toward the sky. She said a silent prayer to the moon, for protection, safety, health, and for love. As a child she used to think God was in the moon, his shadow was the stars, if she prayed hard enough into the night everything would ultimately turn out okay. So many nights of her life were spent gazing up at the dark sky, with only the light of the moon and the twinkle of the stars to pull her focus.

God had listened before, when he finally saved her from that last hospital, her parents finally promising to let her stay at home, when he gave her someone to love her in Puck and of course in Sam. She had looked to the moon when she was pulled between the security of Mike and the passionate uncertainties of her feelings for Sam. God knew how much her heart could handle and led her toward someone that wouldn't hurt but only give her time to heal. Then Puck returned on a night when she had been so thankful, counting stars like blessings, alone staring up at the sky, feeling just about content with the safety of her heart. There he appeared torn and tearful, needing something to hold, something to be real. Quinn had been there, knew what it was like to fall and have only the air sliding through your fingers, so she let Puck lean, and finally she became someone's rock. Needed and wanted, giving and not taking, it was nice to place focus outside of herself for a change.

It had been good with Puck, despite the hurdles they had to jump to land together again. Quinn relished her role as supporter, caretaker, partner. Puck made her feel like an adult, like an equal, like a wife. Maybe if she had been more secure in her position, if she had just been able to believe that a man like Puck could truly want someone like her for the long term, that night with Sam might never have happened. But she wasn't and it did, and their lives were forever altered. Quinn tended to resist change beyond her control, she only liked to transform on her own terms, yet one drunken night spun her entire world out of control. Now here she was standing on a roof, hands to heaven, praying for something she thought would never change.

"Quinn get back here. Someone might see you," said Iley in a hoarse whisper.

"Who?" asked Quinn not even opening her eyes, arms still raised. "We're all alone out here. The edge of the world."

"You mean the edge of the roof and there are surveillance cameras. Come back here in the shadows next to me."

"In a minute." Quinn let her hands fall to her sides and opened her eyes but didn't move back from the edge of the roof.

She let her toes curl over the edge of the tiles, grazing the metal gutter below. It was an exhilarating feeling being so close to the edge, her hair whipping in the wind. It was a frigid February night, and Quinn wore only a royal blue flannel nightgown with tiny white dots, but she wasn't cold. The feeling of freedom kept her warm, as her pulsed raced in anticipation of what just one more step could bring.

"Ever wish you could fly, Iley?"

"I guess. Used to like to pretend I was a superhero."

"I used to fly, back at the group home."

"Quinn are you feeling alright?" asked Iley sounding nervous.

The pink house with a yellow door, a garden out front, filled with flowers, a stone path leading to the back, stopping at a tall oak tree. Standing on a solid limb, feeling almost higher than the clouds, Quinn would lift her arms toward the moon and take off. Her greatest escape of all often happened in her mind as a child. Never any fears of being discovered missing, no worries about where she would actually go, the tree behind her pink house was her launching pad to the unknown, vast and mysterious but never scary. She was free.

One more step and she felt like she could fly tonight. Away from the white sweat suits, scheduled colored pills, the constant questions, from doctors, from patients, from staff. One step and Quinn could be free again, fly back to a place where her life was her own, where she was nobody. A faded figure in baggy clothes that liked to hum showtunes, back to a version of herself that she recognized and actually sort of liked.

"It seems like a good night to soar," said Quinn a smile on her face as she looked over her shoulder at Iley. She extended her hand toward the blonde girl. "Take my hand. We can go together."

"Quinn you're scaring me. Come back here and sit."

Quinn shook her head, turning once more toward the open span of sky. Leaning her head back she let wind the billow through her gown, the icy air stinging her bare knees.

"I bet your baby girl would miss you if you flew away," said Iley from behind her.

Quinn frowned, suddenly thinking of Beth. She had forgotten her for a bit as the wind beckoned her into its fold. She teetered shakily as she finally looked down, five stories up, concrete and frozen earth below. Quinn eased down into a sitting position, then scooted slowly back to join Iley near their windowsill.

"I wasn't going anywhere really. I was just…"

"Dreaming?" suggested Iley.

"Something like that. For a moment I was wishing for the old me."

"I get like that sometimes. I think about who I used to be before I felt the urge to hurt. It would be nice to be that girl again. The one everyone trusted and wasn't leery of."

"Yeah. I might have been nothing much, but at least I wasn't crazy."

"Or dangerous."

Quinn and Iley gave each other a look of shared understanding. "I can't go back can I?" Quinn asked.

"I think those other girls are lost somewhere," said Iley sadly. "At least they visit us sometimes," she added pepping up."That's how we know there's good still inside here." She pointed to her chest. "The girl I used to be reminds me to stay strong."

"I'm not sure the girl I used to be would be of much help now."

"Why's that?"

"She's making me want impossible dreams," admitted Quinn softly.

Iley rested her head on Quinn's shoulder. "I just want to be free. I want to get out of here and find a little place of my own. I've never really had that, something that was all mine."

"That sounds good."

"What do you want?" Iley asked tugging on the sleeve of Quinn's nightgown to make sure she was listening.

She wanted to be able to love her baby without hesitation, without being stabbed with guilt every time it took her just a minute too long to remember Beth. She wanted to be able to walk down the street with her head held high and not hear the barely concealed whispers of the people she passed, she wanted to feel like singing, to get back to herself, to remember her heart and let it flow through all that she did. Quinn had lost that somewhere, her direction, her passion, lost between Puck breaking down, and then later bailing out. The music was gone and she had lost herself.

"I want to sing."

"Like up on stage? I know you used to do that."

"In the middle of a field, twirling amongst the wildflowers, in the warm sunshine." Her baby on a blanket at her feet, with her father smiling up at her, her captive audience.

Better than the roar of applause from a crowd, more exciting than the glow of the spotlight on her face, to be able to share her songs with the two people she loved most in this world, that was all she wanted. Adoration of fans replaced by love of her family, the stage swapped for a home, all her often dreamed desires for a life in the music business seemed so frivolous now. Losing Sam and Beth forced her to see that the audience she craved was right within her reach, if only she hadn't let them slip so far away.

"I hope I'm not here for spring. I don't want to have to watch flowers bloom through a plate glass window," said Iley sadly.

"That's what I always missed most, the flowers. They're sort of like rainbows sprouting from the ground don't you think?"

"You have such a beautiful mind Quinn."

"What?" Quinn giggled.

"I can picture the things you say, in my head."

Quinn shrugged. "I used to dream a lot. I guess that's why. I can make anything work out in my mind. It's the real world I suck at."

"At least your head is filled with pretty things, and not darkness like mine. I would love to be able to find someplace beautiful to go."

"Oh you can Iley, you just have to want it enough." She pointed up at the night sky. "See that star over there? That's the North Star. Do you see it shining brighter than the others?

"Yes."

"Now close your eyes, and I'll close mine, and let's wish. Wish the biggest and best wish you can."

"Okay I wish…"

"No," she interrupted. "You can't say your wish out loud, only your heart can know it or it won't come true. So wish Iley."

Quinn closed her eyes and concentrated. She sent herself back to that field, in a white dress, barefoot and spinning. She saw Beth on Sam's lap and they were clapping and laughing. The grass was tall and the flowers were everywhere, hiding them from view. Alone in their own little hideaway, Quinn's breathing increased as she spun faster, the song bursting from her as she moved, then with a dramatic flourish she hit her last note and plopped down on the blanket beside them.

Pressing kisses to the top of her little girl's head, Beth leaned toward her to get in her arms. As Quinn took her from Sam, their eyes met, and his lopsided grin appeared, his eyes disappearing in the happiness of his face. With one hand on Beth's back, and the other cupping the back of her hair, Sam leaned closer, his smile never fading, his eyes drinking her in. He murmured something that Quinn strained to hear, she wanted to ask him to repeat it but the question died on her lips as he swept a kiss across her mouth.

"What did you say?" she asked her eyes still closed dazed from the softness of his lips.

"I said someone's coming. Hurry up." Quinn quickly opened her eyes realizing she had been caught up in her wish. She felt Iley dragging her by her sleeve through their open window and back into the room.

They both dove into their beds, trying to feign innocence as the door opened and a male aide came in.

"It's cold in here," the aide commented closing the door behind him.

His hands were behind his back, and Quinn hoped he wasn't coming to give them yet another dosage of drugs, she had been enjoying the relative clarity of this time when the drugs were fading and the next dosage was hours away. For a few fleeting hours she felt like herself, able to freely think and feel, without the buffers of medication dulling her senses.

"It's not cold to me," replied Iley, casually flipping through a book on her bed. "Are you cold Quinn?"

"No," Quinn answered only half paying attention. She was still feeling Sam's lips against hers, the weight of her baby in her lap, and all that warm sunshine. She was too busy praying for wishes to be granted to play along with Iley's ruse.

"Well anyway, I have something for you," announced the aide, pulling his hand from behind his back and revealing a long white box.

"For who?" asked Iley sitting up excitedly in her bed.

"For Ms. Quinn Fabray. Looks like you have a Valentine," he handed the box to Quinn.

"I thought we weren't allowed to receive gifts," said Quinn as she looked down at the box in her lap in wonder.

"I'm just following orders. I was told you were to receive this. Now you have it, so my job is done. Go to sleep you two."

"Thank you," said Quinn a puzzled smile on her face. She wondered who would send her a gift.

"Well stop staring at it, open it already," urged Iley coming over to sit next to Quinn on her bed once the aide had left.

Quinn hands were shaking as she placed the box on her lap. She slowly untied the white satin bow that held the box closed, savoring the feel of the fabric against her skin. It had been so long since she had received anything nice. Her days had been filled with the austere surroundings of hospitals, aside from those silk sheets she used to have, Quinn hadn't felt much luxury in recent months. A simple bow was almost as good as diamonds for her now. Lifting the lid off the box, she was greeted with red tissue paper, a small white envelope sitting in the center of it all.

Iley snatched the card from the box, hastily sliding it out of the envelope. Quinn cringed slightly when she saw how rough the girl was handling the card, she didn't want it damaged. She wanted it pristine, as it had arrived.

"Not handpicked but still from the heart," Iley read out loud, from the small white card. Quinn's eyes widened as she took the card from Iley's hand, cradling it against her heart. "What's that about? There's no name."

Quinn didn't respond, she was too busy folding back the red tissue to reveal the contents of the box. There on her lap a rainbow of colors, sprouted from the earth, captured in a box.

"Wildflowers," she grinned, running her hands lightly over the fragrant blooms of blues, whites, yellows and pinks.

She could see him standing there on her porch, his hair golden from the sun, a bouquet of flowers in his hand, dirt still clinging to their stems. He had been so proud of his gift, happy to give her a smile after her months confined in the hospital. Sam had told her he wanted to give her what she missed the most, the wildflowers that grew out in the fields on the edge of the forest near her house.

In that moment she couldn't imagine a more perfect boy, she was filled with so many feelings she never could convey. And seeing him there in the sunshine, smiling at her, Quinn almost felt brave enough to reveal her heart. Then the clouds shifted and the sun dimmed, and Quinn's courage failed. Kisses covered all the words she couldn't begin to say. Here she was ten years later, and he was still sending her sunshine, still giving her what she missed most.

"Who's the cheap bastard that sent those? They couldn't spring for roses?" asked Iley turning her nose up.

Quinn just grinned as she excitedly put the box on her bed and ran over to their window, throwing it open and poking her head out, to gaze once more at the stars. She closed her eyes again, still clinging to that tiny card. "Thank you," she mouthed hoping God was still listening.

She opened her eyes and the moon seemed brighter, the stars twinkling with even more intensity. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw something below, moving on the frozen grass, all in beige. It almost looked like that other girl, the girl she used to be, twirling in the night, singing some unknown song. Quinn knew it was a trick of the light, and her mind was again getting lost in dreams, but it didn't matter because now Quinn knew there was still hope.

Even the most impossible wishes could be granted.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

Two miles down the road, one traffic light and two turns, she could make it. She could just grab her keys from the hook above the desk and go. Her custom painted teal blue Lexus RX was just out front waiting to be driven. Mercedes hadn't got in her car in months. Almost seven months if she were counting, not since Quinn went into labor on the side of the road and Mercedes had to drive to get to her. Driving just didn't hold the same appeal anymore, she got tense just thinking about it. Mercedes looked down at the empty ice cream container on the table. That was her last pint she just polished off. She needed to get to the store to replenish her stash.

Maybe the bus, it was too cold to even consider walking, but if she timed it right the bus could get her to the store and back in under two hours. Mercedes groaned. Two hours was far too long to be out of the house. The longer she was outside the greater the risk of being seen, by nosy reporters, by a co-worker, by Sam. Although, it was highly doubtful Sam would be out just leisurely shopping at the grocery store, he hadn't even done that much when he was healthy before the accident. There was even less chance now that he was in the midst of hardcore therapy, but Mercedes' luck tended to run on the poor side and she didn't want to risk that today of all days Sam decided to stop into the supermarket on the way home from a grueling physical therapy session to pick up some Gatorade.

Okay she was being dumb. Sam was not out. She should just jump in the car and go. That's what she was going to do. Mercedes stared over at the keys on the rack, still unmoving from her chair. Maybe she could try those cookies again. Ice cream was the only food she had been able to keep down, everything else had felt like lead in her stomach, but maybe things would be better this go round. She could just pad her sorrows with Beiste's homemade chocolate chip cookies, just as good as ice cream. Mercedes got up and went over the counter and uncovered the glass cake dish that displayed the cookies Beiste had made that morning, taking one from the top, Mercedes took a tentative bite, cinnamon and chocolate filled her mouth, sweet and hearty goodness. She swallowed the bite and immediately her stomach churned. She ran to the sink splashing water on her face, to prevent any nausea from taking hold. The last thing she wanted to do was end up spending her night throwing up in the bathroom, again.

Two weeks ago when she was released from the hospital, so early that Sam had still been asleep in the next bed, Mercedes had called herself a cab to take her home. Beiste had arrived a few hours later, alarmed that Mercedes had not been at the hospital when she had come to pick her up, only to find Mercedes sprawled out on the bathroom floor staring at the ceiling. Beiste had feared she had passed out, but that wasn't the case at all, passing out would have been a welcome occurrence for her. Instead she had just plopped down on the floor exhausted from purging her system and unmotivated to go any further. What would have been the point to move anyway? Beth was still with her grandpa Dwight and Beiste. Sam didn't give a shit about her. She was alone in an empty house with nothing better to do but wallow in her misery.

"You have a family. You can't just hide out," Beiste had scolded as she helped her up off the floor and into the bed. Beiste had filled her with cups of herbal tea, watching her every move, until Mercedes couldn't take anymore of her loving attention, and faked sleep. Beiste seemed satisfied and left after that. If Mercedes had known all it would take was a nap to get Beiste to go, she would have pretended to fall asleep sooner.

Once alone in the room, Mercedes had gotten out of bed, sleep was not an option, hadn't been for months, and went into her large walk-in closet filled with her belongings. One half for her, the other was his, the physical reminders that a couple once lived here, that two people shared a life, coexisted and connected. It was like a shrine to a fabled love, a relationship that couldn't be proven in physical terms, it all had been forgotten, except for what was left in her own hazy mind. Did a life exist if only one person remembered living it?

His clothes still smelled like him, fading now, just a hint, unlike the bold fragrance of his aftershave and something that was uniquely Sam that had lingered right after the crash. Apparently smells had an expiration date, and Sam's was close upon her. She pulled one of his shirts off the hanger, pale blue, white buttons, high thread count. He would have worn this to the office, probably under his navy pinstripe suit, or on the weekend with the sleeves rolled up with his khakis. He liked this shirt, as proven by its super softness of repeated washings. She could still smell him in the shirt, she inhaled deeply as she pulled it on over her tank top, wrapping her arms about herself, imagining that he were giving her a gentle hug.

She never thought she would still be doing this, finding comfort in his clothing, not now, not after he was back from his coma. Yet there she had been feeling more alone than she ever had the previous nine months, because then she had the hope of his recovery, she could look forward to their joyous reunion when he came back to her. Their reunion turned out to be far from joyous, and she didn't have anything else to hope for, he was better, he was getting healthy, he just wasn't coming back, not to her at least.

Later, Mercedes had padded down the hallway barefoot, in Sam's shirt over her white ribbed tank top and red knit shorts. She had pushed open the door to Beth's nursery, the starlit room, not particularly twinkly as the sunlight dimmed the effect of the tiny lights in the ceiling. Beth was back, sleeping soundly in her crib, Beiste hadn't told her. Mercedes reached in and stroked her blond hair, smiling as she noted her fist resting near her mouth, the position she always slept in. She was the sweetest baby girl.

The sun rose creating ribbons of light along the walls of the room, spotlighting Sam's pictures one by one. She felt close to him here, surrounded by his smile, the soft sounds of his daughter's breathing filling the room. Mercedes had stretched out on the floor, near Beth's crib, staring over at the small table beside the rocking chair that held Beth's castle snowglobe and that picture of Sam, the one she loved, of him squinting into the sun. That Sam loved her. That was the Sam that promised he would never leave, that was certain they would find a way back to each other. Where was he now? He had sent a substitute version of himself back to rejoin the living, one that didn't remember any promises, at least not any he made to her. She had just wanted him back, and her wish had been wonderfully granted, if she had only known that she should have been more specific, that wishes had to be made in clearly defined terms, she would've spelled things out, made it all clear. She wanted him back and she wanted him to still love her.

The sun had been at full blast in the sky by then, the room bathed in light, Beth would be stirring soon, as she inevitably did when she sensed daylight. One day she'd watch the sunrise with Beth, share the beautiful golds and oranges that mark the coming of a new day with her, just as she had with her father. That would be her gift to her, a respect for the cleansing beauty of sunrises. She couldn't be sure Sam would remember to show her, perhaps this Sam didn't even care about sunrises the way the other version of himself used to.

But they did have that night in the hospital, when they watched the moon fade and the sun emerge, he seemed to appreciate it then, so maybe her Sam was still in there somewhere, lurking in the shadows, letting his body be steered by an impostor. As the sun filled the hospital room that night, Sam hadn't felt much like an impostor at all, the Sam that knew and loved her seemed just within reach. Maybe that was where she could find him, smiling with the first rays of sun, maybe in those small hours he was hers.

* * *

><p><em>"How long does it take the sun to rise? I think we have been waiting for hours." Mercedes snuggled closer to Sam, resting her head on his shoulder.<em>

_"I don't know. It does when it does. You act like you've never seen the sunrise before." He looked at her seeming amused by her impatience._

_"I have, just usually I was coming home from a club, or crawling out of bed for an early shift. I never really stopped to watch them." She looked down at their entwined hands resting in his lap. "Until my husband made me."_

_"Made you?"_

_"He had this thing for them, for mornings in general, but sunrises in particular."_

_"What did he like about them?" Sam asked stroking her hand with his thumb._

_"He said he liked the colors, and how they stayed the same no matter where he was."_

_"You can always count on a sunrise."_

_Mercedes smiled. "That's what he used to say."_

_"Interesting. I was in the Army, did I tell you that?" he asked turning to look at her._

_Mercedes lifted her head from his shoulder, flustered trying to recall what facts he had revealed to her, she didn't want to alert him of their prior connection yet. "Not sure, but I knew that about you."_

_"When I was in the Army, across the planet from Lima, just 18 and feeling more homesick than I cared to admit, I would count on the sunrises. I'd watch them and it would remind me of home." Sam grew silent gazing off at the sunrise happening outside their window._

_"Sunrises remind me of home too," she said trying to pull him from his thoughts. She knew he had gone back to some place dark and dusty in Afghanistan. "The home I never really had until I got married. We watched the sunrises together sometimes."_

_"Sort of like we are doing now?"_

_"Almost, we would snuggle close in our window seat in our bedroom, wrapped up under a blanket, the curtains open wide."_

_"Sounds nice. It must feel weird to be with me here instead of him."_

_"Not really. I'm comfortable with you."_

_"How comfortable?" he asked leaning closer, his chin resting on her shoulder._

_She shuddered at his nearness. "Very. I feel like you said before, that I'm where I'm supposed to be."_

_"You look really pretty in the light, your eyes sort of sparkle."_

_Mercedes smiled, looking down at her lap. "Thank you."_

_"You're blushing, all pretty, like a chocolate covered strawberry. I like it. Do you blush that color everywhere?"_

_"I don't know." She felt her cheeks warming even more._

_"Why do I feel like..." he hesitated finishing his question instead just letting his eyes roam her face._

_"What?" she asked softly._

_"Why do I feel like I've done this before?"_

_Their eyes locked and Mercedes' breath caught in her throat, the look in his eyes making her a little lightheaded. A slow grin spread on his face as he looked away._

_"You said you watched sunrises in the Army, maybe…"_

_"No," he interrupted brushing the hair away from her face. "Why do I feel like I've done this before with you?"_

_"Really? You think it might be your memory coming back?" Mercedes' heart lifted a little hoping this was a sign that her Sam was coming back._

_He smiled. "I don't think so. It's more like a feeling."_

_"Déjà vu? Maybe in another life you watched a sunrise from a hospital bed with a nurse." She tried to hide her disappointment behind a joke. They were having a nice time, no need to spoil it because she selfishly wanted a bigger miracle than the one they had already received._

_Sam laughed. "I guess that could be possible, although is this really normal nurse/patient behavior?"_

_"Not at all."_

_"I didn't think so. If I say something will you promise not to smack me?"_

_"You can tell me anything," she insisted turning in the bed to face him, her palm resting flat on his chest._

_Sam looked at her quickly, then down at her hand that was still on his body, before letting his eyes slowly rise to her face again. "I can imagine making love to you while the sun rises," he said never looking away, his gaze unwavering and intense._

_"What? Like here in the hospital?" asked Mercedes nervously._

_His statement had made the butterflies in her stomach take flight. She had been with this man countless times before, but it felt like the first time all over again in that moment._

_"No," he laughed. "But I can see it in my mind. You're on my lap."_

_"Like this," said Mercedes as she climbed across him and settled herself on his lap facing him._

_"Yeah," he said his tone becoming a bit huskier. "And we are surrounded in sunlight, and your eyes are sparkling like they are now, and your head is thrown back." Mercedes leaned her head back, her chest protruding forward towards his. "Just like that. And I…" Sam ran a trail of kisses along the column of her throat, and then down her collarbone and onto her chest._

_"I think you're making a move on me Mr. Evans," she said bringing her head back down to look at him. "You're not having déjà vu at all."_

_"Is that right?" Sam's eyes glinted mischievously. "Are you a mind reader?"_

_"I just think you are trying to live out some naughty nurse fantasy."_

_"You're cute," he said kissing the tip of her nose. "But I think my fantasies were fulfilled the moment you sat on my lap in these very short shorts." He ran his hands up her bare thighs, his eyes never leaving hers._

_"Do you like them?"_

_"Oh I hate them." He dropped his tone as his hands crept even higher up her thighs, under the hem of her shorts. "I've wanted to rip them off you all night."_

_Mercedes gasped in mock horror. "Sam."_

_"You promised not to smack me." He smirked drawing her even closer to his body, their faces inches apart. "You're blushing again. I really have to know if you do that anywhere else." He lifted the happy face t-shirt up over her head, revealing her bare chest._

_"So what's the verdict?" she asked biting her lip trying not to moan as his hands roved her body._

_"I think chocolate covered strawberries might be my new favorite food."_

* * *

><p>Beth had rushed her from that memory, forcing her off the floor, and back to the real world. The following days were a blur of carefully orchestrating her avoidance with Beth's routine. Everyone must have secretly pitied her, because no one said a word as she passed Beth off to various family members, so that she could go spend time with Sam without her being present. The ploy seemed to be working, even Beiste had backed off, and stayed away from the house more often than not.<p>

Peace was found as she tried to make her way to the bottom of an ice cream pint, her only stress was running out of the coveted dessert. It was almost an hour and she still hadn't resolved how to solve her present dilemma how to get more ice cream without actually leaving the house.

There was a knock at the door and Mercedes looked up. She could see Kurt outside, nose pressed against the glass. She sighed as she slowly got up to let him in.

"Were you actually going to leave me out there?" asked Kurt as he breezed by her through the door.

"I just want to be left alone Kurt. I told you that over the phone." She looked down at herself as she returned to her chair at the table, a faded Lima U t-shirt and black leggings. Her camel colored UGG boots kept her feet warm, since ice cream had a tendency to be a chilly meal in the heart of winter.

"That didn't apply to me though. You can shun the rest of the world but not your Kurt." He hugged her close around the shoulders before taking a seat opposite her at the table.

"I think I'm going to bed. I'm tired," she announced with an exaggerated yawn.

"It's only 3pm. Not even the folks at the senior center turn in that early."

"I must be still feeling the effects of that sedation. It was strong stuff."

"Don't give me that. They put you out weeks ago. You're just avoiding." Kurt unbuttoned his black wool pea coat making himself more comfortable.

"Maybe I am. I think I've earned the right to at this point."

"Sam is just being cranky. He'll come around."

"Cranky? You act like he's just upset I forgot to pick up his dry cleaning. He blames me for his coma. Not to mention he hates me and can't stand the sight of me."

"Nonsense." Kurt shook his head causing his chocolate brown hair to fall over his forehead. He was growing his hair longer and the efforts were starting to show. "He's just being a drama queen. It is an Evans trait. Though Uncle Dwight would be quick to call it Irish Pride. It's really just diva antics."

Mercedes smiled, a quick laugh escaping her lips despite her dour mood. "I'm picturing Dwight all diva like, demanding a certain brand of water and a bowl of sorted M&Ms, reds only."

"You don't think he does that? I bet Figgins has some stories he could tell."

"What Sam is feeling goes deeper than the color of his M&Ms. You weren't there Kurt. It was awful."

"I can imagine. I'm sure he said many hurtful things."

"He did. He thinks I'm a lying slut, not to mention an attempted murderer." Mercedes' stomach gurgled as she recalled the nasty tirade Sam had unleashed on her at the hospital.

"He didn't mean that stuff though. He's just frustrated and he took it out on you."

"I deserved it. He was right about it all." Mercedes let her head fall to the table, banging it against the hard wood a few times for effect.

"No he was not!" Kurt yanked her ponytail hard, forcing Mercedes' attention. "Have you been sitting here listening to emo rock and slurping Haagen Daz?"

"Dashboard Confessional and Ben & Jerry's." She held up the empty container showing it to Kurt. "Cherry Garcia."

"Okay, get your coat. It's time to go."

"I don't want to go out Kurt." She sighed. "I'm just going to replay the playlist on my Ipod and grab another pint." Everyone else had taken the hint. Why couldn't Kurt? Oh right, because he was Kurt, the human happiness elixir.

"No you're not. Time for an intervention."

"I don't need an intervention I need Ben and his pal Jerry."

"We're going to Scandals, where real food awaits."

"All the food at Scandals comes pre-cooked and you guys just nuke it. I'm not sure that can be considered real."

"Up up, grab that coat," said Kurt pulling Mercedes to her feet and dragging her toward the door. "Where's Beth?"

"Sue took her to visit Sam," said Mercedes glumly as she slowly put one arm in her coat.

"Perfect. Let's go." He shoved Mercedes out the door barely letting her grab her purse off the desk before shutting the door behind them.


	32. Chapter 32

**Thanks for reading and commenting. **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 32<strong>

"Marcel it doesn't make sense. You let the barber cut my hair, but you wouldn't let him touch my beard. Have you seen my face?"

"Very handsome sir," said Marcel expressionlessly.

"It is not handsome. I look like Fidel Castro." Wooly beard, a gray t-shirt, and navy sweat pants, Sam hadn't felt this unkempt since he was in the Army on a mission.

"Non, you look better than him. See." He held the mirror up to Sam's face. "Your hair looks magnificent."

Sam ran a hand over his short dark blond locks. The barber had shaped it up all over, evened out all the stray ends. It was shorter than he liked to wear it, but he had to admit it looked pretty good. "The beard has to go," said Sam pushing the mirror away.

"I called Mrs. Evans but she was not there," said Marcel pulling his cell phone out of his pocket and checking for messages.

"Give me that phone. I'll make her pick up." Sam grabbed for the phone but Marcel moved it away from his reach, clutching it to his chest. Marcel was tall and easily evaded Sam's attempts at taking the phone.

"Non. You have not been cleared for the phone."

"Yes I have," said Sam reaching again. "I just can't use the internet yet or watch live TV."

Not that there had been an official rule list supplied by his team of doctors, just a thirty minute lecture cautioning him on taking on too much too soon. They didn't want his senses overloaded with too much new information at once, at least not until he was deemed fit by his therapist. Sam had laughed to himself when he heard that. Little did his doctors know that his therapist probably was less mentally fit than he was. Sam had yet to meet a member of the Lopez family that wasn't cracked. He suspected Kalina Hill, was no different than the rest of her damaged lot.

Marcel shook his bald head as he resumed cleaning up the supplies from the barber's visit. "I must confirm with Mrs. Evans."

"Damn it Marcel." Sam clenched his jaw, trying to keep his temper in check. "You work for me."

Marcel pulled a folded square of paper from the chest pocket of his green scrubs. "Actually sir…"

Sam snatched the paper from Marcel's hands ripping it into shreds and tossing the pieces into the air. "Here's what you can do with my wife's little list of rules."

"It's okay sir. I have copies," said Marcel in the same flat tone he always used, unfazed by Sam's outburst.

Sam grunted in annoyance, wheeling himself to the window so he wouldn't have to look at that infuriating Belgian again.

"You really must try to control your temper dear. You will make Beth think it is okay to have tantrums."

Sam looked over to the doorway where his mother had appeared with Beth in her arms. His daughter was smiling and gurgling head to toe in red footed pajamas as she tried to grab for one of his mother's dangling earrings. Sue kept leaning back so the baby wouldn't pull it.

"Marcel, the kitchen staff was asking some questions about Sam's diet. Can you go help them?" asked Sue barely glancing at the man.

"Oui, madam," said Marcel with a nod of his head.

Sue handed Beth to Sam. "I thought you might like to do the honors," she said holding up a bottle.

"What do you say little girl?" asked Sam as he looked into his daughter's face. "Do you want to have dinner with your dad?"

Beth reached up and touched Sam's lips as he spoke. When the bottle appeared in front of the baby's face, she opened her mouth, ready for the meal to come. "Looks like she's hungry," noted Sam as he put the bottle in Beth's mouth.

"You're getting good at this. I thought you might be rusty handling a baby since it's been a while for you."

"What do you mean? I just was doing this with Mike's baby Maria…" Sam stopped himself realizing the error of what he had just said. "I guess it has been longer than I think."

"Yeah," Sue said softly. "Looks like you have it all under control though, you always were good with kids."

"I kind of thought Mercedes would be bringing her over." He glanced over at his mother. She was messing with her hair in his dresser mirror.

"Did you want her to come?" asked Sue still focused on her reflection.

"Not really, well, I did want to talk to her about her stupid rules." He needed to get a few things straight with his wife once and for all. Mercedes didn't call the shots in his life anymore.

"Ah, well she's not feeling well."

His mom was dressed simply, jeans, brown turtleneck, cream leather blazer on top, her usual layers of chains absent. Sam guessed Beth had yanked one too many the past couple weeks.

"Still? She's been sick for days."

Sam hadn't seen Mercedes since she was sedated in the bed across from him at the hospital. After he returned from visiting with his father, Marcel had helped him settle in for the evening, served him his pastel colored mush, and then promptly left him alone to get some sleep. Mercedes had slept through it all. For a brief moment he wondered if she had been given too much of whatever drug she was on, and they had knocked her out permanently, but then she had yawned and rolled over, turning her back to him, never fully waking up. Sleep came so much easier for him once he didn't have the option of staring into her face. He got some much needed rest after he pushed all thoughts of his father's deal to the back of his mind. The next morning he woke up refreshed and completely alone. Mercedes and her bed were removed from the room. He hadn't seen her since.

Sue sighed. "She's been dealing with a lot."

"I've been in a coma for months yet I am still up and about, well as much as I can be. She fainted and is confined to her bed?"

It had been good to finally get out of the hospital, cold air hitting him in the face. He felt truly back among the living. Now that he was home he avoided the bed for as long as he could each day, feeling like if he didn't get out and move about, even if it was in a wheelchair, that somehow the coma would come back and reclaim him. Sam knew he had cheated death, beat unbelievable odds to make it back to consciousness. It almost felt like a test to see if he were truly worthy of this gift, this second chance at life. If he squandered the time it all would be yanked away. Sam couldn't let that happen, he had too much to live for. He looked down at his baby in his arms, sipping away at her bottle, her little hand curling around Sam's larger one. Beth was the reason taking it slow was not an option.

"Don't be so insensitive. You know more is wrong with her than that." Sue sat down on his bed, careful not to rumple his navy blue bedspread. "I get you're upset but at least acknowledge all she has been through."

"Please excuse me if I'm not broken up over this. My head injury must be preventing me from mustering adequate sympathetic reactions."

He just couldn't quite let it go, even after hearing all she had done to save him the night of the accident. There was something blocking him from just forgiving her completely. Intellectually he understood it all was an accident, she had been stupid, but not malicious. However, emotionally, Sam felt hurt, a person that claimed to love him had hurt him, badly. It was hard to get past.

"You are so much like your father sometimes Sam."

"Thank you." Sam grumbled turning his attention back to his daughter.

"I heard that you've been practicing walking in therapy."

Therapy had been intense and grueling, his sessions now longer since he left the hospital. Sam had made it clear to all the physical therapists on his payroll that he had to be walking in less than a month. He would accept nothing less. They had argued that it couldn't be done, that his body wasn't strong enough after so many months of disuse, but Sam wouldn't hear of it. He wasn't going to go see Quinn in a wheelchair. He was going to walk up to her, fully recovered and strong. He didn't want her to see him so feeble and helpless. Sam had to show Quinn that he was capable of taking care of her and Beth.

"Yep I have. Once I get a little more leg strength I will be back in business." He shifted Beth to his shoulder, gently stroking her back.

"It's so good to see you getting strong and healthy." Sue took the empty bottle from Sam's hand, placing it on the nightstand beside her.

There had been a photo of him with Mercedes on that nightstand. They were both smiling, arms around each other, casually dressed. She had on her engagement ring but no wedding band, so Sam suspected this was taken at some point before they were married. Strange seeing himself looking so happy in a photo, but having no recollection of the woman that had made him feel that way. He had quickly opened the nightstand drawer and shoved the framed picture inside, unable to look at this other version of himself any longer. The drawer was so jam packed with papers and junk that the frame would barely fit. It was then Sam remembered that drawer had a false bottom, hiding a small personal safe beneath it. He pulled out all the stuff in the drawer to reveal his safe. The combination was just as he recalled, and he quickly opened it to see its contents. Not much inside, a few small jewelry boxes, some legal documents, a photo of the twins Stevie and Stacy, another of him and Maria when she was just a baby, a few thousand in cash.

Sam had immediately picked up the dark blue velvet box, knowing what he would find inside, Brittany's rings along with his own. He remembered putting these in the safe after their divorce was final, unable to just discard the jeweled mementos of their brief time in love. The other boxes had been a mystery. He opened the red velvet one first, a large princess cut engagement ring sat inside. He wondered who he had given that to, and more importantly why she had given it back. The other box was a bit larger, black leather, he had opened it slowly almost fearing it was another engagement ring that probably had been tossed back in his face, instead he found a locket, heart shaped, platinum, covered in stones. He opened it with trembling hands, as if its contents would unlock the secrets of the universe. It had been empty, no photo inside, simply an engraving written in Navi, the fictitious language from the movie Avatar that he was secretly obsessed with. "Forever yours" was the inscription. Who had he bought that for?

Just when he had been about to close the safe and throw everything back in his drawer, he saw it, simple gold with a small emerald on top. It was the promise ring he had bought for Quinn senior year. Sam had saved up all his birthday money, his monthly allotment of cash he received from his father, and he had even sold a few baseball cards from his collection to buy it. He could have just asked his father for the money, but Sam really wanted to do it on his own. This was about him and Quinn, no one else. So after he had accumulated enough money, he went to the mall and picked out the gold ring, with a green stone that matched her eyes. A thousand dollars wasted. He never did get a chance to give her that ring, Puck had swooped in and stolen Quinn's heart right from Sam. No need to make promises to a heart that didn't want him anymore. The ring landed in the safe where all his broken dreams were kept locked away, the pain lessened when they were hidden from view. Sam had rescued that ring from its leaden tomb and put it behind the lamp on his bedside table, out of view, but he knew it was there, a symbol of the promises he was going to make to Quinn, promises he planned to keep.

"Now if only I could eat something more than strained peas and yogurt, I could really get back in shape." He eyed the nightstand once more, just to make sure his mom hadn't disturbed that ring he tucked behind the lamp.

"Take it slow. You'll get there. Just try to recuperate naturally. No reason to rush."

"I need to be up and on my feet by next week."

"What's happening next week?" asked Sue.

Sam hesitated, debating whether to get into this with his mother, he knew the conversation was going to head downhill fast. "Quinn's getting out of the hospital."

"She is? That's news to me. Far as I heard she was there for an extended stay."

"Things have changed."

He hadn't exactly accepted his father's offer, he wanted to see if a few of his own tricks would pan out first. There had to be a way to get what he wanted without having to stay married. Of course, being confined to a wheelchair and not being allowed access to the phone or computer made things difficult. Figgins had been his legs and his mouthpiece since he had been back home, even before then. It was Figgins that Sam had called when he wanted those flowers sent to Quinn for Valentine's Day. Figgins was the one person he knew wouldn't betray his trust.

Since he was a child, Figgins always had his back. Figgins never told his father about that time he broke an antique vase with his whiffle ball bat. Figgins just looked at the mess and came up with a solution, that time it was crazy glue. The next time it was a quick trip to the auto body shop when Sam put a ding in his father's Rolls Royce, when he had snuck it out for a test drive when he was 14. When Sam had failed his unit test on fractions in the fourth grade, Figgins had forged his father's signature to spare him from a lecture about applying himself. Not that Figgins was a pushover. The man had made Sam help glue together that vase, wash all the cars in the garage after that joy ride, and he sat Sam at the counter in the kitchen and tutored him in fractions until he understood it all. So when Sam felt like he had no options to counter his father's deal, naturally he called on Figgins to help him implement his plan. A few calls to the Lima municipal courthouse and finally Sam got a meeting with Judge Leary. Next week, Quinn would be free one way or another.

"Did you by any chance change them?" Sue leaned forward, elbows on her knees, head in her hands, interested.

"I wasn't going to let her stay up there by herself mom. She needs to be with Beth and me, so she can get better." Beth squirmed on Sam's shoulder, getting comfortable as she tried to fight sleep.

"She's not allowed to be around Beth, and you're married. So how's this all going to work?"

"I will figure something out. I just need her home, so I'm going up to get her next week."

"Got your white horse all saddled up?"

"Mock me all you want Mom, but I'm going to put this family back together."

Sue ran her hands through her layered blond hair. "I told myself I would stay out of this, no meddling in your affairs."

"Now that's a new one. I thought meddling was your middle name."

"I just don't like to see my children get hurt. And baby I can see a world of hurt coming for you."

"I appreciate your concern, but I know what I'm doing."

"Did you happen to tell your wife that you're bringing your mistress home?"

"Quinn's not my mistress."

It was hard for Sam to fathom that Quinn actually had been the other woman in his life. She had always been first choice for him in his heart. He couldn't believe that somehow in the past three years that had shifted and she was relegated to mistress status.

"Sorry I meant the slut you knocked up and destroyed your life. Is that better?"

"Mother," Sam warned. "I thought you agreed to stop talking about Quinn especially in front of Beth."

"Sorry I've got to get used to biting my tongue. The question still stands though, did you tell your wife?"

Sam hadn't talked to Mercedes in weeks, if he had he wouldn't be stuck with a dead animal on his face. So much for her dedication to her supposed favorite patient. Mercedes hadn't even checked up on him at all.

"How could I? She's been confined to her bed."

"I get it." Sue threw him a knowing look. "You're worried how she'll take it, so you're stalling."

"I am not. I just haven't seen her."

"Once you get back on your feet. I think you have a stop to make before you rush off upstate. You better tell Mercedes what's going on."

Sam didn't like the sound of that at all. The last thing he wanted to do was go another round with Mercedes and her histrionics.

"I've got an idea, since you see Mercedes all the time. Why don't you tell her for me?" Sounded great to him, problem solved. Sue seemed so enamored by Mercedes she could deal with her.

"I'm not doing your dirty work sweetie. You are going to have to look your wife in the eyes and tell her you're bringing Quinn back."

Sam shrugged hoping he seemed more nonchalant than he actually felt. "It's not a big deal, just thought it would be more convenient if you told her. It's not like I care how she feels about it anyway. It is happening regardless. Her feelings are of no concern to me."

If he had his way Mercedes wouldn't be a factor in his life at all. He would have divorced her and moved on with his plan to have a family with Quinn. Mercedes was just a slight wrinkle in his map of the future. Once she was out of his life everything would be perfect. Now his father and his shady little deal threatened all of his plans, forcing Sam to deal with Mercedes for longer than he wanted. His father was so off the mark about all of this. Being stuck with Mercedes for nine months wouldn't change his feelings about Quinn or the life he wanted. If anything it would only just prolong Mercedes's agony, making her hopeful for a relationship that no longer existed. So if his dad thought he was punishing him he was so wrong. Mercedes would be the one to pay the price.

"Did you sleep with her?"

"With who?" Sam raised one eyebrow. He couldn't believe his mom was actually going to go there with him.

"With Mercedes? Something happened it's written all over your face," said Sue.

Completely weak, chained to the bed by tubes, pumped full of drugs, yeah he really was all set to get it on. His body just wasn't capable, his mind, that was a whole different story. That morning with her, the sunrise lighting up the room, his mind was ready to go places with her that his body couldn't handle. Sam had partaken in a few one night stands in his life, all before his leg injury of course, but that wasn't his normal style. He liked sex to be about more than the physical, he liked to connect with his partner on all levels. If he had been stronger, Sam knew he would have slept with Mercedes that night. They both were so completely in the moment it would have happened. Thankfully things didn't go that far, it would have made his hopes for a relationship with Quinn all the more complicated.

Although in actuality things were pretty complex already. Finding out he was married to Mercedes had been a shock, but the fact he was married to a woman he didn't know was not a hindrance to a future with Quinn. The problem was his attraction to his nurse, who coincidentally turned out to be his wife. The attraction clearly was nothing, just a hormonal byproduct of being in a coma for months, he probably would have found any woman attractive. Yet there was that little matter of feeling connected to her, of feeling like she was supposed to be around, like she was his somehow, but Sam chalked that up to all the time they had spent together. He had come to rely on her, so naturally he felt a closeness to her.

Now that he hadn't seen her in days all of that connection was starting to fade, he barely thought of her anymore, well far less than he used to. The little voice in the back of his mind that was concerned she hadn't come to see him, was always quickly overshadowed by the logical part of his brain, the part of him that just didn't care about her at all. Caring about Mercedes was not part of the plan.

"Something did happen. I found out she was keeping things from me."

His mother persisted. "You're not still upset about that. I can tell. It's something else."

"Just drop it mother."

"I know you're attracted to her Sam. I could see that even in the hospital."

"Mom please…"

"Seems to me being attracted to your wife is a good thing."

"I don't feel anything for her."

He knew his mom was skeptical, that she didn't believe all of his denials about his feelings for Mercedes. She was right not to be convinced, because he was lying. He had been lying to himself, to his family, to anyone that would listen about Mercedes since the day he found out she was his wife. There was a connection, he had felt it before he knew who she was, and it had yet to fade. Sam knew there was something between them, something that had meant a great deal to him before, but never would again.

He had tried to explain it all to Mercedes that night in the hospital, after he had come back from visiting his father, and she was still passed out. He thought back to that night, her hair fanned out like a halo, her brown skin so radiant it almost glowed in the low light of the room. He had insisted Marcel leave him alone for a bit, before helping him back to bed, and surprisingly the Belgian had obliged him. So Sam had sat in his wheelchair, at her bedside, making peace with her in a way, feeling braver with his words since she was fast asleep.

* * *

><p><em>"Will told me a story today about a couple trapped in a car, and even though they were broken up, they still loved each other. I know he was talking about us, but it doesn't feel real. I can't imagine any of this happening to me. Will said you tended to my wounds and refused to leave my side, even as the car continued to slip down the embankment. He explained about how the rescue went so wrong and I fell from the car and you were right there with me performing CPR until the paramedics arrived to take over. He said you never quit, you never let fear overwhelm you. You just wouldn't give up on me. I'm not sure how I can thank you for that. Words don't seem like enough. We must have had something really special for you to go through all of that for me.<em>

_Will tried to explain to me how it went both ways, and that we loved each other so much. I wish I could understand the feelings behind what he told me. I wish I could look at you and see a person I loved enough to do anything for. My last request to Will was about you, to protect you, to keep you out of jail if it came to that, and I know I would have done that without hesitation for a woman I loved, for my family, for my wife."_

_He touched her hair, letting the wavy strands fall through his fingers._

_"And you are my wife, I know that now. I'm not going to deny that anymore. Too much evidence proves we were a couple. Actually seems like we might have had something pretty amazing, in that other life. We must have been a hell of a team. I'm so sorry I can't remember it. I know it hurts you that I don't, especially after waiting for me for so long. If there were any way to make this better for you, I would, I owe you that much, for all you've done to save my life. It's just that things are so different now. I can't change what my heart is telling me, and my heart is telling me that Quinn is the one I'm supposed to be with. We have Beth and it just feels like she should be my wife. She should be my family. I know that I didn't feel that way before the accident, I get that, I really do. Knowing that, doesn't change how I feel though. I need to be with my family, I need to put us back together, help Quinn heal, get to know my daughter. My focus has to be them. And as for us." He paused looking down at her sleeping face. "Well there is no us. I can't go backwards and try to recapture a memory, when my present is right here in my face, and needing my full attention. No matter how much I might want to explore some of these things I feel toward you, I can't be selfish, Quinn and Beth need me. But if things were different and I didn't have them in my life…" He sighed. "I'm sorry."_

* * *

><p>A part of him had feared maybe she had actually been awake and heard his little confession, and that was the real reason she had avoided him ever since. If she had heard him that night, maybe it was for the best, maybe it would help her understand the choices he had to make.<p>

"I know you wish that were true. It'd be a whole lot easier to live in your delusions about Quinn."

"I'm not delusional about Quinn. We care about each other."

"You're banking on memories from three years ago. How do you know she feels the same now? A lot has happened. You don't know about it."

"Quinn and I are forever."

Hopefully that forever hadn't been lost over the past few years. Sam had to hold on to the belief that Quinn was feeling the same thing he was. There was no basis in reality for it, he would have to talk to her to get solid proof, but his heart was telling him that this was their chance. This was the start of their forever.

"I see. Interesting."

"What?"

"The last time you and I had a talk like this was before your accident. Your affair with Quinn had come out. And I asked you how you felt about Quinn. And you know what you told me?"

Sam rolled his eyes, not wanting to hear his mother's latest attack on Quinn. "Just tell me, mom. What did I say?"

"You said you and Quinn were done, that you didn't have feelings like that for her anymore. You didn't think of her in those terms."

"I was trying to save my marriage, of course I said that. You think I'd admit I had a thing for the woman I cheated with?"

He wouldn't have been that forthcoming with his mother about Quinn any way, knowing how much she hated her. After talking to Will, he did realize that he must have loved Mercedes back then, all his actions the night of the accident were proof of that. Still he couldn't imagine being completely over Quinn. It just didn't seem possible.

Sue walked over to Sam, softly stroking the baby's pale hair. "Maybe you're right. Maybe you were lying to me, lying to yourself. I don't know. I just want you to think baby. Figure it all out before you fall."

"It might be too late for that. I know you don't want to hear it, but Quinn means a lot to me." He hugged Beth a little closer against his chest, all his feelings for Quinn and their child flowing in that hug.

"I can see that. So why did you let something happen between you and Mercedes?" asked Sue quietly.

"I didn't let anything happen." Sam shook his head, his mother could never understand, especially since he barely did himself. "It just did, we had this connection and things just…" He trailed off.

"Oh go on honey," said Sue settling back in Sam's bed, getting more comfortable.

Sam frowned as he realized he had said too much. His mom didn't need any more ammunition in her theories about his supposed interest in Mercedes.

"Can you take Beth? She's fallen asleep." Sam looked at his daughter on his shoulder, her fist balled by her mouth, her little cheeks puffing in and out as she slept.

Sue stood up, straightening out her clothes. "Sure. I'm going to put her in her room down the hall." She eased the sleeping baby from his arms. "I love you Sam," said Sue as she kissed Sam on the forehead. "Even if you are a damn fool."

"Thanks mom. Real touching."

She patted him on the shoulder before turning to leave the room with Beth.

Sam rolled closer to the window to peer out at the grounds. The sky was melting into a rich orange, as the sun set behind the Lima skyline in the distance. Just one more weekend and he would be with Quinn. He was both excited and unnerved by the idea of finally coming face to face with Quinn again. Ever since he had come out of his coma it was all he could think about, seeing her beautiful face, hearing her voice, just being near her. They had spent years apart, busy living their separate lives, but never had he missed her the way he did now. Maybe it was because a part of him still felt like they just survived an ordeal, a crash that had almost claimed their lives. It still felt like it happened just the other day to Sam, like he had left her behind at the crash site. She didn't seem quite real yet. He had to make sure she was truly safe with his own eyes.

Then there was the other thing, the little matter of her current situation. Being stuck hours away at a mental hospital didn't seem like the right environment for Quinn. Even if she were getting necessary treatment, she needed to be getting it here, in Lima. The mother of his child shouldn't be isolated in some far off place. She needed to be home, with him. His father had offered him that way out, an ironclad way to set Quinn free and bring her back home. Sam knew his father had been shocked that he hadn't jumped at the deal, his request for time to think it over, threw the old man for a loop. He guessed his dad thought he was a complete goner for Quinn, willing to do anything to get her back. And he was, pretty much, just this particular 'anything' had a whole lot of 'something' hanging in the balance.

Selfishness wasn't the reason for his reluctance, not entirely. Granted the idea of being forced to stay married to a woman he didn't know for nine months was less than appealing, but his hesitancy wasn't about him. It was about Quinn and Mercedes too. Sam imagined going to the hospital, saving Quinn from her veritable prison, pulling her into his arms, their hearts racing. He wanted this to be the first step toward a future together, the beginning of the rest of their lives.

All of this was hypothetical however, he really didn't know for sure if Quinn would be right there with him emotionally. Yet if he took his father up on his offer, agreed to that deal, then Sam had no right to take any steps anywhere with Quinn. The rest of his life wouldn't be able to begin until he served his sentence with Mercedes. How could he ask Quinn to plan a future with him when he wasn't even free?

And then there was Mercedes, she saved his life, and nursed him back to health for almost a year. How could he use a woman that had done so much for him? How could he blatantly disregard her feelings just so that he could bring Quinn home?


	33. Chapter 33

Anyone like Quick? I love them.

Thanks for reading and commenting!

* * *

><p>Chapter 33<p>

"I can take over from here. Please leave me and Ms. Fabray alone," said Puck as he re-entered the room in black dress pants and a burgundy shirt, no tie, sleeves rolled up to the elbows. Quinn noticed that Puck stood up taller and poked his chest out whenever he wanted to exude authority. It was cute.

The male aide reluctantly left the room, shooting a warning glance back at Quinn.

"I think he wanted to chain me to the table," said Quinn touching her sore jaw gently. The woman, Simone, managed to get in one good hit to the side of Quinn's face.

"He probably feared for his life. You were something out there." Puck took a seat beside Quinn on top of the table. "I expected to see hair pulling, some scratching, but you were out there bobbing and weaving like a prize fighter. You got moves girl." He leaned into Quinn, bumping her shoulder.

"Well you know they say it is cut throat in the music biz, a woman has to know how to defend herself," she tried to laugh, but the pain her jaw made her wince instead.

She had never actually gotten into any physical altercations while working in the industry. Singers could be brutal, but Quinn had managed not to ruffle many feathers. Years of practice blending in and keeping a low profile while in group homes helped her in that area. Just as it had helped tonight. Quinn had been good at staying out of trouble as a kid, keeping to herself mainly, but there were times when her patience had been tested. She learned quickly that punches were more effective than slaps, and that being quick can be just as handy as being strong.

"Here," said Puck. He handed her a little red plastic cup. "Put this on your jaw slugger."

"Jello?" asked Quinn looking at him curiously.

"All I could get my hands on without going to the nurse's office."

"So you stole someone's dessert?"

"I didn't steal it." He took the cup from her and pressed it against her sore jaw, holding it there. "She let me have it. I think she might like me."

She, must have been Ms. Augustino, the seventy year old woman that dealt with all of their meals.

"I think you might be a bit young for her. She's pushing seventy-five," said Quinn as she took over hold the Jell-O cup to her face.

"And older women can't have good taste?" asked Puck.

Quinn could tell he was struggling to keep a straight face, crinkles kept appearing around his hazel eyes.

Quinn laughed, a pain shooting through her face as she did. "I guess I should thank you for coming to my rescue. I think those aides were just going to let us fight."

"They were pretty ineffectual. I will have to report them." Puck pulled another cup of Jell-O out of his pants pocket along with a spoon. He opened up the cup and dug in.

"No don't. I don't need any waves made because of me. Things are bad enough as it is."

"So what happened?" he asked between spoonfuls of Jell-O. "I doubt that was a scheduled kickboxing activity."

"Just some patient mouthing off. Nothing I can't handle."

Usually she let the comments slide. Quinn was used to all the talk from other patients, from staff, from the media. This time had been different, maybe she was having an off day, or maybe it was the effects of the full moon, but the words got to her for some reason. Simone was a well known bully on the floor. She picked on smaller patients, stole from them, basically made their lives a worse version of the hell it already was. She had pretty much left Quinn alone though, just a few snide comments from across their lounge area.

Tonight was different. Simone just wouldn't let it drop. Comment after comment yelled across the room. Quinn had ignored the woman as usual, keeping her focus on her People magazine, but Iley had reacted, jumping up and making a beeline across the room to confront the woman. Iley was no match for Simone. While Iley had the spirit of a 300lb 6'5" man, she didn't have the stature to back it up, standing at about 5'2", she would've been pummeled. So Quinn had no choice but to help Iley out.

"I know you can handle yourself. You've got me convinced. I thought for sure that bigger woman was going to give you a black eye, but when you ducked and her fist hit the wall." He shook his head and smiled at Quinn, his eyes roaming her face. "I was really impressed. Tough girls are sexy."

She didn't feel tough. Her mouth hurt, her arms ached, and she could feel her knuckles starting to swell. Quinn may have held her own in that fight with Simone, but she was paying for that small victory now. If only she had just let it go, dragged Iley back to the room and never reacted. That had been her initial plan, but then Simone had taken it too far. Quinn could deal with the comments about her questionable sexual ethics, she had been called a slut and a whore more times than she could count. She now was even immune to the crazy taunts, attacks on her sanity didn't mean much coming from a fellow patient anyway. Pot meet kettle. But this time Simone didn't stop there, she had to bring up Beth, calling her a bastard that she had thrown out like the trash. So Quinn had pushed Iley aside and stepped up to the almost six foot tall thickly built woman and dared her to utter another word. Simone took Quinn's dare to the extreme, calling Quinn a 'baby killer', repeatedly in an irritating sing song voice. So Quinn had hit the woman in the nose, one clean shot, dead center, Simone never saw it coming. Then all hell broke out as they fell to the floor, fists full of hair, flying punches, and angry screams. The other patients stood around them, blocking them from view, no one intervened, until Quinn felt herself being lifted from the floor. She looked up to find herself enclosed in Puck's arms. He always managed to reel her in and hold her back, even when she least expected it.

Quinn laughed, this time enduring the accompanying pain. "Are you done having your mud wrestling fantasy over there? I can just see you imagining us in bikinis."

"Bikinis, now that would have been nice." Puck grinned.

Quinn gave him a warning look. Hopefully he would get the hint and get back on track.

"Puck. Time to get serious. Where's Artie? I expected him to be here hours ago."

"It's not that late, only about 7. Traffic was heavy, I got a late start, and then I had to hit the drive…"

"Puck," Quinn interrupted. "Can you just tell me?"

"Sorry." He smiled sheepishly. "I guess I am going off tangent a bit."

"Just a bit."

"Catfights breaking out before my eyes tend to make me lose focus." He pulled out his iphone from his pocket and tried to regain his composure. "Artie got held up with another case, so he asked me to come. I suppose you want to know if he spoke to Sam."

"Did he?" asked Quinn eagerly. She had been trying not to fixate on Sam but it was hard knowing that he could be the one to save her from this place.

"He did. Apparently they had a nice long chat."

"And?" He was dragging it out and driving Quinn nuts.

"And you were right. He seems like he will be the one to help you."

"Really? He said that? He said he would help?" Quinn smiled.

"It seems he did. Artie said he was very adamant about doing whatever it took to get you out of this place."

Quinn stood up, smiling, discarding the Jell-O cup on the table. "I knew he wouldn't let me down." The only constant in her life, the best friend she probably would ever have, and it took almost losing her mind to realize it. "Tell me everything," she said excitedly grabbing Puck's arm.

"Not all that much to tell actually. It wasn't like he gave me details or a plan of attack. Artie just said that Sam would handle it. I just hope he can pull it off, I don't want to falsely raise your hopes."

"Oh Sam will do what he says. He is an Evans just like you, he gets things done. He's a man of his word." Quinn tried to reassure him, she could tell Puck still had some doubts this wouldn't pan out. She couldn't blame him, not after what Dwight had done the last time, getting the judge to overturn his decision.

"Oh yeah, that Evans code of ethics," he said with a roll of his eyes, the sarcasm clinging to every word. "Where was his moral code when he was screwing my fiance?"

"Puck maybe I shouldn't be talking about this with you."

"That's where you're wrong. I'm exactly the one you should be talking about this to. How could you go to Sam? I told you last time I was here, and so many times before that, I could help you. I'm here for you."

"I didn't think you would want to be involved. I mean I hurt you so much," said Quinn bowing her head.

* * *

><p><em>Never would Quinn have thought that meeting Dr. Julian Jones at the Malcolb Group Home for routine physical day would have such a profound impact on her life. Dr. Jones has been kind, remembering her name and asking her to be his assistant as he worked with the kids at the home that day. From the shadows he pulled her, noticing her even as she tried her best to blend with the walls. Glasses, dark oversized clothes, and dingy blond hair as her mom liked to call it, made Quinn practically invisible, but Julian Jones had somehow seen her. So a few weeks later after some serious internet investigation Quinn had looked up the doctor and found where he lived.<em>

_Showing up on his doorstep without a valid reason and not even a plan, knocking loudly with forced bravado, she waited for the door to open and lead her toward something better. Exactly what she didn't know, but after being pulled from the shadows and acknowledged it was hard to just shrink back into obscurity. Dr. Jones wasn't home that day, so Quinn had sat on his front step and waiting, as the sun sank down behind the clouds and darkness consumed the neighborhood. Eventually she had fallen asleep, her head tucked into the crook of her elbow as she leaned against the hard cement step._

_A tap on her shoulder made her spring to wake, startling herself and the hazel eyed boy standing in front of her._

_"I need to see Dr. J," was all she said as the boy watched her expectantly from his position on the side walk._

_"Well come on," he said pushing by her to unlock the door. "He's still at work, but you can't stay out here bad things happen to pretty girls after dark."_

_Quinn's heart sank. "But I'm not pretty."_

_"Who says?" Puck asked over his shoulder._

_Quinn shrugged not feeling in the mood to put the established consensus of her unattractiveness into words._

_"So are you coming?" Puck asked holding the door open for her._

_After that night, the door to Julian's house had always been open to her. Until she screwed things up._

* * *

><p>"I just told you I want to be," he said grabbing her face in his hands. "Why can't you understand how much I care about you? It's always been you and me."<p>

She shook herself out of his hold, her cheeks still warm even after his hands were gone. "Not this time. I screwed up so bad Puck. I've hurt everyone. How could you even want…"

"Stop this," he said grabbing her hand and pulling her back toward him. "Since you were just a shy girl with braces and tangles in your hair, it's been you and me."

"I was such a mess back then, I'm still a mess now."

"You were beautiful. You just couldn't see it, but I always could."

Puck was always so blind. "I was funny looking and fat, and you pitied me."

"You were always beautiful to me, even when you shouldn't have been. I used to tease Sam about falling for Mercedes because she's so much younger, but who am I to talk really? I had my own heart stolen by a younger woman."

"It's not even five years. Four and a measly fraction."

He laughed, the corner of his eyes crinkling. "I remember how you use to tell me all about that fraction, whenever I insisted we couldn't get involved."

"We were always involved Puck. You were just in deep denial," Quinn smiled remembering how hard Puck fought their attraction until she was legal. They almost made it too, almost, but seventeen was close enough. Right?

* * *

><p><em>"Little Q I didn't expect to see you today," said Puck glancing up from the textbooks spread out on his desk.<em>

_Quinn flopped on his bed making herself comfortable as she had so many times before. "Don't call me little Q. You know I hate that. Besides I'm 5'6, not little at all."_

_"That pretty small to me," Puck replied. "but I wasn't referring to your height. I call you little because of your age."_

_Quinn exhaled audibly. "Not that again. I'm in high school now. I'm not a little girl."_

_"Only little girls, say things like I'm not a little girl."_

_"I can't stand you," she said turning her nose up in his direction. "I caught the bus all the way over here just so you could cheer me up and this is how you act."_

_"What's up?" he asked swiveling his desk chair to face her. "Why do you need cheering up?"_

_"They had a kissing booth at school today, for charity. To raise money for autism. One dollar a kiss."_

_"Nice," Puck grinned. "Stuff like that really makes me wish I hadn't gone to an all boys boarding school. I would have loved to get kisses on demand when I was your age."_

_"They weren't on demand, you had to pay."_

_"Same thing. I would have rolled up to that booth with a stack of twenties," he said slamming his imaginary wad of cash on his desk with one hand._

_"Well I only had two dollars and it was for a good cause. It's not like I would kiss that boy for free. Brett Freeman is like one of the dumbest boys on the football team. I've heard rumors that they had to write his jersey number on his palm so he won't forget."_

_Puck shook his head. "You paid two dollars to kiss a guy like that?"_

_"No," she bit her lower lip, hesitating. "They wouldn't take my money."_

_Puck narrowed his eyes and leaned forward with even more interest. "What do you mean they wouldn't take your money?"_

_"There was a line and people were saying mean stuff." Quinn tried to be casual as possible, but she could feel herself beginning to tear up and she hated it. Crying was pointless._

_"What kind of mean stuff?" Puck had moved to the edge of his seat looking like he was ready to pounce. The hair in his mohawk seemed to stand up straighter._

_"Don't make me say it," she mumbled unable to look at him._

_"You can tell me anything Quinnie. You know that right?" His voice was so gentle, the tone he often used when he was trying to coax something out of her. Never failed to make her feel safe enough to talk to him._

_"Yeah I do." She blew her bangs out of her face. "It's just hard. I'm so embarrassed."_

_Puck moved to sit next to her on the bed, putting his arm around her shoulder. "It's just you and me," he said softly._

_She might as well get it over with. It's not like Puck didn't already know she was a loser. "They yelled out stuff like who would want to kiss Lucy Caboosey and how even the autistic kids would understand why they couldn't take my money."_

_"They were just being stupid Quinn. You can't listen to them." Puck squeezed her tighter. Quinn could feel his fingertips boring into her skin. He was upset and trying not to be for her sake_

_"I know. It's not like I hadn't heard it all before anyway. But when it got to my turn at the kissing booth Brett started laughing. He told me there was no way in hell he was going to kiss a moose and he put up his lunch break sign. Everyone laughed Puck. They were all pointing and laughing at me." A tear fell before she could stop it, but only one, Quinn didn't have time for more tears than that._

_"I'm so sorry that happened Quinn," he said hugging her against his side. "You're so strong and smart and beautiful one day you'll make them all eat their words."_

_"I want one day to be now. My mom said after I got my nose done and my braces off things would be better. Well look at me. No braces, a new nose, and a perfectly flat stomach and they're still teasing me."_

_"You're mom is callous wench," Puck said through clenched teeth. "I thought we agreed never to listen to her. There was nothing wrong with you before Quinn, you didn't need any surgery."_

_Quinn rolled her eyes. Puck was the only one that ever said stuff like that to her. No one else paid her any attention before the surgery, not that they paid her much now. "You're the only one that ever thought I was fine before. I don't know if you were just being nice or if you're going blind."_

_"You have the most amazing green eyes and the sweetest smile." He pushed the hair away from her face and stared a moment, like he was examining her features for the first time. Quinn relaxed as Puck looked, she liked seeing herself through his eyes. "And more than that," he said finally. "You're brave and easy to talk to and so very insightful. Here I am a freshman in college and you're like my best friend."_

_"That's because you're boring and immature and have a terrible personality," she teased._

_"That's why only a high school student is willing to hang out with me," he said dropping his arm from her shoulder. "I guess I should be thanking you for taking pity on me and giving me the time of day."_

_She reclined on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He had a poster of the constellation Orion above his bed. All around the room there were pictures of horror movies and bikini clad girls, but the place where he slept was filled with stars."Yep you should. I'd like to be paid in cookies please."_

_"I'll call up Coach B to whip you up a batch." Quinn could hear the smile in his voice._

_"What if I go through four years of high school and never get kissed?," she asked changing the subject. The stars above her head were up making her mind wander back to the impossible. "I couldn't even buy one today."_

_"Not going to happen," he said reclining next to her on the bed to look up at the stars with her. "You'll meet a guy, someone who'll be totally not good enough for you and I'll have to threaten his life whenever he tries to touch you below the waist, but he'll give you that kiss."_

_She turned to him then to watch his dark eyelash flutter against his skin like butterfly wings. Sometimes the smallest parts of Puck could take her breath away "I can't imagine meeting any boy I like more than you."_

_"Quinn, we've been over this."_

_Squeezing her eyes shut she silently counted to ten. They'd had this conversation so many times. "I'm not that young. I'm practically 15."_

_"Yeah and I'm fully 19. You're too young for me."_

_"You just said I'm your best friend."_

_"And if you were my girlfriend I'd be looking at jail time," he said tickling her stomach. He always did things like that, tickle her or ruffle her hair, like a reminder to himself that she was too young to touch. Quinn was well aware of all Puck's tricks by now._

_"Exaggerate much? Like who would care that I was your girlfriend?"_

_"Your dad for one. I think he'd have a whole lot to say about me messing around with his little girl."_

_"I suppose," she sighed. "But what if I were older?"_

_"You're not older Quinn."_

_"But what if I was? Would you want to date me? Wait, don't answer that. I already know you would."_

_"Really now? he asked lightly trying to joke away from the turn their conversation had taken. "What makes you so sure?"_

_"A woman knows these things."_

_"Since when did you become a woman?" he asked turning on his side and let his hand run through her hair._

_"I've always been one, you just try to pretend I'm not, but I see how you look at me Puck, even before I got fixed." She turned on her side too, to look him directly in the eyes._

_"Stop saying you got fixed. As far as I'm concerned you were perfect before, nothing about you needed changing."_

_"Except my age," she said with a sad smile. "I'm going to transfer to Mckinley", she announced suddenly perking up._

_"What? Since when?"_

_"I just thought of it. The kids at Carmel high are always going to see me as Lucy Caboosey but at a new school I can start over. I bet I could convince Julian to let me use his address for enrollment."_

_He nodded slowly. "Probably so, yeah."_

_"This is going to be so great," she said said feeling the exciting possibilities spinning in her head. "I'm going to be a cheerleader and I'm going hang out with the popular girls. And I'm going to be kissed by a hot football player."_

_"Sounds like you've got it all planned out. I hope this works out for you Quinn. From what I hear McKinley is not so different from Carmel."_

_"How would you know?" she asked gently tugging on his dark brown mohawk. "You went to Dalton Academy."_

_"My cousin Sam goes to McKinley. He just started this year when he got kicked out of Dalton."_

_"He sounds like a real winner." Quinn could only imagine what it would take to get a rich guy kicked out of private school. The Evans family could buy anything or anyone they wanted. "Why was he kicked out?"_

_"I don't know. I didn't ask for details, knowing Sam his mouth got him in trouble."_

_"So how old is he? Is he cute? Does he play football?" she asked in quick succession._

_"Fifteen, well duh he's an Evans, and yes."_

_"Nice. Can you hook me up with an intro? He sounds like a good candidate for my first kiss."_

_"I don't think so."_

_"Why not? You don't think he'd like me?" she asked her stomach dropping. No one had ever liked her except Puck, and he only saw her as a kid and a friend, at least that was all he was willing to admit. But never had any other boy even given her a passing glance, not even after her surgery and weight loss._

_"I think he'd love you but there's only one Evans you should be kissing."_

_She pinched his arm playfully. "Too bad that Evans thinks I'm a child."_

_"But soon you'll grow up," he said, not playing at all. Something in his eyes took her breath away, the golden brown had transformed into a shade so close to blue._

_"So I should just wait for years to get my first kiss?" she asked her heart pounding in her chest._

_"No I'm not saying that." Finally he lowered his eyes. "I think, well I hope, that you'll wait for your first love."_

_"Puck.." the words wouldn't form, everything she was feeling as she stared into his ever changing eyes was lodged in her throat. Was he trying to tell her that he loved her?_

_"I shouldn't have said…"_

_Fingertips across his lips to stop him from speaking. Just once she wanted him to let the words remain, his promises for their future. "Don't take it back Puck. Please."_

_A shadow fell across her face as he let his forehead fall against hers. Instinctively she closed her eyes at the nearness of him, filling herself with the warmth of his body and the subtle scent of his cologne, a little spicy, with a hint of sweet, just like him. His nose brushed against hers before his lips firmly met her own, so whisper soft, there was a hint of peppermint on his mouth, the sensation fleeting almost before she could fully feel it. Her first kiss._

_Then he was moving away, off the bed and back to his desk across the room, head in his books, and the subject was closed._

* * *

><p>"There. You just said. We've always been involved. So why would you think suddenly I would abandon you?"<p>

"Because you did!" she said loudly. "You let Julian convince you to put me and Beth out and you wouldn't talk to me. I was nothing but trash to you, and I begged you Puck. Every day I would come to you at your office, call your phone, and you never even acknowledged me."

"Quinn, what the fuck did you want from me? I just had my heart ripped from my chest. That baby girl was supposed to be mine. She was our baby. We waited for her, and planned for her. We were happy Quinn, even after all that shit that went down with you and Sam having sex, we still managed to be happy again."

"No Puck, we weren't happy. You were. Did you even notice that I was miserable? You spent every night on the couch." He wouldn't even touch her. Their only conversations were about doctor's appointments and planning for the baby.

"I was giving you space."

"No you were running away. You didn't want me. You only wanted the baby." Damn these tears. She didn't want to do this, not in front of him. She wasn't supposed to care anymore, she was over this, over him. But it felt so good to finally tell him how she had felt all those months living with him, pregnant and feeling so alone.

"That's not true. I will admit it was hard taking you back after you cheated on me, but I wasn't giving up on us. I just needed time."

"Well I needed to feel wanted, to be comforted." She wiped her tears with the back of her hands. "I wanted you to love me again, not just see me as some slut that broke your heart. And I get that you couldn't give me that. I really do. I just wish that things were different."

"You wish that Sam hadn't had the accident so you could've stayed holed up in the hotel with him. Am I right?"

One perfect month with Sam at the hotel. It had been everything she needed, he had been everything. Sam listened and he understood. If only he could have been with her while she was pregnant, maybe things would have turned out differently.

"Sam never judged me."

"Of course he never judged you. He was just as responsible for the situation as you were. He had no room to judge anyway," Puck said bitterly.

"Maybe so, but he gave me what I needed. He was there for me and he cared about me he was the one person in the world that was truly on my side and I lost him."

"Can you listen to yourself? You have more than one person on your side Quinn. You have Santana, and Coach B, and me."

"You shut down on me." Just like he had that first time in New York, while she was touring and he was secretly turning to drugs. He had disappeared on her both times.

"But I came back. I've been your friend through all of this. Only you're too busy dreaming about Sam to notice."

"He's my best friend and Beth's father."

"I hate to break it to you, but Sam is not your savior. He's a confused mess that's running on delusions, but once he gets his head right…"

"What delusions?" she asked cutting him off. "You think caring for me makes him delusional. Santana told me he's unhappy with Mercedes and he's asking for me."

"If Sam hadn't bumped his head he wouldn't want you."

"There's always been something between me and Sam."

"You haven't been together since high school! And being fuck buddies doesn't count."

Quinn didn't want to talk about this anymore. Puck had a way of making everything that she had with Sam sound so cheap and dirty. "You don't know what you're talking about. You never understood what Sam and I had."

"That's because there was nothing to understand. But keep telling yourself you had more. See where that takes you, because right now Sam's ripe for the picking. Reading between the lines with Sam, I know he's very into you right now. Although we both know that's not real," said Puck shooting Quinn a knowing look.

Quinn stood and walked to the other side of the room trying to control the jitters that had suddenly developed in her stomach.

"Into me? Don't be ridiculous. We're just friends."

"I'm just telling you like I saw it. I could clearly see he was feeling more than friendly toward you."

"Probably the memory loss," Quinn said quietly, turning her back to Puck to hide her smile.

Sam was into her. If Puck were right that could mean, well that could mean everything. Maybe there was a chance for them. A chance for what she wasn't exactly sure, but she was beginning to feel like this was the start of something huge.

"The memory loss probably is a factor," said Puck breaking the spell Quinn had been under. She turned her attention back to him. "I found it unsettling actually."

"What was unsettling?" she asked looking over at him. He looked worried.

"The fact that he was so focused on you and yet so ambivalent about Mercedes."

She shrugged. "He doesn't remember her." She felt bad for Mercedes, it must be hard on her, but at least Sam was awake. A little memory loss didn't seem so bad when she considered the alternatives, like Sam being a vegetable or dead.

"It was more than that though. He was angry, like he resented her."

"I was told he had an issue with her not telling him they were married right away, and she did cause his accident."

Puck nodded his head. "I'm sure that had a lot to do with it."

"Anyone would be upset by that understandably."

"I guess so. It was just the amount of hostility I was sensing." He hesitated, searching for the words. "It was as if he just wanted to block her out of his life."

"He just needs to work through things. You know Sam's not a bad guy."

Sam had a sensitive side that he tried to keep hidden. Quinn suspected his anger was stemming from uncertainty about his life and all the confusion he must be feeling. He was just trying to cope. Quinn could definitely relate. She was trying to deal with her own confusion and cope.

"Rubbed me the wrong way. I was so close to kicking his ass. But I kept reminding myself that he's not right in the head. Honestly when Artie called me, I almost didn't want to come. I didn't want to relay his messages to you from Sam." He didn't lift his head to meet her eyes as he spoke he just stared down at his feet as he swung them back and forth under the table. "I'm concerned about you."

"Puck, there's no reason to worry. Sam will find a way to get me released, and everything will be okay."

He looked up. "Here's the thing, Sam's not operating under full capacity and he doesn't have all the facts. They haven't told him the whole truth."

"The whole truth about what?" A chill ran through Quinn's body, Puck's words were taking on an ominous tone.

"About what happened? Why you're here. He knows you jumped in the river, but I don't think he knows about what happened to Beth."

"They want to take things slow with him." Santana and Dr. Hill had explained to her that Sam was learning about what he missed piece by piece. They didn't want to overwhelm him with too many facts at once.

"I understand that, but aren't you even a little worried that he is coming to set you free without all the facts? Doesn't he have the right to know?"

"What are you saying? Did you fill him in?" Quinn asked her resentment toward Puck building. He was trying to ruin things for her, just because of his insane jealousy of Sam.

"No way," he said gesturing with his hands emphatically. "I want you out of here, and as much as I wish you would've come to me, but if Sam has a plan in motion, I'm not going to mess with it."

"Oh so you think that Sam knowing what happened to Beth would change things? That he wouldn't help me if he did?"

Quinn slumped back against the wall, Puck's questions landing like rocks at her feet. Why was he ruining positive news with all of these impossible what ifs?

"I don't know. Maybe. It's his daughter. He's going to feel something about it all."

"He'll understand. Sam always understands. I wasn't thinking straight, I was sick. He's not going to hold that against me, keep me locked up as punishment. He just wouldn't."

It was horrible what she had done to her baby, but if anyone could forgive her, it would be Sam. He always found a way to repair their breaks in the past. This time would be no different.

"I know him better than you do. We were raised by the same man and Dwight Evans taught us to put family first," Puck said softly. "I know if I were in his shoes, it wouldn't be so easy. A man reacts when his family is threatened."

"I guess I see how you really feel. You think I'm a threat." Tears stung in Quinn's eyes but she refused to let them fall.

So Puck was showing his true colors, she knew she couldn't trust Puck's interest in renewing their friends, but it didn't matter if he turned on her. She had Sam now. Only it did matter, she thought what she had with Puck could survive anything, even something as horrible as this. Now it seemed she was so wrong.

"I never said that…"

Puck got up and moved toward her, Quinn tried to back further in the wall as he approached. She didn't want to be near someone that though the worst of her. She didn't want to deal with his fabricated concern.

"Why are you even here Puck, if you don't believe in me?" she asked wiping at the tears she couldn't keep at bay. "If you think I am just a deranged baby killer like everyone else in this place…"

"Stop right there. I don't think any of those things," he said grabbing her arms. "I know you didn't mean to hurt Beth. I've always known. From the first day you turned up on Julian's doorstep after you wandered away from that facility, I felt something between us. You were just a kid, but I knew even then that you would be someone important in my life. So don't stand here and try to convince yourself that I don't believe in you or that I think you're some kind of monster, because you know that's not true."

Quinn folded her arms across her chest leaving Puck to only hang on to her elbows, but he didn't let her go. "I don't know what to believe anymore. Everyone thinks the worst of me, I think the worst of me. I know there's darkness in here," she said pointing at her heart. "What if somehow that poison leaked onto Beth. What if I meant to hurt her and I'm just hiding it from the world and from myself?"

He tilted her head with her chin, examining her swollen jaw, taking furtive glances at her eyes as he spoke. "And I know you're hiding something." Puck let go of her face and walked away, his back to her as he spoke. "You are hiding something inside you, maybe you don't even realize it, but lurking behind your beautiful eyes, I can sense it."

"I'm not…"

"You glow. Did you know that?" he asked over his shoulder, his back still to her as he thumbed through his phone. "I walk into a room and you are like the brightest thing there. This light just comes off you. I don't know how to describe it really, but I can see it."

"No one's ever said anything like that about me before." She didn't know what to make of what Puck had just said.

He finally turned to look at her. "Maybe I've never said it, but I've always known it." He held her gaze for a beat, and Quinn's cheeks warmed as she watched his hazel eyes shift from grey to green in front of her. She suddenly felt uncomfortable in her skin, uneasy in the sudden stillness of the room.

She looked away, laughing nervously to break the tension. "Who knew you were so deep?"

"I've got layers you can't even begin to imagine," he chuckled.

Quinn tensed up, her mind going to another conversation, with another man. Sam had said almost the same thing to her the night of the limo crash. It must be another sign, God's way of telling her to keep the faith and hold on for Sam. She shouldn't even be talking like this with Puck, it felt wrong somehow.

"So did Sam give Artie any sort of timeline?" asked Quinn, changing the subject. "When do you think I will be going home?"

"He didn't say. Soon from what I gathered."

"Sounds good. Gives me something to look forward to. I can't wait to see him you know. It feels like it has been forever."

Puck put down his Iphone and sighed, staring down at the table. "Just go slow Quinn. Don't rush things."

"Not another lecture about Sam and our friendship. I already told you…"

"I wasn't referring to that," said Puck cutting her off. "I was talking about with your heart. I can tell you're racing to give it away."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I just want to see an old friend that was in a coma. Nothing more."

"Right nothing more."

Quinn frowned. "I don't like what you are inferring. Sam is a married man."

"He doesn't care about his wife at the moment. His only focus is you."

"It's because he knows I need him."

Hope was building that it was more than that. Subtle hints from Dr. Hill and now Puck, not so subtle ones for Santana, all the unbidden fantasies, the secret longing, the increasingly unbearable desire to be with Sam, before the accident and after, were starting to form a picture in her mind. All of it was her heart leading her in one clear direction. To Sam. Now it was starting to seem like if she gave in and followed the trail of crumbs her heart had left, that she wouldn't end up at her destination alone, but that Sam would be waiting there for her. It was too impossible to believe.

Almost a year ago, before the accident, when they were at the Beacon Hotel, Quinn had begun to see Sam in a different light, actually perhaps she had just finally begun to see Sam, the real him. The man he had become, such an incredible man, and Quinn had fallen. Heartbroken from Puck's rejection, ashamed by her own actions, wanting to hide from the world, she ended up alone with Sam and it was like something inside her woke up. She knew she could handle anything with him by her side.

Only he wasn't really hers to lean on then. He loved Mercedes and was unwavering on that fact. He hadn't wanted her then, not really. The only thing he seemed to feel was the power of their history, their connection. He hadn't been ready to let go of his current entanglements and Quinn couldn't bring herself to tempt him with other options, not when he was so consumed by his wife. She wanted him to have the happiness he craved. She couldn't bear to watch him settle for something less. She could swallow her desire for him as long as she just had him. She needed him in her life, she realized that back then, and it was still true now.

"I get the feeling he might need you too. He asked Artie to give you a message. Artie didn't understand it, but I get it."

"What message?"

"He said to tell you, that you two are tied together, like the sun and the moon. That you're forever."

Quinn's eyes filled with tears, she shook her head in disbelief. "He actually said that?" He had remembered.

"Yep," said Puck rising to his feet. "No wonder you're so quick to forget about how things have always been between us. Seems like you and Sam have a similar history all your own."

"Puck, I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm not the one that's gonna get hurt. So tell me about his message," he said quickly changing the subject. "I take it that is of some significance to you."

"Yeah, we…well a few years back we thought we were going to die in that accident and we revealed some things. Not anything specific, just were open about our feelings. I really thought it was going to lead to something, but it didn't."

It had all gone so wrong somehow back then, they neglected the promises they had made the night of the crash. They let fear prevent them from taking a chance, and look where they ended up – comatose and crazy. If only she could go back and fix things. She would have told Sam how she felt, and she never would have hid her heart with Mike.

"Oh so while I was in rehab. I get it now. Yeah..Looks like you might get a second chance there."

"He's married," she reminded herself out loud.

"I don't think that matters, and even if it did, would that change things for you? I mean you can't just cut off your emotions because the conditions aren't ideal. Love doesn't work that way. Believe me I know."

"Who said anything about love?"

She was trembling, she held onto the back of a chair to steady herself. Quinn felt like she might explode, her emotions were bubbling to the surface and she didn't know how much longer she could keep them under control. So long she had lived with this secret, never even hoping there would be a chance for her feelings to go anywhere, the object of her affection, so securely out of reach.

"Take care Quinnie. Hopefully very soon you will be a free woman and we can be having these little conversations back in Lima."

"With any luck."

Puck smiled, but he looked almost sad. His eyes were a muddy brown and absent was their usual sparkle. "Something tells me luck won't be necessary. Sam will come through. His heart is on the line."

Quinn couldn't contain her smile, despite her best efforts.

"Amazing," he said quietly as he wrapped a curl at the end of her blond hair around his finger, staring at it a moment, before dropping his hand and moving away.

"What?" asked Quinn.

"There's that glow again. See ya Quinn."

Quinn hadn't even noticed him leave until she was halfway down the hall, escorted by an aide, when the fog lifted and she realized Puck had gone. All she could see was Sam, filling her mind, memories replaying like a movie. Together at sixteen, kissing at eighteen, sipping drinks at the bar when she returned to Lima as an adult, cold and scared under a blanket in the woods, drunk and sad on the floor of her apartment, and finally just Sam, his face illuminated in gold on the balcony at the Beacon, holding her hand trying to make right what went so wrong with Puck.

It was all there, just as it had always been. She just buried it somewhere dark and deep, but now it had been unearthed, exposed to the light, constant as the sun and the moon. It was still him, as it had been under the moonlight as they danced in her front yard and he warmed her body with kisses.

She had been too afraid then, but she wasn't anymore, she wouldn't let herself be. Life was too unpredictable and fleeting to hold back the truth. Quinn had learned that lesson hard and repeatedly. Her heart pounded and her throat went dry, but with a deep breath she let it out. What she had been holding for over a year, really for longer than that.

She was in love with Sam Evans. Quinn smiled. A smile so real, she felt it from within. She truly loved him.

Then her smile dropped and confusion filled her brain like a dense fog. But what about Puck?


	34. Chapter 34 - 1 Line Drives

**The next four chapters are a series of vignettes that feature Sam, Mercedes, Kurt and Finn. They flow with the main storyline, but I wrote them to work together as a mini-story within the larger piece.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 34 - #1 Line Drives<strong>

"You've come too far to end it this way," said Kurt racing into the room wearing almost neon green socks, in striking contrast with his head to toe black.

"I can't take it any longer. This is the end." Sam lifted the mirror tilting it slightly to get a better view. His hand shook as he drew nearer.

"But to do it this way, with just water and a thin layer of...What is this?" he picked up the bar and examined it. "Ivory soap?

"I couldn't find any shaving cream." Sam put the razor down. His hands just weren't steady enough to the job.

"You didn't even trim it first," said Kurt noting the length of his beard.

"No scissors." Sam held the mirror up again as he stroked his coarse dark beard. The blond hairs that intermixed with the brown of his beard made him look as if he were going gray. Sam really didn't like that.

"Sam this is insane. Give me this stuff." Kurt started packing up the razor, the soap, and the mirror into the black bag on the desk.

"Kurt, I have to get this hair off my face. No one will help me. Mercedes has these stupid rules and no one is going against them."

"Did you talk to Mercedes about it?"

It was so ridiculous he had to get permission to deal with his own damn face. Sam pushed away from the desk, wheeling himself next to his bed.

"She hasn't even been around. She's sick and for some reason everyone in this house seems to be afraid of one really small woman."

His father had to be behind this. No other explanation was plausible, he must have told the staff to take orders from Mercedes and not him. Probably another part of his twisted plan to keep him married. His dad must figure if he needs Mercedes, he'll stay with her. Codependence was never Sam's style. Everyone had a price, he would just buy some help getting the things he wanted. His father was not going to win this.

"They're not afraid, just respectful." Kurt leaned against the edge of the desk facing Sam.

"What about being respectful to me? I'm the one in need."

"You're right." Kurt bowed his head, brown locks falling into his face. "Of course it should be all about you. We've just been here worrying for months, not sure whether you were going to live or die, devoting our time to your care. And Mercedes she's been such a self centered little witch, staying involved in every aspect of your recovery, taking classes about your condition, spending countless hours by your side, disregarding her own health to focus on yours. She deserves to be strung up for that."

Sam rolled his eyes dropping his hands onto his thighs loudly. "Another one on Mercedes' side. She's turned my whole family against me."

"I love Mercedes. She's the best cousin by marriage I've ever had. So yeah, I'm on her side but I'm on yours too, and to prove it I'm going to help you." He gestured toward the shaving kit behind him. "There's got to be some scissors and shaving cream somewhere in this house."

Sam grinned, relieved that he would look like himself again soon. "I can't thank you enough. It was starting to drive me crazy."

"You should have asked me from the start."

"It wasn't like I expected to see you in town. Last I remember you were off at college in Texas on a baseball scholarship."

"I did that until injuries sidelined my pitching career," explained Kurt looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Sorry Kurt. I know how disappointing that is." After he hurt his leg he worried he wouldn't ever be able to do any of the things he loved again, no more basketball, no more running. Thankfully that all turned out to be wrong, with months of therapy he could almost do everything he used to, but he did lose some of his agility.

"I'm actually in Lima because of you."

"Because of me? Why?" asked Sam.

"You gave me a little encouragement about not letting limitations stop me, so I pulled myself together and transferred here. Graduate in May."

"Business major?"

"Finance."

"Nice. Are you interning at D&E Industries?"

"Not right now. I was thinking I need to prove myself outside of the Evans name first, show Uncle Dwight my worth."

"Sounds like you have a plan in mind." Sam was impressed. Kurt obviously had ambition.

"Absolutely do. Will share more soon." Kurt looked back toward the door. "I wonder what Cede's up to. I figured she'd come up here to check on Beth by now."

"Mercedes is here? In the house?" Sam wasn't sure how he felt about it. One thing he knew was that he couldn't take another of her emotional displays. Her last one still replayed in his head when he tried to sleep at night.

"Yep. I managed to drag her out of bed tonight. We were all set to hang out at Scandals, but life happened."

He propped his chin on his palm. "What's up?"

Kurt took a deep breath. "Well. First your mom called Mercedes and asked her to come get Beth because she had some sort of emergency with …"

"With?"

"With something." Kurt added quickly, averting his eyes. "Then both Marcel and Figgins have the night off. And since Uncle Dwight and Beiste went to see a play."

"The Lion King on Broadway."

"I'm guessing they won't be back anytime soon."

"Nope. Staying the night. I've never seen the old man so eager to go see dancing animals in my life."

"I think it was more about the company than the show."

"I picked up on that. Beiste and my dad seem pretty tight."

He'd only been back home a few days, but Beiste had been at the house every one of them. Sam was pretty sure she'd been staying over at night. Now he wasn't sure if his dad was making moves on Shannon Beiste, in that way, but he certainly seemed interested in the woman. His whole face lit up whenever she came in the room. It was strange seeing his dad so clearly smitten, but it was also kind of nice to see his father do more than scowl and grunt for a change.

"They are. All started when you got married, from what I hear."

His wedding. So that was the special event Shannon Beiste had been referring to.

"It's just weird to see my dad so happy. He was smiling yesterday, for hours."

Kurt smiled. "Must be nice."

"I wouldn't mind getting a little of that."

To have a woman in his life that made him so happy he couldn't wait to come home to her, or that made him willing to see bad musical theater, it was something he had wanted for years. Sam thought he had found it with Brittany, but she was just going through the motions and in the end it became him fighting to keep her, rather than her actually wanting to stay. Love shouldn't be such a battle.

"Same here." Kurt agreed. "Finally ready I think, after the most heinous break up."

Sam nodded in understanding. "I've had a few of those."

"It sucks when you realize that the person you thought was the one ends up not sharing the sentiment. It's like unrequited love but worse, because you're actually in a relationship with the person. What's the word for that?"

"Hell." Pure hell. Twice he had been in that spot. He wasn't sure he could endure a third time as the unwanted lover.

"That about sums it up, but I might be ready to get back out there. Mercedes helped me through it all, we both were like the walking wounded for awhile, but now I think we're both on the mend."

"That's good. I wouldn't wish loving someone that doesn't feel the same on anyone. Nearly destroyed me in high school." If he hadn't enlisted it would have. He was on a self destructive path that would have ended up so badly had he stuck around Lima to see Puck and Quinn in the throes of young love.

"Are you talking about Quinn?" asked Kurt tentatively, almost as if he were afraid to bring up her name.

"Yeah."

"That was a long time ago," said Kurt.

It still felt like it all happened yesterday, didn't seem fair that this particular wound didn't want to heal. There should be a statute of limitations on heartache.

"All in the past now." Sam tried to perk up and get himself out of the dark mood that was looming. After all these years he finally had some hope. He and Quinn had a chance now, he just knew it. "We have Beth and I'm hopeful for a fresh start."

"I'm glad you two were able to remain friends, not sure Blaine and I will ever get there, especially not after what I did to his car." Sam gave Kurt a questioning look. "Don't ask."

Sam laughed. "I won't. I did some pretty messed up stuff with Quinn and Brittany too for that matter, and I'm on good terms with both of them now. At least I think I am."

"You are."

"Strange that I can't remember such basic stuff about my own life. I don't know where I stand with anybody these days." Sam felt like an easy prey to his enemies, if he had any, he had no idea about the current lay of the land.

"I can imagine it's rough," said Kurt.

"I will figure it out sooner or later. I'm not worried." As soon as possible Sam wanted to learn all he had missed. No more taking it slow. Screw that. He got his life back, now he needed to take control of it and live it. "Besides I'm proof that you can survive a bad break up, the two I recall that is. I get the feeling I may have had more."

"You did."

Sam's stomach dropped. He had been hoping something had gone right with his love life over the past few years. No such luck. "At least I am consistent. It would be nice to finally get one that sticks. Feeling pretty old."

"Is that a subtle reminder that your birthday is coming up?"

Sam flashed a grin. "I would never stoop to something like that."

He wasn't all that big on birthdays anymore, especially as he got older, though chocolate cake was always nice. Maybe this year he would get to spend his birthday with Quinn and Beth, a chance at having a real family moment for once in his life. He just had to get Quinn out of the hospital so it all could happen.

"Sure you wouldn't." Kurt chuckled. "It's not like I could forget your birthday anyway, Mercedes has it circled in red on the calendar on the fridge at your house."

"At Shannon Beiste's?"

Sam had tried to forget about the fact that he had a whole life in a residence across town. The mansion was his home in his mind, always had been, even during the times he had left it, he always kept the majority of his things here. Coming home from the hospital two weeks earlier, getting situated in his bedroom, one thing became startlingly clear, he didn't live there anymore. Practically nothing of himself remained in the room. Things stuffed in drawers, boxes of photos and high school mementos in the closet, a cluster of random clothing, a framed photo here and there, but everything else that was his, the daily pieces of himself, were absent from the space.

"That's where you guys live," Kurt said quietly.

"Right. I knew that. Hard to picture myself there though, doesn't seem like my style."

"No servants and a picket fence, big change from life here at the mansion."

"I can't see myself choosing to live there."

It wasn't about not having a staff, he had lived without one many times before. The military had broken him of depending on others to serve his basic needs. Sam was very self sufficient, and proud of it. The world might have still seen him as the pampered little rich boy, heir to an empire, but he had moved beyond that, he was stronger than that. He could make it anywhere if he had to, but to consciously pick up his life and move to the suburbs of Lima to live with an older woman and his new wife, that seemed like such a stretch. He may not have needed to be pampered but he liked to live a bit more luxuriously than that, and definitely with more privacy.

"But you did. Mercedes said it was your idea. I wasn't around then. I've only heard stories."

"I've only heard stories too, most don't even seem real at this point."

The stories seemed like they were about another person. He caught glimpses of himself here and there in the tales about the life he forgot, but on the whole some of the things he was told he had done didn't seem to fit with the way he viewed life and the plans he had for himself.

"From what I've heard you had a good life. Newlywed, doing some consulting work for D&E Industries, getting along better with your parents. They say you were content."

Content, that right there was enough to make him pause. Sam had never been content in his life, ever. He never fully got what he wanted, there was always something lurking around the corner, another shoe to drop. He stayed on guard and he waited for the worst. This idyllic life his family had been describing didn't ring true, especially in light of Beth. If he were so happy why did he have a child with Quinn while married to Mercedes?

"So content I cheated on my wife." Sam ran his hand over his short hair. It was stiff with some product that barber had used on it.

"I don't know much about that. Mercedes doesn't talk about it much, understandably."

"I plan on asking Quinn when I see her."

He had to find some answers about it all. While he loved his daughter so much already, he was happy he had her, especially happy he had her with Quinn, Sam still didn't like the circumstances in which Beth was apparently conceived. The idea that he went outside of his marriage and had an affair was unsettling. There had to be more to the story than he knew.

"Are you taking a trip upstate?"

Kurt seemed surprised. Sam guessed most people didn't approve of the idea of him visiting Quinn, they saw her as the other woman, an outsider, to Sam she was the only thing that felt like home. Even though he had yet to see her just knowing she was out there somewhere, maybe thinking of him, made him feel pretty damn good.

"Hopefully next week. I'm pretty excited. It feels like it has been so long since I've seen her." He felt eight again, on the jet to Orlando, taking that trip to Disneyworld with his parents and Puck. There was a giddy happiness building inside him. He was going to see Quinn and he couldn't wait.

"You've been friends a long time."

"Over ten years. I can't imagine my life without her in it." He didn't want to imagine life without her in it. Sam never wanted to lose her as a friend.

"So what about Mercedes? She's a part of your life too."

And just like that all his happy thoughts about Quinn faded and Mercedes' haunting eyes flooded his mind.

"I don't remember that. I don't see how she fits at this point."

He shook his head, his mind shutting down like a trap door. There was no room for Mercedes, he couldn't add the confusion she brought him into the mix. His focus needed to be Quinn and Beth. Things were complicated enough, he didn't need to make them worse by trying to add another element.

"I think the fact that you're married should make her position in your life very clear. You took vows."

Sam was shocked by Kurt's directness. The rest of the family had tried to subtly drop hints or tiptoe around the subject of his wife, but not Kurt. Kurt was putting it all out there, challenging him for answers. Annoying as it was, Sam sort of liked it, made him feel normal again, instead of like some damaged invalid that needed to be handled with care.

"I don't remember them though."

"She does."

Mercedes' sad brown eyes flashed in his mind, tear filled and searching. He made her look like that, and it bothered him more than he cared to admit.

"Look Kurt, I know you two are close, but this situation is complicated. All my memories, all my feelings are somewhere else." They had to be.

"With Quinn?"

"I'm not the same man she married. Not really."

He didn't even know the version of himself that was supposed to love Mercedes. He had spent countless hours sifting through his brain trying to find some clue that led him to the person he seemed to have become, a man that would leave his family business and home for such a young woman and then to turn around and cheat on her. It just wasn't him.

"Believe me she realizes that. She told me what went down when you found out she was your wife."

Sam could hear the anger creeping into Kurt's voice, betraying his calm demeanor.

"Maybe not one of my finer moments, but it was a lot to take." There really was no excuse for his reaction. He had gotten out of control. He realized that now, purposely setting out to hurt Mercedes was a pretty low move.

"Can I ask you something?" asked Kurt taking a seat on the bed.

"Sure."

"If Cede weren't your wife and just your nurse would things be different?"

"Different in what way? I still wouldn't have any memory of her."

"Different in how you're treating her."

"I'm not treating her any way. I haven't seen her in weeks."

Kurt wasn't buying it. "Before, in the hospital, she told me you were one way before you knew who she was and another way after."

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. "Kurt, I really don't want to go into this again. She withheld information from me, and I trusted her. I probably handled it all badly, but it upset me. It has nothing to do with us being married or not."

"Maybe you don't remember this, but you always were straight with me, never treated me like a little kid, even though I'm younger than you are. I've always respected that about you, your honesty."

"I remember. You were a good kid. I liked spending time with you, playing sports and stuff."

Despite their age difference, Kurt was the one person in the family he could fully relate to. He loved sports as much as Sam did, and his appreciation for making money almost rivaled his own.

"Me too. One of the reasons I liked summers in Lima was because of you."

"That's pretty cool of you to say. Thanks Kurt." Sam smiled at his cousin. It was good to see him. He was really glad Kurt was back in Lima.

"Can you be straight with me right now? Mercedes is one of my best friends. I don't want to see her hurt anymore."

Sam sighed heavily. "Kurt…"

"Let me finish. You mean everything to her. She'd probably get mad if she knew I was telling you this, but it's true and you deserve to know. Mercedes loves you so much that it physically hurts her."

He felt the words like a blow, a sharp pain across his chest. "Hurts her? What do you mean?" he asked dreading what Kurt's response might be.

"Think back to how you felt about Quinn in high school, when she took up with Puck, when she broke your heart. Do you remember how that made you feel?"

"Of course I do, but what's that have to do with Mercedes?"

"She feels just like you did back then, heartbroken, loving someone that doesn't love her back."

Sam hated that he was now making someone feel that way, but what choice did he have? He didn't remember her. "I do feel badly for her, but I can't help that I don't remember."

"I know. Doesn't change how she feels though."

"Why are you telling me this? There's nothing I can do." Sam turned his wheelchair away from the bed, putting his back to Kurt.

"Yes there is. Stop hurting her," said Kurt as he came around to stand in front of Sam, blocking his path. "Either give her a chance or let her go, but you can't keep doing this to her." Things were not that simple, his father had made sure of that.

"I'm not doing anything to her Kurt. I already told you I haven't seen her since I've been home."

"I know you asked her to dinner at the hospital. Made her feel all hopeful, telling her about your unexpected attraction toward her."

"She told you that?" Sam let his head fall into his hands.

If only he had a muzzle on himself back in at the hospital. He let himself get carried away just because he felt a smidge of attraction toward a woman. Ok maybe more than a smidge, and maybe it was more than just attraction, but he refused to let himself go there and to figure all that out. He just had to suck it up now and deal with the consequences of his aggressively flirtatious behavior with a woman that he thought was his nurse.

"It gave her hope that maybe you two could make it, that you actually could have something again."

Further proof that his father's plan was harmful for everyone involved, staying married to Mercedes would just give her the wrong idea, false hope, make her hang on to something that wasn't real. He didn't feel anything for her, he wouldn't allow himself to.

"That was before I knew about Quinn and Beth. Everything's different now."

"Then tell her that. She's stuck between thinking you hate her and hoping for the best."

He looked up. "I don't hate her."

If only he did. All of this would be so much easier. He could just turn his back on Mercedes and move on with his life, and not give her another thought, but she kept hounding him, her sadness, her hurt feelings, it all persisted, tapping at the back of his mind.

"I know that, but you've got to let her know," he said placing both hands on the armrests of the wheelchair, crouching to Sam's eye level. "She can't keep going on like this. She's going to be back in the hospital."

Another pain hit him, just as sharp as the first across his chest. "I thought she was there for exhaustion."

Kurt straightened up and walked over to the door. "Just think about what I said please. I'm going to go and find some shaving cream."

"Kurt," Sam said causing the younger man to pause in the doorway.

"Yeah."

"Can you ask Mercedes to come up here? I need her."

Sam wasn't sure what he would say to her once she arrived, but he at least owed her some sort of explanation. Her life was about to change dramatically in a matter of days, and once again it would be because of him. Maybe if he set things right with her once and for all, she would finally get some peace. Sam didn't want to spend the rest of his life watching Mercedes cry in his dreams. He couldn't take it.


	35. Chapter 35 - 2 Frat Boy Philosophy 101

**Chapter 35 #2 - Frat Boy Philosophy 101**

"Where's the grub?" asked Finn. "You went in search of nachos, and you came back with?"

"Shaving cream," replied Kurt holding up the can. "I went up to see Sam, got sidetracked."

"Dude we can't eat that." Finn crossed his long legs, his faded blue jeans clinging to his thighs.

Finn usually liked to wear his jeans loose, very casual with a polo or rugby on top. Tonight he was trying something different. Tight jeans, matched with a tan close fitting button down, far off from his usual look. Mercedes suspected Kurt had something to do with this change. Skinny jeans and lack of muscle tone were a bad mix. He looked like a walking stick.

"How's Sam doing?" asked Mercedes quietly. When Kurt had taken so long to return, she figured that was where he wandered off. She knew that Kurt liked to talk to Sam every chance he got.

"I figured you would've came up and checked in on Sam by now. You have to pass by his room to get to Beth."

"I haven't been up to see Beth yet," Mercedes admitted. She had wanted to go up and check on her, but she just couldn't muster up the nerve.

"What? We've been here for almost two hours. How could you just leave the little girl to fend for herself?" asked Kurt sitting up in shock.

"I have the video monitor here. She's fine. Still sleeping." She frowned at Kurt knowing he was putting on this display just to prove a point.

"Just thought you would at least go see her in the flesh, tuck her in or something. She's your responsibility."

"I know that Kurt."

Finn chimed in his support. "Kurt why are you being so harsh with the girl? She was just kicking back with me for a bit. She deserves a little down time."

"She's taking care of an infant, there is no down time."

"Shit it's not even her kid."

Mercedes cringed at Finn's words. It was the truth, but she still hated to be reminded of it. She loved Beth as if she were her own.

"Mercedes doesn't feel that way. Do you Cede? Under normal circumstances she would have rushed up to check on Beth, but tonight she's kicking back."

Mercedes glared at Kurt. "I haven't been feeling well. You know that Kurt."

"I'm pretty sure you could outrun his wheelchair. Those hallways upstairs are narrow, you could just cut him off."

"What are you talking about?" Mercedes asked wanting Kurt to just come out with it already. She was tired of his thinly veiled attacks.

"You're afraid to see Sam. So much so that you are suppressing your first instinct to go and check on your stepdaughter."

She wasn't afraid. Sam never scared her. Not in the mood for a confrontation was more like it. Peace was the plan ever since she left the hospital and she had achieved it, until tonight when Kurt came over and dragged her out into the cold, now she had somehow landed at the mansion in shouting distance of Sam.

"I'm not afraid it's just that Beth is asleep. I didn't want to risk waking her." It was rare she slept for this long of a stretch. Apparently she had been asleep for about 3 hours already. Maybe she would make it through the night, Mercedes didn't want to take the risk of disturbing her.

"What are you going to do if the little one does wake up? Let her cry it out?"

"It's not like I'm here alone. You could always get her Kurt." He was playing rough, using her attachment to Beth against her.

"No can do. I'm heading out," announced Kurt grabbing his black boots from the side of the couch.

"What? You're leaving me here?" Mercedes was alarmed. The thought of being alone in the house with Sam was more than she could handle. What if he started verbally attacking her again? She didn't want to deal with that while Beth was here.

He slid one neon foot into a boot. "Carol called, needs me to help her at Scandals. So you're on your own."

"Well give me a minute and I will get Beth and you can drop me off at home," said Mercedes standing up.

"Who's going to stay with Sam? Everyone has the night off remember?" asked Kurt.

"I'll call Puck. He can come over," Mercedes offered.

"Sam needs a nurse. You're the one always insisting he has proper care," Kurt countered.

"Whoa. She really is scared isn't she?" asked Finn from the corner of the couch. He had been quietly watching their exchange.

"A complete wussy pants," replied Kurt as he stood up and reached for his coat.

"I'm not scared. I just would like to go home, sleep in my own bed." Kurt shot her a look. Sleep was a bad excuse she should have thought of something better. "Well Beth sleeps better in her own bed."

"Beth is sleeping just fine in her nursery here. Nice try though."

"Kurt please don't leave me," said Mercedes grabbing onto his arm, preventing him from putting on his coat. "I'm begging you. Call Carol back and tell her you have an emergency."

Kurt shook Mercedes off of him. "And risk my stepmom's wrath? No way in hell. Time to act like a grown up and face the man you married."

Finn got up to follow Kurt out of the room. "I would've stayed with you awhile if you had nachos."

"What if I promised to make you some?" Mercedes had no idea what was in the kitchen, but she'd make tortilla chips by hand if she had to at this point.

"Finn don't you want to get home and see what's going on with your frat brothers?" asked Kurt.

"I'm in no rush, and I hate going to the house, reminds me of Sugar."

"Finn that's so sweet, but you know Sugar will be back in a few months. It's only a semester in Spain," said Mercedes.

Finn whimpered as he sunk down on the couch, his long legs stretched out on its length.

Kurt exhaled sharply. "Now you've done it."

"What'd I say?" asked Mercedes looking at Kurt and then at Finn.

"Sugar's not coming back to me," Finn said sadly from the couch.

"Finn I know it must feel like that," said Mercedes squeezing next to his feet at the far end of the couch. "Long distance relationships can be hard, but she'll be back this summer."

Finn groaned.

"Sugar dumped him," said Kurt leaning against the back of the armchair by the door.

"What? When did this happen?" Mercedes asked. Kurt always kept her up to date on all the latest gossip. How could she have missed this news?

"Few weeks ago," said Kurt jingling his keys in his hand. "I didn't tell you because you were dealing with so much with Sam."

Mercedes looked sadly over at Finn. "I'm so sorry. Did you two have a fight?"

"Everything was perfect, and just bam, one day she was gone," replied Finn.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Actually Finn was contemplating breaking up with her."

"I was not," objected Finn sitting up and turning toward Kurt. "I was just wondering if our relationship would last with the distance."

"Exact quote: Is it really cheating if my girlfriend is in a different time zone? Doesn't that void the commitment somehow?" Kurt recited blandly.

"Finn you really said that?" asked Mercedes. Sugar was right to dump him if he looked at relationships like that.

"I cannot confirm or deny that statement. I was probably very drunk at the time."

"Drunk with Marley Rose in his lap." Kurt added.

"Nothing happened. I swear. She's my ex and she was making me feel better."

All this talk of cheating, exes and break ups was bringing her even more down. Did no one have a happy relationship in this town?

"Ugh I'm in no mood for talk of ex girlfriends," said Mercedes as she leaned back into the couch.

Finn looked up questioningly.

"Sam has been thinking a lot about his ex lately," Kurt explained.

"Would it be the ex that is Beth's mother?" asked Finn.

"Yep that would be her," sighed Mercedes slumping down even more. "At least she's three hours away, no hope of finding her in his lap. Did Sugar find out about you and Marley and that's why she broke up with you?"

"It's all Paolo's fault," said Finn.

"Who's Paolo?" asked Mercedes.

"Some freaking grad student TA that's working with her group in Spain. Creepy old dude, he's practically 30." Finn sounded completely horrified.

"I don't think that's old," Mercedes said almost under her breath.

Kurt grinned. "Mercedes likes her men mature just like the one she's hiding from upstairs."

"I'm not hiding! There's no reason for me to go up there. Beth's asleep, and if Sam needed me he would send me a text or an email or something."

Finn whimpered again.

"What's with the pitiful sound effects?" asked Mercedes looking over at the slouched over body of Finn.

"Sugar broke up with him in an email." Kurt whispered. "She sent him a picture of herself with Paolo and basically said she was trading up."

"All it said was 'siempre juntos' and the photo. Two fricking words and just like that we were done." Finn covered his face with his hands, moaning pitifully.

"That's awful. What a cowardly thing to do." Mercedes was going to have to talk to Sugar about this and get the real scoop. They weren't incredibly close but they were friendly. It didn't seem like something Sugar would do, she was more direct with people.

"Actually she said more than that. 'Siempre juntos' was just the caption of the photo. She did include some text. Song lyrics to some cheesy Spanish pop song."

"Mexican," said Finn.

"My bad. Mexican pop song," said Kurt correcting himself. "Ever since he's been on a nacho diet."

"Wouldn't you want to avoid nachos since they remind you of Sugar?" asked Mercedes.

"No," Finn said sadly.

"Don't try to comprehend the Finn brain, just feed him and let him be. I'm off."

"Are you coming back?" asked Mercedes rushing over to Kurt's side. "Please say you are."

"We'll see," said Kurt placing a kiss on Mercedes' cheek. "I'll text you."

"Okay," Mercedes sighed.

"Oh I almost forgot. Sam wanted me to give you this," said Kurt handing her the shaving cream. "He wants you to take it to him upstairs."

"What? No," said Mercedes trying to hand the can back to Kurt, but Kurt side stepped her and jogged out of the room.

"Goodnight," he called from the front door.

"Looks like you got to bite the bullet and go see him," said Finn from the couch.

"If I go upstairs, no nachos for you." Just because she was by herself still didn't mean she had to go see him. She glanced at the video monitor on the end table, Beth was still asleep, no reason whatsoever to climb the steps.

Finn rose to his feet. "I say let him wait. Lead on to the kitchen."

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you didn't want to go back to campus. I know you'd rather be there than with boring me."<p>

Mercedes began opening cabinets looking for the ingredients to make nachos. The massive kitchen was walled with dark wood cabinetry. Her search was starting to feel like a daunting task. She had no idea where anything was in the kitchen.

"You could never be boring. Your life is like one long Felicity episode." Finn leaned over the marble topped center island, his long legs spread wide.

"Don't tell me Kurt has you watching that show too." Oh plates, that was a start. She pulled one out of the cabinet and placed it on the counter in front of her.

"Yep I've seen it all. We binge watched it when Sugar dumped me."

Mercedes looked at Finn sympathetically. It was refreshing to focus on someone else's dramas for a change. "No chance of you and Sugar making up?"

Finn raised his shoulders halfheartedly. "Honestly I'm not sure how much longer we would have lasted anyway. Sometimes things aren't meant to be. You know?"

"Yeah." Mercedes knew that feeling all too well. Did she even have a marriage anymore when Sam didn't remember her?

"Yeah well at least there is an upside," Finn said getting up and starting to search the cabinets above Mercedes's head.

"What's that?"

"I get to have nachos with one of the cutest girls on campus."

Was he for real? Mercedes looked down at her frumpy attire. "I think that broken heart of yours has made you lose your mind. Do you see me here in these leggings and ratty t-shirt?"

"And? How does what you're wearing make you not cute? It's those cheeks, I just want to pinch them," he said hands outstretched ready to strike.

"Stop right there frat boy." She stopped him with her hand in the center of his chest. "No touching. You don't know me like that."

"Give me time," he said resuming his search of the cabinets. "That's about to change. Tonight you're making me nachos, next week you'll be sending me texts. I predict by the end of the month I'll have my hands all over them cheeks."

Mercedes couldn't help but laugh. The boy was silly. "Don't make me sic my daddy on you. He's 6'3" and he likes to box."

"Dr. Jones doesn't scare me. One of the few men in this town that I can look in the eye. Give me ten minutes with the man and he'll be inviting me over to watch the Bears."

"Don't be so sure. He never liked Sam."

"I'm not Sam." Mercedes sighed. No Finn definitely wasn't Sam. She hadn't felt the urge to cry or break something like she usually did when Sam was around lately. Finn was definitely something new. "So you and Dr. Jones haven't known each other long right?"

"Nope only a few years. I first came to Lima to find him."

"Was it easy letting your father into your life, once you found him that is?"

"Actually, it sort of was. Julian is great." She smiled as she thought about her dad. "I feel really blessed to have him in my life."

Finn held up a bag of Tostitos he had found in triumph. Mercedes smiled and walked to the fridge. The refrigerator was the size of a closet at an average home.

"You lucked out in the dad department for sure."

Mercedes loved her father and more than that, she respected him. If only he had been the one to raise her, how different her life could've been. Would she have even met Sam if Julian had been in her life since birth?

"After all I endured with my mom, I sort of feel like I deserved a little luck. Not that I ever had much, still don't."

"That's not true, from where I sit you seem to have hit the jackpot. You're living a life many only dream about. You have good friends, a loving family, a career, a rich husband that loves you."

"That used to love me," Mercedes said sadly as she put the cheddar cheese and sour cream she found in the refrigerator on the counter.

"Kurt told me about the memory loss, but that's just temporary right? He'll be back to his old self soon."

She looked up into Finn's soft brown eyes that were filled with pity. Rock bottom must be close at hand when someone like Finn Hudson was feeling sorry for her. He only got emotional when the Bears won or if the keg ran out mid party.

"The doctors don't know and I can't live my life hanging onto a slim chance that the man I married will suddenly remember me and love me again. I've got to be realistic." Mercedes stared down at the tortilla chips in her hand suddenly forgetting why she had them in the first place.

"Realism is overrated," scoffed Finn taking the bag from her. He dumped some chips on the plate.

Mercedes tried to focus on Finn again. "Says the philosophy major. When you graduate you will be like a professional dreamer."

"Professional thinker. There's a difference."

"Either way your head will be in the clouds." She found a grater in the one of the drawers and set to work on the cheese.

Finn shrugged, looking down at his shoes. "The clouds have a much better view than the real world these days."

"I'm sorry about Sugar," she said putting down the cheddar and patting his hand softly.

Finn looked up at her seeming surprised by the physical contact. "I'm sorry about Sam. Not that I am even comparing the two. I just lost my girlfriend, and our future as a couple was pretty ambiguous anyway. You lost…"

"The love of my life," said Mercedes finishing his sentence.

It was starting to sound more pathetic each time she said it. If Sam were her great love then why did he forget her so easily? Maybe she was making them into more than they actually were, like a tall tale, their romance grew exponentially with each mention of it, but in reality they were probably nothing more than rebounds for each other.

"Yeah. That's deep."

"That's me deep and depressing." Mercedes tried to smile, blinking back the tears that formed in her eyes.

"Here's a thought," Finn said abruptly, his face actually lighting up like a light bulb.

"Uh oh, should I brace myself or something?" Mercedes teased.

"Funny," he replied flatly. "I was just thinking that if you are so sure Sam is the love of your life, wouldn't that mean you can't give up on him yet?" He pushed his sleeves up his long arms.

"I don't follow."

Finn sat down at one of the stools at the island, becoming serious, as if he were about to explain the way to achieve world peace.

"You're still alive, so it stands to reason that if he's still alive and you are too, that your great love will persevere in the end."

"I'm not sure that makes sense. He doesn't remember any of his feelings for me. I'm in love alone at this point." That hurt to admit, back to square one with Sam, once again pining for the unattainable.

"You are only in love alone - right now. Time heals all wounds. Sam could wake up a week from now and remember everything." Finn looked so pleased with himself.

"I just told you I can't live like that, banking on what ifs and down the line maybes. I have to find a way to deal with him the way he is now." Angry, bitter, hating her not to mention in love with his ex, she needed some ice cream badly.

"He just lost his memory. He didn't get a personality transplant. He's still the same guy you married right?" Finn scooped up the cheddar Mercedes had grated and dumped it on top of the chips.

"I guess so. Pretty much," said Mercedes as she put the plate into the microwave and punched one minute on the keypad.

"So what's so hard about dealing with him? You already know him."

"There is that little matter that he hates me now," she said from the inside of the huge walk in pantry. She scanned the shelves until she found a jar of salsa.

"I'm not buying that. No man can hate you," said Finn when Mercedes reemerged.

"Oh I have it on pretty good authority that men can hate me. In fact, Sam used to hate me before we got together."

The good old days when Sam loved to be deliberately cruel to her just because he knew he could. He had toyed with her affections and she had let him, she'd endure anything then just to get his attention.

"Really? You guys were enemies?"

"In a way. He hated me and I tried to hate him, but secretly I was so into him, basically in love with him, while he was in love with someone else." How did they get on this subject? She was already depressed enough without adding past wounds into the pile.

"So you were in love alone, and he hated you, but somehow things flipped and you ended up married?" asked Finn as he reached around her and opened the microwave, removing the hot plate of nachos.

"It took awhile and it wasn't easy, but yeah I guess that is pretty much how things went."

"Hmm," he mumbled as he bit into a cheese covered chip.

"What?"

"Sounds like what you are going through now with him."

Mercedes shrugged. "I guess."

It was same in that he hated her, but him falling in love with her again seemed like a long shot. Rachel was a weak opponent, Mercedes knew that her relationship with Sam was doomed, but Quinn, she was whole different matter. History, connection, a baby, she had the triple threat and that was even before factoring in her incredible beauty. Mercedes felt out matched in every way against her.

"Seems to me, and I'm just a second year philosophy student so take all I say with a grain of salt."

Mercedes smiled as she broke a corner of a chip off the plate and put it into her mouth. "Was there ever any doubt I wouldn't?"

Finn chuckled. "I guess not. Well for what it's worth I think you got a real chance here. You just have to do whatever you did back in the day to make him fall in love with you all over again."

"Actually all my plots to get him failed." He had always managed to see through her and resist all of her charms.

"How did you end up together then?" asked Finn his mouth full of chips.

"Honestly I have no clue. Dumb luck and tons of wishing and hoping." And Rachel being stupid enough to let him go. Though with all the drama Sam ended up putting Mercedes through, Rachel might have had the right idea when she walked away.

"Back to that luck again. I tell you, it's a beautiful thing. Keep on hoping and don't give up and you will get your man back." He waved a tortilla chip at her emphatically. "Oh and parading around in short skirts couldn't hurt."

"I'm not going to play games with Sam. He has been through enough, mostly because of me." Mercedes took a seat on the stool next to Finn, bumping his leg with her knee. He took up so much space even though he was pretty skinny. What he lacked in girth he made up for vertically. Finn was tall, like NBA tall, standing over a foot above Mercedes.

"Not talking about a game, I am saying make the man remember. Have you even tried?"

"Why are you telling me all of this? Giving me advice? All I've ever done is be snippy with you." Usually she ignored him. He was Kurt's silly and immature little friend that she had to deal with from time to time, although tonight he didn't seem like either of those things.

"That's not true. You were very kind to me when I was first dating Sugar. You put in a good word for me and you barely knew me. I never thanked you for that."

"You didn't have to thank me. I just wanted Sugar to deal with what she was obviously feeling for you. She was trying to just sweep things away and ignore her heart, it would have been the wrong choice."

"It didn't work for Sugar and me, but we tried, and things were good for a time."

"Can't ask for more than that I suppose."

"Your turn now. Take your own advice and start dealing instead of avoiding that man upstairs."

Mercedes's face dropped. "I'm not avoiding."

"Kurt has been calling you for days trying to get you out of the house. He's really worried about you."

"I was sick." Finn looked at her, his face filled with disbelief. "Fine. I was avoiding."

"I know. I've been there. I stayed in my room for a week after I got that email from Sugar. I didn't want to face anyone. I didn't want to see the looks of pity on their faces, or have to endure their pep talks."

"You mean like the one you're giving me now?"

"You think this is peppy? You haven't seen me peppy. Get me outside on my board, back to the wind…"

"You surf?" she asked slightly amused by the idea.

"Skateboard."

"Ah. Any good?"

"Maybe. Why?" Finn raised one eyebrow.

"Just trying to picture it." Mercedes cocked her head to the side and observed him.

"One day we'll go out. Hit the park. I'll show you my moves," he said as he popped the last chip in his mouth.

"You're gonna show me how you work it?"

"Oh yeah, I can work it, put that thing down flip it and reverse it."

Mercedes shook with laughter. "You didn't seriously quote a rap song just now?"

"Yep I did. That's a club classic. My moves go beyond the board, you should see me on the floor." Finn jumped to his feet in excitement, pushing up his sleeves. Mercedes feared he might do a spin, but thankfully he didn't, he just stood there in front of her with a crooked grin. "Did Kurt tell you I break dance?"

Mercedes covered her mouth with her hand to stifle her laughter. "Finn you really have to stop. My image of you is totally blown now."

"You imagined me?"

"You've crossed my mind a few times."

"What did you think about?" he asked almost shyly.

"I wondered how Kurt could be friends with someone as spacey as you."

"Spacey? That's not me at all. I'm always thinking." He tried to sound offended, but Mercedes could tell he was faking it.

"Head in the clouds boy. I know. I just figured you were thinking about getting drunk and women in lingerie."

"I've got more going on up here than that," he said tapping a finger against his temple. "Just last night I spent two hours trying to figure out the meaning of life."

"Come up with anything?"

"Not really." He got back on the stool, this time facing her, letting his legs stretch on each side of her body trapping her between them. "My frat brothers pulled me downstairs for a party."

"Let me guess, women and booze?"

"Guilty as charged, but I'll get back to that thinking soon."

Mercedes grinned widely. "Don't hurt yourself boy. You've got to keep your strength for the next party."

"How come you never come out to the house with Kurt? The Gammas throw the best parties on campus."

"A little busy with a baby and a sick husband," she said sighing heavily, suddenly feeling guilty. She should be with that baby and sick husband right now instead of slacking off in the kitchen.

"He's better now, and you definitely deserve a little fun."

"I think I'll pass. A trip to the spa is more my speed these days." Or better yet some uninterrupted sleep, being sedated at the hospital still didn't quite shake her persistent fatigue. She guessed months of insomnia couldn't be cured in a couple of nights.

Finn eyed her up and down. "I'm not buying it. I think you're hiding a party girl somewhere in there."

"That party girl is gone. She grew up and fell in love." Got a job, got married, got her heart broken in multiple ways.

"And got all deep and depressing. I'm going to bring that party girl out of you again. We're having another party next weekend. Come." Finn squeezed Mercedes' knee encouragingly.

Mercedes stood up, rubbing the spot on her knee Finn just touched. "I just told you I can't." She stepped over his leg and went to the other side of the counter to start clearing away the food.

"Bring Sam along, might do him some good to get out and be around people again."

"He's not strong enough yet, and besides Sam at a kegger? I don't think so."

Not anymore. She'd heard stories about when he was life of the party, most popular guy around, but Mercedes never knew that fun loving version of him. He kept it all tied up behind his perfectly formed Windsor knots and Italian suits.

"Good point. He does seem a bit stale. Just you and Kurt then. I'll get you out on the floor, show you how to dance."

"What makes you think I can't dance?" she asked turning to face him.

"I never imagined you doing it."

"So you've imagined me?" she asked folding her arms over her chest.

"You've crossed my mind once or twice." His dark eyes seemed to spark as he watched her from across the counter. He stretched his torso across the marble, leaning closer to her.

"I like to dance and I know I can out dance you."

"Sounds like a challenge."

"You up for it?" she asked pulling herself up on the countertop to sit beside where he was leaning, her Uggs hitting against the base as her legs swayed.

"Anytime, anywhere," he said not backing down.

"You're on." She poked her finger against his chest. "I'm going to wipe the floor with your ass."

"Confident and cute. I like it." Finn stood up and walked around the counter, stopping directly in front of her. "I'm seeing a whole other side to you tonight Mercedes. So dance-off, date to be determined, deal?" He extended his hand toward her, letting it fall on her thigh as he watched her intently.

"Deal," she agreed, slowly smiling as she put her hand in his.

"Who are you and why are you touching my wife?"

Both Finn and Mercedes turned to watch Sam rolling in from the elevator in the back of the kitchen, a frown etched on his face.

"Sam what are you doing down here?" asked Mercedes as she pushed Finn away from her and hopped off the counter.

"This is my house. Am I not allowed to come in my own kitchen? Or is that on your list of rules too?" Sam asked Mercedes.

"Ease up bro. I'm Finn. I've grown a little bit since you last saw me I think." He said offering his hand to Sam.

Sam ignored Finn's hand and rolled over to Mercedes. "Why is he here?"

"He's Kurt's stepbrother."

"I know who he is now. Where is Kurt? Did he give you my message?" asked Sam, his dimple barely visible under his scowl.

"Yeah I got it, something about shaving cream." She tried to walk around his wheelchair to get to the other side of the kitchen away from him, but Sam blocked her path.

"How come you didn't come up?" he asked bumping her foot lightly with one of his wheels.

"As you can see I have a guest." She crossed her arms, frowning at his accusatory tone. He was embarrassing her with his attitude.

"Isn't it a little late to be entertaining?"

"What the hell? Late? What are you, her dad?" asked Finn coming to Mercedes' defense.

"Was I speaking to you?" asked Sam not bothering to turn to acknowledge Finn. He kept his eyes fixed on Mercedes. "I think you better butt out."

"Sam! Why are you being so rude?" He had to be doing this on purpose, to torture her. Sam didn't care who she spent her time with. He made it perfectly clear he didn't want anything to do with her.

"It's okay Mercedes. I think it must be instinctive. I've been around the Evans family enough now to know that the jackass gene is strong in their DNA."

"Are you really insulting me in my own house?" Sam turned around this time, sizing the taller man up.

"Last I heard this wasn't even your house. You live across town in the suburbs with your wife. Oh wait, she kicked you out."

Sam shook his head in disbelief. Mercedes could see the tension rising from Sam's body. Things were going to get ugly.

"Get the hell out!" Sam yelled.

"Finn's not going anywhere." Mercedes rushed to stand in front of Sam, blocking his view of Finn. "He's keeping me company."

"You've got me for company. He can go," said Sam looking around her to get Finn back in his sights.

"Bro, you really need to relax. You'd think being out for the count for nine months would make you less tense, but it doesn't seem to have helped you a bit."

Mercedes saw the vein above Sam's left eye bulge. This had to end. "Finn maybe you should go. It's getting late," Mercedes suggested turning to face him, pleading with her eyes for him to take the hint.

"Don't let him bully you," said Finn not moving an inch.

Sam wheeled himself around Mercedes, back towards Finn. "You heard her. Time for you to go."

"Let me walk you out," said Mercedes grabbing Finn's arm.

Finn pulled away from her. "I know the way. Bro, you really need to check the attitude. I was hoping we could get to know each other and you're acting all sour."

"I'm not your bro. Stop calling me that."

"Do you like douche better because -"

"Night Finn," interrupted Mercedes, shoving him through the kitchen door. "I'll talk to you later." Last thing she needed was Sam and Finn to get into a shouting match. Things were tense enough already.

"Now I see why you were avoiding the guy. He's a real ass," Finn called out as he went down the hall.

Mercedes watched Finn's retreating form, not ready to turn back to Sam. Taking a few deep breaths to regain her composure, she slowly turned around. Time to face her husband.


	36. Chapter 36 3 Coming Clean

**Chapter 36 - #3 - Coming Clean**

She came back different, face scrubbed, her eyes shining bright like stars in the night sky. She had on next to nothing, at least that's how it seemed to him, again with the very small shorts, black knit this time, and a tank top, bright green, with thin straps that clung to her every curve. And that hint of pink lace that occasionally peeked over the swell of her breasts, teasing him as he moved. Her hair was in a single braid that hung to about the middle of her back, held together by a red band on the end. She must have taken a shower, she smelled clean and with a hint of that sweet floral scent she always wore.

A long thin chain was around her neck disappearing into the space between her tiny tank top and her breasts. The chain bewitched him for a moment, as his eyes followed its trail hoping more of it would be revealed as she moved around the room, pulling out his pajamas, assembling his nightly medicine, placing a pile of toiletries on his desk. Marcel was far more methodical when he did these tasks, there was an order and symmetry to all of his movements. Mercedes was different, haphazardly flitting about the room, hesitating at periodic intervals, as if she would forget what she was doing mid stream.

Sam watched silently from his wheelchair in the corner. She hadn't said a word to him since they had left the kitchen. After that douche Finn left, she quietly pushed him to the elevator and led him back to his room, leaving him there alone. She had gone so long Sam wasn't sure if she'd ever return. He was tempted to go find her, but thought better of it, wanting instead to see what she would do.

"Beth's still asleep," she said finally, still not looking at him directly.

"That's good since it is night time." He tried to keep things light, hopefully to ease some of the tension in the room.

"Beth doesn't usually sleep through the night. She didn't inherit your genes in that department I guess."

"What genes would those be?"

"The sleeping genes. If you could you would be in bed by 10pm every night."

"You make me sound like an old man."

Mercedes shrugged, her back to him as she did something on his dresser. "I figured you were just regimented from the army. You're such an early riser."

"Could be from that. I've always liked mornings though."

"I know. So does Beth. She likes mornings, and nights, and afternoons." She laughed, finally turning to face him.

"She probably doesn't want to miss out on anything in this big exciting world."

"Just like her dad, never sitting still." She held his gaze, but she didn't seem to be actually seeing him, her eyes were distant, perhaps seeing something in her mind.

"I'm sitting still right now."

"That's because you have no choice. I know you'll be walking soon."

"I have some goals on that front." He had to be on his feet in time to get Quinn. After all of this time he had to be able to approach her under his own steam.

"I'm well aware of your expectations in physical therapy."

"You've been talking to my doctors?" Sam was surprised, he thought Mercedes had written him off completely. It didn't occur to him that she would be keeping tabs on him from her house.

"I'm still in charge of your care."

"Could have fooled me. I haven't seen you since I was in the hospital. Slacking off on the job, seems like."

"I went home. Beth's routine has been disrupted enough these past few weeks. She needed my attention."

"What about me?" Sounded a bit whiny, even to his own ears, but she claimed he was her favorite patient, and yet she had been MIA for almost two weeks. He wanted answers.

"What about you Sam? You made it perfectly clear where things stood between us."

"So that's it? One little disagreement and you retreat?"

"Disagreement? I would say it was more than that. You were mean and nasty, deliberately hurtful, why would I continue to subject myself to that abuse?"

"I was upset." He honestly wished he could take back some of his actions, but he felt how he felt, and reacted the only way he knew how at the time.

"I got that," she said slamming the chair she had been moving down on the wooden floor. "Next time you need a punching bag, you find someone else."

"According to everyone I've talked to there is no one else. You're it for me. Apparently we were inseparable," he said narrowing her eyes at her. She had some nerve acting indignant, when she was the one that wasn't upfront with him from the start.

"Mocking our relationship doesn't make it any less real. I don't care how you wish things were right now, the fact is you married me."

"I know."

"Do you want a shave or not?" she asked patting the chair impatiently.

"I don't know if I want you touching me when you are clearly so hostile," he said as he rolled over to her. She put her arm under him to support his weight as she helped him from the wheelchair to the upholstered armless chair she had set up near his desk.

"Are you scared of me Sam?" she asked as she approached him with a pair of small metal scissors.

"Should I be?" She tilted his head back and started to trim the excess length from his beard.

"Well I am near your throat with pointy objects, anything could happen." She threw a warm towel over his face, instantly darkening his view. "Just one slip of my hand and you could be a goner."

"I doubt you would attempt anything right here at the house, too many witnesses."

"All the staff has the night off. It's just you and me." She removed the towel and leaned above him from behind, staring intently at him.

"What?" he asked feeling more nervous than he ever would admit. He wasn't sure if it truly was fear for his life or something else.

"Just taking one last look at you with the beard. I was starting to like it."

"Is that why you made me endure it for so long?"

"I didn't make you do anything. Why didn't you just shave?" she asked as she moved things on the desk behind him. Sam didn't bother to turn to see what she was doing.

"Are you kidding me? Your stupid list of rules is why. Marcel wouldn't go against them."

"Really? Those were for when you were in a coma."

"Apparently Marcel didn't get the memo, and my dad backed him up."

"Sorry you were so miserable. Someone should have called me."

"Or maybe you should've been here doing your job instead of being sick," he said emphasizing the word sick with his fingers. "Were you even really sick or was that your excuse to stay away from me?"

She covered his face with shaving cream preventing him from speaking any further. "I'm the one that shaved you in the hospital. It was something that helped me still feel close to you, it was intimate in a way. I got to sit close to you, look at your face, touch you, that time with you meant a lot to me."

Tears pooled in her eyes, her face dropping, as she pulled the razor down his cheek. He could hear her cleaning the razor in a bowl of warm water on the desk behind his head. She walked around to the front of him, he looked at her questioningly as she lingered there, just watching him.

And then suddenly she was in his lap, her thick brown legs on either side of him, her chest brushing against his. She ran her fingers through his hair, gently massaging his scalp, easing his head back, her eyes never leaving him.

"In the hospital, you were in the bed of course, hard to get a good shave from that position, so I would have to sit like this, to get the right angle," she explained as she continued to shave him. "It feels more natural to me this way now. Habit I guess."

She was silent for a while, the only sounds in the room were the razor against his face and the occasional swishing of the water in the bowl. He didn't know where to put his hands. The chair had no arms, and she was covering his thighs. At first he let them hang limply at his sides, but that grew uncomfortable the more he relaxed. As she moved the razor under his chin, dangerously close to his exposed throat, he gripped her hips, a gentle reminder that she should handle that area with care.

"That feels nice," she said so close to his face he could smell the mint of her toothpaste.

"What does?"

"You rubbing my thighs." He hadn't even realized he was doing it, just an absentminded motion, occupying his hands. He stopped abruptly after she mentioned it. "It's okay if you touch me."

"I don't want to distract you. I could end up a bloody mess."

"No way. I love this face. I always handle it with care, except the times when I had to slap you." She laughed soundlessly, her brown eyes lighting up with her smile.

"Smack me around a lot did you?"

"Only when you deserved it," she winked at him as she shaved above his lip.

He cocked his eyebrows. "Whatever could I have done to warrant such rough treatment?"

"Your mouth usually was what got you into trouble."

"Most women like my mouth. I can make it do such good things." He stuck his tongue out at her suggestively.

"Most women don't know you like I do. You're a wise ass, egotistical, spoiled, smug…"

"Easy there," he said squeezing her thigh. "You're going to give me a complex with all the compliments."

"All done." She placed another warm towel over his face, gently massaging the places she just shaved.

"You're good at this," he said from under the towel. "I feel all special and pampered."

"I'm sure Marcel would have done it better."

"Hopefully not in my lap though." He could hear her laughing, she was still on his lap, reaching over him to his desk. He removed the towel from his face, wiping off any excess shaving cream. "So how do I look?"

She smiled, touching his cheek with her hand. "Like my Sam." Tears were in her eyes again, though she tried to quickly cover them so he wouldn't see. She handed him a mirror and climbed out of his lap. "Check it out for yourself."

He was back. The face he remembered reflected back at him in the mirror, his chin visible once again.

"Thank you Mercedes."

"I put your pajamas on the bed. Do you need help getting undressed?" she asked as she cleaned up the shaving supplies.

"I get a choice? Marcel always insists on helping me."

"He just wants to impress you," she said louder from inside the bathroom.

"Please tell him not to bother. I think he's starting to enjoy himself a bit too much."

"In that case I definitely will. I'm not big on sharing." She leaned against the doorway between the bathroom and the bedroom, her legs crossed at the ankles.

"Neither am I." He'd had his fill of sharing his women with other people. For once he'd like to be in a relationship with a woman that wanted him and only him.

"Be sure to tell Quinn that, I'm not so sure she shares our attitude on the subject."

Sam frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know. From what I gather her reputation started long before the last three years."

"Okay don't start. Jealousy is not attractive on a woman."

"It's not attractive on a man either. You were a total jackass earlier," she said as she walked over to stand in front of him.

"I wasn't jealous. I just wanted to know why you couldn't be bothered to come and see me, yet you had all the time in the world for that Finn kid." She claimed to be so invested in his health, such a big part of his life, yet she didn't even check in on him for two weeks. It didn't sit right with him.

"He's my friend."

"I thought he was just Kurt's stepbrother."

She was acting suspiciously changing her story now. She probably had something going on with that college guy. He highly doubted she would sit around for nine months waiting for him to wake up. She'd put on a good show for his family, but behind closed doors she had to have someone else, they always did.

"He is. I guess he's my friend now too."

"So what? You bonded?"

"Something like that. His girlfriend just dumped him. I can relate to that pain." She sat down on the floor, crossing her legs Indian style.

"He's just playing you, looking for a rebound. I bet he doesn't even care about his ex." Men will say anything to get laid. Broken heart stories were on the top of 'ways to get sympathy sex' list. Mercedes didn't seem like the type to fall for lines though.

"He did care, maybe not how you care about yours. I don't think he was carving names in trees or singing to her in the science lab, but he's hurt."

He hated that she seemed to know so much about his life, and yet he knew very little about hers. He didn't like being one upped in any capacity. She had an advantage over him and he didn't like it all.

"He should take his pain to the bar like everybody else."

"He's underage."

"I should've known."

She laid down on her back, knees bent, giving Sam a clear view up the legs of her shorts. "Is this the part where you start moaning about my age again?"

"I can't believe my little cousin Kurt is older than my wife."

"You robbed the cradle Sam deal with it already."

He groaned, calculating that Mercedes would have been in high school just a few years ago. It all made him feel so old.

"How long were we together before we got engaged?"

She sat up, looking at him strangely. "Not long, you sort of swept me off my feet. I was 19 when I married you."

"I cannot believe I was sleeping with a teenager." Her cheeks looked flushed and he could tell she was ticked by the comment.

"You didn't seem to have a problem with it," she said coldly. "I would say you were very onboard with the idea. I was 17 the first time you got me in bed."

"What the fuck! No way!" He jumped up, almost forgetting he wasn't strong enough to walk yet. He held onto the back of the chair to keep his balance. "There is no way I was having sex with a high school student."

"I had finished school already. I was home schooled remember?" She was suddenly so calm, she actually looked satisfied by his reaction.

"Still sleeping with a kid is illegal in most states."

He sat back in the chair, running his hands through his hair as he let the new information settle in his mind. He had assumed she was legal when they had gotten together, still too young for him to believe that he ever went there, but at the very least he didn't think he had broken any laws. Now she was sitting in front of him, looking like a cheerleader, all bare legged, shiny and smooth, telling him he was having sex with her while she was underage. He needed a drink badly.

"You never saw me as a kid."

He believed her. He had to, or else he deserved to be locked away for being into kiddie porn. Even now he was very much attracted to her. He couldn't tear his eyes away from those legs.

"Probably what I had to tell myself to make it okay that I was having sex with a minor. What the hell happened to my life that I would do something like that?"

He was an executive for a Fortune 500 company. He might have forgotten the past three years, but he knew what types of women were in his orbit before then. There was no reason for him to be hitting the campus for dates, especially not underage ones.

"Must've been all those drugs. I mean why else would you like someone like me right? I mean you had model types throwing themselves at you, but you somehow ended up with little chunky nothing me."

He could hear the hurt in her voice and instantly regretted his choice of words. "I didn't mean it like that."

"How else could you mean it? You're acting like sex with me is the worst possible thing you could have ever done." Pain flashed across her face, transforming her smooth skin into creases.

"You know I don't feel that way. I think what almost happened between us at the hospital speaks volumes." She looked up, seeming surprised he mentioned the hospital. It probably was a bad move. He didn't need to dwell on that truly confusing time. "I'm just saying, it is hard to believe."

"Again, what's so hard to believe?" she asked clearly offended.

He just couldn't say the right things with her tonight. "You're so young. Did everyone know I was with you back then? I must have taken a lot of crap for this."

"We weren't together."

"But you just said we were sleeping together."

"I said you got me in bed. Nothing happened until I was 18. Happy now?"

She stood up, stretching out her back, her chest straining toward the ceiling. A bit of her stomach peeked through between her tank top and her shorts, smooth brown skin that looked like it would be incredibly soft to the touch.

"Not really, but at least you were legal. Explain the we weren't together part."

"You were in love with someone else," she said from the other side of the room.

"But I had sex with you?" he asked turning in his chair trying to see her.

"Yes and that's all I want to go into on that subject for now. I don't much like reliving the days when I was your consolation prize, hitting a little too close to home right now."

"Was I in love with Quinn?" he asked when she came to stand in front of him.

"It's always back to Quinn with you. You have this one track mind when it comes to her." She handed him some pills.

"Can you answer my question please?" He popped the pills in his mouth, swallowing them dry, not bothering to take the glass of water she offered.

"No you weren't in love with Quinn. You were engaged to someone else. Rachel." She urged the glass of water on him again, not moving until he took it, and downed it all. He handed her back the empty glass. Satisfied, she moved away.

"Rachel?" The name didn't ring a bell. He didn't recall dating anyone by that name. He must have met her during the forgotten years.

"Rachel Berry apparently she was your tragic love."

"Never thought I would end up with her." His mom had tried to hook them up once, and Sam had blown her off, too hung up on Brittany, besides Rachel was a bit young for him. Although now that he knew he married a teenager, Rachel seemed downright ancient in comparison.

"You didn't. She broke your engagement and you came crawling to me. Idiot that I clearly am, I let you in."

"So if you felt like second choice why did you even marry me?" None of this was making sense. Mercedes didn't seem like the type to take crap from anyone, especially him. He couldn't see her being with him if she thought he didn't want her.

"I had this problem that I just couldn't shake."

"Which was?"

"I was totally in love with you." She looked at him unflinchingly, her eyes wide and glassy. "Had been since almost the day we met, and no matter what I did, I couldn't get those feelings to go away. Still can't."

"Wow. I never thought…" He looked down at his hands, a smile forming on his face.

"Never thought you'd be married to someone so pathetic?"

He looked up, surprised she would even say that. How could she think loving someone was a bad thing? He knew he could be traditional and overly romantic when it came to feelings of the heart, a fact he tried very hard to keep under wraps, but it was sad to see someone so young be so cynical about love. He must have hurt her very badly.

"I was going to say I never thought someone would ever feel like that about me." Sam instantly wanted to take those words back. He felt exposed. She didn't need to know about his insecurities.

"Truth's revealed. I'm a sucker for you. Now you see why I stuck around even after you hurt me so much. I really need my head examined." Mercedes tried to laugh, but he could tell it was forced. This conversation was hurting her.

"I feel like I should be apologizing to you, and I'm not even sure what for."

This was a new experience for him, being blatantly the object of someone's affection. Sam wasn't quite sure how to handle it. Mercedes had more than a crush. She was in love. A few years back, he might have liked the idea, even willing to explore it, but now, with Beth and Quinn, he just couldn't go there with her. He wanted her to get over him.

"Don't worry about it. I've let all of that stuff go," she said casually, tugging at her braid. "Everything we've been through this past year just makes me want to start over, a clean slate."

"Like my memories of the past three years, a clean slate."

"Do you even want to remember those years?" she asked hugging her arms around herself, gently swaying in front of him.

"I don't like not knowing about my own life. It feels like I exist in a fog half the time. I want to know about all the changes with my family and friends, with my job. I have so many questions."

"What about me? Do you want to get to know me?" She bit her lower lip, as she waited for his answer. Sam looked away quickly, when he felt himself staring at her mouth for too long.

"Every time we talk I learn more about you."

"Do you want to know about us? You had all these questions about my age, but do you want to know why you were attracted to me? Do you want to know how we used to practically hate each other but were somehow connected at the same time?"

"I have many questions."

He kept his eyes trained on the floor, trying to avoid looking at her lips, or her legs. Toes, they were safe, he didn't have a foot fetish. Hers were painted pink. Very pretty. She actually had nice feet, they looked as soft and touchable as the rest of her. He quickly averted his gaze to the slats of wood on the floor, apparently they were the only safe place in the room.

"Do you want to know why you wanted to marry me so much that you proposed practically on our first date?"

Sam's jaw dropped. "I did that?"

"We were so good together." She climbed into his lap again, wrapping her arms around his neck, playing with the back of his hair. "You used to like me close, you could never get enough of me, said I was so sweet, like vanilla, like candy." She planted kisses along his jaw line, teasing the sensitive skin she just shaved. "Don't you want to remember us Sam?" she whispered low and husky in his ear.

God she smelled so good. He instinctively pulled her closer, flush against his body, his hands pulling at the end of her braid. She was everywhere, kisses all over his face, down his neck, her hands firmly clutching his scalp, he could feel her intensity, her desire. She wanted him so much.

Her soft lips like little stings wherever they landed, burning him on the inside, making him wish she would just stop teasing and kiss him properly. But she didn't, she danced around his mouth, taunting him with the possibility of her warmth, but never allowing him a taste. He couldn't take it anymore, her wiggling against his crotch, her hands now running down his chest. He needed air to breathe, away from the vanilla, before he did something he regretted.

"Mercedes don't." He leaned back, trying to flee her mouth, so full with a hint of pink.

"Don't what? Don't try to remind you how you used to feel about me? I know you feel something Sam. I can see it when you look at me."

Her tank top dipped lower as she moved, and he could see the soft swell of her large breasts.

"This is so wrong."

He couldn't do this, Quinn was waiting for him, he had to think about his future. Giving in to easy passion, just because it was being offered up was not how he wanted to live his life. He wanted more than that, family, a home. How could he sleep with Mercedes and then turn around and ask for anything with Quinn?

"No it's not. I'm your wife. I think we're finally doing something right."

Her body was on fire, he could feel the warmth through his clothes, she was more than ready to be with him. She molded against him letting him know she was his, and he could have her.

"I just can't. There's Beth and Quinn."

She stopped, sitting up to look at him, tears springing into her eyes. She shook her head. "You're not married to Quinn. You told me in the car, the night of the accident that you didn't want to be with her. You wanted me. You loved me."

"I can't remember that Mercedes."

She was crying in earnest now, her whole body shook with sobs as she tried to make him remember. It hurt to look at her, so upset, sharp pains in his chest. He gathered her in his arms, holding her tightly, grasping the back of her neck under her hair. "Please don't cry," he whispered against her ear. That seemed to make it worse, as her tears increased. Sam was at a loss on what to do to make this better.

Then he heard her say it, so quietly it felt like she had mouthed the words against his ear. "I love you." He pulled her from around his neck, smoothed her hair, and wiped the tears with his hands. "You promised you'd never stop loving me."

He could feel her pain in that moment, as vividly as if it had been his own. He didn't want this for her, she didn't deserve this. For a second, he wished that he could do something to make this right, anything, he wished for his memory back, all of those feelings. He wanted desperately to love her again, just so the pain would leave her brown eyes. He wanted that so much, that he kissed her. Leaning up to meet her lips, urging her head closer, tentatively at first, until he felt her arms encircle his neck.

With that he pulled her closer, kissing her deeply, her mouth opening, finally letting him taste that sweetness she had been teasing him with before, filled with her, consumed by her mouth, he couldn't get close enough, deep enough, kissing her harder every time she moaned. For one brief moment, he let it all go away, and just focused on her, pretending that he remembered feeling something for her, letting himself believe that her being his wife was enough. For a moment it was real, and it was good, as her body burned on his lap, and he kissed her breathless.

Then as he pulled back to get some air, to regain his senses, he saw her, her hair so dark instead of blond, her skin brown instead of pale, her eyes brown and not green.

"I don't feel it. I'm sorry, but I just don't." He pushed her off his lap, running his hands over his face, his clothes, futilely trying to remove her scent that clung to him.

She wasn't what he wanted. She couldn't be. There was no wishing away that fact. He wanted someone else.


	37. Chapter 37 - 4 A Ring of Truth

**Thanks for reading and commenting!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 37 - #4 - A Ring of Truth<strong>

It was so incredibly awkward with her standing there, back to him, sniffling loudly. She didn't move just stood, arms around herself, probably still crying. Sam wasn't sure, he couldn't see her face. He wanted to leave, but his wheelchair was out of his arm's reach and he didn't dare speak to her. Not yet, not when he had pushed her into shambles.

He hadn't meant to be so rough, when he shoved her away. It must have seemed to her that he was repulsed. It wasn't that at all, he just needed to be free of her, she was getting too close, invading spaces that she wasn't allowed. She probably thought it was just about Quinn, and his desire to be with her, but that wasn't entirely true. He was disturbed that the wrong woman was in his arms, again, it always seemed to be Mercedes, never Quinn. He wanted it to be Quinn, he needed it to be. Mercedes kept breaking through somehow. She had this tendency to catch him off guard with her bright smiles and sad eyes.

It shouldn't be this hard. She wasn't who he wanted, he didn't remember her, simple as that. However, it was anything but simple when she seemed to have this power to make his mind hazy and focused on the wrong things. Like her mouth, he had no business kissing her, he didn't even want to kiss her, not really. It was Quinn he longed to be with. Yet somehow his hands had traveled down her thighs, and his lips all over her.

Sympathy - that was it. He knew what it was like to be the unwanted one, the heart on the outside, and he wanted to fix that for her in some way, even though he was the one causing her pain. He felt compelled to make her feel better, to ease her pain.

She was trying to slip away, sneak out of the room while he was lost in his thoughts, she almost succeeded until a floorboard creaked under her bare feet. She turned, eyes wide, knowing she'd been caught.

"Mercedes, wait. Please don't go." He wasn't even sure why he wanted her to stay. He'd done enough damage for one night.

She shook her head, pivoting where she stood but not moving closer. "Sam I need to get some rest. Beth still doesn't like to sleep through the night. She could be up soon."

"How are we going to figure things out if you keep running from me?"

"I'm not running. You're pushing me away. Besides, I think you have things figured out already."

"I really don't. I've never been more confused in my life," Sam admitted.

"Not confused about Quinn."

He detected a hint of anger in her words and immediately his guard went up in anticipation of an impending assault.

"We have a baby." Beth changed everything. Mercedes had to understand that. He couldn't think with his lower regions anymore, he had to be responsible.

"And we have a marriage, but that doesn't seem to matter to you. All you want to do is be with Quinn." Her face cheeks puffed out, as she exhaled sharply, glaring at him.

"She's my last memory, I feel really close to her. I just need to see her. Can't you understand that?"

"I do actually, and I think you should go see her. Maybe it will help you sort things out."

"You want me to go see Quinn?" he asked her skeptically. Sam could tell Mercedes hated Quinn. This didn't seem like a real response. She had to be playing him.

"I think it's what you need to do." Mercedes moved closer to him again, as if she finally decided to stay in the room. She rolled his wheelchair next to him, holding it steady as he got into it.

"Are you really this understanding or are you putting on an act?" He was suspicious. A few minutes ago she was in tears, now she was supporting him going to see Quinn.

"I just want what's best for you, whatever that may be."

Sam didn't believe her. Mercedes had to have an ulterior motive.

"I'm going to see Quinn next week. I made plans to visit her upstate," he said quickly glancing in her direction, to gauge her reaction.

She blanched slightly, but recovered quickly. "Were you even going to tell me?"

"Honestly, no. I figured it would just make things worse between us. I never expected you to be like this."

"Be like what?" she asked from the bed where she was picking up his pajamas, a gray tank top and blue bottoms.

"So reasonable." He wheeled over to her, taking the tank top from her hands. "I thought you would react more emotionally."

"Cry and scream at you?" She laughed half heartedly, but her air of sadness remained.

"Something like that." Sam lifted his t-shirt over his head, not bothering to ask her to leave the room. She'd seen it all and more anyway.

"I don't have the energy anymore. You're getting better, you're out of the hospital. That's all I ever wanted. I can't complain because every little thing didn't turn out as I had hoped. The main thing is you're getting your life back."

She took the t-shirt from his lap as he yanked the top over his head. The shirt was loose against his chest and he wondered what she must think of him now that he was so much thinner than he had been. She never acted as if she noticed his thinness or even his deformed lower leg for that matter. She treated him like he had a normal body.

"That's pretty mature of you."

"Beiste says I'm an old soul."

Now the pants, they would be tricky. He didn't want to expose himself to her tonight, although he knew she had seen his leg many times before. They were practically naked with each other that night at the hospital, when she took patient care to a whole new level of excellence. Sam hoped she wasn't giving her other patients that particular thrill, that better be a perk she saved just for him. Sam chided himself for that bit of possessiveness that crept into his mind. It wasn't fair for him to think like that when he wanted to be with another woman.

As if she read his mind, she stood in front of his chair, turning her back to him. She tapped her shoulder, indicating he should hold on to her there. Sam stood up shakily, balancing himself on her back as he removed his sweats. She handed his pajama bottoms to him over her shoulder, so he could put them on.

When he was done he leaned into her, wrapping his arms around her waist, placing his chin on her shoulder. He felt her inhale deeply as he touched her, holding her breath. She had become so tense around him, a dramatic change from just an hour before when she was in his lap kissing him. He knew it was his rejection that had done it, that had put this wall, for lack of a better word, between them.

"Thank you, Little Nurse. I'm all set," he said giving her a slight squeeze before releasing her and sitting back in his wheelchair.

"Good," she said with a nod, not turning around.

"I'm sort of impressed by you," he said when she finally turned to face him. She took a seat on the edge of his bed. "I'm not sure I would be handling this situation as well as you. If my wife woke up and didn't remember me and was talking about another man, I would probably end up yelling and breaking stuff. I'm not known for my level headedness."

Unbelievably painful it would be for him if he were the forgotten one. Sam knew he would be doing everything in his power to get his spouse to remember if he were in her shoes. She had far more patience than he did. Holding back her emotions for his benefit was quite noble. She had a strength that didn't seem to match her stature and her outwardly emotional demeanor. Her adeptness at masking her pain made him think she must have had years of practice, blocking out her real feelings.

"Actually you do pretty well in a crisis. The emotional stuff not so much. Drinking and casual sex is more your M.O."

"You're talking about me sleeping with Quinn, aren't you? What happened between us Mercedes that I took things there?"

"I was a fool, and you were an even bigger one." He sensed guilt intermingled with her sadness.

"There was another man wasn't there?"

Mercedes smoothed down the front of her hair. "You thought there was, but there really wasn't."

"Why the riddles? Just tell me the truth."

"Later. Can we talk about this later?" she asked stepping into the doorway of the bathroom, tossing his clothes into the hamper. "It's too painful to go to bed on."

"How do you think I feel? Night after night knowing that I cheated on my wife, something I never imagined myself doing, and I have no clue as to why it happened. I know what it is like to be cheated on. I wouldn't do that."

"But you did." She turned around suddenly. "You ran off and jumped into bed with Quinn before I could make things right."

"What did you need to make right? You cheated on me first didn't you?"

"I did something horrible."

He rolled closer to her, trapping her between the wall and his wheelchair. If she tried to push past him he planned to grab her. No way was she getting out of this conversation.

"Tell me."

"I almost left you on our wedding day," she said avoiding his eyes, staring out into the empty room.

"What?" Sam felt like the wind had been knocked out of him, he sunk back in his chair, stunned.

"I left a voicemail for another man before our wedding and told him I would leave you for him, but he didn't get the message."

"So you went ahead and married stupid, rich me?" he asked bitterly.

Apparently once a sucker, always a sucker. He had managed to yet again marry a woman that didn't want him.

Mercedes finally looked at him, flushed and teary. "It wasn't like that Sam. I loved you. I was just confused, too young, overwhelmed. I don't know, but once I said my vows it all started to fall into place, the fears started melting away. There's no other man in the world I want to be married to."

She reached out to him and he pushed away. He didn't want her anywhere near him.

"And here I actually believed you when you said you loved me and only me. I keep falling for your lies."

She was good. In the few weeks he had known her she had beguiled him and betrayed him repeatedly, and for some reason he kept letting her do it.

She slid down the wall to the floor. "It's the truth. I did love only you. I still do."

"Trying to ditch me at our wedding really supports that claim," he snapped.

"I'm ashamed of what I did. Not a day goes by when I don't wish I could take it back. It kills me to know how badly I hurt you, that I broke your heart."

She was crying, wiping at the tears with the hem of her shirt, her stomach exposed.

"I think Quinn made me feel a whole lot better, so don't beat yourself up. I ended up a winner in all of this." Mercedes's head shot up, slack jawed and shocked. Sam knew his words would sting, that was his intention.

"You son of a bitch." She almost yelled, sitting up on her knees. "Our whole life together is gone, completely over, and you're making jokes."

"I'm not joking. Your little message led me to Quinn and Beth, a chance at having a life I always dreamed about." He smiled, but didn't really feel it, not that he wanted her to know that. He wanted her to choke on the idea that she soon would be replaced.

"You already had that life. With me."

"That's such bullshit!" He started to shake with anger. "You had some other guy, I slept with Quinn, we don't even have any kids."

"Not yet. We had planned to have children. A house full."

"Looks like Quinn beat you to the punch."

She slumped back to a sitting position, staring down at the floor. "I deserve this. I know I do. Payback for how I hurt you, how I destroyed all of our lives."

"As if you give a damn. Was Finn the one you were leaving me for?

"No." Mercedes buried her face in her hands.

He could hear her sobs, but Sam wasn't falling for her act again. "Enough with the tears. Who was the other the guy, Mercedes?"

"It doesn't matter. He was just a safe place anyway. We really were never more than friends."

Again with the safe bit, Quinn had said something similar about Puck. What was it about him that scared women off?

"I think it matters a whole lot. Apparently I torpedoed my life because of that guy."

"It was my fault. I left the message and tried to lie about it."

"But I found out."

"Yes, but I didn't know you did. You never told me you knew, even after I finally confessed it all to you."

"When did you confess?"

"The night you slept with Quinn," she said slowly. "The other guy came over and tried to convince me to leave you for him, and I wouldn't. He grabbed me and kissed me, and I did kiss him back, and you saw us, but I didn't know you were there."

"And I just left? I didn't come in and punch the guy?"

That didn't sound like him at all. If that guy walked in the room right now he'd probably try to hurt him, so for him to just walk away back then, during the heat of the moment, didn't make much sense. Maybe he just didn't care about Mercedes as much as everyone claimed he did.

"No."

"I just went and got drunk and slept with Quinn?"

"I really hurt you. See there was this thing between us, this link, this trust, we always seemed to have. No matter what, you were sure of my feelings for you, never doubted my love, and why should you have? I followed you around like a lost puppy for a year."

Sam could actually believe that. She had lied many times to him in the past few weeks and still he kept letting himself trust her.

"And you blindsided me with all this letter, other man stuff?"

"Yeah. I still can't believe I did all of that."

"Well you were a kid, and I am an idiot. I should've known better than to marry someone so young."

It had to have been about sex. What else could he have been thinking? How would he have let himself fall for someone like her, so young, and clearly so untrustworthy? She would have had him on guard and he would have pushed her away. Had to have been hormones in the driver's seat, that's all there was to it.

"Right you should've stayed married to Brittany who was in love with another man, or married Rachel who wanted to change you into someone safe and boring that she could control, or even still you should have gone for the true prize, your beloved Quinn. Didn't matter that she hurt you more than anyone else ever had, she was worth it right?" Her eyes narrowed in anger. She was trying to cut him like he had done to her.

"A little petty throwing my history at me, you have no defense so you try to hurl insults. You fight dirty, did you know that?"

She was scrappy and she liked to go right for the pain, never pulling punches. Reminded Sam of himself a little.

"So do you. My age doesn't bother you. It didn't then, and it doesn't now. You are just trying to cover up how much you want me. You don't like that I get to you."

They stared each other down. Her jaw set and her body tense, she wasn't going to relent before he did.

"Conceited much?" he asked never dropping her gaze.

"I'm not conceited at all. I know a girl like me should never have landed someone like you. Wealthy, powerful, handsome, you can have any woman you want, but for some reason you never intimidated me. I can see right through you Sam. I always could, and I still can." Mercedes crossed her arms over her chest.

"What do you see?" he asked finally looking away. For a moment it felt like she was actually seeing through him as she claimed and it unnerved him.

"A liar." She jumped up and approached him, squeezing a space between his knees, forcing his legs to part, so she could stand close to him.

"That's rich coming from you. I'm not lying to you. I told you how I feel about everything."

"There's something between us. I don't know if it is memories breaking through or just that attraction we always had, but I know you feel it Sam," she said grasping his chin and tilting his head up to look at her.

"You want me to feel it. There's a difference," he said pulling his face away from her hand. She didn't try to touch him again, but she didn't move away either, remaining perched over him.

"Right I'm just in this on my own. And that little kiss you gave me earlier, was all me? It meant nothing to you right? What if I kissed you now, would you respond?" She leaned in closer as if she might kiss him, licking her lips slightly as her nose brushed his.

"That kiss shouldn't have happened, and I'm not going to let you kiss me again," he said harshly, his voice barely above a whisper, not flinching away from her very close proximity.

Mercedes put her hands on the sides of his face, her eyes shifting to focus on his mouth. Sam sucked in his breath, holding his position, testing if she would really be so bold with him.

"Because you're afraid you'll kiss me back and your little cover here will be blown."

"I'm interested in Quinn, not you," he said slowly and deliberately. Her eyes shot up to meet his, hurt and anger, darkening the usually sparkly brown.

"Got that. Loud and clear." She stood up abruptly. "Shall I help you into bed Sam?"

"You're upset with me." He needed to punch himself. What the hell did he care if she was hurt? After all this, she deserved to be.

"I'm not. I just want to get you settled." She put her arm under him to support his weight as he stood up from the wheelchair on wobbly legs.

"I think I can manage myself. I'm getting stronger you know."

"I know." Mercedes dropped her arm and let him go. Sam carefully maneuvered himself over to his bed and climbed in, the short trip took far more effort than he liked.

"I'm all good now," he said curtly.

She pulled the covers up over his chest, leaning across his body as she smoothed out the wrinkles in the blanket. The chain around her neck moved with her body as she tucked him in. He could see the impression of a pendant of some sort through her thin top.

"Do you want the light off?" she asked as she reached under his head to fluff his pillows. She was so close he could smell that sweet flowery fragrance she always wore.

"Leave it," he said clearing his throat.

She just nodded and stood up, lingering by the bed as if she were going to say something else. She finally turned to go and he grabbed her hand, stopping her.

Dumb, weak, and completely hopeless, he couldn't resist his curiosity, his need to discover just what it was about her that got him to this place, then and now. Something didn't let him back away.

"Tell me something about us."

"You don't really want to know Sam," she said pulling her hand away from his. "Why are you pretending like you do?"

"I'm sorry okay," he said running his hands through his hair in frustration. "This is hard. I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't know how to handle this. I'm just trying to find my connection to you."

"We don't have one anymore. You've made that more than clear."

"You don't believe that. What about all that stuff we were feeling in the hospital?" As much as he tried to force himself to forget he couldn't, at the hospital they had found something with each other.

"You tell me Sam. You're the one that suddenly stopped feeling it." Mercedes had shut down on him, their last exchange about Quinn must have pushed her to the end of her patience.

"I don't know what to think anymore. My whole family is telling me I had this good thing going with you, that I was happy. Then you tell me you were going to leave me for another man."

She sighed. "I wasn't."

"Mercedes you left him a voicemail. What would you have done if he had gotten it and came charging to the wedding? Are you going to stand there and tell me you wouldn't have run off with him?"

This was bothering him probably more than it should have, but he had been painted this picture of a loving happy marriage and the truth was far different. His father actually wanted him to stay married to a person that could do this to him. Nothing Quinn had done in high school topped this.

She sat in his wheelchair, rolling slowly back and forth with her feet. "I've thought about this so many times after I found out you cheated on me, wondering what if, wondering if I would have been better off with the other guy."

"Maybe I would have been better off if I had been married to a woman that actually wanted to be with me," he said angrily. "Did you ever think about how all of this must have made me feel?"

"Every day. The biggest mistake of my life was leaving that message and then not telling you about it. After all that happened and we finally talked it out, and you forgave me, we made a pact to always be honest with each other, never to keep secrets, even if it would hurt. Little did I know you were already keeping a big secret from me about Quinn, but with everything else we were completely honest from then on."

"Too little, too late. How did I even trust you after that?" he asked coldly. Honesty pacts were meaningless with pathological liars.

"How am I trusting you now? You've hurt me just as much Sam."

"What are we doing here then? It seems like all we had was a mess together." Cheating, lies, tons of pain and they hadn't even been married a year at the time.

"We are a mess. Two messed up people trying to build a life with no clue how to do it. We both made mistakes, but we were getting past them, starting again."

"Did you ever think that all those mistakes were just a sign we didn't belong together?" Too much seemed wrong to even try to find a right. Their marriage was totally built on lies and deceptions.

"No," she wiped at the tears that ran down her cheeks. "I woke up the morning of our wedding so anxious. I just knew I couldn't marry you when I still had unresolved feelings for another man. It wouldn't have been right. Then you came to see me, you sensed my doubts, and you tried to reassure me. You made me feel so loved Sam. The way you looked at me, the way you touched me. No one has ever made me feel like you do."

That look so incredible, unexpected, and seemingly so real, there was love in her eyes, he could see it so clearly, just as he had at the hospital.

"Why wasn't I enough for you? Why didn't you want to be with me?" He had to ask. Her eyes didn't match her story.

"I did want to be with you."

"It just doesn't add up. There was this other guy just waiting in the wings." He couldn't let himself fall for it, she was holding back something. Real love couldn't amount to this.

"You broke my heart. You rejected me so much in the past, you chose another woman over me. I was so scared to give my heart to you completely. I didn't think I could survive any more pain from you."

Sam knew the feeling, when love seemed more painful than it was worth, when self preservation began to trump anything the heart wanted. He had been there, more than once.

Sam bowed his head. "Why did you say yes? Why did you accept my proposal?"

"How could I say no?" she asked attempting to laugh lightly through her tears. "It was you."

He couldn't pull himself away from her eyes. She was telling him things he had wanted to hear for so long, to be loved like that, was only possible in dreams. But the wrong person was saying it and that made it all seem so bitter, a touch of sour ruining something so sweet.

"Mercedes, how am I supposed to believe you?"

"You could have died on our wedding day."

Sam sat up straighter in his bed. "What?"

"We didn't even get to attend our reception. If we hadn't got you to the hospital that night the infection might have taken over your whole body. You were sick and you didn't tell anyone. You just went on with our wedding plans like everything was fine."

He didn't know how to respond, he was completely stunned. "You're being so casual about it."

"I'm not really. I sometimes still get chills thinking about it, but worse things have happened since."

"Worse than a rampant infection?" Sam could not imagine what she would consider worse than being hospitalized on your wedding day.

"Yes. I lost you," she said her voice cracking.

"Mercedes I…" Sam fumbled, searching for the words to console her, but there were none.

"When you first were admitted to the hospital they wouldn't let me see you. You were intensive care and they were working to stabilize you. I must have fallen asleep in the waiting area because I had this dream and in it you died. You just went through those double doors and never came back out. I woke up disoriented and upset and eventually I figured out it was just a nightmare but the idea of that, of you being dead." She shook her head, trying to stop herself from crying. "Well let's just say, I knew I made the right decision marrying you."

"I have found that moments where life hangs in the balance, are the times when things are the most clear." In Afghanistan, during the limo crash, even now he had found that to be true, and each time it had all come back to Quinn. Could it really have been different this time around with Mercedes?

"After that I knew I wanted to be with you, being afraid of risking my heart wasn't enough to keep me from loving you. Life was too short. Then all the stuff with Quinn came out and I was all set to divorce you, papers and all. We were through. But the accident happened, and you were hurt so badly, then you left me here so alone, retreated into yourself, into that damn coma, for nine months. It was like a twisted joke. The universe proved its point I guess you could say. I knew I couldn't divorce you after that, you're worth all the pain."

"You know how crazy all of this sounds?" His voice was hoarse, his emotions getting the better of him, as he imagined the roller coaster she was describing. Seemed like they had been through so much, and he didn't even know the half of it.

"I probably should have been long gone, ages ago."

There was something so familiar about the way she claimed to feel about him, almost like she didn't have a choice, she couldn't help herself despite her better judgment. He had been in her place. Loving Quinn used to feel like that.

"Why didn't you leave? There were other women, sounds like I treated you badly, hurt you, what are you still doing here?"

She shrugged. "One day you'll remember the answer to that and you'll understand why."

"I can't promise my memory will even come back. What if I never remember?

"I don't know. Even if things don't work out between us, and we end up with other people, I know I will keep hoping. A part of me will always be waiting for you."

He reached over and took her hand in his own, letting his palm grip the rough edges of her rings, holding it there until it stung from the pressure. Sam willed his mind to find her, to at least pull up some recollection. She was too young to be stuck in this miserable spot, especially with him. He wouldn't be able to make things better for her, to give her back what she wanted.

"Where is my ring?" he asked. "Why aren't I wearing it?"

"I had to take it off you. Your fingers used to swell around it. I was scared it would get stuck, so I took it off. You didn't seem to like that much, the first time you ever moved while you were in a coma. The doctors said it was just a reflex, but I never believed that. I think you wanted to keep your ring."

"Can I have it back?" he asked staring at the rings on her finger, so large and sparkling with diamonds.

"Why?"

"It's mine."

She pulled the chain out of her top and started playing with it absently as she spoke. "You don't want to be married to me. Why would you want the ring?"

If things didn't work out with the judge, if he couldn't find another way to help Quinn, he would be forced to take his father up on his offer. Sam didn't relish the idea of pinning himself between two women, caught in the middle of the life he wanted and the life he would be forced to maintain. It wasn't fair to any of them, especially not to Mercedes, she would be the one left battered at the end of nine months.

He couldn't do that to her, not when she looked at him the way she did, like he was special, like he was so worth her time. He wanted to live up to that somehow, be the man she seemed to love so much, even if he wasn't that guy anymore, not truly. But what choice did he have? If things went wrong with the judge, he couldn't leave Quinn to rot away in a hospital upstate. Beth needed her mother in her life. There had to be a way to make this work, for all of them.

"I never said I didn't want to be married to you."

"It was in your actions."

He had been a bastard to her. Mercedes had this way of getting a rise out of him, she was driving him crazy with her half truths and the feeble excuses.

"Is that my ring?" He watched the thick platinum band sway back and forth against her chest, a thin chain suspending it around her neck.

Mercedes looked down almost seeming surprised. "I forgot I had it on. I don't wear it much anymore."

"What made you wear it today?"

"I'm not sure. I found it in my pocket tonight and I put it on. Missing you I guess."

"You didn't have to miss me you know. You could've come to see me," he said softly.

"I thought you hated me." She stared down at the ring on the end of her chain.

"I don't."

Mercedes looked up in surprise. "But all the things you said…"

"Will told me about what happened the night of the accident."

"I know. I've talked to him. I'm glad he was able to get that off of his chest. The guilt was eating him alive."

"He had no reason to feel guilty."

"Couldn't get him to believe that though. Hopefully you did."

"He saved my life. You saved my life." Sam understood that now. He knew how lucky he had been and that he wouldn't have made it without the two of them.

"You wouldn't have needed saving if it weren't for me," she said tearing up again.

"Come here." Sam eased over so she could take a seat beside him. "Thank you for not quitting on me that night." He kissed the back of her hand softly, his eyes still on her face.

"I couldn't let you go," she said dropping his hand to wipe her tears.

Sam slipped his forefinger partially into the band hanging from her neck. "Can I have this back?"

Before she could respond he lifted the chain upward attempting to take it over her head. She leaned forward and let him pull the chain off. He rested the ring in the palm of his hand, letting the chain cascade around it in a small pile. Staring at it for a few moments before taking a deep breath and slipping the chain over his head leaving the ring dangling in the center of his chest.

"We used to have breakfast together every morning," she said unexpectedly.

Sam scrunched his face in confusion at her strange statement. Then it dawned on him that she was doing what he asked earlier, she was telling him something about their life together.

"Did you cook?"

"No." She smiled. "You did."

That seemed right. He used to like cooking, did it for Brittany occasionally, but with a staff he never had much opportunity.

"Thank you for telling me that."

It wasn't much but it was a start. Just in case he had to find a way to last nine months. Maybe if he found some connection to her, he could do it. Again his thoughts went to the hospital, to their night, and then their morning. It was so much easier when she was just his nurse, a person he found attractive and wanted to get to know. He felt more freedom to explore feelings when the attachment wasn't forced to be permanent, when things weren't so binding.

Mercedes had been so pretty that morning, wrapped in his arms, her bare soft skin against his. Felt right being with her like that, as if the morning light was a time just for them. He wondered if there was a reason for that, if his thoughts about making love to her that morning were more than just his raging hormones. So he took a chance, and asked her.

"Did we ever make love while watching the sunrise?"

She looked at him, her lips upturned slightly. "Breakfast in bed was my favorite."

His gut twisted with a feeling he couldn't quite describe. Somehow he knew she would say that.

Sam looked down at the ring that hung against his chest, a prominent symbol of a life he used to have. It suddenly felt heavy around his neck, too much for him to carry. He wanted to take it off, give it back to her, to let her tuck it back away between her breasts.

He had found what he had been looking for all night, something real with Mercedes, something he could hold on to, that connection. It was in the sunrise, filling his head in a confusing mixture of memory and imagination. Softly glowing, faded yet still visible, he could see himself with her, stretched out on the floor, their bodies slashed by the morning light through the blinds. Her dark hair spread over his chest, a smile on his face, he was content.

He was happy.

He was hers.


	38. Chapter 38 - 5 Sugar Therapy

**Chapter 38 - Sugar Therapy**

Sam had just stopped talking, turning his back to her, without another word. Mercedes had sat there for a while, perched on the edge of the bed, watching the soft rise and fall of his torso as he breathed. She could tell he wasn't sleeping, his body was too stiff, but for some reason he just shut down. So she left, quickly exiting the room without even a good night.

Asking for his ring had taken her by surprise. Mercedes hadn't expected him to even be interested in anything that linked them as a couple, yet he had been, asking her questions about their relationship, wanting to see his ring. She wondered what he would do with it, now that it was around his neck instead of hers. Would he ultimately chuck it somewhere? Bury it far from his view where he didn't have to acknowledge that part of his life again? Or would he actually keep it on, and try to find a way to understand his life with her. Sam had said that was what he was doing, trying to find his connection to her, so he could understand. Mercedes was too cynical to actually be encouraged by that statement, she knew that trying didn't mean much when he was very focused on his connection to another woman.

It was confusing attempting to decipher his mind these days. She usually read him so easily, his mind worked so similarly to her own, and she knew him, almost on instinct, but since waking up from his coma things had been different. He had been evasive, closed off, defensive, as if he were consciously trying to block her from reading him, from seeing inside him. That hurt almost worse than being forgotten. Not only had he erased her from his mind, now his mind was trying to keep her at bay from even getting closer to him. She didn't stand a chance with him if he kept this up.

Rocky road ice cream - that was the answer. The Evans kitchen was enormous and well stocked, there had to be some rocky road in their freezer, or an adequate substitute. The kitchen was dark with all the staff off for the evening. She searched the wall for the light switch, finding it after a few pats in the dark. The kitchen suddenly was illuminated with just enough light for Mercedes to find her way to the freezer without breaking a limb. She stopped and pulled a spoon out of the drawer on her way, bowl unnecessary, as she planned on eating the whole container, no matter the size.

The freezer was stand alone, separate from the refrigerator, impressively sized, very modern, a wide door on top and three large drawers on the bottom. A quick search behind the door, revealed mainly vegetables, first drawer meats, second drawer sweet nirvana, at least five different gallons of ice cream, none rocky road, but oh yes there was chocolate chip cookie dough unopened. Mercedes smiled as she took out the ice cream, closing the drawer behind her with her foot. She ripped off the plastic covering and was ready to dig in when she heard a noise, a slam coming from the back area of the kitchen where the elevator was located, as well as the hallway to the staff rooms. Mercedes thought nothing more of the sound, and returned to her ice cream, when she was again interrupted by a loud noise. This time it sounded like yelling. Curiosity getting the better of her she pushed through the door that led to the staff rooms, ice cream in hand.

A folding table was set up, chairs scattered around it, some empty others filled with bodies diligently studying their hands. A poker game, five card stud by the looks of it, was in full swing. Kurt was playing host, passing out drinks.

"Okay so Sam Adams all around, Coors Light for you Figgins."

"Thank you Master Kurt," said Figgins as he took the beer from Kurt's hand, immediately popping the top with an opener he had on his key ring hanging from his pocket.

"I love when you call me that," said Kurt. "Makes me sound all distinguished."

"Can you call me Master too?" asked Finn. "Every time I come here you always just call me Finn."

Finn was there cards in hand, long legs propped up on the empty seat beside him, a backwards Lima U baseball cap on his head.

"Probably because Figgins knows there's nothing distinguished about you. You don't have that master vibe," said Kurt as he handed Finn his beer.

"Not true. At the house I'm the master of the beer bong."

"Case rested," said Kurt grinning as he passed out the drinks to the others. "And lastly a Pelligrino for Marcel."

"Merci."

"You're such a cliché Marcel," said Kurt rolling his eyes in amusement.

Marcel poured his drink into a tall glass, a lime already waiting in the bottom. "I am on duty tonight."

"I told you I arranged it all," said Kurt patting Marcel on the back. "Feel free to live it up."

Marcel shook his head, straightening out the top of his green scrubs. "You may think you arranged it, but I don't trust it. Mrs. Evans is very crafty, she will know –"

Mercedes dropped her spoon, alerting the room to her presence, "She will know what Marcel? Please finish your thought," said Mercedes hand on her hip, other hand wrapped around her ice cream, not bothering to pick up the spoon.

"Mercedes!" exclaimed Kurt rushing to her side. "What are you doing here?"

"Ice cream," she said holding up her gallon container. "I should be asking you that question. I thought you had to work."

Kurt shrugged. "Got off early?"

Something was going on, Mercedes could tell Kurt was hiding something. "And Finn, I sent you home."

"Kurt was my ride so…" Finn's words trailed off as he threw a handful of peanuts into his mouth.

"So you just came back to the staff wing and waited for him?"

"Right…they had cards," Finn mumbled, mouth full of nuts.

"Might I get you a bowl for that Mrs. Evans?" asked Figgins rising to his feet.

"Figgins, relax, I got this," said Kurt taking Mercedes by the arm and leading her back down the hall.

"What the hell is going on Kurt? I thought you said everyone had the night off."

"They do. That's why we're playing poker."

"Oh. So just a friendly game?"

"Yep. Are we getting a bowl or are you planning to clog your arteries in one sitting?" asked Kurt when they reached the kitchen.

"Clogged arteries all the way. I wish I had some chocolate syrup," said Mercedes as she sat on one of the stools at the end of the center island.

"Cede, what's up? You only bring out the big guns like chocolate syrup when you're depressed. Did something happen with Sam?" Kurt handed her a spoon from the drawer, as well as grabbing one for himself.

"You mean besides him being a jackass to Finn?"

"He saw Finn?" asked Kurt as he took a seat on the stool beside her.

"Yep came through the kitchen, guns blazing, completely rude. Thank god Sam can't walk yet or things would've been so much worse."

"Well you know Sam, he's passionate."

"Is that what you call it? I was thinking of a completely different word for him." Mercedes piled a big scoop of ice cream on her spoon, far too big for one bite, but she made it fit.

"I wonder why he was so rude?"

"He was acting like a jealous husband, which makes no sense. He doesn't give a damn that he's married to me."

"Maybe he does."

"No he doesn't. Remember that little tirade in the hospital? He's not happy about me at all."

If Sam had been fully mobile when he found out they were married, Mercedes was sure that Sam would have picked her up and thrown her physically out of the room. He was that angry with her. She hadn't seen him that shaken by her since back when she was working as his assistant and sabotaging his deals to get his attention.

"I explained that already, just dramatics. When I spoke to him earlier, I got the sense that he cared a great deal about you."

"I think your senses need tuning."

"I know my cousin," said Kurt with a mouth full of ice cream.

"I used to think I knew him too, not so sure anymore."

"Take it from the top, what happened?"

"After you ditched me, Finn and I made nachos and talked."

"Glad to see you survived that. I know Finn gets on your nerves."

"Finn's not so bad," Mercedes reluctantly admitted.

"Really?"

"It was kind of nice talking to him." She couldn't quite believe it herself but she actually had fun with Finn tonight. He made her laugh, something she had needed more than she realized.

"Nice is good."

"Then Sam rolled in all green and grumpy."

"So what did you do with Mr. Grumpy when Finn left?"

"I took him back upstairs to his room and left him there while I got dressed for bed." Kurt looked down at her ensemble, pink sweatpants, and a cream faded t-shirt. "No I wasn't wearing this. Something more..."

"Skimpy I hope."

"Yeah, I don't know why I even bothered though, not like Sam cared."

She hadn't been actively trying to seduce him, but Mercedes figured it couldn't hurt to try to catch his attention. It definitely had worked, he was staring at her legs the whole night.

"Just go on…what happened when you came back to his room all skimped out?"

"We argued about Finn and about my not doing my job sooner." Thinking about it pissed her off all over again. How dare he try to treat her like she was his employee?

"So he was jealous and he was missing you."

"I didn't say that!"

"I'm just decoding the Evans-speak for you. Continue."

"Then I shaved him."

"Like you did it in the hospital."

"Yes I had to straddle him."

Maybe she didn't have to straddle him, she could have done an okay job standing behind him, but a little contact didn't seem like a bad thing. She'd hoped that having her so close would jog something in his mind.

"So you got him excited."

"Kurt!" She hated he was being so blunt about it all. He was making her seem like a seductress and that wasn't her intention. Not really.

"Don't mind me, just continue," said Kurt as he dipped his spoon into the ice cream.

"Then we talked a little about how we got together, he was freaking out about my age, saying stuff like he was doing a minor and that he couldn't believe he was married to someone younger than you."

Kurt leaned into her affectionately. "I can't believe it either. Married, college graduate, got a job already, the staff fear you, always trying to show me up."

"Speaking of staff, I was a little surprised to see Marcel. He doesn't even live here."

Marcel lived over an hour away. On his days off he never stuck around Lima. It was hard to believe he decided to stay at the house tonight just to play poker.

"Who can resist high stakes poker? Get back to you and Sam. He was whining about sleeping with jailbait, and…"

"I don't know…one thing led to another and I sort of got in his lap again."

"Drop the innocent routine, you didn't just accidentally fall into his crotch. What was your plan?"

"I was taking Finn's advice actually, trying to get him to remember."

A real plan might have been a good idea. She must have been out of her mind to take any sort of advice from Finn. Only a guy would think a lap dance was the way to cure amnesia.

"Any success?"

Mercedes sighed. "Not a bit, but…" She hesitated unsure she wanted to share this with Kurt. It was bordering on humiliating.

"But..."

"He kissed me." A completely unexpected, felt it to her toes, made her head spin, totally amazing kiss.

"I knew it!" said Kurt raising his spoon in the air in triumph. "Sam is in such denial."

"Don't get too excited. He pushed me off of him and told me that he didn't feel anything and he wanted Quinn."

"Eh don't pay attention to that."

"Kurt, how can I ignore that? He told me flat out." And he meant it. Mercedes could tell. He didn't even care that she was so hurt by his words. He just smacked her in the face with his honesty.

"And you believed him? 100 percent?"

"Well no…"

"See there. Denial."

"He's physically attracted to me, but that doesn't mean very much. I want him to care again."

Sex was easy with Sam. Not much effort and she probably could get him into bed. Mercedes knew he wanted her, but sexual attraction was basic, almost instinctual. It was easy to get a man to give into his physical urges, but to get to a man's heart, that was a whole different matter. If there was a surefire way to make that happen, Mercedes didn't know it. Getting Sam Evans to fall for her had been a mystery the first time around, and no less so now. She had no clue what it would take to get him to feel anything more than lust for her.

"What about the ring? Did he see it?" asked Kurt.

"How do you know about the ring?" asked Mercedes narrowing her eyes. Her gut was sending her alarms again, something was definitely up.

"Well I don't know about the ring, that's why I'm asking." Kurt wouldn't look at her, his eyes darting about the room as if unable to find anything steady to focus on. "I just figure married man, ring."

"Sam doesn't have his ring, you know that."

"I must have forgot," said Kurt still avoiding her eyes.

"I don't think you did. You were with me the last time I saw his ring actually. In our bedroom you said the chain needed to be replaced."

It was during Quinn's trial. Kurt had been over, hanging out with her and Beth, and he commented on the ring. Mercedes remembered that day vividly because Kurt had tried to use the ring to hypnotize Beth to sleep, swinging it in front of her face, trying to get the baby to focus on it.

"It was too thin for his band, you were going to lose it if you didn't watch it."

"You took the ring with you that day."

"I actually got you a new chain."

"Kurt what's going on?"

"I don't get what you mean."

"You drag me out of the house and we end up here, and unexpectedly everyone on staff is off, Dwight and Beiste fly off to Broadway, Finn is giving me advice, and you…"

"Mercedes let's look for that chocolate syrup," said Kurt jumping up and heading toward the pantry.

"Spill it Kurtwood!" said Mercedes grabbing the back of Kurt's black shirt, dragging him back to his stool, before he could get away.

"Whoa! Using my real name, uncalled for Mercedes."

"What did you do Kurt?" asked Mercedes not letting go of his shirt. Kurt was fidgeting trying to get away from her.

Kurt held up his hands in surrender, standing up in front of Mercedes when she finally let him go. "You got me. I did it all. I got Sue to create an emergency at her company so she couldn't stay with Beth and Sam, I inspired Uncle Dwight to take Beiste out on the town, I made sure all the staff were given the night off."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because you and Sam were acting like children. You needed some time together. And I knew neither one of you would take the high road and just talk to each other, so I had to make it happen. I got you out of the house, I guilted Sam into manning up and facing you, and then I left you here with no options to leave."

"I don't believe this." She could feel her face starting to flush with anger. "You had no right to go behind my back and manipulate me like this."

Mercedes had been perfectly content in her little bubble, at home, away from Sam and his harsh words and even harsher rejections. Kurt had ruined all of that for her with his little plan.

"How can you possibly be mad at me? Things went so well for you tonight."

"Did you not hear what I said? He was rude to Finn, he pushed me away..."

"But not before he kissed you," Kurt reminded her.

"Sam was in a coma for months he'd kiss Marcel at this point."

"Don't say that too loud, you'll get the man all hot and bothered."

"Kurt I just can't believe you'd do this to me."

"Oh shut up. You know I'd do something like this. It's what I do. I'm an Evans remember? Tell me what happened with the ring. I slipped it in your pocket just hoping you would put it on."

Mercedes tried to fight off a smile, unable to keep up her anger at Kurt. He was just so hard to stay mad at. "I did put it on and he noticed it. Asked for his ring back."

"That's major Mercedes."

"I don't know. He took it and put it around his neck and then pretty much stopped talking to me." Mercedes was pretty certain the whole ring thing had freaked Sam out. Why else did he just shut down? He had been the one doing most of the talking up to that point.

"He probably just needed space to think. The good thing is that he has his ring now."

"Why is that good?"

"You're always with him. The ring is like a symbol of you," said Kurt a smile breaking on his face.

Kurt was such a hopeless romantic, if only the real world played out like it did in his mind. "Where are you getting this stuff from? You don't know he's thinking that."

"It's in the Evans translation. Trust me."

"I should strangle you for this," said Mercedes smiling while she playfully went for his throat. Kurt ducked out of her way, grinning as he continued to avoid her hands.

"I prefer hugs instead." They wrapped their arms around each other squeezing tightly. "I love you Cuz."

"I love you too," said Mercedes as she let Kurt go. "Thank you for making me come talk to him. I needed to see him." Despite how horrible and humiliating the conversation was at times, many of those things needed to be said. She was glad Sam knew more about his past with her.

"I know."

"He's going to see Quinn," Mercedes said slowly, her stomach churning up some of that chocolate chip cookie dough.

"He told me."

"It's a good thing. They have a lot to work out."

She actually believed that, despite the very loud contradictions her stomach was making at the moment. She wanted Sam to go see Quinn, to talk about Beth, maybe about more of what he missed. If Sam felt so connected to Quinn at this point, then he needed to be around her. Maybe it would lead to a breakthrough that could help him get his memory back, or more realistically maybe it could help him start adjusting to his life as it was now.

"That they do," agreed Kurt with a nod of his head, his brown hair falling into his face. "And so do we."

"What do we need to work out?"

"We've got to plan his party."

"His party? You mean for his birthday?"

Mercedes hadn't thought much about Sam's birthday lately, which was ironic since while he was in a coma all she did was wish and pray that he'd actually make it to see this birthday. Yet now he was up and back amongst the living, and she hadn't given it a second thought. So many other things seemed bigger at the moment.

"Yeah, Puck and Mike are planning something for his actual birthday night, but I was thinking we should throw him a Welcome Home/Birthday party and invite all his friends and family. Everyone would love to see him."

"That's a nice idea, but maybe you should be the one to do it. I doubt he wants to attend a party given by me."

"The ring, the ring," Kurt whispered imitating the voice from the horror movie with the same name.

"What?" Mercedes giggled.

"The ring is how you know he'd like to attend a party given by you. He's trying Mercedes, don't shut him out now," said Kurt sounding suddenly a bit more serious.

"You really think so?"

"Absolutely. I'm going to drop Finn off at the Gamma house, then come back here and we can sit up all night and plan the party."

"It's pretty late Kurt."

"As if you sleep, and little diva should be up any minute now." Kurt pulled out his phone and showed the time to Mercedes.

"Oh right, almost time for 'In the Kitchen with Dave' on the shopping channel. I swear she has an internal alarm set for when that show airs."

"Let's just be happy that it keeps her so amused. She could be up all night crying instead of laughing at shopping TV."

Mercedes laughed. "So true."

"Okay save some of that ice cream for me. I'll be back."

Maybe Kurt was right and the ring was a good sign, Sam could have never mentioned it at all. Mercedes smiled as she put the ice cream back in the freezer, not feeling much like she needed sugar therapy anymore. Sam could finally be getting used to the idea that he has a wife, and then maybe in time he could finally be ready to get to know her, to spend time with her, to work at getting their life back.


	39. Chapter 39

**The next few chapters are told out of sequence..please note the time stamps. Thanks for reading!**

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><p>Chapter 39<p>

(Sam)

6:30PM

He was alone, a bright room, but small like a cell, no windows, just white walls. A table and three chairs, two chairs on one side, the other alone across from it. The lonely chair must have been the place of honor, for the inmate, or patient as they called them here. Inmate seemed like a more appropriate word by the looks of things. Doors were alarmed, codes needed to move from place to place, everything bright and white, no spaces to hide, nowhere to blend, no privacy. Emotionless staff, faceless really, blank and pale like the white walls that surrounded him.

It was a place devoid of life, quiet, except for the hum of the fluorescents and the periodic buzz of an alarmed door being opened, no laughter, no music, just void. Sam hoped the whole place wasn't like this. He had encountered very few patients in his short walk from the front gates to the waiting room, maybe somewhere else there was more, sounds, spirit, signs of life. There had to be, Quinn couldn't live in a place like this. She was too full of beauty, her world filled with music and art. How could she be living in such somber surroundings?

Sam folded and unfolded his hands, anxiety taking hold, so soon he would see her. Quinn would be here, right across from him, her smile, her eyes, just her. It had been something he had wanted since coming out of his coma, the need to see her had overwhelmed him. She was all he could think about. There was breathing and then there was Quinn. He hadn't been this consumed by her since high school, when nothing mattered as much as her. After all that went down with Puck, Sam had vowed never to let himself be so wrapped up in her again, yet here he was a decade later, feeling worse off than he did at seventeen.

She was more now. More than just the beautiful girl he wanted to take to prom, more than the girl he used to kiss in the moonlight. She had brought him back, pulled him from the brink of nothing, and willed him to open his eyes. She had saved his life. Then there was Beth, this little creation, a perfect union of their past and present, of him and her, of everything they ever meant to each other. He had never imagined that life would bring him here with her, to share a child, to create a family.

Sam had only been thinking about second chances on that cold night in the woods, not about forever. Forever was beyond possibility, a dream he never would allow himself to have. A little while, a moment, as long as he could get, was all he could hope for with her. He might once again be proven unworthy in her eyes, and she'd move on to a better choice, the type of man she truly deserved. Facing his mortality had changed him somehow, he was braver, more confident, less afraid to fail. Sam planned to ignore the past, dismiss his past runner up status, and embrace the now. He was back, because of her, with renewed meaning in his life, because of the daughter she gave him. Now was his chance to prove that he could be the type of man she wanted and needed. Make her see that he had always been the man for her.

Quinn was so close he could feel her. Probably just his imagination but his heart was pounding and his palms were starting to sweat. Finally Quinn. What would he do once he saw her? Would he pull her into his arms? Would he break down with emotion? Would he just stare? Thoughts were rushing through his mind at lightning speed, possibilities blending one into the other. It didn't matter how he reacted, he just needed her here. It had been long enough. All of those weeks with his wife, fighting unnecessary confusion, meaningless attraction, all of that could have been avoided if she had been there, in Lima, in his life, in his arms. While his mind was hazy around his wife, everything was absolutely clear with Quinn, in his heart there was only her, just as it always had been.

The door opened, metal creaking against metal, he smiled focusing on his hands, not quite ready to look up. Then he did, slowly letting his eyes rise, to take in the shape in the doorway. Dressed in white that matched the walls, her blonde hair in stark contrast falling over her shoulder reaching her waist, a shy smile on her face, as she stood there gripping the door knob. She was nervous too, he could tell by the way she lingered, as if she were unsure whether she should enter the room. His eyes met hers, those beautiful green eyes, the boldest color in this colorless place, holding him to his seat, making his heart feel like it might stop. He wanted to keep his cool, remain calm, but he was powerless to stop the smile spreading on his face as he continued to stare.

She reacted, blushing slightly, her smile widening to match his own, taking one step closer, hand still on the knob, but she was inside the room. Sam propped his cheek on his fist, still smiling, just taking her in.

"You're here," she finally said and then nothing more, her eyes never leaving his.

"It was time," he said rising to his feet and extending his hand toward her. "Miss me?"

She released the door knob, placing her hand in his. "Always," she said.

They looked down for a moment, just studying her hand on top of his open palm. Sam could feel little tingles run through his body as the warmth of her hand bled into his own. She was still there, inside of him, still making him feel more alive than anything ever had. No adrenaline rush matched the sensation of just standing in a room with her, beholding her smile. And just like that he was 17 again, heart stopped, throat tight, eyes shining, hopes flaring.

She still took his breath away.

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><p>(Quinn)<p>

6:25 PM

She could see him through the small glass panel in the door, light blue oxford, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, dark slacks. His hair was short, as it had been the last time she saw him, the day he was coming back to the world, but now instead of being in unruly chunks about his head, it had been coaxed into a hairstyle, the front flipped up away from his face. Quinn could only see him from the side, he hadn't looked her direction, instead focusing on something right in front of him. He was fidgeting, something Sam always did, and Quinn felt the all too familiar sting of tears behind her eyes. Sam fidgeting meant so much now, meant he was moving, he was back.

She could hardly believe he was here, just a few feet away, waiting for her. Less than five hours ago she had received his message, a simple slip of paper with the words "Sam will see you at 6:30" scrawled across it in red pen, practically illegible, probably written in haste by some uncaring receptionist. That person had no idea the value of that simple phrase, after so long, the one person she needed the most, would finally be here. And now there he was, almost within reach, steps away from hearing his voice, seeing his face, maybe even holding him in her arms. Dreams of this moment had been all she had, coming more often now that she knew, now that she could admit it, just who he was to her, his precious place in her life.

Quinn didn't believe in the one, there had been too many loves lost and found in her life to make her think that one heart could belong solely to another, but if there was anyone in her life that could come close to that, to maker her feel like her heart would always belong to him, it was Sam. Constant, unshakable, ever faithful Sam. Since the moment he embraced her into his life, pulling her with him into the light, he had never let her down, not truly, not in any way that counted. He had hurt her, disappointed her, and definitely made her angry, but when all that emotional clutter was pushed aside, his heart was still true, he still had her back, he still remained. Dependable, not in some staid boring way, but in the way that mattered, in the way that gave her courage to follow her heart, to float away on her dreams, and yet she always knew he'd be there for her awaiting her landing. Across the world, or across town, Quinn knew without question that he would be there, just as he had been since they were teens.

Luck was truly on her side, to allow her to have him even after years of taking him for granted, of utter neglect. This time would be different, because she was different, getting stronger, fighting to regain her balance, battling back from the edge. Lessons had been learned during this struggle, her internal war that had been waging since she had given birth to Beth, before then. Scarred and tired, but more determined than ever, Quinn was going to get her life back, hold each day close, never take a moment for granted, just try to live better and she would do it for Beth and for him. If Sam could find his way back to them through the fog of his mind, then she would do no less. Blessings such as these were not to be wasted.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Dr. Hill approaching her, still talking to the nurse that had escorted her up from her room.

"It's okay Quinn, you can go right in," Dr. Hill said from a bit down the hall, raising her voice enough that Quinn could hear her.

This was it, their moment, she would see his face. She put her hand on the doorknob pausing before turning it to peer once more through the small window. Quinn closed her eyes, taking a deep breath attempting to steel herself against her brewing emotions. She didn't want to break down in front of him, allow him to witness her all too frequent tearful displays. She wanted to be the Quinn he always knew, the woman she had been back then, back in the time he remembered. Who was that woman though? Quinn didn't even have a clue how to transport herself back to three years ago, when things were ending with Puck, her career on the rocks, her armor dented, but still as solid as ever. Her Teflon mask had long since been discarded, letting her guard down and going back to Puck had seen to that. Destroying lives and her own sanity had taken care of the rest, and all that was left was how she was now, quivering barely holding it together, but determined. Determination was all she had to hold on to now and hopefully it would be enough for Sam, something recognizable in her current weakened state.

She turned the knob and pushed through, opening the door just enough that she could lean in the doorway, a safe distance where he couldn't hear her pounding pulse or see the tears in her eyes. Maybe from here, she would still look like her old self, the Quinn he remembered, the version of her he used to want, used to love. He looked up, crystal green eyes on hers, piercing and intense, and then he lit up, smiling as bright as the sun, instantly warming Quinn from the inside out. Flushed just from his smile, she needed to pull herself together, get a grip. If he got to her this much from just a look, what would she do if he actually touched her?

Then that was all she could think of, him touching her, his hand on her body, his skin against hers. She stepped closer, longing for just that moment, when he'd close the gap between them and end this prolonged dream. She was ready for it to be real, ready for him. Contact, her hand on his, felt electric, shocking her senses, making her shake. His hand closed around hers, and he was pulling her in, toward him, away from the door, and then they were alone, face to face, almost nose to nose and it was too much. She could smell his aftershave spicy and subtle, the warmth of his body radiating toward her, his eyes never letting her flee, as she longed to. She wanted to look away, run to the safety of the opposite side of the room, away from all she was feeling, overwhelmed, anxious, thrilled.

His thumb gently stroked the back of her hand that he still held, as he continued to watch her, his smile never fading. And then his opposite hand was in her hair, letting its length fall through his fingers, over and over, until finally it paused on her scalp slowly massaging circles into her head.

"Your hair is so long."

"Yeah," she laughed awkwardly, feeling so nervous under his gaze. "I haven't had a chance to cut it…"

"It's beautiful," he interrupted.

Quinn swallowed the lump in her throat. It almost felt like all the air had left the room, he was so close, his hand in her hair, his other hand solidly gripping her, rooting her to the floor.

"Maybe we should sit down," Quinn suggested hoping to put some distance between them so she could find her breath again.

"Not yet," he said. "I just need to..." Without finishing his thought he pulled her into him, close against his body, surrounding her with his arms, his hands running up and down and her back.

It was too much, all too much, he shouldn't be this close, she wasn't prepared, she needed to regroup, she protested in so many ways within her mind, eager to find an escape, but as he squeezed her tighter she knew it was futile, she was already in the one place she had been longing to run.

Her arms circled his waist, her cheek rested on his shoulder, and the tears couldn't help but come. All those tears for the time they lost, for every hug she never thought she would get again, for every regret, for their beautiful baby girl that by some miracle had her daddy back. She cried for it all, finally cleansing herself of all she had tried to contain.

"Are you okay?" he asked against her ear.

She could hear the emotion in his voice, feel the dampness of his tears against her hair. Quinn held him tighter, bringing her hands up his back, allowing her body to cover him completely.

"I am now," she said softly.

Finally, Sam was here.

* * *

><p>(Sam)<p>

7:05 PM

Now that they had settled down, his heart no longer pounding in his chest, Sam could breathe again, think clearly. Those thoughts about the future, about deals, about sacrifice caused his stomach to knot with anxiety. He had to make a decision soon, his options felt limited, and with Quinn across from him, still holding his hand, his choice should have been so easy, so clear. Could he really sleep at night, in his warm safe bed knowing Quinn was stuck here staring at white walls, trapped inside away from the fresh air and the sunlight?

There was Beth to think about, separated from her mother, for yet another month. Sam wasn't even sure if his baby knew Quinn at this point, she had spent so much time away from her. What kind of father would he be if he allowed that to continue? But what kind of man would he be if he went along with his father's charade, if he pretended to be the perfect husband, just so he could get Quinn free? Beth was worth it for sure. He'd do anything for her, without hesitation. Yet he was hesitating now, doubts filling his mind, because this wasn't truly about Beth. Beth had him, had her grandparents, she could have a good life while Quinn recovered here. The deal wasn't about Beth, not really, it was for Quinn. Beth needed her mom, yes, but Sam selfishly needed her back in his life more. He was the one that couldn't live without her. He didn't even want to try.

If only his conscience would let him be, he would just put on smiles for Mercedes, play the game for nine months and then he would be free to move on, to live the life he truly wanted. If only he could make himself not care that she would be hurt, that her sad brown eyes would be given yet another reason to fill with tears. He didn't feel enough to want to be with her, but he felt too much to just use her this way, to trick her into believing he wanted her. His mind went back to Brittany, and all of her attempts at making him believe that she didn't love Santana, all the while Sam knowing that deep down she was lying to him, lying to herself. He never wanted to put another person through that kind of pain. Damn his father for making this so hard on him. Sam wished Dwight never even offered the deal, because now that it was out, suggested in the open, dangling in front of him like a shiny golden carrot, he found himself unable to resist. This could be Quinn's only chance for a long while.

"I guess I should stop staring and start talking now," chuckled Sam. He had been staring off in her general direction, lost in thoughts for some time. She probably thought he had slipped back into a coma.

Quinn smiled. "Yeah we don't get very long for visits, unless it is with our lawyers or doctors."

"I'm here with Kali so…"

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Kali?"

"Yeah Dr. Hill. We came up together. Mike drove."

"Mike is here?" she asked her eyes widening.

"Yep, he's waiting in the car though. He didn't want to come in for some reason."

Mike was generally a friendly guy, and he always was kind to Quinn, Sam really couldn't understand his refusal to come in for a visit.

"No one likes mental hospitals, Sam. There's always that fear they won't let you leave. He'd be stuck in here with us crazies." She laughed but the sparkle never hit her eyes, he could tell she was faking it.

"Don't talk about yourself like that. You're not crazy."

There was a lost look in her eyes, almost vacant, and Sam wondered if this place had put it there. Something about her seemed muted, less bright somehow. He couldn't help but feel a bit responsible for all of this, for her being locked away. If he had been alert and able last year he could have saved her, held her fast to reality, been the support she so obviously needed. Sam could only imagine how hard it must have been for her, alone in Lima, rejected by Puck, hated by his family, but still trying to hold it together for his newborn daughter. It was too much for her to bear alone, she shouldn't have had to go through that. He should have been there.

"Sam you don't understand. I was so out of it before. I didn't know what was real or what I was imagining." She tucked her long hair behind both ears, looking uncomfortable about sharing this with him.

"But you're better now right? You look good," he said trying to reassure her. He squeezed her hand, hoping that she would relax.

"Maybe I'm just really good at hiding my insanity, very few people actually look crazy. I learned that from being here."

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. He had done the math on the drive up, according to Kali, Quinn had been in the hospital for almost five months. That was almost all of Beth's life.

"How is it in here really? Is it awful?" he asked dreading her answer. Sam had already formed his opinion of this place during his short visit. This wasn't a place that Quinn should be.

"Well it is worse than the psych ward at Lima U hospital, more rules, less privacy, a lot more pills, but hey it beats being in jail," she said attempting to joke.

Quinn was putting on a brave face. She might have fooled someone else, but not him. He could tell she was miserable.

"You were in jail before, because of all this?"

Sam hadn't heard about that part. He assumed she had always been in the hospital after her - incident. He couldn't even think the word. His mind wouldn't let him see Quinn that distraught, that desperate and alone.

She looked down, her voice sounding strained. "Not too long. They put me in the hospital pretty fast. You know because of the river, and Beth…"

Sam could feel Quinn's hand tense in his. He could feel the connection they had forged earlier slipping away.

"Let's not talk about this now. I've got something for you." Sam reached in his pants pocket and pulled out a photo.

Quinn released his hand and took the photo. Sam hoped his disappointment didn't show. If he had his way he would have held her hand the entire visit. He needed to touch her, to ensure she stayed real. He didn't want all of this to vaporize and reveal itself as some fevered dream.

"Oh my goodness, look at you two. When did you take this?" she asked smiling so wide that her eyes were crinkling at the sides.

"Over the weekend. Beth insisted you'd like a picture of father and daughter. I wasn't so sure, I thought maybe you'd like one of her alone, but…"

A blush warmed his skin as he watched her smile at the photo, and to think he almost didn't give it to her. He wasn't sure if she'd like a picture with him in it. He didn't want to assume anything. Last Sunday night, Mercedes was working the overnight shift, so Beth spent the night with him for the first time. Finally he was mobile, although technically he was supposed to use a cane, advice he quickly ignored, Sam was able to tend to his child, completely. Marcel had stuck around to help him out, but for the most part, he did it all on his own. Diapers, feedings, and at 2am lit by the glow of the television, Sam and Beth posed for a picture especially for Quinn. He had been missing her and wished she were with him, so they could lose sleep with Beth together. He wanted to go through it all with her.

"It's perfect." She clutched the photo to her breast, holding it there as she looked over at him. "I love it. I hope they let me keep it here."

"They don't let you have photos?"

"It depends you have to earn privileges here and I'm sort of, well…"

"Sort of what…" Sam pressed trying to catch her eyes.

"Sort of on the penalty list," she mumbled.

"What? You? What happened?"

"I punched another patient in the nose," she admitted reluctantly. "She was mouthing off so I had to."

"That's what I'm talking about. High five." Sam laughed as he raised his hand up for her to slap. Halfheartedly she did, with a sheepish grin. "My girl's got skills."

"It's not funny Sam. It's not good that I have attention drawn to me like this. I really wanted to stay out of trouble."

"Shit happens, you've got to defend yourself right?"

He was proud of her. The Quinn he knew didn't take crap from anyone, it was good to see that side of her was still in there. Although a fist fight didn't fit his image of her. Quinn was always better fighting with words, she had a sharp tongue, that she used to put people in their place.

"I guess so."

"What did the other patient say?"

Quinn squirmed in her seat, unable to meet his eyes. "Oh just stuff. She made some comments about Beth being illegitimate, as if anyone cares about that stuff anymore."

"I do. My daughter's the Evans heir."

"She has your last name. I made sure of it."

Sam leaned back in his chair, a smile on his face. "Wow. I still can't believe it. We have a baby."

It hit him, the impact of this moment. They had been talking so casually about it, as if it were just nothing, not this life altering, fantastic, unbelievable gift.

"Are you happy about it Sam? Really happy?" she asked sitting up on the edge of her seat.

"What? Are you kidding me? I've never been more proud and happier in my life. Sometimes when I look at her I think I could burst, I'm just so…it's just so...amazing, you know? I never thought you and I would…"

"Yeah.., me either, but it's sort of perfect," she said placing the photo on the table, fingering the image lightly.

He grinned. "Absolutely perfect."

"Not to say that the situation was perfect, I mean we hurt people. You know about that right?"

"Yes, we had an affair."

The details were still sketchy in his mind, but he understood a bit more now. Actually the facts didn't seem necessary anymore, Sam knew in his heart what happened that night. She was his lifeline when his whole world was falling apart. His gut was telling him that was the truth.

Quinn shook her head, running her hands down her face. "It was one night when you were feeling desperate and you needed someone, too much wine, too many tears, not enough sense. We were so stupid."

"Hey, hey," he said pulling his chair around the table to sit next to her. He took both of her hands in his. "Stupid didn't create that beautiful girl. We may not have planned it, but the universe, a higher power, something wanted us to have this miracle. Maybe it was fate."

"It didn't feel like fate when we were going through it back then."

"What does it feel like now?" he asked running his hands up her arms, to rest on her shoulders.

She looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears. "It feels like a wish I didn't even know I was making. The best thing that ever happened to me is Beth and…" She hesitated her eyes locking with his as she let her hand rest on his cheek, caressing it softly.

"Sorry for the hold up," said Kali as she came through the door. Sam's head turned toward the door in irritation, as Quinn moved away from him, slouching back in her seat. "That nurse can chat up a storm."

"You really didn't have to rush, we were in the middle of something." That woman had the worst timing, Quinn was about to say something big, he could feel it.

"Yeah I can see that," said Kali as she watched Quinn wipe her tears on her sleeve. "Quinn are you all right?"

"Yes, just a little emotional. It's good to see this guy," Quinn responded with a smile.

"I'm sure it is. Sam can you leave us alone? I need to talk to Quinn."

"Right now?" asked Sam, urging Kali to leave with his eyes.

"Yes now. Please," Kali responded with her own dramatic eye movements.

"Okay, fine," Sam huffed, standing up.

"Are you coming back?" asked Quinn.

Sam's heart constricted, as he heard what sounded like fear in her voice.

Sam leaned down, ignoring Kali's impatient arms crossed stance, and whispered in Quinn's ear. "I'll never leave you again. I'll be right outside."

He brushed a kiss across her cheek, lingering for a few seconds to revel in the smoothness of her skin, before pulling away.

Sam had to think of something, come up with a plan, pull out a miracle. He had to find a way to make things work.

Because he wasn't sure he could leave this place without her.

* * *

><p>(Sam)<p>

8:30 AM

Sam threw the cell phone back and forth between his hands as he sat on the couch, frustrated, his mind racing, his nerves starting to fray. The constant motion of the phone was supposed to calm him, a make shift stress ball, but so far it had not helped. The phone was an old clunker, nothing smart about it, not even a keypad to text. Figgins lent it to him to use to conduct his affairs, such as they were, so far it all amounted to a whole lot of nothing. He let the phone fall into his lap, bored with his little game of catch. He frowned at the wrinkles that were now visible on his pants. Just a few hours ago he had been neatly pressed and eager, hopeful that he could convince the judge to cut Quinn a break. Dressed in his favorite charcoal suit, blue shirt, and coordinating tie that Mercedes had dropped off the night before, since he didn't have many clothes in his own home, apparently he had moved his whole wardrobe to Shannon Beiste's house. He definitely looked the part, professional, confident, persuasive, it turned out to be for nothing in the end. What a difference two hours makes.

"Back so soon? I thought you had a big meeting this morning," said Dwight Evans as he headed to the wet bar in the living room.

"I did. The judge suddenly had to cancel. Something about tennis elbow."

"I keep telling Leery he's not 35 anymore."

Sam frowned. "Just how well do you know the man, Dad?"

"How well do you know anyone?" Dwight walked over to the wet bar that was set up with coffee and juices for breakfast. "Coffee?" He held up the pot, offering it to Sam.

"Pass. I'm wired enough as it is."

"You've got to take it easy, don't push yourself too hard. You've only been back on your feet a week," said his father taking a seat in the armchair by the fireplace.

"I've been taking it easy for months. I have too much to do to sit still."

Sam needed to find someone to listen to him. It had taken two weeks just to get that appointment with Judge Leery, only to have it cancelled. Quinn's lawyer, Artie Abrams had been unexpectedly sent to Minneapolis on a case as a favor to Burt. Sam has hoped to meet with him, talk strategy, find out more about Quinn's case. Burt, who Sam had learned initially was on Quinn's case, was also mysteriously unavailable, out of the country on emergency D&E Industries business in Europe. It was odd since last Sam could recall D&E Industries had a legal division in place in Europe, and Burt didn't work for D&E Industries, he was the family's attorney.

Figgins had been indispensable rounding up names and numbers of key figures in the state's judicial system. Sam was determined to find someone to hear him out about Quinn. It didn't seem right that a young mother could be shipped off to a hospital for the criminally insane without just cause.

"You've got that Evans energy like my father. The man never took a break a day in his life, and look how much he accomplished."

His father was so proud, as he should be. Sam had heard stories about his grandfather's achievements in the manufacturing industry his entire life. He had grown up knowing he had big shoes to fill one day.

"Yeah well all this energy is a waste, if I can't make things happen."

He was trying not to get discouraged, but without access to the internet and a proper phone his efforts felt sluggish. Sam had rushed through his physical therapy, pushing his body harder than his doctors would have liked, but it was his body, he knew what he could handle. Last week he finally insisted he be allowed to eat real food again, he needed fuel to sustain his workouts. So they had reluctantly agreed to let him eat soft solids, like mashed potatoes and ground meats. Not what he wanted, he was craving a porterhouse steak, but it was progress.

The last roadblock to regaining his independence was his mind. On this one thing the doctors were adamant, no shocks to his system, he had to allow himself to process new information in stages. Twitches of fear about frying his brain and losing even more of his memory kept Sam from bending the rules in that area. He stayed off the computer, avoided live television, except for QVC - Beth seemed to be fascinated with that station, and kept his questions to a minimum, for now. Soon he wouldn't give a crap what the doctors thought, he would find out everything he missed.

"You need to stop spinning your wheels for that trollop and do something productive."

Sam exhaled sharply, annoyed by his father's persistent name calling. "I think helping Beth's mom get her life back is a pretty worthy cause."

"It would be if she were worth the effort. You get her out, and mark my words she'll do nothing but make that girl's life miserable."

"That's not going to happen." Quinn had a hard childhood. Sam knew for certain that she would bend over backwards to make sure Beth never suffered the same fate.

"Why? Because you think Quinn is a good person that just needs some love and compassion?" asked Dwight, his words laced with disdain.

"Actually, yes."

Ever since high school, Quinn had just been searching for some love and acceptance, once she received it from parental figures like Julian and Beiste, and himself she blossomed, opening herself up to new experiences and new people. Quinn needed that again, someone to help her out of the lonely, dark place she had fallen into.

Dwight snorted. "If I had a dollar for every time I heard that."

"Just stop it dad, please. Quinn is Beth's mom and a part of this family now, whether you like it or not."

"Last I checked I had two daughters-in-law and neither one was a treacherous slut."

"Giving us Beth makes her family. You need to respect that."

"Don't tell me what to respect. You're going around town making a complete ass of yourself on that woman's behalf, I have half a mind to set you straight right here and now."

"Set me straight about what? About Quinn? I know her better than almost anyone in this world, I trust her and I will support her. There's nothing you can say to change that."

Over ten years and those feelings had yet to fade, coming out of the coma that nearly claimed his life and his first thoughts were of her. There was no greater proof of their lasting bond, their continued connection, their roles in each other's lives than that.

"Check your child's medical records then come back and see me. Let's see just how far that trust goes."

Sam's stomach clenched. That was an odd remark. Was his dad hinting Beth wasn't really his?

"Dwight, what's going on in here?" asked Shannon Beiste as she came into the living room, dressed in all blue.

"Good Morning Shannon," Dwight said perking up his scowl transforming into a smile. "Sam and I were just chatting."

"I thought I heard you bad mouthing Quinn."

"Were you listening at the door woman?"

His father's voice was gruff, but he was still smiling. If Sam hadn't seen it with his own eyes he wouldn't have believed it. His father was flirting.

"You've got a big mouth, all that hot air echoes." She put her hand on Sam's shoulder. "How are you doing Sam?" Beiste asked with a bright smile on her face.

"I'm good Mrs. Beiste. Thank you," said Sam trying to return her smile, despite his less than happy mood.

"It's Beiste, please." She took a seat on the couch beside him, accepting the coffee cup Dwight held out to her.

"I keep forgetting. I'm not used to having you around so much. Not that it's a bad thing. You're like a breath of fresh air in this musty old place."

She hummed, sweet and melodic, usually old country songs, Sam could hear her in his room sometimes. And Beth loved her, her face lit up whenever she came near her.

"Thank you Sam. That's sweet of you to say."

"That's my son, so darn sweet. Did he tell you he's auditioning for the role of Captain Save-a-Slut?"

Sam groaned. When would his father give it a rest?

"Dwight!" Beiste scolded. She wagged her finger at him in warning, but Sam could see that twinkle in her eyes. He felt like he needed to leave the room, he was obviously the third wheel at breakfast.

"Please excuse my father he's in a misogynistic mood this morning."

"I'm just trying to help you out son, save you from any further embarrassment because of Quinn Fabray."

"Is that what this is all about? Quinn? Dwight, I thought we had come to an agreement, no disparaging talk about Beth's mother." Beiste mouthed something to his father, but Sam couldn't make it out, probably something sickeningly sweet.

Sam wasn't sure he could handle much more of their lovey dovey antics, not when his own love life was such a wreck. Never thought he'd see the day when he'd be envious of his own father. Yet here he was wishing he had someone smiling and flirting with him over coffee. Maybe soon he'd have it. If Quinn gave him one sliver of hope that he stood a chance with her, he was going to run with it. He wanted a pair of sparkly eyes looking back at him across the table one day.

"That agreement fell through the moment we finished that bottle of wine. I can't allow my son to fall prey to that..."

Sam jumped up, buttoning his suit jacket. "I'm not listening to anymore of this. I've got calls to make," he said as he headed into the foyer.

"You're tilting at windmills boy," said his father close on his heels. "The only option you have is mine."

"You think I'm going to stay under your thumb for all that time? Imprison myself for you?" asked Sam stopping to face his dad.

"You'll be thanking me in the end. I just want to see you happy."

Didn't his father realize that forcing him to do something like this could make him hate him, to resent him for controlling his life? Not that Sam thought his father actually cared about such things. Dwight Evans liked the people in his life compliant and obedient. He demanded respect not love. Sam had come to terms with his father's lack of affection, he no longer expected warm hugs and encouraging words. He loved and respected his father regardless of the fact he didn't receive any of that in return. The sad thing was this deal was making it hard for Sam to do either of those things at the moment.

"I told you what will make me happy, but you don't care. You only want me happy on your terms," said Sam looking his father straight in the eyes.

"I just want you to have the life you want. The life you were building before..."

"Before doesn't matter," Sam interrupted. "My life is only about my daughter now and what she needs."

Everyone was living in the past, which was ironic since he was the one with the mind stuck in 2011. His family and Mercedes all seemed to want him to just rewind himself back, become the man he was before he was in the crash. What they didn't understand was that the man they missed was gone. He was left behind somewhere, maybe on that patch of road where the car crashed. Sam couldn't be someone he didn't know. This was his reality, fractured as it was. All he could do was look ahead, trust his instincts, and create a good life for Beth.

"I see," his father said softly, sounding almost resigned. "Then you know what needs to be done. All you have to do is agree."

"You haven't won yet. I'm going to find a way to help Quinn without you."

"You keep digging your own hole, banking all of your efforts for the sake of someone so undeserving. You keep at it," his father said coldly.

"Trust me, I will," replied Sam his body tight with anger.

"I can tell you're very determined to let yourself fall again, into a pit with Quinn."

"I'm out of here," said Sam reaching for the door.

"Just so we're clear," said Dwight grabbing Sam's arm, stopping him. "I'm not going to let you fall. Not this time. I'll do whatever it takes to save you, because I'm not willing to lose you again."

Dwight let go of Sam's arm, abruptly turning and heading into the living room to Beiste, leaving Sam to stare at the back of a father he barely recognized.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

**(Quinn)**

**8:05 PM**

He looked good, thinner than she remembered, but not skeletal as he was in the hospital, he felt solid in her arms. He was still Sam, full lips and all. It almost felt like no time had passed, as if it was just the other day she had seen him. Comfortable - that was what he was. Instantly comfortable and warm, he was the same man she trusted and cared about. Feeling at ease helped her nerves, allowed her to feel more confident in facing the conversations she knew were coming, about Beth, about her health, about the past. Then he had looked up at her, squeezing her hand, and all that comfort melted away, her heart raced and her head felt a bit muddled as she stared back into his green eyes. This wasn't the same Sam at all, something had changed. She had changed.

Before the accident, at the Beacon, Sam had been there for her, a companion in the pain. Friendship was all that was on his mind, and on hers too, for the most part. There was always this part of her that never could completely label him as 'just a friend', that attraction, that spark between them prevented her from completely blocking out the fact that one kiss from him would always have the power to make her knees buckle just a bit, but Sam didn't seem to have the same affliction, not then at least, for the first time in the course of their relationship, Sam didn't seem to feel a spark. He didn't seem tempted by their past, he wasn't pulled by their intimate history, he was completely engaged elsewhere, with another woman. And it hurt, to finally be alone in their attraction, something Quinn had thought would always be there, she counted on it always remaining. It gave her peace somehow, to know that there was at least one man in the world that would always make her smile brighter and her pulse pound. No matter who else, it would always be them.

At first she had thought it was still there, a gaze held too long, a touch turned into a caress, and all those memories about their relationship, about the sex, bandied about like small talk, their nights at the Beacon were filled with intimacy. So Quinn assumed, he was feeling it, just as she was. He wasn't. He couldn't have been. Too many times he pulled away, looked past her searching for someone else, probably wishing she were Mercedes, so many sighs, never allowing himself to fully remain in the moment, with her. It was all gone, faded away finally, by another woman that had replaced her in his heart. Not that he had ever said anything to confirm this, Quinn was basing it all on her observations of him during that time. She didn't have solid proof. Although there was that once, when they were wrapped in each others arms, she tried to ease the tension in his body and the torment in his mind, that things had taken a turn, when it almost seemed like he was finally seeing her, feeling her again. They were so close, his breathing had accelerated, his eyes fluttered shut, and Quinn just knew, he was going to kiss her. Instead he backed away, forced a smile, and exited the room, leaving her chilled by the loss.

"Quinn are you going to answer my question?" asked Dr. Kalina Hill tapping on the table lightly to get Quinn's attention.

"Huh?" Quinn tried to regain her focus. She had been so wrapped up in her thoughts about Sam that she had tuned her doctor out. "I'm sorry Dr. Hill. I wasn't listening. Can you repeat what you said?"

"What's it like seeing Sam again after all this time?"

"Oh, wow, yeah, it's great. It's good to see him looking so much better. Last I saw him he was…" she bowed her head unable to say the words.

"Must have been difficult seeing him in a coma."

"Almost didn't seem like the real him. Sam is so full of life."

Dr. Hill smiled. "Yes I have noticed. He practically dragged me by the hand to come see you up here tonight."

Quinn wondered how Sam had gotten on such comfortable terms with Dr. Hill. He even called her by her first name. "So you hadn't planned on coming?"

"It was an unexpected trip, but I am glad I made it. I need to know if you are all right. This could be overwhelming," said Kali pulling her pink notebook out of her leather tote bag that was on the seat next to her.

Quinn tried to downplay her excitement so Dr. Hill wouldn't press. The truth was, Sam being so close, in the building, had her all bubbly. She still couldn't believe he was actually here.

"It's only Sam. I've known him forever."

"Not like this though. You now share a child. Did you discuss any of that with him yet?"

"A little bit." Quinn smiled as she looked down at the photo of Sam and Beth on the table. "He's so happy. I was relieved."

"Did you still have some doubts about how he would handle the news?" asked Kali, her pen poised above the page.

"Kind of a big thing to spring on someone."

It could have gone either way, a baby complicated Sam's life, well it would have if he had remembered his recent life. In a small way, the amnesia had made it easier, Sam could just accept Beth without all the guilt, the guilt Quinn lived with daily.

"Big, but wonderful."

"You know what? You're right. I probably was being nervous for no reason."

"Could it be that you might have other reasons to feel nervous?"

"He has forgotten so much. I'm not sure what he knows and what he doesn't know."

"Sam doesn't know much yet. You'd have to fill him in on anything pertaining to the two of you. I'm sure he has many questions. Are you up for that?" Kali tucked the hair behind her ears as she waited for Quinn's response.

"Honestly? No. A part of me wants to just forget the past three years right along with him. I made so many mistakes."

If she could rewind the clock she'd change so much. She'd think before acting, verify before making conclusions. She'd have gotten help from the start for her postpartum depression, instead of letting it escalate.

"Denial doesn't erase the past. All any of us can do is just learn our lessons and move forward."

"I know, and that's what I am trying to do. I can't help but be a little jealous of Sam though, must be nice to just have a clean slate. He gets to start from scratch."

Good things happened during those years as well, she couldn't forget that. There were good times with Puck, and even a few with Mike. She and Sam had taken their friendship to another level, and it had felt so good to be that close. It might have been short lived, but Quinn never wanted it erased. Then the night they conceived Beth, so much wrong, ended up creating a wonderful right. She didn't want to lose that night, that memory either.

"So do you. Each new day is a chance to make things better for yourself, to make positive choices in your life. Don't let the past hold you back Quinn. And Sam, well I don't think he would agree with you that having a clean slate was a good thing. Our past actions shape us, help form who we are. He doesn't have the memories to support the choices he has made in his life. When he finds out what happened in those missing years, he is not going to understand them fully. That can make a person easily feel lost, adrift in his own mind."

"I know what that feels like, to be lost in my own mind. I don't want that for him."

"Hopefully all of his friends and family will help make the necessary connections with those memories. Not just throw facts at him, but help him discover the reasons why things happened as they did. He's going to be looking to you for that more than anyone."

Quinn looked up in surprise. "Why me?"

"You are the one he remembers most, the one he trusts. Right now you have exalted status in his mind. That's why I need to know if you are up to this, to seeing him, and talking to him more. I don't want you to overdo it."

"It's not like I have a choice. He's always been there for me. I'm not going to flake out him when he needs me." Quinn was determined to be the type of friend he deserved, the kind he had always been.

"You have a right to be selfish if you need to be. You have your own health to consider. I need to know if you feel ready for this, because if you're not, I'll send him away until you are."

"No, don't do that. I don't want him to go."

Sam had just gotten there, it was way too soon. She had so much more she wanted to say to him and mostly she just wanted to be near him, to hear his voice, to look into his eyes, to just drink in everything Sam.

"Sam is going to have questions about your case, about what brought you here. As of now he has been advised to avoid the Internet and TV, so he doesn't know all the attention that has surrounded you these months."

"He knows about the river and my postpartum depression."

He had changed the subject when she brought it up earlier, looking uncomfortable with the topic. She had been fine with letting it drop. She didn't look forward to the time she'd have to explain that to him at all.

"That's not the whole story though, is it?"

"No. I know I need to tell him all of it."

She wished he never had to know how truly pathetic she had become, so weak and out of control. That was not the person she wanted to be with him, but she couldn't hide from the truth. She needed to own her actions.

"Might be easier for him to handle if he hears it from you. Unless you want me to talk to him…"

"No, I will do it. I need to tell him the truth." Soon, she'd tell him everything.

"That's good Quinn." Kali nodded her head, smiling as she quickly wrote her notes. "I'm so glad to hear you want to face things, head on. This is very positive."

"It feels right." Quinn paused, suddenly feeling overheated in her white sweat suit. "Dr. Hill I have something to confess. I haven't been completely honest with you. I've been holding back in our sessions."

"What have you been holding back?"

"My feelings. Lately I've been having feelings about Sam." She had said it. No more pulling it back from the tip of her tongue. It was out.

"We've talked about Sam before, his place in your life, your friendship, the fact you share a child."

"I know but this is different. I've been having non friendly feelings about him."

"Non friendly?" she asked putting down her pen and folding her hands in front of her on the table.

"Romantic. And when I saw him today I knew they were real, not just something I made up in my head."

"Oh Quinn, we need to talk more about this." Kali didn't look pleased. She picked up her pen and started writing at a furious pace. "Sam needs to go and we need to reschedule. We need to figure where this is coming from, loneliness, codependence, attachment because of your child…"

"Or maybe it is just coming from my heart." Quinn said interrupting her. She didn't need a psychiatrist to confirm this for her. She knew she loved him.

"Yes that certainly is an option, but you can understand my concern about this can't you?"

"Not really," said Quinn frowning. "What's wrong with caring about my baby's father?"

"Nothing at all. I am concerned that perhaps you see something wrong with it."

"Why would I think having feelings for Sam is wrong? He's an amazing man, sweet, understanding, supportive, loyal, brave…." Sam popped into her mind, that lopsided smile gracing his face. "Why would I have a problem falling for someone like that?"

"Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?"

"Well I wasn't sure. I just figured it out for myself and I didn't think you would understand."

"What did you think I wouldn't understand? I see the positive traits in Sam."

"Yeah but, Sam is…" She started to squirm under Kali's intense stare. "You know."

"Why don't you tell me what Sam is."

"Well he's not exactly free…" She took a deep breath. "He's married."

"And that upsets you?"

She felt like she was being judged, she could see Dr. Hill calling her a whore in her mind. She had tried so hard to get over it, to ignore the feelings that had been growing inside her. Quinn constantly reminded herself that he was married, that he loved his wife, but nothing changed. Quinn still felt the same. She still wished she were the one he wanted instead.

"Not really, I thought you might think it was wrong, but it doesn't bother me."

"You're crying."

Quinn touched her cheek, surprised to find the wetness of tears. She hadn't realized she had been crying.

She hastily wiped her face, using her sleeve to remove all evidence of her emotional display. "I'm not really. Just an intense day. Hormones you know."

"Quinn…" Kali said gently, handing her a tissue.

"I didn't want you to think I was a terrible person." Quinn sniffled as she dabbed at her eyes. "I know having feelings for a married man is a bad idea, but he doesn't even remember his wife, and I've known him forever."

There were no decent excuses to be made, what she felt for Sam was wrong. His amnesia made it easier to pretend, but deep down she never could forget that Sam's heart belonged to another woman. He may not remember her for now, but that could change at any time.

"I'm not going to judge you for how you feel. So these feelings, did they just begin when Sam came out of the coma?"

"Not exactly. They've been building for awhile."

"Since you found out he was Beth's father?"

"Longer than that. I've always cared about him, since high school. Things changed last year, after all the drama came out about us sleeping together, he was good to me, we got close."

Quinn still could remember that first night at the Beacon Hotel when she had knocked on his door, sad and scared with no place to go. She had twenty dollars to her name, her belongings stuffed in plastic bags after Puck and Julian tossed them in the street. She knew Sam would be in his suite, probably sitting in the dark, drinking. And he was. He answered the door with his shirt half unbuttoned, shadow of stubble on his face, reeking of scotch. He took one look at her and pulled her into his room, shutting the door with his foot. Sam had held her all night, letting her cry in his arms, soaking his shirt. He never said a word, just took periodic swigs straight from his bottle of scotch. The next day he got her a room next to his and they vowed to see each other through the storm.

"And that's when deeper feelings started to develop?"

"Yes, at least for me. Sam I don't think he was feeling the same."

"Because he was married?" Kali asked.

"I think so." Sam was so distraught over Mercedes, consumed by his guilt, he didn't have room to feel much else.

"It is perfectly understandable for your feelings for Sam to intensify in such a stressful situation. You relied on him during your breakup with your fiancé, and then he was in a terrible accident, all of those factors just compounded things. Did you ever act on those feelings before his accident? Or tell him how you felt?"

"No I could never do that back then. He was so wrapped up in trying to get his wife back. I would have just made things worse."

She couldn't take that away from him, the hope he was clinging to that Mercedes would come back to him. All she could do was support him, not offer herself up as a consolation prize.

"And what about now? Do you plan on telling him how you're feeling?"

"Ever feel like the universe is trying to tell you something? It is like all around me I see signs, and they all point to the same place, to Sam. We've both been through so much, and survived. That has to mean something."

Quinn didn't think she could hold back much longer. He came back, holding onto her, and she felt something powerful. Maybe they were supposed to be together, and that was their wake up call. How could she ignore it?

"You survived on your own, Sam wasn't here holding your hand. You battled your depression and committed yourself to treatment, for Beth. Remember last session, you told me you wanted to focus on getting your life on track and creating a good home for your daughter?"

"Yes I do. I still want to do that." Nothing changed there. She still wanted to stay strong for Beth, and get her back

"I'm glad to hear it. I would hate for you to lose sight of your goals, because Sam is back in your life. It can be easy to let someone else take over when things get too hard."

"My feelings for Sam don't change what I want for Beth, but what's wrong with us working together to create that life for her?" Didn't her baby deserve the best life? She and Sam could give her that together, a real family.

"Two parents raising a child can be a good thing. Ideally, every child should have that, but good homes can also be created in separate households. There are so many ways to make up a family. Are you looking at Sam differently because you want to give Beth a traditional family, with two parents together?"

Quinn stood up, backing away from the table until she hit the wall. Her eyes blurred with tears as the words began to flow from her, somewhere deep, resonating within as she spoke.

"Sam is the one person in my life that has always stood by me, no matter how low I had fallen, or what bad things I did, he always understood and never turned his back on me. He has been my best friend for years, even when I didn't realize it, even when I didn't want it, or deserve it. It took our lives derailing and hitting rock bottom for me to finally see him, truly see the blessing I had in my life. Then he was taken from me, and I felt empty. There was this giant hole in my life, something was missing, and it was him. How I feel about Sam is not about Beth, it is about our years together going through so much, and still holding on, never letting each other go. Beth came from that, she is here because we are ever connected."

She covered her face with her hands and sobbed, her shoulders shaking as all her tightly wound control seeped away. She struggled to catch her breath as the onslaught of tears continued.

"Okay Quinn that's good. Let it all out." Kali said, suddenly behind her, rubbing her back. "You've wanted to say that for a long time haven't you?

Quinn turned to face her doctor, wiping her tear soaked face with her sleeve. "It's just been sitting right here," she said as she patted her chest. "I felt it but I couldn't express it. I didn't have the right. "

"What makes you think you don't have the right to feel a certain way?"

"It's the timing. Back before the accident, when I first started feeling this way, it didn't seem right to tell him. I kind of thought he would hate me if I did." Quinn leaned back against the wall staring up at the ceiling, suddenly feeling so drained.

"You just said he always supported you and understood you. You said some pretty nice things about him. Why would you think he'd hate you?"

"I had years to figure it out. We started dating when I was 16. We could have been together all that time but I was blind or stupid or both." All those wasted years. She was so angry with herself for taking so much for granted.

"You were young," said Kali as she led Quinn back to her chair by the elbow.

"I knew he was special. I should have hung on to him. Maybe I shouldn't have chosen Puck."

Kali sat down across the table from her once again. "You can't beat yourself up after the fact for loving someone else. The heart wants what it wants, as they say."

"But when Puck left there was Sam, when I hooked up with Mike he didn't hold it against me, when I got back together with Puck he understood, then when I wrecked everything, and I was completely and utterly alone. He was there. The only one that never left me." It almost was beyond comprehension. Sam was the one she hurt so badly, yet he still never abandoned her, never left her life.

"We make choices in life, we fall in and out of love. It wasn't wrong if you didn't feel it with Sam. That doesn't make you a bad person."

"I did feel it. I've always felt it, sort of hovering on the edges of my heart. I just kept pushing him away. I never felt quite ready for him. In the back of mind I was always thinking someday."

"And now you think this might be your someday?"

"Maybe. I want it to be." She swiped at the tears that had begun to fall.

"Quinn why are you crying again? What is it?"

"He was happy. I finally realized how much he meant to me and he was happy."

"Happy with someone else?"

"Yes. What kind of person am I to want to get in the way of that?"

He loved his wife, he had told her so many times, in so many ways. Mercedes was the one for him. She thought Sam was wrong, putting his heart in the wrong place, but he was so convinced. How could she dispute him when he was so sure?

"But you never told him, you didn't get in the way of anything."

"But I thought it. I thought Mercedes didn't deserve him and look what happened. His car crashed, he was in a coma, Beth turned out to be Sam's and I destroyed Puck's life, then I got postpartum. It's like payback." She had brought bad luck to all of them with her selfish thoughts.

"Payback for what? For thinking? For having emotions? You didn't make all of these things happen. It just was how it all ended up. It's not your fault."

"I wanted Beth to be Sam's baby," she admitted closing her eyes. "One night I went to the chapel after visiting Sam in the hospital, I was back together with Puck, maybe 7 months pregnant. And I prayed to God to make Beth Sam's baby, so that way I would always have a piece of him. So you see, I made it happen. I consciously wished for something that would mess up all of our lives even more."

"You've kept quite a bit bottled up I see. I think we should take a break and revisit this at another session. There is a lot here to process," said Kali packing up her notebook and pen. She seemed dismissive and distant.

"You hate me now. You think I'm awful person."

"No I don't, but I'm finally seeing what you have been hating yourself for all these months. You led me to believe it had to do with Puck and the fact that he wasn't Beth's father."

"That's what I should've been feeling." She had a good thing with Puck. She should have been praying to keep that, not focusing on the wrong man.

"There is no crime in falling in love with another man. It happens to the best of us. The crime here is how you've tied yourself in knots, punishing yourself for these imaginary crimes, lying to yourself and everyone around you, all because you thought you were feeling something wrong."

"He's married." Her stomach sinking as she let that fact hit her full force. He might have woken up for her, but he still belonged to someone else.

"You've done nothing wrong, you're not a bad person, you deserve love and respect just like everyone else. You can get back on your feet and be a good mother to your child. We just have to work together to help you believe all of those things. The fact that you told me all of this tonight, means we are finally on the right path."

"Really think so?" asked Quinn.

"You were honest and you admitted all those painful truths that you had been hiding. Now that it is all out in the open, we can deal with it."

"But what about Sam?"

"Quinn you stay strong and keep working to find your way back. Everything else will fall into place. Sam has his own healing to do, his own painful truths to admit." She partially opened the door, peeking quickly into the hall. "I bet he's outside pacing right now, dying to get back in here to you. Should I send him in?"

Quinn broke into a broad grin. "Yes I would love that."

"Now that was an honest response. Keep that up," said Kali.

Quinn smiled as she watched Dr. Hill leave the room. It had been a hard conversation, but she was glad they had it. Felt freeing to get some of that off of her chest. Honesty felt good. Now she just had to stay brave enough to do the same with Sam. He deserved the truth most of all.

* * *

><p><strong>(Sam)<strong>

**8:45 PM**

Sitting on the floor, trying to drown out the sounds from behind the steel alarmed door a few feet away. There was life in this place after all, painful, sorrowful, desperately moaning life. The sounds of furniture crashing, metal against tile, echoed through the hall, making Sam feel like he was right in the middle of the action. This couldn't be the place where Quinn had been living, there must be a mistake, he must have taken a wrong turn, passed through the wrong door, because his Quinn could never live here, where cries and screams were the soundtrack.

Hopeless and sad, the fluorescent lights falsely creating an aura of security, faux safety under the bright artificial rays, covering the darkness from visiting eyes, but the patients, they had to know the truth. They had to know that sickness waltzed with the reaper, and sometimes let death take the lead. Quinn had to know it, she had lived it before.

Those days in the hospital when she was being treated for a mental illness he was sure her mother had made up, endless hours watching Quinn defeated and pale, struggling to stay lucid. Sam had hated it all. He visited Quinn without fail though, not willing to let his own feelings get in the way of her recovery. He made it his mission to keep her spirits up, to keep her in the light. Sometimes when she was too weak to speak, listless and worn from the drugs that were meant to help her, Sam would sit beside her and hold her hand, counting the sounds of each breath she took. One night she was especially still and Sam was scared to leave her, but visiting hours were coming to an end.

* * *

><p><em>"I don't want to go," Sam whispered, his head against hers.<em>

_"I don't want you to either. It's scary here sometimes at night," said Quinn._

_He put his arm around her, pulling her head on his chest._

_"I can hear your heart beating," said Quinn snuggling closer to him. "It's so loud."_

_"Sorry. Do you want to sit up?"_

_"No I like it. It's like music, like a song." Sam felt her smile against his chest._

_"What are you scared of Quinn?" asked Sam fearing her answer but needing to know, so he could help make it better for her somehow._

_"That I'll never see the stars again. That's what I'm scared of today."_

* * *

><p>An alarm went off somewhere in the hospital, jarring Sam back to the present. Kali was still in there talking to Quinn, it seemed like it had been forever. He needed to be back in there. It had been hard just leaving the room, he didn't want to let her out of his sight. The irrational fear that she wouldn't be there when he returned consumed him. He needed to be with her.<p>

Time was ticking and still no better ideas for Quinn's release had come to him. With more time he was sure he could get a plan together, launch a counter attack against his dad if necessary, but more time meant he'd have to leave her behind. That was starting to feel impossible the longer he sat in the hallway.

Sam exhaled sharply, taking the chain out of his shirt, to look at the ring that hung from it. He hadn't taken it off since the night he put it on, he bore it like a weight, a reminder of all he would have to give up if he did indeed take his father up on his offer. 'Inside my soul' was the inscription engraved on the interior of the thick platinum band. It unnerved him that he could have felt something like that for someone other than Quinn.

He wanted to ask Mercedes about it, to get the meaning behind the words, but he thought better of it. He hated seeing the glimmer of hope that shown in her eyes with each question he asked about their past together. Mercedes was mistaking his curiosity, his need to make sense of his life, as something more, as a sign of some deeper feelings or the return of his memory. That was not the case, if anything, her stories about the life they used to have convinced him even more strongly that he needed to be with Quinn. He couldn't shake the feeling that all the things that Mercedes told him were about the wrong person. Quinn should have been the one who was his wife.

Attraction aside, all these weeks with Mercedes had done nothing to make him feel closer to her, to restore his lost memories. Except, there was that once, like a flash, fleeting yet intense, when he had first put the ring around his neck, that he had felt something. Couldn't have been a memory, maybe just a piece of a dream, but there was this moment, where he knew what it felt like to be with Mercedes, to love her, to want her, and in that moment he understood why she was his wife. He vividly felt the weight of her head on his chest, her leg thrown over his, strands of black hair falling through his fingers, his body relaxed after making love to her in the warm rays of morning sunshine. And then it was gone, as if he had never had the thought, those feelings fading with each passing day.

It had to be just his mind reaching for a connection, it couldn't have been anything real, or else it would have remained. Like his feelings for Quinn, they persisted. Not even his crash let him forget her. That's how Sam knew they were real. Real love was resilient and everlasting, withstanding time, distance, and pain.

* * *

><p><em>He crept into her hospital room, navigating the furniture in the near darkness, to make it over to her bed.<em>

_"Sam it's late what are you doing back here?" asked Quinn when she saw him approach._

_"I wanted to show you something."_

_Quinn glanced at the door nervously. "You can't be in here now. You'll get in trouble."_

_"I won't stay long. Scoot over," he said sitting on the edge of the bed, kicking off his sneakers, before he climbed in next to her._

_"What did you want to show me?" asked Quinn._

_"First come under here," he said pulling the sheet over both of their heads._

_"It's dark. "He turned on the flashlight he had concealed in his hand, illuminating their makeshift tent with a soft glow. "Sam what is this?"_

_"These are the stars. I wanted you to watch them with me tonight."_

_Quinn giggled. "Do you really think we should? My dad could come in and catch us."_

_"I'd risk the wrath of one hundred dads to watch the stars with you."_

_"Such a brave boy," she said smiling over at him, her green eyes sparkling even in the near dark._

_"You make me brave, every time you smile at me like that."_

_Quinn rolled on her back, smiling as the hint of a blush tinted her cheeks. "Is that the North star?" she asked pointing upward._

_"Yes it is," said Sam looking at Quinn's profile instead of up at their cotton sky. "My dad and I used to look at the stars together sometimes. I must have been really young. He always started with the North Star, told me to keep it in my sight at all times and I'd never lose my way."_

_"Did you take his advice? Do you follow the stars?" she asked grabbing his hand and holding it._

_"I've never faced a night yet without looking up, so I guess I do. Got to make sure the North Star is still there. You know?" Sam chuckled softly as he leaned his head on her shoulder, closing the distance between them. He placed their entwined hands on his knee. "It is an ever-fixed mark. That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken..."_

_"That's beautiful Sam."_

_"Never be scared Quinn. You'll see the stars again."_

_"All I needed was you and a flashlight."_

_Sam laughed softly. "You'll always have me. Even when I am not here, you have me. There's always a piece of my heart with you, guiding you in the dark, like the North Star shining in the sky."_

_Quinn leaned closer to Sam, searching his eyes in the dark. Her hands softly stroked the sides of his face, as she placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "You've got a piece of mine too," she whispered as she pulled back to smile at him. "I'll always be with you, even if I have to go."_

_"I won't let you go," said Sam swallowing the lump in his throat. He held her close in his arms, resting his chin against her head._

_"You promise?" she asked as her tears fell on his chest._

* * *

><p>Sam slammed his hand against the hard tile floor. He had to do something, he couldn't let her down. He wasn't going to risk another night with her here, hidden from the stars. She had guided him out of the darkness and back to life, and he would do the same for her.<p>

Even after all of these years, he still felt the same, she still had his heart, and he still never wanted to let her go.

* * *

><p><strong>(Sam)<strong>

**9:02 PM**

Sam ran his hands over his cropped dark blonde hair roughly, willing his mind to work harder. He banged his head against the white brick wall a few times hoping that would jar an idea in his brain. He had been sitting in the hall for almost an hour and still nothing had come to him that could help Quinn out of this place. The clack of heels on the floor caught Sam's attention. He turned to find his brother Mike quickly approaching.

"Mike what are you doing in here?" asked Sam holding on to the wall as he rose to his feet. "I thought you were going to wait in the car."

"I got cold, you two are taking a long time," said Mike slightly out of breath.

"Try turning on the heat." His brother had made such a big deal about not coming in, yet here he was seeming like he wanted to rush Sam out of the place.

"And burn all my gas? I don't see you coughing up the dough to fill my tank."

Sam laughed to himself. Mike was still the same, even as kids he claimed to never have money, always trying to convince someone to pay his way.

"Still crying broke, I see. Aren't you an executive?"

"I've got child support to pay. Besides I'm not the one that's heir to the throne, why are you being such a cheap bastard?"

Sam frowned as he remembered his current financial woes. Visiting Quinn had pushed it to the back of his mind for a bit. "I forgot my cash at home. That's all I have right now."

"ATM?" asked Mike leaning against the wall. He had pulled his jacket off and slung it across his arm, revealing his dark gray button down and coordinating trousers that he had worn to work that morning.

"Tried that. I forgot my PIN number. I guess I must've changed it."

The machine ate two of his cards before it dawned on him the PIN was incorrect. Experts warned against it, but Sam hadn't changed his PIN in years. He guessed during the last three years he had stopped living dangerously and finally changed them up.

"Probably when you got married. Did you try asking Cede?"

"Why the hell should I have to ask her about my own damn money?" asked Sam in irritation. Everywhere he looked that woman's fingers were all over his life.

"She's your wife, you gave her power attorney, joint accounts."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't remind me. I was a complete idiot setting myself up like this. She controls everything."

How whipped was he that he just handed over his fortune to someone else? A very young someone else. Mercedes must have extraordinary talent in the bedroom, because clearly he had been thinking with his other head when it came to her.

"She took care of everything when you couldn't. That's what you wanted."

There was that tone again. They all got it whenever they disapproved of his feelings about Mercedes. Sam could tell that his whole family wanted to jump to her defense. They usually held their tongues, trying not to blatantly speak up for her, instead letting their disapproval and the hint of a lecture seep into their words.

"I'm back now. I need to be able to control my own life again."

Mike nodded in understanding, his jet black hair falling forward into his face. "I'm sure that can be easily arranged."

"I've looked into it. I'll be taking hold of the reins come Monday. I just have to go to the bank in person and sign some forms. Apparently I set that little precaution up as well."

If only he could travel back in time and confront the old him, demand to know what the hell he was thinking, shake himself hard and get himself to make different choices. First choice, not to leave everything to a controlling little woman that liked to lord her power over him.

"And your credit cards?"

"Flagged. Can't use the ones with my name, because according to their records I'm in a coma," said Sam looking at his brother.

"Man that's rough." Mike tried to stifle his laughter, but his huge grin gave him away. "Maybe you should ask your daddy for an allowance."

"It's not funny." Not funny at all. He felt like a child, forced to follow the whims of his wife. "You know Figgins paid the florist out of his own pocket?"

"What florist?"

"I sent flowers on Valentine's Day."

Mike raised his eyebrows in question. "Let me guess not to your wife."

"To Quinn. Just wanted to cheer her up in here."

The thought had come to him when he had gotten a few minutes alone with Mercedes's cell phone at the hospital. He wanted to let Quinn know that she was on his mind. Flowers seemed like the perfect choice.

"That was nice of you," said Mike sounding a bit disapproving.

"She's had a hard time of it. I just wanted to make her smile." Sam felt the need to explain his actions. He wasn't just a lovesick fool, he was trying to do something good for a friend. "Hopefully she got them, I haven't had a chance to ask yet."

"Have you even been able to see her?"

"Yeah for a little bit. Kali barged in and kicked me out. I swear that woman just likes to push my buttons." He growled the last part, annoyed again by Kali's intrusion.

"She is Quinn's doctor, she probably just wanted to check her out," said Mike not bothering to hide his amusement.

"She could have waited. She did that shit on purpose. I could tell. She was smirking when she asked me to go."

"It just pisses you off that she doesn't fall for the lips doesn't it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Kali is immune to your charms, sees through your act and that's why you don't like her." Mike pointed his finger at Sam and laughed.

Sam shook his head in distaste. "She has the personality of a wombat."

Mike smiled. "I think she's nice. She made me laugh the whole ride up here."

"You guys were laughing about me!"

Sam wasn't amused at all. Kali and Mike had teased him the whole car ride. Stuck in the backseat, feeling twelve again, while his older brother and his new crush poked fun at his expense, if he hadn't wanted to see Quinn so badly he would have demanded to be let out of the car.

"You are such an easy target little brother. Or shall I say Clark. Hard to resist."

He rolled his eyes at his brother's mocking laughter. "Anyway, if she doesn't come out of there soon, I'm going to just interrupt. I need to see Quinn again."

"So what's this all really about? You seem a bit overeager to simply want to see a sick friend."

"I've missed her." Sam couldn't stop the smile from forming on his face, even though he wanted to keep his cool around Mike. Just a short while ago Quinn had been in his arms, Sam couldn't get over how great that had felt.

"And…" Mike prompted him to expand.

"And I needed to see her."

That's all he was volunteering. He didn't want his feelings once again belittled by a member of Team Mercedes. What he felt for Quinn was real, even if no one else took it seriously. Sam knew the truth in his heart.

"You're hiding something. That's cool you don't have to tell me. I hope you told your wife though." Mike shot Sam a look. "She called me you know, that's actually why I came in here."

"What did she want?" Probably calling to check up on him or to scold him for not following doctors' orders, or for pushing himself too hard.

For the past two weeks she had been on his case, asking him about his food intake, nagging him about using his cane. The worst was when she came to his physical therapy sessions, making him feel self conscious and ill at ease. She didn't seem to catch any of his subtle hints about her leaving the room, instead she made herself comfortable and questioned the physical therapist extensively about his regiment. He guessed a small part of him was grateful she had been there that day, because later that evening when he was trying to do some exercises on his own he had gotten a cramp that painfully pinched and seized his leg, Mercedes was right there, able to help him massage the knot out of his calf and ease the pain. That was the only point he was giving her however, that and she was good at running errands, otherwise he wished she would have given him more space. How was he going to take nine months of her hovering about?

"I'm not sure. I didn't pick up. Figured I'd touch base with you first before I talk to her. I had a feeling she might not know you were up here spending time with your mistress."

"My mistress? What the fuck Mike, for once can't someone be on my side? You are my brother."

Sam turned on his heels and started walking down the hall away from Mike. He didn't need to hear anymore crap about how wrong he was for caring about Quinn and how he was being a bastard to his wife.

"Cede's a sweetheart," said Mike catching up to him and blocking his path. "We got to know each other as we skyped in your room."

"Great, just great. You can go ahead and marry her after I dump her ass."

"What's up with all the hostility?"

"I need my family to care about me, to see my side of things. All I hear is Mercedes this and Mercedes that," said Sam gesturing with his hands as he spoke. "I get she took care of me, but I'm back and I'm better now. I guess it is too much to ask for someone to support me."

"I am on your side. Of course I am. You're my brother. That's why I came in here to tell you Mercedes called instead of just ratting you out. I got your back, always. Tell me what's up."

"Mercedes knows I'm here. I told her I was coming today." He wasn't a complete bastard, he didn't lie to her about this trip, still he couldn't get any credit for the efforts he was making to deal with Mercedes.

"Ok that's good. Now tell me why you were sitting out here pulling your hair out when I first came in?"

"It's Quinn, this place, I don't think I can leave her Mike." Not here. Sam couldn't stop imagining her afraid and alone.

"Sam she has to stay. The court..."

"I know all about the court, but I have a way I can help her," said Sam cutting Mike off.

Mike dropped his coat in a nearby chair. "What way is that?"

"A way that could bring a world of hurt into our lives." Maybe he was being over dramatic but no matter how Sam looked at it, his father's deal would cause someone to end up hurt.

"Don't tell me you are packing heat?" asked Mike, lowering his voice and glancing over his shoulder. "Planning to blast her out like in a Stallone movie."

Sam slumped against the wall, shutting his eyes. "Don't tempt me. That option seems the best yet,"

"Sam…" Mike yanked his arm.

"Kidding." Sam added opening his eyes. "I have a more peaceful solution. I can get her released today. I told Kali about it, that's why she's here. She will have to sign the papers so Quinn can come home."

"Sounds like you have it all set, why the stress?"

With his head still pressed against the wall, Sam turned sideways toward Mike. "To get her free I'd have to give up my own freedom."

"Quit speaking in code. Spell it out man."

"You tell no one," Sam warned.

"You have my word," said Mike placing his hand over his heart.

Sam narrowed his eyes. Mike had a way of letting things get out. His track record for keeping secrets was pretty bad. "I mean it. No slips of the tongue."

"Just out with it Sam."

"My dad arranged it for Quinn to get out, but in exchange I have to agree to stay married to Mercedes for 9 months."

Mike was quiet for a moment, letting Sam's words sink in. "Oh. Ooooh, crafty. I like it," he finally said, a grin spreading on his face.

"I don't like it at all. It's not fair to any of us. I can't just fake it with Mercedes for months, all the while wanting…" Sam trailed off not wanting to reveal that much of himself, not even to Mike.

"Wanting Quinn?" asked Mike.

He wasn't confirming anything, not until he spoke to Quinn again. "It doesn't matter. I'm not going to take the deal. I will think of something else."

"Something else that can get her out tonight?"

"It might take some time. When her lawyer gets back, maybe he can help me." Artie seemed pretty driven, and he had to have some tricks up his sleeve with a dad like his.

"I'm sure you guys will come up with something," said Mike looking down at his shoes.

"You don't sound convinced."

He shrugged. "It's just Dwight. He's involved. So basically you're pretty much screwed. He's not going to let anything happen that he doesn't want."

"I just have to find a way around him. Even the great Dwight Evans isn't undefeatable." His dad had weaknesses, Sam just had to figure them out, so he could exploit them.

"Pretty damn close. Unless you get mom to get on of her boy toys on your side. I think a couple might be connected."

"Connected? Just what the hell has our mother been up to while I've been out of it? I thought mom stopped screwing around with low lifes years ago." Sam eyed Mike suspiciously. His brother was squirming, needlessly adjusting the collar of his shirt.

"Hey! I'm just brainstorming here," said Mike seeming very nervous. "Trying to find you friends in high places."

Sam chalked his brother's strange reaction up to his allegiance to Mercedes. Mike probably didn't like the idea that he was trying to help Quinn.

"Why are you even pretending? You want me to stay with Mercedes like everyone else."

"I want you to do what's best for you Sam. Honestly. I like Mercedes, and you two used to be happy, but if that is not how it is now, then you can't force it. I get that. Tina and I have been there."

"So what happened with you two?"

It was hard to keep track of Mike and Tina's tumultuous relationship even before he had his memory issues. All Sam knew for sure was that it always came back to them, since they were kids. Tina and Mike were forever linked, stuck on a wild ride together. Sam hoped the same would be the case for him with Quinn.

"Fighting, mostly, there was a lot of anger. I have joint custody of Maria now because of it. Things got nasty."

"I thought you two were still friends."

"We are for the moment. She has this new man in her life, Matthew Rutherford. It seems pretty serious."

"And that bothers you?" asked Sam.

"Tina can do what or who she wants, but there's no way I am going to have my kid calling another man daddy. Tina and I get along better now, but we still bump heads about visitation and living arrangements."

Clearly Mike was tense about the subject, his whole body language changed as he talked. The issues between him and Tina were far from resolved.

"Must be hard not being with Maria full time."

He'd just found out about his daughter and already didn't like not being around her all the time. Sam hated the nights when Mercedes took her back to Beiste's house. There had been a few times when he wanted to ask her to let her stay overnight with him. He wanted be under the same roof with his child, but at the same time he realized that Beth's home had been across town almost her entire life. He didn't want to disrupt her before he was ready to take care of her full time. Still it felt wrong to see his child shuttled away each night. He couldn't imagine how Mike must've felt living continents apart from his daughter.

"Yes it is. Most days I feel like scooping my little girl up and taking her with me back to Hong Kong, but I know she needs her mother. I make sacrifices for her sake."

"You're a good man Mike. That's a tough spot. I hope things don't get that way with Quinn and me. I'm hoping eventually we can give Beth a home together." A real family was his goal, his daughter deserved nothing less.

"I think all parents want that ideally, but sometimes it is just better for everyone, including the kids, when the parents are apart. Not good for a kid to be around so much tension and turmoil."

Sam had to agree with Mike. He'd been around parents in turmoil his whole life. Coming home from boarding school was like torture of him, because he knew his house would be a war zone with his parents at each other's throats.

"Or around a marriage that was forced on you by your dad. Beth doesn't need to see us faking it every day. She needs to be in a loving home with two parents that care about each other."

"Does Quinn know about any of this? The deal, your hopes for the two of you?"

It really could just be all wishful thinking on his part. Quinn could have long been over him. Might have been a little vain, and more than a bit presumptuous of him to start making plans, even if they all were just in his head, without knowing where Quinn stood on the subject of 'them'.

"No, not yet. That's why I wanted to see her. I wanted to see if anything was there."

"Did you pick up on anything yet?"

"There's something…then Kali came in."

He could see it in her eyes, something special there just for him, and when she had touched his cheek, leaning closer, Sam was so sure she was there with him too. She felt it all just as much as he did. Damn Kali for not waiting another five minutes before coming in.

"I'm sure you'll get your shot soon, look."

Sam turned in the direction that Mike was pointing to see Kali looking out of the waiting room door down the opposite end of the hall.

"I guess they are done," said Sam, his heart rate increasing, and his nerves starting to flare up again.

"Seems like," Mike agreed. "A word of advice from someone that has been almost in the same shoes."

"Ok hit me," said Sam giving his older brother his full attention.

"Figure stuff out before you go making promises and declarations. You don't want Quinn banking on things that in the end you can't deliver."

"I won't mention my father's deal to her, until I decide what I'm going to do."

Sam was with Mike on that. He wasn't going to get Quinn's hopes up about going home until everything was squared away.

"I wasn't talking about the deal. I meant the other stuff, the future stuff. You think you're so sure about what you want now Sam, but you just got back in the world. Take some time."

Sam sighed. "If my father has his way, I might have nine months to absorb the world."

"Your father might be a conniving S.O.B. at times, but he is pretty smart."

"You think I should take that deal don't you?"

"I think you'll never really know what you want until you get to know both of the women in your life."

"I know Quinn, we've been friends for years."

"Things might have changed with her. Look at this place, she's been here for one, not to mention all the other events you have forgotten. Three years can be a lifetime."

Mike was sounding all foreboding, as if he were referring to something specific. In fact, everyone got incredibly somber when Quinn's name was brought up.

"Is there something I should know? What are you not telling me?"

"I'm going to stay out of it for now. Let her tell you. Take your time. Same goes for Mercedes. You married her for a reason. Don't you want to find out why?"

Back to Mercedes, that girl was always in his way, putting a damper on his dreams. "Won't change my feelings for Quinn."

"Maybe it won't, but at least you'll understand a bit more. I think you owe that to both Quinn and Mercedes, and especially yourself."

Mike was making sense in his head, but his heart was so much louder, and his heart was telling him that he had to take a chance with Quinn, no matter the risk. This was their time.

"Damn, you are right, three years is a lifetime. Somehow you got wise, I remember when you were just a supreme dumbass, now look at you, spewing wisdom like Yoda," said Sam laughing.

Mike grinned at Sam. "Age. Pushing 35, I felt it was about time to use more of my brain cells."

"Well it is definitely working for you. I feel better. Thank you."

"Glad to hear it. Now get in there and make up your mind. Either set her free or keep her caged, but decide soon, because I'm ready to go. Tummy's rumbling, eyes are getting heavy and three hours is a long drive."

"Got it old man," Sam said patting Mike on the back. "I'll pick up the pace for you gramps."

"It is so good to have you back bro. Did I tell you that?" asked Mike suddenly going serious.

"Oh no, are you going to hug me? I can't take it if you get all sappy," said Sam lightening the mood. They didn't need to get all choked up in public.

"Yeah I think I am, come here and give your big brother a hug," said Mike outstretching his arms toward Sam.

"You stay away from me," said Sam laughing as he tried to dodge his brother's open arms.

Mike was quicker, cutting him off, putting him into a loose headlock. Sam was just about to shove Mike off, when he saw a pair of feet covered in black shiny flats in front of him.

"Hey, so are you ready to head back in there or would you rather stay out here and wrestle your brother?" asked Kali, a slight smirk on her face.

Both Mike and Sam rushed to stand upright, straightening out their clothes.

"You're all done? I can see her?" asked Sam his words coming out in an excited rush.

Mike and Kali looked at each other, snickering in unison.

"Yes Sam she's all yours," said Kali.

"Don't forget what I said bro," Mike called out as Sam approached the door.

He could see Quinn through the small glass window, sitting in her seat, wiping her face with her sleeve. Her face was splotchy, her nose was bright red, and Sam couldn't tear his eyes away. Right through that door his future was waiting. He just had to step through and grab it.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

**(SAM)**

**2:30 PM**

Dr. Kalina Hill rushed in the living room of the Evans mansion, bundled up in a long grey wool tweed coat. "Okay are you feeling extremely depressed or suicidal?"

"No," said Sam with a shake of his head from his spot on the couch.

"Are you talking to the furniture, walls or any other inanimate object?" she asked taking a seat next to him.

He took a sip of his glass of water. "No."

"Did your memory come back?" The look of concern she had on her face when she first arrived was slowly fading.

"Nope. Still a blank."

"So why am I here?" she asked her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"I needed to talk to you."

Kali shook her head as she stood up. "You said it was an emergency. In fact you had a very large man escort me from my private meeting."

Sam smirked. "At the spa."

Kali folded her arms across her chest, glaring down at Sam. "He escorted me into a tinted window unmarked car and whisked me over here to you."

"That's right. Daley was the one that picked you up. Did he treat you well?" Sam contently took another sip from his glass, ignoring the sour mood that had crept up on his therapist.

"He was a perfect gentleman apologized for inconveniencing me the whole way. You on the other hand have some explaining to do."

"That's why you're here. I need to run something by you. Get your advice."

"Advice requires an appointment, which we have next week," she said picking up the bag at her feet and putting it on her shoulder.

"Can't wait until then. I need help now," said Sam putting down his glass and walking over to her.

"Sam I have other patients and a life," she said with an exacerbated sigh.

"You were at the spa, how much life could you possibly be having?" He had managed to track her down after calling her office, the hospital administration, and even her personal cell phone, the number he managed to wrangle from Santana, via Puck.

"Down time. Necessary in my field, I am surrounded by stressful individuals, such as you."

"I wouldn't have disturbed you from your precious 'me' time if it weren't important."

"It better be. I left my car in the lot. I'll probably get a ticket."

"Give me your keys," Sam said holding out his hand. "Daley will get your car and bring it here."

"I'm not letting some strange man drive my car."

"What's the big deal? Same as valet parking right?" She liked to make things difficult. All she had to do was sit down and let him talk. Kali had this way of making everything needlessly painful.

Kali sighed and reluctantly handed Sam her keys. "I'm only doing this because I can't get any more points on my license."

"You get points for parking tickets?"

"Accumulate enough of them you do."

"Something tells me you have a lead foot."

"There is no data for you to make that assessment."

"Call it a hunch. Besides I know from personal experience how dangerous women drivers can be." His mind went to Mercedes, and the night she told him about their accident, and all of her attempts to explain away her poor driving choices.

"How are things between you and your wife? Make any progress?" asked Kali returning to her seat on the couch.

"I didn't bring you here to talk about Mercedes." That was the last subject he wanted to discuss. She had messed with his head enough the past week. His thoughts going to the story she told him about their marriage more often than he liked.

"Fine, but I am charging you double. What did you need to talk to me about?" She dug in her bag and pulled out her notebook.

"Here take this," said Sam holding a bill out to her.

"It's a dollar bill," said Kali slowly, taking it from his hand, examining it like it was counterfeit.

Sam took a seat in the chair in front of the fireplace. "Yes. I need your discretion."

"You already have it with doctor patient confidentiality."

"I need you to listen off the record. Take the dollar as your retainer."

"I'm a therapist not a lawyer. Nothing we say in our sessions will be discussed with anyone else. It will remain in your private medical record."

Sam didn't trust shrinks. He was sure they either used all the info they gathered in their sessions for their books, or they were the ones that leaked salacious tales to the media. Kali had his whole life at her fingertips and he was about to give her even more ammunition to use against him. He needed assurances that she would keep things private.

"What happens if I get a new doctor? Would you pass that file on?"

"Yes your file would go to your new therapist. What's going on Sam? Do you want to fire me?"

"Yes, so don't bother taking any notes."

"Okay, in that case, give me back my keys and tell Daley I will take that ride to get my car with him," she said standing up once again. "He can just drop me off at the spa."

"No you can't go. I need to talk to you."

"You just fired me. Tell it to your new doctor."

"That's what the dollar is for. I need you to listen, but unofficially, off the record."

She cocked her head to the side and observed him, as if she were weighing her options.

"Here take this dollar back," she said holding the dollar in the air. "And pour me a drink instead." Sam smiled as he got up and took the dollar from her hand putting it in his pocket. "You're taller than I thought."

"That's what happens when I stand up." He went to the wet bar and started making her drink.

"I get that thank you. I just mean you come across shorter. I was thinking you were vertically challenged and that would explain your over inflated ego."

A rush of relief came over him as he saw Kali sit back down out of the corner of his eye.

"How does that make sense? Wouldn't I be insecure if I were short?"

"Napoleonic complex."

"See that right there is why you're fired," said Sam as he handed her a glass.

"I didn't even tell you what I wanted," she said examining her drink.

"Scotch neat right?"

"Yeah, how did you know that?" she asked with a slight smile.

"You mentioned it in our first session. I've got a good memory, well I did before…" For the most part he tried not to let his memory loss bother him, but still he didn't quite like how he had yet another weakness to overcome.

"What's up Sam?"

Kali removed her coat and settled back into the couch. She was wearing all black, tight jeans and a black t-shirt with the words "The Ramones" printed across the front in white block letters.

"What if I told you there was a way to get Quinn released from the state hospital," said Sam, taking a seat at the opposite end of the couch.

"Did you speak to the judge and get him to change his ruling?" Kali asked looking more interested.

"No. I tried, but at the last minute he changed his mind about seeing me."

"Well you can always try again, or find another judge," she said sounding sincerely disappointed that Sam's efforts had so far failed. Maybe she wanted Quinn released too.

"Blocked at every turn. The minute I mention Quinn's name doors slam and calls are disconnected. I know my father is behind this. He doesn't want Quinn released."

"Sam it may not be as simple as that. Quinn was facing some serious charges. The judge's ruling was not unjust given the circumstances."

"She didn't need to be sent upstate with the criminals." Nothing she could have done deserved that.

"You don't know the whole story."

"I know she left Beth on the dock and jumped into the river. Thankfully Puck was right there to save her and Beth."

"That's not…"

Sam stood up, stopping Kali mid sentence. "I know that Quinn wasn't herself mentally and that's the only reason she would do something like that. She was sick and she made a mistake. She doesn't need to be locked up for it." He walked over to the fireplace, turning his back on Kali.

He knew enough. His father had been extremely blunt. He wasn't going to listen to yet another person bad mouth Quinn because she made a mistake. The punishment clearly did not fit the crime. It was just his father's irrational hatred that had made Quinn suffer this way.

"So what's this about getting her released?"

Sam faced her again. "This is where I need your advice. Hypothetically speaking, say there might be a way I could get Quinn out free and clear, able to come home and return to her life."

"You do realize that even if Quinn were released she still would need professional help. She's still in treatment."

Sam wasn't living in a dream world. He did understand the gravity of Quinn's situation. That was the primary thing that was fueling his need to get her home. He wanted her close, where he could help her better.

"Of course. She'd still see you, but on an outpatient basis."

"I would be agreeable to that. Also Quinn being back doesn't change the fact that she can't be around Beth, that's a completely separate issue."

"I do realize that yes. Once she's home we can take care of that as well, just got to go one step at a time."

Sam wasn't quite sure why Quinn wasn't allowed to be around Beth. She tried to hurt herself, but she was in treatment, so why should her child be withheld from her? And Sam really wanted to know how Mercedes got to be the one taking care of her.

"So how would this hypothetical plan work?" asked Kali sipping her scotch.

"You have to promise not to breathe a word of this to anyone." His father probably wouldn't approve him telling any of this to Kali but he had to confide in someone. It all was weighing heavily on him.

"That's what the dollar's for right?"

"You gave it back to me."

"Oh right. Guess you'll just have to trust me. You might have been better off if you had just kept me on as your doctor was sure to never say a word then."

"I couldn't risk a paper trail, besides you keep pissing me off with that nasty attitude."

Kali flashed a grin. "Right back at ya."

"I can get Quinn released, have her home tonight, if I agree to the terms of the agreement."

"Whose agreement? What terms?"

"The who doesn't matter, but the terms, well that is why I needed to talk to you. See the thing is I would have to stay married."

She pulled one leg up under herself and turned toward Sam, giving him her full attention. "Okay. What's the problem with that?"

"I don't want to be married, at least not to my current wife."

"I see," she said rolling her eyes. "Thinking about swapping her out for the blonde?"

"No I'm not swapping her out. It's not like that. I just don't remember her. I don't have the necessary feelings for her to make a marriage work. Neither one of us deserves to be stuck in a loveless relationship."

Mercedes had a photo of him by her bed, in the room she used while at the house. Just him alone, taken at some point he couldn't recall. He'd caught her staring at it on more than one occasion, sometimes she even hugged it to her chest. It was too much, he needed her to let go, she was too young to be hanging onto ghosts from another life. Nine more months would only make things worse for Mercedes.

"I do see your point. Mercedes will be quite hurt by this."

"Yeah well she will be even more hurt in the long run if she holds on to an impossible relationship."

Mercedes was like a little girl with a crush, her sad puppy eyes following him around the room. Sam was guilty and sympathetic but he needed to remain unmoved. She just wasn't the person he wanted to be with.

"Yet in order to get Quinn released you have to remain in said impossible relationship?"

"Yes, and I'm not sure I can do it, to any of us."

"You could always keep pursuing other avenues or perhaps allow Quinn to remain in the hospital until she has completed treatment."

"How long will that be? From what I have surmised, the amount of time Quinn has to be at the hospital hasn't even been set yet. The judge was somehow just allowed to lock her away without any explanation or real cause." His dad must have had the judge in his pocket the whole time. A woman doesn't get sent upstate for a suicide attempt.

"He had cause. Her actions during her sentencing didn't help her at all."

"What happened in court?" This was the first he'd heard anything solid about her trial. What was she even in court for? Puck saved Quinn and Beth before anything bad happened.

"She got out of control, loud outbursts, went after Mercedes."

"Physically went after Mercedes?" Quinn had to have been provoked, Quinn wasn't the violent type.

"Yes. Mercedes was on the stand and Quinn went toward her in a menacing manner from what I have been told."

"So you weren't there?" No wonder it didn't make sense, probably wasn't even true.

"No I had an emergency and I couldn't be there that morning."

"Basically you believe hearsay?"

"There is video footage."

Sam made a mental note to get his hands on a copy of that video one day. He needed to see it all for himself.

"I can't believe Quinn would do something like that. It doesn't sound like her. I just don't know what I should do." A part of him feared that Kali was actually being honest. She really didn't have any reason to lie. What if Quinn's mental health was far worse than he realized?

"Sounds like to me you need more facts. Are you hesitant because of the marriage part or are you hesitant because you are not sure Quinn is ready to be out of the hospital?"

"The marriage part, obviously. I think Quinn will be fine, and there are plenty of doctors right here in Lima."

Even if he didn't admit it out loud, he was worried. Bringing Quinn home was supposed to help her, but if she were truly ill and not just caught in one of his father's traps, maybe she needed to be in the hospital. Maybe he was just being selfish by trying to bring her back to him before she was ready.

"How long would you have to remain married?"

"Nine months," he said hanging his head, the ring on the chain around his neck suddenly feeling very heavy.

"Interesting choice, exactly the same length of time you were in a coma."

Sam exhaled loudly. "Apparently being bound to the bed for all those months wasn't good enough. I now am being forced to be bound to a woman."

"In exchange Quinn gets her freedom, not too bad of a deal."

"Except the part where I have to be with my wife. It has to be a real marriage with her or Quinn will get shipped back."

Really married, in the same house, spend time together, seen in person, married. Sam knew his father would never let him get by with doing it half way. However, he refused to let his father paint him into a corner. It might take more time than he allotted but he would find a way to help Quinn on his own terms, even if that meant letting his father believe he was taking the deal to buy himself more time.

Kali shrugged before finishing off her drink. "I don't know what to tell you, either she's worth it to you or she's not."

"You're no help at all. Thank God I fired you." She didn't even deserve the dollar he'd offered her. All she did was sit there and question him, no suggestions or solutions at all.

"Sam you don't want advice, you want someone to tell you it is okay to use one woman to save another."

"What would you do if you were in my position?"

She smoothed down her straight black hair with her hand. "I'd stay in therapy for one, figure out why I have amnesia."

Sam shook his head. "Not hiring you back, so forget it."

"Someone else then. You have your own issues to deal with. Quinn is not the only one going through something right now. You are recuperating from a devastating illness, maybe now is not the right time to be making huge decisions, especially when you don't have all the facts."

Sam wanted facts and he planned on getting them, but somehow he knew that nothing he could ever learn would lessen his desire to help Quinn.

"This can't wait until I'm more adjusted. Quinn doesn't deserve to be punished this way. She's the mother of my child, one of my oldest friends, I've got to help her."

"Why don't you just go see her first, before you decide? Maybe coming face to face with her will help you with this dilemma."

Kali made a valid point. He did need to check on Quinn first before he decided on a course of action.

"I plan on it, in fact we are going up there tonight."

"We?" she asked.

"Yeah. You, me and…"

"Hey Sam, what's the big emergency?" asked Mike as he bounded into the living room.

"Right on time. My brother Mike, our wheels for this road trip," said Sam beckoning him closer.

Mike looked from Sam to Kali, a confused expression on his face. "Road trip? Figgins told me you were desperate to see me. I thought something was wrong."

"I did need to see you. I need you to take me upstate to see Quinn."

"No way I'm not going up there," he said backing away toward the door, shaking his head emphatically.

"Why not? Quinn's all alone in the hospital, the least we can do is go visit."

"Find someone else I'm not interested."

"You and Quinn always got along. Why wouldn't you want to see her?"

Something was off. Mike was the first to want to help a friend in need. Now he was acting like seeing Quinn was the last thing he'd ever do. Sam couldn't help but wonder if anyone had gone to see Quinn all this time. Maybe they all were treating her like an outcast because she had an affair with him.

"Don't drag me into your baby mama drama. I've got my own right here in town to deal with."

"It's just a visit. Kali is coming too."

"No I am not. Hi, I'm Dr. Kalina Hill as your incredibly rude brother failed to mention."

"Mike Chang," he said taking her hand. "You're his doctor right?"

"Not anymore," replied Kali.

"Don't tell me you deemed the man cured?" asked Mike looking a bit more incredulous than Sam liked.

"Nope he fired me and gave me a dollar."

"A dollar? Sam a woman as beautiful as this one deserves more than that."

Sam groaned internally at his brother's lame attempt at flirting. Mike seemed to gravitate toward the worst women. Put Mike in a room filled with women and without a doubt he'd end up with the bitchiest, most treacherous, bite the head off her lover after sex, type in the room.

"You don't want to go there man, she's related to Santana."

"Santana's my cousin," said Kali.

"Sam are you really going to judge her because of her relatives? Especially with the mother we have."

"Leave mom out of this."

"He's such a mama's boy," Mike whispered loudly to Kali, clearly wanting Sam to hear him.

Sam ignored Mike' taunts and went into the foyer to find Figgins. The man was there as if he had already anticipated Sam's needs.

"Your bag and your coat sir," said Figgins handing the items to Sam.

"Thank you Figgins."

"Oh I almost forgot. I picked these up for you. I hope they are to your liking." Figgins handed Sam a small narrow black leather case. Sam flipped it open, trying to hide his displeasure about what was inside.

"They'll do. It's only temporary right?"

"Yes sir. I'm sure everything will correct itself in time." Figgins turned and left Sam alone in the foyer, staring down at the open case in his hand.

He sighed heavily as he removed the glasses from the case and put them on his face. They felt heavy and awkward against his nose. He wasn't used to anything on his face, he never even wore sunglasses often, but his eyesight hadn't improved since he had awakened from his coma, and the doctors prescribed him glasses to help him focus. They claimed the blurred vision should be temporary, there was no evidence to prove that it was an injury from the accident, just a weakening of his eye muscles from lack of use.

Sam had sent Figgins to the store, to pick out his frames. Maybe he should have sucked it up and asked Mercedes to do it. She had to have made a better selection than this. Figgins clearly chose the ugliest frames in the store, black, thick plastic, squared shape. The kind of glasses the kids he used to tease wore, back in school. Must have been karmic justice for all his tormenting of others in his youth. He went back into the living room to get Kali and Mike, bag and coat in hand.

"Okay all set," announced Sam from the doorway.

"What's going on there Sam? Is it Halloween?" asked Mike pointing at Sam's face.

"They are temporary, my vision has been off."

"Perfectly natural after a long coma," added Kali. "I think they are sort of cute, in a dorky kind of way."

"Dorky? I've never been dorky in my life." He wanted to snatch the glasses from his face but he wasn't going to give Kali the satisfaction of knowing that her comment bothered him.

"Actually. I can remember you being pretty dorky when you were about in the 3rd grade. You used to dress up like a Power Ranger and wear the gear, weapons and all to school."

"I was eight." At the moment he wished Mike was the one with amnesia.

"And a huge dork. Did you know he would make us call him Green Ranger and not his real name? Wouldn't even respond if you called him Sam."

"That's so cute," said Kali smiling at Sam. "I can totally picture it. Little Sam in ninja gear fighting crime around the house."

"Power Rangers weren't ninjas they were teens that morphed into super powered elite fighters that worked with the Zords to combat evil robots and monsters that threatened the earth," said Sam. If they were going to mock, at least get it right.

Kali giggled. "I'm so sorry Mr. Green Ranger. I didn't mean to offend you."

"Those glasses are bringing out his dork side more and more the longer he wears them," said Mike as he plopped into a chair.

"Are you done? Can we go see Quinn now?" asked Sam becoming increasingly annoyed. He was the youngest in the room, yet clearly he was the most mature.

"He's rushing us to go see his damsel in distress. Is Lois waiting for you Clark?"

"He does sort of look like Clark Kent in those glasses. Very appropriate given the circumstances."

"What circumstances?" asked Mike.

"Sam knows what I am talking about." Kali shot Sam a knowing glance, but said nothing more on the topic.

"You call yourself a doctor? I need these glasses for my health. Why are you making fun of me?"

It was on now. Kali was on his list. Soon as he got the chance he was going to pump Santana for dirt on her cousin. He'd get her back for this.

"You are absolutely right. I shouldn't be teasing, the glasses look fine. Clark Kent was a dashing man, in his nicely tailored suits and dark glasses."

"And don't forget the tights," added Mike.

"Superman wore tights not Clark Kent," said Sam correcting him.

"The tights were under the suit remember? The whole changing in a phone booth thing. You're not going to make me find you a phone booth on the way up there are you? So you can change into your tights and cape before going in to see Quinn. Instead of an S on your chest you have a big E, in University of Tennessee colors."

"Instead of flying to stop his victims, he just throws beer bottles," said Kali breaking into laughter.

Mike joined in. "And yells out redneck exclamations with every heroic deed. Yee-haw!"

"I don't have time for this!" Sam yelled, throwing his bag and coat on the floor.

"Someone's getting cranky," Mike said to Kali.

"Maybe he needs a time out," Kali muttered back.

"Shall I ask Figgins to pack you a snack for our trip? Maybe he still has your Power Ranger lunchbox."

"Are ya'll done now? Let's go. I need to be there by 6," said Sam taking off his glasses and putting them in his pocket.

"You two have fun, tell Quinn I will be up to see her next week," said Kali gathering up her coat and bag.

Sam pulled her to the side. "I really need you to come, just in case I make a decision."

"I'm not holding your hand through this. I'm not completely on board."

"Come for Quinn then. Either way she might need you." He was pleading with her now, but he was desperate. She had to be there to sign Quinn's release papers if he decided to take his father's deal.

"I suppose you are right. You two have yet to talk about Beth that is something very major she needs to deal with."

Sam smiled as he picked up his bag. "I have many questions. Maybe you can fill me in on the ride up? How about it Mike?"

"What do I know? I've been living in Asia."

"Not the whole time. At least give me a basic rundown of key events."

"I guess I could do that," agreed Mike.

Kali made a face. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why not? I'm trying to take back my life," said Sam.

"I can see that, and I think that's great, but I'm not going to risk you having another extremely emotional reaction in such an enclosed space."

"She's got a point bro. You do have a tendency to go nuclear."

"It was one bad reaction," said Sam. One small meltdown that his family wouldn't let go off.

"Actually it was more than one," Kali reminded him.

"That was when I was in the hospital. I was irritable because I was stuck inside. I'm mobile now. In fact, Mercedes and I just had a deep conversation a couple weeks ago. She told me some things and I handled it all fine."

"Maybe he's better Dr. Hill. He's got to find this stuff out at some time," said Mike as he helped Kali with her coat. Sam rolled his eyes at Mike' thinly veiled chivalry.

"It's Kali and he's not my patient anymore, so feel free to handle things as you see fit, but in my professional opinion, Sam needs to be introduced to his past carefully." She turned to Sam. "You claim to have taken whatever Mercedes told you well, but I'm not convinced."

"You don't even know what was said. How can you have an opinion on how I took it?" Psychic and a psychiatrist she needed her own talk show.

"I'm not a shrink, but I'm going to go with Kali on this one. What happened to this photo?" asked Mike picking up the framed picture on the mantle.

"It fell. The glass cracked," Sam replied casually.

"And this one?" asked Mike holding up another gold framed wedding picture with cracked glass.

"I don't know, maybe the servants broke it while dusting." Sam pulled on his coat, eager to leave the house, and the trivial discussion of photographs.

"Where are the other photos of you and Mercedes that used to be in this room?" asked Mike scanning the room.

"I've been in a coma. They probably redecorated. How should I know?" Sam headed into the foyer.

"They were here last time I stopped by," said Mike trailing him, Kali close behind.

"I don't have time for this. Can we please go?" asked Sam opening the front door.

"Yeah, Sam. We can go," said Mike quietly, giving him a strange look before he headed out the door.

* * *

><p><strong>(Quinn)<strong>

**9:35 PM**

"You're crying," said Sam as he entered the room. He reached in his pants pocket and dug out his handkerchief, handing it to her as he took a seat in the chair beside her. "Better than your sleeve."

"Thank you," Quinn said taking the handkerchief and wiping her face. "I've just been emotional today, actually for awhile now. It's not me, you know?"

"Yeah I know, but it is good to see you opening up a bit. You always kept so much inside. Well you used to."

Her newfound emotions weren't a good thing to her. Quinn missed her unreadable mask. It kept her in control, protected her from people that took tears as sign of weakness.

"That hadn't changed. I still liked to be in control of my emotions. The postpartum depression sort of made it harder for me to do that."

"I wish I could have been here for you. Maybe I …"

Sam looked away, but Quinn could see the pain on his face. It killed her that Sam was feeling guilty for events he never would have been able to prevent.

"There was nothing you could have done. I had to get help for myself, if only I had done it sooner."

That was something she'd never let herself off the hook for. She put Beth in jeopardy because of denial and her pride. Quinn had known something was wrong, from the first hours after she was born.

"Things got really bad then?" asked Sam grabbing her hand and interlacing his fingers with hers.

"Sam it was like I was standing outside myself, just looking in, appalled at what I was doing. It wasn't me. I didn't feel like me."

Quinn still had times like that, where her life seemed to be happening to someone else. Dr. Hill said it was her mind trying to defend itself, to shield the pain of taking full responsibility for her actions. According to the doctor the only way to cure it was to step into the moment and allow herself to feel it all again and deal with it this time.

"That's how it is sometimes when I hear things about the past three years. The things I supposedly did, they don't feel like me." Sam tensed as he spoke about his amnesia. Quinn guessed his mind was shielding itself from the pain of taking responsibility too.

"Looks like we have that in common," she said placing her other hand on top of his, hoping to soothe him.

He smiled at her. "I guess we do."

"It'll get better Sam."

"I know. I'm actually doing okay now. I'm just taking it as it comes. My brain doesn't seem to want me to remember, so I am not going to force it. Gotta move on right?"

"That's a great attitude. I wish I could just let things go and move on."

Although that sort of seemed like running away, Quinn really couldn't let go of what she did to Beth and to herself. She had to remember it all, keep it accessible in her mind, so she'd never do anything like that again.

"Maybe in time. You might not be ready yet."

She picked up the picture of Sam and Beth from the table, wanting to change to a more pleasant subject. "Tell me about Beth. She looks so big in this picture. Last time I saw her she could sit up on her own for a little bit. Is she crawling yet? Is she sleeping through the night? Getting any teeth? Making any sounds?"

"Whoa," Sam laughed. "That's a lot of questions."

"Sorry. I am just missing so much."

"I know. I missed it all too. Don't worry we'll catch up together," he said as he squeezed her hand.

Sam dragged his chair around to face hers, knees to knees, he leaned forward resting on the armrests of her chair, filling her space, making the cold room, warmer and more intimate.

"Here's what I know. I've only just begun to be with Beth for long periods of time. I was too weak before, so it's all new to me, but yes she can sit up on her own, she hasn't crawled that I have seen, she definitely doesn't sleep through the night, no teeth, but lots of drool so they are coming, and sounds...yes, actual words no." He grinned. "Did I cover everything?"

Quinn chuckled. "Yes you did, thank you."

"My pleasure. I wish I knew more. Mercedes probably could tell you stuff."

Tears were threatening to fall and Quinn had to bite her lip to keep them at bay. It was ridiculous to get so worked up over something that had been a reality almost since Beth was born. Mercedes was raising her baby, for better or worse.

"Mercedes has taken my place."

"Don't look at it like that." His hand fell to her thigh rubbing it gently as he watched her.

"I know I shouldn't. I am grateful that Beth has someone that loves her taking care of her, but I can't help but feel like she is getting all the time with Beth I should be having. It upsets me."

"Why did you let her keep her? Why not your parents?"

"It was an emergency. Either Beth was going into care or she could go home with Mercedes. My parents wouldn't have been able to get to Lima that fast, so I thought Mercedes was the right choice. And she was close to you. I knew she'd have you when you came back to us."

"You don't have to worry anymore, I'm here now. Mercedes has been bringing her over every day. She even stayed the night with me."

Mercedes had kept her word at least, Sam had been back in Beth's life since the time he woke up from his coma.

"So you're not staying at your house? At Coach B's?"

"No I am at the house with dad. That's my home."

Quinn was alarmed and relieved at once. A part of her was pleased Sam wasn't living with his wife. It was petty and wrong, but that was how she felt. She didn't want Mercedes to have so much of Sam, when she was stuck in here with nothing of him to hold onto but fading memories and dreams. The downside was if Sam lived at the mansion, then Beth would too. That didn't sit well with her at all.

"Will you be bringing Beth to live there with you full time?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead yet. It seems like the logical choice, my child needs to be where I am."

Sam was right, Quinn knew it, and in fact she wanted it. The only source of peace she could take from this ordeal was that Beth had her father now. That was most important, not their living arrangements.

"Yeah but your father hates me. I'm not sure I want Beth in a house like that."

"Don't worry about my father," said Sam giving her thigh a reassuring squeeze.

"Sam you don't understand what it was like here while you were gone. Your father has it out for me. You just don't know…" Sam put his hand on her cheek, his touch instantly quieting her.

"Here's what I know. Beth has your eyes. I look at her and all I can think of is you and our history, and how we made this perfect like person together."

Their eyes locked and the room disappeared, leaving only the warmth of his hand on her face, the feel of his fingers rubbing her thigh, and those eyes, so green and open, making her feel things she had long thought dead.

"She has your smile, and your lips," Quinn said, her words getting caught in her throat. Sam smiled, his full lips, making her stomach flip.

"What else? Tell me something else about her." He moved closer to her, not removing either of his hands from their spots on her body.

"When she was born she was so tiny. She was premature. I had her in the woods."

"In the woods?" he asked moving his hand from her face to her hair.

"Well the side of the road. My car broken down and I called Mercedes to help me."

"Mercedes?" His eyes widened in surprise. "She was at Beth's birth?"

"She helped deliver her. I was driving to meet Puck and my car stalled and I started having contractions. I couldn't get through to Puck so I called Mercedes and she came out to where I was. She was new out of school, it was all textbook stuff for her, no real experience with childbirth, but she was better than nothing. Julian got there just at the end, in time to help with the cord and the rest."

"That's an incredible story. I can't believe I missed that."

The constant beat of her heart in her ears, he was so close, his aftershave surrounding her, his hand massaging the back of her scalp and those lips. He kept licking them, quickly sliding his tongue across them the closer he got.

"I didn't know she was yours then. I had a paternity test early on and we thought she was Puck's."

Quinn squirmed nervously, fearing she would just snap and grab him and kiss him, and probably scaring him off with such a forward display. Sam must have sensed her uneasiness, because he removed both his hands and leaned back in his seat.

"And you found out after she was born that the test was wrong?"

"Yeah there was some mix up, the results got input wrong. Something strange and rare that only happens in the movies. And suddenly I was the mother of your daughter."

"You must have been in shock. Probably disappointed because Puck wasn't her father."

"I wasn't."

"You weren't shocked by all of this?"

He deserved to know the truth. Taking a deep breath, gathering her strength, she began. "No I meant, I wasn't disappointed. I've just been able to admit this, after all this time, but I am glad she's yours. I wanted her to be yours."

"How can that be?" He shook his head in disbelief, running his hands through his hair. "You were engaged to another man."

"I know and I hate myself for being so selfish, for feeling like this, but I can't deny it anymore. I need you to know. Even after we had the paternity tests, I wished for the results to miraculously change somehow. I wanted Beth to be yours."

"Why Quinn?" He was trembling, but didn't look away, his eyes searching her face.

"I'm still trying to work all of that out in my mind. It just felt like it was meant to be, that she should be ours together."

"It feels like that to me too. It feels right. And so does this, us being here together," he said his eyes shining with emotion.

All the months of holding back, visiting him during off hours, sneaking around the hospital hoping Mercedes or Julian wouldn't see, pregnant and sad, longing just to hear his voice, see his smile, just once more. The pain of having to hide the depth of her feelings, from his family, his wife, Puck, even herself, keeping her emotions behind lock and key, ignoring the screams in the back of mind, silently yelling repeatedly that she loved him too.

Mercedes got to be with him, sit with him, stroke his hair, plant kisses on his unreceptive mouth and all Quinn could do was hold his hand in the dark, whisper to him about memories, old emotions, ones she prayed never would fade. Nine months without him and finally he was back, holding her so tight she could see fingerprints on her skin. It was completely wrong but she couldn't fight it anymore. She couldn't hide her heart, not when he kept looking at her like that. He'd come back to her and she was glad.

Both hands clasped behind her head, under her hair, fingers tipping her neck, he pulled her toward him, his eyes never leaving hers until they were so close his nose grazed hers. Soft lips pressed against her forehead, one cheek, and then the other. His hands sliding down her neck to her shoulders, down her arms to find her hands again, encasing them with his own. He was breathing heavily, his eyes on the floor, his hands squeezing hers tightly.

It was wrong and she didn't care. Quinn tilted up his chin, forcing him to look at her again. "I've missed you so much Sam."

Her eyes swimming with tears, and she still didn't care. Let him see her break, he was the only one that ever completely got behind her mask, through the cracks in her wall anyway. "I was so scared you wouldn't make it. I didn't think I'd ever get to see you again."

Then he gave her one look, his green eyes darkening with intensity and she was transported back to where this began, not her parents' porch, or moonlit summer nights, but to the Beacon, falling for the man he'd become, a man she wasn't supposed to want. She'd made so many mistakes in her life, great and small, but the biggest might have been not letting Sam know how incredible he was, how much he meant to her, how much she cherished him in her life. The coma gave it shape, and Beth made it real, solid, she always wanted this man in her life. Those thoughts consumed her as she slid her hand up his face to mingle with his hair, gently nudging him forward. She dared to go where his lips hadn't. The kiss she never could give him because he was not hers, longing to do it for months, and now, under bright lights and cold white walls, she took pleasure in his warmth and let her mouth cover his with her own. One simple kiss. It was little more than a caress actually, her lips gliding against his, over before it even began, as she settled back in her seat to watch his dimples deepen as he smiled at her.

"How could I not come back?" he asked in almost a whisper. Something in the air had changed, a current, almost tangible, settling between them. "You were calling my name, holding my hand. You know I never could resist you."

"Took you long enough," she teased, her heart feeling like it missed a beat as she watched his eyes light up. Sam was actually here, for real, not just in her dreams. Quinn couldn't stop smiling.

"I just needed to make sure you really meant it, that you really wanted me." Both hands on her thighs, dragging her closer between his open legs, one more inch and she would be off her seat.

"So you were testing me? Making me work for it? Is that what you're saying?" she asked letting her hand run up and down his arm.

"Pretty much, yeah."

"What am I going to do with you?" she asked as she playfully hit him on his chest. Sam caught her hand in his before she could move away, keeping it trapped against his heart.

"I have a few ideas, but first I was thinking dessert."

"Dessert? We don't have meals on demand here there are rules and set times."

"I was thinking dessert out of here, the two of us, and something sweet and delicious." He ran his tongue over his lower lip after he said the word 'delicious', making Quinn feel suddenly off balance. "How's that sound?"

"Like a dream. If only I could get out of this place for something sweet and delicious with you." She felt like she could melt, just knowing he wanted time alone with her.

"I'm thinking this dream should come true," said Sam, stroking her head softly before getting up and going to the door.

"Kali! Kali come here." Sam yelled out into the hall.

"What's wrong?" asked Kali when she appeared at the door a few seconds later.

"I need you do that thing we discussed," said Sam lowering his voice a bit. Quinn wasn't sure what was happening, they seemed to have some secret between them.

"Are you sure? I mean maybe you should take a bit more time, this is a big step."

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," he said looking over at Quinn and smiling.

"There would be ground rules, and schedules -" Kali said pulling his attention back her way.

"Can you just do it? I don't care about the rest now," he snapped.

"That was incredibly rude. I was in the middle of talking."

"Do it now."

Quinn was taken aback by the way Sam was talking to the doctor, cutting her off and raising his voice.

"You need to learn the words 'please' and 'thank you'."

"Teach them to me in Spanish."

"That's offensive," said Kali crossing her arms.

"Kali," he sighed, rubbing his temple in annoyance.

"Fine, I'm going. Wait here Quinn," she said finally addressing Quinn. "I will be back in just a few minutes and then we can go."

"Go? What was she talking about Sam?" asked Quinn after Dr. Hill had left them alone again.

Sam walked over to her and took her in his arms, letting her hair fall through his fingers, before settling on the small of her back. "I'm thinking we should get out of here, spend some time alone. What do you say?" he asked smiling down at her.

"I can't just leave." Quinn said, confused and flustered. Sam was running his fingers up and down her spine, giving her tingles with each pass.

"Yes you can. Time to be free Quinn."

"Did you really find a way to get me released? I was hoping but I didn't think you did so…"

"I told you I'd never leave you," he said against her ear.

"I know but…"

"I'm keeping my promise," he said quietly, before placing his lips on her forehead, kissing her softly.

Quinn wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in the softness of his shirt, loving every bit of the feel of him against her body.

Real. Solid.

Sam had come to take her home.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

The cold air rushed into the darkened kitchen as Mercedes dragged herself through the door. Her pink leather wristlet hanging from her mouth, a reusable grocery back in the crook of her arm, her keys precariously perched from the end of one of her fingers. Home never looked so good, even when it was dark and lonely. She had been spending more time at the Evans house than she liked. She missed the familiar warmth of Beiste's kitchen, the bright colors, the fresh flowers, and if she were lucky the presence of Beiste herself. Beiste however had been home even less than Mercedes, instead spending most of her days and nights in the company of Dwight Evans. Beiste claimed she was there to support Dwight during his adjustment period of Sam being back, but Mercedes wasn't convinced, she knew Beiste was enjoying Dwight's company in ways that were far more than supportive. They hadn't come out and said yet, but it was pretty clear that Dwight and Beiste were an item.

Mercedes smiled whenever she thought of it, the sweetness of a friendship melting into more. Beiste had been so lonely for so long, and Dwight, although he never would admit it, was lonely once Sam had moved out after the wedding. The two of them found something with each other, something that seemed pretty special as far as Mercedes could tell. Dwight was smiling up a storm lately that was a sure sign, of the power of Shannon Beiste. Even old grumps were powerless against her kindness and embracing personality.

Mercedes hoped some of that kindness would rub off on Sam. He had been doing his best imitation of his father the few weeks, all scowls and barks. Mercedes knew his foul mood was directed at her, with everyone else he was the same Sam he had always been. It was just when she came around that his temper would flare, his body tensed, and his eyes shifted into angry slits. The ring had set him off, Mercedes was sure of it. Sam had been fine before that. Although, she hadn't been around him before then to know much about his temperament at all. The past two weeks in and out of the house with Beth provided her more than enough evidence of Sam's contempt. It was thinly veiled and ever present whenever she attempted to do anything for him, to help him in any way. He lashed out verbally, accused her of hovering, demanded she leave him alone. The wedding band he still wore around his neck shook and glinted in the light with every tirade, mocking her, painfully reminding her of all she had lost. So it was the ring combined with just her very existence. No matter how she looked at it, one thing was clear. She was the problem.

Mercedes began unpacking her groceries, lining up the items on the counter. She had stopped by the store with a specific mission, to find the ingredients for authentic Mexican guacamole. Armed with the recipe Beiste had given her, the shopping part had been relatively painless, most people didn't seem to be shopping at 10 o'clock on a Thursday night. The worst part of the evening was having to fake interest in Daley's latest tale of woe. The man was a total strike out artist, hitting the bars, only to return numberless and alone. He wasn't a bad looking guy, if a woman found the shiny suit, slicked back hair look attractive. Daley's problem was the fact he had to speak to meet women. His incessant chatter and penchant for bad puns turned off most self-respecting women before he could get a foot in the door. It was a shame really, Daley probably would be a good boyfriend, loyal, attentive, definitely willing to communicate, if only someone would give him a chance. Maybe Sam should give him some pointers, he was an expert in picking up women and reeling them in. He definitely knew how to charm the pants off a girl and close the deal. Mercedes was proof of that, he was treating her like crap on a daily basis for weeks, yet here she was still toiling away planning a party for him.

All the calls had been made, the majority of plans set. Kurt had done the bulk of the organizing, coordinating food between the caterer and BreadStix, all of Sam's favorites were on the menu. The last minute surprise party seemed like it would go off without a hitch. All that was left was finalizing the music. There was a band that played the local club scene that everyone was raving about that Mercedes wanted to check out. It was a last minute idea, but music just seemed like the perfect touch for such a special event. It wasn't everyday that a man comes out of a coma, makes a miraculous recovery, just in time for his 29th birthday. Something worth celebrating, for sure. Daley had been her wheels for the evening, which came as a surprise to Mercedes. She had figured Daley would be taking Sam upstate to see Quinn, but Daley had informed her that Sam had made other arrangements and that he was all hers. The idea of going to a club with Daley didn't sound like fun. Mercedes had begged Kurt to come instead, but he had to fill in at Scandals, so Mercedes was stuck with her talkative driver, until an unexpected text came in at 9:30pm and things suddenly didn't seem so bleak anymore. Not that Finn Hudson was the best company in Lima, but he was a bit better than Daley and he could at least offer some constructive feedback on the band.

In less than two hours she would be embarking on new ground, a night out with Finn, something she never thought she would do, but after their conversation, it didn't seem like it would be so bad. She did feel a little uneasy about being alone with Finn, not because he was a silly ass boy, or that he could burp the song "Wild Thing", but because he wasn't Sam. Stupid, clearly, this wasn't a date, it was business, and even if it were a date, Sam wouldn't give a crap about it anyway. He had made it clear that he wasn't interested in her in the romantic sense at all. But for Mercedes it felt a bit like a betrayal, like she was stepping out on her guy. Maybe it was just residual guilt from Shane, and how much that friendship had hurt Sam. Finn was nothing like Shane, they were barely friends, and definitely not more than that, but still, it was yet another reminder that her heart had once been divided and uncertain. She didn't want Sam misconstruing things. Mercedes shook her head at her foolishness, she was thinking about Sam as he used to be, when he remembered, current Sam didn't have any resentment about other men, he probably would set her up with a date or two if he could, just to clear his path to Quinn.

Sam was probably on his way back home now, after visiting Quinn. He was probably all happy and smiling, lost in his memories of their perfect first love. Mercedes's stomach lurched as she recalled Sam's excitement the past week, when he didn't think she was looking, he had been full grins, whistling happy tunes, and bursting with nervous energy. He was like a teenager before prom, anxious and excited, fantasizing about the fabulous night to come. Had he ever been that excited about her? Mercedes couldn't remember. Their past was starting to blur with each day. She had no one to relive it with, no one to share those sweet memories, the only person that would care had blocked it all out, and showed no signs of wanting that to change.

Maybe she had brought it all on herself, with the way she treated him, the things she had said, after she had found out he had cheated on her. Anger seemed like a justifiable response at the time, he had lied and broken his vows. But look what she had done? Marrying him while she was so uncertain and spending the first month of their marriage pondering the romantic possibilities of being with another man. Those were just as heinous of crimes. She may not have slept with Shane, but she certainly let her mind and heart contemplate the idea. She threw stones at him, when she had no right to, now fate was making her pay for her judgment.

* * *

><p><em>"Don't even think about coming in this house," she said arms crossed, as she blocked his entry through the doorway.<em>

_"You called me," Sam reminded her, one foot on the stoop, the other on the walkway._

_"I wanted to tell you to never come back to your face." She looked him dead in the eyes and hoped her face didn't betray her underlying tumultuous emotions._

_"You could have done that over the phone, as you already have, repeatedly."_

_"I needed to make sure you understood my message loud and clear."_

_"I think I got the message," he said stepping up completely on the stoop, an arms length away from her now. "You called me over here because you wanted to see me," he added with a smirk._

_"What? That's the last thing I want."_

_"And yet here I am, in the flesh, face to face." He leaned in when he spoke, backing away right before she could shove him._

_"I said what I needed to say, now you can go." Mercedes stepped back inside the doorway, putting a bit more distance between them._

_"Not so fast, maybe I have something to say," he said putting his hand on the door, to hold it open._

_"I don't care. No more excuses, no more begging for forgiveness there's nothing you can say to get me to take you back." Mercedes tried to force the door closed pushing against his hand that held it open. Sam was too strong and her efforts proved futile._

_"I'm not going to let you just throw away what we have," said Sam as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her onto the stoop with him._

_Mercedes yanked her hand free, rubbing the spot he had just touched. "Anything we had was trashed the moment you stuck yourself in Quinn."_

_"Aren't you being a little hypocritical here? I forgave you for Shane."_

_"I didn't sleep with Shane."_

_"You did worse, you secretly wanted him the whole time you were with me."_

_"That's not true. I loved you, I wanted to be with you," said Mercedes her eyes filling with tears. She couldn't bring herself to look up, still so ashamed of her actions with Shane._

_"And what about him?" he asked raising her chin with two fingers so she would look him in the eyes._

_"You know all this already," she said jerking her head back to escape his grasp._

_Sam moved in slowly, backing Mercedes against the house. "I know that what we have is bigger and stronger than anything you ever felt for Shane Tinsley. You tried to run from us on our wedding day and you're trying to run now, but I'm not going to let you. I love you too much to give up on us."_

_He was a breath away, the hair that had fallen into his face, tickled her cheek, as she turned her head to avoid his intense green stare. Sam wouldn't relent, following her with his eyes, blocking her attempts to flee with his outstretched arms that trapped her between the house and his body._

_"I wish Shane had gotten that message, he could have saved me from you." Mercedes stuck her chin out defiantly, daring to look him in the eyes after that sharp bladed admission. She had struck her target, his eyes clouded with pain._

_Sam shook his head as if he were trying to remove her words from his mind. "Even if you had left with Shane that day, nothing would have changed." He inched forward letting his body graze hers. "We are meant to be, you would have been just delaying the inevitable."_

_"How can you stand there and be so arrogant after all you've done? You're a liar and a cheater and you actually expect me to still want you?"_

_It didn't come out as forceful as she would have liked his proximity throwing her off her game. One hand had moved to her waist, urging her forward to mold with his body completely. Mercedes tried to resist but the pull was too strong and she found herself leaning into his warmth._

_"I know you do," he said lowering his voice, his mouth next to her ear._

_Mercedes shivered as she felt his fingers dig into her hips, his lips ghosting her cheek, teasing her with the promise of full contact. She let both her hands slide up his chest, the last barrier between him and her self-control. Then her mind suddenly snapped to attention, as an image of him with Quinn flashed through her head._

_"You get the hell away from me," she yelled shoving him back from her space._

_Sam quickly recovered and slowly moved in again. "Why are you shaking Mercedes? Are you scared?"_

_"I'm not afraid of you, I'm mad. How dare you try to touch me?" She had backed herself against the house as far as she could, gripping the door frame with her one hand, her sole protection against his advances._

_"What would happen if I did, touch you?" Sam was on her again, leaning over her, blocking her way to the door._

_"I will smack the crap out of you," she said through clenched teeth. Her breathing was becoming erratic the closer he got and she prayed Sam didn't notice the change and prey on it._

_"Probably, but the whole time your heart would be racing and you'd be wishing you were kissing me instead," he said lowering his voice to almost a whisper._

_Their eyes connected and for a moment they both knew what he said was true. She bit the inside of her cheek hard to remind herself of all the pain that giving into one kiss with him would cause._

_"Get this through your head, you evil soulless bastard, you are nothing to me." The words came out like bullets and his head snapped back as they hit him dead center._

_Mercedes tried to take the rings off her finger, pulling at the bands, bruising her fingers over the stones, but they wouldn't budge. They were as stuck on her finger, as if permanently fused there since the day he proposed. She continued to yank at her finger, determined to get the things off._

_Sam grabbed her hands stopping her. "That's enough. Don't you see? You're not meant to take them off, we are a part of each other, inside each other's soul." He pulled her into him, wrapping her in his arms, ignoring her struggles against him._

_The tears fell as she tried to beat her hands against his chest, shove him off of her, stop him from feeling so perfectly right._

_"I'm going to get these rings off and throw them in your face, I don't want any part of you. I hate you. You destroyed us. Why did you have to do it Sam?"_

_And he just held her, enduring her assault, never letting her get away. Sam stroked her back, pressed kisses into her hair, holding her tighter until Mercedes relaxed in his arms._

_"I'm so sorry. If only I could take it back," he said against her hair._

_"Well you can't take it back and this is done," she said finally breaking free from his arms. He let her go, not pursuing as she stepped away from him._

_"We'll never be done. You know that," he said shoving his hands in his pockets and staring down at his feet. All the fight from moments before seeming to have left him._

_"Forget I exist, just take me out of your mind. There's no way in hell you'll ever be a part of my life again." Mercedes stepped inside the house, pulling the door partially closed against her body, only a narrow opening remained._

_Sam looked up at her, with hurt wide eyes. "You don't mean that. I'm not just going to let you go."_

_"I'm already gone." With that she closed the door, leaving him lingering on the stoop alone._

* * *

><p>She had done it to herself. She had been the one to make him forget it all, to forget them.<p>

Mercedes squeezed the last of her lime over the bowl of guacamole she had just prepared. She had followed Beiste's recipe to the letter, and it actually turned out pretty good. Tasted good too, from the little sample she had allowed herself. Puck had come by about a half hour earlier, to bring Beth home for the night. It was after eleven, so Beth was taking her nightly nap, leaving Mercedes and Puck some time to chat while she finished her guacamole.

"I got it. Bottles in the fridge, monitor with me at all times. Got your print out of instructions right here," said Puck tapping on his back pocket of his jeans. "I think you've covered everything. More than everything."

"I just want you to be informed," she said smacking Puck's hand lightly with her spoon, as he tried to dip his finger in her bowl of guacamole. "You don't sit with Beth often. I don't want you to get overwhelmed."

"I can handle one little baby. I do have experience with kids you know."

"I know. I get a little insane I guess when it comes to Beth. I worry."

"That's what mom's do."

"Not a mom, just neurotic," she shrugged suddenly feeling sad. Mercedes loved Beth, took care of her, worried about her like a mother, but she wasn't one. When she peeled back the layers, she was nothing more than an unpaid nanny.

"Stepmoms count Cede."

"How about ex-stepmoms?"

"Huh? What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Nothing," said Mercedes quickly dismissing the subject. "Everything's clear with Beth. I should be back late, but not too late. Hopefully she will sleep a bit for you. She started on cereal and pureed sweet potatoes yesterday, the doctor said it might help her feel less hungry and maybe she'll sleep longer. If not…"

"Shopping channel. I got it," said Puck cutting her off. "So there's something I need to ask you. A favor?"

"You name it."

"I want to bring Santana to the party. She really wants to come."

Mercedes's face shifted into a frown. "I don't think it's a good idea having Santana in the house."

"Uncle Dwight won't even be there. And I can keep her in check. Promise," said Puck as he leaned against the kitchen counter.

"Why would she want to come? She hates me." Mercedes never had been certain what she'd done to turn Santana against her. The hate had just always been there.

"She and Sam used to be close at one time. She just wants to see him."

"Puck I don't know," Mercedes said hesitantly. "I just want a nice calm party, no trouble and no drama." Everywhere Santana went trouble followed. Mercedes didn't want any drunken catfights happening at Sam's party.

Puck laughed. "Right in this family? Keep dreaming."

"Well a girl can hope. I'm just trying to stack the deck in my favor. Having Santana there, a person that hates me, seems like it defeats the purpose." Mercedes put the guacamole in the fridge, before removing her pink lacy apron that covered her dark denim jeans and gray strapless peplum top, her ensemble for the evening.

"She doesn't hate you, she just doesn't know you that well."

"Semantics. Hey, maybe she should come. She and Sam can stand in the corner and make rude comments about me. He shares in her hatred of me." Hoping her light tone would hide her pain. The fact that Sam hated her actually cut her deeply.

"Sam doesn't hate you," said Puck taking a seat at the table.

"Oh yeah, I really think he does. You know he almost kicked me the other day?" She chuckled to keep herself from crying.

"What?" Puck's face tightened with the start of anger.

"He got a cramp doing exercises and I was there trying to help him, he was so nasty to me. He was just cold, shutting me out, he literally would flinch away whenever I came near him.

It had been unbelievably awful. Sam's face twisted in anger as she tried to massage his leg. He squirmed and pulled away from her whenever she got close. The muscle in his leg was visibly knotted and she knew the pain must have been excruciating, or else Mercedes would have let him deal with it on his own. He was being stubborn and ill tempered. But Mercedes never could stand to see him in pain, so she tried to ignore his blatant disgust with her and continued to rub his leg. Finally she had gotten it under control and the muscle began to relax. She had looked up at him for any signs of approval, gratitude, and there was nothing but cold indifference as he brusquely pulled his leg away from her and stood up, knocking her over in the process. Sam didn't even ask if she were okay, or offer to help her up, he just turned his back and left the room.

"Maybe he was sensitive about you being in the room. You know how he can get about his leg."

Excuses. Mercedes could see that Puck didn't really believe them himself. Under normal circumstances Sam would have just asked her to go if he were uncomfortable with her in the room. He'd done it a few times while he was in the hospital, signaling to her to give him some privacy during an exam or some other facet of his care. Sam had never been shy, he spoke his mind. So his actions the past few weeks were something else entirely, he was deliberately saying and doing things to make her feel unwelcome, unwanted, and despised.

"I'm his nurse, I've seen him in all sorts of ways, he doesn't need to be squeamish around me."

"He doesn't remember that Mercedes. You are a stranger to him."

She looked down at her rings. "A stranger to my own husband."

"Maybe stranger was the wrong word," said Puck trying to backpedal.

"I think that was the absolute right word. I'm a stranger to him, he's definitely a stranger to me."

"I thought things were getting better for you two."

"So did I. When he took his ring back I thought it meant something. I thought he wanted to try." She ran her hands roughly through her hair destroying the curls she had quickly put in her hair when she had changed her clothes.

After her conversation with Kurt the night Sam got his ring, Mercedes' hopes started to lift. She began to feel like maybe Kurt was right, and that Sam's new interest in their marriage was a positive step. Following that spirit of positivity Mercedes tried to be around more, come to the house, and not steer clear of him as she had been. Now she was the one that brought Beth to visit him, she sat in on his physical therapy sessions instead of finding out his progress after the fact. She even tried to share a few meals with him.

The first day went really well. Sam seemed fine with her being around. They had breakfast together, the three of them, Beth on Sam's lap with her bottle, as Mercedes picked at the fruit on her plate. Periodically she would pop a grape or strawberry into Sam's mouth, since Beth's fingers were firmly clamped around Sam's hand. Mercedes was secretly thrilled that Sam let her do something for him, even it were something as simple as feeding him fruit. As the day progressed, Sam's mood began to shift, his smiles decreased, his words went from sentences to monosyllabic grunts. He was shutting down on her. Mercedes wasn't quite sure what went wrong between breakfast and dinner, she went over that day many times in her mind since, she could come up with nothing. Except there was that one thing, so innocent and natural to her, but maybe to Sam it was a misstep.

Had to have been around lunch time, Sam had finished therapy, and she and Beth were doing a little tummy time on the floor of the living room. Sam was still in his wheelchair so he couldn't get down on the floor to join them, so Mercedes had placed Beth in his lap instead. As she left the room, to get Beth a bottle, she leaned over and kissed Beth on her little blond head, as she often did, and then she looked up, eye to eye with Sam, a smile on his face, and she kissed him. Nothing deep, just a soft peck on the lips, like she had done so many times before. Sam hadn't even looked surprised she had done it, in fact he had lifted his head and returned the kiss with equal softness. It felt natural, and so very ordinary, Mercedes had bounded off to the kitchen, letting it slip her mind completely. He had changed after that, and the more Mercedes thought about it now, that must have been the trigger, the moment Sam started to shut her out. It was because of that kiss.

"Maybe he does want to try."

"He doesn't want me around," she said getting up and turning her back to him. She didn't want to cry, she was so tired of tears, but Mercedes knew they would come if she looked into Puck's pity filled eyes. "When he talks to me he gets this clip in his voice, like he's annoyed I am in his presence."

"I think you're reading too much into things."

"I know him. I know what it feels like to be hated by him. It's like two years ago all over again, except this time he wants Quinn not Rachel. I don't think I can take much more Puck. What if he stays like this forever? What if I never get him back?"

Mercedes covered her face with her hands trying to maintain her composure. It was pointless to let herself get worked up again over things she was powerless to change.

"It's a miracle he even survived the accident," said Puck softly.

"I know that and I'm grateful. I just think it might be time for me to cut my losses and move on."

"You'd really leave him?" asked Puck looking very skeptical.

"That's what he wants anyway. Quinn will be here to pick up the pieces once she gets out of the hospital. He'll be fine, better than fine, he'll be happy."

While Sam was in a coma, Mercedes had made many deals with any higher power that might be listening. She wished for his health, his recovery, she wanted him back, at virtually any cost. She'd bargained away anything and everything just to get him to wake up. One thing she had said during those negotiations with the gods was that she didn't care if Sam didn't want her anymore, as long as he was alive and healthy. The gods had come through, lived up to their end, Sam was back and healthier with each passing day. Now it was her turn, she had to live with the fact that he didn't want her, she couldn't allow jealousy or selfishness make her renege on the exchange. He was happy and healthy, it didn't matter if it wasn't with her.

"Those two are such a bad idea. Quinn's just going to end up hurt if she goes there with him again," said Puck running a hand over his face.

"So I'm right? Quinn does want him back."

Quinn would be a fool not to want him. Mercedes never quite understood why Quinn had left Sam the other times. To her, Sam was a special man, full of passion, energy, and humor. He excited her, infuriated her, supported her, made her feel things like no one else ever had. Despite, his many flaws, Sam had a lot of good to offer, even now covered with the scars he inflicted, Mercedes still believed Sam was worth the pain. Maybe Quinn was realizing that too.

There were videos. All the times Quinn had come to visit Sam while in a coma were on tape, and Mercedes had watched every one, mostly on mute, but at times she listened too. Quinn reminiscing about their past, telling him she missed him, apologizing for some crime Mercedes didn't know about. Quinn held his hand and at times reached out to touch him in other places, her hand hovering hesitantly above his body only to be retracted moments later. She wanted to touch him, Mercedes could tell, but Quinn never let herself until that last time, the one Mercedes played on mute, too scared to hear what Quinn could be saying, where Quinn spread her body over his.

Mercedes truly hated her in that moment. Quinn's body draped over Sam as if she had the right to do so, as if he were hers to love. Funny, how now Mercedes was the one on the outside, not allowed to touch him, Quinn was all he wanted.

"I didn't say that."

Mercedes looked over at Puck, his expressive hazel eyes saying more than his words ever could.

"You didn't have to. It's written all over your face. You still have it bad for your ex."

There was something about Quinn that kept men entranced. They never quite got over her. Even her father, who had tried to block her out more than anyone, practically disowning her as his surrogate daughter, was still emotionally attached. Mercedes could sense it every time Quinn's name was mentioned. Sam definitely wasn't immune to Quinn's charms, a coma and amnesia and Quinn still was number one in his heart. Now Puck, sitting in front of her trying so hard to appear unfeeling, but it was plain as day. He still wanted her too.

Puck sighed, studying the wood grain of the table as he spoke. "I will always care about Quinn. I don't want to see her hurt and Sam will bring her nothing but pain."

"He seems to think that they are meant to be." He thought that about them too, once, the night he proposed, he tried to make her see they were destined. He'd forgotten that now, like everything else.

"Sam's brain is clearly impaired right now. Before the accident he wasn't even thinking about Quinn like that, now suddenly he has to have her? I'm not buying it."

"Maybe he was thinking those things before and we just didn't know. He did sleep with her," she said pulling herself up on the center island countertop.

Of all the women in the world, he had chosen her. Mercedes understood that Quinn was his friend and he was close to her, but there was always this little part of her that wondered if it were more than that. Maybe Sam turned to Quinn because deep down Sam wanted to be with Quinn. And Quinn certainly didn't turn him away, she was all in for whatever Sam had to offer.

"Sam wanted to be with you. I can't count how many times he told me that."

"Say anything enough times you'll start to believe it. Maybe he was trying to convince himself he wanted me, because he couldn't have Quinn."

"Take your wedding band off," said Puck getting up from his chair to stand in front of her at the counter.

"Why?" she asked looking at him curiously.

"Just give it to me." Mercedes took her rings off and handed her band to Puck. "Do you see that?" he asked pointing to the inscription.

"I know what my ring says Puck. What's your point?"

"It says 'inside my soul'. The night of his bachelor party, Mike and I were with him at the house about to take him out, and a delivery came. It was your rings. He showed us what he had engraved and told us why."

"I know why. I was here when he said that to me. But him feeling like that then, doesn't change the facts about now."

"He felt like you were a part of him, that you understood him like no one else ever had."

Tears stung in her eyes, but she willed them not to fall. "I felt the same way. I still do."

Made for each other, kindred spirits, twin flames through life, so many expressions to say the same thing, Sam just got her, and she got him, practically from the first. She tried to find ways to dispute that fact so many times over the years she'd known him, being soul connected to Sam wasn't doing her any good, and he certainly didn't care, Rachel, a woman that seemed to dislike everything about him, was all he could see. The truth can't be denied, and all of Mercedes' attempts at breaking that cord between her and Sam failed miserably. She was stuck feeling for him, even while he felt nothing for her.

Of course, it all had been lies. Sam had felt things for her the whole time, just as Mercedes had always known. In the end he had admitted it and berated himself for ignoring what was right in front of him. Their break up after she found he had cheated, hadn't changed a thing, the connection was still there, much to her disgust, seemed that nothing would sever it, except maybe Sam himself. Now with his mind blanked in spots, Sam claimed that he felt no such bond, even though when he thought she was just his nurse he spent hours going on about connections and kismet and how it was rare and wonderful to feel so much for a perfect stranger. Finding out she was his wife nipped that quickly in the bud, leaving Mercedes where she was right now, nowhere.

"So why are you so quick to give up on that? After everything the two of you have endured, you were given this gift, this miracle, a second chance. How can you just blow it off?"

"Sam thinks his second chance is with Quinn. They have Beth together and all these memories. I think he may be right Puck. Maybe fate brought him back to her, and not me."

"If you really feel that way, then why give him a party?" asked Puck shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.

"He deserves to be celebrated. I want him to see how much he was missed and how much he is loved. I think he needs that."

"Why do you care what he needs? You just said he has been treating you badly."

"I love him, Puck. I want him happy no matter what."

"You made him happy. He told me you made him happier than he'd ever been. Don't take that from him."

"It's not the same anymore. You don't know what it's like to have the man you love look at you, and clearly see that he wishes you were someone else. He resents me. I know he thinks I am in Quinn's spot somehow. I don't want to make his life hell. If he wants her, he should have her," said Mercedes sniffling and rubbing at her eyes to stop the tears that had started to escape.

Beiste had told her once that sometimes if you truly love someone the best thing you can do is let them go. She had been talking about Sam at the time, trying to get Mercedes to stop selfishly wishing he would break up with Rachel and be with her instead. That lesson seemed so appropriate to her now. Sam wanted to go, and she had to let him leave. How could she claim to love him if she was just holding him down like a rusted anchor?

"Where is the real Mercedes?" he asked rubbing the top of her head lightly. "I watched you wear Sam down for a whole year trying to get his attention."

"And you told me to stop and get over it repeatedly."

Puck pulled her into a hug, planting a kiss on her forehead. "You never listened to me."

"I didn't and look where we ended up. Both of us are hurt and miserable. I can't be the eternal romantic that Kurt wants me to be. I'm no good at denial."

"Kurt wants you stick it out with Sam?" asked Puck as he went over to the cookie jar and took out a chocolate chip cookie.

"He thinks Sam is feeling more than he's letting on."

Kurt was right, Mercedes believed Sam was feeling more too. She could see it sometimes when he looked at her, hear it in his voice, he'd let his fingers linger over hers a bit too long when she'd pass him the salt or hand him his pills. There was something there, maybe something they could build on, but he didn't want that. Quinn was all he desired and Mercedes was just an inconvenient after thought, a remnant of a life he had forgotten, and didn't seem to care if he ever remembered.

Maybe if Beth had been their child, things could have been different, maybe then he'd want to spend time with her and get to know her, they'd have a link, a tie that would make him want to be with her more. But there were no babies between them, their only tie was a love, invisible to the naked eye, incomprehensible to most people they knew, but it had been very real to them. And now it was only real to her.

"But you disagree with that?" he asked before taking a bite of his cookie.

"Sam doesn't want to feel anything for me. Whatever is there he's hell bent on ignoring. I'm not going to force him into feeling something he doesn't want to."

"I'm disappointed in you. I thought you were made of tougher stuff."

"I'm not going to make him be with me Puck. I have my pride. I just need to get through the party and I'll deal with the rest after." Mercedes picked up her phone behind her on the counter, glancing at the screen. "Oh I didn't know it was so late. Finn will be here soon."

Puck raised his eyebrows. "Finn?"

"Finn Hudson is driving me to hear this band in Carmel, the 'Oh Mandees', their late night set. I thought they might be good for the party tomorrow. We're going to check them out and maybe give them an offer they can't refuse."

"I thought Kurt was planning this party with you."

"He had to work, so Finn volunteered to step in and go with me."

"Out of the goodness of his heart?"

"I think he is bored without Sugar. He probably wants something to take his mind off his pain. I know the feeling."

"I'm glad you are getting out and having some fun. Just don't have too much fun," said Puck doing his best impression of her father as he sat back at the table.

"With Finn?" she giggled. "I'm not sure that's possible."

Mercedes wasn't sure what to expect from this excursion with Finn, at least it would be nice to spend some time with someone that actually wanted to be near her. She had seen Finn a few times since their nachos in the kitchen, once on campus, and another time at Scandals. Each time he greeted her with a big goofy grin, and an enthusiastic wave. Their conversations didn't move past superficial, but it had been nice to talk about nothing with someone that didn't despise her, that wasn't blocking her out, denying feelings. Finn was just Finn, open and friendly, always up for a good time. Mercedes could really use good times in her life at the moment, to combat the constant bleakness of her relationship and the monotony of her days. Finn was a change, and sometimes a change was necessary.

"Just be careful. You're in a vulnerable place right now. I don't want you going out and doing anything stupid."

"I'm not interested in Finn. He's not even my type." Mercedes slid down from the counter and grabbed her purse from the desk by the drawer.

"A few drinks and anyone starts looking like the right type."

She'd leave the drunken hooks ups to Sam and Quinn. Sex meant far too much to Mercedes to be done so casually.

"We're not drinking. Just tons of chips and guacamole," she said as she applied some more gloss to her lips while looking into her little gold compact.

"That's who you made that for? For Finn?"

"Well for both of us, for tonight. Finn has been on this nacho kick lately, his way of surviving his breakup. I thought it might be nice to lure him away from congealed cheese and introduce him to a vegetable." She put the compact and the lip gloss back into her purse putting it down on the table. She was all set to go, just needed Finn to hurry up.

"Isn't that sweet. Always taking care of someone aren't you?"

"Guess that's why I'm a nurse. I like to feel useful and needed." Mercedes sat in the chair sideways, crossing her legs.

"So you are adding Finn Hudson to your flock? All of us Evans' and Beiste aren't enough for you?"

"You guys don't need me. Sam would rather be tortured than have me take care of him. My dad is all consumed by work these days. Beiste has Dwight, she's rarely home anymore. Soon Beth won't even need me. Sam will have her full time."

"Sam can't raise Beth without your help."

"He's going to be a great dad Puck. I was just keeping his seat warm. I want him to take over."

Sam was a natural, taking on the role of father with ease. He hadn't spent a whole lot of time with Beth these past weeks, between therapy and running off to secret appointments that were arranged by Figgins, but when he did get the chance to be with Beth he was fully engaged, all in and focused on bonding with his child. It was amazing to watch and Mercedes had done so a few times, peeking at them from behind a door or staying in the shadows of a half darkened room. Sam spoke to Beth as if she were an adult, no baby talk, just honest conversation, about what he wanted for their relationship, their future, about life in general. The past few days Sam had started teaching Beth things, pointing out objects in a room, telling her their names. Beth was going to be such a knowledgeable kindergartener, between Sam's lessons and Kurt's 'Baby Can Read' DVDs, she was destined to be the smartest kid in Lima one day.

"Mercedes, you love that baby. I can't believe you're just going to walk away from Sam and from Beth."

"Sam and Beth are sort of a package deal. If Beth's daddy doesn't want me…"

"Stop," said Puck cutting her off. "I can't hear anymore of this. You're depressing me."

"Sorry my life's angst is stealing your joy."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just don't like what I'm hearing. You and Sam should be working together to get your life back."

"You always thought I should be with Shane anyway."

Everyone did. They feared for her with Sam as if he would consume her and leave her a shell of broken pieces. What they didn't realize was that she wanted him to consume her, to love her so completely that they felt like one solid unit. Mercedes wanted the affection, the passion, the nurturing, she craved his intensity, and found safety in his constant attention. Sam gave her the love she never had growing up, but always longed for. Being with him made her finally feel like she had a place in the world and someone cared she was a part of it. She felt truly complete with him, like she could do anything as long as he was in her corner. It was so much, overwhelming for some, perfect for her.

Puck shook his head in disagreement. "I only wanted you happy. Sam has this habit of breaking hearts. I didn't want you to go through that with him."

"Too late. My heart has been broken for almost a year. Pretty sure it's a permanent condition at this point. I'm just happy I still can feel anything, that I haven't gone completely numb. Pain is better than nothing."

"Don't give up on him yet Cede. Give him a chance to find his way back to you."

"Sam's not even looking for the path. He doesn't want to come back to me. I need to face that," she admitted sadly.

"No you don't. Not yet. It hasn't even been three months. Don't you think your love deserves more time than that?"

"There's no love between us anymore. It's just me holding on to memories."

That probably hurt most of all, all their love had disappeared. It had taken so long to get him to see what they had was real, and now it all was gone, dandelion puffs floating in the wind, carried away to some unknown destination. Where was that secret dwelling for displaced love? Just beyond the rainbow, or on the other side of tomorrow? Mercedes thought so much about things like that now. No longer wishing to regain his heart, but still wanting to visit the spot where the ghost of it rested.

"I think you have enough love inside for the both of you. Hang on to it for him." Puck squeezed her hand that rested on the table.

"Puck why are you saying all of this? I know you're not the biggest fan of me and Sam as a couple. Is it just because you don't want him with Quinn?'

Puck scrunched up his face at the mention of Quinn. "It was something Julian said actually."

"My dad? He hates me being married to Sam."

"I know, but he said something that got to me the other day when we were at the gym. He said how he couldn't understand why you always ended up back with Sam. That every time you were almost free of him something pulled you back in. He said there was this invisible force drawing you both together and not even betrayal, heartbreak, or serious illness, could tear you apart. It drove him crazy that you were so bonded to a man that had hurt you so badly. All that Julian said got me thinking. He was right, you two are bonded together, have been since you first met, as far as I can tell. There's something to that Cede. Doesn't happen every day. You've got to hold on to it. You two have made it through so much, come so far, don't give up now."

"I don't know Puck. He's just so…"

"Sam wouldn't give up on you," said Puck his voice steady. He seemed so certain.

"What makes you so sure of that?"

"He pulled through the coma. He came back."

Mercedes closed her eyes letting the memories of that morning wash over her. "He came back to Quinn and Beth, not to me."

Nightmares disrupted the little sleep she managed to get, new ones, no longer about the crash, but about Sam, dying as her lips touched his, the screams of the alarms in the hospital as he slipped away. He died when she kissed him, and came back with Quinn's touch. There really was nothing more to say on the matter, it was truth, Quinn gave him life, while all Mercedes did was keep him in suspended death. Too much to live with, she had to let him go, so he could be happy with the people he came back for, Beth and Quinn.

"Answer me this. If things were reversed do you think that Sam would walk away from you? Just give up without a fight, without trying everything in his power to help you remember him?"

"I don't know Puck." She was weary of the subject, they kept circling around a constant nothing. Sam didn't want her, what was left to say?

"Mercedes…"

"Sam doesn't give up easily on things he really wants. We are alike in that way."

"See. Do you want Sam?"

"You know I do. But…"

"No buts, can you picture your life without him?" he asked not letting her avoid the question.

"I don't want to."

That was the other problem, there was no hope, but she couldn't fully let go. Sam was with her at every turn, her life had become all about him, and she didn't know how to free herself from that. She was scared to. Who would she be without him? She had found purpose in building a life with him, all of her dreams shaped around their future together. Mercedes wasn't sure where she could find new dreams that would feel as right as the ones she shared with Sam.

"Then you know what you need to do. Trust in that love you two had, believe it can last."

"Okay you're starting to creep me out. You're going all love jones on me."

"Sorry." He smiled. "I'm trying to prove my point."

"Point taken." Outside a horn beeped, making both Puck and Mercedes turn toward the door. "That's my ride," said Mercedes getting up from her chair.

"He can't even come in?" asked Puck with a slight frown.

Mercedes just shook her head and smiled. Puck could be so overprotective. "Sorry dad. We're in a rush."

"Be good Cede," said Puck as she hugged him tightly around the neck.

"Aren't I always?" she asked one hand on the door and the other holding her coat and purse.

"Remember not too much fun." Puck called after her as she left.

Mercedes leaned back against the door, breathing in the cold night air, feeling chilled to her toes, but loving it. At least it was something beyond her pain and self pity. There still were cold crisp nights where the stars were so bright in the sky they seemed within arm's reach. And there was a friend, in a silver 1982 Corvette blasting Hip-hop as he drummed his hands against the steering wheel. From the walkway, Mercedes watched Finn rock out to some generic beat. She smiled, feeling grateful she still could find reasons to do so.

Maybe Puck was on to something when he suggested she hang on a bit longer, to not give up on a love that had always remained, no matter how much her mind clouded with doubts. Perhaps her fleeting hopes just might soar past her once again, begging her to reach up and grab them like the stars shining on her tonight.


	43. Chapter 43

**I haven't had a chance to respond to the recent reviews, it was finals time, but I plan on doing that during winter break. I know this story is an angsty ride...I warned that before...maybe angstier than other Glee fics, but I believe in pushing characters to their limits and exploring how they handle the pressure/pain/stress. A shift will be coming though where those in denial will find clarity, truths will be brought to light, and breaking points will be reached. I am going to post a number of chapters in a row to get us to the end of Tailspin2. Then I will start Tailspin3 right in this thread since they flow directly from each other. I appreciate everyone who is reading and holding on for the ride...I promise there will be a shift in the story soon. T3 is about Sam finding out all the truth about what happened to Beth.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 43<strong>

Slumped down, heads resting together, hands tightly clasped, Sam and Quinn spoke in hushed tones in the backseat of Mike's car. The dark interior, only occasionally invaded by a too bright street light or a passing car, made it seem like they were in their own little world, back in the tent. Her hair fell over his shoulder, smelling of fruit, light and citrusy, it tickled his cheek each time she moved. He wanted to turn and bury himself in it, lose himself in the golden, thick softness, let it cover him completely. Instead he exercised restraint, only shifting his head slightly to let even more of her hair permeate his space.

"I can't get used to your hair this short," she said reaching up and touching his cropped dirty blonde hair. He hadn't even realized she was looking at him, so lost in her closeness.

"I can't get used to it either. I don't think I had it this short since the Army." He paused frowning a bit. "Did I have it this short before, during the time I can't remember?"

"No," Quinn said as she held his hand tighter. "You had started to let it grow. I miss it. I liked the way it fell in your face."

"I'll let it grow again," he caught her eyes and remained, captured by the intense green. "For you," he said when he finally spoke again. "I'll let it grow for you."

"Well only if you want to." She looked down at her lap, a smile on her face. "Don't do it if you don't like it that way."

"Did you play in it?"

"What?" she asked with a confused chuckle.

"My hair. Did you like to play in it? Is that why you liked it long?"

"Oh." She sat up abruptly, letting go of his hand.

"What's wrong?" asked Sam still staring down at his hand she just left empty. He could still feel her soft skin on his like a phantom of her touch.

"Nothing," she shook her head, causing her hair flutter around him, a halo of Quinn. This time he touched it, giving up his battle for control.

He smoothed his hands down the sides of her head, letting his hands follow the long trail of her silky hair. "Just tell me."

"Your wife, used to play in it," she said quickly averting her eyes.

"Mercedes?" His mind flashed to the hospital, his head on Mercedes' shoulder, her hands stroking his hair.

"Yeah. I've seen her do it a number of times, while you were in the coma, and before." Quinn looked uncomfortable, as if she'd jump out the car now if she could.

"She's the one that cut it," he said not letting the subject drop as he should have, that vision of Mercedes still lingering in his head.

"I think she probably had to. It had gotten so long, past your shoulders."

"What are you two whispering about back there?" asked Mike loudly from the driver's seat.

"Just catching up," Sam said casually.

"You two are being rude. Kali and I can't hear your conversation."

"Just leave them alone Mike," said Kali from next to him in the passenger seat.

"No way. My brother drags me all the way up here, on some desperate mission to see Quinn, then surprises me with a refugee to take back to Lima."

"I didn't know exactly how things would go once we got here, that's why I didn't tell you that Quinn might be coming back with us," said Sam.

When they first left Lima Sam hadn't been sure if he could do it, take his father's offer in exchange for Quinn's freedom. He had still been working out alternative possibilities in his head but seeing her in that place, looking so lost and sad, Sam knew there were no other options. He had to get her out tonight. He'd just have to continue planning ways to help Quinn while pretending to be going along with his father.

"A little head's up would've been appreciated. I don't like feeling in the dark or blindsided. You can understand that right Quinn?" asked Mike.

"Yeah," said Quinn coldly. Sam noticed a flash of something dark cross her face, something like anger.

"What's wrong?" Sam whispered in her ear. If Mike was making her uncomfortable, Sam wanted to know so he could shut his brother up.

"I'm not sure this was such a good idea. Have you really thought this through?" asked Quinn in a lowered voice.

All he did was think these days, about his past, about his future, about the really uncertain present, but one sure thing never changed. Quinn had to come home.

"What's not a good idea? Bringing you home?"

He wanted to make a joke of it all, because he couldn't believe how serious Quinn had suddenly become. Sam thought bringing her back to Lima, to Beth, would make her happy. Instead a dark cloud seemed to have settled over her. Maybe he had been wrong in his assumptions, and Quinn really wasn't ready to leave the hospital.

"I don't really have a home Sam," said Quinn staring down at her lap.

"Yes you do," he said lifting her chin and turning her face toward him. "Your home is wherever Beth and I are."

A small smile spread on her face and the color of her eyes seemed to intensify as she continued to stare at him, searching his face for some unknown truth, for something to hold on to. Sam let his hand fall from her chin to pick up her hand, once again enclosing it with his own.

"Aww that's sweet," said Mike in an almost sing-song voice.

"Shut up Mike," warned Sam mildly irritated. His brother was disrupting the wonderful peace he and Quinn had found in the backseat.

"The car is only so big, if you wanted absolute privacy you should've asked your driver to bring you up here. Now there's a question. Why didn't you ask your driver?"

"Daley was otherwise engaged."

"Busy manhandling another doctor somewhere?" Kali asked.

Mike snickered at Kali's comment. Sam was not amused.

"Kali, you know why I did what I did," Sam reminded her.

"I do. Next time you make an appointment like everyone else."

Sam didn't need to see Kali's face to know the expression he'd find there. The woman had a persistent case of bad attitude.

"There won't be a next time. Still fired remember?" Best decision he'd made to date, kicking Kali to the curb. He didn't need to pay someone to judge and abuse him. He got that free of charge from his parents.

"You fired her?" asked Quinn, looking at him in surprise.

"We weren't a good fit," said Sam.

"But don't you still need to see someone, about your memory?" Quinn asked sounding very concerned.

"I'm just taking it as it comes. Today was all about coming to get you."

His memory problems didn't seem like such a big deal when he examined the rest of his life. Sam had an infant to care for, and Quinn needed him to help her get back on her feet. Those two things took precedence over a few forgotten years. He remembered what was important, Quinn, Beth, his family. Everything else could wait.

"He means forcing me to come and get you," said Mike from the front seat.

"Mike what's with the attitude?" asked Sam detecting the nasty clip that had been in his brother's tone since they had left the hospital.

"I want to know why you needed me for this trip?"

"I needed you to drive. I'm not cleared to drive a car yet." Sam technically wasn't even cleared to walk without a cane. If his doctors had their way he'd still be on bed rest.

"And Daley?"

"Damn Mike. What's your point? He couldn't come up here, if Mercedes had to work and she would need him." What was with the interrogation?

"Oh so the driver was being used by your wife," said Mike, emphasizing the word 'wife'. "Did you hear that Quinn? His wife needed to get to work, so he left her the car and driver."

"I can hear just fine Mike. He's sitting right next to me," Quinn replied sharply.

Sam was a bit surprised by the tone of Quinn's response. She must be getting as annoyed by Mike as he was.

"Just making sure you understand," added Mike.

"Okay, so how about some music?" Kali switched on the radio and started searching for a station.

"Mike what's going on? Why are you making such a big deal about my driver?"

"I'm just making things clear. Quinn's been away for a bit, she might have forgotten the lay of the land. Like Daley is the driver now, since Tonio left."

"I remember Tonio moved to Florida, Mike thank you," said Quinn curtly.

"I don't even know Tonio, but thanks for the update. What happened to Raul?" asked Sam.

"Promotion I think, something at D&E," said Mike.

"I'll have to check with dad. Anything else you want to share with us. I've been away for awhile too, not just Quinn."

It had been days since he even thought about D&E, the stuff with Quinn consuming much of his time, but soon he wanted to get on top of that and find out just what changed while he was away. Most importantly he wanted to find out how he seemed to have gone from CEO of D&E to a consultant. Nothing made less sense than that.

"Very true. Nine months is a stretch, even longer if you count those years you've blocked. You've missed some real doozies. Didn't he Quinn? They'd blow his mind right?" Mike laughed but it sounded fake, like it was a cover for something darker.

"How do we feel about country?" asked Kali. "Nothing is coming in clear."

"If I had known I was going for such a long ride this evening I would've come prepared, brought my Ipod. I've got the best of Willie Nelson on there Kali, you would've loved it."

"Wow. Really?" Kali asked Mike, amusement in her voice.

"Don't like Willie? He's a pure storyteller." Mike started humming a few notes of some random tune. Sam assumed it was by Willie Nelson.

Sam tried to focus on the conversation between Mike and Kali so he could ignore the fact that Quinn had dropped his hand and moved away from him, practically hugging the door on her side.

"Remember that time Quinn, when you sang 'Always On My Mind' at that karaoke bar in Vegas?" asked Mike.

"You guys were in Vegas together?" Sam asked Quinn.

She squirmed uncomfortably, twisting her fingers one by one. "See what had happened…"

"Sam Evans. I didn't know you were a Beyonce fan," said Kali loudly from the front seat, drawing his attention away from Quinn.

"Huh? Oh, well," he stammered not sure he wanted to cop to this particular truth. "Mike did you just tell her that?"

"Yep. She was ragging on me about Willie, I had to let her know you were far worse."

"I don't mind Beyonce," said Kali. "She's got some good dance moves."

"I think she's hot." He looked over at Quinn to see how she would respond to that, but she wasn't looking his direction, her head turned away, as she stared out her window.

"Sam does seem to have a thing for women with thick lower halves," commented Mike.

"Since when?" asked Sam snapping his focus back to Mike.

"Do you like Rihanna too Sam?" asked Kali. "She and Beyonce have similar shapes."

"Why are we even talking about this?" Quinn said finally speaking up.

"He said Beyonce was hot, I was just commenting how she fits his type. Wouldn't you agree Quinn? Still bouncing quarters off your ass?"

Mike did his fake laughing thing again, unnerving Sam even more. There was this strange subtext permeating everything Mike said, like some inside joke that Sam was supposed to get, only he didn't know the punch line. Something was going on and he had no idea what it could be.

"I don't have a type. Let's talk about your type Mike. Brunette, mouthy, with a tendency for emotional displays. Sound about right?" If he wanted to start on him about women, Sam had just as much ammo to throw back at his brother.

"I can't say I have a type either. I think the only thing all my girlfriends had in common was a problem with being faithful."

Sam watched Quinn fold herself into the seat, pulling her legs up under her, crossing her arms over her chest, her hair falling over her face, hiding its features from his view.

"They all were brunette though."

"Not all of them."

"Santana, Bree, Tina who's not a brunette?" asked Sam.

"You dated Santana? I didn't know that," said Kali.

Mike nodded. "Briefly. I try to forget it ever happened. Actually I'm not really interested in reliving any of my four relationships right now."

"Four? Don't tell me you and Tina got back together again."

Not that it would be a complete shock, Mike and Tina were always in and out of love, or pretending to be. Sam suspected that Mike and Tina felt more than they let on. Other people didn't really change who they were to each other. It was how Sam hoped things were between him and Quinn.

"Not quite, but why sound so surprised. How many times did mom try to marry your dad?"

"Don't remind me. That was the running theme of my childhood, when will dad make an honest woman of mom, and what means of blackmail would she use to make that happen?" Sam tried to think if there ever was a time when he had seen his parents happy and committed, his biggest wish as a kid. Nothing came to mind. His parents seemed to get along best when they weren't together. He guessed for some friendship was a better fit than romance.

"Isn't it funny how her last attempt at marrying him was almost the one that stuck?" asked Mike with a hint of laughter.

"Last attempt?" Sam was confused. He had been told his parents weren't back together. Had that somehow reunited in the time he had lost?

"Oh," said Mike sounding like he just stepped into something really bad.

"Mike!" hissed Kalina. "What did I say about enclosed spaces?"

"It just slipped."

"What are you not telling me about mom?" asked Sam, his heart starting to pound.

Mike let out a big breath. "Here it goes..."

"Mike don't," said Quinn kicking his seat.

"I'm telling my brother the truth, so you two can just stop."

"What truth?" The dread was rising inside Sam, especially as he watched Quinn grow more uncomfortable.

"Mom almost remarried your dad," Mike said quickly.

"Really? After all these years?" He knew his mom had always wanted to be with his father, but things kept going wrong for them. Maybe they had finally gotten it right. "So you said almost. What happened that they aren't still together now?"

"Maybe I shouldn't be getting into this with you now."

"Don't play games with me. Just say it." Sam was completely annoyed now. Why couldn't anyone just play it straight with him? He had to jump through hoops to ever find out anything.

"It was a set up."

"What was a set up?"

"The whole mom marrying your dad thing. She was using him to get access to D&E corporate secrets. She led him on for months, got him to fall in love with her again."

"My dad would never allow himself to be played like that. You must have it all wrong. Mike are you high? Did you fall off the wagon?"

"Uh not this week. I'm completely sober and completely serious. Our mother double crossed your father and got away with it. She got her hands on sensitive documents, bought up tons of D&E stock. She wanted to get control of your father's company."

In the rearview mirror, Sam caught Mike's eyes, what he saw was unmistakable, his brother was telling the truth. Their mom had tried to steal D&E.

"Why the hell would she do something like that? D&E is my company just as much as my dad's. Did something happen that she needed money? Was she being blackmailed?" Had to be some sort of manipulation, his mother would never do anything that would deliberately hurt him.

"Um, well, you need to ask her about all that. You would know better than I would, well you used to know better before. You were the one that exposed her scheme right in the middle of their wedding," said Mike.

"After all the things my dad has done for her, he gave her the funds to start her own company, why would she go after him like that?" Sam ran his hands through his hair roughly, filled with disbelief and disgust. How could his mom have sunk so low?

"Again you need to talk to her. But hey, at least you're taking it better this go around. First time you found out, you sort of lost it."

"Trust me I'm starting to lose it now. Just thinking about mom betraying my dad like that makes me ill."

"Those were hard times for you back then, caught in the middle of your dad and mom. I was glad you had a good friend to support you through all of that. Wasn't Mercedes a godsend for Sam back then Quinn? She was the only one that managed to help him cope. Right Quinn?"

"Yeah," Quinn mumbled from behind a curtain of hair. She was so far away from him now, she might as well have been outside the car.

"Now that Sam knows the truth about that, I think we should just relax for a bit, listen to music. We don't need any more big reveals tonight, especially not in the car," said Kali.

"How long ago did all this happen?" asked Sam not quite ready to let it go.

"Not too long, I would say a year and a half. It all came to a head before your wedding. You and mom were barely on speaking terms. It was pretty priceless at your wedding ceremony, mom and Dwight sitting next to each other, trying not to claw each others eyes out."

"Sounds like good times," he groaned, picturing the awful scene.

"And it only got better. I was your best man, your ex-fiancé was a bridesmaid, Mercedes was like an hour late. It was an eventful day. At least you and I managed to stay civil Quinn. That was a good thing right?"

"Yeah." Quinn answered quietly.

Sam wondered what happened between Mike and Quinn that they had to try to be civil. There clearly was something more going on than he realized. He was starting to think Mike had joined their mother in the Quinn hater camp, he was being so harsh toward her.

"Wow the memories. You'll have to show Sam his wedding video one day," said Kali. "I'm sure it was a lovely ceremony, but now I really must insist we change the subject. Quinn and Sam need time to adjust to the here and now, and not look back at the past tonight."

"What was mom's almost wedding like? Were you there?" Sam imagined shotguns and armed goons nudging his father down the aisle. He felt like he could be sick.

"Hell no!" Mike said hitting the steering wheel with his fist. "Mom's lucky I even speak to her still. That woman was out of control."

"So you just sat back and let her con my dad? You didn't try to stop her."

"She's a grown woman. When have I ever been able to convince mom of anything? Besides, she had you coming after her. You took care of it."

"Mom never said anything to me. All the times she's been to see me since I woke up not a word."

Everyone had called her Mrs. Evans, Sam had just figured the hospital staff assumed his parents were married. Now it dawned on him that the Mrs. Evans they were referring to was not his mom, but his wife. Mercedes was Mrs. Evans. His head was starting to spin. He looked over at Quinn hoping to find some comfort from her, but she was turned away, still staring out her window. She probably was just as disgusted by this all of this talk as he was.

"You had pretty much disowned her at one point. I doubt she wanted to risk your wrath again so soon."

"All of this is making my head hurt. I can't believe my mother would do such a thing. She taught us better."

"I think this is exactly something your mom would do," said Quinn, almost under her breath.

"What? Why would you say that?" asked Sam looking at her. "My mother might be ruthless in the boardroom but she would never take it to a personal level and hurt someone she loved. She would never plot against family."

Quinn stared down at her lap. "Your mom didn't seem to mind when she was sabotaging my career, but then again I wasn't family so I guess that made it okay."

"Quinn, I am really going to recommend that you depart this subject now," warned Kali, turning around in her seat to look at Quinn.

"Right. Sorry. I didn't mean anything Sam. You know your mom and I have always had our issues." Quinn quickly patted his knee.

"I know that my mom can be a bit overbearing, but she's just protective. Her heart's in the right place."

His mother had a bad rep, but no one knew her like he did. They couldn't see her heart that she hid under her hardened exterior. His mom was cold and calculating to make it in the male dominated business world and to protect her family from harm, but she wasn't a bad person, not like everyone thought. The very idea that she would try to raid D&E was unbelievable.

Quinn smiled as she rubbed Sam's cheek. "Sue's lucky to have such a loving and loyal son. I hope Beth loves me that much one day."

"How could she not? You're her mom." Sam took her hand that was still on his face and placed a soft kiss on her palm.

"Parental relationships can be complicated. You never know how things will turn out."

Sam could see Quinn's eyes shining with tears even the near darkness of the car. She was retreating somewhere dark, probably thinking about all that had happened with Beth.

"I know. Beth is going to grow up adoring you." He tried to reassure her. "She'll have the most kind, loving, beautiful and talented mother in the world."

She shook her head attempting to dispute his words. Sam lifted her head, hand on each side of her face, making her look at him. Sam smiled hoping he could get her to give him one in return. His beautiful Quinn, usually so full of light and love was now dimmed just a dull glow where her fire used to be. Sam wanted to give her that fire back, to restore her spirit, to make her shine again. He was sure he could do it, being locked away had started to take its toll, but Sam knew he could love her through the darkness.

"You guys are doing that whispery thing again. How am I supposed to listen and comment if you keep doing that?" asked Mike loudly breaking the spell from the front seat.

"What's going on with you and Mike?" Sam asked Quinn lowering his voice even more. Quinn looked miserable every time Mike spoke.

"I don't know what you mean," replied Quinn moving away from him again.

Sam stopped her retreat, grasping her by the shoulders and turning her back to face him. "The weirdness. I feel like I am missing something. Is there something I should know?"

"Yeah there is," she said her voice cracking. "I just don't know if I should get into it now." Quinn's eyes darted about the car nervously, looking everywhere but at him.

"I'm stronger than I look. I can take it," he said lightly.

"I'm not sure I can. There's just so much Sam." She finally looked at him, her eyes filled with unshed tears. Sam's heart clinched. She almost seemed scared, her lips were trembling and she kept folding and unfolding her hands in her lap.

"You know what? Let's just drop it for now. We've got plenty of time right? I just want to focus on us tonight. How's that sound?" His suggestion was more for himself than her. Sam couldn't take much more of Quinn looking so pained.

"That sounds perfect." She smiled relaxing slightly.

Forgetting where they were, blocking it all out, the streetlights dimmed and the backseat became their own little enclave, just the two of them. He let his forehead fall onto hers, gently touching, only the sounds of their breathing echoing in his ears.

"I've missed you so much Quinn," he whispered staring into her face. Her eyes were closed, dark lashes fringing her upper cheeks, and those perfect lips curved into a smile. Sam could no longer resist. "Come here," he said putting his hand behind her neck and pulling her closer. His eyes slid half closed, small slits of light beneath his lashes as his lips brushed hers, tentatively at first giving her a chance to back away, though Sam prayed she wouldn't. And she didn't.

Opening her mouth slightly, a subtle invitation for Sam to do what he had wanted since the moment he had saw her at the hospital, before then. Their lips met, and Sam let himself get lost in the sweetness of her mouth, familiar and new all at once. He kissed her, deeper, closer, fists full of her long hair, swallowing her moans as she raked her nails up and down the back of his neck.

"I missed you too," she said against his lips when they finally broke for air, the vibration from her words tickling him.

"We don't have to miss each other anymore." He kissed her softly again, his lips fully capturing hers. "We're together."

"Yeah." She grinned pulling away from him a bit. "Finally."

So light, her lips ghosted over his, the warmth of her breath the strongest sensation between them. A smile so real he felt it in his stomach, she was with him, touching him, letting him kiss her. His lips curved up in anticipation of what was to come, she was right there waiting, holding steady for his next move, right where he wanted her, so close but barely touching. Then she bridged the gap, pressing her lips against his, pulling him closer as her hands clasped around his neck, his hands folded into her hair, their bodies straining against the seatbelts. Suddenly her lips weren't enough, he needed more, wanted more of her. Sam swept his tongue across her lips lightly, testing and teasing, with a low moan Quinn opened her mouth, drawing him in, urging him to kiss her harder and deeper. And he did, tilting his head to the side to gain better access.

A pair of hands on his shoulders, dragging him back out of the car, barely giving him a chance to unhook his seatbelt, Sam looked up and saw his brother behind him. "Mike what's your problem?"

Sam hadn't even realized the car had stopped. He looked around to see they were parked in an empty parking lot of a strip mall.

"You're really going to ask that? Quinn is in my backseat," said Mike gesturing toward the car door he had just slammed shut.

Sam raised his shoulders in question. "And?"

"You just sprung that on me, no warning, no notice. You made me your accomplice."

"Accomplice? You act like it is some crime I'm committing. I told you what my dad set up." Mike was being an ass for no reason. He knew what they were up against with his dad.

"Yes you did, after we got to the hospital. A little advanced warning would've been appreciated, before I made this drive."

"I thought you said you were on my side."

"I am on your side, but I'm not going to sit back and watch you cheat on your wife."

"Then don't look," said Sam raising his voice.

"You're in my car!" Mike yelled.

"I'm not cheating," Sam said trying to take things down a notch.

"How would Mercedes feel about you kissing another woman?" asked Mike, lowering his voice so they wouldn't be overheard.

Sam slumped against the trunk of the car. "I don't feel married to her. I'm not trying to hurt her, but things have changed."

He couldn't let his pre-existing condition, this marriage, ruin his future. Sam didn't like that Mercedes would be hurt but he had to take his shot with Quinn. Life was way too short to waste, and as much as he hated that Mercedes was stuck in the middle of this, he had to take this chance with Quinn.

"Pretty convenient, don't you think? You're using your amnesia as an excuse to cheat."

"Damn Mike can you stop saying I'm cheating? Quinn and I are just catching up. Old friends." Despite that kiss, that really amazing kiss in the back of the car, Sam still had no clue where things stood for him and Quinn. Their friendship was intact, that was all he could confirm at this point.

"I saw tongue."

"Mike!"

"How are you going to keep up this deal for 9 months when you can't even keep your hands off Quinn for one three hour car ride? You are so screwed man."

"I know how fucked I am. Trust me, that's all I think about lately, but Quinn and I are finally able to see each other, after all this time. I know if we just had some time alone to talk all this extra stuff with Mercedes would just disappear."

Mike raised an eyebrow. "What extra stuff with Mercedes?"

"It's nothing. I just got confused at the hospital, but now that Quinn's here, everything it is clear."

"You do realize that's bullshit right?" asked Mike. "You're not clear about a damn thing."

"Mike I'm being real. It's supposed to be me and Quinn." With an open palm Mike slapped Sam across the back of his head, leaving his scalp stinging from the blow. "What the hell was that for?" Sam asked rubbing his head.

"Shut your mouth for once and listen. You're being a dick right now."

"What did I do?"

"I said shut the hell up Sam. I don't want to hear another word about Quinn and your damn spiritual endless love until I'm done." Sam opened his mouth to speak but closed it when he saw the dangerous look Mike shot his way. "You do not want Quinn. I don't care about your memory issues or your recovery from a coma. You didn't want her before you accident and you don't want her now."

"If this is about Mercedes then...Ow!" Sam yelled after Mike slapped the back of his head again.

"What the fuck Sam. Don't make me beat your ass in this street. And you know I will. I've done it before. Not another damn word until I'm done and yes I'm about to bring up Mercedes because she's what all of this about. The accident, the coma, your memory stuff too I bet, ever since the day that girl showed up in Lima, she's fucked you up. In the beginning you were all pretending to be a hero trying to give a down on her luck teen a job. Nevermind that she had no work experience in an office environment, somehow she was qualified to be your personal assistant. Trust me we all saw through that move. You just wanted to find a way to keep your underage obsession close. If Mercedes were older you would have been all over her from day one."

"What about Rachel?" Sam dared to ask, leaning out of Mike's reach.

"What about Rachel? You were dating her, didn't change the fact you wanted Mercedes though. I remember that time I came up to the D&E offices, we were supposed to go shoot some hoops over an extended lunch, and I caught the two of you together."

"Me and who?"

"Mercedes. Keep up Sam. You were in your office and had her up against your desk, tongue halfway down her throat. Definitely not appropriate workplace behavior." Mike shook his head, laughing lightly. "Rachel certainly didn't appreciate it when she found out. I still don't know what you had to do to convince her to stick with your ass."

"OK so back then I wanted her. What does that have to do with now? Things have changed."

"Nothing has changed man. You are still the same horny dick that lowkey wants your underage piece of ass. She may be twenty now and your wife, but you're trying to make her your dirty little secret all over again, only this time you're using Quinn as your front instead of Rachel."

"None of this makes sense to me. I get I might have done that in the past, but now I am only about Quinn."

"Did you know that you keep rubbing your chest periodically? Right in the spot where your wedding band is hanging. And before we got Quinn, you actually pulled the chain out of your shirt and held the ring in your hands from time to time. So don't come at me with some bullshit about things having changed. You want that girl, but you're bound and determined to not let it happen. History is repeating little brother, and this time I hate to break it to you but, things aren't going to turn out so good. Mercedes is going to leave for real this time."

Sam sighed. Everyone in his life was so convinced he was meant to be with Mercedes. But what if life had been altered when his car crashed? What if this was now the way things were meant to be. "I just want to spend some time with her. It feels like forever since I've seen Quinn. We just need this one night to work things out. Tomorrow I will face the music and try to live with the choices I made. Just give us tonight."

Pleading wasn't his style. Sam made deals, demands, threats, but for Quinn he wasn't too proud to beg. He had to figure things out with her and he didn't need Mike or anyone else standing in the way of that.

Mike bowed his head and slumped his shoulders, clearly disappointed in Sam. "I'm out of it. Just stop doing it in my car. I can't witness that stuff. If Mercedes asks me anything I can't lie to her. She's been through too much with you for that," said Mike relenting.

"Can you please not mention any of this to Mercedes? The last thing I need is for her to get pissed and leave me. Quinn would be screwed. My dad would have her locked up so fast. I just need some more time." Quinn trapped in that place again was the last thing he wanted. He'd take Beth and Quinn out of the country before he would let that happen. A life on the run was better than Quinn enduring that cold hospital again.

"Like I said, I got your back, but you better think this through, you've got the feelings of two women in your hands."

"I know you're right and I will be thinking about it all, but Mike you don't understand how this feels. I woke up hearing her voice, in my mind she's the brightest, most vivid thing, then I find out we have a child. I just need to be with her, hold her, talk to her, she feels like everything to me Mike."

Sam was starting to get choked up just talking about it. He had never felt so strongly about anything or anyone in his life. That had to account for something, had to be a sign this was meant to be.

"Sounds intense," Mike said watching him intently.

"It is, for both of us. She can feel it too, I'm sure of it."

"Can't ignore something like that. Right or wrong," said Mike as he took a seat on top of the trunk next to where Sam was leaning.

"No I can't," Sam said softly, looking down at his shoes.

"I'm going to give you a gift, an early birthday present."

"Bringing me up here was enough. I really appreciate it."

"I'm going to give you something better. One night."

"One night?" asked Sam.

"One night alone with Quinn. You deserve at least that before the world comes crashing in."

"You'd do that for us?"

"For you. I'm doing it for you. If Quinn is who you need right now, I'm not getting in the way of that. I'm on your side." He put his hand on Sam's shoulder, squeezing it lightly. "Always brother. But remember to use your head Sam, and I'm not talking about the one in your pants."

Sam smiled at his brother. "I'll remember. Thanks Mike. I don't know what to say. If there's any way I can return the favor, please let me know."

"Glad you mentioned that. I do have something in mind," said Mike grinning as he jumped down from his seat on the trunk of the car to stand in front of Sam.

"What's that?"

"How about putting in a good word for me with Kali? She's pretty cute."


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

"So is this okay?" asked Sam running his hands down Quinn's back, letting his fingers fall through her hair with each pass. "I had planned to take you to my suite at the Beacon."

"Oh yeah?" she asked, sort of mocking his shyness. It was cute that he seemed a little nervous.

"No, I mean, not like that. Just you, alone, so you'd have someplace to stay," he stammered, clearly flustered. Quinn squeezed her arms around his waist to calm him. He relaxed into her, letting his body touch her completely. "I sort of sprung this whole leaving the hospital thing on you."

"It was a big surprise. Did I say thank you yet?" Quinn asked feeling suddenly warmed by their closeness.

"About fifty times," he laughed.

"Well here's fifty-one," she said kissing him on the cheek, her hand caressing the side of his face.

"I'm truly enjoying your gratitude." He smiled as he pulled away. "But you didn't answer me. Are you okay with us staying here tonight, together?"

"Yes," she said looking down shyly. "I want to be alone with you."

"Good." His voice cracked "I want to be alone with you too," he said clearing his throat. "Mike is still over there booking our room and Kali has been bugging me to come talk to her, so you think you'll be okay by yourself for a few minutes? I won't be long."

"I'll be fine. Stop worrying."

Sam hadn't let go of her since they left the car, his hand always somewhere on her body. Quinn loved it, made her feel safe and protected, which she needed tonight. Being free was a little disconcerting. Sounds were louder, lights too bright, she felt off balance. Sam was like a rock, holding her steady.

"I can't help it. I feel like if I let you out of my sight you might disappear."

"I'm here. For good," she said resting her head on his chest. He placed a kiss on her forehead, as she hugged him close. It felt so nice being in his arms again.

"I'll be right back," Sam said backing toward the door, still holding her hand, only dropping it when their arms could stretch no further.

Quinn watched Sam's retreating form as he exited out of the lobby doors of the hotel, a smile lingering on her face. The night had been a whirlwind, one moment she was stressing out about seeing Sam with Iley, the next she was holding his hand in the visiting room, and now she was kissing him in the middle of a hotel lobby, free from the hospital. Her head was spinning from the rush of happiness that suddenly fell into her life. It was just like Sam to bulldoze back into her world, filling it with smiles, and hope, and kisses. Oh those kisses, she could barely believe he had kissed her like that, in Mike's car no less. Quinn had been having recurring dreams about Sam, her subconscious exploring all the physical ways they could be together, but never did she truly think it could happen for real. Yet here she was standing in the lobby of a Holiday Inn in middle of nowhere Ohio, with her lips still stinging from the intensity of their kisses.

Caught up in him, that's how it had felt to Quinn, in the car. She had been so uncomfortable trying not to react to Mike's passive aggressive attacks, and Sam's questions, she had almost wished she were back in the hospital. She could have been in her bed, giggly with Iley, and safely dreaming of being with Beth and Sam again. Reality was a bit too painful with Mike in the driver's seat holding the power to crush them in his hands. Just when she thought she might break, unable to take any more of it all, Sam had made it all right, sensing her distress and helping her relax. Sitting so close to him was a sort of peace on its own, just knowing he was alive and able to be near her again, filled Quinn with relief. But when he had kissed her all that peace left her body, and a heat rose within her as she was drawn toward him. There was only the two of them, drifting on some unknown plane, far from the awkwardness of the car, it was just them.

Something was still there, between them, something Quinn had feared was lost. It hadn't felt the same, the night they conceived Beth, they had made love but it wasn't about being with each other, not really. He had kissed her intensely that night, he couldn't get close enough, quick enough, everything was at a fevered pace. Not a rush from passion or excitement, but a rush to find anything to help him feel better, to forget. Quinn had found herself wanting nothing more that night than to be there anyway he needed. It had been so long since Sam had come to her wanting anything that felt this important. Sure their friendship had deepened that year and he had confided in her about his feelings about Mercedes and frequently even asked for her advice, but really anyone could have filled that role in his life, but that night when he showed up at the door already reeking of liquor asking for Puck but reaching for her, Quinn couldn't stop herself from crossing the line with him. Once she was as drunk as he was, all her walls came down and for that moment in town she allowed herself to take what she had been secretly wanting with him, She to live in that moment with Sam, to be his comfort, his shoulder, his one. Quinn wanted to be held and cherished by a man that had cared for her so long, and Sam just seemed like he wanted to find a way to purge the image of Mercedes and Shane from his mind, with her because she was there, but it could have been anyone. At least that was how it had felt at the time, as he urged her not to talk after they had made love, almost like he didn't want to be reminded that the woman he had just slept with wasn't his wife.

Quinn shook herself from those memories, coming back to the present. Things were so different now. Sam wanted her, he hadn't said anything specifically, but it was in his every action. He had come for her, saved her from the hospital, just as he had told Artie he would, and now he was coming for her heart. Quinn could feel it, and the idea of that made her tingle all over.

Mike was over at the front desk still dealing with the staff, and Quinn hoped he took his time, she didn't look forward to being alone with him. She hoped Sam would make it back before he was done. Quinn had been surprised Mike hadn't said more in the car, although the things he did manage to slip out were damaging enough, but it could have been far worse. Mike was holding his tongue for some reason, but Quinn knew it wasn't for her benefit, he must be doing it to protect Sam. That was the one thing they all had in common, Mercedes, Mike, Dwight, even Sue, none of them wanted to hurt Sam.

Quinn reached in the pocket of her white sweat jacket and pulled out the photo of Beth and Sam. She smiled as she looked at the two of them, Sam smiling into the camera, Beth on his lap, her big green eyes shining.

"That's a nice one," said Mike coming up from behind her.

"Thanks," said Quinn still staring at the photo.

"Did Sam give you that tonight?" he asked as he leaned his shoulder against the wall next to her.

"Yep, said they took it over the weekend." Quinn smiled again imagining Sam taking care of Beth, her little family united.

"Wonder who had the camera?" asked Mike disturbing her sweet thoughts. "Mercedes probably."

Quinn made a face in annoyance. Mike was only bringing Mercedes up to goad her, as he had been in the car all night.

"Actually he told me it was his nurse. I can't remember his name."

"Marcel. Cede must have been at work. I don't know how that girl does it, taking care of Sam, taking care of Beth, working fulltime."

Mike was laying on the admiration pretty thick, many women did what Mercedes had been doing every day, even his own mother used to be one of them. He was just trying to rattle her, make her feel insecure in the wake of Mercedes' seemingly perfect life. So Mercedes had a job, her doctor father probably hooked her up and that's how she breezed through school at record pace. Custody of Beth was temporary. It had only been a few months, Mike was acting like Mercedes had raised Beth on her own for ten years. Sam was back now anyway to nip that in the bud. Sam would be the one raising their baby now, until she could step back in.

"Sam doesn't need to be taken care of. He looks much better to me." He looked good, really good, color in his cheeks, sparkle in his eyes, besides being a little thinner, he was must like his old self.

Mike shook his head. "He's pushing himself, rushing things. He needs more help than he's letting on. Interesting how you didn't dispute that Mercedes was taking care of Beth though. I guess there is nothing to counter that fact. You haven't taken care of that girl since you gave birth."

Quinn had been waiting for this all night, the real punches, Mike had been jabbing her before, but now that they were alone, playtime was over.

"Sam is back now to look after her until I am able to again," she said putting the photo back in her pocket, squaring off for the attack.

"How long will that be Quinn? Beth will probably be in kindergarten by the time you're ready to be a mother." Mike's voice was heavy with disgust, his face serious, his mouth in a thin tight line.

"That's not true. I'm doing much better already. The judge wouldn't have let me out if I weren't." Quinn could feel herself slowly turning back into her old self again, each day feeling more ready to regain her life.

"You think the judge wanted this?" Mike asked with bitter amusement. "Stop playing stupid, I know you're smarter than that."

"Sam might have pulled strings but the judge wouldn't have gone along with it if he weren't sure in the first place. I never would have been sent here if it weren't for Dwight."

How had Sam managed to get her released? She figured he had convinced the judge to go back to his initial ruling to let her go free, the one he had made before Dwight interfered. Mike's insinuations that something more had happened were probably just bluffs, but she would be sure to ask Sam details later.

"Probably right. You always manage to get off unscathed. Will you ever have to pay for your crimes?" asked Mike as he walked over and sat on a chair in the center of the lobby.

"I'll pay at the same time you do," said Quinn rushing to follow him. "Don't sit here and judge me when you were ready to destroy me just because I cheated on you." She had said that louder than she'd intended and a few heads turned to look at them.

"Crime of passion caused by a broken heart," Mike said in a rasped whisper. "I bet I would have gotten off easier for that than for what you did, leaving a defenseless baby out in the cold."

She sat on the couch across from him, leaning forward, elbows on her knees. "I was distraught, I wasn't thinking straight."

It was like she was trying to explain to Sam earlier, back then it felt like she was watching herself do those horrible things from outside her body. It didn't feel like her, now that things were clearer in her mind, she was horrified, no way would she ever think of hurting her baby.

"Neither was I!" He yelled, ignoring the stares. "You don't even care do you? I loved you and wanted to spend my life with you and you walked away like nothing."

"I did care Mike but…"

"But you couldn't keep your legs closed when a better offer came around."

"I'm not having this conversation with you. What's the point? It's always the same."

After all this time Mike was hurt. Quinn didn't know what to say, she had been wrong to get so deep with Mike in the first place. In her heart she had always known he wasn't the one for her, but she had just needed someone safe and sweet, so she wouldn't have to deal with her feelings for Sam. Or even worse have to be alone while she watched Sam fall for someone new. That was probably the worst pain of all, watching Sam move on. She'd sat back and witnessed that from front row three times each time progressively worse.

There was Penny, she wasn't much, just a blip with Sam, but that college queen had wrecked things for Quinn and Sam, just by catching his eye. Then there was Rachel, the one Quinn had worried about the most. Rachel seemed like she wanted to be the one for Sam, she had attached herself to him tight and fast. Quinn had even stooped so low as to try to warn the girl away from him. It wasn't one of her finer moments, but she genuinely wanted to see Sam happy and Quinn just didn't think Rachel would be the one to do it. She had been right, Rachel came and went fairly quickly. Last there was Mercedes, little inconsequential, didn't stand a chance in hell, Mercedes, never did Quinn believe that she would be the one to change everything. Yet Mercedes had been the one to replace Quinn in Sam's life, becoming his friend and lover and ultimately his wife. Now she was trying to do the same with Beth, taking over Quinn's place as her mommy. Quinn would never allow that to happen, she had been slowly working up the nerve to ask her parents to step in, but now thanks to Sam she didn't have to, she was free to put a stop to Mercedes on her own.

"Yep it is, you're always the same lying slut."

"I don't have to listen to this." Quinn stood up, running her hands through her hair as she scanned the lobby for the nearest exit. "I'm going to find Sam." She started toward the door.

"I don't know how you managed it," said Mike calling out after her, stopping Quinn in her tracks. "Somehow you got my brother completely sprung on you, again."

"Sam and I are just friends," she replied, kicking herself for once again giving Mike attention. She should have just continued walking away to find Sam.

Mike got up and stood in front of her, blocking her from the door. "It's just you and me now Quinn. Let's try to be straight with each other for a minute. I saw you two in the back seat, that wasn't friendly behavior."

"You need to mind your own business Mike, and butt out of my life."

Sue, Dwight, Mercedes and now Mike, there was always someone messing with her. They expected Quinn to just take it, but she would soon surprise them all. She wasn't going to be kicked around by anyone, never again. Just like Dr. Hill had said, she had the power to make positive changes in her life and she planned to use that power. Whether Sam's family liked it or not, she was Beth's mother and she was going to be a part of her baby's life.

"I don't give a crap about your life, it's my brother I'm worried about. He's wrapping everything around you, betting it all on a future for the both of you."

"Sam is just happy about Beth," said Quinn dismissively, trying not to let what Mike had just said go to her head, but the thought of a future with Sam gave her butterflies.

"That definitely is part of it."

"I'm the one he remembers."

Quinn couldn't forget that all of this was happening because Sam had amnesia. He might not be feeling so close to her if he had remembered Mercedes. Although they had always been friends, and Sam had never let her down, no matter the woman he was involved with, but Mercedes had been different, the Beacon proved that. For the first time, Quinn had felt something had changed between them, their chemistry had been altered, a new element had been added to their formula.

"That's true too," said Mike watching her.

Quinn went back to sit down on the couch, hoping to escape Mike's unrelenting stare. "It's probably just a temporary condition. He just woke up."

"Could be," he shrugged pivoting to face her. "What if it's not though? Are you going to play into his fantasies?"

"Why is wanting a family a fantasy? We have a daughter together." It seemed natural that Sam might want to be with her and Beth, unplanned as it might have been, they had created a new family together.

"I guess that answered my question. Looks like Sam isn't the only one living in a dream world."

"What would be so bad if Sam and I ended up together? You know we have a long history."

A history that the more Quinn thought about it seemed like it was always leading them here, to now, to possibly building a life together. Over all these years they never could really let each other go, maybe this was why. They were meant to be together.

"Earth to Quinn, Sam is already married."

"For now, but what if he never remembers Mercedes? Then what? He can't stay with her forever, out of some weird sense of obligation for promises he can't even remember making."

Though she suspected Mercedes would try to keep him, use any trick to get him to stay with her. Mercedes had worked hard to land him. Quinn couldn't see her just walking away.

"There's more going on with Sam than he's letting on," said Mike quietly as he sat back in his chair. "I wouldn't pick out china patterns just yet."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Quinn wasn't sure if that was a warning or a threat.

"That means that you can forget about finally snagging my brother. Even if he doesn't get his memory back, I'm betting he'd rather live with a wife he doesn't know than get mixed up with a lying, cheating, selfish bitch like you," he blurted out in a rough rush of words.

"Wow Mike that's harsh," said Quinn blinking back the tears that had filled her eyes. "I know I hurt you but damn."

"Just because I know how to play nice doesn't mean I don't still hate your ass. I was trying to be civil for Sam's sake. But first chance I get I'm filling him in on every little dirty secret about you, starting with how you screwed his brother in a supply closet." He leaned in closer, and lowered his voice so not to be overheard, but his tone was still unmistakably hard and cruel.

"I don't believe you," said Quinn narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms. "If you were really going to tell Sam anything you would've done it by now. I think you're bluffing."

"You wanna test that?" Mike was challenging her, but Quinn refused to back down.

"Actually yeah. You have just as much to lose by telling Sam about us as I do. Sam would hate you if he knew you slept with me. I was his first love."

"He barely wanted you when we were together, I'm betting he'll take it in stride, just like last time."

His sentence hit her like a slap in the face. Sam had cared the last time, he just was trying not to show it. Quinn knew she had hurt him deeply when she hooked up with Mike.

"It was complicated back then between me and Sam, we weren't admitting our true feelings, but you see him now, he's more open and honest, if you hurt him by telling him about this he might take it extra hard."

Mike fanned his hand at her. "Don't try to guilt me into keeping my mouth shut. My brother deserves to know the truth."

Sam needed time to adjust. They all did. Mike's sudden rush for honesty had to be about sticking it to her and not Sam's well being.

"I agree. He should know about everything that happened these past years. But why does it have to be now?"

"I'm not telling him anything tonight, if that's what you're worried about. You two can have your little reunion. I promised him I'd stay out of it."

Quinn could tell he was going along with the reunion, as he called it, very reluctantly. Sam must have convinced him somehow.

"But what about tomorrow? We need to wait to tell Sam, until he's ready to handle the news."

"No way. You're not getting extra time so you can pull out all the stops on my brother and have him even more hopelessly into you. I'm telling him tomorrow, while he still has some sense left in his head."

Her mind scrambled to find a new angle. "Oh so you want to ruin his birthday? I know it's in 2 days. Got anything planned?"

"Puck and I are taking him out," said Mike pulling out his phone and focusing on that instead of Quinn.

"You might as well call Puck and cancel because if you tell Sam we were together tomorrow he won't be in the partying mood. Definitely not in the mood to party with you."

"That's the chance I got to take," said Mike not even looking up.

He wanted Quinn to think the case was closed, but she could see the veins in his neck bulging. It was all an act.

"He trusts you Mike. He asked you to bring him up here tonight, not Puck, not Will, you. Now you're just going to take all that away from him? Dr. Hill told me he trusts me too, that he is going to be leaning on me most of all because I am familiar. If you tell him about us now, who will Sam have to lean on?"

Mike finally looked at her. "Uh his wife. Mercedes will be there."

What kind of dirt did Mercedes have on them all that she got crowned and put on some gilded pedestal by Sam's family? She broke his heart, almost left him for another man, yet Quinn was somehow worse for being his friend during all that. Sure they made an impulsive decision to sleep together, but how was that worse than Mercedes being in love with another man the whole time they were married? In Quinn's mind what Mercedes did was far worse, she was only getting a free pass because Dwight and Sue hated her more. Mercedes was probably the lesser of two evils in their eyes.

Mike was quick to point out her sins, what about Mercedes'? Was anyone rushing to spill all of that to Sam? Quinn was pretty sure Sam would like to know just who he married, a con artist, gold digger, that probably loved his wallet most of all. Mercedes might have fooled most people into believing she had changed, but Quinn knew all too well that scars from a lifetime of hurt just don't go away. They still throbbed from time to time, a reminder of all the pain, all the hard lessons learned. The scammer inside of Mercedes was still there, just as Lucy Caboosey still lived within Quinn. There was no escape from the past.

"He doesn't know her! Can you stop hating me for a two seconds and think about Sam? Your brother is not going to lean on a total stranger, and that is what Mercedes is right now. You tell him the truth, and he's going to go into a tailspin, and have nowhere to land. Do you want that?"

"No I don't," Mike admitted reluctantly.

"Let me be the one to tell him. I just need a little time. Sam and I need to catch up first, and then I will fill him in. I promise Mike, I won't keep him the dark for long. I just need to be the one to tell him."

Mike stared at her, tapping his phone with his fingers as he sat. "Okay," he finally said. "I'll let you handle it, but if you don't…"

"I will. Thank you Mike." She was relieved. Things would go better this way. She had to be the one to explain. Sam would understand it better if she filled him and not anyone else.

"You just be good to my brother. Don't make me regret leaving you two here."

Quinn nodded, not responding to Mike's ridiculous statement. It made her so angry that anyone would think Sam would need protecting from her. She had cared about Sam for years, everyone knew it, yet his parents still saw her as a threat, and now others were joining their side. Even the media was against her. Quinn had read in a magazine another article painting her as the villain that destroyed Sam's life. This time the article even suggested that she was had somehow been involved with the car accident that put him in a coma. That had been all Mercedes of course, she was the one with him that night, but even that was starting to be in dispute.

It was easier to blame the crazy lady for everything Quinn guessed. That was fine, Quinn had been on the outside and hated most of her childhood, she could easily return to that spot. She wasn't always searching for approval or love like Mercedes, Quinn didn't care if half of Lima hated her, she just needed one man on her side, Sam, the way he had always been for so many years. Together they could weather this media storm and create a good home for Beth. Now that he'd gotten her released, they had a real shot of making that happen.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

"Can I get a carton of Marlboro lights?" Kali asked the clerk behind the counter.

"Chain smoker?" asked Sam coming up behind her dumping all of his items on the counter near the register.

"Not since the sixth grade." She flashed him a perfectly white grin. "My daddy caught me smoking in the backyard and that was that."

"Shocking. Kali Hill a bad girl."

He never could see her acting out. She seemed way too straight-laced to break any rules. She probably was a hall monitor in elementary school.

"Kalvin Hill doesn't play. Any bad was stamped out of me with swift precision."

Her smile had dropped when she brought up her father, Sam could tell something more was going on there. Maybe her dad was a tyrant like his own.

"So who are the cigarettes for? Got a crush on an inmate?" asked Sam teasing her.

He really didn't care about her smoking habits, but it seemed rude not to make conversation. Kali had insisted he come with her to the convenience store down the road. Mike had even let her drive his car, which was a shock to Sam. Mike never let anyone drive his cars, he was extremely protective of his babies as he liked to call them. They had spent most of the five minute car ride in silence, not even the sounds of the radio to drown out the weirdness. They had come into the store and gone their separate ways, again never speaking to each other. Curiosity was starting to get the better of him, and he was itching to know just what it was Kali needed to say to him. He suspected it would be something about Quinn, maybe something about her treatment or her mental state. There wasn't much else that he and Kali had in common to talk about.

"Something like that. Get everything you need?" she asked running her hand down her long very dark ponytail.

"Yeah picked up the essentials," said Sam assessing his pile of items. "Although I think Figgins probably packed everything she would need. He's efficient like that."

"Very thoughtful of you to pack Quinn a bag."

"I figured she might not be able to pack up her stuff at the hospital at this late hour, if I had decided to..." he trailed off, not wanting to voice anything about his father's deal out loud.

"You seem to have come to that decision pretty easily. Was all that hemming and hawing just for show?" asked Kali as she handed the clerk her credit card.

Sam shrugged. "I just couldn't leave her there." Who was he kidding? Even if the hospital had been a palace, he wouldn't have been able to leave Quinn behind.

"It's hard seeing someone you care about in a facility, but I promise you Sam, it wasn't as bad as it seemed." Kali pat him softly on the arm, the contact surprising Sam a bit. "She was starting to make a little progress."

"She can continue her progress at home. I just need her close. You know?"

Maybe he was being selfish, she might actually be better off in the hospital with around the clock care, but she seemed pretty good to him. Perhaps a little skittish, but basically it felt like the same Quinn he had always known. He had the means to bring the best doctors in the world to her. She didn't have to be locked away to get help. Now that he was back he could be there for her in every way, he owed that to her.

"I don't think she has anywhere to go Sam, in Lima I mean. She was living with Shannon Beiste before things got bad."

"She won't have to worry about that anymore. I'll take care of her." He pulled his silver monogrammed money clip from his pocket, the one all the Evans men received when they came of age, and removed a few bills. The clip was dented and the silver a bit tarnished, but it pretty much looked as he remembered. Apparently it had survived the crash, just like he had.

"That's sweet, but don't you think Quinn might want to take care of herself?" asked Kali leaning back against the counter watching the clerk ring up his items.

"Well yeah, but until she's able, I'll help her out. I just don't want her worrying about the small stuff."

"Providing for herself and creating a life is small stuff?"

"You are misunderstanding me," said Sam scooping up his bags from the counter. He put his finger through the loop of Kali's bag too, removing it from her hand. It wasn't like he was swooping in and taking over Quinn's life. He just wanted her to have as little stress as possible. Sam had to think that stress and lack of support might have caused her postpartum depression in the first place.

"Then explain," said Kali pushing through the door.

"Quinn can do as little or as much as she likes. I will support her no matter what. I've let her down for so long, I should have been there for her last year when she was having my daughter."

They slowly walked across the empty parking lot to the car, the cold wind chilling Sam through his button down. He had left his coat in the car, not thinking about the weather.

"You couldn't control any of that Sam. You were in a coma." Kali opened the driver side door and climbed in.

"I know that, but I shouldn't have been." Each time he thought of his accident he thought of Mercedes, he understood that she hadn't intentionally been trying to hurt him, but he still couldn't let go of those last shreds of resentment. If it weren't for Mercedes he might not have missed out on being around for Quinn when she needed him most.

"So say you had been conscious last year, what would you have done?" Kali asked when Sam settled into his seat beside her.

"I would've been a friend to her, a shoulder for her to lean on, there to listen, something."

He could have saved her. Quinn wouldn't have tried to kill herself if he had been around, she wouldn't have needed to, he would have gotten her help, noticed the change when things got bad. Maybe if he had been with her throughout her pregnancy, she wouldn't have gotten postpartum depression at all. She could have unloaded on him, instead of keeping all of her fears and pain bottled up to fester.

"And what about Mercedes and Puck? How do you think they would have felt about you letting Quinn lean on you?"

"Are you trying to shrink me on the sly?" he asked narrowing his eyes at her suspiciously. All of her questions were starting to sound like an impromptu therapy session.

"I would never do that. I don't work for free, besides no notebook. I think you're safe."

"Just your nosy side coming out?"

She laughed. "Exactly. So what about Puck and Mercedes? Remember no one knew Beth was yours until after she was born."

"It wouldn't have mattered if Beth were mine or not. I still would have been a good friend to Quinn."

The thing was Sam loved her. He could barely remember a time when he hadn't. Even if she had been having Puck's baby, it wouldn't have changed him wanting to help her. If she had let him, Sam would have gladly loved any child of hers as his own. That's what love was about, accepting everything about a person and letting it all into your heart. Sam didn't care that she was engaged to Puck, none of that changed how he felt about her. He knew if Quinn had given him a chance back then, he would have taken it, just as he still would now.

"You think she would have let you? She and Puck had reconciled when they found out she was pregnant. Would she have put that in jeopardy for you?"

"Quinn and I go way back, Puck would have had to accept my place in her life."

"You slept with his fiancé and cheated on his best friend , how understanding would you expect him to be?"

That part always managed to slip his mind. He had been married to Mercedes then. Cheating on his wife, just didn't ring true, maybe that was why the story about a one night stand with Quinn didn't feel real to him.

"I don't know Kali. It's not like I have a time machine to go test this all out. I'm just saying how I feel, what I would've have wanted to do."

"And how about Mercedes? You think your wife would have minded you being so close with Quinn?"

"She was divorcing me. I doubt she would've been a factor." If they hadn't crashed, she would have divorced him, even Mercedes admitted that. It was pointless to put her as a variable in a hypothetical scenario, because she wouldn't have been around anyway.

"You were fighting for your marriage," Kali reminded him.

"She had another man on the side. I don't think I would've fought for very long."

"Didn't your first wife have another person on the side?"

"Yeah, what's your point?" Sam double checked to make sure that Kali didn't have his file in her hand. She was bringing up ancient history with such ease.

"You fought pretty hard for her from what I've been told, even after you two were divorced."

"Brittany is not Mercedes. I loved Brittany and our life together, I wanted to keep that." His brain was screaming at him to shut up, yet his lips kept moving. Why was he even telling all of this to her?

"So you're saying you loved Brittany more so you fought more?"

"I suppose. I'm not sure how I used to feel about Mercedes so it's hard to say."

He'd been told that he and Mercedes had something very special, and very real. For Sam it was the same as being told that Santa Claus was real too, hard to believe completely until you see him with your own eyes. Secondhand accounts of a supposed great love didn't mean much, when his heart was empty around her. Blind faith was impossible when he looked at his wife and felt nothing, but then looked at Quinn and felt everything. His heart knew more than the tales his family was telling.

"So because you don't remember how things were with Mercedes last year before the accident, you can't predict how you would have acted around her had things been different?"

"Right. I don't know enough about that time to say for sure." It all was still a complete blank.

"Yet you are so adamant about how you would've been with Quinn."

"Quinn's different. I've felt the same way about her since I was in high school. I know how I would've been no question." That would never change no matter the circumstances or passage of time. He and Quinn were truly forever, Sam knew that to his core.

"Even when you were married to Brittany, you felt the same about Quinn?"

"Yes. Quinn and I will always be close no matter what."

"When you were married to your first wife, you and Quinn hooked up too?"

"What?" Sam sat back shocked Kali would even ask that. "No. I would never have cheated on my wife. Quinn was with Puck at the time anyway."

Sam let his mind go back to the time when he was married to Brittany, the happy times, before Santana came back and wrecked things, and he actually couldn't imagine cheating on Brittany. As much as he had always cared about Quinn, he wouldn't have broken his vows for her. If anything he would have let Brittany go, and then went to be with Quinn, but he never would have betrayed his wife in such a way. That's why the whole notion that he cheated on Mercedes made no sense. Sam believed in marriage far too much to break that commitment.

"Oh how could I have forgotten? You're 'Mr. Fidelity', except for that one time."

She was mocking him and he was getting annoyed. Kali seemed to like to prove her points at his expense.

"Apparently I was provoked that one time. Mercedes and that other man." That mystery man she wouldn't even name. She probably still was sneaking around with the guy. Sam wanted to hurt him just for having the nerve to touch his wife. That guy had some balls to mess around with an Evans.

"So it was all Mercedes' fault?" Kali asked as she finally started up the car.

Sam had been wondering if she had planned to hold him hostage in the car all night, he was very anxious to get back to Quinn.

"From what I'm piecing together, I would say yes. She played a big part in all of this."

If Mercedes hadn't been an unfaithful liar none of this would have happened. Sam was actually torn about whether to hate her or thank her at this point. If it weren't for Mercedes' actions he never would have been blessed with Beth or a second chance with Quinn.

"How about tonight? Will it be all her fault again?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Tonight, hotel room, alone, with Quinn."

"What about that? Quinn and I are old friends reconnecting."

"Purely innocent?"

"Of course."

First Mike, now Kali, both insinuating that he was going to have some sort of affair with Quinn. Caring about Quinn didn't mean he was going to go there with her, so they had kissed, it had been a long time since they had seen each other, passions flared, nothing more. Kali was making a big deal out of nothing.

"Sam, I'm not stupid," said Kali taking her eyes off the road briefly to look over at him.

"I don't know you well enough to verify the validity of that statement."

"I am so glad I dropped you as a patient," she huffed, tightening her grip on the steering wheel.

"Hey! I fired you lady," Sam shot back.

"I was going to drop you anyway. I even compiled some names of other doctors you might want to contact instead. Call my office on Monday."

"No wonder you didn't put up much of a fight. You wanted out."

She was a real piece of work, just because he didn't take her psychobabble as gospel, she was going to ditch him? He should have her written up or something, have her license reviewed. Kali certainly didn't seem to have the skills to be a practicing doctor.

"It's like you said, we aren't a good fit," she said through clenched teeth.

"Finally, something we both agree on."

"Yep," she said relaxing slightly. "And Beyonce. We both like her."

"True. So Kali what did you want to talk to me about?" Sam asked as they turned into the lot of the Holiday Inn.

She shut off the car, taking the keys out of the ignition. "Your wife."

"All right, I'm outta here. Got to find Quinn." Sam opened his door and put one foot out of the car.

"You can't run from this Sam, just because you don't like it."

He abruptly faced her. "I want one night to be me, not some freak who can't remember years of his life. With Quinn I can just be normal. I know her and she knows me."

"I understand that," Kali said softly, nodding her head.

"Good, so can you please shut up about Mercedes?"

"Mike and I are heading back to Lima, you won't hear another peep out of me."

"Thank god," Sam muttered under his breath as he got out of the car and opened the door to the backseat.

"One last thing," said Kali grabbing his arm when he tried to pick up his bags.

"Do you always have to have the last word?" Sam asked shaking her off in irritation.

"Call your wife and let her know Quinn is coming home. Don't blindside her with this Sam."

"I will tell her when I see her." He grabbed his bags and slammed the car door, leaving Kali sitting in the car.

"What if she's waiting up for you?" Kali asked as she jumped out of the car and rushed to stand in front of him. "Wanting to know how your visit went tonight?"

"Mercedes knows better than that. We don't even live in the same house, and when she's around I barely talk to her."

"You're a real class act," she said rolling her eyes.

"Don't judge me. You don't know what it's like to have to be married to a complete stranger."

"Cut the crap Sam," said Kali putting her hands on her hips and cocking her head to one side. "You hit on Mercedes like crazy in the hospital before you knew she was your wife. And before you try to deny it, I was in the room with you two that day, remember?" Sam pushed by her making his way back toward the hotel. Kali jogged up beside him, matching his quickened pace. "I heard all those innuendos you were throwing at her."

"Hitting on my nurse is not the same as being married to her," said Sam coming to a stop. She was so exasperating the way she kept going on about this. He really needed her to shut up.

"That's a pretty weak excuse. She's still the same person, you just don't like how she complicates things."

"I feel trapped Kali. She wants her husband back, and I can't give him to her. It makes me feel sick every time I look at her. All that hope. She's praying for me to get my memory back."

"Aren't you? Don't you want to remember?"

A few times he had wanted his memory back just for Mercedes, it was unbearable to see her look so pained. He felt relief whenever she left the room or went to work. Only then was he free from her sad brown eyes. She made him feel like a villain, like he was wrong somehow, for not loving her the way he used to, for wanting to spend time with Quinn. Sam couldn't spend the rest of his days feeling bad for things he had no power to change.

"It is what it is right now. I'm not the same man she married."

He had felt like two different people since he woke up, a foot in two different times, being around Mercedes made those divided feelings even worse, because no matter how he wished differently, both versions of himself wanted to be with Quinn. Whether it was 2014 or 2011, that fact remained unchanged, Quinn was the person he wanted to be with.

"Maybe not, but you're still her husband and you owe her some honesty."

"I don't owe her a damn thing!" he yelled flinging his bags to the ground. The parking lot was thankfully empty because Sam didn't think he had the strength to pull back from this scene. All night he had been needled by Mike and Kali about Mercedes. He wished they would just stay out of his life and let him make his own choices. They might have allegiances to his wife, but he certainly didn't, not after all she had done. "She was going to leave me for another man on our wedding day, she had planned to divorce me before the accident, seems to me she wanted out a few times. Now she's got her wish. She's free. She can quit the concerned wife act."

"How generous of you to let her go," Kali said not even trying to hide her contempt.

"Screw you Kali. I don't have to take this from you. You're not my doctor, so I don't have to listen to your bullshit."

"Right, you don't," said Kali pulling out a pen and paper from her tote bag.

"What's this?" Sam asked when she handed him the paper.

"Cede's cell phone number."

"I just told you to back off," Sam growled, balling the paper in his hand as he retrieved his bags from the ground.

"Just keep it. Good to have in case of emergency. You might want to check on your child."

"Kali you are so damn pushy," said Sam over his shoulder, not looking back to see if she was following him inside the hotel.

"You're welcome," Kali said loudly when he reached the lobby doors.

He needed a drink, he was so tense after talking to Kali. She really knew how to kill his mood, he was so close to telling Mike to skip the room rental and just take them back to Lima. Kali had pissed him off with all that guilt tripping about Mercedes. He pushed through the doors, cursing Kali under his breath, when he saw her. Quinn in white, legs crossed, playing with the ends of her hair, as she waited on a couch in the lobby. Suddenly all the tension left his body, and Sam remembered the reason he would endure anything, sacrifice it all. It was for her. Quinn looked in his direction, noticing him in the doorway, a smile lit up her face, and Sam's legs felt like jelly the longer he held her gaze. Quinn was there waiting, for him, finally. Not even Kali's nagging could ruin this night for them.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

Certainly not the hole in the wall she'd been expecting, but nothing like the more upscale establishments she'd visited since moving to Ohio. The Groove Room was small, dark, filled with stale air. The two brightest spots in the place were the stage that was flooded with lights, and the bar which was just as well lit. Everywhere else was dark, left to rely solely on small battery operated candles on each table.

The place was packed. Apparently Thursdays were their big night when they showcased a variety of local bands. Finn filled her in on this leaning close to her ear so she could hear him over the loud music. They weren't able to get a table alone, so they joined another couple at a tiny round table near the front of the stage. Other not so lucky patrons were forced to stand or lean wherever they could fit. This wasn't the type of place where people danced, more like they nodded their collective heads to the beat, so there was no dance floor to alleviate the packed feeling of the club. Mercedes quickly grew hot, despite her strapless top and had taken to fanning herself with a flyer she found on the table. Finn on the other hand seemed perfectly at ease, looking cool and comfortable even with people constantly bumping into his long legs he had extended away from the table.

Leaning in close to Mercedes, one arm casually draped behind her on the back of her chair, the other hand drumming out the beat on his thigh, he talked to her, pointing out people and explaining particular bands, as if they were in a quiet room and the music wasn't almost drowning him out. Finn simply adjusted his volume and moved closer, his minty warm breath and slightly stubbled cheek tickling her ear. It was all so familiar which surprised Mercedes, usually she was more guarded around new people. Not that Finn was particularly new he was Kurt's brother and she had seen him hanging around campus or tagging along with Kurt for almost a year, but never had she imagined spending so much time alone with him and actually enjoying it.

Finn had a great smile, which he used often, flashing his dimples not to seduce, but simply because they were a feature on his face. He was so straightforward, no pretense, what you saw was what you got. Sure there was more lurking behind his brown eyes, but Mercedes could tell that whatever she would find there wouldn't be threatening or painful, just another layer to an uncomplicated guy.

Uncomplicated now that was word she hadn't used much in her life. Everything was complex in her world. Even being out at the club tonight was fraught with potential complications. She was married, out with another man, which could be construed as cheating by some, but her husband didn't care about her, so fidelity probably didn't even matter. And since she was clearly a fool, she was planning a party for said uncaring husband and was even going so far as to scope out a band for the event that she was pretty sure he would love. Why did she even care? A cupcake and a candle was all Sam deserved, maybe a few bars of happy birthday, but that's it. A light touch on her bare shoulder caught her attention.

"I like this." His fingers skimmed her shoulder again. "This top. You look cute." Close but this time he wasn't against her ear, almost nose to nose, she was forced to truly look at the man she was spending her night with.

A man that wasn't Sam.

What the hell was she doing?

Bolting from her seat, pulling her coat on as she fled, bumping into people too drunk to care, she escaped out of the front door.

"Mercedes wait up." He called from behind her as she rushed out of the warm and stuffy club into the frigidly cold night.

"I just need some air Finn. Go back inside," she said without looking back. Where she was heading she didn't know. It wasn't like she had a key to Finn's car and everything else in the area was closed since it was after eleven. Mercedes looked around the crowded parking lot, slowing her pace when she realized there was nowhere for her to go.

"I'm not leaving you out here by yourself. Who knows what kinds of crazies are lurking about?"

She turned to face him and instantly wished he hadn't. Tall with long legs, over half his body seemed to be legs, short dark curls that almost begged to be touched, and those dimples, appearing on his face even when he wasn't smiling, Finn was cute, and she hated that she had noticed.

"The same crazies that are inside bobbing their heads to that Taylor Swift cover band."

"Well they are the best Taylor Swift cover band in the state."

"There's more than one?" she asked walking over to the curb alongside the club and taking a seat.

"Well yeah. There's the Swiftees that do her stuff reggae style. There's Tay-Tay that have sort of a hip-hop electronic fusion thing going on and the…"

"Finn you know way too much about all of this. Are you secretly a fan of Ms. Swift?"

Finn sat beside her, stretching his long legs out in front of him, his black boots and dark jeans almost blending in with the parking lot. "Not really, she has some good lyrics, but it's because of Blaine."

"Blaine? Kurt's Blaine?"

"That would be him. His band is on the same club circuit with a lot of these guys. Hanging out with Kurt I got to hear a lot of music."

"Wait a minute. Is Blaine's band the 'Oh Mandees'?"

He looked at her like she had grown a second set of arms. "Yeah. I thought you knew that."

"No I did not." Though she probably should have, she didn't seem to know much these days that wasn't related to Beth or Sam. "Is that why Kurt bailed on coming out here with me tonight?"

"He had to work." She shot Finn a look. "Yeah he wasn't too excited about seeing Blaine again."

"Then why did he recommend his band?"

"Kurt claims he can keep business separate from his personal life, and just because Blaine is cheating lowlife preppy trash doesn't mean his band sucks," Finn said in what was a fairly good impression of Kurt. They might have only been brothers for five years but they acted like they'd known each other all their lives.

"That's pretty mature of him. I don't think I could be so professional." Mercedes couldn't even act like a nurse without molesting Sam. She officially had no boundaries when it came to him and she hated it.

"What are you talking about?" asked Finn, his eyes growing dramatically large. "You're doing that right now. I've never seen someone face adversity with such grace."

"Does throwing in the towel count as grace? Because I'm this close," she indicated the amount with her two fingers, "to divorcing his ass."

"Bull shit. You might be upset with him right now, but you're not leaving Sam. Maybe if your fingers were this close." He held his fingers in an even smaller increment than she had as an example. "Then maybe I would have bought it."

"I'm really not in the mood for another motivational speech about how I shouldn't give up on a husband that hates me."

Hearing Puck go on about that topic was mind bending enough. For months, no make that years, Puck had been the top dissenting voice in her life against everything Sam. Practically from the moment Puck found out Mercedes liked Sam, he was stepping in and warning her against it. Only after countless tearful conversations and a whole lot of begging did Puck even agree to be a part of the wedding. And even after that she knew he kept a watchful eye on Sam. Now tonight he suddenly was telling her to fight for her marriage? It didn't make sense.

"You'll get none of that from me not tonight. In fact I'm declaring this night a Sam free zone," he said excitedly jumping to his feet.

"Isn't that sort of impossible since the whole reason we're here is to listen to a band for Sam's party?" she asked as she stood up too.

Though a Sam free night sounded nice especially when she knew he wasn't losing any sleep over her. If there were truly a way for her to pull it off she'd welcome it.

"Nothing's impossible when we use our imagination," said Finn rubbing his hands together. "If Sam can set his clock back to 2011 then we can easily forget about him for a few hours."

Mercedes pouted. "My imagination is broken. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since I met him."

He grasped her shoulders and turned her toward him, bending at the knees to look her in the eyes. "Girl, please, we can do this. I'm putting a ban on all S words period. No more talk about Sugar or Sam. Agreed?"

Mercedes walked slowly along the curb, balancing on the edge like a gymnast on a beam. "Let's not be hasty. There might be some words we need that begin with S."

"Oh yeah like SEX."

"No fool, like STOP," she said rolling her eyes upward.

He smirked. "Eh. I don't think we'll need that one unless you're putting the word DON'T in front of it."

"Okay S free night in effect. But what are we going to talk about now?"

"Favorite color?"

"Purple. Yours?"

"Blue." She took the hand he offered and let him pull her along. "Wanna head back inside?" he asked as he raised their still joined hands high and twirled her like she was on Dancing With the Stars. "Blaine's band is on next."

"Are they any good?" Their arms dropped to their sides but Finn still hadn't let go of her hand.

"If you like that kind of thing. They have a good following, always booked. It might be hard to get them last minute though."

"I'm not worried about that. Anything is possible for the right price." That was one lesson she learned at a very young age.

"I don't know about that. Not everyone is ruled by the dollar."

Mercedes shook her head, Finn was so idealistic. It was like he didn't know that the majority of people were greedy and selfish. And the rest were desperate, struggling to survive.

"Those people must not need to eat."

Finn let go of her hand to rub his stomach. "Thought we agreed not to mention food because a certain person forgot to bring the guacamole."

It was all Puck's fault. If he hadn't distracted her with all that out of character stay with Sam talk, she never would have forgotten it.

"And then later we agreed to no longer bring up I forgot it."

"My growling belly is making it so hard." He patted his stomach for emphasis. "I'm feeling too weak to go on," he said staggering away from her dramatically.

"I'll grab you a handful of nuts," Mercedes stifled a laugh as she opened the door to the club, the hot air hitting her in the face. She looked over her shoulder at Finn who looked like a zombie having convulsions in the parking lot. This boy was a mess. "Are you coming or not?" she called out, holding the door open.

With a huge grin on his face Finn jogged over to her and reached over her head to grab the door, ushering her in with a wave of his hand.

* * *

><p>Sam sat on the bed of their hotel room taking in the surroundings. It was a junior suite, the presidential suite was booked, pharmaceutical convention in town, so they were stuck in this mediocre room. There wasn't even a mini bar, just a small sofa and a huge king size bed. Sam ran his hands over the quilted golden bedspread, turning up his nose, synthetic, not at all what he was used to, but he guessed things could have been worse. Mike could have dropped them off in one of those places that advertised free cable on a giant marquee out front. Truth be told, Sam would have been happy on a cot at the Y, as long as he got to be with Quinn. Felt like he'd been waiting forever for this moment to arrive, and now it finally was here. He and Quinn together, a night completely to themselves. Quinn had retreated to the bathroom almost immediately when they had arrived in the room, taking the bag Figgins had packed with her inside. He could hear the water from the shower now, and the faint sounds of her singing, beautiful even when muffled by the door and the falling water.<p>

This was really happening. Tomorrow Quinn would be back in Lima where she belonged. It almost didn't matter how much it took to get her out, just hearing her singing in the shower, made it all worthwhile. She seemed happier already. Sam rolled up his sleeves, trying to get more comfortable. In his rush to make sure Quinn had all she needed, he had forgotten to request Figgins pack him a bag of his own. A part of him hadn't wanted to seem too presumptuous. He honestly had intended for Quinn to stay at his suite at the Beacon on her own, he wasn't trying to make any moves on her or be that forward. Now he was being as forward as a man could get without making an outright solicitation, he had stranded them in the middle of Ohio for the night.

The clock read 1:30 and Sam mentally counted how much longer he would have with Quinn. Daley was supposed to come and pick them up around 3pm tomorrow. That didn't give them much time to talk. Hopefully sleep wasn't on the menu for either of them and they could spend every minute just being with each other. Sam smiled as he imagined what the rest of the night could bring. The shower was still going full blast, so Sam leaned back on the bed, relaxing into the pile of pillows, looking over at the clock again, 1:35.

He had been stalling, but it was getting very close to do or die time. Kali had been right, though he would never admit that to her, he needed to call Mercedes and tell her Quinn was coming back with him. With a heavy sigh he pulled out the balled up piece of paper from his pants pocket, smoothing it out with his hand as he reached for the phone.

"Hello," she screamed in his ear. Noise, maybe music, blared through the phone.

"Mercedes?" Sam asked, thinking he might have dialed the wrong number.

"Who is this?" the voice on the other end asked loudly.

"Sam." He raised his voice, matching hers, in the hopes that she could actually hear him. The sounds coming through the phone was deafening.

"Who? Hold on a sec." Sam heard a rustling, like she had put the phone down, all the noise from before was suddenly muted. "Excuse me, could you move please?" He heard her say somewhat in the distance. He was about to hang up, fearing he'd caught her at a bad time, though at 2am, she shouldn't be doing anything other than sleeping. "Yeah. Hello?" she said in a normal voice, the background sounds completely gone.

"Hello Mercedes." Sam's hand was starting to shake and he wasn't sure why. It was just a simple phone call, but something was telling him that Mercedes wouldn't take the news about Quinn too well.

"Sam?" she asked. He could hear the surprise in her voice. Regret hit him like a wave, she was going to get the wrong idea about why he called. She'd think it meant something more.

"Yeah I said that already," he said trying to sound low key.

"Sorry I couldn't hear. It was loud in there. What do you want?"

Sam couldn't quite believe it. She almost seemed annoyed he had called her. "Excuse me?"

"I mean why are you calling me?" she asked attempting to cover her abruptness from minutes before.

"It's almost 2 in the morning. Where are you?" She obviously wasn't home, with his child, where she should be. Suspicions were starting to build.

"I'm out with a friend. Where are you?"

"What friend?" he asked ignoring her question. Sam didn't know much about Mercedes, but the little he had observed, never had he seen her going out with friends. As far as he knew her friends were his family, Puck and Kurt.

Mercedes exhaled loudly into the phone. "Sam, why are you calling?"

"I wanted to know how my daughter was," he said his entire body filling with tension. She was being evasive and dismissive, the hallmarks of being caught in the act.

"So you called me? Why not call the house, talk to Marcel?"

"It's late Beth is usually with you at night." Sam was stunned, she had always seemed so attentive to his baby, now it was like she didn't even care that Beth was somewhere without her.

"She's with Puck tonight. Why don't you try calling him?" Puck? He was in on this with her too?

"I don't appreciate my child being passed around so you can go out at all hours of the night."

"I haven't been out in a year, don't act like I'm neglecting Beth." She was getting snippy. "Yeah last call is at 2:30 you better hurry."

He pulled the phone from his ear, staring at, not fully believing what he had just heard. "What did you just say?"

"Sorry someone asked me a question."

"Are you at a bar?" he asked gripping the phone in his hand. She had a child at home and she was out partying? It wasn't even the weekend.

"Sam what is it you wanted really?"

His head was starting to hurt. He swallowed all the things he really wanted to say to her and counted to three in his mind. He had only called to tell her about Quinn anyway.

"I wanted to let you know that I wouldn't be back tonight."

"Are you still up there with Quinn?" she asked her voice noticeably weaker in his ear.

"No we stopped. It was getting late."

"That's a good idea, don't want to drive tired." Mercedes was speaking so low Sam had to strain to hear her.

"Right." He urged himself to bring Quinn up, mentally trying to force his tongue to form the words.

"Thanks for letting me know."

She sounded sad and Sam could see the expression she probably had on her face in his head. That look of longing, as if she were waiting for him to give her something more.

"I didn't want you to worry." That wasn't what he wanted to say.

"You think I sit up all night worrying about you?" she asked trying to mask the sadness, but he could still hear it in her voice.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Sam kicked off his shoes and spread out on one side of the bed, putting his arm behind his head.

"Yeah I do."

"I know you sit up all night worrying about me. You also come in my room and check on me sometimes."

He'd noticed her come into his room a few times, always really late, closer to morning than night, she'd watch him from the doorway first, always hesitant, as if she were deciding whether to come inside. Then she walked quietly toward him, wearing something too short and revealing, pausing every few steps to determine if he were truly asleep. Sam would watch her through the fringe of his eyelashes, trying to keep his breathing steady to mimic sleep. He wasn't sure why he never let her know he was awake, he supposed it was because he wanted to see what she was up to, figure her out. Of all the mysteries in his life, she was the biggest. Every truth he learned about her was quickly overturned or contradicted, leaving him at a loss about what to believe. The more he learned the less he knew when it came to his wife. Her late night visits were just another chance for him to piece together the puzzle of their relationship.

Mercedes never did much when she visited, watched him sleep from her spot at the foot of his bed most nights, sometimes she'd cry, so softly that if it weren't for the streaks of tears on her face he would almost think he was making it up in his mind. A few times she had been bolder, reaching out and touching him, a hand on his leg, a stroke down his arm, her fingers through his hair. Then she'd leave, as quietly as she came.

"How would you know that? You're supposed to be asleep."

"I'm good at playing possum."

"You must think I'm a total wackjob, lurking about, watching you." She laughed, low, almost forced.

"I don't think you're a wackjob, I just think…" He was saying too much, he couldn't go down this road with her. It felt like he was leading her on.

"What?" she asked sounding a bit breathless.

"Nothing."

"Tell me Sam," she urged. He could hear the insistence in her voice, for some reason what he was holding back was important to her.

"I just think you care, maybe a little too much."

Silence. He wished he hadn't said anything, if only he could take it back.

"I can't shut it off you know. I do care about you, it didn't change because you hate me now."

Sam could hear the tears in her voice and he wanted to hit himself. He knew this was going to happen. He could never say anything without hurting her somehow. Damn Kali, for giving him the phone number, and setting him up to spend the whole night feeling badly that Mercedes was off somewhere upset.

"Would you stop saying I hate you? You know I don't," he said softening a bit, hoping it would soothe her.

"Then why did you smash all of our pictures?" she asked sniffling in his ear.

He ran his hand down his face. "God, Mercedes I'm not getting into this with you now."

They'd spent the whole day together with Beth. Breakfast in the kitchen, Beth had her first taste of creamed sweet potatoes, and he had been the one to give it to her. Mercedes at his right, smiling at the two of them, a plate full of fruit in front of her, she'd fed him grapes and wiped Beth's chin, so natural, as if they done it a hundred times before. Later, he'd found them playing on the floor, his daughter's little laugh gave him an indiscernible feeling of joy, Beth had giggled and moved so much as Mercedes played with her hands and feet, Sam couldn't believe that this was his life, he was a father. She had placed Beth in his lap, just before rushing off to somewhere. She always rushed off, a fluttery blur of hair and teeth. Like a breeze through his hair, she swept in and kissed Beth's head and then kissed Sam's lips. It was brief, it was nothing, and it hadn't felt wrong at the time. Not until later when he was in the living room alone, finally noticing he was surrounded by pictures, of them, together, looking so happy.

Wedding pictures, couple pictures, even some with his dad, Mercedes was all over the room, smiles plastered behind glass. It all seemed so fake, a loving act put on display. She may have fooled his whole family, but she wasn't going to pull him in so easily. All those looks of love, kisses for no reason, smiles and bright eyes, none of it was real, there was another man, through it all she wanted someone else. That burned him, the knowledge that her betrayal had gone so long unchecked. Here he was being forced to accept this life, to commit to nine more months of her duplicity, while Quinn sat somewhere miserable and alone. It wasn't right. So he threw a glass at the photo on the end table, hitting it dead center, shattering the glass, then with his arm he knocked the others from the mantle, shards on the floor, obscuring her smile, slicing through the pictures, it all made him feel good. He wanted to wipe those smiles away, the smiles she wished she were giving to some other guy. A few frenzied minutes later, there was glass around his feet, and the hypocrisy of those supposedly happy photos removed. Sam had sipped his drink slowly in satisfaction.

"Fine I'll just keep on thinking you hate me then."

He could hear her pout through the phone.

"You do that. You're such a brat did you know that?"

"I've been told I could use a good spanking."

"I would take you over my knee right now, if you were here."

"I'd like to see you try."

Sam smirked. "I know how to handle a girl like you."

"I thought you lost your memory."

"Some things are instinctive. I haven't lost my touch with women."

"I'm not your typical woman, your tricks won't work on me."

"I think you and I both know that's not true. That night we spent together at the hospital, I worked you very well." He closed his eyes as he pictured one particular moment from that night, all the sensations that went with it came rushing back, almost like an instant replay.

"The way you keep bringing that night up, I'm starting to think you want an encore."

"You think you'd be up for a repeat performance?"

"Without a doubt, I've always known how to handle you."

Her voice sounded huskier, a warmth surrounded him, close and intimate, tickling his ear as if she were there in person instead of on the phone.

"Even that little thing you did with…I mean that seemed like a one of a kind maneuver…" he chuckled, smiling a bit. There was movement on the phone and he could hear muffled talking but the words were unclear. "Hello…hello?"

"Thanks Finn," she said clearly into the phone.

"This is Sam," he said, his neck tightening at the mention of that name.

"I know that," she giggled.

"Why did you call me Finn?" he asked not amused in the slightest.

"Oh Finn was just telling me that he was bringing the car around."

"So you're out with Finn Hudson? At 2am?" His voice was rising, but he didn't bother to pull it back. Twice now she had been with that jerk.

"Is there anything else you needed? I've got to go."

"I need to know what the hell my wife is doing out with another man." Okay so he was definitely on the brink of yelling, but just a few minutes ago she was practically having phone sex with him, and all the while she had been with another man

"I don't see why you care. You've made it clear we have separate lives."

"Answer the question. What are you doing out?" he asked his blood pressure starting to rise. He could feel the rage building in his gut.

"He's a friend and I don't owe you any explanations."

"Is Finn the one you were going to leave me for?"

Sam needed to know who that man was, the one she sent that letter to. There was a guy out there, probably feeling pretty smug because he got one up on Sam Evans. He needed to know who that man was so he could settle a few things.

"I already told you no," she said quickly. "That was a different guy."

"How many men do you have lined up? Are you running around with different guys when you claim to be at work?"

"I don't have much time for a dating life, I've sort of been busy with a husband in a coma."

"Don't try to distract me with the bedside vigil bull. I know you didn't stay with me 24 hours a day." Mercedes could have slipped in and out of that hospital undetected, no one would've been any the wiser if she were seeing someone else on the side.

"You know what Sam? You're right. You caught me. I was having torrid affairs with hundreds of men while you were sick. Sometimes we just pushed you over and went at it right next to you on the bed."

She was toying with him, making him feel stupid for even suggesting she'd cheat, as if she didn't have a track record that proved that very thing.

"Just stop it. I don't know why I even thought you would be honest with me."

"What's the point? You just believe what you want anyway, there's no getting through to you."

"Maybe if you hadn't lied to me repeatedly, I'd be able to trust you."

"I didn't lie to you. Holding back is not lying."

Getting a straight answer out of Mercedes was impossible. Sam beginning to think she didn't even know the meaning of the word truth.

"Nice moral code you got there, flexible honesty."

"You lied about sleeping with Quinn and you are lying now about how you really feel about me. The only liar in our relationship is you," she said loudly.

"We don't have a relationship," he said enunciating every word so she'd get the message.

"You've made that very clear. I'm going now, Finn just pulled up."

"We're not done with this conversation." Mercedes still hadn't fully explained what she and Finn were actually doing.

"I think we've been done for some time now, I was just too blind to see it."

"What's that supposed to mean?" There was a finality in her voice that caught him off guard. Mercedes was talking about more than their phone call.

"Have a nice night. I'm going to spend the rest of mine with someone that actually likes being around me."

"It's 2am, the night is over. You need to go home."

"Finn might not be ready for the night to end just yet. We were having fun until you called."

"Fun? What kind of fun?" His mind flashed to her having the same fun with Finn that they had that night in the hospital, which was completely unacceptable.

"Goodbye Sam."

"Wait!" he said jumping up from the bed. "I'm not done talking about this."

"I am." The phone went dead.

"She hung up on me. I can't believe that damn…" Sam slammed the phone down on its base, rattling the lamp and clock on the table.

"That was Mercedes on the phone?" asked Quinn from behind him.

Sam hadn't even heard the door open. Turning slowly, taking a few deep breaths to come down from his angry mood, he faced Quinn, standing in the bathroom doorway wearing nothing but a towel and a frown.

* * *

><p>"Uh yeah," he hesitated running his hand through his short dark blonde hair, not meeting her eyes. "That was Mercedes. I just wanted to touch base with her. Let her know where we were."<p>

"That was nice of you. I'm sure she'd be concerned with you being out so late." Quinn gripped the towel that covered her body, pulling it tighter. A strange air had fallen over the room and she felt more exposed than she actually was.

"Yeah. That's Mercedes. Concerned." There was a bitter note in his voice and Quinn could still see the angry lines across his brow. Whatever happened on the phone call didn't disappear when he hung up the phone.

"So what had you so upset?" Quinn asked leaning against the door, unsure whether to go back inside the bathroom and finish dressing, or come out into the room and press Sam for answers.

"I'm not upset," he said looking at her now as he walked toward her, a smile emerging on his face where moments before there had only been a grimace.

"Sam I heard you," Quinn dropped her head, not wanting to be distracted by his lips. She'd missed his smile these past months and now every time she saw it, she couldn't help but stare, overjoyed he was able to show his bright smile again. "You were talking loud and you just slammed down the phone."

"Just frustrating, she wants me to remember things and I can't." His smile stiffened, looking plastic for a beat, before he recovered and returned to a more natural expression. "Did you find everything you needed in the bag Figgins packed for you?" he asked, grabbing her elbow and pulling her away from the bathroom door.

"Yes. He even got the sizes right."

Figgins had thought of everything, from head to toe. The dress he had packed for her to wear the next day was a beautiful shade of deep blue and something she might have actually chosen herself. The nightgown he selected was a silvery gray silk. Quinn couldn't wait to pull it on and feel it against her skin. She had been about to do just that when she had heard Sam talking in the other room.

"The man is amazing," said Sam as his eyes roamed over her body.

Her skin warmed as she watched him take her in. She felt on display and a little nervous trying to decipher Sam's expression. What if he didn't like what he saw? She had filled out a bit after having Beth.

"Well the shower's free if you wanted to…" she said pointing toward the bathroom. "I just need to get my nightgown first."

"I forgot to bring much for myself. I never expected we'd be spending the night together," he said moistening his lips with his tongue.

The way he said 'together' gave her chills, she quickly glanced at the large bed behind him, the only bed in the room, and thought about the places the night could actually go.

"I think Figgins took care of that. There's stuff for you in the bag, unless the suit is for me to wear, seemed a bit big though," she said lightly trying to joke, but his green eyes never left hers, and both his hands were running up and down her arms, making everything suddenly seem intensely serious.

Sam moved closer to her, pushing her heavy damp hair away from her shoulders. "I will have to make sure that he gets a bonus."

Quinn shivered as his fingertips lightly traced a pattern on her bare shoulder. "Maybe after you get ready for bed you can tell me what's really wrong?"

He stilled, dropping his hands, backing away from her. "I told you I'm fine. Sometimes my temper gets the better of me."

Quinn wanted to pull him back, snuggle herself in his arms again, but he had his back to her now, mesmerized by the beige wall on the opposite side of the room.

"I wasn't going to say anything, but I can't just leave it. I overheard you."

"Overheard what?" he asked turning quickly to face her. His smile was gone, all that remained was a tight thin line across his mouth, and the shadow of his dimple.

"Part of your phone call." Quinn sucked in her lower lip, warring with herself about the merits of pursuing this subject. In the end curiosity won out, she needed to know. "Are you mad at Mercedes because she's out with another guy?"

"What?" His jaw slacked slightly, as he ran his hand through his hair roughly a few times. "Why would I care about that? I don't feel anything for her."

Sam sounded convincing, and she could see the distaste evident on his face, if only he had looked her in the eyes when he had said it, instead of at the floor.

"It's understandable if you did. She's your wife…"

Quinn hoped he would trust her enough to be honest with her, and know that she wouldn't judge him for anything. She held back from actually saying those words to him, hoping instead that he just somehow knew they were good enough friends to deal with anything. She was testing their connection in a sense. She needed to know what still remained after all they had gone through.

"In name only, she's not my wife in any way that counts." He took a seat on the bed.

"Just because you can't remember her doesn't mean it hurts any less. She vowed to love you. I know I wouldn't like it if Puck was seeing another woman. He probably is already and I don't know about it. I think he and Santana are starting up again."

While she was still at Lima hospital there had been a few rumors that hospital board member Noah Puckerman had been seeing someone in the administrative office. Quinn had only caught bits and pieces as she snuck through the building hoping not to be discovered, she didn't have a chance to really get any details. Puck was an attractive, wealthy man, women were probably swarming him, especially since he was publicly nursing a very broken heart thanks to her.

"Do you still have feelings for Puck?" Sam asked, leaning forward, elbows on his knees.

"I will always care about him."

"Are you hoping you two might work it out one day?" Quinn could tell Sam was looking for assurances, his posture changing to reflect his complete interest in the current topic of conversation.

"I hurt him too badly for that. I'm just glad we're still able to be friends."

She could admit that now, without feeling the knots of guilt in her stomach. There would be no more Puck and Quinn, not after all of this, even though Puck had managed to forgive her, they still would never be together again. She was finally able to face the truth, Puck wasn't the man she wanted anymore, and hadn't been for close to a year.

"Give him time. Wounded pride takes extra time to heal."

"Are you speaking from personal experience?" she asked raising an eyebrow at his comment.

Sam laughed but never smiled. "I could write a book on being dumped and getting my pride hurt."

"Oh." Her stomach dropped. Perhaps it had all been wishful thinking but she had hoped that Sam had stopped resenting her for events of years past. "I was hoping we had gotten past all that."

"We did. I don't blame you for anything. I thought we got all that out in the open during the limo crash," said Sam sounding surprised that Quinn had thought any differently.

"I thought so too, but so much has happened since then, things could have changed." Things actually had been different before the crash, Sam had gotten over it all, but probably because he had gotten over her, more than any other reason.

"Not for me, it's all the same as back then for me."

Quinn sat down next to Sam on the bed, rubbing his back lightly, before letting her hand fall. It hurt her to see Sam so confused, a part of her wished she could just blurt it all out to him right now and fill him in completely. Then the other half kicked in and she knew that full disclosure would be a mistake, too many things needed more explanation than their one night alone would allow. Bit by bit was all she could give him.

"Even without your memories things have changed, just because you don't know about it, doesn't make it all disappear for the rest of us."

Hooking up with Mike, cheating with Puck, hurting Mercedes, her poor little Beth, it was all still there for Quinn. She couldn't retreat to 2011 and claim a fresh start. Her demons lived within her, screaming in her ear, constantly reminding her of all she had done.

"Bring me up to speed. I want to know all about my life after the crash. I trust you to be honest with me," he said pulling on a few curls at the end of her hair.

"I need you to be honest with me too." She turned to face him fully, pulling her knee up between them, careful not to reveal too much under her towel.

"Always," said Sam squeezing her bare knee.

"What happened on the phone with Mercedes? Why were you really so upset?"

He exhaled sharply, rolling his eyes. "Back to Mercedes again? I thought we were going to focus on us."

"She's your wife Sam. I'm sure you can understand why I can't just ignore that fact."

He had tensed up beside her, the hand on her knee digging into her flesh with increased pressure.

"I promise you she means nothing to me."

She wanted to believe him, but she couldn't forget what she had seen. There was something more going on between them.

"That's not entirely true is it? Puck showed me pictures of the two of you together at the hospital," said Quinn standing up.

Sam kissing Mercedes, looking at Mercedes, touching Mercedes, it had formed a pretty obvious conclusion in Quinn's mind. Sam liked Mercedes. At first she had thought it was his memory breaking through, a part of him starting to remember his feelings for his wife, but Puck had told her that was not the case, Sam still knew nothing about Mercedes. That had made it worse. Why was Sam looking that way at a woman he barely knew? Those questions continued to pick at her, making her even guiltier for her own feelings for Sam, she should have been happy he was connecting with his wife in some way.

"That was before I knew we were married."

As if that mattered, he had been interested in another woman just weeks ago, and now he was with her in a hotel. Quinn was confused by his actions. What did he want from her?

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? You both looked really happy together."

"It was one night."

"So for one night she meant something to you, but now she doesn't?"

He was acting so casual, nonchalantly shrugging off the attraction she had witnessed with her own eyes. When he was alone with Mercedes did he do the same? Would he downplay the feelings he was starting to express tonight when he went home to Mercedes, telling her the kiss they had shared in the backseat of Mike's car was nothing more than a peck on the lips between old friends?

"Exactly. Once I found out about you and Beth, everything changed for me. It was like things suddenly became clearer."

"And you were angry at her on the phone because?"

"Despite the fact, I feel nothing for her, she's still married to me. Her behavior reflects on the Evans family and on D&E. I can't have my wife hooking up with random men behind my back."

His family was big on image, especially since their reputation was somewhat shady. The Evans' family made great effort to appear like any other family in the community, actively participating in charitable organizations, visiting local restaurants, even for a time sending their children to public school. Quinn knew it was all and act, Dwight was as shady as they come, with his one hand in every pocket, and his other firmly on the trigger of a loaded gun.

"Sounds reasonable, but Sam what about the other stuff I heard, are you sure you don't remember anything about her?"

Sam hadn't even noticed she was there, reclined on the bed, a sly grin on his face. Quinn had seen that look so many times before, Sam up to mischievous seduction, his face giving away the dirty thoughts in his head. The nights they shared, when they were lovers were filled with looks like that. Sam liked being suggestive, flirtatious words pouring from his mouth, while his hands emphasized his point on her body. He had driven her wild, arousing her in ways she'd never experienced before. From the bathroom doorway she watched him use those very same techniques on another woman. It had hurt Quinn more than she thought possible.

"Nothing at all. Why are we even wasting time talking about her? Look around Quinn, do you see?" he asked opening his arms wide as he approached her.

"What?" she asked.

"It's just the two of us," he said wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her against him. "And I couldn't be happier."

"I'm happy too." She placed the palms of her hands against his chest, her last barrier of control before she lost herself in him completely.

"Good," he said softly, kissing her forehead, before releasing her from his embrace. "Just give me ten minutes and I'll be back."

Sam headed into the bathroom, leaving her alone with giant bed that seemed to be increasing in size by the minute. Before he shut the door he handed her the nightgown she had left behind. Happy to be able to discard the scratchy white hotel towel, Quinn pulled the gown over her head, letting the smooth silk fall down her body. It was nice to wear something so luxurious. Her wardrobe had consisted of cotton sweat suits and yoga pants for far too long.

She pulled back the golden bedspread to reveal the white sheets, tightly tucked under the mattress. Not quite ready to dive under the covers, she spread out on top of them, lying diagonally across the bed. Quinn heard the shower turn on and for a few minutes she closed her eyes enjoying the soothing sounds of the water hitting the tiles. Afraid she might fall asleep, she grabbed the remote and turned on the television in the hopes of finding something to occupy her mind.

Turner Classic Movies was playing 'A Summer Place', a movie more famous for the theme song than the actual plot, but Quinn had always liked it. Two teens falling in love amidst the backdrop of their parental angst. Tonight Quinn couldn't help but note the appropriateness of the movie for her current situation. She was no longer in the position of the young lovers, exploring their first romance, she was firmly in the spot of the parents in the movie, reunited with an old love and contemplating an adulterous affair.

Quinn inwardly groaned at that last thought, having an affair. The last thing she wanted was to be unfaithful again. Technically she was single, so she had no worries on that front, but the object of her affection, was anything but. If only she could go back, and do it all again. She'd be smarter, braver, and make better choices all around. Sometimes she longed for the power to go back.

* * *

><p><em>It had been a warm evening, the impending sunset was doing nothing to lessen the heat. She had come back to the Beacon after spending the day with Santana, trying to make sense of the mess her life had become. She was armed with two milkshakes from the pub, one chocolate, one vanilla. Two because she wasn't sure which flavor would best soothe her frazzled mood, and also because extra ice cream just seemed like the right choice, she deserved all the sweet comfort she could get.<em>

_She had planned to watch the sunset on the balcony, quietly sobbing into her shakes, but it was not to be that night. Sam was there, out on his own balcony, feet propped up on the rail in front of him, still in his shirt and tie from work, white button down, dark gray pants, striped tie, blonde hair falling into his eyes. He had told her he decided to come home early, a meeting had been cancelled, and he couldn't muster the energy to continue working, so he came to find some fresh air and a clearer mind on the balcony. She handed him her chocolate shake, because he looked like he needed it more than her. They were silent for a while, only the sounds of the liquid through their straws, and the distant blares of car horns, disturbing their quiet._

_"Ever wonder what it would be like if we could just start over? Take a giant eraser and do it all over again?" asked Quinn breaking the silence._

_Sam looked over at her through the iron bars that separated them. "How far back are we talking? High school?"_

_"We can go there. Think things would've turned out differently if we had stayed together then?"_

_He shook his head slightly, sipping from his straw. "I needed the military. It was good for me. I was getting too intense, caught up in the wrong things."_

_"But would you have been that way if Puck and I…" she trailed off not finishing her sentence, always a bit nervous whenever she brought up the subject of Puck with him._

_"It wasn't really about Puck. It was about me. I didn't like the person I was becoming. I didn't feel like a good enough man. Still don't."_

_"You're a good man Sam. Then and now." She wanted to touch him, rub his arm, stroke his cheek, anything to let him know she meant what she was saying, but the bars kept her at bay._

_"That's decent of you to say but…"_

_"I mean it," she said hoping to catch his eyes through the bars. He turned then, looking into her face, as if he were considering what she had just said._

_"Thanks. That means a lot," he said when he looked away, leaving Quinn to study his profile, once more._

_"Rewind the clock and we never broke up in high school. What do you think would've happened?" Quinn asked putting down her milkshake and moving her chair closer to the bars that kept them apart._

_"I only know one thing for sure," he said staring at her intently, his green eyes seeming brighter as the sun faded for the day._

_"What's that?" Quinn asked holding the bars with both hands._

_"I would've married you," he said never looking away._

_Quinn looked down, completely caught off guard by the intensity of his words. "We were so young."_

_"That didn't matter. I knew I would have loved you forever."_

_Quinn looked up to find him still looking in her direction, his eyes unfocused, perhaps seeing something beyond the here and now._

_"What do you think would've happened?" asked Sam taking another sip of his shake._

_"I would've said yes," Quinn said, smiling out into the horizon as she saw the two of them in her mind, so young, emotions overtaking them._

_"I wish you would've given me a hint back then. I would've been down on one knee so fast."_

_"Our parents would have killed us," Quinn laughed feeling brave enough to face him again._

_Sam smiled. "It would have been worth it though."_

_He stuck his index finger through the bars, a lone invader into her territory. Quinn latched onto that finger with her own, the closest they could get to an embrace from their fixed points. It was still too risky to share a space without the protection of bars._

_"You think we'd be happier now if we'd gotten married back then?"_

_He let go of her finger and retreated back to his own side. "I don't know. I've got one divorce under my belt, soon to be two."_

_"And I've got a broken engagement."_

_"I would hate to think we would have broken up and lost each other. The way we are now, how we've been over the years, is kind of perfect. Wouldn't you say?"_

_"You are the best friend I could ask for," she replied leaning her head against the balcony bars between them._

_"I feel the same."_

_"But sometimes I wonder," she stopped herself, chewing her lower lip nervously._

_"What? Finish your thought." She felt Sam rub the top of her head, a part he could reach through the bars, to get her attention._

_Quinn couldn't look at him, but she told him what she had been trying to hold. "Sometimes I wonder if we would've been better off as a couple, friends and lovers combined."_

_"That's just heartache talking. If you weren't on the outs with Puck you'd see how we never really worked."_

_"I wasn't thinking about Puck at all actually," she said lifting her head, feeling the need to explain her point. "I was thinking maybe we never gave each other a real chance. We sold ourselves short."_

_"There are some things I wished I handled differently, especially with you and Penny, but I don't know Quinn." He shook his head, turning to look at her. "Wouldn't we have ended up together somehow if we were supposed to?"_

_"Not when we kept getting in our own way."_

_"I've done that so many times. Still can't believe I was going to marry Rachel, knowing all the while that I wasn't the type of man she wanted. I convinced myself we could work through that."_

_Quinn shrugged. "Maybe you could have. Before she saw that sex tape hadn't you two gotten back together?"_

_"Yes we had. The sex tape wasn't really the problem though. The real issue was that she didn't trust me."_

_"You did sleep with another woman." Quinn reminded him softly._

_"We were broken up. It was more that she always thought there was something between Mercedes and me. And she was right." Sam put down his empty milkshake and leaned back in his chair._

_"You think Mercedes thought there was something between us?"_

_Sam paused for a moment, considering her question. "I don't think so."_

_"Puck did. He asked me to spend less time with you a few times."_

_"You never told me that," he said his eyes widening._

_"No point. I didn't do it. I wasn't giving you up for him and his stupid insecurities."_

_"Not so stupid, was he? Look what we did," he laughed humorlessly looking out at the setting sun. "You think they will ever forgive us?"_

_"I don't know Sam. It's a lot to ask."_

_"I know. I can't help hoping for a miracle though, a way to get it all back."_

_"We could always put our heads together and invent that time eraser, wipe it all away, go back to high school."_

_He smiled still looking out over the balcony. "Sounds good. I might take you up on that if not for one thing."_

_"What one thing?" asked Quinn._

_"My wife. I don't want to live in a world without her."_

_She could hear his voice break at the mention of Mercedes and Quinn's heart dropped, disappointed that his wife had come in and interrupted the two of them again._

_"You might be forced to if she divorces you."_

_"Maybe so, but at least I'd still have the memories. I'd know at one time it was all real and I was happy." He covered his face with his hands, seeming more upset than he had been all night. Quinn had wanted to make him feel better not worse._

_"Right. I was just being silly. I don't want to forget the people we love. I was just looking for a way to end this pain."_

_Sam smiled at her, reaching out and rubbing her head through the bars again. "All we can do is hold on to each other and try to survive. I won't let go if you don't."_

* * *

><p>"Hey I was calling your name. Didn't you hear me?" asked Sam touching her shoulder lightly. Quinn looked up to see Sam above her, wet hair, dressed in a long sleeve gray henley and blue and gray plaid bottoms.<p>

"Sorry I must have been lost in thought."

He smiled as he took his watch off and put it on the side table. "Thinking about me I hope."

"Yes all about you."

"Nice," he flashed a grin at her, dimples and creases erupting on his face. "I was thinking about you too, when I was in the shower."

"Is this going somewhere dirty?" asked Quinn, knowing how Sam's mind worked.

"Nope, I'm all clean. I actually was thinking about us in high school."

"Really? What about us in high school?" How strange they had both been thinking about those days.

"Just how sometimes I wished we could take a trip back. Revisit our younger selves," he said climbing into bed beside her.

Quinn tried to hide her shock at the eeriness of this conversation. It was like he had been reading her mind. "What advice would you give to young Sam?"

"I'd tell him to never let you go."

Quinn leaned into him, bumping his shoulder with hers, so moved by what he had just said. She struggled to find the words to respond to that, everything that came to her mind seemed so weak in comparison. Maybe actions would be enough she decided, as she took his hand in her own, lacing her fingers with his, smiling into his face that was so close to her. He tilted his head to the side, watching her watch him, not offering anything to alleviate the awkwardness between them.

She dropped her head, letting go of his hand and biting on her lower lip, cursing herself for ruining the moment. He had said something so incredibly sweet and she had said nothing in return, not even a thank you. She was such an idiot. Then she felt a drop of water on her shoulder, on her arm, then her thigh. She looked over to find Sam on his knees, shaking his head from side to side vigorously like a wet puppy, showering her with cold droplets of water.

"Sam stop it!" she squealed through her fit of laughter, each drop of water tickling her skin. "You're going to mess up the bed."

He stopped, breathing heavily, a crooked smirk on his face. He had that look, he was plotting some mischievous seduction, and this time it was all for her. Quinn leaned back into the pillows, and waited to see what he would do next.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

"Are you coming or what?" he asked as he popped up on her side of the car. Slowly she opened the door and climbed out.

"I don't think I want to go inside."

"But you said you wanted to see where I lived."

"I see it now. Big house."

"So you're ready to head home?" Finn asked. Mercedes could hear a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"No I don't want to go home, but I don't want to go inside."

"Oh I get it." He smiled, dimples showing, eyes gleaming even in the moonlight. "Scared that you'll tarnish your high society reputation by being seen on fraternity row with me?"

"I think my reputation is already tarnished after this past year. I'm just not interested in making any walks of shame." Finn perked up. "Not that I'm sleeping with you. No chance in hell."

If Finn was offended by her firm denial he didn't show it. "No worries, we can hang out here. I'll be right back." Mercedes watched his tall lean frame head toward the house.

"Just so you know," he said pausing and turning back toward her. "There would be nothing shameful about spending time with me. I don't do casual sex or random hookups."

Mercedes shot him her "boy please" look. "Yeah right. You're a guy so I highly doubt that's true. Sam used to say the same shit all the time and look at what happened there."

"I'm not Sam though," he said before jogging up the stairs and into the house.

What the hell was she doing? It was like two am on a Thursday night and she was sitting outside the Gamma house on campus. She should be home in bed trying to sleep and waiting for Beth to wake up for her next bottle. Being out all night with a guy, a guy that wasn't Sam, that was not her life. Mentally she snarled, as Sam's face flashed in her mind. Damn that man and his accusations and judgment. He had spent the day with another woman, visiting her in her padded cell but he had the nerve to jump all over her just because she decided to have a social life. He could go to hell and take Quinn with him for all she cared. He was a lying jackass that needed to be gone from her life.

If only she could do what she told Puck, just pack his shit and put him out, then everything would be so much better in her life. It could be just her and Beiste and Beth with the occasional visits from her dad and Puck and Kurt, it would be so much simpler. Mercedes gasped, realizing what she had just thought. She was sitting there wishing for things to go back to the way they were when Sam was in a coma. She was so selfish and hateful. No way would she want Sam to be ill again, living on machines, not knowing whether he'd make it through the night.

Had things gotten so bad where she'd rather have Sam unconscious than in her life?

"Hey I know that look."

"What?" She looked up to find Finn in front of her.

"You're thinking about him again." Mercedes shook her head, "Don't try to deny it I know that face. I thought we decided to make this an S free zone."

"That was at the club."

"The zone follows us wherever we go."

"OK you're right. I'll do better."

He handed her a beer that he took from his coat pocket. "No don't worry about it. I'm just messing with you. I had my own S moment in the house. There was some wine that Sugar used to like to drink in the fridge."

"Sorry Finn. It must be hard with little memories popping up all over."

"I'll get through it. Has to be worse for you though. Kurt told me how Beth's room is like a shrine to Sam. How do you go in there without wanting to throw darts at all the pictures?"

"Darts? That's a great idea. I'll have to get some just for that purpose."

"Look at there. I told you I'm good to have around. Philosophy major baby." He tapped his forehead. "Always thinking."

"You've been great. Thanks for going with me to The Groove Room tonight."

"It was nothing."

He pulled a hat out of his back pocket, red, and black with a big M on it, and put it on Mercedes' head.

"What the hell?"

"You looked cold," he said. "Let me show you something." He grabbed her hand and tugged her gently leading her around the side of the house.

"A swing set!" Mercedes would've jumped with excitement if her heels weren't starting to sink into the frozen ground. She rushed over to the metal set, where two lonely swings were already swaying in the wind. "When I was a kid I used to love to swing. I'd sneak off to the park and just swing for hours."

"Why did you have to sneak out? My mom used to chase me outside so she could get a breather."

Mercedes took a huge gulp of her beer before setting it down on the grass. "Wanna race?" she asked already starting to pump her legs to swing higher.

Finn laughed. "My legs are so much longer than yours. I'd win before we even started."

"Do I smell fear?"

"Never," he said placing his beer down on the grass too, before starting to swing beside Mercedes.

Higher and higher the two of them pumped, the swings' chains rattling, the faster they went. They ended up swinging in unison matching each others pace despite Finn's long legs. Together they almost created a melody from the synchronized sounds of their swings, combining harmoniously with the muted buzz of the bass coming from a nearby home.

"What do we do now? Do we jump?" Finn asked loudly, sounding very out of breath.

Mercedes stomach dropped as she stopped pumping, her swinging slowing to a gentle rocking motion in seconds. Like her battery pack had died, Mercedes sat on her swing, feet now firmly on the ground, swaying in the cold.

"No," she replied as she reached for her beer. Why risk it? Taking leaps was what got her into this mess with Sam in the first place. "Why is there a swing set at a frat house?"

Finn stopped his swing twisting it a bit to face her. "Apparently years ago one of the brothers was a dad and his kid used to come and visit. They put up this swing set for him."

"So I guess it doesn't get used much now."

"Well," he took a sip of his beer. "Sometimes we have contests. See who can swing the highest and longest without puking."

Mercedes turned up her nose. "Let me guess you guys are drunk while doing this?"

"It kind of would be pointless if we did it sober, so yeah. College life."

"Can you see me at college?" Mercedes asked.

Finn looked at her blankly. "Uh…aren't you in college now?"

"I mean can you see me being a typical college girl, living on campus, maybe in a sorority?"

Finn studied her for a moment as if he were seriously giving her question thought. "I don't know. You seem kind of reserved. I bet you'd be the type to hide out in the library all the time."

Sam had said the same thing to her when he was in the hospital. Little did either man know how far from the truth they were. Not that she was having fun at those bars and clubs back in in LA, but so many nights of her life were spent in stuffy, dank establishments. Keisha Jones liked to conduct business in such places. Not her respectable affairs, and respectable was anything but in her mom's world, even though she classified her actions as such, but when Keisha was desperate, looking for quick or easy gains to supply her habit, it was to those seedier types of places she turned. Surprisingly Mercedes liked these men better, and if she had to choose, then low rent men would be the ones she'd take over the respectable ones any day.

From about the age of twelve Mercedes' mom would wake her up in a frenzied state, talking fast, with shiny skin and bright eyes, making her put on the tightest and smallest clothes she could find. Makeup this time and loads of it, these men didn't like messing with a child, or at least they pretended like they didn't, so Mercedes had to look older before her mom bartered her flesh for quick drug money.

Once Mercedes got older, maybe about sixteen, she stood her ground and demanded that her mother stop using her for profit. Mercedes would never forget the day she had confronted her mother. After hours of driving fast down the freeway trying to work up the courage to take control of her life she finally headed home, which was at the time a suite in fairly nice hotel thanks to a particularly generous and perverted man that liked her in pigtails and plaid skirts, Mercedes approached her mother and stated her case. Her body, her choice.

Keisha Jones looked at her for a moment no expression, making Mercedes squirm and almost run from the room until finally her mother said, "Fine, It's your body and you can choose what you want as long as you still bring me my money."

A small victory was won that day, such as it was, Mercedes would soon figure out that earning the kind of money her mother expected was quite difficult without offering up her body in exchange, but nevertheless she finally had a little control. Looking back she wasn't quite sure if it was better to be pimped out by someone else or to pimp out herself. Both options left her feeling dirty and used. Thankfully her time finding ways to extract money from respectable rich men was short lived. Too much tequila combined with prescription pain killers had killed her mother and set her free. Finding the name Julian Jones on her birth certificate, followed by an internet search had done the rest, setting her on a course for her new life in Lima, Ohio. Although most people in Lima might have been whispering that she had pulled off some elaborate con by landing Sam Evans, none of them truly knew about her past. That was the one thing Sam's money bought her, her privacy. No one aside from a select few knew about her old life in LA and Dwight Evans made sure it stayed that way.

"You don't know me that well. I used to be quite social."

"Let me guess. Before you became Mrs. Evans right?"

Mercedes picked up her beer. "You make it seem like I'm a Stepford wife hosting dinner parties and volunteering at the Lima art society."

The only parties she had thrown were for her dad or Puck and Quinn and she had little time to volunteer as a full time student. If Sam had different expectations of her, he never let on. He was one hundred percent supportive of her finishing her degree and her goal of becoming a nurse.

"Aren't you? You're married to the son of the richest man in town."

At one point that would have meant so much to her, Mercedes was pretty sure if her mom were alive to see how far she had risen, Keisha Jones would have finally shown her some love. Sam was never a mark though. She hadn't even known who he was that day when she hid out at his table at BreadStix. Once she did find out just who he was, there was a certain attraction to his wealth and power, but that all went away once she truly got to know him. Sam was more than his family status or bank balance.

"Sam's not pretentious like that."

"There's an elevator in Dwight Evans house and a butler named Figgins. Sounds pretty stuffy to me."

"Figgins is a sweetheart and Dwight had the elevator installed when Sam got back from Afghanistan and was wounded badly. Practical not pretentious."

"If you say so. Dude just seems tightly wound to me. You may come across a little nerdy but never could I picture you ending up with a guy like that."

"We fit, well we used to." She sighed, momentarily thinking about how different things had once been between her and Sam. "Sam's not really like his parents. He's more down to earth than he seems. Besides he was one of the most eligible bachelors in the U.S. Before I snagged him so that's saying something."

"Says he's loaded."

"I didn't marry Sam for his money."

"Come on Mercedes, you can be straight with me the money had to add a little to his appeal. Without it he's just another skinny white guy with big lips."

Mercedes laughed though she knew she shouldn't but it was nice to hear someone say something negative about Sam for a change. Most people kissed his ass and everyone else she associated with was a part of his family so finally with Finn she found an objective party. "The lips are nice but he could use a little more ass."

"And a little less feet. I think we wear the same shoe size and I'm like 4" taller. Why the freakish long feet bro?" asked Finn holding up both legs to display his feet.

"You know what they say about big feet and hands."

"Yes I do." Finn held his hands out in front of him and grinned. "All true."

"All true for Sam too."

Finn shook his head. "I swear girls are worse than guys when it comes to sex. You don't hear guys saying stuff like big ears equal big boobs."

"Nope guys just throw a drink on you and stare." She attempted to laugh but couldn't quite manage it. Thinking about men in bars turned her stomach.

"Wet t-shirt reference." Finn laughed. Mercedes caught the quick glance he gave her though. He was checking out her chest, now that she'd brought the subject up. "Now that's a contest you could easily win if you ever decide to be a college girl and come to campus."

"I'll pass. I've had enough men leering at me while dry."

Sometimes they didn't even need a drink. Mercedes could always feel when a man was looking at her. That was another life skill her mom made sure she learned – knowing when a man was interested. Even tonight at the club Mercedes knew there were eyes on her body, and she hated every minute of that unwanted attention.

"Why does it have to be leering? It could be appreciation."

"Oh it's leering all guys do it, but some of you are slicker about it. Like Sam when I was his assistant he used to stare at my boobs and my ass constantly. And when I called him on it he had the nerve to blame me. Said I dressed inappropriate for the work place."

"Did you?" Finn asked leaning his swing closer to her.

"I wore suits and dresses like everyone else. Just because my clothes hugged a little tighter than the average D&E employee wasn't my fault. And I told him that. Know what he did?"

"What?"

"He freaking changed the company dress code no cleavage and no skirts above the knee." Damn jackass. Mercedes took another sip of her beer. She should have been wise enough to leave him alone back then. He had been showing his shitty ways since day one.

"No wonder Rachel quit. All her skirts barely cover her ass."

Mercedes gritted her teeth. "That girl. She worked there when I did she was dating Sam."

"Yeah I know. She still has a picture of the two of them on a shelf at her and Kurt's apartment. "

"Why is she clinging to the past?" Mercedes shook her head feeling not surprised by Rachel's craziness. "Sam has long since moved on." Though Mercedes thought Sam and moved on from Quinn too, and look where they were now.

"She said it was because he was in a coma but it's still up now."

"She's the reason I never went over there. I can't stand that shrew."

"Wait," he said touching her arm. "I thought you were friends. Wasn't she in your wedding? "

"Clearly I had lost my mind that day."

"For having Rachel in the wedding party or for marrying Sam? "

"Wow." Words caught in her throat and tears burned behind her eyes. She didn't even have a response for that question.

Finn downed his beer and tossed the bottle on the grass at his feet. "Maybe I'm being rude for asking it but I've been sitting here all night wondering how a man with a super sweet wife that loves him, would just shit all over that with another woman."

Slowly she began to swing, hoping the rocking motion would move her away from this conversation, or better yet her life. Faster she pumped her legs, leaving Finn blurry below, with pointed toes she stretched, reaching for the moon, desperate for an escape.

* * *

><p>"Are you hungry?" asked Quinn trying to fill the silence that fallen between them. The mood was taking a turn, and Quinn wasn't quite sure she was ready to follow it.<p>

"I could go for something sweet," said Sam as he flopped down on the bed beside her, rolling on his side to face her.

"There's the candy I got from the machine earlier," she suggested her voice shaky as Sam stroked her arm with his fingertips.

"Maybe later," he said before kissing the places his fingers just tread, soft lingering kisses up her arm. Quinn's eyes fluttered shut at the sensation.

"It's so strange being here with you."

"Good strange? Or?"

"Definitely good. I want to pinch myself to make sure this is really happening."

He kissed her unexpected and sweet, his soft lips brushing hers with gentle pressure.

"Did you feel that?" Sam asked pulling back to look her in the eyes, his hand stroking her hair that fell around her face.

"Yes." She outlined his lower lip with her finger, trying hard to resist the urge to pull him closer and kiss him again.

He playfully nibbled at her finger that hovered near his mouth. "You think maybe we could talk for a bit?"

"Of course. What is it you want to talk about?"

"There's a lot on my mind these days, so much I don't know." Sam looked up at the ceiling as if he hoped the heavens would open and enlighten him.

"Must be so confusing for you."

"At times it is, and at other times, I'm completely fine with all the blank spaces in my head." He looked at her and smiled. "There are so many good things in my present, like you and Beth. I don't feel the need to look back."

"You've got to be wondering why though? Why you made certain choices, how you ended up the man you are now?'

Looking back on it, Sam had really done quite a bit to turn his life around. He'd moved past his selfish plotting, his controlling need to force life to bend to his desires, and had created a life for himself where family, loyalty, love and honesty took center stage. Despite his terrible parents, and unconventional upbringing, Sam had truly managed to rise above and actually become the better man he always wanted to be.

"See for me, I feel the same. I don't know who this supposed new version of me is."

"I think you'd like the person you became. I liked him very much."

Changes are harder to see when they are happening right under your nose, so Quinn hadn't fully been aware of Sam's growth while it was occurring. Once she took a moment, sat back and really looked, she could see it all, Sam had changed, in the best possible way. When they were together at the Beacon, Quinn had noticed it, he was calmer, even during that time of extreme emotional duress, he was less likely to fly off the handle. He took responsibility for his mistakes, he tried to avoid casting blame on others, and he looked within for answers. Sam didn't harass Mercedes or assault Shane when his marriage fell apart, he had accepted the situation and tried to plead his case without making Mercedes feel trapped or cornered. Sam cared about other people and put their needs above his own. Quinn admired that then, and aspired to be more like that now.

"More than you liked me when we were stuck in that limo crash? I keep thinking about our time together that night," said Sam.

"I've been thinking about it lately too." In vivid detail, explicit memories of their time alone together in the cold, when their burning attraction was no longer contained by the barrier of their clothes.

"Really?" he asked leaning away from her in surprise.

"It's sort of this point, back to a place before it all went wrong."

It wasn't just sex though, it was the things they had said to each other that night as well. She'd never been that open with him before, facing death must have made her braver, more apt to be real. Quinn had been so close to admitting something that she had been feeling for months, even when she was still living in New York with Puck. Missing Sam back then had made her realize just how much she wanted him in her life. When she saw him again, it all hit her with startling clarity, she wanted to get to know him again, to renew their connection, to maybe discover that what they had in high school was still there between them. But she was in a relationship with Pucked and he wanted Brittany, so Quinn had stifled those feelings, shoving them away as she always had. Then the plane went down and suddenly the only thing that mattered was the two of them.

"What happened? It felt like we were so close to something then, like we were about to become…" his voice trailed off, a smile substituting for words.

"Something more," said Quinn filling in his blank.

"You felt it too?" he asked leaning his head against her shoulder.

"I did," she picked up his hand and held it, rubbing his palm with her thumb. "I wanted things to work out for us after that."

She had wanted a chance to do it all over again, without her fears holding her back, without Puck dividing her focus. Quinn wanted the chance to see if Sam really was that prince she always dreamed he was, the first boy, besides Puck who didn't count because he was off limits, to have ever truly seen her and liked what he saw. She had hoped that the second time would have been it, and what had always been missing within her would finally be found in his arms.

"Quinn, why am I married to someone else? Why aren't we together?" he asked squeezing her hand tightly, not meeting her eyes, instead focusing on their joined hands.

She laughed almost to herself. He had asked those questions as if she knew the answers. She had been wondering the same things, for some time now. "It's hard to say why. Life, our fears, maybe our timing was off. I don't know."

"Did we even try?" Sam was getting emotional, the subject meaning more to him than Quinn had ever realized. It felt good to know that this mattered to him, that she still mattered to him.

"We were close, then we weren't, then we were again."

"Sounds like us," he laughed pulling Quinn down to lie flat on the bed. She rolled on her side to face him, temple to temple, still holding hands. "Typical Sam and Quinn dancing around each other."

"But never getting the steps right." Strange how they never managed to be on the same page, their hearts never in alignment. Someone had always cut in on their dance in one way or another.

"When I first found out we had Beth together I thought we were the ones married, that you were my wife. It really threw me when I found out that wasn't the case."

"I heard it was bad for you. How are you dealing with it now?"

"My wife's a stranger. She looks at me with these wide eyes, like I mean so much to her, like we have all this between us and I feel nothing."

Quinn felt incredibly lucky in that moment. Sam had come back and remembered the best parts of them, he still looked at her with familiarity and warmth. Mercedes got the blank stares and the coldness.

She kissed him softly on the cheek, moved by the pain and confusion swimming in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Me too. I hate that I'm hurting her. She seems like a good girl." Quinn turned up her nose at the comment. Mercedes had him fooled already into thinking she was all sweet and innocent. "I saw that face you just made. What's up? Why don't you two like each other?" asked Sam.

"You mean besides the obvious I slept with her husband reason?"

"I think there's more to it," he pressed, rubbing her bare shoulder.

"I'm not sure she ever liked me, especially not with Puck."

She'd never done anything to Mercedes, Quinn had always been cordial. Quinn had hoped that maybe they would have become friends, since she was Julian's daughter and so close to Puck. At first things were going well, Mercedes was dating Shane and sometimes she and Puck would double date with the couple. Ultimately, Shane and Mercedes were short lived, as she traded up and latched onto Sam. The tension built since Puck was against Sam and Mercedes as couple and Quinn was stuck in the middle trying to support Puck but still be a friend to Sam. Maybe she resented Mercedes just a little bit for coming into her life and shaking up the dynamic. Julian became more focused on Mercedes and Quinn felt his diminished presence in her own life acutely. Quinn supposed Mercedes was just as unsettled by the changes and that made it harder for them to bond. All of that made sense, and could very well be true, but Quinn was pretty sure simple jealousy was the reason the two of them never got along. Mercedes just didn't like another woman taking up her newfound father's time.

"How long were you engaged to Puck?"

"I was with him when we slept together that last time."

"I know. Wait," he said sitting up. "That last time? Do you mean there were other times we slept together?"

"I figured you knew by now," said Quinn rolling onto her back.

"I'm pretty much clueless about most things."

"After the crash, when Puck and I broke up, you were good to me."

"How good?" he asked raising one eyebrow.

A slow smile spread on Quinn's face. Leave it to Sam to take that one word and run with it. "Very good."

"And did you thank me properly for my kindness?" he asked shifting back down on his side of the bed, flat on his back.

"Repeatedly."

"Oh that's nice." He grinned. "I like that."

"You're so crazy, Sam," she said laughing, hitting his arm playfully. "I'm trying to be serious."

"So was I!"

Quinn rolled her eyes at him, but never dropped her smile. "After my break up we acted on that attraction we had during the crash."

"You finally gave up the goodies. Took you long enough, been waiting years."

"See this is why you don't remember any of it. Your karmic punishment for being such a guy."

"You wouldn't have me any other way," he smirked.

"You're right. I wouldn't."

Sam pulled Quinn closer, to rest her head on his chest. "Finish telling me about our story. You and Puck broke up, we had amazing sex…"

"I never said it was amazing."

"Come on. That's a given," he said, his chest quaking with laughter.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"I can write you up a detailed list," he said suggestively. "But seriously what happened?"

"We decided to take things slow, remaining just friends. You were still getting over Brittany, I was getting over Puck, but we decided it was wrong to deny ourselves pleasure. We deserved to feel good after all we had been through."

"Meaning?"

"We used each other for sex."

She had agreed to that arrangement but never fully bought into it. Quinn had always thought that she and Sam were more than that, and the fact that they had finally made love, meant something deeper than scratching some sexual itch. Quinn had played along, agreeing things were casual, because she thought they both needed to take things slow, to ease into something more. Each time they made love, Quinn eagerly waited for the change, the moment Sam would say the words and let her know that he didn't want to be casual anymore. The words never came, and while their nightly visits continued, she could feel Sam pulling away, withdrawing more into himself. In the end, it truly felt like just sex, and she was just the warm body he chose because she was easily accessible.

"That's an unexpected twist."

"It worked for a while, then things changed."

"I started to get emotionally attached and you pushed me away right?" he asked as he slowly stroked her hair.

"No, I was the one that got attached."

Sam had broken her heart in stages, severing slivers with each date he took Penny on, each time he rolled away after sex without saying a word. Losing someone felt so much worse, when they still had their arms around you, pretending they didn't want to let go.

"I don't see how that could lead to us not working out."

"You didn't want me," Quinn said pulling away to sit up against the headboard on her side of the bed.

"That's impossible."

"It happened. I was ready for something deeper with you, and you weren't on the same page. There was another woman."

A chill ran through Quinn's body, and she rubbed her arms to lessen the goose bumps that had formed, somehow she had found herself back in the same place with him. Years had passed, and they both had moved on a few times over, but nothing had changed. Their timing was still incredibly off. Quinn finally felt ready to take a chance with Sam, more ready than she had been three years ago, and Sam again wasn't in the same place. Watching him wake from his coma, the thrill of hearing his scratchy voice over the phone, seeing him face to face, it was all illusion, a fleeting fantasy that would vanish once the clock struck some unknown hour that probably coincided with the sunrise. It didn't matter that Sam was holding her in his arms now, or that he had kissed her so hard she could barely catch her breath, none of that changed the truth, Sam was married. Another woman was between them once again.

"Who?"

"Penny Owen, Miss Lima U 2008 I do believe. She was a redhead, all syrupy sweetness, and you seemed to be pretty taken with her."

"I was seeing her while we were sleeping together?"

"Yep. I think it started out as business, you were doing some dealings with her father, but in the end I think you really liked her."

"I dumped you for her?" Sam asked.

Quinn cringed at his question, feeling a bit raw, going back to such a painful time in their history.

"We were just fuck buddies Sam, there's no breaking up from that, it just fizzles out."

"You're upset," he said leaning closer, examining her face.

"It was a long time ago." Quinn swiped at the few tears that had fallen down her cheek, feeling silly that all of this still affected her after so many years.

"I see it all over your face, this hurts you. I hurt you."

"It's just sad to think about what we could have been. Maybe if I had spoken up sooner, and told you how I felt, you might have stopped seeing Penny and gotten serious with me."

It was such an awful thing, regret, to look back and wonder which fork in the road she should have chosen to finally get her to that rainbow. Though looking at her track record the odds were probably pretty slim that things would have amounted to much with Sam. Quinn had crashed and burned in love each and every time, so had he, they were alike in that way, risking their hearts but never quite getting the happily ever after they craved. Maybe the solution had always been staring them in the face, apart their hearts were destined to be broken, their dreams shattered, but together they could be stronger, they could actually achieve that happiness. Perhaps all the other loves failed, because they loved the wrong people, instead of each other.

She'd done it again, let her mind get carried away by fanciful dreams of a destined happiness with Sam. None of those thoughts were based in reality, it was all wishful thinking on her part, because the truth was more likely that she and Sam never got their second chance because they weren't meant to have it. Sometimes once is all there is.

"You never told me you wanted more with me?"

"I did, just too late."

Fear and hurt feelings had led her into Mike's arms. He was a good listener, he could make her laugh even on her worst days, and most of all he would never hurt her. He couldn't, he didn't have the power to. In Quinn's mind it had been better to hide her heart with another man than face almost certain rejection from Sam. But Quinn always did have a brave streak, daring to break the rules, stand left of center, ever since she was a little girl, so she threw back her shoulders and had faced Sam, put it all on the line. Too little, too late, their time had passed.

"I don't get it Quinn. I remember what happened in that crash, those promises we were so close to making. I can't see myself choosing another woman over you."

Sam looked truly confused and Quinn wished there was something she could say to make this easier for him, but she couldn't this was their truth.

"I don't know what you were thinking, you never explained it to me, and we moved on not too long after, so there was really no point."

"I moved on to Penny and you went back to…. Puck?"

Quinn didn't bother to correct him. Sam's timeline of events worked much better at this point. She didn't feel ready to tell him about her relationship with Mike, not tonight. She had just got him back, she couldn't risk losing him so soon.

"You actually didn't stay with Penny long, she moved away for a job or she transferred schools. I never knew what really happened for sure between you."

"I thought we were best friends? How is it we never talked about this?"

"Even best friends have subjects they like to avoid."

"I feel like I need to go back and beat myself up. What the hell was I thinking walking away from you?" he asked as his hand ran down her arm to tangle with her fingers again.

Quinn felt relieved that the closeness that had been there all night still remained even after this hard conversation.

"Like I said, our fears, bad timing, sometimes things just aren't meant to be."

"I'm not buying that. I came out of a coma knowing we were meant be. I can't believe that I felt differently back then. I've always known."

"You got married twice, and you were engaged to Rachel, how can you say you always knew we would be together?" she asked feeling a bit hurt as she thought about Sam's string of romances.

He'd been so serious about them all, willing to make promises and pledges, he'd let them all know how much they were loved and wanted. Never did he do that for her, those whispered dreams of a married future when they were seventeen, had disappeared. Words vanished as soon as they were spoken.

"In my heart I knew. I can remember my time with Brittany and you were always there Quinn, in the background, like a tucked away dream."

Quinn shook her head, not fully believing his words. "You loved Brittany, I know you did."

"Didn't change the way I felt about us. I gotta believe that the feeling remained with those other women."

If that were true, Quinn couldn't feel it when he was with Penny, she felt discarded, replaced by a younger, more suitable model. That feeling intensified as she watched him fall for Rachel Berry, he had been so into her that he didn't even seem to care that she was dating his brother. Quinn knew she was being self-absorbed, wanting Sam to be devastated by her actions, but it hurt that Sam seemed to get over her so quickly. Even though she had moved on with Mike, letting Sam go had been hard for her, it took time, and many pep talks to get herself to realize she was making the right decision. Sam had seemed to move on with particular ease.

"Why are you telling me all of this now Sam? I just got out of the hospital, you are still recovering, our lives are in total disarray."

"All of that is true, but how I feel about you is completely clear," he said placing his hand on the side of her face, lulling her to look into his eyes. "It just might be the one certainty in my life. I take comfort in it. I'm hoping that sharing this with you, will give you the same sense of calm I'm feeling. I want to be your peace."

Drowning in his intense green eyes, she let herself relax into him, falling into his chest. Sam wrapped his arms around her holding her close, kissing the top of her head softly.

Quinn sighed, so content in his embrace. "You are. You have been for so long. All last year, when things were so bad, and I felt so lost, I could just think of you and instantly calm down."

"Was this while I was in the coma?"

"Even before then. You were my rock when everything else was falling apart around me. You held me together, and gave me the courage to stay strong. Only I didn't realize it at the time."

All of her calls had gone to voice mail and she had been cursing him in her mind most of the night. How could he have left her alone when she was dealing with so much? She had just found out she was pregnant, and the one person she wanted to lean on was nowhere to be found. Quinn had ended up on Puck's doorstep, praying that her baby would bring a miracle and give her and Puck a reason to try again. There were no miracles that night, Puck got called away, mid conversation and Quinn was unable to fully explain her condition. So Quinn had dragged herself back to the hotel, the sole holder of her precious secret.

She had knocked on Sam's door, before going to her own room, just to make sure he wasn't hiding out, sitting depressed and drunk in the dark. There had been no answer. Later, alone in her own room, she had sipped a diet Pepsi and picked at a chicken sandwich, while she absently flipped through the channels with her remote. Late breaking news on some station, made her pause, a reporter standing in the rain, police lights in the background, there had been a car accident on a remote patch of highway 85, and somehow Quinn just knew, it was Sam.

No phone calls, no knocks on her door relaying the news, she didn't rate that much attention, she wasn't a part of his world according to his family. She was the one they blamed for his destruction. It didn't matter what they all thought of her, she knew that what she had with Sam was real and unbreakable, so she had rushed down to Lima Hospital that night to check on him.

Puck had been the first one to spot her, blocking her path toward the ICU with a hug and a forced apologetic smile. He claimed he was just about to call her, but Quinn knew that was far from the truth. Puck's concern was for Mercedes now, in his eyes Mercedes was the woman that had the right to love Sam. Sue's howls so haunting that Quinn had heard them in her sleep for many nights afterward, Dwight's stiffened exterior, a pillar of calm, only his red rimmed blood shot eyes gave away his true emotions. Will had been there too, ashen gray, visibly trembling, as he tried to maintain professional composure. Quinn could see he was a wreck like the rest of them.

Then she saw him, on a gurney being transported into surgery, eyes closed, hair plastered to his face, coated in thick red blood. Quinn instinctively moved toward him, wanting to touch his face, grab his hand, he looked so lifeless lying there under a blood tinged sheet. But Mercedes had come, and she caressed him the way Quinn longed to, she kissed his lips softly, she held his hand, until she was forced to let go. Never had Quinn felt so alone, as she did standing in the middle of the hospital corridor watching Sam be rolled out of sight, she felt like she'd never see him again, and she had been partially right. Nine months without Sam, had been nothing short of hell, forced to grieve alone for the one man that had always meant so much to her.

"I don't understand," he said against her hair.

"I took you for granted. I always assumed you would come through for me, that you would always be around for me. I never thought much about it, just took it as a given."

"Keep assuming. I'll always be here."

"Like the sun and moon?" she asked running her hand over his chest in slowly circles.

"Artie gave you my message. I wasn't sure if he did or if you would even remember."

She turned on her stomach, her chin resting on his upper chest. "How could I forget my forever?" she asked staring into his eyes.

The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled at her. "I didn't know, things could have changed."

"Things did change, but not us." She reached up and ran her hand through his hair, letting the short strands fall through her fingers. "Never us, right?"

"Right," he said closing his eyes and she continued to stroke his hair.

"I hope that stays true," said Quinn dropping her hand.

There was so much he still didn't know about what they had been through. Their friendship survived so much, but Quinn was starting to worry if they could weather it all twice. Sam seemed different this time, his emotions more apparent, his skin not a thickened coat of armor. The blows he endured last go round, might draw blood now.

"We've lasted this long, I can't imagine anything that could make us lose what we have."

"The stakes are higher now. We have Beth."

"I was going to say the connection's greater now because we have Beth. She's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time."

Sam's hands were in her hair again, lifting it up off her shoulder and letting it fall all around them.

"Me too." Quinn smiled, pleased at how fast she offered that response, she finally was starting to feel that connection to her baby again. One day she'd be able to think of Beth without the fears and lingering doubts, like a real mother.

"Now that you're out of the hospital we can spend time together as a family, make up for all that time we lost."

Quinn imagined Sam's words, family time, just the three of them, that was all she had wanted for so long. He was spinning dreams that she longed to be real.

"I wish that were possible."

"It will be possible. You got treatment for your PPD, they can't keep Beth away from you."

"It is a bit more complicated than that." Artie had made it clear, Child Protective Services would put her through rigorous tests before handing her back her daughter. Quinn hoped she'd be able to prove herself worthy.

"I wonder if my father had a hand in doing this to you. I wouldn't put it past him."

"I don't think Dwight was involved."

Losing Beth was solely on her shoulders, she no longer could pretend Dwight had sabotaged her in some way. It was her choices, her actions that had cost her custody of her baby.

"We will fix this Quinn, don't worry. I'm not going to let our child continue to suffer without her mother."

"She doesn't even know me," she said blinking back the tears that filled her eyes.

"I don't believe that. I think bonds like that are unbreakable. Beth has taken to me almost from the first time I held her."

"That's because she knows you."

"Like I said unbreakable bond."

"I think that, and the fact that Mercedes brought her to see you and surrounded her with pictures of you. Your face is familiar to her."

"She didn't do the same for you?"

"I think to a far lesser degree. You are her priority with Beth. I think she was hoping I'd be locked up for years to come."

"I guess she'll be mighty surprised when she sees you."

"You didn't tell her I was coming back?" Quinn asked shocked.

"Nope," he said with a quick shrug of his shoulders.

"Are you sure that's a good idea Sam? Maybe you shouldn't spring something like this on her."

Keeping her return from Mercedes seemed like a bad idea, a really bad idea. Sam might not be aware, but Quinn knew that Mercedes could be quite vindictive when threatened. Quinn was pretty sure Mercedes would take Sam bringing her back as an attack.

"It really has nothing to do with her. This is about what's best for you, me and Beth," said Sam shifting to his side. Quinn mirrored his position, facing him, letting her hand rest on his hip.

"I just don't want to cause you any trouble."

"Let's forget about Mercedes for the rest of the night. I'm so tired of her always popping up in the middle of my life. Can you picture how much better things would be if she weren't around?"

"I've had a thought or two in that area."

If Mercedes were out of the picture they would be free to build a family, the three of them, maybe one day she could be Sam's wife. Quinn knew it was wrong to think such things, Sam had chosen Mercedes and wanted to be with her before the accident, it wasn't right for her to build her hopes on Mercedes's pain.

"So we agree? Just us for the rest of the night?" he asked pulling her close. They were nose to nose, their bodies flush against each other.

"Just us." Quinn smiled liking the idea. "Are we going to watch the movie?"

"We can do whatever you want," he said kissing the end of her nose.

"It's not all about me. I can compromise. Do you want me to find something else?" she asked reaching over to grab the remote from the bedside table.

"I'm not interested in TV."

"Okay," she said turning the television off, leaving them in complete darkness. "It's dark."

"Are you afraid?" he asked against her ear, the warmth of his breath made her shiver.

"How can I fear the night when the stars and the moon shine to keep me company?"

Quinn got up needing to put some space between them. She opened the curtains that covered the large window letting the starlight stream in.

"Remember how we used to look at the stars back in high school?" he asked as he watched her from the bed.

Quinn smiled, hugging herself lightly as she made her way back over to him. "You used to tell me the myths that went with each constellation."

He pulled her down on top of him, rubbing her back as she molded herself to his body. "You're the only one I ever did that with."

Quinn's heart lifted, touched that those starlit nights had been something special between them. "Are you sure? Maybe you've forgotten."

"No, I know you're the only one. When you left…when you went with Puck, I stopped looking up. Stars became just lights, the stories they held, I let those go."

"Sam…" Years had passed and still she felt like she needed to apologize, to make up for hurting him back then.

"I let a lot of things go after you." His voice sounded strained and his arms tensed around her.

"You might have gotten them back since. So much has happened. You were happy Sam," she said putting her hands on both sides of his face.

Perhaps it was because she had been the one that hurt him first, but Quinn needed to tell him that he didn't always feel broken and drifting, that things had gotten better. She needed him to know that he'd found joy again, the light had returned to his eyes. He deserved to know that, even if she hadn't been the one that gave him back that happiness in the end.

"Even though I didn't have you?" he asked running his hands down the length of her back.

"I often think you were happiest without me," she said dropping her head. The truth that she'd caused him more pain than pleasure hitting her hard.

Sam lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. "I never knew what happy felt like until I fell in love with you.'

"We're not seventeen anymore," she said shaking her head. "As we get older what makes us happy changes."

Quinn wanted to find her joy again, the part of herself she left behind when she graduated. She never wanted to be one of those people that peaked in high school, yet here she was constantly looking back, feeling like the best times were far behind her.

"Not for me. Looking at you now, I feel the same way I did then, when we were in high school."

Quinn climbed off of him and out of the bed, trying to keep her thoughts straight. Sam didn't know what he was saying. His feelings were based on the past. Quinn repeated those facts in her head, willing herself not to get caught up in things that weren't true.

"Sam you don't know what you're saying. I'm different, you're different, our lives have changed."

Sam wouldn't let her run, following her as she paced about the room. He took both of her hands in his, stopping her manic movements.

"I woke up hearing your voice, your face was in my mind as I tried to open my eyes. I could feel you with me the whole time I was in the hospital, like you had left your spirit behind to look after me." Quinn tried to turn away, anything to escape his green eyes. She didn't need to be reminded of how it felt to know he woke up looking for her, she needed to stay focused, keep her mind on the realities of all this. "Don't talk to me about how things have changed when I'm looking into your eyes and feeling like this," he said as he pulled her back to face him, not letting her walk away.

"Feeling like what?" she asked her voice almost a whisper, her pulse pounding in her ears. He was looking at her with such emotion, she could sense the honesty in his eyes.

He smiled, dropping her hands and stepping closer, bridging the gap between them. "Like I could be falling totally in love with you," he said before lowering his head and capturing her lips with his own.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

At least she had kissed him back, that had to mean something, be a good omen. She could have slapped him instead, but this whole just staring at him thing was driving him crazy. What the hell was she thinking? She had to have some reaction, some thoughts, he just told her he was falling in love with her, totally out of the blue, after seeing her again for the first time after nine months in a coma. Sam's stomach churned, as he finally turned away from Quinn's wide green eyes. He went over to the desk, pretended to be interested in the room service menu, all so he wouldn't have to face her. She must think he had completely lost his mind. Why didn't his mouth have a pause button? He was always blurting out too much, at the absolute wrong time.

Now that Sam was starting to think about it, he wasn't sure what he had been expecting to achieve with that all too honest declaration. At the time, he thought knowing how he felt would be a source of comfort for her, a way to let her know that she could trust him, trust in them. Sam should have known that Quinn wouldn't see it like that, she had never been the most demonstrative person, and sharing emotions, definitely was not her thing, at least not with him. Back in high school, he had been the one to say 'I love you' first, in fact he had been the only one of the two of them to say it. He had told her what was in his heart countless times back then, the words easier to express each time he'd said it. He had hoped that ease would be contagious, and that Quinn would relax and tell him she loved him too. That never happened, at least not with him, Puck got the words of love along with her heart.

This time he hadn't been expecting Quinn to say anything in return, he knew better than that, but he had hoped she would react in some way. Maybe it was shock. Sam quickly glanced over to the middle of the room, where Quinn still stood, now staring at her feet, rubbing her hands up and down her arms as if she were cold. She was only wearing that silk nightgown, it may have reached her mid calves but it was skimpy, lace and little straps on top, a long slit up the side that went almost to her hip. He should just go over there and warm her up, find her a robe, offer her a blanket, or better yet just wrap her in his arms. With that decided, Sam took a deep breath and approached Quinn.

She looked up startled. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you."

Quinn shook her head smiling, her eyes meeting his briefly, before again averting them to the floor.

"Quinn," he began, tentatively touching her shoulder. "About what I said earlier, I don't want you to think…"

She pressed two fingers to his lips, silencing him immediately.

"Don't say anything Sam. If you're going to take it back…"

"I'm not going to take it back," he said removing her fingers from his lips and holding them in his hand. "I meant every word."

Her green eyes sparked as a smile broke on her face.

"I can't believe…" she began, tears filling her eyes, overflowing onto her cheeks, that bright smile never leaving her face.

"Believe it, believe in me."

He'd done it again, put himself out there, exposing his feelings so blatantly, but with the way she kept looking at him, and her arms now wrapped around his neck, he couldn't quite bring himself to care about the pitfalls of his overeager mouth.

Holding both his hands, walking backwards, leading him to the bed, her smile transformed into something more, sexy and seductive. On the bed, flat on his back, feet on the floor, Quinn's hair surrounding him like a velvet curtain. She was on her knees straddling him, the soft silkiness of the beauty hidden under her gown, teasing him, making him rise to strain against his pajama pants each time she rocked forward and kissed him deeper. Running her hands through his hair, down his face, over his chest, again and again, her tongue sweeping his, intensity building each time he moaned. Sam might have forgotten many things, but he hadn't forgotten this, the feel of her in his arms, the taste of her kisses, and how he never could get enough of her.

Fingernails scraped his belly as she lifted his shirt, kissing her way up his torso as more skin became exposed. Over his head and tossed aside, his henley removed to allow Quinn free access to his bare chest. A rush of self-consciousness overcame him, as he remembered how he must look to her, so thin and pale. Sam braced himself for her reaction, relaxing when none came, except Quinn purring something low and incoherent against his ear, then she stood up, leaving him instantly cooled by her absence. Sam lifted his head to look at her confused at what had just happened to change things so abruptly.

"What?" he asked sitting up completely.

"I think I got carried away." Even in the near darkness, he knew she was blushing. "I didn't mean to just jump you like that."

Sam smirked. It was cute she thought he would have an issue with a little female aggression. Sam was all for it, dominant women were hot. Grabbing her around the waist, pulling her closer to stand between his legs, he pressed a kiss against her grey silk covered stomach.

"You don't have to apologize. I know I'm irresistible."

She swatted at him, a retort forming on her lips, but any further talk was silenced when he kissed her inner thigh, grazing it slightly with his teeth. She shuddered before him, grasping his shoulder tightly. Encouraged by her reaction, Sam gave her other thigh the same treatment. Then he stopped, moving his head from between her thighs, standing up, her nightgown falling back about her legs. She was biting her lower lip, her eyes already hazy with desire, her hands still on his shoulders as if she needed to hold on to remain steady.

"Beautiful Quinn." He kissed her full lips deeply. "I've missed you so much," he said when he pulled away.

"I've missed you too," she whispered, her eyes still closed from their kiss.

Embracing her, so tight, flush with his body, her breasts straining through the thin silk, spilling over the top, tempting him to bury his head in their creamy softness, sheer will kept his mouth focused on higher regions of her body. For now.

Kissing over her shoulders, up her cheeks, nips on her ear. "I couldn't wait to see you again," he said as he grabbed the back of her head and kissed her, swallowing any words that were on her lips. Her nails dug into his back, as she returned his kiss with matching intensity. Losing himself in her, blocking out everything but her delicious mouth and her tight body against his.

Somehow they had made it back to the bed, her hands in his hair, as he finally tasted the fullness of her bare breasts. Quinn arched against him, her movements constrained by his weight on top of her. He had trapped her between the bed and his body, taking control, making her moan as he explored her body with his mouth. She was ready for him, a slow smile spreading on her face as he hooked a finger in the waistband of her panties, dragging them down over her hips. She lifted up slightly from the bed, to assist him in his task. Sam sat back surveying her long legs spread before him, after he removed the grey silk panties and tossed them to the floor. Her nightgown cocooned around her middle leaving the rest of her completely uncovered, beautifully naked, and all his.

He fell on top of her, drawing her in for a kiss, his one hand holding her hip, the other, in his favorite spot, lost in her hair. Their kisses intensified as his fingers inched closer to her core, Quinn strained against him, eager for him to reach his destination. She raked her nails over his chest, as a finger hit that sweet spot, teasing it with flickers of pleasure as he coaxed her into submission.

"You started wearing your dog tags again?" she asked breathlessly, her hands running over his chest.

"What?" Sam asked not really caring what she was saying, too focused on kissing her nipples into hard peaks.

"This chain." Quinn pulled on the chain around his neck. Sam looked down confused for a moment about what it exactly was.

"Oh. That." He leaned in and kissed her, tugging on her lower lip lightly as he pulled away. "That's not…"

"Is this your wedding band?" she asked interrupting him.

"You think we can talk about my jewelry later?" he asked returning his attention to her breasts, squeezing them, loving the feel of their softness against his hands. "We're sort of in the middle of something."

"Why is it around your neck?" she asked shifting away from him, covering her breasts with her arms. "Are you trying to hide it from me?"

Sam opened his mouth, then quickly closed it, completely at a loss about what to say. It was just a ring on a chain, it had nothing to do with the two of them, but something was telling him that his answer to that question might make or break his night.

* * *

><p>"Things are complicated with Sam. There's more going on that you know. He needed to see Quinn." Mercedes prayed being around Quinn would be the solution, the magic button that made his memories return, because she wasn't sure how much more she could take of Sam treating her like someone he didn't care to know. "Got anymore beer?" Finn pulled another bottle from his pocket and handed it to her.<p>

"So that was Sam on the phone earlier? Back at the club?"

"Yep," she said before taking a huge swallow of her beer. "He was worried about me."

"So is he back from..."

"From visiting his mistress? Apparently. He said he was staying at a hotel tonight though. They were tired from the drive."

"That makes sense. He's still recovering, probably still weak."

"He was strong enough to take his ass upstate though. Never seen a man push through physical therapy so fast. Chalk that up to Quinn and her magical pussy."

Finn spit his drink out all over the grass at her words. "What?" he asked still sputtering.

"Ignore me. It's just the beer talking."

He grew uncharacteristically quiet and Mercedes searched her fuzzy mind for something to fill the silence. "I used to love swinging as a kid. I'd run off to the park and stay there for hours."

"I can picture that. Two braids and a big smile."

"Something like that." Actually she hated her hair in braids, always meant she would have to spend time with a strange man. "I used to like to drive too, really fast down the Santa Monica Expressway."

"So you had a lead foot huh?"

"I just wanted to be free. If I drove fast enough it was almost like I could get away."

"I've been there. I used to bike though, only had a learners permit at the time. Back in Denver I would take those hills like I was a champion cyclist training for the Tour de France. You should've seen my calves."

"What were you running from?"

"My life. Let's just say moving to Lima might have been the best thing for me."

"Did this have anything to do with a girl?" Mercedes asked although she already knew what his answer would be.

"A very special girl," he replied, his face falling. "Ever feel like the one person you love the most is dragging you down at the same time?

Mercedes simply nodded unable to find the words to state her agreement. That sentence basically summed up her whole life at this point. "Was it a bad break up?"

He took a sip of his long neglected beer. "I still feel bad about it, but I was leaving."

"You couldn't help that your family moved to Ohio."

"My grandparents live in Colorado. I could have stayed, my mom was all set to let me."

"So why didn't you?"

"Sometimes you have to run to save your own life." He half laughed, seeming a bit embarrassed by his statement. "Dramatic I know for a high school student, but I was drowning and it was coming down to her or me. So I left."

"But you didn't break up with her right away?"

"I hoped things would feel differently in Lima and we could make it work, but some things just can't be different, I suppose. Just have to live with the life you're dealt."

"Now I see why you're a philosophy major. You're pretty deep Finn."

"Nah. I just start sprouting profound shit when I drink. My mind's still focused on the big stuff 90% of the time."

"Booze and women?"

"That's college life."

"I don't believe it. I see you now Finn. You're putting on an act."

"We're all actors Mercedes, some of us are just better at making our costumes seem real. One day I'm hoping to get behind yours."

"How much have you had to drink because this stuff is getting intense?"

Finn laughed his face transforming back to his usual boyish self before her eyes. "I only had one. Got to get a pretty girl home safely, besides I don't like to drink on an empty stomach. My poor belly is empty."

"Blame Puck, he distracted me with a lecture."

"About what?"

"The virtues of marriage believe it or not. Like I would take relationship advice from a guy that has hooked up with both Quinn and Santana. His taste is suspect."

"Some guys have a type I guess."

"Puck's is crazy chicks. What's yours?"

"I don't have one really. Definitely not into crazy though. Sweet is always good. I'm a sucker for the sweet ones."

Their eyes met and she smiled looking away when something in his eyes seemed to change, his normal sparkle darkening to something she couldn't describe.

"Like Sugar, even her name was sweet." Her eyes grew wide as he words left her mouth. "Oh crap. I'm sorry Finn. I said the S word. I shouldn't have brought her up."

"We've been talking about Sam all night too. I think our S-free zone was just a pipe dream."

"Well we tried. It was good for a while. I was so furious when we left the club and now I'm so much better. Thank you for that."

"I think it was more the swings than me." he said rattling the chains in his hands. "Anytime you want to escape come over."

"I miss my little Audi. It sort of felt like my ticket to freedom. Now I don't even have that anymore. I hate to drive ever since the accident."

"I bet riding a bike would give you the same feeling as driving in your old Audi."

"I've never rode a bike before."

"What? How can that be?"

"Never learned."

"That's just so wrong. And it ends today." Finn jumped off the swing. "I'm going to teach you."

"Right now?"

"Yes now." He held out his hand. "My bike is right inside."

She shook her head but reluctantly put her hand in his and let him pull her up from the swing. "Fool do you know what time it is? You'll wake the neighbors."

"We're on Fraternity row the neighbors are either drinking, sleeping or having sex. I think we're good."

Mercedes continued to shake her head, a smile on her face, as she trailed behind him.

* * *

><p>"Why would I try to hide it?" asked Sam running his hand roughly through his hair. "You know I'm married."<p>

"Yeah and married people wear their rings on their fingers, unless they are trying to conceal their status."

"Mercedes put it on the chain. I guess she used to wear it while I was in the hospital."

"Oh. I can see that. Safe keeping and all that."

It did make sense, not that it made Quinn feel any better, the image of Mercedes sitting vigil by his bedside, his wedding ring suspended around her neck, a monument to their love, was now stuck in her mind.

"Right." He smiled. "Now where were we?" he asked leaning in for a kiss.

Quinn turned her head right before his lips made contact. "What made you decide to wear it now?"

He exhaled sharply, rolling off her onto his back. "I'm not sure why I'm wearing it actually. It didn't feel right putting it on my finger, when I asked for it back."

"You asked for it?" she asked pulling the top up on her gown, covering herself.

"Well yeah, I was sort of curious. I'm trying to wrap my head around this whole marriage thing."

"Does having the ring help at all?" Quinn touched the ring, running her finger along the thick platinum edge.

"Not so much."

"That's too bad. I'm sure you're desperate for answers."

"I can't see why I would have married her. She doesn't make sense."

Quinn sat up, pulling down the bottom of her gown as she shifted to sit with her back against the headboard. "Never made sense to me either, but I know you loved her."

"I talked to you about her?" Sam asked sitting upright next to her.

"Quite a bit. We commiserated over broken hearts together."

Quinn smiled remembering those warm summer nights on the balcony at the Beacon. She felt so close to Sam then, like she could tell him anything and he'd understand. Quinn couldn't help but wonder what would have happened between them if his car hadn't crashed, if he had gotten that divorce. Would they be together now? Happy with their daughter?

"Okay then, maybe you can help me. You were at the wedding. How did I seem?"

The wedding had caught her by surprise, just as it had everyone else. Quinn knew he was enamored with Mercedes, their attraction was immortalized forever on the net, but when he had announced their engagement at Thanksgiving dinner she was completely taken aback. If he had said he had reunited with Rachel, she would have understood, Sam had been head over heels for Rachel for almost a year. But Mercedes, she wasn't anyone that mattered to him, she had always been an annoyance, an afterthought. He had called her a distraction, the first time Quinn had met her, disliking the too talkative girl on sight. Who marries a distraction?

So Quinn had gone to his wedding, as a show of moral support since no one else seemed to be on his side, and she was surprised by what she witnessed that day. Sam was happier than she'd seen him in a long time. Grinning from ear to ear, bouncing from guest to guest, nothing could get him down, not even his parents exchanging murderous looks at each other from across the room. For Quinn that was the first time she took Sam's relationship with Mercedes seriously.

"Happy, extremely happy. It was nice to see you all smiles like that. I didn't get to see much of the ceremony though, I had to leave."

"Why did you leave early?"

"I was feeling sick, went to the hospital," she said quickly, hoping to avoid the subject.

"Was it serious?" asked Sam, looking at her with concern.

"I don't really want to talk about all that now." Quinn patted his arm in an attempt to reassure him that all of this was about nothing.

Her reassurances didn't work, Sam continued to press her.

"You can trust me Quinn. What happened?" he asked running his fingers through her hair.

She looked across the room, focusing on the stripe of light on the wall. "At that time I thought I was pregnant, turned out I was very wrong."

"Did you get a false positive on a test or something?"

"Sort of," she replied swallowing the lump in her throat. It still was hard for her to talk about, such an embarrassing and painful situation.

"Quinn…" Sam put his arm around her shoulder, holding her against his side.

She couldn't look at him, she knew she'd lose it if she did. "I had a hysterical pregnancy Sam. There you have it crazy Quinn somehow tricked her body into thinking it was pregnant. I should have been committed back then." Wiping the tears on her face with the back of her hand she moved away from him, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Don't say things like that. You're not crazy."

"Delusional pregnancies, suicidal thoughts, depression, all of that spells crazy these days."

Sam rubbed her back in slow circles, Quinn leaned into his hand, liking the feel of it on her body. "Sounds like you just hit a rough patch to me."

"There are things you don't know. Maybe stress did lead me here."

Maybe it was too soon for her to be out of the hospital, she had a list of mental ailments that completely confirmed the need for her to be locked away. As much as Quinn tried to be strong, to face all of her mistakes, a part of her was terrified that something could go wrong again. She'd face some emotional roadblock and lose her sanity again.

"I want to know everything about you and your life. Tell me what happened," he said turning her to face him.

"Not tonight. I just can't handle it all right now."

"Okay, we don't have to talk anymore about it."

He hugged her tightly, trapping her arms against her sides, his hands falling through her hair, and onto her lower back. She inhaled deeply, surrounded by Sam. He had this way of always making her feel stronger, better, loved, even with a simple embrace. She relaxed into him, shutting her eyes, feeling as if she could stay there in his arms the rest of the night. His lips on her shoulder and then on her neck pulled her out of her trance.

"Maybe we should get some sleep, the sun will be up soon," she said leaning back trying to put some distance between their bodies.

Sam didn't move, his arms still wrapped around her body. "We've got late checkout. Sleep can wait." He kissed her lips, gentle pressure, urging her to open herself to him.

"I'm tired." Quinn pulled away, pressing her hands against his bare chest.

"What's really going on Quinn? You were into this just a little while ago."

She shrugged as she crawled to the foot of the bed and retrieved Sam's shirt. "It's been a long day, it's finally hitting me," she said as she handed the shirt to him.

Sam frowned as he took the shirt from her hand. "Is it the ring? I'll take it off." He pulled the chain over his head and threw it across the room. "Better?"

"Ring or no ring, doesn't change the fact that you're married." She crossed her legs Indian style, remaining at the foot of the bed. It was safer down there, far from his roving hands and very tempting kisses.

"Since when do you care so much about my marriage?" he asked yanking his shirt over his head. "We conceived Beth while I was married."

"Oh so you're saying I'm a slut that doesn't care about commitment or the sanctity of marriage?"

Despite her questionable choices in the romance department over the years, she had never gotten involved with a married man. Well not until that night with Sam, but that was different, extenuating circumstances, and it was just a one time thing. Other than that, Quinn had made it a point not to even go down that very complicated road. Married men were just off limits. Not that anyone would believe her now on that point. The media had painted her as a home wrecker and spending the night alone with Sam in a hotel wasn't helping things. Thank goodness they had registered under Mike's name. The last thing they needed was for some overeager member of the paparazzi to stake out on their doorstep.

"I never said that, but obviously what's between us is bigger than either of our relationships."

"I told you before Sam, we had sex because we were sad and hurting. It wasn't about any secret feelings for each other."

She set him straight, and she would continue to do so until he understood the facts, but it was sort of nice that Sam actually thought the night they slept together was about more than just comfort sex. Quinn at times wished it truly had been. Their daughter could have been conceived within the confines of a loving relationship instead of during a drunken romp on the floor.

"I think you're kidding yourself. We chose each other that night for a reason. I don't sleep with women I don't care about."

"Yes we cared about each other, we were friends, but we weren't trying to be together romantically."

"I wouldn't break my vows just for a quickie with a friend. It had to be more than that."

"It was more than that. Mercedes broke your heart. I had never seen you so wrecked before." Mercedes had almost brought him to tears and to his knees. Quinn realized she hated her just a little bit for doing that. All Sam had done was love her, he didn't deserve to be cast aside for another man.

"If she had hurt me so badly, why did I stay married to her?"

Quinn had no clue what sort of magic spell that girl put on Sam to get him to forgive her for all the crap she'd done. Quinn had always wondered if it was just Sam's guilt about cheating that made him stay with Mercedes.

"You worked it out, you forgave her. Only you can answer that."

"Except I don't remember."

"Maybe it will come to you in time."

"It doesn't matter. Come here," he said grabbing her wrist and pulling her back up toward him on the bed. "Whatever held me to her then, is gone now. The only woman I want is you," he said his green eyes silently pleading for her to believe him.

"Are you considering a divorce?" asked Quinn trying not to get pulled under by him. She couldn't think straight when he was this close and she needed to keep her wits about her.

He rubbed his thumb against the inside of her wrist. "I've considered it repeatedly, and if I had my way I would've filed the papers by now."

"Why haven't you?" she asked watching his thumb move back and forth. Even his thumbs were turning her on tonight, she really need to back away from him.

"It's complicated," he said dropping her hand and leaning back against the headboard.

"Maybe you haven't done it because a part of you doesn't want to," she suggested.

Quinn didn't fully believe that was the case, but she had to be sure, Sam had been pretty into his phone call earlier, so much that he hadn't even heard her open the bathroom door.

"Why would you say something like that?" he asked raising his voice, his face contorting in anger. "I've told you she's a stranger to me, I feel nothing for her."

"Sam I heard you on the phone."

"I explained that already. Mercedes dating some other guy is not acceptable, it reflects badly on me."

"I'm talking about the other stuff. I heard you flirting with her."

Sam looked shocked, as if Quinn had suggested the impossible.

"I wasn't flirting."

Quinn couldn't tell if he were lying or in a deep state of denial.

"I know you. I know when you are putting out your sexy vibes. You were giving them to Mercedes big time during that phone call."

"You must have heard wrong, I was just talking to her."

Sam truly seemed to believe that the way he spoke to Mercedes on the phone was casual, which made it all the worse for Quinn. It meant he had shifted into that intimate flirting tone without even realizing it, as if it were such a natural thing for him to do.

"What happened between you two?"

"I told you it was one night and I didn't know who she was then."

Did he actually think the fact that he didn't know Mercedes was his wife at the time made her feel better? As if she would prefer him hooking up with a random caregiver rather than a woman he had a connection to? He'd told her that while he was in the hospital he kept thinking about her and their time in the tent, yet clearly in between all that thinking he still had time to hit on his nurse.

"Did you sleep with her?" she asked not backing away from this subject. Something had happened between Sam and Mercedes and Quinn had the right to know what it was.

He shook his head. "I was weak and in the hospital."

That wasn't a real response, couples got intimate in hospitals all the time. Illness brought people closer.

"Did you go farther with her than you and I went tonight?"

His hands had been all over her body, roaming beneath her night gown, dipping below the waistband of her panties. He'd kissed from her toes, to the contours of her stomach, to the nape of her neck. His tongue had playfully teased her nipples when he slid her straps off her shoulders, easing her breasts into exposure over the lacey v-shaped neckline of her gown. Her legs wrapped tightly around him, her gown bunching around her waist, his kisses setting her body on fire, Quinn had been ready to be with him completely. All arguments about the sanity of the situation had left her mind once he said those three little words. Sam loved her, nothing else mattered.

"Quinn what's with all the questions?" he asked bringing her back from her thoughts.

"Answer me please." Quinn insisted, anxious to hear his explanation.

He paused, scratching his temple as he studied her. Quinn could tell he was considering his response carefully.

"Yes we went farther," he said slowly.

"That's what I thought," said Quinn, throwing back the sheet and getting out of bed. "I need some air." She searched the floor in the dark for her Uggs, hastily pulling them on her bare feet when she finally located them.

"Are you seriously mad at me right now?" asked Sam scrambling out of bed to stop her.

Her hand was on the door knob when he reached her. She had no idea where she was going but she needed to be away from him. Too much, too soon, she'd just gotten out of the hospital and Sam had gone from making promises about the future to professing love in a matter of hours. Then to top it all off, he admitted to some sort of sexual encounter with his wife. Quinn just wasn't ready for this level of drama.

"Yes I'm mad! You were about to make love to me, when not a few hours earlier you were flirting with your wife."

"A wife I can't remember," he countered putting his back against the door.

"Didn't stop you from getting physical with her though, did it?" She crossed her arms over her chest, daring him to find a plausible answer for this. As far as Quinn could see there wasn't one. Sam was willing to sleep with Mercedes one day and then her the next.

"I think I get it now," he said narrowing his eyes at her. "You're trying to let me down easy."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're not interested in being with me, so you're picking a fight with me to get out of this," he said suddenly angry again.

"I never said I wasn't interested. I'm very interested. I want you so much, you're practically all I think about."

He was taking it wrong, the last thing she wanted was for him to think she didn't want him. They had already spent far too many years trying to overcome that misconception. Quinn had resolved that this time would be different. She'd be honest about her feelings and make sure he knew exactly where he stood with her. She owed him that much after all that had happened with Puck and Mike.

"So what's the problem?" he asked relaxing, trying to hide a smile. Sam reached for her elbow pulling her closer to him. "Talk to me Quinn. You want me and I want you. So what's stopping us from being together?"

"Your wife!" She yanked her arm away from him. "I'm not some whore you can turn to because life at home is unsatisfying." Quinn went back to the bed and sat down.

"I never said you were. I want a future with you. I want you to be my home, not Mercedes," he said sitting next to her on the bed.

"So why can't you divorce her?" Quinn asked turning to take him in, his features clearly defined in the moonlight.

The contours of his face outlined by angular cheekbones, and a rugged jawline, created a chiseled beauty that always made Quinn melt. Her eyes dropped to his full mouth and for a moment she almost gave in to her urge to kiss him, to feel that softness once more, but she held back remembering that same mouth had also been all over Mercedes not so long ago.

"There are circumstances beyond my control," he said looking away.

Quinn thought he might say more, but he didn't. It annoyed her that he was being so vague. He claimed to want to be with her, yet he couldn't give a straight answer. That didn't work for her.

"Like what? You want to screw her first before you toss her aside?"

"How could you ever think I would do something like that?" he asked rising to his feet. "Playing around with multiple women is not my style."

"You did it before, with me and Penny. And come to think of it, you sort of did with Rachel and Mercedes. I think this is exactly your style." She jutted her chin out challenging him with her posture.

He wasn't getting away with this, she wanted the truth, even if it ultimately hurt. Finding out now that he had feelings for Mercedes, while her heart wasn't totally entrenched was better than being hit with that fact later.

"You're not playing fair," he said turning away, throwing up his hands. "Tossing around history I know nothing about."

"You're right. Let's just stick to the present. After you found out Mercedes was your wife, and you knew about me and Beth, did anything happen between the two of you?"

Quinn's heart pounded in her chest, as Sam hesitated with his response. Now that she had opened this subject, she wished she hadn't. She was kidding herself, her heart was already in deep. Right or wrong she wanted to be the only woman that Sam Evans loved.

"Happen?" he asked looking at her with a slack jaw blank stare.

Sam was giving the same dumb look he used to have in high school whenever she caught him red handed, especially when that red hand was up another girl's skirt. Not to say that Sam had cheated on her in high school, he hadn't, but plenty of girls tried to tempt him away. Quinn was happy that Sam never strayed back then, but she had to believe that he enjoyed all that female attention more than he was letting on. Quinn was sure that Kitty Wilde had given Sam many freebies, a flash here, a grab there, in her attempts to snag him. Sam had to have enjoyed all of that at least a little bit.

"Don't play dumb. Happen as in getting physical."

"I told you I didn't sleep with her," he said as he walked toward the window, leaving Quinn to stare at the empty space where he once stood.

Quinn turned toward the window to watch Sam, his back to her, staring out into the night. In the lowlight she couldn't make out details, just his silhouette in the glow of the moon. He was very thin, Quinn realized, she hadn't noticed it before, too overwhelmed of just being able to touch Sam to analyze how his body felt. Now as she watched him the effects of the coma became evident, months of immobility had robbed him of his lean athletic build.

"So you haven't touched her since you found out she was your wife?"

All of this shouldn't have mattered so much, Quinn knew what the situation was for Sam before she agreed to stay the night with him, she'd known for months, longer than that. Knowing the reality was far different when she was forced to face it head on, his wife wasn't as easy to forget, to shove to the back of her mind, when Sam was wearing his wedding ring around his neck and admitting to sexual encounters.

Finally he responded, letting it all out in a quick burst. "One kiss, but only because I was trying to calm her down. I felt bad for her."

As she expected Sam hadn't left his wife untouched, even though he said he felt nothing for her.

"Big hearted Sam, never could resist a damsel in distress. Are you staying with her out of pity?"

"No!" he said turning around abruptly. "I would never do that."

"Then what is going on Sam? You claim not to have feelings for her, yet you're not leaving her. That leads me to believe that there is more going on between you two than you're telling me."

"There's nothing going on. Can't you just trust me?" he asked.

"No I can't. I'm not an idiot I can tell you're hiding something."

He leaned back against the window, hands in his pockets, head tilted upward. "It's not what you think Quinn. I can't divorce her, because if I do you'll have to go back to the hospital, and I can't let that happen."

"What do you mean I'll have to go back? I thought you got the judge to overturn his ruling." She hadn't actually asked him how he pulled this off, she had just assumed he had pulled some strings with the judge to get her released.

"I tried Quinn, but I was blocked at every turn. No one would talk to me."

"Artie said the same thing happened to him," she said almost under her breath, thinking back to her conversations with Artie.

"My father made me an offer that would get you out free and clear."

Sam never looked at her, his eyes anywhere but in her direction. He sounded tired, as if letting this out physically drained all the energy from his body. He seemed drawn and defeated.

"And that offer said you couldn't get divorced?" All of this was starting to worry her. Dwight was involved, none of this could be trusted.

"In exchange for your freedom, I have to stay married to Mercedes for nine months, really married, living with her, public appearances, the real deal."

"Wow." Quinn's heart sank with the realization of just what Dwight had set up for his son. He was trying to force Sam to spend time with Mercedes probably in the hopes that his memory would be jarred.

"And if I leave her before the time is up, or if she leaves me, you have to go back to the hospital," he said sinking into the chair at the desk, holding his head in his hands.

"Does Mercedes know about this?" asked Quinn fighting back tears. She thought Sam flirting with Mercedes was their biggest issue, turns out things were far worse.

"I'm not allowed to tell her about it. I have to make her think I really want to be married to her."

"That's so cruel. Your dad is a sick bastard."

Forcing a sham marriage, trapping the three of them in this lie, making Quinn have to sit on the sidelines and watch Sam fake it with his wife. Dwight had figured out a way to dole out his own form of cruel justice, far worse than what the courts could ever have cooked up.

"I couldn't agree more."

"So where does that leave us?" Quinn asked, the tears she had tried to suppress, finally starting to fall. Quinn already knew the answer to that question. Nowhere. Dwight had seen to that.

"I've been thinking a lot about that," said Sam standing in front of Quinn, taking both her hands and pulling her to her feet. "Nine months really isn't that long, we can make this work. Even though I have to live with Mercedes I won't be truly with her, and we can find ways to spend time together. Then at the end of the year I can divorce her and we can be free to be together." Sam smoothed the hair around Quinn's face, looking intently into her eyes, so full of hope.

"You want me to sneak around with you?"

Twisted irony had placed Quinn once again in this spot, the cheater, the secret lover. For months she fantasized about a new life, a better future, with Sam and Beth, a life filled with honest commitment, love and of course family. Quinn had known it was all a dream back then, she wasn't so far gone not to notice that Sam had a wife that he loved, and when he came out of his coma he would be with her once again. That was the outcome Quinn had expected, until he responded to her voice and woke up for her. It felt like a sign of change, that her dreams had merit and could one day actually come true. The past few weeks strengthened her belief in the possibility of them, of finally getting it right with Sam. His memory loss and lack of interest in his wife, while unfortunate, also brought about some positives, it gave Quinn a glimpse of that silver lining, of that so often unattainable feeling of hope. She should have known better. Dreams are forgotten with the morning light just as hope slips through the fingers like shimmering sand. Quinn wasn't getting a second chance with Sam, she didn't even deserve one after all she'd done, and deluding herself into believing she would just proved that point.

"I wouldn't put it like that. I want us to not let my father keep us apart. All we have to do is keep a low profile, and he'll never have to know."

He held her close, kissing the top of her head. Felt so right in his arms, he made her feel like it all could happen, that they could make it through Dwight's torment.

Reality fell over Quinn once more, hugs were not enough to thwart Dwight Evans. "What happens if Dwight finds out we are seeing each other?"

"He'll send you back to the hospital." Sam said quietly.

There it was, the final nail, the noose tightening around their necks, Dwight had them completely stuck.

Quinn pushed out of his arms. "Sam this is insane. Dwight calling all the shots, controlling our lives, it's like being in jail."

Worse than jail, no warden would be as diligent as Dwight Evans. He would be watching their every move.

"At least we'll have each other, and Beth will get the chance to know her mom. I don't want you stuck upstate away from us. I need you in my life Quinn," said Sam approaching her, only stopping when Quinn held out her hand preventing him from coming any further. She didn't want to be touched. She wanted a drink. Grey Goose would do wonders for her nerves.

"I told you I don't have custody of Beth, that will take time."

Sam just didn't get it. Coming back to Lima wouldn't magically make them a family, especially not with Dwight on their backs. Being upstate was starting to feel like a better option. It would certainly hurt a whole lot less. Having to watch Beth grow up without her, bonding with her father, but not even knowing her, being forced to love her daughter from a distance, the thought was almost too much for her bear. Could she actually endure a life like that? Living in the same town as her baby but not allowed to be a part of her life?

The hospital dulled that pain, a barrier from the bleak reality that Beth's world had nothing to do with her. Knowing Sam would be around did comfort her, but Quinn wasn't sure she could handle hearing updates, cute little stories, and progress reports from Sam on a regular basis. It almost felt like it would be picking at a slowly healing wound. How could she recover when the pain was staring her in the face each day?

"We can work on getting Beth back together. I will figure something out."

"Sam I don't know, if I can do this with you. I appreciate all you've done to help me, and I'm really thankful to be out of the hospital, but I don't know if this is going to work."

Both hands on her cheeks, he kissed her hard ending her protests and her coherent thoughts. Quinn didn't fight it, she opened her mouth, kissing him deeper, winding her arms around his neck. It would be so easy to let this happen, to keep falling into him, never caring where she would land.

"There are ways to be discreet," he said kissing her again. "No one will know. I can get us a place to meet, we can take trips out of town." He smiled, his lips looking red and used. "It will be like our own secret love affair," Sam whispered before brushing another kiss across her lips, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand as he pulled away.

Quinn shook her head, more for her benefit than his, she needed to physically shake herself out of this fantasy Sam was creating. "You make it sound so romantic."

"I think it is."

Same old Sam, so sweet, head filled with dreams, heart so full of love. Quinn was glad he hadn't lost this part of himself, that he still believed in love and its power to overcome anything. If only she were still seventeen, and able to fly off and follow her heart. This time she would be brave and take Sam's hand and see the places he had promised to show her. Here they were over ten years later and Sam was offering his hand again, this time there was no other boy dividing her heart. Sam was the only man she wanted. If only he were free.

"The problem is every time we meet up, you'll be cheating on your wife. Are you okay with that?" she asked straining to read his eyes in the dim light.

"I don't feel married," he said slow and resolute, a truth not an evasion.

"Well I feel like you're married, and I can't do it," Quinn said stepping out of his arms, crying now and not bothering to hide it. "I'm not going to be your mistress. I've hurt enough people in my life, I need to be better than that. Beth deserves a mother that can think beyond her own selfish desires."

"Beth needs her parents to be together."

Quinn silently agreed. Beth did need her parents together, but not like this.

"Sam you mean so much to me, I want to be with you," she said grabbing his hands, holding them tightly. "The old me would have jumped at the chance to have you any way I could, but I can't be that person anymore."

"So are you saying you want to go back to the hospital?" he asked seeming very confused. It must seem like this was coming out of nowhere for Sam. They had been so close to something just an hour ago, and now she was letting him go.

"No I'm saying we need to respect your father's deal, and abide by it the way he intended. You go home to Mercedes and Beth, and I'm going to try to get my life back on track, then in nine months…" She hesitated, staring at the floor, not knowing the words to finish her thoughts. Where would they be in nine months?

Sam lifted her hair and gripped the back of her neck, the intensity of his words flowing through him. "Life is so short, I've already lost so much time. I don't want to waste anymore. I don't want to spend nine months miserable without you."

"I'll still be here. Someone once told me that we're forever. I'll be your friend for as long as you'll have me," she said removing his hand on her neck and bringing it down to her lips, kissing it softly.

"I need a partner, someone to share my life. I don't need a friend," he said pulling away to sit on the bed.

"Maybe I need one. It's been so hard here without you. I'm just getting out of the mental hospital, I have to figure out how to get back to Beth. Things will be difficult enough for me, I don't want to add a clandestine affair to it all. We could just take things slow, get to know each other again. You've missed a lot, I might not be the same person you remember."

"Fine," he sighed. "Quinn we can try things your way for now, but it won't last, friendship will never be enough for us. What we have is undeniable, and soon you'll be craving for more."

"We have been just friends for years," she said sitting next to him and resting her head on his shoulder.

"Best friends I hear."

"Yep. We had a really good relationship."

"Didn't stop us from having sex though."

"Sam…" she said lifting her head.

He looked at her, eyes squinting with mischief. "I give it a week before you're back in my bed."

"Sounds like a challenge."

"More like a promise," said Sam, his voice dropping.

"You're so damn cocky," she said playfully, trying to laugh away the butterflies that sprung to life in her stomach.

"Not cocky, just confident in us. We are meant to be, and this time nothing is going to hold us back, not my father's stupid deals, not your sudden onset of morality, not even my wife. Our family will happen."

One last touch and then that would be it.

She sat up on her knees next to him sliding her arms around his neck. The feel of his hair, the green of his eyes that darkened when he looked at her, the way his full lips curved into a smile, she would miss all of that. Those perfect pieces of Sam to be stored away until she had the right to cherish them. The little sounds he made, low in the back of his throat, when the kiss was good, when he wanted more, when he wanted her, Quinn would tuck that away too, for the future, whenever that might be.

Quinn leaned in rubbing her nose against his, butterflies fluttering when he smiled in reaction, his forehead falling against hers. She pressed her lips against his, kissing him gently, slow and sweet, inching closer to his body, as his hand tangled in her hair.

Just one last kiss, and then no more.

* * *

><p>Out the front door and down the stairs Finn guided his blue and silver bicycle down the driveway to where Mercedes stood. It was a big bike with large wheels that reminded her of the soles of Puck's hiking boots. Mercedes knew nothing about bicycles, so she wasn't even sure what type this one was, all she knew was that it was huge.<p>

"This thing is massive. No way am I going to reach the pedals."

Finn considered her statement, looking at the bike and then at her. "Just hop on there short stack and let's see what we're working with."

Shakily she approached the bike and lifted her leg over ungracefully. Between her very tight jeans and the beers she had consumed, her balance was shot. Finn kept a firm hold of the bike as she got on.

"I don't think this is a good idea Finn," she said as she settled on the seat, clinging to the handlebars, her high heel clad feet dangled nowhere near the pedals.

"Get off the seat for a second. Like just stand up," he said rubbing a hand over his short brown curls.

Mercedes followed his direction standing on the ground, bike between her legs while Finn crouched down behind her fiddling with the seat. The clanking sound of metal against metal as Finn made adjustments took her back to another cold night.

Her cherished Audi had finally conked out after miles up and down the Santa Monica Expressway and a trip across country to Ohio. Its long very loved life came sputtering to an end on a dark stretch of road in Lima. She was on her way home from a late class, humming a nameless song with a beat that seemed forever stuck in her head, thinking about how Shane was going to come over later that night to help her study after his shift at the hospital. No AAA, because she could barely pay her insurance as a part time aide and full time student, and no answer from her dad or Shane, which came as no surprise since both were on call. Beiste was at a restaurant convention, and Puck and Quinn had a romantic night planned, that he was so excited about, she couldn't dare interrupt.

Mercedes' list of who to call in case of an emergency was woefully short and the one name left on her list she didn't dare call. Although, no one would ever say she lacked nerve. So she had called Sam Evans that night fully expecting to get cursed out or hug up on after all the games she had played with him while working as his assistant. Now that she had quit her job at D&E, her association with Sam had been extremely limited, mostly relegated to caching glimpses of him around town or hearing about his exploits in passing from Puck.

Less than fifteen minutes later, Sam rolled up in a shiny new Porsche, and a crooked smile on his face. She expected he'd call a tow and drive her home, but instead he totally surprised her and rolled up the sleeves of his pale green dress shirt and popped up the hood of her car. Shivering in the cold, she watched him work, metal clanking against metal, the rustle of his shirt as he moved, Sam never said a word to her and Mercedes somehow managed to hold her tongue as well. Twenty minutes later he stood, closed the hood of the car, and took the keys that she was holding from her hand. Still Mercedes said nothing as he climbed halfway into the car, because his legs were too long to fit with the position of her seat, and started it up. Looking quite pleased with himself he stood in front of her, hands shoved in his pants pockets and grinned. Mercedes remembered rolling her eyes and muttering something about him being a cocky bastard but she couldn't help but smile too.

The glow from his car lights made his eyes look unnaturally green like kryptonite in those Superman movies and she found herself getting pulled toward a place she had been struggling to forget. Instead of just thanking him and driving on, she reached out and caressed his cheek, wiping a smudge of grease from his pale skin. She let her hand linger, as always crossing lines and taking liberties with him, when saner women would have let it go. And they had a moment there on the side of the road, and this time she was sure it wasn't just in her head, though Sam never said anything to add validity to that belief. Once time caught up with the pace of her heart and she realized she had been staring at him for countless minutes, she finally looked away and whatever hold they had over each other was gone. He'd told her she had a pretty smile that night, randomly, out of the blue as he walked back to his car.

Mercedes wasn't sure why that nothing little memory popped into her head tonight, when all of her thoughts of Sam were far less pleasant.

"Try the seat now," she heard Finn say.

So she did. This time her feet reached the pedals and they both grinned overly excited by something so small.

"So it's just like riding those bikes at the gym, but this one moves."

"Does this butt look like it has been to the gym?" Mercedes asked playfully.

Finn turned a bright shade of red as his eyes fell toward her butt on the seat. Mercedes deflated at his reaction. Why had she made that butt comment? She really needed to control her mouth and her pitiful tendency at pointing out her own flaws. Finn knew she was flabby, no sense in reminding him.

Then he was at her feet sliding off her shoe before moving to the opposite side to take off her other one. "You won't get far in these," he explained as he placed her heels on the grass.

"I don't know about this." Mercedes slid off the seat putting both of her bare feet on the cold ground. "I'm going to bust my ass. I just know it."

"You think I'd let anything happen to an ass that fine?" he asked with a quick wink as he yanked down the knit cap he had put on her head earlier. "I've got you. Okay?"

Before she could even respond he had put up the kickstand with his foot and had one hand on the handlebars and the other on the back of the seat. Slowly she got back up on the seat and put her feet on the pedals, internally giving herself a pep talk.

"My mom made me learn to ride on the grass," Finn said as he guided the bike toward the street. "She was terrified I would get hurt on the pavement but…"

"Where's the fun in that?" Mercedes asked cutting him off.

He flashed a grin. "Exactly. So pedal like at the gym."

And she did, with Finn by her side as she tried to remain upright. Not too long the wind whipped by her ears as she began to pick up speed. The cars parked on the street were starting to blur and she was really going. Feeling almost free, but very shaky on the bike, Mercedes looked to her side to tell Finn how amazing this was, only to discover he wasn't there. In an instant everything shifted, the wind had stopped and she was falling, but instead of hitting the hard asphalt like she had expected, she hit something sort of soft and warm.

"Oh my god Mercedes are you okay?" he asked breathing heavily near her ear.

There was a tiny thread coming loose on his quilted dark green jacket and she was itching to yank it loose and that was all she could focus on was that one thread and the rumble in her belly, that was starting to flow upward through her chest. Warm hands were on her face pulling her attention. How could his hands be so warm when it was so cold outside?

"Are you hurt?" he asked sounding worried. One of his thumbs stroked her face in a rhythmic motion like a windshield wiper but only on her skin. It felt nice and relaxing and made her give in to the warmth in her chest, letting it flow until her shoulders started to shake as if some unknown force had taken over her body and was demanding she feel something different. Mercedes was so ready for different, anything besides the constant ache of loneliness in her chest. Then it happened on a cold night in the middle of the street half way on Finn's lap, she felt it bubble from her lips, giggles, so foreign to her ears, then laughter, and finally just a stupid grin.

Finn looked confused, dropping his hands from her face, but he was smiling too his dimples on prominent display on his face.

"You have really cute dimples," she said for no reason at all, except for the fact it was true. He turned red again, though not as bright as before.

"And you have really cute cheeks," he responded, which made Mercedes smile even wider. "If you put the two of us together we'd make a really cute cabbage patch kid."

The giggles returned at that and she couldn't help but wonder how much they'd had to drink. "Finn what do you know about cabbage patch kids?"

He lifted his shoulders and looked away. "I used to play with one as a kid."

"That is so cute."

"Before you start squealing, it wasn't mine. He belonged to my mom. Brown hair, two dimples, and yellow overalls, she used to say he looked like me. She kept him in the middle of her bed, like decoration, and sometimes I would go and get him and bring him to my room. I used to set up these elaborate scenes with my actions figures like cities and battles and stuff and I would make the cabbage patch kid walk through it kicking down buildings and stepping on figures like Godzilla attacking Tokyo."

Mercedes bent over in laughter. "What? You made a cute little doll into a monster?"

"It was freaking awesome." Finn was excited now. Talking with his hands and smiling as he told the story of his monster cabbage patch doll. "The destruction he caused was legendary. I wish I had video of it."

"What was his name?"

"Megalathor. But my mom called him Rodney."

"You made that up," she said as her laughter started to fade. She shifted away from him and scooted up to her feet.

"I did not," he said hand over his chest looking offended. "Ask my mom."

She extended her arm toward him, offering to help him up from the ground. He waved her hand away and popped to his feet in a single motion and was off to retrieve his bike.

"That's a cute story Finn. I wish you had pictures too. I would have loved to have seen Rodney, I mean Megalathor. I never had dolls growing up."

"Really? Why's that?" he asked as he walked the bike over to her.

She shrugged as they walked side by side down the street back toward the house. Mercedes winced with each step of her bare feet on the cold pavement. "Just never did. I had lots of books though."

"A bookish tomboy, I like that mix. So how did you manage to get through childhood without learning to ride a bike?"

"Not many places to ride when you're living in hotels."

She didn't bother to correct him on the tomboy thing. Better for him to think that she didn't like dolls than to know that her mom just never bothered to get her any. Her mom preferred to spend money on necessities like enticing clothing, spa appointments and drugs. Mercedes was pretty much an afterthought for her mother unless there was money to be made. She could see that now, but for most of her life she had thought she had done something wrong to make her mother dislike her so much. That was why she worked even harder to do everything her mom asked without complaint. If she did everything right, her mom would have no choice but to love her. Right?

"That's a shame," he said softly. "But now you have me." Finn was suddenly cheerful again. "Whenever you want to ride, I'm available." His dimples surfaced and his brown eyes sparkled making her feel like he was offering so much more than his bike.

"Thanks Finn. You've been a good friend."

"Yes!" He cheered. "I've been upgraded to friend status. You know what that means."

"Uh…no."

"Means I get the right to pinch those cheeks." Dropping the bike he lunged toward her. Mercedes yelped as she dodged out of the way.

"You better stay away from me boy!" She yelled as he chased her down the road.

The cold air burned in her lungs as she ran, and her feet hurt as they hit the pavement, but Mercedes couldn't remember the last time she felt so good. Even after Finn had given up and they were settled back in his car, the feeling still didn't subside. Laughter still bubbled in her throat and her smile just wouldn't go drop as they backed out of the driveway messing up the lyrics to an old Bon Jovi song about running away.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

Spending the whole night staring out the window, trying not to notice the beautiful woman asleep on his chest, had given Sam a crick in his neck and a stormy attitude. Their conversation of the early hours playing over in his mind, did nothing to help it make any more sense to him. All Sam knew for sure was that Quinn had rejected him. She hadn't said it outright, she had sugar coated it with almost promises about the future, but Sam knew when he was being dumped. It hadn't escaped his attention that Quinn never responded to the fact that he told her he was in love with her. Sam had waited all night for some small acknowledgement of it. He didn't need her to say it back, he just wanted her to care he said it at all.

The sun brought an awkward mood along with its bright glow. They didn't say much as they got dressed in the clothing Figgins had packed for them. Sam snuck glances at her from across the room, hoping to get some sign that all of this was just a passing notion brought on by being shocked about his father's deal. Sam didn't want to believe that she had actually meant what she said, that she was actually letting things end between them. Nine months seemed like forever without the guarantee that she would be waiting for him in the end, without knowing if she loved him enough to hang on and be patient, or more importantly without knowing if she loved him at all.

Daley came early. Sam had called him while Quinn was in the bathroom, not wanting to spend any more time in a hotel room filled with memories of Quinn breaking his heart yet again. Okay, so he was being a tad overdramatic, she had said she wanted to be his friend and spend time with him, which was something, at least he would get the chance to sway her with his charms and get her to see that they were too right for each other to shelve for almost a year. Time had always been their enemy, or was it timing? Either way for once the stars had aligned and they both were in the same place, hoping for the same future. Or so he had thought. His father couldn't have scripted this any better, Quinn actually agreeing with him and deciding to abide by the terms of his ridiculous deal. If only Sam's plans worked out so perfectly, he'd own half the world right now, be married to Quinn, and have his father shipped off to Boca to live out his golden years. He must have inherited his mom's genes in the plotting department, getting so close, only to have it all slip away right at the end.

The car ride was quiet, Quinn only speaking to him periodically to point out things through the window. It was so different from the night before when they were practically on top of each other in Mike's car, this time they were miles apart, each pressed against opposite doors in the spacious sedan. When they arrived at the Beacon things became even stranger, the tension that had been between them all night, heightened exponentially, and it all was coming from Quinn. She insisted he didn't come up, mumbling something about memories she didn't want to face, and then she was gone, just the smell of her shampoo lingering around him.

Three o'clock in the afternoon on a Friday and Sam had nowhere to be. He considered dropping by D&E, just to scope things out, maybe demand some answers from Puck about why he was in the job that was his birthright, but Sam thought better of it, not wanting a confrontation after the night he had. Things had gone so differently than he had planned. He thought he would be returning to Lima, his future mapped out, with the ability to live out his father's bargain or with the inspiration to find a way out, because Quinn was by his side. Yet here he was back where he started, alone, confused, and filled with so many questions.

Daley must have sensed Sam's hesitancy to go home, because he spontaneously suggested a drive around Lima, so Sam could see some of the changes in town. Sam welcomed the distraction from his persistent thoughts about Quinn. Glasses on his face, leaning on the door handle, palm propping up his chin, Sam watched the sights of his small city go by. Despite his missing years, not much had changed, new stores replaced old ones, condos stood where once there were only trees, melting snow covered the ground, typical winter scene in Lima. They slowly drove through a section of town filled with modest but nice older homes. Many of Lima's doctors and lawyers lived in the area, raising their families in this quiet suburban corner of the city. Sam had spent a great deal of his youth in this particular neighborhood, since his brother Will had a house there, as well as Puck and Quinn who lived with the often absent Julian Jones, it had become his second home by the time he hit high school. Children raced down the sidewalks, happy screams to herald in the weekend. Sam always envied the closeness of this community, where neighbors were in walking distance and going outside to play was an everyday occurrence.

His family's home was remote, far removed from the prying eyes of neighbors or even passing cars on the street. Being the very youngest in a house that had a mile long driveway made for quite a lonely childhood, friends had to be chauffeured in, playtimes arranged, there was no such thing as a pickup game of catch in his world. Beth would have that, Sam planned to ensure it. He didn't want his daughter hidden away behind ivy covered bricks and guards. Beth would have a normal childhood with friends, birthday parties, soccer, dance classes and summer camp. Of course, she would be raised to honor his heritage and to one day assume her position at the helm of D&E Industries, but Sam wanted his daughter to have a balance of privilege and normalcy that he never got to experience. The best of both worlds was possible, and Beth was going to have it.

The view through the window blurred, as he lost himself in his thoughts about his daughter's future, and the family life he planned to give her. The car stopping abruptly, followed by Daley's string of expletives in his heavy Irish accent, roused Sam from his thoughts. Gridlock on a side street in suburbia? Sam rolled down his window, popping his head out into the cold, to survey the situation. Not a traffic jam, just the exhaust from a shiny sports car speeding away.

"What's up Daley?" Sam asked as he rolled up his window, shutting out the cold wind.

"Damn Hudson cut me off," said Daley hitting the steering wheel with his fist. "Doesn't he know kids play on this street?"

"Hudsons? They live in this neighborhood?"

"That punk Hudson kid, Finn. He drives that vette like a maniac. He's too young to appreciate that classic beauty."

What would Finn Hudson be doing around here? There was nothing but cul-de-sacs and playgrounds for miles. Daley had yet to move the car, still muttering angrily. Sam took in the house that he suspected Finn Hudson had just come from, yellow and green with a picket fence along the front yard. It looked very familiar, like he had been there before.

"Who's house is this Daley?"

"It's yours sir."

"Mine? I own a house here?"

"No, well, Ms. Beiste does. You and your wife lived with her. Didn't they tell you?"

They had mentioned it, but Sam had let it slip his mind, not wanting to believe he had chosen to live in such a modest neighborhood. Truth be told, he didn't like to think much about the fact that he had chosen to live with Mercedes, that he'd actually started building a life with her. The evidence was mounting around him, from legal documents to bank statements, to his empty closet at the house, it was becoming startling clear that he did indeed live somewhere other than at the Evans home.

"I'm sure they did. Thank you Daley. If you don't mind I'd like to get out here. I will call you if I need you later."

When he started out on this grand tour of Lima it had just been a diversion from his thoughts and a way to avoid going directly back to the house, but now Sam realized it had been about more than that. He had been driving in circles avoiding the very thing he deep down knew he had to do, face Mercedes. Sam had to come clean with Mercedes and tell her that Quinn was out of the hospital and back in town. He'd managed to ignore the issue when he called her last night, but now that he was back in town, there was no way he could continue to leave Mercedes in the dark. She was bound to run into Quinn at some point, or hear the news from someone else, and Sam couldn't let that happen. He needed to be the one to tell her what was going on.

Even Quinn had urged him to tell Mercedes the truth as soon as possible. Earlier that day while she was in the bathroom, Sam had retrieved his ring from the floor where he had tossed it the night before. He hated the thing, so large and shiny, such a bold statement of his status – married - as in off the market, as in blocked from being with Quinn. Sam turned the ring over in his hand, just staring at it, debating with himself whether to put it back around his neck, or take it a step further and put it on his finger. The words "inside my soul" deeply etched along the interior of the band, three words, their meaning so elusive now, but at one point they must have meant everything. Quinn had come out of the bathroom, to find him sitting on the edge of the bed, the ring dangling from the chain in his hand. Sam watched it sway, almost hypnotizing himself into finding the will to put it back on. She'd sat beside him, taking the ring from his hand, examining it closely. Sam watched the tears well up in her eyes as she read the inscription, her finger tracing the words lightly, as if they were in Braille. How could he go through with this when it clearly brought Quinn so much pain?

"Not a problem sir. But Mr. Evans, do you have the keys?" asked Daley opening the car door so that Sam could exit.

"If Finn Hudson just came out of the house, I suspect someone might be home to let me in." Sam didn't need any keys, he knew Mercedes was home, obviously entertaining guests in the middle of the work day.

"I suppose you're right. Have a good afternoon Mr. Evans."

"Thank you Daley."

Sam pulled his coat closed as he watched Daley drive off, tucking his glasses in his pocket and turning to face the house once the car was out of sight. This was the place he used to live. It didn't feel like him, penthouses and iron gates were more his usual style, but there was something appealing about the green shutters on the yellow house, a coziness that made him want to step inside. He'd been to Shannon Beiste's house a few times in his life that he could recall. Mike had brought him over to visit and to fill up on homemade cookies, but the idea that he actually lived in the house was so hard to wrap his mind around.

He made his way up the driveway, noting the blue Lexus parked to the left, covered with snow, as if it hadn't been driven in some time, no other cars were around. The lights were on in the kitchen, so Sam decided to knock on the side door instead of walking around to main door at the front of the house.

Two short raps on the door with his knuckles and then he waited, hands folded in front of him, rocking back forth on his heels. He heard movement and saw the shadow of someone approaching.

"Finn I told you I'd see you later tonight. I've got to get dressed," said Mercedes opening the door, the last word dying on her lips. "What are you doing here?" she asked resting her head on the side of the door, but not moving to let him in.

"Disappointed I'm not Finn?" asked Sam letting his eyes sweep over her body. She was wearing grey shorts, and a pale pink tight top with thin straps, her black hair was loose, a mass of curls that fell over her brown shoulders.

"No, I just," she stuttered. "I just didn't expect to find you at the door. Of all people."

"This is my house right?"

"Yeah but that didn't matter much to you before." She put her hand on her hip and crossed her legs, but still made no move to let him in the house.

"It mattered. I just wasn't ready to deal with it," he responded not looking at her face.

Did she realize she had answered the door practically in her underwear? The grey shorts she wore fit like a bathing suit, every inch of her legs were exposed. Sam almost wanted to shove her inside and shut the door, to end the peep show she was surely giving the neighbors, but he resisted, instead stepping in front of her, blocking her body from any snooping eyes on the street.

"But you're ready now?"

Her feet were bare, her toes painted pink. She was fidgeting, her foot tapping against the floor. He was making her nervous, Sam liked that, it meant he could take control, and hopefully get her to see things his way.

He shrugged. "Are you going to let me in or what?"

"Oh yeah, of course." She stepped aside, opening the door wider to let him walk through into the bright kitchen.

"If this is a bad time…" he started, letting her think he would leave if she told him to do so. That was far from the case however, he took off his coat and placed it on a chair at the table. Sam planned to have a nice long chat with his wife. He had to spend the next nine months faking it with her, might as well start practicing his act now.

"It's not," she said crossing her arms over her chest.

Now she wanted to cover up, once the door was closed? She seemed more shy about exposing herself to him in the privacy of the kitchen than to half of Lima from the doorway.

"You look like you were in the middle of something," he said pointing at her attire.

"Oh." She bit her lower lip, looking down at herself. "I was in the middle of deciding what I was going to wear."

"Finn was helping you with that?" he asked taking a seat at the table.

"Finn?" she asked trying to play innocent. Sam could read her pretty easily, she was hiding something.

"I saw him leave." He threw it out there, daring her to lie to his face.

Her brown eyes flashed with some emotion Sam couldn't quite decipher, before he could get a good look she was back to her wide eyed innocence routine.

"Oh he just came by to see me," she said twisting a curl around her finger, still standing in the middle of the kitchen.

"I got that. About what?" he asked mentally trying to block his growing annoyance. He had to keep a level head if he wanted to drop the news about Quinn without incident.

"It's personal."

She turned her back to him and walked over to the refrigerator, opening the door and reaching inside. Sam sucked in his breath at the sight. Those incredibly short shorts she wore had the word "SCORE" printed across the butt in white letters. Finn Hudson was with her when she was wearing that?

"Are you sure he wasn't just leaving from last night? You two were together pretty late."

So maybe it was a tad hypocritical of him to ask her about her night, in light of the way he had spent his own, but Sam was beyond caring about what was fair. She was wearing his ring, and not much else, all for the benefit of some other guy. That type of behavior just didn't fly for Sam. An Evans wife carried herself with more decorum than this.

"I really don't think that's any of your business." She slammed a bottle of water on the table in front of him. "Is that why you've suddenly popped up Sam? Are you spying on me?"

"I just happened by and the house looked familiar," he said calmly opening his bottle.

"So you thought you would just knock on the door?" She was getting wound up, talking faster and beginning to pace in front of him.

"Something like that." He took a sip of water, enjoying her agitation. Sam had struck a nerve and she was so close to being right where he wanted her.

"What do you want?" she asked emphasizing each word.

He smirked. "We need to talk."

"About?"

"About Quinn."

Her dark eyes widened as she slid into a chair at the table, suddenly still and quiet. Sam grinned. This was going to be too easy.

* * *

><p>Three hours in Bellamy's searching for the perfect dress with a very cranky Beth in her arms, was how Mercedes spent the bulk of her morning. Kurt had insisted they shop after coming over at 9am to survey her closet, turning his nose up at everything, calling her wardrobe a cross between a cheerleader and a Sunday school teacher. Mercedes thought her clothes were just fine, half of them were brand new with the tags still on, but Kurt disagreed. Bellamy's was a complete disaster everything in her normal size fit wrong, cut too big, Beth wouldn't let her put her down and would only go to Kurt for a minutes at a time, so she was forced to try on clothes with Beth clinging to her. By the end of the ordeal, Mercedes would have been happy with a nice potato sack instead of any of the baggie dresses piled in the dressing room with her. Finally they narrowed it down to three dresses, all a size smaller than her own, but unable to stand another minute in the store Mercedes bought them all to choose from at home.<p>

It was after 1 when Marcel came over to pick up Beth and take her to the mansion, so Mercedes could be free to finish up the last minute details for the party. Alone in the house, she played in her hair, trying out different hairstyles for the night. Usually Mercedes liked to dress up for a nice evening out, but her heart just wasn't in it at the moment. Thoughts of Sam plagued her and her indecision about the future of her marriage put a damper on her party mood. This might be the last night she would get to spend with Sam, as his wife, leaving him was starting to feel like her only option. She'd said as much to him on the phone the night before. Mercedes wondered if Sam even understood what she was trying to express, if he knew she was trying to give him what he wanted, his freedom.

However the fact she was thinking divorce didn't stop her from being furious with Sam. His accusations about her behavior with Finn were completely out of line, even more so because he didn't really care about her or her dating life. It was just an Evans power play, Sam trying to control everyone around him, putting them in their place, so he could feel like the boss. Mercedes had never let him get away with that, and she wasn't about to start now, she was going to make sure Sam knew he couldn't push her around, even if it was the last thing of importance she ever said to him. The last thing, it was all so final, she wasn't sure how she would be able to turn her back on Sam completely, she'd never been able to since she met him, but for the sake of her own sanity and heart she was going to have to try.

Two o'clock came and Mercedes was no closer to deciding on her hair or her outfit, when Kurt popped in again with burgers from the diner and Finn's corvette. Finn was transporting some things for the party and his two seater wouldn't suffice, so he swapped with Kurt – a corvette for an Acura. Kurt seemed quite pleased, loving how he looked in a classic sports car, even stopping to pose in front of it while Mercedes took a few pictures with her phone. The boy was totally outer limits, but she loved him.

Three o'clock was swiftly approaching and no progress had been made on the wardrobe front, Kurt had been no help, he just curled up on her bed and turned on some telenovela he had gotten hooked on with Finn. Just when Mercedes was starting to get into the show, wishing she had learned some Spanish along with all that French, the first text came through from Daley. He was with Sam, who was ready to head home. Panic set in as Mercedes and Kurt tried to think of ways to stall Sam. Their first idea of a limo tour of Lima was in full swing but it wouldn't even take an hour to take in all of Lima's sights, so they needed a new plan. Then it came to them, bring Sam there, to the house. To do what? They had no clue, but at least he would be contained and away from the mansion. Fate and Kurt's poor handling of all that corvette horsepower made their plan seamlessly fall into place and Mercedes watched it all play out from the window.

Now she was face to face with Sam, biting her tongue, literally. The urge to unleash on Sam was rising to the surface as she sat across the table watching him grin. He was so damn smug finally deeming her worthy enough to grace her with his presence, to finally set foot in their home, after being out of the hospital for weeks. Coming to the door hurling accusations and leering looks and now he expected her to just sit and chat about his other woman. She wanted to hit him. Hard.

"What did you want to tell me about Quinn? Did something happen?"

A guilty look flashed across his face, his eyes widening slightly as if he were surprised by her question. He quickly tried to cover, pulling up a smile once again.

"Happen? Like what?" he asked.

"I don't know. Did she have a setback or something?" Mercedes couldn't even pretend to care. Quinn was in the hospital where she needed to be, far away from Beth. As long as that remained the case, Quinn's health woes didn't concern her, but she faked it for Sam.

He narrowed his eyes, his smile twisting into a snarl. "You'd like that wouldn't you?"

So he was on to her, she'd have to practice her concerned face, so she wouldn't be so easy to read next time.

"Like what? Quinn losing even more of her mind? Why would I want Beth's mother to get worse?"

Truthfully, she didn't want Quinn to be so far gone she never could come back to Beth. Mercedes wanted her to have her mother, but it was a scary thought trusting her again. The last time Quinn had Beth in her care, she had almost killed her. Mercedes would never forgive herself if something like that happened to Beth again.

"Keeps her out of your life. Must be nice for you having Quinn so far away, where you don't have to deal with her."

"Even upstate Quinn is a part of my life. She's Beth's mom, she's your..." Mercedes was going to say his true love, but couldn't quite get the words to form. It was hard to make light of something so painfully true. Even if Sam hadn't said it to her, Mercedes knew that he was in love with Quinn.

"My what?"

"You tell me Sam. What is Quinn to you?" Did he have the nerve to tell her the truth? He was bold enough to make assumptions about her and Finn, maybe Sam would be bold enough to tell her that he was in love with another woman.

His face fell as he responded. "We're friends, you know that. Forever friends."

Mercedes' stomach clenched as she watched him, he looked like he was in pain, something had happened, and it didn't seem like it was about Quinn's mental state at all.

"But you want more than that, you admitted that to me in the hospital."

Mercedes heard her voice softening, trying to soothe him, to make him smile at her again. She wanted to slap herself for doing it, every time she let Sam get to her, always internalizing his pain and trying to make it better. How many times was she going to have to be kicked before she learned just to leave Sam Evans alone?

"That was before I knew we were married though. That changed things." He reached across the table and rubbed the back of her hand.

Unnecessary contact, he was up to something. She snatched her hand off the table. "Cut the crap Sam. What's really going on?"

"What makes you think something is going on?"

"You keep answering questions with questions for one thing. That's your favorite technique for playing dumb."

"Why do you think I'm playing dumb?"

"Sam!"

"Okay. I went to see Quinn and it was nice."

"Nice?"

"It felt good to see her, we caught up, she told me some stuff about Beth, and about some things I had forgotten." He was smiling as he spoke, as if he were reliving the memory in his mind.

"What did she tell you about Beth?" It couldn't have been anything about how she endangered Beth's life. Sam was smiling too much for that.

"That's personal stuff between parents. It wouldn't interest you."

"She must have told you about her birth, because that's the last parental thing Quinn ever did for Beth."

What could Quinn possibly tell Sam about being a parent to Beth? The sole month she had her, she passed the baby off more than she took care of her herself. Mercedes was the one that lost sleep, with the constant feeding schedule of a newborn, she was the one that came when she cried and rocked her in her arms.

"I didn't mean to offend you."

"I'm not offended." She was pissed, just imagining Quinn painting herself as the poor devoted mother separated from her child. When the truth was, Quinn had abandoned her baby, leaving her in the woods like trash, for crazed felons, wild animals, or the elements to get her.

"Then why did you just lash out like that about Quinn?"

"I just get annoyed when the word parent is used in connection with Quinn."

"That's what she is though. Beth is her daughter, not yours."

His patronizing tone was sickening. He was talking to her with that gentle tone people used on small children or the insane. Mercedes knew she was a stand in, she knew that no matter how much she loved her and how long she took care of her, she never would be her mother.

"Thanks for that reminder, are we done here?" she asked scraping back the chair angrily. "I've got things to do."

"Mercedes wait. This is coming out all wrong. I know you have been there for Beth when Quinn and I couldn't be and I appreciate it."

"But…"

"But one day Quinn is going to be a part of Beth's life and I want you to be ready for it."

Beth was the difficult part, leaving Sam would hurt but she'd do what she had to, but to leave Beth behind, that was almost unthinkable. She had loved Beth since before she was born, and nothing would ever change that. How could she just remove herself from Beth's life when she had been the only constant she'd ever had?

"That day will be a long time coming. She's still locked up."

"She's only locked up because my father set her up. I know the judge initially ruled to have her released."

"You don't know what you're talking about Sam. Your father didn't have anything to do with Quinn going upstate."

"You don't know my father. He hates Quinn he will do anything to keep her out of my life and I'm betting out of Beth's life too."

"I know how he feels about Quinn," she said getting up and going over to the stove.

"Do you share his sentiment?" Sam asked taking a sip of water.

"Let's see," she said taking the foil packet out of the oven and putting it on the stovetop. "She cheated on my best friend and slept with my husband, what do you think?"

"I think you almost were a runaway bride and you have no room to talk," he shot back at her.

"I bet you're wishing I ran now. If you weren't married to me you'd be free to be with your precious Quinn."

There was no escaping that pain, even without his memory Sam seemed to latch onto that particular piece of their history the most. A year later she was still hurting him because of her stupid choices.

"I'd never wish that kind of pain on myself, not even for Quinn. I can't believe you'd think I'd want to be left at the altar." An array of emotions played over his face, disappointment, maybe disgust, all because of her.

"I just meant without me you'd be free," she said the words lodging in her throat.

She'd spent most of the night thinking about letting him go. Puck had put up a good argument, trying to convince her to stick it out with Sam a little longer, but common sense was prevailing. There was no point in holding onto a man that was trying to break free. It hadn't been that long since he came out of the coma, a more practical man would have taken things slow and focused on recovering before leaping into life altering decisions, but Sam Evans had never been one to be practical, he was impulsive and emotional, traits Mercedes loved so much about him. Sam had come back itching to jump back into everything, to live it to the fullest, and forge ahead to the future. He was ready to make up for lost time, just not with her. She was nothing but an obstacle, a roadblock to his perfect life with Quinn. That was one thing she never wanted to be, in his way. She wanted to be by Sam's side, walking with him, but never barring his path.

"Without you, I'd be dead," Sam said getting up from the table and looking around the kitchen.

Gratitude, that was far better than his hate, but not enough for Mercedes to hold on to. She wanted him to see her more than just his nurse and savior, she wanted him to see her as his life, the way he used to.

"You never would've had that accident if you hadn't married me," she said quickly glancing at him before taking a plate out of the cabinet next to the sink.

Sam picked up the wedding photo on the little accent table in the kitchen, the same picture he had smashed at his father's house, and brought it over to Mercedes. "Quinn told me that she was at our wedding. She said I was extremely happy. I'm guessing you had something to do with that."

She took the photo from him, memories flooding back as she looked at their happy faces. One of the best and worst days of her life, so much she wished she could change, the pain, the lies, the trip to ICU, but standing in front of Sam, seeing all the love in his eyes, feeling absolutely complete in that moment, Mercedes wouldn't trade that for anything.

"You were so handsome in your tux. I got so tingly every time you looked at me. No one has ever looked at me the way you do." She paused, correcting herself. "Did. The way you did."

His fingers brushed against hers as he took the frame from her hand, setting it down on the counter, electricity prickling her skin, the rush she always felt when he touched her, that attraction that had pulled her in from the first time they met. Sam used to feel it too, even when he tried his best to fight it. She couldn't help but wonder if he felt it still now, or had the accident robbed them of that too.

"Happiness and tingles are good things, I don't think I would want to trade all of that," he said staring down at her, Mercedes' heart started to race as Sam drifted closer, lightly pulling on one of her curls, before letting his hand drop. He returned to his seat at the table.

She didn't trust what he was saying, even though she wanted to. He hated being married to her, and had been very upfront about it. The sudden shift put her on guard.

Mercedes unwrapped the foil pouch and took out the burger and fries Kurt had brought her from the diner, untouched and left in the warm oven. She placed the food on the plate, grabbing a napkin from the counter next to the stove before walking over to the table and placing the food in front of Sam.

"I know you don't care now, but I am so sorry about everything that happened at the wedding with the voicemail, and later with Shane," she said over her shoulder as she took the mustard out of the refrigerator.

All of this was coming too late, and to the wrong Sam, she had needed to say this to him last year, when it still mattered, but it felt good nevertheless to get it off her chest, to again try to atone for her crimes.

"Shane? Was that his name?" he asked as he took the mustard from her hand.

"Yeah. Shane Tinsley," she replied sitting down at the table. "He's one of Beiste's former students. She coached him in football, and they remained close, that's why I didn't tell you his name before, I didn't want you to hold it against Beiste."

"Is he still in town?" A thick vein on his forehead bulged, a raised line against his smooth brow.

"No he took a job at a hospital in North Carolina."

"Good." He bit into his burger.

"Why's that good?"

"No reason, just talking."

Maybe she shouldn't have brought Shane up, Sam was visibly upset, which was ironic since he didn't even remember Shane or the incident in the first place.

"You and Shane made your peace you know? You let what happened go."

"How noble of me," he said flatly.

"You tried. I think it was for my benefit more than anything."

"Right wouldn't want there to be any tension between your husband and your lover. I can see how I'd work hard to prevent that," he said rolling his eyes and taking another bite.

"He wasn't my lover. I never slept with Shane, unlike you, I can stay faithful."

"There's more than one way to cheat Mercedes. Kissing another man, loving another man, spending all night out with another man, all cheating," he said hitting the table with his hand.

"I'll be sure to make note of that, type it up and give it to you, since I'm sure you are planning to do all of those things with Quinn."

Sam exhaled sharply. "I told you she's my friend."

"Shane is mine," she said, stealing a fry from his plate.

"And Finn?"

"Finn?"

"Why do you act all shocked every time I bring up his name? You spent last night with him, I just saw him leave this house."

"I didn't spend all night with him. We went out for a while then he brought me home. Today he came by for a visit."

Toying with the mind of a mentally impaired patient was frowned upon in her profession, normally Mercedes never would have done it, but Sam was being a jerk. Calling her the night before, accusing her of neglecting Beth when he barely spent twenty minutes a day with the girl. Then he had the nerve to bring up their night at the hospital, again, trying to make her feel like a slut for getting physical with him when he was just as into it as she was. Then all the questions about her being out with Finn, like she was wrong to be spending time with a friend, when he had just driven three hours to spend time with his own supposed friend.

Still it was wrong, to let Sam go on believing that something was up with her and Finn. Setting the record straight would have been the right thing to do, but Mercedes couldn't bring herself to do it, especially when he kept looking at her like she was an adulterer. He was such a hypocrite, he was the one that broke his vows, and he was still breaking them as far as Mercedes could tell. His every thought since he came out of the coma was about Quinn.

His eyes flashed with anger. "You mean a quickie."

"I don't have to explain any of this to you." Mercedes crossed her legs and sat back in her chair, smirking when she caught him staring at her legs. "We're barely married and you're busy plotting ways to get the woman that destroyed our life freed from the mental hospital."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know you and Figgins were planning something about Quinn. I saw that message you got from the judge. Too bad he couldn't see you to discuss Quinn's case."

If only she had been shocked when Figgins' assistant Becky gave her the message, but the news that Sam was trying to help Quinn was completely expected. Quinn was his perfect princess, of course he'd want to save her from prison cell.

"Were you snooping through my personal things?" he asked his voice rising.

"We're married the staff doesn't hide things from me, unlike my own husband that lies to me at every turn."

"You are the biggest liar I've ever met, and you are going to judge me?" Sam pushed his food away, his body shaking in anger. "Stay out of my business from now on. You got that?"

Ouch! That smacked her back a few years, to when they first met and she was working at D&E. He hadn't trusted her then, doubting her every word, always thinking she was out to get him, only instinct allowing them those few moments of understanding. They'd come so far since then, creating a real friendship, based on trust and an undeniable connection. It hurt to know all of that had disappeared, and they were back to square one with each other, him not trusting her, and now she was starting not to trust him.

"Sam I know you don't trust me, and you think I'm out to get you, but I'm not. I'm on your side. I've always been," she said changing her tactic, hoping that a little sincerity would get Sam to let his guard down and reveal what was really going on with him.

"Prove it," he said grabbing her hand across the table, seeming to take her bait. "Back me up on this. I want Quinn to come home."

Was he kidding? He didn't seriously expect her to help him with Quinn?


	50. Chapter 50

**Love writing Samcedes banter...**

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><p><strong>Chapter 50<strong>

The dutiful wife act was unnerving. A little while ago she barely wanted to let him in the door, and now she was feeding him his favorite food and talking about having his back. She was probably trying to poison him, he wouldn't put it past her. She had almost killed him before. Sure she nursed him back to health for months, but now that he was recovered and taking control of his life and his bank account, she was probably wishing he was out of commission again. Also she knew about the meeting with Judge Leery, she didn't seem very pleased, yet another motive for her to plot his demise. Sam looked down at his burger. How odd for her to have one just waiting for him, she hadn't even known he was coming over.

"I forgot to get ketchup for your fries," she announced pulling her hand away and going toward the fridge.

"I don't need ketchup," he said putting a fry in his mouth. If this was going to be his last meal, he at least needed to enjoy. It had been so long since he had a burger and fries. "I need you to talk to me," he said through his chewing.

"There's nothing to talk about. Quinn is in the hospital for a reason." Mercedes leaned over the counter, giving him a clear view down the front of her skimpy pink top.

Sam snapped his eyes back up to her face, trying to maintain his focus. The goal was to get her to understand about Quinn. Once he did that it would be smooth sailing. "She doesn't need to be all the way up there, she can get help here, close to Beth and all of her friends."

"Quinn can't be near Beth. She lost all access to her."

"I think my father was behind that too."

"He wasn't. Quinn lost Beth all on her own."

"We'll have to help her get her back. You want what's best for Beth right?"

Sam already knew the answer to that question he could tell she truly loved his daughter. Might have been a tad underhanded to use her ties to Beth to sway her, but all was fair when it came to something so important. Quinn staying out of the hospital was his top priority and without Mercedes on his side, Quinn would be doomed.

"Yes I do. Which is why I want Quinn to stay upstate and get the treatment she needs."

"I just told you she's better now."

He knew depression was a serious condition, but his family was acting like Quinn was suffering from something far worse. His parents, Mike, Mercedes, even Puck got all weird whenever Quinn's name was brought up, over the top reactions to a relatively common illness. Millions of people functioned in the world while battling depression. Quinn could too. At this point, Kali seemed to be the only one that agreed with him, thank goodness she was Quinn's doctor and had the authority to vouch for her sanity.

"Sam what is going on? Why are you talking like Quinn getting out the hospital could happen?"

"What if it did?" he asked getting up from the table to stand across from her at the center island. "Would you be on my side and accept her back into our lives?"

"You act as if we actually have a life together. We live in separate households, you barely speak to me and you spend all your time daydreaming about your perfect baby mama."

She was angry and going in for an attack. He hadn't known Mercedes that long, but he had learned a few things about her in that short time. First lesson, Mercedes bites back, but she wasn't the only one with teeth, Sam could give as good as he got.

"And you spend all your time hanging out with college boys," he spat back, his temper building as he thought about that Finn kid.

Actually Mercedes having another guy could be the answer to his problems. She could go be with Finn Hudson, or whatever random guy she picked up, and he would be free to be with Quinn. It was almost perfect, except for one thing, his father. Sam had a feeling that his father wouldn't see things the same way and still would force him to try to make his marriage work. His father seemed to get off on making his life miserable, but maybe if Sam got his father to understand that Mercedes didn't want him, he would forget about his deal and just let Quinn remain free. It was a gamble, but Sam never was one to shy away from a challenge, so maybe he should attempt that route.

"Stop acting like a jealous husband. I know you don't really care what I do or who I see. I could have just had sex with Finn in our bed this afternoon and you wouldn't care."

Oh hell no!

"Is that what happened here? Is that why you're wearing only underwear and have that bed head going on?"

With one hand she tugged on her shorts, as if there was actually a way to make them less revealing, and her other hand went to her hair, smoothing it down. "I put these curls in myself," she said, still messing with her hair.

"Answer me Mercedes. Did you just sleep with that guy?" Sam didn't care about her attire or her messy hair, he wanted answers, his patience evaporating by the second as she just stood there smirking at him.

"What if I did? Would you be mad? Would you be jealous?"

She was egging him on and he knew it. She was trying to provoke a reaction. Mission accomplished, she was going to get one.

"Hell yeah I would be mad. No man touches my wife," he exploded. There was a porno playing in his mind and it starred Mercedes. He could see her with another guy, doing all the things she had done with him that night they spent together. "Just fuck no. I'm gonna kill him." Sam ran his hand through his hair, pacing in circles, trying to figure out how he could've married a woman that would cheat on him and just flaunt it in his face.

"Why are you mad Sam? You don't want me, why can't someone else have me?"

It was completely irrational, he didn't even want to be with her, he wanted Quinn. He loved Quinn, but the idea of Mercedes kissing some other dude's ring, of being with him in a bed they shared, made his head pound.

"I'm the only man that can have you," he said walking around the counter to stand directly in front of her. "You're married to me."

"That doesn't work for me. You think you can just have it like that?" she asked, shoving him back. "Me here, with your baby on my hip, and Quinn upstate for conjugal visits? You don't want me. Stop pretending like you do."

"I do want you," he blurted out. Mercedes looked completely stunned. Shit! Now she's going to get that look, like a puppy hoping to be let in from the cold.

"What?" she asked, looking less like a puppy and more like a pit bull.

"I mean…" He needed to cover his ass fast. He didn't want her to get the wrong idea, he wasn't about to throw her down on the kitchen table and have his way with her, but he also needed her to believe he wanted to give their marriage a shot. "I don't know what I want."

"Which is it Sam? Either you want me or you don't."

Sam took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "I need to find out who you are, see what things were like between us."

"How are we going to do that when we have completely separate lives?"

"I want to move back in, here to this house, with you, and Beth."

That hadn't been the plan. He was going to tell her they needed to take things slow, that he would visit and spend time with her while still living with his father, but finding out that she was sleeping with another guy threw him off. He hadn't been prepared to have to deal with another man.

"Are you for real?" she asked, clearly skeptical. Sam had his work cut out for him.

"Yeah that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Going to see Quinn made me figure some things out."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Things like what?"

"Like I married you for a reason and I need to figure out what that reason was. I've just been ignoring this huge part of my life because I didn't understand it and I realize now how wrong that was."

"Sam I don't know. I'm really starting to think it might be better if we just cut our losses right now and move on."

It felt like she kicked him, swift and hard in the gut. She had said exactly what he wanted to hear, and it knocked the wind out of him. Had to be some sort of record, rejected by two women in less than twenty-four hours. He put his heart on the line for Quinn and she didn't want him, now his wife, the woman who sat by his bedside for months, was just letting him go. Sam didn't even know why he bothered, he always had the worst luck in his romantic life, and clearly nothing had changed in the past three years.

He probably didn't have a shot in hell at keeping Mercedes, she was already trying to leave him and he'd only been out of the coma for two months, not to mention the fact she had some other guy already lined up, but he had to try. Quinn couldn't go back to the hospital.

"Don't say that. I don't want you to give up on us. What about those tingles you felt on our wedding day?"

"I used to get them almost every time you looked at me," she said smiling down at her feet.

"Maybe I can make you feel that way again," he said running his hands over her bare shoulders. She shivered when he touched her, giving Sam a small boost of confidence.

She shook her head, backing away from him, but the center island stopped her escape. "You don't look at me the same Sam."

Sam moved closer, both hands on the island, trapping her between the counter and his body, but careful not to make contact. He wanted her close, but not touching. "Not yet, but maybe one day."

"Sam what is really going on here? What really happened when you went upstate?"

The phone rang and Mercedes reached behind her to the counter to pick it up. Sam read the display as she held the phone between them. It was Mike.

"Don't answer it," he said putting his hand over hers, covering the phone.

"I have to. I've been trying to get in touch with Mike since yesterday."

The phone continued to ring, but Sam didn't drop his hand or move away.

He lifted her chin, caressing her cleft, making her look him in the eyes. "Forget the phone. This is too important. It's about us."

"Fine," she agreed, putting the phone back on the counter. "What about us?"

"I think you know." Sam lifted her hand to his lips, kissing it softly, never letting his eyes drop from hers.

Mercedes couldn't talk to Mike, not yet. He had to be the one to tell her about Quinn or it would never work. Mercedes had to believe he cared about their marriage before he sprung the news or she'd leave him for sure.

Sam could tell Mercedes was hesitant, debating her options in her mind. Slowly she moved closer, stepping into his space, putting her arms around his neck, tugging on the lapel of his jacket to pull him closer to her face. He watched her, trying to figure out her next move. She just held him there a moment, one hand around his neck, the other stroking his suit jacket. Sam gripped her waist, rubbing his thumbs against the exposed skin on her back where her top didn't quite meet the waistband of her shorts. He opened his mouth to speak, to fill the silence that made him think things were starting to head south, when she kissed him. Full soft lips, brushing over his, once, then again, lingering the second time.

"Should we take this conversation to the bedroom?" she asked as she hovered just above his lips.

Sam opened his mouth to respond but no words came out, his mind a complete blank as he stared down into her eyes.

"Sam." She whispered before kissing him gently on the cheek, pressing her body against his as she wrapped her other arm around his neck. "Do you want to?" she asked again.

Um. What?

* * *

><p>Mercedes led him out of the kitchen, into the living room, and up the stairs by the hand, something she had done so many times before, something she had lost hope of ever doing again. Asking Sam upstairs had been a test. He claimed to want to figure out their marriage, pleading with her to give him a chance, turning on the charm, completely out of the blue. Mercedes didn't trust his sudden interest in his past life. Sam was definitely up to something. So she called his bluff, turning up the heat, capitalizing on the one thing she knew hadn't been lost in the accident, his attraction to her.<p>

She glanced at him periodically over her shoulder, as they climbed the stairs, watching him take it all in. Photographs lined the walls of the hallway, mostly of Beiste's family through the years, but there were some of Mercedes's family as well, such that it was. A photo with Puck at the BreadStix, one with her dad last spring, a couple of candid ones with Sam before they were married, and a new one, just taken last week of herself with Beth. Sam spotted it right away, pausing in front of the framed 8x10.

"Is this new?" he asked pointing at the picture.

"Yeah."

Kurt had taken it, Beth on her lap in her new Tennessee Titans onesie with matching bow in her hair, a gummy grin with lips just like her father's.

"Do you have any with Beth and Quinn?"

His first thought, probably his only thought was about Quinn. Not when did you and I take this picture together? Or how is her dad doing? But about Quinn, and why she wasn't on display in their home.

"Not on the wall."

"Well I meant do you have any period. Something I could show her?"

Barely back a few hours and already he was thinking ahead to his next visit upstate. Mercedes wasn't sure which hurt worse, being forgotten by her husband or that he unabashedly wanted someone else.

"There aren't very many. I took some at Christmas."

She'd taken a number of shots on the day of their impromptu visit to the Lima Hospital Psych Ward inspired mostly by Beiste and too much spiked eggnog. Playing photographer kept her away from Quinn, any excuse not to talk to her. Really Mercedes had nothing to say, she could be civil for Beth's sake but she never was going to like the woman. Not even Christmas cheer could put a happy face on cheating.

"She really has been away a long time," Sam said sadly, still staring at the wall of photos.

"Even when she was here, she was away. Quinn didn't spend that much time with Beth."

Sam really needed to be told the truth, he was acting like Quinn was away at a spa for botox treatments. The seriousness of Quinn's condition was not relayed to him and it should have been. For the future safety of his daughter, he needed to know what Quinn was capable of.

"You act like she didn't want her." He sounded outraged at the mere thought.

"I'm just stating the facts."

She wasn't going to be the one to tell him, she couldn't be. There would be no way she could do it without her personal bias seeping into the mix. Will should just sit Sam down with Quinn's police file and let Sam be the judge, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Dwight was adamant about that. Dwight didn't want Sam to know about what happened to Beth until he was 100 percent recovered. Mercedes wasn't really sure what Dwight was so afraid of. Did he think Sam would burst a blood vessel when he heard the news? Break a limb while trying to go after Quinn for what she'd done? If that was the case, Dwight didn't know his son at all. Sam wasn't going to react that harshly to the news, Mercedes knew that now. He was going to blame everything Quinn had done on her postpartum depression, and he was going to forgive her completely for everything, probably with a hug and a kiss to soothe her frazzled nerves. Sam was too enamored with Quinn at this point to see anything she did as wrong, even if it was against his own child.

"Well your facts are wrong. Quinn was happy she had my child."

Sam was smiling, she could see the sparkle in his eyes, his chest was even subtly puffing out with pride, he was happy he made a baby with Quinn. On the one hand, Mercedes was glad to know Beth was loved and wanted by both her parents, every child deserved that, but for Sam to just put it out there like that, completely disregarding how it would make her feel, completely proved how little he actually cared about her. All his words in the kitchen were meaningless, part of some angle she had yet to determine, because Sam's real emotions were revealed right now. He was pleased to have a love child with Quinn and he didn't care who it hurt.

"She told you that?" Mercedes asked, quite surprised. Even before her hearing everyone thought Quinn resented Beth because he wasn't Puck's daughter and that was what led to her depression.

"When I saw her yesterday. She told me that she secretly wanted Beth to be mine all along."

"Oh so much for her apologies and claims about loving Puck, that bitch wanted you the whole time," Mercedes said bitterly.

"Quinn and I have history."

"I'm well aware," she snapped.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I probably shouldn't have said anything."

His insincerity was palpable. Sam brought all this up for one reason, to put her in her place, to let her know that Quinn was the chosen one. Quinn had his child and his heart.

"Doesn't matter, deep down I knew it anyway. I always thought she slept with you to prove a point."

"What point would that be?"

"That she could. That you weren't mine and never would be."

She never once said anything against them, openly supported their engagement, the only one on team Sam and Mercedes. It was a load of bull, just as Mercedes had suspected back then. She was good at reading people, could usually smell a phony from miles away, and everything from her bright smiles to her weak hugs was fake on Quinn. While Mercedes did think Quinn was happy with Puck, at least happy she had him trapped, she also thought that Quinn would have liked it better if she still had Sam hanging on too. One man clearly wasn't enough for Quinn Fabray. Sam had been her number one fan for years, once he was married and his focus turned to his own life, she lost him and that didn't sit well with her. Now all those heart to heart talks, meetings for coffee, late night chats made more sense, Quinn was trying to keep Sam attached, caught up in her life. Then when the opportunity presented itself and Sam turned up on her doorstep drunk and miserable, she did what any selfish skank would do, she screwed him on the living room floor and got herself knocked up with his child. Quinn had played the game well, she'd found a way to keep Sam in her life forever, and have access to his bank account to boot.

"You make her sound so calculating and devious. Quinn's not like that."

"Sam, you don't know what Quinn's like. You are clouded by her eyes or her boobs, or whichever body part she's showing off."

All the men were. They fell for Quinn's act time and time again. That woman needed to come with a warning label attached. 'Harmful if touched.'

"You are actually going to talk about flaunting body parts while you're wearing that?"

What the hell was his issue with her clothes? She had on shorts and a cami, pretty standard stuff.

"I'm in my house. I wouldn't wear it outside." She actually would wear it outside, just not in the dead of winter.

"In your house with a man."

"With my husband."

"Before I got here."

"Oh then? I wasn't wearing this I was wearing a towel, then later a robe."

He deserved that visual image. She hoped he had nightmares about her with Finn. It would serve him right after he had the nerve to come into their house extolling the virtues of Quinn Fabray, as if she gave a shit.

"This was a bad idea," said Sam heading back down the stairs.

"I couldn't agree more. Did you actually think you could con me into believing you cared about our marriage?"

Sam needed to man up and flat out tell her what was going on, she was tired of his manipulations. Mercedes was too smart to fall for his lines anyway. Never again.

He stopped mid descent, turning to face her. "I wasn't conning you. I do care, but you make it so damn difficult. Why can't you just…"

"Shut up and let you wax on about your beloved mistress?" she asked cutting him off.

Sam took a deep breath, and leaned back against the wall. "It got to me okay. I liked that she actually wanted to have a child with me, no one has truly felt that way about me before, not even my ex-wife Brittany, and we had talked about planning a family at one time."

Tears burned in Mercedes's eyes. "You are such an idiot."

"What did I say now?" he asked looking completely lost.

"I loved you and I married you. Don't you think just maybe I wanted a family with you?"

Mercedes swiped at her tears. She hated she was crying over this. She needed to just get over all of it and let him go. Not every dream came true, Mercedes knew that going in, knew it all her life. Why should she have believed that this would somehow change because she thought she'd found her prince?

"We weren't married very long before the accident, but I guess we had plans."

"Those plans mean nothing to you now, because you don't remember."

They'd talked about having kids a few times, nothing serious, just that dreamy ramble that lovers do when the happiness is overflowing and it only naturally feels like it should be given to a child. They both wanted a family, a chance to create a stable home, a place to put all the love they had to keep bottled up because there was nowhere else for it to go. He told her had wanted ten babies with her, the night of the accident. Sam was cold and bleeding, but his mind was dreaming of building a life with her. She couldn't have loved him any more in that moment, still fighting for their family even when hope was fading and the odds were not on their side. His last thoughts were about them, before the unthinkable happened and he was captured by the dark. Sam was back now, a second chance, a wish granted, a walking miracle, but he no longer wanted them, their dreams of a family forgotten, his hopes already fulfilled by Beth and Quinn.

"You act like I'm doing this on purpose. I can't help that I lost my memory."

"You are doing it on purpose, psychological amnesia. It's all you making this happen."

It felt deliberate, like he only erased the parts of his mind with her in it. Medically speaking she knew it was more complex than that, some trauma, probably the car accident, had triggered his mind to shut down, but why did he choose to forget those parts? His mind conveniently had sent him back to the place he always wanted to be, with Quinn, making Mercedes feel like perhaps he did only marry her because Quinn had moved on. Would he have even noticed her if Quinn had been interested in him back then?

"Maybe so, but it still feels very much out of my control."

It was hard to find sympathy for Sam and his memory woes lately, especially since he seemed so content with how things had turned out. He'd awakened to a strange world, filled with new faces, but it had been a dream come true in some ways as well. He'd come back to a family, the girl of his dreams finally wanting him with a beautiful baby in her arms. No wonder Sam didn't seem in a rush to find the missing pieces of his life, everything he always wanted was right in front of him.

"What does Kali say about all this? Making any headway in figuring it all out?" Mercedes asked trying to push down the small hope lingering within her. If Sam could get his memory back, all of this could go away, he'd love her again and they could be together like they planned.

"Kali's no longer my therapist."

"Why not? What happened?"

"I fired her," he replied with a satisfied smirk.

"Who did you get to replace her?"

"No one. I don't need to waste time sitting around talking about my problems. I just need to get back to my life."

So much for that hope. Sam didn't care about getting his memory back at all.

"Which life Sam? The life you left behind, that you clearly don't want to remember or some new life where you replace me with Quinn?"

She had already been replaced. He just had yet to say the words. Sam made his choice and his intentions clear when he sped through his recovery at record speed, so he could make the trip to see Quinn. Mercedes got that message loud and clear. One woman was important in his life, and it wasn't the one he married.

"I'm not trying to replace you. I need some time," he said, clenching his fists at his side. "Stop making me feel like it's wrong that I don't remember you or that it's wrong I care about Quinn."

"Stop making me feel like you hate the fact I'm your wife."

Sam was treating her like he'd lost a bet and landed the ugliest girl in high school. Sure he was all over her behind closed doors, flirting and then some, but when all eyes were on him, he shut down, wishing another woman was wearing his ring instead of her.

"I keep telling you I don't hate you. I just don't know you yet."

"Really? That's all it is? You don't know me?"

Mercedes didn't believe him at all. He made no attempts to get her to know her since getting out of the hospital. The one day they tried to spend together, he shut her out halfway through, opting to throw a tantrum and destroy their photos rather than talk to her.

"Yes."

"Interesting. I can remember just a few weeks ago when you were saying something all together different. Telling me how you never felt so close to someone so fast before, how you felt like you knew me already, how it must be destiny that we had this amazing connection."

He'd wanted her that night, for more than just a sexual release, Mercedes had felt it, in his every word, his every touch. There was something still between them, not even the coma could steal their connection. It persisted even when everything else had vanished.

"I didn't know we were married then."

"I know and yet you couldn't keep your hands off me, wanted me always around, kept telling me you liked me so much. Finding out I was your wife, should have been a bonus if you felt that strongly. Unless you were just feeding me lines…"

"I meant what I said. I felt those things then."

She looked up, surprised he'd revealed that much. Their eyes locked, unspoken words surfacing in the green of his eyes. There still was something real, buried deep, but it remained.

"Why did it all disappear?" she asked tearing her eyes from his. "You can't even stand to be around me now."

"That's not true. I'm here with you now." He came up the last few steps to stand in front of her, holding both of her arms. "I told you I want to figure this out. You're the one stalling, why are we standing in the hallway? I thought we were going to the bedroom."

"I've got to finish getting dressed. It's getting late." Really she wanted to get away from him, she couldn't think clearly when he got so close, her emotions took over and led her down impulsive paths.

"Hot date?" he asked, smiling down at her.

Mercedes didn't dare meet his eyes, she'd be in trouble if she did. "I wish. The only man I want isn't interested."

"Maybe he doesn't think he stands a chance with you. The male ego doesn't do well with rejection."

Sam traced the edge of the thin pink strap of her top with his finger. A touch so light, and yet it sent warm tingles throughout her body.

"I think he knows I want him. I've made it very clear."

She focused on his chest, the creamy white buttons on his pale blue shirt, in stark contrast with the deep navy of his jacket. He wasn't wearing a tie, so the top two buttons of his shirt were undone, exposing a bit of skin.

"Are you sure? Men can be very slow on the uptake."

"I realize that. The plan is that he is so blown away by my ensemble tonight that he will find me irresistible."

"Let me help you pick something out. I have great taste."

Damn! She made the mistake of glancing at his face, he had his lips in that crooked smile, now she couldn't look away.

"I was thinking short and tight. Doesn't take much to turn the head of a twenty year old man," she said, smiling when his face contorted in reaction.

"I'm 28."

"Who said I was talking about you?" she asked looking up at him innocently.

"You better be." He was almost growling, stepping closer as if he wanted to physically enforce his threat.

"There you go again with that temper. I think you're getting off on being mad at me."  
>She put her hands flat against his chest to keep him from getting closer, one more inch and his body would be touching hers.<p>

"And I think you're getting off on pushing my buttons."

His eyes were on her mouth as he spoke, she could feel his hand tense up on her arm, as he held himself back. Maybe she wasn't the only one struggling to maintain control.

"What buttons could I possibly push? It's not like you're really jealous. You don't even want me, you want Quinn," she said, feeling triumphant when his hands covered her bare shoulders, gripping them slightly. She knew that would get him.

"I don't like the idea of my wife being with another man," he said against her ear, only his hands were touching her, but Mercedes could feel him all over her skin.

She rose up on her toes to reach his face. "I don't like the idea of my husband being with another woman, but I don't have much choice in the matter. Do I?" she countered, against his ear.

"The only woman I'm interested in being with now is you." Last inch gone, Sam pulled her against him, purposely making sure she felt how physically interested he was. He clearly was up for finishing what they started in the hospital. "Show me our bedroom."

"Good thing Beth's not here, pretty sure she'd interrupt us." She giggled nervously, trying to ignore the fact that his hand had moved under her cami to stroke her back.

"Where is she?" Sam asked, backing up slightly.

"She's at your dad's house with Marcel. She was so cranky this morning, just wouldn't let me put her down, but Marcel comes and suddenly she's back to being a little sweet princess."

"She likes Marcel." He let go of her to stand next to her against the wall. Mercedes was relieved, her head immediately clearer with Sam at a distance.

"She does. I was thinking maybe Marcel could be her nanny. Not to assume that she was going to have a nanny. I didn't hire her one all this time because I thought since she didn't have either of her parents, she shouldn't spend most of her time with a stranger. Your dad wanted to hire one though, this woman, fluent in like ten languages, nanny to royalty. He had her on retainer for like months," she said, finally taking a breath.

"Where's she now?"

"Some Eastern European royal family lured her away. Your father was not pleased. I like Marcel, but it's completely up to you of course. I didn't want to make a decision without talking to you about it."

"Marcel's a nurse though, does he have experience with children?"

"His specialty is pediatric nursing actually."

"You hired a pediatric nurse to take care of me?"

"I thought it was appropriate." She chuckled.

"You're cute," he said smiling at her.

"How cute?" she asked, caressing his cheek, unable to stop herself from touching that face she missed so much.

"Cute enough not to want to share," he said putting his arms around her waist and moving her to stand in front of him between his parted legs.

Mercedes rolled her eyes, but couldn't contain her smile. She loved being this close to Sam. "Are we back to that again?"

"I don't think we ever left."

"I'm so over you and this macho possessive act."

"I think you're the one that's acting. Your heart has been pounding since I put my arms around you. You're not over me at all."

She could feel herself blushing, losing even more composure. She had to stop letting him get to her, she needed to be back in control.

"You're making me nervous, invading my personal space."

"You're not nervous. You ramble when you're nervous. This is you very excited to be so close to me."

"Get over yourself Sam," she said pushing out of his arms and retreating to the opposite wall.

Sam didn't pursue, he just watched her from his side of the hall. It was almost worse to contend with those eyes, mysteriously slanted, never quite revealing everything. At least his hands were more direct, touching their exact target without hesitation.

"Why else would you invite me upstairs if you didn't want to be with me?"

"You said you wanted to figure out our marriage. I thought you might like to see where you lived, see your room. I was trying to help you out."

"Oh so this was all for my health?"

"Exactly." She crossed her legs at the ankles, and pressed her back into the cool yellow wall. I'm trying to jog your memory. Anything coming back?"

"Maybe if we actually went into the room and got into the bed…"

Holding up her hand stopping him mid sentence, she said. "I'm not sleeping with you."

"Did I even suggest that? Interesting how your mind went straight to sex."

"I know what you're doing. You're trying to throw me off. You think if you bring up sex I will get all flustered or hot and bothered and you can get me where you want me."

"And where exactly do you think I want you?" he asked moving closer, stopping halfway between his side of the hall and hers.

"I'm not sure yet. It has something to do with Quinn that's for sure."

"You're right it does have something to do with Quinn. I want to help her. Beth needs her mother." Sam reached for her hand, never moving from his spot, and Mercedes stupidly took it.

"I agree. When she's better…" she said letting herself be pulled away from the safety of her post on the wall.

"I also want something else." He looked down at her, brushing the curls from her face, suddenly serious.

"What's that?" Mercedes asked, practically in a whisper.

"I want to get to know my wife, because I finally figured out that I need her in my life."

Oh he was good. Sam never even flinched or looked away when he said that.

"Sam I don't know…" Mercedes looked down, biting her lower lip to keep herself from telling him what she really was thinking, that he was full of it. She needed to stay cool, and let it all play out.

"I don't want to fight it anymore. We've had something between us since I met you in the hospital and you're right I have been pushing it aside, but no more. I can't ignore what I'm feeling." Sam shut his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers, hugging her close.

Mercedes frowned as she watched Sam turn on his emotional side. If she didn't know him so well she might have actually fallen for it, but she'd gotten pretty good at reading Sam Evans over the years, and she could tell this was nothing but crap.

"I can't ignore how I'm feeling either and I'm feeling a little sick from all this bull –"

"Twenty-six," he said abruptly.

"What?"

"Twenty-six times I traced the outline of your lips. I kept count while you were asleep that night we spent together in the hospital."

A chill ran down her spine. Was he remembering that was something he used to do?

"You counted them? Why would you do that?"

"I couldn't take my eyes off you. I was just in awe that I could wake up and find someone so special in my life."

"So you traced my lips?" Mercedes asked again, pulling back to look at him. There was no hint of recognition on his face. It had been a coincidence. He hadn't truly remembered that he used to trace her lips with his fingers.

Sam grabbed her hand and rushed through the nearest door, dragging her behind him. "I'm tired of talking, let's check out the bed."

"Sam wait, this is not…" He stopped suddenly, and Mercedes had to brace herself against his back to keep from falling.

"This is Beth's room," he said dropping her hand.


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

The sun was starting to set casting shadows on the wall through the parted pink curtains. A little girl lived here, browns and pinks, mixed with baby soft pastels, amongst the lace and frills were hard angled mahogany furnishings. The stars were all around him, barely twinkling on the ceiling, their light dimmed by the sunlight, but the stars on the top of the crib, bright gold on each post, maintained their gild even with the setting sun. Sam remembered the bed, vaguely, more from photos than memory. It had been his once, and now his daughter slept in it. That small piece of legacy filled Sam with pride, a subtle example that he'd left a mark on the world, that he'd created another branch to his family tree, a daughter to carry the Evans name.

"This was my bed," he said gripping one of the thick wooden posts and peering inside. A light green sheet covered in tiny stars was on the bed.

"Your dad had it sent over."

Sam turned startled to hear someone respond to him. He had almost forgotten Mercedes was in the room with him.

"This mural?" he asked walking over to stand in front of the vibrantly painted wall.

Sam swept its expanse with his eyes, trying to take in as many details as he could. In one corner there was a castle surrounded by stars, forests and wildlife along the bottom, and at the end a little cottage, colorful and whimsical.

"Sue had it done. It's based on a story I tell Beth about her castle in the stars."

Beth had a home here, in this house that held little meaning to him. There was a permanence to a mural, as if they had intended for Beth to stay in this place, and grow up here.

"Is it from a book?" he asked, still staring at the mural.

"No I made it up. I wanted her to understand why her mommy and daddy weren't around."

Sam looked at Mercedes then, trying to make sense of all her contradictions. She loved his daughter, even though her very existence probably should hurt her.

"You'll have to tell it to me one day."

"Sure," she said, looking past him to the mural.

"What's with all the bears?" He noticed the large pile of them in the corner, precariously stacked in a mound over six feet tall.

"Beth's a very loved little girl." Mercedes's large eyes filled with tears, a sadness falling over her, before she turned away.

"They were gifts?" There felt like something important was dangling in front of him and he couldn't get close enough to reach it.

"We donated most of them, but people kept sending her bears," she answered from the window.

"Was this because of what happened with Quinn. " He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat. "And the river?" Sam felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Mercedes didn't need to answer. He already knew what she would say.

"In a sense, the town really came together and embraced Beth. Her story touched people."

"There's something you're not saying." Questions perched on the tip of his tongue, but something held him back from asking any of them.

"It's hard to talk about. Did Quinn mention any of this to you?"

Mercedes was waiting for him to say something, as if she knew what he wanted to ask. A light flashed in his mind and he saw Beth's face, blue, frozen and still. Her body was wrapped in a blanket, cradled in Quinn's arms, floating in the icy river. Sam shuddered, pulling himself from his crazy thoughts. It didn't happen like that, both Beth and Quinn were safe.

"She said there were photos of me up all over Beth's room," he finally replied.

"She did? How would she know that? She's hasn't been in here since it was redecorated."

"Someone must have told her about it then."

Shelves covered the walls, books tucked here and there, a figurine or two, and pictures, rows of framed pictures covered the remaining space. Pictures of him, mostly as an adult, but some from when he was a child, and as a teen, it was as if his mom's photo album spilled out all over the shelves and the walls.

"Right. I'm sure that's it." She didn't sound convinced. What did it matter that Quinn knew about the room? She's her mother, she should know about where Beth lived.

"Did you do all of this? Put up all these photos?" he asked, pointing at the wall.

Looking embarrassed, she nodded. "I wanted Beth to know her father, know your face, for when you came back to us."

"Mercedes why did you keep Beth?"

She quickly raised her head. "You know why. Quinn couldn't take care of her."

Mercedes leaned back against the window sill, blocking the little light that was coming into the room. Sam watched her, even though she was looking at the floor, hoping an answer would magically pop up above her head and clear up his confusion. Everything in the room felt wrong, it didn't match with his image of her. The woman he thought he knew, the one that had lied to him, wanted to drop him for another guy, crashed their car, she wouldn't do this, take in his baby and create this space, this virtual holding pattern, his life in stasis. The person that decorated this room, and put up all these photos was waiting for him to come home, and wanted him back. And that just didn't fit, because that wasn't his wife, Mercedes didn't feel that way.

"So what? You volunteered to take in the baby I had with another woman? Something doesn't make sense." Sam shoved his hands in his pockets as he stepped closer to the shelves, feeling a bit odd at seeing so many pictures of himself on display.

Mixed between all the other photos there were a few of Quinn. Three to be exact. Two were of Quinn alone, both seemed to be fairly recent, Quinn smiling brightly into the camera, looking happy, and so beautiful. Then there was the third picture, it was of the two of them, Quinn in a blue gown, him in a suit. Sam couldn't remember this event, probably something that happened in the time he lost, maybe when they were seeing each other after the crash.

Sam thought back to the night before when Quinn had shot down his dreams and told him to go home to his wife and Beth. So he respected her wishes and here he was at his so-called home, in his daughter's room, wishing that it could be transported to a house that he shared with Quinn instead. They should be the ones living together married. They should have been the ones to paint her a mural, and tell her a special story. It was as if the universe had flipped and he was trapped in this new reality where he could have the family and home he always wanted but only with the wrong woman in the role of wife. Fate was cruel to do this to him, to wake him up to a place where he couldn't be with the mother of his daughter, the woman he had loved for so long. His father was chaining him to a life with Mercedes, a life that he should be living with Quinn. Did his dad think love was interchangeable? If he was plopped down into a house with a wife and his daughter that he'd just forget about all he felt for Quinn? Love didn't work that way he couldn't just swap his affections to the nearest warm body.

"What doesn't make sense? We didn't want Beth to go into care. Quinn grew up around that and she didn't want that for her daughter."

"Quinn asked you to take her?" Sam shook his head. "The way she was talking…"

"Quinn didn't protest. I think she knew it was the best option. Beth knew me already anyway."

Quinn didn't want Mercedes with Beth, he could tell. What had changed between then and now?

"She told me you helped deliver her."

Mercedes smiled as she straightened up a few things on Beth's dresser. "Yep. Some final exam from nursing school, delivering a baby on the side of the road. I'm glad my dad showed up when he did. I probably would have fainted if I had to cut the cord."

"You don't seem like the squeamish type." She seemed really solid and deceptively strong. He couldn't see a little blood throwing her off.

"I was nervous. A baby was depending on me. so that made it even more stressful."

"You thought she was your family, is that why you did all of this?" It made more sense if Mercedes had taken Beth in thinking she was Puck's child, but she knew she wasn't, and she still gave her a home. Sam didn't know what to make of that. Not many women would take care of a baby their husband had during an affair.

Hurt and anger flashed in her eyes. "Beth is my family."

"I meant you thought she was Puck's at first right?"

"We found out she was yours at the hospital. Beth had a panel done and some things didn't match up."

"Had to be a shock," he said taking a seat in the old wooden rocking chair. There was a table next to the chair with a small lamp, another photo of him that he didn't recognize, and a snowglobe with a tiny pink castle inside.

"I felt like such an idiot. I had forgiven you for sleeping with Quinn the night of the accident, and when I found out Quinn was pregnant with my Puck's child I tried to make peace with her too. Puck is like my big brother, so I wanted our family to heal you know? I tried to help Quinn out during her pregnancy. Get her some things for the baby, some books on prenatal care. It was hard because I was also taking care of you, but I was trying."

"What happened when you found out Beth was my daughter? How did you handle it?"

Mercedes sat on the windowsill, again casting the room in shadows. "What's with all the questions Sam? I don't resent Beth now if that's what you're getting at."

"I know you don't resent her. I can tell you love her. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Why are you doing this? Isn't she a constant reminder of what Quinn and I did?"

"Beth is such a sweet baby, she's completely innocent in all this. It's not her fault that her parents were selfish idiots that destroyed my life," she said, tearing up.

"That's a pretty harsh assessment of me and Quinn. You seem to be doing pretty well from the looks of things. You finished school, you have a job, got friends. Quinn on the other hand was locked away from all the people that love her, including her own daughter. Your life seems pretty damn good in comparison."

"You're right. Why am I complaining? The man I loved almost died and was in a coma for months, but that didn't matter because I had a job."

Her nose looked raw from crying and she was shivering, hugging herself to keep warm. Sam stood up, taking off his jacket and walked over to the window. He grabbed Mercedes by the shoulders, lifting her away from the window slightly, to wrap his jacket around her.

"Quit the sarcasm and be honest. Admit this whole wifey thing is an act," he said shaking her shoulders lightly, before letting her go and moving away. "You took care of me and you took care of Beth because you were guilty and you were trying to save face with my family. Probably were afraid they'd cut you off and leave you without my money."

"You say another word Sam and I swear to God I'll hit you," said Mercedes clearly pissed.

Sam steeled himself to be hit in the face with his jacket, but was surprised when it didn't come hurdling toward him. Instead she put her arms in the sleeves and pulled it closed. "You don't know the hell I've lived through, my whole life, and then finally I landed in Lima and I married you and I was finally happy, then just like that it was gone."

"Seems to me you made it all go away," he said pivoting to stare at the mural. "Maybe if you hadn't married me when Shane didn't respond to your message, you'd be happy now. We all would be."

Sam had no clue what really went down between him and Quinn during the years he had forgotten, but he couldn't believe that he would just let her go for some other girl. Even still, they had always found a way back to each other, maybe if he hadn't married Mercedes he would have gotten another chance with Quinn sooner. It didn't seem right that he missed out on so much time with Quinn to be with a woman that would marry him even when she wanted someone else. And how did he let something like that happen to him again? Hadn't he learned that lesson well enough with Brittany? Apparently not, and history had repeated itself once again in his life.

"I keep telling you I married you because I love you."

A convincing little performance she was giving, tears, clenched fists, a raised voice, but Sam wasn't falling for it. She was lying like she always did.

"I don't believe you Mercedes. Your every action says the opposite. You didn't want me, you got stuck with me."

"You got me. I am stuck. I could be living it up in North Carolina with Shane right now. He asked me to go you know?" She got up from the sill, walking back forth along the width of the room as she spoke, her thick brown legs rubbing against his navy jacket. "And Shane would never treat me like this. He's a good honest man, that doesn't cheat or lie. But I was too stupid to appreciate him, I had to choose to be with a man that hurt me over and over, that cheated on me, had a baby with someone else, and lied to me for months."

If this Shane guy was so wonderful, she should have him. Pack her bags and leave town, it would solve all of Sam's problems. His father wouldn't be able to force him to stay married to a woman that had moved on with someone else. It was an even better ploy than using Finn Hudson, because Shane lived out of state, his father would have no choice but to stay out of his life with Quinn.

"Here's your chance Mercedes. You can head on down south right now. No one's stopping you."

Mercedes stopped dead still in the center of the room and glared at him, ignoring the rush of tears falling down her face, her whole body shaking as she sobbed.

"I'm stopping me. You're stopping me. I can't go. I love you so much. I don't want to live my life without you."

His gut twisted as he watched her cry, a soggy mess smothered in purple, her black curls wild all over her head. Sam couldn't stop himself from going to her, he bent at the knee slightly to get to her eye level, and he wiped the tears from her cheeks with his fingers.

"You were divorcing me," he said when her crying calmed.

He didn't know where to put his hands, feeling awkward about what he had just done. He was so angry with her, but he knew if she took one step closer he would have her in his arms, and he hated that.

"You hurt me. You were my whole life and you were lying to me. How could I stay with you after all that?"

"Yet here you are, still married to me," he said crossing his arms.

She cut her eyes at him. If looks could kill, he'd be a goner. "Go to hell Sam."

"Just admit all of this is about your guilt and we can move on."

"I used to think it was about guilt too, and that was the reason I was sticking around. I left that message, I caused the accident, and really most of this mess got started because of me. Then I found out Beth was your daughter. I got up walked out of that hospital and I swore I was never coming back. It was too much. Shane was there, trying to make me feel better, like he always was."

"I bet," he muttered under his breath.

"This time I took him up on his offer, let him comfort me for once. We went back to his place, had a few drinks, and ended up in bed."

"I get the picture. I don't need to hear anymore." He already had the image of her sleeping with Finn playing in his mind, he didn't need to add her with this dick to the reel.

"I didn't sleep with him. I wanted to, more than anything, because I knew if you ever found out it would kill you, and I wanted to hurt you, to get you back for all the ways you broke my heart, but I couldn't do it. Every time he touched me or kissed me I wished it was you." She was crying, staring off at a photo of him from when he was in the Army.

"Do you expect me to believe that nothing happened? That you just got up and forgave me again? After all that?" As if he could believe she would give up a man like that for him, especially after he'd cheated on her.

"Actually I don't expect you to believe it. Why would you? It's like you said I was divorcing you, and in the car even after you pleaded with me to give you another chance, you were hurt and had difficulty breathing, but you never stopped trying to get me to admit I loved you, and I said nothing. Denied you at every turn, let you believe that there was no chance for us again. Then you fell from the car, and that was all I wanted to say – how much I loved, that I wanted you, that we did have a chance to make things work, but you couldn't hear me. So why should you believe me now when I say I love you? I'm just too late."

"Why didn't you say this in the hospital when I woke up?" Sam didn't know what to believe, it all sounded good but her motives were suspect. He was back on his feet, she had to pretend to care, to stay in his good graces.

"The doctors didn't want me to overwhelm you at first, and I figured telling you I had a change of heart about our marriage would be a bit much after a 9 month coma, so I waited. Then when you started communicating, it was about Quinn."

"So you decided to punish me for that."

"Punish you? I was the one you forgot. If anyone was being punished it was me."

"You let me think I was alone! I woke up thinking no one cared, that I was seriously ill and the only woman in my life was my mother." He didn't care about the other guy, the accident, that stuff sucked but it didn't hurt as much as knowing he was married to a woman that didn't love him.

"I was with you the whole time Sam."

She had been there and Sam had felt a camaraderie with her, they both were alone, left behind without love. She was a good friend, and he had leaned on her, but the whole time he was wishing for more, hoping that some woman that loved him would come breezing through the door. In his dreams it was Quinn, but if it couldn't be her, he would have welcomed anyone.

"But you didn't claim me! You didn't tell me you were my wife, that you loved me, that you missed me, nothing. You just acted like my nurse." Sam ran his hand down his face, turning his back to her.

God, he wished he didn't care. He felt so weak even saying the words, but he woke up confused, knowing something was seriously wrong and no one was there, just strangers. All Mercedes had to do was throw her arms around him and tell him he was safe and okay. That was all he needed and she didn't do it, no one did. It had hurt to realize that he was so alone.

"I explained that to you."

"Your explanation doesn't make it hurt any less. In the hospital you were there, always with that big smile. I looked forward to seeing it, I got addicted to your smile. I thought you were feeling alone like me, running from a bad marriage, hiding out with your patient that maybe you'd gotten a little too attached to because you were new to the whole objectivity thing. I confided in you about how I wished I had someone there that loved me, about my feelings for Quinn, and the whole time you just sat there and said nothing."

He felt like such a fool, just thinking about how she was probably playing him, using his pain like a weapon, made to pay him back for cheating on her with Quinn.

"I couldn't," she said, her voice sounding so small behind him.

He faced her, no longer caring if she saw how much this affected him. "Yes you could. You chose not to. We were so close that night Mercedes. I felt like we had a connection, that we had found something special."

"We do have a connection."

"No. It wasn't real. It couldn't have been. We almost made love and you know it was about more than just getting off. Couldn't you tell how I felt about you?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"Yes. I thought, maybe," she said, unable to meet his eyes.

"You knew. And still you didn't say a word. What if we had slept together? Would you even have told me then?"

She looked at him then, watery brown eyes, trying to make him understand. "Sam, I'm so sorry," she said, rubbing his arm.

Sam flinched away. "Don't touch me. Just don't." It was too late for her comfort now. She could keep it.

"You don't remember me Sam. How would knowing I was your wife when you first woke up make things any better?"

Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference, but he would have known someone was there, that someone had been waiting for him to come back.

"At least I'd know someone cared, that I had a life worth coming back to."

"A family," she said sniffling back tears.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize…" she said, her head falling.

He cut her off, not wanting to hear her weak apologies. "Don't worry about it, things worked out for the best, turns out I do have a family waiting on me, Quinn and Beth."

That was probably the wrong thing to say and would probably make it even harder to win her over, but Sam couldn't bring himself to care. Sam didn't need her and if it wasn't for his father's damn deal he wouldn't be here now. He wanted Mercedes to know that he didn't need her in his life and that all her tears and apologies didn't matter to him. He knew now that he had other people in his life that wanted him.

"You've got me too. Even if you don't want to believe it. You do."

Just words, he didn't even look up, when he heard her leave. It was so hard to trust anything she said but when he looked around the room, it was staring him in the face. He'd been trying to ignore it, denying any thoughts about how his wife might really feel. It was easier that way, to ignore the fact that he was the source of her pain. There were moments when it was so clear she loved him. He could see it in her eyes, he knew she was hoping the feelings he once had would come back. Then she'd do something else or another one of her deceptions would be revealed and Sam was left doubting her again. Not that it mattered if she loved him or not, he didn't return those feelings, he loved Quinn, but a part of him just couldn't let it go, he wanted to understand this strange little person he had married. She seemed so wrong in so many ways, someone he never would have chosen to be with, and yet there was this spark, shimmering like gold beneath the surface, drawing him in. 


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

"Oh my God," yelled Santana with a huge smile and a small scream. She pulled Quinn into a tight hug right in the middle of the open doorway. "It is so good to see you free and not in white."

"Thank you. It is good to be free," said Quinn a bit less energetically but still smiling. "Maybe we should come inside, I don't want us seen."

Quinn guided Santana through the door into the suite, before any passersby noticed two women hugging and smiling like lunatics. She needed to keep a low profile.

"You told me five times on the phone, not to tell anyone you were in town. What's with all the mystery?" asked Santana throwing her coat and purse on the couch, before walking over to the small bar in the room.

"We're just not advertising I'm out of the hospital yet," said Quinn, sitting on the couch. Quinn wanted to be sure Sam told Mercedes she was back in town, before strolling the streets. It was the decent thing to do.

"Why not? Did you break out or something?" she asked, as she pulled out a glass and poured herself a soda.

"No," she chuckled. "Nothing as dramatic as that. Dr. Hill signed the papers and everything. I am officially a free woman."

Santana took a seat on the couch next to Quinn, pushing her coat aside. "Kali did this?"

"Yesterday Sam came to visit me. He brought Dr. Hill with him."

"I was about to ask you which of your handsome heroes came to your rescue, should have known it was Sam."

"It was completely unexpected. I thought he was just coming up for a visit, I never expected I'd be leaving with him. I didn't get a chance to pack my things or say goodbye to Iley. I pretty much just left with the clothes on my back."

"Tell me everything. How did all of this go down?"

"It's not that exciting actually. Sam came to see me, then I talked to Dr. Hill, then Sam came back in the room asked me to dessert and next thing I knew I was out."

"That was a seriously edited recount. What are you not saying?"

"It was very emotional. I'm not ready to share okay?" Quinn hoped Santana would let it go. Too much had happened and she hadn't had time to process it all yet.

"Not okay. We're girlfriends, all we do is share. Shoes, men, and juicy info about reunions with our true loves."

Quinn scrunched her face in distaste. "I hate that word. True love. I really think it a bad omen or the signal to attract heartache."

"Pain is what lets you know it's real. They can't hurt you if they don't matter."

She leaned back on the couch with a big sigh. "I need to only have meaningless flings because this true love stuff keeps kicking me in the ass."

"What happened Quinn?" Santana asked, kicking off her shoes and pulling her feet up under her on the couch.

"Santana it was like a fairy tale," Quinn said with a smile. "Sam came into the visiting room, looking gorgeous, and I looked at him and I felt it, like everywhere. Then he hugged me and I knew I never wanted him to let me go."

"I love nice strong hugs. Puck gives the best hugs, like he folds me into his whole body."

"Sam gives great ones too. And it was more than that, we got a chance to talk some. He told me how happy he was about Beth and how he loved that we had her together."

"I told you Quinn," said Santana grabbing her arm. "Sam was crazy happy about all that."

"He gave me a picture of him and Beth together. Things couldn't have been more perfect."

"All this sounds amazing, so where's the heartache?"

"He told me he was falling in love with me," admitted Quinn looking away, feeling a bit shy. She was almost embarrassed to be this happy. Every time she thought about Sam telling her he was in love with her, she wanted to float away. She was that giddy about it.

"In the middle of the hospital?"

"No at the hotel later."

"Ok hold up there girl. I think I need to add some rum to this coke, because I have a feeling things are about to get good. You, Kali and Sam were at a hotel together?"

"No, just me and Sam, Dr. Hill went back to Lima with Mike."

Santana frowned. "Mike?"

"Sam isn't supposed to drive yet, so he had Mike bring them upstate. Then when I was released the four of us headed back to Lima together."

"Road trip from hell," said Santana rolling her eyes dramatically.

"Exactly. I don't know how I held it together. Mike was making loaded comments the whole ride, Sam was totally confused. It got to the point where I just wished Mike would have ended the torture and blurted everything out."

"But he didn't right? I know Mike has issues but I can't see him telling his brother he was sleeping with his dream girl in the middle of the car."

"Mike didn't say anything about that. But he had tons to say when he saw Sam kiss me."

"What kind of kiss?" asked Santana, leaning toward Quinn eagerly.

"The really good kind, in the backseat of the car."

That's all Santana was going to get out of her. She didn't need to know that the kiss was good she felt lightheaded, that she could still feel the sensation of his lips for almost an hour afterward.

"What did Mike say exactly?"

"He pulled over, dragged Sam out of the car, I couldn't hear most of it but I know he brought up cheating and Mercedes."

It would have been bordering on humiliating if she hadn't still been reeling from that kiss. Quinn was too much in a daze to focus on the fact that Mike was treating his brother like a teenager.

"Of course he did, because Mike is a sad little man that likes to make sure everyone is as miserable as he is."

Another thing Quinn had in common with Santana. Mike. They both had major issues with the man, stemming from their regrettable decision to date him.

"I'm not so sure about that. Mike was the one that paid for our hotel room. I don't know what Sam did to convince him but Mike left Sam and me at that Holiday Inn all alone."

Mike did have a heart for his brother. That was the only thing that saved Quinn from having to explain her relationship with Mike to Sam last night. It was a welcome reprieve, of course, Quinn knew it was temporary. She planned on telling Sam all soon. Maybe since now they had decided to be just friends the news would be easier for him to take.

"I know I asked for the whole story but I can't take anymore. Did you sleep with him or what?" asked Santana, grinning.

"Santana I wanted him so badly, I was so ready, more than ready. I had been waiting for my chance to be with him for so long. And he was so amazing, the way he was all in, saying everything I only believed I would ever hear in my dreams. I never thought it would be possible for him to feel this way about me, not now, after everything," said Quinn the words rushing out of her even as she tried to put a cap on her happiness.

"Then he told you he loved you and you freaked?"

"No way, I think that is what sent me over the edge. I got chills when he said it. He wants to have a life with me and Beth." Every single thing he said was exactly what Quinn had been longing to hear for months. He felt what she felt, he wanted what she wanted.

"I'll hand it to Sam, he doesn't play around, so upfront and direct. That is so sexy in a man."

"Very sexy, half naked ready to take it to the next level sexy. Then Mercedes got in the way." One minute Quinn had been on fire, literally about to beg Sam to make love to her, the next she was completely dowsed. Mercedes was a cold shower on her passion.

"Mercedes?" Santana's dark eyes widened. "Who invited Little Miss Sunshine?"

"She wasn't physically there. He had his wedding ring around his neck."

If only she hadn't seen that ring, maybe she and Sam would be together right now, planning their future, making up for lost time, definitely making love. She'd missed her best friend more than she could adequately express in words. Quinn thought that maybe if they had a chance to get intimate, she could show him how she felt, let her actions prove how much he'd been missed.

"I'm confused. It wasn't on his finger, so what's the problem?"

The problem was Sam didn't do things for no reason. Wearing that ring meant more than he was saying. He could have put it in his pocket, kept it in a drawer, but he chose to wear it. Something about that unnerved Quinn.

"Why did he have it on at all? He doesn't even remember her."

"Did you ask him?" Santana asked.

"He said he was wearing it just to see if it would help him figure things out or remember anything."

"I can see that. I still don't see how you let a little ring stop you from sleeping with the man you've wanted for almost a year. And don't try to argue with me, I know you've been in denial about Sam all this time."

Quinn wasn't going to argue. The secret was out and she felt better for it. It was such a relief to stop fighting her feelings for Sam.

"I've been in denial about a lot of things, like the fact that he's still very married." Ring or no ring that was a fact that wasn't going to change, not for nine more months at least.

"Doesn't remember her, so doesn't count," said Santana shaking her head as she sipped her drink.

"That sort of thinking only works in Santanaland. The rest of us try to live by the rules of society and for better or for worse means just that, Sam and Mercedes may be going through hard times, but they're still married."

Quinn had a broken engagement, and had her share of affairs, but she still believed in marriage and the sacred strength of vows.

"If Sam told you that he loved you and wanted a future, he obviously doesn't take much stock in his current marriage."

That was one thing Quinn wasn't so sure about. Sam had told her he didn't feel married, yet he was wearing his ring around his neck, and yelling at Mercedes about going out with other men. Sam was a man that took marriage very seriously, despite the fact he didn't remember his current one, Quinn had to believe that a part of him respected their union. It wouldn't be Sam if he didn't care at least a little bit.

"He can't leave her though."

Quinn wanted to tell Santana about the deal Dwight had trapped Sam with, she would have loved to have someone to confide in, but Quinn knew Santana was far too talkative and loose with secrets to entrust her with this. She'd have to suffer through it alone for now.

"Why can't he? Is that little witch guilt tripping him into staying? I will go over there and beat her down for standing in the way of my girl's happiness. She thinks she calls all the shots, acting like Queen B of the Evans family, had the nerve to tell me that I wasn't invited. Who does she think she is? That little girl doesn't know who she's playing with," Santana grumbled, more to herself than to Quinn.

"What are you talking about Santana?" Quinn asked, semi amused at her friend's sudden rant.

"Sorry. Don't mind me. Continue, why can't he leave his child bride?"

"He had some complicated excuse, basically his father wants him to take the time to get to know Mercedes before making any decisions." That was the heart of Dwight's deal anyway. Dwight wanted Sam around Mercedes and not her.

"Since when does Sam do what Dwight says?" asked Santana skeptically.

Quinn shrugged. "This time he's going along with it."

It was one of the most romantic gestures anyone had ever done for her. Sam was willing to shelve his happiness for her freedom. Just thinking about it made her teary.

"There's got to be more to it. Sounds like Dwight's up to something."

Quinn could see Santana's mind working and that never led to anything good. She had to throw her off.

"Even if Dwight is playing dirty, I actually agree with him this time. I think Sam should get to know his wife." Hopefully Santana would ease up on trying to figure out Dwight's motives if she knew Quinn was in agreement with the man.

"Quinn did you mix up your pills this morning? You are not making sense. Sam should be as far away from Mercedes as possible," she said talking slowly to emphasize her point.

"Before the accident, Sam really loved Mercedes, maybe he needs to explore that."

Another fact Quinn couldn't ignore. Sam had confided in her before the accident. Quinn knew how much Mercedes meant to him. How would he feel if he knew she was standing in the way of him being with his wife again?

"Is that really what you want? Sam rekindling with his wife."

"No. I want him to be with Beth and me. I want us to finally get this right, to be together and stay that way, but if Sam got his memory back tomorrow he would want Mercedes, not me."

There was no disputing that sad truth. A month together in this hotel, and Sam didn't make any moves toward her. He just wasn't interested.

"How do you even know that? You two have a child together, that means something, and you spent all that time together here at the Beacon before the accident. Isn't that when things started to change between the two of you?"

"For me, but not for him. He wanted his wife back, that's all he wanted. Now he has her back and he doesn't even appreciate it."

As his best friend, a part of her felt so badly about that. When she put her own feelings aside, and focused on what Sam wanted, it was awfully sad that he finally got that shot he wanted with Mercedes and he couldn't even remember her to take advantage of it. Quinn really would never have wished something like this on him, even if it did lead to them building a life together with Beth.

"Shit happens for a reason. Maybe they weren't supposed to get back together. She would have divorced him if that car hadn't crashed."

Santana was so blunt. She didn't like Mercedes, so she couldn't find a reason to care, but even though Quinn wasn't fond of the girl either, she couldn't ignore what she saw with her own eyes, what she knew was true. Mercedes loved Sam and that was the main motivator for all her actions since the crash.

"She really loves him. I can tell."

"Big deal. He doesn't feel the same away about her, so she's going to have to suck it up and move on," said Santana dismissively, as she got up from the couch to refill her glass.

"I think Sam feels more than he's letting on. They got really close while he was in the hospital, like I think he slept with her."

She hated feeling like Sam was lying to her, and maybe he wasn't, he probably was lying to himself more than anything, which didn't make Quinn feel much better. In the back of her mind she knew that Sam wasn't telling her the whole truth about his feelings for Mercedes.

"No way, he was all hooked up to those tubes. I doubt he was getting it up."

"Sam and I got pretty hot last night and when I asked him just what went on with him and Mercedes, he admitted they had gotten hotter than we did." And they had gone pretty far, so for him to have done even more with Mercedes, all that could possibly mean was that they had sex.

"He was flat on his back in a hospital bed, she probably took advantage."

"I heard him on the phone with her Santana when he thought I was in the shower. He was flirting with her about some sexual encounter they had. If Mercedes took advantage, he was her willing victim."

Whatever had happened, Sam liked it. Quinn shuddered when she remembered him mentioning a repeat performance. She was just in the other room and Sam had been lounging on the bed, talking to his wife about having another go. Quinn felt a little queasy just picturing it.

"I think I get it now. You were hurt and jealous because Sam was on the phone with Mercedes and he had his ring, so you used that as an excuse not to sleep with him because you were starting to freak out."

"I'm not freaked out. It was the best thing when Sam told me he loved me. And if I were jealous, I wouldn't have told him to go home to his wife."

Knowing Sam loved her made her feel safe and secure, finally someone that cared and would always be there. She was the opposite of freaked out whenever she thought about that. Sam loving her made Quinn feel like anything was possible. The problem was Mercedes and his connection to her. Where would that leave Quinn if he suddenly got his memory back? She didn't want to lose Sam, never again.

"Oh my God, Quinn you didn't?" Santana put down her drink on the bar, and rushed back over to the couch, flopping beside her.

"It was the right thing to do. I don't want to be the kind of woman that sleeps with a married man and doesn't care about the consequences." She was better than that, she had to be, for Beth.

"This isn't the typical situation though."

"Look Santana, Mercedes has custody of my daughter, and even though Sam is back now to take over, she's still her stepmother. I can't pretend that Mercedes won't be a part of Beth's life."

She hated it, but she couldn't deny that Mercedes had been good to her child. Things might have been so much worse for Beth if Mercedes weren't around.

"Get Sam to change that. He doesn't need Mercedes to raise Beth."

"You don't know how many times I've wanted to tell him that, but it would be the wrong decision. Beth's life has been in an upheaval because of me. Mercedes has been the only thing normal in her world. I can't take that away from her, not until I can give her what she needs. When I get settled and back on my feet, then I can step in and bring my baby home."

"It's crazy how our lives are paralleling right now," said Santana.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh just stuff the torn between two lovers stuff, I'm trying to save you some pain so please hear me out."

"Is this about Brittany?" asked Quinn. She knew that Santana had been struggling with her feelings for Brittany, even after their break up.

"Yes. Isn't it always? When I'm with Brittany everything clicks, but then I go and do something to screw things up and she's out the door. I don't know how many more times we can survive this roller coaster ride. I'm so scared I'm going to hurt her again." Santana quickly wiped the tears from her eyes.

"You and Brittany are spending time together again now right? Puck mentioned some things to me."

"Brittany wants us to settle down and create this perfect family, basically everything I've ever wanted."

"Is that why things ended with you and Puck?"

"Brittany asked me to marry her." Quinn was shocked. Brittany and Santana had one of the worst breakups she had ever seen. It seemed implausible that they would ever be talking about getting back together. "Somehow she managed to forgive me for Puck, for Dave, for everything," Santana added as if she had read Quinn's thoughts.

"What about Puck though?"

"I love Puck, he knows that, but I'm not the one for him, never have been."

"He's really hurt right now. He barely likes to talk about it."

"He's not hurt over me Quinn. I think he's more upset over you and the fact that you and Sam might be getting together."

Quinn shook her head. Santana completely had the wrong idea. "We talked about this. Puck and I are just friends."

"I know," Santana said quickly, not seeming convinced. "I'm just talking really. The point I'm trying to make is this. Don't get in your own way. Screw this up and Sam and Mercedes will be living happily ever after with your child. Kids bring people together."

"I know that and Sam and I have Beth." The perfect little symbol of their connection.

"Sam and Mercedes have Beth," Santana said quietly, looking Quinn in the eyes.

Quinn looked away. "That's temporary. I'm going to get my baby back."

"Quinn, I know you are going to make that happen and Beth will be home with you one day, but I think you might be kidding yourself if you think Sam will be in tow."

"If he loves me, he will be. I have to have faith in that."

Faith was all she had to hold on to now. It was faith that brought Sam back from his coma, got her out of the mental hospital, and even led Sam to profess his love. Quinn was gripping her faith hard with both hands, praying that she wouldn't be let down this last time. She and Sam would make that family with Beth.

"You sent him to live with a banshee. You don't think Mercedes is going to do everything in her power to win him over? By the time you're ready to take Beth back, Sam will be so wrapped up in her, probably making babies, renewing their vows. He's going to have that family you want, without you. You can't just sit back and let that happen."

"Mercedes is not going to stay with a man that doesn't want her, besides I think she's already moving on. When I overheard Sam on the phone he was questioning her about being out with another guy."

"This was last night?" asked Santana, running her hand through her long black hair.

"Yeah."

"She was out with Finn Hudson. Puck told me they went to see some band."

"See she's moving on."

Mercedes was so young, her head would be turned by so many guys over the next few years. There was no way she could deal with the kind of commitment that Sam wanted, a life with a home and kids. Mercedes was still in her prime, finding herself, she didn't need to be tied down.

"How was Sam acting when he found out she was with Finn?"

"He was agitated, even started yelling, but Sam told me that Mercedes being seen out with another guy reflects badly on his family name and that's why he was so upset."

"And you believed that? The Evans family has one of the shadiest reputations in the world, one cheating spouse is not going to wreck their image. The fact that he had a baby with you has been national news for months. Mercedes going out with some kid is only a footnote in comparison."

"Santana you're not helping. I need to stay firm in my decision." She was like the devil on Quinn's shoulder, tempting her to go down the dark path of adultery. Quinn needed to block her out, she had to resist.

"While I respect your convictions, I think you are making a big mistake."

"I don't. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to."

"What if Sam is supposed to be with his wife? Can you live with that?"

She didn't want to think about this. There had been too many signs that this was her chance with Sam. They had to end up together, or else nothing made sense in this world anymore.

"If that's the case then I guess I'll have to. It would prove our feelings weren't strong enough to endure this."

"Did you tell him how you feel about him? Really tell him."

"I told him I wanted to be with him."

"And? Those three little words?" asked Santana.

"I didn't get around to saying that much, I mean I thought it would be better left unsaid anyway since he was going to go deal with Mercedes."

More like she thought it would be like putting salt in his wounds. How could she have told him that she loved him, and in the next breath tell him to go back to his wife?

"You left the door right open for her. You might as well have made them a candlelit dinner and threw rose petals on the bed."

"What are you talking about?" Santana was so dramatic, but a niggling voice within her was starting to think Santana might be onto something.

"He's probably thinking you don't love him and that's why you told him to go home."

"After last night I'm sure Sam knows I care." Santana was so off base. Sam knew how much she cared about him. He had to know, she practically had said it in so many ways.

"If you didn't say the words, I doubt he trusted anything else you said. Men are so basic when you get down to it, they just want to be loved, fed, and sexed. Simple and direct. If you didn't look into his eyes and say 'Sam I love you.' He's going to be feeling rejected."

Quinn buried her head against the arm rest of the couch, whimpering. "He was really quiet on the ride back to Lima and he looked sad when I wouldn't let him come up to the suite, but I just thought it would be easier on us if we said our goodbyes in the car."

"Quinn you've known the guy for years, how are you this clueless? Have you ever told Sam you loved him before?"

"Well…no actually...not in so many words," she said lifting her head, but staying put on the couch. Quinn was too dejected to move. Had she ruined everything? Sam was probably someplace hurt and mad at her, probably having comfort sex with his wife. Oh God.

"Okay we're going to fix this. You're going to go to Sam and tell him what's in your heart, simple and direct," said Santana excitedly, pulling on Quinn's arm. Quinn didn't budge.

"I don't even know where Sam is, he's probably with Mercedes." If Santana were to be believed, he was probably sipping champagne on a bed of roses with Mercedes right now.

"Actually I have a pretty good idea where Sam will be tonight. And we're going to go see him."

Santana's eyes danced as whatever plan she was concocting in her brain took shape.

"Santana, can't this wait until tomorrow? I'm totally unprepared to face him." Quinn just wanted to hibernate, hide out in the hotel for a while until the sting of Dwight's deal wore off.

"No, this can't wait. Don't you get it? You can't let Mercedes get the jump on you. You sent Sam right into the lion's den. Mercedes is probably pulling out all the stops on him right now. That girl's going to do everything in her power to keep him with her. Luckily for us, she has plans tonight that will keep her from doing a full out assault on the man."

"What kind of plans? What's going on?" Santana was up to something and Quinn was starting to get very concerned.

"Don't worry about that. We need to hurry," said Santana sliding into her shoes. "I'm taking you downstairs to the hotel boutique and we are going to charge the most fabulous dress to this suite."

"Santana, I don't know. Let's just stay in and watch chick flicks and eat popcorn," Quinn pleaded.

"After. We will sit up all night and giggle about how you gave Sam Evans the best birthday of his life because you finally told him you loved him."

His birthday. Quinn cringed. She'd pushed him away on his birthday weekend. Damn she was an idiot. He really must think she was heartless.

"Maybe you're right. I want him to know how I feel, even if we aren't going to be together right now." Quinn stood up smoothing out the wrinkles in her blue dress.

"I know I'm right, get your shoes on. We need to shop fast, so we can go. We've got to beat Mercedes to the punch, because once that little tyke starts pulling at his heart strings you're going to have a real battle on your hands."

Fear started to build in the pit of Quinn's stomach. What if Santana was right and by not telling Sam what was in her heart she had inadvertently lost him? She had just wanted them to be good people and honor their commitments, but what if her hesitation, her inability to let go and give Sam her whole heart, what if that led Sam straight into Mercedes' arms? 


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

She came to screaming. Pain radiating through her chest, her head heavy, her vision fogged, and there was Beiste. Touching her hair, telling her something terrible had happened but everything was okay. Sam wasn't there and screams turned to howls as she just knew that he was dead. It was their wedding day and Sam was dead. In reality it didn't happen quite like that, she was coaxed awake by Beiste's gentle tone, her cloudy mind slowly recalled the happiness of marrying Sam, then the pain came, along with the realization that Sam was gone. It was the dreams she had, since that day, increased in frequency after Sam's accident, that jumbled up the facts in her mind. Sam hadn't been dead, just in the hospital, but her brain liked to forget that during her nightmares. The nightmares liked her screams, liked her alone and scared, without Sam.

The things Sam had just told her brought all that up in her mind, sleep wasn't necessary, she had perfected reliving horrors with her eyes wide open, a cruel byproduct of a photographic memory, she was never able to forget. Had Sam been screaming in his mind, when he came out of the coma? Was he lost and alone, searching for her? Maybe the amnesia came because she didn't step up, show her emotions fully, give him all her love the way she had wanted to. She hadn't said the words, her doubts and fears causing her to hesitate in the hospital when he woke up, just as they did in the car the night of the accident when he pleaded with her.

A persistent chill, like being soaked by cold rain, made her shiver, as she stood in the middle of her bedroom in her black strapless low back slip, staring at the dress on the bed. Through her tears she had decided on this one, out of the three she had bought that morning, strapless, green, a slight shimmer when it hit the light. The dress was pretty, perfect for a party, if only Mercedes could bring herself to put it on. How could she think about parties when Sam had just told her that he felt abandoned and unloved in the hospital? A sharp pain ran through her chest, just as it had when he told her. She felt stabbed and beaten, knocked down, she'd done to him the one thing she never wanted, what she had worked so hard to protect Beth from, that feeling of loneliness, so deep you can't escape, when there is no hope for rescue, when it's just you and the dark. The place Mercedes had been most of her life, with her mother, with all those men, there was no love, just pain.

She feared Beth had felt it cold and alone in the woods, she spent every day since trying to make sure she never remembered. She had done the same for Sam. All her efforts, her rituals to combat the dark, someone always by his bedside, the constant hum of the TV, conversations about anything and everything just so he would know that someone was there, that he wasn't forgotten, that he wasn't alone. She'd done everything in her power to keep Sam in the present, with the living, followed every rule preached at those seminars, she'd done everything right, except for one thing. The most obvious thing of all, she hadn't made him feel loved when he finally came back.

Mercedes choked as the sobs racked her body, unable to contain the little composure she had left. She was no better than her mother basing love on conditions, withholding her affections until all debts were paid. Mercedes had done that to Sam, when she held back with him when he first came out of the coma. She was nervous about the status of their relationship, thinking about how she never told him she wanted another chance before he lost consciousness, jealous that he had responded to Quinn. She could blame it all on the doctors or the delicate nature of his condition, but the truth was she held back because she didn't know if he would reciprocate her feelings. Just like her mom, she wanted something in exchange for her love. She was such a hateful excuse for a person, she deserved to be forgotten, to be pushed aside, her feelings ignored. It was almost too light of a sentence after all she'd done to Sam, going back to that message she left, and Shane.

She had wrecked it all, chipped away at their happiness bit by bit until there was nothing left but battered bones, then she buried the remains with Sam, imprisoning him in a nine month coma, chaining herself to his side in penance, begging him to come back to her, and love her again, only to turn her back on him when he actually did return. She'd fooled herself into thinking she'd changed, tried to believe that there was good inside her because of her father, but she should have known better, once poison enters the blood it is hard to remove, and Keisha Jones had infected her for years. Biology didn't matter, once the damage set in.

Mercedes went to the window when she heard a car idling nearby. She figured it was Daley coming to get Sam, he would have called him by now to get away from her and the place that used to be their home together. She strained to see the car, but the trees obstructed her view, so she returned to her dress, stepping into it so she could run downstairs and look out the kitchen door. Mercedes struggled with the zipper on the back of her dress, she could get it up half way and then no more. She'd have to get Kurt to help her when he came by to pick her up, now she needed to get downstairs. Getting down on her knees to search for her slippers under the bed, her zipper slid down, eliminating the small progress she had made. Thoroughly annoyed, she put on her pink slippers, not bothering to zip her dress again. Mercedes rushed to the window again when the car sounded like it was pulling away, the glow of lights were visible on the street and the sounds of the car began to fade. She let her forehead hit the cold glass. She guessed she missed him, not that it mattered, it wasn't like she was going to give him some grand send-off, she just wanted to know, that he had made it out safely.

Cool hands on the small of her back, she could feel his thumbs on her spine, resting there with gentle pressure. She hadn't even heard him approach, probably because she hadn't expected him to come. Why would he even want to look at her after everything she had done? Mercedes continued to stare out of the window into the darkness of the early evening, not daring to turn to face Sam fearing he would disappear if she did.

"Do you need help with this?" he asked, his fingers remaining on her back.

"I couldn't reach it," she said still looking out of the window, her breath creating condensation against the glass.

He slowly eased the zipper closed, his other hand on her waist, holding her steady. Sam moved away from her when he finished, taking a step back. "So this is our room?"

"Yeah. We haven't been in here together for a long time, since that night…" she hesitated, struggling to get a handle on her emotions.

So many nights in their room, alone and missing him, she had thought about it, their last piece of happiness, the calm before the storm that would consume them. Moments ago, it was like déjà vu, Sam's hand on her back, helping her with her zipper.

* * *

><p><em>He came out of the bathroom in black dress slacks, his pale blue shirt unbuttoned, his hair falling in his face, damp from the shower. She had just finished her hair, the curls cascading down her back. She was slipping into her short black dress when he stepped beside her.<em>

_"We're going to be late. What took you so long in there?" Mercedes asked as she slid her arm into her sleeveless dress._

_"It takes time to perfect this look," he said his eyes crinkling as he smiled._

_"Yeah right. I swear you take longer in the bathroom than most women." She ran her fingers through his damp hair affectionately before tugging him closer by his open shirt and placing a quick kiss on his lips._

_"Who cares if we're late? I rented out the private room at BreadStix. We can arrive any time we want."_

_"I know but I want to hurry up and get to my surprise. Help me with my zipper."_

_"Yes my love," he moved her hair aside, and planted a feather soft kiss on her shoulder, before focusing on her zipper._

_When his motions stilled, Mercedes twisted to look at him. "What's wrong?"_

_"You're wearing the blue."_

_"You like?" she asked suggestively._

_She felt Sam run his hands across her bare back, his thumbs following the column of her spine, stopping just beneath the clasp of her teal blue bra. "You know it's my favorite."_

_"You can enjoy imagining it under my dress all night. Now zip me up so we can go."_

_"I never had much of an imagination," he said turning her around and sweeping her up into his arms. "I'm going to enjoy you in this right now."_

_"What about our reservations?"_

_"If you really wanted to eat, you should have known better than to wear my favorite lingerie," he said, his voice laced with desire as he adjusted her in his arms._

_"Sam –"He leaned in and kissed her fully cutting off her words as he carried her over to their bed._

* * *

><p>The difference was that night he had wanted her, now he couldn't get away quick enough. Mercedes turned her attention back to the present, Sam was back in their bedroom, but he didn't bring the happiness they lost with him.<p>

"What night?" he asked, moving closer. Mercedes could feel his chest graze her back.

"The night I found out you slept with Quinn," she said finally turning to look at him.

"Oh," he said, his face falling. "When was that?"

"Early late last spring, about a month or so before the accident. We had dinner reservations at BreadStix."

"That sounds nice," said Sam with a small smile.

"It was. You rented out the private room and you had my favorite band serenade me via satellite from their concert."

They had made their own magic, a night like they would have had on the honeymoon they never got to take, complete with sparkling wine, staring into each other's eyes, music filling the room. Mercedes remembered his eyes were so green, vibrant that night, everything was brighter in fact. They could have been in Paris or at the pub, and Mercedes wouldn't have cared. She was with Sam, he was all she needed for a perfect night.

"What band?" he asked pulling Mercedes from her memories.

"Lifehouse." They were deleted from her Ipod now, she could no longer stand to hear them sing.

"That was pretty sweet of me, sounds like I wanted to impress you," said Sam, hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels.

"You were very sweet. That night you had a surprise for me."

"What was the surprise?" Sam slowly walked around the room, taking it all in, but not touching anything.

"I don't know. I never got it. My dad and Quinn came rushing in and that was that." Mercedes took a seat at her vanity, frowning when she saw her reflection in the mirror. She was an ashy eye sore.

"That's when you found out? During our romantic dinner?"

"We were just about to dance, something we never got a chance to do, not even at our wedding. You passing out from sort of kills the festive mood." She tried to laugh it off, attempting to make it all seem less depressing, but she couldn't. Her wounds were still too raw.

"I don't even know what to say. Everything you tell me about us sounds horrible. When did we have time to be happy with all this?" Sam asked sitting on the bed, shaking his head in disbelief.

Even now it still hurt. The look of pure rage on her father's face as he beat Sam mercilessly, Quinn's hysterical screams, all while Lifehouse continued to play 'Falling In', the soundtrack to the horror unfolding before her eyes.

"Every morning I woke up next to you, I was happy. Guess I'm easy to please." The tears were back burning her eyes. Mercedes wondered how she had any left after so many months of crying.

"You can't say things like that," he said looking at her, his eyes filled with something she couldn't quite read.

"Why not? It's the truth." Their eyes locked, and Mercedes could see the pain in Sam's eyes. He didn't believe her.

"You wanted someone else. You couldn't have been happy," he said, never dropping his eyes, daring her to dispute him.

He wouldn't let that go, despite her explanations, though she couldn't really blame him for being skeptical. Looking at things from the outside, it did seem like she settled for Sam because Shane didn't get her voicemail in time.

"I hurt you so much. I know I deserve all of this, you forgetting me, you not wanting me. I get that now."

"Mercedes…" he said, sounding weary.

She got up and stood in front of where he sat on the bed, wringing her hands as she spoke. "You can punish me as much as you need, take it all out on me. I don't care, but please don't try to take away what we had, to diminish us. I know our love was real. I could feel it. And that love, those memories of the way we used to be, that's all I have left of us. It's all I have to hold onto. I need it. I know you want to push me out, bring in Quinn and have your life with her and Beth."

"It's not as simple as that," he said roughly running his hand through his hair.

Mercedes reached out to still that restless hand that had gone from his hair to his face, but she stopped herself, retracting her arm. "But it is. Quinn and Beth are everything you want."

"Not everything," he said rising to his feet and looking into her eyes.

"What else do you want?" Her throat was raw and her voice was hoarse from her tears.

"I almost left you know." Sam walked over to the window. "I picked up the phone and was dialing Daley."

"I thought you'd gone. I heard a car outside and I thought it was you."

"I couldn't do it. I had to come back up here and see if you were all right."

"I'm fine," she said trying to pull herself together. The last thing she wanted was his pity.

"No you're not. You've been in here crying. Your eyes are red, your face is all puffy, and it bothers me. I want to know why."

Mercedes shrugged. "You have a big heart, filled with compassion."

"I should hate you," he said studying her from the window.

"I wouldn't blame you if you did. I know I'm an awful person. Most days I hate myself."

"Don't say that. You're not an awful person. You've taken great care of Beth, she's so happy. She loves you."

Sam slowly moved toward her, while Mercedes backed away, maneuvering around the bed to head to the door. He was playing her again. Mercedes didn't know what he was up to, but she knew she couldn't handle his games, not now, not after all that had been said.

"I'm the one that gives her bottles, she has no choice but to love me," she chuckled, still backing toward the door.

She was almost there, when Sam grabbed her hand, stopping her in her tracks.

"I saw her room, and that mural. You do a lot more than just feed her. You've given her a great life, a home."

"We were just waiting for you. You're the person she needs. I don't matter."

"You matter to me," he said squeezing her hand.

He was being deliberately cruel, playing with her emotions, giving her false hope. "No I don't Sam. You're just saying that. You feel sorry for me or you're trying to mess with my head. I don't know which. I just know you don't care."

Sam shook his head, his eyes never leaving hers, so green and intense. "In the hospital while I was being poked and prodded, you held my hand, let me squeeze it when they took blood or each time they did their painful tests."

"I was just doing my job, any nurse would've done the same," she said averting her gaze, trying to ignore how his hands had moved to her bare shoulders.

"You listened to me go on about my hopes, my fears, about Quinn. I felt like I could tell you anything and you'd understand. You were there for me completely." Sam took her face in his hands, tilting her head upward. "How could I not care about you?"

Mercedes pushed Sam away, needing some space, to clear her head. "Something changed. You stopped caring, and you shut me out." It sounded nice, but she couldn't trust it. He'd made it clear he didn't want her around.

"Because of Quinn and Beth, they need me and you…"

"I'm in the way," she said completing his thought.

Sam shoved his hands in his pockets. "That's what it felt like at first. I couldn't see how you fit."

"I don't fit, that's the problem. I'm in the way of the life you want. I don't want to do that to you. That's why I need to leave, so you can be happy." Mercedes sat back at the vanity, hastily running a brush through her hair, yanking on the curls she had spent so long creating. "So it is all settled. I'm just going to finish getting dressed."

"So that's it?" Sam asked from behind her. "You were with me all through my coma and now you're just going?"

Mercedes continued to brush her hair, not allowing herself to look at his reflection in the mirror. She couldn't look at him, or she'd break. "It's the right thing to do."

"So I was right. You are a liar."

"What?" Mercedes turned sideways in her chair. "I'm not lying to you."

"You told me in Beth's room that you loved me and that you didn't want to live your life without me, but that was all lies. If you meant that you wouldn't just walk away."

It didn't make any sense. She was giving him what he wanted, his freedom, a chance to be with Quinn, what he had told her he wanted so many times, but now he was acting like she was hurting him somehow.

"You don't want me," she said turning back to her mirror, and the mess she'd made of her hair.

"There's something between us." Sam crouched down behind her, placing his hand on her shoulder, watching her reaction in the mirror. "Are we just going to ignore that?"

It was like the hospital never happened for Sam, the moment he found out he had a daughter with Quinn, everything was pushed to the background after that.

"You've been doing a great job ignoring it so far," she snapped, moving her shoulder away from his hand.

Sam roughly pulled the chair away from the vanity into the middle of the floor.

"What the hell are you doing? I need to finish getting ready. I'm going to be late."

He bent down to her eye level, his hands on her thighs. "You think I give a damn about your date. We are going to sit here and face this."

"Face what Sam?" asked Mercedes crossing her arms. "I'm letting you go. You don't have to pretend you're not overjoyed. I just know you're doing a happy dance in your mind, probably already planning how you will share the wonderful news with Quinn. Will you be bringing flowers? Or how about chocolates? She won't get treats like that where…"

"Shut up and listen to me," he said cutting her off. He reached around his neck and pulled up the chain that held his wedding band, letting it fall against his shirt. "When I put this ring around my neck, I saw us."

"What are you talking about?"

He took a deep breath, and bowed his head. "In my mind, with a flash of light, I saw us lying together on the floor, the sunlight was coming in through the window. We'd just made love and I was happy. I thought it was something I made up, maybe a weird interpretation of that night we spent together at the hospital. I let it fade from my mind. Then when I was in Beth's room, standing by the window, after you left, I saw it again, that image of us." Sam looked up, squeezing her thighs, like she was the only thing keeping him grounded. "Am I hallucinating or did that really happen Mercedes?"

Mercedes' throat went dry and her heart felt like it had stopped beating. It all went silent around them, and all she could see was his eyes, searching for answers.

Almost in a trance she answered, letting the memories of their life flood her mind. "Before it became Beth's room it was empty. Sometimes in the early morning we would creep in there and lie on the floor and stare out the window."

"To watch the sunrise," he said slowly, getting up and stumbling back to sit down on the bed. He stared at the floor, so quiet, his hands in his short blonde hair.

Was this actually happening? Was her Sam finally coming back?

"Sam, I think you had a memory about us," said Mercedes, a slow smiling spreading on her face.

* * *

><p>Sam shoved his hands into his pockets and stared up at the ceiling, wishing the roof would open and suck him out of the room. He had a memory, a real memory, instead of being excited about the possibilities of this turn of events, Sam was apprehensive. He felt like he could jump out of his skin, feeling very uneasy. "I need some water. Are there cups in the bathroom?"<p>

"In the medicine cabinet," she said pointing toward the darkened bathroom from the bed.

The bathroom was blue, a good size, with a separate shower and tub, his and her sinks. One side was cluttered with makeup, soaps, perfumes, very feminine, definitely Mercedes. The other side was neat, a bar of soap, a brand new unopened toothbrush in a cup holder, a bottle of aftershave. This side was his. Sam opened the medicine cabinet and found the cups, as well as a number of very masculine items, razors, shaving cream, a box of condoms. If he didn't know better he would think Mercedes lived here with a man, while he was in the hospital.

"So all that stuff in there was mine?" he asked as he entered the bedroom, sipping his tiny cup of water. "The razor, the toiletries, the toothbrush?"

"Yeah. It's our bathroom."

"You know you could have spread out your stuff while I was gone. I wasn't using any of it," he said eyeing her reaction, as he took one last gulp of his water.

"Never knew when you were coming back, I wanted to be ready." Sam shot her a questioning look. She knew he was in a coma, what had she been waiting around here for? "Don't look at me like that, I wasn't crazy, just hopeful," she added softly.

"We were breaking up before the accident. I didn't still live here did I?" He tossed his cup into a nearby trashcan, before taking a seat on the chair in front of her vanity.

Mercedes shook her head, hair flying. "I kicked you out. Packed most of your stuff and had it shipped to your dad. Then the accident happened and I came home to a half empty room and I freaked out. Went to the mansion and got all of your things and brought them back here, put them back where they belonged."

They both looked around the room, half filled with his stuff, the pieces of his life. On the wall, on each side of the closet door hung his autographed Magic Johnson and Shaquille O'Neal Lakers jerseys, that he had gotten personally signed during a trip to Los Angeles for his 17th birthday. Perched on the bedside table, the side of the bed he assumed was his, sat his marble bust of Elvis Presley, that his father had given him when he was about five years old. There were pictures scattered around the room, on walls, on the dresser, and on the nightstand of him and Mercedes, one of his mom, and an old one of himself with Puck as kids. There was even a photo of him after basic training in the Army, with his buzz cut and overly tanned skin. He had once lived here, there was no disputing that.

"It feels like you thought I would just walk back through the door." Everything was perfectly in place, his belongings undisturbed, while hers were tumbled and tossed from daily use.

"I did think that. I imagined you coming home so many times."

"The reality must be a huge disappointment for you." The guilt hit him as it always did when he looked too long at her. Mercedes wanted him to be someone he couldn't be anymore.

"I never imagined you forgetting me." She laughed, though her eyes were filled with tears. "I always thought we'd pick up where we left off. Pretty silly of me I know."

"I don't think it's silly. It makes sense. You wanted your life back. And who am I to judge? I woke up expecting to jump back into things with Quinn, not knowing three years had gone by."

Sam had been trying not to think about Quinn, wanting to block the fact that she had rejected him again out of his mind. He had put his heart on the line, and told Quinn he wanted a future with her, and in the end it didn't matter, she sent him away, unwilling to take a chance on them.

"Did you tell her how you feel when you saw her?" asked Mercedes, looking down at the floor.

"I don't think we should talk about Quinn." It was weird enough that Mercedes knew as much as she did about the situation. He had revealed far too much to her about his feelings for Quinn while he was in the hospital.

"Okay, but we can if you want."

Sam observed her, tilting his head to the side. "You don't mean that. You can't stand her." Mercedes had to be up to something with this sudden interest in Quinn. No wife would volunteer to talk about the other woman.

Mercedes shrugged. "You just seem like something's on your mind about her. I sensed it since you came over."

"You're not my Little Nurse anymore. I can't unload on you about Quinn now."

Sam silently berated himself again for confiding in her at the hospital. He had been a complete idiot telling a woman he barely knew about his feelings, but Mercedes had been so easy to talk to and she seemed to understand him so well. It felt right opening himself up to her.

"I'm still the same person. You can still talk to me."

"No I can't. You're my wife. That changes things."

She had betrayed him, even if it had been in the best interest of his health, it still felt like betrayal to Sam. He never would have told her much of things he had, if he'd known they were married. It almost felt like she had conned him into revealing his thoughts about Quinn and she was going to use them against him somehow.

"Of course, I knew that," she said fiddling with her wedding rings on her finger. "I guess I just want you to need me."

"We can't go back. What we had in the hospital is over."

The sad reality of that statement made Sam long to go back, to retreat to his hospital room, where he could cuddle up with his nurse and dream about a future with Quinn. The real world so far had been harsh and disappointing, with Quinn's rejection, and the discovery he had a wife he didn't know. Beth was the only bright spot, she was a welcome surprise, in this new version of his life. The rest had left him confused and off balance.

Sam missed the flirty companionship he had with Mercedes, he wanted to be able to hold her hand, talk to her for hours, give her kisses that would make her flush a pretty pink under her warm brown skin, and be able to get lost in her eyes without feeling the pangs of guilt because he wasn't the man she wanted, and probably never would be again. Things had been good for a time, in their hospital hideaway, before the world came crashing in, if only they could go back, if only for a day.

"But you said you wanted to figure out our marriage," Mercedes said, straightening her posture in agitation.

"I do, but our time in the hospital was based on lies. We've got to start over, take things from the top." Although how they would get a fresh start now, with the secret about his deal with his father hanging over them, Sam wasn't sure.

"Maybe we should start with that memory you had. Was that the only one or have you had more?" she asked.

Sam's stomach churned as he detected the hopefulness in her voice.

"I didn't even know that was a memory. It was just something I saw in my mind. It was pretty vivid but I thought it was just a dream."

It had been just a flash of images really, and some feelings, intense but brief, once when he first got his ring back and again while in Beth's room. Sam had experienced nothing else like it since coming out of his coma.

"Well maybe if you looked around at some of your stuff, something will come back to you." Mercedes got up from the bed and went to the dresser, opening the top drawer. She beckoned Sam closer with her hand. "This is yours," she said pointing to the contents inside.

The drawer contained a couple watches, a wooden organizer with cuff links, tie tacks, and other miscellaneous items. In a little glass dish he spotted his dog tags. Sam lifted them out, carefully examining them.

"I haven't seen these in a while. Did I have them on during the accident? I used to wear them all the time."

"You didn't wear them at all when we were together. You always kept them in the drawer. So is anything coming back to you? We can look in the closet next, all your clothes are there," said Mercedes tugging him toward the open door of the walk-in closet.

"This is why I didn't want to tell you about this," he said pulling against her hand, until she finally let go.

"You weren't going to tell me?" she asked in surprise. "Why would you keep this from me?"

"I didn't want you to get your hopes up, like I was getting my memory back." The disappointment in her eyes was almost harder to take than the sadness. Sam couldn't stand knowing that he was hurting her in yet another way.

"Maybe you are. You could go to therapy, get hypnotized. It could all come back."

"I am so tired of doctors picking at my brain. I just want to get on with my life."

Sam had felt liberated when he fired Kali, powerful and again capable of making decisions about his own life. He didn't want to waste time whining to a shrink about things he couldn't change.

"How can you get on with it if you don't remember it?"

"I remember enough," he mumbled. He had all his faculties, he remembered the big things, three years wasn't that great a loss in the grand scheme of things.

"Right, my mistake. I thought you wanted to remember me and our marriage. Isn't that the bullshit you've been trying to get me to believe since you got here?" she asked with a sour look, crossing her arms over her chest.

"So you haven't believed a word I said?" Sam was a bit stunned. He had been using some of his best tactics in the kitchen and in the hall. Mercedes had been all over him.

"Why would I? A man who rushed through his rehab just to drive upstate to see a woman he had an affair with, before ever setting foot in the home he shared with his wife, does not want to work on his marriage."

Oh damn! She had been totally onto him. Now all those questions about Quinn made more sense, she had been pumping him for information. And the kissing and the flirting, oh damn! He should have known. The coma must have thrown him off his game.

"I explained why I needed to see Quinn," Sam said quickly, his mind scrambling to find a way to salvage all of this.

"I know, I know. She's your friend, she's Beth's mother," Mercedes said rolling her eyes.

"Exactly. She needed me."

Mercedes didn't seem like she believed his reasons, but they were true. Quinn was alone in that awful hospital and he had to be there for her.

"What about me? I needed you," said Mercedes raising her voice. "I've been here for months alone, waiting for you to come back, taking care of your baby, and you can't even be bothered to get to know me." Her face twisted in anger, all that hope that was in her eyes earlier had disappeared.

"I'm here now," Sam said struggling to find his voice in his suddenly dry throat.

Mercedes was right, he hadn't been thinking about her at all. His sole focus had been Quinn. While he knew that he wouldn't have changed his actions, Quinn was his priority, he did recognize that Mercedes deserved better than what she'd gotten from him. Even with his misgivings about her intentions and motives, she had been loyal to him and his family, and that was worth something.

"Only because you're up to something. You've been working me since you came through that door."

"You are really cynical," he said, sizing her up. Sam couldn't help but be impressed that she hadn't fallen for his act.

"I know you. Your eyes get all squinty when you're plotting."

"I'm not plotting anything. I've been nothing but honest with you." No way would she buy that, but he had to try to get back on track. He still had to tell her about Quinn being back in Lima and he needed her calm for that news.

"You said that with a straight face. I'm impressed. Tell me Mr. Honesty, did you really have that memory or did you just make it up based on things I told you?"

"Why would I make that up?"

Did she really think so little of him that she believed he could lie about something so big? He had been known to stretch the truth for a business deal, but not about his life, and not to her. That would be too cruel.

"To get me to let my guard down, to get on my good side, I don't know. It has something to do with Quinn."

Sam was losing control of the conversation. He couldn't let Mercedes figure out anything about Quinn until he knew they were in a good place.

"I told you about Quinn. I want her to come home and I want you on my side."

Maybe honesty was the best approach after all, the mind games were a complete fail, and his wife clearly was smarter than he had realized.

"Wouldn't it just be easier to have me out of the picture? It wouldn't matter if I were on your side or not."

Time to lay it all out on the table, Mercedes was leaving him no choice. She wasn't falling for sweet talk this time.

"You want to do this? Fine let's do it. Yes it would be easier if you were out of my life. I could start to build something with Quinn."

"Done. We can start the divorce process," she said, jutting out her chin decisively, only the hint of tears betraying her confidence.

"I don't want a divorce."

"You just said it would be easier if…"

"It would be easier, but that's not what I want. I can't start anything with Quinn until I deal with what I feel for you."

The words rolled off his tongue easily, feeling almost like the truth. Sam wasn't sure if he was just saying what he thought she wanted to hear, of if he was finally opening himself up, and letting out the feelings he'd been resisting for her.

"You don't feel anything for me…you said…" Mercedes shook her head, backing away from him, although he made no moves toward her.

"I was lying," he admitted unexpectedly. Sam sat down on the bed and took a deep breath. "Everything I was feeling in the hospital, when I thought you were just my nurse, it's all still there. I've been trying to ignore it, but when I went to see Quinn it was clear I couldn't keep living in denial."

He felt exposed revealing this part of himself, he had planned never to let her know about all he'd been trying to ignore, but after telling her he felt alone and abandoned in the hospital, there wasn't much left of his dignity. She'd already glimpsed his weakness and now she saw the hidden depths of his heart.

"Why would seeing Quinn make you realize something about me?" she asked, slow and deliberate, as if the words were sinking in.

He clinched the ring that hung around his neck in his fist. "She saw this ring around my neck and she asked me about it, about why I was wearing it, and I couldn't answer her. I thought I was wearing it to help my memory, but I'm not sure if that's entirely true."

It was a reminder of that deal with his father, and all he would have to sacrifice, but it was also about more than that, it was a symbol of a part of himself that he didn't understand, yet was curious about. He wanted to understand why Mercedes was the person he married. Why did things thrive with her and fail with Quinn?

"You're not making any sense."

"I know. I'm confused. I feel so much for Quinn, and I want to be with her. I know you don't like hearing that, but it's true. But when I look at this ring, I'm all conflicted. I married you, and I don't know you, I don't know why I married you, but it means something to me. I can't just walk away from that."

It was easy to blame the deal, his father's evil plot to force him to stay in a marriage he didn't want to be in, and the deal certainly was a large part of all this, but a part of him actually agreed with his father, and ironically Quinn, he needed to honor this commitment, at least for a little while. He may not remember the promises or the vows, but he still had made them, and Sam took that seriously even if it was getting in the way of what he truly wanted.

"You just told me you want Quinn, what am I supposed to do with that? Do you expect me to turn a blind eye while you have an affair with her?"

"No I want to honor my commitment to you. You stuck by me through all of this. I appreciate everything you've done for me and for Beth."

Mercedes's head snapped back like he hit her. "So this is pity? Am I an obligation to you? Stay married to poor Cede because she might fall apart if you leave." Tears fell that she brushed angrily away.

"I just want to get to know you. I know I should have done this sooner, I shouldn't have pushed you away, but I was just so overwhelmed by everything and you hurt me when you didn't tell me the truth about us."

No more hiding. This was real. He did want to get to know her and figure out why he married her. He wanted to find that nurse he liked so much somewhere inside this woman standing in front of him.

"I'm so sorry about that Sam," she said sitting down next to him.

"I know. You said that before." He looked over at her, her hair was all a mess, her face was tear stained, dark circles were under her eyes. She looked so tired.

"You still don't believe me?" she asked, her brown shoulders slumping forward in defeat.

He didn't know what to believe, everything he thought he knew about her was repeatedly contradicted. "I want to. I think about all those photos of me in Beth's nursery and I really want to. I've always wanted someone to love me that much."

Sam searched Mercedes's face for some sign of truth, that he could trust her. It may have been selfish, but he wanted to believe that she had put up all those photos because she loved him and she missed him. He had no right to feel such things, but still he did.

"Well you got it. I love you that much," she said taking his hand and threading her fingers through his, her eyes fixed on his face.

There it was, that truth, the look she had given him a number of times at the hospital, it was back in her eyes. Sam felt it, as he did then, she really cared about him.

"Mercedes I need to tell you something." He had to come clean. She deserved to be told about Quinn, he couldn't keep it from her any longer. "I should have spoken up sooner, last night really, I just…"

"Can I go first?" she asked cutting him off. She lifted her knee up on the bed, her green dress rising up her thighs, to face him completely. "I've got to get this off my chest."

"But…" Sam protested, eager to tell her about Quinn before he lost his nerve.

Mercedes placed two fingers on his lips to silence him, when satisfied he'd say no more, she let her hand fall to the ring dangling on his chest, touching it lightly, before lifting it up by its chain and pulling it over his head. Sam watched her, confused, as she stared down at the ring in the palm of her hand.

"I met you for the first time at BreadStix and I think I fell in love with you on the spot. Love at first sight."

She shyly met his eyes, a smile on her face, almost seeming embarrassed to have admitted that to him.

"Not that I knew exactly what it was I was feeling, I had never been in love before, never really wanted any man before, but all I knew is that I had to get to know you. And I did, it was a wonderful, painful, thrilling, heartbreaking ride getting close to you. I should have left you alone long ago, but I didn't, because I couldn't. You were just it for me, even when I didn't want you to be. I made a huge mess of things and I tossed you aside, tried so hard to shut you out of my heart," she said swiping at the tears that fell.

"Then we crashed and I would have sold my soul to get you back or to take your place. And you finally came back, to her, and I'm so ashamed of myself, because it shouldn't have mattered that you woke up loving Quinn, all that mattered was that you were alive and awake."

She was shaking and barely holding it together, trying to stifle the flow of her tears. Mercedes' lower lip trembled, as her sad eyes fell on him and that was all Sam could stand. He pulled her into his lap, brushing her hair from her face, and wiping the tears with his hands. So many times now he had done this, wiped the tears he had created, just once he'd like to make her smile instead.

"Shh Please no more tears. No more crying over me. It's okay. I understand, we can just forget about this now," he said, settling his hands on her hips.

He had been so selfish, only worrying about his own discomfort, his own life. How could he have ignored that he wasn't alone in this? He might have been the one in a coma for nine months, and the one with memory loss now, but Mercedes had been through it all with him. She was by his side, caring for him, worrying about him, praying for his recovery. It was so much easier to focus on himself and all he had lost, than to acknowledge the pain around him, because that would mean he would have to take some responsibility for his actions, for choosing to attempt to drive drunk, for sleeping with another woman and breaking his vows, for purposely shutting Mercedes out for weeks, because she was in the way of what he wanted. Sam considered himself a compassionate person, someone that could see the big picture and relate to the feelings of those around him. He sympathized with Quinn and her plight in the hospital, so much so that he would do anything to free her from that hell. But why couldn't he do the same for Mercedes? Why couldn't he believe that she had been waiting for him to come home all this time?

"No we can't forget about it. I need you to hear this. I should have said this in the hospital. I should have said it even before then, in the car on the night of the accident."

Mercedes leaned forward, staring into his eyes, placing her arms around his neck, running her fingers through the back of his hair. The ring dangled from her hand, hitting him in the back as it swayed.

"Sam Evans, I love you, and I want you, and I need you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, have a family with you, get old and gray with you."

She was so sweet, just like she had been during their time at the hospital. He moved her closer to him, so her chest grazed his, his whole body warming when she smiled at him.

"I waited for you to fall in love with me, I waited for nine months for you to come back to me, and I am willing to wait now for you to remember me. I know I'll never love anyone else the way I love you, you're a part of me, you're inside my soul, and that's forever, even if you choose to be with someone else."

His eyes widened at her words, and she smiled with a slight nod, letting him know she meant it.

"I just need you to know that someone in this world will always love you, no matter what happens, I will always be yours. I love you that much."

If she had told him that in the hospital, he would have broken something trying to make love to her. Sam was completely overwhelmed, but his pulse was racing, his hands flitting from her back, to her shoulders, to her hair. He couldn't stop touching her.

"I wanted to say all of this that night we spent together, it meant so much to me to be that close to you. I wanted you to know who I was that night. I wish I hadn't held back."

Mercedes had said everything he had wanted to hear, not just since the hospital, but all of his life. Sam believed her, and his heart lifted knowing that someone felt so much for him. It was nice, but he couldn't quite shake off the other feelings, the disappointment that Mercedes had been the one to say these words, that she was the one to feel this way. Why couldn't Quinn have been the one? Last night at the Holiday Inn, he hadn't held back with Quinn at all, he gave her his heart completely, and Quinn didn't respond the way he had hoped. The whole night she talked about missing him, and how she had longed to see him, and how much she cared, but not once did she mention love. Sam sort of hoped it had been there, implied in between the lines, and she was working up the nerve, but after she coldly left him in the car this afternoon, he was no longer sure. Maybe it was wishful thinking on his part, a projection of his desires onto her, because if Quinn did truly love him, even with his father's crazy deal, she would have told him so. They both had been through too much to play it safe with each other.

Sam returned his attention to the woman on his lap, so full in his arms, with her spirit so bold. Sam could tell it had taken a lot for her to admit all that she had to him, especially since she knew about his feelings for Quinn, but she'd done it anyway. Mercedes had looked him in the eyes and opened herself up to him, expecting nothing in return, and for a moment he caught a glimpse of one of the reasons why he must have married her.

Mercedes lifted up the chain with his ring on it, opening it wide, to slide it back over his neck.

"No wait," he said taking the ring from her hand. Sam hesitated for a moment, considering his next move carefully. With a deep breath, he opened the chain and removed the ring, before sliding the thick platinum band on his finger, accepting his fate, embracing his choice. "This is where it should be. Don't you think?"

There would be no turning back now. He was all in. He planned to follow through with his father's deal, for Quinn, and in small part for Mercedes. He couldn't give her back the husband she had been missing, the one she had been waiting for the past nine months, but at least this was something, for a little while he could give her back her life, maybe make her happy, at the very least make her smile.

"I've missed seeing it there," she said letting her small fingers ghost over the band.

Mercedes looked up at him and smiled, her eyes sparking with something different than their usual clouds of sadness. Seeing that he knew, he had done the right thing.

"Thank you for telling me how you feel. I kind of needed to know that…" he let his voice trail off, his head falling forward to rest on her forehead.

"That you married someone that loves you," she said completing his thought.

"I know it's stupid, because I don't even remember you, but I just feel…" Again he was at loss for words, his mind was filled with so many contradictions.

He was starting to wonder how he was going to pull off this dual life, being husband to one, while loving another. Either way he looked at it, he could see one of them getting hurt, and Sam just couldn't live with that. He had to find a way to make things work out for the best for all of them, if a way even existed.

A soft kiss landed on his lips, and Sam warred with himself not to kiss her back, her hands stroking up and down his chest, slowly seducing him, making him feel things he shouldn't. She looked so good in the green dress. It clung to her curves, almost leaving nothing to the imagination. His hands had a mind of their own, caressing the soft brown skin of her back and shoulders, he couldn't stop himself from pulling her closer and holding her tightly. He heard her sigh in his ear, relaxing into him like a content kitten, which made him relax too, melting into her body, placing kisses on her bare shoulder, letting his fingers tangle in her hair.

He should have pushed her away, insisted they take things slow, but he couldn't bring himself to form the words. He didn't want to stop this moment, to lose this feeling, for once he knew what it felt like to be completely wanted and loved, and he liked it.

"I love you," Mercedes whispered, now a breath away from his lips.

Just one kiss, to see what it felt like to be with someone that wanted him, no convincing or persuasion needed, she simply loved him. His eyes slid shut as he cupped the side of her face with his hand, inching closer to taste those soft pink lips. Just one kiss.

"Whoa incoming!" someone said loudly from the doorway.

Sam pulled back, startled, turning his attention to the door, where he saw Kurt standing with his hand clamped over his eyes, a huge grin on his face.

"You two just keep doing what you were doing and let me know when I can uncover my eyes."


	54. Chapter 54 - The end of Tailspin2

**Chapter 54**

"Quinn you look so gorgeous. That dress is perfect," Santana said beaming when Quinn emerged from the bathroom in the hotel suite. "Sam is going to swallow his tongue when he sees you."

Quinn looked down at herself and smiled. The red silk dress hit her mid thigh, exposing her long legs. The plunging neckline showed just the right amount of skin without being too daring. It simply was the perfect dress. Quinn had known it the moment she spotted it in the hotel boutique.

"Let's hope not. I don't want our encounter to end in the ER." If she never saw another hospital again, it would be fine by her. The harsh lighting, the persistent scent of Lysol, the shuffle of crocs against the tile floors, all of those things made Quinn cringe whenever she thought about them.

"True, you both have spent more than enough time in hospitals. I'm so excited for you Quinn," Santana squealed as she flopped down on the couch. "Finally you and Sam are going to be together."

"Slow down Santana, I just want to tell him how I feel about him, nothing more. He's still very married and I respect that."

She had to hold on to the values that once were second nature. Getting involved with a married man was not the right choice for her, even if that man didn't want to stay in his marriage. Quinn had to resist Sam's charm and sexy lips and hold fast to her convictions.

"That marriage is a temporary condition," scoffed Santana. "Once you tell Sam those three little words, he will be running to divorce court. Trust me."

"No he can't do that." Thanks to Dwight, Sam was trapped. They all were.

"Yes he can. Don't go getting all soft again. Remember Mercedes helped put you in the mental hospital."

"Mercedes is not the enemy."

Quinn actually felt a little bad for her. Dwight's sick deal would unknowingly force Mercedes to live a lie with Sam. No woman deserved to feel like an obligation to her husband, Quinn knew the pain of that first hand, after living with Puck during her pregnancy. She had never felt more alone than she did during that time period. Puck wasn't able to hide his contempt or pain very well, and his lack of attention and affection made it clear he was only there for the baby.

"Yes she is. She has what you want, your man, your baby, that scandalously big diamond. She must be eliminated."

When Quinn looked at things that way, Mercedes did seem to have everything Quinn wanted, even if it was based on a lie. Most days Quinn would give anything just to be able to be the one raising Beth with Sam. She had dreamed of that life for so long, even before Beth was born when she still thought Puck was her father, Quinn had wished for a miraculous twist of fate that would let her and Sam become a family. Now the miracle seemed to have happened, but the strings attached were almost too much, choking their chance at happiness and pushing Quinn's dreams aside so that Mercedes could have the life Quinn wanted. Mercedes may not be the enemy, but she sure seemed to be getting the better end of the deal.

"I'm just going to focus on Sam. Where is it exactly that we're going? Look at us, all dressed up, we even got our hair done," said Quinn pushing past her darkening thoughts. She didn't want jealousy to get her down. There were too many months ahead in the deal for her to dwell on things she couldn't have right now.

"You needed that haircut," said Santana pointing at Quinn's head. "You were looking like a hippie."

Quinn ran her fingers through her now shoulder length hair. "Not much opportunity for spa trips upstate."

"I could tell. Your nails were atrocious, not to mention those split ends," chuckled Santana.

"I do feel more confident now that I look better," Quinn admitted standing in front of the full length mirror that hung on one side of the closet door. "I just need to figure out what I'm going to say."

"Think quick, you have about an hour," said Santana from the couch putting on yet another coat of lip gloss.

Quinn looked over at Santana, her suspicions building. "That is the third time you mentioned the time. Are we on a schedule?"

"We just need to get there at the perfect moment. Timing is key."

"Uh huh. What's the deal Santana? Something is up."

"What do you mean? We're going to see Sam," said Santana staring into her small round gold compact still glossing her lips. She must have had five coats on by now. Her mouth looked shellacked.

"You are hiding something. Why can't you look me in the eye?"

"I hate this." Santana sighed dramatically dropping her gloss and compact on the coffee table in front of her.

"What?" Quinn asked, taking a seat in the blue upholstered high back chair across from the couch.

"These attacks of conscience I've been having lately. I think spending more time with Brittany is doing it. She has this way of making me want to be a better person. I can't keep this from you."

"Keep what from me?"

"Okay, well tonight there is a surprise party for Sam." Santana paused. "At the mansion," she added not meeting Quinn's eyes.

"You're taking me to a party? With Dwight?" asked Quinn, starting to hyperventilate a little. The last thing she wanted was to spend the night with Dwight Evans.

"Oh I would never do that to you honey." Santana quickly assured her. "Dwight is not even home. He's off romancing his lady love, Shannon Beiste."

"I told you no one can know I'm back yet. Attending a party just might give that info away. Don't you think?"

"Look Quinn, I know you want to do the right thing and make amends and all that. I get it, but sometimes you need to be a little bit selfish too. You and Sam have been through a lot and you can't keep him hanging. You've got to tell him you love him, tonight, or you just might lose him for good."

"What makes tonight so special? He'll be at a party, I can talk to him later when he's alone." When he's not in a room full of people that hated her.

She needed to work up to things. She couldn't run up to Sam and lay something like this on him. The timing had to be right. Although, if she were being completely honest with herself, she could admit she was slightly nervous about it all. This was new territory with Sam, the first time she was ever going to say 'I love you' to him, seemed too special to say in a rush at a party she wasn't even invited to. Anyone could walk in and disturb them or worse yet overhear. If word of that conversation ever got back to Dwight, she would be shipped back upstate.

"Mercedes is throwing the party, Mr. and Mrs. Evans at their first social event since the accident." Santana rolled her eyes. "That will make quite the statement. I'm sure it will be on page six tomorrow."

"Does the Lima newspaper even have a page six?" Quinn asked sarcastically trying to downplay her rising dread.

The idea of Sam acting like the doting husband in front of everyone they knew made her nauseated, which was completely irrational because Sam had been married to Mercedes since last year and Quinn had dealt with that just fine. Even before Mercedes, Sam had dated Rachel Berry and Quinn had managed to watch them put on PDAs all around town without even batting an eye. Yet now it hurt her, whenever she thought about Sam being with Mercedes, things had changed so much since last year, something had changed inside of her. She didn't want Sam to spend time with someone else, to get to know someone else, she wanted him to be with her, but it wasn't possible.

"Page 6 or page 32, doesn't matter where the story lands in the paper, the problem is it will be printed. Mercedes is going to be painted as the perfect wife and get another notch ahead of you in the minds of the public. Soon everyone will be team Sam and Mercedes, and we don't want that," said Santana.

"There's a Sam and Quinn Facebook page. Not everyone is rooting for Mercedes."

Iley had told her that not everyone viewed her as a villain, as some crazed unfit mother, that destroyed a marriage and almost killed her own daughter. There were people out there that understood that she had lost control, but didn't mean to do any intentional harm. The idea that she had some anonymous supporters somewhere out there in the great unknown was a small comfort for Quinn, a sign that there was a chance that one day maybe others would understand as well.

"I don't care how many fans your page has, you have to face the facts. You are the Angelina in this scenario."

"Angelina got Brad though. That's not so bad." Brad and Angelina had a family and successful careers, the way they came together was less than ideal, but sometimes love crept in inappropriately and unexpectedly, sometimes passion eclipsed sanity and feelings couldn't be ignored.

"She may have the man, but even all these years later half the world thinks she is a man stealing slut for taking poor Jennifer's husband. Do we really want to hear about poor Mercedes for the rest of our days?"

"I can't change the fact he married her Santana."

Things would be so much easier now if he had just signed those divorce papers before the accident, if he hadn't tried to hang on to Mercedes and fight for what seemed like such a lost cause. Quinn stopped herself, realizing that everything happened as it should. One of the most wonderful things about Sam was how he loved with every part of himself and how he stayed committed until the bitter end. Quinn loved that about Sam, his devotion, the steadfastness of his heart. She never wanted him to lose that, not even if it meant they could be together now. She just had to learn to be more patient. They'd get their chance in time.

Santana got up from the couch and went to stand in front of the mirror, examining her short black cocktail dress. "All of his family and friends are invited. They will probably be filling his head with stories about how wonderful his life used to be with Mercedes."

"He was happy with her," Quinn said softly, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes. The fact that he was happily married once shouldn't be making her sad. Quinn hated how her jealousy was bringing up so many selfish feelings within her.

"Come on Quinn. You know that's bull. She hurt him and humiliated him with another man. That marriage was dead in the water. If it weren't for that crash, they would be divorced. The way I see it, Sam is fair game now, time for you to step up and go for what you want."

"I don't even know what I want," Quinn sighed, throwing her head back against the chair.

Her life was so uncertain. She had to think about finding a job, a real place to live, all the basic necessities of life so she could provide for her child. Quinn wasn't quite sure where to begin in this process of getting her life back. She felt like she didn't really know what it meant to be a functioning adult, to have a life truly her own. Quinn had gone from relationship to relationship never having to support herself, never even having her own apartment.

"Yes you do. You're just too afraid to admit it, probably because you think you don't deserve it after what happened with Beth. I know. I've felt the same way. After all the crazy and terrible things I've done in my life, I sometimes feel like I don't deserve anything good, that this is how I am paying for my crimes."

Quinn went over to her friend and hugged her. "That's not true Santana. Everyone deserves a second chance, and you deserve to be happy and loved just like anyone else."

"And so do you Quinn," said Santana, giving Quinn another quick hug, before letting go. "Take your own advice."

"I'm not backing down. I'm not," she added when Santana gave her a skeptical look. "I am going to tell him how I feel."

"Great let's go," said Santana handing Quinn the black hooded evening coat she had purchased earlier at the boutique.

"Just not tonight. I don't want to cause a scene." Quinn reluctantly put on the coat and covered her head with the hood.

"So what if you cause a scene?" asked Santana as she opened the door and peered out into the hallway. "We can just walk into that house, shock the hell out of everyone, and we can announce your return in a big way. Everyone will find out in one swoop."

"I don't know if Sam has told Mercedes I'm home yet. I at least need to touch base with Sam and check on that." Quinn grabbed her sparkly evening bag and gave the room a quick once over, before hitting the lights.

"Screw Mercedes and her feelings. Either she knows or she doesn't. I'm so tired of that self-important little bitch. Did you know she told Puck that he couldn't bring me to the party tonight? She said she didn't want any drama," said Santana in a hushed tone as they walked down the hotel corridor toward the elevators.

"How can she even make a decision like that? You've known Sam longer than she has."

That was another thing she couldn't stand about Mercedes, how she barged in making demands and changing stuff. She'd only been in town for a few years, yet she had managed to cause so much chaos.

"Exactly. But Puck wouldn't go against her. He took her side."

They waited for the elevator to arrive, both glancing around for other guests approaching. So far no one had appeared.

"Well Puck is mesmerized by her. I don't get it," said Quinn as they stepped inside the elevator. She put on her dark glasses and adjusted her hood.

Puck loved Mercedes like family. How had Mercedes managed to ingratiate herself right in the middle of one of the richest families in town? It had to be her experience as a con artist at work.

"Neither do I. He acts like she's some delicate flower, she has him and everyone else fooled."

"Yeah, she has that act down. Behind closed doors she lets her claws out. I've seen them."

Mercedes had hit her once, after the cheating was exposed. Quinn had come to see her to try to explain her side, as if there really was any way to explain sleeping with another woman's husband, but she wanted to try. Mercedes as expected had been less than receptive and had verbally attacked her calling Quinn every variation of the word whore. Things became heated when Quinn defended herself, pointing out Mercedes' less than stellar actions in the situation. Mercedes's verbal assault then turned physical when she slapped Quinn across the face, scratching her cheek with her diamond ring. Quinn hadn't retaliated that day, though she had wanted to rip the hair from Mercedes' scalp, but she didn't want news of a big fight to get back to Puck or Julian, so she kept her temper in check and left.

"See this why we are going to that party tonight. You pull Sam aside and say what you gotta say. I'll distract the little Mrs."

The lobby was bustling with people, so Quinn and Santana quickened their pace as they made their way to the side door that led to a parking lot.

"This is such a bad idea," said Quinn as she stepped outside into the cold night air.

No cameras, no strange men lurking about, the area seemed clear of paparazzi for a change. The news of her return to Lima must not have gotten out yet.

"Come on. I know you want to," said Santana grabbing Quinn's arm and dragging her toward the car. "I can see it in your eyes."

They climbed inside Santana's white Mercedes, beige leather seats, filled with new car smell. Quinn would have to ask Santana how she got her hands on a new car when she didn't even have a job.

"You're right I do want to. Mercedes is in the way of so many things in my life right now, but this she's not. I'm not going to let her be. I'm going to tell Sam how I feel, and to hell with her. She might be the one he has to be with, but I'm going to let Sam know he has options, I'll be waiting for him when he's free."

What would be the harm in telling Sam how she felt? It wasn't cheating or going against Dwight's deal. This was something just between them, nothing she would act on, but something she needed him to know nevertheless.

"That's what I like to hear," Santana said excitedly, as she started the car. "Let's give Sam a birthday he'll never forget." Santana pulled out of the parking lot.

"Actually his birthday's not until tomorrow," said Quinn almost to herself as she leaned back into her seat.

* * *

><p><em>She had been with Sam on his last birthday, not that they actually took the time to celebrate, no one was in the party mood. Sam was still in the hospital recovering from a bad systemic infection, Mercedes had been practically living with him in his hospital room, only going home periodically to shower. Sam had passed out on his wedding day, in true dramatic fashion, so emotions were running high, and all focus was on him. No one had time to notice that Quinn was slowly dying from a loss she felt forced to hide.<em>

_Puck was never around, spending most of his time with Sam and Mercedes, so Quinn was left alone to grieve the loss of her baby, the one she had conceived with Puck, the one she miscarried so quickly that she never even had the chance to share the news with Puck. Her mind couldn't handle that according to Dr. Hill, so she had kept the pregnancy going in order to cope. The clinical term might have been hysterical pregnancy, a phantom baby created by her brain, but to Quinn the baby had felt very real. Quinn had even told Puck a couple of weeks prior, and together they had celebrated the happy news, and agreed not to make any announcements until after Sam's wedding. So when she'd gone in for a checkup and was told she wasn't pregnant, all her delusions came crashing down, and she was devastated. She felt like she lost a part of herself, when she was told there was no heartbeat, that her womb was empty. Empty that was the only way to describe it, she felt hollow and worthless, and at the time nothing seemed like it would ever be able to fill her again. Embarrassed, she had started to pull away from Puck, not wanting to tell him that the baby she was supposed to be carrying didn't even exist._

_She had been wandering through the halls of the hospital that night, hoping to run into Puck, instead she wandered into him, Sam, surprisingly alone in his hospital room. Julian and Puck had taken Mercedes to get some food, and Sam was not so patiently waiting for his wife to return. Quinn stood back for a bit, just observing him, unsure whether she'd go in to see him. She was pretty bad company in her current mental state, but then Sam had looked up, his eyes bright green against the dark navy of his pajama top, and Quinn couldn't help but smile, probably her first genuine smile in days._

_So they sat together, exiled from their loves, still shut out, but no longer alone. As always, they managed to find each other. He held her hand that night, as she sat by his bedside. It had started with a tight squeeze, a physical confirmation of his support and understanding, but instead of releasing her hand, he had held it, intertwining her fingers with his, letting their joined hands fall on his knee. They remained that way, connected, close, as they talked, not realizing the minutes had faded into hours. Then it was midnight, a bell clanged somewhere in the distance, perhaps someone's watch, or an alarm set to alert the nurses of passing time._

_It was then Quinn had remembered, staring into his eyes, longing to brush his hair from his face, that it was his birthday, officially with the 12 o'clock hour. Something about being with him at that exact moment, made Quinn stir, perhaps it was nostalgia, maybe her loneliness during Puck's current state of preoccupation, or it could have been something more, that little something that was always there, despite her best efforts to ignore it. Feeling a bit like Cinderella, sitting in the presence of her prince, content and at ease, Quinn let go of his hand, and caressed his cheek. If Sam was startled by her action, he didn't let it show, instead he smiled and leaned into her palm._

_"Happy Birthday," she said, only loud enough for him to hear._

_He smiled wider at her words, the dimples and creases on his face appearing prominently, the first real smile she had seen from him since the wedding. So taken with that smile, she leaned over and kissed him, soft and sweet, on his faintly stubbled cheek._

_"Don't forget to make a wish," she said as she pulled away and settled back into her own seat._

_Sam looked down at his lap, saying nothing, but his smile remained. Again something within Quinn stirred, making her pause in an attempt to decipher the feeling. There was something changing inside her, and for the first time since she had found out there was no baby, she felt a step closer to whole, a little less empty. Sam grabbed her hand again, jarring Quinn's focus back to him. He was alerting her to the door opening, and Puck and Mercedes hovering in the doorway of Sam's room, their attention on each other and no on the two of them sitting in the room._

_Sam perked up, eager to see his wife, and Quinn's heart inexplicably sank just a little. It had been so nice, just being alone with him, she wasn't quite ready for it to end, for the painful reality of her life to resume. Quinn got up from in her chair, watching Sam as he primped and smoothed down his hair, slowly trying to pull herself together before Puck and Mercedes came in. Then Sam stopped her, grabbing her hand._

_"Quinn. Thank you for tonight. I really needed this." He looked down hesitating. "I really needed you," he added when he finally looked up to connect with her eyes._

_Quinn searched for the words to convey what she was feeling, to let him know what he had just given her in a few short hours in his hospital room, but as it often happened in her life, especially with him, she couldn't quite articulate her thoughts, all she could do was continue to stare, letting herself fall into those very familiar green eyes. Sam leaned toward her, and Quinn bent closer to his level, anticipating something, though she didn't know what. Things had shifted somewhere in the midst of midnight and sweet kisses. Quinn could tell there was something more about to fall from his lips. But then the door behind them shut and Mercedes and Puck finally entered the room, breaking their spell. Sam dropped her hand, and turned his attention to his wife, leaving Quinn feeling on the brink of empty again_.

* * *

><p>"Quinn! Quinn!"<p>

"Why are you yelling Santana?" asked Quinn. For a moment she had forgotten where she was.

"I've been calling your name for like five minutes."

"Sorry I was lost in thought."

Outside the window streetlights glowed like torches along the darkened highway, only the shadows of trees were visible. Quinn smiled as she stared out the window, happy to be back in Lima, the one place that ever truly felt like home.

"Oh yeah?" asked Santana quickly looking in Quinn's direction. "Working out your approach with Sam for tonight?"

"Not really. I'm thinking it will just flow naturally."

It had taken years for her to get there, to finally see the amazing person that had been in her life for so long. She couldn't prepare a speech or rehearse fate. All she had to do was be brave and follow her heart, and hope the magic of birthday wishes would do the rest.

* * *

><p><strong>(This concludes Tailspin2 - anticlimatic huh? That's because T3 just flows directly from this...so really is more like a volume 2...T2 and T3 work together to form a whole. Now when you get to the end of T3 - you'll feel that closure to this part of the story. Everyone still with me? Tailspin3 will continue right in this same story)<strong>


	55. Tailspin3 Ch1

**Here begins Tailspin3. It follows directly from where T2 left off and it takes place over a weekend. It is Sam's birthday and all the truths will be revealed Thanks for reading!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

Beth gurgled happily on Sam's lap, sticking her plump baby fingers into her mouth, soaking them with drool, her green eyes darting all over the room, as if she were trying to see everything around her. Sam silently watched his daughter, in quiet wonder, amazed at the little life he somehow helped to create. Beth twisted in Sam's lap attempting to see over her shoulder. Sam kept his hand on the baby's back, steadying her, but every now and then Beth would pull away from Sam's hand, balancing herself on her own, sitting up under her own power for a few minutes, before collapsing back into the safety of her father's hand again. Such a simple act filled Sam with pride, his daughter was growing every day, learning new tasks, like sitting up, soon she would have teeth, then she would walk and talk. Sam couldn't wait to experience each step. He was so grateful that he would be allowed the chance, things could have gone so much worse for him, and he might never have known Beth. If he were a more religious man he might have prayed at that moment, thanked God for the gift of his baby, the gift of his own life, but he wasn't a man of faith, so he kept all those grateful feelings to himself, while silently vowing to live up to the miracles he had been granted.

He kissed Beth on her soft blond head as he rose from his chair and walked around the nursery. This was the room Will's twins Stevie and Stacy used to sleep in when they were at the mansion. It had been redecorated, in more girl appropriate colors of pinks and yellows. The large wooden crib remained, the same as Sam had remembered, an antique from Ireland. It was odd that his father had chosen to send the Evans family crib to Shannon Beiste's house and not put it in this room instead. He would have thought his father would have wanted Beth's heritage to be firmly entrenched in this house and not scattered across town in some suburban colonial.

Nothing his father seemed to be doing these days made sense to Sam, starting with that ridiculous deal. Sam of course realized his father hated Quinn and would do anything to keep her out of his life, but this deal went further than that, it shut out Quinn while bringing in Mercedes. That was something new. Dwight Evans rarely let anyone into the fold, especially not a woman, but while Sam was out of commission, his father had done just that, twice. He'd embraced his daughter in law Mercedes and started some sort of love affair with Shannon Beiste. His father never got involved with a woman unless he could use it to his advantage or get some financial gain from the connection, as far as Sam could tell Beiste's sole enterprise was her restaurant, BreadStix, and Mercedes, she had even less than that. What could his father possibly have to gain by allying himself with either of these women?

Perhaps he was over thinking things, maybe his father simply saw Mercedes as the lesser of two evils, a better option than having Quinn as part of the family. He guessed it didn't really matter what his father's motives were, Sam had made his choice and had released Quinn from the hospital, by accepting the deal he was just as culpable as his father in this mess. He might as well have come up with the plan along with the old man. Sam could blame his father for the next nine months, but the truth of the matter was that now every move he made, every choice, each decision, was all on him.

If only Quinn had stuck by him on this, seen things his way, and tried to find a way for them to work things to their benefit, to have this deal and each other. He had never expected Quinn to turn her back on him this way. Suddenly he felt like he was in this alone, when he had done it all for her. Not that he would ever change anything, Quinn needed to be free from that horrible place, she needed a chance to put her life back together. The very least he could do for her was give her that, but still he had imagined that they would be doing this together, rebuilding both their lives as a team, deal or no deal they would have each other's back, but when Quinn had told him to go home to Mercedes that pretty much put an end to Sam's dream of going through it all together. Quinn clearly wanted to do things on her own.

Maybe Quinn was right. Maybe spending tons of time together would have been a hindrance to their goals. Without the distraction of romance, he could bond with his child, figure out his place in this new life, and she could do whatever she needed to do to get back her rights to Beth. Then at the end of nine months, they could return their focus to each other and start building a life together. Now that he'd had a chance to let the hurt of rejection fade, Sam could see Quinn's point more clearly, and in some ways he could see how right she had been. They shouldn't do anything to jeopardize things, the consequences of violating the terms of his father's agreement were unbearable. Quinn being shipped back upstate was not an option. There was no way he could live with that. The mother of his child should not be caged like some wild animal. He'd die before he let that happen to her again, he loved her too much.

Sam looked down at the baby in his arms and smiled. His daughter, he could hardly believe he was actually holding his own child in his arms, a child that was undeniably, indisputably his. After Brittany rejected his idea of starting a family, and ultimately rejected him too, he was starting to doubt that he'd ever get the chance to be a parent, yet now by some unexpected miracle he actually was one.

"I need to stop staring at you, I'm going to give you a complex," said Sam easing back into the upholstered wing back chair in the room, settling Beth in his lap.

"It is just so hard to hold you and not think of your mother. I've missed her so much, and I know you must have too, but I have a little secret to share. Just between you and me, your mommy's coming back to us. She's back in Lima and she's going to be coming home to you very soon. I promise you that." Sam smiled, his spirit lifting slightly, now that he was one step closer to setting things right for his baby, and for Quinn. He'd got her back in town, now all he had to do was reunite Quinn with their daughter. Sam wasn't sure exactly what it would take to make that happen. He had a feeling that a difficult road was before them, and maybe for once his Evans name might not be enough to make it all disappear.

"I know it must have been hard here without either of us to love you and take care of you, but that's all going to change now. Your mommy and I are going to make sure you have the best life and we are going to be such a happy family. One day."

Beth looked up at Sam's face, reaching toward his mouth with her little hand. Sam playfully nipped at the baby's fingertips with his lips, making Beth smile, all gums and drool.

"I wish your mother were here to see that smile. Has she ever seen you smile before? From what I've been told you two have been separated for a long time. That must have been hard. You must have been wondering where she was all this time. Or did you even notice? Maybe you're too young. Do you think Mercedes is your mommy because she is always with you?"

Sam's heart lurched as he pondered the possibility that Beth didn't even really know Quinn, that she might not even associate her as her mother. Babies her age were just learning to form attachments, with Quinn upstate, Beth probably only was attached to Mercedes now. Again Sam felt the knife twisting guilt surface within him, he should have been conscious and taking care of his baby, helping Quinn, so Beth wouldn't be living her life with a stranger. Stranger wasn't the right word, Mercedes had been in Beth's life since birth, but she wasn't family, not really, and his daughter deserved to be raised by her parents. Sam couldn't help but feel like he had let his child down. Beth was almost six months old and she and Quinn had already managed to cause so much upheaval in her young life. That had to end.

"From now on little girl, it will be you and me, together. I'll never leave you again." Sam held Beth up in front of him, letting her chubby little body dangle above his lap, looking into her green eyes that were so much like Quinn's. "I promise to put you first in everything I do. I'm not going to be like my father and place business and money above family, I'm going to protect you and take care of you, keep you safe."

Putting Beth on his shoulder, rubbing her back softly, Sam lowered his voice, speaking in a hushed tone, soothing like a lullaby. "I love you more than I ever thought I was capable and everyday I'm with you it grows. I may not be perfect, nowhere near it. I know I will make a ton of mistakes. I tend to be an impulsive screw up at times. Your grandfather will tell you I screw up all the time, but I will try my best not to screw up with you. We haven't known each other for very long, and you are probably thinking who is this semi old guy blathering on, but you better get used to it, because I can talk a lot sometimes, when it matters. And you matter so much to me and I promise I will be the best dad I can be. I swear my life on it. I got your mother out of the hospital and now I'm going to get her back home to you, because I know having her will be the best thing for you. For us. Just give me a little time, baby girl, and I promise you will have a family, a happy and loving home, like I never really had."

Sam closed his eyes, his thoughts wandering to Quinn. He wondered what she was doing right now. Was she alone in the hotel suite thinking of them too? Sam was so tempted to bundle Beth up and go over to the Beacon to see her, so they could spend some time together, the three of them, as a family. Nothing was stopping him, Daley could have him downtown in fifteen minutes, but Sam didn't move from his seat as he continued to rub Beth's back.

It was that house, that mural, that room. There was something he was missing, Sam could feel it. His gut had been gnawing at him for days, even longer if he were honest with himself. Why did his daughter have little more than a guest room in the Evans family home while she had a meticulously decorated nursery across town in the suburbs? How did a suicide attempt cause Quinn to lose all rights to their child? Was there some secret pact between his father and Mercedes? Did they concoct a way of getting revenge on a woman they both hated? Did they get Beth torn away from Quinn? And why did Mercedes have a strange look on her face when Sam mentioned the idea of Quinn getting out of the hospital? Was it just her jealousy because of the affair, or was it something more that made her react that way?

Enough with all the questions, Sam was ready for some answers. It was time for him to be filled in on all that he missed, completely. 

* * *

><p>Beth squealed kicking her little legs out, her face reddening in what Sam could only assume was anger.<p>

"I know it sucks little girl, but don't take it out on me. This is what Mercedes packed for you to wear," said Sam as he captured one of Beth's feet and wrestled it into a thick white sock.

The past ten minutes Beth had squirmed and whined on the bed as Sam tried to change her clothes. Why his daughter needed to put on a new outfit at precisely this hour when she had been already wearing a perfectly good one was beyond Sam's comprehension. He was just following the orders outlined on the long list Mercedes had given him earlier. Sam's first instinct was to shove that list right back in her face, he didn't need an instruction manual for caring for his own child, but Mercedes seemed to anticipate his protest and went into a protracted ramble about the idiosyncrasies of Beth Evans. He finally took the list primarily to shut her up.

Sam let out a satisfied sigh as he finally managed to get the other sock on Beth's foot. Mercedes had not been exaggerating when she warned him earlier that Beth didn't like her feet covered, just putting socks on her had been an ordeal. Sam lifted Beth from the bed and held her out in front of him, examining his handy work. Beth in all red, soft fabric, almost like felt, with some fur trim it would sort of be like Santa, if it weren't for the large brown puppy embroidered on the front of the romper.

"Why do they keep dressing you up in clothes with animal faces? Nobody wants to be seen in something like that. I'm going to have to get you some new clothes, maybe a suit like your grandma Sue?" Beth poked her lip out as if in response. "Okay no suit. Yet. But a nice Cavs jersey or jeans. No more baby chicks or puppies. I promise."

He sat Beth on his lap, holding her with one arm, while he zipped up the pink and brown dotted baby bag with his free hand. Mercedes had packed enough supplies for a week, even though Beth wasn't even staying with him overnight. The plan was that Mercedes would come back and get Beth after she returned from her evening out. Marcel had been initially enlisted to watch Beth for the night, but he had an unexpected emergency and he had to leave. Kurt had spilled all of this information, hand over eyes, from the bedroom doorway at Mercedes' house earlier. Apparently he had let himself in with the spare key when no one responded to his knocks on the door. Sam had never been so relieved to see anyone in his life. He had been wadding in pretty dangerous waters before Kurt interrupted them.

Physical interaction with Mercedes was completely unnecessary, when the plan was to take things slow with her. Letting the wrong head make decisions was going to be his downfall if he wasn't careful. Any attraction that he might feel for Mercedes could not be allowed to get in the way of his ultimate goal, to build a life with Quinn. He just needed to keep his hormones and the annoying pangs in his heart under control. Thankfully Kurt had saved the day, and Sam had dodged that bullet. Mercedes had seemed almost relieved as he did, popping up off his lap when she saw Kurt at the door. Her mood shifted after that, gone were the tears, she fell into a more authoritative mode, throwing out orders disguised as ideas.

Mercedes had been the one to send Sam to the mansion to be with Beth enlisting Kurt as his chauffeur, while she waited for Finn Hudson to pick her up and take her to wherever she was going for the night. Sam wasn't exactly pleased with the arrangements, taking care of Beth was fine, he relished the chance to spend more time with his daughter, but Mercedes out with some guy? That part didn't sit well with him. He had planned to tell Mercedes just that, but she never let him get a word in, she just talked faster and faster as she packed a bag for Beth, wrote up a list of instructions, and literally shoved both he and Kurt out the kitchen door. Sam almost felt like she was trying to get rid of him, like maybe she was hiding something, or maybe she didn't want him around when Finn arrived at the house. She was up to something. Sam could sense it.

Even more worrisome was the fact that he hadn't actually told Mercedes that Quinn was back in Lima. He had planned to reveal it after he was certain Mercedes was willing to give him a shot at being a husband. They had spent a few hours together, got some things out in the open, but still Sam wasn't certain about anything. He probably could assume Mercedes would be on board with any attempts at reviving their relationship, but Sam preferred to deal in the concrete, in the verified, relying on a hunch when Quinn's freedom hung in the balance wasn't a smart move at all. He needed a little more time, one more go at her, a chance to convince her that he wanted a fresh start, then he could tell her about Quinn. And it needed to happen soon, like tonight, before Mercedes could find out Quinn was back in Lima from some other source.

If only there was a way to do it without actually seeing her, because Sam wasn't sure if he could handle another encounter with Mercedes so soon. Every time he was around her his emotions flared up and he started running his mouth revealing things that he never wanted to admit out loud. It was unbelievable how much he seemed to talk around Mercedes. Right from the moment he was able to in the hospital, he had been sharing his innermost thoughts with her, even when he didn't know her, even when he didn't trust, he kept talking. Why?

Marcel appeared in the open doorway, his bald head almost grazing the door frame, his blue scrub top hanging loosely from his thin torso. He was wearing jeans, unusual for him. Sam had never seen him in anything other than his work attire.

"Marcel I thought you had already left."

"Almost. I needed to give you these bottles for the baby," he said entering the room and putting three bottles of formula into the mini refrigerator against the wall.

"I could have gotten those things myself, you didn't have to come all the way back here." Sam adjusted Beth on his lap, putting some distance between the baby and the buttons on his shirt.

Marcel shook his head. "You are still recuperating sir. You should not be going up and down stairs too frequently."

"I'm fine. I've recovered faster than my doctors thought I would."

Beth whined now that the buttons were out of his reach. Sam grabbed a stuffed yellow star from the bed and held it in front of Beth's face. The baby's eyes lit when she heard the jingle of the bells from within the toy.

Another item on Mercedes' list, a stuffed star, his daughter's favorite toy apparently combining it with food and infomercials kept Beth very content. A story and the song from the snowglobe before bedtime were two other critical elements of Beth's daily routine. The snowglobe was still back in the nursery at Mercedes' house, but she had noted that a CD version of the song was in Beth's room at the mansion. The list had itemized it all, easy reference in the front pocket of the diaper bag, not that Sam needed to refer to the piece of paper, he had already committed its contents to memory. Mercedes had thought of everything and put it on that list. It was annoying and comforting all at once.

"Very speedy. Just like your little girl. Let me show you something," said Marcel reaching out to take Beth from Sam's arms. He placed the baby on top of the beige covered bed between them, on her stomach and sat beside her. "Do you see this?" Beth lifted up her head and looked toward her father. "Her head and neck control is superb, far beyond what a baby her age normally has. And watch her little derriere. See the little wiggle, wiggle?"

"Yeah I see her moving."

"This baby will crawl soon. She wants to go. She's very advanced, especially since she was premature."

"She's an Evans. We're always ahead of the curve," said Sam beaming proudly. "You're really good with her Marcel."

Marcel picked Beth up off the bed and handed her back to Sam. "She's a little joy, such a good baby."

"Mercedes told me you worked in pediatrics."

"Oui."

"Did you spend much time with Beth while I was in a coma?"

"Non. I was busy with you, but sometimes I would look after Beth if Mrs. Evans needed to tend to something else, but usually she was the one with baby. She is very attached to the girl."

"It's sad that Beth's mother can't spend more time with her." A matter that Sam planned to fix as soon as possible. What was the point of all the money and power if he couldn't use it to put things right? He just had to figure out a way to outsmart his father, then the rest would fall into place.

Marcel paused, tilting his head to the side. "Beautiful girl, her eyes so remarkable."

Sam looked at him in surprise. "Do you know Quinn?"

"Non, but she used to come see you at the hospital, very late. Always creep creeping. Usually she'd come during my break. I'd wait until I saw her coming before I left, so no one would catch her."

"Did Quinn come and visit me often? Did you ever overhear anything she said?" Knowing that Quinn used to sneak to see him stirred something within Sam, building his hopes up for the future. If Quinn were willing to take the risk to see him then, there was a chance she would take risks now and throw caution aside and be with him.

"You need the tapes," said Marcel over his shoulder as he pulled something out of the closet.

"What tapes?"

Marcel popped open a baby seat in front of Sam. It looked like a cross between a swing and a car seat, but it was designed to look like a spaceship.

"Mr. Dwight and Mrs. Evans recorded your room at the hospital all the time. Every minute is there," said Marcel as he continued to set up the chair.

"Why would they do that?"

There was actual video of him in a coma. Sam wasn't sure how he felt about that. It would be strange to see himself so quiet and still, but on the other hand, it could give him some insight into what his family went through these past months, help him understand their current state of rampant overprotectiveness.

"Mr. Dwight wanted to keep you safe, keep track of who came and went. Mrs. Evans wanted proof that she could show the doctors that you moved or responded. From what I hear your father has copies of all the recordings on his computer. If you want to find Miss Quinn, she will be there." Marcel whisked Beth from Sam's arms, sweeping her up in the air with flourish, making the baby giggle, before settling her in the chair he had just set up. "She likes this. Watch."

Primary colored stars dangled above her in the seat, which Beth immediately reached for, hitting them and watching them sway. Sam watched his daughter happily play in her seat, Beth's little feet kicking in excitement each time she managed to make a star move.

"Did Mercedes buy her this?" asked Sam stroking her fuzzy swatch of hair.

"Non. I think your mother. Mrs. Evans prefers to hold her and not use the seat. It is her way."

Sam raised his eyebrows. "You sound like you don't approve."

"It is not for me to say."

"I'm asking your opinion." Sam pressed.

Marcel pursed his lips thoughtfully before responding. "I think Mrs. Evans holds too tight. She's afraid to let her go."

"Mothers can be overprotective." It hurt but Sam could admit that Mercedes was the main mother figure in his child's life. She treated her like her own.

"Oui especially when they go through an ordeal."

"What ordeal? Quinn's the one that can't see her baby," said Sam, his tension level rising.

He didn't mean to jump all over Marcel, he had asked the man for his opinion after all, but it just unnerved him how everyone around him seemed to be so focused on Mercedes when Quinn was the one going through so much turmoil.

"I'm sorry if I offended you sir."

"You didn't Marcel. I am just concerned about my daughter's mother. Can you tell me more about her visits with me at the hospital? Did anyone else know she was coming to see me?" asked Sam feeling very anxious about Marcel's response. If his father had video, maybe he knew that Quinn had visited him and that's why he had her locked up.

"I don't think so. I never said a word. A little secret, she didn't even know I saw her. I would never tell Mr. Dwight and Mrs. Evans would be very angry."

"They don't like Quinn very much."

The idea of his father and Mercedes united against Quinn made Sam ill. Quinn must have felt outnumbered and alone dealing with those two and the rest of his family. If only he could have been there to protect her somehow, to be the buffer between them and her.

"Non. And Mrs. Evans is very scared. I can't blame her considering things."

A chill ran through Sam's body. There was something ominous in Marcel's words.

"Why was she scared of Quinn coming to see me? It doesn't make sense."

"Not of that. Mrs. Evans is scared for the baby."

Sam tried to shake himself out of the uneasy feelings that were filling his mind, but an image of Beth, blue and floating in the river persisted, taunting him, wanting him to accept it as more than just an illusion.

"What did Quinn do to make Mrs. Evans scared for Beth? Nothing happened to Beth at the river. She was safe."

"Not the river," he said lowering his voice and leaning closer, glancing behind him to the open door before he continued. "The snow."

"I don't understand."

Marcel shook his head three times and moved closer to the door. "You must ask Mrs. Evans. I cannot say anymore."

The man was holding back. Sam could tell he wanted to reveal more. Someone must have directed him not to talk about this subject.

"Please tell me what you know. This is about my child," Sam pleaded. That knot that had been in the pit of his stomach for the past few weeks was growing. He was beginning to feel like he was close to some hidden truth, something that no one wanted him to know about. Right now Marcel seemed like the only person he could trust. "What about the snow? Was it snowing the night they were at the river?"

"Beth wasn't at the river," Marcel stated, his dark eyes peering sharply at Sam.

"Yes she was. Quinn left her on the dock before she…" Sam swallowed the lump lodged in his throat unable to say the words. "And then Puck saved her and Beth."

"Non. Mr. Puckerman only saved the one."

"But Beth's fine."

Puck had been there. He got Quinn out of the water and Beth was never in any danger. His father had told him so. Although, when he thought back on it, his father actually hadn't said much. Sam had filled in the blanks on his own. Had he somehow gotten things wrong?

"Ask them about the snow. I can say no more."

"Did something happen to my daughter?" Sam asked his voice shaking. There was something about their conversation that had him completely unnerved.

"You must understand. Something was broken inside of her," said Marcel. He spoke with more emotion than Sam had ever heard him use, as if were urging him to believe the words. "She didn't mean –"

"Marcel, what are you still doing here?" asked Kurt as he came into the room, a garment bag in his hand, and a serious look on his usually pleasant face. There was no mistaking the alarm in his cousin's voice, Kurt must have overheard what Marcel had told him and for some reason didn't like it.

Marcel went stiff, what little emotion his face had displayed, disappeared behind his usual mask of blankness.

"He brought me some bottles up Kurt." His cousin had the worst timing. He was so close to getting some answers.

Marcel was suddenly eager to bolt now that Kurt had arrived, he was already halfway out of the door.

"Oui. Now I must be leaving," said Marcel practically from the hallway.

"Marcel wait – "Sam wasn't ready for the man to leave, he had more questions.

"Bon soir," Marcel said curtly, bowing his head, before disappearing into the darkened hall.

"Later, Marcel," said Kurt shutting the door fast on the nurse's heels. Sam eyed Kurt suspiciously. He was acting strangely.

Something definitely was going on here. Just what were the people in his life hiding from him about his daughter?


	56. Tailspin3 Ch2

**Chapter 2**

Fingertips trailing the edge of the shelves as she made her way down the aisle, fluorescent lights blared down on her and the piped in music was extra loud, the store was comfortable, not quite cold, not quite warm, a tolerable mixture of the two that often happens when air conditioning and heat meet. The store was fairly empty for almost 7pm on a Friday night, everyone must have been enroute to the start of the weekend or already cozy at home with family.

Quinn was envious of those people with plans and a home. She had no place to be, no real destination, besides her hand me down hotel room that Sam had let her use. It was embarrassing how unable she was to take care of herself. If it weren't for Sam she would have been forced to call her parents and ask for help. Things shouldn't be like this at her age, and definitely not now that she was a mother. What if Beth had been in her custody right now? Where would they have lived? How would she have afforded to feed her or take care of her? A voice in the back of her head reminded her that she didn't really have to ever worry about money when it came to Beth, Sam had the means to provide a great life for her, but that responsibility shouldn't have to be solely on Sam's shoulders. She needed to be able to stand on her own and provide for her daughter without having to rely on Sam. What if Sam decided to turn his back on her, push them aside to focus on his other family? Sam wanted a family with his wife, what if he decided to give her up in order to be with Mercedes? Just as he told Mercedes he would the night of the car crash.

Although after last night, Quinn had no reason to think such things. Sam had made it clear where his heart was, that he wanted a future with her and Beth. It had been Quinn that had ultimately pushed him away, encouraging him to go home and get to know Mercedes. She still was confident that was the right choice, she didn't want to start a relationship with Sam based on secrets and lies. They had to just abide by the terms of Dwight's deal for the specified duration and then after it was over, they could start something real, but Santana had started to fill her with doubts, scaring her with the idea that Sam was probably feeling rejected and off licking his wounds with his nurse. That did seem like Sam, impulsive, reckless, he tended to mask the pain with something else, or someone else, rather than deal with it. That's not what Quinn wanted for Sam. She wanted him to understand that she felt like what they had was strong enough to endure anything, and that was why she wanted to do the right thing for once, Quinn knew they could withstand the wait, but if Sam hadn't taken her words that way and if he was thinking that she didn't really care, well the thought of that was unbearable.

After all these months waiting for him to come back, she couldn't let him believe that she didn't want him. She had to make it clear to him, she had to explain what she felt inside. Easier said than done. Quinn had never been great with expressing her emotions, especially not with Sam. He had always been so open with her, so quick to spill his heart, staring at her with his deep green eyes, it had always made Quinn feel flustered and uneasy, that pressure to be the person he wanted, to say the right words. To this day, she hadn't conquered this hurdle with him. She had never actually told him all the things she felt about him, all the ways she cared. That all would change tonight. Quinn was finally forcing herself to be brave.

How long had she been in the store daydreaming? Santana was outside waiting in the car, the gas running in case they needed to make a fast getaway. Santana had feared the paparazzi would spot Quinn and surround her with their mics and cameras. Quinn wasn't as concerned. No one knew she was out of the hospital, so there would be no reason for the media to be following Santana's car to small supermarket on the edge of downtown. Not that they really needed to stop at all. Quinn just wanted a moment to catch her breath away from Santana's constant chatter about destined love and bearing of souls. She needed to regain her composure to keep herself from leaping from the car and running back to the hotel. So she had made up an excuse that she wanted to get Sam a birthday present, even though Santana had insisted that it was a gift free event.

Once inside the store, Quinn slowly walked each aisle just enjoying the fact that she could do so without orderlies following at her heels, without the fear of someone coming to drag her back to her room, a little piece of freedom, hers to savor. She couldn't stay in the store forever, no matter how tempted she was, she had to find something to pass off as a birthday present. A box of Hershey bars? Sam loved chocolate. A simple card with a handwritten note? No, too personal in case it fell into Mercedes' hands. A scented candle and a picture frame? Three strikes, all of those choices were bad. Then it hit her, the perfect gift, if the store actually managed to have it in stock.

Quinn spun on her heels with a smile in the middle of the aisle, rushing toward the back of the store, her open black coat breezing behind her. Past the candy, racing by the chips, through the cereal and breakfast foods, to the left of the toiletries and then – She stopped dead in her tracks, still, almost holding her breath as she stared at the shelves. Rows of baby items, diapers, formula, baby food, and toys, stuffed bears snuggled against rattles and teething rings, all lined up in silent condemnation. These were things she didn't need to buy, not now, no knowledge of when. It slapped her in the face, hard and abrupt, like an open palm, she wasn't really a mother, not really, not beyond the biology.

She picked up a can of formula, reading the label. Quinn didn't even know if this was the kind Beth drank. Was she allergic to it? Did she only drink soy? And what size diapers did she wear? She was so much bigger when she last saw her, she could only imagine how big she must be now. Quinn closed her eyes after setting the can back on the shelf imagining the weight of her baby in her arms, the feel of her head against her shoulder, struggling to remember her sweet baby scent. She was fading from her, she was losing her, her Beth was becoming nothing more than a two-dimensional photograph flashed on the screen of a phone, she was becoming less real to her and soon she would be gone.

"Can I help you find something miss?" A voice asked from behind her.

Quinn pulled herself to the present and focused in on the brown haired store clerk next to her. He was young, probably in his teens, skinny, with braces.

Quinn whipped off her dark glasses, feeling foolish for still having them on inside. "No thank you. I'm finding everything I need."

"Okay. Let me know if you need any help," said the boy, already walking away from her down the aisle.

Quinn turned her head back toward the shelves again, letting her mind drift, the labels swirling in front of her, like a rainbow, the colors running together like tears. She'd been to this store before, one night last year. Beth was barely 2 months old, so young and defenseless, small, her face often an angry pink whenever she looked at her. She never would stop crying, if she came near her, touched her, spoke to her, her little body would squirm and she'd scream. She couldn't console her, she wasn't who Beth wanted.

A pillow over her head muffled Beth's screams from the small crib next to her bed. Coach B had set up the room so she would have easier access to Beth, so she would have to climb the stairs less, to make things better. Instead Quinn had felt trapped, stuck in a room with a screaming baby that hated her. Coach B could get her to calm down, she would coo contently, fall asleep in her arms. And Mercedes, Beth always liked her better, she gave her first smile to her, as if she knew she was the one that helped bring her into the world. But she was her mother, so that bond should have been the strongest of all, and it wasn't.

Quinn had tried to breastfeed, wanting to give her baby the best nutritional start, and Beth had rejected her milk, she didn't even want that from her own mother, as if she knew somehow that nothing good could come from inside her. Feeding with the bottles went better, she'd let her hold her and feed her, but once the bottle was empty, the crying would resume. Coach B implored her to relax, told her it was just new mother nerves, but why had it all come so easily for Mercedes? Mercedes had eased into the role of mother without hesitation or flaw. Nerves weren't the problem, Quinn was. So one night, the sky filled with flurries, she drove thirty minutes from Coach B's house to the store, to stand in the very spot she was in right now, to stare dry eyed at the baby products. Quinn hadn't known how much time had elapsed, until an alarm sounded on her phone alerting her to Beth's next feeding time. It was then she realized, two hours had passed, and Beth was alone, at the house.

Quinn sped like a NASCAR driver back to the house, running every light, ignoring stop signs. She could hear his screams from the driveway. No one had come home and the next door neighbor Mrs. Calloway was at the door. She'd heard the cries for over an hour, and was concerned, was about to call for help. Colic, Quinn had told her calmly, assuring her she had it under control before letting herself inside and leaving Mrs. Calloway on the stoop.

Beth was red, she'd thrown up all over himself, and her diaper had leaked all over the crib. She quieted down when she lifted her, holding her in her arms, but not too close. She didn't like her, she didn't want to upset her even more. Clean and fed Beth fell asleep as she rocked her in the chair, holding her as far from her body as she could. The solution was not to touch her, she had determined that day. She wouldn't cry if she kept her distance, so she did from then on. It was only after therapy and medication that she realized how flawed her thinking was, and that she had done her baby so much harm during that awful time. She didn't hate her, she needed her, she was searching for the same bond, the same connection she was, and by being distant she had left her feeling abandoned and unloved. She was back now to make that right, but how was she going to do that when a part of her still felt like Beth might be better off without her? The medicine hadn't cured her of those feelings, and she was starting to fear nothing would.

Tonight was about Sam. If she could get the courage to tell him how she felt, maybe then she could tell him all the rest too. Tell him about her fears, and her pain, and about what it all caused her to do. Maybe if Sam knew, he could help her find a way to get closer to Beth, help her find a way to make her baby love her again. In the next aisle she found Sam's gift, unbelievably in stock, just one, as if it were meant for her to buy. She smiled, cradling it in her arms, the way she wanted to hold Beth and Sam. Soon, she assured herself. Soon she would find her way back to both of them.

On her way to the front of the store, walking swiftly, her excitement about seeing Sam building, a familiar voice made her falter, and trip over her feet slightly.

"Here they are sir," a female voice said. Quinn leaned against the display at the end of the aisle, gripping the cardboard sign of the instant soup mix display.

"Is this all the protein shakes you have? Do you have the organic ones?" the customer asked.

It was Julian. Quinn didn't even have to look to make sure, she knew his voice anywhere. Hoping she was somehow mistaken, she peeked down the aisle anyway, to spot Julian in green scrubs and his brown leather jacket, running his hand over the top of his head as he spoke to the store clerk.

"Sorry sir. You might try our bigger store on the north side, or online."

"Thanks. I'll just take these two cases for now. I'm sure I can order what I need through the hospital." Quinn continued to watch as Julian picked up one case and balanced it in his arms, before grabbing another.

"Are you a doctor?" asked the clerk. She was clearly flirting, sticking out her chest, hoping to make herself more attractive through her brown store smock.

"Did the scrubs give me away?" Julian was being friendly. Quinn could detect a slight hint of amusement in his voice.

"I hope you're not tryin' to bulk up. From what I can tell you got a hot bod for your frame," giggled the clerk as she reached out and squeezed one of Julian's forearms.

Quinn's mouth dropped in shock. That woman actually was fondling Julian in the aisle. She was on duty. Whatever happened to professionalism?

"Uh..thanks. They are not for me."

Quinn couldn't tear her eyes away, moving a bit more into the aisle so she could hear them better.

"For your wife?" asked the clerk stroking her dirty blond ponytail.

"No. Not married. Look I'm on call so better get to the register." Julian started walking down the aisle, the clerk right behind him. Quinn eased back out of sight as they approached.

"Single doctor buying protein shakes. I'm intrigued. What's your story? Care to enlighten me over drinks?"

This woman won't give up. Quinn banged her hand on the shelf beside her in annoyance. Two cans of soup teetered before falling off the edge. Quinn scrambled to catch them, but she wasn't fast enough, and they both hit the floor with a metallic thud.

"What was that?" asked Julian.

"Something fell at the end of the aisle. I better go check."

Oh God! Quinn panicked in her mind, she scurried to the next aisle praying that Julian wouldn't spot her. No such luck. Quinn saw Julian and the store clerk turning down the aisle she had retreated to. She picked up speed, running to the end of the aisle, hoping they only saw the black blur of her coat, when she collided into something hard. A muscular chest and a pair of strong arms became her fortress.

"What's the rush? Big sale in the next aisle?" he asked, laughing lightly.

She shoved him in front of her, using his body to block her from sight.

"Don't move," she whispered, peeking around his large frame to see if Julian and the clerk had spotted her. They were still at the end of the aisle, perhaps she was in the clear.

He looked over his shoulder, toward Julian and the clerk. "Oh I get it now. Trying to keep a low profile."

"It's fine now. I'm sorry I accosted you like that."

"I'm not complaining," he said checking over his shoulder again. "But don't you think I deserve a better greeting?"

Quinn looked up at him confused by his question. She started to respond but before she could get the words out, he pulled her against him and captured her mouth in a kiss.

* * *

><p>"So how are you and Beth doing? All settled in for the night?" asked Kurt, leaning back against the door he just closed.<p>

"Why did you rush Marcel out of here just now?" asked Sam ignoring Kurt's questions.

"What?" Kurt ran his hand through his brown hair, turning his back on Sam as he put the garment bag on the bed, before fiddling with some toys on a wall mounted shelf. "Marcel had to go. He had an emergency."

"He didn't seem in a hurry to me." Marcel had actually seemed like he was lingering, like he wanted to tell Sam something more. Then Kurt appeared and the nurse's demeanor changed. He couldn't escape the room fast enough.

"I'm sure he didn't want to be rude. You know how Europeans are. All about the manners," Kurt chuckled, still refusing to face Sam.

"You're hiding something." Sam shifted his attention to Beth for a moment, he was still playing in his chair, making sounds and drooling, lost in the blissful oblivion of childhood.

"Me?" he laughed nervously. "No way. I've got nothing to hide. If I were a book, I'd be a tell all."

"How about saying that to my face?" Sam tried to control the edge that had crept into his voice. Remaining calm was his best hope of getting anywhere with Kurt. Easier said than done, however, Sam couldn't shake the feeling that Kurt was being evasive.

Kurt slowly turned around, and leaned against the shelf. His eyes narrowed, and his body tensed. "Okay you got me. There's something I need to say."

"And that is?" asked Sam, taking one last look down at Beth before turning himself on the bed so he could face Kurt completely.

"It's about you and Mercedes and what I walked in on tonight."

Sam took a deep breath. Is that what he wanted to talk about? Sam had hoped Kurt was going to explain to him about the significance of snow. "That was nothing Kurt."

"Didn't seem that way to me. Your hand was up her dress and you were inches away from kissing her."

So graphic. Did he take a photo? So Kurt caught him and Mercedes in a close moment, it was no big deal. It wasn't like they were naked.

"It wasn't what you think," Sam said almost dismissively. He didn't want to be rude, but he had more important things going on his mind than this.

"Oh so you weren't trying to get some easy ass from a girl that you know worships you?"

"Kurt! You're completely out of line." Sam couldn't believe that Kurt was even going there. They had managed not to bring it up the whole car ride. It had to be written up in the guy code somewhere that comments about mistakenly witnessed intimate events are strictly prohibited. If it wasn't, it should be.

"We're both adults here. Let's keep it real."

"I don't have to explain what I do with my wife to you."

All of this was seriously starting to tick him off. He got blasted by Mike about Quinn and now his little cousin was giving him hell about Mercedes. He had been doing what they all wanted, spending time with Mercedes, but somehow even that was wrong. There was no winning with his family, if he didn't react exactly as they wanted him to, he was defective somehow.

Kurt shook his head, his face with a smile that held no joy. "So you're claiming her as your wife now? Interesting. Just last week you told me you were feeling things for Quinn."

"Things changed. Mercedes and I have found some common ground." Sam wished he had kept his mouth shut about Quinn and his feelings, too many people knew now and they were clearly holding it against him. He was a complete idiot to believe that his family would understand about his confusion and about the feelings within him he couldn't control.

"In your lap?"

Sam started to squirm feeling suddenly warm. Kurt's rush of questions and his unrelenting stare were starting to unnerve him. Sam wasn't used to Kurt being so forceful and direct. Kurt was the fun loving one, always with a smile and a kind word. Tonight his cousin was showing an entirely different side, something Sam had never seen before. Yet another thing he must have missed in the time he lost.

"She was upset. I was comforting her. Okay?"

That's all it ever was with Mercedes, ever since he was in the hospital. She'd come to him with big brown tear filled eyes and he would find himself inexplicably scrambling to make things better for her, even when he had no clue what was wrong. Now he knew with absolute certainty that the pain displayed in her eyes, that kicked him so completely whenever he saw it, was there because of him. How else could he respond to something like that? He had to make her feel better, take her in his arms, offer her some relief. What choice did he have?

"Not okay," Kurt said, finally moving away from his perch against the shelf. "I think you're full of shit." He lowered his voice when he said the word "shit", looking over at Beth who was still playing in her little seat making low pitched baby sounds. "I don't think you care about Mercedes at all."

"Of course I care. I told you before I didn't want to hurt her."

He'd been over this before with Kurt. He wasn't out to get Mercedes, things were just screwed up. Sam hadn't asked to be married to someone he didn't know, he woke up stuck in that predicament. He was just trying to deal with it all the best way he could. He had thought Kurt had understood that after their last conversation.

"And I told you to let her go so that wouldn't happen, but it seems to me you didn't take my advice seriously."

"Why don't you say what you really mean Kurt?" asked Sam. His cousin was accusing him of something but was hesitating about saying the actual words, holding back, his face turning a shade of red.

"What exactly did I walk in on today?" Kurt asked through his teeth, his anger evident as he paced the length of the room, the fabric of his dark gray trousers swishing with each pass.

"Mercedes was just showing me around the house." What did he expect a play by play? It was just going to be a kiss. Nothing more.

"And the tour ended in the bedroom?" asked Kurt, pausing to survey him with one raised eyebrow.

God! It was a moment of weakness. No one was supposed to see it. All he wanted was one moment with her, a quick indulgence, and then he would have returned to a respectable distance. He should have known it was a bad idea, nothing ever worked out simply in his world. Now he had a witness to it all. What if it got back to Quinn? How would he explain being alone in the bedroom with Mercedes? Not that he really had to explain, Quinn had wanted him to go to the house and talk to Mercedes, so really Quinn had made this all happen. Ok that was complete bull, and Sam knew it. Quinn would be hurt by this, even if she did want to be just his friend. Sam remembered the tears in Quinn's eyes when she had discovered the wedding band around his neck. How would she react when she saw the ring on his finger?

"Back off Kurt it's between me and Mercedes." Anger started to build inside of Sam. Kurt's meddling was making something fairly innocent seem like some seedy crime. He didn't have to explain himself when it came to his actions with his wife. Even if their marriage felt like nothing more than a sham, they still had a right to privacy.

"I'll back off as soon as you look me in the eye and promise you're not screwing around with her head. Tell me you aren't only pretending to feel something for her when you really don't."

"I'm not getting into this with you." He didn't owe Kurt any explanations. Anyone else he would have told to fuck off by now, followed by a punch to the jaw, but with Kurt it was different, he knew this was all coming from a good place. His cousin cared about Mercedes, that was clear, but it didn't change the fact that this was none of his business

"Just be straight with me. I know how you feel about Quinn, so what were you doing with Mercedes? Were you just using her or what?"

"Yes I was." Sam spat out at Kurt, his eyes narrowing, a smirk on his face. "Mercedes was there and willing and throwing herself at me, her body squeezed into those tight little shorts and that barely there shirt, so how could I say no?" Sam crossed his arms over his chest, watching Kurt's reaction.

Kurt looked up, his surprise shifting to a frown when he realized Sam was mocking him. "I'm being dead serious with you Sam and you're playing around."

"Come on Kurt," said Sam, his voice softening. "I wouldn't just use Mercedes. You know me better than that."

"I thought I did. But now…"

"I'm still the same guy," said Sam, cutting him off.

"I think you might have changed." Kurt bit his lip, hesitating before he spoke. "The Sam I knew wouldn't be making moves on one woman after spending the night before with another."

"What are you talking about? I didn't spend the night with anyone." Deflect and deny, those were his only choices at this point. He had to find a way to save this sinking ship he was on.

Kurt held up his hand, halting the excuses Sam had planned to spill, on the tip of his tongue. "Don't bother lying. I know you spent the night with Quinn."

Sam's eyes widened in shock. He was completely stunned. "How the hell do you know about that?"

"So what's the plan Sam? Do them both and the one that's best between the sheets wins?

Sam opened his mouth to speak, but then quickly closed it. There were no words in the English language that could save him. His mind started searching for explanations in French or Gaelic, even Navi, but he was drawing a blank. If only he had paid more attention during his lessons with his tutor as a kid, he would know how to say 'totally screwed' in French right now.

"What makes you think I spent the night with Quinn?" asked Sam slowly.

"Mike. He called me and asked me how Cede was doing after hearing about Quinn. Of course, I had no idea what he was talking about. So he filled me in on everything."

Damn Mike and his big mouth. His brother had been itching to rat him out the whole time. All that crap about being on his side, all lies, he had called Mercedes earlier probably to blast him and when he couldn't get through to her he went to Kurt.

"Mike had no right to say anything to you. He doesn't even know what happened last night."

Kurt just shook his head, clearly not believing anything Sam said. "How can you do this to her? She's devoted her life to you. And Quinn? You two have been friends for so long. She trusts you. Does she know that you got out of bed with her and ran straight to Mercedes?"

"Hold up Kurt. You're getting things all wrong. You don't know the whole story."

"I know enough. You were so desperate to see Quinn that you threw your money around and got a conjugal visit with her."

So this is what it felt like to fall off a pedestal, Sam could actually see the disappointment and disgust in Kurt's eyes. His whole life only one person looked up to him, saw him as a worthwhile human being, and now thanks to his father's deal he was about to lose that.

"Did Mike tell you that?" It would be just like his brother to jump to some x-rated conclusion about how he spent his time in the hotel with Quinn. Although after giving her that major kiss in the back of Mike's car, Sam could hardly blame his brother for filling in the blanks so explicitly.

"He didn't have to," said Kurt coldly. "I know how to read between lines really well."

"Did you tell Mercedes any of this?" Everything would be ruined if Mercedes found out about this. No way would she stay married to him if she knew he was alone in a hotel room with Quinn all night.

Kurt took a deep breath, and ran his hand through his dark hair. "Not yet. I'm not really in a rush to tell my friend that her husband slept with another woman last night."

"I didn't sleep with Quinn and you've got to keep this to yourself." Sam looked down at Beth before getting up from the bed to stand in front of Kurt. He had to find a way to make his cousin understand that his discretion was imperative. "I need to be the one to tell her. I swear I'll handle it as soon as I can."

Kurt wasn't budging. He pulled his phone from his pants pocket and started tapping the screen. "I think you've had your chance to do right by her and you failed. She needs to find out from someone that cares."

"Why are you turning on me Kurt? We're family," said Sam grabbing Kurt's arm to get him to stop trying to contact Mercedes.

"I defended you to her," Kurt said loudly pulling his arm away. Sam stepped back, a bit stunned by Kurt's outburst. His cousin rarely raised his voice for any reason. "Kept assuring her that you were a faithful guy, that your night with Quinn was a fluke, but I guess I had you all wrong." Kurt's eyes darted over to Beth, as if he had momentarily forgotten the baby was in the room. "Barely back a month and you're already cheating on her again," he said now in a quieter tone.

Sam sighed, running hands through his cropped hair, tugging on chunks roughly, somehow praying that pulling his hair would make the situation better. "Things are complicated right now. Everything is hanging in this delicate balance. I've got to take care of Beth, Quinn's depending on me, then there's Mercedes expecting so much, and I can't do it all Kurt. They're all looking at me for answers, to make things right, to give them back their lives. How the hell am I supposed to be the hero? I don't know what the hell is going on in my own head half the time. One wrong step and I could mess things up for everyone."

It all came down to him, an immense pressure on his shoulders weighing him down, trapping him in a place of indecision and confusion. His father's twisted little plot had changed everything, causing him to make decisions that he probably wouldn't have made otherwise. Yet as sadistic as it was, there were also positives, not that he'd ever admit that to his father, but the deal he made had created a few interesting developments.

Quinn had been genuinely happy when he'd gotten her released from the hospital. Her smile illuminated her face, casting her in gold, making her skin seem like it shimmered in the light. She had wound her fingers so tightly with his that it felt like they shared one hand. It hadn't escaped Sam's attention that Quinn was so comfortable with him, touching him, sitting close and of course the kissing. Her beautiful green eyes sparkled as they tracked him across the room, her cheeks flushed pink every time he had said her name, she shivered when he drew her close, and held her in his arms. Quinn was plenty happy to see him, and even though she hadn't responded when he told her he loved her, her actions were pretty clear, since after that, the night had taken a sexy turn. Until she saw the wedding band around his neck and he had been forced to tell her about the deal, but before all of that she was happy, with him, Sam would bet his life on it.

The other side of this was Mercedes, the woman everyone thought he was supposed to be with, the one he didn't really know. Her sadness continued to haunt him, even as he actively tried to block her out. There was no escape from her, from how she looked at him, her sweet face, her wide eyes, filled with eager hope and love. Open and unabashed, that love in her eyes, she never tried to shield it from him, despite the tears, or the pain. He'd seen it in her eyes since he came out of the coma. He didn't understand it then, tried to dismiss it, but deep down he knew what he was seeing. Something he had searched for his whole life, someone that loved him completely. Now it seemed like he finally found it, in the brown eyes of a stranger.

With his father playing God with his life, forcing him to choose between Quinn's freedom and Mercedes's pain, he'd unearthed something he never thought possible, within this crazy reality he woke up in with secrets, missing time, a new baby, and a wife, that there was also something more. A chance to finally renew the deep connection he shared with Quinn when they were in high school, the possibility that she wanted to finally be with him, to be a part of his life in every way. Hope for that future he'd always wanted with her. He'd glimpsed it last night in the hotel with Quinn, for a moment they were both there, hearts in the same place. It was an amazing gift, almost too good to believe, if it weren't for the fact he already had a wife.

A wife that truly loved him, she was his dream fully realized, in the flesh, actual and present. She was more than his fantasies of being with Quinn, she was solid, complete, not featherweight and fleeting like hope. She was real. Mercedes had taken care of him, loved him, and waited for him all of these months, even after all he'd done to hurt her, still she remained. Her face held no recollection, every smile, every expression, was a new wonder, another answer to her mystery. He didn't know her, this little chubby cheeked, doe eyed woman he had married, but he wanted to. The need to figure her out was starting to build inside him, a slow smolder that was getting increasingly hard to ignore. She was creeping into places he had tried to block, breaking through his walls, and permeating his defenses. How could he convince Quinn to start a life with him when his mind was being clouded by thoughts of this other woman?

"Hey take it easy Sam. What's going on?" asked Kurt, moving closer, concerned.

Guess it was obvious he was freaking out. He didn't want to make Kurt any more suspicious, so he turned his back, giving himself time to regain his composure. Sam pulled the baby bag on the bed closer to him, pulling out a slip of paper from an outside pocket.

"It's nothing," Sam mumbled, trying to seem preoccupied with the paper in his hand. "I'm fine. I have to do tummy time."

"Tummy time?" Is that some code word you and Quinn worked out?"

"No. It's on the list," said Sam holding up the note Mercedes had written him so Kurt could see.  
>"Bonding with your daughter – tummy time," Sam read out loud. "What's that?"<p>

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Oh God. Cede and her lists."

"So I take it she's given you one of these before?" Sam asked folding up the yellow piece of paper.

"She gives them to everyone. She always insists on writing stuff down. I think 'tummy time' is her cute little name for when you put Beth on a blanket on the floor and play with her, like kiddie aerobics. I'm sure Marcel did this with her earlier, I don't know why Mercedes would tell you to do it now."

"She doesn't think I'm spending enough time with Beth." That jab she had thrown earlier hadn't missed its mark. Mercedes was judging him as a parent and a Sam had nothing to offer up in his defense.

"She's over here every day," said Kurt, picking Beth up out of her chair and settling on the floor with the baby in his lap.

"Yeah but I've been preoccupied. I've been trying to make arrangements for Quinn, to help her. Maybe I should have found more time for her."

Marcel and Figgins had spent more time with his daughter than he had. One overnight sleepover and a morning feeding was the bulk of his time with Beth since waking up. A kiss here, a few moments of play time there, was all he'd managed to give his child.

"Mercedes is my girl and I love her but I don't think she has the right to accuse you of neglect."

"She expects more from me. I can tell. I think she wanted me to wake up and be some model father."

Maybe Kurt wasn't the only one that looked up to him, saw something special within him. Mercedes seemed to know all of his flaws and yet still thought he was a good person. She acted like he was the best thing that happened to Beth, to her. It didn't make sense with all the pain he'd caused. Even if he didn't want to, he had essentially abandoned them both when he was in the coma, and now he was recovered, but still not really back, not truly.

"Mercedes has parental issues," said Kurt with a sigh.

"Julian seems like a decent guy."

Sam remembered a few unsettling comments about a hard childhood while they were in the hospital, but Mercedes seemed well adjusted to him. If she hadn't said anything, he would never have thought Mercedes wasn't raised by Julian. There was that sadness that she exuded, he assumed that was solely about him and the accident, but maybe something else was bothering her, causing that pain in her eyes.

"Not Julian, he's great to her. It was her mom, the one that raised her. She doesn't talk about it much and I don't know all the details, but something was up there, and she overcompensates with Beth because of it."

Overprotective, overcompensating, maybe this was why Quinn didn't like Mercedes being responsible for Beth, she loved her too much. Once Quinn stepped back into Beth's life all of this would even out. Mercedes won't have to feel so responsible, be so attached. She could be free to live her life as she wanted, like a normal person her age.

"We'll have to adjust but I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances. Beth's mother was locked up and no one around here seemed to give a damn," he said clenching his fists at his side.

"We care," said Kurt shrugging his shoulders. "Just we care about Beth more. "

"Quinn is his mother. That should mean something."

It hurt to see how little sympathy his family had for Quinn. He couldn't shake the feeling that they almost wished she had drowned in the river. Of course, he was being dramatic, no one but maybe his parents would ever wish that, but still there was a serious lack of concern about Quinn's well being.

"It definitely should mean something and I think in most cases it does, but with Quinn, not so much."

"Not you too. I get why my parents are indifferent, they've always hated Quinn. And Mercedes, well, I get that too, she's been hurt by all of this. But you? You knew Quinn for years, she never did anything to you."

Kurt had only been around in the summers, staying with them at the house. When Sam got older, started dating Quinn, he worried if things would change with Kurt. Sam didn't want to make the boy feel left out or cast aside, he'd felt like that most of his life because of his parents, he didn't want to make Kurt feel like that too, but girlfriends tended not to like having a kid tag along on dates. However, his concerns were needless, Quinn was very cool about Kurt spending time with them, she thought it was nice, and even came up with activities that they all could do together. Quinn had been so amazing then, accepting all the pieces of his life.

"Quinn seemed sweet enough from what I remember, a little quiet, never treated me like some annoying little kid. I liked that. We're all grown up now though and things change, people change. Quinn is not the same person I remember."

"You were ten." Sam pictured Kurt as a boy following him around during the summers with his dark curls falling into his eyes, tripping over his too big feet, so different than the man in front of him now, in a royal blue button down and expensive gray pants.

"I didn't grow up in a bubble. I heard all the stories about what she did to you, to Puck and…" He paused mid sentence, looking down at his shoes. He seemed uncomfortable, perhaps even nervous. "That's a bit too much damage from one woman on my family," he added quickly.

"You can't let the things my father says poison you. He's not rational when it comes to Quinn. He will do anything to destroy her. Look at what he's done to her now, putting her in the mental hospital."

Sam had always thought his father's disapproval of Quinn was a lot of hot air. Sure he'd try to turn him against her, but never would his father turn his power on her. Quinn hadn't done anything to warrant that. Apparently something had changed, his father was treating Quinn like he did his sworn enemies.

"Quinn is in the mental hospital because she endangered Beth. Your father didn't set that up. Quinn did that all herself."

Everyone kept telling him that but Sam wasn't convinced. It couldn't have been a coincidence that Quinn was sent to a hospital where his father was a major donor.

"I know Beth wasn't at the river with Quinn that night. Where was she? Was she with Mercedes? Did she concoct this whole story of Beth being in danger to get Quinn sent away?" asked Sam taking a seat on the bed.

From what he learned so far about Mercedes, he wouldn't put it past her. She thought fast on her feet and seemed pretty adept at lies and manipulations. Combine that with her obvious love of his baby, and yeah, definitely she could have lied to get Quinn locked up.

Kurt adjusted Beth in his lap, as he reached up from the floor for the stuffed star that was on the bed. "If only Quinn had left Beth with Mercedes, things would have been so much better. Maybe Mercedes would be able to relax more, not stress about every little thing, stop writing those stupid lists."

Sam tried to choose his words carefully, not wanting to risk Kurt clamming up like Marcel had earlier that evening. "Marcel said Mercedes was scared of Quinn being around Beth. Can you tell me why?"

Kurt looked uneasy. "Uncle Dwight doesn't want any of us to tell you about that. He doesn't think you can handle it."

"Screw my father. You fucking tell me what happened to my daughter!" He had been trying to keep his head, but the very idea that his father was coddling him, trying to manage his emotions, set Sam off. He was a grown man, he didn't need to be protected. Not from this. Whatever this might be.

"Okay and judging by that outburst Uncle Dwight was right. You're going to break something in your head if you keep yelling like that. Not to mention you are going to scare Beth."

Sam looked down at his baby in Kurt's arms. Her eyes were wide, but she wasn't crying, she just watched Sam's every move. He stroked Beth's head, letting the girl know things were fine.

"Just talk to me Kurt," said Sam lowering his voice to a normal level, willing himself to calm down. "I can't take any more of this. I need to know."

"Next time you see Quinn, you ask her about all of this, and if she doesn't tell you the truth. I will. I promise."

"Is it bad Kurt?" asked Sam sliding down to the floor next to them. Sam was trembling, the fears he had managed to stifle were slowly surfacing. "Tell me that much."

"I think you and Quinn should talk first. It really is something you should hear from her," said Kurt softly.

He felt desperate to make the younger man understand. He needed to know what was going on, why he was having these terrible thoughts. Sam was starting to fear that something was wrong, and maybe his recovery wasn't as miraculous as it seemed. Maybe his mind was impacted far worse in the crash than just a few lost years, perhaps these thoughts were indications of some greater damage, something that would forever alter his life.

"Kurt please. I keep having these visions like premonitions in my mind of Beth floating in the icy river with Quinn right beside her. Now I know that didn't happen, but I still can't shake this bad feeling. I need that image out of my head. You've got to help me."

"It's not real Sam. Look at her." Kurt held the baby up in front of Sam. "Beth is healthy and happy. She's growing so big."

"She's blue in my mind, in the thoughts I keep having, so cold and blue," said Sam quietly, as he took Beth in his arms. He kissed the top of her head and hugged her close, reminding himself that what was in his head was just a bad dream, that Beth was here, safe in his arms. "Why would I imagine something so vividly like that?"

"It's not like we know a whole lot about comas. Maybe you were aware of things on a different level than the rest of us while you were unconscious, like psychically linked to the universe or something."

Sam looked at Kurt, stunned by the possibility. Were his dreams real, had he witnessed something within his mind that actually happened? "Are you saying what I keep seeing really happened? That Beth was in the river like that?"

Kurt shook his head, staring down at his lap. Sam could see Kurt was hesitant. Sam feared Kurt would stop talking, not answer his question, but after a moment he responded. "Beth was never in the river, but…"

"Beth almost died, didn't she?" asked Sam, before Kurt could finish his sentence.


	57. Tailspin3 CH3

**Chapter 3**

"Sam I'm not going to lie to you, things were pretty touch and go with Beth for a bit," said Kurt with a somber tone as he scooted to his feet and walked over to the foot of the bed.

"Yeah Quinn told me." Sam smiled, nuzzling Beth's head against his cheek.

Hearing about Beth's birth, in her own words, almost made him feel like he had been there too. Almost. It was the look in her eyes as she talked about her that mostly made him feel closest to the moment, definitely closest to her. He could see her love for their child all over her face, and Sam couldn't help but hope that some of that love was for him too.

"What? She actually told you?" Kurt's mouth gaped open.

"Not in too much detail though," said Sam looking at Kurt strangely.

"I'm kind of shocked. I figured she'd want to sit on this for a while," said Kurt facing away from him as if he were talking to the walls. He sank down onto the bed, still staring off as he spoke. "I could see her being worried about how you'd take it, but you are a pretty understanding guy so… Then again there is your Irish side and that temper…"

"Kurt, what are you babbling about?"

"Oh," said Kurt a bit startled, as if he just realized Sam were still in the room. "I'm just glad Quinn told you about what happened to Beth."

"I don't know why you're so surprised. I went to see her and it makes sense we would talk about Beth, and naturally we'd talk about her birth." His cousin's reaction was a bit over the top. Why did he seem so weirded out that he had talked to Quinn?

"Her birth?" Kurt, scratched his head. He seemed confused.

"Well yeah. The fact that she was born premature on the side of the road and was close to death. What did you think I meant?" Sam asked narrowing his eyes. As it seemed to happen so many times since he came out of the coma, a strange vibe had settled over the room, the same sort of vibe that he felt earlier when he was talking to Marcel.

"Exactly that," said Kurt laughing nervously. He grabbed Beth's baby blanket from the bag and fanned it out on the floor.

"Seemed like you were referring to something else."

"Nope," Kurt answered quickly not meeting Sam's eyes. "Guess you somehow sensed Beth being born while in a coma." Kurt laughed again, almost a giggle.

Sam relaxed maybe it was just the freaky nature of their topic of conversation that had Kurt so jumpy. He never expected to be contemplating the possibility of a psychic vision while in a coma. Not that he ever expected to be in a coma, although he probably should have, given all the injuries he had sustained in combat. His nine lives seemed pretty close to being all used up at this point.

"Weird right? I don't know why she was floating and blue though."

That was the part that never changed within in his mind, his daughter, wet and a pale blue. Sometimes he'd see Quinn by Beth's side floating next to her, other times she would be absent. The details of the image shifted, but Beth was the constant. That was why it felt so real to him. It was more like a memory than a dream.

"Probably amniotic fluid and some of her lung issues. Psychic visions are not an exact science."

"I guess not," he chuckled. "Did you see Beth when she was born?" Sam asked.

Quinn hadn't told him much about the after, when Beth was taken to the hospital. Sam wanted to know about everything his child went through in her first days of life. Clearly she was strong now, but she couldn't have always been that way if she were premature. He wanted to know about Beth's battle to be a part of this life.

"Yeah I did. I was at the hospital with Mercedes, after…" Kurt hesitated.

"After she found out Beth was mine and not Puck's," said Sam completing Kurt's sentence.

Sam was almost glad he slept through that one. He wasn't sure he'd be able to explain his way out of that particular mess. Fate had spared him the ugliness of his actions, but he had missed the birth of his own baby, seemed like a high price to pay for his mistakes.

"Yeah. It was a high stress time for sure."

That definitely seemed like an understatement.

"Is that when Quinn first started to get depressed?" Alone and confused, shouldering all the blame, probably physically exhausted from childbirth, everyone against her, no wonder she'd lost a bit of her sanity. No one could handle that much alone.

"I don't know. It would seem like a logical time though. She'd just had the baby, and then to have the paternity news slammed on her. It was a lot to take, between Puck, Mercedes and Quinn it was almost a race to see who would crack first."

It must have been a tough break for Puck, losing a baby he had thought was his own. He wouldn't wish that on anyone. And Mercedes, well he could imagine what it must have been like in her shoes too, having a spouse that conceived a child with someone else. It cuts deep and makes a person question everything about the marriage, about the love. Brittany didn't have a child with someone else, but she did cheat on him and wanted to start a family with Santana when she wouldn't even consider having a baby with him. But it had to be far worse for Quinn, she went from excited new mother to the accused in a matter of hours, her whole world was shifted, and she was left trying to pick up the pieces with a baby in her arms.

"I think Quinn suffered the most of all though." He felt himself getting a little choked up just thinking about what she must have had to endure. He hugged Beth against him, wishing he could have held Quinn too, back then, when she needed him the most.

"You've got to be kidding me. Puck lost a daughter and Mercedes…"

"I'm still not sure why she didn't dump my ass," Sam said quickly cutting Kurt off. He didn't need to hear any more about Mercedes' pain, he felt guilty enough as it was.

"Can any of us understand the nature of true love? It's just this awesome thing we need to accept and not question. You lucked out cuz, Mercedes stuck by you, that's why I am so angry that you're cheating on her. Again."

He didn't feel lucky. Mercedes should have left him back then, before then, maybe they wouldn't be stuck in this web right now if she had. Things would be a whole lot simpler if Mercedes were removed from the equation, everything could just naturally fall into place. But circumstances, namely his father, made that impossible now, he had to see things through with her, at least for nine more months.

Sam placed Beth down on the brightly colored blanket that was covered with the alphabet as represented by baby animals. Her little head wobbled as she held it up, taking in the room from her stomach. "I told you I didn't sleep with Quinn. I'm not cheating. There's just more to it than you know. It's been so hard dealing with all of this."

"All of what?"

"I'm attracted to Mercedes," Sam admitted.

"Duh, your hand was up her dress."

Sam cringed at Kurt's blunt description. He made it seem so seedy, it was more innocent than that, almost pure. Sam had only wanted a moment, a small taste of what it would feel like to be with her, to be that man she missed. It wasn't about sex, not really, it was more about wondering what it would feel like to love her. Now he could see it was a completely crazy notion, he couldn't test drive an emotion. He either felt it or he didn't, but at the time, it had seemed like something within his reach.

"It makes things confusing because what I feel for Quinn is so much more. I shouldn't be attracted to Mercedes. We had a little flirtation when I thought she was my nurse, I should be over it by now."

He had imagined a life with her, during his silent days when he first woke up from the coma. Quinn was all over his mind, more vivid than anything around him, he could feel her touch, hear her voice, smell the sweetness of her hair. In his head they were together, married, happy, waking up in each other's arms, her green eyes the first thing he took in each morning. It was a beautiful life with Quinn singing softly in the shower, as he dressed in their room for work. She held his hand often, lacing her fingers with his, squeezing his palm, letting her soft warm skin send tingles up his arm. He hadn't known about Beth then, but in his dreams there were children, with eyes and smiles as bright as Quinn's, their melodic laughter filling their home.

When it was clear it had all been a dream, Sam had mourned the loss, cursing his reality for not being nearly as sweet or as warm. Then eclipsing the harsh fluorescent lights, shielding him from lonely coldness, he had seen her, so young, wide eyed, with one of the biggest smiles to ever grace a face. She turned it off and on like a switch, dropping that grin when she thought he wasn't looking. She only smiled for him, he soon realized, and that simple fact started to make his reality just a little more bearable. Maybe he would be able to live in a world without Quinn by his side, if there could be someone that saved a smile just for him instead.

"But you aren't over it?" asked Kurt.

Sam sighed, pausing, not wanting to answer. "No," he said finally, looking up at Kurt, who stood above him against the bed.

"And your attraction to Quinn?"

He sighed again, leaning his head on his palm. "Still as strong as ever."

"We really need to map out some time and watch a few episodes of Big Love." Kurt grinned. "You could learn so much from Bill right about now."

"I'm trying to be serious with you Kurt." His life was already in ruins and it only had just begun, again.

"So am I! You can't have them both Sam. So stop thinking it."

"I'm not." Kurt shot him a disbelieving look. "I'm not." Sam repeated more adamantly. "Believe me, that's the last thing I want, but what I want doesn't matter right now anyway. My life is not really my own."

"That's sounds ominous. What's really going on here?"

"I can't tell you specifics, but just know that I'm doing it all for Beth." No matter the cost, he was determined to give his daughter the best life. That meant bringing her mother home to her, so personal happiness would just have to come second to that. Beth came first, in all things, she had to.

"Okay nice try, but this secret squirrel crap ain't gonna fly. I'm telling Mercedes." Kurt walked toward the door.

"Fine you do that Kurt. I can't stop you. Go break Mercedes' heart over a misunderstanding because you don't know all the facts. Just realize that you'll be destroying this little girl's world in the process," he said pointing toward Beth on the floor.

"Do you really think I'm buying this mess? Beth will be just fine."

"If you tell Mercedes, she's going to leave me."

Mercedes was so close to bolting as it was. She had been onto him the whole time he tried to sweet talk her at the house earlier that afternoon. She obviously wasn't easily played, but by the end of it all, Sam really thought they had come to an understanding, found some common ground. He understood her better now, and knew her true motivations. Handled correctly he was pretty confident he could get Mercedes to accept him back in her life. He just had to get her to believe he truly wanted it, and finding out he spent the night with Quinn without the proper prepping, would be disastrous.

"Good. She should. Then she can move on."

"No." Sam shook his head. "We're married and that's how it has to stay."

He felt like he was drowning, talking in circles to Kurt, sinking in a sea of his half-truths and semi lies. He just wanted to blurt it all out, tell him his father was forcing his hand, and that none of this was his idea. He wondered if Kurt would back off then, take his side, leave Mercedes in the dark? Somehow Sam doubted it. Kurt seemed pretty protective of Mercedes.

"I'm seriously concerned about your brain right now. You're not making any sense. You want Quinn, not Mercedes," said Kurt slowly drawing out his words.

"There's nothing wrong with my brain. I know what I'm saying. Mercedes is my wife and there's no way I'm giving her up. I need her."

"If that's how you really feel, prove it," said Kurt leaning back against the door, crossing his legs at his ankles.

"How am I supposed to do that?" asked Sam, completely at a loss about what his cousin expected from him.

Kurt knew he didn't remember Mercedes so suddenly proclaiming love for his wife would never sell. Sam couldn't think of any other way to make Kurt believe he wanted to stay married, especially not after all he had told him about his feelings for Quinn. Maybe he should just let Kurt tell Mercedes, let the chips fall, and he would just have to deal with his father later, reason with the man that he couldn't stay married to a woman that wanted to leave. But where would Quinn end up while he dealt with his father? Would she be shipped back to the hospital, imprisoned because he couldn't do what was needed to keep her free? Sam couldn't risk it. Quinn couldn't go back upstate. Not ever.

"Take this phone and call Quinn right now," said Kurt digging the phone out of his pants pocket. "Tell her what you just told me, that you're staying married and not giving Mercedes up. I dare you."

Unbelievable.

"You dare me? This is not a game. This is my life."

"You're the one playing not me. Make the call," said Kurt holding the phone close to Sam's face.

"Quinn's in a mental hospital, she can't get calls whenever. There are rules."

He guessed he could try to fake it, dial The Beacon and get Quinn on the phone, but even if he managed to pull off that leg of the scam, he still would have to say those things to Quinn. After the night they shared, when he tried to convince her to be with him behind Mercedes and his father's backs, to then the next day turn around and tell her he'd never leave his wife for her, was too much. He'd never risk hurting Quinn deliberately in that way, even if she knew it was all part of the deal. Sam had been desperate to find a way to make her see last night that being married had no bearing on his feelings for her, so to put something like this out there, while things were so up in the air between him and Quinn, could wreck his chances with her for good. No way was he going to make that call.

"Leave her a message."

Sam shook his head, pushing Kurt's phone away. He reached down to pick up Beth, who was wiggling herself to the edge of the blanket on her belly. She hadn't moved forward much, but she'd managed to get her body headed in the right direction.

"I'm not going to put… wow did you see that?" Just as Sam had gotten his hands on Beth, the baby flipped from her stomach to her back.

"Little diva did a flip," said Kurt bending at the waist to take a closer look.

Beth stared up at Sam with startled green eyes, looking almost as if she wanted to cry. She must have scared herself with that maneuver. Sam rested his hand softly on Beth's belly, a smile spreading over her face.

"Has she ever done that before?" asked Sam, beaming, feeling like he had witnessed something incredible.

"I'm not sure. I'm going to ask Mercedes." Kurt pulled out his phone and quickly sent Mercedes a message.

Sam looked over at Kurt. "You're going to bother her at a party?" She was probably too busy with Finn Hudson to care anyway.

"She'd kill me if I didn't. The girl has like documented every moment of this baby's life. Rolling over is not something she'd want to miss."

"Let's see if she'll do it again." Sam picked Beth up and put her back on her stomach, watching her intently. After a few moments of Beth just wiggling and bobbing her head, Sam slumped back, leaning against the bed. "Maybe it was a fluke."

"Mercedes says to record it," said Kurt, reading his phone.

"Record what? She's just looking at us like we're idiots."

"She's also leaking," said Kurt pointing to the wet spots seeping out around her diaper onto her red romper.

Sam let out a deep breath. "Aww man I just put that outfit on her."

"At least now we have an excuse to free her from that atrocity."

"Do you know what's up with Mercedes and baby animals?" asked Sam as he started undressing Beth. The baby kicked at Sam as if she wanted to fuss, but she didn't make a sound, she just moved her arms and legs making it hard for Sam to get her out of her wet clothes.

"It's not just Cede, it's your mom and Beiste too. They think it's so cute."

"I don't. My daughter has a right to some dignity. Just because she's a little girl doesn't mean she has to dress all cutesy all the time. There's got to be better clothes for her out there than this." Now completely naked except for her socks, Beth stopped squirming, suddenly seeming content.

"I don't believe clothes have gender. I got her two baseball outfits and a Cavs jersey," said Kurt as he dug through the baby bag.

"Nice. That's what she needs to be wearing."

Beth lifted her fist to her mouth soaking her knuckles, with a look that reminded Sam so much of Quinn. A pain squeezed his chest as he thought of how Quinn should be here with him right now, helping him with Beth.

"All that's decent in this bag are footie pajamas that look like a little tuxedo. I even approve of the little tutu detail around the waist."

Sam sighed as Kurt held it up. "Well Beth, it beats the puppy. Let's get you into this thing."

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Kurt asked as he kneeled beside Sam on the floor, placing the baby bag between them.

"Of course, I've babysat my nieces and nephew before." Sam held up the tuxedo pajamas above Beth. The baby's face twisted into a look almost like disgust, as she kicked her little legs in front of her.

"Just making sure. You might have forgotten." Kurt shook the stuffed star above Beth's face, enticing a smile, as the baby reached for it.

"Did you hear that little girl? Your cousin Kurt is mocking your old man about his memory loss. Not cool right?"

"Actually I was mocking you about your age. How old are you going to be tomorrow? Thirty right? Things start going downhill from there."

"Twenty-nine!" said Sam, snatching the star from Kurt's hands and giving it to Beth. The large yellow star covered most of the girl's torso.

"Beth do you hear your daddy getting testy? The first thing to go with age is patience."

He didn't feel old, in fact he still felt almost like he did at eighteen, except for a disfigured limb and a few scars. Jokes about his age shouldn't rattle him, but they did. He'd lost years, in his mind he was still twenty-five, not almost thirty. It wasn't fair that life skipped ahead without his consent.

"Just hand me the diaper Kurt."

"There's none in the bag."

"Oh right. Marcel brought them up. Look over by the mini refrigerator. Let's see if you can roll over for me one more time," said Sam placing Beth on her belly once again, wearing nothing but her birthday suit and socks. "Ok baby, you can do it." Beth looked over at her father and smiled, drool spilling from her lip, but she made no attempts to roll over.

"I think Cede said it is easier for them to roll from their backs to their stomachs first," said Kurt from across the room.

"But she just rolled from her stomach to her back, and she's an Evans, easy isn't in her vocabulary."

"I don't think anything is in her vocabulary yet. Though she does respond to the word bottle." Beth's head shot up higher when Kurt said the word. "See there."

"Stop teasing her," said Sam, taking the diaper from Kurt's hand. "It's not time for her to eat again yet."

"Mercedes is not here we can live dangerously. I say we throw out that list and be rebels. Eat when we want, wear clothes without baby animals on the front, and run around barefoot," said Kurt enthusiastically pulling both socks off of Beth's feet.

"What did you do that for? Do you know how long it took me to get those socks on her?"

"Did a little bitty baby get the best of you Sam?" Kurt teased.

"She squirms."

"Uh huh. Okay let's do this. I've got my camera recording. Time for Beth to roll over." Kurt sat up on his knees to get a good angle for the video.

"Ready Beth? At the count of three. One, two, three." Nothing, but drool and her little blond head looking around. "Okay one more time, keep recording Kurt. Téimis!"

Again nothing. Beth put her cheek down on the blanket, still watching her father.

"Did you really expect her to understand Gaelic?" asked Kurt.

"Well yeah. It's in her blood, besides you know my father probably already started teaching her the language."

Sam could understand English and Irish for as long as he could remember. His father made sure his heir was bilingual. Dwight Evans would want nothing less for his granddaughter.

"You're totally nuts," said Kurt, shaking his head, a twisted smile on his face.

"Maybe if I said it like my father would. You know all commanding and dictator like with a hint of a Tennessee drawl." That had to be the key. Beth was probably used to hearing her grandfather, not him.

"Totally cracked in the head."

"Téimis!" he said trying to mimic his father's voice. Beth closed her eyes, and Sam resigned himself to the fact that the baby wasn't going to do any more tricks tonight. "Oh well, better get you changed." Just as Sam reached down to pick Beth up, the baby moved, rolling away from her father's hands.

"I think she might do it. Try to pick her up again." Kurt held his phone up to record.

Sam reached over to get Beth and the baby moved once more, this time rolling completely onto her back. "She did it! Did you see that Kurt?"

"I did." Kurt grinned. "I got it all recorded."

"I knew you could do it," said Sam happily rubbing Beth's bare stomach making the baby let out a little laugh.

"Must have been the Irish," said Kurt sarcastically.

"Absolutely," said Sam lifting Beth up from the blanket and holding her above him, wiggling her gently in enthusiasm. "I'm so proud of…" A stream of pee hit Sam squarely in the chest, stopping him mid sentence. Sam quickly extended his arms holding the baby further away from his body.

"Aww man she got you good," said Kurt laughing. "So glad she's found a new target. I'm usually her victim. Though she's never peed on me before, just tons of spitting up."

"A little heads up would've been nice," said Sam unbuttoning his shirt after putting Beth back down on her blanket. Luckily the black t-shirt Sam wore under his button down hadn't gotten wet.

"You said you were all experienced. You should've known better than to shake a naked baby. Something was bound to come out of one end or the other."

Sam tossed his damp shirt in Kurt's direction, purposely aiming to miss the man. "I guess I'm a little rusty."

"Yes!" Kurt jumped up happily. "I got the attack on video too."

"Great," said Sam blandly, moving back over to Beth to get her changed and dressed.

"Mercedes is going to love this," announced Kurt, grinning as he typed on his phone.

"Don't send it to her."

"Why not? She lives for this stuff."

"Well maybe she shouldn't. Don't you think Beth's mother should be the first to see this milestone?" Their baby rolled over for the first time and all Kurt could think about was Mercedes. Didn't he even feel bad that Quinn was missing yet another moment in her baby's life?

"Is Quinn allowed to get texts in the loony bin?"

"I just thought it might be nice for her to see it. That's all," said Sam softly as he changed Beth's diaper.

"Seems to me you're looking for any excuse to cut Mercedes out of your life."

"That's not it at all. Mercedes has had all this time with her and Quinn and I haven't had any. I just sometimes wish there were things for just us, as parents, as a family."

Didn't Kurt get it? Didn't anyone understand? This was all wrong. Beth shouldn't be living with a temporary family growing attached to people that weren't her parents. She shouldn't be rocked to sleep every night by a woman that wasn't her mother. Kurt shouldn't know more about Beth than he did. His baby was being robbed, deprived of all the basics of life, love, security, family. Most of Beth's life had been spent without her parents. It was a sad, a tragedy. So how could he be happy about Beth's achievement today when Quinn wasn't here to experience the happiness too? It almost felt like a betrayal to share it with Mercedes when Quinn was still shut out of their daughter's life.

He understood that circumstances had left Beth without her parents. He knew intellectually that Mercedes was only doing what was best for his child, but his heart, that was a whole other matter. He now understood what Quinn had been trying to tell him at the hospital, how she felt about Mercedes being around Beth, how uncomfortable it made her. Sam was starting to feel the same way, not exactly uncomfortable, he'd seen Mercedes with Beth, he knew she was good to her, but definitely jealous. He envied the closeness that Mercedes had with Beth, the easy bond, the way she knew her routine, her likes and dislikes. He hated how his family looked to her for decisions and opinions about Beth not once thinking of Quinn or caring what her input might be. His chest tightened when he thought about the beautiful nursery Mercedes and his mom had created for Beth, in a house he didn't know, filled with bits and pieces of a life he didn't remember.

It was a dull ache though, because he couldn't ignore how loved his baby was, by everyone, while he'd been in the coma. He tried to stifle the feelings of resentment and jealousy because he couldn't have asked for anything better for his daughter, and all of his bitterness was from the painful regrets of missing so much of his own life. It wasn't Mercedes' fault that she has been left behind to take care of his baby on her own, a part of him was so glad she'd done it. She'd kept Beth close to her family, exactly as he would have wanted. It was the fact that Quinn was on the outside, deliberately forgotten, barred from her child that made Sam's blood run cold. Somehow his family had shifted Mercedes into Quinn's place in Beth's life, maybe even in his own life, and that is what unnerved him the most. Why had Quinn been discarded? Why had she been locked away to rot in a padded cell hours away without a second thought?

"And Mercedes doesn't fit into your idea of a family, hence cutting her out. She took care of that baby when you and Quinn couldn't and this is how you treat her?"

Kurt was getting upset with him, coming to Mercedes' defense like her bodyguard. His wife certainly had a lot of people in her corner, which was part of the problem. Everyone was so concerned about Mercedes and no one seemed to care about Quinn at all. So he had to be the one to step up for her, in all things, big and small, whether it be freeing her from the hospital, or preserving her chance to be the first to see Beth roll over on her own. It was the least he could do for her after being of no use to her for all these months when she truly needed him.

"Calm down Kurt. I do appreciate all Mercedes has done. We owe her so much."

"Nice way of repaying her loyalty. Spending the night with Quinn and trying to block her from Beth. I swear I don't even know who you are anymore."

He was finding it hard to keep his lies straight, and his motivations were starting to feel muddled. Was he trying to help Beth, save Quinn or stick it to Mercedes? He was forced to be a different version of himself when he was with each woman, and no version seemed quite right. He'd been lying to them both, lying to his family, and even lying to himself. He'd told Quinn that Mercedes meant nothing to him and that hadn't been completely true. This afternoon he'd asked Mercedes to take him back because he wanted to explore their marriage, another lie. Now with Kurt he was lying on both sides, denying Quinn one minute, talking about an attraction for Mercedes the next. The lines were starting to blur and he wasn't sure what was real anymore in all of this. All his truths were formed from lies and his lies were formed from truths. He never had been the most upstanding guy, flexible morality was always a part of his code, but no matter the choices he made, good or bad, he always knew where he stood on things, deep down he always knew what he believed in, what he held true. At this moment, he didn't have a clue.

"Welcome to the club. I don't know me right now either," he said, sitting Beth in his lap so that he could snap up her tuxedo pajamas.

"Here's a hint, stop being a dick, maybe you'd figure things out."

Ouch. 


	58. Tailspin3 Ch4

**Chapter 4**

Mercedes leaned back into the soft beige floral cushions of the outdoor chaise, pulling her feet under her, after kicking off her heels. She pulled the heavy navy blue wool coat around her, to block the cold from her skin. Sitting outside during the winter in a strapless dress wasn't the smartest of decisions, but she needed a few moments of peace, away from the bustle inside the house. Mercedes had spent the past hour pointing and barking out directions to the staff in preparation for Sam's party. There were so many last minute details to attend to, and without Kurt's assistance it all fell on her shoulders, which was fine, she could handle it all and then some, but she had started to get a little dizzy as fatigue set in, so instead of risking passing out in the middle of the living room, she retreated to the cool night air, and near silence.

The coat smelled like him so she snuggled into its oversize warmth, and she inhaled deeply wrapping her senses in the familiar spicy scent of his aftershave. It was Sam's coat, of course, because she was clearly hopeless, bordering on obsessed. She'd snatched it from the hall closet on her way out back to sit by the drained pool. It was the closest she could get to a hug from him, a real hug from the husband that used to love her, that held her hand while trapped in the car, that used to kiss her every time he entered or left a room, her Sam, the one that went away and never came back.

Upstairs was an imposter, sure he was close to the real thing, he sounded the same, felt the same in her arms, but his eyes, they revealed the truth. This wasn't the man she married. On his lap, in tears after baring her soul, her heart, he'd held her close, pressed his forehead against hers, breathed her in. Almost right. It almost felt the way it used to when he held her in his arms and kissed away her tears, so close to the real thing that Mercedes had squeezed her eyes shut and wished with every part of her to make him remember, to make him come back to her.

He had wanted to kiss her that she was certain of, a desire that never seemed to change. Sam Evans still wanted her body, but what about her soul? Mercedes couldn't tell if he wanted to truly know her, despite his attempts at convincing her he did. Something felt off, his eyes a hair too slanted, the green too murky. He was hiding something, either from her or himself, maybe both, whatever it was put Mercedes on edge, sounding alarms inside her, warning her to remember that this was not her Sam. So Kurt showing up when he did couldn't have been more perfect. Her resolve had been melting and she had been slowly letting herself settle for a man that almost felt right.

If they had kissed, she would have been done, all her will stripped, she would have been his to do whatever, not caring that he probably wasn't being sincere or that he was looking for a physical release rather than a renewed emotional connection. She wouldn't have cared if he had kissed her in that moment, she could love enough for the both of them, and just being close to him, inhaling his scent, feeling the hardness of his body against hers would have been good enough. Because she needed that, to be close to him, again. Their time at the hospital seemed so far away, and she missed him, probably more than when he had been in a coma. She ached for the right to be near him, to touch him, to kiss him at will. If only he would grant her access, he could be hers, again, for a little while.

"Mrs. Evans," she looked up startled when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Figgins?" Mercedes looked up at the older man, confused.

"Sorry to disturb you. I just wanted to let you know the band has arrived. I have them setting up in the sunroom."

Mercedes sat up straighter, trying to look the part, the in control wife. "That's perfect. Figgins thank you for letting me know. Is the caterer finished setting up the buffet?"

"Yes Mrs. Evans. We are just waiting for your special order from the diner. It shouldn't be much longer," Figgins replied with a straight face that revealed no emotion.

"Sounds good. Thank you. I will be inside in a bit." She turned away from the man, eyes focused on the ever darkening sky, and the city lights in the distance.

"Yes, Mrs. Evans. I'll be sure not to alert anyone to your whereabouts, give you a few moments to yourself."

"Thank you," said Mercedes, still staring out in front of her.

"He's going to love the party Mrs. Evans."

It was then she turned to face the man once again. "You think so?" She began to wring her hands nervously, her eyes falling to her lap. "I was wondering if it was too much with him still recovering."

"Master Sam always loved parties. He never had many for his birthday, so this will be special." Figgins smiled, not really at her, but perhaps at some distant memory in his mind.

"Thank you for telling me that Figgins."

"I will leave you to your thoughts," he said disappearing through the glass door without another word.

Figgins had reassured her a bit. She had been worried that Sam might not be too receptive to a surprise party, thrown by her, but Kurt had insisted and everyone seemed so happy with the idea, Mercedes had forged ahead. Birthdays had never quite worked out well for them. They had yet to celebrate one properly together.

* * *

><p><em>His breathing had changed, no longer warm and heavy on her neck, flutters of eyelashes against her skin, tickling her into a smile. He was awake.<em>

_"What are you doing over there?" he asked, his voice still scratchy from sleep. He reached for her hand and stroked her knuckles gently with the pad of his thumb. "Were you watching me sleep?"_

_"Busted." She smiled. "I was trying to see if you looked any older."_

_"Did I sprout wrinkles in a day?"_

_"I think you always had those, around the eyes," she giggled as she caressed his face._

_He shifted up on the pillow, so they were eye to eye. "Those laugh lines give me character and make me look distinguished."_

_"I agree you look quite handsome, for an older guy."_

_Sam scrunched up his face into a frown. "You make it sound like I'm a senior citizen. I'm only 28."_

_"Happy Birthday Mr. Evans," she said planting a soft kiss on his lips._

_Sam's eyes shuttered closed as he smiled. "Thank you Mrs. Evans," he said nuzzling closer to her side._

_"Any big plans for the day?" she asked._

_"Definitely. I plan on spending it with my best girl."_

_"Oh so you and your mom going to dinner?"_

_"You're a little teaser today," he chuckled, rubbing his nose against her cheek. "Mama's boy allusions aside, I actually was talking about you. Me and you together all day. How does that sound?"_

_"Sounds like every other day this past week. Just because I have to be stuck in bed with the flu, doesn't mean you have to be. I don't want you wasting your birthday inside the house with me."_

_"The only place I want to be is with you."_

_"I want you to have a good birthday though. I'm sucky company, I can't even eat cake," she said with a slight pout._

_"We can celebrate my birthday later, when you're feeling better."_

_"It won't be the same. I was hoping this year I'd get your birthday right."_

_"What do you mean?" he asked turning to face her._

_Mercedes took a deep breath, and brushed the hair from her face. "Well on your last birthday we weren't exactly close."_

_"When you were working at D&E?"_

_"Yeah. I bought you a gift and I was about to give it to you when Rachel came into the office. You sort of pushed me away after that, said it wasn't appropriate to give you a gift," she admitted reluctantly. She hated thinking back to those days, when he couldn't stand the sight of her._

_"I think that actually is in the company handbook," he said clearing his throat._

_Mercedes could tell Sam was getting uncomfortable with the conversation, she should have changed the subject, but something wouldn't let her. A part of her needed him to know how things used to be between them, how he used to make her feel._

_"Didn't stop you from accepting a gift from Rachel. I sort of peeped around the corner and watched her give you an Ipod." Rachel had given him an Ipod and a kiss, even now, after being married to Sam, the memory of that moment, still hurt._

_"I was such a jerk back then. How did you put up with me?"_

_"I have a soft spot for jerks I guess. Besides it wasn't your fault you liked Rachel and not me. I kept setting myself up to get crushed by you."_

_ She never let herself get the hint with him, she always managed to convince herself to hold on another day, that tomorrow he would see the light. All those tomorrows added up to a year, a full year of being rejected.___

_"You know I liked you back then," he said tilting her head up with her chin, so that she would look him in the eyes._

_"I did know which made it worse." She shook her head out of his grasp, not wanting to lose herself in the green of eyes just yet. "It doesn't matter now though, it's in the past."_

_"Ancient history," he said pulling her onto his chest. "Thankfully I came to my senses and married you. Now we're never going to be apart."_

_He pressed kisses into her hair, held her so close she could feel his fingers boring into her arm. He needed her to believe him, she could feel it._

_"Except today when you go out and celebrate your birthday away from this house. Finally you're fully recovered from that infection and I go and get sick, but I don't want that to hold you back. Go have some fun," she said looking up at him._

_His whole body moved as he shook his head. "Unless you're coming with me, I'm not budging."_

_"Stop being stubborn," she scolded with a wag of her finger._

_"Nope. So tell me what you got me for my birthday last year."_

_Mercedes tensed, it was embarrassing enough just reliving the day in her mind, she didn't want to tell him the rest. "It was stupid, nothing compared to an Ipod."_

_"Tell me. I want to know."_

_She took a deep breath. They were married now, it wouldn't hurt for him to know. "I bought you a CD. Barry Manilow - Unplugged."_

_Sam was still for a moment, not saying anything. "Hmm what made you choose that?" he finally asked._

_Mercedes shrugged. "I heard some of the execs picking with you one day, teasing you about how you still have CDs and vinyl, saying you probably had Barry Manilow's greatest hits."_

_"So you decided to get me a gag gift?" He still hadn't relaxed, as if he were holding his breath for her response._

_"No I thought you'd like it, something about your eyes when they were teasing you, like they'd hit a nerve. So I snooped in your office once when you were at meeting, found your CD player and your CDs. I saw that you actually did have some Barry Manilow, hidden behind the others."_

_He rested his head on top of hers as he spoke. "My mom used to play a lot of music when I was growing up. Before she had kids she used to be a groupie for some band, I think David Bowie or something, but anyway once she settled down she didn't go to concerts anymore, but she used to have her own private jam sessions with her records. She would play The Dead, The Stones, and Bowie for hours."_

_"How did Barry Manilow fit in there?"_

_"She had some of his stuff too. She used to wind down to it, smoke some weed, have a glass of wine, you know chill out."_

_"I actually can picture Sue doing this."_

_"After the Manilow I knew she would be coming upstairs to cuddle with me in bed, and she'd hum songs to me until I fell asleep. I like his music, it calms me."_

_"Those are some nice memories you have there," she said tearing up at the image of a little Sam sleeping close to his mom. It was amazing he kept something like that with him all these years, how he held the feelings he got from a song still close to his heart._

_"I would've loved the gift Cede," he said sliding down the bed so they were eye to eye once more. "I'm sorry I was too stupid to accept it from you." He leaned in and kissed her, harder than he'd done since their wedding day. He was finally healthy and she felt it in the intensity of his kiss._

_She shook her head, pulling away from him. She didn't need his apologies, not anymore. She just needed him. "I returned the CD, but on your next birthday I promise I'll give you some Barry Manilow, to help keep you calm."_

_"You keep me calm, just having you by my side, you're all I need," he said hugging her to his chest again, a soft sigh escaping his lips as she squeezed his torso to be even closer to him. "But I won't turn down that CD."_

* * *

><p>It wouldn't be quite like the birthday she'd promised him last year, not like he would remember that promise anyway, but hopefully he would be happy with the party, even if with her in attendance. She wasn't his source of calm anymore, his entire body was on edge whenever she came near him, but maybe Barry Manilow would step up to the task, give him back some of that peace he had in his mom's arms as a child. <p>


	59. Tailspin3 Ch5

**Chapter 5**

Sam rolled to his side on the bed, his hands under his head, and stared at the gold ring with the emerald stone tucked behind the lamp on the nightstand. Years of dreams were trapped in the green sparkle of that ring, dreams he figured would never come true. Until now. Even with Quinn pushing him away and months of deception lying before him, Sam still felt like there was hope that the future he always wanted was finally within his grasp. He was going to give that ring to Quinn one day soon, and convince her that this time he was playing for keeps. No backing down, letting another man slide into his spot, this time Sam was going to hold his ground and stake his claim on her heart. Coming out of a coma had given him a renewed sense of confidence, an inner resolve, a deep seated knowledge that anything worth having in this life was worth fighting for, holding his ground, taking a stand for what he wanted. This time, like all the times that he could remember before, he wanted Quinn, and this time, it was going to happen. They were going to be together.

He didn't have a plan beyond the obvious, declare his heart, never let her go, but a plan didn't seem necessary at this point, he was just going to trust his gut. And his gut was telling him that Quinn might be holding back now, but that wouldn't last. She wanted him, just as she had wanted to have his child. He had to hold onto that and not let his insecurities or his past mistakes cloud what he knew to be true, inside, where it mattered. Quinn wanted to be with him, she'd said those very words the night before, he just had to remember that, and everything would fall into place. A level head and a full heart, and she would be his.

Sam sighed heavily as he got up from the bed, as much as he wanted to stay hidden away in his room for the rest of the night, he couldn't, he had to get back to his daughter. He opened the garment bag that hung from the back of the closet door, the one Kurt had brought to him, dry cleaning that Figgins had picked up earlier that day, black wool pants, and a black button down shirt. Sam slowly undressed, removing the rumbled clothes he was wearing, to put on the fresh ones in front of him. His closet was pretty bare, just a couple suits, and some shirts hung in the large space. The floor that used to be littered with shoes, now was empty except for two pairs. The upper shelves however, were still full, overflowing with random boxes.

Sam took one of the boxes from the shelf and carried it to his bed, lifting the tan lid carefully. Inside was as he expected, a collection of photographs, notes, and mementos from his youth, high school mainly. There were certificates from various activities, his letters from basketball and football, a yearbook from sophomore year. Sam opened the deep red volume and smiled, the inside cover was filled with messages from friends, wishing him a great summer, and hopes of seeing him in the fall. Most of the names he barely remembered lost in the fog that overtakes the mind as childhood fades away. He flipped to the section with photos of the sophomore class, there was Brittany all bubbly and blond, standing out on a page filled with wide grins and pimples. He flipped ahead a few pages to find himself, his hair lighter than it had been in years, a smirk on his face. He remembered his mom had complained about that photo, saying she paid good money for his perfectly straight smile and she expected to see it on display as much as possible. The irony was that he had perfected the closed mouth smile, because of those hideous, and as he was often reminded him, expensive, braces that she forced him to wear. He didn't start smiling wide again until later in the year, when Quinn moved to town.

Sam scanned down the page of the yearbook, to all the F last names, Quinn Fabray was three photos from the left, a gray outline filling the box above her name. Didn't seem an adequate representation of someone as lovely as Quinn, but she had transferred to McKinley late and had missed picture day, so her tenth grade photo didn't exist. She did sign his book though, legs crossed in the grass, her hair tucked behind her ears, as she labored over the page as if she were writing a dissertation instead of a message. He had sat down next to her, leaning his head on her shoulder, trying to either hurry her along or get a glimpse at what she had written, but she paid him no attention, continuing to scribble on the back page of his yearbook. Sam ran his hands over the page, her message the only one gracing the back page. He had saved that spot just for her. In purple ink and her curly handwriting, Quinn's note to him from the tenth grade remained.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Sam,<em>

_It is hard to put into words what it has meant to have you in my life. We haven't known each other that long, months really, but it feels like longer. I know you will probably think I'm a dork for saying this but being with you makes me happy, happier than I've ever been. Being with you is like listening to a favorite song and I get all excited and my heart lifts waiting for the best part, or that one amazing high note and this rush overtakes me when I hear it. Being with you is like that. It is like you make the music feel real. I guess I just wanted to say thank you for that and I hope you have an amazing summer. ~ Quinn_

* * *

><p>At the time he thought what she wrote was a bit strange, he was still learning the wonderful ways her mind worked, but the part where she said he had made her happy, that was his favorite part, he must have read those lines a hundred times that summer.<p>

Sam placed the yearbook aside and continued to rifle through the box. There were a number of things he didn't recognize, photos of events he didn't recall. Like one picture with him, Mike, Quinn, and Rachel. He could tell it was at BreadStix, and they were pretty dressed up so it must have been some sort of party, but Sam had no clue when it took place. Rachel Berry certainly was beautiful though, the way he had his arm around her waist, he could tell this must have been while they had been a couple. There were other pictures with Rachel in the box, always smiling and looking happy.

He put the photos back in the box and closed the lid, before putting it back on the shelf in his closet. There were other boxes up there, but he didn't have the time to go through them all, Kurt was probably wondering what was holding him up. He'd left his cousin with the baby, while he came to his room to change. Truthfully he just wanted a few minutes away from Kurt and all his accusations and questions. Kurt was not making it a secret that he disapproved of all his choices of late. He got pretty ticked when he found out he had spent the night with Quinn. Sam could only imagine his reaction if he found out the rest, that Quinn was back in Lima. Although the decision to have Quinn released was primarily about his daughter, Sam was sure that Kurt would think it was something darker, some calculated way for him to hurt Mercedes. When in actuality Mercedes had nothing to do with it, he had only been thinking of Quinn and Beth at the time.

They had been back in Lima for hours and he hadn't even spoken to Quinn since dropping her off earlier in the afternoon. He had let his wounded feelings keep him at bay, when all he really wanted to do was spend every moment he could with her. Hours had passed there really was nothing stopping him from going to see Quinn now, it was his suite after all, he could just drop by and make sure she had settled in. She probably was hungry, maybe they could order in dinner, watch a movie, anything. Sam just needed to see her. So she just wanted to be his friend, that was fine, friends visited each other, they could hang out. Maybe he would take Beth with him. He knew about the supposed rules that Quinn couldn't be around Beth, but that didn't seem fair. Quinn shouldn't be kept from her child just because she tried to hurt herself. He could bring Beth to the hotel where they could spend a few hours together, it wouldn't hurt anyone. No one would have to know.

It was all decided. He would send Kurt off to that party he was supposed to be going to, the one that Mercedes was already at, with Finn Hudson, and he'd go to the Beacon with Beth to see Quinn. All he needed was Kurt's promise that he wouldn't mention anything about hotels and Quinn to Mercedes. Sam leaned his head against the closet door. That would be easier said than done. Kurt seemed pretty loyal to Mercedes, he couldn't see his cousin keeping something like that to himself for long, not without more coaxing. Time was the one thing Sam didn't have. He wanted to go see Quinn immediately now that the idea was firmly planted in his head. He would just have to risk it, usher Kurt off to the party, and then sneak away to the Beacon. Hopefully Kurt would be too drunk once he got into that college party to remember to spill his guts.

Sam hadn't gone to college, not officially as a student, but he had attended his fair share of campus parties. College girls liked him even before he was legal. By the time he was 18 he probably had spent more time in the dorms at Lima U than most freshman that were enrolled there. Even though he dated Quinn for much of his high school years, he still maintained an active social life, he didn't give up the party scene just because his girlfriend would rather hang out at Julian's house and listen to music or study. Sam learned balance when he was with Quinn, finding ways to spend time with her and still hang out with his teammates at various parties around town. Somehow he had managed to find a way to have it all, and he had been happy juggling the two worlds, until Puck had come in and turned everything upside down. While Sam had been busy with his dual life, apparently so had Quinn with her own. Her understanding about his time out with his friends, might have been less about her good natured personality, and more about the fact that she was spending time with Puck.

Although Quinn technically never cheated on him, in fact he had been the one to have a few slip ups in the area of commitment, usually with the always touchy Kitty Wilde, or sometimes with a random drunk co-ed, girls tended to throw themselves at him back in high school and sometimes a girl rubbing on his crotch got too hard to ignore, but he never messed around with any of those girls outside of being guilty of letting them touch a little too long. Those occurrences had been completely meaningless, he didn't care anything about any other girl but Quinn. However, in the end Quinn was the one that couldn't say the same, her friendship with Puck had been way less platonic than either had let on and it all happened right under Sam's nose. In hindsight, he knew that Quinn wasn't cheating or deliberately sneaking around with Puck, it all had just developed. And now he truly believed that neither of them was fully aware of the transformation in their relationship at the time. That was what hurt the most. Sam could see what Puck and Quinn couldn't. He could see that there were real feelings there, despite their denial. What could be worse than having a front row seat to watch his girlfriend fall in love with someone else?

Sam untangled himself from the dark high school memories, all that was behind him. Now he and Quinn had a real shot at future together. They had Beth and he gave them a reason to try, to hold onto each other this time. Quinn might be pushing him away now, but Sam was confident that wouldn't last. Everything felt too right to just end like this. He would find a way to convince her to take a chance with him, they could survive the nine months, as long as they had each other. It was going to be a challenge deceiving Mercedes for months, acting like he wanted to be in her life, especially after tonight. Seeing the house where they lived, seeing that nursery filled with his photos, it had thrown him. Knowing that Mercedes truly loved him made this deal even worse. It felt wrong to be playing with her emotions in this way, but he had no choice. He'd do anything for Quinn, even lie to the face of a woman that seemed to care a great deal for him. He was scum, and he knew it, but his father had left him no other acceptable options.

And it wasn't like he felt anything for Mercedes, nothing that deep. He liked her and was grateful for all the care she had given him, but it didn't stretch much further than that. Finding her attractive wasn't enough to make him let Quinn rot in a mental hospital upstate. Besides he didn't even remember how he felt about Mercedes, all he had to go on was hearsay, stories of his supposed love from family and friends. That wasn't proof, that was opinion. Maybe he had been keeping his real emotions bottled up, maybe he was secretly still in love with Quinn, or even Rachel Berry, there was no way his family could have known what was really going on in his heart. Sam couldn't allow himself to get bogged down by guilt because he didn't remember loving his wife. Nothing good would come from it.

Grunting as he got down on his knees to reach for his black shoes on the floor of his very empty closet, he pulled out one black Italian leather shoe, then strained to reach its mate at the back of the closet. Something fell as he pulled it out. It was a small blue box, lightweight and dusty, about the size of a paperback novel. Sam wiped off the lid with his hand, before opening it to reveal its contents. Inside there was a stacks of envelopes, all neatly standing up in a single row. Maybe about twenty in all, some crushed, others pristine, all opened. He picked one of the envelopes up and examined it closer. It was addressed in small evenly spaced blue letters to 'Mercedes Evans', the address was Shannon Beiste's house, the postmark was May 2013. Sam pulled out the folded single sheet of paper from the envelope, instantly recognizing it as his own stationary, his monogram SSE in gold at the top. Taking a deep breath, suddenly feeling hesitant to read the letter, feeling as if it were a violation of something private, like reading someone else's diary. He was being stupid of course, the letters were his own, even if he didn't remember writing them. He began to read his small dark blue block print unable to control his curiosity any longer.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mercedes,<em>

_It has been six nights without you, alone in my old bedroom at the house, staring at the ceiling, missing the feel of your head on my chest. I am finding it hard to sleep without you. I can't settle down, I can't still my mind. Listening to you breathe used to help on nights when I couldn't sleep, when I closed my eyes and saw the red dust of the desert, heard mortar fire in my ears. I would focus on you, your warm body half across mine, the gentle movement of your chest as you breathed in and out. You would settle my mind, stop the horrible film replaying in my head. Six nights, and I miss you so much, it feels like more. How am I going to survive the rest of my life without you by my side? How are you going to make it without me?_

_I know you are probably rolling your eyes as you read this, but it's true. You need me just as much as I need you. You never sleep well without me. You toss and turn, fight invisible demons in the dark. You used to say that the nightmares stayed away when I was with you because they knew better than to mess with Sam Evans, that I would kick their asses. And I would always keep you safe in the dark. I'd do anything for you. I promised you that. Let me come home, let me keep my promise. ~ With Love, Sam_

* * *

><p>Sam settled himself more comfortably on the floor, leaning his back against the wall next to his closet. He shoved the letter and envelope back into the box before lifting out another one to read.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Mercedes,<em>

_Sorry doesn't seem like a big enough word to describe how I feel. The way you looked at me, like you hated me, like I was a monster, like I was someone you didn't even know. I've never felt so invisible and small, and I have felt that way many times in my life growing up with Dwight Evans, but with you that night, it was so much worse. Just knowing that I was the one that put that blank look in your eyes, that made your light dim, I don't know how to make that up to you. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to fix us. So I am starting with a simple apology. It's all I know to do at this point. You won't answer my calls. Your father and Beiste won't let me near you. I know I hurt you, but please don't shut me out. We need to find a way to work on this. Maybe if you would talk to me, even for a little while, we could get somewhere._

_I don't even know if you are getting these letters, your father is probably burning them, or maybe you are. I'm just going to take it on faith that you are seeing this, and even though you don't want to know it right now, I'm so sorry for breaking us, but I love you and I miss you, and I am going to do whatever it takes to bring us back from this. We have too much love to just let it end this way. I'm fighting for our forever, because you are the last woman I ever want to love. ~ Love, Sam_

* * *

><p>A force was controlling him and he couldn't stop himself as he read letter after letter from the box. It felt like he was looking at himself through someone else's eyes. It didn't seem real, he had no memory of every feeling this way, writing these words, but he knew he had. The phrasing and the handwriting were very much his own. Closing his eyes as he ran his hand through his hair, feeling completely overwhelmed by what he was reading, Sam tried to talk himself into closing the box, to stop reading these sad little notes, but he couldn't. He had to see it through to the end. He had to know if things got better with the last note.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Mercedes,<em>

_This will be the last letter I write you. I get it. You don't want me in your life anymore. Julian threatened me with a restraining order today. Was that his idea or yours? Does he know how many times you have called me over to the house? Does he know you leave me angry messages? I think your father doesn't know any of that and you're keeping it from him. You need to ask yourself why you're doing this Mercedes. Why is it that you feel the need to tell me you hate me to my face, almost daily now? Maybe it is therapeutic for you, getting it all off your chest. I don't know. If it is, I'm glad I could help you with something. But I think the reason you call me over so much is because you miss me as much as I miss you, and you want to see me. Maybe the only way you can deal with those feelings is to curse and scream at me in person._

_Tonight you told me to forget you ever existed. I know you meant it. I know you won't be calling again. And I will be respecting that. I'm done pushing and pleading. Beiste says I need to love you enough to let you go, so I am going to try. No more visits or messages, no more letters, all of that is done, but in my heart, nothing is finished. I will be hoping until the day I die that we find a way back to each other. I can't pretend you don't exist. I'm not going to forget the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm a better man thanks to you. I like the man I am when I'm loving you. I don't want to lose him. I can't. If I can't be with you, I've got to at least hold onto this improved version of me. So I'll leave you alone, but know I'm still out here in love with you and thinking about you. Time's not going to cure me of this condition. There's nothing in this world that could make me stop loving you. ~ Always, Sam_

* * *

><p>Sam looked up from the crumbled page in his hand, absolutely disgusted. What the hell was this? He had only been married to Mercedes for a few months, hadn't known her all that long from what he was told. What was with the intensity in these letters? Why was he acting as if losing her was killing him? He'd fought for love before, first against Puck for Quinn. He'd pulled out every romantic move he could think of and when that failed he resorted to schemes and trickery to try to oust Puck from Quinn's heart. Years later with Brittany, he had done the same, more intense that time, the military had honed his discipline, sharpened his plotting skills. Even still with all the ways he set Brittany up to force her to face her feelings for him, never did he do anything like this.<p>

He was on his knees in these letters. He could sense the desperation all over them. Was his guilt so bad over cheating with Quinn that he was willing to beg this woman to take him back? Sam was disgusted with himself. He would have much rather have learned he tied Mercedes to the bed and forced her to listen to him, or that he spent a mint buying her apology presents, but the man in these letters didn't seem to have done any of that. He seemed to have begged for her forgiveness and when that didn't work he allowed her to use him as her whipping boy, taking all of her pain out on him. He must have gone completely soft somewhere along the way. There was no other explanation for his lovesick alter ego in the letters.

He tossed the box back into the closet, ready to close the door on them and forget them for good, when he noticed one letter that must have fallen from the rest. He was almost afraid to open it, fearing what he might find.

* * *

><p><em>Mercedes,<em>

_I had a dream last night about us, at our wedding, we were happy and in love. Things didn't turn bad for us this time, no rushing to the ER, no tears, no voicemails. Just us, dancing together, the lights turned low, all of our guests faded into the background. You looked so pretty, with your hair up, a few curls falling on your neck, your lips so red, and your gorgeous smile just for me. It felt so real. I was disappointed when I woke up. I would have given anything to be able to fall back into that dream with you._

_We never got to have that dance on our wedding night, or on any night for that matter. How could I have never danced with my beautiful wife? I guess I figured we would get the chance one day, on a romantic night out or when we finally got to take that honeymoon. I never would have believed that things would end like this. You and me apart, barely speaking, and stuck only with a memory of a dance that never happened. We deserve a better ending than this. ~ Sam_

* * *

><p>Scrawled below his meticulously printed words was a single line.<p>

_Okay one last dance and then we're done. ~ Mercedes._

She had responded to this one. This letter was his. Looking back at the box, he could see now that those had been her letters, probably stashed away, maybe finally given back to him when she decided to end things for good, to divorce him. But this letter was one she had sent him back that he had kept, probably cherishing that one line promise. Now Sam couldn't help but wonder if they ever did have that last dance.

Stuffing the letter into his pants pocket as he rose to his feet, he pulled his thoughts back to the here and now. He had to check on Kurt and Beth, get on with his plans to see Quinn, but he couldn't quite shake himself free of one question. What kind of love story didn't include at least one dance?


	60. Tailspin3 Ch6

**Chapter 6**

Trees, houses, and lights blurred into a collage of muted colors through the car window. Quinn strained to make out anything familiar, landmarks, favorite places in the dark. She almost wished Santana would slow down, and instead cruise the streets of their hometown. It struck her that the little city of Lima felt more like home than anywhere she'd ever lived, yet she didn't feel completely comfortable there. She felt disconnected and set apart from things, maybe it was because she didn't have a physical place in the town, no home, no job.

Her connection to Lima was through people that lived there, but Quinn had learned that human connections were tenuous, breaking often, under the slightest strain, never to be repaired. Her strongest links to Lima now were Sam and Santana. Santana was sort of a flight risk though, her connection to the town as thin as her own. There was always the knowledge that Santana could bolt without a word at any time. While Sam was a fixture in Lima, his family and business firmly entrenched, he too had proven himself to be just as capable of leaving Quinn behind. He'd done it three times now, once after high school when he enlisted, again when he retreated into himself, shutting down his emotions, becoming cold and unrecognizable, the shell of the boy she once knew after losing Brittany, and last when he got himself into that accident and slipped into a coma for months.

The coma couldn't be helped. It wasn't Sam's fault he was injured so seriously, but it was what he said before the accident, when he promised to cut her out of his life to appease Mercedes, that was the ultimate proof that even a long time friendship could come to an end without warning or discussion. If Quinn wanted Lima to be home for her with Beth, she'd have to make it one herself, find a way to build a life. She couldn't rely on any person to do that for her. She had to find the strength and the means to do it on her own.

"Are you ever going to speak again or have you given it up for good?" asked Santana.

"Huh what? Oh sorry. I was thinking," said Quinn as she watched the street lights whizz by outside the car window.

"About your near run in with Dr. Julian? I still say you should have faced him, held your head up high. You have no reason to hide from that man."

"It's complicated," Quinn responded softly.

"Code for you were scared." Santana shot Quinn a knowing look. Her friend liked to think herself an expert on human behavior.

"I'm not scared of Julian. I just don't feel ready for the drama. You know?" If she could avoid everyone but Sam for the foreseeable future that would fine with her, she didn't look forward to dealing with all the questions and judgmental stares.

Not that Quinn thought Julian would actually cause a scene. She was pretty sure he'd just brush by her in disgust or worse have no reaction at all. It hurt to feel like nothing, to be virtually invisible. Julian had been giving her that treatment for months.

"We're on our way to crash Sam's birthday party where you are finally going to tell the man you love him after stringing him along for like bazillion years, and you're not ready for drama?"

"Well I'm not ready for the Julian kind of drama. And I never strung Sam along."

"The man's been following you around like a puppy since you guys were teens. You must have done something to earn that level of devotion."

Quinn hated the idea that Sam had been pining for her for years, putting his heart on hold in wait. Not only was it completely untrue, Sam had gotten married twice since they were a real couple, but also it was too sad to contemplate, as if she had emotionally crippled him somehow when they broke up in high school. Sam was stronger than that, people didn't give him enough credit. He hadn't been wasting his life hoping to reunite with her. If anything it was the opposite. Sam seemed to do more with his life once they were apart.

"I never asked Sam to do anything. If he still cared for me all these years I'm going to consider myself lucky, but honestly Santana, Sam had moved on from me, a few times over."

"Except now he's ready to come back around to you. Funny how life can be full circle like that."

Quinn leaned her head against the cool glass of the window and smiled. "Could just finally be our time to be together."

So many things were in their way, but Quinn couldn't stop from feeling hopeful about the future, one she could share with Beth and Sam.

"I'd put money on it. The stars must be aligned for you guys. You bring him back from a prolonged coma, he saves you from the psych ward, not to mention that gorgeous baby you created by some miracle. It is like a big neon sign is glowing above the two of you saying Go Quam! Go Quam!" Santana chuckled.

Quinn turned her nose up. How bizarre that complete strangers were thinking about her love life and concocting smush names for them. "Ugh you know about the facebook page too?"

"Yep and I 'liked' it." Santana laughed. "Gave it thumbs up all the way. I'm rooting for you guys, always have been."

"Thanks Santana."

Nice that at least one person thought she and Sam deserved a chance. Quinn was well aware that most of their friends and family would be against them. Even her own father had subtly tried to remind her about the bonds of marriage. As if she didn't know the reality of the situation. Sam's marriage had weighed heavily on her mind for months. She didn't like the idea of breaking up a couple either, but the facts were Sam didn't remember Mercedes and didn't have feelings for her. Why should be he be forced to stay in a relationship he didn't want? He could be happier with her, making up for lost time, instead of being trapped in a loveless marriage. There was that other troubling issue though. Sam's memory loss could be temporary. Quinn couldn't help but worry that one day Sam could wake up and remember it all and resent the choices he had made.

"Did you know I used to give Sam advice about how to win your heart back when he was in high school?" asked Santana.

"Really? He talked to you about me?" That was sweet. Sam had cared that much to plan ways to impress her. No wonder they had such a romantic relationship, he had thought about it every step of the way.

"Any boy that serenades you under the stars is a keeper."

Quinn could still picture Sam, standing in front of her in the dimly lit science lab, the hanging model of the solar system above their heads as he sang loud enough to attract attention of other students in the hall, or even worse a teacher, but not caring if he did.

"That was incredible, like an old movie." Quinn sighed, rolling herself up in the memory.

It was one of the top ten moments of her life, not that she kept count of those sorts of things, but she did have a mental hope chest filled with all her best and most cherished experiences. Sam singing to her was something she would never forget.

"I'd like to think I had a hand in inspiring that gesture." Santana looked over at Quinn, flashing a grin, before turning her attention back to the road. "Still wish I had video footage. It would make excellent blackmail material."

"Sam has a nice voice, and he plays the guitar too."

The music was almost like a little secret they shared. He had told her that he never sang or played again after they had broken up all those years ago. Maybe if they made it through this and landed together, as a family, he'd feel like singing again.

"Also piano right?" asked Santana.

"I'm not sure," replied Quinn.

All those night sitting on the porch making up songs, they had never really talked about his interest in music. She had never even thought to ask him about his guitar playing. She had been selfish, like most teens, only interested in her own hopes and dreams. Now all these years later, she wondered what made Sam pick up the guitar. Did he practice it for hours in his bedroom? He was quite good, yet no one seemed to know he played, but her. What made him keep his music inside?

"Puck said Dwight had them taking music lessons since before they could talk. Dance lessons too."

"That explains a lot," said Quinn almost to herself. She was losing focus on Santana, her friend's chatter fading into the background.

Mental images of Sam were pulling her away from the present and into the realm of memory. She could see them dancing, shadows of their younger selves floating across her mind. So much of their time together was spent in each other's arms, gently swaying to music. It was the foreplay of youth, when sex wasn't yet an option, but closeness was craved all the same. Nothing had felt better than to be held by him back then. The way he kept her steady with his strong hands on her back, the way his chest grazed hers, and that smile, as he looked into her eyes, sending shivers through her entire body. Quinn never knew another person could make her feel so much, until Sam, and in his arms was the closest thing to perfect she had ever felt.

Fifteen and so nervous about being with a boy that she outwardly hated, but secretly wanted, that was so popular and beautiful, that Quinn knew she had no right to feel anything for him. He would never seriously go for a girl like her. And he hadn't. Taking her on date that Puck had arranged, probably under threat of bodily harm because Sam had pretty much ignored her at school, like all the other guys, Quinn still couldn't help but hope that maybe, there might be something more. Then under the twinkling lights of the school gym, he was all lips and blond hair that fell into his eyes, and she was hidden in her black coat she wouldn't take off because she was insecure in her tight red dress, it happened. For a moment the real world fell away, and magic surrounded him, and it was then Quinn knew how Cinderella must have felt, suddenly being noticed, and getting a chance to dance with her prince. If ever there were a prince in Lima, it was Sam Evans. Once they were together, he never failed to make her feel like she was living a romantic fairytale. She knew now that not all girls get loved like that.

Santana's voice broke through the memories, forcing Quinn back to the real world. "Sam thought you were the one, you know? He told me that when he was about 17."

Quinn let Santana's words settle in her mind, completely in awe that Sam had felt something so huge at that age. "I can't believe Sam talked to you so much about his feelings."

"Sam used to confide in me about many things. At one time we were close. I sort of miss that."

Quinn looked over at Santana when she heard a touch of sadness creep into her voice. "Maybe you can have a second chance with him too. Renew that friendship."

All these months of drama had to be good for something. They all could get a second chance with Sam and this time they'd do things right and not take anything for granted. Maybe they had to go through losing him to the coma to get to this place of reunion and renewal. Quinn certainly felt a stronger connection to Sam now, and it wasn't solely because of their baby. She'd felt his absence acutely when he was sick, finally realizing just how important and present Sam had been in her life over the years. When he came back to them, it was against all odds, truly a blessing, and Quinn had felt like a dark cloud had been lifted from her life.

Sam had brought more to her world than she had ever realized. His friendship and support were things she had grown to count on, he gave her strength when giving up seemed like her best option, he encouraged her to still follow her dreams even ones that she had long since deferred. He had held her through the happy, the pain, and even through anger, never letting her go, even when he didn't agree with her choices. He never shunned her, or gave up on her. He didn't let her mistakes or lapses in judgment color his relationship with her. They had made it through anything and everything, their friendship enduring longer than any romance. That was simply incredible and invaluable, something rare and definitely unexpected, especially after all she had put him through. In essence, what they had was love, pure and true.

Quinn's thoughts wandered to Mercedes, a pain seizing in her chest as she pictured the girl so sad, and weak looking, sitting vigil by Sam's side. Love was there too, subsisting through the dwindling hope, and the piles of guilt and regret. As much as Quinn would have liked to dismiss what Sam and Mercedes had, chalk it up to Sam having a protracted rebound from a very broken heart, she couldn't. It made her angry when she thought about all the ways Mercedes had hurt Sam, mentally and physically, in such a short time. She wanted to punish her for stealing precious time from Sam's life, but she knew she was in no position to judge, she had hurt Sam too, probably more than Mercedes ever had, or ever could. So Quinn tried to squash those feelings of anger and dig deep for some compassion for the girl. She knew Mercedes was looking for a new start with Sam, just as they all were. Quinn just wasn't sure if Mercedes was going to get one. Life was cheating Mercedes out of her second chance with him, and Quinn wasn't sure if that was a tragedy or poetic justice.

"We should totally make a plan to get together, have dinner. You, Sam, and me, we can reminisce over old times. Sounds good right?" asked Quinn.

"Yeah it sounds fine, except you're forgetting about that little pit bull Sam is married to. You think she's going to sit back and let that happen?" Quinn opened her mouth to respond by Santana continued, almost in full on rant mode. "I swear she grates my nerves. Can her voice be any more irritating? It's this sickening cross between Marilyn Monroe and Minnie Mouse. Is she trying to be sexy or cute? Totally trying too hard."

Quinn had to laugh at Santana's passion on the subject of Mercedes. She obviously had spent way too much time thinking about the girl. "You never told me what Mercedes did to tick you off so much."

Santana shrugged. "She's got a big mouth and a devious mind, yet she runs around Lima like little miss perfect princess. It's just not right. She's pulled the wool over too many eyes. Like Puck's."

"And Sam's," Quinn added quietly.

Quinn couldn't help but think back to that awful message Mercedes had left another man on her wedding day and then had the nerve to go ahead and marry Sam without breaking a sweat. Mercedes must've been one hell of a con woman in LA, because she fooled everyone that night. Quinn doubted that anyone would have ever suspected that Mercedes had been in love with someone else the entire time.

Santana nodded in agreement. "I still can't believe he married that chick. Rachel Berry I could see, she's smart and gorgeous and marrying into the Berry family would score him major points with Mama Sue since her company frequently does business with one of Rachel's dads. But Mercedes? That social climbing twit does nothing for him."

If Quinn hadn't spent time with Sam during his marriage she would've been thinking just like Santana, but watching Sam after the wedding, and that month they spent together at the Beacon, Quinn knew for certain what Mercedes had done for Sam. She'd made him happy. Despite all her shortcomings and all those heinous selfish mistakes Mercedes had made, it was that one simple fact that made it impossible for Quinn to hate her. Seeing Sam truly happy was a wonderful thing. Quinn wouldn't want to wish that away from him, all she could do was hope that one day he'd realize that better options for happiness were within his reach. Last year at the Beacon, Sam wasn't ready to consider any other possibilities for his heart, but now, by some strange twist of fate, he was open and willing to walk away from Mercedes and toward something else.

"Julian is a world renowned doctor and in tight with the Evans family. Doesn't seem like she needs to climb any ladders at all, she's already a part of their world. Unlike me, the perpetual outcast."

"How are you an outcast? You can have any man you want. Doors just open for you."

"I wish I could be appreciated for something other than how I look," said Quinn as she slumped down into her seat.

"You are a talented singer. Everyone knows it."

"If I'm so talented why did I only manage to have one hit? I will be a has been forever."

"Okay stop right there." Santana took her hand off the wheel and held it up in front of Quinn's face. "What's with the descent into self-pity?"

"I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm just finally facing up to the facts about how everyone sees me. Men only want me because they like how I look, no other reason."

Not that this was some major epiphany. Quinn had figured out that people, men in particular, responded to looks from a young age. Her mom reinforced that knowledge by correcting every mistake on her face and body with either surgery or extreme dieting. Layer by layer, her identity was stripped, Lucy was replaced by Quinn, her blond hair brightened, her waist whittled, her nose surgically altered. There was a time when Quinn used to look in the mirror and not recognize the face reflecting back at her. She might not have been able to control her physical appearance, her mom kept tight control on that domain, but internally she rebelled, rejecting her mother's requests for her to participate in social activities and instead she focused on her studies and her singing. All the things inside herself that set her apart, that would make the world see that she was good enough, that she was worth knowing despite how she looked on the outside.

Ultimately it seemed her mother was right, no one cared about her talents or her mind, they were only interested in how she looked. So Quinn came to the realization that things worked better for her if she just played the part of who they wanted her to be. She made some friends, found a chosen family in Julian and Puck, fell in love, and even got the chance to pursue her musical dreams. At least they were interested in her for a short while, before tossing her aside. A little time in the spotlight was better than no time at all.

"You know that's not true. Everyone knows you're smart too. Didn't you graduate first in your class?"

"And what do I have to show for that? One semester of community college, a mediocre music career, and no home address. My own daughter doesn't even want me."

Beth never seemed to find comfort in her arms, always crying until fatigue or the realization that she had no other options, forced her to calm down. Since the day she was born, Beth had seemed genuinely displeased that she was her mother. Quinn knew she was being ridiculous, projecting her own self-doubts and feelings of inadequacy onto the infant. Dr. Hill had spoken to her about it numerous times. Even still it was a feeling Quinn just couldn't shake.

"Girl you need to stop. Don't make me pull over," threatened Santana.

"Santana, I'm fine really," insisted Quinn, praying Santana would just let the subject drop. "Let's just get to Sam."

"You don't sound up to it at all. What's going on? You went into that store all excited about tonight and you came out looking like you want to hide under your coat. Did Julian do something to you? Do I need to go and kick his ass?" Santana edged up in her seat, getting amped over the prospect of beating down Julian, as if that were possible, the man was in great shape.

Santana hadn't made her disappointment in Julian and his actions after finding out Beth wasn't Puck's daughter a secret. Santana thought Julian had failed Quinn, let her down by not loving her enough to stick with her and be the father figure he always claimed to be. Sometimes Quinn agreed. She wished Julian could have found a way to forgive her and still love her, mostly so she wouldn't have felt so alone all those months, maybe she would have held on to her sanity with some support from the man that felt more like a dad than her own father.

"I didn't even talk to Julian remember? It's just this guy," Quinn admitted reluctantly, not wanting to get into a long conversation about something that was nothing.

"What guy?" asked Santana.

"This guy in the store with these really intense eyes."

"Okay? This conversation is making less sense."

Quinn sighed, pulling her hood back off her head. "When I was hiding from Julian, this guy came up to me in one of the aisles, started talking to me, and then grabbed me and kissed me."

"Please tell me you punched him."

Quinn shook her head. "I didn't. I was too stunned. It happened so fast, one minute he was saying something, then he was kissing me, then he was walking away, saying I owe him one."

"Owe him for what? For copping a feel? You need to press charges."

"I don't even know who he was. Just some random guy, muscular, dark hair, blue eyes, really striking eyes."

"Who the hell was that?"

"It was someone I had never seen before, but now that I think about it, he seemed like he knew me."

The way he looked at her, his blue eyes taking her in, sizing her up, as if he were appraising her worth, made her uneasy. She felt naked and on display in front of him.

"Probably from TV. You're so exposed on the news that every wacko thinks you're their fantasy date. We need to call the police. He could be a stalker."

"I think he was harmless, truly. But it just got me to thinking how things like that always happen to me. I get random comments, marriage proposals from strangers. I haven't paid for a drink, since I started drinking, and none of that's about me. It's just about this shell I exist in." Quinn stared down at her lap trying to ignore the sting of tears behind her eyes. There was no point in getting emotional over something she couldn't change, but it still bothered her nevertheless.

"You can't help how you look Quinn. So many women would kill to be in your shoes."

The saying the grass is always greener definitely rang true in this case. Any woman that dared to swap places with her would be begging for her old life back in less than a day. Being followed by cameras, scorned by half the town, except the men, they still liked her, openly announcing their support to her boobs instead of looking her in the eyes. A woman that walked in her shoes would know the ugly truth, that there's nothing pretty about being devalued and treated like a mannequin built for some man's entertainment.

"And I would love to be in theirs, so I could be appreciated for my mind instead. I'm not a bimbo you know?" Quinn blurted out almost angrily, hating the tears that had started to fall down her face.

"I know, and Sam knows that too," Santana said softly, glancing quickly over at Quinn.

Santana didn't know how lucky she was. The people of Lima might have had her pegged as a scheming gold digger, but at least they knew she was smart enough to pull off a crazy plot. Quinn doubted the residents would suspect her capable of any such treachery, as if creative thinking was somehow out of her depth. Not that she wanted to add any more notoriety to her resume, being called a crazed baby killer was bad enough, but it would be nice if people could see her as more than a brainless slut. Somewhere along the way they all had forgotten the girl she used to be, probably distracted by her window dressing, her increased chest size and her penchant for wearing revealing dresses, but whatever the reason they only seemed to see the superficial when it came to her. No one bothered to look any deeper.

"I always felt out of place when I went to D&E functions with Puck, all the wives constantly looked down on me and clutched their husbands' arms so possessively. As if I was going to try to steal them away or something. They would rarely talk to me, and when they did it was about fashion or the weather, like that's all I know about. You know I speak French, pretty close to fluently, and I'm really good at history. I love reading about events of the past."

"I know you're a nerd." Santana smiled as she focused on the road. "You don't have to prove anything to me."

"That's just it. I feel like I have to prove myself constantly. It was so hard when I was with Puck while he was running D&E, I was so afraid he would wake up one day and feel like he was living with a moron. I used to read all the financial journals to keep up with the latest developments so we'd have something to talk about. Do you know he was shocked the first time I brought up a business related topic? Shocked. He was supposed to love me and know me better than anyone else and he was surprised that I could understand the basic principles of economics. I was outstanding in math and science. I could have been a doctor or a stockbroker if I wanted to be." She sniffled.

"Just proves that Puck wasn't the man for you. Maybe he was looking for a pretty trophy to hang on his arm and not an intellectual equal," said Santana handing Quinn a tissue.

"We've known each other for so long, been through so much together, but it is like something changed. Once we both moved back to Lima, it was like he saw me as a different person." Quinn dried her eyes, careful not to smudge her makeup. "It hurts that I wanted a future with him and he didn't even think much of me, that he couldn't see my potential."

"Sam does though right? He sees your potential?"

"He's my biggest fan. I know that now. I always took him for granted, thought he was just being nice with all his supportiveness because he wanted me back or he was guilty about some things that happened between us, but now I know, he was being honest. I think he does look at me and see a capable woman."

"And that's why you're going to go up to him tonight and look him in the eyes and tell him all that and all the rest. Time to let him know Quinn. No more holding back."

"I know and I'm ready," said Quinn trying to pull herself together and regain her confidence. Sam wasn't like all the other men in her life, he was special, he loved her for who she was inside. She just had to focus on that, and everything else would fall into place.

"Good because it's show time. Don't let him see your face." Santana rolled down her window, letting a rush of cold air into the warm car. Quinn pulled her hood back over her head, and pressed herself as far back into the shadows of the car as she could. "Daley they got you playing guard dog tonight?" teased Santana.

"Hi Ms. Lopez," said the dark haired man as he leaned his head out of the booth at the entrance of the Evans property and closer to the car window. "Yep I'm working the gate. Figured since Mr. Evans and Ms. Beiste are out of town and won't need a driver, I'd help out down here. We all want this party to go perfectly."

"We all love Sam. So nice they are throwing this party for him, which reminds me I gotta get in there, don't want to be late and wreck the surprise," said Santana pointing toward the large closed gates before them.

"Uh yeah, let me just check the list. Mrs. Evans is insisting we only let people on the list in," said Daley a bit muffled as he rifled through some papers in his guard booth. "Don't want any crashers, know what I mean?"

Santana chuckled a bit uneasily. "Sure do know. Daley did you get a new hair cut?"

Quinn watched Daley look up in surprise and then turn a deep shade of red. He clearly had a big crush on Santana. "Nope it's the same way I always wear it."

"Must be the moonlight, because your eyes look so blue," said Santana lowering her voice to an almost seductive level.

"Thank you Ms. Lopez. Your eyes look like moons too." He ran his hands through his hair nervously. "I mean…"

"Aren't you sweet? You better remember to save a dance for me later tonight."

"I don't know if I'll actually be attending," stammered Daley.

"You mean to tell me that Mercedes isn't letting the staff come to the party? You guys have known Sam longer than she has."

"We're invited and we're rotating shifts so we can go, but I'm not sure if I'll be there, I feel sort of weird because Mr. Evans doesn't remember me, like he does all the others."

Quinn couldn't help but feel a little badly for the man. Daley and Sam had a good rapport before the accident. Sam had personally recommended him for the job. Although she hadn't spent much time at the Evans mansion in the past year, she still felt a connection to the people that lived and worked there. Quite a few nights at the Beacon, Sam had told her stories about his life at the house. Marrying Mercedes had moved him away from the only home he'd ever known. Sam had never acted like he minded the change before, but at the Beacon, Quinn could easily tell Sam was a little homesick.

"You've been driving him around now right?" asked Santana.

Daley nodded. "I even picked him and Ms. Fabray up earlier this afternoon and brought them back to Lima."

Quinn tried to will herself invisible, in the hopes that Daley wouldn't peer inside the car further and recognize her.

"See he trusts you," said Santana reassuringly, patting Daley on the hand. "He told you to keep the fact that you drove Ms. Fabray a secret right?"

"Yeah he did. And being the dummy that I am I just spilled the beans to you."

"No. I already knew Daley. You didn't spill anything. You're a good guy and Sam knows that. And just to be safe I'm going to remind him of that when I see him tonight, speaking of which I better go, just need you to open the gates a peep so I can get through."

"Sure thing Ms. Lopez. Anything for you." He grinned widely as he turned to back into the booth to open the gates.

"Good. Don't forget to save me that dance," said Santana as she rolled up her window with a satisfied smile.

"You think he bought that?" asked Quinn.

Daley was a little goofy, but the man was packing serious heat. He couldn't be that gullible. Dwight trusted him with his life.

"Oh we are so in."

The tall iron gates started to squeak and grind as they slowly opened. Santana inched the car forward waiting for the moment when the entrance would be wide enough to drive through. Halfway there the grinding noise stopped. Both Quinn and Santana jumped at the sudden tapping on the window.

Santana let down her window and plastered on her smile. "Something wrong Daley?"

"I'm sorry Ms. Lopez but I can't let you in. You're not on the list. In fact there's a note that specifically says not to let you through the gates."

"Where? Let me see that," said Santana yanking the clipboard from the man's hand.

Quinn leaned closer, still being sure her face was hidden to read the paper in Santana's hand. There was a long list of typed names, all the guests expected for the party, and at the bottom of the page in bold red letters it said: "Under no circumstances must Santana Lopez be allowed into the house. She is not a part of this event."

"That little bitch!" Santana muttered under her breath,

"Take it easy Santana. It just wasn't meant to be. We can go back to the suite and hang out, girl's night," whispered Quinn so Daley wouldn't hear.

"The hell we will. I'm not letting that little girl get the final say on this one. I'll be right back," said Santana opening the door and getting out of the car."

"Santana where are you going?" Quinn hissed leaning toward the driver side window.

"Just give me a minute," she said as she left Quinn's line of sight.

Nothing good ever happened when Santana got like this, so single minded that all rational thought got pushed out of her brain. Quinn was so tempted to jump out of the car and pull Santana back, force her to think things through, but she didn't, because a part of her was praying that by some miracle this time Santana's plan would work, and they'd get inside. She wanted to see Sam desperately.

"Ok let's go," said Santana as she breathlessly got back into the car.

"Are we heading back to the Beacon?" asked Quinn, her heart starting to pound.

She'd come too far tonight to turn back, she had to talk to Sam and tell him how she felt before she lost her nerve. If she let herself think too hard about her plan for the night, she was pretty sure she would back out. What exactly was the point of spilling her heart to a man that she couldn't be with? Seemed like an exercise in torture, something neither of them needed after the year they'd had. Yet Santana had made a valid point earlier. Life was short and regardless of where they ended up relationship wise, Sam needed to know he was loved.

"Nope. Through the gates."

Quinn looked at Santana, amazed as they drove through the now open iron gates. "What did you do?"

"I just gave the man something he's being wanting a long time." Santana looked quite pleased with herself.

"Santana oh my God did you? Did you?" Quinn raised her eyebrows suggestively. "In the guard booth?"

"Eww gross." Santana made a face. "I did not. I'm not Nurse Mercedes."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what I mean. You're the one that told me."

"I never said..."

"Between you and Puck," continued Santana cutting Quinn off. "I pretty much figured it out on my own. Mercedes was giving Sam some dirty medicine in that hospital room, which is just wrong, the doors don't even lock."

Quinn's stomach churned at the imagery. It was bad enough she had to deal with the little Sam had actually admitted to doing with Mercedes, but now Santana was taking her mind places she didn't want to go. Dealing with the fact that Sam most likely had sex with Mercedes in the hospital was difficult enough without thinking about the details of the act. Although maybe she was overreacting, Sam had pretty much denied it, however men did tend to understate sexual encounters when they were trying to get lucky. And Sam had certainly been trying hard last night, so incredibly hard. A shiver ran through Quinn's body as she flashed back to Sam all over her at the hotel the night before. They had been so close to something incredible when his stupid wife got in the middle of it.

Quinn sighed. What did she expect messing with a married guy? The wives always wrecked things, the side effects of extramarital liaisons, which was why Quinn always stayed clear of unavailable men, and that wasn't going to change now. She wasn't going there with Sam until he was totally free. Nothing physical, just friends, strictly buddies. That's it. She'd just have to remind herself to avoid looking into his eyes, or catching a glimpse of his lips, and she never could touch him again, not even a hug. No contact at all. A frown crept over Quinn's face. This was going to be so hard. Quinn had missed Sam so much. All she wanted was to hold him and never let him out of her sight again. How was she ever going to maintain a platonic relationship with him when every part of her wanted to be with him?

"What exactly did Puck tell you?"

"Don't worry Quinn. We're in. Time to go get your man, make him forget all about his skanky nurse."

"What's all this?" asked Quinn looking out the window at the crowd of people gathered in the Evans circular drive. They were corralled behind thick ropes along the sides of the main walkway that led to the front door. It looked more like a premiere in LA than a birthday party.

"That would be the media circus. Again makes me wonder why they're letting a child call the shots for the family?" Santana pulled into a parking spot at the end of the driveway and turned off the car.

"Mercedes invited them here?" asked Quinn, surprised by just how much control Mercedes had over things at the mansion. Where was Dwight raising a stink about meddling women? Why was he letting Mercedes run things at his house?

"Puck said Mercedes thought it was better to give them limited access instead of letting them swarm the outside gates harassing guests. So the media will be let in later to the party for some interviews and photo ops."

"Mercedes does have a point. Controlling them could be a good thing," said Quinn, a little impressed by Mercedes's forethought. Quinn had been harassed enough the past few months by the media to know just how intrusive they could be. This did seem like a good way to appease them.

Santana looked over at Quinn as if she had sprouted two heads. Clearly she didn't agree with Mercedes' plans. "Did everyone forget that Sam has amnesia? We are going to sic the press on a still recovering man?"

"Sam was born into this life. He knows how to handle scrutiny. So many times I wished he were around to help me deal."

"Ah damn! I forgot you're completely famous now. If those vultures over there see you, it'll be on. You keep your head down and say nothing. Keep that hood up, and those shades on. No one can recognize you or we're screwed."

Quinn put on her sunglasses and adjusted her hood and coat around herself. "Okay. Should we go now?"

"Just one more thing. Does your crazy beauty magic work on women? Because Becky is working the door and we have to get by her next."

Quinn rolled her eyes at the thought of dealing with Becky. "Becky hates me. She was always so rude when I came to the house."

"She hates everyone. That woman has a permanent scowl. Okay time for a new plan," said Santana, turning in her seat to face Quinn, looking serious and determined.

"Did you actually have a plan before? I kind of thought you were playing it by ear."

Santana glanced at her hair in the rearview mirror, smoothing down the straight black strands. "Yah. Improvisation was the plan."

Quinn groaned. "What's plan B?"

"Don't know yet, I hoped you'd help me come up with something."

"Someone's coming. Get down," said Quinn grabbing Santana's arm and pulling her down lower in the car.

The lights from a passing car flooded their interior. Quinn prayed they wouldn't be spotted so soon, they hadn't even gotten inside the place yet. The car parked a few feet away from them and a few moments later a short slender female got out of the passenger side.

"Is that Rachel?" asked Santana in a whisper. Quinn nodded. She was pretty sure it was.

Then a man stood up in front of the driver's side of the car, his face hidden in the shadows. Suddenly he turned to face his female companion, his face bathed in the light from a nearby lamppost.

"And is that?" Santana asked, easing her head up to get a better look.

"Artie!" Quinn exclaimed loudly, shocked to see him standing just a few feet away.

Quinn and Santana looked at each other and grinned. "Plan B!" They yelled in unison.

And just like that, Quinn knew Sam was going to have a birthday he would never forget.


	61. Tailspin3 Ch7

**Chapter 7**

"There you are. Finally found you."

Mercedes looked up to see Finn standing in front of her, his tall frame hunched over so that he could get more on her eye level.

She sighed, mentally lamenting the end of her moment of peace. Perhaps sitting on the main staircase in the house wasn't the best place to take a breather, but things had been relatively calm before Finn appeared, no one had even passed through the hallway at all.

It had been a hectic few hours whipping all the final pieces of the party together. She felt like she'd been running a marathon to get everything done in time. Now it was upon them, the family had arrived and was assembled in the living room, in their spots for the big surprise. Kurt would be bringing Sam downstairs very soon and the party would begin. The party before the party, that is. They had all decided it was best to ease Sam into his birthday, by giving him his surprise with just the family and then later his friends and colleagues would arrive.

"You were looking for me?" she asked him, when it was clear he wasn't going to get the hint and go away.

"Got so quiet around here without your yelling, I thought you might have snuck off the grounds."

"I wasn't yelling I was just taking control."

"Loudly." Finn laughed. "I'm just kidding. I was pretty impressed, you got all the last minute party stuff handled, had those men rushing around like crazy. All while wearing super high heels and a fancy dress."

"I'm a woman. It's what we do."

Mercedes had become an expert at putting a happy face on despair. As long as she could remember she had been dressing herself up, plastering on a smile, and parading through life as if everything was normal. All to cover for the unspeakable acts her mother made her do. She had mixed things up in her mind, misunderstood that love wasn't a commodity bartered and traded while being raised by Keisha Jones. Mercedes had actually thought that the more she did for her mother, the better she was, if she were prettier, smarter, she would somehow love her more and stop making her entertain her friends or give her body for money. It took her sixteen long years to realize that her mother didn't care about her and was never going to change. She finally stood up to her after that, tried to break free from her hold. Yet the lessons she had taught her never left, even now she still instinctively wanted to guard her emotions, keep a poker face, so no one could use them against her.

"True that. Reminded me of my mom. She's the same way, take charge, in control, now dressed to perfection thanks to Kurt." Finn stared down at his feet, a smile on his face, obviously lost in some memory.

"I've met your mom. She can be a little scary."

"That's only because you were underage trying to buy a drink in her bar," he said taking a seat beside her on the stairs. "Normally she's pretty cool." 

"If you say so. I have to admit I avoid Scandals since I know a copy of my ID is hanging on the wall of shame."

"I sort of liked seeing your smiling face every time I stepped foot in the place. It was nice to see something pretty amongst all the mugshots." He laughed lightly. "Too bad it's gone now. You can thank Sue Evans Sylvester for that."

"Sue?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "According to my mom she came in one day in her fur coat and heels and demanded that my mom take that photo of you down."

"Why in the hell would Sue do something like that?" asked Mercedes finding it hard to believe a word of this story.

"She said that no Evans was going to be pasted on a wall like a common criminal and that her daughter-in-law deserved more respect than to be lumped with the local trash of Lima."

"OK that sounds like Sue. I just can't believe she was sticking up for me."

Mercedes knew Sue wasn't all bad. She couldn't be, after raising a son like Sam. Despite all his faults, he still was a good person at his core. She doubted Dwight was the one that gave Sam his good heart, so it had to be something that came from Sue.

"I thought you and Sue got along."

"We kind of do. I think she bites her tongue a lot around me because of Sam and what we've been through. Now that he's better, I think our little truce might be nearing an end."

Sue had a reputation for despising all of the women in her sons' lives. Mercedes figured her time would soon be coming and Sue would be after her too.

"I don't know about that. She speaks pretty highly of you. She was just saying how the house looks good all decorated for the party."

Mercedes raised her eyebrows skeptically. "That's surprising. She usually likes to criticize."

"Well she did ask why there wasn't a gift table set up."

"That would be because the invitations expressly said no gifts allowed."

"Yeah about that. Did you actually think anyone would follow that rule?" he asked. "Sam's been down for the count for almost a year. People are going to want to give him a little something."

Mercedes shrugged. "We have so much already. I just thought gifts would be unnecessary."

"Well Sue brought a gift, and Puck. Even I got him one."

"You, bought Sam a birthday gift?"

"I couldn't come here empty handed and he is my stepbrother's cousin."

"Finn I really appreciate all your help, especially with Kurt on Sam duty, but I know you have a party at the Gamma house tonight. You don't have to stay."

Guilt was creeping in as it always did whenever she stopped and thought about just how many people had been helping her while Sam was in the hospital. She owed so many favors, that she knew she could never possibly repay. And now here was Finn Hudson to add to the list, he had really stepped up during this party planning process. Kurt must have bribed him well.

"But I got all dressed up," he said standing up and stepping onto the floor so she could see his ensemble.

Black pants that actually were tailored to fit his tall build and a light blue button down shirt, sleeves rolled up, tails untucked. He looked pretty nice, better than his usual saggy jeans and wrinkled shirts.

"I know you don't really want to be here." She barely wanted to be there. She couldn't squash the awful feeling that the party was going to end in disaster. Why had she let Kurt talk into this?

There was still time if she left now, she could make it home before anyone noticed. Only she couldn't leave Beth behind, and she would need pretty fast moves to get Beth out of Sam's arms right now. She'd read the texts from Kurt. Sam was having a ball taking care of Beth tonight. He'd even managed to witness her rolling over, something Mercedes had yet to experience. She knew Beth could do it, because lately she had been finding the baby sleeping on her belly, even though she always put her down on her back in the crib. Beth must have been turning over in her sleep and not even realizing it. Lucky Sam had been the one to witness that milestone firsthand. Kurt had promised video, but so far nothing, maybe Beth wasn't up for a repeat performance.

"Of course I do," said Finn sitting next to her again on the stairs, his long legs stretched out on two steps below them. "Got to at least hear the _Oh Mandees_ play after all we went through to get them here tonight."

"Did I ever thank you for that? You really have been going beyond for me lately."

If it weren't for him Mercedes wasn't sure if they'd even have a band for tonight, they'd be stuck with Kurt's friend Elliot and his party playlist on his Ipod. Waving Sam's money around had been getting her nowhere with the band, apparently they were above commercialism and greed. And here Mercedes thought that artists actually didn't want to starve.

"Nope. Never thanked me properly. Promised me guacamole and I got jack."

"I forgot it in the fridge last night."

Puck had distracted her with all that talk about not giving up on Sam. It had felt like bizarro world in the kitchen with Puck actually being pro her and Sam. But if her own husband could forget her, then it wasn't totally unbelievable for Noah Puckerman to suddenly be rooting for her marriage. Now if her dad joined the cheering section, she would know she had been transported to another planet. Puck might get sentimental about her relationship with Sam, but Julian Jones never would. She doubted her father would ever approve of Sam again.

"You said that already. Whatcha gonna do about it now?" he asked leaning in closer to her face, with a stupid grin.

"Would you take a rain check?" she asked with a slight giggle. Finn being so close was making her a little fluttery for some reason.

"Sounds good. Maybe we can even watch a movie too. I had fun with you last night. You're not so bad Cede," said Finn quickly patting her knee.

"You say that like you're surprised," said Mercedes leaning away from him, so she could see his face fully.

"I am in a way. You've sort of been moping around campus for months. I figured you'd be a complete downer."

"Kind of hard to be the life of the party when my husband was critically ill," she said softly.

"I'm such a dumbass. I'm sorry I said that." He rubbed her bare shoulder gently before removing his hand. "I know you had a lot on your plate. I just meant it was nice to see you let your hair down, smiling and more relaxed. It suits you."

Mercedes threw him a smile. "You weren't so bad yourself. And all that fast talking to get the band to play the party. Pretty smooth there frat boy."

"What can I say? My mom runs a bar and my stepfather is an attorney, I'm around fast talk all the time. Besides I couldn't let you leave disappointed. I know how important this party is to you," he said his voice growing softer as he leaned into her side, bumping her shoulder with his own.

He smelled spicy like aftershave and a hint of something sweet, maybe it was the gel that held back his dark hair. Mercedes felt the urge to reach up and tussle that hair, mess it up and pull it back toward his face, like he normally wore it. Finn was too much of a free spirit to have hair that contained. Instead she smiled up at him, studying how his brown eyes were flecked with gold. Finn had such kind eyes, she'd never noticed it before.

"Sugar was a fool to dump you." She blurted it out without thinking. The thought had just come to her as they sat together on the quiet staircase. The sounds of the party seemed muted in the distance.

Finn laughed as he straightened up, putting some space between them. "I couldn't agree more. I'm sure she's kicking herself all over Spain for walking away from a catch like me."

He smiled widely, but his eyes betrayed a hint of sadness. Maybe she shouldn't have brought up Sugar.

"I'm sure. It's not every day a girl finds a man with such a swelled head," she said teasing him, hoping to keep things light. It had been nice and uncomplicated between them up until now.

"It protects my big brain. Gotta keep it safe and sound up there."

"Lots of air and cotton right?"

"Just for that I demand guacamole and margaritas."

"That works for me. I'm going to need to be drunk to hang out with you again."

"I'm surprised you're not drunk all the time having to deal with that jerk off husband of yours. Is he always such an ass?"

Mercedes cringed at Finn's harsh assessment. So much for nice and uncomplicated. All her issues with Sam came flooding back, sucking the air out of the room.

"I think he just reacted to the whole stranger in his house thing."

"C'mon Cede. He knew who I was. And what about him on the phone with you last night? I could tell he pissed you off."

"He just didn't like I was out with you." She got up from her perch on the steps, smoothing out her green dress and peered down the hallway, hoping to find a quick escape from the conversation.

"Didn't you tell me he was pining for his ex?"

"I don't think I used the word pining," she mumbled, unable to look him in the eyes. It was embarrassing how much everyone seemed to know about her husband's feelings for another woman.

"Whatever. I know you said he was trying to get back with Quinn Fabray, trying to kick you to the curb, so what right does he have to say anything about how you spend your time?" asked Finn sounding pretty indignant about the subject, as if he were the one that Sam was hurting.

So blunt yet so true. Mercedes really had no words to contradict any of it.

"I'm still married," she offered feebly.

"So is he. He needs to remember that next time he starts drooling all over his baby mama," he said reaching out his hand. Mercedes grabbed hold of it and let him pull her back to sit on the steps next to him.

"Quinn is locked upstate, so that won't be an issue for him. She's not around." The only thing in her favor was that she was near Sam and Quinn wasn't. If Quinn were back in Lima, Mercedes wouldn't stand a chance at keeping Sam in her life.

"Okay, but that still doesn't give him the right to be rude."

"At least rude is a reaction. Jealousy is an emotion. If it weren't for that he'd probably have nothing to say to me at all." A sob caught in her throat at that thought. This time last year, Sam had wanted to spend every minute with her and he talked to her constantly, sometimes his rambles rivaled her own.

"Oh I get it now. You're trying to get a rise out of him. Provoke him into feeling something."

"I didn't say that," she said defensively.

The idea of that seemed so calculating and she wasn't like that anymore. She was a better person now. It had been a little test, just to see if she mattered at all to him. So yeah she had let him think that there could possibly be another man in her life, but she wasn't trying to make him jealous. She just wanted to see if he felt anything at all, if that spark was still there between them.

"You didn't have to. I got a pretty good read on how you think. So I take it I'm the bait?"

"I may have let him think that there could possibly be a little something going on between us," Mercedes admitted.

"I deserve a full Mexican dinner for this. You know he will try to pummel my ass over you."

"I doubt it. He doesn't care that much." No way would Sam come to blows over her, maybe before the accident, but not now.

Sure he reacted a little bit, got possessive when she didn't deny sleeping with Finn, but none of that stopped him from still thinking about Quinn. He'd been in their home, in their bedroom, he'd even tried to kiss her, and still Mercedes could tell his mind was on Quinn.

"He's a man, with a hot wife, he cares."

Finn obviously hadn't looked at Quinn. Next to her Mercedes was practically an eye sore.

"Doubtful. He thinks you and I are out at a party together right now, and he didn't say a word."

After everything she had said to him earlier today, putting her heart on the line, he didn't even react to her supposed date with Finn. So much for all he said about wanting to be loved and it feeling right to be wearing his wedding band. Just words, for what cause, Mercedes had no clue.

"What? You used me as your cover story and didn't tell me?" Finn ran his hand through his hair, messing it up, finally freeing it from its plastered prison. It looked better.

"I didn't think it mattered, once the party starts he'd know I made the whole thing up anyway."

"Oh you clueless girl. You don't understand the male mind at all do you?"

Mercedes crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "I think I have a good handle on men and their little heads."

Finn stood up and paced in front of her, hands behinds his back. "Let me school you a minute. Sam will come downstairs and get his surprise, realize you planned him a party and all, but that won't make him forget the rest."

"The rest?"

"Yeah that you were out with me last night and apparently out with me again tonight."

"But we aren't out, we're here. It was a ruse. He's smart enough to get that."

"He's also smart enough to know that men don't let themselves be used in ruses unless they're getting something in return."

"Yeah guacamole," she said slowly, not getting where Finn was going with his little lesson.

"You think Sam's mind is going to Mexican food? He's going to be thinking of other sorts of payment. Trust me, I know."

Finn did have a point. Sam did tend to think the worse. Part of why Beth was conceived was because Sam had assumed that kiss with Shane Tinsley meant more than it did.

"I did sort of let him think you were over the house today and he just made this huge leap that something physical was going on between you and me."

"What'd I tell ya? Men go straight to the gutter. Do I need to protect myself?" he asked lowering his voice. "An Evans now thinks his wife is sleeping with another man. Burt works for D&E sometimes I know how the Evans family operates."

"How many times do I have to tell you he doesn't care?"

"You don't believe that. You wouldn't be here throwing him this big party if you thought he didn't care just a little." Mercedes looked down, unable to dispute Finn's words. "So now that my ass is grass. We need to take this little charade all the way."

"What's that mean?"

"I mean we need to keep fueling his jealousy. Keep him feeling threatened by me."

"Finn, I'm not bringing a date to my husband's birthday party."

Even at her most desperate she'd never stoop that low, to embarrass him in front of his family and friends, not to mention the media, especially not after what happened last year with Shane. She may be hurting about his renewed feelings for Quinn but she couldn't subject him to public humiliation because of it.

"I don't have to be your date. I just have to look interested, a little flirty even. That should do the trick."

"I really don't want to play games with him. If he doesn't want to be with me anymore, I need to accept that." It was what she had been trying to do for days now, except no one seemed to want her to. Not Kurt, not Puck, and oddest of all, even Sam seemed determined to keep her holding onto a crumbling relationship.

"Please please, please, cut the crap. You women are all alike. You don't want to let your man go, you don't want to bow out gracefully. You want to claw the other woman's eyes out and feed them to the cat."

"Graphic. Bitter much?"

"I just know how ruthless women can be, and you can sit here all demure and perfect little wife all you want, but I know deep down you're no different. You freaking married an Evans, you gotta like it down and dirty to be a part of this family."

"Okay on that note. It's almost time for Sam to come downstairs. We better head into the living room."

"Not so fast cutie," he said placing his hands on her bare shoulders, keeping her from getting off the stairs. "We've got to work out our plan for the night."

"I just told you no Finn," said Mercedes, covering her face with her hand. He really needed to let all of this go.

"You didn't mean that though. So here it goes. I will go out of my way to compliment you in front of him and show you attention. And maybe later we can even get out on the floor and dance that would really cut his cheese." A devilish smile spread on his face.

"You are enjoying this way too much."

Finn walked away from her to stand in the middle of the floor, hands deep in his pockets, his dark hair back to its usual unruly state.

"The dude rubbed me the wrong way, and my first instinct is to truly not give a shit about him, but he's your guy, and you want him, so I'm going to help you make that happen."

"Finn, why are you even doing this? We're not close, we barely hung out before this." They had never even spoken to each other without Kurt present before a week ago. Now they had spent time together on three separate occasions. Strange indeed.

"Maybe I'm trying to spare the world another miserable broken heart. I wouldn't wish what I'm going through over Sugar on anyone."

"So you're Cupid?" she asked searching his face for some clue of what was really going on with him. Finn had to have better things to do with his time than involve himself with her pitiful love life. He had parties to throw, sorority sisters to do.

"A more manly, better dressed version of him," he said puffing his chest out proudly.

"Wow." Mercedes's cheeks warmed as she smiled at him. "I could almost hug you." He was being so good to her.

"Don't be a tease. Lay it on me," he said opening his long arms, beckoning her closer.

Mercedes stood up and slowly walked over to him. "Thank you for caring enough to do this," she said as she leaned up and wrapped her arms around his torso. Even in her heels she only reached his chest.

"This is what makes it worthwhile, finally getting my hands on a girl that doesn't smell like stale beer and Victoria Secret perfume." He gave her a tight squeeze before letting her go.

"Aww Finn," she said her hand on his chest, and laughter in voice. "You sure know how to charm a girl."

"The party hasn't started yet and you're already making moves on another man."

Mercedes stepped away from Finn, her face twisting in disgust. "Rachel. What are you doing here?" Great Rachel Berry, the last person she wanted to see. Well next to last, Quinn definitely trumped Rachel on her list of people she could do without.

Rachel smirked, not bothering to look up as she responded, her focus on her phone.

"One, I was invited. Two, I brought Sam's favorite burgers from the diner, and three looks like I arrived just in time to save Sam from another round of hell with you. Where's he at? Got a photo right here that I bet he'd just love to see."

Finally looking up, flashing her fake plastic Miss America smile as she held up her phone for both to see. Captured on the small screen, in vivid color, Mercedes and Finn in an embrace.


	62. Tailspin3 Ch8

**Chapter 8**

"I'm sort of glad Kurt had to go so suddenly. Gives us some time to talk. I haven't seen much of you lately," said Puck taking a seat in the chair across from the bed in Sam's room.

Sam had been just about to leave his room after changing his clothes to go check on Beth, when Puck came to the door, with two bottles of beer in one hand and a baby monitor in the other. Apparently, Kurt had to go and Puck was left with Beth. Sam couldn't even begin to guess why Kurt hadn't just come to get him to look after the baby, instead of dragging Puck into it, but he wasn't going to complain. He was getting his first sips of beer since coming out of the coma, thanks to this switch in the babysitter line up.

"I know," said Sam taking a drink of his beer, relaxing into the pillows on his bed, his feet on the floor. "You're rarely here. I figured you'd be living at the house full time." Puck had a suite of rooms in the house, just like he did. It was pretty much tradition in the family for everyone to live at the house, even Will had lived there for a time.

"After I moved out of Julian's house, I bought an apartment downtown. At a new condo complex by the river, close to D&E and to the hospital, that's where I spend most of my time. Well used to, now that you're on the mend I guess I won't be at the hospital as much. Thank God. Still busy at D&E though, you know how that goes."

"Yeah glad to hear you're so happy in the job you stole," Sam mumbled under his breath.

"What was that?" asked Puck.

"Nothing," Sam replied, speaking up. "I just said I'm starting to feel old. Home on a Friday night."

"You're a dad. Got responsibilities," Puck chuckled.

"True. Everyone else seems to have a hot date tonight. Did you know Mercedes went to a party?" Sam tried to sound casual, but really he was fishing for info. He wanted to know if it was a common occurrence for Mercedes to go out to parties with other men.

"Oh yeah? Good for her. Girl needed to get out more. Was that where Kurt was rushing off to?"

"Hopefully. I think she's spent more than enough time alone with Finn Hudson." That sounded a bit more hostile than he intended, but he couldn't help it. He just didn't like that Hudson kid.

"Finn? She went out with him again. Two nights in a row, sounds like it's starting to be a thing."

"There's no thing," said Sam sitting up straight in the bed, his head starting to pound. "Kurt just had to give me a ride. It will be the three of them." He didn't even know why he was getting so worked up, he didn't care who Mercedes was spending time with. She could date every guy on campus if she wanted to, he was only interested in Quinn. Mercedes could do whatever she pleased.

"Relax." Puck laughed. "I was just teasing you. I know Mercedes isn't interested in Finn. Still nice she's being social. I've been worried about her for months now. All she did was take care of you and Beth. It wasn't healthy."

"Now you can stop worrying. Beth and I will no longer be her concern."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Puck, putting his beer on the floor.

"I'm better now. I can take care of my daughter."

"Well yeah, but you know she's going to want to help you out."

"It might be better for her to start weaning herself away from us now. Soon Quinn will be back and things will change." He didn't want to be rude, Mercedes had done a lot for Beth, and Sam was grateful, but Beth needed her mother back and Mercedes needed to step aside so that could happen.

"Change like how?" asked Puck, the mood in the room suddenly getting intense.

"Quinn is Beth's mother," said Sam, looking Puck in the eyes.

"I do realize that," said Puck, his posture erect, as he stared Sam down.

"Just pointing it out," said Sam with a slight roll of his eyes.

"Mercedes is your wife, just pointing THAT out."

"I'm well aware of my ball and chain. Thank you," said Sam, tipping his bottle in Puck's direction, before polishing off the last of his beer. He set the empty bottle on the nightstand.

"I think you better check that attitude when you're talking about Mercedes," said Puck getting up from his chair.

"I was just joking," said Sam, holding up his hands in mock surrender, as Puck glared over at him. "Damn it's like she has full guard detail, Kurt, Mike, you, always quick to protect her."

"Kurt and Mike both care but nobody loves that girl like I do," said Puck, his words almost sounding like a threat.

"Not even me? I'm the one that married her and gave her control of all my assets." Something he still couldn't believe he actually did. There's not enough love in the world for him to be that dumb.

"Uncle Dwight used to say the only person you were capable of loving was yourself and after you cheated on Cede with Quinn, I'm inclined to agree with him," said Puck, finally sitting back down.

"Glad to see some things never change, still as judgmental as ever." Same as always Puck knows best and he was just some pathetic screw up that made his cousin look even better in his father's eyes.

"I know how you operate, smothering, controlling," he said ticking off the list on his fingertips. "And then you get bored and the wreckage begins. You break hearts."

Sam counted to three and bit his tongue, not wanting to take the bait that Puck was dangling. They had sparred over Quinn for years, Sam knew when to duck and when to take a swing by now.

"Never broke Quinn's heart. From what I remember that was all you. I still can't believe you dumped her."

"Neither can I sometimes, but it was for the best." Puck laughed lightly but Sam could tell it was hollow. Puck didn't find anything amusing about the subject. "She shouldn't have had to deal with my addiction."

"Addiction?" Sam asked, confused.

Puck ran his hand over his short brown hair. "Long story short I got hooked on coke, made Quinn's life hell with my moods and insane behavior. I was out of control and dragging Quinn down with me."

"I didn't know. How are you now? You look..."

Sam was at loss for words. He couldn't believe that perfect Noah Puckerman had fallen into such a dark place. He never would've believed it if he had heard it from anyone else.

"Clean and sober. Rehab, then going to meetings, reminding myself every day that one slip up and I could lose myself again."

Now that Sam focused on his cousin he could see a subtle change in the man. There was a dark edge that seemed to surround him. He no longer seemed as open as Sam remembered. His eyes were shielded, as if he were purposely masking parts of himself.

"Quinn didn't mention any of this last night," said Sam still feeling a little stunned by all Puck had just thrown at him.

She hadn't even told him back when they were stuck together during the limo crash. This was the pain about Puck she had chosen to hide. Sam wondered why she felt she couldn't confide in him, then and now. Quinn must have been too ashamed about the situation to talk about it back then, but last night they had shared so much, were so open. Why hadn't she told him about Puck then? It bothered Sam for some reason it made him wonder what else she'd chosen not to reveal.

Sam shook those thoughts off, he was being needlessly suspicious. All this stuff with Puck happened years ago, that was why it had never come up. They all had moved beyond it. He was the only one living in the past.

"I heard you went to see her. How's she doing?" asked Puck, as he rolled up the sleeves on his white button down shirt. He was pretty dressed up, button down, but no tie, dark pants.

"She's doing much better." Sam grinned. "Things are definitely looking up for her."

Quinn was free and home. Things could only get better. He just wished he could spend time with her out in the open, but he needed to tread carefully for now. Just like tonight, he planned to sneak out of the house and go to the Beacon to visit Quinn, no one would be the wiser, and the few staff members he would let in on the plan, would never betray his trust. Discretion was the only way, if he wanted to keep up the terms of his father's deal.

Puck looked up at Sam, surprised. "Really? Last time I was there she was pretty miserable being away from Beth. I guess you just got the magic touch."

"Guess so. It was indescribable seeing her again. I never knew how much I missed her until she was right in front of me."

All the days of anticipating, day dreaming, and fantasizing, as he waited for his chance to see Quinn face to face never could compare to the real thing. Seeing Quinn at the hospital just brought everything into place, quieted his confused thoughts and helped his world suddenly make sense. Everything seemed so terribly wrong in his life, except Beth and Quinn.

"Yeah." Puck smiled. "It just hits you doesn't it? Looking into her eyes, being close to her."

"Breathtaking," said Sam, almost to himself, his mind filled with the beautiful images of Quinn in grey silk from the night before.

"That she is," Puck agreed.

Sam regarded Puck curiously. It had been years but it seemed like his cousin still had some feelings lingering for Quinn. "You're speaking pretty highly of someone that's your ex."

"So are you."

"I've never stopped caring about Quinn. You know that." It was a subject they had never discussed explicitly. Once Quinn made her choice, Sam never mentioned his feelings for Quinn again to keep the peace and his sanity.

"That I did," said Puck taking a swig of his beer. "I'm just glad you were in the Middle East and we were in NYC so I didn't have to watch you drool all over my girlfriend."

Wow. He guessed a breakup and the passage of years had made the topic of Quinn fair game. If Puck wanted to go there, Sam would gladly oblige.

"Or maybe you thought that distance would keep you safe, didn't want Quinn coming to her senses and realize she chose the wrong guy."

Quinn had all but admitted that to him the night of the crash. Maybe if he had stuck around and continued to pursue her, Quinn would've come back to him. Sam thought he had done the right thing when he let her go, but lately some of the things Quinn had said were making him think otherwise. Perhaps they both had wasted years of their lives, time they could have spent together, if he had just pressed Quinn more back in high school.

"That never would've happened. Quinn knew her heart back then but now…" Puck's voice trailed off as he turned his attention back to his beer. Leaving Sam to fill in that huge blank floating between them.

A heat rose within Sam, his body growing tense. "Are you insinuating that she doesn't know it anymore? That her feelings aren't real?"

"I think she's been through a lot and her feelings are clouded." Puck shot him a look, almost daring him to disagree with that assessment.

"How ironic that Quinn's confused and clouded when you're no longer the object of her affection. Could it be you're jealous that she cares about me?" That's what this all had been about since they started the conversation. Puck had an issue with Quinn's connection to him.

"She's lonely and scared, leaning on the familiar, just like you are actually."

There was that tone again, the older, wiser vibe, that Puck liked to pull out when he was trying to put Sam in his place. He'd been doing it since they were kids, always feeling the need to educate Sam because he was a mere three years older.

"You condescending bastard," said Sam, his voice rising with his anger. "Don't presume to know how I feel."

"I do know how you feel, the real you, this stuff now is just brain damage."

"Oh so I'm damaged because I love Quinn? You've got a lot of nerve."

Who the hell did he think he was? Coming in there judging his feelings and trying to analyze something he knew nothing about. What he felt for Quinn was real and right and nothing anyone said would change that. He woke up from the coma with that certainty and it hadn't left him yet. Whatever he might have felt before the accident wasn't relevant now. How could it be? When all the signs were leading him toward Quinn and toward a new future with her and Beth.

"Love?" Puck shook his head, almost looking sad. "Sam you need to snap out of it. You're heading down the wrong path and you're going to hate yourself one day when you realize what you've done."

"Save it. I don't need another lecture about how I should feel about my wife. I've heard it more than enough. I get it. I loved her. We were happy, blah, blah. And while I can see Mercedes has some merits, I must have been seriously smoking to marry her instead of fighting for Quinn. Mercedes just doesn't compare."

Puck jumped up from his seat and rushed over to the bed grabbing Sam and pulling him to his feet by the front of his shirt.

"I should break your jaw for that," said Puck through clenched teeth. "After all that girl has lived through, sacrificed, all she's done for you."

Sam pushed Puck away, hard, causing the man to stumble backward a bit before he got his footing. Sam didn't want to fight, not over this. He hadn't meant for what he said about Mercedes to sound so harsh, but Puck was pushing his buttons, trying to tell him how to feel. Sam liked things about Mercedes and regretted the whole situation they were all stuck in. He wouldn't wish any of this on her. He agreed with Puck, she'd been through enough, wasting her college years dealing with him, but he was left with no choice. He had to see things through with her, for better or worse, his father had made sure of that.

"I do realize what she's done. She's been very loyal. I plan to stick it out with her. I owe her that much."

Puck wasn't convinced. He came back at Sam hard, getting into his face. "So it's like that? You're throwing Mercedes a bone for her loyalty? Why not just cut her a check?" Puck asked poking his finger in the center of Sam's chest. Sam tried to keep his cool, backing away from his cousin, trying to keep his building anger in check. "You are unbelievable," Puck continued. "How did I let myself get suckered in by all your whining and moping? I actually thought you loved your wife. Now I see I should've pushed a lot harder for her to be with Shane Tinsley. He's a hell of a lot better than you."

"You wanted her to leave me?" Sam asked, his jaw slacking slightly with shock.

Ever since he woke up, everyone had been telling him all about his great love with Mercedes and about how wonderful their marriage had been. Besides Julian, who was understandably upset, no one else spoke ill about his supposedly blissful union with Mercedes.

"Put it this way. If I could go back in time, you better believe I'd make sure Shane got that message on your wedding day. It would have served you right to have been left completely alone at the altar."

"That's messed up. How can you say that? We're family. You're my blood."

"Just because I haven't been around that much, doesn't mean I don't know what you've been up to. Quinn's going through hell because of you and your inability to keep it in your pants, one drunken night and you destroyed her whole life. And Mercedes, she took you back after everything and has been standing by you every step of the way and you pull this bullshit. I know you've been treating Cede like crap, verbally abusing her, messing with her head. Listen to me Sam," said Puck drawing in close, his voice a low growl. "Family or not, if I hear that you put your hands on her in any way I'll put you back in that coma."


	63. Tailspin3 Ch9

Chapter 9

"Artie," she called out from her hiding spot in the shadows, just on the edge of the grass near the brick retaining wall, away from the tall light that bordered the circular drive.

He looked up startled, fumbling as he tried to keep hold of the aluminum tray in his hands.

"Artie," she called again. He turned toward her this time, searching the darkness.  
>With a deep breath Quinn stepped into the light, dark hood on her head, sunglasses on her face. "Hi," she said with a building smile. She wasn't sure what she had been thinking now that she was standing in front of him. Artie must think she's awfully weird to be skulking about the Evans grounds in the dark.<p>

"Quinn?" His voice was shaky as he put the pan on the hood of the car and walked toward her.

"Yeah," she said looking down, still keeping her smile. "In the flesh."

"Oh my god, you're free," he said a bit loudly, a bright smile lighting up his face.

Quinn looked at him relieved. What had she been nervous about? Artie was on her side, at times the only one that seemed to be.

He grabbed her suddenly, catching her unaware wrapping her in his arms, hugging her tightly. "I can't believe you're here," he whispered somewhere between her ear and her cheek.

He smelled like winter and wool, his body was warm despite the cold temperature of the air. Quinn laughed as she hugged him back, getting caught up in his enthusiasm.

"It's so good to see you," he said when he finally spoke again, releasing her, but only stepping a bit back from her. He was in her space, filling the air with his warmth and his smile. He ran his hand through his dark brown hair, letting his eyes sweep over her body, taking her in. "Good to see you in something other than white sweats."

"It feels good to be in something other than white sweats," she chuckled. "I may never wear white again." Or shoes without heels again, or anything with an elastic waistband again, and definitely nothing made of velour or French terry.

"Don't say that," he said touching her face softly, his thumb stroking her cheek. "Wedding dresses are white, you might need to wear one of those again."

He stared down at her with pale blue eyes, so different than his usual brighter aquamarine. Quinn touched the bit of skin that was exposed between his wrist and his coat sleeve, the contact seemed to shock Artie, pulling him back from whatever trance he had been in. He dropped his hand and stepped away to lean against his car.

"I think two strikes and I'm out," she said once Artie had moved away and she could breathe freely again. "Relationships don't seem to be something I'm good at."

"Actually you get three strikes," he said holding up three fingers. "Never know you might just get it right the next time, find your fairytale."

Artie leaned his head back against the car, looking up toward the sky. Quinn followed his gaze, wondering what he found so fascinating up in the darkness. There wasn't a star to be seen overhead. Quinn shifted focus from the sky to Artie's face, studying him as he continued to gaze upward. Even in the dim light, she could see the angular contours of his face, his chiseled jaw, strong features that sort of reminded her of Sam's. Suddenly it felt wrong to be watching the sky with any other man besides Sam. He was the sole reason she was there tonight, and she was allowing herself to get distracted.

"This is a little strange, talking about fairytales in the freezing cold darkness outside of Sam's house," said Quinn, hoping to pull Artie back to the present. She needed him to help her get into the house, and all this star gazing was wasting precious time.

"I don't know. I think meaningful conversations in unusual places just might be our thing."

Their eyes locked, and something wouldn't let Quinn look away, her cheeks warmed the longer he continued to stare.

"I guess you're right, courthouses, hospitals…"

"Don't forget the conference room," he said interrupting.

"How could I forget that? You made me breakfast."

Before her last court appearance, after weeks of subsisting on bland hospital food, Artie had prepared her a feast. So many men had done things to impress and seduce her over the years. Quinn was no stranger to the kindness of men, but what Artie did that morning truly touched her. He had tried to make her feel comfortable and special, and he didn't have to, and he asked for nothing in return.

Artie shrugged, turning to look off toward the house. "Well more like ordered actually, I mean all I did was call and…"

"It was sweet," she said cutting him off. He looked at her again, his cheeks redder than they had just been moments before. "You're the best lawyer a girl could ask for. You set me free."

"Actually that was Sam. I sort of failed on that front."

Quinn could tell it bothered him. He had technically lost his case, once the judge changed his ruling and sent her upstate, but to Quinn he had done so much. He gave her hope and support, when she felt like she had nothing and no one.

"If it weren't for you, Sam wouldn't have known I needed him. You saved me Artie. Please don't forget that." There was so much more she wanted to say, to reassure him and convince him that he would forever be a hero in her life, but as usual, the words in her heart failed to form on her lips.

"Well I wish I could do more, there's so much ahead of you in terms of getting back Beth. I wish I could work some legal miracle and have you two reunited right away."

"I know. I wish you could too. But it'll happen right?"

"Yes it will. You just need to play by the rules and…" Artie trailed off. "Quinn what are you doing here?"

"Uh I'm talking to you," said Quinn giving him a confused look.

"No I mean what are you doing at the Evans house? Beth is probably inside, you can't be here."

"Beth's usually with Mercedes."

"And Mercedes is here. They're throwing Sam a birthday party here tonight," he said stepping away from the car to examine her clothing. "And by the look of that dress you have hidden under that coat, you already knew that. What's up Quinn?"

"I'm here to see Sam."

"Ok so why are you standing outside in the cold?"

"See the thing is," she bit her lower lip nervously, weighing how she should proceed. "I'm not exactly invited to the party."

Artie nodded his head slowly. "Understandable given that Mercedes is throwing the party. So why are you coming to see him tonight then? Can't it wait until tomorrow?"

"No it actually can't wait. I need to talk to him now. I have to tell him something, something I should have said when he came and got me last night, but I didn't, I sort of froze, but now I'm ready."

More ready than she'd been in her life. Almost losing him, giving birth to his child, feeling the squeeze of his hand as he came back to consciousness, it was all that and more that made her see that Sam was what she had been searching for the whole time. Right in front of eyes, yet she never knew, the missing piece to fill that perpetual void within was him. If only she had opened herself to him sooner, let him in when he had asked her all those years ago, maybe they'd be happy together right now.

"Let me guess, this something you need to say can't be said in front of his wife."

Quinn had to hand it to Artie, he managed to make that comment without any judgment creeping into his voice.

"It's personal, for Sam's ears only. I'm not even sure Mercedes knows I'm back in Lima yet."

"What?" he asked his jaw slacked in shock. "How can she not know that?"

"Sam was supposed to tell her today, but I haven't talked to him yet, so I can't be sure. We agreed that I'd keep a low profile until Mercedes was up to speed about the changes in my situation."

"And low profile means crashing a party looking stunning in a long black coat and shades? Where's your head Quinn? There are cameras and reporters right at the door. How do you think you're going to waltz in the house unnoticed?" Artie asked, his voice and his arms rising in agitation.

"Well if you keep your voice down, I can tell you how. I have a plan."

Artie crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the car. "The last time you had a plan you were caught breaking into Shannon Beiste's house and you know where that got you…"

"Sent upstate," she said finishing his thought. "I don't need to be reminded. I lived it." Sometimes it replayed in her head, the horrifying nightmare of being dragged into that facility, poked and prodded, and then drugged against her will.

"Oh I think you do need to be reminded, repeatedly. Do you want to go back there? How did Sam manage to get you out anyway? Probably some shady deal brokered under the table with a judge, but believe me whatever influence Sam may have over the local law in this town, his father has tons more of it. Do you think Dwight Evans will just let you walk right into his house?"

"Are you done? Or is there more to the lecture?"

"Hell yeah there's more. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you Quinn. You deserve to be home and free and with your baby, so if I have to follow you around for the next decade lecturing you about making good choices I will do it."

"Decade?" asked Quinn fighting back a smile. "I'm not sure I can afford to keep you on retainer for that long."

"It's not about money. God, I thought..." he paused, shaking his head.

"What? You thought what?"

"I thought we had something between us, that we were developing a friendship. Maybe it was all me and I was thinking wrong."

"It's not just you," she said quietly, putting her hand on his navy coat sleeve. "I consider you a friend."

Artie smiled. "Good. So you'll take my advice and wait until after the party to talk to Sam?"

"No," said Quinn, shaking her head as she avoided his eyes.

"No?"

"I can't wait Artie, a million things could happen between now and tomorrow. Life changes so fast. Look at how it changed for Sam, one minute he was fine, the next in a coma. I can't waste any more time." Quinn shut her eyes, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. She got so emotional every time she thought of how Sam had been lost to her for almost a year.

"What about Beth? What you do tonight, might impact her as well."

"It definitely will impact her, at least I'm hoping. I'm trying to give her the life I never had, and this is the first step."

"You can't see Beth."

"I know. I only want to see Sam. I promise that's all I'm going to do. Talk to Sam then leave. No one will ever have to know I was here." It would be hard, knowing Beth was so close, and not being able to see her, but she wasn't trying to cause a scene or start any drama. She'd stay away from Beth, for now.

"That's going to be a little difficult since the whole family is going to be assembled inside for his party. They will kind of notice you. You don't exactly blend."

"My plan is to get Sam alone before the party. Santana told me that they are keeping him upstairs while they set up. I just need to get to him."

Santana didn't have specifics. Puck had just mentioned that Sam was upstairs away from the noise when she had talked to him last. Quinn figured that meant he was in his bedroom. It was on the far side of the house away from the stairwell and the main rooms below. Her plan was straightforward. Run upstairs to Sam, corner him in his room, and tell him she loved him. She hadn't decided yet whether she would wait for his reaction or just run from the room in a cold sweat. There was just no planning something like that. Either scenario would work, at least Sam would know how she felt.

"Santana Lopez? You're taking advice from her?"

There was that look. The look people often gave her when they were starting to question her sanity. She'd seen it more times that she could count since her PPD.

"I know what I'm doing. Trust me. I know you think I'm just this crazy…"

"Stop right there," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. His voice softened as he began again. "I don't think you're crazy. I never have, you know that. I just think you're letting your heart lead you in the wrong direction."

"My heart's leading me to Sam and Beth. How can that be wrong?" she asked wiping at the tears that rolled down her cheek.

"This could be so dangerous for you. Your heart could sustain some serious damage here," he said, pulling her into his chest, hugging her against him.

Quinn pulled back, to look him in the eyes. She needed him to understand. "He's worth the risk."

She at least had to try. If nothing came of this, if they never found a way together, so be it. At least he'd know once and for all how much he means to her.

"Fine." Artie sighed, releasing her. "Let's hear this plan of yours."

"Finally," said Santana opening the door of her car. "I thought I was going to die if I had to sit through one more minute of your good guy blathering. We get it you think Quinn should play it safe, head back to her hotel, and wait patiently for CPS and the small minds of Lima to allow her to start living her life again. You think she should stay away from Sam because he's married and she might get hurt. How am I doing so far?"

"There's nothing wrong with taking things slowly and letting the media frenzy surrounding her to die down," said Artie.

Santana got out of the car, smoothing out her long dress coat, before shutting the door behind her. "Sweetie, that right there is why you're very attractive, yet so very single, living in sleepy little Lima. Some little LA tart chopped off your balls and now you're hiding out here."

"Santana!" Quinn grabbed her friend by the arm, totally appalled she would go there with Artie.

"What?" Santana asked, pulling away from Quinn with a crooked smile. "I did my research. I know all about his vegan model slash actress ex-girlfriend."

Artie looked uncomfortable, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, avoiding her eyes. "My personal life has nothing to do with this," he said quickly.

"What personal life?" Santana scoffed, with a flip of her black hair. "You came to the party with Rachel Berry. And don't even try to act like this is a real date because I already know that her dads set this up when they met you at synagogue. How pathetic is that?"

"How did you know that?" asked Artie.

Santana let out a bored sigh and waved her hand. "I pretty much know everything."

"Look I've been busy working," he started to explain. "I haven't had time…" he added when Santana didn't look convinced. "I just moved here…" he continued, as Santana rolled her eyes. "I carried the pan!" he finally said loudly, his brows knitted in annoyance.

Santana just smirked, and patted him on the arm. "Excuses, excuses, all adds up to you haven't been laid in months."

"Santana, shut up. I'm so sorry Artie. She gets like this." Santana's mouth was going to ruin everything. They still hadn't gotten Artie to agree to help them get into the house. If Santana kept at it, their Plan B was going to leave them out in the cold.

"Don't apologize for me Quinn. Artie knows I'm speaking the truth. Don't you Artie?" asked Santana as she gave Artie a look Quinn couldn't quite decipher.

"I assume you have a point to all of this," Artie said, blandly.

Quinn could tell he was working hard to pretend that Santana's words hadn't rattled him, but Quinn could see that they had.

"I'll take that as a yes," said Santana, with a devilish laugh. She pulled Artie closer by the lapel of his wool coat. "So here's how it's going to go, instead of facing the paparazzi over there, all alone, head bowed, hoping to rush through unnoticed, you're going to walk by them head held high, a smile on your face and a beautiful woman on your arm. Think of it as yet another good deed to add to your long list."

It was starting to feel completely wrong. They would essentially be throwing Artie to the lions. If he survived the walk through the media mob, he'd still have to face the wrath of the Evans family. Artie was a good guy, and someone she truly considered a friend, she couldn't put him through this. She'd just have to find a better way to get inside.

"This is a bad idea. Artie, ignore her. We shouldn't have even bothered you with this. Just go inside and enjoy the party. Santana let's go." Quinn headed back to the passenger side of Santana's car. Maybe Artie was right, tomorrow wasn't so far off, she could talk to Sam then, without all the added drama of a party.

"No wait," said Artie, grabbing Quinn's arm. "I'll do it. I'll help you."

Quinn broke into a grin. "Are you serious? You're going to help us?"

"Gotta keep my client happy, keep that beautiful smile on your face," he said tugging at her hood with both hands.

"You're too sweet, stop it." She couldn't believe it. Artie was coming through for her again. She'd gotten majorly lucky to end up with him in her life.

"Yes please stop it," Santana said from behind them. "I'm getting queasy."

"Let's do this. It's freezing out here, and life's awaiting right Quinn?" Artie smiled and took her hand, squeezing it gently.

"Right," said Quinn with a smile.

For the first time in so long it finally felt like her life was really starting over, that new beginning she craved was within her reach. This time she was on the right track, and she was going to be brave enough to follow it no matter where it led her.


	64. Tailspin3 Ch10

**Chapter 10**

She had just wanted to throw him a birthday party, first with his family, later with his friends, a celebration to welcome him back. Of course since he didn't remember her, practically hated her, most definitely wished she were out of his life, had a way of making the whole party mood a little hard for Mercedes to catch, but she had been trying, with the encouragement of Kurt, and Sue, Puck and now Finn. She had been trying to ignore the knots in her stomach, her internal radar that warned her of impending doom ahead. She took depth breaths, tried to focus on the positive, faked happy grins, just so she could make it through this. With enough positivity anything was possible, or so she had been told. Mercedes had been chugging away at the positive juice, despite the fact that every part of her feared the party would be a failure. So she was barely shocked when she had arrived. Like an angel of death, a harbinger of the disaster to come, Rachel had appeared, unexpected and unwanted.

"Get out. Leave now or I will have you escorted out, and trust me it won't be pretty," said Mercedes as she twisted her dark hair into a knot at the base of her head. "The guards like it rough."

"You can't throw me out. I'm an invited guest," said Rachel as she removed her gold hoops from her ears.

"Like hell. I never invited you."

"It's not all about you. Kurt invited me. He knows I care about Sam, and unlike you, Sam can actually remember me."

Kurt was going to get it. She didn't care if Rachel was his roommate, Kurt knew better than to let this she-beast loose near her.

"Uncool. That was pretty low Rachel," said Finn as he stood on the sidelines watching the conversation unfold.

"Low is Rachel's middle name. She'll smile in your face, but turn your back on her and she'll cut you." Mercedes took off her diamond bracelet and handed it behind her to Finn.

"This coming from the girl that played two guys on her wedding day. One at the altar the other waiting out front." Rachel shook off her coat, revealing her very low cut and seriously short royal blue dress. "You wanted the doctor next door but you couldn't give up your multi-million dollar insurance policy. Isn't that right Mercedes?" She tossed the coat aside, not caring where it fell. As if she had aimed for her target, the coat landed on the console table in the foyer, knocking down the lone photo on display, a wedding photo of Sam and Mercedes.

Mercedes gritted her teeth as she looked over at the fallen photo, not surprised when Rachel made no moves to pick it up. "Why are we talking about this still, a year later? Sounds like someone needs to get a life."

"I'd love to move on and never have to deal with you again but I can't," said Rachel, as she fluffed out her long brown hair. It fell perfectly about her shoulders, as if she were in a shampoo commercial.

"Sure you can. It's easy, just stay out of my business."

"And let you jerk Sam around all over again? No way. I didn't speak up the first time, but I won't make that mistake again." Rachel pointed her finger emphatically at Mercedes. "Sam's finally going to see you for the lying slut you truly are."

"Okay ladies," said Finn stepping in between them. "Did you know we are right by the front door?" He pointed to the door a few feet away. "Anyone can come in and hear you."

"I say open the door and let them in Finn. Time to expose Mercedes' true nature to the world. I'm sure everyone would love to hear about the affair you had with a doctor while your poor husband was in a coma."

"You know I never slept with Shane."

Twice they had gotten to that point, where sex could have been a possibility, and each time had been about Sam. The first time was while they were dating, she had turned up the heat on Shane hoping that by pushing them to the next level she could somehow push Sam out of her mind. Her brain had other plans that night, and every kiss Shane gave her she imagined it was Sam instead. The second time she had been in pain, after the accident, discovering Beth was Sam's daughter, she had set out to use Shane, to finally let herself give in to all those feelings for him she had suppressed. Again fate had other plans, and it turned out she hadn't really been suppressing much, nothing she felt for Shane was big enough to make her want him over Sam.

"Do you mean Shane Tinsley? The McKinley football legend?" asked Finn looking a bit confused.

"Don't tell me you hadn't heard the stories Finn. Mercedes used to date Shane right before she married Sam, like immediately before, like she jumped from Shane's bed to Sam's in a blink of an eye."

"It didn't happen like that and you know it. Sam and I have always had something special." She couldn't put a name to it but it was always there, even when they didn't want it to be.

"So special that you had to let the world know all about it in your seedy little sex tape."

"Whoa, whoa, wow. You have a sex tape?" asked Finn leaning in front of Mercedes's face with a look that was a cross between shock and titillation.

Mercedes pushed past Finn to get a full view of Rachel again. "Rachel as much as I would love to stroll down memory lane with you all night, I have a party to attend with my husband," said Mercedes, twirling her wedding ring on her finger.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "You just love throwing that word around – husband – as if it gives you some sort of power or entitlement."

"It does. It makes me entitled to spend my life with Sam and that just burns you up doesn't it? Are you wishing you hadn't dumped him so cruelly last year?"

There were times when she envied Rachel's strength, she was able to walk away and let Sam go so completely. Mercedes had never been able to accomplish that feat, though she had tried numerous times. Maybe she was too weak, maybe she was scared to be alone, or perhaps it was that she didn't want to let go of the only man that made her feel so completely whole.

Rachel shrugged, trying to appear casual, but her tear filled eyes gave her away. "Sam and I would've worked things out. We would've been married living in Nashville if you hadn't seduced him."

She had always tried to be sensitive back then when she actually cared about Rachel's feelings, when she had stupidly thought they were friends. She never rubbed it in Rachel's face that she was the one wearing Sam's ring now, when not so long ago their roles had been reversed. Despite Rachel's consistent assurances that she was over Sam and didn't care he moved on, Mercedes believed that some part of Rachel was still mourning the loss of her relationship.

"You think I had to seduce him? Sam has wanted me since almost the moment we met."

If she had just wanted sex she could have been with Sam so many times while he was dating Rachel. He would have done it and claimed it was a stupid mistake, convincing everyone, even himself, that attraction had no part in it, but Mercedes had always wanted more from him, she wanted what Rachel had and then some. She wanted Sam to be hers completely.

"He loved me. We were in a committed relationship."

"Maybe so, but that doesn't change the fact that he was attracted to me. There was something between us the whole time you were in your supposed committed relationship."

Mercedes paused on that statement, her words hitting so close to home now with her current situation. Maybe Sam had always felt something for Quinn as well, he could have had a special connection with her too, and that was why he wanted to be with her now. Perhaps she wasn't the one after all, and Quinn was.

"You think I didn't know that? I knew he wanted to sleep with you, and you tried to play on his weakness every chance you got."

Mercedes couldn't deny it. She had tried to use Sam's obvious attraction for her to ruin his relationship with Rachel, but then they got engaged and Mercedes was left alone on the outside and suddenly it was clear just how unimportant all those games had been. Life was too short to try to trap a man that didn't really want her, so she let go and tried to move on.

"I'm not proud of some of things I did while you two were together, but I grew up and overcame that. Ultimately I just wanted him happy and I knew you would never be able to pull that off."

That was the thread that kept her bound to Sam, that small sliver of hope that one day he'd finally see that she was the better choice for him. Knowing that he would never be truly happy with Rachel kept her hanging on, even while she desperately tried to pour her interest into another man.

"Maybe Sam and I weren't meant to be. I am at peace with that now."

"I can sense the peace all over you," Mercedes commented almost under her breath.

"My peace comes from knowing that you and Sam don't have a prayer of staying married. This train wreck of a relationship is finally going to come to an end."

"Sam and I are committed to making things work despite the challenges, for better or worse."

So that wasn't exactly true. Mercedes was pretty sure working things out was the last thing that Sam really wanted to do. She just didn't believe he was particularly interested even with his request earlier that afternoon to move back home. It just didn't ring true, his words didn't match his actions.

"This picture of you and Finn really showcases that commitment."

"It was just a hug, she barely touched me. I've gotten more body contact from Sue than that," said Finn speaking up from his spot on the stairs.

"Let's see what Sam has to say. I sent that little photo bomb not too long ago, so we should be hearing from your husband soon."

"Nice try Rachel." Mercedes smirked. "But Sam doesn't have a cell phone."

At least not yet, she had bought him a new one for when he was cleared by his doctors. She had kept his phone number active while he was in a coma, and his assistant had supplied her with a list of all the contact numbers he would need for work, so once Sam was cleared all he would have to do was start dialing.

"I know, but Kurt does. He's with Sam right now isn't he? At least that was what he told me when I talked to him earlier." Rachel looked down at her phone, tapping on the screen. "On Sam patrol," she said turning the phone toward them to reveal the text message.

Finn stood behind Mercedes, putting his hand on her bare shoulder. "Kurt would never rat me and Cede out," he said.

"Sam is Kurt's family. And I know just how seriously Kurt takes that bond. I don't think he'll let his cousin be played by his piece of trash wife." Rachel crossed her arms with a smug look on her face.

"I'm not worried at all," said Mercedes, crossing her arms, mimicking Rachel's pose. "Kurt knows how much I love Sam."

"You're probably right," she said tossing her long brown hair over her shoulder. "Kurt is too far up your butt to see the truth. We'll just have to wait hear what the Lima newspaper has to say about this."

"You sent the pic to the newspaper?" asked Finn stepping in front of Mercedes, his usual relaxed stance growing tense.

"Of course," Rachel said tapping her long pink nails on the back of her phone. "The public has the right to know that the woman they have been feeling sorry for all these months as she took care of her poor sick husband and his illegitimate baby, is really a sneaky little witch that has been conning us all."

"I can't believe this. You crossed the line. You're messing with people's lives here," said Finn roughly dragging his fingers through his hair.

"Are you worried your good Hudson name will get tarnished?" asked Rachel leaning back against the wall, fiddling with her phone.

Finn stood up taller, his posture erect like a cobra ready to strike. "I don't think you want to go there. You don't want my family against you."

Rachel didn't even look up, her focus still on her phone as she spoke. "You think I care about your ambulance chasing stepfather and your trashy mother? You guys own a dive bar in Lima, Ohio, who gives a crap?"

"What the hell? Is this chick crazy? Did she really just call my mom trash?" asked Finn turning to face Mercedes. He was starting to shake, the usually laid back guy was ready to break something.

She decided to intervene. Mercedes put her hand on Finn's arm. "It's okay Finn. I can handle her. Why are you doing this Rachel? Don't you think we've been through enough? Can't you leave us alone?"

This was such bullshit. Rachel had been out to get her for years, acting like her friend one minute then trashing her the next, and Mercedes never could figure out why.

"Sam's been through enough. You, not so much," she said stepping closer, condescension dripping from every word.

"What did I ever do to you to make you hate me?" Mercedes asked trying not to react to Rachel being so close to her face. She ran her hands down her green dress and tried to stand taller in her high heels.

"Hello! Sam and Shane – every time you messed things up for me. You keep stealing my happiness, so now I'm going to return the favor," said Rachel poking a finger hard into Mercedes' chest.

Mercedes shoved her back, causing Rachel to teeter a bit on her heels. "Instead of blaming me for your failed relationships, maybe you should take a long hard look at yourself, and face the fact that you just really suck as a person and that's why you always end up alone."

"Oh so it was all me and your meddling and petty tricks had nothing to do with my break ups?"

"That's stuff was in the past. We both made mistakes can't you just let it go?"

"It's not the past for me!" Rachel yelled her face red from tears. "I went to North Carolina last weekend, Shane invited me down, and I thought just maybe there was still a chance for us. I get there and everything seems great and I just let it slip about Sam's memory loss and that's all it took. He spent the rest of the weekend obsessing about you and how you're dealing," she said wiping her face with the back of her hand. "He couldn't stop talking about what this means for your marriage, about what it means for you and him."

"So Shane has the sense enough not to want you and it's my fault? Rachel, I'm sorry if Shane hurt your feelings but I had nothing to do with any of that."

"Yes you did. You wrecked him somehow, he can't seem to move on from you. He keeps hoping that you two will find a way back together."

"That's never going to happen," Mercedes said sadly, sniffling.

It hurt to think about Shane, everything between them caused so much pain, to him, to her, to so many others. They had only dated a few months, danced around each other for a few months before that, and then after her wedding she tried to run from his searching, eager eyes, filled with hope and longing, all because of a message he never even received. She never would've been happy with Shane, she knew that now, as much as she cared about him and enjoyed his company, something was always missing, a spark, like the one she had with Sam.

Sam would enter a room and all her senses would go on high alert, her heart would pound, her skin would tingle, she was so aware of him, always knowing his position in a room, even when she was trying desperately to ignore him. Once when she was out on a date with Shane and Sam had appeared, almost out of nowhere, right in the middle of it. He was cordial and low key, not saying much, his face betraying none of his emotions, but his eyes, they tracked her and held her there, locked to him, and she couldn't look away. His eyes penetrating and deepening green, shielded behind a thick fringe of eyelashes told his truth and issued his warning. There was no running from what was between them they were going to have each other. That powerful electricity had thrown Mercedes off center that day, reminding her of feelings she had worked hard to bury. If she had been honest with herself then, she would have saved everyone so much pain, because the truth was, Shane couldn't compare with the man she truly wanted.

"Don't you think I know that? I've told him over and over that a gold digger like you would never settle for a lowly intern, especially not when you have all that Evans money and power in your tight little fists."

She blinked back the tears that were stinging in her eyes. She didn't want to give Rachel the satisfaction of seeing her cry. "It's not about money. It's never been about money."

"Right and you just want Sam for his kind loving heart and his killer abs. No one believes that Mercedes, everyone knows the real reason you married him."

He had married her, took their love all the way, putting up with him collapsing on their wedding day, a hospital honeymoon, and a move to the suburbs. He continued to love her in spite of her constant need to ramble, her inability to sleep without touching him, and he handled her nightmares without complaint. He had dealt with every one of her insecurities, trying to reassure her and boost her confidence at every turn, and Shane, he even dealt with him, and those lingering feelings. Sam had taken it all and never left her. So how could she just turn away and give up on him now? It felt like she would be letting him down somehow if she didn't fight for him, even if she had no hope of winning.

"I'm done with this conversation I don't have to explain anything about how I feel to you. If you ever truly loved Sam you'd never be saying any of this to me. You'd already know why I married him."

"I loved Sam. I just couldn't handle his way of life. Things are different now. He changed for you. Why couldn't he have quit D&E when we were together? Why didn't he live in the suburbs when he was with me?"

It must have been a bitter pill for Rachel to swallow, knowing that Mercedes got the version of Sam she had wanted. Sam had tempered in their marriage, taking the closest he would probably ever get to a 9 to 5 job, when he started consulting instead of running his family business. They lived together in a quiet subdivision littered with minivans and picket fences. He cooked instead of jetting to 5-star restaurants, he laughed more, yelled less, and he spent all of his free time with her, never letting D&E come between them. Mercedes had everything Rachel ever wanted from Sam, and the funny thing was she never asked for any of it. She would have been just as content being married to him when he was the CEO of D&E and living a fancy high powered life. It just didn't matter as long as she could be with him.

"I don't know. I didn't ask Sam to do any of it. He could have done anything he wanted, I would've loved him anyway."

"Oh that's clear. You would've taken him any way you could. You didn't even care that he was engaged to me at the time."

Mercedes choked out a laugh, biting back the urge to call her delusional and pathetic. "Are we back to that again? You guys were broken up. He was free to be with anyone he chose."

"You know what Mercedes, you're right. I need to let this go. We weren't together at the time, so he was free to screw any classless skank he could get his hands on."

"I think it's time for you to go. I'm not going to let you talk to me like that in my husband's home."

"Can't stand to hear the truth? I admitted I was wrong to blame you for sleeping with Sam, but you can't admit that you're nothing but a cheap whore that makes sex tapes and strips for money on the internet."

"You shut up!" yelled Mercedes grabbing for Rachel, but catching only air as she was lifted off the floor by Finn. He held her up against his chest, his one arm around her waist, as she fought to get away from him.

"Though how anyone could pay to see your fat ass is beyond my comprehension. Not to mention you look about 12. Oh wait, right. Chubby chasers and pedophiles."

Reaching down she grabbed her shoe from her foot and threw it at Rachel, hitting the girl in the arm.

Rachel screamed and charged at Mercedes, hair flying, her long nails looking like claws. Finn was ready for the attack, catching Rachel around the waist before she could make contact, putting his body between them so no punches could be thrown.

"Rachel, I think you need to just ease up," said Finn as he wrangled a girl in each arm.

"Aww Mercedes he's a cutie coming to your defense like that." Rachel struggled in Finn's arms, leaning around him trying to reach Mercedes. "Clearly he has no idea about the real you. Maybe I should get him up to speed, let him know what he's in for." Rachel stomped on Finn's foot, causing him to let her go as he grunted in pain. She managed to grab a handful of Mercedes'hair, yanking it hard, before Finn recovered and positioned himself between them again.

He held Rachel back with his outstretched arm. "You stay over there!" he yelled toward Rachel. He tightened his hold on Mercedes as she continued to squirm in his arms. "And you," he said looking down at Mercedes. "You need to calm down."

"I'm going to put my fist down your throat!" she yelled, ignoring Finn's call for peace. Kicking out her leg in Rachel's direction her shoe went flying. Rachel ducked to avoid being hit again.

"Look the baby's throwing a tantrum. Maybe Sam should think twice about buying you $1000 shoes, when this is how you treat them," said Rachel smirking.

"Finn, let me go so I can knock that smile off her face," she said scratching at Finn's arm.

"Ever wonder what Sam saw in you? Do you think he had a thing for little girls too?"

"You twisted sick bitch. How can you even say these things to me?"

"Any sympathy I had for you and your terrible childhood ended when you stole my fiancé and led Shane on. I'm starting to think you liked everything you got back in LA," said Rachel her mouth somewhere between a snarl and a smile.

Elbowing Finn below the waist, freeing herself from his grasp, she rushed forward, faster than Rachel could react and slapped her hard across the cheek leaving her handprint, red and almost glowing, on her face.

Thirteen years old, the last summer she had any hope that things could get better. Money was tight, so tight that her mom had contemplated finding herself a real job. But before that could happen, her luck changed, and she came breezing into their suite with a smile on her face and shopping bags in her hands. Her mom had taken her to Beverly Hill and left her at a bungalow with a French man with graying dark hair and a deceptive smile. The first night she endured, her eyes squeezed shut, her mind safe in her white castle. She barely knew the man had touched her at all.

The next day she wasn't so lucky, he demanded attention, responses to his acts, he wouldn't let her flee to her safe place inside herself. He made sure she felt every touch, only relenting when her screams brought a neighbor to the door.

It was a woman with golden hair, startling blue eyes, unforgettable and bright, eyes Mercedes would see in her mind for years afterward. This woman came in like an angel, pulling her away from the man, taking her into the bathroom, wiping her clean. Mercedes clung to the woman's waist, pleading with her to help her escape. The woman stroked her hair, whispered soothing words, those blue eyes sparkling with compassion. With a soft touch and even softer voice she had agreed to help make things better.

More relaxed, confident that her ordeal would be soon over, Mercedes went back to face the man, holding fast to the green eyed woman's hand. The woman had said it in French, when before all her words had been English, but Mercedes understood. "I think she liked it and she wants you to do it all again, but this time I'll watch." she had said in sweetly spoken French. Those blue eyes darkened as she let go of Mercedes and shoved her into the man's waiting arms.

As if she had somehow been transported back to that awful time and place, just for a moment, Mercedes saw those eyes again on Rachel's face. Blinded by her tears and a building rage, she lunged forward toward Rachel, her right hand balled into a tight fist.


	65. Tailspin3 Ch11

Chapter 11

"You really think I'd physically hurt a woman?" Sam asked in hurt and disbelief. Over the years he had many disagreements with Puck from everything from football to girls, and they had rarely agreed on much, but Sam had always thought despite their differences, there was a mutual respect and understanding between them. Perhaps it had been only one sided all these years and Puck had secretly detested him all along. "That's not who I am, Puck you know me better than that."

"She told me you kicked her," said Puck returning to his chair across the room, but still eyeing him intensely.

"What the fuck? She's lying," said Sam raking his fingers through his hair. He felt like he was being wrongly accused of a crime.

"She was trying to cover for you, said you knocked her over and didn't know. But I know how you get Sam, when your temper gets the better of you. You resent Mercedes and you're probably taking it out on her."

Sam's stomach dropped as he remembered the exact moment Puck was referring to. His resentment and anger had been at an extreme high that day. Spending so much time with Mercedes, feeling like she was always underfoot, over eager to please, as if she truly meant all she was doing and wasn't just there to ease her guilty conscience. It had worn on Sam, fraying his nerves to the point where he thought he would snap. Damn right he resented her. She was in the way of everything he wanted. That week before he went to see Quinn at the hospital, Mercedes had been constantly underfoot, always at his beck and call like Figgins. Okay maybe not that much, but she had been around. Doing all these wifely things, like helping him with his clothes, making sure he ate, attending his physical therapy sessions. If he wanted to be objective about it, he could just chalk all that up to Mercedes doing her job as his nurse, but deep down he knew it was more than that, at least he wanted to believe it was. Nurses were more detached, more professional, a real nurse wouldn't have tracked his every move with her eyes while he did something as simple as feed his daughter.

"I would never do anything like that," he said flopping down on his bed, leaning back against the pillows.

He couldn't believe he was having this conversation with Puck. He never laid a hand on Mercedes. Even when he was so angry and he wanted her locked away, when he found out she caused the car accident, not even then did he get physical with her. No way would he ever even think of putting his hands on a woman in that way.

Sam knew he had knocked her over that day. He had been in a shit mood, in pain from pushing himself in physical therapy, and there she was, right by his side as usual. If she wanted to be around him she had to take it all, including the ugliness. Maybe he had been testing her a little, trying to see just how much she was willing to take, before she cracked and ran. He was an asshole, now he could admit that, when before he was so clouded by anger that he felt justified. She didn't deserve to be treated so roughly by him. The moment burned in his mind, reliving it like it had only happened, seeing Mercedes lose her balance and fall from a squat to a seated position because he jerked away from her and hadn't bothered to help her up or apologize. The instinct to help her up was so strong, he had to force himself from the room by reminding himself that Mercedes didn't care and she was keeping him from Quinn. Once outside the room, he had called Figgins and asked him to go check on Mercedes, because he was weak and a part of him couldn't handle truly hurting her.

The verdict had still been out on Mercedes' feelings for him, even though she did continue to deal with his foul moods, but Sam hadn't been fully convinced of her sincerity until earlier today. Seeing the home he used to share with her changed everything.

God he was a coward then, and admittedly he still was, because whatever it was about Mercedes that kept pulling him in was something he couldn't let himself explore. So let Puck think he was an ass, let Mercedes think the same, it was for the best anyway. He needed to break this thing between them, sooner rather than later.

"Quinn used to tell me how you scared her, when you got so angry and out of control. Rachel too. Do I have to mention what you did to Dave Karofsky because of Brittany? I'm pretty sure your temper is what helped push her to Santana." Puck gritted his teeth, his anger building again. "This is nothing new with you. And I'm telling you, control yourself or I will make sure you do."

His temper got the better of him at times, and periodically his drive to get what he wanted clouded all reason in his head. Quinn experienced that first hand in high school when he thought he might lose her to Puck, his intense side kicked in and he might have seemed a little scary to her, but he never would have hurt her physically. Sam had been sure Quinn knew that. She may have hated his yelling, and his tendency to plot revenge, but she never feared that he would hurt her. Puck as usual didn't understand.

Now with Brittany, things had gotten out of control, but a lot of that had to do with some of the stress he was dealing with from being in combat. Post-traumatic stress disorder, the shrink had called it, the one time he actually went to see him. While that couldn't excuse all his choices then, it did help Sam see why he had been so manic. All he wanted was his family back. He never wanted to hurt anyone, well almost. He did want to hurt Dave for attacking him at Santana's request, and he did a few times. He still couldn't bring himself to feel bad about it. Dave had assaulted him all to help Santana steal his wife.

"Mercedes is not scared of me. She's manipulating you if she told you that. I was just with her earlier, the girl was flaunting the fact she was with Finn Hudson, deliberating trying to get a rise out of me. I think she was getting off on making me mad."

Every time he yelled she got more aroused. She flushed pink tint over her brown skin, her pulse quickened, she moved almost imperceptibly closer to him. Licking her lips, arching her back, turning those brown eyes on him, Mercedes liked that he was getting angry. Coming in the door he knew he had her, it was clear she was attracted him, something he'd known since he woke up in the hospital. She might not have liked what he had said about Finn, but Sam knew without a doubt that if he had pushed it, she would've been all over him.

"Only someone as self-absorbed as you would think that way. Mercedes has been through hell because of you. The last thing she wants to do is play games."

Sam twisted the end of his pillowcase in his hand, angry that he had let Mercedes get to him earlier that day. The power had been in his hands, he held all the cards, yet somehow she had flipped things on him and he was the one left reeling. It wasn't the first time Mercedes had pulled that on him. She had this way of getting under his skin without him noticing.

"Do you even really know the girl? Mind games are her forte. That's pretty clear. She made me try to kiss her today. She knows I want Quinn, so she's trying to trick me into changing my mind."

A bit of an exaggeration since technically he had been the one to turn up the heat first in an attempt to get her in a better mood before he told her about Quinn, but Puck didn't need to know all of that. The point was Mercedes was using those eyes, and that mouth to throw him off. She purposely baited him with her bare thick thighs, that ass in those tiny shorts and her roaming hands. Sam hadn't been the only one playing games today.

"Just when I thought you couldn't get any more stupid. Do you hear yourself? You're blaming your wife for wanting you to want her and not another woman. Freaking unreal."

"I didn't mean I was blaming her," said Sam trying to backtrack a little. He had to choose his words more carefully or he'd risk setting Puck off again. He really didn't want to get into any fights he wasn't sure he could win. He still wasn't back to 100 percent. "I was just saying that I think it's pretty messed up that Mercedes would go out with another man after the conversation we had. We decided to explore our marriage and get to know each other and she decides to go out with Finn."

Sam had been sure she wasn't going to go. All that talk about getting dressed up to impress a man, he had thought it had been BS to try to entice him, but when Kurt appeared, interrupting them, Mercedes continued with the preparations for her date. What kind of wife does that? One who didn't give a crap about her husband, but that clearly didn't seem to be Mercedes. He knew the truth about her now, his instincts weren't off, and all that he was feeling since he met her in the hospital had been proven real. She was in love with him, completely, in a way that was so hard for Sam to fully get his mind around, because he wasn't sure if he had experienced it before. No one had been so open and direct with their feelings for him, that he could recall that is, maybe things had changed in the missing years, but as far as he knew all the women he loved in his past, didn't quite love him with the same fervor, or at all. However, now it seemed he was married to a woman that truly wanted him, and the irony was fate had screwed him over because he didn't even want her to feel that way. If only Quinn could love him like Mercedes did, wanting to be with him and share her future, then finally he could have the life he only thought could exist in his dreams.

"Whatever Sam," said Puck shaking his head. "And you don't think all this pining for Quinn hasn't taken a toll on her? Before the accident you were a better man, more mature, far less stupid, but now I see that landing on your head has loosened all your screws and you're back to being a self-involved ass that only cares about using women. You messed up both Quinn's and Mercedes' lives before the coma, and now you're back to finish the job. I hope they both leave you. Maybe Mercedes will get some sense and hook up with Finn."

"Mercedes could never be happy with that clown." Sam growled, rising to his feet.

"From what I can tell Finn would damn sure bring more joy into her life than you ever did."

"Puck I think you'd better shut your damn mouth," said Sam clenching his fists so tightly, he could feel his nails starting to dig into his own flesh.

"Why? Did I hit a nerve Sam?" asked Puck standing up to his full height to face Sam. Puck had bulked up from what he remembered, he looked stronger. Sam squared his shoulders and tried to exude mentally what he currently lacked in stature. "Even in your compromised mental state you must see it too. You have made both Quinn and Mercedes miserable. They would be so much better off without you. I think I should step in now and save Mercedes from you like I did with Quinn. Or maybe Quinn and I should give our relationship another go? How's that sound?"

"You better stay away from her!" yelled Sam as he slammed his fist into Puck's face, knocking him to the ground.

Puck looked up from the floor, a bit stunned, rubbing his stubbled jaw. "Just like you to resort to violence when the truth hits a little too close to home. Feel better now?"

There was this dull throb at the base of his skull that started when he threw that punch. The pain was spreading throughout his head, his vision beginning to blur. Taking slow deep breaths, he tried to suppress the urge to hit Puck again.

"I'm not playing with you Puck. You back the hell off. She's mine."

"Who are you talking about Sam? The brunette or the blonde?" asked Puck shaking his head and laughing, as he slowly got up from the floor. "Sam, you don't look so good. Maybe you should sit down," said Puck grabbing him by the arm and leading him to the bed.

"Get off me," said Sam yanking his arm away once he was safely seated. "I'm fine. Just leave me alone."

"I think I need to call Mercedes." Puck pulled his phone from his pocket.

"My little nurse is at a party. Remember? I doubt she'd appreciate the interruption."

"She'd slaughter me if I let anything happen to you."

"You should have thought about that before you started running your mouth. Going on about Quinn when you don't know what the hell you're talking about."

He sighed. "Back to that are you?"

"Quinn didn't need saving from me," he said through clenched teeth. "I loved her and we were happy before you got between us."

"So she wanted to be stalked and harassed? Treated like a possession, her every move questioned?"

"Is that how you've twisted things in your mind to justify the fact you stole my girlfriend?"

Puck walked over to the dresser, examining its contents as he talked. "That's where you always got it wrong. I guess your ego was too big to let you face reality. Let me spell it out for you all these years later – slowly. I didn't steal Quinn. She left because she loved me and not you."

"If you believe she never loved me you're clearly delusional. Quinn may have chosen you back then but that was because what we had was too intense for her. She was running from those feelings."

As far as Sam could tell she was still running. The more he thought about it, the less he believed that Quinn actually wanted him to make it work with Mercedes. She was protecting herself just as she always had over the years.

"I love how you can just shift anything to fit the way you want things to be. Quinn chose me, so she was running from you, big bad Sam?"

"She told me. I'm not making up anything. During the limo crash, she admitted you were safe and boring and I was scary and thrilling." Music to his ears, the cold night she had told him that. It had made everything that happened with her and Puck back in high school make sense.

"Maybe I was safe, but she seemed to like it. Quinn fell in love again after our first break up with someone that was way more safe than scary. Maybe a girl who never had a real home or love most of her life wanted something solid to hold on to. Too many thrill rides can leave a person off balance."

"Quinn and I had plans to try again after the crash."

She had wanted to hold on to him, finally take a chance and follow her heart. He had wanted to do the same. They hadn't said the actual words, just bandied about loaded innuendos, but the truth behind their flirtation was real. They finally were going to take their shot, according to Quinn they almost had, taking their relationship to the next level and acting on their undeniable physical attraction, but the emotional part didn't seem to have materialized. Sam still couldn't quite understand why.

"Really? I was in rehab, so I missed most of this, but from what I heard, all your plans involved D&E and ruling the world. You got into a pretty ugly battle with the Karofskys over some business dealings."

Disputing with the Karofskys was nothing new. His father had been sparring with Paul Karofsky for control of a variety of holdings for as long as Sam could remember.

"So I was ambitious? That couldn't have changed how I felt about Quinn."

"It did. All you wanted was to improve profits and make your dad proud. You even started using every underhanded trick Uncle Dwight had taught you over the years."

"Just proves you have no business running D&E. You should know that my dad's tricks, as you call them, are what made the company a success."

His father must've seriously lost it to let Puck run D&E. Puck had always been squeamish, a little too righteous, and had a tendency to question Evans business practices, the tried and true methods that had made the company a success. But his father had always favored Puck, so maybe in his eyes Puck was an asset to the business, but Sam definitely didn't share the same belief.

"D&E has been doing fine under my leadership, thriving actually. And that proves that you're not as indispensable as you'd like to believe."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" asked Sam the pounding in his head starting to increase.

"It means that not only are you not needed at D&E but you're not needed at home either. Both women in your little harem would be doing so much better without you." Puck smirked as he leaned against the dresser, his hands in his front pockets. "Quinn of course, since she was far happier with me and now Mercedes could be too with either Finn or better yet me."

"You're full of shit. You and Mercedes are like brother and sister. Everyone says so." He wasn't going to let Puck goad him again. This talk about Mercedes was just to get a reaction out of him.

"Things change. Look at you. Last year you would've done anything to save your marriage and now poof it's trash. Same could happen for me and Cede."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Whatever Puck. Just a few minutes ago you were saying you wanted her with Shane Tinsley. You're not interested in Mercedes."

"I want her with someone that will treat her well and not use her like all the others in her past. A good man like Shane Tinsley, hell even Finn Hudson is better for her than you. I hope they had an amazing time last night. They got back so late, they probably did."

"My wife absolutely should not be dating another man."

It still ticked him off that she was out at some bar with Finn last night. And now she was out with him again at a party. Her behavior was inappropriate and out of line.

"That's where you're wrong. I think that's exactly what she should be doing, getting a life, moving on from you. I can't believe I was such an idiot and tried to get her to stay with you. I tried to convince her that you wouldn't give her up for Quinn, there was no way you would do something like that. It's like that cheap motel all over again, except this time you're dumping Cede for Quinn instead of Rachel. If Quinn weren't locked up in the hospital I'd have to worry you'd made a sex tape with her too."

"First I'm not dumping anyone. I just told you I'm going to make my marriage work. And next what the hell are you talking about? I would never make a sex tape."

Just how many beers had Puck had tonight? Puck must have been having his own happy hour before he came to his room. Sex tapes were not his style. Sam didn't like to publicize his sex life and after his injury he wasn't too keen on putting his body on display. Not that he was ashamed, his leg was disfigured in combat, things could've been worse, but he did tend to get self-conscious when people looked too long. It made him feel like a carnival attraction, like he was impaired somehow, when for the most part he felt the same as he always had.

"Well you and Cede did end up married so maybe it's not quite as trashy. Still for a bit there you were the talk of the internet. The whole world got to see you in your full Southern glory," said Puck, opening his arms to illustrate the scope of the world.

"Oh my god, I made kiddie porn?" Sam slumped back in his bed, his stomach filled with a sinking sensation. He had made a sex tape with a teenager.

"Hey you took it there, not me." Puck snickered as Sam scowled. Puck seemed a little too amused by it all. Nothing was funny about his bare butt on display. "Mercedes was legal, too young to be mixed up with your ass, but still legal. Some sleazy blogger taped you with a hidden camera and then put it up on the net for profit."

"The stockholders must have loved that," he groaned. "Did my father fire me because of it? Is that why I'm not running D&E?"

Puck shook his head. "You left D&E on your own. You wanted to take your life in a new direction, be your own man."

"But I love D&E. It's my legacy." None of this sounded real. He was known to screw up, particularly in relationships, but he wouldn't let anything jeopardize D&E.

"Maybe you loved Rachel more? Apparently you left because of her, though you two were done for good not soon after, so I'm not sure what your real motives were. You never went back to your job as CEO after that though."

"That doesn't sound like me at all. I'd never leave D&E to impress a woman."

He must've really loved Rachel to resort to such an extreme, which again left him feeling more confused. If Rachel had meant so much to him how had he ended up married to Mercedes?

"I think it was more about you wanting to be a better man. You changed."

"Quinn said the same thing. She said I would've liked the man I had become."

The way she had told him about his changes, the look on her face, he could tell Quinn had liked the man he had become as well. Sam wished he had left himself a roadmap, some sort of journal that spelled out how exactly he made such a transformation, so he could get it all back now. Perhaps that way Quinn would be willing to put herself out there and be with him. Deal or no deal.

"Well that man you changed into would've been handling all of this a whole lot better than you are now."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Puck never failed to piss him off with his crap, always acting superior. He couldn't remember that part of his life. Why didn't Puck get that and cut him a break? "I'm doing the best I can."

"Right and treating your wife like garbage and chasing after another woman makes you a real winner."

It really sucked that his confusion was being used against him. Everyone did it, his parents, Mike, Kali, Kurt, now Puck. Wasn't there at least a grace period before attacking head trauma victims?

"Just for once can you tell me something without a lecture? I want to know what I was doing back then. A sex tape? I'm eight years older than her Puck. What the hell was I thinking?"

Things kept coming back around to Mercedes. She was the piece that just didn't fit. He could grasp that maybe when things fell apart with Quinn he rebounded with Rachel and ended up falling in love. Rachel Berry was beautiful and there was a time when they had been friendly, her family had a business relationship with his mother. There was some history to build on, but Mercedes seemed to have just appeared in his world like some poorly drawn cartoon, penciled into places he ever would have let her go.

"That you are, but age never meant anything to you before. You're older than Rachel and Penny." Puck sat down in the chair across the room, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"They were college girls?" Sam asked trying to make sense of all the players in his romantic past.

"Both seniors I think."

And legal, full on twenty-one, the way he liked his dates. He had too dirty a mind to mess with women that weren't mature.

"See that's totally different than me being with a teenager. Why was I at a cheap motel? Was I sneaking around with her and didn't want anyone to know?"

Sam had this sinking feeling that he had something to hide back then, maybe from Rachel or Quinn or maybe he didn't want to be caught in a scandal with a girl, though turns out he was in one anyway. Mercedes had assured him she was eighteen their first time, so technically she was an adult, but it still was so unsettling. What could he possibly have had in common with her? They were in completely different places in their lives.

"It was the hotel you and your mom used to live in while Uncle Dwight was locked up and all the assets were seized."

Sam couldn't even hide his shock. "Why would I take her there?"

He'd never taken anyone to that place. It was such a confused time in his past. His family had lost everything, his dad was in jail, Puck lived with Julian and his mom had sent Mike to Hong Kong to be with his dad. So it was just him and his mother trying to survive in a little extended stay motel on the edge of town. Not many people even knew they were there. They had kept such a low profile. He was sure his mom was embarrassed that she didn't have enough money of her own to take care of them without Dwight, in fact it was after that experience that his mother worked hard to start her own company. But for Sam, while he was upset that his family was in shambles, he also cherished the time with his mother, just the two of them stuck in a small room, playing games and talking. It was the closest he ever felt to having a real family.

In less than a year, the crisis was over, Dwight somehow managed to get all the charges dropped and his assets restored, they moved back into the mansion, and Sam was sent back to Dalton for the 8th grade, life was back to normal. Years later whenever things were particularly rough, like when he lost Quinn or when he was injured in Afghanistan he would spend the night in the room that he and his mom used to live and just look up at the ceiling and think. Somehow that dingy room made everything feel better. But that was something just for him, no one knew he did that, not even his mother, so why did he bring Mercedes to that place?

"I don't know why you did it Sam. You had some lame excuse. I can't remember. All I know is that I wanted to throttle you for taking it there with Mercedes. You promised you wouldn't."

He couldn't even argue with Puck, he wanted to hit himself too for letting things get so out of hand.

"I had to promise not to touch her? What the hell was wrong with me?"

"It's not rocket science Sam. You had the hots for her since you met her. Uncle Dwight and I both knew it, but you had been controlling your urges, dating Rachel, and not letting Cede's huge crush on you sway things."

"So she seduced me? Is that it?"

Just like she was doing now. Walking around in skimpy clothes, pouting those lips, coming at him with smart mouth retorts, she was a tease and she liked to push his buttons

"A pretty girl willing to do anything for you can be a powerful aphrodisiac, but I get the feeling it was more than that."

"More like what?"

"More like you ended up wanting to marry her. That's a big commitment just for some ego stroking."

Sam inwardly groaned. He didn't need to be reminded of his big commitment, so big that it was standing in the way of his future of Quinn. Mercedes had been filling the spaces Quinn should have been since he woke up.

Having her with him at the house had made it all so much worse. Things felt too cozy, they fell into a routine, they were in sync, that shouldn't have happened with a woman he hardly knew. He tried to keep her at bay, push her to the fringes of his life, hoping she would take the hint and give him some space, but she kept pushing back, squeezing into the smallest of cracks.

* * *

><p><em>"Ever wonder what she's thinking about?" Mercedes had asked him one day when she came upon him putting Beth down for a nap. "We stare at her so much. We're probably freaking her out."<em>

_"I think babies are focused on the basics – eat, sleep, poop," he responded without looking up to acknowledge her. He continued to watch his daughter sleep._

_"She has to have more going on up there than that. Look how happy she gets when we turn on the Shopping Channel."_

_She was standing beside him, so close he could smell her sweet flowery perfume she always wore._

_"Maybe she's just trying to figure it all out, make sense of her surroundings, get to know the faces that keep staring at her."_

_"Sort of like you are? Trying to make sense of it all?"_

_"I guess." He shrugged. "You know this is the most random conversation." He glanced over at her, smiling slightly._

_"Had to think of something to get you to talk to me, the silent treatment was driving me nuts."_

_"I wasn't giving you the silent treatment," he lied. He had been, she'd been too close the past few days, everywhere he turned. He was starting to suffocate in her presence._

_"You haven't spoken to me beyond monosyllables in days. I don't do well with the whole not talking thing."_

_He could hear the tears in her voice and it made him feel like crap. A part of him had wanted to hurt her, punish her for just being around, and from the sound of it he had succeeded._

_"Yes, I know," he said softly._

_"When we were trapped in the car, we talked for hours, even with a collapsed lung you had so much to say. Then you went quiet in that coma. I can't take you being silent again."_

_Sam squeezed the top of the crib tightly, his fingers straining over the wood, to prevent himself from pulling her into his chest and hugging her. He couldn't stand all the ways he caused her pain, even when he didn't intend to._

_"What was it like, being trapped in the car?" he asked unable to look down at her, afraid he'd be hit with those haunting eyes._

_"Scary. You were badly injured and the car kept sliding down the embankment. There were times though, when it was nice."_

_"How could a car wreck be nice?" he asked focusing on her small hands that were holding onto the edge of the crib next to him._

_"We started to think of it as our own private life raft. Alone together, we held onto each other and talked, probably the closest I've ever felt to you. We were so open that night."_

_"What did we talk about?" he asked, letting his pinky venture toward her hand._

_"First loves," she said, her voice hitching when his little finger stroked her thumb._

_"So I told you about Quinn?"_

_"In great detail, unfortunately for me." She laughed, but didn't really sound amused._

_"I get that could have been rough to hear, but you returned the favor right? Made me suffer through stories about your first love?" Somehow he had invaded her space. His hand was on top of hers now, his whole body warming from just that little contact with her._

_"I did, but the thing was, all my stories were about you."_

_He finally met her eyes, braving the look he knew would be there waiting, all the love and longing behind her tears. All for him._

* * *

><p>"Where was Quinn during all this?" Sam asked pulling himself back to the present.<p>

"Living her life. You weren't together and hadn't been for some time."

She probably had been too disgusted by his actions to even associate with him. No wonder she went back to Puck.

"That's another thing I don't get. Quinn said I dumped her for this Penny person then I ended up with Rachel Berry. I can't see myself dumping Quinn for any reason and how did I go from Penny, to Rachel, to marrying Mercedes…"

"In just a year? I don't know man." Puck laughed lightly. "I guess you wanted to live up to your "billionaire player" rep they gave you in the tabloids."

"I'm not player Puck. You know that. I've always been more interested in finding a relationship that could last."

All he ever wanted since he was sixteen was a real love to call his own, most of that time he had hoped it would be Quinn, but later he had wanted it to work with Brittany. It ashamed him that he was not even thirty and already divorced once, soon to be twice. A lump formed in the back of his throat when he thought about the divorce in his future, not something he wanted to add to his stats, marital vows weren't something he took lightly. He almost felt like a quitter just walking away, but what else could he do when he wanted to be with Quinn? Sam had to take the hit and pray that the next one would last forever.

"And I never thought I would get hooked on drugs or start dating Santana, but I did. People change," Puck said, suddenly serious. Sam could see all the changes etched in the lines in his cousin's face, hidden behind the shadow of his light beard. "You did too."

"I couldn't have changed that much. Not enough to turn my back on Quinn. I just got out of a coma and I still want her. Nothing could ever change how I feel about her from what I can tell."

Rachel and Penny were just names, there was no emotional tie attached to them. If he had loved them he couldn't feel any of it now. Brittany was there, with him like the fading warmth of the setting sun, he loved her but no longer wanted to be with her. Then there was Quinn. She filled him, his heart, and his mind, even his body, if he focused he could still feel her lips on his skin, her soft hair surrounding him. There was just something about her that never left, she was a part of him, firmly gripped on his heart, in either pain or pleasure, she held her grasp. Nothing could shake her in all the years his mind could muster memories for. Sam smiled as he pictured Quinn, her remarkable green eyes watching him.

Finally he let himself think of Mercedes, letting her sad eyes and brown skin into his mind. He couldn't group her with Rachel or Penny, because despite his lack of memory, he did feel something for her, but nothing like what he felt for Quinn. Mercedes confused him, somehow resisting definition or explanation. She made him feel things he didn't want to and she invaded his thoughts even when she was nowhere in sight. She unnerved him, annoyed him, and aroused him – body and mind. His attraction to her made no sense, but it felt absolutely natural, just as natural as his attraction to Quinn and that was so wrong. No one had ever felt so right to him the way Quinn did, he didn't need his memory to know that still held true. Yet here he was so drawn to this impossible little creature and it terrified him. She didn't fit anyplace in his life.

"She was with another man. You didn't have much choice in the matter."

"I wanted her back, but she didn't want me? Is that what you're saying?"

Sam let the idea wash over him. Quinn had said he chose Penny over her, but what if she had just been trying to protect his feelings and in reality she had decided that she wanted to be with someone else? It seemed a far more likely scenario than him leaving Quinn for Miss. Lima U.

"Come on Sam. Where's your head? Of course she didn't want you. She even moved in with the guy. Kind of sudden to me but, you know Quinn."

"Why are you acting so detached about this? You were engaged to Quinn."

"Yeah but this isn't about my relationship with Quinn," Puck said drawn out looking at him perplexed.

"Puck just who are you talking about here?" Something was weird.

"Uh," Puck hesitated, suddenly looking green. "Who do you think I'm talking about?"


	66. Tailspin3 Ch12

**Chapter 12**

She could have killed her, just rammed her bare hands into her face and pound. Mercedes could feel the adrenaline fueled anger coursing through her veins, her whole body was shaking in rage. She ran straight at Rachel, tackling her to the floor, catching the smaller girl unaware. Mercedes used that to her advantage as she straddled her and yanked fistfuls of her hair, nearly ripping it from her scalp. Rachel's face briefly contorted in pain with each tug, but she quickly recovered, grinning once again like the Cheshire cat. That incensed Mercedes even more, how dare she smile after what she'd said?

Having to live with the scars of her childhood was something Mercedes had to deal with every day. It would be so easy to succumb to the darkness and let the pain win, allowing what her mother and his friends did to her body destroy her spirit. Mercedes refused to give Keisha Jones that power. She'd escaped him and started a new life, pushing painful memories aside, and learning to build her cracked self-esteem.

As a child she stole joy where she could, sneaking in bits of happiness in the times when her mother's wallet was overflowing with cash. They were almost a normal family on those days, when Mercedes reverted to being just a daughter, and not a commodity that her mother could barter. Some birthdays, most Christmases and a week here or there in spring she got to be a regular girl. She could breathe deeply and not fear the eager, persistent hands of all the men that wanted to consume her. She had hated to be touched thanks to her mother, flinching away from contact that she did not initiate. With touches came pain.

After her mother had given her the freedom to find her own ways to bring in some money. Mercedes learned the brutal reality that life left little options for a girl with her specific skills, and once again she was forced to use her youth and sexuality to earn money. She tried to choose her marks carefully. The harmless looking ones, the dorks and the shy, or the very old, anyone that she knew she would be able to avoid sex with. There were times when the money potential was too good, the take too great to resist, and it was then when she dug deep and used what her mother had taught her to close the deal. Sex was always the last resort in her negotiations. Then she met Sam and everything changed.

Mercedes had managed to separate her experiences in the past from her present ones. It didn't count unless she chose it, she had told herself. Sam had been the one she chose and touches were no longer associated with pain, but with a few nasty remarks from Rachel it all had come flooding back. She wanted to pummel the girl for making her feel so dirty in a matter of minutes.

"Don't you ever open your mouth about me or my life again. You hear me?"

Mercedes reared back her fist, aiming for Rachel's far too pretty face, but the girl moved, suddenly turning her head to the side and Mercedes' hand hit the hard tile floor, sending tremors of pain up her arm.

"You better get your girl Finn before she hurts herself." Pop was the sound as Mercedes' fist finally connected with Rachel's face, not as hard as she would have liked, she was feeling weak and out of breath, but seeing a red bruise form near Rachel's lip was good enough.

"Keep talking bitch and I'll give you a black eye." Mercedes squeezed her thighs tighter around Rachel's thin torso, hoping to cut off some of her air supply and shut her up.

Do you really think you're scaring me right now?" asked Rachel. "I could kick your ass without breaking a sweat, but I'm trying to show restraint."

"Come on and try it," she said as she flailed, arms and legs in the air as Finn lifted her from Rachel's body.

"Settle down Mercedes," Finn said next to her ear. He held her suspended, bare feet dangling inches off the ground.

"Don't tell me to settle down. She's had this coming a long time. I'm going to beat her prissy little face in."

"Nice manners. Is that any way to speak to a guest?" asked Rachel, standing up.

"You're not a guest. No one wants you here." Mercedes fought against Finn trying to free herself, but it was no use. He was too strong.

"I know Sam would love to see me. I can't wait to fill him in on all the little things he's forgotten, because I know he'll never get the real story from you."

"I've told Sam everything. We have no secrets."

"Oh really? So you know his every thought, his every feeling, his every move and he knows yours?"

"Yep," she replied emphasizing the 'P' at the end of the word.

"I'm impressed. I'd think you'd want to present yourself in a better light this time. Make him believe he married a worthwhile human being instead of someone shallow and trashy. You got guts girl, letting him see the real you."

She hadn't told him everything. Rachel was right she didn't want him to know about her life in LA, about all the ways she tried to manipulate him to win his heart even jeopardizing his business to do it, or about her mother, especially not about her mother. Sam had been the one person on the planet that knew the most about what she had survived as a child, some things she had told him, and other things he had discovered. He was kind enough never to pity her or treat her like a broken doll. In Sam's eyes she was regular person not some damaged and used shell. He had accepted her completely, and she loved him even more for it. But now with his memories gone, and his heart pointed toward another woman, Mercedes wasn't so sure that he would grant her the same acceptance.

"Sam has always loved everything about me."

Finn slid Mercedes down his body, letting her finally touch the floor, her back still tight against his chest as he kept a firm grip around her waist.

"Well sure, but that was before he had other options."

Mercedes didn't respond, she didn't need Rachel to clarify her thinly veiled insult. She knew exactly the other option she was referring to. Quinn was beautiful, talented, tied to his past, his closest friend, and the mother of his baby. Mercedes was none of that, in fact she was so much less. She was his nurse turned wife foisted on him by an evil twist of fate. At least that is what she suspected he felt. He had been trying to convince her otherwise, trying to make her believe he wanted to be in their marriage, which was a complete impossibility when he had Quinn waiting in the wings. Although, today in their bedroom, Mercedes had started to feel convinced that Sam wanted something more.

"Hey ladies…can't we all just get along?" pleaded Finn, adjusting his grip on her. He was getting out of breath as he struggled to keep her trapped in his arms.

Mercedes tugged at Finn's forearms trying to get him to release her. "Let me go Finn."

"Yes Finn, let her go," said Rachel smoothing her low cut blue dress.

"As much as I'd love to see you two wrestle it out on the floor." Finn paused, a smile spreading on his face, while he looked from one girl to the other, as if he were taking a mental picture of them wrestling in mud or Jell-O. "I don't think it would be a good idea," he continued getting serious again. "What if Sam came down here and saw this?"

"Let him see," Mercedes said with forced bravado. In actuality, she didn't want Sam anywhere near this situation. He had a mixed up opinion of her as it was, she didn't need to compound it by him witnessing her fighting in the middle of the foyer. "I want him to know how his pathetic excuse for an ex is disrespecting me."

Rachel picked up her cell phone from the floor. "As if he cares. You're not Quinn. She's the only damsel in distress he'll protect, but I don't have to tell you that since you know everything about Sam."

"Quinn has nothing to do with this."

Mercedes could see Rachel's ploy. She was trying to unnerve her to throw her off her game. Rachel must have figured that the mere mention of Quinn was like kryptonite to Mercedes, immediately rendering her a useless, emotional mess. Mercedes had news for Rachel; she didn't give a crap about Quinn. As long as she was tightly locked away upstate, far removed from Beth, Quinn was no threat at all.

Sam could fixate on his fantasy girl, pay her frequent visits where they exchanged furtive glances under the watchful eye of a man in a white coat, but Mercedes knew that ultimately Sam would realize that she was the only real woman in his life. She was the one he could hold on to. That was what Puck, Kurt and even Finn were trying to get her to see, she realized it now. She couldn't walk away from Sam because he was headed back to her. He just needed time to adjust.

His visit to the house today was further proof. He'd come inside, examined the evidence of their life together, and he wanted to stay. He had asked her if he could move back in. Why hadn't she seen the hugeness of that request before? Sam was coming back to her.

"Quinn has everything to do with this. In fact, I can predict with quite a bit of certainty that soon Quinn will be here as the woman entitled to be with Sam and you'll be out on your ass."

Mercedes swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "Sam is not leaving me." He promised he wouldn't.

Rachel was dead wrong. Sam kept all his promises. He'd come back to her like he said he would at the accident, battling back from the impossible, a prolonged coma. So things hadn't turned out exactly perfectly, he did forget her, but even through that his essence remained the same because in the blue shadows of the night, holding her in his hospital bed, thinking she was just some nurse, he promised her again and she had to believe he would keep this one as well. She just had to give him time.

"You sound kind of shaky there Cede. Are you sure about that?"

She was so weary of this conversation. She just wanted Rachel and her fake syrupy sweet voice, out of her face. "You have two seconds to get out of this house or I'll scream and the guards will be on you so fast."

"Calling in the big guns, how Evans of you. Enjoy that power while you can girlfriend," she giggled. "It's going to be gone so quick."

"Get the hell out of here. Finn let me go."

"No way," said Finn spreading his legs wider as Mercedes kicked and squirmed in his arms.

"I'm going. You can unleash her now. Oh but before I go, one more thing."

"Daley!" Mercedes yelled at the top of her lungs.

"He's at the gate, he won't hear you, besides I bet he's preoccupied, just like the rest of us."

"Preoccupied with what?" asked Finn.

"Oh just this late breaking news," said Rachel with a smug grin.

She held her phone up so they could see the screen. The photo was a bit grainy and the light wasn't the best but the image was unmistakable. Sam and Quinn standing together in an embrace. Mercedes felt like she had been slapped, her knees started to buckle as she instinctively leaned into Finn for support.

"You damn liar! How dare you Photoshop that?" Mercedes silently prayed that Rachel would confess or betray a crack, or anything to prove the photo was a le. It couldn't be real. Sam couldn't have been with Quinn. She was locked up.

"It's official," Rachel explained, almost giddy. Her eyes sparkling as Mercedes' stomach churned. "Some worker sent this in from his camera phone."

"When was this taken?" asked Finn moving closer to examine the picture. Mercedes turned her head, unable to look at the photo again, especially at such close proximity.

Sam had just held her like that earlier today. His body pressed against hers as he talked to her about exploring their relationship. At first, it had felt like a game, some sort of con, until he had pulled her into his lap and trailed kisses along her shoulders as he practically thanked her for loving him. Had all of that been a lie? Could he have faked that emotion? Mercedes could feel the bile rising in her throat. She was so close to losing it. Clinging to the front of Finn's shirt, she held her breath, to quiet her raging stomach.

"Last night your loving committed husband was at a hotel with Quinn Fabray. Don't they look cute together? I love how close he's holding her. I bet you don't get this close to Sue, do you Finn?"

Last night, when he had called her and said he was at a hotel, and had asked her about Beth was Quinn there lurking? Or had he just finished with Quinn and was trying to cover his tracks by placing a calling to his stupid, gullible wife. Oh my God. It was true. Mercedes swayed on her feet.

"Oh definitely not, he looks like he's about to…Oh uh…they look like friends, just friends. Cede, are you all right?" asked Finn close to her ear.

She nodded her head but she was anything but fine. She was going to vomit, something had already come up, the sharp putrid liquid pooled in her mouth and she had no choice but to swallow it, forcing it back down, hiding any signs of her weakness. She'd never let Rachel have the satisfaction of seeing her break.

"I'm fine you can let go of me now. I'm not going to bother her." Mercedes said quietly.

Finn let her go and took a step back. Tears stung in her eyes as she stared at Rachel's mocking smile. That witch was loving this.

"You lying bitch." Mercedes snatched the phone from Rachel's hand, tossing it aside. It landed with a plasticy thud at Finn's feet. "I'm going to prove to you it is a fake."

Mercedes had a hard time believing that. Sam had been wearing the clothes she had just picked up from the cleaners for him the day before in the picture. She was such an idiot. All this time she had been bending over backwards trying to get Sam to want to get to know her and he hadn't cared at all. He had only wanted Quinn. Not that it should have been a shock. He had been telling her exactly that since almost the moment he woke up. Mercedes had just been too stupid, falling for his lines like she always did, to realize that her husband was making plans to replace her.

"Love to see you try. Maybe we should just open the door and talk to the media." Rachel walked to the door, arms gesturing like a spokesmodel. "I'm sure they'd like to clarify all the details, get an exclusive from the soon to be ex." She stopped, hands on her hips, grinning. She was clearly getting so much joy from Mercedes' misery.

"You're right Rachel. I think we should talk to the media. Let's do that right now," she said grabbing her by the back of her hair. Mercedes had no idea where she had found the strength to hold her, she felt like she might pass out any moment.

"Ouch! Let go of me!" yelled Rachel scraping her nails down Mercedes's arm, breaking the skin.

Mercedes caught Rachel's arm and wrenched it behind her back, greatly limiting her movements. Mercedes opened the front door, a rush of cold air hitting her in the face, goose bumps immediately rising on her skin. The reporters lined up outside the door, grew suddenly quiet, leaning against the red ropes that contained them.

"Mercedes you need to think about what you're doing. Remember you're Mrs. Evans. All eyes are on you," Finn reminded her over her shoulder.

He was right. She couldn't cause a scene in front of all these reporters. The last thing they needed was to create more fodder for the gossip mags.

Mercedes dropped her hand from Rachel's hair and let go of her arm.

"Fine. Get the hell out of here," she said pushing Rachel out the door.

Angered Rachel, spun around to face Mercedes, her pink claws bared. As the girl approached ready to fight, Mercedes grabbed the front of Rachel's dress, pulling the thin blue fabric away from her skin, straining its seams. Rachel resisted, trying to get Mercedes to release her hold. Mercedes held firm twisting the fabric in her fist, ripping the neckline of the dress. With one swift motion she shoved Rachel back, so hard she stumbled from the concrete porch down to the carpeted entryway below. Leaving Rachel to gawk at the crowd of reporters.

Cameras flashed as Mercedes smiled. Apparently there was more breaking news in Lima tonight. This just in - Rachel Berry spotted being thrown out of the Evans mansion with her left breast exposed.

-

The click of the lock, sounded almost like peace as she rested her back against the cool wooden door. Rachel could stay out there and freeze for all she cared, at least she wouldn't have to see her miserable face anymore. Stinging flesh on her arm quickly brought Mercedes back to her current reality. She stared at the blood red streaks, puffy and inflamed. Rachel had left her mark on her body, as well as on her mind tonight. Sharing the photo of Sam and Quinn had brought Rachel so much pleasure, as she got a thrill out of inflicting pain. Mercedes still tried to cling to some small hope that the photo wasn't real, that Rachel had fabricated it in some way, but that idea was fleeting fast. Sam had spent last night with another woman, his other woman actually.

"What is going on here?" asked Kurt running toward her, his brown waves flopping. "I could hear you yelling all the way down the hall."

Mercedes shrugged as she moved past Kurt to look for her shoes. "I was just taking out the trash."

"She gave your roommate Rachel the boot," said Finn from his place on the stairs.

Mercedes had almost forgotten Finn was still there, he had gone quiet once Mercedes opened the front door. He probably was trying to avoid the spotlight, and not end up part of the inevitable trashy headline that would come from this night. The party hadn't even started yet and already Mercedes knew it was going to be a disaster. Her instincts had been dead on. Rachel and her rude comments and awful pictures were just the start of it all.

"Cede, I invited her," said Kurt in almost a scolding tone.

Kurt hated that she didn't get along with his roommate Rachel, but he didn't understand the long history of mistrust and deceptions that were between them. If he had been around the past few years, he would never have expected her to play nice with Rachel Berry.

"You had no right to do that. You know I hate her and I don't want her in this house."

"She was being a major b Kurt," Finn chimed in. He was still stretched out on the stairs, probably trying to recover from his impromptu stint as referee. "I was sorta shocked. Rach is always so nice when I'm hanging out at your place."

"I hope you learned something Finn. Never trust a fake boobs and a smile." Rachel may have had the assets to trick all the men in Lima to believe she was a good person, but Mercedes could see through her. From the first time she met her at D&E, Mercedes had known that Rachel was more than she appeared.

"Ok you're being ridiculous," said Kurt with a frown. "I thought you two had moved past all this crap. I'm going to find Rachel."

"You do what you need to do," said Mercedes, retrieving one shoe from the floor. "I'm going to see Sam."

Finn jumped up. "Kurt, don't let her do that man. She's out for blood."

"What'd I miss?" asked Kurt.

"Sam and Quinn at a hotel last night. Take a look at this." Finn showed Kurt the picture on Rachel's discarded cell phone.

Kurt's blue eyes widened. He looked like he had seen a crime scene photo instead of two people hugging. "There's pictures?"

Mercedes couldn't help herself and glanced at the photo again. Even in white sweats Quinn looked flawless. How did she manage to always look that good? Mercedes looked down at her rumbled dress and bare feet, she was a mess. She could only imagine how awful her hair must be right now.

"Obviously fake," said Finn. "It's not like they let mental patients take a holiday. Right bro?"

Mercedes looked at Kurt, waiting to hear his response. He always had some positive to spin to put on things, but nothing came, he just ran his hands through his hair, looking really uneasy. Even Kurt knew the truth, Sam was with Quinn last night. The photo was very real. Mercedes gripped the shoe in her hands as she imagined what could have happened between Sam and Quinn while they were all alone in a hotel room. Sam probably was in heaven, making up for all the lost time with Quinn.

"Mercedes let's talk about this," said Kurt snatching the shoe from her.

"Give me back my shoe." Mercedes reached for it, but Kurt backed away, keeping the shoe close to his chest.

"The way you were holding it was scaring me. Like you wanted to bash Sam's head in with the heel."

"That's not the head I'm after." Luckily she had another shoe at her disposal. She just had to find it. "I think Sam deserves a heel to the crotch after this."

"Ouch," hissed Kurt and Finn in unison.

"Okay dial it back girl." He tossed the shoe over Mercedes' head to Finn who easily caught it. "You don't want to hurt the man. You love him remember?" Kurt grabbed both of Mercedes' arms forcing her to stop and focus on him.

"Kurt get out of my way," she said trying to push past him.

Kurt held his ground. "I will not let you ruin that work of art."

"I just told you Sam's face will be fine," said Mercedes, exhaling sharply. "I intend on aiming lower."

"I was talking about the shoe. Blood stains on Louboutin peep toes would be a crime."

"You keep the shoes," she said finally pushing Kurt away. "I'm just going to talk to him and ask him why he insists on hurting and humiliating me, why he went off on me about being out with Finn last night when he was shacked up with that tramp, and ask him why he tried to get me in bed today when he was just with Quinn!" Angry tears burned in her eyes. How could Sam have done this to her? He'd made a mockery of their marriage for the whole world to see. "Give me that shoe back." Mercedes tried to grab it from Finn's hands. "I need to hit him."

"The party's about to start, can't this wait?" asked Finn holding the shoe above his head. No way was she getting it from him. He was almost seven feet tall.

"I don't care about his party."

"You don't mean that. We worked so hard planning this thing." Kurt looked shocked. "I was just with the band. They are ready to start warming up. All the family is in the living room with balloons and the banner. There's cake."

"I don't care. Tell the band to start playing. Tell Stevie, Stacey and Maria to dig into the cake. Cut them each a big piece."

"But you'll ruin the surprise." Kurt pouted.

"How about this? You two explain to the family why Sam is going to be late and I'm going to go make my husband's birthday wishes come true."

She had enough, his birthday could wait. Sam had some explaining to do. She wanted him to admit to her face that he had done more than have a friendly visit with Quinn yesterday.

"Cede wait…" Kurt grabbed her arm.

"Don't follow me Kurtwood," said Mercedes pulling out of his grasp, quickening her pace toward the stairwell.

"She sure is hot when she's pissed," she heard Finn say as she dashed up the stairs.

When she got to the top landing, she stopped, catching her breath. She couldn't believe this was happening. Not even two full months out of his coma and he was cheating on her. Again. It was like some bizarre déjà vu. She had charged up these very stairs last year to clean out every trace of herself from the room they often shared at the house. She hadn't wanted Sam to have any piece of her, not a photo, not an article of clothing, she wanted to erase herself from his life.

After the accident, she'd put it all back, at home and at the mansion, resetting the pictures, putting back her jewelry, leaving one of her sweaters thrown across the chair in his room. Placing herself back into his life, so when he woke up he'd know that she was ready to start again, with him. What a fool she had been to think that life could just be randomly shuffled like a giant puzzle. Things happened for a reason, actions had consequences.

Cutting Sam out of her life, before the accident, when he was begging her to stay, was an action she had to live with. The last words Sam heard from her, her Sam that is, not the one that came back with lost memories and eyes for Quinn, but the Sam that loved her, the last thing she ever told him was that their marriage was over. He must have internalized that in some way, held her to it in the recess of his stalled and silent mind, because awakening nine months later he had promptly found ways to keep her to her word. He was ending their marriage and replacing her with someone else.


	67. Tailspin3 Ch13

**Chapter 13**

"Thanks," said Sam, taking the beer that Puck handed him. "I really needed this," he said popping off the cap and then passing the bottle opener to Puck.

For a while there he thought his head might actually explode. Stories about his parents double crossing each other, Will cheating on his wife Emma with an old girlfriend, some bizarre love geometry that involved a lot of hurt feeling for him, multiple college girls and Quinn. Somehow Mike was mixed in. That part wasn't clear and Puck never did clarify.

The biggest shock of all was his mom's breast cancer scare. He'd almost lost his mother and he couldn't even remember it. A small blessing of his condition, Sam guessed. He could only imagine how gut wrenching it must have been for his mother during that time. His mother was always so strong, he could barely imagine her forced to be off her feet and fighting for her life.

"I figured." Puck took a seat on the floor, his back against Sam's bed.

"I'm not supposed to have it though." Sam pulled his feet up on the bed, sitting back against his mound of pillows as he sipped his beer.

"Well you always want what you can't have. Nothing new there."

Sam groaned, rolling his eyes upward. "Is it time for your sermon again?"

"Just listen and hear me out." Puck set his beer on the floor and shifted so he could get a better view of Sam up on the bed. "I know Quinn. She cares about you a great deal. Seeing you in a coma wrecked her in more ways than you can imagine."

"If you know all that why can't you believe that real feelings emerged from the experience for the both of us?"

"I do believe it. I can see your heart is stuck in a place you had long moved on from and I can see that Quinn's heart is so wrapped up in you. I sometimes wish you two could just go for it, take that chance."

Sam eyed Puck skeptically. "What a crock. All you've been saying is that Quinn and I shouldn't be together. You don't think I'm good enough for her."

"I never said that. Believe it or not, I think you're a good man Sam. You have flaws, like we all do, but I'm not going to support you with Quinn when I know you have a wife. However, if we take Mercedes out of the equation for a moment, I know you'd do everything in your power to make Quinn happy."

"That's good of you to say. I know how much you and Quinn have been through. It can't be easy talking about this with me, but thank you."

"Don't thank me yet because I'm not done." He took a swallow of beer. "While I do think you'd try to make her happy, I don't think you'd be able to."

There was always more with his family. No one could just wish him well and move on. There was always a catch.

"Why? Because only you can?"

"Because Quinn knows you and deep down she'd know that she really wasn't who you wanted."

Sam sighed. "That Mercedes stuff is in the past. I don't remember her."

He got that it was hard to grasp. Change was never easy, but the way he felt before his coma didn't much matter anymore. Not just because he couldn't remember it, but also because life had marched on. He was a father now, before the crash he hadn't been. That right there was enough to change the direction of his life. Even if he hadn't been comatose, having Beth might have altered his relationship with Mercedes. There was just no way of knowing what could have been, all they could do was focus on the how life was now, and the now had him aligned with Quinn.

"Wouldn't matter," Puck countered. "Quinn remembers and she isn't going to allow herself to be caught up with a man that loves his wife."

Under normal circumstances what Puck was saying might have been true. Quinn was never one to break her moral code, and the sanctity of marriage definitely was high up on her moral list, but this was about them. What they could have together, what they had always had between them, was beyond accepted morality.

* * *

><p><em>She pulled back her hand lingering on his cheek, a sad smile on her face.<em>

_"Quinn?" he asked, confused since just a moment ago they had been caught up in passion._

_"I'm tired Sam," she said softly as she climbed across the bed to the opposite side, lying down with her back to him._

_How had their night turned into this? When they had first arrived at the Holiday Inn the air was filled with anticipation, finally they were together, anything was possible. Now it was like they were facing the gallows, the air thick and stale with regret and disappointments of dreams they may never get to realize._

_"We can make this work," he said moving to rest behind her. He scooted close to her, but didn't make contact. He could see her whole body tense from his nearness. "I'm not going to let my father stop us from having a life together."_

_"There's more than one way to be together." She turned to face him, her green eyes seeming to glow even in the near darkness._

_"How do you mean?" he asked. He let his fingers wrap around a few of the blonde curls at the end of her hair._

_"We used to be such good friends, so close. I think we might have been better at being friends than lovers."_

_"I think that's because we didn't really try, from what you've told me about us, we seemed to just let go."_

_"Could be, but I know I valued our friendship so much. I counted on it. Never wanted to lose it," she said squeezing his arm as if she were trying to hold him there in front of her._

_"You'll always have it." He smiled, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. "We can have that and more."_

_"When I found out you were dating Penny while dating me it felt like my heart was being ripped out. You were keeping things from me when I thought we were sharing everything,"_

_"Quinn I'm sorry I don't know why I did that."_

_"I'm not telling you that so you can apologize. I'm trying to get you to understand. It hurt to know you were with another woman when I thought you were trying to build a relationship with me."_

_"I'm sorry you ever had to feel like that." Sam rolled onto his back, pulling Quinn with him to rest on his chest. His intention to give her space completely forgotten, he needed her close._

_"Somehow we survived all that drama and managed to keep our friendship intact. We really supported each other. You were there holding my hand while I dealt with my miscarriage, and I was holding yours when you thought Mercedes was cheating on you, we held on to each other. We were each other's support systems. You were my rock."_

_"I still want to be here for you, don't push me away."_

_"I'm not pushing you away." She sat up slightly to look at him, one hand leaning on his chest for balance. "Don't you see Sam? I want you in my life. I want my best friend back, because I have missed him so much. I need you here with me, holding my hand."_

_He gripped her hand threading his fingers through hers. "You got me. I'm not going anywhere."_

_"And you have me too. I'm going to hold your hand through this, the next nine months and beyond."_

_"Quinn..." he began shaking his head. He knew what she was about to say._

_"Sam stop fighting it. You know what you have to do. Go home and tell your wife about me being free and then try to find some way to make things work with her."_

_"I don't want to be married to her. She's not who I want."_

_Quinn laughed lightly, tears filling her eyes. She rested her slender hand on his cheek. "I remember a time when being married to Mercedes was all you wanted."_

_"That time's gone."_

_"What if it's not?" She ran her fingers through his cropped hair as she looked at him. "What if it is somewhere lurking under the surface and you're just not letting yourself feel it?"_

_"I swear I can't remember her. All I see is you." He removed her hand from his face and kissed it, soft and lingering, hoping that everything he was feeling transferred into that kiss._

_"If that's true come end of the year then we'll know."_

_"Know what?" he asked against her hair._

_"If all of this we're feeling is meant to be and not just some weird byproduct of missing each other." Quinn wrapped her arm across his body, and squeezed him tightly, holding him there._

_"I don't need nine months. I know this is real. I feel it in my bones, to my core."_

_"But how about to your soul?" she asked. He could feel her tears on his chest._

_"What?"_

_"After you and Mercedes broke up, you told me that she was a part of you, that you felt her in your soul, and that's how you knew the two of you would never truly be over. Kind of hurt me to hear that because I knew you never felt that way about me, and I guess I always thought I was the one with the special place in your life, maybe in your soul. Turns out I was wrong."_

_Sam sat up abruptly, positioning Quinn in his arms so he could look directly into her eyes. "You weren't wrong. I feel that way about you. I always have." Both hands on her face, holding her head steady, forcing her to keep his gaze. "Look at us now, after all of that we've been through, together and apart, we're still close. You've never left my heart."_

_"I want to believe that," she said in almost a whisper. She looked away as she swiped at her tears._

_"Believe it. Believe in me. When I truly love someone, that doesn't just fade. I can't just erase those feelings from my heart. They are a part of me."_

_He leaned to kiss her, wanting her to feel what he was saying was real, but she shifted way, rolling onto her side, leaving him to stare at her gray silk covered back._

_"I know. That's why you need to go home and face things, because Mercedes is not erased either, she's still inside of you, even if you don't want her to be."_

_"That's not true. It can't be," he said still staring at her back._

_"Guess we'll see for sure in nine months."_

* * *

><p>"I might never get my memory back Puck. We have to prepare for that."<p>

"Still won't matter in the end."

Puck was so resolute. Sam could tell he really believe in what he was saying.

"I think you're wrong. Like you said, people change, life changes us. After what we've been through, Quinn and I both know that we can't waste time." He just had to convince her to let go and take a chance.

"I know and it'll feel good until reality sets in."

"How the hell do you know about any of this? You can't predict the future."

Puck was preaching like Yoda, but he didn't have a clue about any of it. He'd never been stuck in a marriage to a woman he didn't know while wanting to be with someone else. He'd never been carted off to a mental ward, locked away from everyone he knew and loved. Everything Puck said made sense in theory, but Sam was immersed in reality and from what he learned so far, things were anything but black and white. Under other circumstances, Sam might have let his head prevail over his heart, but facing death had changed him and he had to start living his life at max speed. It could all be over in an instant. That's another reason he needed to see Quinn tonight, to remind her that nine months without each other, without pursing their feelings could be too long to risk. Nothing was promised in this life.

"No, but I can speak from experience. You see I've been where you are, two women one tied to my childhood, other inhabiting my soul. I had an up and down relationships with both, breaking up with one and ping ponging to the other. All because I was too scared to go for what I truly wanted." Puck smiled sadly. The subject clearly was hard for him to talk about.

"But you and Quinn ended up together, twice. So what are you getting at?"

"Santana. She was my first real girlfriend. We dated all through high school and had been my best friend since third grade. She's one of the most important people in my life and I've been using her for over ten years," he said shaking his head. "I just couldn't let go of her. I couldn't walk away even though I was in love with Quinn. I still can't walk away."

"Santana knew how you felt about Quinn and she still chose to be involved with you. You can't put it all on yourself." Sam remembered Puck being hot for Santana, but he thought it was a passing thing once he hooked up with Quinn. To be still involved all these years later was insane.

"It is on me though. It didn't matter how much I loved Quinn or how much I wanted to move on, something inside of me couldn't let go. I let her cry on my shoulder about Brittany, I supported her stupid decision to marry Dave Karofsky. I kept wrapping myself up in her problems and –"

"Her pain," Sam said completing his thought.

He stared at his bedside table where he knew that picture of him with Mercedes was hidden away in the drawer. Her smile was so bright in that photo, all her teeth showing. He'd never seen her look that way in all the time he'd known her. Shadows followed her, her smiles were fast and fleeting, and her eyes, just so much pain reflecting back at him, too much to bear.

Now he knew what those tears meant. They had to do with the accident, the coma, and with loving him. His father's deal hadn't trapped him in this spot, she had. Her sad brown eyes that looked at him like he was the most amazing thing in the world, the answer to everything, she made it hard to just walk away.

"Yeah. Santana would give me this look and it was like I was the only man in the world that could make it better. I'd hurt myself to make her world right. From the look on your face I see you understand where I'm going with this."

She had cried out in her sleep. "Sam don't leave me." Sobs in the night that did not wake her, yet could not be controlled. He pulled her tight against his chest, kissing the top of her head, whispering soothing words, telling her he was with her, that he was never leaving, that she was safe with him. Promises in the near dark of his hospital room, ones he had no right to make, but he had made them, pledging his presence until she quieted back to sleep.

He hadn't even known she was his wife then and he had wanted to take care of her, keep her close. That was partly why he had invited her to move into his room that day. He wanted her near him so he could watch out for her. Things hadn't gone as planned and he had been the one to break her down and cause her distress. Blocking her and all feelings of attachment out had been the only way he could stomach his actions, that he could live with the knowledge that he had made her cry, when just the night before he would have given anything to make all her tears stop.

"I've been trying to block her out, kind of shutting it off," Sam admitted. He had hard a time getting the words to form on his tongue.

"How's that been working out for you?" Puck asked looking him in the eyes.

Sam looked away. "You already know the answer to that."

"I guess I do, with the way you've been treating Mercedes."

Sam ran his hand down his face, then along his jaw, exhaling sharply. "I can't let her in Puck. I have to think about Beth and this thing with Quinn. It just wouldn't be fair to Mercedes."

What would be the point to get close to her, to let himself give into those feelings when ultimately he knew it was going to lead them nowhere? His future wasn't with her and pretending otherwise while he indulged in an attraction would be beyond cruel. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her even more.

"You're allowed to want her you know? She's your wife."

"No I can't," he responded quickly. Not willing to let any of Puck's last statement resonate. "Not when I know this could be it with Quinn. I have to keep her at arm's length."

"How are you going to make your marriage work at arm's length?" Puck asked after taking a gulp of beer.

"God I don't know." Sam looked over at the baby monitor on the bedside table. Beth was still fast asleep. "Sometimes I think it would be easier if I could just walk away, pack up Beth and hit the road."

Puck wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "And leave behind both Quinn and Mercedes?"

"Yep, just me and my baby girl, on our own."

It wasn't like he wanted to spend any more time away from Quinn, but maybe it would be easier on her. She could focus on getting Beth back, like she had told him she wanted to do at the hotel. Then once the dust had settled and Quinn was back on track, the three of them could reunite as a family. Sort of like what Quinn was asking him to do anyway, deny their feelings for nine months, only this way if he were out of town maybe it wouldn't feel so much like torture. He wouldn't have to see her around and hold back. Maybe it would be easier if she were out of sight.

And out of sight would definitely be better for him, he needed to be away from haunting brown eyes, filled with love and expectations. Silently begging him to be a man he couldn't remember. Sam needed to escape Mercedes and the ways she complicated his plans for the future. Distance might help him forget his inexplicable need to take care of her, that need to wipe her tears, the pull to hold her close and keep her safe.

"You'd hurt a lot of people if you did that. Quinn and Mercedes would be devastated without you and Beth."

He flashed to an image of Beth's nursery, filled with photos of him. That was how she had survived the past nine months sitting in a room surrounded by his pictures. That was no way for someone to live, especially not someone as young as Mercedes. She'd be so much better off if he and Beth were gone then she could move on and really start living again. She had to want more for herself than to just take care of him and his daughter. With him out of the way, she could do what makes her happy, put that light back in her eyes. The least he could do was give her that back, since he was the one that had made it dim in the first place.

"I know and Beth needs to be around her family, but maybe things would be easier if I were gone."

Puck's face grew hard and cold as he gripped the beer bottle in his hand, his knuckles whitening around it "You selfish son of a bitch. I should knock you out for saying that."

"You'd really hit me right now?" Sam frowned. "I'm trying to be straight with you."

Puck continued to glare at him but made no moves to physically back up his threat. "That's what I'm afraid of. That you'll go off half-cocked and do something stupid."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm just thinking out loud," he said quietly.

He'd lost enough of his life, he wasn't going to willingly give up any more of it. It was all just a big what if, an impossible daydream.

"Good you need to stop with the selfish thinking. Quinn's got a long road ahead of her, a person just doesn't bounce back from the things she's done. She's going to have to learn to live with it all and that will be hard in this town. People have long memories and unforgiving hearts in Lima. And Cede may seem like she's handling it all, but most days I have to remind her to eat. She doesn't sleep, she just keeps pushing herself harder to act like everything's normal."

Sam's stomach dropped. "I get it Puck. Things were rough on both of them."

"I don't think you do. There's stuff you don't know about. It's like Cede went into a coma with you, she sort of shut down and started to wither away. The only thing that saved her was Beth. If she didn't have her, I'm not sure if she'd even be functioning now."

The sick feeling in the pit of Sam's stomach intensified as he remembered the way Mercedes looked when he was recovering in the hospital, tired, drawn, sad. He'd thought she was just dealing with the stresses of being a new mother and a deadbeat husband. He had even wanted to save her from all of that and give her a vacation. Little had he known that he was the deadbeat she was shackled with. Now he was back and things didn't seem much better for her. She still seemed weary and sad.

"I'm here now. I'm going to step up with Beth and take some of that stress off of her so she can relax."

"You just don't get it. Her whole life has been about you and Beth. She's been waiting for you to wake up and come back to her. Now you're sitting here telling me that leaving town with Beth is going to relieve her stress? Get real Sam."

"Mercedes is not Beth's mother. Quinn should be the one taking care of her. It isn't right that they're separated."

"Sam, I know it must seem so simple to you, a baby needs her mother, so therefore Quinn should be with Beth, but there's more to it than that."

"Tell me what I'm missing, Puck. Everyone's hinting, but no one's coming out with it. I'm tired of the secrets."

"I'm not sure you're ready to hear it." Puck seemed reluctant to proceed.

"If it's about Quinn or my child, I need to," Sam urged, hoping that Puck would finally be the one person in his life that would be completely direct with him.

"Okay let's talk about Quinn. While you were in a coma she took all the heat for your affair on her own. She had to live in this town with people talking about her behind her back, making snap judgments, and then when everything went down with Beth, the media crucified her. Now I never would've expected you to stick by her after what she did, but maybe it wouldn't have gotten to that point if she had her best friend around."

He'd forgotten about the media. They'd always been a presence in his life but rarely had they taken great interest in his personal associations. There was always a respectful distance maintained. Things must have changed tremendously while he was in the coma. He guessed since he couldn't speak up for himself and tell the papers to back off, they took open season on all the players in his life. A love triangle, a baby out of wedlock, and a coma patient were just too much for them to resist.

"Never doubt my loyalty," Sam said, the words sounding forceful even to his own ears. "I definitely would've stuck by Quinn through anything."

"I know you think that, but everyone has their limits."

"Not me. Not with Quinn." He'd always stood by her through anything, even dumping him for his own cousin. Supporting her was the one constant in his life, like the sun and the moon.

"You went off on Mercedes pretty bad when you found out about some of the things she'd done."

So kind of him to bring up his less than stellar moments at every opportunity, his ego would never swell with Puck around.

"Mercedes is not Quinn. Besides it was how Mercedes handled things. She lied to my face, presenting herself in one light then, making me feel one way about her, and then she'd drop these bombs that made me unable to trust anything she said. If she'd just been straight with me -"

"She's human Sam" said Puck cutting him off. "She was scared of your reaction, and from what went down she was totally right to be. You don't think Quinn has those same fears?"

"Quinn knows she can tell me anything."

Last night, she had already shared so much about what she had been going through during the time he had forgotten. That closeness, that trust had not been lost in the past three years and it comforted Sam greatly to know that some things would never change.

"Quinn has been through a lot she may not be ready to share all of that with you. There was real pain in her life all these months without you. She was so lost, and I couldn't bring her back." His voice hitched, as he let his head fall back against the bed, his gaze on the ceiling. "I couldn't help her Sam. I wasn't who she needed." Puck turned and looked at Sam, his hazel eyes clouded with pain.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't around. I hate that I ended up in a coma. I would've given anything to be here and of use to my family instead."

"It wasn't your fault, but if you run away, it's all on you. That would be unforgivable." He looked at Sam, his eyes darkening with a warning.

"You don't think I know how alone and scared Quinn was? You don't think I see those dark circles under Mercedes's eyes. I know something's wrong," said Sam in a rush of words. It was just like Puck to assume he was too oblivious to know what was happening to the people in his life.

"If you know all that, why the fuck are you talking about leaving town?" Puck asked bitterly. "I can't believe you'd turn your back on everyone that needs you."

"Come on Puck." Sam put his hand on Puck's shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. "You know me better than that. I know I have responsibilities."

"Just making sure. Who knows how much falling on your head impaired you."

"Nice. Pick on the sick guy." Sam laughed.

"I don't think you can play the sick card anymore." He rubbed his jaw. "That punch hurt."

"Well I always could take you down," Sam said grinning. "Sick or healthy wouldn't matter."

"Again with the revisionist history. I was the one that always beat you up, made you run crying to your mommy." They both laughed, the mood lightening between them considerably.

"Puck do you realize we've spent years of our lives together right under this roof?"

"Yep we've been through a lot together."

"Remember when you used to come in my room and sleep at the end of my bed when you got scared after watching horror movies?"

"Uh, you got that backwards. You came into my room. Slasher movies didn't scare me, but you would scream any time you saw Freddy Krueger."

"I will neither confirm nor deny that statement," said Sam with a straight face.

Puck chuckled, shaking his head. "Your secret's safe with me. Hey, remember our fort?"

"Yep right out there in the hall." A smile spread on Sam's face as he pictured their hideout. "We made it with sheets and blankets."

"We'd get in there with our flashlights and comic books."

"Drove my dad crazy because he had to use the back stairs to get down to his office." His father always grumbled whenever they built their fort but he never made them take it down.

"We had good times as kids."

"Fishing with Will," said Sam.

Puck shifted around in his seat on the floor to face Sam fully, his elbow resting on the bed. "Those random road trips with your dad and Aunt Elizabeth."

Before their aunt married Burt Hummel and had Kurt, she used to be a large presence in Sam and Puck's lives. His father's youngest sister, the heart of the Evans family and definitely his father's conscience. After Aunt Elizabeth died everything changed a light went out in their family, the mansion became the mausoleum it is today, and his father's permeant scowl took up residence. Even Puck didn't last long after that, staying with Julian with more frequency until finally he just moved in with him, leaving Sam alone in the big house with his father and mother's constant fighting.

"I still think he was using us as drug mules by the way. Why did we always end up at the Canadian border?"

"Last I checked rice krispy treats weren't an illicit substance."

"Maybe he laced them. He always fed them to us in the car." Without fail, they each got a rice krispy treat square and a juice box when they embarked on each trip.

"That's because of my mom. Uncle Dwight said she used to make them."

"You never told me that before."

Puck's eyes fell to his lap. "Felt weird talking about her because I didn't get to know her before she up and left. I figured you would think I was nuts for telling you stories about essentially a stranger."

"She's your mom. She's a part you, those kinds of bonds are so strong. You didn't need to know her to love her."

Sam hadn't known her either. His Aunt Sarah was just a smiling face in a frame. He used to stare at her photo sometimes and make up stories about what she might've been like. All this time it never occurred to him that Puck was probably doing the same.

They both were silent for a bit, lost in their private memories. "I'm so glad Beth has you back," Puck said finally. "I would hate for her to have had to go through what I did not having either of my parents. Though Julian was an amazing stand-in. He treats me like his own."

"I think to him, you are his own. He sees you as his son."

"That's how Cede sees Beth you know? You never would've had to worry about her being taken care of."

Sam picked up the baby monitor and zoomed the camera in on his sleeping daughter. Pale blond hair, puffing cheeks, and her fist curled up by her mouth, Sam could have watched that sight all night. He wasn't worried about Mercedes and her abilities as a surrogate mother, she was great in the role, with her endless lists, her specially decorated nursery, and stories told just for his baby. Quinn was the one he worried for. It bothered him that she was missing out on moments she could never get back.

"She's so good with her. That's part of what makes things so hard. It's like Beth doesn't miss her mother because she feels like she's always had one in Mercedes."

"I think Beth does miss Quinn. Life will be good for her once she gets back, but in the meantime she's very loved and that's not a bad thing."

"Puck I really need you to believe that I wouldn't abandon my family. I was just talking before. I'll always be here for Beth and Quinn."

Family meant everything to him, always had. He came from an unconventional and ruthless lot, that tended to criticize and degrade over displaying affection, but he still loved them. Not that he was much different, he was just as dysfunctional as they were. He could be rash and flighty at times, following whims instead of thinking things through, short tempered and quick tongued, but with his family he always tried to be accessible and reliable.

"What about Mercedes?" Puck asked.

Sam sighed. "You'll look after her right? Make sure she's safe?"

"Of course, I've been looking out for both Quinn and Mercedes since you got sick, before then, but as much as I hate to admit this, me being around is not much help. I'm a poor substitute for you. They both need you."

He needed another beer. "It's not like I can split myself in half. I've got to make a choice."

"Not tonight you don't. Not even this month. Take some time and get to know what your life is like now."

Sam hesitated, momentarily warring with himself about whether he should share this with Puck. He didn't want his cousin to make too much of the news.

"I asked Mercedes if I could move back in," said Sam taking the plunge and putting it out there.

"That's a terrible idea."

"What? You said I should get to know her."

That was a surprise. Sam was sure that Puck would be pleased with this turn of events. He had been pushing for him to make an effort with Mercedes.

"Yeah at a safe distance, not lying next to her in bed where you'll be all kinds of tempted."

Sam ran a hand through his hair, confused. "You said I can't keep her at arm's length."

"I meant emotionally. Physically you need to keep your hands in your pockets. I don't want you sleeping with her then a few months from now Quinn is released and you toss her like trash."

Man, Puck was diehard in this big brother role. He was acting like he had just said he wanted to have a one night stand with her. Technically since he and Mercedes were married, Sam had every right to sleep with her if he wanted, which he didn't. Sex would just make this big mess that was his life even worse.

"I wouldn't do that." Puck shot him a look. "I care about her. There's this thing between us I just can't shake."

Somewhere between attraction and sympathy was something more, something deeper. Whenever he looked at her he could physically feel her pain, almost as if it were his own. He had a constant need, an ache really, to take care of her and keep her safe. No amount of denial had been able to turn those feelings off.

"Finally he admits it." Puck stood up abruptly, a smile on his face. "It's about damn time, because you weren't fooling anybody. Every time I mentioned Finn's name this vein right here." Puck tapped Sam's forehead. "Would pop out."

"Stop playing around," he said, slapping Puck's hand away. "This is hard for me. Things are complicated."

"Poor Sam. He has a wife and he likes her," Puck teased, still smiling.

"Yes, I like Mercedes. There I said it. But I love Quinn and that's the problem. I don't want to hurt her Puck."

Sam looked up at Puck, feeling a bit like a weight had been lifted from his chest, but he could clearly see another one looming to take its place. Caring about Mercedes only made things worse.

"So please take my advice and stay away."

"I can't do that. I am forced to make this work, for real, but if the time comes and I get my chance with Quinn, I'm going to have to take it. No matter how I feel about Mercedes, what's between me and Quinn is -"

A slight creak from the floor diverted Sam's attention to the door, stopping him mid-sentence.

There she stood in the doorway, black curly hair wild about her head, no shoes, tear streaked face, her brown eyes wide like saucers.

"How long have you been standing there?" asked Sam, standing up.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't let me interrupt. Please continue that thought. I'm riveted."


	68. Tailspin3 Ch14

**Chapter 14**

Fear blanketed him, thick like smoke, paralyzing him to the spot, as he stared at her. Perched in the doorway wearing a short green dress, arms crossed, body tense, her eyes locked on him, vacant brown eyes that seemed to look right through him. Puck got to her first, pulling her into the room, hugging her about the shoulders, asking if she were okay. Mercedes fell into him, briefly letting her weight be carried, as he led her to sit on the bed. The sight of Puck holding her, whispering comfort, jarred Sam from his trance.

He knelt in front of her, trying to meet her eyes, but she looked everywhere but at him. He reached for her hand, to let her know he was there, but she flinched away before he could even touch her. Sam persisted unable to give her the space she seemed to want. He had to make sure she was okay. He grabbed her hand again, quickly this time, before she could resist. It was almost sounded like a hiss as she recoiled, snatching her hand out his and curling herself against Puck's side.

Something was very wrong. His first thought burned red in his mind – Finn. Finn Hudson had hurt her somehow, and she'd come to the one place she knew she'd be safe. With him.

"Puck there's a first aid kit in Beth's room. Can you get it?" Sam asked.

"I'll be right back Cede," said Puck patting her on the head before leaving the room.

"What happened to you? Your hand is swollen." Sam sat back on his knees just watching her on the edge of his bed, visibly trembling, staring off into the space that Puck had just left.

"It's nothing," she said, not bothering to look at him.

"Mercedes let me help you." He touched her knee to get her attention, his fingers just barely grazing her skin.

She moved away sharply, as if his touch had burned, pulling her dress down over her thighs, crossing her legs tightly at the ankles. "I don't need any help."

"You're hurt. There's blood." Frustrated his temper started to flare. Her short answers were driving him insane. Mercedes never said anything succinctly, she went on about everything.

"This is nothing," she said running her hand down her scratched, bloody arm, irritating the skin even worse. "I'm bleeding Sam but you can't see it." This time she looked at him, her brown eyes looking cold and a bit hazy.

A chill ran through Sam's body as Mercedes continued to stare, detached, without warmth or recognition. "Mercedes you're scaring me. You've got to tell me if somebody hurt you so I can..."

"So you can what Sam?" she snapped, cutting him off. "Protect me? Keep me safe?"

"I can't stand to see you like this," he said looking away feeling a bit strange about his admission. He was so used to holding back with her, but now he couldn't help but let it out. Someone had hurt his wife and that mattered to him.

"Open your eyes Sam. Like what you see? Are my bruises too faint? Are the cuts not deep enough?"

She was being sarcastic, cutting her eyes at him, her jaw set. She was trying to look tough and in control, but the fresh trail of tears on her streaked face held the truth.

"Mercedes, baby. You've got to stop upsetting yourself like this," said Sam ignoring her tense body language and putting his hands on her thighs anyway. She shivered when he touched her, but this time she didn't pull away.

"Calling me baby now?" she asked, staring down at his hands.

He shrugged. "It just sort of slipped out." Another byproduct of coming clean, his mouth was taking on a mind of its own.

"You use to call me baby all the time, soft and low in my ear when we were in bed. Made me feel wanted and cherished like I belonged to somebody in this world. But that was before," she hesitated, sniffling back tears. "Now it just sounds wrong, like fake, like how you sounded this afternoon when you were at our house."

Mercedes roughly pushed Sam's hands from her body, still rubbing the spot they had been even once they were removed. Hard, long strokes as if she were scrubbing a stain from a rug.

"Did that Finn kid hurt you?" he asked. Sam didn't want to give voice to the places his mind was taking him. Seeing her at his door, looking so whipped, he could only think the worst.

Cede laughed. "Oh no. Finn could never hurt me. There's no way he could. I'd never let him. There's only one person left who can hurt me now." Her eyes narrowed as they settled on him once more, her full lips pressed together tightly.

"What happened?" His voice cracked, uneasy under her intense gaze.

"You happened." Mercedes's lower lip trembled and she bit it, actually drawing blood. She was crying in earnest now, quiet sobs that shook her shoulders and wet her face. "I met you and I let you hurt me over and over."

Before he could stop himself he had leaned closer, rubbing his thumb across her bruised lower lip, pulling her forehead down to rest against his. The space between them diminished, and the air was warmed by their shared breaths.

"What did I do?" he asked whispering now. She'd let him get this close he couldn't risk spooking her, so he tried to use calming tones. "How did I hurt you?" He pulled her to her feet, still keeping her close, and she followed like a puppet on a string.

"Don't touch me," she said softly against his chest as he held her closer, his arms enclosing around her back.

He heard her sigh, then her muffled tears, but he didn't let her go, holding her closer, letting his hand stroke her dark hair. "It's okay little nurse. Let me take care of you," he said against her hair. "Tell me what's wrong. You can trust me."

"Liar!" she screamed as she shoved him hard, freeing herself from his arms. Sam stumbled backward, stunned by her outburst. Her face twisted and wet as she backed away from him, folding her arms tightly about her torso. "You're just like all the rest wanting to use me, taking from my body, then throwing me away."

"Mercedes you're not making sense. What others? Who are you talking about? Did somebody touch you tonight?" he asked slowly walking toward her, as if he were tracking a wild animal.

She looked almost frightened, surveying the room with her eyes, as she backed herself into the space between his bed and the nightstand. Realizing she had nowhere else to go, she seemed to panic, and let out a loud scream.

"Oh my god, Mercedes, please calm down. You're going to wake up Beth. Come here just let me hold you. I can make this better." He pulled her by the arm, trying to remove her from the tight spot, ignoring her tears.

"You stay away from me!" she yelled when she was back in the middle of the room and out of his grasp. Her eyes were wild with anger as she glared at him. "You don't get to touch me like that. Never again."

"What's going on in here?" asked Puck running into the room, dropping the first aid kit on the floor when he saw Mercedes melting down. He quickly pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head, speaking to her in hushed tones that Sam could not make out.

"She's freaking out Puck," said Sam at loss of what to do next.

He didn't understand what had gone wrong. She had let him hold her just a moment ago, then suddenly she snapped as if he had hit her. Then her incoherent ramblings about the others and him hurting her left him even more confused. His heart was pounding in his chest as he stood helplessly watching her fall apart.

"Why would I be freaking out?" Mercedes asked, calmer now that she was in Puck's arms. "What reason could I possibly have? Can you think of one Sam?"

"I don't know. Did you hear Puck and me talking? Did you hear what I said about Quinn? "

"Always back to Quinn. She's all that you care about right? Your precious love."

"You know Quinn and I are friends," he responded cautiously, purposely ignoring her snarky comment about his feelings for Quinn.

She stepped away from Puck, looking bolder, with her hands on her hips as she faced him. "Never let me forget it. Evidence of your friendship is everywhere, practically viral. So many Fabrevans fans."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sam asked, feeling the instinctive need to protect himself. It felt like there was an attack looming, but he wasn't sure why.

"You're going to play dumb? Good." She smirked. "It suits you. Watch this Puck," she said looking at his cousin over her shoulder. "It's going to be fun." She ran her fingers through the front of her hair, pushing it out of her face. "I'm talking about you cheating on me with Quinn," she said slowly enunciating every word.

Sam's mouth opened slightly, as he struggled to find a response. He hadn't expected her to say that. He couldn't believe that Kurt had ratted him out.

"That's was before. We're past that now, right?" he asked scrambling for a means to diffuse this bomb.

"Oh no husband," she said the word 'husband' hard like a profanity, like it was dipped in shards of glass. "We're not past a thing. I know what you did last night and I'm not letting you get away with it this time."

"Of course you know what I did last night. I told you about my trip."

"That trip upstate that was so nice, seeing Quinn was so nice, catching up on old times was so nice. Tell me Sam is nice a euphemism for really good sex? You cheater!"

She tried to reel it back, she really didn't want to lose control of her emotions in front of him, but his innocent act was pissing her off.

"Would you stop saying that? I'm not cheating on you. I thought we decided to work through things. Remember our talk today?" asked Sam leaning in closer, putting a low sexy timbre into his voice.

Mercedes knew his M.O. he was going to try to seduce her into believing his lies.

"Oh. Right. Today. When you tried to drag me into our bedroom and get me to see why Quinn should be welcomed back into our lives?"

All that afternoon had been one big con, she could feel it then, but a larger part of her wanted to believe that he was there because he wanted to be, that he finally was taking an interest in their life together. Now she knew he was just playing her, trying to get her head all clouded so she wouldn't find out he was sleeping with Quinn.

"I just think Beth needs her mother."

"Or maybe Beth's father just needs his ho."

"Hey! You stop that. Don't talk about her that way!" Sam was getting testy. She'd struck a nerve. He couldn't take the truth about his precious Quinn.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to offend you. Should I have called her a slut instead?" asked Mercedes with a small smile.

The whole conversation was making her sick, but she tried to hold on to the little victories where she could find them. Sam turning red while she trashed Quinn was worth a little bit of queasiness.

"Cede, I thought we agreed to go easy on Quinn, because she's Beth's mother," said Puck lightly touching her arm.

"You're right Puck. I need to be careful of what I say. I don't want to disparage Beth's mom," she said with faked contriteness.

Never would she have said any of this around Beth, but the baby wasn't in the room, and it was time Sam heard all the things she had so long held back. It didn't even matter that Sam didn't remember the history of it all, this wasn't for him, Mercedes needed this release. It had been building for a long time.

"Exactly," Sam interjected. "You need to respect her."

Mercedes huffed, cutting her eyes at him. "You think Quinn deserves my respect? After all the things she's done to ruin my life?" She balled her hands into fists, letting her nails scratch into her skin, a physical reminder to keep her cool. "You know what screw it, I'm a big girl I can't blame her because I married a lying bastard. What I do blame her for is all the things she did to hurt my family."

"Look I don't know much about what happened specifically when I slept with Quinn, but what I do understand that I went to her and probably pushed things. You can't put it all on her."

It was almost sad, the poor amnesiac defending a woman when he knew nothing of what she'd done. Sam really deserved to be educated.

"Without a doubt you were a drunk idiot looking for an easy fuck, but I know you're not a rapist. Quinn dropping her panties for a married man is completely on her."

Sam's eyes flashed with anger as he took a step closer. Mercedes crossed her arms over her chest, and smirked, ready for whatever mini tirade he would unleash.

"Cede!" Puck jumped between them, facing her. "Maybe we should go take a walk. Get some air." He rubbed his hands up and down her arms, trying to get her to keep quiet.

"You can take a walk Puck," said Mercedes pushing around him to stand in front of Sam again. "I know hearing the truth about the woman you're still thirsty for must be excruciating for you," she said watching Sam's reaction to her words. He definitely didn't like the thought of Puck and Quinn, his face did a little tick when she brought it up. "I'm sure you block out all her misdeeds from your mind."

"You've done some misdeeds of your own Cede. How can you stand there and judge Quinn?" asked Puck.

"I know I'm not perfect. I'm pretty sure all my crimes are public record by now."

"Good to know I'll be sure to request a copy of your rap sheet," Sam snarked.

"While you're investigating me, type your little girlfriend's name in Google too. See if she's still attractive after that," she shot back.

"Mercedes you don't want to do this. Let's just go." Puck pulled her toward the door by her arm.

"Puck, I love you," she said shaking away from him. "But I need you to back off. Sam and I need to clear the air."

"Not right now. Don't do this now," said Puck shaking his head at her.

"Puck let her talk. I think now is the perfect time."

"My husband has spoken." Mercedes turned to face him.

"Cede you're better than this," said Puck in the background. He took a seat in a chair, no longer physically trying to muzzle her, but his disapproval was written all over his face. "Don't do it to her."

"She lost the right to receive any compassion from me once she started to sleeping with my husband. Did you know she's been plotting this for months? She told Sam she was glad Beth was his baby that she had prayed for it. I guess you don't mean shit to her anymore Puck, not when Sam's jacked up DNA is available. All the while I'm crying by his bedside, scared he was never coming back to me, Quinn's across town praying for God to help her steal my husband."

"You're being so ridiculous right now," said Sam. "That's not what she meant."

"Enlighten me," she said rolling her eyes. "What does I'm glad she's your daughter mean in Quinn-speak? Because in English it means I want you back and now I've trapped you in my life."

"She didn't need to use Beth to keep me in her life. I would've been there regardless. I'll always care about Quinn," Sam admitted.

"That's so touching." She put her hand over her heart. "Your loyalty is one of the best parts of you. Quinn's a lucky woman. Too bad Beth's going to suffer because of it."

Sam frowned. "Why is Beth going to suffer?"

"Because her daddy is a damn fool, loyal though, but a complete idiot. No matter what Quinn's done, you're going to forgive her. Aren't you?" Her eyes filled with tears. She turned her back to him, wandering over to the dresser so he wouldn't see her wipe them away.

"I forgave you didn't I? So why wouldn't I do the same for Quinn?" asked Sam.

Mercedes snapped around to face him. How dare he lump them in the same pile. Mercedes was a lot of things, but Quinn was far worse. "Are you comparing me to her?"

"Actually no. There's no comparison really," he said matter-of-factly as he leaned against the foot of his bed.

"You know what Sam," she said walking toward him. "I know you're wondering why you married me and I may not look like much."

"I never-"

She held up her hand and continued as if he never spoke. "But I'm a good person. I've made mistakes, but I try to live my life with respect and dignity something I was never taught growing up so it's a struggle. I may be a lot of things and probably nowhere near good enough for you in your mind."

"I think you're-"

"I know I hurt you," she said cutting him off. "And that's something I will have to deal with for the rest of my days, but one thing I can say with my head help up high is that I never took down a defenseless baby. I would never hurt a child."

Puck buried his head in his hands. "Mercedes please stop this."

"Hurt a child? What's she talking about Puck?" asked Sam looking over at Puck.

"Don't talk to Puck. You talk to me," she said poking him with her finger to regain his attention. "You're standing there thinking you landed the prize in Quinn, the instant dream family, if only your bitch wife wasn't in the way. Am I right?"

"It's not that simple." He ran his hand over his face, as he tried to explain, but she didn't give him the chance to continue, cutting him off before he could fabricate more lies.

"I know you Sam. You're not that deep. You think Quinn's better than me. You can't wait to slide that ring on her finger, but before you switch brides let me give you a piece of advice."

"What advice would that be?" Sam asked, tilting his head to the side as he waited for her reply.

"Cede..." Puck pleaded, still planted in his seat.

"Don't trust Quinn. She's as careless with your baby's life as she is with your heart."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"She's not fit to raise a guppy."

"You're just making shit up to have something to say." Sam stood up to his full height. He seemed taller somehow, absent of her usual heels, she was tempted to rise up on the balls of her feet to get closer to his level. "You're threatened by Quinn and you want to make her look bad."

Mercedes stuck out her chin, throwing her shoulders back, her hands on her hips more for stability than to exude confidence. "I don't have to make her look bad, she already does. Sleeping her way through all the men in your family is a real classy move. Did you ever ask yourself why you weren't enough for her? Why she had to turn to Puck and-"

"Leave my name out of this Cede," said Puck grabbing her arm. "My relationship with Quinn is off limits."

"He's so protective. How does that make you feel Sam, to know Quinn has so many men in her corner? Doesn't leave much room for you. Do you honestly think you have a chance with her this time?"

"Yes," he responded staring her down. "I think Quinn and I share something deep and meaningful. Our connection is real."

It was a shot at her, direct hit, and it landed like a thud against her chest. They had talked about connections between them before and after the accident, it was their one constant that linked the past to now, and Sam was trying to chip away at that and make it seem insignificant.

"Ask Quinn why you never got back together. Then take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself what is it about you that makes you not quite measure up." Pain flickered in his eyes, and she couldn't hold back her smirk. She wanted to hurt him in any way she could. She knew all his weak spots, torturing him would be easy, as long as she ignored his pain. "Such a handsome face, yet no women want to be with you." His face fell and Mercedes instantly wished she had held back those words.

"You want me," he said quietly.

His voice was strained as if he were holding back his true emotions, controlling his reactions as he spoke. She felt trapped in the green of his eyes, unable to look away from the confused pain reflected there.

"I'm young and stupid. I'm hoping to improve with age." In that moment she wanted to believe those words, she wanted so much to be over him.

Sam looked hurt, his red rimmed eyes, lowering in pain. "You don't mean that. I know how you feel about us," he said softly, lowering his voice so only she could hear.

"What I feel doesn't matter anymore if you don't still feel it too. And you don't." She looked up at him, he'd closed the gap between them and was just inches away.

"How do you know?" He stroked her cheek wiping away the tears that fell. "Maybe I do."


	69. Tailspin3 Ch15

**Chapter 15**

Something familiar still existed in his eyes, such pretty green eyes, curved into half moon slits as he looked down at her. It would have been so easy for Mercedes to just lean into his hand that still stroked her cheek, give in to those feelings that always seemed to be there, let herself be fully claimed by the distinctive pull that only came when she was in the proximity of Sam Evans. She could just throw her arms around his neck, assault his mouth with kisses so deep they both would be left gasping for air. Just like she'd always done, all the times before. Each time she'd forgiven him and taken him back. Now could be just like those times, she could ignore the truth being blasted all over cyberspace, forget that he wanted another woman, make herself believe that given time he could fall in love with her all over again, all it would take was one kiss and all could be forgiven.

"Mercedes," he whispered, his eyes sliding closed, his face drifting closer to hers. He was going to kiss her, right here in the middle of the room, in front of Puck.

Sam truly had no shame, he was willing to do anything to guarantee her compliance. Memories of working for him at D&E filled her mind and how they abused their arsenal of sexual weaponry, playing a dangerous game of flirtation and corporate politics mixing business with personal. Any truth between them was so covered in lies that it was hard to separate the reality from the pretense in the end.

Now here he was standing in front of her lying the way he used to back when she first met him, when he liked to use her obvious feelings for him against her, twisting them to suit his agenda, while she had done the same to him. She had thought of it as foreplay back then, his way of showing that he was interested without giving away too much. She'd conned herself into believing that underneath all the deception and distrust, something real existed between them.

Maybe it actually had been real, it certainly felt that way to them once, when they were so consumed by each other that they couldn't even go a few hours without talking and they never could be in the same room and not touch. Perhaps it was simply newlywed bliss, but Mercedes had thought what they had would last them a lifetime, a connection like the one they shared was rare and special so that had to mean it would last. Didn't it?

She placed her hand in the center of his chest, stopping him mid descent. "Don't touch me," she said, taking a much needed step back. "Puck hand me your phone."

"What are you up to Cede?" asked Puck as he reluctantly gave his phone to Mercedes.

"It'll be fine. Relax." She scrolled through his phone searching for that one particular page.

"Mercedes what's really going on here?" asked Sam. "I've sensed this distance from you all night."

Wow he really was going to take this clueless act all the way.

"I know this must be hard for you to understand since I have been throwing myself at you pretty much since you woke up."

"You've just never pulled away from me before."

He looked hurt, though faking pain was something Sam excelled at. She could remember so many times in the past where he had used his supposed pain to get her to do what he wanted. She had been so stupid then, actually feeling happy that he had chosen to reveal so much of himself to her. Little had she known it was all an act, Sam knew she was hopeless when it came to him and he used that knowledge to his advantage. A fog was lifting, things were suddenly coming into focus, none of it was real. It couldn't have been, because Sam was so easily reverting to old behaviors, back to the way he used to treat her when they first met. That must have been the real Sam after all, and everything else that came after, when he claimed to care about her was nothing but lies.

"Sorry slutty nurse is gone for the day, she's been replaced by shrew wife and she's not that easy," she said, her voice hard and cold.

He shook his head, staring down at his feet. "I never thought you were easy. I just thought…" He trailed off not bothering to finish his sentence.

"You thought what?" she asked, hating that she was so interested in what he wanted to say.

"I just thought you liked being with me."

Mercedes could feel her hard shell already start to crack, her hopes beginning to build once again, as she latched on to the idea that he had actually noticed her. He'd paid attention to her actions. That had to mean something good.

"I did like being with you Sam," she admitted, sniffing back tears. "I liked it a lot, but that was before you started taking out all your anger on me, blaming me for everything you didn't like about your life, and before you started going on and on about the woman that destroyed our marriage." Mercedes shook with anger. It was all too much, listed before her, shameful and pathetic, all the ways she'd let him mistreat her. "And now you've added lies and humiliation to the mix. You're lucky I'm just pulling away, because what I really want to do is kick your ass."

"Cede what's going on? Why are you so upset?" asked Puck stepping behind her and placing his hands on her bare shoulders.

For a moment she had to fight the urge to turn and fall into Puck's arms, succumb to the tears, and just block Sam and all the pain he had caused out. But she couldn't. She had to own this moment, it was too long overdue.

"Sam knows why. Don't you Sam?"

"Uh no. You're acting like a crazy person. Maybe you should be the one locked up."

He was getting angry with her. Good. He got off balance when his emotions kicked in. Mercedes didn't want to be the only one in the room feeling unstable, he needed to feel this too, the disconcertion of being hit with the unknown. She wanted to watch him squirm as he struggled to figure out the cause of her distress.

"Is that a threat?" She challenged him, goading him closer to his breaking point. If he didn't love her, at least he could blow up at her, lose his temper, display some level of passion. That would almost be like he cared.

"You know he didn't mean that Cede," said Puck throwing Sam a look.

"Puck, I think you underestimate Sam's power. He can make me disappear just as easily as he can make Quinn appear right where he wants her."

"You're not making any sense Cede. You know she's upstate. Sam can't change that."

"Not for the lack of trying right Sam? What happened yesterday when you went to see her? Did she give you a warm welcome? Lift up her skirt and give you a ride?"

"Just be quiet," he said turning away from her dismissively.

Mercedes wasn't letting him run from this, not this time. She followed him to the other side of the room. "Did you get too loud and the hospital had to ask you to take it outside? Is that how you ended up at the hotel? Or did you slip the orderly a hundred for some alone time with the whore you can't live without."

"That's enough." He snapped. "I'm tired of your mouth."

"That's not what you were saying when we were together at the hospital. I remember you liked all the little things I did, especially with my tongue. You even begged me not to stop. Do you remember that Sam? Or did you conveniently block that out like you did with every other memory of us."

"I swear to god Puck if you don't shut her up-" he said raising his voice and leering into her personal space.

"Sam you back the hell off." Puck shoved Sam back. "I warned you about this."

Mercedes giggled even though all she felt was nausea, but she knew it would set him off. Sam never could stand feeling like he was being mocked.

"She's flipping crazy," he said trying to push past Puck.

"I'm crazy? I'm not the one that has a split personality. One minute you want me, the next you can't get enough of her. Do you even know what you want Sam?"

"I told you I want to explore things between us," he said pointing at her, Puck still between them, his words sounding more like a threat than a heartfelt admission.

It felt like a slap in her face, further proof that everything had been just words for him, a means to some unknown end.

"Bullshit. You want to shut me up. You think a few kisses and I'll be putty in your hands, while you screw that bitch behind my back."

Puck lifted his arm as a barrier to hold her away from Sam. He must've known how badly she wanted to slap him. Instead she took out all her frustrations on Puck's phone, squeezing it so tightly she thought it might crack.

"I've been nothing but upfront with you," said Sam taking his tone down a notch.

"Liar!" Tears choked her throat as she yelled at him. Why did couldn't she stop crying over this man? Years of her life already wasted, loving him, with nothing to show but piles of lies, tears, and pain. "You told me you wouldn't do this. You made me believe you wanted us to have a chance. I thought you cared about me."

This was the man she'd chosen, the one she'd pledged her heart and her body to. She thought she'd gotten it right, she'd given herself to him completely, fully this time, every part of her was his. She let go of all her fears and threw herself into loving him ignoring all the red flags. Her heart could see the parts of him everyone else couldn't. Inside her soul she knew Sam was the man for her. She'd let him in, shared her secrets, her hopes and dreams, trusted him to keep the nightmares at bay and keep her safe in the dark. And he had done the same, letting her into places that he'd always kept hidden, loving her openly and honestly.

Under the halo of morning light, not long after they had married, he promised to always be there, they'd greet the dawn together. They vowed to keep their love intact no matter the challenge, to reaffirm their commitment at the start of each new day. And with those promises her castle had crumbled, she no longer needed a safe place to hide from the darkness and pain that followed her since her childhood. Sam made it all better. He made her feel safe and loved. With him by her side Mercedes felt free to step into the light, to finally believe lasting happiness was more than a wistful daydream.

Deceptions and lies hidden beneath the trappings of love, over and over she'd let him wear her down, chipping away at her heart and soul, until there was nothing left but this moment, so much like their first, where she was the one left holding all the love, receiving nothing in return. It hurt worse than any torment she had endured as a child, at least then her heart was safely tucked away in her white castle, but now Sam held all the power, she'd given it to him the moment she'd handed over her heart. He never bothered to give it back, preferring to play with it like a yo-yo, amusing himself for a while then shoving it in his pocket when he grew bored.

Mercedes needed her heart back. It was the only way she could escape this pain, to set herself free from this cyclical torture that Sam insisted on inflicting all under the guise of love. If only she could find the courage to break away. For good.

Mercedes rested her head against Puck's back, willing her breathing to slow and her tears to stop. She couldn't let herself fall apart, not yet, and not in front of him.

"I think both of you need to take a break," said Puck doing his best impression of referee.

Sam held both his hands up and backed down. "I'm fine now, Puck," he said from a safe distance.

Puck looked over at Mercedes, waiting for her to respond. She only nodded tersely, that was the best Puck was going to get.

"I do care about you," Sam said, his voice suddenly sounding gentle.

"Stop lying to me!" Every cell in her body was on fire. She literally wanted to hurt him, even after all this he still was trying to play her.

"I'm not lying. You've got to believe me." He managed to evade Puck, and he was back in her space, clouding her air, touching her again. He grabbed her hand and tried to force her fingers to thread through his.

"Stay away from me," she mouthed as she snatched back her hand.

"Mercedes please don't be like this. Let me prove to you I care," Sam pleaded.

Puck placed his hand on Sam's shoulder. "Sam why don't you give it a rest? Obviously she's upset right now."

"No Puck I want to hear what Sam has to say." Mercedes held up the phone she had been clutching in her hand, turning the screen toward Sam so he could see the photo of him with Quinn. "And you can start by explaining this."

Sam ran his hand through his hair, fidgeting as he tried to come up with some plausible response. "Look," he started, pausing as he fidget some more, beginning to pace a bit in the small space in front of her. "It's not what you think," he said finally when he stopped moving.

Puck grabbed the phone from Mercedes's hand. "Sam what did you do?"

"I think we all know the answer to that question Puck."

"Where did you get that?" asked Sam, looking like he wanted to crawl out of his skin.

"The miracle of the internet," Mercedes said blandly. She was so tired of him and his pitiful excuses. She wanted a straight answer from him for once. "So are you going to deny it?" she asked.

He looked at her, almost begging with his eyes. He wanted her to let this go, like she always did. Sam couldn't even remember her yet somehow he had already learned she was a pushover when it came to him. That was about to change from here on.

"Just let me explain," he said taking a step toward her.

Mercedes held out her hand, signaling him to not come any closer. "Can you be a man and just be honest with me? Were you and Quinn together at a hotel last night? Is this picture real?"

Opening and closing his mouth, as if wanted to respond but thought better of it, he looked from her to Puck, and then at the floor. "Yes," he said finally.

Mercedes heard Puck swear under his breath behind her. "Dammit Sam."

Tears burned in Mercedes' eyes but she clung to her control like a lifeline. "When you called me last night was Quinn with you?"

He looked up and their eyes locked. He took a deep breath. "She was in the shower," he said never looking away.

That was all she needed to hear. "You son of a bitch," she said, her voice breaking through the tears. "I want a divorce."

She was done.

-


	70. Tailspin3 Ch16

**Thanks for reading and commenting. I'll be posting a lot more chapters at once so if I don't got respond to your comment right away, please know that I will as soon as I can, and I appreciate it.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

"So that's it? I wake up from a coma with a serious brain injury and you just drop me because you don't like I can't remember you?"

"I would have given my life for you, stuck with you through anything. This is not about your memory loss. It's about me finally standing up for myself. I deserve better than this. You were cheating and lying before the accident and now you're still doing it. I'm not some doormat, not someone you can abuse because you know I'll keep coming back. From day one you toyed with my feelings because you knew I was a sucker when it came to you. You knew I'd do anything for you just to have to the chance to be near you. But that's over. You can go to hell."

Mercedes swayed on her feet, Sam grabbed her elbow to steady her but Puck was already there holding her up against his body. He dropped his hand, feeling the bitter sting of being unneeded.

"Cede just calm down," said Puck as he stroked her hair. "You're going to make yourself sick."

"I can't calm down Puck." She was sobbing, her words garbled and choked through the steady flow of tears. "My Sam is gone for good and he's never coming back. My whole life is over."

"Don't say that. Nothing's over. Come on Cede."

Sam's stomach twisted in knots as he watched her cry in Puck's arms. He needed to be the one to hold her. He felt powerless and useless, discarded and pushed aside. If this is what it felt like to be left by her, he didn't like it. He couldn't take her not needing him anymore. He didn't like the idea that she would no longer look at him with those eyes, and silently ask him to make everything okay. Somehow losing that felt wrong, which was crazy, because letting go was the only thing they could do. He couldn't be with her and Quinn at the same time. He didn't even really know Mercedes, so why did he feel like he should be fighting to keep her by his side?

Everything he wanted was falling into place. Mercedes had stepped aside, bowed out gracefully, he was free. He should have been running at full sprint toward Quinn, getting down on his knees and declaring his love for her, and not letting her push him away this time. This was it. Their big chance was looming, and yet he was stuck standing in the middle of his bedroom fighting the urge to touch his wife.

"Mercedes can't we just talk about this alone?" Sam asked clearing his dry, scratchy throat.

"I can barely stand to look at you," she said her voice muffled by her tears. Puck pulled her closer to him as he shook his head at Sam.

"I know," he said softly as he watched her press herself into Puck's torso. His chest tightened as he saw her so relaxed in his cousin's arms. He should be the one hugging her not Puck.

Puck was just going to have to get over his protectiveness, because right now nothing was going to stop him from holding her. Sam reached out tentatively, hesitating halfway, before he let his hand rest on her arm, testing her reaction to the contact. She immediately stiffened, holding her breath, watching him warily out of the corner of her eye, but she didn't pull away.

"Puck can you please give us some space?" asked Sam. Feeling bolder he let his hand run down her arm to intercept her fingers, hooking one pinky through hers.

Puck shook his head. "I'm not leaving the two of you alone. "No way," he said resolutely.

"Puck please. I just want to talk to her." Their fingers were intertwined now, just a little tug and she'd come to him.

"Look at her Sam. She's a wreck over you," said Puck, clearly exasperated that Sam would even suggest that he'd leave.

As far as Sam could tell Mercedes had been wrecked over him long before tonight. All of this was about more than just one paparazzi photo of him with Quinn. This pain was years in the making. Not being able to remember the specifics didn't make him feel it any less. Every word she'd thrown at him tonight had felt like an iron fisted blow. His partial amnesia didn't save him from any of it.

"I get that. So can you give me the chance to make it right?"

He looked down at Mercedes so pretty in her tight green dress, her face patterned with the streaks of her tears. She looked so incredibly young, since her tears washed away her makeup, so vulnerable, her fiery spunk drowned in her stream of tears. This was what he couldn't handle, the sad defeat. He liked her fighting with him, challenging his behavior, not cowering in Puck's arms. This was not her.

"Come here," he whispered as he pulled her hand. He wasn't sure she had heard him at first. She didn't respond, but then almost in slow motion she turned, looking up at him with questioning eyes. Grabbing the back of her head, he brought her to him, cradling her against his chest. This is what he should've done all along.

"Cede, I'll be just outside that door. Okay?" said Puck.

She nodded against his chest. Sam couldn't believe she was letting him hold her like this when minutes before she was ready to throttle him. Yet another thing about her he couldn't figure out.

"I was hoping we could talk about things calmly," Sam began once Puck left the room.

"There's nothing to say," she said stopping him before he could go on. "I want out. You win. You get to be with Quinn free and clear." She stepped away from him finally, uncoiling herself from his arms, only to wrap herself in her own.

"If only that were true," he sighed taking a seat on his bed. "It'd be so simple. I'd be with the woman I remember, you get to kick a man that keeps hurting you to the curb, but somehow I don't think it's going to go down like that."

"It can if we let it." Her voice sounded so small, the tears had stopped but she still seemed so sad.

"You think it'll be that easy to walk away? Just cut all ties?" He rested his elbow on his leg, his hand propped on his cheek, watching her as she hugged herself in the middle of the room.

She nodded, but Sam didn't believe her, something was holding her here just as it was holding him.

"I was going to do it before…" She paused, sniffling. "Before the accident."

"You think I would've let you?" She gave him a puzzled look. "I found the letters Mercedes. All the letters I wrote you, begging you to come back to me. I read every one of them." So pathetic, yet so him. He could almost feel himself ready to beg right now. Anything to get her to stay.

"Those letters didn't change anything. I still filed for divorce."

Maybe she would have divorced him last year, she would have been justified given the circumstances, but his instincts were telling him that a little piece of paper wouldn't have been enough to truly end what was between them. Granted he had felt the same way about Brittany and their marriage and he had been so wrong, she packed up her lingering feelings and left for a life with Santana. Quinn had left him too. Perhaps Mercedes was right when she said no woman wanted to keep him long term.

"Are you sure? What about this one?" He pulled the folded sheet of paper from his pocket, holding it out to her so she could see it.

"Why do you have this?" she asked, letting her fingers lightly ghost over the words.

"I wanted to ask you about it." He stood up and walked over to her. "I sort of really needed to know the answer to what you wrote right there." He pointed to her handwritten line. "Did we ever get that dance Mercedes?"

"I told you already. It's not who we are. Our first time gets broadcast over the internet, our wedding is interrupted by you collapsing, our romantic night out ends with revelations about adulterous affairs. We didn't have a fairytale Sam. We weren't meant to. Waking up from a coma still in love with your high school sweetheart that you share a child with, the girl you serenaded, carved initials in trees for, danced with under the stars, there's your magic. I just didn't want to face it before, but it's true. Your fairytale life is with her."

He agreed with her. His winding history with Quinn always felt like it would end in forever to him. Deep in his heart, he knew that somehow, someway, they'd be back together. But if this was happily ever after, he was totally getting screwed over, nowhere in his dreams did he ever picture himself stuck with a wife he didn't want, but just couldn't shake. Mercedes seemed like the last obstacle in the path to happiness with Quinn. The mental hospital, his mother's hate, memory loss, not even his father's vendetta against Quinn were enough to hold him back from finally getting his fairytale with her after all of these years. Yet somehow one short dark haired woman was proving to be the ultimate challenge, the proverbial dragon he needed to slay. Problem was he liked her, and he kind of wasn't ready to vanquish her from his kingdom just yet.

"I didn't marry her though," he said taking the letter from her hand, his fingers grazing hers.

"Sam why are you doing this?" she asked pushing him away from her, one short shove against his chest, as if suddenly he'd gotten too close, though there was at least a foot between them. "You're trying so hard to convince me you want to give us a chance, but I know you don't mean it."

"I keep telling you things aren't that simple."

"You want another woman." Her lower lip trembled as she spoke. "That's pretty black and white to me," she said, her voice shaking.

Sam knew it would have been wise to just drop the conversation entirely. He had caused her enough pain, and going here with her would just make it worse, but he couldn't help himself he needed all of this out in the open, once and for all. If there was any hope of him salvaging things and keeping Mercedes in their marriage, he was going to have to come clean. The thing was once he came clean with Mercedes, he would be forced to do the same with Quinn. How was he supposed to convince an already reluctant Quinn to hang with him for nine months while he honored the terms of his father's deal once he admitted that he felt more for his wife than he had initially let on?

Desperation was starting to set in. He couldn't let Quinn get sent back to the hospital, and he couldn't pretend anymore with Mercedes, she was too smart to fall for that anyway, and frankly he didn't think he was strong enough to keep blocking his feelings from her. Something had to give, and that something was him.

"Why did you leave that message for that other guy on our wedding day?" he asked her not really wanting to hear her answer, though he already knew what it would be.

"What?" She looked confused. "What does that have to do with this?"

"Was it because you had feelings for him too and you weren't sure if you were making the right choice in marrying me?"

Shane Tinsley was just a man shaped blob in his mind, a non-entity really, but he hated him all the same. He'd had a hand in creating the mess they all were in, yet he seemed to be off somewhere completely unscathed. Didn't seem right that he got to create so much carnage and just be able to walk away from it all.

Running her fingers through her hair, she sighed, tilting her head as if she were weighing her response carefully. "Something like that. My heart was pulling me in two directions. There was always you, that never changed, but Shane sort of crept in there unexpectedly."

"I understand."

"Okay," she said with a blank stare.

"You don't get it. I understand because I feel the same way about you and Quinn."

Her mouth slacked open in shock as she stared back at him for a moment, then slowly her eyes narrowed and her face twisted into a frown.

"Yeah right," she said crossing her arms.


	71. Tailspin3 Ch17

**Chapter 17**

"You expect me to believe you have feelings for me? You don't even remember me."

"I spent one of the best nights of my life with you." That was the truth.

Of all the times he could remember, seeing Michael Jordan play live, the first time he kissed Quinn, the night he proposed to Brittany, being with Quinn during the limo crash, the night he spent with Mercedes in his hospital bed ranked up there with some of his most coveted memories.

She regarded him warily, her face softening the longer he stared back at her. She could deny everything else, fight his sincerity about nearly everything he'd said to her up to this point, and she'd be right to, he had been deflecting the truth, but their night together, that was something he never lied about, not to her. It felt wrong to taint such a perfect memory with dishonesty.

"Why am I even still listening to you?" she asked, shaking her head, averting her eyes toward the floor.

"I'm telling you the truth. Think about it. I may not remember all the stuff before, but I do remember now. I know that I forged this incredible bond with the woman that helped nurse me back to health. We spent so much time together, just talking. You were my shoulder, my support. I couldn't have made it through all of that without you. What we have means something to me."

"If I mean so much to you, how could you do this to me? Do you know how humiliating it is find out your husband is cheating on you from a gossip blog?"

"I didn't sleep with Quinn." He said, hoping this time she'd actually believe him.

He hadn't thought things through last night. All he knew was he had to get Quinn out of the hospital. Nothing else had mattered to him at the time. He didn't stop to think about lurking photographers or the look on Mercedes' face when she found out the truth. Although he knew she would be angry with him for freeing Quinn, he sensed her dislike for the woman bordered on hate, but he never anticipated the hurt look that persisted in her eyes. Her big brown eyes were even sadder now that she had seen that picture of him with Quinn. By denying the validity of her feelings for him, he had managed to keep himself in check, his inconvenient attraction for Mercedes blocked, but in doing so he only managed to hurt her more. Now that he accepted and believed that his wife was truly in love with him, the impact of his actions had hit hard, pounding him with guilt and remorse.

"As if I believe that."

"It's true."

"Here's what's true, last night while you were out not," she began, air quoting the word 'not' with her fingers. "Cheating on me with Quinn I was home tossing and turning on the couch."

"Why weren't you in the bed?" Probably not the most appropriate question, but it jumped out at him.

"Because I don't sleep there anymore, the couch is where I usually stay. I sometimes find peace there, but last night I woke up screaming."

Then he remembered, she'd told him that before, when they were at the hospital. She couldn't sleep in her bed without her husband, so she'd come to the hospital and climb in bed with him. At that time he didn't realize he was said husband, and he had thought it a tad strange that a nurse would get in bed with her patient, but at the same time he had been almost flattered. Even in a coma he was making her feel better. Now he knew that all of this was about missing him. A part of him wished he could erase that bit of knowledge and pretend that she was still his nurse with an infatuation. There was great responsibility in realizing he was the key to her finding solace in the night.

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><p><em>Watching her sleep, her head heavy on his shoulder, her warm breath making him tingle, rest eluded him as he focused on lightly tracing the outline of her lips with his finger. She looked so peaceful, so different than she had just a half hour before when she had been crying hysterically in his arms, fleeing some unknown terror in her dreams. She had called out for him in her frenzied state, half dream and half wake, instinctively reaching for him in the darkness, as if she expected him to be there. Such a strange creature his nurse was proving to be. Her mysteries had captivated him completely, and he pledged to himself that he would unravel every one, starting with how she managed to have lips so perfectly shaped.<em>

_"Was it dark where you were? When you were in the coma?" she asked so quietly he had to strain to hear her. He hadn't realized she was awake. Her eyes were still closed._

_"I don't know can't remember anything about it." No one had asked him about his coma before, although Sam was sure everyone was curious. He often caught his family and even his doctors watching him expectantly, as if at any moment he would reveal the secrets of the unconscious mind._

_"I always was so scared you were stuck in the dark, alone where I couldn't find you." Her voice trembled as tears trickled from the corners of her still closed eyes._

_Sam squeezed her around her shoulders, bringing her body even closer to his own. "You were searching for me? Trying to bring me back?" In his mind, he could almost picture her tip toeing in the darkness, calling his name, attempting to rouse him from his never ending sleep._

_"Oh yes," she said finally opening her eyes to look at him. "I would've never stopped looking for you. I couldn't leave you in the dark with the evil lurking. Bad things happen in the dark."_

_"What made you afraid of the dark?" he asked. Although Sam was more interested in the content of her dreams. He wanted to know what caused her to wake up screaming._

_She took a deep breath as she pulled herself upright beside him. "When you're all alone with no one to care about you, the darkness consumes, it follows you even into the light. It chased me Sam, until I found you. You kept it away, kept me safe." She smiled at him, reaching down to caress his cheek. "But then it came for you too. I lost you to the dark." Fear replaced that smile as Sam strained to read the contours of her face in the shadows._

_"Mercedes you're not making any sense. Please tell me what's wrong."_

_"Nothing's wrong. You escaped into the light. It can't hurt you anymore. I gave myself back to the dark instead."_

_Sam's pulse was echoing in his ears. He didn't understand what she saying, it probably was some side effect of the drugs she had been given, but he could feel her fear as tangibly as if it were his own._

_"Mercedes listen to me," he said sitting up too, straining the limits of the tubes in his arm. He turned her toward him, lifting her chin with his hand so he could see into her eyes. "You're not alone. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to be afraid. I'm going to keep you safe from the dark."_

_She shook her head away from his hand, her eyes falling to focus on her lap. "Sam you don't remember. You can't – "_

_He kissed her, soft and full on the lips, cutting off her words, needing her to know that he meant all that he had said._

_She sighed softly, a small smile flickering on her face as he wrapped her in his arms. "I promise I'll be here to pull you back, to make sure you make it to the light each morning."_

_"How are you going to do that?" she asked, her voice sounding low and dreamy._

_"We'll watch the sunrise together every day. And we'll know we're both safe."_

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><p>He had kept his promise that morning, they had watched the sun come up together, but many sun rises came and went between then and now. He had let his promise fall to the back of his mind once he was entrenched with his own problems, never once thinking that Mercedes might be somewhere silently holding him to his word. He had let her down. Again.<p>

"You had a nightmare," he said, his stomach dropping at the thought.

She nodded quickly in response. "And no one was there but Beth. Usually if Beiste was home she would sit with me, but I was alone, totally alone and I was scared." She wiped at the tears that had started to fall with the back of her hand. "I needed you and you weren't there."

"I'm sorry Mercedes." Those words didn't seem like enough. He had no excuses to offer that would do any good. She was right. He hadn't been there for her.

"You can keep your apology. It's meaningless. You weren't thinking about me. You were too busy getting busy," she spat out angrily.

"I'm trying." Sam shoved his hands in his pocket, looking up at the ceiling, wishing the right words were scribbled above his head. "I've been honest with you about my feelings for Quinn and my confusion. How can you hold that against me?"

"I get it, you don't remember, so you can't love me anymore. What I don't get is you breaking your vows. You know you're married, you understand what that means. You lost your memory, not your mind Sam."

It wasn't fair that he had to shoulder it all. He'd pushed the boundaries of their vows but so had she. At least he was willing to fight for their marriage. She had been trying to quit on him for weeks, ever since his meltdown at the hospital. Seemed to Sam that she was the one breaking her vows, Mercedes wasn't willing to weather the bad.

"What about you? You vowed to love me, for better or worse, yet you're throwing in the towel. What's up with that Mercedes?"

"You arrogant bastard. You think you get to keep the perks of having a wife while you sneak off to hotels with Quinn?"

Nothing was coming out right. After all the denial, the pushing her away, and now the photo, how could he possibly expect her to listen?

"I wish so much that things could be different for you, for us. I don't know where to put these feelings I have for you. I shouldn't even be having them."

So much of this had nothing to do with Quinn, but Mercedes couldn't see that. She was letting all their 'after' block their 'before'. What they shared at the hospital meant a great deal, and she was acting as if she wanted to ignore that.

"I'm your wife. You're supposed to love me, not Quinn."

Their eyes connected and he felt himself getting lost in the watery depths. If only he had three wishes, he'd use one to cut himself in two. So that he could exist in this life with her and keep all those whispered promises he made in the dark. She had this way of making him want things he shouldn't, of making him wish he were a man he could never be again.

"Everything inside me is saying the opposite. She's what's real to me. When I'm with her my life makes sense, I'm not all pulled in multiple directions or caught off guard by random feelings. Quinn is the most vivid thing in my life. She's something solid and unwavering. I can't turn my back on that. But then there's you, ignoring you doesn't work, I can't stop thinking about you and wondering about you. There are so many questions I want to ask, so much I want to understand about you and us and about how we got here together. It's like you won't leave me alone. I can close my eyes and still see you, I'm standing right in front of you and all I want to do is touch you."

He reached out toward her not really intending to touch her at all, but she backed away from him all the same.

"I don't want to be number two in your heart. I've been there already and it sucks. I can't do it again. You fell in love with me and you married me. I got to be the one you wanted, finally. I'd rather give you up than go back to being a consolation prize."

There was no arguing that point. He had felt the same way.

"So what, we just leave things like this? We get divorced and that's it?"

"There's nothing left for us. I'd rather just hold on to my memories. I have some good ones, and walk away from all the pain."

She seemed so resolved in her decision, no tears, no wavering. Sam, however was reeling, it felt like yet another rejection in the long line of them that formed his life. The implications this had on the deal he made with his father felt almost secondary when he thought about the reality of Mercedes' words. He had failed in yet another relationship.

"What about the hospital? Do we forget about all of that too?" That was all the good he had with her, his only memories captured in a span of weeks. Didn't seem like nearly enough time.

"I think we were both just lonely. I missed my husband and you missed Quinn. We leaned on each other for a time, but now that time is over. I need to get on with my life. We both need to do that."

Getting on with his life was exactly what he wanted to do for weeks, but suddenly his legs felt heavy and his feet were dragging toward the door.

"Before I knew about Quinn and Beth, I really thought we could have been something. I sort of felt like I won the lottery, when I woke up to find such a special person in my life, I developed a major crush on the little nurse that was always by my side. I wanted so much to get to know you better." She smiled slightly, such a sweet sight he'd been missing from her tonight. He ran his finger along the curve of her button nose, a small indulgence, before letting his arm fall back to his side. "But everything's different now. Beth and Quinn are my family."

"What about me? I was here taking care of you, loving you, and just because I didn't give birth to Beth I don't matter?" she asked her face contorting as she grew more upset.

"I'm not saying that," he said keeping his voice steady. "You know how much I appreciate all you've done."

"I don't want your gratitude. I want my husband back! I prayed for a miracle, and I don't have much faith in prayers, but I got down on my knees for you and begged anyone who would listen to bring you back to me."

"It worked. I'm here now. I'm better," he said with a faked calm. Inside he was being ripped to shreds as he watched her cry even more tears over him.

"Yes you're better and I'm glad for that, but you came back wrong. You're not my husband, you're not the man I loved. Something happened to you, something got broken."

He felt like she'd hit him. "Mercedes you don't mean that."

Brittany had done this to him too, denying his identity and his place in her heart. She had accused him of not being the same, that war had damaged him and that an imposter had replaced the man she'd married. It nearly killed him to hear those words from her lips, their years of knowing each other, their love, their marriage, all disregarded in one strike. He had lost his wife and himself all at once, forcing him to resort to acts of desperation to restore his life.

Sam had been told that Mercedes was different, that she was the one right choice he'd ever made. While his mind couldn't quite digest that fact, something inside, maybe his heart, was starting to understand why he had given her his ring. She had loved him through everything, even during the short time he'd been around her he could see that. But now she was sucking him into some crazy flashback where he was once again being rebuked and rejected.

"Yes I do. My Sam would never treat me like this. Even at your worst you never hurt me this way. At least you used to be honest about your hatred instead of hiding it behind hollow promises and lies."

"There's nothing wrong with me," he said wanting to clamp his hands over his ears to drown out the sounds of her accusing him of being damaged. He was fine. The doctors had assured him only his memory had been impaired. "I just don't remember what we had."

"My Sam loved me," she said, her lower lip trembling as she cried.

"Mercedes we just need time."

"You can't remember me and you want Quinn, so why are you working so hard to make me believe you want to stay married?"

"What if I get my memory back after you divorced me? Once we decide to do this we can't take it back. I'm just not ready to make any drastic decisions."

"You're lying to me."

He wasn't. Not really.

"I'm not. I want us to make things work."

There was a part of him that wasn't ready to let this go. This wasn't about the deal or even Quinn. He felt a connection to Mercedes since waking up in the hospital and he wasn't sure he could just walk away from something like that. Sam knew he was being completely selfish to both Quinn and Mercedes but if he allowed himself to be honest, then he had to admit that he liked the fact that there was someone in this world that chose to share her life with him, and that meant just as much as to him as Quinn being the mother of his child. He wasn't willing to lose either one from his life.

"And your feelings for Quinn?" she asked, her body language unmistakably skeptical.

"I'll just ignore them. I respect my marriage and I want to honor our commitment." He really wanted to mean that, but some things were easier said than done. There wasn't a time in his life, that he could recall that is, where he was able to ignore Quinn Fabray.

Mercedes wasn't buying it. She stamped her bare feet on the floor as she spoke, punctuating each syllable of her rant. "Something's wrong with you. How can you keep lying to my face? You're defective or damaged. I don't know. Your brain didn't heal right. Stop trying to play me."

"Why can't you believe I want to be with you?" Sam could feel the urge to beg rising in his belly. He was losing her and he was running out of ideas on how to get her stay.

"I don't trust you anymore Sam. You keep lying to me, using me, cheating on me…"

"I swear on Beth's life that I didn't have sex with Quinn."

"But you wanted to right?" she asked, watching him closely as she waited for his response.

"There are lots of things I want."

He closed his eyes, blocking out the pain that was written all over her face. Quinn was between them and there was nothing he could do about it. She was the mother of his baby, she was in his heart, and she would always be there. He couldn't make this better for Mercedes, not without hurting himself in the process. Everything he wanted for his life, and his future was wrapped up in Quinn. He would have made love to her last night if she had let him. He knew that without question or hesitation. He loved her. Quinn was at the center of his every dream.

But Sam had other desires, just as real and present as the ones he had for Quinn, and those were all about Mercedes. He had wanted to make love to her too, during that time they shared in his hospital room. It wasn't about pent up lust, or loneliness, it was about her, and the mystery of her eyes, the brightness of her smile, and the way she looked at him like he could move mountains or corral the stars.

"There are lots of things I want too. I want to look in your eyes and see the love like I used to. I want to fall asleep in your arms every night. I want our sunrises back. The problem is I'm never going to get any of them."

"Everything you want is right here," he said pointing to his chest. "The man you love is still inside me. You just have to look for him."

"I have been looking and sometimes I thought maybe. Like when we were together at the hospital. It almost felt right."

"It felt right to me too." In this moment he knew. If there were no Quinn, it would be her. They would have had their date, and it would have been perfect. Sam could feel the possibility of something special with her, just out of reach.

"Until you found out you still had a chance with Quinn."

"When I put this ring on today." He held up his hand, pointing to his ring, as he sat down on the bed. "I made the choice to be with you in our marriage. And you told me you'd wait for me for as long as it took. You said you were mine. Was all that a lie?"

"It wasn't a lie," she said as she approached. "I meant every word and if I didn't love you so much I'd hold you here with me." Mercedes picked up his hand and held it letting her fingers trace the top of his ring. "But you don't want to be here Sam. Not really."

"I've been trying to tell you I do." Sam opened his legs, and inched her closer, both hands firmly on her hips. "We might be able to make it through this, seems like we owe it to ourselves to try."

He could feel her pulling away but he held her there in front of him. He was done being skittish, he needed her to understand, to feel his words, because this was important and this was real.

"I don't know why you're doing this, if it's pity or some sort of sick game, but I can't be with you halfway. I shouldn't have to stay married to a man that has to force himself to want me."

"Mercedes look at me," he pleaded, putting both hands on her face trying to keep her focus.

She struggled with him for a moment, fighting to find a way to escape his eyes, finally she gave up, sighing as she let her head fall against his.

"Just let me go Sam."

"I can't," he said his voice barely above a whisper. "Why are you trying to leave me?" Mercedes looked at him her eyes wide and shining with unshed tears. She opened her mouth to respond, but Sam couldn't risk another protest.

A deep breath and a quick lick of his lips, then his hands were on her face and his lips were on hers. Slowly at first, a small series of pecks, just a test, then a gentle tug on her lower lip, because he couldn't resist, before he stopped, hovering above her mouth to wait. A soft moan that sounded like his name, and her hands were in his hair, her full lips covering his own. She kissed him hard, her lips crushing his with urgent pressure. Sam pulled her closer, his fingers gripping her bare back, kissing her with equal intensity. This was the kiss he had wanted in their bedroom earlier that day. All the passion, all the pain of months of waiting was poured into that kiss. She moaned against his mouth, opening herself to him, letting him go deeper. So he did, swirling his tongue against hers, forgetting all his denial, he let himself get lost in the feel of her hands on his scalp and the sweetness of her mouth.

Too soon it was over as the need for air forced them to part. Her lips were reddened, used, and lush. Sam ran his thumb across those lips, memorizing their shape, reveling in their softness.

"You just did that because you knew I'd let you," she said breathless with a hint of smile.

"Actually I thought you would hit me." He laughed nervously still half waiting for that slap.

"Thank you for kissing me," she said running her fingers first through his hair, then down along his cheeks, before trailing along his jaw. "Now I know for sure."

"So you felt it too?" he asked, his heart lifting with the hope that finally he found a way to make her stay. "Still need to have that dance don't you think?"

"Sorry," she said stepping out of his arms with a sad look on her face. "I'm sort of saving that dance for the man I married, and you're not him."

"No, I guess I'm not," he said so quietly he doubted she even heard his words.

Not that it mattered, she was already gone, leaving him with nothing but the quiet sounds of Beth sleeping and the sweet floral fragrance of her perfume.


	72. Tailspin3 Ch18

**Chapter 18**

Tiptoeing in high heels was a challenge. The halls of the Evans home were all hard wood centered with a strip of burgundy and blue printed carpet. Staying close to the walls, but also on the sound absorbing carpet was a struggle, but Quinn had managed to make it all the way upstairs and into the wing where Sam's rooms were located without being detected. Until she arrived outside of Sam's bedroom door she hadn't even encountered any other people, odd because she knew the staff was busy prepping for the party downstairs. They all must have been contained to a certain set of rooms, because the back stairs and the upper floors were empty of any signs of life.

Making it through the kitchen had been the hardest part. Outside she had been arguing with Santana and Artie over the best way to sneak inside, when a commotion at the front door pulled their attention. It happened so fast the door opened, and someone that looked like Rachel Berry stumbled out into the area in front of the media. Quinn took that as a sign, and didn't stay to investigate. She grabbed the tray of burgers and hurried off behind the bushes toward the staff entrance. All eyes were on Rachel, so Quinn could walk right in. The kitchen was brightly lit, countertops cluttered with pans and trays of food. A few members of the staff hurried about picking up items and carrying them out of the kitchen. Quinn kept her head down, as she dropped the tray on the counter and hurried out of the room. It was almost too easy, like someone wanted her to get to Sam tonight.

Puck sat on the floor in the hall, his usual picture of casual handsome, in jeans or a suit Puck always made his personal style look effortless, as if he had just gotten up and thrown on anything. Quinn wondered why he was sitting outside the door, his head leaned back, eyes closed. Then she heard muffled voices, and the door opened and out came Mercedes dressed in green, tears running down her face. Puck popped to his feet and was by her side almost immediately, hugging her and speaking to her at a volume too low for Quinn to hear. Quinn pressed herself back against the wall, hoping the large potted tree would be enough to keep her out of sight. The two walked past her and she was in the clear.

Her heart raced in her chest at the thought of finally seeing Sam and this time being completely honest with him, no holding back, just emotional truths. She was excited and scared all at once, putting herself out there was never something she was good at, especially not with him. She could tell Sam pretty much anything and know he wouldn't judge her, but for some reason telling him what was in her heart had always been hard. Maybe it was because he had said it first, with so much fanfare, a picnic, a swimming lesson, initials carved in a tree, he'd set the bar pretty high. Back then it felt like nothing she could say would ever top what Sam had done.

Now she knew that just hearing the words would have meant everything to him. All Sam wanted was to be loved in return, but at sixteen she had thought he had wanted poetry or things written in the sky. At least that was what she convinced herself into believing he wanted. She pretty much was making excuses to explain why she hadn't told Sam she loved him after he had said the words to her so many times. It had been about her fears, and Puck, and not being ready to fully open up herself to a boy who looked at her with such adoration. She knew she would never live up to his expectations, if she let him get that close he would be truly disappointed in what he'd found. So Quinn kept her distance, and never let her feelings escalate the way they should have with him, instead she turned to Puck and everything easily fell into place.

Ten years later, Quinn had finally learned that easy didn't always mean right. Some of the best things worth having were hard to get. Sam might have been hers for the taking in high school, but now that wasn't exactly the case. Last night he had told her he loved her, and it had been wonderful, a gift she hadn't fully realized she was hoping for, but could his feelings be trusted? How real was his love when it was based on a version of themselves from three years prior? So much had changed for both of them, Quinn was reluctant to let her heart lead her down such an unclear path, where nothing was truly certain and everything could change in an instant. If Sam's memory returned would the love he claimed to feel for her now just fade away?

Those unanswerable questions and the fact that Sam was very married, had held her back last night, they were still holding her back now, but she was trying to be brave enough to risk the unknown for him, because he had done it for her, so many times before. He'd always taken the lead, now it was her turn to set the pace, even if she only wanted to say 'I love you and I'll wait'. She had cultivated patience while he had been in a coma, secretly longing for him to come back to her as more than just a friend, and he had, a dream fulfilled, a prayer answered. Sam loved her. Again.

Fears melted into excitement as she lingered in the doorway watching him, all in black, sitting on his bed, staring at his nightstand. He almost looked like a mannequin he was so still, his cropped blonde hair perfectly styled. Quinn stood and watched entranced by the fact he was a few feet away, upright, healthy, not stuck in a bed. Suddenly he exhaled loudly bringing his fist down on the little table with a thud, shaking the lamp and rattling the contents inside the drawer. It was then he looked up and saw her, confusion, disbelief, then all lips as he stood and approached.

"I think my bed morphed into a time machine because suddenly I've been transported back to our first date."

Sophomore semi-formal a beautiful disaster of a night cut right from a cheesy teen movie.

"Well you know how I always liked dark colors." Her uniform until she transferred to McKinley, and met him, when he gave her the stars and the rainbow.

"The coat, the hood, if you take this off and I see a red dress I'm going to really feel like I stepped into a H.G. Wells novel." Quinn slowly took off he long coat revealing her red cocktail dress. "Wow! What did I do to deserve all this?"

"After what you've done for me I'd parade around in a ballgown if you asked me to."

Then and now he'd changed her life, saved it really. He'd given her the world twice. In high school he'd helped her lighten up and let people in, to live instead of simply existing. And now he'd freed her from her padded prison and led her back to the one place that ever felt like home.

"A ballgown wouldn't be my first choice. A bikini, now that could work. Seriously Quinn what are you doing here?"

Quinn removed her sunglasses, tucking them into the pocket of her coat, before tossing it onto a nearby chair.

"I wanted to see you. Guess I was missing you." She wasn't ready to admit more than that. So much for rushing in and blurting out her feelings. Standing in front of him made her only want to preserve the moment and prolong the feeling of sharing his space.

Sam grinned. "You could've had me all day if you'd let me come up to the suite."

"I needed to clear my head. Besides you had things to attend to."

"Can we not talk about things right now?" he asked turning away, seeming a bit annoyed. "I'd rather just stare at you. You look beautiful," he said when he faced her again, his composure regained. "I feel like I'm looking at the sixteen year old version of you."

"I was fifteen." Quinn smiled.

"Right. I forgot 'Miss Skip A Grade'. Even still you don't look like you've aged a day."

"Nice try. I have lines right here," she said pointing to the corners of her eyes. "And I certainly didn't have these hips in high school. I didn't even have these hips last year. They were Beth's gift to me."

"Thank you Beth," he said appreciatively.

The way his eyes roamed her body made Quinn's cheeks warm.

"You look nice. All in black, very hot."

"This," he said gesturing toward his body. "Is also a gift from our daughter, she decided to sprinkle me with her love while I was changing her diaper."

"I wish I could've seen that." Quinn laughed as she pictured Sam being caught off guard.

"Kurt has it recorded. Oh and you'll never guess what else our daughter did."

"I love the way that sounds," she said with a soft sigh.

"What?" Sam asked.

"Our daughter. Makes me a little tingly, warm to my toes. Sorry I'm just being silly." She chuckled hugging her bare arms. "Tell me more about Beth."

"You're not silly. I like the way it sounds too." Sam smiled as he took Quinn's hand and led her over to the bed to sit down beside him. "So our daughter rolled over today. Twice."

They turned to face each other, their joined hands resting on the bed.

"Really? She's turning into such a big girl. She really is growing up so fast."

Beth was growing at such a rapid pace. Every time she received a report about her something had changed, some new skill she had mastered. By the time she would actually be allowed to raise her baby full time, Beth will have grown so much. The baby girl she once knew would be long gone.

"Marcel thinks she'll be crawling soon." Sam beamed with pride. "Do you know Marcel?"

"I've seen him around. He's your nurse." Marcel had been the one she often had to sneak past to visit Sam. She'd never spoken to the man, but she'd seen him often.

"Mercedes thinks we should hire him to help with Beth."

Quinn tried to suppress an eye roll at the mention of Mercedes' name. "If she likes him, I'm sure he's more than qualified."

Mercedes knew best after all. She was the perfect wife, the perfect mother, an expert nurse, and all around model citizen. If the media were to be believed, Mercedes deserved a medal and a key to city, all lesser women should strive to live by her example.

"You got a little tone there. If you don't like Marcel, we won't hire him."

"Marcel is fine. I'm sure he's great. It's just Mercedes is making decisions for my child. I'm a bystander in her life."

Even Sam was buying into Mercedes' act. He had not made one move to lessen Mercedes' role in Beth's life. Quinn couldn't believe that he was letting her continue to dictate the arrangements for Beth's care.

"No you're not." He squeezed her knee reassuringly with his free hand. "You won't miss a thing. I'll make sure of it. Besides Mercedes may no longer be a factor in all this."

"How do you figure? You have to be with her for nine months."

Nine long months of Sam being with Mercedes day in and day out, falling under her spell, letting her poison him against her, raising their daughter together. Beth's first words would probably be 'Mercedes', since she was the only mother she had really known. The thought of that broke Quinn's heart. Her own baby didn't even know her.

"That may not be possible," said Sam letting go of her hand and standing up.

"What's up Sam? All the cryptic comments, you're hiding something. Did Cede not take it well when you told her I was home?" Stupid question alert, of course Mercedes didn't take it well. If Mercedes had her way she would've made sure Quinn stayed locked up for life.

"That's something we've yet to discuss actually," he responded, not meeting Quinn's eyes.

"You went to the house today right?"

"That I did. Beth's nursery is really nice. I like the mural." Sam ran his hand down his face.

He seemed uneasy, his actions were not matching his words at all. He was wearing his wedding ring. She hadn't noticed it before. Something had changed between the Holiday Inn and now. She could feel it overtaking them like a dark ominous cloud.

"Yeah so after you had the tour, what happened that stopped you from telling Mercedes I'm out of the hospital?" Quinn asked eyeing him suspiciously. Sam was definitely hiding something.

"I was trying to work up to it, but she was getting ready to go to some party with that Finn guy and Kurt came over. It never really came up."

Quinn stood folding her arms over her chest. "You chickened out."

"What? No! I just said she had to go out," he said in a panicked excitement, his voice going up an octave and his eyes starting to bulge. There might have even been sweat on his brow.

Quinn wasn't buying any of his excuses. She knew he hadn't wanted to go see Mercedes before they checked out of the hotel earlier today. Just like Sam to squeeze his eyes shut and try to avoid the unpleasantness, hoping it would all magically disappear.

"The tips of your ears turn red when you lie. That's how I always knew when you were up to something in high school. Your ears look like beets right now," she said tugging at his ear lobe.

Sam pulled away, rubbing at his ear, a huge smile on his face. "Man I hope Beth didn't inherit that gene from me. She's going to be in for it."

He could flash his pretty smile all night long. Quinn wasn't going to let him joke his way out of this. "You're going to be in for it, if you don't start talking. The plan was for you to go home and make it work with Mercedes. Why am I starting to think that didn't happen?"

For a split second she thought that Sam might have actually decided to truly reunite with Mercedes, give their marriage a shot, despite his father's deal, and all this weirdness was him trying to figure out how to let her down easy. Quinn let that thought go as quickly as it had come. No way would Sam do that to her, not after all the things he told her last night. Sam had made it clear that he wanted his future to be with her, not his wife. Quinn selfishly held onto the hope that this was their chance, they were hovering on the brink of a future they had only dreamed about. They were on a course for that destiny, only Sam getting his memory back could set them adrift now.

"I might have stalled a bit and didn't actually get around to that part. Not that it matters the paparazzi beat me to it."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "They know I'm free?"

"I don't think so, but they do know we were together at the hotel last night. There's a picture of us online apparently."

"Oh God." There was never peace in her life anymore. Pockets of calm were over before they even truly began. Reporters had been hounding her for months, all because she was mixed up with an Evans. Not that she regretted being mixed up with Sam, she'd face the gallows to have him in her life, she knew that now, but it was tiresome all the same.

"Yeah. We're front page news. I'm just hoping my dad stays away from his computer while he's on his trip with Shannon Beiste."

"If Dwight sees that picture I'm sunk." Quinn sulked.

"More like we're sunk. We're in this together remember?" Sam lightly tugged on the end of her hair, trying to coax her into a smile.

Instead she pouted. "You're not the one facing being committed again."

"I won't be able to deal if you're put back in there. I'll get a room next to you before I'd let you spend another night alone in that place."

"It's a women only wing." She never wanted to see that horrible hospital again, from the harsh lighting, to the stark walls, to the unfeeling staff, there was not one good thing she could say about the Midwest State Mental Hospital. Well maybe one thing, Iley, she sort of missed her roommate. It wasn't every day that Quinn made a new friend, and as strange as Iley could be, she had become a friend to Quinn. She hated that she left last night without even saying goodbye to her.

"I'll dress in drag."

"Hmm. Not sure you'd pass as a woman. Your jawline and your neck is pretty thick." Quinn smirked.

"I will wear a wig, maybe a dress. Throw on some high heels." Sam pulled her in his arms, wrapping her in his embrace, and with a soft sigh Quinn melted into him, clutching his back, her cheek against his shoulder.

"You cut your hair," he said softly.

Quinn nodded against him, not wanting to break the spell of being surrounded by Sam with words. So many nights she's dreamed of simply this, Sam holding her close, stroking her hair. She couldn't lose this now, they'd come too far to get here, surviving illness, battling back from their hospital cells.

"I don't want to let you go," she said squeezing him tighter, smiling when she felt Sam's lips against her head. "Dwight is going to send me back."

"Actually we have a bigger problem than my dad," he said, suddenly stiffening. He leaned back to look at her. "Mercedes. She saw the photo."

"Is that why she ran out of here in tears? I saw her leave with Puck, when I was hiding down the hall."

"She's not happy with me right now." Pain flickered across his face, so quickly Quinn almost thought she had imagined it. He was seriously worried and trying to cover it up.

"I can imagine. What woman wants to find out her husband spent the night at a hotel with someone else? I remember when I found out you were dating that Penny girl. I had a complete meltdown, breaking things, drinking obnoxious amounts of wine, sleeping with another man. I totally have been in her shoes."

Thinking about Mercedes' feelings made Quinn pause, and step back, the air felt cooler once she was out of Sam's arms, but she needed to put some space between them, again she was letting herself get too wrapped up in him. The future might be theirs, but right now, he still belonged to Mercedes, and Quinn didn't want to forget that. She had to stay strong and remember that she wanted to be better than how everyone saw her. She wasn't going to sneak around with a married man.

"I'm not sure she's melting down. She didn't throw anything at me, and she wasn't drunk."

"Give her time. There's a full bar downstairs." Though she was with Puck, he was so level headed he'd never let Mercedes drown her sorrows in alcohol.

"She just seemed sort of shell shocked. I don't know. It sort of freaked me out that she wasn't reacting more," Sam said rather quietly. Again a look flashed across his face. Something had happened between him and Mercedes. "At least we know there won't be any random sex acts," he said perking up. "Her best friends are Kurt and Puck. I doubt a gay guy and a big brother type will be eager to let her hop on."

"Finn." Quinn threw it out there, on a whim, like a test.

"Let's not go there please." He looked a bit ill. Sam definitely didn't like the idea of Mercedes having sex with Finn Hudson.

"Just saying one night of emotional wreckage can lead you to the most unexpected places. Look what happened with us."

"Do you really think I believe that us sleeping together was unexpected? We've always had a strong attraction." He winked, flashing a smile.

She was one crooked grin away from losing control. No other man's smile could stir her the way Sam's did.

"We both were happy in relationships. We didn't want each other like that," she said trying to focus on anything but his dimples. "So yeah it was really unexpected, but you needed me and I was there for you, the way you always had been for me."

"I'm so glad you were there. We created our little miracle that night." Sam reached out and grabbed Quinn's elbow, letting his hand slide down her lower arm, until he reached her hand. One soft tug and she was back in front of him, only inches separating them, their hands again entwined.

"Sam you can't say things like that. We hurt a lot of people when we slept together," she said, trying to focus on the conversation and not how his hands had managed to find their way into her hair.

"I know. Doesn't change the truth though, we had Beth because of that night, and I'm not going to pretend I'm not happy about that."

"I'm happy too," she admitted. It was just the two of them, what harm could it do to tell him that? "I'm so glad that fate stepped in and gave Beth the best daddy in the world."

His face lit up, as his smile spread. "I'm really going to try to live up to that. I promise Quinn. I want to be the best dad to her."

"I know you will be." Quinn placed her palms against his chest, anchoring herself against him, as the sensations of his fingertips trailing down her neck made her sway a bit on her feet. "I always thought you were born to be a dad. You just have husband and father tattooed all over you."

Sam's face fell as he moved away from her, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. "Must be in invisible ink."

Quinn's face twisted in confusion. "What do you mean? Everyone knows you're a great daddy material. You're the only one that Tina ever let babysit Maria. You're great with kids. Where are these doubts coming from?"

"Do you think I've changed? Since before the accident? Do I seem different to you?"

"Your memory is a little rusty." She teased.

"No," he shook his head. "I mean as a person. Has my personality changed?" he asked, eagerly searching her face for answers.

"Sam what's this about?"

"Mercedes said I came back wrong. That I'm broken, damaged and defective, basically I'm not the man she married."

The pain she had seen flickering on his face since she'd arrived had returned, this time taking up residence across his brow.

"She said all that?" Quinn asked in disbelief.

"Yep," Sam said, staring down at his feet.

"I can't believe that little bitch did it again." Quinn balled her hands into fists, silently wishing she could get her hands on Mercedes just once and let her know just what she thought of her disparaging comments.

They had almost lost him, for good. He was so close to death and by some miracle he recovered and his wife, the girl that claimed to love him so much, had the nerve to say all of this to him? Sam didn't deserve this, not then, and certainly not now. How could she take out her issues on him? That's no way to love someone.

"Did what again?"

"Before your accident, after we both were kicked out of our homes because it came out we had sex, you and I lived together sort of."

He raised his eyebrows. "Uh. I thought you said we were never a couple."

"We didn't live together like THAT. We were neighbors at the Beacon. You were in your suite and you got me a room next door. We would spend most nights out on our balconies commiserating. It almost felt like we were roommates though, we were together so much."

Every night he was hers, during a time she had come to look back on with such fondness. Alone and scared, confused, with no one to talk to but the walls or the voices in her head, Quinn would retreat to the Beacon to be with Sam. She'd let the memories overtake her and lull her into almost a feeling of peace, of calm, or nearly normal. If she had known then, that he would leave one day never to return to her life for endless months, she would have let him know the truth, that their stay at the hotel had become about so much more than nursing her broken heart.

With him in their block of rooms, Quinn had found a happiness she'd never expected. She'd finally glimpsed the Sam she was too frightened to let herself see, when she was sixteen and again after the limo crash. In the Beacon, unexpectedly, and definitely inappropriately, she had let herself become attached to him, let herself be entertained by his stories, seduced by his playful flirtations, strengthened by his words of encouragement and advice. Finally she allowed herself to truly see Sam, to know him, and in the end it was startlingly clear, she loved the man that he had become, the man that he probably had been all along. Simply put, she loved the man.

Months of faking it with Puck, lying to herself and turning inside out with guilt did nothing to stop her feelings from building. Each day without him only made them intensify. In the end, she would only allow herself indulgence in the late hours of the night, when she should have been sleeping instead of secretly praying for the day, by some miracle, that she would get the chance to love Sam as her own.

"So earlier today when you said you didn't want me to come up to the suite because of memories…"

"I was thinking about that time. It meant a lot to me and I wasn't prepared to have it all come rushing back with you right in the room."

"What happened between us at the Beacon?" he asked.

How could she answer that? How could she put one of her most life altering experiences into a few short sentences? It wasn't the fact he couldn't remember. Quinn was pretty sure even if he did have his memory intact, he wouldn't view their time together as she did. Quinn just wasn't sure if she could explain it in any terms that he would understand. It was about feelings not words.

"Oh nothing much. It wasn't sex. We just leaned on each other. Without you I don't think I would've handled Puck's rejection as well as I did. I cried on your shoulder a lot."

"And what was it like for me? Was I crying too?" he asked almost playfully.

If Sam could only remember his pain from back then he wouldn't be taking things so lightly. His world had crumbled to the point where all he thought he had was his room, his liquor and her. Quinn had never seen Sam at such a low.

"I think you were trying to stay strong and hold it together for the both of us, but you really were losing it just as much as I was. Mercedes was horrible to you. That's why I got so mad before when you said she called you those names. She did that crap back then too. Every night you'd come back with another awful tale about how she berated you and made you feel worthless. I wanted to knock her teeth out for doing that to you."

"I've noticed she's really got the whole hurling insults thing down." Sam attempted to laugh but it died on his lips, coming out more like a sigh.

"You're not taking anything she said to heart right?"

"Not really, but…"

"But nothing. Come on Sam, she was just taking pot shots." Mercedes was tearing him down so he could hurt as much as she did. It was inexcusable and Quinn was definitely going to put the girl in her place the next time she saw her.

"I know. I know. Thing is she said I'm different now, like implying I'm somehow a lesser version of the man I used to be and she's not the only one who's said that. Puck, my dad, I think my mom was hinting at it too. So be honest with me. Is there something wrong with me? Am I defective?" he asked his voice breaking, his eyes wide and watery.

Damn her for doing this to him. "There's nothing wrong with you," she said her voice shaking, her eyes filling with tears. Quinn put her hand on his cheek to get his attention. "You're a good man," she said when he looked at her with sad, green, red rimmed eyes. He seemed so lost.

Sam looked away, fighting what she had just said. "But even you told me I had changed and I was a better person after that."

"I just meant you had made certain choices in how you were living your life, you had mellowed, I guess you could say matured, those were changes that we all noticed because you were so much happier after doing them, but the person you always were, the heart and soul of you, that never changed." Quinn could see his struggle to believe her play out across his face. He exhaled audibly when she took both his hands in hers, holding them against her chest. "I mean why should it have? You always were such a smart, caring, loving man, with a quick temper and an even quicker tongue for sure, but you were always solid, loyal and there for everyone you cared about." Her forehead fell against his. "You were one of the best people I had ever known. You still are."

There they sat for what seemed like minutes, heads touching, staring into each other's eyes. The lost look had started to fade. Quinn hoped that was proof he had believed all she said. The urge to tell him she loved him was building within her. Sitting so close to him somehow made the timing feel right.

"Forgetting a few years can't change what's embedded in your soul. The only thing you lost in that crash was a few memories."

"And my wife," he added, pulling away, and running his hands through his short hair. "She's walking away from me Quinn. There was nothing I could say to convince her. She wants a divorce."

So much for perfect timing, Mercedes was right back between them.

"She's just upset right now. She'll come around," said Quinn halfheartedly. Her mood had deflated from moments before, she didn't have it in her to play cheerleader for his marriage, not even when her freedom depended on it.

"I don't think so. She was serious when she said I wasn't the man she married. If she leaves, I don't know how I'm going to appease my father, but I have to think of something, because I can't let him get away with playing sadistic games with your life."

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. If I have to go back upstate, I'll handle it. Now that I know Beth will be safe with you, it's not so bad." Beth was all that truly mattered. He had her father back, she'd be fine without her.

"Nothing about this is fine. Beth needs us both. I have to come up with something, some sort of way to outsmart my father." Sam got up abruptly, walking across the room to his dresser.

"I'm sorry she hurt you."

"I'm not hurt. I'm just worried about what our next move is going to be."

"Sam, I know you. You're upset that your wife wants to leave you."

"I don't even know her," he insisted, but Quinn wasn't fooled. This meant more than he was letting on.

"Doesn't matter if you don't remember her, I know you're still hurt by this. It's okay to admit that. You don't have to downplay it with me."

"I don't like it. I can admit that. I feel like a failure in a way. I couldn't keep my marriage together. She waited for me to wake up for nine months, and then when I do, she bolts. Sort of makes me feel like I was more attractive to her while comatose, and it stings a little bit."

"Stings? Don't you think that's understating things a little? Mercedes vowed to stand by you through anything, better or worse and she's going back on that. You don't have to pretend with me. You can tell me anything and I'll be here for you, even things about her."

"Everything's fine. Really," he said trying to reassure her with a slight smile, as he walked back over to her. "Losing Mercedes is nothing compared to how it felt when I lost you. I never knew true pain until then."

"Sam…" Quinn struggled to find an adequate response. No matter how many years had passed, the fact that she had hurt him in high school still filled her with regret.

"Not trying to reopen old wounds," he said tilting her chin, so she would look at him. "I just want you to know that you are the biggest and best thing that ever happened to me. Nothing could ever change that."

"Mercedes did."

She was the one that stole his heart, the one that finally made him move completely on from her. Quinn realized that simple truth was at the heart of all the issues she had with the current Mrs. Evans. Even before he had married her, Quinn had felt it, seen the signs that this one wasn't just another passionate impulse for Sam, something deeper was at play, the peace and contentment surrounding him before the wedding, that was the change. Sam was sure he was marrying the right woman. And while she didn't think much of that at the time, she was too busy with her own love life with Puck, subconsciously she had noted that fact, shoved it to back corner of her heart, where it festered into a deep-seated jealousy. Mercedes had captured Sam's whole heart, filling the little space where Quinn had always remained. The space she had never claimed, but had taken for granted that it would forever be waiting for her.

"Don't you see? She didn't, not really, because look at us. We're here now, together, and we have Beth. This is about us. Always us."

He was right. In his darkest hour, when his life hung by a thread, Quinn had been the one he woke up wanting and needing. Maybe Mercedes had less of Sam's heart than Quinn had thought.

She threw her arms around his neck. "If you were mine, I'd kiss you right now."

"I kinda am," Sam smiled, bringing her closer, flush against his body, his hands on the small of her back.

"Not yet, but maybe one day, and I promise you this Sam Evans. The next time I get you back, I'm not letting you go again. I'm going to hold on so tight."

There was electricity when their eyes met, a force pulling them toward each other. He was so close now, his nose playfully nuzzling hers, but he made no moves to take things further and kiss her. Floating somewhere between almost and not quite was torture, as she watched Sam lick his lips, his eyes never leaving hers.

"I'm going to hold you to that, because I want nothing less than forever with you," he said softly, his voice rich with emotion.

Nine months would fly by. She'd wait even longer if it meant a lifetime of him looking at her the way he was now, his eyes sparkling in the light.

"You're really making me wish that one day would hurry up and get here. I'm going to be counting sunrises until then." She closed her eyes, smiling widely, snuggling closer. It was the sweetest piece of joy dreaming about forever while in his arms. "What?" Quinn asked opening her eyes when she felt a change in Sam's body. He had tensed against her, the hold around her waist loosening.

"Nothing," he answered quickly.

"Something. You got a weird look on your face."

He bit his lower lip, hesitating before he spoke. "It's just sunrises. I'm pretty sure I had a memory."

"About sunrises?" The ominous cloud was threatening a comeback.

"Yeah. Well watching the sun rise." Sam paused, taking a deep breath. "With Mercedes."

"Oh." Quinn's stomach dropped, swift and hard, a thud on her mood. The heavens had opened and poured on her happiness. She took her arms from around his neck and shifted out of his embrace.

"It was a flash, nothing really. I had it a few weeks ago and forgot all about it, but today when I was at the house with her, I had another one of the same image."

Sam was doing his best to sound convincing, but she could tell that he didn't believe what he was saying. He knew this could mean something big.

"So what are you saying here? Are you trying to tell me your memory is coming back?"


	73. Tailspin3 Ch19

**Chapter 19**

Sam looked over at Quinn as she waited for his response. There was a strange look on her face not quite nervous, not upset, almost something like fear, which was crazy since Quinn had no reason to be afraid of this conversation.

"Not even close to getting my memory back. It was just a couple of flashes," he said dismissively.

Remembering one little moment, a blip really, and nothing else, definitely was not a sign he was getting his memory back. Sam still wasn't even sure why he had remembered that particular moment. Nothing earth shattering had occurred. He wasn't on the brink of death trapped in the car, he wasn't getting busted for cheating, it was just sex. Not even sex, the aftermath of sex, the equivalent of remembering his last meal before the crash or what color tie he wore to the office last May, such a normal little nothing memory about lying on the floor with his wife. Sam inwardly scolded himself for his stupidity. He seriously needed to give up the denial, no one was falling for it anymore, he wasn't even fooling himself. The memory wasn't nothing, he knew it, and so did Quinn.

"But what if I never got my memory back, would it bother you?"

Perhaps that fear was contagious, because now Sam felt a rising dread. What if Quinn had been hesitant about their future because of his memory loss? Sam had just assumed that Quinn was okay with it because he hadn't forgotten her, it didn't really impact her, but maybe he was wrong. She could view his memory issues as an impairment, maybe she didn't want to deal with a brain damaged man. And according to Mercedes that was what he was, damaged. Quinn could have just been being nice earlier when she told him he wasn't defective, maybe internally she agreed with Mercedes and just didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"What I feel doesn't matter. How would you feel if you never got your memory back?" she asked throwing the ball right back at him with that question.

The amnesia wasn't the problem, it was the idea that he lost a part of himself as well, that his personality had changed, that is what concerned Sam most of all. He could live with never having those few years of memories back, but he couldn't live with everyone he knew and loved silently comparing him to a former version of himself and liking that person better.

"Honestly I think I'd be fine with it. As long as I was brought up to speed on those missing years, I could deal with never remembering."

"That's a pretty positive way to look at things."

She looked like she didn't quite believe him. Quinn always could read him pretty well, especially when he was trying to get over on her.

Lying wouldn't have been the right word for this situation, omitting was a better choice. He was omitting certain facts from his responses, facts that would have added nothing positive to the conversation. Just bringing up the memory had already changed things dramatically between them. Quinn had moved across the room from him, once again rubbing her bare arms looking far more unnerved than she was letting on. The last thing he wanted to do was get into some protracted discussion about why he wished D&E had funded research into human cloning. It would've been pointless because for one, it was never going to happen, there was just one of him and that was that, nothing from the realm of science fiction could help him give Mercedes back her husband while letting him have a life with Quinn. And two he didn't want to have to explain why he cared so much about a life he didn't remember and a wife he didn't know. It would just make that strange look creep back in Quinn's eyes and Sam couldn't deal with yet another woman in his life looking at him like he'd kicked a puppy. So light and positive was the best way to go.

"Don't get me wrong. I've got questions. The doctors say my amnesia is psychological, but I'm not buying it. Why would I purposely want to forget my life? And it's not like I'm enjoying all of this. I feel like there's a fog over my brain." He laughed, overdoing it a little in the hope that Quinn would catch on to his attempt at lifting the mood in the room.

Quinn smiled as she walked over to him. "Hate to break it to you, but that fog's not from the accident, you've always been a bit spacey. Remember bio class?

"I only zoned out during the dissections." He grinned.

Biology was one of the first classes they had taken together. He sat behind her whispering insults at her back, pretending to hate her, just like the rest of the kids, but secretly he sat behind her so he could stare. He'd never seen a girl so pretty before.

"Physics?"

"The teacher had an accent, besides it was after lunch, so naturally I was groggy."

"Chem?" Her eyes danced in the light. She was enjoying this stroll through the halls of his academic shortcomings a bit too much.

"What's your point Quinn? You know I sucked at science."

"My point is you tend to shut down on things you don't want to deal with, like science class then, and talking to Mercedes about my release now. And I think you're doing the same thing with your memories."

"That doesn't make sense." Sam scrunched his face in confusion. "I just said I want to know what I missed."

"Being told the facts is not the same as feeling them, living them. Memories rely on all our senses."

"Guess that answers my question." He bowed his head, his stomach dropping a little. "You want me back to my old self with my memory restored just like Mercedes."

"I didn't say that."

"You implied it with all that memory relies on senses stuff. I think it bothers you that I can't remember us being together."

How could it not bother her? They had finally shared an intimacy that they had only talked about, and he couldn't remember any of it. She had to be disappointed that he didn't remember that part of their relationship, or even how they had gotten so close that they had considered each other best friends. When she spoke about the Beacon, she got this sort of wistful look on her face, like she was being transported back in time and reliving those actual memories. Sam wanted to take that trip too. He wanted to know what it was like to be with her and to be a comfort to her during such a time of pain.

"It bothers me that something distressed you so much that you had to block it out of your mind. I'm worried about you and your health. It has nothing to do with us as a couple. I know we'll make new memories, even better ones."

"Quinn do you mean what I think you mean?" he asked caressing her cheek, loving how she was back in his space again. "Did you change your mind about us? Do you want to be together now?"

Sam hoped that didn't sound as over eager and needy as it did in his own mind. The last thing he wanted was to freak her out. Although if she hadn't run for the hills after last night when he told her was in love with her, then his child like enthusiasm probably wouldn't scare her off. He couldn't help it though, Quinn was in his room, smiling at him, and he was pretty sure she was about to say something huge.

"I've changed my mind fifty times between the Beacon and here. I put on this fancy dress and let Santana drag me over here."

"I'm going to hug Santana next time I see her." Quinn's strange friendship with Santana definitely was starting to have a few benefits.

"She thinks we have some unfinished business."

Sam walked backwards, leading Quinn by the hand to the chair. "I couldn't agree more. I want to take the rest of our lives finishing it up."

He pulled her on his lap, never letting go of her hand. Citrus scented golden hair, wide green eyes, the brightest smile, covered in red silk, his heart pounded from the sensory overload of being surrounded by so much Quinn. A little bit of heaven must have fallen to earth, because Sam couldn't think of anything more perfect than having her this close in his arms.

"Let's slow down," she said trying to sound serious. "Right now the rest of your life has already been promised to someone else," Quinn reminded him as she settled into his lap.

Sam bowed his head. "I know. I'm getting ahead of myself, just the thought of being with you makes my mind sort of lift off."

He couldn't help himself. He was excited about the possibility of a future with her. For once it truly felt within their reach. She was out of the hospital and Mercedes had written him off. The path to be together was starting to look a whole lot clearer.

"Mine too," she said running her hand over his arm.

"Really?" He looked at her in surprise. This was a definite change from last night. Shoving down the hope that was building in his chest, Sam forced himself to remain calm, trying to fight the smile that was tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Yes really," she said laughing lightly. "What do you think I've been saying all this time? I feel the same way you do."

Quinn lowered her eyes, blushing deeply. She seemed like that shy girl he loved in high school again, sweet smiles hidden behind thick hair. Could this actually be real? Was Quinn finally opening her heart to him?

"You told me that we should be friends and I should go home to my wife, that's not exactly on the same page as me."

Sam didn't want to let Quinn off the hook, not until he got her to pin down exactly what she meant. He had let himself get swept up in the idea of her before, only to be left disappointed. Like last night when she had pulled the friend card on him. Total cold shower on his mood. How could she just switch up like that? One minute she was moaning his name, the next she was saying let's be friends. The seesaw of emotions they were on was starting to get to him.

"That's just for now. If you were free, I would be all over you," she said soft and low against his ear.

That sounded good, really good. Sam would have no complaints about Quinn being anywhere on his body, but he was hoping for something with a little more substance. He didn't want a redo of the casual sexual relationship that Quinn told him they had in the past. He had to be sure that she wanted the same level of commitment that he did. Maybe he was asking too much, especially since his life's circumstances gave him no right to want such things, but even still he wanted them all the same. Sex would be great, more than great, amazing actually, but he wanted to know that they were going to be about more than that.

"When you say all over me, what exactly do you mean? Because I'm looking for more than a physical thing with you."

"So am I. If we never had sex again, I wouldn't even care. I just want to be with you."

"Whoa," he said holding up his hand. "Let's not get carried away. Swearing off sex is a bit extreme."

"You're right. We can't give up sex. We were so good together," she said lowering her voice suggestively.

God she was sexy. He had to call on his military training to regain his self-control. Quinn on his lap, looking incredible in red had every part of him rising.

"That right there makes me want my memory back. I want to remember the goodness."

"I'm sure you can use your imagination."

Quinn would be disgusted if she ever knew how many fantasies his teenaged brain had about her. Being with Quinn, but never actually 'being' with her, had built things up in his mind. Sex with Quinn became like his ultimate goal, a pinnacle of achievement he was desperate to claim. Actually, it was about more than sex, his dreams were never about just 'doing it', that's why he was surprised to hear they had a casual sexual relationship, none of Sam's fantasies about being with Quinn were ever casual Every scenario he dreamed up had them squarely in a loving relationship. There was nothing sexy about the idea of having just a part of Quinn. He wanted all of her, heart, body and soul.

"I've been imagining us together for years, I'm tired of pretend. I need a huge dose of reality."

"How about this? The first time we made love we were right over there on that bed." She pointed to his bed.

"Oh I like it." Sam said not looking at the bed, but at her face. "Maybe we should slide over there and you can walk me through it. Step by step…naked."

"In your dreams Evans," she laughed, pushing him away playfully.

Sam tightened his grip on her waist, pulling her snug against his body. "But you promised me some reality," he said with a slight whine. "I know you don't want to tease a man recovering from a brain injury."

"Ok I'll give you one more thing. Look." Staring at her face, barely hearing the words she was saying, he watched her dark pink lips move. "Are you looking?" Sam nodded absently, still focused on her face. Only when she tugged on his hair lightly did he give her his full attention and turn to look where she wanted. "Right here, is where you bit me."

Oh. His jaw slacked open and he could feel the hint of drool. She had inched up one side of her dress to reveal her inner thigh. Quinn pointed to a spot so high up her leg he could see a hint of her lacy red underwear, teasing him into absolute frustration.

Army meditation techniques weren't going to be enough to save him from this. Resistance was definitely futile. He had to get up close and personal with that memory. With gentle pressure he rubbed the spot on her thigh in a slow exaggerated circle.

"Mmm. Was that the spot?"

"It sent this ripple right down my spine," her voice hitched, as he continued to rub that sweet spot between her legs. "I was almost doing a back bend on the bed. I think every muscle in my body was shaking."

"So basically I was the best you ever had." He placed his palm flat on her bare thigh, gauging her reaction.

"I didn't say that." Biting her bottom lip, nervously tucking the same piece of hair behind her ear repeatedly, her eyes focused on a fascinating spot on the floor, looked like he wasn't the only one having an issue with control.

"You didn't have to. When you told me that story just now, you arched your back and your eyes were fluttering. Having a flashback Quinn?" he asked against her ear. It was his turn to return the favor and heat things up.

"No comment," said Quinn, squirming a bit.

"I bet I know how to get you to comment." Just a little nip on her collarbone, once, and then again, Quinn shuddered against him as his tongue flicked over her skin.

"Sam you're not playing fair," she said sounding breathless.

He wasn't. This was her spot and he knew it. She leaned into his chest as he continued to tease the sensitive area with his tongue, alternating between soft kisses and playful nibbles on her skin.

"I'm just keeping it real," he said with a smirk as he moved away from her neck, to look in her eyes once more. "So tell me who was the best? Don't be shy. It was me, right?"

Quinn looked at him as if he weren't speaking English, sort of dazed, her bright eyes growing hazy. "Beth," she finally responded.

"Beth?" That wasn't the response Sam had expected at all.

"I hear her," she said, getting up from his lap and pulling down her dress.

She grabbed the baby monitor from the nightstand and handed it to him. Sam looked at the screen. Beth's little blond head bobbling as she whined in her crib. She'd turned over again, since now she was on her stomach and she had been sleeping on her back.

"Oh she must be up from her nap. Let's go get her," said Sam holding out his hand, but Quinn didn't take it.

"Sam I can't. Remember? CPS, the rules."

"Right I forgot about that," he said, disappointed that they couldn't check on Beth together. All he had wanted to do tonight was share in taking care of Beth with her. Now she was here and they still couldn't do it. Just wasn't right that something seemed to always be in their way, holding them back. "Quinn I've been wondering about something."

"Okay what?"

Sam hesitated, suddenly not wanting to ask his question. He desperately wanted to know the answer, it had been plaguing him for weeks, but it felt like he was about to open Pandora's box, fears that he had tried to ignore were surfacing again within him.

"Sam?" Quinn's voice pulled him from his thoughts.

He took a deep breath and just let it out. He had to know. "What exactly happened that you lost Beth? Did my father do this to you?"

She turned a shade paler and her green eyes widened like saucers. She hadn't expected his question at all. "Your father had nothing to do with it Sam," she answered without looking him in the eyes.

Maybe she was scared. His father was an intimidating man. He could have asked Quinn not to tell him about what happened with Beth. Something was holding her back, there was more to this, yet she wasn't volunteering any information.

"Are you sure?" he asked pressing her for answers. Now that he'd started this he couldn't let it go. Ignoring the tears welling in her eyes, he kept talking. "Because it doesn't make sense that you would lose her because of what happened at the river."

She shook her head, wiping at tears that barely had a chance to fall. "It was all me," she said, finally meeting his eyes.

Such sadness and pain, what had happened to make her react this way? Sam went to her, running his hand through her hair. "Quinn if this is too much for you to talk about. We don't have to do it now."

"No you need to hear the truth," she said as she pulled away from him. "No one did anything to make me lose Beth. It was all because of me. They took my baby because I'm a bad mother."


	74. Tailspin3 Ch20

**Chapter 20**

She used to be adored. He thought she was smart, he thought she was brave. The most popular boy in school recited sonnets and told her stories about the stars. Just saying his name made him smile, his dimples deepen, his pulse race. He'd sit with her for hours, watching her read with his chin propped on her shoulder, listening to her hum melodies while doing her trig homework. She was special in his eyes, unique, he was her number one fan, her constant support.

The lights from her star might have dimmed first Sam, then Mike, even a little bit with Puck, - the light they saw in her was extinguished, the adoration that should have lasted a lifetime was gone. And although Sam never left her, always remained her friend, the way he looked at her changed. She was no longer special, no longer a star on the rise, but a fallen hull, hollow and burned out. She missed the way he looked at her before, when she was young and full of promise.

Then one day a cruel miracle erased his mind but restored the light. Sam was back, stargazing upon her face. Suddenly there was meaning, possibility, the feeling that her dreams weren't dead just lying dormant, waiting for this day, waiting for him, to bring them back to her, with the look in his eyes and the smile on his face. She couldn't lose that light again, not now, not when she'd just gotten it back. The thought of losing the light, of losing him, scared her more than any mental hospital ever could.

Tears rolled down her face faster than she could catch them. She never wanted Sam to see her like this, weak, weepy, emotionally out of control. Yet here she was once again losing it in his presence.

Sam handed her a tissue, his hand clamped on her shoulder, concern evident in his voice. "Quinn I didn't mean to upset you like this."

"I need you to know the truth. You deserve to know." Quinn couldn't bring herself to look at him, she focused on the twisted tissue in her hand.

"What truth?" he asked, stroking her hair softly. He was being so sweet, so nice, so Sam. She didn't deserve this, if he only knew all the terrible things she'd done he would be throwing her out instead of giving her comfort.

"I'm an awful person."

"Don't say that. No you're not." His voice was tender, soft and velvety, wrapping around her like an embrace. It somehow gave her strength, the courage to finally let him in.

"Yes I am. I hurt her Sam. I hurt our daughter," she said finally daring to look at him.

He sucked in his breath and his eyes widened "Beth's fine Quinn. You didn't hurt her."

Sam didn't believe her. Why should he? She could hardly believe that she was capable of something so horrible. Only a monster would hurt a defenseless baby the way she had.

Quinn struggled to find the words to explain, but everything sounded foreign to her ears. Garbled language, spewed out in chunks were all she could seem to manage. "Before. There was smoke, I left her alone, then it was cold."

"You're not making any sense. Take deep breaths, calm down," Sam said as he hugged her against his chest.

Surrounded by him Quinn suddenly felt safe, her body relaxed and her tears slowed to only a few drops.

"I liked to drink more than I liked being a mother," she admitted sadly.

"I don't believe that for an instant," said Sam with a definitive shake of his head.

"It's true. I would plan my days around Scandals. Usually had martinis but sometimes rum and coke, as long as it was stronger than wine." There was a bar stool saved just for her, mid-day customers were few and infrequent so she quickly became a regular at the place. Men flirted, ladies chatted, at the bar she found her escape from being a cheating fiancé and inadequate mother.

"That's just the depression. I used to drink a lot when I first got back from Afghanistan."

"But you never hurt anyone."

"Yes I did. I lost control and took my issues out on the people I cared about. Did so many things I regret."

Maybe he did understand, his eyes looked like she felt, pain, guilt, regret all reflecting back at her.

"So did I. I took everything out of on Beth. I left her alone." She'd said it, admitted her most heinous act, but the weight hadn't been lifted. There was so much more.

"Are you talking about when you went to the river?" he asked his voice sounding muffled and distant. It felt like he was pulling away even though he hadn't moved an inch.

"Yes and before that. She always used to cry, especially when I touched her or when we were alone. I used to think she hated me."

"That was just the PPD."

"Maybe so." It was so easy to blame her illness, to say she was sick and out of her mind, but that wasn't the whole truth. Quinn's memories from that time were so vivid, even now, every move she made was a conscious choice. She was lucid in her irrationality. "Dr. Hill says I need to take responsibility. The PPD made me feel a certain way, but it didn't force me to do anything."

"You were a frazzled new mom without any help. I hate that I wasn't there for you."

They used to stand like this in high school, his hands around her waist, her head on his chest, waiting for the bell to ring. Back then they whispered innocent flirtations, complained about their parents, lamented the approach of the next period. Quinn never would have imagined that ten years in the future, Sam would still be holding her the same way, but this time she would be telling him about how she tormented their child.

"This had nothing to do with you. I don't want you feeling in any way guilty, because everything that happened was my fault."

Sam being awake would not have been much help, Quinn could admit that now. As much as she had wanted her best friend back in her life, she knew she never would have shared this side of herself with him. Too much pride, constant embarrassment, not wanting to see him look at her with pity or worse yet disdain, Quinn would have faked it to the extreme with him, so he'd never have to see her so weak and incapable.

"Tell me what happened," he said quickly glancing at the monitor to see that Beth had drifted back to sleep.

Tucking her hair behind both ears, she took a deep breath before she began. "One time I left the stove on. I got in my car driving to some unknown errand that seemed so important at the time and I didn't even think about Beth. I left her strapped in her baby seat in the middle of the kitchen."

"Was Mercedes home?" he asked, tightening his grip around her waist, not letting her push out of his arms. He was holding her fast to him, to the conversation.

"No," she answered, scared to meet his eyes.

Sam ran his hand through her hair, caressing the back of her scalp. "It had to be your PPD," he almost whispered.

"It was me Sam." He was being too nice, he didn't understand he should be angry with her, turning away not, pulling her closer. "I let myself forget about her, it wasn't that long maybe a half hour but for that time Beth never crossed my mind."

"You made a mistake." Sam lifted her head forcing her to look at him. "That doesn't make you a bad mom. And I know Beiste was there right?"

She'd laced her bottle with rum, not much, just a few drops to help her relax. Beiste was at her restaurant and Mercedes had the night shift, so Quinn was left alone with Beth and her screams. The rum worked its magic, Beth slept that night, but in the morning when she still wasn't awake, Quinn had panicked, thinking she had poisoned her daughter. An ice cold towel against her cheek and she was screaming again, the one time she was grateful to hear them. Quinn had never told anyone that story before, she wanted to tell Sam now. She wanted him to know everything, so he could be prepared in case Beth turned on her again. But what would Sam say if he knew she was such a low despicable excuse for a human? He'd probably lock her away and toss the key, like Artie had warned her. How could she be so stupid to think Sam could forgive her of this? She was a monster. He should hate her. She needed him to hate her, because she deserved nothing less.

Quinn yanked away from him, not wanting to allow herself to be lulled by his excuses for her horrible choices. "I ignored her when she cried." She was trembling, but never had she felt more in control, an inner strength building within her, urging her to tell him all that she had been hiding.

"Quinn…maybe we shouldn't-"

"I need to tell you Sam." Finally she could admit the terrible truth that choked her like a noose woven from the echoes of her baby's cries. "She cried all the time. Nothing I did was ever right for her. Beiste and Mercedes picked her up and she was a little angel, but for me she'd just scream. It was like she knew I was awful. I couldn't take it Sam, I was trapped in a room with a baby that hated me. So I'd go to the bar, but I couldn't stay away forever, eventually I had to come home to Beth's sad little face filled with hatred for me."

She'd never smiled for her during that month they spent together. Beiste had tried to reassure her that babies weren't expressive that young, but Quinn knew better, she had seen Beth smile for Mercedes, make sounds besides cries, kick her little feet. Quinn once told Dr. Hill that she thought Beth got confused during his birth, since Mercedes was there helping to deliver her, she mistook her for her mother and bonded to her instead. Of course, Dr. Hill dismissed that theory, citing scientific impossibility, but Quinn knew that life was about more than science, God worked around them in so many ways, sprinkling blessings in unexpected places. Like over the head of a woman grieving for her comatose husband. Maybe God thought Mercedes needed Beth more than she did. Or probably more accurately, God though Mercedes deserved to be Beth's mother more than she did.

"You got to know she didn't hate you Quinn," said Sam giving her a small smile.

He'd wrapped himself around her again, holding her in the middle of the room, so steady like an anchor. If only she could stay like this forever, safe in his arms from all the judgment and the stares, but reality was beckoning and no one deserved the truth more than Sam did.

"I know that, now, but then it felt like she did. When I touched her she cried worse, louder, so I avoided holding her. She'd scream all night in her crib."

Quinn had been convinced she was screaming for help, her baby girl way of trying to find an escape from the prison they both were trapped in. Like that girl at the group home that screamed for days because her mother had died and she'd been sent to the home. Yelling at the top of her lungs was the only power she had to change anything about her life. She couldn't take care of herself, but she could make her voice heard, spread her pain. Beth was the same, unleashing her pain so Mercedes would come save her, and she did, whisking her away in her arms.

"Why didn't you ask Mercedes to help you?"

"She is my baby. I shouldn't have needed the help of some little girl to take care of her," she said bitterly.

But she had needed that little girl's help, more than that, she had wanted it. Beth let out a peep and Mercedes was right there picking her up before Quinn could even react. Beth wasn't even Mercedes's flesh and blood and she had more of a natural connection to her than Quinn did. Using Mercedes' attachment to her daughter had been an easy solution to her problems. Quinn allowed Mercedes to take responsibility for Beth so she wouldn't have to deal with her. Horrible as it was, if felt like a good decision at the time, and Beth definitely seemed happier with Mercedes than with her.

"Quinn I can't believe you had to go through all of this alone."

"I deserved to be alone after everything I did."

"No you didn't," he said between the kisses he placed on her head. "You needed support. I could hurt Puck for leaving you like that."

Julian had tried to get her help, clinical concern replaced the family bonds they once shared, as he pushed her into his pile of patients.

"Don't blame Puck. I'd wrecked his life. How can you expect him to want to take care of another man's baby?"

"I would've done it." Quinn placed her palm against his cheek, smiling up at him. He'd said it so innocently, as if he thought all men felt as he did. She wondered if he knew just how rare and incredible he was. "People make mistakes. I would've found a way to forgive you, especially you."

"Do you mean that Sam? Could you forgive me for what I did?" Her heart stopped as she awaited his response, suddenly feeling like everything hinged on it.

"Nothing to forgive. You weren't yourself and you were stuck in a stressful situation." Green eyes shining, so earnest and sincere, he actually meant all he said.

"Sam there's more…"

"Let's not talk about that now," he said cutting her off mid-sentence. "You're getting help and you're doing better, that's all that matters. I'm going to get Beth. Okay?" He kissed her cheek, before heading to the door.

"You can't bring her in here," said Quinn rushing to stop his exit. Her heart pounded as if she were on a roller coaster. "I can't be near her."

"Relax." Sam smiled, his eyes slanting into half moons. He took her hands in his. "It's going to be okay I promise," he said placing a kiss on the back of each of her hands.

"Sam I can't do this." Tears burned in her eyes, threatening to fall. She was terrified at the thought of being with Beth and Sam in the same room.

"Do what?" he asked, his eyebrows arching in confusion.

"I'm not fit to raise our baby. You need to keep her away from me."

"Nonsense." He smiled at her again. "I'm thinking just the opposite."

"Haven't you been listening to me? I'm a terrible mother. I don't know how to take care of her properly. I don't feel the things I should. I'm disconnected."

Three times since she had been hospitalized she'd seen her baby. At Christmas, when she broke into Beiste's house, and the morning Sam woke up, each time was strained and awkward, Beth felt foreign in her arms, like she'd come from some other womb. Dr. Hill said that it would take time to reestablish that bond, to fall back into her natural role as mother. But shouldn't it come instinctively? What could be more natural than taking care of a child she bore?

"You just lost your way. Something happened inside your brain and things got all crossed and confused. Sort of like what happened to me. I woke up from the coma and I'm disconnected too, but that doesn't mean we're bad people. We just have to work at getting well, getting back to our old selves."

"I forgot about Beth. She's my baby. How could I do that to someone I'm supposed to love?"

All these weeks of working with Dr. Hill to let go of hating herself had led her nowhere, full circle back to where she began, feeling too unworthy to have Sam's child. She had done it all wrong, but her impulse was right, Beth deserved better than her. She had been right to leave her for Sam to raise.

"I forgot about my wife."

"That's not the same. She isn't a part of you."

"I don't know Quinn maybe there's more to this whole biology thing than we understand. Being a sucky science student I may be totally off base, but it seems to me love isn't just guaranteed, humans have the ability to pick and choose who we share that emotion with. Maybe it comes easier after giving birth, but I'm not going to stand here and say I believe it is a given. Look at fathers, we don't give birth at all, but for many of us seeing our child is love at first sight, but for others it takes time. Maybe you just needed time to bond with Beth."

"I don't want you to think I don't love her. I do Sam, I love her so much."

She kept waiting for that look, that inevitable moment when his eyes would darken and her star would dim. Minutes stretched on, his eyes firmly locked on hers as he stroked the sides of her face with the pads of his thumbs, still nothing changed.

"I know you do, it's easy to see, because if you didn't, you wouldn't be so upset. We are going to fix this. Together." He kissed her then, on each cheek, his lips shining with the hint of her tears. "Do you trust me?" he asked pulling back to look in her eyes once more.

"With my life, with our baby's life."

"Then wait right here and hold this," he said grabbing the monitor from the dresser and handing it to her, before he turned and left the room.

This had been a bad idea from the start, she should have trusted her instincts and never have come. Damn Santana for convincing her she needed to talk to Sam tonight, when there was a party in the works and a house full of people. She hadn't even considered Beth's presence until Artie had brought it up. He had been right, she would be making things worse for herself if she got caught with Beth. Decision made she was going to leave now, she'd explain her disappearing act to Sam later. Artie and Santana were probably inside by now, so if she managed to get their attention she could get a ride back to the hotel.

He was speaking what sounded like Gaelic. Quinn looked down at the baby monitor to watch Sam holding Beth, rubbing her back, soothing tones in an unknown language. It had a rhythmic quality, not quite a lullaby, perhaps a poem. With one finger she lightly stroked the screen, the closest she could get to her sweet baby for the time being. As if he felt he was being watched Sam looked up directly into the camera and smiled.

"Hey Beth," Quinn heard Sam say through the monitor. "I got a surprise for you baby girl. Someone came a long way to see you. Do you want to know who? It's your mommy. Just like I promised." Sam kissed the baby's blond head.

"Can you wave like this?" he asked waving toward the camera. Beth watched her father, but did nothing to mimic the gesture. Sam held up Beth's hand and waved it for her up toward the camera. "Say 'hello mommy. I miss you. Daddy and I love you very much' Quinn did you hear all that? Our daughter misses you."

Quinn's eyes blurred with tears as she watched the two of them together. For so long she never fully believed she would ever get to see this sight. Her baby finally had her father back. A perfect picture she wanted to engrave in her mind, to keep with her always, cherished and safe, never to be taken away.

"Come down the hall and be with us. Say 'come on mommy. Come see me.' You can't resist this face." Sam lifted Beth up higher in his arms, so she was closer to the camera. Beth gave her a gummy smile as if on cue. "She's waiting." Her heart melted as she watched her baby girl smile.

Quinn hesitated. The smart thing to do would be to head back downstairs and find Santana. She looked down at the monitor in her hand. Sam was once again talking to Beth in Gaelic as he rocked her in his arms. Still warring with herself about her options, her feet followed their own path and led her down the hall toward Beth's nursery. How could she leave without seeing her baby just once? 


	75. Tailspin3 Ch21

**Chapter 21**

His legs felt like jelly, wobbly and loose as he walked around the room with Beth in his arms. He hadn't even realized how tense he had been with Quinn until he left her and suddenly the weight was removed from his chest. Sam couldn't remember the last time he had seen Quinn so upset, all the tears, her face flushed a deep red, her whole body shaking with emotion. Postpartum depression was a subject he knew very little about, but if it could reduce Quinn to a puddle of tears and frayed nerves then it was a damn scary disease.

Quinn had stood up to the merciless teasing by her classmates at her old school in Carmel and when she first got to McKinley, head held up, unflinching. All the drama with her parents didn't break her either. She handled all of that, and him, while maintaining perfect grades. Forced stays in the mental hospital by her mother tried to take her down and she stared it in the face, taking it head on. She was courageous and fearless, a shoulder for all of her friends, Sam had always admired how she managed all the struggles in her life with quiet strength and dignity, but now it seemed Quinn was the one that needed someone to lean on.

Thinking about Quinn being terrified of seeing Beth unnerved him. How could she believe that their baby hated her? Quinn was the most beautiful, sensitive, loving person he'd ever known, there was no way she was a bad mother. The drinking part confused him though. Quinn had never been one to indulge in alcohol, not that he could remember. He was having a hard time picturing her as a barfly. It had to be the PPD.

Maybe it was too soon to bring her with Beth, perhaps she needed her doctor or time to adjust to being back in Lima before he just foisted their baby in her arms. But Quinn still seemed so convinced that Beth didn't love her, Sam couldn't let another night pass with her feeling that way. Coaxing her into the nursery was the first idea that popped into his head. Once she saw her baby, held her, all those fears would melt away, or so he hoped.

"Okay Beth now remember, be a good girl for your mommy. No crying," he said to the baby in Irish.

Sam looked up and saw Quinn in the doorway, nervous and wringing her hands. Forcing himself to smile, to put her at ease, while inside he was knotted with pain, his heart breaking as he watched Quinn cling to the door in uncertainty.

"What were you saying to her before?" she asked from the doorway. "I heard you through the monitor." She looked down at her feet, seeming embarrassed she even brought the subject up.

"A nursery rhyme my dad used to say." It actually was a Celtic prayer that was said over babies to help them pass from the sleeping realm into the waking one.

"Hard to imagine Dwight doing something like that. I could see him reading you the financial news first." Quinn tried to appear casual, as if they were just chatting normally and not stuck in some awkward standoff that had her trapped at the door.

"He did that too. I actually don't remember my dad telling me nursery rhymes. I was too young, but my mom had a video. I used to do this with my niece Maria, tell her stories or poems when she first woke up, sort of easing her back into consciousness. You're giving me a look. You think I'm strange don't you?"

"No. I think you're pretty wonderful," she said with a small smile, her eyes only meeting his for a moment before glancing away.

Just like that he was sixteen again, in awe that she was here with him, spending time let alone giving him compliments. Quinn always had this way of making him feel like a champion just with the simple act of caring about him. He must have lucked out and stole someone's good fortune unknowingly along the way, because there was no way he deserved a woman as special as Quinn in his life.

"Why are you standing so far away from us? Come here."

Sam stood his ground keeping himself planted to his spot with Beth balanced in his arms. He didn't want to spook her, make any sudden moves and risk her retreating back down the hall. Patience and control were in order, two things Sam didn't have in abundance. He had always been a man of action, attacking early and quick, dominating a situation so he could take the lead. Following was never his style. It was amazing he made it in the military where all he did was take orders.

"Sam this is so wrong, if I get caught in here…" Her voice trailed off as her hands went to her hair nervously tucking imaginary strands. Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she was skittish, her eyes darting around the room as if she expected an agent from Child Protective Services to pop up from behind the crib.

"You won't." Sam assured her. "Nobody's around." He took a step forward. "Look at her Quinn. When's the last time you've seen her?" All the time in the doorway she hadn't looked at Beth, her focus on everything but her.

"The day you woke up," she replied quietly.

Finally with a slow deliberate motion Sam watched her eyes settle on their son and something broke within her, green eyes filling with tears, a smile spreading across her face as she walked into the room. Sam extended his hand, holding it out until she finally took it. Once he had her he latched on tight, cupping her hand in his.

"That's too long sweetheart," he said letting go of her hand to rub her cheek. "Our baby needs you. Here just hold her."

"I can't Sam, I'm not allowed, and she doesn't like me. She'll cry." She shook her head, backing away, but Sam caught her by the elbow, stopping her retreat.

"Oh no, Quinn. Beth loves you. She's not going to cry. Trust me." Sam moved closer, the three of them almost in a group hug.

Beth looked up at Quinn with wide eyes, then she touched her, one hand on Quinn's arm, as if she was testing her. Sam held his breath watching the scene play out, feeling like he did as a child when he tried to pet the cottony tails of the rabbits that played in his yard. They always scampered away before he could make contact, but he hoped this time it would be different.

With shaky fingers, Quinn rubbed Beth's little chubby hand that rested on her arm. Perfect timing, a decidedly Evans trait, Beth made some unintelligible baby noise and leaned closer to Quinn, and that was it. Eyes closed, inhaling deeply as she pulled the baby up toward her shoulder, stroking the back of her head. Beth was in her arms and Sam couldn't think of a sight more perfect. Until Beth squealed, her little head moving back and forth, and Quinn froze, her face paling and the fear back in her eyes.

"You better take her back Sam. She's getting fussy," said Quinn trying to hand Beth over to him.

Rubbing her back with one hand and Beth's with the other, Sam silently begged for his daughter to keep calm in Irish, hoping that somehow she not only understood the language but was also telepathic. "Relax. She's okay. See she's settled down already."

Stepping a few feet away, as Quinn gained confidence, Sam watched them. This was his life, his future, he finally had a family of his own. Down the rabbit hole and popped up in Neverland, his nine month journey had led him here, to them. Emotions surged inside him and tears stung behind his eyes as he watched Quinn holding their baby.

"Hi Beth. It's mommy. Do you remember me? My sweet little princess, you've grown so much since the last time I held you. I think she's gained weight Sam."

"Probably has. She eats all the time. She gets it honestly though."

"Are you always hungry like your daddy?" she asked Beth in a sweet sing song voice.

"I'm going to have to make her a bottle soon. Do you want to sit?" He led her over to the bed before she could respond.

"It's so good to see you and to hold you baby girl," said Quinn taking a seat, and then adjusting Beth on her lap. "I just want to kiss you all over." Which she did, little pecks all over her cheeks, her hands, her belly, Beth squirmed and drooled but kept her gummy grin.

He needed a camera to capture this, Quinn and Beth all smiles together. Who knew when it would happen again? The warnings had not been lost on him, although he tried to downplay the seriousness of the situation, he knew Quinn had a hard road ahead of her. He knew CPS didn't usually cut any breaks no matter a person's standing in the community. He could only imagine how much harder they might be on Quinn, especially with her recent hospital stay.

"Hey! Save some of those kisses for me." Sam laughed planting a kiss on the top of Beth's head and then stealing one from Quinn, a quick on the lips catching her off guard, her cheeks tingeing with color.

"Daddy's so greedy he wants all the kisses," she said holding his gaze for a beat, before returning her attention to Beth. "But we are going to tell him no way. All my kisses are for my little princess Beth." Quinn continued her assault on their baby, kissing and tickling her all over her black footie tuxedo.

Had he ever been this happy? "I can't wait until this is our life. The three of us always together." He announced out loud, purposely, like a declaration, like a promise, as if voicing it would guarantee it came true.

"I used to dream about this, the three of us, while you were in a coma."

"Really?" he asked feeling amazed that he had surfaced in her dreams.

"I had this fantasy, probably more like a delusion really, that you would wake up and everything would be better. You'd be with me and Beth and our baby would finally be happy and stop crying. I pictured us together in a house with a swing set out back and we'd have picnics."

"And you would sing to us?" She had been a fixture behind his closed eyes for years, so many nights he drifted off to sleep, Quinn softly singing in his head.

"How did you know?" she asked hiding her smile against Beth's head.

"You always sing in my dreams. I love your voice. I've missed hearing it."

"You're so sweet and way too good for me."

"I think you have that backwards," he said with a smile.

"No I don't. I'm a terrible person." Tears filled her eyes that were so bright moments before.

"How can you say that?" Sam asked wiping away her tears with his thumb. "Do you see Beth? She's not crying, she loves being with you." He thought they had gotten past this and that she had relaxed. Everything had been going so well.

"I'm not talking about Beth, well not only about her. What I just told you about my dream was wrong. I shouldn't have said it."

Sam didn't quite know what to make of these sudden emotional outbursts. Quinn had always been so even in temperament. He was experiencing a whole other side of her since picking her up at the hospital. Although it was different, it wasn't necessarily bad, in some ways it made him feel closer to her, as if she were letting him in more, letting him see emotions she normally would hide.

Sam was man enough to admit that he had always been the emotional one in their relationship, heart on his sleeve, sudden fits of temper, the occasional compulsion to spew poetry. Quinn had always been more aloof, shielding herself from him, only showing her innermost feelings when she sang. The music was where he could find her, see her heart, but now there were no songs, instead revelations came in tearful displays.

"I'm glad you did. That was a beautiful dream and we're going to live it one day."

"It's a stolen dream Sam," she sniffled. "You should have the house and the baby with your wife. It's what you always wanted."

"No I always wanted those things with you. I've wanted a life with you since high school."

To most people it might seem silly to have been so set on one person as a teenager, but Sam had never been more sure of anything before or since. The one truth he always knew was that Quinn was the one for him.

"You had moved on, your dreams changed," Quinn said, looking pained to be saying the words.

Things couldn't have changed, not this much, even when he was married to Brittany he still secretly held out hope that he would find a way back to Quinn. She had become one of those secret dreams he kept locked away, hidden but always in the back of his mind, along with the others like playing one on one with Michael Jordan, crewing his own yacht around the world, making his father truly proud. Of course he never expected any of those dreams to come true, but he still held them, just in case he did happen upon a genie in a bottle or a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. There was no way he would have let go of Quinn and that dream. It had brought him through many dark, lonely nights, at times the only thing that preserved his sanity.

"Obviously they didn't. Here we are over 10 years later and I still want the same thing, to spend the rest of my life being with you. Maybe what happened between then and now is that we took some wrong turns, hit some dead ends, so it took us awhile to find our way here, but I knew we always would make it back. You and I have always been meant to be."

"You make me want to believe that," she said wrapping her hand around his thumb. "But I remember before, how you were at the Beacon, how much you loved Mercedes. I can't just block those things out like you can."

His heart sank and a lump formed in his throat as once again reality threatened their perfect moment. "I'm not blocking anything out. I know I felt a certain way about Mercedes before, but that has nothing to do with us right now."

"You are only saying that because of your amnesia. If you had your memory, you wouldn't even be here with me." She dropped his hand to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye.

All the air had left the room and he was suffocating from all the pressure. He wanted to tell her that having his memory back could never change how he felt, but how did he know that for sure? He wanted to promise her a certain future, a destined forever, but how could he when his dad could pull his puppet strings at any moment? If wishing it could make it so they would be set for a great life, but hopes and wishes would get him nowhere in the world of Dwight Evans. He was stuck under his father's thumb, for now, but she didn't have to be.

"How do you know that? This might be the way things were supposed to end up. I want you to do me a favor." He rubbed Beth's back, as he leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers. "Be selfish," he urged and he prayed she would take his advice.

"What?"

It wasn't just about him. His family, his wife, his daughter, all were counting on him to act a certain way, live up to their expectations. He wasn't allowed to run off into the sunset, following his dreams, with Quinn by his side, not yet. Even if his father hadn't put him in this difficult position between two women, he still ultimately would have found himself in the same place. Ignoring the feelings of his family was not an option, not after they had been waiting for his recovery for all of these months. He owed it to them to at least try to be the Sam they remembered, some semblance of the man they lost. Quinn would have to dream for the both of them while he remained grounded by his responsibilities, at least until he could figure out how to have the life he wanted without hurting everyone he cared about in the process.

"You hold on to me, to Beth, to that beautiful dream and never let it go, because that's the only way we're going to survive the next nine months. We've got to want it bad enough. Do you want it?"

Maybe Quinn was right, maybe this dream was stolen and he would have felt differently if he had his memory intact, but at this point Sam didn't care. Quinn needed this as her lifeline, something to hold on to while she worked on getting back her life and their daughter. Sam had been pretty close to where she was now, after he came back from his second tour in Afghanistan, critically injured, only to return home to discover his wife now belonged to Santana Lopez, he had fallen into a pit probably far worse than any coma. He was numb and empty, he had nothing and didn't care. He couldn't let that happen to Quinn. He had let her down during her PPD, but he could be here for her now, to help her get strong and back on her feet, so she could live that beautiful dream, with sweet songs, picnics, and smiles that once again reached her eyes.

"I do want it. Very much but…"

"No buts, that's all I needed to hear, so no more doubts, no more pushing me away like you did last night."

"Okay no more doubts, but we've got to be patient. We've got to do this right. We need to respect your father's wishes for the time being."

"Ah Quinn," he sighed, falling back on the bed. "I screwed up. Mercedes' not going to stay married to me." He had been rejected swiftly and thoroughly, nothing short of a lobotomy would get Mercedes to stay. She simply didn't like him as he was now, post accident.

"You'll just have to convince her."

Quinn said that like it was the easiest thing in the world. Didn't she know he was terrible at winning hearts? He had tried to win hers in high school, well win it back and had failed miserably.

Sam sat up when he felt Beth touch his leg. The baby was leaning forward trying to get to him. He wanted Quinn to have every minute she could with her, so he didn't pick her up as she seemed to have wanted, but gave her his hand to play with instead, the wedding band on his finger capturing the girl's attention.

"I tried. I pulled out all the stops. There's nothing more I can say." Sam felt bad, he knew his deal with his father was riding on this, but there was only so much he could do with the hand he was dealt. If Mercedes wanted out, he couldn't force her to stay. Hopefully his dad would listen to reason and let the whole thing go. It was a long shot, but he was willing to take it.

"Mercedes is smart you can't try to play her or con her," said Quinn, emphasizing her point with a wave of her index finger. "You need to be direct and honest."

"I was. It wasn't enough. I'm just not who she wants to be with."

She had taken a chunk of him when she left earlier, maybe from his esteem, maybe from his heart. It was unsettling how much her walking out the door bothered him. Failing at marriage again was one thing, but it was more than that, more than just losing a wife, it was losing her. Mercedes was his little nurse, she had taken care of him for months, had practically lived in his hospital room, when he felt like he had no one else, he had her. The constant chatter, the sad brown eyes, those unexpected smiles that sprung on her face, her arms so strong as she held him up, held him together. She felt like a friend and he didn't have many of those, so to lose one so quickly hurt.

"Not buying that for a second. Mercedes worked too hard to finally snag you. No way would she just give you up."

"But she did, even after I told her how I felt and I kissed her."

"You kissed her?" she asked, the expression on her face unreadable.

"Well you see…" he started, mentally kicking himself for even bringing the subject up.

He wanted to take back the words as soon as he said them. He hadn't meant to reveal that much to Quinn. Not that he wanted to lie about it, but it could have been said with more sensitivity. It had felt natural telling her, easy, and maybe even safe. Quinn understood him, and she always made him feel comfortable to reveal his real self, the parts he tended to hide, with Quinn he was free. But things were different now, because there were now parts of him that would hurt her if he shared them.

"It's okay Sam, you don't have to lie."

"I wasn't going to lie, but maybe I shouldn't have said anything."

Hugh Hefner he was not. Some guys might consider his predicament to be a gift from the gods, but Sam was convinced he was drifting toward the gates of hell. Two women, one his wife, the other the mother of his child, both wanted him - possibly, and he wanted them - definitely, the problem was he couldn't have them both, at least not without feeling like scum afterward.

Juggling was never his thing, one true love was all he ever needed or wanted to be happy. Despite Quinn telling him that he was casual with her while dating another girl, he still held to that belief. Sam wanted to be with only one woman and build a life with her. He didn't need more than that.

"Why not?" She shrugged. "Husbands and wives kiss. I'm going to have to get used to seeing it for the next nine months."

"I don't think you have to worry about that. Kissing me seemed to make her run away faster."

On the surface, it was so simple, he wanted Quinn so all he had to do was divorce Mercedes and sail off toward his future, and that had been the plan up until earlier today when he visited the house he shared with Mercedes. That was when it hit him, like cold water in his face, he had actually been living the life he always wanted, only with the wrong woman. Which made him question if all his dreams would come true if he essentially swapped out Mercedes for Quinn? Was it the window dressing or the woman that created a happily ever after?

The endless debates were pointless, he knew he'd be with Quinn in an instant if she said the word. That had been the case since he was sixteen, she had always been it for him. Yet a part of him still couldn't help but wonder why losing a wife he never wanted had left him feeling so gutted?

"Flight response, totally natural. She thinks you and I are having an affair thanks to that photo right?"

"Yeah, she does."

"That explains it. Mercedes doesn't want to want you right now. She has her pride. She's probably somewhere crying and having flashbacks of that kiss you gave her."

"She said she didn't feel anything after I kissed her."

A statement he wasn't willing to believe. Mercedes had been into that kiss, just as she had been into every other kiss they had shared since he woke up. Maybe he acted differently now than he did pre-accident, perhaps he really wasn't the same man she married, but physically he still got to her, whether she was willing to admit it or not.

"Did you feel anything when you kissed her?"

It was getting hot, like the thermostat had been raised by ten degrees. Sam adjusted the collar of his shirt, letting some air hit his neck. "What are you asking me? Are you asking if I have feelings for her?"

"I want to know if the kiss you gave her was real."

Sam was completely lost. He didn't know if she wanted reassurances or if she legitimately wanted a play by play of the kiss. Either way he really wanted a subject change.

"Quinn, I don't think we should be talking about this."

"We used to before," she said standing Beth up on her lap.

Before, from all he'd been told, he wasn't trying to be in a relationship with her. He could spill his heart to Quinn back then and not feel a bit distressed, but now he had to watch what he said, one wrong word could destroy his chances with her. He had come too far to get to this point with her. They were talking about shared dreams and a future, he didn't want to wreck it all before he even got to enjoy it.

"Look Quinn, I'm not trying to upset you with all this."

"I'm not upset. I don't want to go back to the hospital. I want to stay in Lima, reclaim my life, raise my child and be with you. I can't do that if you don't keep your marriage intact. So answer my question. Did you mean it?"

Which would it be? Truth or consequences?


	76. Tailspin3 Ch22

**Chapter 22**

Kitty Wilde had been the first. Her bottled blond hair and obviously low cut shirts, boobs constantly thrown in Sam's face, she had been a hormonal menace in high school. She was the most forward, but not the only girl after Sam back then, dating a popular boy had been an exercise in patience. Control and faked confidence were the only things that kept Quinn from getting into numerous hair pulling battles over him. Sam was desired and some girls didn't let a little thing like him having a girlfriend hold them back. If anything that just made it more of a challenge, the thrill of the chase. Now ten years later she had turned into one of those girls.

With Penny at first Quinn tried to push the boundaries of their established no strings relationship to oust that southern belle from his life. The only thing she ended up doing was making Penny more attractive and herself more depressed. While she would count Mike as a regret in the grand scheme of her life, he also was a godsend at the time, without him there holding her up, Quinn was sure she would have gone to extremes to get Sam's full attention. Thinking back, it wasn't even really about Sam, but about not losing anyone else from her life. Failing in her relationship with Puck had hurt her far more than she let on. There was a time when she and Puck were so perfectly in sync and they believed nothing could sever their love – then cocaine and Karl, the music producer, came in and bashed those fantasies to bits, proving that love not only didn't conquer all, but had a tendency to fade.

When he hooked up with Rachel Berry she managed to behave, more because her personal life was in shambles and less because she had let go of Sam. It was complicated, feeling a certain way about Sam Evans, just because she chose Puck over him in high school didn't necessarily mean she didn't care about him. A part of her maintained that link between her heart and his, and unfair as it was she liked that he kept that connection too. She was happy with Puck at first, and to some extent Mike, and very much with Puck that second time, but none of that changed the fact that a part of her still held onto Sam.

Maybe because he was a first love, she felt possessive of him, she didn't want just any woman stealing his heart or worse than that, breaking it. Because deep down, buried beneath her insecurities, and her dreams of her little castle, she kept the hope for another chance with Sam. A do-over of what she threw away in high school and of what they squandered after the plane crashed, in the back of her mind she always thought they would get another real shot to be together. Maybe it would be fifty years in the future, but it would happen, she hoped.

Then he announced over cocktails in the Evans' living room that he was marrying Mercedes Jones and that buried hope started to wither, and at the time Quinn didn't know why. There was something about his certainty of her, the way he said they were engaged but didn't feel compelled to prove his case or defend his actions, he wanted her and nothing else mattered. Quinn had never seen him that way before, well not since he was that way about her. And that was it, the love she saw in his eyes for Mercedes, looked too much like the love she used to see directed at her, and she didn't much like it.

It was horrible that she could even feel that way, she should've been glad Sam found someone to love and build a life with, it was so wrong to entertain such selfish thoughts. So she worked hard to correct them, trying to support Sam and his relationship with Mercedes as much as she could, besides she had Puck and she loved him, so those quasi jealous feelings were ridiculous. It simply was a wave of nostalgia, a longing to keep a part of her life ever the same, like a beauty queen reluctant to hand over her crown to the next in line. That's all it was. Right?

Asking Sam about his feelings for Mercedes was just as she had said, the need to ensure that he was doing everything possible to keep Mercedes happy. Mercedes was too sharp to fall for forced emotions, so Sam had to truly feel something or this would never work. And that's exactly why she had asked about the kiss, a simple test to gauge his emotional commitment to his father's deal. But as she watched Sam fidget and grow more uncomfortable sitting beside her, offering no replies or anything at all, Quinn began to grow anxious. Was his answer in all that he couldn't say? Was he uncomfortable because he was about to break her heart and he didn't know how to do it? Those fears heightened as she imagined scenario after scenario of ways Sam might tell her the same thing, he was in love with Mercedes.

Then the fear morphed to anger, because how could he love Mercedes again? He didn't remember her and she wasn't the mother of his child. Quinn thought about those photos on Puck's phone and what Santana hinted had happened between Sam and Mercedes at the hospital, then she remembered that phone call she overheard last night. All these signs that kept pointing in the same direction, Sam was in love with his wife, which really should have been a good thing, except for the small fact that she didn't want him to be.

Mercedes had her chance with Sam and blew it majorly, messages, lies, and divorce papers, they should have been done by now. Only the crash kept them a pair, their mangled relationship held together by her guilty memories and Dwight Evans' meddling. It was Quinn's turn now, the buried hope was unearthed and perched in the palm of her hand. Years of mistakes, fear, and plain stupidity had kept her from him, but now she knew, she loved Sam and she wanted him back. Just like that she was Kitty Wilde, dolled up in her red cleavage baring dress, sneaking up the back stairwell to steal Mercedes' man. There was no honor in her actions, she deserved to be called out for this, but the more time she spent with Beth and Sam the less she allowed herself to care. These few minutes were theirs, maybe she had no claim on Sam out in the real world, but behind doors, in Beth's nursery, they were a family.

Beth was content in her little flying saucer shaped chair, all her focus on the stars dangling in front of her. Quinn sat on the floor beside her not wanting to return to her seat on the bed beside Sam. How much time had passed since he spoke? Minutes, many nerve wracking minutes Quinn waited while Sam sat on the bed destroying his hair with his hands. She was so close to telling him to forget she even asked the question. The last thing she wanted was to add even more stress into his life. Whether he felt something for Mercedes or not was really none of her concern, his answer wouldn't change anything for her, he'd still be married to another woman. Maybe if she repeated that thought enough, she'd actually start to believe it, and move on from her silly and probably pointless dream that she would be with Sam one day. The wife always wins, everyone knew that, in movies and romance novels the other woman was inevitably left crying with a glass of red wine in one hand and a gay best friend in the other. She already sort of had the requisite gay bff in Santana, and the promise of girl's night back at the suite. That's where she should be, instead of sitting on the floor at Sam's feet waiting for him to break her heart.

"Yes I meant it," he said finally, his voice low and strained. "When I kissed Mercedes I wasn't only trying to convince her to stay. I wanted to do it."

She forced a smile, but inside she deflated a little. "Thank you for being honest about it."

He touched her shoulder to get her attention. "Quinn, I feel like I need to explain."

"Don't bother. I don't need to know." More than that, she didn't want to know. She wanted to hang on to this precious time where he loved her and they were together with Beth. She didn't need any declaration of his love for Mercedes coming in and messing it all up, not yet.

"Yes you do. I don't want any secrets between us."

"Sam I get it. You have feelings for her," she said staring at his feet.

"This thing with Mercedes is not what you think. It's not like I love her."

"You don't?" Quinn asked looking up at him.

"No way," he said softly, running his finger along the side of her face. "You didn't honestly think I was in love with her did you?"

"You took so long to answer, I wasn't sure. I thought you might be trying to break the news to me gently."

"Quinn I think you should know that I do feel something for her. I'm," he hesitated. "Interested."

"Interested?" What the heck did that mean? Did he want to jump her bones or do a background check?

"Yeah she's this mystery in my life…"

"And you can't help but want to figure out why you're so drawn to her?" she asked, cutting him off. Quinn could understand the feeling. It was like that in the beginning with Puck. She was compelled to figure out what the spark between them meant.

"Something like that. It's all so weird and confusing knowing I had this whole life with someone that is practically a stranger to me."

"I can only imagine how mixed up your feelings must be, waking up to find out you're married to a girl you don't remember."

Probably was a real shock for him to come out of the coma and find out that a chubby girl with a big smile and too much energy was his nurse, let alone his wife. Even stranger that he developed a crush on her before he even knew who she was. Mercedes looked about fifteen and was not his type, no one would have chosen her for him. But after months in a coma he wakes up and chooses her for himself? Unreal. Maybe Mercedes was more Sam's type than anyone realized.

"I'm not going to lie to you, I am attracted to her," Sam admitted.

"That's a start right? Maybe you can build on that and make your marriage work," said Quinn trying to sound optimistic when actually she felt anything but.

An attraction would help him convince Mercedes to stay in the relationship, but what if that attraction developed into something more, awakening feelings that were only blocked because of the accident? Encouraging Sam to spend time with Mercedes might keep her out of the psych ward, but could potentially keep her out of Sam's arms as well. Was her freedom worth risking her shot to be with Sam? Maybe she should do whatever time the judge mandated instead of forcing Sam to be in marriage he didn't want.

"When you say things like that I don't know what to think. I don't know if you really don't care I'm attracted to my wife or if you only want me to be because of my father's deal."

"Obviously you need to stay married so I can remain out of the hospital."

"But how do you feel about me staying married?"

"It doesn't matter how I feel," she said turning her attention to Beth. "You're the one that is deciding to do it."

"It matters to me."

He was doing that thing she could never resist, where his voice got all soft and smooth and his emotions leaked into his words. Quinn knew if she looked over at Sam his eyes would be all squinty with just a hint of green peeking out. Taking a chance, she looked up at him and was hit with those squinty green eyes, just as she expected. That was the look that almost made her lose her virginity that night when she was seventeen. She really needed to look away, but she couldn't. He was drawing her in.

"Sam, I already told you I want my future to be with you. What more can I say?" she asked almost on a sigh. She wanted to climb in his lap, run her fingers through his hair, and lose herself in those eyes.

"Tell me you hate the idea of me with my wife. Tell me that the fact I kissed her makes you jealous. Tell me that you're not only here because you want me to keep my father's deal."

Couldn't he tell that the very thought of him with Mercedes was killing her? Couldn't he read the look on her face? Quinn knew the answer would be 'no' to both of those questions. She was shielding her real emotions from him, something she was so good at doing. Years of practice had made her an expert at faking indifference. Letting Sam know how much all of this mattered to her would not help their case.

"Sam, I've said too much already. I don't have the right …" she said trailing off mid sentence. She was running, dodging the truth and his eyes like she'd done so often with him over the years.

"Quinn I don't think you understand what's going on here for me. I want to marry you. One day, down the line. I see that for us."

"Married? Really?" Her mask of indifference was faltering as a smile broke out on her face.

"What did you think having a future together meant? I would want a real commitment with you."

If she wasn't sitting down she probably would've fainted and she wasn't the weak in the knees type, but Sam was making her head spin in the best possible way. He was so intense and heartfelt, so honest and direct, completely unafraid to put himself out there and reveal his heart. Such a sexy quality in a man.

"Sam, um...wow…I don't know…uh…" Her throat went dry as she struggled to breathe let alone find the words to respond. This was starting to feel so real.

"Hey, it wasn't a proposal." He laughed nervously, as he stroked her hair. "I didn't mean to freak you out. I just wanted you to know where my head was at."

Did she look freaked out? She wasn't freaked out. Okay maybe a little bit, but not for the reasons he probably thought. She wanted to kiss him, long and deep, letting all her love flow through that kiss. He was so amazing and incredibly sweet and he had no idea that everything he was saying was all that she needed to hear. It gave her hope that even someone as damaged and crazed as her, still had a chance of finding love again, of finding love again with him. If she were brave, she'd look him in the eyes and tell him without hesitation that she was so in love with him and wanted to be with him so much that it was starting to hurt. A dull ache growing within her with each passing minute, knowing she would have to leave them soon. But she wasn't brave, but she planned to be, she couldn't let this night end without him knowing how she felt.

"You know you asked me to marry you before."

"I know in high school. I was such a lovesick dork."

"You were never a dork, but I meant after that, before your accident, when we were staying at the Beacon."

His eyes widened. "That's shocking since you told me we were in love with other people at the time."

"It wasn't anything romantic, more like a pact."

"We have a marriage pact?" asked Sam, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees.

Quinn smiled as she once again let her mind drift back to the Beacon.

* * *

><p><em>"Thanks for this picnic. I really needed it today," said Sam, running his hands along the patterned comforter from her bed that she had spread out on the floor.<em>

_"Calling it a picnic is a stretch. There's no food and we are indoors," said Quinn pulling her knees up to her chin. She was wearing her workout gear, black leggings and a deep purple tank, but she hadn't yet made it to the gym. Sam popping up unexpectedly way before quitting time at D&E had derailed her plans for exercise._

_"But we are on a blanket and we have drinks, the very definition of a picnic."_

_All they had were two glasses and a large bottle of scotch Sam stole from his father's house earlier that day._

_"Yeah if you're a wino." Her smile fading when she saw the sad look on his face._

_"As long as you're here, the rest doesn't matter," he said taking another drink._

_Quinn hadn't been keeping count but she knew Sam was already a few drinks ahead of her. She suspected he had started long before he showed up at her door. He looked disheveled, with his hair falling into his eyes, his white button down no longer crisp and wrinkle free, his dark slacks creased in the wrong places._

_"Right back at ya. Feel like talking about what happened today or?" Sam had been to see Mercedes so a little depression was to be expected, but he seemed even more down than normal._

_"Nope," he answered quickly._

_"Was it really bad?"_

_"No worse than usual, although this time she did throw some clothes in my face. Apparently she missed a few items when she packed up my stuff and had it shipped to my dad's house." He smiled at her, forced and strained, more like a grimace._

_"That's the worse," she said rubbing his arm. "When Puck put my stuff out, I sat outside the apartment door and cried for an hour. Nothing's worse than losing your home."_

_"It wasn't really ours anyway. It's Beiste's."_

_"Still. You guys lived there together."_

_"I worry about her though, in the house alone. Cede doesn't do well by herself, things get to her."_

_"She has Beiste."_

_"Beiste's not going to hold her at night when she's scared or wake up in the morning and cook her breakfast."_

_"I'm sure she will."_

_"I don't want her to. That's my job. I'm supposed to be there with her Quinn."_

_She wasn't sure if Sam was a saint or an idiot. Mercedes tossed him aside, and yet he still was worried about her eating breakfast. The girl didn't deserve him at all._

_"I know you don't want to hear it, but she's not alone. She has Beiste and she has Puck."_

_This was about the thirtieth pep talk she'd given him and she was quickly running out of material. The more she heard about Mercedes and her deliberate bitchiness, the less inspired she felt to reassure him about her well being._

_"She told me that she doesn't feel anything for me anymore."_

_"She's lying. Puck says she cries her eyes out over you constantly."_

_"You're not helping. The last thing I want to do is make her cry."_

_Quinn put her arm around his shoulders. "At least it shows she cares."_

_"It shows she's in pain. Cede's been through enough in her life, and now I've added to the pile."_

_"Where's the real Sam Evans?" she asked pushing the hair out of his face. "I know he's in there. You've got to be getting a little pleasure from this. Payback and all, she was the one that caused all this mess."_

_"Cede didn't hold me down and make me have sex with you."_

_"But she did lie to you repeatedly about her feelings for Shane Tinsley."_

_"She was confused and young."_

_Quinn sighed as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Are you really going to make excuses for her? She broke your heart and your marriage was basically a sham."_

_"No she loved me and wanted to be with me."_

_He was getting upset, but he didn't pull away, that was progress. Usually he blew up when she mentioned Mercedes' shortcomings. Maybe he finally was starting to see his wife's true colors._

_"Then why did she leave that message?"_

_"Hey! You promised to make me feel better. This is not better, rubbing salt in my wounds."_

_"Sorry that girl pisses me off," she said as she crawled over to the opposite side of the blanket to retrieve her drink. "I had to hear Beiste go on and on about her pain today at the diner. What about our pain? We're bleeding too, stuck on the 20th floor."_

_"The 21st." Sam corrected her. He had ditched his glass and was swigging straight from the bottle._

_"Right, the 21st floor. With nothing but warm scotch to sustain us."_

_"I said you could get some ice from the machine."_

_"It's down the hall! Why should we be forced to trek for ice?"_

_"Because this is a hotel," said Sam gesturing around the room with the scotch bottle._

_"Exactly. We're being held hostage in a hotel because of Mercedes' pain and Puck's. Did you know Puck set up a bowflex on my side of the bedroom? Beiste told me."_

_Sam shook his head in disgust. "What? You've only been gone a couple weeks."_

_"No hope of reconciliation, Puck would rather work on his abs."_

_"Sweetheart, you can do so much better than him."_

_"How can you say that? He's your cousin." Quinn pouted._

_"I don't care. I didn't want to say anything before because you love the guy, but I never liked you with him."_

_"I thought all that stuff from when we were kids was ancient history." This was news to her. Everyone liked Daniel, except Sue, and Mike, and probably Chelsea, but everyone else really liked him._

_"It is history but he slept with Santana. That's just foul."_

_"Why did you bring up that he slept with Santana?" Quinn turned up her nose. "I'd like to forget that we shared a man."_

_"On the bright side, you'll now be able to move on to someone more worthy of you."_

_"You're right. I bet there are a lot of inmates looking for love."_

_"Stop it. There's a nice man out there for you, one with no prison record. You want to know a secret?" He sat up straighter, his eyes alive with excitement._

_"Sure," Quinn replied with far less enthusiasm._

_"Here it goes. Usually what you're looking for is right under your nose." He was so pleased with himself, grinning from ear to ear._

_"That's the secret? I think I learned that in kindergarten."_

_"All the best lessons are learned there. I'm speaking as someone that took a long time to understand this. I looked everywhere, but right in front of me for the perfect match. I'd still be searching aimlessly if Mercedes hadn't jumped up and smacked me in the face."_

_Quinn rolled her eyes. "Domestic abuse, what an aphrodisiac."_

_"It's only abuse if it's nonconsensual." He smirked._

_"Eww! Gross! Please don't tell me about your marital adventures into S&M."_

_"Adventure keeps romance alive, along with a leather whip."_

_"You're so disgusting!" she said, trying to stifle her urge to laugh. She didn't want to encourage his dirty behavior. Bad things happened when their conversations turned to the topic of sex._

_"Don't act like you aren't into a little kink. We've had sex before remember?"_

_"Sam you promised you'd never bring that up."_

_"No worries. Only you, me and the bed posts know what really went down."_

_"Oh my God. I don't know whether to smack your or hug you."_

_"Ooo smack me baby. We can reenact that night."_

_"You're crazy, totally nuts, but you always manage to make me laugh."_

_"Glad to be of service. Anything to keep my best friend happy."_

_"Have I told you how wonderful you are?" she asked lying down on her back._

_"Not in the past ten minutes, so feel free." His arm brushed against hers as he settled down on his back next to her._

_"You are the best guy. I'm so glad you're my friend," she said squeezing his hand._

_"I'm glad you're mine too." They both rolled over to face each other. "I'd be breaking things like a rock star if it weren't for you."_

_"If I ever attempt this love and marriage thing again, he's going to be just like you."_

_Her fingertips trailed his jaw lightly, stubble starting to appear on his usually smooth chin. The smell of his aftershave surrounded her, earthy and clean, so rare to have Sam this close. They tended to keep a balcony between them._

_"Impossible. I'm one of a kind baby."_

_"Okay a close second."_

_She closed her eyes and inhaled him, something about Sam was so soothing, like a fuzzy blanket, warm chocolate chip cookies, or a really tight hug. He was such a comfort in her life, especially now, when everything hurt._

_"Why settle for an imitation when you can have the real deal? If my wife has her way, I'm going to be a free man real soon," he said with a halfhearted smile._

_"You don't want to be with me. We tried and failed miserably." Quinn hated to remember that time when they had been so close and threw it all away for two short-lived romances. Thankfully there were no permanent scars, their friendship managed to survive._

_"Maybe we didn't try hard enough." His eyes were closed. Quinn couldn't tell if he was talking about them or lost in some regretful thought about Mercedes._

_"I'm cutting you off. You're talking crazy."_

_"What's so crazy about marrying my oldest and closest friend?" he asked opening his eyes. "We get each other, we have history, we listen to each other, and we both hold our liquor exceptionally well."_

_"And that's so important," she agreed._

_"I know!" he said emphatically. "No one wants a pukey mate."_

_"There's just one thing we're missing. The love."_

_"Eh. Love stinks." He fanned his hand at her. "We don't need it."_

_"You're right. We don't need it."_

_"Okay so that's settled. Now there's something I got to do." Sam sat up on his knees and pulled Quinn up to face him. Taking both her hands he said, "Quinn Fabray, will you marry me, one day, down the line, when I'm a free man with a hollow and blackened heart?"_

_"Way to sell yourself," she giggled._

_"Would it help if I promise to make you a cocktail every night?"_

_"It's a start. What else you got?"_

_"Not much. Some money and my fish lips."_

_"You drive a hard bargain."_

_"I promise to never break your heart." He put her hand to his lips and kissed it softly._

_"I won't break yours either," she said feeling a little emotional. The scotch must have been going to her head._

_"Is that a yes?" Sam asked with drunken hopefulness._

_"Smile once for me. Let me make sure the lips are worth it."_

_"Oh they're worth it," he said breaking into a grin, his full lips on prominent display. "I've closed many a deal with these babies."_

_"Okay I'll do it, but only because you promised me cocktails."_

* * *

><p>She had forgotten all about that proposal until tonight. They were drunk and stupid and it didn't mean anything. An hour afterward Quinn had been giving Sam advice on how to get Mercedes to talk to him. Still Sam's drunken proposal might have been the nicest offer she ever had. She was at such a low point, half the town thought she was a slut, and there was Sam willing to be with her. Now she'd hit a new low, hopefully rock bottom because she couldn't think of anything worse than living with the knowledge that she hurt her baby, and Sam still wanted her. How could she never have noticed how truly special he was before? She had been so blind.<p>

"You proposed, I accepted but the pact is only in effect if you are free, and you are very unfree at the moment."

She picked at lint on his pants leg, looking for any excuse to touch him. If she got up and put her arms around him she was sure Sam wouldn't pull away, but she was dangerously close to crossing over into the point of no return. Letting herself be close, to touch him, would only lead her to places she couldn't allow herself to go, not yet.

"Mercedes would not agree with that assessment. I think she would give you her blessing if you took me off her hands."

"Your rep as a player is a total crock. You don't understand women at all."

"No man does. If they say they do, they're lying."

"Mercedes will never want me to be with you, even if she doesn't want you anymore. I'm the enemy. I broke up her marriage."

"I don't see how she can blame you. Things seem like they were more complicated than that."

Sam really had no idea what he was in for with Mercedes. He was trying to use logic to understand her. That would be his first mistake. Mercedes was far too emotional for rational thoughts. Sam was going to have to get in tuned with his sensitive side if he had any chance of handling his wife.

"They were, but in her mind, it's my fault, which is fine, I don't need her to like me. What I need is for her to like you."

With that photo in circulation, the rumors would spread, and everyone would be whispering they were having an affair. Sam would never keep Mercedes if that happened. He had to put out that flame now before it got out of control, dispel any rumors, become that perfect husband he used to be. A good person honored commitments and kept vows, made sacrifices for family, those were lessons Quinn desperately wanted Beth to learn. At least she could have one decent parent, since her reputation seemed beyond repair at this point. Mercedes was the problem, if she truly wanted a divorce, it would take some creative thinking to change her mind, she was her father's child after all, stubborn and proud. She'd divorce Sam just to spite him, just like she had tried to before the accident. Only Sam facing death got her to relent on her need to punish him.

"We've been over this. It's hopeless," he said with a dejected sigh.

"Do you still have those lips?"

"Uh. Last time I checked."

"Then nothing's hopeless. Keep flashing those things at her and she'll come around. Work that Evans charm."

"That's not going to work, the only Evans she likes now is Beth."

Sam kissed Beth on the head and her little curved into a smile, a perfect match to her father's larger ones.

"Beth." Quinn grinned. "That's it. She's the key."


	77. Tailspin3 Ch23

**Chapter 23**

Coming clean had been the goal for the evening with Mercedes, with Quinn, himself and he had achieved it, for the most part. He has been straight with Quinn when she asked him about his feelings for Mercedes. He had copped to kissing her and admitted his attraction. The truth had set him free just like the adage promised putting him in a better place with Quinn, closer, more intimate. They were setting the foundation for an open and honest relationship, something he'd never truly had but always wanted. Things felt pretty good, positive vibes and all that, he couldn't have asked for much more. Except there was one little thing he had held back, barely important, nothing to even worry about, he should just let it go and move on. Too bad he couldn't.

Denial was such a part of him, woven and assimilated into his system, readily accessible whenever he needed, like his thumbs, or Figgins. Sam wore his denial like an invisible cloak that protected him from pain or disappointment for most of his life. As a child, he watched his parents bicker and fight pretty much constantly, and yet he was able to hang onto the idea that they were somehow going to make it work as a couple, as a family, a normal family, like his brother Will and his wife. He had wanted it so much that he ignored the fact that his father openly stated he couldn't stand his mother, and that his mother had a steady stream of male 'friends' that she spent time with instead of his father.

In high school he finally got his own life and focused less on his parents, setting his sights on Brittany Pierce, doing anything to impress her fully knowing that she only had eyes for Santana Lopez. Still he plotted and schemed to get her attention and affection, failing with every attempt. That was how Quinn entered his world, she was a pawn in one of his schemes, hoping to use her to distract himself from Brittany. But that distraction never happened and his denial was short lived, since soon he was falling for the girl with those striking eyes and the pretty voice. He fought it for as long as he could but his crush on Quinn in high school had grown even before their first date. Finally dating Quinn didn't end Sam's denial, it wore on as he tried to dismiss the signs that she liked Puck, perhaps more than she liked him.

Thank God for denial when he severely injured his lower leg. It allowed him to find a focus on something other than his condition and instead pursue the wife he had lost. It is insanity to think that relentlessly pursuing Brittany was a good thing, but that act had ultimately saved his life. It had given him purpose, a goal outside his painful and long recovery process.

Chasing after a woman that didn't want him wasn't much of a goal, he could see that now. He had been running in place, claiming small victories with no chance of ever winning the war, because Brittany loved Santana and always had, even when she married him. Sam knew that then, but once again trusty denial helped him forge ahead into a halfhearted relationship, with Brittany only half loving him and him only half loving her. He didn't need Kali's eye rolling and pointed questions to see that marrying Brittany had been more about winning, trying to one up Santana, steal her girl the way his had been stolen, and since Puck had taken off with Quinn, his target became Santana. He could accuse Santana of stealing his wife until his dying day, and probably would because he still felt sucker punched by it all, but in truth he was the only thief in all this mess.

All of this had been about Quinn, loving her and losing her had left him forever altered. Feelings for her tucked away for safe keeping had solidified somewhere in the pit of his stomach becoming a leaden mass, a tumor of intense emotions that drove him to all sorts of extreme and impulsive acts. Maybe in the years he had forgotten he gained control of all these feelings, finally let go of Quinn and all she represented, but it was so hard to believe when he never had been able to move on before. The Army, marriage, time apart, nothing had ever removed Quinn from his heart. Facing certain death in that crash just forced him to stop denying it, and admit to himself that being in love with Quinn was going to be a lifelong affliction that he would have to learn to manage to survive.

From all that Quinn told him he had done more than manage, he had forgotten those feelings and finally let her go. Sam figured Quinn was making assumptions. How could she have known the depth of his feelings for her that persisted for all these years? Nothing would change how he felt, he truly believed that, until he went to her house. The house he shared with Mercedes, it was there that he began to wonder if something really did change inside of him during those missing years.

It had been on the wall along the stairs in the hall, the collection of family photos. Beiste's family mainly but interspersed were pictures of him with Mercedes, the family they created. It just sort of struck him right there, like an invisible smack into a reality he wished never existed, that he already had a family, before Beth, and completely separate from what he felt for Quinn. Of course, that was too much to absorb, so he brought up Quinn and the absence of her pictures on her wall to change his way of thinking, to block the path his mind wanted to take, because for a pocket of time in that hallway he understood. His family was with her.

After that realization, no matter how much he tried to deny it, something had changed, he felt differently about his past and his future. Even as he continued to hold fast to his dreams of a family with Quinn and Beth, inside he knew there was a greater truth, one that seemed too scary to share with Quinn or anyone else. Where would it lead if he admitted this to Quinn? Would he lose any chance at a life with her? Would she push him away, misconstruing feelings that he didn't even himself fully understand?

So his feelings for Mercedes were a bit deeper than he had let on. He felt a family connection to her. Big deal. That didn't change what his heart truly wanted, to be with Quinn. Sure it complicated things, but his life was already like a bad soap opera, what was another issue thrown on the pile? He still was in the driver's seat. He got to ultimately choose the course of his life. This wasn't denial, but setting a goal, choosing a path and marching down it, not letting obstacles or distractions steer him off course.

Just because he cared about Mercedes didn't change the fact he loved Quinn. Two completely separate issues. He would have nine months to deal with this thanks to his father, to get over these phantom feelings, the residue from the life he had forgotten. So the thought of turning his back on Mercedes, bothered him right now, by the end of the year he would be over it, Quinn waiting for him would be the sweetest reward for all this angst.

Satisfied with his decision to keep a few things to himself, for now, he brought his attention back to the matter at hand – getting Mercedes to not divorce him. Quinn seemed completely convinced that her plan was perfect and foolproof, but Sam wasn't so sure. Years of experience had taught him that there were no certainties in plotting.

"How is Beth going to make Mercedes want to stay married to me?"

She was cute, but her powers of persuasion were pretty limited without the ability to speak. Though maybe if he got Beth a Speak n Spell, it had worked wonders for him in the hospital. He flirted with Mercedes shamelessly with that thing.

"You have to convince her that being married is best for Beth. She'll do anything for this little girl."

Sam frowned. He didn't like the sound of that idea. "I don't want to use Beth as a tool. I been through that enough in my own life, I'm not subjecting my daughter to that sort of treatment."

He had been tossed back and forth between his parents for years. He was the one card they both liked to repeatedly play.

"It's the only way. If she divorces you, she'll lose temporary custody of Beth. You could take her away from her and never let her see her again and it would be within your rights to do it."

Backhanded comments about Mercedes leaving Beth were one thing, he never meant them, he was just resisting her presence in his life. The truth was he thought her being with Beth was a good thing, she had given his child a stable home when he wasn't able to. Even though he was awake now, he still didn't feel fully equipped to be a full-time dad. He needed Mercedes to stick around and show him the ropes.

"Beth seems to really like Mercedes though, with her is the only home she's ever known. I don't think I want to just rip her away from her."

In all this talk about divorce, he hadn't thought about how it would impact his daughter. Was she still young enough not to notice when Mercedes suddenly disappeared from her life or would she be doing irreparable damage to her psyche? Mercedes was his daughter's whole world whether he liked it or not and Sam wasn't sure if he was willing to take her away from Beth.

"You're not the one ripping her away," Quinn said leaning against his legs. "It's her. She's the one destroying your family. Tell her that."

One of the first things he learned about Mercedes since waking up was that she would do anything for Beth, to keep her happy and safe. It felt wrong to exploit her feelings especially since it was pretty amazing she even cared at all. Not many women would take in a baby conceived outside of their marriage. Accusing her of destroying Beth's family would cut Mercedes deeply. Sam wasn't sure he could stomach deliberately causing her that much pain.

"Quinn I don't know. We don't want Beth in the middle of this."

"This is for our family. Do you want it or not?"

She looked up at him so hopeful. Quinn was counting on him to make this work.

"You know I do," Sam replied.

Everything he ever wanted was in this room. He'd fight to the death for it, but why did it mean he'd have to fight her? Why did his happiness mean Mercedes would end up sad?

"Then Sam you have to be willing to do what it takes to keep us together, because I can't lose you both again. I won't. If you won't talk to Mercedes, then I will. One way or another I'm going to make that girl keep her vows," she said pounding her fist against his leg.

"OK you're getting a little intense there Quinn." Sam grabbed her fist and held it, hoping he could get her to relax.

"I know it seems mean, but I'm desperate." Quinn shifted around to face him, kneeling in front of him. Sam parted his legs so she could move closer. "Seeing you with our daughter, spending just this little bit of time with you guys, I don't want to lose it Sam. I don't want to give any of it up. I need this. I need you."

He couldn't look away, trapped by her eyes. He was practically holding his breath as her hands slid up his thighs. His heart was pounding, like he'd just sprinted a mile, loud in his ears, thumping against his chest. So loud he wondered if Quinn could hear it through his clothes.

"I've been searching for something my whole life, there's always been this empty space inside of me and I thought maybe music, creating a new family with Julian and Puck or falling in love would fill it up, but it didn't, nothing ever worked. But right now, here with you and Beth," she paused, wiping at tears that had started to fall. "I feel totally full inside, complete."

Sam reached out and touched her face, his fingers meeting hers, a clumsy dance on her cheek, as he tried to wipe the tears for her. Quinn smiled at him, as she grabbed his fingers, enclosing them with her own, holding them against her chest, against her heart. Resting her opposite hand against his cheek, she sighed, before she let go, dropping both her hands, his body instantly cooled by the absence of her touch.

Taking a deep breath, she seemed to relax and compose herself, before beginning again. "I know it sounds crazy, but this is what I've been looking for, a family with you. It took hurting people we loved, a terrible accident, and me losing my sanity to find it, but I did and I'm not going back to that emptiness. I can't. I won't do it."

Staring at her, maybe with his mouth hanging open, his face probably bright red, he was stunned. Totally. He wanted to ask her to pause, rewind and play it back because he was pretty sure Quinn Fabray just said he completed her. Which was incredible and unbelievable and had to be a mistake.

Blinking twice just to make sure he hadn't somehow fallen back into a coma and this wasn't some elaborate fantasy playing out in his subconscious. "I don't know what to say." His mouth was probably hanging open again, the ability to speak seemed to have left his brain.

"Did I scare you with all that?" she asked, the uncertainty evident on her face.

Her words were in an echo chamber in his mind, he could see her lips moving, but all he heard was 'here with you and Beth, I feel totally full inside, complete', like the chorus of a bad pop song that was stuck in his head, and he was happily humming along because hell yeah Quinn Fabray wanted him.

"I understand if it was too much or if you don't feel the same way."

Now that he heard, clear like a glass bell. Don't feel the same? Was she kidding? In his mind he won the Super Bowl, spiking the ball, in the end zone doing a bad touchdown dance, and booking a flight to Disney because all his dreams just came true. She wanted him, like really wanted him, for keeps. Sam could hardly believe this was happening. He had waited so long for her to feel even half this much and now she was telling him she felt it all.

"Sam?"

"Sorry." He smiled, snapping himself back to the real world, with her, at his knees, looking sort of shy and absolutely gorgeous. This had to be a dream, but he was going with it for as long as he could. "I'm not scared. It is overwhelming, but in a good way."

He took a deep breath, bolstering his courage to finally let it all out. "I woke up from the coma looking for you, the whole time I was in the hospital I was missing you and my heart fell each time the door opened and it wasn't you coming through it. I know it seemed crazy, and it still feels like three years ago in my mind, but it's all so real to me. Having Beth with you made it all fall into place, a crazy kind of sense, you know? I lost those years, but I found you, and our baby, I found the family I always wanted. And I'm starting to think that all of this is some strange divine interaction, fate maybe, all I know is I was brought back for a reason, because I should have been dead, medically I should not have hung on for all those months in a coma, but somehow I did, and now I know the reason. God brought me back to be with you and Beth."

"Now I don't know what to say," she said eyes shining, smile spreading.

"I do." Sam slid off the bed and onto to the floor next to her. Taking both her hands in his he looked into her eyes. "I love you, and I don't want to lose you, so I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep you safe and free and help you get back to our daughter."

"Even using Beth as a way to get to Mercedes?"

He looked over at his daughter sitting in her seat, trying to catch the stars that dangled in front of her with her mouth. If this all were a dream, he prayed he would never wake up. He would do anything to keep them both close.

"Except that," he replied, turning back to face her with a sad smile. "I can't put our daughter in the middle of this mess. She has to be protected. I can't have her end up a casualty of our twisted games with my father."

"But.." Quinn started.

"Don't worry about it Quinn. I'll handle it. My father will never send you back upstate. I promise."

"Thank you." Quinn wrapped her arms around him tightly, hugging him close, whispering gratitude against his neck.

"You don't have to thank me," he said losing himself in the feel of her hair against his face.

"Yes I do. You're saving my life."

"You saved mine. You brought me back, so I would say we're even."

His instincts had been right. He couldn't tell Quinn everything that was in his mixed up brain, not now, not after all she had just said. Quinn didn't need to hear about the strange pull toward Mercedes, or his growing attachment toward her. Those were his issues to handle on his own. And he would handle them. Nothing was going to come between him and Quinn, not even his own conflicting emotions.

It was all probably just guilt anyway, playing tricks on his mind, making him feel more than he really did, because he did feel terrible that Mercedes was so hurt by him. If there was a way for him to ease her pain and keep his own dreams intact, he'd do it in a heartbeat. But Sam was fairly certain that all the miracles had been used up. He'd come out of a prolonged coma, to find out he had a child, and Quinn's heart. All his wishes had been granted, there just wasn't anything left to give to Mercedes now.

Looked like he'd have to keep running, there was just too much at stake to risk the whole truth. At least this time he was running toward something, a chance at a better life, a family, all the things he ever wanted. Maybe if he ran fast enough and far enough the image of Mercedes' sad brown eyes would vanish from his mind, become just a blur in the horizon, fading softly like the sunset.


	78. Tailspin3 Ch24

**Chapter 24**

Quinn watched him from across the room as she changed Beth's diaper. It had been months since she had taken care of Beth in this way, and she feared she would be rusty and look like an amateur in front of Sam, but she shoved down those thoughts and did it anyway. She was Beth's mother after all. Time to start acting like it. Sam hadn't even given her as much as a sideways glance after he pointed her toward the changing table and the stash of diapers. He remained seated on the bed, clearly lost in thought, twisting his wedding band around his finger. His silence worried Quinn as she imagined all the topics Sam could be contemplating across the room.

It hadn't escaped her attention that Sam's silence coincided with his agreement to try to smooth things over with Mercedes. Maybe he wasn't as okay with the plan as he had indicated. He would essentially be giving up his freedom for months just so she could have hers. That was a lot to ask, perhaps too much. She was just as bad as Dwight forcing Sam's hand, getting him to remain in a situation he didn't want to be in just for her own selfish gains. That's not what she wanted for him, she didn't want Sam to have escaped from the prison of his hospital bed, only to be thrust in a different type of jail cell. She loved him too much to make him suffer in that way.

"Sam I hope you're not doing this out of any sense of obligation. If you don't want to stay married you don't have to."

The last thing she wanted was to be was a burden to him. He already had Beth to worry about, he didn't need to have to feel responsible for her too. There had to be another way to remain in Lima without involving Sam.

"My father will send you back upstate. I can't let that happen," he said without looking up, his focus still on his platinum wedding band.

"Might be where I belong." She took a seat beside him on the bed, settling Beth on her lap. "I was afraid to hold my own baby."

"But look at you now." He smiled, grabbing one of Beth's feet and tickling it, causing the baby to squirm in her lap. "You slid right back into motherhood."

"Because you're here," Quinn said quietly just taking it all in. Sam and Beth interacting made her so happy, warming her from within, like internal sunshine. Amazing how such a simple act, could touch her so deeply.

"If I helped then I'm glad, but something tells me you could've done this on your own."

"Thanks for being so understanding. I was worried about what you might think of me, seeing me like this, hearing what I've done."

Anxiety still clouded her mood as she wondered about all that Sam hadn't said. Was he secretly horrified by all that she had told him before? Was he just pretending to understand so she wouldn't get upset? Quinn tried to dismiss those doubts, Sam had always been honest and direct with her. If something were bothering him he would have said so by now, and while he seemed to be handling the details of her PPD fairly well, she couldn't help but wonder how he would deal with the rest.

"I think you're an amazing woman, after everything you've been through you're still here fighting your way back to your life. Most people would've given up by now. Do you realize how strong you are?"

Was he being for real? Sam always managed to see more in her than what was really there. Quinn used to think he filled in all her blank spots with things he wanted her to have, making her the person he wanted her to be. She never was quite sure if he actually saw the real her or if he was distracted by the image of her that he created. In high school she was desperate to live up to how he saw her, to be the girl he wanted, but now she was too weary to pretend, to stretch beyond the here and now to fulfill someone else's fantasy. She was just trying to survive, trying to feel, to make it through the day without breaking. Quinn hoped that Sam could find a way to love this version of her, the real her she'd become after years of bottled pain and disappointment. He accepted her before, when they were friends in love with other people, he'd taken her bruised and battered, and cared about her just as she was. Could he do that again? Or did he only want the Quinn he remembered from years ago?

Taking the risk she decided to let him in, let him see the real her. "It's all an act. Inside I feel like I could collapse. I'm just trying to keep my head above water." She released the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. It felt good to let down another wall, to admit that she wasn't perfect, that she wasn't 100 percent.

"Remember that summer when I taught you how to swim? Do you remember what I used to tell you when you were scared?"

"You told me to lean on you, and that you'd never let me drown."

It had been so hard to trust him then. She had never let anyone that close, to see behind her mask, to glimpse her fear so apparently, but Sam had persisted with his open smiles and eager eyes.

"That's right and by the end of the summer you didn't need me anymore. You could swim all on your own."

Sam had taught her so much more than how to swim that summer, he taught her that it was safe to open up, to let people in, to forge new friendships and to risk revealing herself so that she might experience a whole new world. Living solely inside her head, nestled safely with her songs and dreams became a thing of the past as she made friends and found a family.

"I still needed you. I didn't like to be in the water alone."

"Lean on me now Quinn, just like when we were swimming. Any time things feel too hard or you want to collapse, you hold on to me. Okay? Let me carry you for a while."

It would be so easy to fall into his welcoming arms, to let him handle things, fix all that was wrong in her life, but she couldn't. Some things only she had the power to fix, like what was broken inside of her, what kept her still detached from her daughter even as she sat in her lap. Sam's love wasn't enough to fix all of those things, she had to find a way to forgive herself and start to heal. Although somehow just knowing he was there, surrounding her with support and understanding made her road ahead seem a little less daunting. She knew she had to travel it alone, Dr. Hill had made it clear that finding a way to love herself was an inside job, but knowing that someone else in the world found her worthy enough to love, even after all she had done, made her feel a little better, gave her the strength to look for the good inside herself.

"I don't want you to destroy your life for me. Nine months is a long time to sacrifice. Are you really okay with staying married that long?" she asked again. She wanted him to be sure that the choice he was making was truly his own.

"Nine months is nothing. I'd give up ninety years for you. I'm so happy right now." He grinned. "It's like my birthday came a day early. You've given me the best gift."

"I didn't give you anything."

"Yes you did. All wrapped up in this pretty red package." He ran his hand through her hair, lingering to caress her head. Quinn instinctively leaned into his touch, relishing the contact. "You gave me your heart and I'm holding it next to mine forever."

Quinn had been promised a lifetime before. Puck, and Mike all had pledged their devotion for the long term. Yet each one of them faded from her life, taking their promises of permanence with them. Love was fleeting in Quinn's world. She believed that she had to hold on to it while she could, because it would be gone before she knew it. Even Beth's love had seemed short term, her baby only liking her for a few shorts weeks of her life before she turned on her and sought out other options. Her parents were no better, of course they claimed to love her, but where were they when she was at her worst? Now when she had nothing but a shattered reputation and unbearable guilt, they weren't pushing their way into her life as they used to, when she was still golden, still untarnished with a life of possibility before her. They remained on the sidelines out of view, as if they were embarrassed to even claim her as their own. Not that Quinn blamed them, she wouldn't be quick to jump into the spotlight and support someone that did what she has done either. But weren't parents supposed to love unconditionally? Aren't they supposed to love her no matter the depths she had fallen?

"I love the sound of forever. Even if it lasts for only one day, I will never forget this feeling. We are a family."

Sam's promise of forever she could trust. Over ten years he had stuck by her, never letting her go, even when she probably deserved to be. If ever there were a love that was true, it was Sam's. Quinn had felt it even when he was focused on loving someone else. His love for her might have changed over the years, ebbing and flowing like waves against the shore, but it never went away, not completely. She could question everything else in this life, but not that, never that, Sam would always love her. She could feel it now more than ever, with a certainty that grew each time he looked into her eyes. It had been there when they were at the Beacon and it still was there now. Love. Undeniable and so clear.

"Yes we are, and nothing will ever change that," he said taking her hand and holding it.

Lulled by the green of his eyes, drifting deeper into them as he never looked away, she could see him at sixteen, his skin glistening in the water teaching her to swim, his hands holding her just as they were now, so strong and steady. Love so present and real coursing through her like life, like her essence. Is this what a soul stirring emotion felt like? When people described a soul mate did they feel like this? Quinn struggled to remember a time when she didn't feel this way. The boy he used to be, the man he became, the person he was sitting next to her now all melded together in her heart, forming one infallible truth that had been building within her for the past year, perhaps longer. She loved him and she had to tell him. Say the words, for once, for always, to voice those feelings that had been a part of her since high school, surfacing in gesture but never blatantly said. She had to let him know. Right now.

"Sam I need to tell you something," she said suddenly.

"Something important?" he asked raising one eyebrow.

"I think so. I've been feeling a certain way for a while now, but I never could get it out, you know work up the nerve to say it." She was starting to ramble something she rarely did. Usually her words were chosen with such care, precise and planned like most of her actions, but postpartum depression had changed that. Her mind was now filled with words and emotions she couldn't control.

Sam lifted Beth from her lap and placed her back in her baby seat, before turning to face her with a more serious expression on his face. "Is this about Beth?"

Tucking her hair behind both ears, she took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing nerves. "No, it is about Beth's dad, about how I feel about him."

"How do you feel about Beth's dad? I have it on pretty good authority that he'd like to know."

"He would?"

"Yes, he's all anxious about it." Sam smiled. "His heart's pumping so fast and his palms are sweaty, like a kid on prom night," he said poking her gently in her side.

Quinn tried to relax and fall into Sam's playful mood, but she couldn't. She felt like she had the first time she ever sang in front of an audience, thirteen, at a school talent show and she was petrified. Her tongue had felt like cotton that night, the notes clogged her throat as she started to sing. Only faith and possibly a miracle had pulled her through, because somehow she managed to perform.

"Sam I…I..." She stammered, willing the tears in her eyes not to fall. This was so ridiculous. It was just Sam, a man she'd known for years. Quinn could tell him anything, so why not this? "Why is this so hard?" she asked under her breath, staring down at her lap.

"You don't have to tell me now," he said lifting her chin. "We've got forever remember?"

She shook her head determined to tell him the truth, her reason for coming to see him tonight. "Now is the perfect time."

"Okay go for it." He smiled, folding his hands in his lap.

"Well I just…" She fumbled, the words getting stuck in her mouth. The syllables danced on the tip of her tongue, but would not take form. "Well first off I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday." Not exactly what she meant to say, but it was a start.

"It's not until tomorrow."

"I wanted to be the first to say it," she said patting him on the shoulder, praying he didn't think she was a complete idiot.

He took her hand from his shoulder, and held it, squeezing it slightly. "Thank you. What was the other thing? You seem like you want to say something more."

"Oh," she said and nothing more. Sam watched her, leaning forward expectantly, and Quinn started to panic. A cold sweat was imminent and the butterflies had hatched in her stomach. This was it. Sam was waiting to hear something big and she couldn't deliver.

"Quinn? Are you okay?"

"Of course, yeah, why wouldn't I be?" She spoke quickly trying to play off her uneasiness. "I hope you have a great day and all your wishes come true," she added, faking a smile. Inside she was yelling at herself. This was her chance and she blew it. Why was it so hard to tell him what was in her heart?

"I think that's covered already. Pretty close to cloud nine as I can get."

"Now that we've settled that, I'd better be going," she said rising to her feet.

"You just got here." He stood in front of her, blocking her escape.

Quinn turned to leave. "I can't risk getting caught being with Beth."

"Okay." He agreed, catching her by the hand and pulling her back toward him. "We probably should be careful, but I want to see you tonight."

"Santana and I had planned a sleepover."

"I'm sure Santana would understand that you'd rather be sleeping over with me," he said stepping closer.

"I'm not the type to just ditch my girlfriend for some guy."

"I think we both know I'm not just some guy." Sam ran his hands down her bare arms. Quinn shivered as his fingers grazed her skin, her eyes closing as she imagined his hands other places. "Quinn?" He said her name low and sexy by her ear.

"Yeah," she murmured, so caught up in her thoughts she had yet to open her eyes.

"Can I come over?" he asked her again, the warmth of his breath tickling her skin as he spoke.

Oh my God, she screamed in her mind. Sam was on top of her, his hard body pressed against hers, his lips blazing a trail from her throat, down her chest, leisurely swirling circles on her stomach with his tongue. He dipped into her navel and then paused, looking up at her, a smile on his face. She arched her back, subtly trying to urge him closer, to prompt him to continue covering her body with kisses. Satisfied as his lips once again touched her skin, she moaned. Was that out loud? Her eyes snapped open to find Sam inches from her face, staring at her with a smile.

"I don't know," she replied trying to pull herself together. The visions in her mind had been so vivid, part memories from the night before, part fantasies of what she wished would come. "I'll have to think about it."

"Liar, you've already said 'yes' in your head."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Pretty confident Evans."

"That I am. I'm Beth's dad, the one you feel a certain way about."

"Are you making fun of me?" She hit at him playfully. Leave it to Sam to sense her discomfort and tease her about it. He had this way of making her lighten up, even in her darkest times.

"Never," he said catching her hand mid assault and putting it over his shoulder. "So I guess I'll see you later?" he asked dropping his voice and pulling her flush against him. Quinn put her other arm over his shoulder, enjoying their close proximity.

"We really shouldn't. You need to work on getting your marriage on track, being a model husband. We have to stay focused and be strong," she said attempting to convince herself that being alone with Sam in a hotel would be all kinds of wrong. Although as he rubbed circles on her back, slow and rhythmic, while every part of his body touched hers, she couldn't quite remember why.

"I couldn't agree more," he said stepping back. "I want to stay focused. You're right. I'll try to find a way to spend time with my wife tonight. Do you think I should ask her out to dinner?"

"I don't want you to do that," she answered quickly, already missing their closeness from minutes before.

"But you just said…"

"I changed my mind. I'm a woman. I'm allowed."

"Okay, so does this mean I'm coming over?" he asked grinning like he won a prize.

"No."

"No?" Still with the grin. Quinn wanted to kiss that smile off his face.

"No you can't come over. It would be wrong."

So very wrong no matter how good it would feel to be alone with those lips, those hands, and all the things Sam could do to her body. No she couldn't let her mind go there again. She willed herself to think of something unsexy like back hair, the orderly with the gold tooth at the mental hospital, Dwight Evans in a hot tub, anything to help her mind crawl out of the gutter.

"Quinn you're making my head hurt," he said taking a seat on the bed.

"I'm sorry. Strong and focused is the plan. Let's stick to that."

"Ok then I guess I need to get ready for some serious begging because Mercedes wants nothing to do with me. I don't know if she'll even talk to me about Beth or anything else at this point."

"I'm sure you'll find a way."

"Maybe I'll take your advice and use the lips, turn up the charm." Sam smiled brightly, exposing the deep creases and dimple in his cheeks.

Her stomach did a little flip flop at the sight. "No that's a bad idea."

"But you said earlier…"

"I know what I said, but I don't want you to do it."

"Are we back to going in circles again?"

"Ugh I hate this. I know you have to make nice with her, but I don't like it. I feel like I'm turning you into a manwhore."

Sam smirked but Quinn couldn't find anything about this amusing. She was pushing Sam toward another woman. Every part of her found something wrong with that. She wanted him all to herself, to be the one he spent time with, the one he held and kissed, the one he loved. In a way she was that person to him already. Sam had made it clear he had deep feelings for her, and that was so nice to hear. To finally have someone that loved and wanted her, after feeling alone for so long. Abandoned by Puck, emotionally detached from Beth and her parents, it felt like nothing would ever break through the emptiness that existed inside of her. Then along came Sam, swooping in with his love and support, making everything better, bringing the light slowly back into her life. Quinn loved him most of all for that, for being her constant, her hero. She knew no one would ever love her the way Sam did.

He was a godsend in her life, now, before the accident, during her breakup with Puck, back in high school, he'd seen her through it all and she would be ever grateful. But had she been the same type of presence for him? Had her friendship over the years carried him through the dark times and sustained him during periods of loneliness? Quinn wasn't sure. She feared her self-centeredness over the years had allowed her to reap the benefits of having Sam in her life without ever giving him much in return.

She caught a glimpse of his wedding band, bold and shiny out of the corner of her eye and her gut twisted. The reason why she held back saying those three little words to him was in clear view. Sam wasn't hers to love. Some fluke side effect of his coma had given her another chance to be with Sam, to start over, to love him the way he deserved this time. She truly believed this was a sign from God, as did he. But would God really approve of their methods? Would he want them to blindly follow their hearts, forsaking Mercedes' feelings just so they could find their own happiness?

What about the life Sam wanted before the accident? Quinn knew in excruciating detail how much Sam wanted his marriage to work. Was it fair for her to get in the way of the life he used to want? If it were only about Mercedes, maybe this would be easier, Quinn didn't have much concern for the girl, not after all the ways her actions had messed up her life. But this wasn't only about Mercedes, Sam's feelings had to be considered as well. He didn't remember it now, but before his accident Mercedes meant the world to him. Quinn just couldn't ignore that and dive into a relationship with him. Could she? Sam was telling her that he wanted her to be his future, that they were the final destination in all of this, but would he still feel the same if his memory returned? Would he end up resenting the choices he made or worse yet resenting her?

"Hey," he said suddenly standing in front of her. He gently kissed her forehead. "I'm doing what I have to do. It's for our future right?"

Maybe she was over thinking things, making it all too complicated. Sam loved her, she loved him and Mercedes was letting him go. Even without the accident this would have been the case. Mercedes had filed for divorce, their marriage had essentially come to an end last year. This shift in their dynamic might have been inevitable, especially once it was discovered Beth was their child.

"Right," she agreed, relaxing a little.

"I think I can handle sweet talking Mercedes for a bit to make sure we get our shot."

"Sounds good, but no kissing."

Knowing that Sam had kissed Mercedes earlier in the night bothered Quinn far more than she would ever admit. She knew he had kissed her and then some before, but that was back when he was in the hospital, almost felt like a lifetime ago. Things had changed since then. He'd come to get her upstate, they spent the night together. There were promises made, real and implied. Even though she had urged him to go home and face Mercedes she thought what they had shared meant something to him, that he wouldn't be able to just jump back into his life with Mercedes without any difficulty. Yet Sam seemed to be able to switch between the two of them with ease.

To make matters worse he hadn't even tried to kiss her all night. He had flirted and playfully nipped at her neck but that wasn't real, it wasn't about emotion. It was just Sam being Sam. Last night at the Holiday Inn he couldn't keep his hands off of her, but now he was keeping a respectful distance. Usually that would've been nice, it gets tiresome continuously being pawed, but tonight Quinn couldn't help but wonder if something more were at play. If maybe his distance was less about respect and more about the wife he just kissed.

"Okay. I'm cool with that. But mind telling me why the change? Before you were all any means necessary."

"I still am. Any means that doesn't involve your lips or any other body parts."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "Uh huh."

"Don't look at me like that."

"How am I looking at you?"

"All smug with that sexy crooked grin, stop that."

"I have no idea what you mean. I'm just trying to keep up with your ever changing game plan."

"The plan hasn't changed. Play nice to convince her, just don't touch her while doing it."

She must seem like a complete flake. One minute telling him to seduce Mercedes the next telling him to keep his hands off. She was starting to annoy herself with all the back and forth.

"What if she needs some softening up? She is pretty mad at me."

Sam definitely had a talent for being hard to resist. Quinn was sure that not even Mercedes with her stubborn streak and wounded pride could ignore him once he pulled out all the stops. And Quinn knew all his moves firsthand that was the problem. She knew full well just what seducing Mercedes would entail and she didn't like it.

"Tell her a poem. That used to work on me in high school." Sam was the sweetest boy back then reciting her poetry on a whim, or whenever he couldn't find his own words to express himself.

"I don't think so. Some things are sacred."

Their eyes locked and Sam gave her a knowing smile. He was right there with her transported back to their youth. So many nights she spent in his arms listening to him recite Keats, or Shelley, sometimes Pope, serenading her with their beautiful words.

"Show her the stars then," she suggested halfheartedly.

She'd lost focus of their task, thinking of ways to placate Mercedes, she was still adrift under the stars with him. That sweet boy had become an incredible man, her constant source of strength and love. Just didn't seem right to be plotting ways for him to romance someone else. Quinn wanted all that sweetness for herself.

He shook his head. "I only do that with you, besides Mercedes needs a more hands on approach I think, full seduction and definitely the lips."

He paced in front of her hand cupping his chin, as if he were in deep thought. Quinn knew better he was doing this for her benefit. Sam was totally playing with her now, getting far too much pleasure from watching her squirm.

"You suck so bad."

"Sucking, that might work on her too." He stopped in front of her. "Right here maybe." His finger trailed along the column of her throat. "Then on her neck, then moving on up to her earlobe like this." He had barely touched her and her body was already starting to warm. If he kept it up she knew she would crack, probably do something completely inappropriate like throw him on the bed and have her way with him.

"Fine you win," she said jerking away from his sexy finger. "I'm jealous."

"Really? I thought you said it was no big deal."

"The thought of you touching her or kissing her is making me crazy. I don't want you to be with her like that."

Jealousy was like an infection, left untreated it spread until it consumed everything. Quinn wasn't sure of the exact day she knew she was jealous of Mercedes, she supposed it had started gradually when Sam announced their engagement and built from there. Those feelings were just petty, worries about not getting to see him as often now that he was taken, fears that their friendship would change, and the ever present threat of being replaced in his heart. But those thoughts were manageable, persistent yet tolerable, like the dull throb after stubbing a toe. Everyday stuff that comes with being an ex, that little bit of possessiveness that never seems to fade.

With Mercedes it was different because he was different with her. She had changed him in small yet noticeable ways. Quinn couldn't pinpoint the exact changes, she didn't want to focus on his relationship in that much detail, but even not knowing specifics didn't change the full effect. Mercedes made Sam happy. Happy in a way she had never truly seen him before. His eyes sparkled around her, his smile was brighter, his laugh louder. He was at ease, content, fulfilled, all because some unusual girl with too much energy, and a penchant for clumsiness came into his life. She had bewitched him somehow. No one had ever expected it to happen, but she did, capturing his heart and keeping it, maybe even now. Quinn couldn't forget his admission earlier, that he had kissed her and that he wanted to do it. What was it about Mercedes that made him so attracted even when he had no memory of her in his life?

"Why not?"

"Because I want you to be like that with me."

It wasn't even about flirtation or sex, not really. She knew she and Sam were great together in that way, their passion had survived a decade and showed no signs of fading. What she wanted more than anything was to be his source of joy, to be the one person in his life he could look at and instantly feel better. She wanted to make him smile, so full and wide that his eyes disappeared into his face, and his dimples got so deep she could stick her fingers in them. That was the one thing she had never really done with him, made him truly happy. Break his heart, make him mad, disappoint and degrade his esteem, guilty, she'd done all of that. But bring him true happiness, in the way that Mercedes seemed to have, that she never did. And now that was all she wanted to do.

"Now was that so hard to admit?" he asked wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly.

"Yes and embarrassing," Quinn said against his shoulder. She nestled closer to him, soaking up every bit of that hug.

"This is us. You and me," he said capturing her face in his hands. "Never be embarrassed about how you feel, about anything."

"Even if it is wrong to feel it?"

Selfish thoughts warred with what she always believed was right, that love was hallowed, that a marriage shouldn't be violated by outside forces. All the tenets in the bible she held so firmly, the laws she had chosen to live by, the rules that shaped her moral code, even if she didn't always quite manage to follow them, she believed them. And to do this with Sam, to pursue him when he wasn't free, just felt like she was ignoring all she held true. She should be helping Sam reconnect with Mercedes, not be the person that was keeping them apart.

"Love is never wrong."

He sounded so certain. She wanted to believe him, to defy the contradictions in her heart that held her back from openly expressing her feelings.

Sam picked up Beth from her chair, holding her with one arm, while beckoning Quinn closer with the other. "Look at our daughter."

"She's beautiful," she said stepping into Sam's open embrace. The only good thing she'd ever done was watching her with wide green eyes. Quinn blinked back the tears as she silently vowed to make things right for Beth, to be a better mom, to make up for all her mistakes.

"Yes she is, and we love her and that's not wrong."

"No it's not." She kissed Beth's chubby cheek, and then caressed her little chin. A gummy smile graced her face and the tears Quinn had tried so hard to stifle fell one by one. Her baby was smiling at her, just as she did in so many of her dreams.

"Doesn't matter how complicated things are right now or how many obstacles are in our way, how we feel isn't wrong. I love you." Sam kissed Beth's forehead. "And I love you." He turned and kissed Quinn's head as well.

It was the three of them. Mercedes could never get in the way of that. Silly of her to think otherwise, to foolishly believe she had no right to love Sam, when she absolutely did. She didn't need a wedding ring to give her permission, he had already given it years ago, whispered under the stars, etched in the bark of an old oak tree, reflecting in his eyes every time he looked in her direction. His love withstood heartbreak, betrayal, bitter disappointments and her fears. It laid in wait, poised for the day when she'd be ready to return it. Finally she wanted to step forward and claim what was hers, what he had given so freely all those years before. She would make him happier than he'd ever been, making up for all the pain she caused him before. This time things would be better, they'd be right, because this was their second chance, and Quinn had no plans on wasting it. His heart was hers and this time she was going to keep it.

"Sam," she said almost in a whisper, looking into his deep blue eyes. "I want you to come over." He drew in a breath, flicking his tongue over his lips, before giving her a crooked grin.

To hell with being strong she wanted to feel those lips, full and soft against her own. Fingertips on his mouth, tracing the path her lips would take, only the slightest hesitation and then she gave in, her eyes closing as she leaned up and kissed him. Soft and sweet, her lips dancing across his, a smile on her face as she felt him relax, rubbing the back of her head, urging her closer. So she kissed him harder, thorough and complete, hoping he would feel all that she couldn't say in this one kiss. Because this was love. Unspoken but still true. And as he smiled against her lips, whispering I love you like a promise, Quinn knew he felt it too.


	79. Tailspin3 Ch25

**Chapter 25**

Her fingers dug into his shoulder, hard pressure that matched the intensity of their kisses. There was no getting enough of her now, everything about her urged him closer, pulled him into her space. She wanted him, truly, finally, shifting his view, his core. Quinn Fabray was his and she reminded him of that fact with every dip of her tongue, every caress of her lips. Deliciously sweet, he never wanted to stop, kissing her for days, letting the world melt away.

"Oh no. No. No. No! You better back away from my son or I'm calling the cops."

"Mom? What are you doing here?" asked Sam stepping back from Quinn instinctively.

"I came to see my son. Do I need a reason?" she asked leaning in the doorway, in a fitted deep blue dress that matched the color of her eyes.

"I just wasn't expecting you." Beth placed her hand on Sam's cheek, cold and wet, soaked with drool, the final step in cooling his heated passion from moments before.

"Clearly. Have you lost your mind? You're kissing that tramp and your wife is right downstairs. You had the door wide open."

"It just sort of happened," he offered weakly.

"Do you think I believe that? You used that same excuse to explain how Beth was conceived. I'm so disappointed in you right now."

He felt like he was 15 getting caught with a girl in his room. No matter how old he got his mom still had this way of making him feel like a kid, usually that annoyed him but right now it was nice. He thought back to what Puck had told him about the breast cancer, how she was so close to death. Being scolded by his mother, even if were almost 30 was like music to his ears.

Sam could no longer contain his emotions, walking over to his mother and wrapping his arm around her, a nice hug, not as long as he would've liked because Beth was in his arms making it awkward, but it was good to have her close.

"What's all this about?" she asked hugging him back.

"Oh nothing. Just glad to see you. Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine sweetie, except for the bad taste in my mouth from being stuck in the same room with Quinn."

"Sue can't we at least be civil for Sam's sake."

"I am being civil. My first instinct was to grab you by the hair and toss you down the stairs."

"Mom please! You promised. She's Beth's mother."

"No she's Beth's incubator. Beth's mother is downstairs and all of us in this room know that."

Quinn took a small step back as if his mother's words had physically knocked her off balance. She quickly recovered her composure, but Sam had seen it. Quinn was hurt.

Keeping the peace was not something he was good at. He was more inclined to jump in and join the fray, blame it on his temper, but this was a volatile subject and he didn't have much choice but to play the diplomat.

"Mercedes has been very good with her I do agree, but she is not a replacement for Quinn."

"She's my baby Sue. There's nothing you can do to change that," Quinn said, holding her head high, even with her eyes shining with tears.

Sam couldn't help but smile a little, nothing had changed, Quinn was still standing up to his mother. It was nice to see she hadn't lost that last bit of spunk, despite all she had been through recently.

"I might not be able to change her biology but I definitely can keep you from destroying her life. You do know she's not supposed to be around the girl don't you Sam?"

"Yes I do. This was just a short visit, in the safety of our home. I'm sure no one here will alert the authorities about this." Sam feared no one in the house. All the staff knew better than to cross him or do anything disloyal to the family.

"Does Mercedes know Quinn's here?" asked Sue.

"Not exactly." After the way Mercedes had reacted to the photo him and Quinn, he wasn't looking forward to telling her this news.

"So you didn't take my advice and talk to her before going upstate? No wait," she said holding up her hand, displaying a huge diamond ring on her finger. "Don't answer that I'm staying out of it just as I told you I would."

"Thank you."

Good. He really didn't want to get into a discussion about communicating with his wife in front of Quinn. She might have been encouraging him to stay married for the sake of his father's deal, but he knew that his marital status bothered Quinn far more than she let on.

Sue flipped her blond hair and put her hand on her hip. "But I will say this…"

"Well that lasted all of two seconds," said Quinn under her breath.

"You are making some huge mistakes right now Sam. You can't play when it comes with Beth, the courts can take her from you too."

Sam looked down at his child in his arms, quietly sucking on her fist, and his chest tightened. He hadn't actually thought of that. He was so consumed by the happiness of having a baby, a child that was indisputably his, that he hadn't considered all the realities of the situation. With Quinn being stripped of her parental rights, Beth had no one but him to rely on. Well Beth had Mercedes too, but as far as biological parents went, he was currently it. Suddenly Sam felt the enormity of that position, and it made him more than a little uneasy. Not because he didn't want to be a dad, that was a role he definitely wanted, but because now his every move mattered, his every choice counted double. He wasn't just thinking for himself anymore, he was thinking for two now, and if he were completely honest, it was more like he was thinking for three. Mercedes was legally bound to him, his choices impacted her as well. Mercedes was his spouse, they both were responsible for Beth's care. What if someone reported Quinn to CPS for being here tonight? His mom was right, they all could lose Beth.

"I promise this won't happen again. It's by the books from now on. Right Quinn?" It had to be, he couldn't risk losing his child.

"Yes. I will follow all the rules," agreed Quinn with a nod of her head.

She looked anxious, far more jittery than she had had all night, maybe she was thinking the same things he was, that their actions had such huge consequences now. He grabbed her hand and squeezed, partly for her, but more so for himself. Life was feeling pretty heavy and he needed to know she was still with him, still by his side. If he had her, he could do anything. She looked over at him and smiled, her eyes saying so much. They didn't need words, he knew, she was with him, they were in this together. Always.

His mom seemed satisfied with their responses and let the matter drop. Another hurdle cleared, about a thousand more to go.

"Okay come to Grandma Sue little princess Beth," said Sue taking Beth from Sam. "And we'll go downstairs and have so much fun. Yes we will." Sue looked up and finally addressed them. "I'm going now, but you keep your hands off my son. You hear me."

"Mom!"

Sue turned to leave, but paused when she spotted something in the room. "Oh you're using the baby seat I gave her."

Sam turned to look at the chair. "Yep, Marcel said she really likes it."

"I'm glad it's getting used Mercedes keeps it here in the closet, ungrateful girl."

"I don't think it has anything to do with the gift Marcel said…"

"I don't need you to explain things to me," snapped Sue. "I'm a mother I know what it's like to be scared and overprotective. When you and Mike were little I used to sometimes make you both sleep in the bed with me, where I could watch you and make sure you were safe. Don't explain it to me, explain it to her." She pointed at Quinn. "She's the one that doesn't have a maternal bone in her body."

"And you're mother of the year?" Quinn's face flushed with anger. "You ruin your kids' lives always interfering."

Sue stepped closer to Quinn, her voice rising. "I am involved and present. I care, so I don't want to see them hurt, sometimes I step in to pull them out of harm's way. That's what parents do. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you Quinn?"

"I know I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to get better."

"How? By breaking out of the mental hospital and mauling my son?" Sue snickered.

"Quinn didn't break out," Sam said finally speaking up. He had felt like he was at a tennis match, watching his mom and Quinn go at it, except instead of rackets they had flamethrowers. "I had her released."

"I take it you were apprised of her full history before you decided to bribe some judge for her freedom?"

"Her doctor agrees that she didn't need to be in that hospital."

"She needs to be in jail."

Tears were running down Quinn's face and Sam was having a hard time controlling his temper. He didn't want to yell at his mother, not after hearing he almost lost her to cancer, but she was coming after Quinn and he couldn't let that happen. Causing Quinn pain was crossing the line, hurting her was like hurting him. They were linked. It was time his mom realized that.

"For what? Drinking too much and being depressed?" asked Sam stepping in front of his mom so she couldn't see Quinn anymore. "Remember when I came back from Afghanistan and found out Brittany was gone?"

"Sam this is not the same."

"Yes it is. I lost myself for a while too, but your love and support helped to bring me back. That's all I'm trying to do for Quinn. Can't you see how much I care about her?"

Sue wiped at the tears that had started to fall. "Oh baby, that heart of yours always gets you into such trouble."

"You don't have to worry about me mom. Quinn and I have talked. We are on the same page about everything. I support her and she supports me. Be happy for us." He rubbed his mother's shoulder silently pleading with her to understand, for once to allow herself to see all the good in Quinn.

"You don't know, do you?" asked Sue.

"I don't know what?" Sam looked back at Quinn to see if she could offer any hints about what had his mother so upset. Quinn said nothing, just turned her head and stared off at some unknown object on the wall. Sam couldn't really blame her. He would've tried to avoid this conversation with his mother too if he could. "What don't I know mom?"

"You don't know the truth." She was crying in earnest now, her face wet from her tears. "That bitch abandoned your daughter."

"Sam, don't listen to her. Your mother hates me," said Quinn rushing to his side. She grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at her. Fear was all over her face, like a dark mask over her usually bright features, her lips trembled, and tears ran down her cheeks.

"Damn right I hate you," Sue hissed. "My grandchild could've died!"

In what seemed like an instant everything in the room grew murky, the air thick like sludge. Quinn and his mother faded into the background as the room shifted into someplace else. Then growing louder in the distance, like an echo down a long hall, he could hear his daughter crying, loud angry screams, cries for help swallowed by the darkness. Sam tried to move, to chase the screams into the dark, to save his little girl, but he was stuck, his feet plastered to the ground. He started to panic, his heart pounding a hole in his chest, rhythmic, a steady familiar beat, like a song he used to know.

Sam squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to end this waking dream and come back to his senses. Eyes closed, it all stopped. Gone were the screams and choking air, but in the distance that thumping beat remained. It sounded sort of like music.

What the hell was going on?


	80. Tailspin3 Ch26

**Chapter 26 **

"The house is swarming with people," announced Will when he entered the kitchen.

"I guess we can call the party a roaring success. Kurt will be thrilled," Mercedes replied between bites of some ambiguous looking pasta. It was creamy, maybe alfredo, Mercedes wasn't sure. It tasted like everything else on her plate – warm.

"You do realize that Sam isn't even downstairs yet?"

Mercedes didn't have to look up to know the expression on her brother-in-law's face – half smiling and half shocked. It was usually the precursor to his angry face. That one was less pleasant, he too inherited the Evans temper.

Blissfully alone, only the dull thump of the subwoofer permeating the space as she sat at the kitchen counter devouring her food at a frenzied pace, like she hadn't eaten in days, and maybe she hadn't, she couldn't recall. Mercedes tried to keep her focus on the plate and not on the miserable state of her life. Easier said than done when all her mind wanted to do was relive each horrible moment in slow motion.

She had entered the living room earlier, sniffling back tears, her lips still stinging from Sam's kisses. Puck remained flanked at her side, holding her tightly around the waist, like he was scared to let her go, as if she might crumble without his support. He might have been right, she hadn't felt very stable, a little dizzy, and her vision blurred. Not blurred enough to block out their faces, his family staring back at her, expecting explanations, silently wondering why Sam had yet to appear. Eyes trained on the 'Happy Birthday Sam' banner, digital not paper, because Kurt insisted, she told them in a remarkably steady voice that she and Sam were done. Then she walked out.

"Really?" Mercedes bit into a biscuit. "I did not know that."

"Well he's not and you let all the people in, you cut into his cake, the band is playing. I think we can pretty much forget the element of surprise."

The band was her first stop, giving them the green light to play, loud and hard. If the fixtures didn't rattle then they weren't doing it right. Then onto the food, the buffet turned out perfectly, exactly as she and Kurt had planned. Even the ice sculptures carved into shapes of Celtic mythological creatures she couldn't identify looked great. Kurt was right, leprechauns and water horses did look nice nestled among the food. Mercedes made herself a plate piling it high with all of Sam's favorites. So what if she messed up the presentation before Sam or any of the guests got to see it, she was hungry.

"No longer my problem. If you want Sam to attend this party go get him yourself I'm not involved."

"But you planned this thing with Kurt. You're the host."

"Kurt can handle it alone. He loves to run things. He gets a high from the power. I'm going to finish my food and then I'm heading home."

"Typical I should have expected this from you," said Emma appearing seemingly out of thin air. "You always manage to cause trouble and screw things up. I knew you couldn't be trusted to give Sam a special birthday. Why did I let myself believe you had changed?"

"Why did I let myself believe Sam could be faithful? So many unanswered questions, so little time," she replied blandly as she pushed her plate aside. So much for being alone.

"Mercedes I know that picture looks bad, but we need to hear Sam's side of things," said Will, trying to make something so awful, sound reasonable.

Puck must have filled them in. Wonderful. Now there was an even bigger audience for her humiliation.

"I've heard more than enough from him Will. He's made his choice, and I've made mine. We're getting a divorce. Mazel tov." She raised her glass in his direction.

The bar was another stop on her misery tour of the house, taking the time to order herself an Amaretto sour, heavy on the sour, like her mood.

"Willie Bear can you do me a favor and take some milk to the kids? They are going to need it after eating all that cake." Emma eyed the large slice of plastic wrapped cake on the counter, a dark sinister stare, as if the cake were made of lead instead of chocolaty goodness.

Mercedes grabbed three plastic cups from the cabinet and filled them all halfway with milk. She still had the gallon container out from when she had filled up a glass earlier.

"Sure thing my sweetheart. You coming?"

Mercedes rolled her eyes as she put the gallon of milk and the cake slice away. Will and Emma made her gag with their cutesy little pet names. They were like fifty shouldn't they be past that lovey dovey stage by now? Sam never had any special names for her, and they were newlyweds. They weren't the corny types. He did sometimes call her 'baby' or 'honey' but those were generic, he probably called all his women that at some point. Since coming out of his coma, she had noticed that Sam had started calling her 'his nurse' or 'little nurse', that could possibly be a pet name of sorts, but more likely it was just something he said because he couldn't remember her real name.

"In a minute, just want to get some things straight with Mercedes first." Emma shot Mercedes a look.

Let the fun begin, one on one with Emma Schuester. She might need another drink for this.

"Okaaay," said Will drawing out the word. He quickly hugged Mercedes around the shoulders before grabbing the cups of milk and leaving the room.

"All alone with judgy Emma," said Mercedes once Will was out of earshot. "Are you going to lecture me for giving the twins cavities?"

"Why couldn't you just suck it up for one night? This party was about Sam and you had to make it about you and your drama. Just the same as you always were since you arrived in town with your issues, acting out in a desperate cry for attention not caring who you hurt with your antics. Inconsiderate, self-centered, drama queen."

Mercedes crossed her arms over her chest. "So is this the part where you start hating on me? Because I'm not really in the mood."

"No I'm not hating on you. I'm concerned like I've always been. You keep piling it on and never dealing with things one day it's all going to collapse on top of you and you'll end up like me living alone at the Beacon Hotel while your husband is sleeping with another woman."

Mercedes tone softened. "It was messed up that Will did that to you."

Emma was one of Mercedes's least favorite people. She was condescending, judgmental, and sometimes just plain mean. Fresh in town scoping out the place and her dad, too scared to approach him, but so desperate to at the same time. Mercedes had run into a cash flow problem and her accommodations at a nearby motel were proving to be too pricey. So she turned to the skills she knew best and she targeted an older man, plied him with liquor while leading him to believe he was in for some sexy fun. Once the guy had passed out Mercedes proceeded to empty his wallet of cash before leaving him alone in the motel room he rented for the night. She must have lost her touch somewhere between LA and Lima because she was identified by the man a couple days later and quickly arrested. That was the day that the Schuesters came into her life. Will being a cop was doing his job with an excessively cheerful zeal, and Emma being a nosy do-gooder, or as she called herself a social worker, was there as well.

Stuck behind bars Mercedes was forced to listen to Emma drone on about her need for therapy and how she was heading down a path of destruction because of her devious ways. Somehow Emma found out about her past, and was quick to throw around words like abuse, low self-esteem, and Mercedes never liked labels, and she liked pity even less. Emma was all about both, so Mercedes' patience was already wearing thin with the woman. Then Emma crossed the line threatening to call a therapist to speak with her while she was locked up. Mercedes may have only been seventeen at the time but she knew her rights and being forced into therapy had to be a violation of something. So she went off on the woman, calling her every dirty word that popped in her mind, making Emma turn the same shade of red as her hair.

The doctor never came and finally she was allowed her phone call, which was pretty pointless since she didn't know anyone in town, but she accepted the privilege nevertheless if only to stretch her legs for a bit. Sitting in the middle of the precinct randomly dialing numbers, he came in, greeting cops, and hugging Will. Just like at BreadStix a week before Sam Evans once again came to her rescue, bailing her out, and making the charges disappear.

After that visit to the Lima PD, Mercedes dealings with Will and Emma became even more strained, with Emma because she was still judgy as hell and never hesitated to remind her that she was a used up teen whore that needed help, not in those exact words, but the meaning behind the ones Emma used felt the same. And Will, well he simply didn't like that Mercedes had cursed out his wife. Mercedes didn't care of the couple liked her, since she didn't like them much either. But then she became and Evans and the Schuesters were a constant presence in her life. Somehow she had managed to soften toward Will, build a real relationship with her brother-in-law. Living through Sam's accident together changed things between them, brought them closer, and now she could honestly say she felt genuine affection for the man. His wife, however, was another matter.

"I sort of let it happen."

Mercedes looked up in surprise. "I highly doubt you were egging Will on to have an affair."

She might not like the woman but she definitely could sympathize with all she went through when Will was cheating with his ex Holly Holliday. Mercedes never could quite get behind her brother-in-law openly in a relationship with another woman while married. Even if the feelings were mutual between Holly and Will, it still didn't seem right, there were too many other parties to consider like Stevie and Stacy for instance, for them to just blindly follow their hearts like two teenagers.

"I left him. I walked out on our marriage and made the choice to have a separation. No I wasn't egging him on but I certainly made it easy for him."

"Even still he had no right to break his vows."

"It was hard seeing him with her. They looked so natural, like they slid right back into lover mode effortlessly. They had spent years apart but obviously that spark between them never faded."

"Makes you wonder doesn't it? If he was hiding those feelings for someone else the whole time, like maybe he just settled for you."

Those thoughts had been circling her mind for a while now. There had to be a logical reason why Sam would jump back into things with Quinn so easily. Maybe the answer was simply that things between Sam and Quinn were never really over in the first place, and they had been hiding their feelings all this time.

"I thought about a lot of things during that time. I left him, and he seemed better off without me. And I was just utterly alone wishing I had some long lost love to comfort me. But I didn't. Will had two other women he cared a great deal for his in his past, and I only had him. He was my first and only love, and I gave him up."

Mercedes looked at Emma with fresh eyes, as if she were truly seeing her for the first time. She never knew Emma had only loved Will for all these years. How did she manage it? How could she keep loving him even during the times he had brought her pain? Mercedes was tempted to ask, longing to hear the secrets to lasting love, but she didn't. There wasn't any point. She and Sam hadn't even lasted a year, and now he was more interested in loving someone else. Mercedes needed face reality and move on, and maybe in time she could love someone else too.

"You weren't alone though, you had your kids and your family, friends."

"Didn't fill the void left by the man I spent so many years with. I can say all of this now because Will and I found a way back and started over, in hindsight I can see things more clearly." Emma took a seat on a stool at the counter, brushing back her red hair out of her face. "When I was going through it I thought I was doing the right thing, saving myself, getting away from a man I could no longer trust."

"But without trust you have nothing. Maybe you were right to leave"

"I didn't even give him a chance to explain, I barely tried to work it out. I just packed up with my pride and my self-righteousness and left, and in doing that I led him straight to Holly."

"Okay Emma," Mercedes sighed, feeling so weary. "Get to the big finish. I know you have one coming."

"You always were so perceptive."

Mercedes took a sip of her drink. "I'm good at sniffing out crap."

"Mercedes I'm being honest with you, no crap here, just solid advice. You better be sure before you make your move, decide with certainty you want to divorce Sam before you do anything, because some things you can't take back."

"He wants to be with Quinn, they have all this history and share a child I can't compete with that."

She didn't even want to. She was so tired of fighting. Their whole romance had been nothing but a series of battles. She fought to gain his attention when he was with Rachel, fought to convince him of her love when she came clean about Shane, fought to forget him when she found out he slept with Quinn. For the past nine months, she fought with everything she had to keep him alive. There was no more fight left, especially not to fight him. If Sam wanted Quinn, so be it. Mercedes was too beat to care anymore.

"Will had child with his high school sweetheart Terri, the baby didn't survive but it gave them a bond they still have today, and he had an affair with Holly, yet here I am still married to the man." She smiled, looking down at her wedding band. "And now I can say we're happier than ever."

"Sam and I are not like you two though. We didn't have years of overcoming the odds to be together. We don't have this great love to sustain us. I had feelings for another man when I married him, almost stood him up at the altar, and he cheated on me within a few months of our wedding. That's not soul mate behavior."

They weren't soul mates, they couldn't be. They were just two immature people that mistook sexual attraction for love. That must've been it. It couldn't have been anything more, because when tested they fell apart. Even Puck and Quinn survived more obstacles than they had.

"I married another man before Will. I didn't love him but it was a choice I made, broke Will's heart."

"You did?" Mercedes asked, starting to cry. Damn Emma for bringing all this up. How was she supposed to move on when people kept reminding her about the past? "I broke Sam's heart too, over a guy I didn't really love."

"And Sam still loved you despite all of that didn't he?"

"Yeah he did." She wiped at her tears. "But that was then, things have changed so much Emma. He loves her."

"So he loves her." Emma shrugged. "You're still his wife."

"A wife he doesn't want, an inconvenience."

A piece of paper was meaningless without the feelings behind it. Emma didn't get it. Will never stopped loving her. She didn't understand the pain and rejection of not only being forgotten, but also being tossed aside like nothing. Sam didn't even care enough to try to get to know her, to take the time to really see what their life together was like. He just made a beeline to Quinn. She was all he cared about now.

"Sam fell on his head. He doesn't know what he wants."

"Emma! That's an awful thing to say."

"Awful but accurate. He is not in his right mind. He's running off halfcocked, pretending like he's in control, but in reality he's confused and probably a bit scared. I know what it's like to lose pieces of yourself, to have missing chunks of time." She fingered the gold cross that hung around her neck as she spoke. "Trust me Sam is not as settled as he's trying to seem."

"All that may be true but doesn't change the fact that he wants Quinn and not me."

"No it doesn't. That is up to you to change. You need to decide if you're really ready to end your marriage, to walk away from a man you've been waiting for all this time. If you truly believe there's no hope, that there's nothing left to salvage, then I wish you all the best in your future. But if there is any part of you that thinks there's a chance for the two of you, then Mercedes you need to grab hold of that chance and fight to keep it, because in my experience true love is worth the effort."

When he kissed her in his bedroom, she knew. It was good and it felt nice, like their kisses always did, but it was missing that key component. His heart. Without that they had nothing. So Emma could wax on about true love until she was blue, it wouldn't change the fact that Sam's heart was with someone else.

"Why are you even telling me all of this? You never liked me."

"Sam liked you, that's all that mattered. I've known him since he was a little boy. We've had some rocky times but I've always wanted the best for him."

"And you think I'm the best for him?" she asked skeptically.

"Honestly, no I didn't. I came in here to ream you out about wrecking Sam's party and ruining the surprise, but then I saw you fill that goblet up with milk and wrap up that piece of cake and put it in the fridge and my opinion changed."

"Milk and cake changed your mind?"

She smiled. "I know what you're doing. You put that milk and cake in the fridge for Sam, keeping his tradition."

"Milk and cake for breakfast the morning of his birthday. So I know about that. So what? I figure it was the least I could do since I cut into his cake and let all the guests in early." She was angry, but she wasn't evil. She didn't want to ruin his birthday entirely.

"If you say so." Emma stood up smoothing out the wrinkles in her yellow cocktail dress. "I better go check on Stevie and Stacy. They're probably bouncing off the walls from those big slices of cake you gave them."

"Sorry about that."

She had felt a smidge of remorse as she cut into Sam's beautiful three tier chocolate cake, and even a bit more than a smidge when she gave pieces of it to the kids, but those feelings quickly dissipated as she thought about his night with Quinn at the hotel. So his cake had a hole in it, that was nothing compared to the hole he had already left in her heart.

"Don't be. I plan on getting you back when Beth gets older. I'm going to sugar her up nice and good and send her back to you and Sam."

Mercedes smiled picturing Beth on a sugar high, racing around the house, all smiles, a loud bundle of girly energy. She would love to see that, but she knew she probably never would get the chance.

"We won't be together by that time," she said, dropping her eyes.

"Really? I never pegged you as a quitter."

"Mrs. Evans you must come," said Marcel, slightly out of breath as he rushed into the kitchen. Beth was in his arms, red faced, and sniffling. Mercedes took the baby from Marcel, rubbing her back to calm her.

"What's the matter Marcel?" Mercedes asked, as she placed little kisses on Beth's head.

"It's Mr. Evans. You must come."

"Is something wrong? Is he all right? Where is he now?" asked Mercedes, her words jumbling together as she started to panic.

"Mercedes, let me take Beth," suggested Emma, suddenly by her side. She had forgotten the woman was even still there.

"Okay." Mercedes handed over the baby. "She probably needs to eat. There are bottles in the refrigerator."

"You go. I'll take care of my little niece."

"Oui. We must go. This way Mrs. Evans."

"Marcel is it bad?" Mercedes asked looking up at the man, hoping his face would give her a clue. She was starting to tremble as she began to imagine all the things that could be wrong with Sam. Had he hurt himself? Was he feverish from an infection? Had he suffered some sort of bizarre relapse and fallen back into a coma?

"He needs you," he said, his usually straight face looking more solemn than usual. He turned and quickly exited through the door.

Mercedes tried to control her rising fears as she followed closely on his heels.


	81. Tailspin3 Ch27

**Chapter 27**

Quinn leaned against the wall next to the door, her eyes closed in an attempt to briefly block out the scene before her. Marcel had left with Beth ages ago and had yet to return. Even with her eyes closed, it all played out in her mind, like a movie clip on repeat.

* * *

><p><em>"The baby's crying. The baby's crying." Sam had been yelling in the middle of the room, hands over his ears.<em>

_Quinn hadn't been paying attention to him, too busy pleading with Sue not to tell Sam about what happened to Beth, at least not now, not like this. Beth had been steadily crying through their whole conversation. Sue bounced her on her hip as she continued to yell out insults._

_"Sam sweetheart, look, she's okay." Sue leaned Beth closer to Sam so he could see his daughter. "I think we just scared her with the noise."_

_Sam held his head in his hands, rubbing his temples. "Can one of you tell me what's going on? What happened to Beth?"_

_"We talked about this Sam," said Quinn rubbing his back. "You know my struggles with PPD."_

_"Is that what you were referring to mom?" Sam asked looking from Quinn to his mother. He seemed confused, as if he didn't know what to trust. They had been so close before Sue came in ruining everything with her accusations and bitterness._

_"Yes. I think you deserve to know the truth, especially if you are getting mixed up with her again."_

_"Quinn and I have talked, like she just said." Sam smiled as he took Quinn's hand in his. Relief washed over Quinn, Sue hadn't ruined anything. Sam was still with her._

_"I know she didn't tell you everything because you let her near the baby. I'm sure she lied to you," said Sue as she rocked Beth in her arms, trying to get her to quiet down._

_"Quinn and I don't lie to each other." He kissed her then, full on the lips, right in front of his mom. Quinn wanted to cry at the gesture, so bold and open. Sam was so willing to give all of himself, she needed to be brave enough to do the same. "We have nothing to hide."_

_"Oh baby you are thinking with the wrong head again. All this girl does is lie. Did she tell you she left Beth in the house alone?"_

_"Ye she did. It was difficult for her, but she let me in and told me about it all." He squeezed the hand he still held._

_Never had Quinn felt so supported and loved. He was standing up to his mother, for her. Was it possible for love to overflow, to fill a heart so much that it burst? Quinn was sure she would soon discover the answer to that question, because the love she felt for Sam continued to build within her._

_"It's like I said Sue, we've talked." Quinn stressed her words, a direct message to Sue to drop the subject._

_She had begged Sue to let her be the one to tell Sam about Beth, pleaded with her to back off. Sue had practically laughed in her face, almost seeming thrilled that she had the chance to humiliate Quinn, not caring that in the process she would be hurting her son._

_"Which time did she tell you about Sam?" asked Sue ignoring Quinn's pleas for a subject change._

_"There was more than one?" Sam asked, looking at Quinn._

_"Sam I tried to tell you there was more, but…"_

_"But you conveniently left it out?" asked Sue cutting her off mid-sentence._

_"No I stopped her," replied Sam. "She was getting upset and I didn't want to overwhelm her as she just got out of the hospital."_

_"Have you asked yourself why she was in the hospital in the first place?"_

_"My father had something to do with it." Wrapping his arms around her shoulders he pulled her against his side._

_"Did you know she left Beth alone for over two hours? The neighbors heard her screams and were going to call the police."_

_"Two hours?" Sam tensed. "Is that why CPS took her away Quinn?" he asked stepping away from her._

_She hugged herself, suddenly feeling like she was on the witness stand. She had wanted to tell Sam about all of this, in her own way. "I didn't mean to. I just lost track of time."_

_"But she's a baby you can't leave her alone for any amount of time." He ran his fingers through his hair roughly, yanking a few chunks along the way._

_"I know that!" Quinn said sharply, tears falling down her face. Stupid embarrassing tears, she wished they would stop, she wanted her mask of indifference back, her hiding spot for her emotions. "I forgot okay. I jumped in the car and I forgot all about her."_

_"You forgot you had a child?" he asked, shock all over his face._

_Everything was too raw now, too real. It hurt to see Sam getting upset, his eyes growing colder as he looked at her like she were a stranger, like someone he could hate. This wasn't right, he promised he would understand. He always understood._

_"Don't look at me like that. You promised you wouldn't. I was out of my mind that night." Quinn reached out to touch him, to reassure him, to let him know she was the same person he always loved, but he backed away, as if she were tainted._

_"Now do you see why she had to be put away? It took a whole lot of persuasion to get that nosy neighbor to keep her mouth shut. But I would do anything to protect my granddaughter."_

_"Don't act like you're some hero Sue, you wanted to see me fall, wanted me crazy. You did nothing to help me."_

_"I tried to step in, give you a break, you wouldn't let me near Beth most days."_

_"You think I want my baby around someone that hates me?" She was yelling, to drown out Sue's lies, to be heard over Beth's continued cries that filled the room like grating background music._

_"It wasn't about you, selfish little twit," said Sue bitterly. "Beth was the priority, and you would know that if you were any kind of mother."_

_"Mercedes and Beiste were there, they helped out."_

_"How nice of you to put it all on Mercedes, especially when she was already busy taking care of Sam."_

_"Just stop it." Sam said from somewhere in the room._

_His voice was low and weak, almost muffled, but Quinn didn't take the time to see why. Sue was determined to attack her and she had to defend herself._

_"Mercedes wanted to do it. She loves Beth," said Quinn lowering her voice when she saw Beth's face. She had been reacting to their every word with wide eyes and whimpers, the loud noise must have bothered her._

_"Mercedes loves Beth, we all do, as far as I can see you're the only one that seems not to care."_

_"Be quiet please," Sam said from behind them, his forehead pressed against the wall_

_"I do care. I love my baby."_

_She didn't have to prove anything to Sue she knew what was in her heart. She loved Beth, just because she was facing some challenges feeling the full power of that love didn't change the fact that it was there, buried inside her. She knew it was, she had felt it all the months she waited for her to be born in excited anticipation. She wanted her baby, and she loved her._

_"Strange way of showing it, leaving her alone, cold and defenseless, anything could have happened."_

_Quinn would take every hit when it came to that, the whole world would gladly beat her down for that one heinous act, and she would let them. She deserved it all. There was nothing she could say to defend her actions that night. She knowingly put her child in harm's way and that was something she would have to live with forever. Sorry was nowhere good enough, but that was all she had._

_"I know and I'm so sorry."_

_"Just words Quinn, totally meaningless and they don't change the fact that you're nothing but a cold-blooded –"_

_"Shut up. Just shut the hell up!" Sam yelled getting between them._

_He looked off balance, as if he were drunk. Quinn reached out to steady him, but he pulled away, never meeting her eyes._

_"Sam, your nose is bleeding."_

* * *

><p>Quinn opened her eyes and eased herself back to the present. Pushed to the sidelines, she watched Sue cradle Sam's head in her lap, lovingly stroking his hair, touching his face. Quinn watched helplessly, rubbing her bare arms, unable to be of any use. The man she loved was lying there in the middle of the floor helpless and she couldn't be near him. Every time she tried to approach Sue shoved her away, slapping at her hands like a bear protecting her cub. While her first instinct was to push Sue, she didn't. Instead she let Sue maintain her control, knowing that Sam would want his mother close if he were hurting or sick.<p>

"Why did you send Marcel to get Mercedes?" Quinn peeked out the door hoping to catch a glimpse of the tall man. So far no one had appeared down the long corridor. "He's a nurse he could have done something."

"I wasn't leaving Sam alone in here with you, for all I know you could've poisoned him."

"Poison is your thing, not mine."

Sue rolled her eyes completely ignoring the reference to the plot to destroy her life. "You just keep your mouth shut from here on out. No more bouts of conscience. Dwight doesn't want Sam told about what you did to Beth yet."

"You're the one that brought the subject up. If you had just stayed out of it like you promised you would..."

"My emotions got the better of me. I said too much. I just don't like seeing him being manipulated by you."

"I wasn't manipulating him. We care about each other Sue, can't you just accept that?"

"No way in hell," said Sue, looking Quinn straight in the eyes. "But," she paused, running her hand through her hair. "I'm going to take a step back because I made a deal with God that I would and by the looks of things." She looked down at Sam and took a deep breath. "God is going to hold me to my word."

"Don't say that Sue." Quinn fell to her knees beside Sam, taking his hand, daring Sue to push her away. "There's nothing wrong with Sam."

"He's not responding!" Sue said loudly. "I think something is very wrong."

Quinn shook her head not wanting to hear such negativity. Sam was fine just a few minutes ago. This wasn't anything serious.

"Nothing bad is wrong. It's just…it's just nothing. It has to be. Where the hell is Marcel?" Quinn asked, jumping to her feet and heading to the door.

"You get back here! This house is full of people, the last thing we need is for everyone to know you're here. It will be a circus. We just need to wait for Marcel to come back with Mercedes and then we can decide what our next step is."

Quinn stopped, dropping her head. Sue was right. They didn't need to cause a scene, not with all the media out in front of the house.

She went back to Sam, threading her fingers though his. He was so still, almost like when he was in the coma, pale and lifeless. His hand was clammy to the touch, limp and unresponsive. Fear gripped her, chokingly tight, forming a lump in her throat. This couldn't be happening. They couldn't be losing him again, not now, not when they only just got him back. Quinn squeezed his hand hard, practically letting her nails embed in his skin, anything to get him to respond.

"Sam you've got to be okay. I need you."

"I know he's going to stand by you and there's nothing I can do about it." Sue stroked his blonde hair, ignoring the tears that were streaming down her face. "I have to sit back and watch him lose everything again, all because of you." She sniffled.

For a moment, Quinn understood, Sue was scared just like she was. This was her baby, unresponsive on the floor, and there was nothing she could do to help him. How could so much hate and love exist in the same person?

"He means so much to me Sue. We are building a life, a family. We both want the same things."

It was probably pointless to try to explain things to Sue, but she had to try. Maybe if she knew what was in her heart she'd relent, back off and let Sam be happy.

"Men always look more attractive when you have nothing. They make you feel strong, give you a base, something solid to hold on to, but that doesn't make it real. That doesn't make it love."

"You're wrong."

Quinn knew how it must look. She was down on her luck leaning on Sam, hoping he would save her, make her life better. She had used him before, as much as she hated to admit it, but this time was different. She didn't want anything from Sam except his heart. She would give up her freedom here and now, if it meant Sam would open his eyes and be okay.

"I've been there. I'm not wrong."

"About this you are," said Quinn with quiet defiance, keeping her eyes fixed on the older woman. "That's not me and Sam."

Sue was the first to look away, her blue eyes flashing with a hint of something unfamiliar, maybe even begrudging respect.

"I'm going to see what's keeping Marcel." Sue carefully propped up Sam's head on a pillow pulled from the bed before standing up. "Come here and hold him, so he will know he's not alone."

Quinn nodded as she took Sue's spot, the sting of tears the only hint of emotion she displayed.

With Sam finally in her arms, she took a deep breath in relief, she could hold him now, keep him safe. She pressed his face against her chest, rubbing his soft hair, running her hand down his arm. She wanted to touch him everywhere, never losing contact, so he would know she was there. So he would know it was time to come back from wherever he had drifted.

"Can you hear me Sam? Please wake up now," she whispered. "I'm getting really scared here. We have a big night planned, no backing out of it. You know I didn't sneak in here tonight just to wish you a happy birthday, though I'm sure you figured that out. I wanted to tell you that you are so special to me, my closest friend, my family. I don't ever want to lose you from my life. I want us to always be together. I love you so much." She kissed his forehead gently, her tears falling on his face. "I love you," she whispered again.

"Oh my God! You! Get the hell away from my husband."


	82. Tailspin3 Ch28

**Chapter 28**

Running down the hall, feeling like she was in quicksand, wearing those impossible heels. Why ever had she put them back on? She had to get to him, to catch him before he left, to pull him back from the dark this time. She was out of breath when she reached the door, more from fear, than her sprint.

Mercedes blinked twice not believing her eyes, Quinn in red holding her husband. She was the woman that had permeated their life, posing as a friend, all while subtly squeezing into spaces she had no right to be, between their bond, in the middle of their marriage. He was her husband, her life. How dare she touch him so intimately, hold him so close? Inside she roared, Quinn had taken everything, but not him. She couldn't have him.

Though what right did she really have to lay claim on him now? She told him she was walking away, that she wanted out. Mercedes pretended his kisses meant nothing, she steeled herself against the flutters she still got every time he said her name. He was an impostor, she knew that, she was smart to try to move on. But maybe Emma was right, maybe she had never really given him a chance. She accused him of not bothering to get to know her, but hadn't she done the same? Dismissing the current version of him because he was slightly unfamiliar?

In her mind she had given him up to Quinn, trying so hard to put his happiness first. That decision seemed less solid now that she was face to face with the woman. She was supposed to stay locked up for a good while so Mercedes could get used to the idea of Sam loving Quinn or maybe somehow a miracle would happen and Sam's heart would shift and he'd fall for her instead. A pipe dream for sure, Quinn was everything Mercedes was not, and never could be. Mercedes was a realist, she had to be to survive, but hidden away she kept a store of faith, just for the really important times, like now, when it was so clear she was losing the man she loved. Her wishes weren't unfounded, he'd given them credence once, that night and then again that morning at the hospital, when they had been so close.

* * *

><p><em>He tasted like peppermint, sharp and sweet, as he assaulted her with kisses that morning. She was getting dizzy, lightheaded from not enough air or maybe too many kisses. She wasn't sure which and it didn't matter. He made noises, moans against her mouth as he urged her closer, pressing deeper, filling her completely. For a man just out of a coma he certainly had a lot of energy, sucking on her neck, kissing down her throat, his tongue drawing designs across her chest. He had lifted her a bit off his lap to gain better access to her breasts. Hands under her arms holding her steady while his mouth teased her soft peaks. Incoherent murmurs about sweetness and chocolate covered strawberries was all he said between their frenzy of intense kisses. She bit him, teeth grazing his lower lip, and he growled, his eyes laughing but his actions serious as he kissed her harder, unrelenting until she surrendered, Melting against his body, whispering his name, again and again. Sam, her Sam, she wanted him more than she ever had in that moment, months without his touch had created a building need that could finally be released.<em>__

__"What are the chances that someone will barge through that door?" he asked breathlessly between kisses.__

__"I don't know." She kissed him again. "It's early still. 60/40?"__

__"I'm not liking those odds, especially with the position we're in," he said before plunging into her mouth again.__

__Mercedes pulled away, trying to clear her head, to focus on their conversation. "Hopefully they will see I'm in here and quickly leave."__

__"Wouldn't seeing a nurse on top of her patient make them rush in even faster? This has got to be against the rules." His hands were all over her, exploring her body, tracing her curves, his crystal green eyes taking her in.__

__"I suppose you're right. They'd report me out of spite. All the nurses have such a crush on you. They're secretly jealous that you're mine."__

__"I'm yours huh?" he asked tilting his head to observe her.__

__"Yeah well I mean you're my patient. Not that…" She hesitated, at a complete loss how to back out of this jam. "I mean…" He cut her off with a kiss.__

__"You are so cute when you're flustered," he smiled, rubbing his nose against hers before pulling away.__

__His face was flushed and his skin warm to the touch. "Is this too much for you? Should I stop?"__

__"Don't you dare stop unless I keel over," he warned, leaning forward so she could wrap her legs around his torso completely.__

__"You shouldn't joke about that. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you."__

__"I'm sure you could find another patient to have your way with."__

__"You think I do this with all my patients?" Mercedes asked, frowning.__

__"No I don't." Fingers through her hair, feathering across her cheek, he held her there, making her face him. Total honesty in his eyes. "I shouldn't have said that. I only did because I was feeling weird."__

__"We can stop," she said dropping her gaze.__

__"No. I don't want to. It's just strange with you, we are moving so fast."__

__"It's not fast to me. I've waited nine months to kiss you again." Mercedes felt her cheeks warm at that confession and she prayed she hadn't said too much, made him feel uncomfortable.__

__"Again?"__

__"Well not again, obviously. I mean I've just been waiting for you."__

__A look crossed his face, fleeting like a ripple in a pond, where it seemed like he remembered, like a recollection had flashed in his mind. Then he smiled, his cheeks lifting, clearing the expression.__

__"If I knew I was going to get a beautiful woman on my lap I would have woken up sooner," he teased running his hands over her bare thighs.__

__Mercedes bit her bottom lip as she debated if she should continue. It was getting so difficult to keep all the lies straight, to keep her feelings for him muted, the urge to tell him everything about their life, and their marriage was growing stronger with each kiss.__

__"I kissed you while you were in the coma," she admitted.__

__"You did?"__

__She ran her fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face, the way she did every day since this ordeal began. His eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into her hand, smiling slightly as she continued to stroke his hair.__

__"I was hoping you'd wake up like Sleeping Beauty, but you never did." Tears burned as she pictured him so still, as he was such a short while ago.__

__"I…uh..wow," he stammered.__

__"I ruined the mood didn't I? I shouldn't have said anything,"__

__"I can't figure out why I'm not scared of you." He chuckled, removing her hand from his hair.__

__"Great! You think I'm crazy." Mercedes sat up straight, embarrassed that she had let things get this far. Half naked with a patient, her behavior was beyond unprofessional, it was bordering on criminal.__

__"A little bit, yeah, but I must be just as crazy as you are." Sam wrapped his arms around her, clasping his hands at the small of her bare back. "Because I'm right here with you."__

__"Well you are pretty much trapped in the bed and probably really horny after all these months," she joked, relaxing into his body, shivering as he ran his fingertips up and down her spine.__

__"Good point." He laughed. "So it's just you that's crazy."__

__"I better get my shirt, in case someone comes in," Mercedes declared, but failed to move from her spot. Rubbing his chest softly, her ear pressed to his heart, cherishing the sweet cadence of its beat.__

__"Let's not be so hasty, you said the odds were 60/40." Sam dipped into the waistband of her shorts, hesitantly descending, testing her reactions to the circles he traced on her skin.__

__"And they only increase the later it gets." Unbuttoning his pajama top, slow like a strip tease, pausing after each button to kiss the newly revealed spot on his chest.__

__"I say we take a chance and see what happens." He smiled as he eased his shirt off the rest of the way.__

__"I don't know about that. How's your blood pressure." Arms around his neck, topless in the splashes of sunlight, glorious and golden, making her feel sexy and wanted, she threw her head back arching her body toward him so he could claim her with his mouth.__

__"Feels really normal, I think it needs to be elevated."__

__Skin to skin, he pressed her closer burning a path along her neck, to her cheek, until he finally reached her mouth, only to tease her with little nips at her lips.__

__"Sam I don't know if you're ready for this."__

__"I'm ready. Can't you feel how ready I am?" he asked, positioning her on his lap so she could feel the full effect of his readiness.__

__"Maybe I'm the one that's not ready."__

__"I know a few tricks to help in that department," he said against her ear.__

__"I meant emotionally ready."__

__"Okay." He let out a breath and stopped his movements. "I get that. This is scary stuff."__

__"I thought you said you weren't afraid of me."__

__"I'm not. I just mean it is scary what's going on between us, how we're feeling."__

__"And how exactly are we feeling?" Mercedes asked.__

__"Like we might have done this before, maybe in another life. It feels natural, a little familiar," he said looking into her eyes, a smile surfacing on his face. She leaned back, eyes widening. Could this be true? Did he really remember her somewhere inside his mind? "At least it does for me," he added quickly.__

__Mercedes grinned as she pulled him in for a kiss.__

* * *

><p>All that filled her mind as she stared at Sam and Quinn sprawled in the middle of the floor. The surreal scene paralyzed her. She hoped she was hallucinating.<p>

"Where's Marcel?" asked Quinn, breaking Mercedes from her trance and snapping her back to the present.

"He went to find a doctor." Mercedes slid to her knees beside them. Sam's lips were parted, the area below his nose was stained with blood, his head strangely twisted on Quinn's lap.

Her lower lip trembled as she fought the urge to break down. He was trying to leave her again, the bastard. She wasn't sure she had the strength to go through this another time. Then she touched him and she knew. There would be no question, as long as it took, she'd be there, never giving up on him.

"And Sue?"

"She went to hurry him along," responded Mercedes, eyes still trained on Sam. "You should go join her," she added finally looking up.

"I'm not going anywhere Sam needs me and I'm going to be here for him."

"The hell you will."

What do I do? In her head she was screaming, trying to regain control. She should have made Marcel come to the room first. He had years of nursing experience, unlike Mercedes. She was struggling to recall her training. Vital signs, she remembered, check his pulse.

"You are wasting time arguing with me," said Quinn not moving an inch, she remained draped over Sam's body.

Okay baby. Work with me here. You're okay. She checked his pulse. Steady and strong. Now what's next? She scanned her brain for the answers. Reasons for unconsciousness think of those. Head trauma. Everything looked normal, no visible bumps or bruises. Lack of oxygen. He was breathing normally, as if he were sleeping. Mercedes unbuttoned his shirt, just to be safe. What else? Oh god she was drawing a blank. What if he dies? Be a nurse. Be a nurse. You can do this.

"You're right. Talking to you is a waste," she pushed Quinn back, careful to support Sam's head. "Let's get one thing straight right here and now. See this ring on my finger?" She held up her hand. "This means I get to be here. Until I take this ring off or he asks for it back, I'm the one that gets to take care of him, not you."

"If he were awake now, he'd tell you he wants me," said Quinn moving farther away from Mercedes.

She looked angry and a bit scared. Maybe Quinn wasn't so sure about Sam's feelings after all.

"I don't care! I'm the one that loves him."

"I love him too," said Quinn, unabashedly proud. She had no shame, openly displaying her love for a married man.

"Maybe so, but he's mine." Mercedes hugged Sam tighter, wrapping her arms across his chest, rocking him gently against her. "Come on Sam, come on baby, wake up now. Come back to me."

Mercedes pulled him between her legs, somehow finding the strength to move his body up to lean against her, his back on her chest. She wiped at the blood that was starting to flow again from his nose with a piece of her dress, stretching it up to reach his face.

"You promised you'd come back," Mercedes said against the top of his head. "That was supposed to mean forever, not just for a couple of months." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "I didn't mean what I said earlier. You're still my Sam. I was upset, but you have to know how much I love you."

Mercedes tried to block out the sound of Quinn crying a few feet away, a loud reminder that she was truly out of the hospital and back in their lives. She was about to tell Quinn to shut up, when a pair of shoes appeared in front of her.

"Leave it to Sam to go back into a coma during his own party. He's such a drama queen."

Mercedes looked up and smiled. Help had arrived.

"Mike this is not the time for your jokes. You think it's funny that your brother is out cold?" asked Sue.

"I'm trying to infuse some levity into the situation. You all have such long faces. Mom, you've got to relax." He rubbed her shoulders affectionately. "I've brought Dr. Kali, so everything's going to be okay. Besides Sam knows I will kick his ass if he gets sick again. Trust me, he won't risk it."

There was something about Mike that Mercedes loved. They had gotten off to a rocky start with the whole Shane thing. Mike was stuck in a rough spot, his brother and his friend were involved with the same woman. Despite all that, they made it through to a better place and he became a great brother-in-law even while living thousands of miles away. Their Skype sessions held in Sam's hospital room had kept her going. Some days the only time she ever laughed or smiled was because of him. Just like now, when all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry, Mike was bringing a smile to her face. There was just something so special about him.

"Dr. Hill do you think you can help him?" asked Quinn, her voice hoarse from crying.

Dr. Kali Hill had rushed into the nursery, kneeling on the floor in her burgundy cocktail dress, immediately getting to work. Within seconds her complete attention was on Sam.

"I need to examine him first. Marcel, Mike can you move Sam over to the bed please? Elevate his legs. Mercedes, you need to let go of him so they can pick him up."

Mercedes nodded, but didn't move, her arms still tightly wrapped around Sam. She was scared to let him go, even for a second, even though she knew she had to so he could get help. But what if things went wrong when he left her arms? What if it was like last time, when she let go of his hand and disaster hit?

"Mercedes sweetie. Come over here with me," said Sue pulling her arm. Mercedes looked up, unsure whether to trust her mother-in-law. She looked at Sam, motionless against her chest and she reluctantly loosened her hold.

"Don't drop him!" Mercedes yelled as Marcel and Mike lifted Sam from the floor.

"They won't," said Sue, as she helped Mercedes to her feet.

"How did this happen Sue?" Mercedes asked once they were across the room from the bed. "He was fine."

"I don't know really. It all was so sudden. We were arguing about what happened to Beth and he just collapsed."

"He knows?"

"No not all of it. I planned to tell him," replied Quinn.

Mercedes whipped around to face Quinn. "So you did this to him," she stated angrily.

"I didn't do anything. I just told him about my postpartum." Quinn pointed toward Sue. "She was the one that brought up the rest."

"I get it. You were trying to appease your guilty conscience by confessing to Sam. Do you feel better? Has the weight been lifted now that my husband is unconscious?"

"I wasn't trying to appease anything. Sam and I were having a personal conversation and the subject came up."

"Why on the night of his party? Which by the looks of what you're wearing you knew about. What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

"Sam had me released last night."

"Right the hotel." Bile rose in Mercedes's throat as the photo of them at the hotel popped into her mind. "Was that your welcome home bang?"

"I don't have to answer that. What Sam and I do is none of your business."

"You sleazy bitch!" Mercedes lunged toward Quinn's throat, but Mike grabbed her around the waist before she could make it to her target.

Mercedes didn't like her tone. It was too personal, too much like they were a couple. Quinn shouldn't have any business with her husband other than Beth, and since she had no rights to the baby, even that topic was off limits.

"Quinn!"

"Yes Dr. Hill."

"Can you do me a favor? Go in the bathroom and wet a towel, make the water as cold as you can and bring it to me."

"Okay." Quinn walked away without a word, leaving Mercedes fuming.

"You've got to take it easy Cede," said Mike once Quinn was gone.

"This is insane. Why is she even here?"

"Sam wanted her here," Sue replied quietly. "I know you don't want to hear that but it's true."

"I warned him about this last night. I told him Cede will be so mad when she finds out, but he wouldn't listen," said Mike.

"You knew Quinn was out of the hospital?" asked Mercedes punching him in the arm.

"Ow!" Mike rubbed his forearm. "Don't give me that look. I didn't know what his plans were until we got upstate. Next thing I knew I had a stowaway in my backseat."

"I want her out of this house." Mercedes covered her face with her hand, leaning back against the crib. "She has no right to be here."

"Your dress has blood on it," said Sue touching the fabric.

"I thought the rumpled and bloody look was in," smirked Mike.

"You hush up," Sue snapped.

Mercedes looked down at herself, her green dress was creased in numerous places and stained dark red with blood. Sam's blood. Mercedes gasped as she turned to look at him on the bed, it all hitting her full force again.

"Sam," she called out as she rushed over to the bed.

"Good you're back. I need your help," said Kali.

"What can I do?" Mercedes asked. Sam looked the same, so pale in his all black. She climbed up on the bed beside him, stroking his hair as she always did.

"Here's the towel, Dr. Hill." Quinn handed it to her. "Thank you Quinn." Kali placed the towel on Sam's forehead. "Mercedes? Are you okay?"

She shook her head. Nothing about this was okay. It was starting to look so eerily familiar like they were back in the hospital sitting vigil by his bed.

"You're shaking Mercedes. I need you to relax." Kali sounded so far away, drowned out by the intermittent beeps of the monitors and life support systems that used to fill Sam's hospital room. Flooding back so vividly, she could see him, as he was, so gaunt, eyes closed, in silk pajamas. "He's not back in a coma."

Not a coma, something worse, an eternal sleep that no one would be able to rouse him from. Such a leap to think of him dead, but Mercedes knew all too well how quickly life could change. In the car accident, he was hurt but holding on, then in an instant he had fallen from the car and stopped breathing. She relived that accident almost nightly since it happened. Most times it was a replay of events, Sam falling, going into a coma, but on those other nights when her mind was especially restless Sam never made it out of that crash. In some ways that version of her dreams was more accurate, Sam had come back from the coma, but he wasn't really the same man. That other Sam seemed to have died that night, his body left bloody and cold on the muddy embankment, just as her mind tried to scare her into believing.

"Are you sure?" asked Quinn, touching Sam's arm. Not a friendly pat, but a caress, her fingers curling around his flesh possessively.

Mercedes's head shot up, her face twisting into a snarl. "Don't you touch him!" Mercedes yelled, her whole body convulsing in anger. Quinn dropped her hand and moved away.

"Hey!" said Kali. "This isn't helping."

"I want her gone."

"I have every right to be here." Quinn was fighting back from behind the lines. They had kept her out, held her at bay, Sue, Marcel, and Kali blocked Sam from Quinn's view, perhaps unintentionally, but Mercedes was satisfied with the result all the same. "Sam and I are-"

Mercedes jumped from the bed, pushing past Marcel, to slap Quinn across the face. Hard, like a punch, she put all her weight behind the blow. Quinn staggered back a bit, holding her cheek.

"You and Sam are nothing! Do you hear me? You are the cheap whore he knocked up. Nothing more!"

"Okay you're out of here, the two of you," said Mike as he shoved her and Quinn out the door. "I'm not going to have you brawl over Sam's body."

"You can't kick me out," said Mercedes once they were in the hall.

"Oh yes I can," said Mike, blocking the doorway with his body. "Something could be seriously wrong with Sam and I'm not going to have you making it worse. And I know you're in rare form tonight Cede. Kurt told me all about your cage match with Rachel. I know my brother likes them feisty but damn girl you're a handful when pissed."

Mercedes put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes. He wasn't going to get away with this. "Yes I am, and your pissing me off right now Mike."

"Use your claws on her. I'm not your enemy." Mike stepped further in the room. "You can come back when you prove you can behave," he said, shutting the door.

"Son of a bitch," Mercedes muttered under her breath as she twisted the doorknob. He had locked them out. She kicked at the door in frustration.

"Yeah, that'll help," said Quinn with a roll of her eyes.

"You shut up. This is all your fault. I should be in there with my husband and because of you I'm in the hall."

"Stop with the whining! I'm the one that should be in there. He's going to be looking for me when he wakes up. You're such a sad pathetic little thing. I almost feel sorry for you. I've tried to be respectful of your feelings, because I'm sure it truly sucks to be you, but no more. You think I'm just some whore? You think Sam doesn't care about me? You are so wrong. Dead wrong. You are the one he could care less about. He wishes the two of you weren't married so he wouldn't have to deal with your ass. You are just the problem he inherited. I'm the one he wants to be with."

Mercedes crossed her arms and looked Quinn up and down. "Kali better up your dosage, because you are delusional. Sam has psychological amnesia. That's a medical condition, in case your boobs are blocking the pathways to your brain."

"I'm not an idiot. I know he has amnesia."

"Do you know what that word means? Let me break it down for you. That means Sam has temporarily forgotten some events in his past and the feelings associated with them. Temporarily," Mercedes said slowly. "I know a big word, but it means, for a short period of time, not forever. Meaning he may want you now, but once his memory comes back, he will be all about me again." Mercedes flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned away.

"Don't you turn your back on me." Quinn roughly grabbed Mercedes by the shoulder, forcing her around. Mercedes yanked away, tense with anger "Listen to me little girl," said Quinn clenching her hands into fists. "Sam has loved me since he was sixteen. That has never gone away. He may be married to you, but we share a child, and an emotional bond that you can't even begin to comprehend. Another big word. Comprehend." She drew the word out, enunciating each syllable. "That means understand, as in you don't have a chance in hell of keeping Sam, memory back or not."

"Why are you doing this?" She blinked back tears. Her marriage was under assault from multiple directions, both Sam and Quinn seemed determined to take the life she used to love down. "You know Sam loved me. We were going to find our way back to each other."

There was a time when she thought Quinn could have become a friend, back when she was engaged to Puck and living with Julian and they were trying to bond as a family. Now Mercedes could see it never would've worked. The strange vibes Mercedes had picked up from Quinn were explained. Quinn had been hiding some serious latent feelings for Sam.

"No I don't know that. You filed for divorce and treated him like crap. Every day he begged you for another chance and you beat him down for it, and if that wasn't enough you crashed his car and stole months of his life, taking away precious time with his family and his daughter."

This was low, bringing up the accident was akin to stabbing her in the heart. Quinn knew how much it killed her that she was the cause of Sam's condition. So many months Mercedes struggled with her guilt, only barely forgiving herself for it now. For Quinn to pull it out like a grenade and toss it at her feet, just proved how little regard she had for her. Whatever meager bond they had forged the day Sam came out of his coma was gone.

"You know that's not true. The crash was an accident. I never meant to hurt him. How dare you question my love for Sam? He is my whole life. We had our future mapped out, children, traveling, growing old together. I have been waiting for him to wake up all this time and you know that."

"I've been waiting for him too. You aren't the only one with plans. When we stayed at the Beacon we got very close. Sam is the one person in this world that I trust completely. He is my best friend and one of the best things in my life. I'm not going to give him up for you, a person that tossed him aside more than once. You just did it again tonight. You don't really want him. You just don't want him to be with me."

"I was trying to walk away because it hurts and I want him to be happy. I thought maybe if he felt so strongly about you, then it was meant to be, but now I see how wrong I was. I don't know if you're bored, lonely or just plain desperate, but you don't really love Sam. You couldn't, because if you did, you wouldn't be trying to take him away from me. You know he'll hate you for it."

Sam had to have told Quinn how he felt about their marriage, if they were as good of friends as she claimed. He used to tell the postman, people at work, random strangers at BreadStix, how happy he was to be married, so Quinn had to know. She just chose to ignore it now because she wanted him for herself.

"I don't know about that. He might thank me for saving him from a lifetime with a flighty, immature brat."

"At least he promised me a lifetime. He was willing to make that long-term commitment with me. When did you ever get a proposal from him Quinn?" Mercedes knew Sam had never given Quinn a ring. Something she always thought was rather sad given how much he claimed to have loved her back in the day.

"Tonight actually," Quinn said with a smug smile. "So if you think Sam's not serious, you're wrong. While you are busy living in the past, holding on to a man that can't remember you, I'm in the present, creating a new future with him."

"Don't you see? You're living in the past too. Sam doesn't love you, not the real you that's here right now. He wants the person you were three years ago, before you screwed him over with Mike and dropped his baby in the woods."

Sam was getting so wrapped up in her and he and no idea who she was anymore. Quinn didn't seem to be in a rush to clue him in. Why would she be? She would certainly lose her footing with Sam the more dirt he learned. It would be so easy to tell him, to blow Quinn out of the water, but Mercedes was reluctant to go that far, knowing Sam might be decimated by the information. For now she would keep it to herself unless desperate measures were needed.

"You act like I'm the only one that hurt him. You've done your fair share as well. No need for me to list your offenses, but I will bring up your latest blow. I heard what you did to him earlier tonight, calling him damaged and messed up all because he doesn't remember you. Who the hell are you to make those judgments?"

Mercedes was floored. He had told her about that? She could see the two of them sitting around comparing notes behind her back, laughing at her gullibility and critiquing her pathetic attempts at seduction. Inwardly she groaned, as she wondered if Sam had given Quinn a play by play of every encounter they had. It made her uneasy that they seemed so close, so she lashed out.

"I'm the one thing you'll never be – his wife."

"Don't be so sure. Sam will be running out the door as soon as he can. He can't wait to be with me. Told me so just tonight."

Maybe she was the one getting lashed. Sam obviously had been pouring his heart out to Quinn. He was making it so hard to stick with him. He had amnesia, she reminded herself. That changed things. She had to stay strong, bite back the jealousy and anger if she wanted him back.

"Do you know what it's like to scrap, to fight, to have to battle your way up from the darkest of places just to survive? I bet you don't. Everything was handed to you because you're pretty and you look good in a bikini. For me life was a little harder. I worked for everything I got, for all I wanted. Mostly I wanted money, so I could get away from my mom, but then I moved here and my priorities changed. I met Sam." And he changed her life for better and worse.

"What's with the biography? I know you had it rough in L.A., but you got it all now, money, family, a job, nothing left to fight for."

"That's where you're wrong. I thought I was too tired to do this, that I had enough of the endless battles to win him over, but you see when you really want something you fight for it. Fight to keep it, to protect it. And there's nothing I want more than Sam Evans. I've felt that way since the day I met him and the feeling hasn't left me yet. I had a conversation a little while ago with Emma and she opened my eyes to a few things I let myself forget. She reminded me that true love was worth fighting for. I used to believe that and Sam did too, but I lost track of that along the way. I let myself get clouded by our current difficulties. I know I have true love with Sam. I don't care if he woke up from a coma asking for you, that doesn't matter much, because when he thought he was going to leave this life, his last thoughts were of me. His last words before he lost consciousness were about loving me. So you think you can take Sam from me? Try it. I dare you, but be ready for the fight of your life, because I'm not letting him go."

"Looks like you're in for a battle, because I'm not letting him go either. Never again," said Quinn, a surprising intensity in her eyes.

"Are you done here or am I going to have to get Daley to break things up?" asked Mike popping his had out of the partially open door.

"I'm done here," said Mercedes.

"Me too. I've said all I need to."

"Is that a cease fire then? Dr. Hill wants both of you inside. Sam needs you," he said opening the door fully and stepping aside so they could pass.

"My son is still here passed out and all you two can think to do is fight?" Sue asked as she watched them walk back into the nursery.

"You could hear us?" asked Mercedes feeling embarrassed.

She had stooped so low getting into a shouting match with Quinn. For months she had tried to take the high road, choosing to ignore Quinn's irritating presence. They had managed to live together with Beiste in relative peace for a couple of months, granted Quinn was usually out bar hopping or god knows where else, but still never had they got into it the way they did tonight.

"I think all of Lima heard you. No wonder Sam is still passed out, he's probably scared to face you," said Mike.

"So he's not better?" asked Quinn.

"Does he look better to you?" Sue asked harshly. "It's been too long. I'm calling 911. Mike, do you have your phone?"

"Mom let's think for a minute. What about the party? Do we really want Sam being carried out on a stretcher in front of everyone, being splashed across the front page? He would hate that, to be seen so weak. Kali, is there nothing else you can do for him?"

"Remember when he got sick after our wedding," Mercedes took a seat on the bed next to Sam, ignoring the daggers Quinn was shooting at her with her eyes. "Sam and I held hands the whole time he was in the hospital?"

"Yeah I do." Sue moved closer, blocking Quinn out. "You even slept in a chair."

"We held hands a lot after that. It was like our link. In the car, after the accident, I wouldn't let go of him until I had to. I think bad things might happen when we're separated," said Mercedes her voice breaking.

She thought about running away at their wedding and Sam got sick. She filed for divorce and they were in an accident. She told him it was over tonight and now he was unconscious. The correlation was there, the pattern too clear to dismiss, she made this happen by trying to leave.

Taking his large hand in her own, she threaded his long fingers through hers. She had always been fascinated by his hands, their look, their feel, slightly calloused knuckles scarred from countless fights, smooth but not soft, these hands were used and worked. Mercedes ran her thumb across his wedding band, comforted to see it once again on his finger. She knew he wasn't ready to accept his current reality, to jump back into a life and marriage he didn't remember, but the ring on his finger felt like a promise, a pledge, that one day he would be.

"Mercedes I need you to help me." She looked up at Kali, startled to hear someone else's voice. "Forget that Sam is your husband for a moment. I need you to be professional. Can you do that?"

"Yes." Mercedes cleared her throat.

"Are you sure?" Kali asked again.

"Yes," she repeated, more forcefully this time.

"Good. Now hold this towel on his head."

Wiping down his face with the cool towel, gently caressing each spot, touching him longer than needed, in the hopes he would feel her there somehow. That he would know someone cared. She cleaned away the last traces of blood from the area near his nose, before folding the towel neatly and draping it across his forehead. Leaning in close to his face, so no one would overhear, she whispered words of love in his ear.

"Why isn't he coming to?" Mercedes asked when she finally sat up.

It had been too long. Kali said it wasn't a coma, but what about something else? It could be a clot or an aneurysm. Mercedes wasn't sure of the signs, she had missed too many TBI classes lately.

"I am hoping now that we have his head back down in line with his body and his legs elevated, it will help. We've loosened his belt and his buttons. His pulse is good and he's breathing fine. He should be coming around soon."

"I shouldn't have propped him up against me. I was so scared about him choking on his blood. I wasn't thinking." Such a careless mistake, she knew better than to move an unconscious patient.

"Mercedes, you did fine." Kali patted her hand quickly. "This is a man you care for deeply. Your emotions are on high."

"I just don't want to lose him again."

To say I love you and have him not respond, to kiss him and his lips not move, to have to dream about his pretty green eyes because they were rarely open to be seen, that had been her life, her newlywed year, loving a man that couldn't love her back. It had been almost unbearable the first time. She didn't think she could handle doing it all over again.

"Let's work together and make sure that doesn't happen. Okay? What medication is Sam taking? Anything that has dizziness or loss of consciousness as potential side effects?"

"No," Mercedes shook her head. "Wait, one had vertigo as a possible reaction," she remembered.

"Okay good to know. Did he take those pills today?"

"I don't know. I wasn't with him this morning." Mercedes glared over at Quinn. She had inched her way up between Sue and Mike.

"He did take them. I saw him," said Quinn, speaking up.

Mercedes tried to check the anger that was once again building by turning her attention to Sue and Mike who had stepped away to the other side of the room, huddled together in the corner, in deep discussion.

"Thank you Quinn," said Dr. Hill.

"When was the last time he's eaten?" Kali looked from Mercedes to Quinn for a response.

"This afternoon I know he ate, when he was with me. I made him a burger." The first normal thing she had done for him in months, making him lunch like she used to when he came home early from work just to give her a midday kiss.

"Do any of his medications have interactions with food? What did he drink today?"

Mercedes mentally ran through his prescriptions. She knew all his meds and his schedule for taking them. Even though now he was handling them himself, she still kept his routine memorized. Taking care of him had become such a part of her daily life, instinctive, like breathing, she'd yet to break herself of it.

"Water. I know he had water when we were in our bedroom."

"Quinn? Do you remember him eating or drinking anything?" asked Kali.

"I think last night, but not this morning."

"Too busy screwing his brains out to even stop for food?" Mercedes couldn't stop herself, her jealousy bubbling over.

What was it about Quinn that made her so damn unforgettable? What made perfectly sensible men like Mike or Puck lose their minds and their hearts over her? Sam had blindly run to her rescue, freeing her from an asylum she deserved to be in, without knowing all the facts. He'd spent days with Mercedes in the hospital, bonding with her, flirting with her, he had liked their time together, liked her. Still he easily tossed it away for Quinn Fabray.

Quinn took a threatening step forward, her green eyes blazing. Marcel stiffly lifted his arm, blocking her path.

"Let's stay focused," said Kali. "We're trying to help Sam here."

"I saw empty beer bottles in his room," Quinn said.

"That's impossible. Sam knows he can't drink alcohol."

"Sam's a grown man. You think he's going to listen to your stupid little rules?"

"Stupid? He just woke up from a coma. He's on powerful meds that affect his blood flow and his motor skills. Alcohol could seriously disrupt his system." Mercedes stopped, as her mind stumbled upon the possibility. "Oh my God, Kali."

Kali nodded, a smile starting to form. "I'm thinking we need to go old school here. A remedy my abuela used to swear by. Marcel look in that first aid kit and see if there's any-"

"Oui. Doctor. I know what you are thinking." He searched the small green bag. "They are ici," he announced holding out a foil packet.

"Yes!" Kali popped the capsule under Sam's nose. Within seconds his eyes fluttered up and he began to cough. "Easy there," said Kali when Sam tried to sit up. "Just stay down."

Mercedes held him still, rubbing his shoulder until he relaxed back on the bed.

"Smelling salts?" Sue smiled. "I used to keep these in my purse when I was pregnant with my Mike. Fainted all the time with him."

Sam looked disorientated as his eyes adjusted to the light. His eyes landed on Mercedes and he smiled. He ran his thumb down the slope of her nose, but said nothing.

"Sam," Quinn called out from behind Marcel.

"You keep her away," Mercedes ordered, never taking her eyes off Sam.

"Sam, it's Kali. Can you hear me?"

He turned his head toward Kali's voice. "Yeah. What the hell are you doing here?" he asked his voice low and strained, like it took extra effort for him to speak.

"Nice to see you too," she chuckled.

Mercedes could hardly contain her joy, as she kissed each of his fingertips, giggling as he wiggled them against her lip. He'd kept his promise. He came back. Sam watched her with a confused smile on his face, but never protesting as she continued to kiss him, on his cheeks and his forehead.

She knew everyone must be staring at her, silently questioning her sanity, but she didn't care. Her emotions were overflowing, it was either touch him or go in the corner and cry. Her tightly wound nerves were starting to fray, the snapping point painfully near, as she tried to release the fear that had been building since she found Sam on the floor.

"Your bedside manner is incredible," he said, when she was a nose away, hovering above him, debating with herself about whether she should kiss him on the lips.

He smiled and those lips she loved were on full display, ending the debate. She pressed her lips against his, one, two, three, lingering pecks coinciding with the words 'I love you' in her mind. Mercedes pulled back opening her eyes, to find him staring at her, stunned.

"Whoa little nurse, are you giving me mouth to mouth when I can already breathe?"

"I..uh..I'm just glad you're back."

He laughed, his eyes slanting into half moons. "Where'd I go?"

"What's the last thing you remember?" asked Kali.

He paused, thinking over his response. "I remember Quinn."

"What about Quinn?" asked Mercedes, starting to feel queasy.

He frowned. "She did something to hurt our child."


	83. Tailspin3 Ch29

**Chapter 29**

Fuzzy like coming out of a deep sleep, his mind covered with a film that was blocking him from thinking clearly. He saw that smile though, through his hazed confusion, wide and bright, just as he had every time he woke up in the hospital. It was comforting to see her there, looking down at him, he knew he would be all right with her around. Kisses all over his face, refreshing like the sprinkle of rain, the look in her big brown eyes unmistakable, he was loved and he was missed.

Then it came rushing back full force, Quinn, was here with him, making him float, telling him things he had longed to hear for years, about family, about the future, about her heart. Finally his Quinn had come to him, to be a part of his life, to raise Beth together. Beth, his daughter's face flashed in his mind. She had been crying before it all went dark. Loud screams and no one seemed to care. What was he missing? Sam struggled to bring his thoughts into focus, to force his brain to work. Quinn, he needed Quinn but something was holding him back from saying the words, a wall between his heart and his mouth blocking him from calling out to her. It was about Beth, something about Beth.

Sam looked past Mercedes to see Kali and his mom staring at him expectantly. Quinn wasn't there and his stomach dropped in disappointment. Why would she leave without saying goodbye? Why would she leave him alone? Alone, the word lit up in his mind like a beacon, that's what it was. Quinn had left Beth alone. Hours alone, crying, probably scared. How could she do it to their baby? Sam needed to talk to her, he needed to understand. Was she truly worse off than he realized? Had her mind deteriorated to the point that the hospital was a place she needed to be? His head began to throb as images of Beth rolled through his mind screaming in the dark, and then suddenly quiet and blue. He squeezed his eyes shut to make it stop, to turn that horrible film off, but in the blackness of his lidded eyes the pictures continued to play. There was no escaping them.

"Sam, are you feeling okay?" he heard Mercedes ask against his ear.

He turned his head to find her leaned over him, her lips against his cheek, watching him from close proximity. Why did she have to be so close to ask him that? Sam couldn't help but smile as he thought about all the little weird and wonderful things that made Mercedes tick. She could whisper and yell in the same breath, smile so bright, while her eyes remained clouded with sadness, claim to love him and then walk away.

"What are you doing here?" he asked in the same whispered tone she had used. Her eyes darkened with hurt as she tried to pull away. He put his arm on her back, holding her in the spot. "I didn't mean I minded. I'm just surprised. Last time we spoke, you dumped my ass."

"I know," she said shyly looking away. "But I still care about you. I'm not just going to leave you passed out on the floor."

"Because you're so dedicated to your job right?" He was teasing, he knew he was more than a patient to her, but he liked watching her react every time he brought it up.

* * *

><p><em>Smiling into the sunlight, his chin propped against the top of her head, feeling victorious that her shorts were in a ball on the floor. It had been a good morning indeed. She was draped across him, her soft curvaceous frame molding with his body, her leg thrown across his lower half. It was comfortable with her, not awkward as it normally was when naked with a stranger after the passion had ebbed. With her he didn't want to roll over and leave or wish her out of the bed, he was content holding her close. This couldn't be a one time thing, he wouldn't be able to let it be one, not when he still had a few feats to accomplish and the urge to draw her in was so strong. He didn't want her to think he was needy or clingy so he held back from touching her and kissing her, allowing himself only the pleasure of the touches she gave him, which wasn't much since she was practically asleep on his chest.<em>

_It might have been for the best that they had come to a halt, they were heading dangerously close to complicated territory. She was married, he was her patient, and he had his sights set on another woman, those three elements added up to one big mess. Sleep was definitely better than sex. Although if she were to insist, he would be too much of a gentleman to deny her, she had been taking such good care of him and she deserved a bonus for that._

_"You're so comfy." Mercedes snuggled closer against him._

_"I must be because you're falling asleep on me."_

_"Tell me something good and maybe I'll stay awake," she said smiling against his bare chest._

_"Well that thing you did before, with your mouth, and the tongue swirling, that was very good," said Sam with only a hint of suggestiveness._

_"A little too good, I think. Your blood pressure got dangerously high and we had to slow things down."_

_"I will make it up to you. I promise. You're not the only one that knows how to do tongue tricks." He winked at her._

_"I want that in writing." Easing up she propped her chin on his chest, so she could look him in the eyes._

_"No pen. My scout's honor will have to suffice."_

_"You were never a boy scout."_

_"But I was, cub scout for two years. My mom was the den mother."_

_"Now I know you're lying." She giggled. "Sue would never volunteer to lead a bunch of unruly little boys."_

_"Ask her. She might seem all glamorous but my mom would get down on the floor and play with us."_

_"I learned something new today. Thank you for sharing that with me."_

_"My turn to learn something, let me ask you a question."_

_"Sure, go for it."_

_"What are your nightmares about?"_

_Her face dropped and she abruptly sat up, momentarily forgetting that she wasn't wearing a shirt. "That's really personal," she said covering her bare breasts with her arms._

_"I know and I wasn't going to ask, but you called out my name in your sleep." He couldn't help himself the question had been rattling around in his mind all night. The idea that she was dreaming about him unnerved him._

_"I did?"_

_"Yes. So I think I have the right to know what that's all about." Sam watched her as she worried her lower lip, her internal struggle playing out on her face._

_"I don't ever remember my dreams," she said finally, looking down at her lap._

_"You can trust me." He touched her cheek, to get her attention. "You can tell me anything. You know that right?"_

_"Not this," she shook her head, her wavy hair fanning about her shoulders, tears spilling from her large eyes. She looked so beautiful in that moment, the sunlight hitting her brown skin, her eyes shining with tears, such a somber sight to have moved him. "You'll think I'm crazy."_

_"I thought we established that already. You are crazy. We agreed," he said with a grin._

_She tried to laugh, but only managed a small smile. Sam pulled her on top of him, unable to keep up his self-imposed no touching rule. Chest to chest, nothing between them but the beating of their hearts, he ran his fingers through her hair and down her bare back. She was so soft and smooth all over, he could lose himself in just the sensation of touching her._

_"What has you so scared?" he asked her._

_"You," she blurted out, letting her sad eyes lock with his. "I dream about losing you. I see you after your accident when you wouldn't respond. I see you in this room, all the times you coded, so close to death with pneumonia, infections."_

_"You've got to step back," he said wrapping her in his arms. "You can't keep getting this close to your patients or else every time you lose one you'll fall to pieces." Her heart was too big, she needed a thicker skin or a new profession._

_"I'm not like this with every patient." She reached up to play with his hair. "Just you."_

_"Why me?" he asked wanting to know the answer to that question more than any other in his fill in the blank existence._

_"To me you are…" She hesitated, smiling at him._

_Seconds ticked by and she didn't speak. He wanted to ask her to finish her thought, to not leave him cruelly hanging this way, but he didn't. She swallowed the words on his tongue, overwhelming him with her soft lips and sweet mouth, kissing him until his mind was completely blank._

* * *

><p>Sam hadn't even remembered that conversation until now. The look in her eyes brought it all back, the answer to his question, so apparent. He understood why she covered him with tear tinged kisses. He knew why he appeared in her dreams. Knowing was far worse than he could have imagined, he sometimes wished he had never asked her the question, allowed himself to get so close, so intrigued by her. Now he was the one being haunted, waking dreams littered with thoughts about Mercedes and her feelings for him. He knew what that look in her eyes meant now and he had no idea how to handle it.<p>

"No other reason?" he asked continuing to wade into the murky waters, because he was an idiot and couldn't help himself.

"That depends."

"On what?" he asked, letting his eyes roam her face. Her makeup was gone. She looked startlingly young.

"On why Quinn is in this house," she said sitting up completely.

For a split second he prayed darkness would come again so he could avoid this conversation. All afternoon he tried to find a way to tell her, dreading the hurt look he knew would be in her eyes. In the end he'd procrastinated, leading him to this moment, where Mercedes was confronting him. At least now there were witnesses, in case she decided to do him bodily harm.

"So you know about that?" Sam asked.

"Gave me quite a shock walking in here and finding you passed out in Quinn's arms."

"She was with me?" A smile spread on his face. She hadn't left him after all.

"Wow you can't even hide your elation."

Sam tried to straighten his face and pull his focus back to Mercedes. "It's not like that. I just wondered where she went, we were in the middle of an intense conversation before…she told me some things about Beth."

"Can we change the subject please?" Sue interrupted. "He's just coming around. We don't need to bring up this unpleasantness."

"I think he needs to go to the hospital," said Kali from the foot of the bed.

"Do you think an ambulance?" asked his mom.

"No hospitals. I've seen enough of those. Unless I'm getting straddled by a cute nurse, I'm never going back." Sam poked Mercedes in her side trying to get a reaction, hopefully a smile, but she just rolled her eyes and looked away.

"Okay then," said Kali. "Good thing you're married to one, because you need to get checked out."

"No way Kali. I'm not going anywhere." Sam crossed his arms, illustrating how set he was in his position. He felt fine, his head was starting to clear, the last thing he wanted was to spend the night being prodded.

"Dr. Hill since he insists on not going to the hospital do you think he'll be okay to move around?" asked Sue.

"I say twenty minutes and some juice, and if he still seems alert, he should be okay."

"Perfect." Sam smiled. "I'll take grape juice please."

"I will get it Mr. Evans," said Marcel. Sam hadn't even noticed the man was in the room. He was so quiet, blending into the background.

"Thank you Marcel."

"Can you check on Beth too Marcel?" Mercedes asked twisting around on the bed to see the nurse.

"Oui," he replied with a nod of his head. "I will do that Mrs. Evans."

"Where's Beth? Is she all right?"

Beth had been so upset earlier, Sam recalled feeling frustrated and powerless to console his baby. He knew now that those feelings were probably just fabrications of his mind, but the apprehension about his daughter lingered. Hopefully once he got to see her and hold her again, it would all disappear.

"She's fine. She's with Emma," said Mercedes barely looking at him.

"Emma? What's going on? Is it a family reunion?"

He'd seen more of his family tonight than he had at the hospital. The mansion had never been a popular gathering spot, the house was too dark, and Dwight too uninviting for that, so all the activity was a bit surprising and definitely suspicious.

"Something like that. There's a party going on downstairs, just for you," said his mom taking a seat at the foot of his bed now that Kali had wandered off leaving the spot clear.

"A party? How long have I been out?"

He hadn't had a party in years, besides the one he threw himself for New Year's Eve. His father was too big on privacy and keeping a mysterious profile to let people roam about the house, even for something as tame as a birthday party. Growing up most of his birthdays were celebrated with his mom and Mike, sometimes Brittany, Puck and Santana, but that was rare. His father was never around, always off closing some deal, so he never was actually present for a party, but for some reason Dwight Evans managed to find time to have cake and milk with Sam for breakfast the morning of his birthday. His father would hide behind the financial section of the paper, barely saying a word, but every now and then he'd mention a stock tip, or ruffle Sam's hair. As a child Sam, thought that was just another example how his father had no time for him, squeezing him in before heading off to D&E, but years later he could see that his father had actually carved out that time, planned it and put it on his calendar. He wanted to spend the morning with him uninterrupted.

"It was a surprise. Your wife planned it for you."

"My wife? That can't be right. I thought you hated me," he said looking up at her.

Mercedes shrugged. "The jury's still out on that, you have yet to answer my question about Quinn. Why is she out of the hospital?'

"Mercedes," he sighed, knowing there was probably nothing he could say to make this easier, to erase that hard glint she had in her eyes. "Getting Quinn released has nothing to do with you."

Mercedes pressed her lips into a tight line, her eyes narrowing into angry slits. That was the wrong thing to say apparently.

"Oh I got that. You just ran up there and got her and to hell with how it might make me feel."

Why was she looking at him like that, as if he had done something wrong? And that accusing tone, so he got Quinn released, it was the right thing to do. He shouldn't be made to feel bad about it, and he certainly wasn't going to apologize for it just because Mercedes somehow had her feelings hurt. Quinn was his daughter's mother and one of his oldest friends what was he supposed to do? Let her rot in a hospital because his wife didn't like her? No way.

And who was his wife? He barely knew her, and he was going to put her feelings before those of Quinn or even his child's? He wasn't going to allow her to emotionally blackmail him anymore. He had let her sad eyes get to him more than enough since he'd met her. No more, he was done letting her sway him.

"I did it for my family. God!" he said raising his voice. "Can't you understand that? I'm trying to put us back together."

"You, Quinn and Beth?" she asked her voice shaking with tears.

Sam looked away, blocking those eyes. "Yes. I want her to have the best life, a real home, a real family."

"And the life I've been giving her isn't real?" Mercedes asked standing up. "Because staying up all hours with her pacing the floor felt pretty real to me."

Oh damn! Why did she have to take it there? He wasn't attacking her parenting skills. He knew she was good with the baby. Beth was doing really well with her. Sam was grateful she decided to take her in, but that didn't change the reasons he needed Quinn back in Lima. Surrogate mothers were great, but Beth had her real mother back, and he wasn't going to let Mercedes stand in the way of that. She always got so offended when he brought up Quinn coming back, as if he were threatening her somehow.

Then there was the fear, unmistakable in her eyes each time he talked about Quinn resuming her role as full time mother. Sam understood it more now, the fact that Quinn seemed to have disregarded Beth's safety a few times unnerved him too, but the way Mercedes, and his mother for that matter, were acting made it seem like it was something more than that. Sam wasn't sure if it was just irrational hatred or if there was something more to the weirdness that shadowed everyone whenever Quinn's name was mentioned.

"I didn't mean it like that." Sam sat up, putting his feet on the floor. "You're misunderstanding me."

"No I think I understand you perfectly. You want a family, just not one with me. I need some air."

"Mercedes wait." He grabbed for her arm, but she pulled away out of his reach. "She's so sensitive," he said under his breath.

He wasn't going to chase her, no way, if she wanted to get all huffy and disgruntled so be it. He wanted to talk to her like a rational adult and she stamped off like a child. Pouting and crying weren't going to work on him this time. She should know by now where they stood, he had made it clear earlier when he put himself out there and kissed her in his bedroom. She rejected him royally then, saying how he wasn't the same, that he wasn't good enough. So if she was waiting for him to run after her and beg for her understanding she could forget it. Maybe her other Sam would've punked out like that, but not him. There was too much at stake, his baby's life, Quinn's freedom, to waste time trying to appease her. Damn she made him so mad, where was the all that support now? All that understanding she claimed to have for his situation, his mental difficulties? Conveniently packed away now that he knew more and wasn't idly sitting by letting her call all the shots, if she thought she could control him, she was sadly mistaken.

"Sam, are you out of your mind?" asked his mom, knocking him in the shoulder to get his attention. "Did you bump your head when you hit the floor? I can't believe you just did that."

"I was being honest." If Mercedes couldn't take it, too bad, he hadn't said anything she didn't already know.

"Honest? Are you for real? She just found out that you had your mistress released from the hospital and by some miracle she's still speaking to you. What you needed to do was reassure her, kiss up to her if you had to, try to keep the peace."

"I got Quinn out for Beth. Mercedes knows it has nothing to do with our marriage."

A marriage that was completely bizarre and totally detached from any tangible emotions. He knew he had a wife, but he didn't feel that connection, he was trying to honor his commitments because he respected the institution, but none of it was real. He didn't feel like a husband. The feelings he had for Mercedes had nothing to do with their marriage and everything to do with the person she was at the hospital when they met. He liked his nurse, he was interested in her, the fact that she was his wife didn't strengthen those feelings, only complicated them. In a way she was like two separate people, and he had yet to figure out how to merge them in his mind.

"Don't play innocent with me Sam. I know what you're up to. I saw that sickening display with Quinn earlier, the kissing, holding hands. That had nothing to do with your daughter, and everything to do with your hormones."

"I care about Quinn. I'm not going to lie about that." Not that he ever could, every time he looked at her, he was pretty sure his face gave his feelings away.

"But you're going to lie about your feelings for your wife? Because I know you have them."

Maybe his face betrayed his emotions for Mercedes as well, though he prayed that it didn't. Quinn didn't seem to like the fact that he felt anything for his wife.

"I'm not lying about that either. I care about Mercedes too. She knows that." He told her and he had meant it, complicating things even more with that admission. In the end it didn't matter much since she chose not to believe him.

"Baby boy, I've got some tough love for you. Your wife has written you off. Mercedes marched downstairs and announced to the family that she's divorcing you."

"She's a little upset, but I am confident I can convince her to reconsider. Once she calms down. See how she was with me earlier? She still cares."

"Caring about your well-being is not the same as wanting to be married to you. You were at a hotel with Quinn last night, and now you have her here in this house. There's no calming down from that. Mercedes is done with you and right now I don't blame her."

"I have to deal with Quinn first. Mom, did she really do what you said? She left Beth alone for that long?"

He had been trying not to think about it, ignoring the voice in his head that chanted 'Quinn hurt Beth' over and over, but it was starting to seep back in, spreading like a blood stain on a floor. The facts didn't mesh with the Quinn he knew. His Quinn would never hurt a child, she was loving and kind, gentle and sweet, especially to the innocent. Had her PPD really caused this much of a change within her? Or was this all some sort of mistake?

Pushing aside those bad thoughts he tried to focus on the positive, Quinn was free, she wanted to be with him. All they ever dreamed was in reach, hovering in the horizon like a golden carrot. Beth had her mother back and it was a good thing. It had to be.

"Yes baby she did," his mom said sadly. "But I don't know if it is such a good idea for you to be thinking about this now. I'm worried about your health."

So much for focusing on the positive, now all he could see was his baby in tears and Quinn standing by doing nothing about it.

"If she hurt my daughter in any way…" He trailed off, not willing to finish that statement. He had no idea what he would do if Quinn had truly hurt Beth. The idea that Quinn could ever do something like that was almost beyond his comprehension.

"Sam please try to stay calm," she rubbed his shoulders. "That's all in the past."

"Not for me!" He pounded his fist on the bed. "When she left Beth in the house was she hurt? Did something happen to her?" The pictures of Beth in pain were back in his mind. He needed to know everything once and for all.

"I wasn't there baby, but I don't think so. She was probably just shaken up, but she's a strong girl. She bounced back."

He eyed his mother suspiciously, suddenly she was clamming up, when earlier she had loads to say. "You're hiding something. What are you not telling me?"

"Let's do this after the party, when your father gets home."

His father this, his father that, the great Dwight Evans wasn't even home and he was still dictating Sam's life. That had to end. Deal or not, he needed to regain control of his life, get out from under his father's thumb. He might have forgotten a few things, but he wasn't a child.

"I am going to say this one time, so listen closely. This is my family. I look out for them and I will handle things that pertain to them. My father has no say in this and neither do you. I need you to back the hell off."

Sue didn't even flinch, she only looked at him with sympathetic eyes, which made Sam even angrier. She hadn't taken him seriously at all. "I'm worried about you sweetie. You don't know what you're doing."

"Yes I do. I am doing what's best for my child."

"Letting Quinn out of the hospital sure proved that," she said sarcastically. "Your wife's barely speaking to you and Quinn is probably on the verge of a breakdown, you're doing great so far."

"Maybe if people would give me the facts and stop coddling me, things would be going smoother."

They needed to lay it all on the line with him, hand him his file, stage an intervention, because he was tired of not knowing. The fear that he couldn't handle it was nonsense, being kept in the dark was far worse for his stress levels than whatever it was he missed. Passing out had nothing to do with finding out new information, and if it had, well he was willing to risk another episode to get the truth.

"Maybe if you slowed down and started listening instead of making decisions blindly you wouldn't be in this mess. You do realize you just told your wife you didn't want her and that she wasn't a part of your family."

"I didn't mean that exactly, but she keeps pushing my buttons about Quinn. She needs to know her role as my wife. Why couldn't she just step up and support my decision?"

"I sometimes forget that you're not the same Sam from before."

"I hate when people say that. I'm the same man dammit. Three years didn't take away who I am."

Was Quinn the only person that liked him as he was, that accepted him, and didn't want him to morph back into a version of himself from before the crash? It hurt so much to think that no one in his life liked him, and that they were all silently wishing he would change.

"But it did sweetie. You lost more than just memories, you lost some insights, some maturity. Before the accident never would you have talked about your wife like that. You sounded so much like your father just then it was scary. Dwight wanted you to believe that women were untrustworthy and solely put on this earth for your whim and your control, but you always rejected that way of thinking, hoping you'd find a partner in life instead. You had that honey. You respected Mercedes and her opinions. You never expected her to just shut up and follow blindly behind you."

"Can you please stop talking about what kind of husband I was? I have no idea about my marriage, I barely know my wife. How can you expect me to just fall in line with how I used to be?"

"I expect you to take control of your responsibilities. You got inappropriately snippy with me about your family a few minutes ago."

"I meant what I said, even if you don't seem to be taking it seriously."

"How can I? You talk about taking care of your family yet you have no concern for your wife? You haven't even tried to figure things out with her."

"Quinn was my priority, she needed me, and Beth needs her mother. I was taking care them."

"Your marriage is the backbone of your family, your home base. If that falls apart I'm afraid you're going to be left floundering sweetie."

"What do you know about marriage? You've never had a solid relationship."

"Maybe my own personal life has fallen short of my expectations. My love life has never been stellar, but I want better for you, and you were on track to have that before. I've been on this earth longer than you and I was raised by two parents in a loving home until my father died, so I know something about family," she said tearing up. "I wanted to give you that with your father, and it never quite worked out, and I'm sorry for that baby, I really am, but I was so proud to watch you grow into a fine, decent man, with a good loving heart despite my mistakes. That person is still inside of you. I don't want you to let him go now."

"I'm sorry I said that mom. I shouldn't have." Sam pulled her into a hug. "I am so overwhelmed, there's Quinn and Beth, and Mercedes. I'm trying to keep all these balls up in the air."

Sue let him go, wiping the tears from her cheeks with her hand. "Now I told you I'm staying out of your life, and I'm trying to hold myself to that, but sweetie no matter what family ties you've created with Quinn you can't forget you are a married man and you have to act accordingly."

"Are you lecturing me on morality?"

"I'm telling you don't forget how you were raised, the things I taught you about honor and respect. I expect you to live up to the Evans name and all that it entails."

"I'm doing the best I can mom. I just need some time."

"Sweetie you are out of time." Sue rubbed his chin affectionately. "Your entire family, all of your friends, your colleagues and the media are downstairs waiting to wish you a happy birthday."

"What? Right now?" His jaw slacked in shock. "I can't believe you just sprung this on me."

"What I did was give you a heads up. You have some fences to mend before your dirty laundry is aired to the world. Time to make a choice Sam, are you making your big debut with your wife or your mistress by your side?"


	84. Tailspin3 Ch30

**Chapter 30**

Pushed aside like a gawker at a crime scene, forced to steal glimpses of him over shoulders and heads. All because Mercedes had the power to make it so. She couldn't even cry, not wanting Mike to see the tears, so he could mock them, and make smug judgments about how deserving she was of this fate. The indignity of being kept away from him, knowing that he would want her close. Before Sue interrupted them, they had promised to stick together, to make it through life side by side, no matter the challenges. And with one cruel bat of her eyes, Mercedes had smashed their promise, and ripped them apart.

Quinn had underestimated Mercedes, thinking that once she heard Sam wanted her, the younger woman would back down, embarrassed and defeated. But Mercedes had surprised her, digging in her heels, and fighting back, suddenly staking her claim over Sam. This was a positive development in terms of their current dilemma with satisfying Dwight's deal, Mercedes now clearly wasn't ready to walk away, Sam had a chance of keeping his marriage together. Quinn should have been happy and relieved, instead she wanted to throw something, like a punch. It had only been an hour and already Quinn was having a hard time with the idea of Sam and Mercedes interacting in any way. Nine months seemed impossible now. She burned with jealousy as she was forced to watch Mercedes kiss and caress Sam, touching him against his will. This had to be some form of abuse, to be handled in such a way while passed out. Sam surely would have protested the contact if he were alert. Except he hadn't once he opened his eyes, and that just made her rage inside. Could she honestly spend months watching him accept her kisses from afar?

It felt like when he first was in a coma, then too she was pushed to the wayside by Sam's family, not being allowed to see him for weeks. Intensive care, family only, they had told her. Puck tried to explain as nicely as possible all the reasons why she was being left out, all were plausible, but none were the truth. The sole reason Quinn wasn't allowed to see Sam was because of one person, his wife. Mercedes didn't want her there, so Quinn had been barred. Puck never admitted that, but Quinn knew it was true. He instead went on about second chances and how their love would come out stronger from this ordeal. He had called it a silver lining, and urged her to agree, since she after all knew better than anyone how much Sam wanted Mercedes back. In the middle of the waiting room, her stomach rumbled and she was certain her face turned an unnatural shade of green, she didn't want Sam and Mercedes to have a second chance. She wanted Sam to move on, to in time open up to new possibilities, to open up to her.

That was the first day those awful selfish thoughts surfaced, coming to light for the first time even to herself, she had kept them hidden so well, tucked behind her role of best friend. But knowing Sam was in a coma, fighting for his life, it all bubbled over, an overflow of emotions and pain. She wanted to be with Sam Evans, awful but true. And with that she turned on her heels and left the hospital waiting area to find Puck and tell him about her pregnancy to find a way to make their relationship work, to force herself to want something attainable and not so painful.

Almost a year later she had lost the battle within herself, she wanted Sam still, and she no longer could deny it. So close to saying those three words to Sam, that were on the tip of her tongue all night. She had told him as he laid passed out in her arms, she had angrily admitted it to Mercedes when the girl dared to dismiss Sam's feelings for her, and now all that was left was to tell him, to his face, if only Mercedes would get out of the way.

Quinn looked up, suddenly realizing eyes were on her.

"How are you doing over here?" Kali asked her voice cloaked in concern. She must have thought Quinn was losing it, pushed to the back corner of the room.

"I'm fine," she lied. Inside she was a wreck, a jumble of nerves and fears. "How's Sam doing?"

"Better. He won't go to the hospital like he should." Kali looked over in Sam's direction. "But he seems to be bouncing back."

"That's good. I was so worried."

If she had lost him she didn't know what she had would have done. Beth would have no one. Quinn would be forced to go to her parents and take the consequences of asking them for help.

"I have to say I'm a little surprised to see you here. You just got out of the hospital I thought you were going to take it easy."

"I will, I am. I just needed to talk to Sam briefly, to tell him a few things."

Quinn had already told him far more than she planned. When she first arrived at the mansion, she figured it would be in and out, tell him she loved him and then go, but life never worked that simply. The night had evolved into this wondrous series of moments where she finally found the courage to let out everything she had been holding back about Sam. He knew now that she wanted to be with him.

"About what happened to Beth?" asked Dr. Hill.

"No, that stuff sort of just came up."

"I don't think either of you are ready to tackle that stuff. Far too volatile."

"Sam asked me questions. I wasn't going to lie to him. He has the right to know."

If only she could have told him everything about Beth before Sue arrived causing trouble. Sue Evans-Sylvester had a way of making things sound so sinister. Sam had understood about her mental stress, and was supportive of her struggle with PPD, then his mother had to come with her accusations, making Sam suspect something darker was a play. Quinn had to be the one to tell him about what happened, in her own way, it was between the two of them as parents and as friends. Sam wouldn't understand if he heard it from someone else.

"Not at the expense of your health or his. I urge you to tread lightly."

After seeing Sam passed out on the floor that was the only thing she wanted to do. Quinn didn't know if it was alcohol or stress that made Sam collapse, but she couldn't bear the thought of it happening again.

"I got to hold Beth tonight," Quinn said changing the subject. She smiled remembering the feel of her sweet baby girl in her arms.

"How was that?"

"It was so great Dr. Hill. She didn't even cry and Sam was here, so it was the three of us, like a real family." Being with them like that almost made what came before worth it, all the pain and heartache, because it had led her here, to this point, where for the first time she felt like she was exactly where she should be.

"That's very positive Quinn. I'm happy you had a nice encounter with your baby, but I don't need to remind you that..."

"I know," she said cutting Kali off. "I'm not supposed to be around her."

Dr. Hill lowered her voice, and stepped closer. "No you're not. You don't want to make things worse for yourself."

"It won't happen again. It was just like a dream come true, you know? I couldn't resist being with them both."

When she kissed him with Beth in his arms, putting all that she couldn't say into that one act, it was like they came full circle from when he awoke from his coma with the two of them by his side, to now when they pledged to have a future together. Something had awakened within Quinn, new and exciting, such possibility and so much love. This is what happy felt like when it came from within and spread to all parts of life. She'd found it with the Beth and Sam.

"Dreams are good, they give us hope, something to look forward to, but sometimes dreams are just fantasies, a means to help us cope. You have to find a balance between the real and the imagined."

"Are you saying Sam and I will never be a family with Beth?" asked Quinn, not liking the turn the conversation was taking.

"I'm saying dreaming about a future with him will not necessarily make it so, and you have too many other positive things in your life to put all your energy in one place. Remember what we discussed about priorities."

"Yes," Quinn nodded. "Get healthy to get back to my child."

"Right. Focus on those things and everything else will fall into place."

"Dr. Hill my son wants some privacy with her," announced Sue, barely giving Quinn a sideways glance.

"Okay. Remember what we talked about." Dr. Hill squeezed Quinn's hand and gave her an encouraging smile, before leaving the room with Sue.

All alone with Sam, the mood decidedly different than it had been just an hour before, Quinn felt apprehensive as she crossed the nursery toward him. Sam sat on the edge of the bed, arms folded across his chest watching her approach. His expression was unreadable as he sat there silently, far more wrinkled than usual, in all black. The color had returned to his face, but there was no light in his eyes.

"Hi," Quinn said with an uncertain smile. "It's good to see you up again." She reached out to touch his face, to coax those lips into a smile to emerge.

"Don't touch me." He jerked away.

Tears filled Quinn's eyes. "Sam, I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm not okay," he said coldly.

"Do you need to lie back down? Should I go get Dr. Hill?" she asked nervously. Something was off with him.

"No. I need some answers about what you did to my daughter." Hard green eyes stared back her, unflinching in their silent accusations.

Quinn clutched the end of the bed to brace herself for the impending storm. "You're still shaky, maybe now is not the time..."

"Now is exactly the time," he said cutting her off abruptly. "I thought I could handle this, just let it go, but seeing you here, brought it all back. There's something you're not telling me, something I should know. And it's getting in the way of us. You see Quinn we're stuck. And there's no moving on from this place until you tell me the truth."

"I did tell you the truth. Always," she managed to choke out, her voice sounding weak and unconvincing even to herself. There were a few lies between them now, when there never had been before and Quinn hated it.

"So my mom wasn't making that up? You did leave our baby alone?" A flicker of emotion, disappointment, he had been hoping that what he heard about Beth was not true.

"It happened. Don't you remember I explained things."

"Still a little hazy." Sam tapped his head. "So I need you to repeat it."

"Okay." She tried to sit beside him on the bed, but he jumped up as if her proximity physically hurt him.

"You keep your distance," he warned from a few feet away.

"Sam you're acting so cold, like I'm a stranger."

He was shutting down on her like he used to in high school, blocking her out, and only letting in the negative thoughts. The ones he usually kept at bay because he loved her, the taunts from her classmates, criticism of her from his parents, and that little voice Quinn knew existed inside him that whispered he could do better than be with a girl like her.

"Maybe you are a stranger, because the Quinn I remember would've never done something like this." Sam shook his head, his eyes shining with tears. "Not the Quinn I love."

"It was the PPD." She moved closer. If she could just hold him, he would understand, he would see she was still the same person. "I wasn't myself."

But he blocked her, holding up his hand. "Okay, so tell me about it. Tell me how the PPD made you want to hurt Beth. Then maybe I'll be convinced that I shouldn't do the same thing to you."

"You wouldn't do that," she sobbed. Unable to hold back any longer, Quinn rushed to him, catching him by surprise as he backed into the crib. Trapped between her and the crib, Quinn made her move, grabbing his face, forcing him to look her in the eyes. "You wouldn't hurt me," she said through her tears. Cold and unfeeling steel green eyes, staring though her, slicing her deep. Quinn stumbled back not wanting to believe this was happening, not now when they had just been so close. "You're just upset," she said more to herself than to him.

"Damn right I'm upset!" Sam yelled yanking down the star mobile that hung above the crib, throwing it to the floor, where it cracked. "Tell me what you fucking did to my daughter!"

Quinn's eyes widened at the violent display. "Sam you're scaring me."

"I'm going to do worse than that if I find out you deliberately tried to hurt her. You'll be over. Done."

"Are you threatening me?"

This couldn't be happening, she repeated again and again in her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut, wishing for time to stop, to rewind back to before when they were happy with their baby. She wanted that moment back.

"I'm not making threats. Open your eyes," he demanded, lifting her chin. Quinn focused on him again. "This is a promise," he said between clenched teeth, a breath away from her face. "If you hurt Beth, you'll pay for it."


	85. Tailspin3 Ch31

**Chapter 31**

His head was pounding again and it was starting to feel like he was underwater, sounds were far away and his vision hazy. Maybe he was having an out of body experience, he had heard about those once on some talk show, when it feels like you are watching a movie version of your life. He could hear himself yelling at Quinn, and he could feel the anger, sense the pain, but it was like someone else was performing the act and he was a bystander. It felt like too much to do to her, she had just gotten out of the hospital she wasn't strong enough. He wanted to tell himself to stop, to pull it back a bit and calm down, but he didn't, he couldn't. This was about his daughter.

Questions had been building inside of him for weeks, strange looks, constant evasions, an unsettling feeling whenever he spoke Quinn's name. So close to the truth, he couldn't stop now, he had to know, what was real, what had happened to Beth, and most importantly find out if it could happen again. There was where his anger stemmed, from the hidden fears he didn't want to voice. Sam knew Quinn had done something, even before she started to tell him about her depression earlier this evening, his gut had been sending him warning signs about her, signs he had chosen to ignore. This time he prayed his gut was wrong, that it had been altered by the coma and his instincts were off, because he didn't want to be right about this. Quinn couldn't be capable of hurting a child, their own daughter.

She was covered in tears, standing in the middle of the room, arms about herself, in her red dress. Red like blood, like the color behind his eyes as he burned watching her, waiting for a response. What was she holding back? Something big, Sam was sure of that.

"Tell me why you tried to hurt Beth?" he finally asked, to get her talking, to drown out the sound of her tears.

"I wasn't trying to hurt her." She sniffled. "I explained this before."

"Yes but your explanation made no sense." How did she forget a child more than once? It didn't seem plausible that she could forget Beth's existence for that stretch of time.

Quinn sat on the bed, tucking her hair behind her ears, staring at her feet. "I've never done much with our baby. I admit it. I let Mercedes take care of her so I wouldn't have to while I drank and obsessed about my depression. I couldn't make myself care enough to be a mother. Beth didn't seem to like me and sometimes I didn't like her much either. I felt like she ruined my lifestyle."

"If you didn't want Beth why not give her up to my parents or your parents?" He knew it was a hard choice, but at times the right one. Quinn could have done the same, if Beth had been too much for her.

"I wasn't giving up my child. I loved her. My emotions were out of whack, I couldn't get myself to care about the right things, but I still wanted to care about them. I just wish I had gotten help sooner, to have avoided all this."

"Me too, because Beth was the one to suffer," he said staring at the broken mobile on the floor, bits of stars were scattered at his feet. Then she appeared, the tip of her shoes invading the stars.

"Sam, this is me." She reached up and caressed his face, drawing him into her dark green eyes. He was powerless to resist her this close. With arms stiffly at his sides, he let her continue to touch him. "You know me. I wouldn't have hurt her. I was sick."

"Quinn I know you were sick, I understand that, I really do, but you left her by herself two times that I know of already. That's too much. It scares me."

She leaned over into the crib and picked up the stuffed bear that sat in the corner. It was blue, made out of cloth like a towel with thread sewn eyes and smile.

Quinn hugged the bear to her chest as she spoke. "I just forgot about her for a little bit, but that was then, before I was on medication, before I was seeing Dr. Hill. I would never do that now."

"How many times did it happen? How many times did you forget?"

She tossed the bear back in the crib. "That's it. You know all," she replied, her eyes settling on his.

"I look at you and I see your beautiful face, you're my Quinn. I know you would never hurt our child. Then I think about the facts, and you did this, and CPS took her away. I don't know how to merge those two sides of you in my mind."

Hesitating between touching her and turning away, Sam fought with himself to let that negative image of Quinn go. She was still the same person, he reminded himself, she was sick at the time, not in a stable frame of mind. He let his finger tangle in a curl at the end of her hair, a compromise of contact.

"Are you like everyone else? Do you hate me now?"

"I could never hate you." He took a deep breath and stepped closer, encircling her with his arms. "I'm sorry I yelled. I just kept seeing Beth crying and hurt in my mind and I lost it."

Feeling powerless was something Sam couldn't stand and all of this with Beth had him at a complete loss. It had already happened, the events long over, there was nothing for him to do, no way for him to protect his child. He couldn't fight the past. Still he was haunted by what should've been, what he should've done to prevent it all.

"She cries in my mind too, in my sleep, I can hear her sometimes. Calling out for me." Quinn held both of his hands. "Sam you've got to know how ashamed and sorry I am for all I've done. Please believe me."

"I do believe you, but something still feels off. I trusted you more than anyone in this world until a few minutes ago. Now I'm not sure what to think."

"You can still trust me. Just as you always have."

"Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth." Her face in his palms, he searched her eyes for the truth, for the answers to all that still eluded him. "Is there something else I should know?" he asked.

"Your parents don't…"

"I don't give a shit about my parents," he said cutting her off. Sam tried to stifle his anger. It wasn't her fault that his parents were controlling. "This is about us. I'm ready to spend my life with you. I'm taking risks for you, breaking my wife's heart for you. I need you to be straight with me. Is there anything else?"

Quinn looked at him, dead on and unflinching. "No Sam that's all I have to say."

He wanted to believe her, to take what she said as the truth and let his doubts go, but there was that one thing that still plagued him. So he had to ask.

"What about the snow?"

Her face grew pale as she turned away. Silent with her back to him for so long Sam thought she would ignore his question, but then she spoke.

"It was snowing that night by the docks. I stood there for I don't know how long just staring into the water, seeing a reflection that I wished was my own. I used to be different. You think I'm the same person you remember but I'm not. I lost pieces of myself over the years, so many that in the end I didn't even feel like me. I was a liar and a cheater, a worthless mother, I had no career, no more dreams. I just existed. That night as the snow fell all around me, covering everything in white, I tried to reach for that person I used to be, that brave girl full of dreams. She was there in the river Sam." She looked at him, eyes wide and shining, so much pain on her face. "You were there, you know?"

"At the river?" He wanted to go to her, take her in his arms and tell her to stop, to forget about that night and snow. But he didn't, he was cemented to his spot, watching a Quinn he didn't really know.

"Yes. In my mind I saw you in the water too, next to that other me. You were young, and handsome, and awake. If I could just reach you, on that other side, then I knew I would be free. I'd be myself again. So I lifted my head toward the sky, and let the snow hit my face one last time, then I jumped."

"Quinn," his voice cracked. He didn't have the words to respond. She had been desperate and in pain, so alone, while he was stuck in that hospital bed.

Quinn was close again, the hint of her citrus shampoo filling the air. Graceful fingers on his cheeks, catching tears he didn't even know he shed. "I finally reached you Sam," she whispered. "This is the other side with you and Beth. I'm going to get strong and I'm going to get better, for the both of you, and for me."

She took his breath away, as he stared into her eyes, stroked her blonde hair. She was everything, the most beautiful light that ever blessed his life. Squeezing her against him, probably way too tight, he thanked God she hadn't drowned that night, grateful she was still here with him. "Quinn I'm so sorry," he said against her hair. "I don't know how I let myself think such horrible things about you."

Leaning back to look at him, she said, "I'm glad you did. Proves what I always knew in my heart, that you are an amazing father, and that you'd do anything to keep our child safe."

"I'd give my life."

"I know you would," she said rubbing his cheek with the back of her hand. Sam caught her hand on his face, enclosing it with his own.

"I need you to understand something Quinn. I am going to do everything I can to keep you out of that hospital upstate but I need you stay in treatment here in Lima."

"I am Sam. I will still see Dr. Hill."

"Good. And you can't be near Beth again. I can't take the risk."

"I know," she said her face falling. "I promise I won't do anything to hurt her again."

"I know you won't, because you'll never get the chance." Sam stated coldly. "I'll have you put away myself if I find out you ever hurt our child."

"Sam," She squeezed his hand that still held hers. "I swear-"

"Excuse me, Mr. Evans," said a voice behind them. Sam turned to see Marcel standing in the doorway with a glass in his hand. "Your juice sir."

"Yes. Thank you Marcel," said Sam as he took it from the man.

"Have you seen Mrs. Evans?" Marcel asked. "I needed to tell her about Beth."

"You can tell me. How is she?"

"She's good sir. She's with your family, going from hand to hand. She's happy now sir."

"That's good to hear. Thank you." Sam gulped down his juice.

"Oh and tell Mrs. Evans, that she loves the music. She always wondered about that."

Sam smiled. "I will be sure to do that. Thank you Marcel."

"I guess we have a musical child," said Quinn after Marcel left. She had been very silent while the nurse was in the room, taking to the corner to examine items on a shelf.

"How could we not with you as her mother?" asked Sam. He wouldn't be surprised if Beth sang her first words instead of speaking them.

"And you too, all those nights on the porch with your guitar."

"You remember that?" Sam was surprised. He hadn't thought about his guitar in years.

"Warm summer nights, the moon so bright it was like a lamp," Quinn mused out loud. "We would sit on the bottom steps of my porch and make up songs."

"I used to love to hear you sing, gave me chills." The world would stop and a spotlight would illuminate Quinn, all his focus on her. There was nothing else when she sang.

"You always were my best audience, so enthusiastic about everything, even though I know you hate pop music."

Sam pulled her over to the bed to sit beside him, knees tapping, his arms around her shoulders.

"I don't hate it when you sing it."

Sweet like an angel, her music was a reflection of her physical beauty, a representation of her soul, Sam would lose himself in her voice, hang on every note, for it was the only time he truly got to see her. The real her, through song she'd shine displaying emotions she rarely shared, so closed was his Quinn, like a jack-in-the-box, only opening up when the music played.

"Do you still play the guitar?" she asked, seeming to look through him, maybe searching for the boy he used to be.

"No I put it away after we broke up. Not much to sing about after that." No stars, no songs, just darkness and a pain that felt like it would never subside.

"That's a shame." Her smile dropped slightly. "You played beautifully. I bet Beth would love to hear it."

"Maybe one day," his voice trailed off, as he remembered them so young and happy, nights filled with music. "I still can't believe you remember that."

"I remember it all from back then, the music, the stars, the dances," she said wistfully, closing her eyes.

Sam leaned into her playfully. "And the kisses," he added.

"Especially those," she smiled. "You made my first real kiss magical, like an old movie."

"I was so nervous, I thought I would miss your lips," he laughed. With Quinn so close he used to lose his train of thought, his pulse would pound in his ears, and his mouth would go dry, it still did. Even now he was so moved by her.

"It was perfect. We were perfect. I keep all of that close to my heart. For always." She brushed her lips across his, eyes open, watching him intently. "You never forget your first love," she said with a smile, letting her head fall against his shoulder.

Sam sighed, completely taken by the woman next to him. She had opened up to him tonight in a way she never had before, letting him into places she normally kept hidden. She looked different now, he hadn't noticed before, but she looked older, the fire in her eyes had dimmed, and her smile a little less bright. Her beauty remained, but it was clouded, perhaps by her current struggles or the pain she had endured over the years.

Maybe she was right, he didn't know her, not as she was now, but he would. They had the rest of their lives to recapture lost time, and create new memories. Quinn had given him her heart and promised him a future with their child, the best birthday gift he could ask for. The way Sam saw it, the least he could do was give her one special night, because he wasn't sure what the future would hold now that he could so clearly see the uphill climb toward their forever in front of them.

"Come on let's go," he said grabbing her by the hand and pulling Quinn to her feet. "We have a party to attend."


	86. Tailspin3 Ch32

**Chapter 32**

Trapped on the upper floor in a blood stained dress, and a face streaked by running makeup, Mercedes retreated to the one place she knew was safe, the one place that felt most like home in this huge mausoleum, Beiste's wing. The suite of rooms in the far wing that Dwight had given Beiste for the times when she visited, more and more frequently of late, she pretty much lived there now.

On her knees letting out all that she wanted to say to his face but couldn't without breaking down and losing even more of her self respect. The anger, her wounded pride, those hateful thoughts about Quinn all flushed away along with her sampling of the buffet. It didn't make her feel better, but at least she was empty, the calmness of being void, overtaking her, until the next wave hit. If only she could truly hate him, detach herself completely, then she could break away from this perpetual nightmare and build a new life. But that was a pipe dream, she never could hate him, even during the times when she thought he had broken her completely, loving him was a part of her now, and there was no running from herself.

Not part of his family, he had some nerve. All the sacrifices, the loss, the pain, she could be living a drama-free existence in North Carolina, possibly as a doctor's wife instead of being driven to madness here with him. She knew every inch of him, had seen him at his worst, and never turned away. Through sickness, drunken one nighters, an unplanned baby, she had stuck by him through it all. Loving an Evans wasn't easy business, they were a hot headed, crazed, sometimes deadly bunch, but she dealt with them all for him. How many of his exes were willing to do that? Sam needed to take a good hard look around, before he started shuffling players and making replacements, and realize that not everyone was up to handle the job of being his wife. Egotistical bastard, thinking that he could just bring Quinn back and she would just be okay with it. Sure Sam, move your mistress right on in. Why not let her sleep in our bed and really make your dreams come true?

Wet from her shower, clean but far from renewed, Mercedes rifled through the bag she had stashed in the room earlier. Not many options for party attire, she'd left her alternate dresses at home, all she packed were necessities and sleepwear. Buried at the bottom of the bag she spotted her lingerie, Sam's favorite, stupidly packed for "just in case". As if she had a chance in hell of getting anywhere with Sam, that belief solidly confirmed now that Quinn was back in his life, and apparently back in his heart. Hot, angry tears burned in her eyes as Mercedes remembered all that Quinn had said during their argument, the things she claimed Sam had said to her, about a future and marriage. Had Sam really made promises to another woman so soon, without even attempting to work things out with her? If all that were true, Mercedes might as well throw in the towel now, lingerie would be pointless when he had his dream girl back in his life.

Putting on the lingerie, she wished herself back to the time before it all went wrong, their last night of happiness, before they fell apart. She had been wearing this very set and Sam couldn't keep his hands off her. Times had certainly changed. The gray McKinley High football t-shirt was her next layer, pulling it over her lingerie, oversized, but so comfortable, she wrapped herself in it and climbed into the bed. The party would be over soon, she could just wait it out up here. The will to lay a smack down on Quinn swiftly fleeting the longer she remained reclined.

"Sue what are you doing here?" asked Mercedes as she watched her mother-in-law enter the room.

"I came to see you, brought you something," she said holding up a bag.

"That's my dress. When did you have time to get that?" Her long black dress in clear plastic, one of the three Kurt had forced her to purchase. Of the three this was her least favorite, she couldn't do it justice, she had way too many curves for a dress so tight. She felt dumpy and unattractive in it, but Kurt insisted she looked good.

"I have my ways." Sue shrugged, placing the dress on the bed. "I figured you'd need it, since your green one is ruined."

"Actually I don't. I'm not going to the party." Her mind had been made up somewhere between throwing up and crying in the shower. There was no point in going where she wasn't wanted.

"Oh so the plan is to stay hidden up here in Beiste's room until the party's over?"

Beiste's room at the mansion was cozy, so different from the rest of the house. Bright yellows danced with pale earth tones, a long chaise along the wall, a dressing table always with a fresh vase of flowers, and a bed with an abundance of pillows. The room was as warm and inviting as the woman herself.

"Pretty much. I have TV, my phone…"

"Sam's ratty t-shirt," Sue interjected.

Mercedes looked down at herself in Sam's McKinley High Football shirt, holey and broken in, hanging long on her body, enclosing her completely like a hug. "I like to sleep in it."

"I know. Makes you feel closer to Sam."

"I just think it's comfortable. Any t-shirt will do really," she said trying to downplay the significance with Sue. Mercedes didn't want her to know the truth, that she purposely wore this shirt whenever she missed Sam. He was out of the coma but still so removed from her life, at times it felt like the shirt was all she had left of him.

"You don't fool me Mercedes. I know how much you love my son."

"And that just kills you doesn't it." This was it. The moment the gloves came off and Sue started hating her again.

"Right now yeah. I wish he had a wife that was a little less pathetic. You have a house full of people downstairs, that you invited, and you're hiding out like a scared puppy. That's not acceptable to me. My son deserves to be with someone stronger than that."

"Quinn's here to pick up my slack," she said her stomach turning, just thinking about Quinn.

"So that's it?" Sue asked taking a seat on the bed beside Mercedes. "You're just giving it all up to her?"

"She's what he wants." Mercedes buried her head in the pillows, fighting the urge to cry.

"I overheard what you said to Quinn outside the nursery. You told her you'd fight back. What was that? Just trumped up girly posturing?"

"Sam made it very clear who his family is and I'm not a part of it. You heard him."

"Yeah I did and I wanted to kick him for saying that to you." Sue pulled Mercedes upright. "What I don't understand is why you didn't kick him yourself."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. Go back and enjoy the party." She covered her face with her hands. It was mortifying enough that he had said it in a room full of people the first time. She didn't want to relive it with her mother-in-law now.

"Not until you agree to come too."

"It's not happening Sue. You might as well go. I know you want to use me to stick it to Quinn, but you're going to have to find someone else to do your dirty work."

"I don't want to stick it to Quinn, in fact I'm not going to do a thing to her."

Sue hated Quinn for so many reasons, she had to be up to something. No way would she just sit back and let Quinn have free reign.

"Okay where's the real Sue?"

"I made a deal with God about this, so I'm staying out of it, my hands are tied, but if I weren't I would be shoving you down to that party."

Whoa Sue was serious. Mercedes guessed they all had promised God something in exchange for Sam's recovery. Now that God delivered, they all had to keep up their end of the deal, which was why Mercedes had decided to walk away. She only wanted Sam happy and if Quinn did that for him then she shouldn't try to block that. No matter how much it killed her inside.

"I wish Beiste were here." Mercedes sighed, needing a hug more than ever. She took a seat at Beiste's dressing table, surrounding herself with all of Beiste's belongings. She wished Dwight had chosen another weekend to whisk Beiste away.

"What would Beiste say if she were?" Sue asked coming up behind her.

"Probably nothing I wanted to hear," Mercedes laughed lightly. "She'd probably tell me to put my big girl undies on and go play hostess."

"Sounds like good advice to me." Sue picked up a brush and started running it through Mercedes' hair. "No matter what's going on in your personal lives, to the world you are a happily married couple that just came through a horrible ordeal. Everyone has been watching you two, and this party is your moment to shine, to show them that you survived."

"But we didn't survive," said Mercedes turning in her seat to face Sue. "It would be nothing but lies if I went down there and smiled pretty for the cameras."

"Okay then, lie, do what you must, but you can't disappoint all of Sam's family and friends because you're having a little fit of jealousy." Sue handed Mercedes a pair of earrings, emerald dangles, they were part of a set. Sam had cuff links to match.

"I'm more than jealous, I'm humiliated. He went and got his other woman, brought her back to town and didn't even bother to tell me. He spent the night with her then tried to play if off with me like it was nothing. I don't even want to think about it, I'm so freaking mad."

"Why are you mad? She is Beth's mother, you know how Sam gets about loyalty."

"I don't care if she is Beth's mother, I'm his wife. His first allegiance should have been to me."

That was the slap in the face, to have Sam make all these life altering decisions without even consulting her and then for him to come to her after the fact and try to sway her to be open to the idea. That didn't work for Mercedes, either he wanted her input or not.

"Well parents are very protective of their children. He was probably just looking out for Beth's well being, she needs her mother after all."

"How can you even say that after what Quinn did? Beth is better off now without her, she's fine, she's happy, and Sam knows that. Sam just wanted to forget the fact that he has a wife and do what he wanted."

"Maybe you should remind him. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't let some other woman take my place. I would let my husband, that other woman, and the whole world know that I was the one he married."

"I told Quinn all of that. She knows I'm Mrs. Evans and that's not about to change anytime soon if I have anything to say about it."

"Good for you honey. Did you tell Sam that too?"

"Well no, he pissed me off…"

"So you just stormed out and ran in here in tears?"

"It hurt."

At this point she should have expected that type of blow from Sam, he had been giving them left and right. Still she felt blindsided by this. His words made her feel useless and invisible, like nothing about her mattered to him.

Sue rubbed her shoulder. "That's because it's worth it. It only hurts when it matters."

"Sorry am I interrupting?" asked Sam popping his head inside the room.

"No not at all, come in sweetie. I was just leaving. You look like you're feeling better."

"I am. Thank you."

"Glad to hear it." Sue kissed her son on the cheek. "See you downstairs."

"You're not dressed," said Sam after his mother left. His eyes swept over her body, spending the most time on her bare legs.

Mercedes stood up, pulling down the t-shirt so it covered her knees. "My dress got a little blood stained and I sort of lost my date so…"

"That's my shirt." He interrupted, tugging at the sleeve.

"Is it?" she asked innocently turning away from him.

"Yeah had it since high school. One of my lucky ones."

"Hmm interesting," she said pretending to be engrossed in reading the label of a perfume bottle on the dresser. "I guess I shouldn't donate it to Goodwill then."

"What?" Mercedes wanted to laugh at the outrage in his voice. He was so sensitive about his silly old shirts. "You can't just throw it away."

"I said donate. Is there something I can do for you Sam?" she asked facing him, hands on her hips. "Some reason you're here?"

"First you need to give me my shirt back." He stepped closer, almost threatening and Mercedes had to bite back a laugh. Sam was just so cute when he got like this.

"I'm wearing it."

"Find something else. I want it now." His eyes darkened. Sam was getting serious.

She didn't want to risk a tantrum or another black out, so she stopped teasing him. If he wanted his shirt back, he could have it. It wasn't like he was going to wear it now anyway. What was the rush?

"You are such a jerk," she said yanking the shirt over her head and tossing it in his face, leaving herself exposed in nothing but teal blue bra and panties.

"Thank you," he mumbled as he pretended not to look at her body. Mercedes could see him trying to subtly get an eyeful.

"Now I have nothing to wear," she announced, standing in the middle of the room in nothing but her underwear.

Another thing that hadn't changed about Sam Evans, he still liked her in blue lingerie. Mercedes noted his struggle to hide his reaction. Her plan to seduce him might have worked after all, but with Quinn back she'd lost all motivation.

"How about this dress?" Sam asked pointing to the dress on the bed, his eyes never leaving her body.

"Can you turn around please? This is not a peep show."

"It's not like I haven't seen it before." Sam huffed as he slowly turned his back.

"That was when I wanted you to look, now the thought of you anywhere near me makes me ill," she said as she started to put on the dress. She couldn't think about him touching her without picturing him doing the same things to Quinn. It was a gruesome three-way in her mind.

"Nice try Little Nurse, but I'm not buying it, you've got a pretty pink tint all over, you only do that when you're excited."

"You don't know me well enough to make a statement like that."

"Maybe not, but I'm a quick study," he said turning around. "And you are not hard to read."

"Who said you could turn around?" Mercedes asked holding up the top of her dress with her arm.

"I decided we're past these games," he said spinning her around, one hand on her waist, he fumbled with her zipper. "It's time to go down to the party."

"Ok you and your little girlfriend have fun." Mercedes held her hair up so he could zip her dress all the way up.

"Last I checked I'm married, so I don't have a girlfriend, just you." Sam offered his arm as support while Mercedes stepped into her shoes.

"You don't have me. I'm through with you remember?" She leaned over to look in the mirror at the dressing table. Colored lip gloss and a little mascara was all the makeup she wore. She felt exposed with her face so natural.

"Right. So you've said, but I'm calling your bluff. You're not going anywhere, especially not tonight. All set? Let's go," he said pulling her out the door by her hand.

"I never agreed to this," she said almost jogging to keep up with his long strides, as he dragged her down the hall.

"Yeah you did, the minute you stripped off my shirt hoping for a reaction."

She could practically picture the stupid smirk on his face. He was so full of himself. "You son of a b-"

"Hey with the language." Sam stopped at the top of the stairs and wagged a finger at her. "You look too pretty to use words like that."

Mercedes could feel herself blushing and she hated it. One little compliment shouldn't have the power to make her come undone.

"I look fifteen, stuffed in my mom's dress," she said self-consciously. She never wanted to wear the dress in the first place. It was black, floor length, sleeveless with a plunging neckline and an extremely high slit that showed almost her entire leg.

"Eighteen. I feel like a big enough perv already, and the dress really looks good on you. I like it."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." He smiled, as he took her hand and led her down the stairs.

"You look nice too." He had changed into a black suit with a crisp white shirt underneath, top button undone, and those green emerald cuff links that matched her earrings, sparkling at his wrists.

"Friggins forgot the tie." His hand went to his neck as if he were hoping it would magically appear. "I feel all naked without it."

"It looks good without the tie, casual elegance. We just need to fix your collar like this." She stared into his green eyes, drifting for a moment as she adjusted his shirt. "There that's better," she said as she pulled herself away.

They reached the doorway to the grand salon and he dropped her hand, tilting his head, watching her.

"What?" Mercedes asked.

"It's strange being with you like this, outside of the hospital, sort of feels like a first date."

"A date you didn't ask me on. You just dragged me down here."

"I already asked you before, at the hospital. And if I recall, you said yes, very enthusiastically."

"That doesn't count," she stated dismissively. "That was before you were a jackass."

Sam had been sweet, attentive, and so open with her at the hospital, if she had not already been there, she would've fallen in love with him all over again. Maybe some part of her did, getting to express feelings for him she had repressed for months, brought it all back to her, even stronger than before. It was like a fresh start for both of them.

"I guess I have a lot to make up for," he said hanging his head.

"Why are you doing this Sam? I know you'd rather be with Quinn," Mercedes said suddenly feeling an attack of nerves. What if he was setting her up for something? Why would he now be willing to spend time with her when he didn't seem to be interested before?

"You think I'd let my wife walk in unescorted? Someone might snatch her up before I got the chance to get to know her," Sam teased, his eyes sparkly, a smile on his face. Mercedes didn't know what to make of his mood.

"I'm leaving you remember?" She threw it out there, more as a test than a reminder. His response to that could reveal a lot.

"I've got the whole night to convince you to stay," he said casually.

"Doubtful I can be very stubborn," she said relaxing. This she could do. She loved the back and forth with him. It felt right, like a piece of their old selves emerging.

"And I can be very persuasive."

"Sounds like a challenge. I get off on those."

"Funny, so do I." Their eyes met and Mercedes could feel her heart speed up. She felt like she did when she first met him, nervous and excited at once, filled with anticipation about getting to know this man.

"Okay if I agree to do this thing with you, there are some rules," she said trying to be serious, when inside she was starting to feel a little giddy about interacting with him this way.

"Rules? Why am I not surprised? Do you need to get a pen to write it up or can you just tell me?" he asked with his trademark crooked smile.

"Cute, but I'm being serious. You are not my favorite person right now."

"Yes and I'm sorry for that I just…"

"Stop right there." Mercedes held up her hand to stop him midsentence. "Rule number 1 no mentions of events that landed you on the shit list. No apologies, no explanations, nothing. That subject is tabled for the time being. Agreed?"

"I can do that, but you do know Quinn is here at the party," he said giving her a cautioning look.

What did he think that she'd blow a gasket because Quinn was around? No way would she give that girl the satisfaction. Mercedes had wasted enough emotional energy on Quinn.

"I figured she wouldn't have the decency to leave, so I will deal with that, but rule 1 still stands."

"What's the second rule?" he asked, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"If you are going to be with me tonight, then I need you to be with me. No ditching me for a better offer, no torn attention, no disappearing acts."

"What kind of man do you take me for? I would never do that to my date." His eyes narrowed and he actually looked taken aback. Guess his amnesia had helped him conveniently forget that he had the tendency to be a jerk.

"Sam, you've treated me like an old shoe for weeks, why would you suddenly stop now? Everyone we know and the media are through those doors and I'm not going to let you humiliate me any further. You got me?"

Sam shook his head at her. "I'm totally insulted by rule 2."

"Do you agree or not?"

"Agree," he sighed. "Is there anything else?"

"No one knows about your memory loss except a few close family and friends. It is up to you whether or not you want it to stay that way."

He paused for a moment, thinking it over. "I don't want anyone to know."

"I figured you wouldn't. So we need to come up with some sort of a sign for when you don't understand what someone is talking about, and I can jump in and help you out."

"How about I put my arm around your waist whenever I need you?" he suggested pulling her closer.

Mercedes swatted him away, retreating back to a safe distance. The less bodily contact the better as far as she was concerned. "Let's think of one less repulsive."

"We can always do the tried and true hand squeeze."

"Fine that works. I think we're good here." She headed toward the door.

"Wait." Sam touched her arm to stop her. "I have a rule of my own to add."

"No you don't. I make the rules not you."

Sam squinted at her, a frown wrinkling his brow. "I thought this was a marriage not a dictatorship. Don't I get a say?"

"Did I get a say when you brought Quinn back to Lima?"

"Tsk tsk, you are breaking the rules."

"Fine." She crossed her arms. "What's your rule?"

"If I pull this off tonight and I'm the best damn date on the planet..."

"Ha, unlikely," she snorted.

"When I prove myself to be the best date," he continued. "I want a reward."

"What kind of reward?"

"A chance." Sam grabbed her by the arms, holding her there, forcing her attention. "I want a real chance to explore our marriage."

"We'll see," Mercedes said shaking herself free from his grasp.

Not that she truly took him seriously, this was probably another attempt to butter her up so she would make nice with Quinn, but she couldn't resist playing along to see where things would lead. If nothing else she could enjoy watching Quinn turn green while she flirted like crazy with Sam. That was her reward for all this. Payback.

"That will have to do. Oh and one more thing."

"You're pushing it Sam!"

"I just wanted to say." He leaned closer, licking his lips, before giving her a slow spreading smile. "That lingerie you're wearing, very nice."

"Okay Rule 4." She shoved him away by his chin. "No flirty sexy talk and no using the lips."

"Scared you can't handle it?" he asked grinning purposely wide to show off said lips even more.

"I'm just trying to keep my dinner down, I've been sick enough today already."

"What do you mean you've been sick?" Sam asked, his face falling. He placed his hand on her cheek and then her forehead, like he was checking her temperature.

"Nothing," Mercedes said pulling away. "Can we go now?"

"Yes, let's do this."

Mercedes nodded and took his hand, smiling when he laced his fingers through hers. The doors opened and the guests turned to watch their entrance. The band began to play "Birthday" by the Beatles, and Sam's face lit up as he took it all in. A band on a stage, colored lights, swags of fabric from the ceiling, his name in lights, it was Kurt's vision, over the top, but all in celebration of Sam.

Mercedes squeezed his hand to get his attention. He looked down at her smiling. "Happy Birthday," she mouthed, knowing he would never hear her over the band.

"Thank you," he said against her ear, not affording her the same courtesy of pantomiming his words.

Sam had to take it a step further and invade her space. He was bringing his A game tonight, Mercedes could tell, but she was ready for him. She had the advantage knowing him far better than he realized. She could anticipate all his moves and block accordingly.

Suddenly off her feet, suspended somewhere between the floor and his body, she found herself nose to nose with him. "Best date ever," he said. They were so close she could hear him clearly. "Prepare to be dazzled," he smiled as he captured her in a giant hug.

Cameras flashed all around them as Sam slowly slid her back down to the floor, causing her head to spin and throwing her balance off. She held on to him trying to keep upright, until the stars cleared from her eyes.

First point goes to Sam Evans, well played using the element of surprise. He wouldn't get away with that again though, she'd be ready for him. This was one game she wasn't going to lose.


	87. Tailspin3 Ch33

**Chapter 33**

Slinking in the shadows was surprisingly easy in the room despite the large number of people present. The lights were multicolored and plentiful, but dim and directed toward the stage and the food. Leaving the outer perimeters relatively dark, perfect for Quinn to keep a low profile and still be able to celebrate with Sam. Not exactly with Sam physically, that couldn't be possible given the circumstances, his father, his wife, the media, but in her heart she was right beside him holding his hand instead of Mercedes.

For about five minutes it had been perfect, they were going to go downstairs, face the world hand in hand, to hell with the consequences. Sam had told her he was willing to risk it all to be with her starting tonight. Such a romantic notion to forget the outside world and just be together, Quinn let herself get as lost in the idea as he did, until Figgins appeared popping their happy bubble and sending them crashing back to earth. He had brought Sam a fresh suit, which was great, Sam was a tad rumpled from being on the floor, they could delay their entrance a little longer while he showered and changed. Then Figgins pulled a small black box out of his pocket and handed it to Sam, cufflinks, emerald, very expensive looking. They were part of a set that included matching earrings given to him on his wedding day by his great uncle all the way from Ireland. That was all it took, two little pieces of jewelry, to spin their night in a new direction.

Figgins had left them alone, Quinn perched on the bed, Sam in the middle of the room staring at a small black box in the palm of his hand. Quinn knew what he was going to say, so she saved him the trouble. She just remembered Artie, she announced, as she got up to leave. She already had a date and couldn't possibly attend the party with him, Artie would be expecting her. Sam didn't respond, just nodded looking from the box, to Quinn, then back to the box. When her hand hit the doorknob, he spoke again.

"It won't always be like this," he had said with painfully controlled words that exposed more than he probably realized.

Quinn didn't respond, not wanting to dispute him now, when she could tell he wanted his words to be true, but they both knew they weren't. It would always be like this until they were totally free. Free from Dwight, free from CPS, free from Mercedes, then they would get the chance to love each other out in the open, but until then there would always be something in their way.

Sam tried to explain, because he was a problem solver, a caretaker, he wanted all the players in his world happy and at peace.

"It's just she planned this party for me," he said slowly, still not looking in Quinn's direction, instead he scanned the room searching for something unknown.

Finally Quinn opened her mouth, giving him reassurances since he seemed at such a loss. "It's okay," she told him. They would have tonight, after and they'd celebrate for real.

He looked at her and smiled, seeming to relax at the thought. "Tonight." The last he said as he turned and went into his bathroom.

Walking down the stairs alone, psyching herself up into believing that having Sam after the party would be even better than being with him now, she spotted him at the foot of the stairs. His black suit, perfectly tailored, baby blue shirt, vibrant blue tie, and his eyes soothing shade of blue, offering his hand, helping her down the last step. He led her away from the main doorway, down a darkened hall, so they could enter the room without causing a stir. Always thinking was her dashing lawyer that came into town like a caped crusader to find her justice and restore her faith.

Running his hand through his dark hair, he leaned closer, so she could hear him speak "Crying is not allowed when you are with me."

"I'm not crying." Tears had become so frequent for her now, she scarcely noticed when they appeared.

He turned her to face him, catching teardrops with his thumb. "I'm not going to let you hurt yourself for him."

"I'm fine, really Artie."

"So why are you looking like you just lost your best friend."

They had entered the room, holding hands, looking like the picture perfect pair in all black and bright smiles. Quinn watched, transfixed as they were greeted and adored.

"It's just good to see Sam so healthy. You know?"

Sam lifted Mercedes in his arms, clear off the floor, and Quinn felt the air leave her lungs. Her next breath lodged in her throat threatening to suffocate her as she watched them together so close, so happy, so familiar. Even from this distance in the low light of the room, Quinn could see the look on his face, like a memory on instant replay, unwanted déjà vu, the past and the present collided and she knew there was something still inside him, just beneath the surface, trying to break free if only he'd let it.

"I feel like I'm at the prom and they could be king and queen," said Artie against her ear.

"Sam and I were king and queen once," said Quinn, still watching Sam and Mercedes on display, accepting hugs and well wishes.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah feels so long ago."

They had been different people then, so young and hopeful, all that mattered was their relationship, at least that was all that mattered to him. Quinn had other plans, dreams too big for Lima and him. She had let him go to follow those dreams and escape the small minds of a small town, but fate had a strange sense of humor, and like an emotional boomerang, it slung her back to the place she once tried to flee. Back to Lima, back to him.

"I should've known." She could feel Artie laughing against her cheek. "You look like Ken and Barbie."

Quinn rolled her eyes. She'd head that before.

"You know what I mean?" he asked when she didn't respond. "The perfect all-American couple, teenage dreams and all that."

"We sort of were, once, I guess. How about you? Prom king?"

"No way. I was the goofy kid with the too long bangs hugging the wall with a date even shyer than I was."

Quinn looked at him. "You were shy? What about all that Hollywood schmoozing and dating actresses slash models?"

"Had to break out of my shell first, and in high school my shell was firmly in place."

"I was shy too." A shy scared little girl that tried to hide behind dark clothes, heavy eye shadow, and tons of attitude.

"That's surprising Ms. Chart Topper."

"You aren't the only one that had a shell. Sam helped me come out of it though." Always her hero and champion, saving her then and now.

They were midway through the room now, slowly making their way through the mass of guests. All the attention was on Sam, as Mercedes stood back, letting him receive his adoration. A step behind, almost in his shadow, but not forgotten, since every few minutes Sam would reach behind him and extend his hand, so that she would take it and follow him. Quinn really needed to look away but she couldn't, she was drawn to him like a beacon.

"You will be up there one day."

"Up there?" Quinn felt her face grow warm. Could Artie read her thoughts? Did he know she was secretly longing to be the one holding his hand, the one he kept reaching for? "With him? Well I don't…"

She was flustered, feeling exposed and embarrassed. Her feelings for Sam were real and strong, and years in the making, but no one else would understand them. To the outside world she was just another silly woman coveting a man she could never have. But she wasn't silly, she could have Sam, he had told her so that very night.

"No I meant back in the spotlight, shining again," said Artie his breath tickling her cheek as he spoke. "I can't see anything keeping you down for long. You'll be back."

"If it happens, it will all be thanks to Sam." Quinn smiled thinking of all the ways Sam had changed her life.

"Nonsense, you don't need him to fly." Artie rubbed her shoulder, physically emphasizing his words.

"You seem so certain." She pulled her attention from Sam and focused on Artie, even in the low light she could see the smile on his face and the twinkle in his eyes.

"Just calling it like I see it and I'm usually right about things like this."

"I hope you're right," Quinn said a sadness overtaking her. "Because it's lonely here in the shadows."

It had been hard living on the fringes of his life all these months when all she wanted to do was be near him, to show her feelings out in the open. Being the town pariah had held her back from forcing things, from exerting her rights as one of his closest friends. She had let Mercedes push her aside, but now she didn't want to hold back anymore. She was ready to come out in the open with him, Mercedes and Dwight be damned, no more hiding in the dark, but she couldn't. This time Sam had been the one to hold her back, offering her later, instead of right now.

"Let's step into the light," said Artie offering his hand.

"I shouldn't." Quinn's head fell. "Tonight's about Sam. I want to keep a low profile."

"I can tell you now that ain't happening. Once the crowd dies down around Sam, people's eyes will wander and inevitably you'll be spotted." He lifted her head by her chin. "Besides I'm not sure I want to keep such a lovely date under wraps."

Such a sweet guy to do this for her, to try so hard to keep her spirits up, she needed to find a way to thank him for that. For everything. "Thanks for being here Artie," said Quinn giving him the best smile she could muster.

"Nowhere else I'd rather be. And it beats hanging out with Rachel all night. So what do you say? Should we take a chance?"

He extended his hand again, and this time Quinn took it, and let him lead her toward the light, into the thick of the party, toward them.

-


	88. Tailspin3 Ch34

**Chapter 34**

It was his 18th birthday or maybe his 17th, there was a family dinner held in his honor. Everyone was there, his parents, Puck, Quinn, even Julian. As per usual during times when his family was gathered in a confined space, tempers flared, tongues grew sharp, and halfway through the night they all had forgotten the reason they came together in the first place. No one had even noticed that Sam had left the table, unable to take another moment of the bickers and the sneers. He retreated to his one safe place in the house, his haven since he was a small child, the space under his father's desk. It was sort of ironic that the place he liked to hide, was the one place usually inhabited most by the person he liked to hide from. But his father spent the majority of his time at D&E, so his home office, while being filled with the presence of the man, was rarely actually occupied by him.

Long and lanky, six feet tall, Sam still managed to cram himself into the space under Dwight Evans' large wooden desk. He pressed his head against the smooth oak surface and relished the sweet silence. Then she appeared, green eyes, and blonde hair, a smile that instantly made him feel brighter. Quinn had sought him out, she had noticed his absence. Crawling on her hands and knees she squeezed into the tight space next to him, taking his hand, enclosing it in her own, and then simply rested her head on his shoulder. No words, no apologies, no questions, just Quinn by his side. That was all he needed to make it through the rest of the night.

Over ten years later she still was all he needed, Sam had planned to walk into the grand salon, as Figgins liked to call it, with Quinn on his arm and his head held high. Finally he had his girl back, and he wanted everyone to know it. Their tough conversation about Beth, about depression, about living without each other had further strengthened his resolve to take life by the horns and go for what he truly wanted. And oh how he truly wanted her, still as beautiful as the day he met her, the lines from her struggles over the years, only enhancing her natural grace. Still all he ever wanted existed in the endless green of her eyes. Feelings so deep and enduring couldn't be wrong, no matter what his parents wanted him to believe.

Figgins materialized silently as he often did, with a suit in one hand and a sledgehammer in the other. Not a literal sledgehammer of course, but the metaphorical one was just as heavy and painful as a real one would've been. Emerald cufflinks in a velvet box, a gold setting with engravings around the edge, sizable stones, nice quality, but all in all fairly unremarkable as far as cufflinks went. So why did they feel like kryptonite in his hand? Upon closing the box is when it happened, that flash of light in his mind, a bright burst behind his eyes that slowly faded to reveal her, his wife in all black, crying in the middle of the room. Sam didn't know if it was a memory or just a thought, it didn't matter either way. Those tears felt way too real almost as if he could reach out and feel the wetness. He had seen Mercedes cry countless times by now, she rarely was dry eyed around him, a fact he found rather unsettling, but he had learned to manage seeing her pain on display. This however was far different, beyond any of the tears he had witnessed before, this was Mercedes tormented, in despair, once again because of him.

Sam looked at Quinn hoping her face would pull him free from this guilt laced trap, but her open expectant eyes only made it worse. She was hopeful for their magical night, a chance to celebrate their path to recovery and his birthday together. How could Sam be the one to dash that anticipation from her face? Yet he knew he would have to as Mercedes' tears surrounded him like a second skin. Who was this woman that she could get to him so deeply? Forcing him to push aside all he wanted just to do her will. Making him disappoint Quinn, just so Mercedes might smile. Pure insanity as he stood in the middle of his room arguing with himself about what to do next. He could have easily ignored his mom's lectures about doing his Evans duty, or his father's threats of locking Quinn away, but the imagined tears of one short woman made him stop in his tracks? Freaking insane, but that was how it happened.

There was a sense of urgency, and a touch of exhilaration coursing through Sam as he put on his new suit and raced out the door, running right into Figgins. She's in Mrs. Beiste's wing Figgins had informed him before Sam could even ask. The man had this uncanny ability to anticipate all their needs. Rushing down the hall, he formulated his plan on how to get a woman he was pretty sure hated him to escort him to his own birthday party. Blitz attack would be the only way, take control, never give her the chance to say no and she'd have no choice but to come with him.

The plan had worked. Standing in the middle of the party, gripping her hand, surrounded by family and friends, he knew his mother had been right. There shouldn't have been a choice. He had to appear publicly with his wife. They both were trapped in these roles for the time being and the only thing to do was to play them to perfection. Mercedes seemed to get that, as she smiled, and chatted by his side. She seemed to know all of these people, from distant cousins to business associates. They had been married such a short time, and yet she seemed to have infiltrated all areas of his life. Intriguing that he apparently let her get so close to him, blatantly against his father's teachings of keeping wives in the dark and on the perimeters.

That's where Quinn was when Sam finally spotted her, on the perimeters where his father liked to place all women. She was with her lawyer Artie, pretending to be happy, but Sam could tell she was faking. There was sadness in her smile. It was only for one night he assured himself, and she had understood, she had said as much upstairs. Later he would make it up to her, they'd have a celebration all their own. But as for now, he had a date to impress.

"Are you going to be like this all night? Giving me the silent treatment?" He asked when he finally got them to a quiet space in the room. Set up like a little lounge with clustered upholstered seats and couches. "Apparently I offended you in some way when I gave you a hug."

"You broke the rule," she warned, barely looking his direction.

"As far as I know there wasn't a no touching rule."

"There should've been." Mercedes looked at him that time, sharp eyes, tight lipped, all business.

"You're just trying to stay mad at me so you can resist my charms. I know with me is exactly where you want to be," he said in a teasing tone to lighten the mood.

"You've got the biggest head in Lima."

Sam smirked. He couldn't help it. He had to take it there. "I have received compliments on my size."

Mercedes rolled her eyes. "If dropping your pants is the plan to dazzle me, then you better call it a night now."

"You wish you could get so lucky." There was no fooling him, he could tell Mercedes found him attractive. She'd been checking him out on the sly since he got her from upstairs.

"Eh, been there, done that…"

"Made a video?" he asked raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"On that note, I'm going to find Kurt."

"No wait," he said grabbing her arm. "I'll be good. Sorry. How about a drink?"

Not even an hour and she was trying to get away from him. His game needed some serious work.

"No alcohol. I'm pretty sure that's why you collapsed earlier."

"I meant for you. Seems like you need to relax," he said under his breath, but purposely loud enough for her to hear.

"That's your secret weapon?" She laughed. "Get your date drunk and she won't remember how much you suck?"

"That's pretty harsh," he said noting that they were no longer alone in the lounge. Other guests had trickled in.

Mercedes ran her fingers through her hair. "Calling it like I see it."

"I'm going to the bar. Be right back." He was trying and all he was getting was attitude. Maybe he deserved some flak for what went down with Quinn, but he was trying to move them past that and she didn't seem to care.

"Yeah right, you're probably just going to make a run for it. Try to find Quinn," she called out after him.

"You know what Mercedes," he said, as he turned and closed the gap between them. "I'm making up another rule. We can't spend the rest of the night like this."

"Like what?"

"You resenting me and thinking the worst of me."

"I'm just treating you like you deserve." She shot back, with hard brown eyes, staring him down.

"Listen to me," he lowered his voice so no one would overhear. "I'm not the man you married. I've forgotten things, whatever changes I made are lost now."

"Yeah I know that already."

"Do you? I think you're provoking me and making all these comments hoping I will just snap and come out of it somehow. Like poof your Sam is back. Mercedes that's not going to happen. This is me." Sam pointed to his chest. "This is who I am. If you can't deal with that, then I guess you're right, we do need to end this. Get divorced."

"Finally we are in agreement."

"Are we really? Because something tells me things aren't over between us. You are acting all cold, but deep down I think you're thrilled to be here with me."

"Again with the ego." Mercedes took a seat, giving off the air of boredom, but Sam knew it was an act, she was right there with him.

Sam sat beside her on the couch, closer than normal, but he wanted to crowd her space, steal her air, so she would be forced to focus on him.

"It's not ego. I can feel it. You are so open to me Mercedes, have been since I met you in the hospital. Your emotions are all over your face. You want to be here with me. You want this to work."

She looked at him, expressionless, as if he had said nothing at all.

"I chose you over her tonight." Sam admitted. He wasn't sure if that info would help or hurt his cause, but it was the truth and it felt right to tell her.

"What do you want a medal?" she asked standing up. "You decided to be seen in public with your wife, should we run and get the media?"

Okay so that truth definitely didn't help. Mercedes was all offended now, which pissed Sam off. She's mad because he chose her? What the hell? He could be with Quinn right now, making up for lost time. But no, he chose to spend the night with her, and this was what he got for it? Nothing but bad attitude and nasty comments.

"You've got such a smart mouth, always yapping, not enough listening." He stood up in front of her, thoroughly irritated. "Do even hear what I'm telling you?"

"All you do is lie. What's the point of listening?"

People were probably eavesdropping and he didn't care. She was acting like a brat for no reason. He couldn't let her get away with that unchecked. "Fuck Mercedes. We're in the middle of a party and we're really going to do this? Right here?"

"Soon enough everyone will know the truth. That we're done."

Her lower lip quivered as she delivered that blow and Sam had to cover his smile. She was the liar, not him. Her face gave it all away.

"No we are not." He stepped closer, running his hands down her arms. "Done doesn't look at me the way that you do. Done doesn't shiver whenever I get close." She was trembling even now, almost undetectably, but he could feel her inner battle for control.

"Why are you pushing this?" she asked looking away, biting her lower lip when he let his hand tangle in her dark hair. "You just want her, not me."

"I want a chance," he said massaging the back of her head, coaxing her to look at him.

Finally she did, brown eyes, puddled with tears. "Why? To save face in front of all of these people, so the headlines won't read Sam Evans dumped after waking up from a coma?"

All false bravado, Mercedes was all raw emotion in his arms, the right touch and she'd melt. He just knew it.

"It's not about my reputation. I've been dumped before, it hurts but I'll survive. I need to know you. You made me hurt Quinn tonight. I hurt her when I chose to come down here with you. I need to find out just what it is about you that made me do that."

Stepping away from her startled by his admission, he felt like he should run. Sam wondered if it were actually possible to outrun himself, if he could pick up enough speed to leave his brain behind. Needing to know her wasn't something he was prepared for, needing anything from her felt wrong. Quinn was everything he needed, she always had been. Why did it suddenly feel like that wasn't enough?

"So you're curious?" she asked jarring Sam from his daze.

Mercedes was so close now, her brown skin almost glowing in the light. Her full lips beckoned him, so he indulged, running his thumb across them gently. She didn't pull away, allowing him contact that surely broke a rule.

"Curious, interested, haunted, intrigued, attracted, who are you?" he asked in barely more than a whisper.

The room had melted away, the sounds of the party gone, it was just the two of them as Sam fought against feelings he shouldn't be having. Confusing feelings that threatened to ruin his life, his future, but he couldn't help himself. She drew him in, every time.

"The answer to that is so simple," she said caressing his cheek.

He knew the answer, and he prayed she wouldn't say it, but at the same time he couldn't help himself from leaning into her hand that was on his face. Then there was silence as if she were waiting for him, to do something, to say something. So he did, inching her closer, locking his hands behind her back, trapping her against him. Letting her into places she shouldn't be, not after tonight, not after Quinn. His tongue was possessed and the consuming need was in control as he asked again. "Who are you?"

"I'm yours," he thought she said, but her lips didn't move. Yet somehow he was sure that was her response. "Can you repeat that?" he asked a breath away from her lips.

Lost in the maze that was her eyes, and the feel of her hands on his skin, he drifted into her, tasting those lips for the second time that night. She pulled him in slowly, offering her mouth like a blessing, stroking the back of his hair, urging him closer, so soft and so sweet, so right –

"Quinn." And so wrong.

Sam pulled back stunned. Did she say that or did he?

"Didn't see you there," said Mercedes, grabbing Sam's hand.

"Clearly," said Quinn.

Feeling like he was trapped in some crazy dream, he struggled to get his head together, so he could focus on the scene in front of him. Quinn and Mercedes in the same space, Sam was unable to form thoughts let alone words.

Tugged by the arm, he was moving. "Sam." Yeah that was his name. "I'm ready for that drink now."

He looked down at Mercedes, hearing but not comprehending. All he could see was the look on Quinn's face as he was dragged past her out of the room. The saddest of green eyes, watching his face, burning through him, exposing his core. Sam couldn't look away, though he knew he should, his eyes remained on her until she faded from his view.


	89. Tailspin3 Ch35

**Chapter 35**

It could hardly be called a kiss, their lips barely made contact. If anything it could be deemed a peck, and even that would be taking it too far. Their lips had wafted closer with just a hint of connection, so really Quinn hadn't seen anything at all. Sam knew Quinn had an issue with him being around Mercedes, her jealousy was apparent and more than a little bit cute. Quinn hadn't really ever been jealous over him that he knew of, not to this extreme, where she pointed it out and pouted about it. His ego was a little stroked by her new found possessiveness. It made him feel wanted, which was nice, since in his last relationship he was anything but. Brittany had rejected him in more ways than he could count, so for Quinn to want him, was just this side of awesome. And if he were anyone other than Sam Evans he would be floating on a cloud about now, but unfortunately he was stuck being himself, prone to bouts of bad luck.

Even on his birthday he wasn't spared, as he was forced to divide himself between two women. Some bizarre southern form of roulette his father must have invented, where Sam was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. There were no positive outcomes to this situation, someone was going to end up hurt. If only he could harden himself against it all, block out his emotions and just do what it took to keep Quinn in Lima with him. He could ignore her jealousy and the hurt look in her eyes and just play Mercedes with every card he knew. Sam had always been good with women. He felt confident that he could have Mercedes on her knees and willing to do anything by the end of the evening. He'd done it before with others, short term romantic domination he was good at, for the long haul, that always proved to be more tricky, but this thing with Mercedes wasn't supposed to be forever, just long enough to appease his dad. So why wasn't he pulling out the hardcore charm on her? Why had he put himself in this corner where he had to impress her? And who came up with this date nonsense? Oh right, it was him, and his big ass mouth.

They were standing in the foyer and the light hit her at a particular angle, and all he could see was his sweet little nurse cuddled up next to him in the hospital. He had wanted to date that girl, get to know her, spend time in her presence. All pretty in her black dress, with those soft brown doe eyes, full lips so ready with a sarcastic quip, he couldn't help himself. He didn't want to manipulate her into liking him, he wanted her to like him for real, because she was having a good time, because he made her smile. Sam needed her to stay married to him for his father's deal, and he knew he would be forced to use any means to make that happen, but he couldn't help but hope that plots or tricks would prove to be unnecessary. And that she would stay with him anyway, because she wanted to, because he was worth sticking around for.

Damn he was a selfish bastard. Wanting Mercedes to be into him for the next nine months knowing she was only going to end up hurt in the end was the lowest of low. Sam couldn't imagine ever letting go of Quinn for Mercedes. His marriage was going to end. Yet he couldn't stop himself from wanting to see what it was like to be married to her, even if only for a little while. What would Quinn think if she knew he was feeling this way? If she knew that his curiosity about Mercedes was bordering on obsessive. She'd leave him in a heartbeat and they had barely just begun. No he couldn't risk it. This chance with Quinn meant the world to him. He just had to stay focused, and get Mercedes to do what he needed. That was the only way it could be.

"Sam. Earth to Sam."

Hands clapped in front of his eyes. "Huh?"

"I've been trying to get your attention."

"Sorry what is it?" he asked forcing himself to put his attention on Mercedes. The little bar area off the lounge afforded him a clear view of almost the entire room. He spotted many familiar faces, except for the one he had been looking for.

"I was asking you about the band"

"What band?" he asked thoroughly confused.

"You know what? Forget it." She sighed, shifting in her chair to face the bar. "Obviously your mind is elsewhere."

"No, no, I'm here," he said picking up her hand from her lap and holding it. "Just checking out the party, a lot of people, and this bar." He hit the side of the bar with his other hand. "Did you see? It glows. How cool is that?"

"Don't bother trying to play it off." She pried her hand out of his. "I know you were looking for Quinn."

"I was not." Sam prayed he looked convincing. "I'm sorry I was distracted, but I'm focused now all on you."

"Let's end this farce right here. You walked in with me, said your hellos, now you're off the hook."

"What do you mean off the hook?"

"I mean you are free to do as you please I'm not forcing you to be around me tonight. Go have fun, enjoy your birthday." Mercedes took a sip of her drink and gave him a small smile. She would make a terrible actress, because nothing about that smile was believable.

"I'm not being forced. We're on a date." He ran his thumb along the curve of her chin. Daring to get physical, though her body language was clearly saying no go. "So what do you want to do now? Are you hungry? We could eat. Or we could dance."

Mercedes leaned back in her seat, taking herself out of his arm's reach. "I think the whole date thing fizzled when Quinn walked in on us. I'm sure you want to find her and explain, so you do that, and I'm going to find Kurt," she said standing up and smoothing her dress.

"You're really good at the whole running away thing, but you suck as a mind reader. I wasn't thinking about Quinn."

Truthfully he was, but she wasn't the only thing he had been thinking about. A large part of his preoccupation was from racking his brain for ideas on how to impress Mercedes. His options were limited since they were stuck at a party. He couldn't fly her off to Paris for fine cuisine, or have the Chicago Philharmonic serenade her. He had to find something big within the confines of his house. Not the easiest of tasks, especially when he had no clue what she liked.

"It's okay, you don't have to pretend. I know you and Quinn are close and that things have deepened between you."

"Deepened?" He shook his head, not understanding.

"Quinn told me, about the promises you made for your future, your plans for a life together."

"She told you that?" It didn't seem possible it went against all their plans. Why would Quinn mention any of that to Mercedes when she knew how much was riding on keeping her happy?

Mercedes ran her finger over his wedding band, tears in her eyes that she desperately was trying to blink away. Sam started to feel ill watching her, the guilt once again rising that he had to put her through this to keep Quinn free.

"Yeah she was more than a little eager to inform me that soon you would be her husband and not mine."

"What?" He was seriously shocked. Why would Quinn say something that could potentially derail all their plans? And why would she be so deliberately cruel to Mercedes? "Mercedes I don't know why she would say that but…" he began, scampering to find a way out of the hole Quinn put him in.

"Shallow excuses would just make it worse. Have a good party Sam," she said as she started to walk away.

"So that's it? I don't get to explain my side?" He was really tired of her trying to leave him and even more tired of having to beg her to stay.

"Mr. and Mrs. Evans can I have a moment of your time?" asked a man with slick yellow hair, in a gray suit and a loud flamingo covered tie.

"Uh sure," Sam said standing up. Was he supposed to know this guy? Nothing about him was familiar. He caught Mercedes's hand and squeezed it, signaling his need for assistance.

"Terry Mulgrew, roving reporter for D&E Media, how's it going? Get a lot of great stuff for the station?" asked Mercedes.

Sam relaxed. This Terry was an employee. He had to memorize that for the future.

"It has been a stellar event so far. I was hoping to get a little face time with the two of you."

"Can we do it a bit later?" asked Mercedes, her fingers wiggling beneath his. She was trying to get away. "I have some things to attend to."

"Now gum drop, we can give the man a few minutes," said Sam with all the cheerfulness he could muster. Terry had provided him with an opportunity and he planned to take full advantage of it. "D&E deserves the first scoop wouldn't you say?"

"Of course you're absolutely right sweet cheeks," said Mercedes plastering on a smile. "Let's give him an exclusive. What do you want to know Terry?"

Terry gestured behind him to a cameraman standing a few feet away. "First can I get a picture? You two look stunning tonight."

"Thank you. My wife is beautiful as always," said Sam smiling down at her, tapping her on the nose, before moving her against his side. There was no way she could wiggle out of this now, Terry was watching her every move. Mercedes put her arm around him, getting into the act for the camera, but out of view she was digging her fingers into his back.

"She certainly is." Terry agreed. "Mrs. Evans, how does it feel to have this guy back on his feet?" asked Terry pointing a microphone in their direction.

"It has been wonderfully unexpected. Never a dull moment since he's been awake," she beamed. Tension was rolling off of her, but Terry was none the wiser. Mercedes was laying it on thick.

"Gotta keep those surprises coming." Sam chuckled. "Don't want to lose the sparks in our marriage. My goal is to dazzle her each day," he said as he let his hand run down the length of her back to rest on her butt. Sam could feel her inhale next to him, she wanted to blow, but with an audience she kept herself in check.

"Care to share any of your secrets for keeping the romance alive Mr. Evans?"

"I think the most important thing is to find a way to make her smile every day. If she's happy with you that's half the battle right? Are you happy honey bun?" Sam asked grinning as he gave her butt a light pat. Her body went rigid and he could see her gritting her teeth behind her large smile, and Sam struggled to hide his amusement at her discomfort.

He bent at the knees slightly to get her eye level, forcing her to make eye contact. Mercedes' brown eyes flashed with anger, and her smile was so tight, she probably could break a tooth from all the pressure.

Still she played along yanking the collar of his shirt, choking him a little, as she responded. "I'm thrilled baby cakes."

"Sound advice. I need to keep that filed away for my own wife. Can I ask you for a comment on Quinn Fabray and her sudden release from the hospital?"

"Terry remember the terms, certain topics are off limits," said Mercedes suddenly serious. The authoritative tone surprised him, she often came across as young, a bit uncertain, but now she was in complete control.

"Yes Mrs. Evans." Terry answered respectfully, even bowing his head slightly. "But all the other press outlets will be itching to get the scoop on her appearance tonight." He looked over to Sam hopefully. "Wouldn't it be best if D&E Media got the jump on them?"

"I think my wife is right. Let's keep certain topics off limits for tonight, but I promise D&E will get the exclusives on any statements we make on the matter. Agreed?"

"Yes Mr. Evans. Thank you for your time."

"Terry before you go, here's an exclusive for you, another secret to romance. Make every date feel like the first one. Always sweep her off her feet." One hand on her back the other around her waist, Sam dipped Mercedes low to the ground, looking in her eyes. "I'm so happy to be sharing this night with you. Thank you Mercedes for doing something so special for me."

She placed her arms around his neck as he brought her upright, scraping the skin at the back of his neck with her nails. "You're welcome," she said with a smile that looked like it was dipped in arsenic, but Sam was unmoved.

He pressed her against him, bringing her close, and nuzzled his nose against hers. "I'm so happy being married to this woman. I just want to share it with the world. So Terry let our viewers know that tonight is not only my birthday party, but also my first official date with my wife since coming out of the coma. We've got a lot of lost time to make up for."

"That's great. Thank you for sharing that with us," said Terry enthusiastically. "I hope you both have a wonderful evening."

"Sam, what the hell are you trying to pull?" asked Mercedes when Terry and the cameraman left, her smile now replaced with a frown. "I told you our date was not happening."

"And I told you it was, and now all of Lima knows it. Are you really going to leave me hanging when all eyes are on us?" he asked tauntingly.

"Well played." She didn't look pleased with him at all. His smile widened as he watched her annoyance build. He had her trapped and she knew it. "I guess you haven't lost your touch."

"Always thinking baby, that'll never change."

"You're up to something, I'm not sure what it is, but it's something and I'm not going to fall for it. So I'll do the media stuff with you, but otherwise, let's just go our separate ways."

With a flip of her hand, she turned on her heels, and Sam was again looking at her back as she walked away. Hell no. He had enough of her. He wasn't going to let her just dismiss him like this.

"Not so fast," he said catching her elbow and turning her to face him. "I'm not down with this separate ways crap. I want our date to continue. I don't know how I was when we got married. Apparently I was some sort of neutered dog, bowing to your every whim. Maybe I was more polite back then, gave up too easily, but all that is gone. And I hope to God it never comes back."

"Right because being a kind, decent man is a bad thing."

"I'm not a punk, you can't jerk me back and forth like you seemed to have done in the past. That's over. I'm taking control."

If she thought she was dealing with some little college boy like Finn Hudson, a naïve kid who was at her beck and call, Mercedes was in for a huge wake up call, because he was a fully grown man and obviously too much for her to handle. She had put herself in the thick of this, pushing him to his limits, flirting with his hot buttons. She claimed to know him so well, so she must realize what type of reaction her attitude would provoke. He wasn't going to let her toss him aside so easily.

"Oh really? You expect me to do whatever you say?" Mercedes asked laughing at him.

Closer, his hands on her hips, stalking her with his eyes, daring her to look away, he tried to prove his point physically. She held his gaze, eyes slanted, set lips, chin out, unfazed.

"You think I'm playing with you? We need to get a few things straight here. I demand your respect."

"How about you earn it?" She smirked, never looking away. She wasn't intimidated at all. "Start by being honest and upfront or was that a casualty of your amnesia as well?"

He moved away from her, running both hands through his cropped hair. He had to take a step back before he did something he would regret.

"This is not a game to me," he said a few moments later, feeling calmer.

Mercedes just looked at him sucking in her lower lip with her teeth. Did she know how that looked? Did she know what that did to him?

Sam took another deep breath, forcing himself to regain control. "I'm fighting for my marriage." Her eyes widened as he took her face in his hands, his thumb skimming across her lips. "And I refuse to lose. How's that for honest and upfront?" he asked before walking away.

She could watch him leave for a change. 


	90. Tailspin3 Ch36

**Chapter 36**

A turtle could have made it across the room faster. Handshakes and hugs, small talk and well wishes hindered Sam's progress as he walked away from the bar. Quinn had been watching him, from her seat in between pretending to be listening to Artie. She had been waiting to talk to him, hoping she could catch him for a few minutes alone. Mercedes had been attached to his hip, keeping Quinn in the shadows, but finally Sam had broken free. This was her perfect chance, but going up to him without causing a scene might be tricky.

She had managed to avoid being noticed so far by sticking to the corners, keeping her head down. Avoiding eye contact proved to be a useful maneuver not only in the hospital, but at parties as well. People were less likely to speak if they weren't visually engaged. But the longer the liquor flowed, Quinn knew her time of obscurity would be short lived. Liquid courage would soon have guests circling her location, their curiosity running on high. The picture of her with Sam from last night had started to spread. Quinn could hear the whispers as phones were checked. It wouldn't be long now before the whispers would become deafening and she would be forced to face their questions. Why was she with Sam and not in the hospital? They needed to get their stories straight before everyone pounced.

Sam had hit the halfway mark, stopping every few feet to greet someone new. He had been missed while in a coma and everyone was eager to personally welcome him back, like a prince returning to his kingdom after a long battle, this was definitely a homecoming. So close, Quinn could almost reach out and touch him she could hear pieces of his conversation hitting her in waves between the music and the collective chatter. Three men in suits, older, seemingly important, definitely rich, had engaged Sam in his latest round of small talk. Smiles all around as they sipped from their glasses, engrossed in the conversation, D&E, Quinn had heard them mention and profit margins, business all that was on their minds even at a party.

Then they parted, receding like waves along the shore, and it was just Sam, handsome in his black suit, the cut perfectly camouflaging his leaner build. He could have been a model, tall and thin, that rugged jawline, and his ever changing eyes. It was rare Quinn had a chance to stand back and just admire him this way, appreciate all of his assets and reflect on them. Sam was really handsome, something she had always known, but never felt the full effect of his appearance until now. Love finally made her see him inside and out, and she couldn't help but kick herself for not opening her eyes sooner. Too many years she had let herself miss out on this man.

Finally he saw her, their eyes connecting, and then he smiled, full shine, deep dimpled and Quinn felt her knees get a bit weak, like those women on TV that used to pass out from seeing Elvis or The Beatles. Quinn had never understood what that felt like before, how just seeing a person could cause a physical response, but now she knew, feeling just a touch lightheaded as he came up beside her.

"Sam you're finally alone," she said at a louder than normal volume so she could be heard over the music.

"I keep getting surrounded," he laughed. "Those guys were shareholders. I only recognized the one, but luckily I faked my way through it without Mercedes."

"What does Mercedes know about D&E business?"

"I'm not sure what she knows exactly, but everyone here sure knows her. She's promised to help me cover whenever I encounter someone I don't know." He looked out into the crowd, scanning the area from left to right, before facing her again. "I'm trying to keep the old memory problem under wraps. Bad for business."

"I understand. Sam, we need to talk."

"Yes we do, but not right now. We can't be seen together," he said putting distance between them when they hadn't been standing that close to begin with. "There's family, business associates, roaming journalists, not to mention Mercedes, everything needs to be above board."

"Just a few minutes please."

"Okay," he agreed, looking around. "Let's go over here," he said pointing toward a dark corner.

Sam led the way to a giant leafy plant in a gold pot.

"Behind a potted plant?" asked Quinn when Sam pulled her behind the plant out of view.

"It's an urn actually."

Huddled behind the plant they were almost completely hidden from prying eyes. The closest they could get to being alone.

"Wouldn't it be better if we talked out in the open like we have nothing to hide? It would look less suspicious that way." If anyone caught them back here they would definitely get the wrong idea. It was the adult equivalent of getting caught under the bleachers.

"People think we have something going on thanks to that picture. We need to be discreet or everything's going to fall apart with Mercedes."

"So let it," Quinn said looking him straight in the eyes. They didn't have to go through this. There was nothing forcing them to hide their feelings.

"What?"

"Let it fall apart," she said taking both his hands in hers. "Your father can send me back. I'll do my time or maybe Artie can help us find another way. We don't have to live our lives by your father's terms."

"Where's this coming from? Upstairs you were telling me how much you wanted to stay free to be with me and Beth. Is this about what you saw earlier between Mercedes and me? Because I can explain that."

"No need. I know what was up," said Quinn dropping his hands and rolling her eyes. "She saw me coming so she kissed you to make me jealous. Little girl bullshit."

Mercedes was so transparent. Quinn had made eye contact with the girl seconds before the kiss happened. It was all for effect.

"It didn't quite happen like that." Sam stammered. "I can't put it all on her."

He looked guilty, the poor guy. Mercedes had set him up and he didn't even know it.

"Women know how to play men to get the reactions they want. Mercedes is an expert at playing with men. Don't let her age fool you."

"What do you mean?" Sam leaned in looking more interested than Quinn liked. What was it about that girl that made him care so much?

"She's experienced, that's all, been around. I don't want to talk about her anymore. I've wasted enough energy dealing with her."

"Sure we can drop the subject of Mercedes, after you explain why you told her I was going to leave her for you."

"I should've known she'd tell you that. I didn't mean to go there with her, but she was acting like I had no place in your life, like you didn't care about me at all. I needed to let her know that I'm important to you."

Taking her down a peg had felt so good at the time. Watching her face fall as she revealed Sam's true feelings was sweet revenge after being pushed aside by her for so long. Sam was back on his feet now and Mercedes was about to quickly find out what it felt like to be on the outside, the one shoved to the background.

"At any point during this little chat with Mercedes did you stop and think about how this may affect our plans?"

Actually she hadn't thought about their plans or his father's stupid deal, all Quinn wanted was to wipe that smug smile off Mercedes' face.

"She was acting all Queen Evans, all possessive and entitled."

Running around the mansion like she owned the place, yelling out orders, making demands, it was unreal how much Mercedes was allowed to get away with. Where was Dwight's tight hold on the reins with her?

"Of course she was acting possessive and entitled, she's my wife!" Sam snapped, raising his voice, as he ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

"What are you saying? I deserve to be treated like trash because she shares your last name?"

"I'm saying that things don't look good right now. I don't know if I can win her over."

"Don't worry about Cede, she's not going anywhere. She told me tonight that she wants you."

He didn't look convinced. "I'm starting to figure out a few things about Mercedes, and I think she may have just said all that to you to save face, especially since you apparently told her that she was being replaced."

"Will you let that go already? I had a slip up."

"Any other slip ups I should know about? I need to know what I'm dealing with here if I want to impress Mercedes."

He was starting to get on her nerves with all the questions about Mercedes. Couldn't they have a conversation that didn't involve her for ten minutes? Mercedes wasn't going to leave Sam, even if they hadn't had that confrontation while Sam was passed out, Quinn could see that. Just looking around this party she planned, it was clear. Mercedes loved the Evans lifestyle and she wasn't going to let it go without a fight. Although she could just file for divorce and take him for as much as she could get. That actually seemed more Mercedes' style and definitely would be a major setback in dealing with Dwight. Maybe Sam was right, he did need to work to get her to stay. So much for a Mercedes free conversation.

"Impress her? Why do you need to impress her? All you have to do is like we discussed, use Beth to convince her."

"I think I'm capable of keeping a wife without resorting to using an infant as bait."

"But what if that's the only way? You promised that…"

"I told you absolutely not. I'm not using our child," he said quickly cutting her off. "And I'm not convinced I'm out of options yet. She liked me before the accident, all of that couldn't have…" Sam stopped abruptly mid-sentence. "Have you noticed they've been playing a lot of Barry Manilow songs?"

"Yeah. I did. I don't know why Mercedes picked this band."

Such a confusing blend, a punk band doing Manilow covers, one song she could understand for the sheer irony factor, but their whole repertoire seemed to be Manilow. Green streaked hair and easy listening didn't really go together. This was an Evans party not a senior prom. Mercedes should have found entertainment that was a bit more dignified.

"I don't mind it," Sam said with a small smile.

"I just had a great idea," said Quinn changing the subject. "Let's get out of here."

"Like leave the party?"

"Like leave the state. Let's grab Beth and go. The three of us living the life we want."

The town was already starting to feel claustrophobic and she'd just gotten back. Quinn could only imagine the harassment and attention once it became common knowledge she was out of the hospital. She wasn't sure she could take another round of ducking from photographers, going out in hoodies and shades, and her face spread across front pages and websites. Sam was awake now and he would see all the awful things that had been printed about her, and realize that he was involved with a person that was universally hated. It was like high school on a larger scale, except now she was being teased by more influential people than the cheerleading squad.

"Quinn, you can't be with Beth," he said gently like she was a small child, which made her stomach twist up.

"I know that," she sighed. "I'm just dreaming I guess."

"I had a similar thought earlier tonight, but Puck made me see the downside of that dream. We'd hurt a lot of people if we just ran off."

He was right. Running away never solved anything, usually it created only more problems. The urge to squirrel away and hide was so strong within her though. All they needed was each other, they had said as much upstairs in the nursery, they shouldn't have to put their feelings on hold just because his father disapproved. It was a new century, they were adults. They didn't have to follow a certain set of rules.

"I know, but at least we could be together out in the open. This sucks. Why did your father force you to stay married like this? You could be moving on by now."

"It wouldn't be that simple. I realize that now. Even without my father's interference, I still couldn't walk away from Mercedes."

"Why not?" she asked her stomach dropping.

After all the conversations they had the past few days she never expected to hear those words coming from his lips. Sam had made it clear that he didn't want anything to do with Mercedes, that he was only attracted to her out of curiosity and from the time when he thought she was just his nurse, he had assured her it wasn't more than that, more than once. Now that Quinn thought back on it, maybe there was a clue in those repeated assurances. Maybe he was trying to convince himself, and not her, maybe Mercedes had found a way to get past his amnesia.

"I owe her. She took care of me and Beth. I can't just cast her out of my life. Besides how would that look leaving the wife that nursed me back to health for my…"

"For your mistress," said Quinn completing his sentence. "That's what you were about to say wasn't it?" Is that how he saw her, as his side piece, his little indiscretion that he needed to hide from the world?

"I only mean things are more complex than we'd like to believe. I want us to have that future we talked about, but it can't happen right now. Deal or not, I'm an Evans, my father's heir, I have to act accordingly. I had forgotten that, but this party reminded me. People are watching us Quinn. We have to do this right."

That hurt. Did their conversation in the nursery mean so little that it was easily dismissed once he was pulled back in the fold? His mom probably turned the screws on him, giving him a hard sell about his duty. Meeting shareholders probably hadn't helped much either, pushing him toward keeping up appearances rather than following his heart. Where was her brave Sam that stood up to bullies, that faced their parents' disapproval back in high school, the soldier that left Lima to forge his own path? He seemed to be sadly absent from the man before her, in his expensive suit and hair full of fancy products.

"I better sneak out of here. Don't want your rep to be ruined when you're caught behind a plant."

"Quinn you seem upset. I don't want you to take this wrong." He hugged her, bringing her in close, and running his hands down her back.

"I'm not. I get it. You have your life and I don't fit into it right now." she said stepping away from him. There wasn't much room between the wall and the plant but Quinn placed herself as far from him as she could. "Why don't you give me a call when you can squeeze me in?"

She felt herself starting to cry and she hated it. Depression meds were supposed to make a person mellow, even keeled in their emotions, but the meds seemed to have an opposite effect on her, making her feel things that for years she could let roll off her back.

"Come on now, stop it. We're not leaving this plant until you understand me."

"I told you I did."

She'd been here with him before, his partner in bed, but never in life, his college sweetie Penny had received that honored spot. In some bizarre ripple effect that shuttled her back in time, she was reliving that indignity all over again. Sam once again chose the ingénue over her.

"Everything I'm doing tonight is for you and Beth. I'm honoring my father's deal to keep you in Lima. I'm respecting my place in this family to keep my daughter's legacy secure. I can't be the family screw up anymore. My actions have consequences beyond me. I'm a father."

Quinn looked up, he seemed so sincere, his eyes almost pleading with her to understand. And she did understand, for the most part, his family had always been a big part of his life, but Quinn had always thought that Sam would rather leave them all behind and find his own way rather than conform to their twisted ideals. Tonight it seemed clear that Sam wasn't conforming he was agreeing, their ideals were his own, and he wanted to follow them. It was a side of him she'd never really focused on before, but it made sense. She had thought his love of working at D&E was just his competitive side at play, the part of him that still was the quarterback trying to win the big game, but now Quinn could see it was more than that, he loved D&E because it was a part of him and his heritage. And those were things he wanted to pass on to Beth. Quinn couldn't help but be envious. Sam had a passion and purpose that she had yet to find. She had nothing to give Beth but slanderous headlines and mental instability, a pathetic legacy for her little girl.

"Right. You're right. You have so much at stake."

"So do you. You have to get back to Beth, do whatever it takes, because she needs you. Maybe being at a party where Beth is in attendance and you can't be near her isn't the smartest move."

"I should go. I don't want to make things worse. I sort of got carried away with my need to see you. I didn't think this through."

"No, as long as you stay away from Beth, I don't want you to go. I like looking across the room and seeing you there. You give me the strength to carry out this charade." Sam slid his fingers through her hair, lingering a moment, before dropping his hand again.

"Is it a charade? You look so comfortable with her." They looked very natural as she watched them from across the room. Unrehearsed and easy like they were dancing and they had the steps memorized.

"I'm not." He shook his head, looking completely stressed. "She's pushing my buttons and I'm fighting for control."

"Maybe you need to relax." Quinn rubbed his back. "Quit trying so hard, and just talk to her. Mercedes used to make you laugh. You told me that once. You said you liked being around her."

She wanted to take away his stress, make him believe that all of this would turn out for the best, but she didn't have the words to sell that uncertainty. The truth was that all of this was so up in the air, relying on Mercedes for anything was a crap shoot, and the odds were not in their favor at the moment. Quinn suspected that Mercedes might use her return to Lima against Sam, as grounds to give him a hard time. Mercedes liked to torment Sam, getting off on his pain. She had done that to him last year after they broke up, and it seemed to Quinn that the writing was on the wall for that to start again.

"I can't believe I talked to you about another woman like that."

"We were best friends. That's what we did. Listened to each other. I'd like to think I'm still your best friend."

"I'd like to think that too." He flashed a smile, and that weak kneed feeling returned.

"Good, because I wouldn't want to live in a world where we weren't friends."

Hands running from his back up to his head, losing herself in touching him this way, such small contact, that meant everything in these few stolen moments.

"I better go." Sam took her hand from his face and kissed it. "I have a marriage to save. Thanks for the advice about Mercedes."

"I'm sorry I got so upset earlier talking about going back to the hospital and running away. I was a little jealous, but I'm past that now. I know this is how it has to be."

This time was different, Mercedes was not Penny, this wasn't history repeating. She would beat that fact into her head until she believed it. The only thing holding them back were her doubts and fears, as they always had, but this time she was fully committed to overcoming all of that and letting him in her life completely. Sam had told her how he felt, no holding back, no secrets. They both had put their hearts on the line, daring to finally work toward a happy ending. If only things weren't on such tenuous ground. The return of Sam's memory was a real threat to all their dreams. What if it all came back and he decided he didn't want to be with her, that he really did want to stay married to Mercedes, because he loved her? Those were questions that Quinn didn't want to face, but kept recurring in her mind. She wanted Sam to be healthy and whole, his memory restored and intact, truly, but why did that have to come at such a high price?

"No matter what, you're my best girl," he said hands in his pocket, rocking on his heels, head tilted to the side. "You know that don't you?"

"Yeah I do." Quinn smiled. For now that was true.

"Love you Quinn."

She looked down, trying to hide the tears forming in her eyes, such a simple phrase meant so much after all they had gone through to get to this place, to get to this next chance. It was then she knew it, the time was right, tucked away behind a plant with all of Lima a few feet away, she had to let him know, the words were no longer willing to be contained.

Quinn looked up smiling, feeling braver, ready to face the unknown forever with him. "I love you too, Sam," she said, her face falling as she realized her words were left floating, unheard.

She was too late. Sam had already gone. 


	91. Tailspin3 Ch37

**Chapter 37**

He was starting to think Mercedes had left the party. She was just nowhere. Sam had been sure his blunt statements about working on their marriage would bring her around or at least cause a reaction, something other than running away that is. Running seemed to be her thing, which was odd since she had supposedly waited around for him for nine months. It had to be a bluff. She was simply playing hard to get to provoke him. Mercedes probably knew him well enough to know that he didn't like to lose, and that the chase was somewhat of a turn on for him, she was probably just using that knowledge against him. He was sure she figured that if she ran, he would chase her. However, his wife was in for a rude awakening, he wasn't chasing anyone. Sam was tired of chasing women. He had enough of that with his ex-wife Brittany, no more wasting time trying to wear down a woman that didn't want him. It sapped his energy and his psyche.

Yet here he was gearing up for another chase. Thanks dad. Leave it to Dwight Evans to find a way to keep him down without even lifting a finger. From his stool he surveyed the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of black hair. So far no luck, it was as if she vanished into thin air, or more likely she was purposely avoiding him. He had cornered her by announcing their date to that reporter, she had been left with no choice but to spend time with him. But Sam sensed she had a stubborn streak, and probably wasn't quite ready to concede defeat, hence the hiding instead of accepting her fate. That would not do. There was too much ground to cover, bridges to cross, for her to hide out all night. She had to spend time with him, and like it. Everything depended on her.

"Hey," said Mike, popping up in front of Sam's face. "Kali just sent me over here to check on you. You look like you could use a drink little brother."

He did, single malt, hold the ice, would have been perfect. "I wish. Not allowed."

"Yeah tough break," Mike said with a smile. "But I'm sure you don't want to fall out in the middle of the room again."

"Doesn't sound half bad at this point. Passing out, getting swallowed up by the floor either will work."

Or even better running off with Quinn, Sam still couldn't believe she had actually suggested that. In his dreams she had said those very words so many times. While in Afghanistan, he would imagine her suddenly appearing, taking his hand, and leading him to some place lush and tropical. Being away with her, being anywhere with her actually, had always been a dream of his. Now it seemed his dreams were hers too.

"Can I get two root beers please?" Mike asked the bartender before taking a seat on the stool beside Sam. "What's going on?"

"Oh nothing out of the ordinary just my usual life, you know Quinn walking in on me kissing Mercedes, then Mercedes once again walking away."

Quinn said she thought Mercedes set that kiss up. Didn't seem likely to Sam, he had been there, practically instigating the whole thing. Not that he wanted to share any of this with Quinn, but he had wanted to kiss Mercedes in that moment, actually the desire to kiss Mercedes was fairly constant now, sort of a running buzz in his brain.

"So why is Cede mad?" asked Mike picking up the bottle of root beer the bartender placed in front of him.

"Mercedes is mad because according to her I'm upset that Quinn saw the kiss."

Sam picked up his bottle letting the coldness spread all over his hand. It was getting to be too much, the juggling of two women, and he'd only just begun this circus act. He would have to manage this for almost a year, and he wasn't sure he had it in him to pull it off. He wasn't the type to want more than one woman. He'd never seen the point. Sam always thought it was better to become deeply involved with one person, sharing himself completely and achieving the intimacy from that closeness, than trying to divide the pie and spread bits of himself around. He was so much better at full potency.

"Are you upset she saw the kiss?"

Mike was asking some pretty obvious questions tonight. Of course he was upset Quinn saw him with Mercedes. Quinn was the woman he loved, the one he wanted a life with. It killed him that she could even for a second question that. And he knew seeing him with Mercedes was doing just that, making her doubt them, and their future.

"Well yeah. I really don't like hurting her and tonight I can't seem to stop doing just that."

"Quinn has no right to be hurt by anything," he said coldly.

Sam couldn't believe what he was hearing. Where was his compassion? He had known Quinn as long as Sam had, they weren't close, but they were friendly. "I came in here with Mercedes tonight, and not her."

"As you should have. Quinn should know the mistress always comes second to the wife."

"She's not my mistress," Sam replied through clenched teeth. He got so upset every time he heard her referred to in that way, but it was getting harder and harder to dispute it, now that the photo of them at the hotel was making the rounds. "I don't want her to think that what I feel for her is somehow less important because of my situation with Mercedes."

"Marriage definitely is a situation," Mike chuckled.

"You know what I mean. It's not like I chose to be married to Mercedes."

"Oh, but you did, and I was witness to it. I was the best man, handed you the rings, watched your face light up like a Christmas tree when the minister made it official."

"That was another life." Completely surreal to hear stories about this life he had lived but had forgotten. He could almost picture himself reacting that way on his wedding day, but in his mind the bride was someone else entirely.

"It was your life, and like it or not, you still have to live it."

Sam let his forehead fall onto the bar. "Can you put me out of my misery please?" Mike patted him on the back, probably in pity for his pathetic existence. "I'm supposed to be sweeping Mercedes off her feet tonight, giving her the date of her life, so she will stay with me."

"So you can keep Dwight happy and Quinn free?"

"Yeah, mostly." He lifted his head and looked at Mike. "But I have little hope of doing that now between paparazzi shots, Quinn going off on Mercedes, and your big mouth, I'm screwed."

"I didn't do anything bro. I kept your little secret."

"Except when you told Kurt."

"I thought you had already explained it to Cede by then."

"Well I hadn't and now everything is so messed up." He ran his hand over the back of his neck, feeling the welts Mercedes had given him earlier. She had scratched him good in front of that reporter. Sam hadn't expected such a negative physical response to his tactics, since she had just kissed him not that long before.

"Good you deserve this, playing games with two women never leads to anything positive."

Sam took a swallow of his root beer. "As always your support astounds."

"I am supporting you. I could've gone to Cede last night and told her about Quinn, God knows I considered it."

"If you had done that I would have to beat the crap out of you."

"Seriously? Mr. Skin and Bones." Mike laughed. "You were going to take me out?"

"Okay well maybe not now, but in a few weeks when I'm stronger."

"You'd need more than a few weeks. You've had your whole life and you still have never been able to take me. Maybe if you got Puck to help you."

That much was true, Sam had tried many times in his life to beat his brother in a fight, in a race, even in arm wrestling, and each time he failed. Mike was just stronger and quicker than he was, always had been. Some might say he was a glutton for punishment, but Sam wasn't ready to give up just yet, one day he was sure he would beat Mike at something, even if it was a walker relay race when they were both old and living in the retirement village.

"Puck won't do it. He's on Mercedes' side." Par for the course with Puck, he'd take any side that wasn't Sam's.

"Hate to break it to you Sam, but almost all of America is on Mercedes' side. You would be too if you didn't have string cheese for brains."

"Nothing against Mercedes, but she's not who I want. I told you how I felt about Quinn last night."

"Then why were you kissing her? From what you say, Quinn is ready to jump back in your life, so why the lip lock with wifey?"

Because he needed to understand her, to get behind the sadness in her eyes, because her pouty lips enticed him, and that hint of anger that often crossed her face was so sexy. Because she looked at him like he was everything, even when she was telling him he was nothing. Her eyes gave her away, reflecting all she didn't say, and so much was about him, the silent sighs, the hidden smiles, the tears. Overwhelming and alluring at once, he was drawn to her, yet desperate to flee her presence. She was too much, demanding he be someone he lost with every touch, every look, her pain threatened to consume him, pull him down and keep him chained to her until he could take it all away. A part of him longed to do that, to be the one she needed, the one she missed. She made him feel like a hero, just by giving her a smile, just for the simple fact he was breathing. Sam had never been loved like that, not that he remembered, and he was tempted by it, attracted to it, he didn't want to walk away from something that felt so big, not without understanding it, not without having just a taste.

"I don't have to explain why I was kissing my wife," he said forcing himself out of his own head.

"Exactly and you don't have to explain anything to Quinn either, so stop feeling guilty about doing something you're legally entitled to do."

"Maybe we shouldn't be having this conversation where anyone can hear."

Sam looked around as the seats at the bar began filling up. He was so easily consumed by his own problems that he kept forgetting that his life was fodder for gossips and hacks. For all he knew the guy sitting two stools down could be recording the conversation. What a scoop he'd have if he did. Sam Evans married to one woman but wanting another. That wasn't really breaking news, happened daily, but when he threw in the fact that he had to trick the wife he didn't want into staying married in order to be with his other woman, then things got juicier. He was pretty good at this newsworthy story thing, maybe he should look into running D&E Media, since he was no longer CEO.

"I don't see the need for secrecy everyone in this room has seen that photo of you with Quinn, they all know you are stepping out on your wife. The cat is out of the bag. What you have to do now is figure out your next step. Are you going to throw in the towel and take your chances with Dwight? You never know he might let Quinn stay free."

"I wouldn't count on it." That sounded too much like mercy. Dwight Evans didn't know how to even pronounce that word.

"Then you better make it right with Cede because you are pretty much out of options."

"I thought you were going to give me some ideas, some solutions, you're just telling me shit I already know."

"Here's an idea," Mike spun around in his chair to face Sam. "Forget about Quinn, let her go and focus on being a good husband and father."

Sam turned back toward the bar, and took another sip. "I meant a doable idea." Forgetting Quinn was not an option, not even a choice, nothing had ever let him forget her, even when he was desperate to do just that.

"You've been without Quinn for years, this should come easy to you." Mike joked. "Put her out of your mind, pretend she's unavailable, hell pretend she's still sleeping with me if you have to."

Sam froze, gulping down his mouthful of root beer. "What did you just say?" he asked, slowly facing his brother.


	92. Tailspin3 Ch38

**Chapter 38**

Pacing behind the white leather couch where Kurt sat playing a video game with his good friend Elliot, Mercedes was tempted to pull her hair out. Sam had infuriated her to the point she was ready to unleash her wrath on him, let him hear every word she had been mentally calling him since she saw him in that photo with Quinn. She wanted to let him know that he wasn't dealing with some sorority sister like he seemed to think. He couldn't just use her at his whim and toss her aside when his crazed mistress made a comeback and he definitely couldn't try to inflict his will, in front a journalist no less, and expect her to meekly comply. Mercedes had tried to be nice, keep it gentle since he had recently come out of a coma, but he was pushing the limits of her patience. He didn't control her, no one did. She had spent her whole life being dominated by men and now that she was free from her mom and her associates, she wasn't going to be put in that position again.

Sam had some nerve to demand she spend time with him tonight, as if she wanted to be his distraction as he moped about Quinn and her drama du jour. And to just throw it out there that he wanted to work on their marriage like an accusation, like she had somehow prevented them from doing that thus far, like she was the one that made him go upstate instead of bringing his butt home to actually spend time with her, was such a load of bull, and so typical Sam. She wanted to smack him for being so arrogant and so insolent and so much like the man she fell in love with. Insanity was knocking at her door as she flipped from wanting to hit him and wanting to kiss him, unable to settle on one action or the other. No she wanted to hit him more, definitely. After weeks of silence and disdain he decides he wants to know her now, and she's supposed to drop everything and jump in his arms grateful, all while ignoring that Quinn is somewhere in the house. Screw that and screw him. If that was the outcome he was hoping to get, he was in for a very disappointing evening.

Mercedes had tracked Kurt down to the game room, set up with multiple big screen televisions, a pool table, darts, and assorted board games, it was the oasis away from the hustle of the party. Decorated in the same cool blues and whites as the rest of the event, it was equipped with all of Sam's favorite games, since Kurt anticipated Sam would be more comfortable in here than out on the dance floor. Sam wasn't big on dancing unless it was slow and leading to something more intimate. Not that Mercedes had any experience with Sam's party behavior. Their time together hadn't included much socializing, aside from a few corporate dinners, a hospital benefit, and one engagement party for his high school friend. Nevertheless, Mercedes knew Kurt was right to create this space for Sam and others to enjoy, where they could hear the music but not have to dance to it. Somehow the room had yet to be opened to guests, but Kurt and Elliott had managed to make themselves at home there.

"Are you even listening to me?" she asked shaking Kurt's head with her hand.

"Of course I am," Kurt answered ducking out of her reach. "Sam's being an ass."

"No I said he grabbed my ass!"

"He married that ass. Shouldn't he be allowed to touch it?" Elliott snickered from the recliner a few feet away, not so engrossed in the game to overhear Kurt's crack. Mercedes smacked Kurt hard on the arm. "Ow!" he squealed, rubbing at his arm, but still managing to continue playing his game.

"I can't believe you just said that."

"I think you're overreacting. I say take this attention as a positive and go with it."

"This is not positive." She flopped down on the couch beside Kurt. "Sam is up to something." Mercedes knew Sam wasn't being straight with her, he had that look in his eyes. The one he often got when he was close to making a business deal at work.

"You said he wanted this to be your first date," he said without looking in her direction. "That was probably his way of creating some romance."

"Kurt can you quit that stupid game and talk to me?" asked Mercedes raising her voice above the boyish whoops and hollers of Elliott and Kurt.

"I can whip Elliott at Super Smash Bros Brawl and talk to you at the same time," replied Kurt his full attention on the television screen.

"In your dreams you're beating me," said Elliott with an excited smile on his face.

"Kurt I need you to focus. If Sam's trying to romance me then it is an act, especially since he brought Quinn back."

She waved her hand in front of his face to get his attention. Kurt stretched his neck, raising his head higher to see the screen over her hand.

"The score is right on the screen. It cannot be denied." He boasted to Elliott. Glancing quickly at Mercedes he said, "Quinn's still locked up it was just one night at the hotel."

"Mental patients don't get to check themselves out for a night of passion."

She was such an idiot for not figuring that out sooner. Of course Quinn had been released permanently, late night excursions were not part of the recovery process for mental patients.

"Evans money talks, besides Sam told me it was just one night."

"Sam told you? Are you saying you knew about the hotel before that picture came out?"

"Better give up now Mr. Starchild," said Kurt rising to his feet as he pressed the buttons on the game controller rapidly. "Victory is mine." He grinned. "Hey!" Kurt yelled as he stared at the suddenly dark screen. "Cede, what the hell?"

"I'm trying to get your attention." She crossed her legs and relaxed into the couch, unmoved by Elliott and Kurt's outrage. Mercedes was tired of their games, she had serious issues on her mind, like a cheating spouse and a crazy lady on the loose.

Kurt dropped his controller on the table before pushing the hair out of his eyes. "But hitting the reset button mid game is not cool."

"I think in some countries you could be imprisoned for that." Elliott chimed in, looking just as displeased as Kurt.

"Do you know which ones so I can send her there?" Kurt asked Elliott while throwing Mercedes a threatening look.

"Elliott, I think I hear your Ipod skipping." Mercedes said flatly.

Elliott stood up and paused, listening closely to the music that was muted in their video game area. "Sounds fine to me."

"Are you sure? Because Justin Beiber's "Baby" just played twice." Mercedes had no clue about the music, she was barely listening, but she knew that any mention of music being misplayed would send Kurt's friend running.

Elliott looked horrified, his dark brown hair almost looking a shade lighter from the shock. "Justin Beiber? That's not on the playlist. I only have that on my ipod for when I babysit my little sister," he said as he rushed from the room.

"He's totally lying about Beiber you know," Kurt said laughing lightly after Elliott left the room. "Elliott secretly loves him." He picked up his drink from the coffee table before returning to his seat beside Mercedes.

"So he's a Belieber, and you read Twilight, there are bigger offenses being committed here tonight."

"Yeah I think Sam's Manilow obsession is far worse."

"He's not obsessed," she stopped, looking over at him. "How did you know about that?"

"Overheard you say it to him once when he was in coma, promised to play him 'Mandy' if he woke up. That's why I knew the 'Oh Mandees' would be perfect, even with Blaine in the band."

"Wow that's pretty cool of you Kurt." Mercedes smiled. "I thought it was just because of Blaine that you suggested the band, but the fact that you did that for Sam and for me." She hugged him around his shoulder. "Wow." Mercedes stopped mid hug and pushed Kurt roughly back against the couch. "Wait a minute! I'm mad at you! You knew about Sam and Quinn being together last night and you didn't bother to tell me?"

"Oh whoa! Stop right there and wipe that look off your face." Kurt held up his finger to keep her from pouncing. "I only found out earlier tonight. Mike called and assumed I knew. You know I don't keep things from you."

"This you did."

"Sam asked me not to say anything," Kurt explained. "He practically begged. He said he wanted to be the one that told you about this. He swore it was just last night and nothing more."

"I get it bros before hoes right? I knew you guys liked to stick together but I thought it was different with us, that we had a special bond that went beyond all that guy code crap."

"Mercedes! He's my cousin. I don't agree with what he did at all, and I told him that, but he promised he was going to tell you."

"Guess what? Sam lied. I walked into the nursery and I found him in Quinn's arms."

Finding out Sam had cheated on her had been bad enough, the shock, the humiliation, the creeping sense of betrayal that discolored everything she believed was special and unique about them, destroying their intimate bond making her doubt every word he ever uttered. That was the worst kind of pain. It had torn through her physically and shattered her esteem and self-worth, but she had recovered, picking herself up and duct taping herself back together to become the mostly whole person she was today.

Seeing Quinn with her arms around Sam, possessively, lovingly, as if she belonged there brought all that pain back up again, and this time it was so much worse, because the evidence of his infidelity was tangible, on display for her naked eyes. This time she couldn't blame an overactive imagination or vengeful exaggeration when she pictured the two of them, now she had visible proof of how they were together, and it was awful. Worse than when she had to sit back and watch him date Rachel, because at least then she knew that Sam felt something for her too, she could cling to that attraction they shared and hope for something more down the line. Now she didn't even have that. He didn't know her, and whatever attraction he felt toward her clearly wasn't enough to combat his feelings for Quinn.

"Quinn's here?" Kurt asked, his voice going an octave higher.

"Yep, in a slutty red dress, probably sucking up all the free drinks she can get her hands on."

How Quinn managed to always look flawless was one of life's great mysteries. Quinn had been just as wrecked as Mercedes over Sam's collapse, on the floor with him, wiping his blood stained face, but to look at Quinn you would never know it. She looked like she just stepped off the runway.

"Here in this house?" Kurt's eyes were like saucers, as if he heard Bigfoot was spotted in Lima instead of Quinn.

"Yes Kurt! Sam had Quinn released last night, not just for one night, for good."

"This party just hit the big leagues," said Kurt looking excited by the idea. He was always looking for something juicy to happen in their little city. "I bet those media vultures are just gearing up to swoop on her."

"Doesn't seem like many people know she's here. Surprisingly she's been keeping a low profile." Though still visible enough to interrupt her private conversation with Sam, Quinn must have a homing beacon that sounds whenever Sam is in the vicinity.

"How are you handling this party crasher?" asked Kurt offering her his drink. She must look worse than she thought if Kurt was trying to liquor her up.

"Not like I handled Rachel if that's what you're worried about. I'm trying my best to ignore her, which is not a simple feat, with Sam looking longingly for her in the crowd right in front of my face." Mercedes took a sip from his glass, frowning when she tasted the scotch. She handed him back his glass.

Hiding emotions was something Sam could never do well with her, she always was able to read him, even when he tried to block her out. After their little moment that Quinn witnessed, Sam's whole demeanor had changed. He was distracted and lost in his thoughts. Mercedes knew he was upset about Quinn seeing them together. He had looked like a cheating spouse caught with his pants down when Quinn entered the lounge area. Mercedes never thought it would be possible to feel like the other woman in her own marriage, yet here she was almost feeling like Sam's dirty little secret. When no one was around Sam was very interested, hands everywhere, throwing around flirtations, but once there were witnesses he backed off looking guilty for being caught anywhere near her.

"Why don't you have her put out?" Kurt suggested. "Daley and the guys can be discreet."

The thought had crossed her mind more than once, but something Sue had said kept her from following through. While Sam was passed out, Sue had said Sam wanted Quinn there, like it or not. If Sam wanted Quinn at his party, who was she to stand in the way of that?

"I'm not going to let her ruin Sam's party any more than she already has. So no scenes or public outbursts, I'm the picture of decorum tonight. I even told Sam he was free to go spend his time with her and forget this date nonsense."

A part of her had really meant it. If Quinn was the one he wanted Sam should have her. They all learned the hard lesson that life was too short to waste. If she were more of an unselfish person she would simply walk away and let him be happy with whomever he chose. The thing was she didn't think he would be happy with Quinn. All Mercedes saw was him heading toward disaster and heartbreak and the part of her that always was weak for Sam, caring when he didn't deserve it, or want it, and she couldn't let him end up hurting again. She couldn't believe that he was brought back from a coma just to be flatlined by a succubus like Quinn Fabray.

Maybe she wasn't the best woman for him, Mercedes knew she hadn't been the perfect wife, with that message, and secret feelings for another man, but one thing she was sure of, every part of her loved Sam. It might not count for much with him, but it was all she had to offer and she had to believe that someday he'd see that and let her in his life and his heart again. That couldn't happen if she just left and gave him up to Quinn. She had to stick it out and remain a presence in his life. If only he didn't make it so damn difficult. Why did he have to be such a jerk? His attitude made it so hard for her to want to stay.

"Uh huh." He gave her a look as he sipped his drink.

"What? You don't think I can be civil?"

"Civil maybe, civil while your husband is hanging out with Quinn Fabray? No way. Rachel gave me her version of what went down between the two of you earlier."

"Meaning she lied to you." Rachel put on her sweet and innocent act for the rest of the world, but behind closed doors she was a total bitch. Mercedes couldn't understand how Kurt could live with her.

"She said you threw the first punch."

"She called Sam a pedophile."

"Even still you started a fight right in the middle of the foyer with guests in the house."

"Someone disrespects my husband or my family I'm coming after them. I don't care where I am, but I'm not worried about Quinn. She wouldn't say anything against Sam. She's in love. Told me so earlier tonight."

Getting shot probably would have hurt less than hearing Quinn admit she loved Sam. Mercedes had suspected as much, watching her actions while Sam was in a coma, Quinn's clandestine visits, her constant concern, and her silent accusations, calling Mercedes out for breaking Sam's heart and putting him in a coma. Hearing the words though made it all the more real, Quinn loved him and Mercedes knew Sam loved her, the only one left unloved was her. Stomach bubbling guilt threatened to make her ill again as Mercedes tried to ignore the little voice within that urged her to step aside and let Sam and Quinn be happy. Sam had told her in the car accident that Quinn's love was the one thing he always wanted and never got, looked like his dreams had come true, and the only thing in his way was his marriage. Truths that large were hard to ignore.

"And that tidbit made you want to push Sam in her direction? What are you apprenticing as a yenta?"

"Don't you have to be Jewish to be a yenta?"

"Mercedes what's going on with you?" His voice softened and he put on his concerned face. Mercedes braced herself for a lecture. Kurt always began his words of wisdom this way. "Usually you would be in tears or throwing elbows but never Ms. Decorum."

"Okay but you have to promise to keep this to yourself." He shifted to face her fully, leaning back against the arm of the couch.

"I think I've proven that I am good at keeping the lips zipped."

"I have a plan."

"Thank God," he said, literally turning his eyes upward in exaggerated reverence. "I was starting to worry about you, thought you were turning into a zombie. So what's the plan?"

"For now I'm playing it cautious. I'm trying to sniff out what Sam's up to."

Specifics were never her thing when it came to Sam, no point since he had this knack for being unpredictable and keeping her on her toes. They had that in common, being able to improvise and think on their feet. All she could do was rely on her instincts and try to stay one step ahead of him.

"How can you do that if you sent him to be with Quinn?"

"That was a test. If he sticks with me tonight, instead of hanging with Quinn, I will be able to figure out what's going on."

"But he's not with you. Where is he?"

"I don't really know. He walked away from me. He got all huffy and started acting out in front of that reporter when I tried to end our date."

This whole wanting to spend time with her and asking for a chance was suspicious to Mercedes from the start. Sam couldn't be bothered to know her before, why now did he suddenly need to? And why did he need her to believe that he wanted to make their marriage work? He had been so adamant earlier, actually seemed offended that she didn't believe him. The intensity of his reactions alone made her wary. There had been nothing passionate between the two of them since the hospital when he thought she was just his nurse, once he found out she was really his wife all that cooled. Now he was desperate to be with her? Something was up, and she needed to find out what.

"Isn't that a sign right there that he's serious about spending time with you?"

"He's serious about something, but I doubt it has anything to do with me."

"Mercedes I think you might be selling yourself short. I can tell Sam feels something for you."

"He tried to convince me of that earlier, a little too hard. He's playing me."

In his bedroom he made her want to believe. He was saying all the right things, admitting his denial, apologizing for his mistreatment of her. It was everything she had hoped to hear, so perfect, and that was the problem. It was too perfect, nothing every panned out the way Mercedes wanted, so none of what Sam was saying could possibly be real. His arms around her, his lips on her skin, his eyes finally looking only at her, she'd trap that moment in a bottle if she could, to pull out and enjoy whenever the loneliness became unbearable or the thought of him with Quinn too much to take. For that small stretch of time, he was hers again, and she didn't want to let it go. But she had to in order to get to the truth, to find out what Sam was truly after. Letting herself get swept up in his pretty words and heartfelt declarations would only end up causing more pain.

"I don't know. When I talked to him before, he seemed pretty genuine." Kurt's hopeless romantic side was rearing its head again. Mercedes wished she could steal some of his faith in the positive, but life had kicked her too many times to trust in dreams, all she could rely on were solid facts.

"Sam is an adept liar. He could sell sand in the desert, bull shitting is one of his natural talents."

Kurt smirked. "Here I thought you liked the guy."

"I do like him. I don't have a problem with his scheming abilities, except when he uses them on me."

"So what's your next move?"

"If our supposed date actually happens I'm going to beat him at his own game." She smiled imagining Sam at the end of his rope, thoroughly frustrated by her. It would be a nice little payback for all the stress he had caused her today with his Quinn surprise. "He wants to dazzle me, well I'd like to see him pull that off when I'm acting like the date from hell. I will be blocking his every move."

"Sam has a reputation for having a way with the ladies, especially when he taps into that Evans charm. You think you really can resist him? It has been months since you've seen him in action, all of this time together is going to get to you."

"I am finding it quite easy to shut him out. I think seeing Quinn all over him cooled some of my affection."

The thought of them together made her stomach turn, not exactly an aphrodisiac. Mercedes felt confident she could keep a clear head, she had done fairly well so far, that kiss was a momentary lapse easily blamed on too much amaretto. Now that she had her course of action planned out she would no longer be tempted by his lips or his eyes or that smile, all she saw now when she looked at him was a blank face with a bullseye painted on it.

"I'm not buying that. Sam says the right word and you will be totally sucked in. You love him way too much to ignore him."

"Just watch…" She stopped talking, cocking her head to listen closely. "Do you hear that?"

Over the collective hum of music and conversation she heard shouts. The words were muffled, but the differentiation of sound was unmistakable.

"Yeah it sounds like yelling."

Mercedes got up and went to the entry of the room, sticking her head out into the main party area. Again above the noise she heard shouting.

"It's Sam. He sounds upset."

"Maybe someone made a crack about his hair," joked Kurt getting up from the couch to join Mercedes at the door.

This time his voice was clear, distressed and angry, calling Quinn's name at the top of his lungs. Mercedes' stomach lurched as she wondered what could possibly have Sam so upset.

"Kurt I'm serious. Do you hear him? He's going to black out again if he doesn't watch it."

Taking Kurt by the hand she dragged him out of the game room and into the crowded party toward to the sound of Sam's voice. 


	93. Tailspin3 Ch39

**Chapter 39**

"Sam calm down."

Mike grabbed his arm, trying to slow down his push through the crowd. Guests parted like the Red Sea as he plowed through the room looking for Quinn. With increased force Mike yanked Sam's arm again, this time stopping him.

"Calm down?" Sam said loudly as he finally faced Mike. He had tried to his best to ignore his brother as he followed closely on his heels. "You tell me you were fucking my girl and you want me to calm down?"

"Quinn and I were a couple and she wasn't your girl then," Mike said calmly in sharp contrast to Sam's rising agitation.

"Quinn has always been my girl." She was his first love, forever a part of him, nothing could change that.

"Except you seem to be forgetting she wasn't." Mike stepped closer, lowering his voice so that only the two of them could hear. "She was with Puck and then me and then back to Puck again. She almost married him. The two of us can lay a bigger claim on her than you can."

It was almost inconceivable that two other men had gained such intimate knowledge of Quinn over the years, not that he had been saving himself either. He had been married twice, and apparently had a string of relationships, but in his heart he always knew Quinn held a special place that no other woman could touch. Sam had to believe Quinn felt the same, she had admitted as much tonight in the nursery. Their love might have started when they were just kids, but it had endured far beyond that. Other relationships had no bearing on what was between them.

"You couldn't possibly understand what Quinn and I share."

"You're right I don't. I think Quinn is a selfish bitch." Mike made a sound somewhere between a snort and snicker, mocking in tone and disparaging in gesture. Sam burned at Mike's attitude as he continued to make light of something so precious. Sam clenched his fists itching to wipe that look off his brother's face. "Don't even think about taking a swing at me Sam. I won't hesitate in embarrassing you in front of all these people," said Mike looking Sam straight in the eyes.

Sam thought better of his need for violence and unclenched his hands, releasing most of the tension in his body. He was no match for Mike in his present state.

"Why are you doing this Mike? Are you lying to make Quinn look bad? Do you want to ruin my birthday?"

"I'm the man that almost ruined your wedding. I didn't let you hide from the truth about Cede possibly still wanting Shane and I'm not letting you hide from this either, you knew I was telling the truth about her from the moment I said it." Mike rested his hand on Sam's shoulder. "No backtracking now. Take this like a man."

"Tell me what happened between you two," said Sam shaking his brother off.

Mike pointed to a set of chairs in a secluded corner where they could talk with more privacy. Sam reluctantly followed Mike, instead of continuing on his quest to find Quinn.

"Quinn and I got together around the time you were dating that college girl Penny."

"Quinn said I chose to be with Penny over her." Sam remembered his conversation with Quinn the night before. She had told him about Penny and the insane fact that he had been seeing them both at the same time.

"In a way you did. I'm not sure what exactly went down with you and Quinn, she cried on my shoulder a lot but she never got specific, even after we were more serious, and I never pressed her about it."

"Didn't you think that her silence on the topic of me was strange? Didn't you take that as a hint she wasn't over me?" Quinn kept her emotions close, especially when they were important. If she wasn't confiding in Mike about him that was a clear sign that she was truly hurt.

"Quinn's not the most forthcoming person. Remember all that mystery when she came back to town and no one knew where Puck was? How come she couldn't speak up about him being in rehab?"

"Probably was painful for her to talk about," he speculated. He vaguely remembered the limo crash and Quinn saying very little about Puck.

"I was thinking it was more likely that she didn't want to make herself look bad. She didn't want everyone to see that she wasn't sweet little Quinn anymore that the music business had changed her into a lying cheating wh –"

"Don't say another word Mike or I swear to God…" said Sam angrily. He had enough of Mike shooting his mouth off about Quinn.

"You think I'm lying about her? You can ask anyone here, they'll all tell you. Quinn turned to me when you didn't want her because she couldn't stand to be alone." Mike's facade of calm was crumbling. He cared more about this subject than he was willing to show. "Why do you think she took up with you in the first place so soon after her break up with Puck? Quinn didn't even let the dust settle before you two were all entangled. She can't live without a man in her bed."

Sam shook his head not believing any of that description of Quinn, clearly Mike didn't really know her despite their relationship.

"Quinn and I have history. When we were in that crash, we reconnected, that's why she turned to me. It couldn't have been just about sex."

Even when Quinn said the same the previous night, he found it hard to swallow. After their time in that crash, there would never be anything casual between them.

"I think you're right, it was about more than sex for her. Probably was a mix of comfort, companionship, an insatiable need for affection to validate her self-worth. I'm sure Quinn would've been fully committed to you, for a time."

Every word from Mike's mouth sounded wrong like he was describing a different person like Santana or his ex-wife Tina, but not Quinn. Quinn had always been nurturing and caring, a supportive presence. She wasn't the type to tear a man down. Sam flashed back to high school when Quinn had told him about her feelings for Puck. She could have taken out a gun and shot him, it would have hurt him less. The confirmation of all he suspected, of all he had fought to prevent, battling his cousin just to keep his girlfriend by his side, only to have it all end on her lips. She wanted to be with someone else.

Sam felt truly lost after that, drifting in his own skin, no purpose, he'd put it all into loving her and fighting for her, then he was ultimately left with nothing. What Mike had described was indeed possible, in fact he had been there squarely in the same shoes. Sam looked at his brother, a hint of anger of and hurt passing through his dark eyes. No it couldn't be true, not again. He just wasn't willing to accept any of it until he had spoken to Quinn.

"Just because things didn't work out for the two of you, doesn't mean that would've happened if I were with her. We've cared about each other for a long time."

"I don't doubt that Quinn cares. It's the way she cares that worries me. She will suck you dry Sam and there will be nothing left. She had me staring down the barrel of a loaded weapon, any will I had was sapped after her. I can't blame Quinn for my addiction, alcohol is my demon, but dealing with her made it so easy to fall off the wagon."

"I don't want to hear any more of this." Sam jumped up from his chair. "You're making things up because she hurt you. I need to talk to Quinn. Quinn!" He yelled her name as he advanced back into the crowd of guests.

He had to find her, to end all the accusations, to shut Mike up once and for all. Sam's mind slammed shut, desperately trying to block Mike's words. None of what he was saying could be true. Quinn would have told him about this. Yet it wasn't like his brother to lie, in fact Mike tended to be honest to a fault, especially when it came to him. He was the first to tell him when his hair looked bad, his work was shoddy, or if his girlfriend wasn't up to snuff, so why would he suddenly start lying to him now?

"Yes let's find Quinn so I can watch her squirm while she tries to find another way to lie to your face," said Mike from close behind, following Sam again.

"Quinn and I don't lie to each other." Sam shot over his shoulder.

That was one of the best parts of them, their complete honesty with each other. Although Quinn had been slightly less open about her PPD and the events that led to her losing Beth, ultimately she had shared that as well, letting him in completely. She had looked him in the eyes and promised there were no more secrets between them. Sam trusted her word, more than anything else in his life.

"Wake the fuck up Sam, she didn't tell you about me, don't you think she has more secrets she's keeping?"

Sam stopped suddenly, realization washing over him as he pivoted to face his brother. "Now I get all that tension in the car yesterday. You're out to get Quinn. You have some sort of vendetta against her or something, you want her to look bad to me." Mike was nothing but a jilted lover, angry and bitter. No wonder he was so quick to bash Quinn, he couldn't help himself.

"I don't give a damn about Quinn anymore. After what she did to me, I walked away and never looked back. It's you I'm worried about. I don't want her to hurt you the same way. She will trash your life Sam."

Mike sounded like his parents, blaming Quinn for his choices. She didn't force him to go crazy trying to win her back, she didn't push him to enlist, and Sam was pretty sure Quinn didn't force Mike to start drinking again. For some reason people liked to use Quinn as an easy scapegoat, blaming her for all sorts of ills that plagued their lives. It started in high school with the endless teasing, and now all these years later it seemed to still be continuing.

"So your relationship didn't work out, how is that all Quinn's fault? Maybe you shouldn't have hooked up with a woman on the rebound. Clearly Quinn wasn't over me."

Though it didn't seem like Quinn to take things so lightly. He couldn't imagine her being with a man just because she was lonely or bored. Quinn always dreamed about lasting love and the beauty of enduring commitment, comparing longstanding couples to the moon and the tides, existing in perfect sync for the duration. Quinn wrapped herself in her beliefs, proudly displaying them even when they were unpopular. What happened to that girl that had such passionate convictions? The way Mike was talking she had disappeared into the ether and was replaced by a mindless bimbo that based all her choices on her current sexual partner. There was no way that Quinn would ever become a person like that.

"It was my own stupid fault for being with her knowing what I did. But you got it all wrong, brother. You weren't the problem."

"What are you talking about?" Sam knitted his brows in confusion. Quinn was the one on the rebound and heartbroken over him, of course he was the problem.

"Our relationship ended because of another man."

"Are you saying Quinn cheated on you? No way. She's not that type of person." Disbelief, shock, and a whole lot of what the fuck, there's no way any of this could be real.

"So Beth was an immaculate conception?" asked Mike with a snarky smile.

"That was different and you know it. I was told all about that, I was in a bad place and she was just being a good friend to me. One thing led to another and we slept together."

That too had been hard for him to believe, that either one of them could cheat even under such duress, but Quinn had confirmed what everyone else had said, they indeed had comforted each other sexually for one night. Sam couldn't quite let go of the idea that there was something more than pain at play that night. They had to have turned to each other because of unspoken feelings, even if they weren't free. It could never be just sex between them.

"Blah blah blah, how many people have walked in your shoes and never had sex with someone else to cope? You were drunk and she's a slut. Case closed." Sam reared back, the muscles in his arms flexing as he lunged toward Mike. Before his fist could connect with its intended target, somewhere in the vicinity of his brother's nose, he was halted by a solid mass. Mike had stopped his punch mid swing, blocking his fist with his own hand. "I told you not to do that," said Mike.

Twisting Sam's arm behind his back, wrenching it painfully, forcing him to submit, he was twelve again getting his ass kicked by his big brother, only this time he hadn't stolen his dirty magazines.

"Get off me," Sam said trying futilely to escape Mike's grasp. His brother was far too strong for him at the moment, and he didn't stand a chance, he was essentially trapped until Mike decided to let him go. Finally Mike released him, as a small crowd started to gather around the two of them.

"Just playing around," Mike said loudly, laughing it up. "I missed my little brother so much, had to give him a welcome back hug. Are you happy now?" Mike asked at a volume only Sam could hear. "People are all rubbernecking, probably taking video."

"I don't give a damn. I'm not going to let you talk about Quinn like that."

Sam stretched his neck up to look over the heads of the people milling about the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of Quinn. Still she seemed to be nowhere. Maybe she had decided to leave the party after all, since they had decided he was going to spend the bulk of his time with Mercedes. As if he conjured her he spotted her across the room, not the woman he wanted, Quinn still was MIA, but Mercedes, her dark hair brilliant under the colored lights and she wasn't alone.

"What?" Mike followed Sam's line of vision through the crowd. "Oh isn't that rich? You're throwing punches over Quinn one minute and now giving evil eyes to Finn Hudson? Sam, you are one screwed up bastard."

"I wasn't giving evil eyes, I don't do that. Please." He scoffed. Sam didn't give a crap about that little punk. He just wondered what Finn was doing at his party and even more wondering what he was doing hugging all over his wife? Reasonable questions under the circumstances, since Mercedes was supposed to be his date for the evening. "I was looking for Quinn, I can't believe she hasn't turned up by now."

"If she's smart she's long gone, nobody wants her here anyway." Mike mumbled under her breath.

"You know what? I want her here. She's the mother of my daughter, my oldest friend, and I love her."

"Can you say that a little louder? I don't think they heard you in Cleveland. I wonder if I break your jaw, you'd come to your senses and stop being such a jackass, because right now I'd really love to beat your memory back into place."

"Go ahead. Do it!" Sam squared off in front of Mike, hoping that his height advantage would somehow save him from the damage he knew his brother could inflict.

"Mom might kill me for this, but I think I will," said Mike, his face more serious than Sam had seen it all night.

Sam took a deep breath, balling his hands into fists and steeled himself for the blow.  
>-<p>

"Everything okay here?" asked Will, walking up behind them putting an arm around both Mike and Sam. "People are starting to stare."

Mike hadn't actually thrown any punches instead he opted to put him in a vice grip, clamping down on his shoulder with so much pressure Sam was sure there would be marks. Mike let Sam go once Will appeared, but his anger was still discernible in his brown eyes. His brother's visible anger annoyed Sam, the only person that had the right to be angry in all this was him. He was the one that had been lied to and kept in the dark about this supposed marriage.

"Everything's fine Will," Sam assured his brother with a forced smile. Maybe if he faked it well enough, Will would leave and he could get back to dealing with Mike. "As soon as I find Quinn."

"Sam just found out that Quinn and I were together," Mike explained.

Will's eyes widened, but he quickly covered. "Oh. Well Sam I am sure that was surprising but don't you think this anger is a bit much?"

"No I don't. Mike is telling lies about the woman I…" He stopped himself not wanting to reveal that much in front of Will. He'd been judged enough for his feelings for Quinn, he didn't want to risk yet another lecture. "About my daughter's mother and I'm not going to take that. Quinn's not even here to defend herself."

"All of this happened years ago," said Will.

Years ago to everyone else, but this was all very new to him. He felt slammed by this latest information and the secrecy that shrouded it made it all the more worse. Why couldn't he be told about this sooner? Suspicions grew in his mind as he considered the possibility that his own brother had been deliberately deceiving him.

"Will's right. All of this is ancient history. You were past it man, and to be honest you weren't too bothered by the news the first time around."

"I don't believe that, I never would have wanted Quinn with you."

"Do the math. You were three women removed from Quinn." Mike held up three fingers to emphasize his point. "You moved on from her in a big way and she had done the same."

"If all you're saying is true it means Quinn lied to me, after promising she wouldn't."

"Far be it from me to take Quinn's side on anything," said Mike. "But I think in this case it wasn't really a lie, more like she didn't want to overwhelm you."

Mike's reasoning still didn't make sense. Their conversation about Beth and her depression was much harder than something like this. So she had dated his brother, it hurt that they didn't seem to be able to achieve that level of commitment when she had been able to with his cousin and brother, but it wasn't nearly as painful as knowing that Quinn was depressed and desperate while he was in a coma. That's why the only logical answer was that Mike was making all of this up to stick it to Quinn somehow. Quinn didn't lie to him, and if she had decided to start why would it be about this and not something more important?

"That doesn't fly because we just talked about some big stuff, about Beth and her PPD. If that didn't overload me, nothing will."

"You passed out."

"Not because of that. Kali said it was the beer. I am more than capable of handling the truth about my own life. I wish everyone would stop sugarcoating and just be honest with me."

Beer wasn't to blame, Sam was well aware of that, even if he refrained from sharing that fact with his family. Before he had collapsed earlier he had heard voices and saw blood red behind his eyes. The conversation about Beth most certainly had something to do with his physical reaction, but he couldn't let worries about fainting spells prevent the truth from coming out. He had been kept in the dark long enough.

"Sam, why don't we take a walk?" asked Will with his hand on Sam's back attempting to subtly shepherd him toward the door. "Get some air?"

"I'm not leaving until I talk to Quinn."

"I think that would be a really bad idea," said Kali Hill as she appeared before him with a drink in her hand.

"Great Dr. Nosy has arrived," Sam groaned. The last thing he wanted was to hear Kali once again chiming in about his life. Being fired hadn't stopped her from giving unsolicited advice.

"Quinn has been through too much today for yet another stressful conversation. You need to let this go for now Sam."

"Kali you might as well stop talking, because I don't give a damn what you say. I'm talking to Quinn whether you like it or not."

"As her doctor…" she began.

"You're her doctor not her warden," Sam said brusquely not letting the woman finish her sentence. "Quinn is a free woman and she can do what she likes, so back the hell off."

"Mike, I told you to check on him, not send him over the edge," snapped Kali as she pulled Mike away.

"It slipped, what can I say?" he asked giving Kali a sheepish grin.

Sam rolled his eyes at his brother's obvious infatuation with the doctor.

"Sam, why don't you relax?" suggested Will. Ever the peacemaker, he really should wear a collar instead of a badge. "We'll find Quinn and talk this out. Let's go out here." He led Sam toward the door and out into the brightly lit foyer, leaving the loud music and prying eyes behind. "This is better. Didn't much like putting on a show."

"I'm so confused Will," Sam ran his hand through his hair, feeling near the end of his rope. So much information and none of it made sense. "Mike said he was with Quinn after I rejected her and then accused her of cheating on him and messing up his life. That's not Quinn. I don't know that person."

"Maybe you don't. We all have different sides. The way Quinn treated Mike may not be how she would have treated you."

"Are you saying it's true, she cheated on Mike?"

His brother stared back at him a moment, as if debating his response. "I don't think I should…" Will said hesitantly.

"Don't hold out on me Will. I need to know what's going on." His big brother Will, always the cop, even now in jeans and a blazer at a party, would never let him down when it came to the truth. Will had no bias against Quinn, no stake in this argument. If anyone would be direct it should be him. "This sounds crazy to me. Give it to me straight."

"You were better without her." Direct and to the point typical Will, only the words he never expected to hear coming from him.

Quinn was the best thing that ever happened to him. He was more focused when he was with her, did better in school, started to think about a future beyond Lima, granted that future exclusively revolved around Quinn and her dreams, but at least he started to have goals. Losing her to Puck had thrown him off course for a time, but he had pulled himself together, reined in all his negative energy and did something positive, joined the Army. Will never had a problem with that choice, in fact he was one of the few members of his family that openly applauded his decision, so why was Will now acting like Quinn had somehow ruined his life?

"No. That's not true."

It was starting to become clear that no one was going to support his relationship with Quinn, and that was fine, he'd stood up to disapproval before. When he married Brittany, not many were pleased with that relationship either, citing Santana was the real owner of her heart. In the end, everyone was right about Brittany, but things weren't all bad in their marriage, there was love and respect. They managed to share something special for a time, despite being in the shadow of Santana and her unending love for her. Sam was fully prepared to love Quinn, ignoring the naysayers as long as he had her by his side. That's where she had seemed to be just a few hours ago, in Beth's nursery, filling him with immeasurable joy as she told him that she wanted to be with him for a lifetime. Downstairs in the hard light of the foyer, things were starting to feel decidedly different, the Quinn from before was fading like a mirage. All that he believed about her was being called into question, and while he usually could shake off doubts with ease, this time they were clinging to him like an extra layer of skin.

"When you started dating my Rachel, I didn't like it. Not after everything with Brittany. It was too soon. I thought you'd ultimately hurt her, and you did. So when you told me you wanted to pursue Mercedes right on the heels of your break up with Rachel I was once again concerned. Mercedes was so young."

Will had judged him for his dating choices, not much of a shock, everyone had an opinion in his life. Will tended to be less vocal than most, but when he became involved with Brittany, his older brother joined the crowd of dissenting voices. After he came back from Afghanistan with a mutilated leg only to discover his wife had migrated over to Santana, he had become irrational and his jealous tendencies and his temper flared, so he could hardly blame Will for his concerns. That had been a low point in Sam's life but by the time they were in that crash, he had regained control and was willing to let Brittany go and Will knew that. So why bring that up now?

"What does any of this have to do with Quinn and her relationship with Mike?"

"Nothing. It has to do with you. Your dramatic love life sort of shaped who you are. I could follow the women in your life like a map to navigate the changes in your personality. All these ups and downs helped you grow, even your interaction with Quinn. You and Quinn had gone through a lot and made it out the other side with your friendship intact."

"That's a beautiful thing."

"I agree," Will smiled. "It is, not many relationships could have survived the way yours has with Quinn."

"Okay so how does any of this prove I'm better without Quinn? If anything you are showing me that Quinn and I are meant to be."

"Ever think that maybe you guys remained close because you weren't romantically involved?"

"No, I think our timing was always off and that our friendship was just a holding pattern for more. She's the woman I've been waiting for, deep down I knew that."

Will walked over to a little table in the foyer, picking up a frame and looking at it. "I still remember the day you invited me over here and asked me to be in your wedding." He turned the frame toward Sam to show him the photograph. It was a picture from his wedding to Mercedes. "You said Mike was going to be the best man and you wanted me there too welcoming Mercedes into our family."

"Why are you bringing Mercedes into this?"

Sam hadn't even known Mercedes during the time Quinn and Mike supposedly got together. He had dated Penny and then Rachel apparently. For once this was a part of his history that didn't pertain to his wife at all. Yet here she was somehow barging her way into things.

"I guess I wanted you to know that we kept our promise, me, Mike, Kurt, Puck even Dwight, we made her a part of the family and looked out for her when you couldn't. That was important to you. You asked me to be straight with you and I am doing that. You didn't care that Mike and Quinn got together, not in the grand scheme of things."

Loving Mercedes then had nothing to do with now. He wasn't trying to deny his past feelings anymore, not that he could, no one in his life was willing to let him forget. It was nice to know she was well cared for though, and that she had his family's support, especially since he seemed to be the one that was continuously letting her down. He was grateful to Will for keeping a promise that he didn't remember asking him to make. At least Mercedes would be left with something after all this was done. His family would never turn on her, he felt confident in that, and it helped him feel less guilty about the choices he was forced to make.

Mercedes probably wouldn't see things that way. Sam definitely ran the risk of her hating him for life, a thought that bothered him more than he thought possible. It was weird how a virtual stranger had managed to make him feel so much in such a short time. At the hospital, she had been the one bright spot in his days, the only sunshine while confined to his bed in a room flooded with artificial light. Quinn had been the same once, when they were kids. One smile from her and all his problems would disappear. Waking up to the vision of Quinn's smiling face only to find her not there had been disconcerting and disappointing, but those feelings had lessened the more time he spent with his nurse Mercedes.

He could almost imagine what it felt like to love Mercedes, when she graced him with a rare genuine smile, or when she rambled incessantly about the most mundane topics. She had a way of making him feel lighter, bringing smiles to his face, getting him to forget all of his stress. That is until the guilt crept in, along with the inescapable knowledge that he wasn't doing the same for her, that he was the persistent source of her pain. Unintentionally he had let her down, breaking the promise she said he made in the accident, to return to her at any cost. He was back in the land of the living, but he was no longer hers, and those sad brown eyes reminded him of that fact each time she looked at him.

He looked away from the wedding picture so prominently displayed on the table and forced his thoughts back to what was real – Quinn. "You're not going to convince me that I didn't care about Quinn."

"I know you care about Quinn, that is very clear given your current actions. At the car crash site when things weren't looking so good, you asked me to look out for Quinn and I did that too, tried to at least, but I couldn't save Quinn from herself. You can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved," said Will choking up a little.

He knew Will had done his best by Quinn. If he said he would, then he did, Will was a man of his word. Now that he knew more about what Quinn had been through, Sam could understand his brother's emotional display. It must have been hard to watch Quinn spiraling lower with each passing day.

"I'm not trying to save her Will. I only want to help her get back on her feet, get back to our child. I don't see the problem with that." Quinn needed him and he couldn't let her down, not like he had while in a coma.

"Helping a friend is not a problem. You have always been a good friend to Quinn, have been for years, but Sam that's all you were. You and Quinn haven't had a real relationship since high school. And I am concerned that this need to help your friend Quinn is going to jeopardize your marriage. That's the problem we all see."

The only reason he still had a marriage was because he wanted to help Quinn. Sam couldn't help but wonder if Will would change his assessment of all this if he were let in on that fact.

"This stuff with Mike and Quinn has nothing to do with Mercedes or my marriage," said Sam growing weary of the tangent Will had taken them on. All Sam wanted to know was what really went down between Mike and Quinn, nothing else mattered to him at the moment.

"It has nothing to do with you either. Think about how this looks. You were going nuts in the middle of your birthday party over a woman that isn't your wife. Why do you care what Mike and Quinn did almost 3 years ago? You have your own issues to deal with, right here, right now. You keep demanding answers about your past, wanting everyone to be straight with you, well here it is man, hardcore honesty. You are about to lose everything you wanted because of a relationship that never really existed. You have not been serious about Quinn since you were a teenager. Think about that."

Will did have a point. What Quinn and Mike did years ago really didn't matter now and the fact that they were possibly a couple didn't even bother him that much, it was the fact that they chose to hide it from him that was disturbing. A dull ache began at the base of his skull as his mind resisted Will's words. He tried to hold fast to his belief that Quinn would never lie to him, especially not after their earlier conversation, but his faith was slipping fast, Will of all people had no reason to lie.

Sam rubbed his neck, staring at the floor, praying it would swallow him whole for the second time that night. Things had been so much clearer when it was just him and Quinn planning their future, working out ways to thwart his father. That was child's play compared to all of this. The woman he thought was his partner, his trusted friend, was starting to appear to be anything but that.

"I can't accept this because if I do then that means everything she's said could've been a lie."

"Hi. Hey Will."

Sam turned to see Quinn standing behind him, looking beautiful in her red dress.

"Hi there Quinn," Will said. "That's my cue to head back in. I'm sure Emma is looking for me."

Sam didn't bother to respond to his older brother's perfectly timed exit, he was too busy taking her in. Her shy smile transported him back to high school and to all those feelings when he was first falling for her. Anxious and overwhelmed, every cell on fire when she was near, Sam had never felt so physically attracted to anyone in his life, and once he got to know her the attraction only grew.

"Quinn, I'm so glad you're here," he said sighing in relief as he hugged her tightly.

Seeing her again and everything fell back into place. The shift in his axis, must have been temporary, because in her face the truth was clear, and the tension in his body eased. Quinn would never go back on her word or deceive him.

"I heard you calling my name," she said against his shoulder.

"Yes," Sam released her from his arms, clearing his throat. "I just...I needed to talk to you," he stammered. Now that she was here he didn't know how to begin. This all seemed too preposterous to even discuss, and yet he couldn't shake the feeling it was somehow all true. If only she'd look him in the eyes. "Mike told me something and I need to hear the truth from you."

"What did Mike say?" she asked still not meeting his eyes.

"He said you were in a relationship with him."

Finally she looked up. "I was. Briefly."

Sam had to take a step back, thrown by her response. If that were true, then things were as he feared. "But you didn't say a word."

"I didn't know how you would take it," She tucked the hair behind her ears as she spoke. "I didn't want to upset you, so I held back hoping for a better time to talk."

"Guess what, I'm upset." The relative calm he had achieved with Will, quickly dissipated in her presence. He crossed his arms across his chest attempting to physically hold himself together. The pounding in his head increased as his anger started to build.

"I see that. I can explain…" Her voice was shaky and her eyes filled with tears.

Sam ignored her obvious signs of distress and pushed forward. He had made it this far without falling apart, no need to stop himself now. "In the nursery, I asked you to look me in the eyes and tell me if there was anything else I needed to know, and you lied to my face. Didn't you?"

The words came out harsh and cold, revealing a level of anger he didn't know he had been feeling. Sam didn't know what he would do if she evaded his question. It was beyond surreal that he was even going here with her.

"Yes," she responded softly her voice barely audible above the muffled noise of the party coming through the closed door. "But I had no choice. Let me explain to you…" She stopped mid-sentence when he stepped closer raising her head by the chin.

Sam searched her face looking for some aspect of the woman he loved, she looked the same, but things felt so different. All that he knew seemed called into question. If he had been wrong about her, what else had he misconstrued?

"Quinn," he said almost choking out the word, her name getting caught in his throat. "What's happened to us?" he asked with the threatening sting of tears behind his eyes. He let his fingers slide through her hair, trying to hold on to something real with her. "How did you become someone I couldn't trust?" 


	94. Tailspin3 Ch40

**Chapter 40**

"I remember the last time we were here together sitting on these same steps, the day you got out of the mental hospital," said Sam as he sat beside her on the carpeted steps in the foyer.

"That was a long time ago," Quinn said as she tried to dislodge the lump in her throat.

"Not that long to me, it's all so vivid in my mind. You were in your jeans, and a bright blue jacket with a hood that you had up because you said hair was a mess. You had your glasses on, which struck me since you usually never wore them."

"I wouldn't be caught dead without my contacts." Of all the improvements her mother forced her to make, nose job, highlights, weight loss, the contacts were the one suggestion she actually liked, not that she ever let her mom know that fact.

"I used to be torn about which way I liked you best, with or without glasses." He studied her face for a bit with a serious look. "Eyes as beautiful as yours deserve to be seen, but I liked them behind glasses too, added a bit of mystery. That suited you since I was always trying to figure you out. You never let me get too close."

"That's not true. You knew me Sam."

"Not like Puck did. Told me that right on these steps that day, you said Puck knew you in a way I never could."

All these years later and Puck was still between them. He was her original sin, the scar she gave Sam that seemed like it would never fade. Before the accident, they had finally made peace with it all, the pains they had inflicted on each other over the years, small cuts that wore at their romantic possibility over time, only their friendship had been spared.

"At the time it felt that way. I could say things to Puck that I couldn't with you. I got out of the hospital and everything was different. I had changed, and Puck just felt like he fit with the new me."

She let herself go back there, to a place she rarely let her mind venture. Dark blond hair hanging in his eyes, but she could still see the tears that were starting to overflow. Coming clean about her feelings for Puck was one of the hardest things she had ever done, especially knowing what Sam's reaction would be. She had expected yelling and a jealous tirade, instead she got bone chilling silence that still haunted her if she let herself think about it. It felt like a door had closed between them, keeping him on one side and her on the other. Quinn had been confident in her feelings for Puck, she knew she had to be brave enough to follow her heart, but seeing Sam shut down so completely broke something inside her. Sam was her first boyfriend and she was leaving him behind.

"I changed too while you were in the hospital. I was so sure about us after that. I wanted us to be together."

The emotion in his voice was so thick, clinging like a humid summer day. Quinn couldn't bring herself to look at him, afraid that his eyes would reflect the same pain so evident in his voice.

"I know," she said softly, concentrating on the flecks of green in the tile that covered the foyer floor.

"No you don't know. I never told you how much I wanted for us back then. After you told me about your feelings for Puck, sort of knocked the wind out of me, I was going to propose to you." She looked at him then, stunned by his admission. "I saved up, bought a ring." He paused, bowing his head before he continued. "I wanted us to spend our lives together."

"Oh my God Sam I can't believe… I don't know what to say."

She never knew, never even dreamed that he had been serious. He had talked about marrying her before, but that was just ramblings, Sam always had a romantic soul. Even when he told her at the Beacon last year that he would have married her back in high school, Quinn still didn't truly believe him. Hindsight makes everything heightened, seem better than it actually was. Over a decade later, with the same pained expression she recalled from so long ago, Sam handed her a painful truth, she had given up their forever when she walked away from him.

She didn't want to change things, she loved Puck then and had wanted to be with him, but if only for a little while, if she could transport them back in time, back to these stairs ten years before, she'd let Sam get down on one knee and put that ring on her finger. She'd admit the love she always felt in her heart. They'd have that perfect moment where the future was theirs and the dreams about running off to New York together could actually come true. Her beautiful Sam had loved her that much, to cement his promises, to commit to her completely. And she had let him go.

"There's nothing to say now. It's done," he said looking at her briefly. "I was gutted, but I respected your honesty. You never led me on."

"I didn't want to hurt you, I cared about you." She touched his knee, only managing a second of contact before he stood up, leaving her alone on the stairs.

Across the room, his sad eyes transformed into angry slits. "So what's changed? Are you only pretending to care about me because I had you released? Throwing me a bone as a token of your appreciation?"

Quinn audibly gasped, shocked by his accusation. "That's an ugly thing to say. I would never use you like that."

"I would almost understand if you were, being in the hospital must have sucked."

"How can you think that way about me?" she asked closing her eyes. They had hit a new low if Sam actually thought her capable of abusing their friendship in that way. "After all I told you in the nursery about my feelings for you, after I said I would be willing to go back to the hospital so you wouldn't have to be stuck in a marriage you didn't want?"

"Have to admit that would be a pretty clever cover. You'd come across like a martyr willing to stay locked away for my happiness."

"I don't need a cover." She got up and walked over to him. "I'm telling the truth. I care about you so much I would do anything for you."

"If you cared about me you never would've lied to me." He looked so hurt. The veins in his forehead were swollen and his eyes bloodshot as he crossed his arms across his chest tightly like a straitjacket.

"I didn't lie, not really. I've only been out of the hospital for a day. I needed some time to get my bearings before going into a play by play of all the events of the past three years."

"We were so close last night. You told me other things about our history, why not this? With all that weirdness with Mike in the car, you could have told me, I would have understood."

"Would you? You were yelling in the middle of your birthday party."

She had been in the lounge with Artie, trying to forget that Sam was somewhere in the room trying to soften up Mercedes, when she heard her name. Faint at first, muffled like through a tin can, almost like she imagined it. Then heads turned and whispers began, she had been spotted as her name was being bellowed through the party. She gone toward the sound of his voice, leaving Artie behind, panicked that something had gone wrong, her mind immediately flashing to Sam out cold on the nursery floor.

"Were you scared of my reaction? Did you think I would take you back to the hospital if I knew about you and Mike?"

Sam was not his father. Quinn knew that, he would never be that cruel.

"I didn't want my first night with you to be tainted with hurt and anger. This is an emotional subject for me, it was a difficult time in my life. I started having all these renewed feelings for you. I thought we were getting a second chance and you treated us like a fling," she said blinking back tears. Years had passed and it still hurt to admit that she had meant so little to him back then.

"And that made you mad right? So you decided to get back at me by sleeping with my brother?" He loomed over her, shadowing her space, urging her to respond.

"No." she said forcefully, again shocked he would think her that vengeful. "It wasn't like that. Mike was there for me. He was a friend when I felt like I was losing you. I wanted a relationship with you and all you cared about was work. You were consumed by D&E."

"Seriously? That's your excuse?" he laughed humorlessly. "I was busy, so you hooked up with my brother? Now every time I get distracted at work I'm going to have to worry about you screwing someone in my family?"

"I know you're upset about all this but that's no reason to take it out on me."

"You're the one that did this to me Quinn! If you had just been honest I wouldn't be feeling this way. I'm trying to make sense of this here. Something's missing." He paced in front of her like a caged lion, physically pondering her words.

"Mike felt like a good choice at the time, he wasn't hurting me the way that you were."

In the simplest terms that was true. She wanted to be loved and cherished, wanted and a part of someone's life after her lonely relationship with Puck. Quinn craved something of substance, some stability, after the uncertainty of her years with Puck in New York.

"So good ole Mike stepped up and made you feel all better. I thought you might have turned to Mike because you couldn't have me," he glanced quickly at her. "So why didn't we end up together after things between you and Puck fell apart?"

"You were with Rachel pretty seriously by then." She threw it out casually hoping it would be enough. Quinn really didn't want to get into the rest of this story now. It was too painful to reflect on her failed relationships while the one she desperately wanted to work was fading before her eyes.

"And what aren't you saying?" Sam asked.

Quinn should have known she couldn't evade him. Sam ever suspicious, easily picked up when things were being hidden from him.

"Are you going to tell him or should I?" asked Mike materializing beside her. She hadn't even noticed him come into the foyer.

"Mike shut up." He had done enough damage. He had agreed to let her be the one to tell Sam about their relationship, and yet somehow Mike had managed to let the secret out before she had the chance. "I know you want to poison him against me, but that's not going to happen, Sam trusts me."

"Are you sure?" asked Mike "Because that doesn't look like trust to me."

It didn't look like trust to Quinn either. Sam was on edge and obviously suspicious.

"What else Quinn?" Sam pressed ignoring his brother's sudden appearance.

"Being with Mike was a mistake for many reasons and I started to realize that after we got engaged," she said sniffing back tears.

"You were going to marry him?" Sam's jaw fell open, his full lips gaping like a fish.

"It was an impulse reaction Sam. I still can't believe the words even left my mouth," added Mike with a sour look on his face.

He had some nerve downplaying it now for Sam's benefit. Back when he had proposed to her he was on his knees sprouting sappy lines from love songs. He had whisked her off to Vegas so fast her head had spun.

"I can't believe I ever said yes."

Sam ran his hands down his face and exhaled loudly. "So what happened that you never got married?" Sam asked.

"I did care about him but not in the right way." Quinn pulled her hair up from her neck, feeling hot under his interrogation. "It was complicated," she added glancing over at Mike.

"No it wasn't complicated Quinn," Mike said angrily. "What she's too scared to tell you is that she cheated on me with Puck, started before we even got engaged and continued after that. She figured I was too stupid and in love to notice she was involved with another man."

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. She had planned to talk to him about it all, calmly and rationally, someplace quiet with Mike nowhere around. She didn't want it to end up being in a shouting match with her ex-boyfriend, but now it seemed things were headed in that very direction.

"Stop acting like we had some long engagement. You asked me to marry you after sex Mike. And you know I never meant to hurt you. I didn't expect to fall in love with Puck again."

Tears fell with the truth. Mike was right, things weren't complicated, not in her heart. She had loved Puck and not him. Whatever she had believed she felt for Mike when they first started, after Sam had rejected her for anything other than sex, quickly was forgotten once she reconnected with Puck. There had always been a force between them, drawing the two of them together, despite their attempts to resist. Being with Puck had felt unbelievably right and totally inevitable. Mike became an inconvenience that she wanted to shed soon after her feelings for Puck reemerged.

"The decent thing would've been to tell me that before we got to Vegas," said Mike.

"Sometimes you get stuck in situations that you can't find a way out of. There were no easy answers and I didn't want to hurt anyone."

Again Mike was right, Quinn had no rational argument in her defense, but she tried to find one, for Sam, in the hopes that he would somehow understand all that she had done.

"You hurt me Quinn. I deserved better than to be with a woman that didn't want me."

"That's a special kind of hell," Sam said solemnly. "I've been there with Brittany. I'd never wish that on anyone."

"I'm sorry. It just seemed easier and better for everyone if we got married and your mother…"

"Leave our mother out of this," Mike said abruptly cutting her off.

"What does mom have to do with anything?" asked Sam, looking physically sickened by the conversation.  
>"Your mom is an evil shrew and she was blackmailing me. I was trying to make a comeback in my musical career and she was sabotaging me getting potential deals to fall through all because of Mike."<p>

"Don't blame my mother because your career is crap," Mike interjected. "Maybe no one booked you because you're a tore up has been. You had one hit ten years ago, time to let it go."

"Let me get this straight, my mom was blackmailing you to what? Not marry Mike?" asked Sam looking very pale and agitated, blood vessels visible on his forehead.

The look was back, the one she had seen in his eyes the first time all this came to light. Quinn could only describe it as shattered. Sam looked completely wrecked by all he was hearing.

"Do you hear him Sam? He hates me. I know you were in on it with your mother the whole time. Sue tried to kill me Sam. I finally booked a performance and I had to cancel because I was throwing up."

"It was food poisoning from bad sushi," said Mike dismissively.

"Sushi you gave me! I can't stand you Mike. I don't know what I ever saw in you. You're nothing but a pathetic drunk living in the shadow of your more successful and more attractive little brother," said Quinn bitterly, hating Mike more than she ever had in that moment, for doing this to Sam and to her.

He had no reason to destroy them like this, to take away what they had in each other. She was the one person Sam trusted completely since coming out of the coma and Quinn suspected that Mike couldn't stand that and was willing to do anything to end that trust. He had a spiteful side he tried to hide behind easy smiles and jokes, but he was Sue's son through and through and destructive thoughts came just as easily to him as they did to his depraved mother.

"Maybe I am all of those things, I can own my faults, but you have no right to judge me. Not when you're standing here lying to my brother's face." Mike raised his voice, ripping at old wounds, exposing them to Sam, bloody and raw. "Mom wasn't blackmailing Quinn. Mom found out about her and Puck and she told me. I just never let Quinn know I knew. I wanted to see how far she'd take things before she came clean. And as you can see Sam, she took it all the way to Las Vegas, screwing Puck all while claiming she wanted to marry me."

Sam looked stunned by this information, staggering away from them, like he didn't want to be infected by their toxicity.

"You can't put Puck's actions on me," she said lashing out at Mike. "I tried to stay away from him, but he was persistent, he kept pressuring me."

"And you just couldn't say no? That's one word I'll never hear from your mouth will I Quinn? You'll never turn down sex, in elevators, hospital supply closets, on your own fiancée's living room floor."

Her crimes fell at her feet one by one taking chunks of Sam's respect as they hit the floor.

"You couldn't wait to do this," she cried. "You were dying to make me look bad in front of Sam."

Why did they have to take everything? She had been stripped of her dignity, her freedom, her reputation was in tatters, and her daughter was legally not her own. The one thing she had to hold on to in the midst of the hell that currently was her life was Sam, even in a coma he was her one bright spot, the hope that she could make it through all of these trials. And now they were trying to yank him from her as well, crush her in his eyes, make him see her as tarnished and unworthy.

"Everything I said was true. If you look bad it's your own fault."

Quinn wanted to fall to the floor and sob, emotionally distraught and mentally whipped by this exchange with Mike and Sam, her only recourse felt like surrender. There was no defending her actions, Mike wouldn't let anything she said be taken in a positive light. He silently lorded his power over her, reminding her that he dominated this fight, because he had something big to hold over her. He had the power to rip her to shreds with a single blow. All he had to do was tell Sam what she wasn't able to say about Beth and everything would be done. That would be the truth that would break them, if she weren't allowed to handle it carefully. Everything between them was a lie until he was told about that.

"Back off Mike," said Sam gruffly. He ran his hands down her bare arms, closing the gap between them, as if he might take her in his arms and hug her, but he didn't.

"Please don't tell me you are falling for her crying act," said Mike from behind them. "Quinn is as cold as they come."

"I said that's enough!" Sam snapped at his brother, officially putting an end to Mike's taunts.

"Whatever you say little brother. Keep on being a fool." Quinn could see Mike's retreat, finally giving them some space to work things out alone.

"Do you need a drink?" Sam asked. He was still rubbing her arms, but wouldn't meet her eyes. "Some water?"

Quinn's heart sank. She hated being so close to him, yet feeling so far away. The distance between them was mere inches in actuality, but inside, they were miles apart. "No I'm okay," she lied.

"I'm not sure what to do now," he said with a sigh as he dropped his hands and moved away from her. With his hands shoved deep in his pockets, he paced in a small circle in front of her. "I can't get rid of the feeling that there's more. What else haven't you told me?"

If she told the rest would it even make a difference? Would it erase the hurt in Sam's eyes or would it knowing it all only bring him more pain than he could handle? Ignoring Sue's warnings and telling Sam about Beth and the woods might have been the best choice, maybe it would restore his faith in her, remind him that she was still someone he could trust. Yet Quinn could not forget the other side of that truth, the risk of Sam reacting badly in a house full of people, or perhaps falling out again.

"I never said I was perfect. God knows I've made so many mistakes, the biggest ones involved you. I let my fears get in the way of my true feelings and I held back with you and I truly regret that, because I think I caused us to miss out on so much."

Maybe if she told him she loved him now, it would soften the blows that he had taken, soothe the aches he so clearly felt over learning about her relationship with Mike. Love had a way of healing all the ills when administered properly and often. Quinn was finally ready to do that with him, to love him openly and completely. Still those ever present fears kept her words at bay, this time she didn't fear herself, but it was him that terrified her. How would he take her sudden declaration after hearing all those awful words from Mike? Would he think she was just saying she loved him to get on his good side, to smooth away his anger? Quinn didn't want to mess up the biggest thing she'd probably ever say to him. The timing had to be right, and now it simply wasn't.

"Why do your fears keep leading you to men in my family? My cousin, my brother, who's next Will? Were you trying to hurt me? Did you want to cut me deep?" His voice cracked and tears once again filled his eyes.

Quinn had to physically stop herself from going to him and wiping at his eyes. She wanted to hold him and make him feel better, even though she knew she was the cause of his pain.

"That's the last thing I would ever want to do. Honestly Sam I didn't do any of this to hurt you."

He was shaking as he looked at her, clouded eyes, unreadable face. Whatever Sam was feeling he seemed to desperately want to hide it from her. Sam was so brave and strong, always trying to internalize his emotions, sealing them shut within him where they wouldn't impact anyone else. He was like that in high school, always trying to hide his pain from her, giving her forced smiles, and mumbled assurances while he choked back his emotions. She never let him get away with that then, taking his hand, pulling him into her, coaxing him to let it all out, to share it with her. The urge to do that now was overwhelming. He needed something, some comfort, a release.

"Well you did and you had to know that, especially after Puck. You had to."

"I have admitted it. I took you for granted." Tentatively she reached out touching his arm, testing his response. Nothing, as he stood there stone faced, eyes on the floor. "I never realized what I had in you, not completely, but now that I have you back…"

"I wouldn't count on that," he said quickly cutting off her words and her contact. He rubbed at the spot where her hand had just been as if she had contaminated him with her touch.

"What are you saying? Upstairs we promised…" she trailed off unable to finish the words it hurt so much that she had to remind him of all they had just said to each other.

"Upstairs I knew who you were," he said eyes cutting in her direction.

"Don't do this. Don't let Mike ruin us. We just got each other back."

People milled in and out the door through the foyer, probably eavesdropping as they passed, but Quinn chose to ignore them. Sam was more important than protecting herself from providing even more ammo for gossips.

"I don't care about Mike. You think I give a damn about a marriage that's long been over? My problem is you and your lies. You neglected to bring all this up after I point blank asked you if there was anything else you needed to tell me."

"I thought you meant about the baby." She squeezed her eyes shut, unable to look at him while she fed him that lie. "I had no more to say about Beth."

Sam was starting to lose it, gesturing with his hands, talking loudly. Quinn feared that all of this was too much for him.

"I can't take this. You're talking in circles. You can't even look me in the eyes."

She softened her tone, trying to calm him with her voice. "That's not true. I'm looking at you right now. Sam I'm worried about your health, we all are, that's why certain things are being held back from you. We want to make sure you're strong enough to handle it all."

"Maybe that's true, but how can I know for sure? How can I trust anything you say? You've never lied to me like this before."

"Sam I wasn't lying, I just hadn't told you yet."

His head rocked back like she had slapped him. Everything she was saying was coming out wrong, hurting him in ways she hadn't considered. This was a first for her betraying him like this, never had she secreted away her actions from him, even when they threatened to flatten him. Now he had come back from a coma, hanging all his dreams on her and she was letting him down, tearing at all they were trying to build, all they ever were. Quinn wasn't sure if she could do this, keep up this pretense, further jeopardize her relationship with him. She needed Sam more than anyone else in this world, she couldn't lose him, not now, and definitely not because of this.

"Don't use that excuse. I know that excuse, used it often. Lies of omission still count. I can't believe I'm actually having this conversation with you of all people."

Desperation took hold and she grabbed for him, needing to feel him solid under her skin. "We don't have to do this now. Later when we meet up after the party, we'll talk again."

"Quinn I can't think about later." A tear fell from his red rimmed green eyes, a lone escapee from the ones that pooled in his eyes. "Don't you see, you're killing me? It's like you're slipping away right in front of my eyes."

"I'm not. I'm still here Sam. Touch me." She begged, wrapping her arms around his stiffened body, praying he'd relax and come back to her. "It's still me," she almost whispered, her voice raw from crying.

He shook his head as he remained stiffly in her arms. At least he hadn't pushed her away, that had to mean something. Quinn pressed her head against his chest, needing to hear the beat of his heart, as she did so often when he was in the coma. As long as his heart was beating there was still a chance, to make this right.

"I was happy wasn't I?" he asked against her hair. His head pressed on hers was all he would allow. "Before the accident?"

"You were," she replied, leaning away from his body. "Before everything came out about us, you told me it was the happiest you'd ever been."

"I wish I remembered that," he said closing his eyes for a beat, the way one did when wishing on a star or blowing out birthday candles. "I want to feel that way again. Maybe I shouldn't have fired Kali."

"We can go find her," Quinn suggested weakly. "Talk about everything." She felt lightheaded, thrown by this shift in Sam. He had never brought up wanting to remember before.

"I don't want to talk. I want my life back. I want to be happy again like everyone says I was. It had to be better than this." He ran his hand down his face, seeming so lost and confused, searching for something beyond what Quinn could give.

She couldn't give him back the joy he lost, not when there was still so much left unsaid between them. One day though, she'd be the one to make him smile, to make him happy again, if they could only survive all of this.

"I wish I remembered my wife," he said, softly looking upward, maybe hoping to find a means to end his despair.

Quinn stepped back trying to conceal how much that had hurt. Not wanting to admit how much of her dreams hinged on Sam's memory never returning.

"I think it would be best if we took a step back to cool down, and when you're calmer, you'll see that everything is okay between us." If only saying it aloud would make it so, they'd be back in their nursery dreaming of their life together, and not here battling tears and recriminations.

"Nothing's okay. Everything feels wrong. I love you so much Quinn, and right now I wish I didn't." He touched her cheek, so gently Quinn was sure she must have imagined it. A hint of a caress and then his hand was gone.

"You don't mean that," said Quinn running her hand through his hair, daring to cross the boundary he had drawn. "All of this will not end what we have."

Sam hovered over her, filling her with the scent of his aftershave and the warmth of his body. They remained rooted to their spots, so close, absorbing each other, perhaps praying for a way out of this awful place. Sam took a deep breath, his chest expanding to graze hers, before he looked way.

"I can't breathe Quinn," he said quietly, like a whisper as he removed her hand from his head. "I need some space."

He pushed past her, heading toward the door that led back inside to the party.

"Promise me you'll still meet me after the party," she called out. Sam froze, his back to her, his shoulders slumped.

The door opened and she stepped out, short and curvy, in all black. Quinn couldn't hear what Mercedes said as she reached up and placed Sam's face in her hands, pulling him down to her level to look in his eyes. Sam didn't flinch as Mercedes examined him closely, touching his face, and his head. Quinn should have looked away, ending the torture of being forced aside, this time by Sam himself. Curiosity was a hungry beast, it devoured until fed, so Quinn remained taking in the scene as it played out.

He was the one doing the touching now, holding Mercedes around the waist with one arm, as they continued their quiet conversation. If only she could hear what was being said. Was he telling her about all that he just learned? Was Mercedes joining in the bashing of her character that Mike had started?

She almost wanted to smile, unable to help feeling a little warmed at the sight of them together, looking almost how they had been. Sam would have loved this, being so close to Mercedes again. It was all he talked about while they were at the Beacon together before the accident. The thought crossed her mind that maybe Sam and Mercedes' marriage was built to last, and that not even amnesia could tear them apart. She would have been quick to tell him that last year, anything to give him hope, but now all she wanted was to step between them, break up their intimate little chat, but she couldn't for so many reasons.

Things were rough now, but Quinn held fast to the promises they made to each other in the nursery earlier that night. Their relationship had changed, deepened in the confines of that small room, into something real and full of potential. Even if Sam's memory returned, Quinn had to believe that ultimately it wouldn't change things between them. The coma had altered them both in so many ways. The things they wanted, the people they loved, had shifted over the past year, and led them back to the start, back to each other.

Quinn believed in their second chance brought about by tragedy and one small miracle named Beth. She knew they were headed toward that forever that had once only been a teenage fantasy. Yet even with all that faith a part of her couldn't shake the feeling that something had been lost tonight, all the revelations that Mike had dropped about her had pushed a little piece of Sam's heart into the light, a part he tried to deny and keep hidden. As she watched Sam and Mercedes disappear through the door, hands intertwined, Quinn couldn't help thinking that a part of him had left her and was on a collision course with his wife.


	95. Tailspin3 Ch41

**Chapter 41**

Sheer will had kept him from falling into Mercedes' arms when she appeared through the door and stepped into the foyer. He had felt Quinn's eyes on his back urging him to commit to things he didn't know if he could anymore. Numb was all he felt as he tried to make his way out of that foyer and escape her. Quinn had beaten him so badly with all she revealed that he wasn't sure if he could stomach anymore truths. Completely childish, he knew, but all he wanted was to snap his fingers and have her disappear or better yet have her transform back to the Quinn he had always known. This woman was practically a stranger, telling him inconceivable stories about affairs and deceptions of the heart.

And yet, if Sam were to be completely honest, a small part of him was not particularly shocked by what he had just learned. Sam had felt pretty deceived when she left him for Puck, heartbroken and bitter, just the way Mike had seemed tonight. Although he didn't blame Quinn for falling in love with someone else, he had grown up enough to realize that the heart sometimes acted without reason, he couldn't help feeling like maybe Quinn's heart was a tad more fickle than most. He didn't want to think of her that way, he had always assumed her love for Puck and not him was a one-time thing, something that just happened, like freak hailstorms, or swarming locusts, he never believed she would repeat a similar pattern with his own brother no less, but she had, and that called all that he knew about her into question. Maybe choosing Puck wasn't solely about having stronger feelings for him, maybe it was about her just wanting to feel something for someone else. Like a song heard too often, changing from something beloved to something detested, deleted from the rotation and pushed to the back of the shelf. Could that have been what happened back in high school? Had Quinn simply grown bored of him and decided to move on?

All those thoughts continued to whip him as he leaned into Mercedes' soft little hands flitting about his face like a butterfly. She repeatedly asked him what was wrong, but Sam couldn't find the words to coherently answer. Everything was wrong. All that he knew and believed had been stripped away. She was his life and his future, the mother of his baby, the woman he knew he would love forever, and in a blink she'd vanished leaving him wretchedly alone. The thought of being without her hurt, physically choking him, as he struggled to move his mind to a more positive place. Quinn wasn't perfect, that was fine, he didn't need her to be, but to have her be dishonest, that was more than he could bear. So he grabbed onto something real, something solid right in front of him, wrapping his arm about Mercedes' waist, pulling her tighter, holding her for support, like he did when he was in the hospital. His little nurse was always there, eerily showing up just when he needed her. It wasn't right to put his problems about another woman on her, not when he knew the depth of her feelings for him, so he held his tongue, while he clung to her, selfishly thankful that she hadn't turned her back on him completely, even though she should have long before.

Leading him beyond his pain, out of the foyer, away from Quinn, into the light, technically she took him back to the party, but it felt like she was heading him toward salvation when she took him by the hand. Shoving him into a plush leather chair, she offered him a drink, and a tentative smile. A caress of his cheek, and a soft kiss on his lips, she had whispered "you're okay" giving him a small smile. And for a few seconds, he almost felt like he was.

Sam turned up his nose as he took a sip of the hot liquid. "You forgot something in my tea, like the teabag."

"It's not tea, it's hot water," Mercedes stated.

He put the mug on the table, pushing it away from him. "Can I please have some tea in my hot water then?"

Mercedes pushed the mug back toward him, leaving her arm across the table, until he picked up the drink. "No. Just drink." Seeming satisfied when he picked up the mug, she retracted her arm and sat back. "It's Chinese medicine. You'll feel better. Trust me."

"Water is Chinese medicine?" he asked skeptically. "Are you sure you're a nurse?" Sam eyed her over his mug. She looked so small in the oversized white leather chair.

The whole area had been redone for the party, so completely transformed that Sam couldn't tell what part of his house it was. There was a long buffet table along the wall and smaller tables with food stations scattered around it. The decor was in whites and blues like the rest of the place, but unlike the other rooms, this one was brightly lit. He especially liked the carved ice sculptures representing various characters from Celtic mythology, so well done Sam found himself hating the thought that they would soon melt.

He always liked sculptures, the way a figure could be captured so intricately in stone or bronze, frozen and perfect, almost better than the real thing. Real life was so roughly hewn, a string of moments, clusters of people, connected by happenstance or biology, lacking the symmetry and structure of art. If only he had the power to craft his own life the way sculptors did. He'd be sure to leave out all the sharp corners and jagged edges. His mind drifted to Quinn despite his best efforts to block her out. He couldn't think about art without thinking of her. She was the one that opened his eyes to all the beauty in the world, made him see that a sculpture was more than a clump of rock, that a poem was more than a tangle of words. He loved seeing the world through her eyes, the light and the wonder, the eager promise of exploring what existed beyond Lima.

Sam had tried to see the deserts of Afghanistan through Quinn coated lenses, and at times he succeeded, actually enjoying the beauty of the land beyond the blood soaked wages of war. A pain twisted in his side, as he realized how much he had missed Quinn since high school. Waking up to this world so different than he remembered, had left him feeling overjoyed that he finally had Quinn back in his life, his father may have tried to keep them apart, but at least Quinn was close enough to touch and not halfway around the world as she had been for most of this adult life. But now it felt like she had floated away again. She was somewhere in his house, but to Sam she might as well have been across the globe. He never knew it was possible to miss someone that was right at arm's length.

Sam looked over at Mercedes, her brown eyes were on him, watching him intently. She would understand this, he was sure. This feeling of loss and utter disappointment in someone that once represented everything good. Mercedes felt this way about him, she'd said it indirectly in so many little ways, sad eyes always searching for him, even when he was standing right in front of her. Sam guessed he would be left to do the same, sadly searching for his Quinn in the person she seemed to have become.

"Trust me it works. Ask Mike he lived in China, I'm sure he drank hot water all the time."

"I don't want to talk to Mike," Sam said quickly placing the mug on the table.

"So he's the reason you have a line down the center of your forehead?" Mercedes asked.

She watched him, waiting for his reply. He tried not to flinch as he answered, not wanting to get Mercedes started on a fishing expedition if she detected his uneasiness.

"I don't have a line. I'm fine."

Mercedes inched her chair closer to him, putting them almost side by side. With one hand she gave him his mug, and with the other she rubbed at his forehead.

"Drink some more."

"You are relentless," he said, feeling more relaxed. "I can't believe I married a fascist dictator."

She crinkled her nose at the comment, trying to hide a smile. "If I were a dictator I would have you strung up by your toes forcing the water down your throat."

The seriousness of her tone would have made him a little nervous if she weren't stroking his hair as she said it. Sam leaned into her hand, like a puppy needing to be rubbed.

"How do I know you haven't done that to me before?" He raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like some kinky sex act. I've heard about you nurses," he smirked, running his finger along the slope of her nose.

"What have you heard and mind you I have boiling hot water hovering right above your crotch," she warned, covering the mug he held with her hand.

"I've heard you're into some naughty stuff like blindfolds and chains, candle wax in delicate places and when you really want to get freaky, hot water with no tea."

"Drink," she ordered.

"Yes master," he said lowering his eyes before obediently drinking more from the mug.

"That's Mistress Mercedes to you." She stood up. "That water better be gone by the time I get back."

"Where are you going?" he asked anxiously as she started to move away. He didn't want her to go and leave him alone with his thoughts. She had been such a lovely a distraction from all the turmoil in his head.

"Going to get my whip," she pivoted, throwing him a smile. "I've got to teach you a lesson for smacking my butt in front of that reporter."

And with that she disappeared into the crowd of people, leaving Sam to sadly stare into his half empty mug of hot water.

* * *

><p>"I thought that battle axe would never leave."<p>

"Did you just call my Great Aunt Gretchen a battle axe?" asked Sam semi amused. He'd never heard anyone use that expression outside of TV before.

"Not Great Aunt Gretchen, she's adorable, I'm talking about Mercedes. She had been monopolizing you for far too long."

After Mercedes had left a stream of guests passed by his table handing out birthday wishes and the occasional hug, most were familiar faces, old family friends, distant relatives, and some business associates. Luckily no one stumped him mentioning facts he couldn't remember. His Great Aunt Gretchen stopped by staining his cheeks red with kisses, ruffling his hair, as she always did whenever he saw her. He was forever ten in her eyes, a gangly kid that used to visit her in Chicago with his mom. The last time he remembered seeing her was at his wedding to Brittany, she had stained his cheeks that day too.

Great Aunt Gretchen was 5'2" with snow colored hair, startling blue eyes and a crooked smile. She loved the Bears and cold beer, sipped through a straw. She was surly sweet, cursing like a sailor while she hugged you hard. Sam never thought much about his Polish side, his mother wasn't close with her relatives, and she wasn't immersed in her culture the way his father was, aside from Great Aunt Gretchen he hadn't spent much time with his mom's family at all. His mom often said Sam inherited his coloring from her side of the family, and when he looked at his great aunt the resemblance was indeed striking. Summers in Chicago with Mike and his mom, playing on the cement steps in front of her narrow green house. His playground had been the span of a few blocks, bounded by the corner store at one end and a basketball court at the other.

She was the closest he ever had to a grandmother, since both his father and mother's parents had passed away long before his birth. It was nice to hear her gushing about Beth, overjoyed to add another member to the family. She also went on about Mercedes calling her sweet as spun sugar and congratulating him on grabbing himself a little piece of sunshine. Apparently Mercedes had impressed her while he was in a coma, spending time with the woman by his bedside, learning how to knit. An odd mental picture, arts and crafts being done by his comatose body, but it also was comforting in a way. He had been surrounded by people in the hospital, they hadn't left him alone in a dark room to rot.

"We are sort of here together." He held up his hand, showing her his ring. "Marriage gives her the right to do that."

Sam looked at his ring so bold and silver on his finger, still feeling a bit foreign since he'd only had it on since this afternoon. It hit him, in a way it never really had before, he was married, not a sham, not some marriage of convenience, but really married because at some point he had wanted to be. As if beyond his control his thoughts drifted to Quinn, and all he had just learned. She had been almost been married twice, to his brother and his cousin, but somehow neither relationship panned out because of cheating. Sam still had a hard time believing that she could take commitment so cavalierly, when at one point fidelity was all she talked about. Who was he to judge? Wasn't he doing the same now? He had been thinking of his marriage to Mercedes as a problem, a prison sentence inflicted by his father, instead of a sacred act he had chosen to undertake. He hated that his brother was hurt by her, but he could understand how Quinn must have felt being involved with someone other than the man she wanted. Sam had been feeling like that for weeks. The difference was that if he had never lost his memory, he wouldn't be feeling this way. He would still want to be married to his wife.

"I know about your memory issues so no need to fake it with me. You don't give a damn about being married to Mercedes."

"Were you always this blunt?" he asked letting out a shocked laugh. No one had been this direct with him since he woke up. It was refreshing. "From what I recall you were a sweet little thing, always smiling, hanging out around the D&E offices with your dads. Now look at you."

"That sounds about right. Three years is a long time. Things change. I grew up."

So he kept hearing. And things had certainly changed for Ms. Berry. She always was a pretty girl, athletic and friendly, bounding around town singing loudly, but now she was downright gorgeous. Rachel had grown in all the right places, filling out her little blue dress to perfection.

"Are your dads here now? I can't remember seeing you many places without them."

She gave him a twisted smile. "Is that a dig at my once dateless status? Don't think I didn't know that everyone talked about me behind my back. Whispering that I was going to end up alone with a dozen cats. I'll have you know I'm currently involved. He's finishing up his residency now. Quite the catch," she beamed, clearly proud as she extolled her unnamed boyfriend's scholary successes.

"A doctor. Every girl's dream."

She slid into the seat that Mercedes had vacated, crossing her legs in an exaggerated movement.  
>"Not every girl, some of us like the corporate types."<p>

"Is that how I got lucky enough to end up engaged to you?" asked Sam following the lines of her body with his eyes.

"That and you can be quite charming." She smiled flirtatiously. "All the interns had a crush on you."

"You were my intern?" Sam knew what that meant, eager young coeds, willing to do anything to keep the boss happy. Rachel looked like she would've worked overtime to be the best at her job and impress him.

"Wipe that smirk off your face," she laughed, rolling her eyes. "Nothing ever happened on top of your desk. The mailroom though..."

"The mailroom?" Oh yeah. Things were getting good. "That sounds intriguing did you lock me in there and have your way with me?"

"No Mercedes did. It was thanks to her we ended up together."

"That doesn't sound right. Mercedes told me she was jealous we were together."

He remembered the conversation vividly. Mercedes had got all weepy talking about being his consolation prize. Sam had immediately understood the degradation of spirit that came with being in the number two spot. Quinn had introduced it to him at a young age. Then Brittany reinforced the lesson when she pushed him aside for Santana and apparently it happened all over again when Quinn ended up with Mike. For the first time in all that he could remember, he was finally ranked number one for someone, Quinn had given him that honor just hours before as they held their daughter and planned a future. Sam should have known that was too good to be true, he would never elevate beyond loser status with her. How could Quinn claim she wanted to be with him when she couldn't even be honest?

"Over the top jealous, drove her insane, she tried all these plots to steal you away from me. None of them worked though."

Sam could relate, he'd been there, plotting ways to win back Brittany, and having them all blow up in his face. He could easily believe that one of Mercedes' plans had ultimately pushed him toward another woman. The same thing had happened to him. All of his plans to win back Brittany only made her hold tighter to Santana. Still it was sort of flattering to know that someone was willing to go through all that trouble just for the chance to be with him.

"I gotta ask then, how did I end up married to her and not you?"

Something must've worked in Mercedes' favor, they ended up a couple. Sam struggled to connect the dots of what he'd been told by Mercedes and what Rachel was telling him now. As always with his life of late, there seemed to be pieces missing. Mercedes had her definite charms, he could see how she would've been a temptation to him back then, but Sam wasn't the type to stray. Once he decided on a woman, he liked to settle down, and nurture the relationship. He dreamed of finding a woman he could build with, start a family and grow old by her side. Such an ordinary dream, easily achieved by most people, but it had seemed so far out of reach in his life.

"I couldn't handle the Evans lifestyle. All the secrets, the late night business meetings, the shady dealings, a bit much for this small town girl."

Most people were squeamish about the grayer side of life. He wasn't surprised at all to learn that Rachel had an issue with his family business. In fact, it was more surprising that she started a relationship with him at all. Sam figured her family would have quickly put an end to any involvement with him. Her dads were always so protective.

"I would ask you to fill me in, but I know you won't, no one ever does."

He would have to talk to his father about this, things must have gotten pretty cutthroat over the years. His family tended to be more discreet in their dealings, but Rachel seemed to know quite a bit about the dirtier side of D&E. Sam knew she wouldn't have learned that as an intern.

"Your lust for Cede caused a lot of chaos at D&E," she replied, without hesitation. "The girl tried to sabotage a business deal to get you into bed."

The scratches on his neck started to tingle, physically reminding him of how dirty Mercedes was willing to play. He liked it. There was something sexy about a woman that could hold her own with him, fight back, and give as good as she got. That wouldn't be enough to cause him to jeopardize his relationship though. He might have been intrigued, perhaps aroused, but he never would have gone there with Mercedes if he weren't single.

"Please tell me I didn't fall for that."

His instincts were really good. Sam staked most of his business decisions on them. He knew how to read people and anticipate their moves, but a few times since meeting Mercedes his instincts had failed him, misfiring, sending thoughts in divergent directions, causing him to question all that he knew about himself and his ability to make sound judgments. In the beginning he wasn't sure if Mercedes was a newfound friend, a nurse with a crush, or a gold digger out for a piece of the Evans fortune, any of those descriptions seemed to fit her. Drawing him in with those eyes and those lips, she said all the right things, and was there every time he needed her, but any good con artist could do the same. He was an easy target, confined to his bed, depressed and disorientated, she could have had her way with him and he would have been powerless to stop it. Yet he still continued to trust her, even after he learned of her deceptions and half-truths, repeatedly he let her back in. Mercedes had this way of getting his guard down, despite all his efforts to keep her on the outside.

"What do you think?" asked Rachel, her tone just this side of bored.

Sam could tell Mercedes was not her favorite topic, although she was the one that kept bringing her name up.

"Honestly, I don't know what to think. I can be ambitious, but mixing business with sex is not usually my style. Not to mention the fact we apparently were a couple at the time. I pride myself on being a one woman type guy," he said with almost a straight face.

It was hard to keep holding that position when he took his current actions into consideration. Since waking up he had been anything but a one woman man, even if it weren't entirely of his own volition. Like a romance novel, he was knee deep in a genuine love triangle, and if it didn't suck so much, he almost would've enjoyed it. Not every day that he had more than one woman legitimately interested in him.

"Proving yourself to your father was a big deal for you at the time. He had handed the company over to you, but still hadn't let go of the reins. I learned pretty quickly you'd do anything for D&E. It came before all else, especially me."

"Puck told me that I left D&E because of you."

"So you said, but that wasn't true, it couldn't have been. I think it was more about you wanting to exert your independence from your father, stand up to him."

Sam scratched his brow. "Even so, it was what you wanted right? I was away from the Evans lifestyle, so why didn't we work out?"

"You slept with Mercedes and lied about it."

There she was, once again getting in the middle of his life, blocking him from what he wanted, ruining his chances for happiness. He had been engaged to Rachel, he would assume happily, and somehow Mercedes had wiggled in and messed that up, just as she was doing now with Quinn. Only she wasn't. Sam mentally sighed, disgusted by his never ending thoughts about Quinn and their current pathetic state. Mercedes hadn't messed anything up for them, they had done it all to themselves.

"Puck said we weren't together when that happened."

"Puck would say that. He was engaged to Quinn while lusting after Santana," Rachel said bitterly.

"Sex during a break up isn't cheating," he said, reminding her of that distinction.

"No woman wants to find out that the man they love is sleeping with someone else. Especially not when it was with a woman he's been secretly wanting the whole time and certainly not when it is broadcast over the internet," she said with more than a hint of annoyance in her voice.

The problem he was having with this entire scenario was the idea that he would want another woman while being engaged. That just wasn't his style to be so divided. Yet it was twice now that he had been accused of wanting two women at the same time.

"Let me get this straight. I slept with Mercedes to secure a business deal, then I hid that from you?"

"You slept with Mercedes because she had some kind of hold over you. Repeatedly you tried to convince me that you hated her that you didn't want anything to do with her, and deep down I knew you were lying. I think if you could've gotten away with it you would have slept with Mercedes long before you did."

Terrible as it sounded this was coming to close to feeling like the truth. He didn't want to believe that he was capable of wanting two women at the same time, but the more he heard about his past, the more he knew it all could be true. In some ways he was living that truth now. If things had gone in his favor at the hospital with Mercedes, and last night at the hotel with Quinn, he would have slept with both women in a month's time, and as much as he wished he was disgusted by the idea, the reality was that he wasn't at all. Wanting to be with Quinn, finally telling her that, putting himself out there, hadn't lessened his attraction to Mercedes in the least. Sam had hoped that connecting with Quinn would put an end to his confusing emotions for his wife, but it hadn't, Mercedes was still there, in the way of all he wanted.

"You think I would've cheated on you?" he asked, interested in how Rachel viewed his character.

"I don't know Sam, I'd like to think that I had your whole heart, and you did make me feel very special. We had plans to move to Nashville, start over, and you seemed excited by that. But when it came out you had sex with Mercedes and I broke up with you, it didn't take any time at all for you to take up with her."

"Could have been rebound," he suggested. It was known to happen, letting off emotional steam with a safe third party. He had rebounded big time after the break up with Quinn, losing his virginity and then himself in every woman he could find.

"Don't you get it? We were the rebound. I was getting over my ex and you were getting over Quinn. As much as we loved each other, it wasn't enough, and now I can see it never would be."

Sam noted her wide watery brown eyes. "I can tell you still have some issues with all of this."

"Wouldn't you? Don't answer that because I know you would. You trashed your whole life because you saw Cede kissing Shane, one stupid kiss and you lost it."

"There was more to it than that." Sam squirmed, not wanting to get into this topic. Just like Quinn and Mike, his wife also had a secret man she tried to hide. Why did both women in his life think it was okay to lie to him?

"I know about the message. I'm the reason Shane never got it. You owe me one for that by the way."

"Why are we even talking about this?" Sam asked hoping to swing the subject in a new direction. He was still feeling too raw after his encounter with Quinn to dissect yet another time in his life when he was passed over for another guy. "I assume you've moved on since all this happened."

"It's hard to move on when the man you want hasn't. Shane is still in love with your wife, in case you're interested."

Sam paused thinking a moment. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. Shane was part of the extreme wreckage that occurred in his life, but he didn't remember any of that stuff, yet even still he was starting to hate the guy the more he heard his name. So much of the crap that happened seemed to have Shane's fingerprints all over them. Did he care that another man was in love with his wife? The answer felt like no, but the longer he thought about it the more irritated he became, especially if that man were Shane Tinsley.

"So you and Shane?"

"It's always been me and Shane. Mercedes was barely with him and when she was, she still wanted you. Dumb slut acted like she was torn, but clearly she just craved attention."

Sam's defenses flew up at the change in Rachel's tone. There was a nasty clip whenever she mentioned Mercedes' name and it had gotten worse the longer they talked. It bothered him to hear Mercedes talked about in such negative terms.

"Now I get it. You hate Mercedes because you think she ruined things with us and for you and this Shane guy."

"I hate Mercedes because she's a selfish bitch that has conned everybody into thinking she's all sweet and innocent when really she's the biggest player in town. She had you so whipped you were almost unrecognizable. She must have magical fairy dust in her hoo-ha."

"Damn Rachel, you need to take it down a notch," he warned. "I think you need a drink. All this anger is going to break you down."

"Mercedes has ruined your life. Look at you, all stupid and confused. You can't even remember the basic facts of your recent past. You've forgotten all about our amazing sex and the popsicles."

"Did you say popsicles?" His interest was piqued.

"Yes Sam popsicles, cold and syrupy sweet the perfect treat after making love. We ate lots of popsicles."

She licked her lips, or maybe Sam imagined it, he couldn't be sure. His mind was flooded with images of popsicles and what could be done with that cold dessert treat. Why did his amnesia have to block out all the fun parts? Sex with Quinn, popsicles with Rachel, and he was sure Mercedes had tried some creative powers of persuasion in her attempts to get him into bed. Those were the memories he needed back now, damn all the rest.

"Wow," Sam grinned. "Not to keep repeating myself but tell me again why the hell we didn't end up together."

"You succumbed to the beast," she huffed.

"Mercedes?"

"Yes Mercedes! Haven't you been paying attention?"

"Sorry all I can think about is popsicles. What flavor exactly? I'm thinking…"

"Sam focus. I'm giving you sage advice here. After we broke up, if you had gotten back together with Quinn it would've made sense. Everyone in this town knew how you felt about her."

"I'm told she was with my brother or Puck or both." The popsicles had melted now, and he was back in the hell of Quinn and her exes.

"You didn't even try. You headed straight to Mercedes, something that I will never understand, and you paid a terrible price for that lunacy. Fate has intervened and now you have a chance to make things right with Quinn, don't blow it."

Shocked didn't begin to describe the way Sam was feeling as he sat across the table from Rachel Berry. She was the first and only person that had encouraged him to pursue his feelings for Quinn. For a moment he was bursting, finally he had an ally in his crazy dream for a new life, but he quickly deflated when he considered the source. Rachel hated his wife, clearly, and her acceptance of him in a relationship with Quinn probably had more to do with that hate than with her truly thinking things were meant to be with Quinn.

"Are you proposing I cheat on my wife?"

"Aren't you already? I saw the photo from the hotel Sam. I don't know what you're waiting for, kick her fat ass to the curb and go be with your child's mother. Better yet let me do it. I should have pounded her into the ground earlier but I had a stroke of pity for the weak and pathetic."

"You got into a fight with Mercedes today?" he asked, suddenly on edge.

"Not too long ago, right out in the foyer. Crazy witch started throwing her shoes at me, so I had to pop her. Rachel Berry don't play like that."

Sam put on a tight smile, trying to control his building temper. "Scary. By the looks of you I can tell you can hold your own."

This girl had been the one that made Mercedes bruised and skittish like a wounded animal. She had come to his room hollow and detached, her fiery spirit almost extinguished. It had killed him to see her so lifeless. He knew that the photo of him and Quinn at the hotel was part of it, and Sam was guilty about that, but now he knew the other part he was missing. That layer that he just couldn't understand. Rachel had done something to her, breaking her skin but something inside of her as well.

"Next time I won't be so nice," Rachel declared, flipping her long brown hair over her shoulder.

"There won't be a next time."

Rachel laughed, unaware that Sam was nowhere near amused. "I can guarantee that Cede will start flapping those gums again and I'll have to put her in her place."

"And I can guarantee if you do, you'll regret it." He leaned across the table, attempting to keep his voice low and his temper in check. "Keep your hands off my wife."

"Oh boy, I'm too late, she's already got her hooks into you again. I can't believe you're defending her after everything she's done to you."

"What happens between me and Mercedes is none of your business. You're the ex."

"Always so loyal, too bad your wife doesn't deserve it. You think she was faithful to you while you were laid up in a coma for months? Mercedes was messing around with Shane the whole time."

All talk, he didn't believe her. Mercedes had come clean about Shane and had assured him that her relationship with the man was a fleeting thing. His instincts could be off, they often were when it came to her, but he trusted that Mercedes was telling him the truth about all of her feelings. No woman had ever so openly declared her love for him before, perhaps he had forgotten other instances, but in the world that he knew there was only one certainty, Mercedes loved him. Every part of her screamed it, even when he fought vehemently to deny it, he could tell, it was always there, wrapped around her like an embrace. That was why it bothered him that he loved Quinn and not her, especially now. So many things were up in the air about Quinn, his love for her was still present, that would never change, but his faith in their prospects for a future was shaky. If only he could put all that love he felt for Quinn onto Mercedes his life might be a whole lot easier right now. For once he would know what it felt like to be with someone that loved him back.

"Why would I believe anything you say? It is easy to see you can't stand her."

"Don't believe me, look for yourself." She held up her cell phone, showing him a photo on the small screen. Sam grabbed it from her hand, examining it closer. It was Mercedes and Finn Hudson hugging. "Her latest conquest, and he's just her type, dumb enough to fall for her lines. Do yourself a favor and get out now. Don't let her embarrass you again with yet another man." She took her phone from his hand with a satisfied grin.

Rachel seemed to be enjoying his reaction to the news. Sam wasn't sure of the look on his face, but inside he was queasy. This was the second time he'd witnessed his wife in that guy's arms, and it still didn't get any easier to take. He was a hypocrite, he knew it, he'd done that and more with Quinn, but this was different, Mercedes wasn't supposed to be confused, she loved him. So why was she so close to Finn?

"Hey," said Sam looking up at Mercedes who had appeared at the table, arms crossed, frown on her face, shooting angry looks at Rachel.

"Hi, Mercedes," Rachel said cheerfully.

"I threw you out. What are you doing back here?" Mercedes asked her body language tense.

Sam rubbed her arm, hoping she'd relax, but she ignored him, maintaining her focus on Rachel.

"You didn't have the right to throw me out. Kurt invited me. Figgins had some needle and thread and look." She pushed out her chest in Mercedes' direction, flashing cleavage as well as a grin. "Good as new. Nothing was going to stop me from giving Sam his birthday gift tonight, that sweet little photo of you and Finn."

That did it. Mercedes lunged forward toward Rachel menacingly. Sam was sure it would come to blows, so he grabbed Mercedes by the waist and pulled her closer to him. "You know nothing's going on with me and Finn," Mercedes said pointing a finger at Rachel. If that finger were a gun, Rachel would be dead. "You're just trying to mess up my relationship because you're a bitter, lonely hag."

"I'm going to let that comment slide, because I can tell you are under extreme mental duress, deluding yourself into believing that you even have a relationship, when everyone here knows Sam would much rather be with Quinn."

Mercedes trembled beside him, he could tell it was taking all of her control not to lose it in the middle of the room.

"Actually Rachel, you couldn't be more wrong." Sam shifted and guided Mercedes to sit on his lap, adjusting her so she was cradled against his chest. "I'm exactly where I want to be. The more I learn about Mercedes the more I understand why I married her. I'm a lucky man," he said kissing her hand softly.

A smile spread on Mercedes' face as she looked at him and ran her hand through his hair as he noticed she often did whenever she was close.

"Thank you," she said, her eyes shining as she watched him.

Such a little nothing gesture and she made him feel like he saved the world, such adoration in her face. He returned her smile, his heart speeding up inexplicably.

"I need a bucket," Rachel said from across the table. Sam had forgotten she was still there, so lost in Mercedes and the emotions that played across her face. "You two are gross."

"Rachel thanks for keeping me company while I waited for my wife," he said politely. Short, to the point, and very insincere, Sam hoped Rachel would read between the lines and take that as her cue to leave.

"My pleasure," said Rachel rising from her seat. "Don't forget what I told you, seize the day and go after the woman you want."

"And you don't forget what I told you, touch her again and you'll be sorry."

"Ugh I hate that girl," Mercedes said when Rachel was gone. "Thanks for taking my side in front of her," she added softly.

"I've always got your back. The least I can do after everything you've done for me and Beth."

"That was nothing." She shrugged. "I take care of my family."

"So do I. Why didn't you tell me you were in a fight?" he asked pushing the hair from her face.

"I didn't think you would you care."

"You scared the crap out of me when you came in my room. I was ready to kill Finn when I saw you all banged up."

"It's like I told you before, Finn wouldn't hurt me."

"How well do you know Finn?" he asked, thinking about that photo. He wasn't going to bring it up, not after the photo hell he'd put her through tonight, but his curiosity was raised. He wanted to know more about what was going on between the two of them.

"Not very. We have newly become friends."

"That's right, bonding over broken hearts," Sam said hoping his voice didn't betray the contempt he felt. He was trying not to act like a jealous bastard over some kid that wasn't even worth his time.

"Yeah. He's a good listener, and lord knows I've had tons to say lately."

"Because of me?" he asked, already knowing the answer, everything she felt reflected in her face.

"You are my heaven and hell," she said.

Sam leaned back in his seat, releasing his hold on her waist. He felt those words powerfully on his chest. That was what Quinn was for him, heaven and hell existing in the same woman. It hurt to be compelled toward her light, when he knew she had the power to burn him with every touch. He didn't want to be that person for Mercedes. He didn't want his presence in her life to cause pain.

Sam needed to back away from her, so young, and uniquely beautiful, he needed to set her free and pray she never looked back. Instead he gathered her against him, pressing kisses into her hair, soaking up all her softness, letting it surround him, stealing the hug he desperately needed. She was the closest thing to heaven in his life right now, and he clung to it with everything in him. Twisting in his arms she moved closer, holding him tighter, rubbing his back, his neck, his hair. It was like she knew he needed to be close to her, and she willingly fulfilled that need.

He hadn't been lying to Rachel earlier, the more he was around Mercedes, the more he understood her place in his life, then and now. As much as she deserved better than to be with such a confused and emotional wreck, he just couldn't let her go, not when she had this way of making him feel so calm in the midst of his unrest. Squelching the urge to scoop her up and ferret her out of the room away from the party where he could privately lose himself in her touch, let her sweetness overtake all the bitterness and pain that Quinn had placed on him with her lies, he relaxed into her arms. Far too selfish of him to indulge such impulses, Mercedes was too young to be used in that way, and experience had taught him that pain resurfaced, even when topped with a coating of sweet.

"Thank you for that," he said, feeling embarrassed that he had accosted her in a room full of strangers. "I sort of needed it."

"Me too," she said as she slid off his lap and moved to the chair opposite him.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked taking her hand and holding it across the table. He had liked having her close and he wasn't quite ready to lose that contact. It was the only thing that was keeping him afloat at the moment.

"My husband's upset about another woman." She dropped her eyes to their intertwined hands. "And my heart breaks a little more every time I look at him and see the sadness in his eyes," She looked up at him with sad, tear filled eyes. "I know none of that emotion is about me and it hurts even more."

Sam gripped her hand tighter, feeling her trying to pull away. "I'm so sorry Mercedes. I don't want to hurt you."

"What happened?"

"Isn't this breaking one of our rules?" Sam asked wanting to sidestep the question. He didn't want to talk about Quinn, especially not with her.

"That rule went out the window when you started yelling her name in the middle of the party."

He groaned. "God you heard that?"

He was the one to let go, resting both hands on his forehead. He didn't want any of this to involve her, though he could see now what a completely foolish thought that was, everything in his life involved her, especially Quinn.

"Everyone did. So are you going to tell me why you're so upset?"

"Ever wish you could change your life, like maybe make a wish and things would snap into place perfectly?"

Did she look at him like this when he was engaged to Rachel, like his every word was important, like his presence meant everything to her? No wonder he couldn't run from that attraction and he let his weakness win out. She made him feel incredible and strong. She made him feel like he mattered. His whole life had been about never measuring up. Never deemed quite worthy enough to gain favor in his father's eyes, or Quinn's, or even Brittany's, someone else always bested him, showed him up, and stole what he worked so hard to achieve. To be number one in someone's eyes, loved and respected, cherished and wanted above all others, that was his ultimate dream, a wish that never had a chance to come true. Then he opened his eyes and saw her and suddenly that dream seemed very possible.

Ironically now that he thought about it, Mercedes' support and open admiration had given him the courage to pursue Quinn. Instead of letting his feelings about second chances with Quinn fester and remain in his fantasies, he found the courage to go for it, to surge ahead and tell her all that was in his heart. He might never have done that without Mercedes, and those looks she gave him, making him feel like a hero, like someone worthwhile. If one nurse could see all that in him, then maybe Quinn could too. Fate had brought him back to Quinn, he felt so certain of that, and Mercedes in a way was the harbinger of that message, his little angel that nursed him body and soul. Now he couldn't help but wonder if he had somehow misinterpreted the signs, misread the miracle, because love shouldn't hurt like this, not when fate had intervened and lighted the stars to guide them toward another chance. Maybe Great Aunt Gretchen had been right when she told him to hang onto his sunshine, because every time things had gotten so dark since he came out of the coma, Mercedes was right there pulling him back toward the light. That had to mean something.

"Every day I make that wish," she said.

"I made that wish tonight," said Sam getting up to stand in front of her.

He offered his hand in the hopes that she would take it, and she did, reluctantly allowing him to pull her from his seat. Arms around her waist, head against hers, he tried to block all the sounds of the party and the people and focus on her. He closed his eyes and took a breath, shoving every thought about Quinn to the background. For a little while he wanted to experience life with just her, no conflict, no confusion, just the relationship that everyone told him he used to have with her. Hiding from his feelings, taking refuge in her, was cowardly and deplorable, Sam knew he should find some other way to manage his pain, but the draw toward her was too great, and he was so tired of fighting tonight.

"Seems like you picked a pretty good time for wishing, since it is your birthday, I hear you have a good chance of it coming true," she laughed lightly. "Did you wish to work out whatever is wrong between you and Quinn?" she asked tentatively, tearing up with the question, though her smile never dropped.

"Nope," he said feeling like he was walking off a cliff, exhilarated and nervous at once. He was letting it be about her, for the first time. He was giving into all that he had tried to hide, and it terrified him. "I wished for you," he admitted.

"For me?" she asked leaning back, opening up their cocoon.

"Yeah, for us, for our marriage, I want to remember loving you and being with you. All I want right now is our happiness back."

Mercedes dropped her arms from around his neck and shoved him backward. "You hateful bastard!" she snapped. "I can't believe you said that."

Sam's heart sank and disappointment set in, that was not the reaction he was hoping for. Had she really meant it when she told him she didn't want him earlier, that he was the wrong Sam and not good enough for her? He had suspected it was only the pain talking, that deep down she still was willing to try with him. She said she would wait for him to remember. Were those just words?

Had Mercedes been lying to him too?  
>-<p> 


	96. Tailspin3 Ch42

**Chapter 42**

"Stop looking at me," she wanted to yell. The hurt in his green eyes was growing unbearable, as they tracked her about the room. She'd left him after her outburst too angry to talk to him without losing control. There had been enough attention on them already, with Quinn back in town, Mercedes didn't want to add to the whispers. Sucking up her emotions and occupying her mind with a task as she often did during times of crisis, Mercedes slowly made her way down the buffet piling up a plate with food. Sam was a few steps behind watching her every move when he wasn't being talked up by random guests. Satisfied with her selection, she made her way back to the table placing the mound of food in front of her.

In the seat for less than thirty seconds and already her mind was heading back to places she was trying to avoid. How dare he say that to her? The words replayed in her ears, "I wished for you and our marriage" pissing her off all over again. The nerve of that man toying with her emotions, with everything that meant so much to her, to just use it and twist it to suit his own needs. That was beyond low, even for him, and Sam had been pretty low before.

Accusing her of passing corporate secrets to D&E competitors because she was jealous of his relationship with Rachel was one instance. He had threatened to have her arrested that time, though of course it never happened, because Sam was all talk when it came to her. Dumping her for Rachel after having sex with her was another. Sam was no stranger to being down and dirty, but to mock her this way, when he knew how much it hurt that he had forgotten her. She had just told him that knowing he wanted Quinn was causing her endless pain, and he still pulled this. Mercedes plucked one of the hush puppies from the plate and squeezed it in her hands, making the shrimp and onion dough filling ooze like brain matter.

"Is that my head you're squeezing?" he asked taking a seat across from her.

"What are you doing here Sam?" she asked through clenched teeth. She was counting backwards in her mind, to keep her temper in check.

"Mercedes, you didn't think you could get rid of me so easily? We were in the middle of something." He handed her a napkin, which she reluctantly took, wiping the hush puppy guts from her hand.

"I can't be around you right now. I'm this close to losing it." She held up both hands to indicate the amount of strain she was under.

Sam picked up the fork he had brought back with him from the buffet and speared a noodle from the plate, popping it into his mouth. "How is it my fault that you can't handle the truth?" he asked between chews.

"That wasn't truth. That was you trying to play me. Again." He always did this, picked up on the one thing she wanted most and exploited it till she fell to her knees. A coma hadn't changed things, Sam was still up to his old tricks.

"Did you know that you react the strongest when you know you're wrong? I've learned that about you."

He had a smug grin on his face as he pulled the plate closer to him and dug in. Mercedes wished she could hate that smile, the way it seemed to mock her, growing wider the more annoyed she became, but she couldn't because she loved it. The fact that Sam could smile at all, made her want to get on her knees and thank a God she didn't fully believe in for bringing him back. He was a walking miracle, which infuriated her, because it was making it so hard for her to stay mad at him.

"I'm not wrong. There's no way in hell you meant a word of what you said. Ever since you found out we were married you've been trying to find ways to get rid of me. Now you expect me to believe that you wish for our marriage back? I'm not an idiot."

"No you're not. You're smart as hell, too smart for your own good. You think you have me all figured out, but that's impossible because I don't even know what I'm thinking half the time."

"Now that is true. You definitely are messed up in the head."

"I deserved that. Maybe. But I didn't deserve you getting mad at me before. I meant what I said. Try this," he said before Mercedes could begin her retort. Sam reached across the table and placed a forkful of food in her mouth. "Good, right?" he asked before eating some more.

"Don't try to distract me with salmon en croute. You deserved everything you got."

"I don't get it. I thought you would be happy to hear that."

"Right. It's my dream to be used as your back-up plan when you're on the outs with Quinn."

They were past this. Almost an entire year of push and pull, insults and accusations, hate masking respect, they had overcome it all and came out as friends, and then lovers. She'd forgiven him for sleeping with her then dumping her, really he was never to blame, she was the one that let herself be used by him, she knew that Rachel was still in his heart, even as she prayed that somehow he had found a way to let her in too. That was always the case when it came to Mercedes' feelings for Sam, she was always hoping for more. More attention, more affection, more chances to prove herself to him. And she had proved herself, finally he'd taken off the blinders and noticed her. Like out of a movie, the fog lifted and Sam's favor finally was on her, he loved her and openly admitted it. Never had anything sounded so good, it drowned out her doubts and the bad timing. Having Sam's love eclipsed everything else.

"It's not like that." Sam said, putting down his fork to run a hand through his hair in frustration.

"Isn't it? Quinn did something, hurt you, upset you, whatever, and now you are leaning on me because you know I'll let you."

Turn back time and replace the blonde with a brunette and they were back to Rachel again. Mercedes had let him lean on her during that break up, trying to mean it when she told him all she wanted was friendship, desperately trying to hide her secret satisfaction that Rachel finally was gone. But Rachel wasn't gone, like a boomerang she came back around, taking Sam back, just when Mercedes finally had gotten a small hold on his heart. It was happening again, Quinn had hurt him somehow and like a reflex he turned to her.

Mercedes had trained him to do this, stopping to give him hugs or kind words even in the middle of a heated fight. She never could quite hate him as she said she did. He was so perfect and beautiful in her eyes, even when he was being a jackass she never was turned off, if anything his pendulum of moods made her all the more attracted and aroused. Sam was a roller coaster of a man, full of dips and turns, never quite knowing what would come next with him. He constantly surprised her, and for a girl that was used to living her life day to day, never having a plan, it was comforting to have someone around that could bring excitement.

Settling in small town Lima had been good for her, putting down roots and building a life had fulfilled her more than she ever thought possible. Friends and family filled in all her gaps and made her finally feel like she had a place in the world. Once they were married, Sam had become just as stable and reliable, her constant companion, her rock. He said he would never leave and he almost died trying to keep that promise. Just like Sam to make even impending divorce an unforgettable adventure, falling from a car and then falling into a coma. He seemed determined to leave a huge mark on her life. Even if she managed to walk away from him, she knew she'd never truly get him out of her heart.

"You're saying that like it's a bad thing. I have come to rely on you and I do expect you to be there when I need you."

Sam really couldn't see the problems with this arrangement. Why should he? He was getting what he wanted, Quinn on his arm, Mercedes waiting in the wings. Mercedes didn't want to be a pushover. She didn't want to allow herself to be used as his shoulder while he cried about another woman, but her heart was holding her back from telling him that in clear terms. A part of her loved that he needed her, taking care of him, and being a continued presence had been all she lived for the past nine months. She prided herself on giving him care, reflecting her love for him in all her actions, making up for all the times when it was called into question. Perhaps her guilt about the accident started her course with him, but it was her love for the man that kept her there, praying for him to wake up as she performed their daily rituals. As she cuddled by his far too still side in the hospital, somewhere between prayers and dreams, she envisioned the day when he would open his eyes and see her by his bed and know that they would be all right and they would be together. Only the day never happened and she was stuck here with him doubting everything about their relationship.

"You make me sound like Figgins. Are you going to start paying me for my services too?"

"Stop getting defensive." Sam scolded with a hint of a smile. His eyes sparkled shifting to a brighter green as his mood lightened and the dark clouds that had been hovering around him seemed to fade. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that I like having you around."

"That's the complete opposite of all you've been saying," said Mercedes thinking of the numerous instances when he coldly pushed her away.

If he weren't so hot she could easily walk away from this, ignore those lips, block out those pretty green eyes. Her attraction to Sam had already stripped her sanity on more occasions than she could count. He was the ultimate cliché, knees weak, heart racing, uncontrollable urges to touch him, anywhere. Sam was her dream, her fantasy man, the one she imagined all those horrible nights behind tightly shut eyes as she tried to escape the pawing hands of faceless men.

He had saved her then, storming into her white castle, taking her into his arms and shielding her from all the pain that was befalling her body. Of course, she hadn't known it was him as a child, her hero that helped her endure it all, but the day she met him and looked into his eyes, she knew. This was the man that she had been dreaming of her whole life. Then by some stroke of luck she got to marry that dream, be with him every day, safe, protected and loved, until it was all torn away, leaving her once again with just the fantasy.

"I know," he said sounding genuinely apologetic. "I had to keep my guard up around you. My feelings for you were in the way…" Sam stopped and looked down at his plate. "That was one of my Great Aunt Gretchen's pickles."

"And?"

"I loved those things. The crunchy pickle, with the cream cheese and her marinated roast beef wrapped around it. I haven't had them in years. Does Mike know…?" His sentence faded midstream.

"What about Mike?" Mercedes asked, reading his face. It was clear that something had happened with Mike and with Quinn, she just didn't know what. It was taking all of her control not to hound him for answers.

"Nothing... All this." He waved his hand over his plate. "Are my favorites."

"Well yeah, it is a party for you. The hush puppies and biscuits are from Lola's, burgers are from the diner. Beiste had her chef make all your favorites from the BreadStix menu."

"Thank you for doing this." Sam rubbed the back of her hand on top of the table. "You're so sweet to me."

Mercedes was uncomfortable with this side of Sam, when he was quick with the compliments and the gratitude. It was so much easier to deal with him when they were at odds, verbally sparring came natural to them, she could easily read him during heated debates and extract all of his bull. If it were last year before the accident she could handle it, she had finally started to get used to Sam's affectionate and appreciative side, learning that he was open with his emotions when he felt truly comfortable with someone. But the Sam across from her wasn't comfortable, he had spent the better part of two months stressing to her just how uncomfortable he was and how she felt like a stranger to him. So why now was he suddenly turning on the charm? Mercedes became instantly suspicious, feeling like once again he was up to no good.

Mercedes quickly pulled her hand out of his reach. "It was Kurt's idea," she said shrugging. "I didn't think you would want to attend a party given by me."

Sam leaned back in his chair. "I saw this movie once where the guy had amnesia and he hated his wife that he couldn't remember. I'm so glad that's not us," he added looking at her intensely.

"It's not?" she asked skeptically. The scenario sounded very much like them to Mercedes.

"No of course not." He looked a little shocked, but what could he have been expecting her to think after all he'd put her through with his angry outburst followed by his blatant ignorance of her existence. "I don't hate you. That's the problem. It would be so much easier if I did."

"Easier for me too, if I hated you, then I could move on like I should."

She had never been able to hate him, despite all the times she told him she did. Even when she found out he was unfaithful, when he had ripped their marriage apart, she still loved the guy no matter how much she tried not to. At this rate it was going to take a magic pill or witchcraft to get Sam Evans out of her heart.

"And if I hated you, I could let you."

Something flickered in his eyes, if Mercedes were more of an optimist she would let herself believe that maybe he was having a memory, but she knew better, Sam called the shots when it came to his mind and he wasn't ready to let that part of his past in. Still she could see a change, a spark, he was actually being honest with her. He wanted her to stay. But why? Her silent musings were interrupted when Sam pulled her chair closer to him, only inches away, his hand resting on her thigh, elbow propping his head, watching her with half closed eyes. Mercedes could feel herself blush the longer he stared, warm and giddy like a kid with a crush.

"Sam," she said slowly moving toward to his face.

"What?" he asked, his eyes dropping to her lips.

"You've got cream cheese right here," she said wiping at the corner of his mouth with her fingertip.

"What?" he said again sitting up straighter a confused expression on his face. Mercedes held up her finger to show him the cream cheese. "Oh," he said self-consciously wiping at his face again. "Thanks for, uh, for that."

"On our first date you had cannoli cream on your face. It was cute." Mercedes smiled remembering that special night with him. "Still can't believe someone like you was willing to make cannolis with me in Beiste's kitchen."

"I've never made cannolis before. They usually arrived on the table pre-done."

"You guys probably had elves in the kitchen with Figgins doing all the baking."

"I spent a lot of time in that kitchen growing up, never saw any elves, but the bakery truck came by several times a week."

That bakery truck still came. The best pastries in town were found in the Evans kitchen. Kurt dragged her over to the house fairly often to pilfer baked goods.

"You asked me to go away for the weekend with you that night."

Annoyed with herself for even accepting his date so soon after her break up with Shane, she ended their date early leaving him wide eyed and slack jawed. Not to be deterred by her disappearing act he popped up at Beiste's house with some flowers and a lopsided grin. Her doubts about dating Sam quickly dissipated as they talked and made cannolis in the kitchen. In typical Sam fashion, he ate more than he filled, but it was nice to have his company all the same. As far as first dates went theirs ended with a bang, so many kisses she didn't want to say goodnight. The cannoli cream led to the kissing and then to the couch, willpower gone, caution tossed aside, like her shirt, common sense had no place when finally she had her arms around Sam.

His eyes narrowed as he tilted his head. "On our first date? I didn't waste any time. I must have been really into you."

"I thought we were moving too fast. I had just broken up with Shane, but the more time I spent with you that night, I knew there was no one else I would rather be with."

"I can see all that in my mind. The moon eyes, finding excuses to touch me, you're doing all that now when not so long ago you were pushing me away."

Penetrating eyes holding her to him, unrelenting until she did his will and lost herself in the darkening green. This was a seduction, perhaps unintentional on his part, but happening nevertheless.

"I've never had moon eyes in my life," she said wanting to look away, but couldn't quite get herself to do it.

"Two of them, right there," he said pointing two fingers in her face. "And why are you so close Mercedes? If you wanted something from my plate you could've just asked."

"It's my plate actually and you were talking low I had to move and there was cream cheese and you suck."

Rambling and stammering her way through the sentence, flustered by his attention and those lips that conjured up thoughts of their past, their marriage, the sex. She might have been clinging a bit, touching him more than needed, staring a bit too much, but she was human and weak and he was giving her so many sexy looks. She had waited months for him to look at her like that again, and with the amnesia she was starting to lose hope that it would ever happen, but here he was sitting knee skimming close, eying her up and down like it was two years ago and he remembered it all.

"Are you pouting? That's so cute." Sam smiled rubbing his thumb across her lips. Mercedes shivered from the sensation, imagining him touching her lips with more than his finger.

"How did I marry someone so annoying?" she asked mentally throwing cold water on her passionate thoughts. She was in control, she reminded herself.

Mercedes tried to focus on his jerky qualities instead of the incredible sexiness of him sitting there in a black suit, licking his lips after eating hush puppies, the way his eyes slid closed as he savored the taste, the same looks he gave in bed when he was satisfied, but still hungry. Sam did everything with such intensity, giving his complete attention to whatever was before him whether it was a plate of food or the woman that he loved.

For a time Mercedes had been that woman, lapping up all his attention with greedy pleasure. She had figured she would have more time to enjoy him and his incredible hands, maybe not forever, a part of her always thought Sam would come to his senses and move on, but for longer than they got. If she had known their time would be so fleeting she would have tied him to their bed and demanded service round the clock, only letting him up for food. Breakfast in bed came to mind, Sam feeding her fruit while the morning sun spilled into their bedroom. Why was she doing this to herself, getting aroused by memories of things she would probably never have again?

"Shouldn't have said yes," he grinned.

"I didn't. I said no."

Sam's face dropped along with his fork. "Uh..."

"Then you convinced me. That was the first time you ever made love to me."

"What about our sex tape?" he asked dragging her chair even closer to him. The food was ignored now that they had embarked on his other favorite subject.

"You didn't love me then, but that weekend we spent together I finally felt it. I couldn't say no after that."

Their first time had been great. Mercedes had experienced sex in a way she never had before. But all the wonderful sensations of their night in a seedy motel, couldn't hide the undercurrent of pain tapping at the door, Sam wasn't hers. She didn't have his heart and all the sex in Lima wasn't going to change that. Time however did, and by the end of the year Sam had fallen for her and was ready to make a commitment.

Feeling on a contact high from some unseen drug, Mercedes couldn't quite believe Sam had actually proposed, no matter how many times he assured her she wasn't dreaming. Deciding it simply was too good to be true, and too crazy to even contemplate she turned him down, for the first time ever letting sense prevail over her impulses. Then Sam made this passionate plea about fate and perfect matches and she got caught up in his pretty words her head spinning that Sam Evans was standing shirtless in a hotel room begging her to marry him.

Sam finalized his argument in bed, making love to her in the brightly lit room, telling her he loved her with every kiss, like it was natural, like he had been saying it all the time. As he murmured that he would never let her go against her skin, something broke in Mercedes, the damn holding back her love for him gave way and all that she had locked up for her survival was freed and she was filled with love for him. Finally she was able to tell him, show him, that he was all there ever was, and all she ever wanted there to be.

He raised his eyebrows, his smile re-emerging. "So good sex won you over." Nodding and smiling, satisfied with his chest puffed like he'd just won a prize, he said, "I knew my skills would come in handy one day."

"I was crazy about you Sam. I had wanted to marry you for so long. You're all I ever wanted," she said getting choked up.

So much pent up inside her, pressing against her heart, begging to be released. Mercedes wanted to tell it all to him, give him all that she was feeling, heap it on his back, maybe that would help him remember something, force him to come back to the life he left behind.

Loving him beyond measure, she was throwing her heart right out on the table and he still didn't seem to get it. The timing was wrong and he probably wasn't ready to hear something so deep, but she needed him to care, just a little, and not because it stroked his ego or made his head swell, but because he was moved that she wanted him so much. So pathetic that she found herself back in the same lonely place she was two years ago, wanting Sam to care when he clearly didn't.

On an impulse she touched him, running her hand along the buttons of his white shirt. She wanted to climb into his lap again, but she couldn't, too scared that he would reject the intrusion and send her shamed back to her own seat. Didn't seem fair to be this near him and not be able to touch him the way she used to, the way she desperately needed to. It was unbearable being around him like this, when he didn't love her in return.

"There's those moon eyes again." He caught her hand and held it against his chest "Little nurse," he sighed. "You're making this so hard."

"Sorry if I said too much. If you're uncomfortable…"

"I'm not," he said stroking her hair. "I'm such an idiot," he said against her forehead, planting kisses between his words. "I can't believe that you're in my life, still, after all the crap I've put you through." Sam shut his eyes and whispered apologies across her lips, light tickles of kisses teasing her for so much more. "You're still that same wonderful surprise I met in the hospital. I don't know if I can give you up," he said almost under his breath.

Mercedes struggled to make sense of his words, her mind so hazy from his nearness and those little kisses. Unable to take much more, she backed way and she started to get up, to get some space from those lips and those eyes.

"You need to breathe babe. You're not making any sense," she soothed. Mercedes could feel his heart racing through his shirt.

"I'm just so…you are so…I don't know…" He shook his head, seeming confused.

"I'm going to get you some water," she announced abruptly.

"No stay," he said clutching her hand tighter. "I'll get it. I will get some water for you too, with ice. You look like you need to cool off. You're all flushed," he said with a crooked smile. Sam dropped her hand and stood up, adjusting his jacket as he stepped away from the table.

He kissed her on top of her head, lingering over her, as if he were debating whether to hug her or walk away. Sam straightened up, smiling down at her, before leaving her alone with a half empty plate and a half full heart.


	97. Tailspin3 Ch43

**Chapter 43**

"Two bottles of water please," Sam ordered from the bartender at the small lighted bar in the corner of the room.

Mercedes wasn't visible from this angle, he hoped she was still at their table and hadn't bolted to parts unknown. He was pretty sure he had freaked her out with all the incoherent babbling and the kisses. She must have been thinking he had lost his mind, since she had no way of knowing that his guilt was eating him alive. How could he continue this pretense with such a sweet girl? She didn't deserve to be strung along like this for months, just so he could appease his father. There had to be a better way. Too bad Sam had to yet to think of one. What made things worse was that it all was starting not to feel so fake anymore. He couldn't tell when he was pretending and when he was telling the truth. It all felt real to him now. He was enjoying her company and he really did want to know about their life together. And that wish? Yeah that was real too, so real that he made it repeatedly in his mind, whenever thoughts of Quinn emerged.

"Sam Evans!" a woman yelled behind him. Sam was face to face with a petite woman in a tight gold strapless dress.

"Kitty." Sam paused pulling out his fake smile. "Wilde. Hi."

She flashed a brilliant white grin, tossing her platinum blond hair over her shoulder. "Last I heard you were knocking at death's door. Now look at you, finer than ever," she said running her long red fingernails down his arm, blood red against his black suit.

"Uh...thanks. I think."

"I can't get over how good you look. I saw you in the coma...yikes...but damn...you look downright fuckable tonight."

Sam felt naked as she looked him over. She actually licked her bright red lips as she checked him out. Usually he had no issues with a woman showing her appreciation of his assets, but tonight he wasn't in the mood to be ogled. He was having a hard enough time convincing Mercedes to trust he didn't want to be with Quinn, he didn't need Kitty tossing her hat in the ring as well.

"Kitty you really should cool it with the compliments, you're making me blush."

"Since when do you blush?" she asked. "You love to be told how hot you are. Is this for the benefit of your wife? Because Mercedes knows I'm harmless."

Sam held back a laugh. Never in all the years he'd known Kitty had she ever been harmless. Brazen, bold, unbelievably forward, those were all words to describe Kitty Wilde, when she saw something she wanted, she went for it full throttle.

"You know Mercedes?" Sam asked a bit surprised.

"Well duh. I was at your wedding, and you guys came to my engagement party."

"Right, of course." He should have known.

There was evidence of Mercedes all over his life. In such a short time she had managed to become fully entrenched in his world. Associates from D&E knew her, his distant relatives sung her praises, and now his old high school friends knew her too. He had been married to Brittany for two years, known her all his life, and he was pretty sure she knew less about him than Mercedes did.

"I talked to her quite a bit at the hospital when I came to see you. Great taste in shoes. Now I will admit when you first hooked up with her we all were pretty surprised. You barely liked high school girls even when you were in high school."

That wasn't exactly accurate, he just didn't like her. Kitty was too obvious, no mystery. She was the type of woman that his father used to warn him about, all flash and gloss, with one hand on the package and the other on the wallet. Kitty had pursued him all through high school, even when he was dating Quinn, and while Sam enjoyed her attention, he never got involved.

"She wasn't in high school," said Sam tightly, feeling the need to stress that he didn't marry the head cheerleader from McKinley High.

"I know. So serious," she said going for his hair. Sam leaned out of her reach. "I'm just teasing. My point is she's so young, we didn't get it. I remember talking to Ryder and Jake at your wedding wondering what got into you, and it was Quinn that stuck up for you. She said Mercedes made you happy and complete and that Mercedes was more than she seemed."

"Wow Quinn said all that?" he asked with a small smile.

That's the Quinn he remembered, a good friend no matter what, sticking up for him at his wedding, defending his right to love even the most unexpected person. Where was that girl now? Why wasn't she standing up to his family, fighting for the right to be honest with him at any cost? The answer was obvious. There were some things that Quinn didn't want him to know about. A troubling thought for him because there was a time when they shared everything, a time Sam was so sure would never end, and yet now he doubted Quinn like he did everyone else, and he absolutely hated the feeling.

"Shocking I know, since she was the one that wrecked your marriage in the end."

"Kitty..." he exhaled sharply. The last thing he wanted to talk about was his affair with Quinn, especially not with her.

"Sorry let's forget that bit of unpleasantness." Kitty spread out against the bar, crossing her legs at the ankles. "You're back on your feet and your wife has forgiven you. She has forgiven you right?"

"I don't want to get into any of this with you." She seemed like the type that would sell him out to the highest bidder, for the first time that night he was thankful to be sober, he wouldn't have to worry about spilling his guts to the wrong person at the party.

"I'm sure you don't, with Quinn being out of the hospital and that photo," she said lowering her voice, her eyes glinting mischievously.

The latest gossip wasn't lost on her as he suspected. She looked like a kid with a secret she couldn't wait to tell. He needed to get away from her quickly before he let anything slip. Everything was weighing on him so heavily, he was tempted to pull up a stool and lay it all on the bartender at this point.

Thinking such horrible thoughts about Quinn, trying to remind himself that years had passed, and her health had suffered and perhaps that was the cause of this change between them. Then in the next moment he was eager to block her out completely, because thinking about Quinn in any capacity made his chest ache and his head throb, so disillusioned by all of this that he had actively wished for a life without her. That had never crossed his mind before, even when she went to Puck, and that killed him, he still never wished her gone from his life completely. And now he had wished she would just disappear, at least for a little while, to give him some peace, to give him a chance at being happy.

Mercedes seemed like that chance. If only he could let her be, let her into his heart, give her the spot he reserved for Quinn, it all would be better now. These were all unrealistic fantasies, not a chance in hell of ever coming true. He'd never be over Quinn, his feelings for her were too deep to ever fade, but he could no longer deny that he liked his wife. She was sweet, funny, infuriating and so damn cute. It had been fun talking to her tonight, hearing her stories about their relationship, watching her blush and pout. Everything he liked about her at the hospital when he thought she was just his nurse was still there, amplified greater because now he knew he had the right to like her, that he could even touch, he was the one her heart belonged to. That thought was just as arousing as her sexy lips. He liked knowing how much Mercedes cared about him. It was the one certainty left in his life. If nothing else at least he had her, unless he screwed it up, which was highly likely at the rate he was going tonight.

"It was really good seeing you again Kitty." Sam grabbed his two bottles of Veen water from the bar, a not so subtle hint that the conversation should end. "But Mercedes's waiting for me."

"I'd love to see Cede." She perked up. "Where are you guys sitting?" Kitty asked looking around the room for Mercedes.

Mentally he was groaning. Sam didn't want to spend another moment with this vapid woman. "How about we come find you? Right now we're in the middle of something. It's been so long since we've had time together."

Little did Kitty know how long it truly had been for him, felt like forever in his mind. Their time together at the party really had been their first since he was in the hospital. When he thought about it he was embarrassed that he had actually ignored his wife for so long. Not remembering her was no excuse for treating her badly. There had to have been a better way for him to handle his initial readjustment to his life. Now he was paying the price, Mercedes was reluctant to be around him just when he needed her the most.

"Aww so romantic," she gushed.

"I'm trying," he said holding up his bottles, as if they were champagne instead of water.

Truth was he hadn't been trying much at all. He was too scared of rejection or worse yet another stint of her telling him how he wasn't "her Sam" to risk anything too emotional with her. He had lost himself a bit, overwhelmed by her admission that she was so crazy about him that she was willing to marry him essentially after their first date. That had been nice to hear, and the look on her face when she said it, completely mind blowing. But none of that changed their current situation, she didn't seem so crazy for him now. Mercedes was blocking him at every step, whenever he even tiptoed near getting closer to her. He had been flirting like crazy, pulling out some of his more charming lines, and she was in a constant state of eye rolling, blocking him out.

Sam would need to come harder if he wanted his wife to stick with him for the rest of the year. How he could do much more in middle of a house full of people was beyond him? All of his best seduction techniques involved sex, but with Quinn in the house, Sam knew there was no way in hell he was having sex, with anyone. Either woman would have his head on a platter if he tried to get physical. Stuck in the middle of two women and he really couldn't be with either one at the moment, something like this could only happen to him.

"I'll leave you to it, but you better bring Mercedes to see me at some point tonight."

"Will do," he said with a nod and a forced smile.

When Kitty left his smile dropped along with his head. Time to go back to Mercedes, he was a bit apprehensive about facing her again. Something was pulling him toward her, something he couldn't quite identify or control, and he didn't know what he would do in her presence now. There was an overwhelming urge to touch her, that had always been there since the hospital, but tonight it felt wild and unyielding. She might be trying to block him, but a part of him felt more open to her than ever before.

Maybe there was some merit to birthday wishes after all.

"Hey. Gotta minute?"

Sam looked up to see Quinn, nervously tucking her hair behind her ears, a tentative smile on her face.

Or maybe not. So much for wishing away one woman for the other, Sam was right in the middle of the two.

* * *

><p>"I thought she would never leave. I've been trying to avoid her all night," she said lightly, ignoring that he never said he was willing to talk to her, but feeling encouraged that he was still there. At least he hadn't fled and left her standing alone.<p>

"She hasn't changed much since high school has she?" he asked staring at the bottles of water in his hand.

"Nope. Still over blond and loud." Quinn laughed her amusement dying when she looked at Sam's face, cold and emotionless, watching her.

"It's sort of nice she hasn't changed," he said holding her gaze. "Comforting. At least I know some things will stay the same."

Sam wanted to hurt her with that comment, ram her in the heart where he knew it would hurt most. She was going to have to pay for her past all over again, it was just surprising that Sam was the one doing the collecting.

"Sam...I want to explain."

The explanation had been forming in her head since he left her in the foyer. She was selfish, she was afraid, she loved him so much she didn't want to hurt him. All of those were reasons she could give for holding back the truth from him tonight, but none of the words would take shape. How could she explain about her lies, when there was still one big lie between them? Until she talked to him about Beth, there could be no valid excuses.

"Not now. I can't now." He held up his free hand and backed away, casting his red rimmed eyes downward, but still Quinn could see the pain she had created all over his face.

"I don't want you to be mad at me." Her voice broke as the tears came.

Crying in front of him was the last thing she wanted to do, but she couldn't help it, there was no way to adequately contain all that she carried within her chest. Lying about Mike was the least of her worries. She had only done it to preserve a little bit of their time together, to give them something good to hold onto before Sam learned all about the bad. Being in a relationship with his brother might have hurt him, and he could have been disappointed in her unfaithfulness the way he seemed to be now, but none of that would compare to how he would see her once he learned the truth about what she did to their daughter. That was the ultimate fear that kept her silent.

Hiding behind Sue and Dwight's wishes that Sam be spared the truth for now, was just another way for her to prolong the relative calm in her life, to have him love her a little while longer. Because in the back of her mind the thoughts had been building, what if Artie was right? What if Sam did hate her when he found out what happened to Beth? Quinn could handle a lot of things, the gossip, being away from her baby, being locked up, but Sam's hate wasn't something she could endure. It wouldn't be her life, without him in it. She couldn't risk him walking away in disgust or anger, or worst of all hate. There was no coming back from hate. Hate would murder their bond and end all their years of friendship. Quinn couldn't let that happen, so she held her tongue and prayed for a time when she could tell him the truth and he would understand.

"I'm not mad," he said softly, avoiding her eyes.

"Then how come you won't talk to me?" she asked, sniffling back her tears.

Clenching and unclenching her fists, she warred with herself for control. Reaching out to touch him now would've been inappropriate, his body language was tense and closed off, arms crossed, the bottles acting as plastic guards of his torso, but all Quinn could think of doing was touching him somewhere, anywhere, she needed that contact to know that they were still real. She'd touch him, his eyes would soften, his breathing would quicken and he would melt into her, the way he had so many times before. One touch and he would be reminded of all they were, their connection, but her fears paralyzed her, keeping her hands fisted at her sides.

"You know what I was just thinking before Kitty came up to me?" Sam looked over at her with incredibly sad eyes. "I was thinking about how much I'm enjoying hanging out with Mercedes. And I asked myself why didn't I spend time with her sooner?"

"Are you blaming me for that?" She hadn't told him to stay away from Mercedes. In fact she was the one that sent him home earlier in the afternoon.

"It's not about blame. I made choices, based on my heart, on what I thought was right for Beth and us."

Sam put his hand on her shoulder, lightly with almost no pressure, as if he were uncertain whether he wanted to touch her skin or pull away. Quinn made the decision for him, putting her hand on top of his, anchoring him down against her, keeping him there.

"And now you think those choices are wrong?" she asked searching his face for a hint of what he could be thinking.

Upstairs he had told her so much about his hopes and dreams, about wanting to be with her, about marrying her, creating a life with their child, all of that couldn't have disappeared in the span of a few hours. Dreams didn't evaporate that fast, not when they were real and wanted, like theirs were.

"You tell me Quinn. Was it wrong to put all my faith in a future with you?" he asked wiggling his hand from beneath hers, letting it fall to his side, limp and lifeless.

She shook her head, more stunned by the absence of his hand than his question. "I don't think you were wrong. Nothing's ever felt more right in my life." The courage to admit that surged within her, if he needed reassures she had them to spare. They were worth fighting for, as wrong as their feelings might be, but sometimes even the wrong things come together to make a wonderful right.

"She loves me, you know?"

Quinn grasped the edge of the bar feeling knocked by his words. She held fast to keep herself steady and upright.

Mercedes wasn't part of this conversation, they were talking about their life, their relationship and yet suddenly for the first time Sam had purposely put her between them, setting up an obstacle that wasn't apparent before. She wasn't supposed to matter to him. Mercedes was the inconvenience he was eager to divest from his life. Quinn couldn't help but wonder what had happened since he walked through those doors with his wife on his arm.

"I know."

No one knew that better than Quinn did. Even before accident when Mercedes was being a total bitch, shutting Sam out at every turn, Quinn knew Mercedes still loved him. It was easy to see, she had been in her place before, she knew what it was like to hurt a man that she loved, more than once if she were honest. Mercedes' love for Sam was the silent threat to their happiness, lurking in the shadows waiting to emerge and wipe their future away.

"She's been waiting all this time for me, hoping that we could pick up where we left off. I bet my brother and definitely Puck used to feel the same way about you. Loving you and wanting a life with you."

Up until now Sam hadn't mentioned Mercedes' feelings much, nothing beyond feeling bad for her unhappiness, but this was a new twist, a new angle never before explored. Sam was considering more than just her pain now. He was thinking about Mercedes' feelings, possibly even exploring their depths, and from the sound of it liking what he had found.

"I thought you understood about Mike and Puck." Tears started again as Sam took another jab at her heart, throwing her mistakes back at her.

"I do," he said wiping at a tear on her cheek, seeming to forget his self-imposed boundary for a moment. "I'm living it right now, doesn't make it any easier though." Sam's eyes met hers and for a time, so fast and fleeting, he let her in, exposing all the emotion he had been attempting to hide from her. The kindness, the friendship, the love, it was all still there hovering beneath the surface, fighting to be freed. "It's hard to look into the eyes of a woman that loves you knowing that you're planning to break her heart."

"Are you talking about Mercedes or me?" she asked so low, she wasn't sure if he even heard her speak.

Crying softly, she watched him standing stiffly beside her, avoiding her eyes. His breathing was labored, like a pant after a run. Quinn knew it was taking a lot out of him to just be there in her presence. She knew Sam well enough to know that he didn't like to be so exposed and open with his emotions, yet for some reason he remained rooted to the spot, as if he were waiting for something. Quinn had no means to help him, no solace to offer, there was no escaping from the truth that now hung between them.

Then there was Mercedes, their torment and salvation, wrapped up in one small package. Sam's interaction with his wife tonight was because of her. She knew that Sam was doing his best impression of husband of the year to win his way back into Mercedes' good graces, and Quinn was grateful he was willing to go to those lengths to help her stay free, but still she couldn't shake the feeling that there was more going on behind Sam's eyes than he was letting on.

"I need to go. I think my wife has waited long enough," he announced abruptly, walking away without looking in her direction.

A chill filled the air as he brushed by her, goose bumps rose on her skin, which she rubbed, more for comfort than warmth. If Sam was really starting to feel something more for Mercedes, Quinn wasn't sure if she could handle that change, not now, not after he'd given her this incredible gift of his love and of hope for a home and family. She didn't want to give any of it back, or let those dreams go. Sam asked her to be selfish in the nursery earlier, and that was all she could be now for her own survival.

Clinging to him with all her strength even as he seemed to be the one pulling them under probably wasn't the smartest of moves. Dr. Hill would probably strongly advise her against holding onto Sam at all, but Quinn didn't need second opinions for what was in her heart. There was only one thing that got her through the past year, helped her survive losing Puck, losing her sanity, and even losing her daughter, and that was Sam. Dr. Hill could quote every psychology book in the world, but the only the treatment that truly worked for her was holding onto her faith in Sam, in his love, and his friendship. Even when he wasn't with her in body, he was always there in spirit, holding her up, and helping her stay strong. Beth was born from this strength, and though she had failed her baby, Sam would not. He would be the one to keep them both afloat now that he was back and able to anchor them. Nothing would make her doubt him, and she'd do anything to keep him in her life.


	98. Tailspin3 Ch44

**Chapter 44**

Fingers through her hair, his soft lips pressed against hers, once, twice, and again, his words tickling her nose, warm and intoxicating even when she had no clue what he meant. Filling her with a restless anticipation, making her curious to know what lied beyond the little pleasures his mouth was giving. There was more behind those kisses, something hidden, but ready to be revealed, if only she could get close enough, get him to open himself and let her into the secret places he liked to reside. Her mind flashed back to Sam's hands on her face, his lips on his skin, going deeper this time, pulling her under, taking her away...

"Do you hear that?"

"What?" Her mind was disgruntled by the intrusion. Why was someone talking to her now?

"They're playing our song. Are you ready to conga?" asked Finn doing something that looked suspiciously like the cha-cha in front of her.

"We don't have a song, and trust me if we did, it wouldn't be _Copacabana_." Mercedes looked around Finn's lanky frame for Sam.

Sam had been gone awhile. Mercedes figured that he had been stopped every few feet by guests, so his trek to the bar and back would take twice as long, which was fine with her, she was in no rush to have him back, not until she could get a handle on her composure. The kisses, as chaste and small as they were, really shook her up. She hadn't expected him to be so openly affectionate with her, definitely not in a room filled with people, and certainly not with Quinn lurking about.

"Come on girl, get up and shake something. It's a party. You don't want to waste all this hotness," he said pointing at himself.

"All that sure is something," Mercedes stifled a giggle. "But I think I still will have to pass. Maybe Malika will dance with you."

"Malika's here?" Finn asked his eyes widening.

"Yep. Head nurse Cheryl gave her the night off. You should go find her and pry her away from the rich old dudes I'm sure are stalking her as we speak."

"Tempting, so very, but nope, I think I'd rather stay here and harass you."

"Finn," she said drawing his name out. "I'm waiting for Sam to come back."

Somewhere between dread and anticipation, Mercedes tapped her bare foot against the carpeted floor as she pretended not to once again look for Sam.

"From where? Another secret tryst with Quinn?"

"He's not with Quinn!" Mercedes retorted defensively. It was bad enough everyone in the room knew about the photo and probably knew Quinn was at the party, but at least her so called friends could pretend that her husband had some respect left for her. "He went to the bar."

"Oh. Well I have an idea. Let's be gone before he gets back. He deserves to squirm a little bit. Then when he finds you with me, he'll know firsthand how you're feeling about Quinn being back in town."

Mercedes frowned at the idea. "Something happened. He's upset about Quinn I think."

"And you're going to use that as a way to get closer to him?" he asked leaning forward eagerly.

"No of course not."

"Good because you're better than that. He's YOUR husband, you shouldn't have to kiss his ass for some attention," said Finn noticeably irritated by the situation.

Mercedes regarded him with closer interest, there was always more than met the eye with Finn she was starting to realize. "Getting a little passionate about all this aren't you Finn?"

"I can't help it. I watched my mom go through this with assorted boyfriends all my life. Once things got serious they could barely give her the time of day, just taking up residence on our couch eating all the food. I don't want that for you Cede. You're a good person."

"It's not going to happen to me. I swear. I'll leave before it comes to that." Hopefully, if she could find the strength to give up on the life she had planned with Sam.

"Glad to hear it. So it's settled, you're coming dancing with me." Finn said taking Mercedes' hand and attempting to pull her from her seat. "I think Sam deserves to watch you enjoy yourself with another man, make him see all that he's missing out on sulking over his baby mama."

Mercedes resisted his tugs staying firmly planted in her seat. "I can't play mind games with him, not when he's like this."

The sad look on his face when she found him in the foyer had sucked all the wind out of her. Any enjoyment she planned to get out of pushing his buttons and toying with his emotions tonight vanished with one look at him. Seeing him shaking with anger and pain, twisted her gut so tightly she thought she was the one that was upset. She never could bear to see him break, even when she was the one that was handing out the punishment. He was her weakness and she knew it, didn't even bother to fight it now, losing him to that coma sealed her fate. She cared for him far too much to pretend to be indifferent.

"What happened to our plans? Operation jealous hubby and Kurt told me all about your plot to be the date from hell. Here's our chance to pull it all off."

Finn was really getting into this plotting business. Maybe some of Kurt's Evans side was rubbing off on him.

"I don't want to okay. Sam is hurting and I need to be there for him."

It was funny, she'd never taken care of anyone else in her life before coming to Lima. Her mother never showed her any real love or affection, only faking it after a "job" well done and she pocketed more money earned with her flesh. Mercedes wasn't even sure how to take care of anyone besides herself, but somehow meeting Sam opened up another side of her, bringing out traits she never knew she had. When his mother was sick with cancer, she hadn't been close to him then, their relationship consisted of exchanging barbs in the diner or flirt fighting in the park, but there were moments when the mood shifted and things went deeper than either one of them wanted.

Allowing each other glimpses of their hidden vulnerabilities, it was during these times when the urge to care for him flared. She'd reach out and try to touch his arm or stroke his hair, never quite making contact, but the intention was there, and he knew it. Sam was the bold one. He'd cross the line and touch her, never letting their status as foes prevent him from giving a comforting touch. He could hug her and shake her all in the same conversation and think nothing of it. She loved that about him, how he was so aggressive and impulsive, living his life from his gut, no matter the consequences. Although he did try to hide his true nature, protecting his huge heart, and his sensitive side, but Mercedes always could see through him, spotting the parts he tried to keep under wraps.

"Why?" Finn asked scrunching up his face. "Do you think he'd do the same for you?"

The thought had crossed her mind more than once, that if she and Quinn were trapped in a cage with an angry lion, Sam would probably feed her to the beast in order to set Quinn free. It hadn't escaped Mercedes' attention that Quinn had usurped her position in Sam's heart. That however didn't change how she felt about him. He still was the man she loved more than anything, and she'd still risk her life to help him. If that made her a sucker, so be it, she was stuck in the spot until she could figure out how to get over him.

"Maybe he wouldn't, but I can't turn off how I feel just because he has. I love him."

"He doesn't deserve you at all," said Finn taking a seat in the opposite chair, stretching out his long legs, tangling them with hers. "He has no idea how lucky he is."

"I'm the lucky one. Sam came back, he survived the coma. That's all I've wanted for almost a year and now my dream came true. I can't turn my back on him because things aren't perfect."

Even though that's all she'd been trying to do since he started on his path toward Quinn Fabray. Life would be so much easier for the both of them if she could just cut her losses and let him go. The divorce papers could be resubmitted. They already were in separate households, leading separate lives, ending their marriage would be painless, for him at least. Mercedes had gotten used to living with pain, the dull ache that always throbbed within her might grow a bit with Sam as her ex, but it would be nothing she couldn't manage. Pain management had always been her specialty, and with a little effort she could make herself forget that she ever loved Sam at all. And if she said that enough in her head it just might actually be true.

Beiste had told her a few times while Sam was comatose that the world was still hers for the taking and that Sam wouldn't want her to waste her life waiting for him to come back. When he was sick, the idea of leaving him seemed unthinkable, but now that he had recovered, maybe Beiste was right, the Sam that loved her wouldn't want her to pine for him hopelessly. He would have wanted her to move on, just as Beiste did.

But what about all the subtle hints Sam had been dropping since he woke up? He hadn't said he loved her or anything as definitive as that, but he had been very interested in her at the hospital and since his release there were moments when there was indisputably something between them. Less than half hour ago when he had kissed her so sweetly and mumbled words she couldn't quite make out but seemed so important, she had felt it then, something building between them, their connection renewed or maybe it was his memory breaking through. Mercedes wasn't sure what was happening between them but it felt wrong to walk away before she figured it out.

"I'm not saying turn your back," he said patting her knee. "I'm saying whack some sense into him. Don't let him have it so easy. Play hard to get."

So long had she waited to be with him like this, outside of the hospital, without all the anger, just casually in each other's company. A date with him was exactly what she had wanted, since he asked her in the hospital, making her heart pound, and her cheeks warm at the very idea that Sam Evans wanted to be with her even when he didn't know who she was.

Tonight was that night, and though it had gotten off to a rocky start, Mercedes felt encouraged by their last hour together. Things were starting to fall into place. He was relaxed with her, where he felt free enough to touch her again, and say anything to her, just as he had when he thought she was just his nurse. Sometimes she wished he had never learned the truth about their relationship, and that she had remained just a nurse in his eyes. It almost felt like she would have a better shot with him as an unentangled stranger, maybe some of that mystery would have given her the upper hand over Quinn. Mercedes absolutely hated that she felt like she had to fight another woman for her husband's affection, but Quinn had made it clear in the upstairs hall, that she most certainly was staking her own claim on Sam's heart.

"What's the point? He already has me. His doubts about that are what got us into this mess in the first place. I don't want to do that to him again. I don't ever want him to have to question my love."

That was her one advantage. She loved him, completely, and truly. Maybe now Quinn did too, and perhaps she had in the past, but Mercedes knew without a doubt that no other woman had ever loved him the way she did. Inside and out, flaws and faults, through all the mess of his illness, through his hate and denial, his lips might make her melt, but it was the complexity of his heart and spirit that really made her want him in her life. He was everything in one very complicated, dangerous, sweet, good man, and Mercedes didn't want to let him go. If she could only convince him of her love, then maybe he'd realize that she was someone worth having in his life.

"He doesn't remember that stuff Cede," Finn reminded her.

"But I do," Mercedes said to herself as Finn wandered away.

She was in it alone until he remembered, and as scary as it felt to be the sole sustainer of their relationship, she knew she had to do it. As Puck, Sue, Emma, Kurt, and so many others in his family reminded her, he would have without a doubt done the same for her.

"Hey," he said against her ear as he reached over her shoulder to put the bottles of water on the table in front of her. Mercedes shivered at the proximity, and the subtle fresh scent of his aftershave. "I'm back with the water."

"Hi," she said looking up into his eyes with a smile, praying he couldn't feel how much her pulse had sped up since he got so close. "I've been waiting for you."

Both arms on each side of her trapping her between his body and the table, she was smothered by Sam in the best possible sense.

"I was afraid you might have vanished while I was gone. I know I got a little weird before, with all the…" he trailed off, his face reddening, a shy smile on his face. He seemed a bit nervous, which was so cute.

"No, no...I like weird," she said, still unable to tear herself away from his eyes that stared upside down at her.

"You like weird?" he asked, leaning closer, his forehead grazing hers.

"Well, I like you." Her cheeks warmed and Mercedes just knew if she were shades lighter she would be turning all sorts of embarrassing colors. She'd been with him long enough not to be this flustered, yet here she was seriously feeling like it was a first date.

"Good," he said turning the chair around so that they were now facing each other. "I like you too." Sam's hands fell to her thighs, gripping them slightly as he connected with her eyes once more.

"Oh my bad, am I interrupting the eye sex?" asked Finn clearing his throat loudly.

Mercedes shook herself free from Sam, bringing herself back into the moment and focusing on Finn sitting across from them.

"Finn, oh, you're back," said Mercedes trying to rev up some enthusiasm for his reappearance. Finn's timing couldn't have been any worse.

"Doesn't look like you missed me though," he snickered. "Sam," he said loudly. "Happy Birthday dude!"

Sam finally looked at Finn, running his hand roughly through his cropped hair. He had been doing his best to ignore him, but Mercedes had felt him tense the moment Finn sat down.

"What the hell," he scowled straightening up and moving away from Mercedes. "Why is he here and in my seat?"  
>-<p> 


	99. Tailspin3 Ch45

**Chapter 45**

"Finn was just keeping me company while you were gone." Mercedes explained quickly not liking the look on Sam's face. His temper was flaring and she didn't want to risk him passing out again.

Finn stood up and clamped Sam on the shoulder, grinning from ear to ear. "I wouldn't miss your birthday bro."

Sam roughly shook him away. "I'm not your dude or your bro, so stop calling me that."

"Sure thing dude." Finn brushed aside Sam, stepping closer to Mercedes. "Cede gotta say, loving the costume change, smoking hot." Finn beamed appreciatively, eying her up and down exaggerating his movements for effect. "Why are you hiding in the corner girl?" He grabbed for her hand but Mercedes resisted, shooting Finn warning looks to back off. Finn ignored her and kept up his act. "You need to get out that chair and dance with me. You did accept my dance off challenge."

"I don't really think now is the time..." Mercedes said through clenched teeth.

"Dance off?" Sam asked interrupting her. "I thought you said you don't dance." He looked from Finn's face to her own, silently demanding further explanation.

"I said WE don't dance." Mercedes shifted in her chair uncomfortably. "I'm actually quite good at it."

She remembered their conversation earlier in the evening when he showed her the letter he found, bringing up painful memories of the time when she tried her hardest to hate him. A last dance was the one thing she had to hold on to then, the small hope that they would find a way back together, but it never happened, not until everything crashed.

Finn jumped right in with a smile and far too much enthusiasm. "Yep Cede, claims to have more moves than me. I'm thinking it's all talk, just like that guacamole you promised me. I have yet to taste one scoop."

"You know I left it at home Finn." He was getting on her nerves now, taking things too far. The vein in the center of Sam's forehead reappeared and she could see the tension building in his body. He was going to go off on Finn soon if Mercedes didn't find a way to diffuse things.

"You cooked for him?" Sam asked, his mouth agape.

"Guacamole is not cooking, it's more mixing really…" Mercedes tried to come up with any excuse to back out of the conversation. She could only imagine how all of this must have sounded to Sam. It was like she and Finn had a secret language going on, which wasn't the case at all, she was barely friendly with the guy.

"And chopping," Finn chimed in. "I know you must've gotten a workout chopping those veggies." He squeezed her bicep, and Mercedes could see Sam's jaw tick at the contact. "That's why I'm so disappointed I didn't get any."

"Finn I think we should talk about all this later," said Mercedes standing up, and moving out of Finn's reach. She stepped closer to Sam, hoping Finn would catch a clue and leave.

No such luck as Finn continued to run his mouth. "You better not renege on that rain check. Guac and a movie at your place right?"

"Sam doesn't want to hear about our silly plans," Mercedes chuckled nervously.

"You made a date with this guy?" Sam asked leaning down to look at her.

Mercedes stared straight ahead at Finn, not daring to meet Sam's eyes. What could she say? In a way she had made a date, and really she had no reason to be guilty about it, Finn was just a friend. Her first instinct was to snap back at him and say just that, but she wanted to keep the peace. His birthday party was not the place for this discussion.

"We made a plan bro. We're gonna kick back, have some fun. You should try it some time, you look like you could use some fun in your life. You're the sorriest looking birthday boy I've ever seen."

"It's been a rough night." Sam said slightly dejected. Mercedes rubbed his arm gently, unable to help herself from giving him comfort when he seemed so forlorn.

"Have some caviar. Shake it off." Finn scoffed, fanning his hand. "Your wife is hot, your kid is cute, no worries right?"

Mercedes glared at Finn, shooting daggers, bullets, stakes, anything sharp with her mind. He was going to pay for doing this, after she expressly told him she didn't want to mess with Sam's head.

"Finn leave him alone. It's his party he can be sad if he wants to."

The boy couldn't buy a hint. He just kept going and going with that mouth and all those dumb smiles.

"I think you should ditch this sad sack of bones and come hang with me."

Mercedes stepped back, bumping into Sam's chest. Sam didn't draw her in or push her away. He simply stood unmovable and unreadable when she glanced up at his face.

"Finn, I'm here with Sam," Mercedes said with more than a bit of irritation and exasperation in her voice. "Like on a date, so all my dances are reserved for him."

It was then she felt Sam's arms surround her pulling her back against his chest. He had been testing her, Mercedes quickly realized, trying to decipher her true connection to Finn. Normally she might have been upset by his lack of trust, but she knew he didn't quite know her yet, and since she hadn't been immediately forthcoming with him about a number of things, it was understandable that he would be reluctant to trust her completely.

"Lucky break dude, I thought sure she would've dumped your butt after that stunt you pulled bringing Quinn here tonight. Not many women would let that slide."

"Keep your commentary on my life to yourself." Sam said sharply. Mercedes could feel every muscle in his body tighten. "You don't know a damn thing about me."

"I know you're a fool if you don't hold onto this beautiful woman." Finn gestured toward her with a flourish of his hand. "She's not going to wait around for you forever. The next guy might slide in while you're busy with some other girl."

"Stupid prick," Sam mumbled under his breath after Finn finally left. He ran his hands through his hair, making it stand even more on end, but somehow it still looked good. "Was that a threat? Is he interested in you Mercedes?"

Here comes the macho crap. Sam barely had an interest in her himself, but if another man sniffed in her direction, he got all possessive. So typical.

"No. I told you he just broke up with his girlfriend," she replied wearily. "You aren't really upset about Finn are you?"

Sam sat in the chair that Finn had previously occupied and opened his bottle of water, taking a huge gulp. "I don't like the guy."

"You don't know him." Mercedes joined him at the table. "Maybe if you were civil and gave him a chance you'd see he's not a bad guy."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. You're "friendly" with him," said Sam making quotes in the air with his fingers. "I saw that photo. Whatever I don't care."

"I know you don't care, since you have your own "friendly" photo," said Mercedes mimicking his gesture with her own set of air quotes.

Sam shot her a look, angry at first, but he caught himself and relaxed. "I thought we were letting this go for the night."

"Right. We are."

"Okay then," he said taking her hand and holding it across the table. "We have a date to finish."

"Don't you mean a date to start?" she asked coyly. "Nothing remotely date-like has happened yet."

Sam reached under the table and grabbed her chair, pulling her around next to him. "Not true, we had dinner."

"You had dinner," Mercedes said playing with his fingers.

Sam moved closer, inches from her face. "You could've stuck your fork in at any time."

Mercedes looked away, not wanting to get caught up in his full lips. "I know better than to get between a man and his food."

"There were kisses," he said catching her chin, and turning her head toward him, forcing her to run smack into those green eyes, half lidded with so much she couldn't read.

"Never happened." She smiled giving into the pull. He was hot. He was her husband. Why shouldn't she look at him? "Didn't meet the ten second requirement."

"What's that?"

Her eyes dropped to his lips as he quickly moistened them with his tongue. "For a kiss to count it must last for ten seconds and the ones we had were three seconds max."

"Wow you take this rule stuff really seriously. I see I'm going to have to stay on my toes with you."

"It would be best you did. I've been told I'm a lot to handle."

"I know how to handle a woman like you."

Their eyes locked as he flashed a knowing smile. Mercedes couldn't help but wonder if he was feeling the same déjà vu that she was. They had done this dance before.

"Is that right?" She shifted closer, putting both hands on his thigh. "Maybe you used to, but you've forgotten a lot."

"Some things are pure instinct baby."

"Oh god with the baby stuff again." She teased wanting to playfully push him away, to relieve the tension, but she was glued to the spot by his eyes and the feel of his hands creeping up her back. "You can't use lines on me Sam, I know you too well."

"I don't do lines baby," he said nuzzling his nose against hers.

"Sam stop," she giggled shaking her head.

Sam wasn't laughing, drawing his fingers through her hair, watching her face with a slight smile. "You look so pretty when you laugh. You should do it more often."

Mercedes instantly warmed under the scrutiny, remembering her lack of makeup and how young she must look to him. "I laugh. You haven't been around much to see."

"I'm hoping after tonight that'll change."

On the edge of the chair, practically ready to climb in his lap, if he kept looking at her the way he was, intense and seductive, she wasn't sure she would be able to control the urge to be closer to him.

"Oh yeah you're supposed to dazzle me so much that I'll want to give our marriage another chance," she said rolling her eyes.

No way could Sam pull this off. He was too preoccupied with Quinn for one, too full of crap to be sincere next, and last he simply didn't have it in him to put in the effort, not for her, not when his heart was clearly elsewhere.

"That's the plan," he replied.

"The night's half done. When are you going to start?"

Strong hands sliding up her back lifting her from her seat and onto his lap, nestling her against him, her arms instinctively circling his neck, pulling him down nose to nose, before she could catch her breath or shut her eyes his lips were on hers. Gentle at first, a full caress with his mouth, soft and smooth, and then she sighed opening her lips just a little, subtly inviting him closer and he accepted, dipping his tongue between her lips to kiss her deeper.

She wanted more as she pulled on his hair and moaned in succession against his lips. Something familiar for the first time since he came back, a taste of what she'd lost, a glimpse of the man she loved. Sam wouldn't give her air, tangling his hands in her hair holding her tighter, so close she could feel the heat of his body and the beat of his heart. He bit her bottom lip, tugging it gently between his teeth, then soothed it raining kisses across it, before nipping at it again. Sam silently took her in, eyes roaming her face slowly, then with a lick of his lips his assault of her mouth resumed.

"Ten," he said sounding out of breath as he pulled back from her lips.

With eyes still closed, she clung to the lapels of his jacket, dizzy and tingling, her lips still stinging with the remnants of their kiss. "Why are you counting?" she asked, still feeling dazed.

"That kiss qualifies for the 10 second rule and this date has officially begun."

Sam ran his finger down her chin, Mercedes' eyes fluttered open at the sensation. He smiled, slow spreading, eyes slanting into half-moons, and dimples erupting on his face. Mercedes' heart did a little flip, as she ran her fingers through the back of his hair, completely forgetting they were in the middle of a room and not alone. She leaned against him, sighing to herself, still reeling from being kissed so thoroughly. Never had there been a better kiss that she could recall, because he gave it freely, without his memory but knowing she was his wife, without argument or anything to prove. It felt like he kissed her just because he wanted to, maybe because he needed to, and that made all the difference.

Nothing would top this moment, she was sure of it, until he leaned in and kissed her again.


	100. Tailspin3 Ch46

**Chapter 46**

Sam staggered toward them, with a stupid smile and dazed expression, bumping into random chairs and the occasional person, his mind obviously a million miles away.

"Didn't keep your hands in your pockets I see."

Sam looked up startled, his smile grew sheepish as he looked at Puck, a gentle blush coloring his paler than usual skin.

"Just leave it Puck," he said not looking anywhere as serious as his words were meant to be. His smile widened as he looked away from Puck, off into the crowd.

Quinn's stomach clenched as she watched his reaction, like a schoolboy in heat, endearing and nauseating at once. It was sweet to see him so affected, having healthy reactions to everyday activities. For so long she had feared Sam would never respond to anything again, that he would remain trapped in his motionless body until he just faded away from life. God had blessed them when they brought him back, and his red cheeks and embarrassed smile were evidence of that gift. If only Mercedes hadn't been the one that had given him that reaction.

"Red's not really your color," Puck said ignoring Sam's weak warning to back off.

He handed Sam a cocktail napkin, indicating toward his lips. Quinn hadn't noticed until Puck pointed it out. Mercedes' lipstick was smeared across his lips, embedded almost like a sunburn across his mouth. She had to turn her head away, not wanting to contemplate how much force it must have taken to get lipstick so deep into his skin.

Without warning Sam leaned between them, grazing her arm with his as he put his discarded napkin on the bar. Quinn stirred at the contact, tiny shivers running down her body from that small touch and his sudden nearness. There was a distance between them since she told him about Mike, an invisible wall he had erected blocking her out of his view. Sam didn't even turn to acknowledge her, choosing to direct his full attention to Puck instead.

"So where did Cede go?" asked Puck oblivious to the storm brewing within Quinn. He chatted up Sam casually, like they hadn't just witnessed him put his tongue down Mercedes' throat. "She sprinted out of here after that kiss."

"She went to check on Beth," Sam practically mumbled, giving Quinn a quick sideways glance when he brought up their child. "We haven't seen much of her the whole night. I think our relatives are holding her captive," he said more clearly, a smile easing back onto his face as he talked about Beth.

"Jealous that she's getting more attention than you are?" Puck teased.

"I probably should be," he laughed. "All the women in my life like kissing her more than they like kissing me."

"Mercedes seemed to like kissing you just fine," Quinn said bitterly unable to hold her tongue.

Sam's smile dropped as he looked at her, his green eyes unreadable before he turned away.

"I'm gonna go. Catch you later Puck," Sam said over his shoulder as he walked away.

"What's got into him? Never mind oh my God Quinn it's so good to see you, finally free. Give me a hug," he said encircling her with his arms. Quinn nestled into his shoulder, squeezing herself against his hard muscular frame, trying to infuse some of his strength into herself. "Hey," he said softly, pulling back from their embrace. "Those better be tears of joy."

Puck wiped at the tears on Quinn's cheeks. Crying had become so second nature to her now, she hadn't even realized she was doing it, so openly, in the brightly lit room.

Quinn sniffled and pushed her hair out of her eyes. "They're not. I messed up Puck."

"I was wondering what you were doing here," said Puck moving back over to the bar to retrieve his glass. "If CPS catches you near Beth…"

Child Protective Services should have been on her mind, but they weren't, not when it felt like there were even bigger threats looming.

"Not because of that," Quinn interrupted with a loud sigh. "I messed up with Sam."

"What happened?"

"I didn't tell him I was with Mike and now he hates me," she blurted in a childlike whine, moving head first into Puck's chest.

Puck wrapped his free arm around her, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I can't believe he'd hold that against you. You and Mike were just a blip."

She snuggled in closer, hugging him around the waist. Relishing the safety of Puck's arms, Quinn let out a breath releasing some of her tension. The comforting touch of Puck, never had that changed, even during their worst days. He still could give her a smile and lift her spirits, hug her tight and make her actually believe that everything would be all right. As far as ex-fiancées went, Puck was the best, though she only had Mike to compare him to, but still Quinn knew a good thing when she saw one. And Puck definitely was a good thing, even if they weren't a couple any longer.

"He says he doesn't care about Mike, he's mad that I lied to him," Quinn explained, tears welling up once again. It was beyond ridiculous that she was crying over a relationship she never even cared about, but here she was 2 years later crying because of Mike.

Quinn felt Puck nod, though she didn't lift her head from his chest to see. "I almost let that info slip earlier tonight, but I caught myself. I wasn't sure if that was on the do not tell list."

She was sure she looked like a mess, holding onto Puck like a life preserver in the midst of what was supposed to be a happy event. Sam probably wouldn't be pleased if he caught sight of her like this. He had always had this rivalry with Puck, even now Quinn detected hints of old wounds not quite healed. Puck wasn't a romantic factor in her life anymore, but for Sam it didn't seem to matter. Maybe it was because it was still 2011 for him and in his mind she was recently broken up with Puck and back in Lima. Quinn needed to reassure Sam that he had nothing to worry about on that front, if she ever got the chance. As of now, avoidance seemed to be his only means of communicating with her.

"It was unofficially. I was worried how he would take it."

"Me too honestly. Mercedes would kill me if Sam passed out on my watch. I'm surprised you're still breathing since he passed out on yours."

Puck gave her shoulder a tight squeeze and pressed his lips against the top of her head, before stepping away, to lean back against the bar. Quinn wrapped her arms around herself, feeling suddenly exposed and embarrassed about how needy she must seem. Even Puck had to flee her, and he was the king of hug giving.

"You heard about that?" Quinn asked rubbing her bare arms.

"The whole family knows. Scary stuff. Sue was a basket case when she came down earlier looking for help."

"It felt like we were losing him all over again. One minute we were happy and things were so good and the next I had him in my arms unconscious."

Quinn had always heard that in moments of crisis and fear, true emotions come out. Seeing Sam on the floor unresponsive, had been such a moment for her. It had done something to her, seeing him not moving with blood on his face, worse than seeing him in a coma in some ways, because this time she was honest with herself and with him about how she felt. This time she was the one losing him, it felt more real, closer to home. The man she loved could leave her life and it scared her, literally caused a burning sensation in her lungs, making it hard to breathe. Is that what truly loving someone felt like? Like his life force was somehow linked with her own and his pain was her pain, and his breaths were hers?

Quinn had watched Mercedes a few times while Sam was in a coma, in his bed, arms wrapped around him, her head on his chest, as if she were listening to the sounds of his heart, or maybe listening to him breathe. It had almost looked like a romantic embrace, if it weren't for all the tubes and the machines and Sam's parted lips and still as marble face. Now Quinn knew what Mercedes must have felt then, the need to be close to Sam, to keep feeling his signs of life.

"I'm sure that was hard for you to handle honey." He ran his hand down the side of her head, his murky hazel eyes filled with concern. Quinn could tell Puck had been drinking steadily, his speech was slower, his movements more deliberate, as if he were focusing all his energy on looking sober. "Especially since you just got out of the hospital yourself. How are you? Being here? Being free? Seeing that?" he asked in a barrage of questions.

"I'm fine Puck or I will be," she said as she wiped her tears. "Once I make things right with Sam."

"I wouldn't worry he'll calm down and come back throwing apologies," Puck said dismissively. "You know how he is."

Quinn's lower lip trembled as she shook her head. "I'm a hateful, disgusting person. I'm the one that should be apologizing."

A sob escaped her throat as she reached for the bar for stability, a rush of emotions overtaking her. Too much, too soon, it was more than she could handle, and she was starting to fear that a break was imminent. The sensible thing to do would be to find Dr. Hill and get some help with all of this. Maybe her doctor could help her wade through all her feelings and help clear the clouds that had formed in her mind, but she was hesitant to do so. What if Dr. Hill recommended she go back to the hospital? What if Dr. Hill upped her prescription and she ended up living in a haze feeling nothing at all? Quinn desperately wanted to stay free and to get well, but she was scared of what it might take to accomplish that.

Taking deep breaths she willed her mind to focus on things she could control, like making things right with Sam. One conversation was all they needed, she was sure of it. She just needed him to stop and talk to her, instead of running away. She had almost managed to calm herself down, feeling confident that once she spoke to Sam all would be right again, when those other thoughts reemerged in her head, the ones that poked holes in her sanity with each appearance. The thoughts that whispered that what she wanted was wrong, and that she was standing in the way of Sam's happiness, because deep down she knew that Sam's love came at price potentially too high to pay.

"Quinn calm down, you were looking out for his health, Sam will get that. Trust me."

"That's not why I'm disgusting," she said looking at Puck's drink longingly, being numbed by alcohol seemed so appealing right now.

"It's not?" Puck asked leaning next to her at the bar.

"No I'm so ashamed of how I feel right now." She was a terrible friend and an awful human being. Quinn continued to mentally lash herself whenever a jealous thought popped into her head.

"You lost me."

"Sam and Mercedes seem like they're getting along better don't they?"

"I'll say, after that kiss, I'm thinking a reunion won't be long and oh..oh…that's what this is about? You and Sam." A hurt look surfaced on his face, but he quickly covered with another sip from his glass.

"Yeah me and Sam. And all that I shouldn't want."

It didn't seem fair that things had to be like this, that she had to feel guilty for simply loving someone. Wanting Puck while being with Mike didn't hurt as badly as this, and at the time that situation felt like torture. But to feel so much for Sam, knowing he felt the same for her, and not being able to express that love openly or even in private, was like a weight on Quinn's chest, pressing down each time she saw that ring on his finger. Puck had been free, even if she hadn't been. He had been willing to take a chance with her and run away or stay and fight, whichever, if she wanted. It was Quinn that chose to stay with Mike, to commit herself to a life with a man she only half loved.

Things were different now, Sam wasn't able to run or fight, he was forced to stick it out in his marriage, all to save her, to keep her free. Such cruel irony, to need him to stay married, all the while hating that he was. Quinn thought she could handle it. Any means necessary is what she had told him in the nursery, but watching him perform those means had taken a toll. Maybe if they were in a better place with each other, if he would look her in the eye, or even speak to her, then it wouldn't be so hard, but this standing on the sidelines watching him get cozy with another woman when he seemed to hold her in such contempt was unbearable. If Dwight were here he'd be so pleased at how much pain his twisted little plot was actually causing.

"So I take it the happy you were talking about earlier was Sam telling you he wants it all too?"

"We could have everything," she smiled a little, losing herself in all that could be with Sam. "We're so close to it Puck, if not for…"

"For the fact he's married, the fact that he has psychological amnesia, the fact that he's married?"

Disappointment was evident in Puck's tone. He expected more from her than this, which made sense, because she expected more of herself. Never could she have imagined that she would be stuck in this place where she loved Sam and wanted him for herself all while feeling totally guilty about coming between him and his wife. The plan was to suffer in silence, to continue loving Sam from afar as she had for the past year, but having him wake up while holding her hand did something to Quinn. It made her question all that she had previously believed. All the signs were for her to be with Sam now and he completely agreed, but still the guilt nibbled at her insides.

"You said married twice."

"It bears repeating. Remember Sam and Mercedes, our friends, we were both at their wedding. Remember Sam grinning like the Cheshire cat?"

"Yeah I do. He was so happy, but I left early I didn't see all the rest."

Her world began to unravel that day. She left his wedding, heading straight to the hospital when she started feeling ill, fearing her baby was in danger, only to be told there was no baby at all. After Quinn found the courage to tell Puck about the baby she miscarried and the baby she mentally created to take its place, he never looked at her the same, there was always a hint of pity in his eyes, and maybe a bit of disappointment that he was now stuck with a defective fiancé, someone so broken that she could manufacture a pregnancy in her mind. Looking back on it now, she could see it was the beginning of the end for them, and ironically it might have been the beginning of the end for Sam's marriage as well. He too had manufactured something in his mind, the image of a perfect wife that wanted him and only him, never knowing that his bride had been consorting to run away with someone else that very day.

They had talked about it once at the Beacon, the crazy ways their lives seemed to sync up. Of course, Sam wasn't willing to admit that his marriage to Mercedes was sinking before it even began, Sam always held fast to the power of the love he shared with Mercedes, but he did admit that bad things did seem to lasso them together. Quinn wondered if now the reverse could be true, since he woke up to her voice, and they had their precious Beth together, that maybe now good was binding them instead of bad. Quinn desperately needed that to be true, because she was so tired of the bad things that seemed to always fall on her.

"Well let me give you a recap. They said 'I do' and made it official."

"Why are you being so harsh? I can't help how I feel about him."

"I know you can't help it, you never can help it, but maybe you can nip it in the bud. I don't want to see you hurt by this. You have enough to deal with." Puck rubbed her back and Quinn hated how much she loved the contact.

He was acting like she had a scarlet A stamped on her face, and instead of telling him off she was letting him touch her. Disgusted with herself, she moved away, feeling instantly better, like she'd escaped the clutches of the enemy.

"Sam's not going to hurt me," Quinn insisted.

She wished everyone would stop saying that, like she was a poor pitiful mouse that didn't know her own mind or how to protect her heart. Quinn had been around, she'd experienced enough in her life to know when a man was being sincere, to read past the shaded eyes, and fancy words to see his true nature. She knew Sam, completely, since they were kids. Once Sam let her in, he never hid from her, always revealing his heart. That's how Quinn knew that the lies about Mike were killing him. It was in all he didn't say. And it was that same knowledge that made her believe he would never hurt her. She could trust him with her heart, if he still wanted it after all this.

There was that once though, that Sam had been a true source of pain. It was when he was dating Penny while sleeping with her. Quinn had been blindsided, never thinking it possible that Sam could betray and deceive her in such a way. Although, they had not agreed to be together exclusively, opting for a casual relationship while they nursed their broken hearts, Quinn thought their past and obvious feelings for each other were enough to make it understood that nothing between them would ever be truly casual.

"How did seeing him kiss Cede make you feel?" asked Puck peering at her over the rim of his glass.

Quinn did the acting job of her life, using her experience on stage to hide how she really felt from Puck. He didn't need to know that she was ill from seeing that kiss. The last thing she wanted was to give him another reason to tear into her.

"He's doing what he has to do," Quinn said flatly.

A small part of her wanted to blurt out about Dwight and his hideous deal, but she knew that would be the wrong move. Puck would never be able to keep something like that from Mercedes, and her freedom would be gone for sure. Still she couldn't help but want to reveal the plan, to help explain Sam's actions, so that Puck, and maybe everyone else would know that this was all just an act, he didn't really want to be with Mercedes.

"What's that mean?" asked Puck with a short burst of laughter. "Is someone holding a gun to his head forcing him to be all over his wife?"

"He wasn't all over her, it was one little kiss," Quinn said glaring at him, her defenses on high.

Is that how Puck really saw things? That Sam was making a public display with Mercedes? It was a nothing little kiss, something married people do all the time, there weren't any feelings or lust behind it. It was just lips pressed together for a brief period. Now that she had some time to calm down and clearly interpret what she had seen, she knew that was simply all it was.

"Actually it was a huge kiss and tons of little ones. People were yelling out for them to get a room."

"People are drunk and dumb. That kiss was not a big deal." And people needed to get a life, Quinn mentally added. Why were they standing around watching two people kiss? There was a party in full swing, and that pulled their attention? Of course Quinn could ask herself the same question, since she too was witness to that kiss, but at least she had a reason for watching, she was checking out Sam's progress, ensuring that the plan was still in motion, and Sam was getting Mercedes to warm to him. "Sam was just being nice. He's trying to be a good husband tonight in appreciation for her throwing him the party."

"Oh so it was a pity kiss?" Puck raised his eyebrows, then his glass, masking his amusement.

"That's a good way to look at it, a pity kiss, nothing like the one we shared all deep and consuming, toe curling, never want it to end type of kiss."

Wandering through the party still stunned by Sam's coldness, twisting the end of her hair as she walked, so completely lost in her thoughts that she had almost missed it. Misfortune was her shadow because she looked up just in time to see Sam pull Mercedes onto his lap and run his hand through her hair. Quinn's first instinct was to turn away. Sam was getting friendly with Mercedes to keep up his father's deal, and Quinn didn't need to watch his every move in making that happen. Suddenly everything felt like slow motion and she couldn't move something was holding her there forcing her to watch it all play out. From her spot she could see it all perfectly, the way he looked at Mercedes as he moved her closer to him, he studied her face, then dropped his eyes to her lips. He had kissed her quickly, taking her by surprise, forgoing the teasing pecks and going straight for full lip contact. Mercedes was the one that deepened the kiss, opening herself to him, and Sam didn't hesitate to fill her mouth completely. Quinn's stomach churned as she watched horrified from a few feet away. The kiss was endless, tongues and lips, and he was touching her more than should have been allowed in a room full of people, her thighs, her back, her hair.

"Look away" her mind was screaming, but she couldn't, like a deer facing headlights she was stuck to her spot. She had to know if this kiss compared to the one that Sam had given her earlier that evening in the nursery. Ticking off boxes in her head, comparing his technique with Mercedes with how he had kissed her. It was morbid and a bit insane but Quinn needed to prove to herself that he was just acting, and all this was for show, to get Mercedes to cooperate, to keep up appearances, that no feelings were involved in the kiss, it wasn't passionate like the one they shared, it was just mouths touching. Finally it ended and Quinn exhaled. She had survived and she felt confident that the kiss was meaningless, and she had nothing to fear. Then he kissed her again, and Quinn rocked on her heels, bending slightly at the waist, feeling physically punched by his actions, because she had seen him kiss Mercedes like that before, intense and consuming, oblivious to the eyes around them.

In the middle of the hospital, Quinn had just finished her volunteer shift in the pediatric wing, and she was coming around the corner when she saw Sam grab Mercedes, surprising her with a huge kiss right at the nurses' station. He had kissed her hard, bending her back against his arm, smiling against her mouth as he intensified the kiss. Quinn had seen Sam kiss women before, she was used to his at times openly affectionate nature, so seeing him with Mercedes was no different, until he kissed her again. That was the difference, second kisses meant wanting more, meant needing to get closer, they held a promise of intimacy to come. Quinn had felt as if she were intruding when she saw them kiss at the hospital that day once the second kiss was underway. She had backed herself out of the area, slightly embarrassed she had seen such a personal display.

Tonight was no different, she felt like she was witnessing an intimate moment. There was no denying the passion in the second kiss, and the skilled knowledge he seemed to have of her body, kissing her like he had done it so many times before. Maybe this was his memory breaking through, but somehow Quinn doubted it. This passion stemmed from a more recent source, from the time Sam spent at the hospital with his nurse. Quinn now was certain that Sam had been downplaying his attraction to Mercedes, and that he more than likely had slept with her at the hospital.

"I see nipping it in the bud is out of the question. My instincts were right about you all along. You want Sam." Puck looked a little queasy. He probably was feeling as disgusted by her as she was.

"I told you I was horrible, I should be happy he's with Mercedes, praying he gets his memory back because she was all he wanted before the crash." Jealousy burned and she felt wretched wanting him when he used to want Mercedes so much, and yet watching that kiss made her even more sure about how she felt. Right or wrong she wanted her shot with him, her chance to love him again, completely this time, the way she had been scared to before. Nine months couldn't pass fast enough, so Sam could be free to follow his heart. "But you know what the crash happened and he woke up wanting me and I can't ignore that. I'm not going to stand here and let you judge me."

Brushing past Puck, tears blurring her vision, she headed toward the closest door she could find, anything to get away from him.

She heard Puck yelling from behind as he followed her down the hall. "Quinn wait, don't go in there."

"Leave me alone Puck!" She pushed through the door eager to drown out the sound of Puck's judgment, then everything went silent only the dull thump of the music down the hall filled the room.

Like a swarm of killer bees they pounced, rushing at her in unison, microphones out, cameras flashing.

"Miss Fabray. Miss Fabray! Can you answer a few questions? How does it feel to be back? How did you get free? Did the judge give you back your daughter? Is it true you're having an affair with Sam Evans?"

Quinn gulped audibly, backing toward the door she had just entered, but it was too late. She was surrounded.


	101. Tailspin3 Ch47

**Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I'm continuing my posting spree and I will respond to comments when I am done. More of Sam and Mercedes on their "First Date".**

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><p><strong>Chapter 47<strong>

She was a sore loser, and a cheat. He had suspected as much from playing cards with her at the hospital, no way was he that bad at poker, and no way could she be that good. Playing Donkey Kong Country with her at the party confirmed it all for Sam. His wife was willing to do anything to win. She'd tried distracting him in a variety of creative ways all spotlighting her femininity and exploiting his extreme horniness.

Mercedes knew all of his buttons and she pushed every one, sometimes simultaneously. Pursed lips, batted eyelashes, flicks of her tongue, and flashes of leg, when all that failed to interrupt his game playing, she got extreme, giving him kisses on his neck and his face. She even climbed into his lap, forcing him to play around her body. Head thrown back laughter in her eyes, she was radiant as she played and teased. Sam was tempted to put down the controller and tickle her into submission, change that smile into something sultrier, but he curbed that impulse in his efforts to win.

Sam knew the game by heart. He used to play it constantly as a kid. It was his all-time favorite video game and Sam was a hands down expert at it. Mercedes had met her match, and she knew it, hence all her attempts to get him to throw the game.

"You're going to beat me," she finally conceded as she climbed off his lap to sit on the sofa beside him.

"I don't know why you seem surprised. You had to have known I could play this game with my eyes closed."

"That's just an expression. I never thought you actually could play with your eyes closed."

Sam shook his head in amusement. She had even tried that tactic, covering his eyes with her hands, and he hadn't even missed a beat.

"So are you ready to pay up? I can end this embarrassing beat down right now."

"You don't need to rub my nose in it. There's something to be said for winning with grace."

"Like you did when you beat me repeatedly at poker?"

She rolled her eyes at him, laughter bubbling from her lips. She was so pretty like this, so vibrant, and free. Sam couldn't stop looking at her. Where had this girl been hiding all this time? She almost seemed like a different person without the dark cloud overhead and the sad eyes.

"Fine you win," she said her face suddenly falling.

"Don't be like that. It's just a stupid game. You shouldn't take it so hard."

"I don't want to dance."

"But that's what we agreed on."

"No that's what you insisted."

"You were going to dance with that Finn guy. Why can't you dance with me? The man you married." Sam was trying to keep things light, but inside he was starting to get upset. How could she deny him a dance on his birthday?

"I told you I'm saving my dance for the real... I mean for when you get your memory back."

"This is the real me," Sam said softly.

One sentence and she had managed to flatten him. After everything they had done together tonight she still saw him as an imposter, the wrong husband back from the beyond.

"I know it's the real you. I didn't mean it how it sounded." She put her hand on his arm, her brown fingers making red indentations in his skin. "I just want our first dance together to mean something, to be special. I don't want it to be because of a silly bet or because you're desperate to keep your mind off Quinn at any cost."

"What? You think this is about Quinn?" Instead of taking her hand as he probably should have, he leaned back against the couch closing his eyes for a moment.

"I know it is. This whole wishing for our marriage back, wishing for your memory to return, it's all about her."

Sam heard her sniffling, and he didn't dare open his eyes to look. He didn't want to risk being swept up in emotions and pulled into her pain again.

It was getting harder to keep up this act while looking her in the eyes. He felt like crap the longer he was in her company, because now her eyes sparkled, she laughed more often, touched him without hesitation. She was relaxing and trusting him, her hopes building with each minute of their date. It was awful and wonderful all at once. She loved him so much he could feel it even sitting beside her playing video games and Sam wanted to keep that feeling, stuff it in his jacket pocket, because love wasn't plentiful in his world, his father was cold, his mom's love laced with conditions, and his romantic entanglements had been complicated to put it mildly. But in this short time with Mercedes, for the first time in his memory, love was right there, easy, simple and for him. So with eyes closed he tried to convince her that tonight was about more than just Quinn even though he wasn't quite sure that it was.

"I'm here. With you. I told you I wanted this to be our first date. I asked if we could try, asked you to stay married to me. What more do you want?" he asked finally looking over at her.

"How about you do something? All you've done is talk - telling me these great things you want for us, but all your actions are about Quinn. You went and got her from upstate, spent the night with her at a hotel, had some sort of emotional exchange with her here. You might say you want to work on things with us, but your actions say you want her."

"What do I have to do? Get up on stage and belt out a song?"

He hadn't sung in a long while, probably since high school when he used to sing to Quinn and onstage, that was something he never attempted, but he was starting to feel desperate. Desperate about what was the question. Did he only want Mercedes to be impressed so she would stay married to him for the deal or was there a deeper reason?

Looking over at her rounded brown face, with her black hair falling into her eyes, he knew there was more to his persistence. He wanted to keep her smiling at all cost, because he owed her at least that much after all he'd put her through, and because he liked seeing her face lit up with a huge smile. Knowing he had the power to put that smile there did things to him, brought up unknown feelings that he just wasn't ready to explore, not now, maybe not ever.

"Please God no singing."

He watched her reaction closely. Mercedes didn't seem to think he would actually sing onstage, when he absolutely would. She claimed to know him so well, she had to know the extremes he was willing to take to get what he wanted. This had to be a bluff.

"I think you're faking. I think you do want a song, or message written in the sky. You want a grand gesture like I used to do for you."

"You've never done anything like that for me."

"Come on. Really? No romantic trips to Paris, no fancy gifts?" he asked feeling more stunned than he ever had since waking up. Maybe his family wasn't exaggerating and he had actually become a far different man in those three years he had lost.

Tears glossed in her dark eyes, but she didn't seem sad. "No serenades, no daring rescues, no name carving, none of that, that wasn't who we were together."

"I guess I was a pretty crappy husband."

"Cheating tends to make you lose points in that area," she said with a small smile, almost joking about his infidelity, but not quite. "But if not for that, I think you were an awesome husband, the best."

Mercedes stared in his direction but seemed to be looking through him, as if she were talking to a version of him from another time. Sam put his hand on her thigh, subtly reminding her that she didn't need to speak to an imaginary husband from her memory, when her real one was right in front of her eyes.

"How would you know? You've never been married before. You haven't right?" he asked quickly, mentally bracing for her response. "No secret unions with Puck or Mike?"

"Eww no." She turned up her nose. "They are like my brothers."

"Okay good." Sam let out a sigh of relief, louder than he had intended. Mercedes gave him a strange look, but didn't press him for an explanation about his reaction.

She ran her fingers through the front of her hair, pushing it out of her face. "Just because I've only been married once doesn't mean I don't know what good feels like. I didn't get all those big things from you and I didn't care." Mercedes seemed a bit defensive, as if she felt the need to justify why he hadn't spoiled her. "You came home, we woke up together, you loved me." Her voice broke as she looked away. "That's all I needed."

Everything she described was so simple, almost ordinary, that didn't mesh with the way he usually lived his life. Bigger and better, loving on a grander scale, that was more like him. Sam liked to make a big show of his emotions, once he snagged the girl and won her heart. Although thinking back on his life, when had he actually ever truly won the girl? All his big shows were more about keeping the girl rather than making her happy in a life with him.

He looked at Mercedes with fresh eyes, completely confused by the woman beside him. She obviously enjoyed the finer things in life. Her wardrobe was an indication and the way she handled the staff was another. A life of wealth didn't seem to make her uneasy, in fact the more he got to know Mercedes, the more he could see all the ways she fit in perfectly with his family and his lifestyle. So how could a woman like that accept a life in a small home in the suburbs without all the fancy trimmings?

"It's just hard to believe that you stayed with me and I didn't even have to do anything to impress you. Usually I feel like I need to go the extra mile to get a woman to stay."

"What can I say?" She shrugged with a sad smile. "I'm cheap and easy."

"I think _cheap_ and _easy_ are the last words I would use to describe you." He caressed her cheek, unable to help himself. He had to touch her whenever she looked like this, sad and longing.

"Yeah right." Mercedes rolled her large eyes at him. "I know you were thinking that when I was throwing myself all over you at the hospital."

Thinking about their time together in the hospital had been his downfall ever since he was released. If he could just let go of those memories, of those unfulfilled desires, then maybe he could let go of Mercedes. This hadn't been part of the plan, liking her company, feeling his attraction to her grow. It was supposed to be a quick detached job, a hit and run, using his faked charm to win her over and get her to stay married. Of course, Puck had been right earlier in his room, it was insane to believe that he could pull this off from arm's length. So he had allowed himself to tap into that physical attraction, just to make his plan work, turning up the heat always worked with the ladies. And it had worked with Mercedes to perfection, one kiss and she was now all over him, more affectionate than she'd been in weeks. The problem was turning up the heat had worked on him too. He couldn't get enough of his wife now, and he was just as affectionate as she was. It was like the hospital all over again, when he had been floating on some lovesick high because he had the cutest nurse in the ward and she was clearly hot for him.

That night when she appeared in his room like a mirage, in the smallest of pink shorts, his breath had caught in his throat and his palms were sweaty, because he finally had his Little Nurse completely to himself. The house was crowded with people and there were interruptions galore, but tonight she felt like she was all his as well. Even in the middle of a room, he had felt close to her, the people surrounding them were just background as he put all his focus on Mercedes. It felt so simple, so right, to have her in his arms, to have his lips against her skin, just as natural as it had in the hospital, when his building feelings for her threatened to get in the way of what he desperately wanted to find with Quinn. Nothing had changed. Nothing at all. She was still very much in the way, but this time he was letting it happen.

He narrowed his eyes at her unabashedly checking her out. "Actually I was thinking _strange_ but _sexy_."

"Strange huh? Now that's real flattering," she said with a slanted smile.

"You forgot the sexy part," he said trailing two fingers down her bare arm.

She had what looked like freckles there, not many, sprinkling across her arm, but enough to hold his attention if he ever needed something to count. He could imagine himself spending an entire night counting every freckle on her body, kissing each spot as he tallied along. Sam sat up in surprise, retracting his hand from her body. Where had that thought come from? There wasn't going to be any night time counting or explorations of her body, even with things being strained with Quinn, Sam knew that. His nether regions were getting out of control tonight, dictating responses that ran counter to what his brain wanted.

"Strange sort of overshadows that."

"Not for me. I've never met anyone like you before."

"That you can remember," she teased, wiggling her nose at him. He mimicked the gesture, unable to resist sharing in her playful mood.

As his lips skimmed hers, he remembered the promise he made to Quinn in the nursery, to not resort to kisses or physical persuasion to win Mercedes' favor. He'd broken that one a few times over since the night started. He was weak there was no other explanation for it. Kissing Mercedes had been an urge almost since he met her. He wanted to kiss her because he liked her pouty lips, the way she almost purred whenever he touched her, how she kissed him so fully like his mouth was irresistible, and the way she always smiled against his lips mid kiss. Simply put he liked kissing her, and although he felt some guilt about what this might mean to Quinn, a greater part of him didn't care. He knew he was going to give up his wife for Quinn, that decision had been made from the moment he found out about Beth and that Quinn wanted him too, but for tonight at least, he got to indulge in his selfish desires and spend time with a woman he now realized he genuinely liked.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist those lips," he murmured inches away from her face.

Mercedes ran both hands through his hair and he closed his eyes at her touch. Felt so nice whenever she touched him like this, calming, soothing, better than a back rub.

"I missed you so much," she said quietly, kissing his lips once more.

Sam opened his eyes and looked at her, gliding his hand through her hair to caress the back of her head, lightly urging her toward him. "You don't have to miss me anymore Mercedes. I'm back and I'm here."

"I know, I just…" she trailed off trying to fight back tears and losing terribly.

"Hey," he said softly, lifting her chin. "No tears."

"Please don't hurt me Sam," she whispered. "I don't think I'll be able to handle it again."

He wanted to promise her he wouldn't, take her in his arms and whisper assurances into her ear, promise her that now that he was back he'd never leave again, but he couldn't. There was a lump on his chest, a solid mass, unmoving even in the lightness of her presence. He couldn't ignore his love for Quinn, even when he wanted nothing more than to do just that.

"Where's this coming from?" Sam asked trying to catch her eyes. She was hiding from him now, walling herself up even while she still sat surrounded in his embrace. "I thought we were having a good time."

"We are." She smiled, meeting his eyes briefly, before looking away again. "But I feel like Cinderella waiting for the clock to strike midnight and poof all this will disappear."

"I'm not going anywhere Mercedes. I told you I wanted…"

"You are going somewhere," she said interrupting him mid thought. "Don't lie to me, not now, not after all this. The night will end and you'll head back to Quinn." She put a finger to his lips to silence his protest. "I know you're upset with her right now, and a part of me is grateful for that because whatever she did to hurt you gave me a chance to spend time with you, which is what I've wanted since you woke up. But I've known since this whole date thing started that it would only end one way, with you and her."

"Mercedes, how can you know that? I don't even know that."

"Yes you do. She's on your mind even now. You can't stop thinking about her."

"I want it to be only you. I've wished it so many times tonight," he admitted.

"She'll never love you the way I do," Mercedes said between kisses, up and down his neck, little pecks with her soft mouth.

Did Quinn even love him at all? Sam was banking so much on a hunch. He suspected Quinn loved him, she had said so much that definitely placed her heart in that realm, but never had she spoken the words directly. If she did truly love him, why not tell him so?

"Mercedes," he sighed into her mouth. Even as he was trying to make his point he still couldn't stop kissing her.

"We could be good again. I can feel it. You want me, don't you Sam?"

Hell yes he wanted her. They had some serious unfinished business leftover from their time at the hospital. But wanting and having were two very different things. There was no way he could sleep with Mercedes and still expect Quinn to want to be with him in the future. So he had exerted all his self-control, denied everything about her until the pressure was so great he thought he might explode, only to end up here with his wife's body pressed against his and her lips on his throat. Mercedes shifted exposing her bare leg through the long slit in her dress.

The universe was playing dirty tonight, tempting him with Mercedes' incredible sweetness. He'd asked for this, wishing for his marriage back and now it was being offered up to him on a gleaming platter. How could he say no to that? Everything would be so much easier if he just let himself be with her, made a real effort, and allowed himself to explore all that he was feeling.

"You know I want you," he said, low from the base of his throat, more to himself than to her. He wanted her on her back in that blue lingerie that he knew was hidden beneath her black dress.

"It could be you, me and Beth as a family," she said before kissing him harder, erasing any discussion from his brain. There was only her tongue tangled with his, and the warm sweetness of her mouth.

Sam pulled her closer, stroking her back, trying to lose himself in her sweet floral scent, the softness of her hair, and the flutter of the little kisses she placed on his neck, praying that the clock wouldn't strike midnight anytime soon. As selfish as this was, Sam wasn't ready to let go of her, to walk away from something that felt so natural and easy. She had made him smile when his whole world went black, more than once now. She was so open with her love, eager with her kisses, not like Quinn who was closed and hesitant about everything.

"Quinn is Beth's mother, I can't just shut her out," he said breathlessly against her hair. It felt like he was drowning in her, being pulled under by her body and her insatiable mouth. She wanted him and was unashamed about revealing it.

If only Quinn would open herself up to him completely, promise him that there were no more secrets, and mean it this time, then they could find their way to solid ground. And then maybe he could find a way to let go of the woman in his arms, because right now the most solid and real part of his life was a woman he didn't love, but couldn't help wishing that he did.

"You can have me Sam, right now, tonight, forever." Mercedes sat up, ending their kiss abruptly, leaving Sam aroused and confused. "Send her back upstate and I'm yours."

Sam's eyes widened, surprised by the turn of events. Had his wife just given him an ultimatum?


	102. Tailspin3 Ch48

Chapter 48

Sam stared back at her in what could only be described as stunned silence. Mercedes guessed her little suggestion about their future had thrown him off. It had thrown her off too, truth be told. She hadn't intended on making such a bold statement to him, even if she had been thinking it in her head most of the night. Being raised by a con artist gave her a certain set of skills usually absent in the average person. The ability to detect bullshit was high on that list. And Sam had been setting off her bullshit monitor all night. Sure he had been attentive, and sweet, and amazingly sexy, but none of it was real. It couldn't be. Life just didn't work like that, not for Mercedes at least. Dreams didn't come true so easily, and wishes weren't granted when she wanted them most.

There was one time when she was about twelve and her mom Keisha had decided she was done hustling and scheming, announcing it with a big grin over breakfast in their apartment in Los Angeles. Mercedes didn't know what to think, since she had sworn off hustling before, only to go back to it later that evening. This time seemed different though. Keisha whisked them away on a vacation to Vegas, for a week at a fancy hotel on the strip, shopping and attractions. Keisha wanted to spoil her little girl, she deserved it after all for putting up with her. By day three Mercedes let go of her skepticism and embraced the wonderful reality that her dreams had come true and she was finally going to have a normal life without her mom's illegal moneymaking schemes and the awful ways she was expected to help her.

On day five she got her hair curled at a real beauty salon, bought a new dress at a fancy boutique on the strip and had caviar for the first time. With full bellies and easy smiles they sprawled out on the bed eating chocolates, then a knock at the door. Room service, Keisha had declared as he went to answer it, after forty-five minutes and no sight of Keisha, Mercedes went into the other room of their suite to explore, but she was gone. Four a.m. Keisha stumbled into her room reeking of alcohol and cigarettes, an impromptu poker game with some important people, she couldn't say no. Mercedes remembered her stomach dropping like she was on a roller coaster, her hopes of a normal life vanished in the filtered moonlight of her hotel room. After she had been forced to follow her mother back downstairs to join in the fun, Mercedes tossed that fancy dress in the trash and brushed out every curl that had been put in her hair, dreams had no place in her world, other girls were allowed such fantastic notions, but not her, life was just a string of broken promises and crushed hopes. Dreaming got her nowhere except sad and disappointed.

Looking in Sam's eyes tonight, all those memories came flooding back, of Keisha saying the right words to get her to comply. Good girls don't say no, they smile and take it. Mercedes longed to be a good girl and win her "mama's love". Years later she still wanted to be good, a good person, a good nurse, a good wife, and she was once again imprisoned between compliance and resistance. Should she sit back and enjoy Sam's attention and newfound affection? Or did she question it and press him for the reasons behind his shift in demeanor? Keisha always told her she never was really good, that her stubborn streak and her mouth always got her into trouble and made her a daughter she couldn't be proud of. Maybe Keisha was right after all, she could never be a good girl, because there was no way she could sit back and let Sam stomp all over her heart.

"Do you want to play another game?" Sam finally asked after what felt like forever of him just looking at her.

"Are you going to ignore what I said?" Mercedes asked, not wanting to be put off again. She had made her stand and told him how she felt about Quinn's presence and she wanted it to be acknowledged.

"I'm not ignoring it. I'm just not ready to respond." He still had his hand on her thigh, maintaining their intimacy even after things had cooled between them.

"I need you to be ready."

He took a deep breath squeezing her thigh as he exhaled. "I don't want to say anything to ruin our night. It has been pretty good so far, wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah it has been good, but that's precisely why I can't keep going with this pretense. You're up to something and I need to know what it is."

It would be so easy to ignore all the warning alarms going off inside her head and lose herself in being with him, but denial had never been her thing. So she had to face him head on, even if it meant that their date would end.

"Damn right I'm up to something, I've been up to it all night. I want to make our marriage work," Sam said sounding annoyed and a little defensive.

"Send Quinn away and you got me. We can work on things together."

He tensed beside her, removing his hand from her leg and crossing his arms. "Quinn's not going anywhere."

Mercedes crossed her arms too, assuming his posture. "Then we have nothing to talk about. What I said upstairs still stands. I want a divorce."

She could be just as stubborn as him. He might have beaten her at Donkey Kong but no way was he going to win this. Quinn needed to be gone from their lives, sent back to the hospital so she could fully recover. In her current state, she was a threat to Beth, Sam, and their marriage. Mercedes wasn't going to let Quinn hurt anyone she loved. Never again.

"No," said Sam through clenched teeth.

"No?" Mercedes was taken aback. Sam wasn't even going to try to make excuses to appease her. Another clear message about just how important Quinn was to him.

"No to the divorce, no to Quinn going back upstate." He sliced through the air with his arm as he spoke. "Just no. We're going to work all of this out together, while married.

Sam got up and walked over to the small group of people in the room. "Could you please excuse us? We'd like to be alone." He ushered them out, not even waiting for a response, a very Evans move. Turning back to face Mercedes once the room was cleared he said, "I won't be giving up without a fight. You're not divorcing me."

"You don't just get to decide things. What I want matters too." Mercedes was done with his barked orders.

She determined the course of her life, not him. There was no way she was going to share her husband with another woman. She didn't care how much she loved Sam. He wasn't worth giving up her dignity to get a few crumbs of his time. If he wanted Quinn that much, he could have her.

Sam quickly bridged the space between them, grabbing her by both arms and hoisting her to her feet. "You want to be with me, if I had any doubts about that, they're gone now after that kiss. All that stuff you said upstairs about me being the wrong Sam and that I wasn't your husband, all lies."

"I wasn't lying. You are different," she said trying to wriggle away from his grasp. Sam held tighter, forcing her to look at him.

"I might be different, but you still like it," he said inches from her face. His eyes fell to her lips, and Mercedes knew he was going to kiss her, she braced herself for contact, but nothing happened. Sam studied her with a smug smile. "You want me as much as ever and that kiss proved it."

"It was just a kiss. I was caught in the moment," she said trying to seem dismissive when really she was battling for control over her fluttering hormones.

"No you were caught up in me."

"Egotistical bastard…" Mercedes started, but the insult faded as he pressed her closer to his body.

"How can you blame my ego when it's the truth? You basically told me you'd have sex with me right here if I sent Quinn away."

The way he said the word sex made her legs tremble under her long dress. It sounded like an invitation instead of an accusation.

"I was talking about rebuilding our relationship, not sex. Leave it to you to take things to the lowest level."

Why was she letting him do this, be so close when she was thoroughly pissed? He hadn't touched her again, but he continued to invade her space, squeezing himself closer with each word, tracking her with his eyes, forcing her to give him all her attention. There was no escape when he was like this. He'd been this way with her before, a number of times, when they hated each other. Sam liked to make his points with his body, using her attraction to him to get a reaction. Mercedes had pulled off quite a few cons, without ever letting her mask of control drop, but with Sam, she was always exposed.

"Here's a tip, if you want me to take you seriously, try talking to me while we're not making out. Using sex as a commodity is not the way to get me to do anything. All it does is get you fucked."

"You're so vulgar," she said her nails digging into his arm. It was either that or a slap, she needed a physical way to release her building anger at him. "I wasn't using sex. I was being honest. I can't be with you while you're involved with another woman. I'm not willing to share."

"I've never asked you to share." He pried her fingers off of his arm, but didn't let go of her hand. He held it tightly in his own. "Besides you said you were divorcing me."

"Which makes this conversation even more pointless," she shot back, snatching her hand away.

"Look at you. You're so turned on right now."

Anger flashed through her body, warming her completely, when she saw the spark of amusement in his green eyes.

"I am not! Where did you get that from?"

"Pink and pretty liked a chocolate covered strawberry as if I were kissing you. Tell me Mercedes do you get turned on by all heated debates or just ones with me?" He slowly let his hand run down her side, outlining her curves.

"This is not passion, this is anger," she said slapping his hand away. "You've been practically hateful to me for weeks, trying to get me out of the way so you can have your lovefest with Quinn. Then suddenly today it's all about me. You want to be with me, you want our marriage to work. Complete 180 and complete crap. I'm not buying into any of it. You can kiss me all night long and I still won't trust you."

"Mmm all night?" he pulled her closer by the nape her neck, his hand lost behind a curtain of dark hair.

Mercedes silently watched him, waiting for him to do something, their conversation forgotten as the walls closed in and only the sound of their combined breathing filled the air. She bit her lower lip in anticipation, of what, she had no clue.

Sam sucked in a breath and dipped his head lower. "Fuck it," he swore before kissing her, his fingers massaging her pulse points, in rhythm with the movements of his tongue.

She needed to push him away, he hadn't responded to her demand about Quinn. Nothing was resolved, if only this didn't feel so good. The urge to hit him somehow got crosswired with her constant need to kiss him and suddenly she was scrambling to get him out of his clothes.

Mercedes wrapped her arms around his neck, sculpting herself to his frame, nails digging into his scalp she kissed him harder, putting all her frustration on his lips. He was impossible and arrogant. She should be kicking Sam in the ass not grabbing it, pulling him closer. He moaned against her ear, as his hands moved along her back, fumbling with her zipper.

"What did you do? Glue this zipper shut?" he asked out of breath, turning her around, her back flush with his chest.

"You're the one that zipped it remember? Let me help you." Mercedes tried to reach her zipper, anxious to get out of her dress and next to him.

"No I got it," he put his warm palm on her back as he pulled the zipper down. She giggled when she felt his tongue along the column of her spine, small flicks sending shivers all over her body like tiny electric shocks. Spinning her back to face him, one hand on her shoulder pushing down her dress, the other in her hair, his lips were on hers, kissing her relentlessly.

He walked her backwards kissing her all the way, until her legs hit the couch, then the cold smooth leather was on her bare back, with Sam falling on top of her. Fingers quickly undoing buttons, pulling shirt tails from his pants, cufflinks hindering her progress briefly, before the gentle ping of metal hitting the floor made her heart race and her breathing quicken. She glanced lower to his belt. Was she willing to go to the next level with him? Her hesitation lasted but a few seconds, as she felt Sam hands cover hers and lead her toward his buckle. That was all the encouragement she needed as she opened his belt and undid the top button on his pants.

Sam moaned as she scratched at the trail of hair that led beyond the waistband of his boxers, his eyes closing as he leaned into her hands. He wrapped her legs around his waist, her long dress bunching up in a pool of black between them. Warm hands running up her thighs disappearing out of view to dip into her teal blue panties, clutching them in his fist, threatening to take them off. But he hesitated, leaning his head against her chest, breathing heavily. It seemed like minutes passed before he moved again, and then it was only to stare into her eyes.

"Do you remember the hospital?" he asked as he tangled his hand in her hair.

Mercedes smiled, still getting butterflies whenever he looked at her so intently. "How could I forget? We were so close."

"Yeah," he said returning her smile and placing a soft peck on her lips, moving away before she could respond. "You were so sweet then, and now look at you, legs around my waist, giving me hickeys."

Mercedes held her breath, her face falling at his words. "You don't like me like this?" she asked, the words choking her a bit.

"No, I do like it," he replied, outlining her face with a finger. "I don't know what's going to kill me first the sweetness or the fire."

"I don't understand."

"I shouldn't be doing this," he said leaning up slightly.

"Okay," Mercedes said trying to inch her way out from under him, but Sam didn't give her space. He remained sprawled on top of her. She wasn't sure what was going on with him now, she couldn't read his face, and his mood seemed to be somewhere between lust and regret.

Then just as suddenly as he stopped, he began again, kissing her with increased passion as his hands roamed her bare skin. He murmured what sounded like apologies against her throat, her neck, down her breasts. Mercedes tried to focus on his mumbled words, but her head was spinning from the feel of his mouth on her body.

"You taste so sweet," he said a bit clearer between kisses on her collarbone and the mounds of her breast, teasing them through the blue satin of her bra, making them ooze out of cups. The top of her dress was around her stomach, his jacket discarded, his shirt unbuttoned, skin to skin, and still not close enough, as he kissed every inch of her exposed skin.

"Sam," she said gasping for air when they finally broke apart. "Someone's in here."

Mercedes covered herself with her arms, as she readjusted her bra. She strained around Sam to see Santana Lopez standing a few feet away. If it had been two minutes later she would have been practically naked.

"OMG what are you doing? Well I know what you're doing, but why are you doing it with her?"

Sam looked up disoriented, his face still flushed from their physical activity. "Santana! What the hell? Can you get out of here please?"

"Not on your life," Santana crossed her arms and stood her ground. "What is it with you two and rooms with doors that don't lock?"

Sam sat up, moving from between Mercedes' legs, adjusting her dress so she was covered. He stood and faced Santana, only a couch separating them. "Santana, don't make me physically put you out."

"Be sure to pull your pants up first, tough guy," smirked Santana pointing to Sam's open pants and half exposed boxers. "And how is that any way to treat your Auntie Tana? Where's my hug? You better be nice to me or I'll tell Quinn I caught you trying to get the teeny-bopper naked."

"Get out of here! Or I will make you swallow my fist!" yelled Mercedes, jumping to her feet, ignoring the gaping opening at the back of her dress and advancing toward Santana. Santana was many inches taller, but Mercedes never was one to let being outmatched hold her back from a fight.

"Pipe down little tyke." Santana laughed, but backed up a few steps. "Sorry to interrupt your latest foray into exhibitionism, but I thought you might want to know that Quinn is giving a press conference."

"What? Where?" asked Sam, hurriedly buttoning his shirt.

"Right now and look, this one's streaming." Arms outstretched, perched between the index finger and thumb of each hand, Santana displayed her cellphone with a video of Quinn already playing.

"Ms. Fabray is it true you and Sam Evans are having an affair?" asked a female reporter in a gray suit with a matching short gray bob.

Quinn looked radiant, her blonde hair gleaming, and her eyes an unnatural shade of green on the screen. Her makeup was flawless, and her red dress highlighted her assets perfectly. She looked like she was born to be center stage.

"No it is not. We had a one night encounter last year when our daughter was conceived, but that's all. He's a married man, and I respect that relationship," she replied with a definitive nod of her head.

"Yeah right," Mercedes said in disgust.

"Shh!" Sam hissed, barely giving her a sideways glance. His eyes were glued to Santana's small cellphone screen.

"What about the picture of the two of you at the Holiday Inn?" asked the reporter. "You looked pretty cozy."

"Sam was there when I was released from the hospital. It was the first time we'd seen each other since his coma, so it was pretty emotional for us." She paused and smiled, tucking a stray hair behind her ears. "He is my best friend and I almost lost him, so yeah, we were cozy. He's been so good to me, even when I didn't deserve it, but he has always accepted me, even with all my faults. He always keeps his word and is totally honest with me. I value that." Tears shone in her eyes as she spoke, and Mercedes wanted to throw up at the sight. Quinn was so fake, acting like the grateful little friend, when in reality she was nothing but a man stealing slut. "I don't know why God blessed me with Sam in my life, but I am so glad he did."

"Sounds like you're in love with the guy," the reporter commented.

"He's a married man, but if I ever fall in love again, I hope he's just like Sam." A smile blossomed on Quinn's face and Mercedes' stomach lurched. Not because of Quinn, but because of Sam's reaction. He was smiling along with her, and a hint of a blush colored his cheeks. "I can't imagine a more perfect guy for me."

"Wow can't take your eyes off her can you Sam? Not even when you have a half dressed woman throwing herself at you." Santana snickered, tossing her black hair in Mercedes' direction.

"Sam, do you want to go somewhere else?" Mercedes asked quietly against his ear. She didn't want Santana to hear her attempt to pry Sam away from the video. Sam bowed his head after quickly glancing at Quinn on the screen and then over at Mercedes. If only she had a mirror to show him what she saw written prominently over his face.

"You don't have to answer. Your face says it all." Mercedes ran a hand through his cropped hair one last time, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. "I'm going to check on Beth," she said softly, walking away. She doubted Sam even noticed her departure, he was too mesmerized by Quinn.

Nothing had changed. Dreams were for other girls, and her wishes still didn't come true. 


	103. Tailspin3 Ch49

**Chapter 49**

There's this thrill when the curtain's about to open and your heart feels like it is going a million beats per minute, and the lump in your throat feels like it is big enough to suffocate, but you put on your smile anticipating the hot glow of the lights and the building thunder of applause, and the fears and the nerves melt away as the music takes over and you are on auto-pilot. It had been years since Quinn had experienced that, three years to be exact, the last being a two song set opening for Jason Maraz in Chicago. It was so supposed to be her chance a comeback. An opportunity to follow up that one hit that defined her swiftly fading career, secured primarily by the Evans name, but hopefully a bit by her talent as well. The white shock of flashes, the microphones in her face, the chaos of questions asked in unison, took Quinn back to that stage, and suddenly what was once overwhelming felt practically like home. She threw her hair back over her shoulders and put on her smile, and faced the crowd with her head high, for the first time in months she felt strong enough to handle this.

Why should she have to hide? She was released from the hospital and on the mend. Why shouldn't she celebrate that, share her successes no matter how minor, with the world. Maybe others suffering from PPD could get something from her, gain some courage or strength from her experience. She hadn't let them beat her yet, and she never would. There also was the off chance that Sam might be around to hear her speak, maybe he'd be proud of her confidence, maybe he'd understand more about her struggle with depression, or most of all maybe he'd finally see inside her heart again. Tear down that wall he had erected between them and let her back into his life. It had only been hours, but it seemed longer, as Quinn grew frightened that if left unchecked their distance would only grow, and soon would leave them miles apart.

"I'll answer a few questions, but one at a time," she said clearly, authoritatively, acting like she were on stage commanding her audience's attention.

Hands raised and Quinn's smile grew, she felt like a politician giving a conference. They all wanted to hear from her and the power of that was exhilarating. Ten questions later Quinn was in the zone feeling like she could tackle anything that was thrown at her. She'd handled questions about her relationship with Sam, questions about her mental health, and questions about the absence of her family. Then a man in a navy suit and a brilliant white smile stepped forward and threw his question at her feet.

"Jake Myerson from the Sun. How are you this evening?"

Quinn smiled. "Fine, thank you."

"Ms. Fabray have you regained custody of your baby?" asked the reporter now that the pleasantries had been addressed.

"No not yet," Quinn answered self-assuredly. "But getting her back home with me is what I want most in this world. I will do anything to make that happen."

"Does that include using her father to do it?"

Quinn's smile dropped slightly. "I am not sure that I understand your question. Sam doesn't have anything to do with me regaining rights to my child."

"So it was just a miracle, some twist in the justice system that got you freed from Midwest Psychiatric Hospital and not the influence and money of Sam Evans?" asked the man in navy blue. He didn't even have a camera or pen and paper. How was he recording any of this?

"The judge changed his ruling. Sam had nothing to do with that." Quinn felt uneasy delving into this topic. The specifics of her release were a mystery even to her. All she knew was Dwight crafted a sick plot to get Sam to abide by his will, but that was nothing she could say to the media.

"Come on now Ms. Fabray, I find it hard to believe that the Evans name wasn't a help to you. Before Sam Evans came out of the coma you were firmly institutionalized, then he's back on his feet, and suddenly you're not."

"No comment."

She didn't like his tone, he was digging, trying to slip her up. There was a hungry look in his eyes, a determination to get the scoop no matter the cost. Quinn had faced reporters like that before, they were the ones that smiled in her face and offered her support, only to call her trash in their articles.

"Does Mr. Evans have any concerns about the safety of his daughter now that you're freed?"

Silence fell over the room, and Quinn literally saw the entire crowd of reporters lean forward, awaiting her response. Everyone wanted the answer to that question.

"Sam is very supportive of my recovery and efforts to regain my rights to Beth." Sam had been great. Patient and kind as he let her spend time with Beth and seemed to understand her uneasiness about being around the baby, if she didn't love him already, she would've fallen so hard for him after that.

"So he had no issues with the serious crimes you committed against your child while he was comatose?" asked the reporter, his bright grin looking more like sharpened fangs with each question.

"Like I said Sam realizes the extent of my illness and is supporting my recovery efforts. Are there any other questions?" Quinn scanned the crowd hoping someone else would jump in with a question about her music, or her dress, or even about Puck. Any subject was welcome to get this reporter's hooks out of her side.

"I have just one more question Ms. Fabray." The grin actually seemed brighter, like he turned up the dial on the illumination. He probably used that smile to distract from his true nature that was clearly more sinister than sincere.

"Yes, what is it?" Quinn asked her irritation starting to bleed through her façade of calm.

"You claim to not be having an affair with Sam Evans, and that he is not involved with your release, but isn't it true that you're staying at his suite at the Beacon Hotel?"

"No comment."

"And in fact he is your sole means of financial support now that you're back in Lima, just as he was last year before his accident?"

"No comment."

"And isn't it also true that his financial support and your presence at this party tonight are the main contributing factors to the rampant rumors that Mercedes Evans is filing for divorce?"

How dare he put that on her? He wanted to pin Sam's impending divorce on her, and that was so far from the truth. The media didn't know about his amnesia, but they had to know that Mercedes and Sam and problems long before the accident. Her friendship with Sam didn't cause his marital problems, his immature and indecisive wife did that all on her own.

"Sam and I have been friends for years, if his wife has a problem with that, it has nothing to do with me. I'll probably be in Sam's life long after she's gone."

"So you're confirming the divorce rumors?"

"No. I'm not talking about their marriage, I'm talking about my connection to Sam. We are friends and share a child, that gives us a lifetime bond. Mercedes and Sam have only been married for one year. There really is no comparison."

"Are you saying that you're more important to Sam than his own wife?"

"No you are misunderstanding me."

"I think I understand you perfectly. You said Mercedes Evans doesn't compare to you."

"That's not what I meant." Quinn dug her nails into the palm of her hand, trying to sting herself back into composure, but she felt like the room was shifting, the faces before her distorting like images in a funhouse. "You're twisting my words."

"Do you think being the mother of Sam Evans' heir affords you certain privileges?"

"I have nothing more to say on this matter. No more questions."

"Why won't you answer the question? Our audience just wants to know more about how wonderful and accepting Sam Evans is."

"Please no more. No comment," she said again raising her voice. Her hands nervously going to her hair tucking hairs behind her ears over and over.

"She said no comment. Now back off. Ms. Fabray is here to celebrate the birthday of her baby's father and old friend, please respect her privacy while she enjoys the festivities," said Artie Abrams suddenly materializing beside her.

Reporter Jake continued as if Artie had never spoken. "You've been painted as unstable, promiscuous, and of questionable morality in the media. I would think you'd be eager to set the record straight and clear your name."

"My client is a woman with strong morals and family values. She's faced some medical setbacks that have caused her to heartbreakingly lose custody of her daughter, but she's battling back from that adversity, and I'm confident she will be reunited with baby Beth soon. If you have any other questions I suggest you direct them to Sam Evans. Now that he's back to full health he can bear some of the brunt of this circus that has been created around a very private family matter." Artie placed his arm around her shoulders and led her out of the room.

"Thanks for that," Quinn said feeling very relieved to have escaped the room of reporters. "They were starting to get a bit more than I could handle."

"What were you doing in there? I can't believe you'd actually answer any of their questions, especially without me present."

"I tried to stop her," said Puck leaning against the wall with a full drink in his hand.

"Didn't try hard enough, how about grabbing her and pulling her back next time?"

"Quinn is my ex, I do know how to deal with her."

"Not very well, no wonder she left you."

"What the fuck did you just say?" asked Puck clenching his fists as he moved closer to Artie.

"Artie, it's not Puck's fault," said Quinn stepping between the two men to diffuse the building situation. Puck could be unpredictable when drunk. The last thing they needed was a brawl in the middle of Sam's party. "I ignored his warnings. I was trying to get away from him. Once I got in there I figured it would be a chance to stand up for myself, tell my side."

"You don't have anything to prove to these people. All you should be focused on is getting back to your daughter."

Artie made it seem so simple, but he didn't realize how much she had lost this past year. The reputation she worked so hard to build was in tatters. Lucy Caboosey was replaced in the mirror by a crazed baby killer and adulterous slut, only this time it was bigger than school, the country's eyes were on her, calling her name and pointing fingers all over the internet. How was she ever going to rise above all the negative attention and convince CPS she was good enough to take care of Beth again?

"I agree with you one hundred percent Artie," said Puck nodding his head. "Beth should be her priority. Too bad Quinn doesn't seem to agree. Her only concern is getting back to Sam. Do you handle divorces Artie? Because Quinn is trying to break up a marriage."

Puck was being deliberately mean. He knew she felt guilty about her feelings for Sam, she didn't need to be taunted about it. She felt bad enough as it was.

"I am not! God Puck! They're already half over as it is."

There was another side to this, beyond her guilty conscience. Quinn wasn't alone in her feelings. Sam loved her too. That fact brought her comfort and stress at the same time. Knowing that Sam didn't want Mercedes only appeased her guilt so much, a part of her couldn't forget that Sam's memory issues probably had a great deal to do with his current position on the issue of Mercedes. Yet there was also the Mercedes factor. Mercedes wanted to divorce Sam, before the accident and now. Couple Sam's lack of feelings for his wife, and Mercedes's desire to walk away and what was left was not much of a marriage.

"They're not over, anyone with eyes can see that." Puck shot Quinn a knowing look, forcing the image of the kiss back into her mind without saying a word.

"Sam can't remember her, all the connection, all their history is gone," Quinn reminded Puck.

Quinn resisted Puck's not so subtle jabs at her confidence. She tried to rise above her doubts and remember all that Sam had said and promised to her before. In the nursery, he had urged her to be selfish and hang on to their dreams, even if they seemed wrong or unattainable. That's what Quinn was desperately trying to do, hold on, keep the faith that they'd make it through this night and move forward to a better place.

"Doesn't seem to matter though does it?" asked Puck gulping his drink with his eyes trained on her. "Even without his memory he seems to be connecting with her just fine."

"I'd rather face the reporters. I'm going back in," said Quinn heading back down the corridor.

Artie grabbed her by the arm and halted her progress. "No you don't. Puck, can you give Quinn and I some space?"

"Sure." Puck shrugged. "And for the record Quinn I'm not being mean." He waved his glass at her. "I'm being real. I care too much about you to watch you fall."

The first time in a really long time she ever felt happy to see Puck leave. The alcohol wasn't doing his personality any favors, bringing out his judgmental side more than normal. Usually Puck tempered his need to preach with a healthy dose of compassion, but his understanding must've drowned in all the whiskey he had been consuming.

"You wanna tell me what's going on Quinn?" asked Artie once they were alone. He leaned closer looking at her with his kind blue eyes. "I can't help if I don't know all the facts."

"Nothing's going on. Puck is just super protective of Mercedes, even though I'm the one he used to be engaged to and has known forever."

Quinn was fine with Puck's friendship with Mercedes, she may not understand it, but she wasn't one to try to waste time figuring out what drew people together. Her best friend was Santana Lopez, someone that once tried to cut her over a guy, so she was in no position to judge. What did bother her was how blind Puck seemed to be about her true nature. Mercedes could do no wrong in Puck's eyes and might be the only person in this world free from his judgment. Quinn resented that blind faith and unconditional love. She wanted some of that from Puck too after all they had been through. He used to know her heart and understand her, but now he seemed painfully close to seeing her like everyone else did, like she was toxic and damaged.

"I take it you don't like that they're close."

"Actually I'm having a hard time liking her period. We got into it earlier about Sam. I had to set her straight about a few things."

"Like what? Something to do with why it was so important that you see him tonight?"

Artie was on to her, Quinn could sense it. He knew the reasons why she had to come to see Sam, he just wanted her to say the words out loud.

"Mercedes needs to realize that things are changing," said Quinn not taking his bait. It was easier to focus on Mercedes than to share the inner workings of her heart.

"Because you're back?"

"Right, but not just that, she can't call all the shots when it comes to Sam anymore. He's not in a coma, he can speak his own mind and manage his own life."

She couldn't wait for the day when Mercedes got ousted from her self-constructed throne as queen of Evans manor. Mercedes thought she had the whole family wrapped around her finger, and by the looks of it she did, Dwight, Puck, Kurt, Will, Sue everyone loved her, except for the one with the power to end her reign. Sam was the only one she couldn't control, despite how much she tried to do just that.

"Shouldn't he be the one to tell her all that?" asked Artie.

"He can't exactly." His hands and tongue were tied by his father, for now, but in nine short months he would be free.

"Can't? Or won't?"

"He needs to be cool with her right now, play the part, be a good husband." Something he was surprisingly good at it. Quinn struggled not to let it bother her that Sam seemed to be able to slip into the role of Mercedes' perfect husband with ease.

"I've never been married, so maybe I'm wrong, but I thought husbands wanted to be good to their wives."

"He doesn't want to be married."

"I did pick up on that when I spoke to him. I figured it was part of his amnesia."

"Why does it have to be amnesia? Why can't it be destiny?"

Quinn knew she was pushing her luck, she had so many prayers answered and wishes granted in such a short time and she was beyond grateful, but if there were any reserves of small miracles left Quinn hoped that another would be graced on her. In her heart she knew that what she and Sam were feeling was about more than just his amnesia and her depression, that their love had been building for years, since high school. She truly believed that all of this had been written on the stars, a cosmic message guiding their hearts together. All those nights spent cuddled together looking up at the night sky, and never did they see the signs. Perhaps Sam did, he always had faith in the endurance of their feelings for each other, but for Quinn it was only after almost losing him that she could decipher the meaning. If only Sam could remember all he lost, while still retaining his love for her, that would be her one last wish.

"Quinn what's going on here? You got all desperate to come see Sam tonight of all nights, and now you're talking about destiny."

Quinn could only smile. How could she explain something like this to him? Would he understand that her desperation was because she finally had her heart aligned with Sam's and she was ready for him to know it?

"Did something happen with you two?" asked Artie, continuing to press for a response.

The music hit a lull, the quiet transition between the band and the recorded music, the party sounds and waves of laughter filled the room, blending into one mass of sound. Then like an off key voice in a well harmonized chorus, she heard him, her baby, crying, loud angry screams, from somewhere in the room. Quinn's eyes followed the sound to a group of people not so far away. Sue was with her, and Hope, and a few others she didn't recognize. Beth was on Sue's shoulders crying even as she swayed. Maybe her baby girl was upset the music had stopped. Hush Beth, the music will play again. You'll always have it to keep you safe. Quinn found herself mimicking Sue's gentle motion, feeling almost as if she had the baby in her arms, comforting her, the way she should, if she were allowed.

Artie was talking beside her, but she couldn't concentrate on his words, so caught up in watching Beth like a silent stalker from a few feet away. Sue had passed her off to a shorter older woman now, who cradled her in her arms like a newborn. Her crying changed with the new position, going from angry screams to a staccato of sobs, following the rhythm of her gulped breaths of air. Quinn stepped forward on instinct to go to her. Maybe she could calm her down. She had liked being with her tonight in the nursery, maybe she needed her mommy to feel safe. Another step as Beth's cries started to build, she'd break the rules, risk the consequences her little princess needed her.

Seeming louder than any voice in the room, or perhaps her mind had just amplified the sound, Mercedes' voice invaded, quieting Beth's cries, and puncturing Quinn's heart. Mercedes had the girl now, her little head on her shoulder as she rubbed his back. Kisses all over her sweet head, and Quinn could just make out the expression on Beth's face, calmed, relaxed, nestling closer to Mercedes, like she was security and peace. It wasn't right to be pushed to the outsides, so far removed from every aspect of life, few friends, distanced family, no career, there was Sam, she hoped, but Beth, less than a dozen steps away, barely felt like hers to love.

As the PPD tried to take her from her heart, and as CPS ripped her from her arms, Mercedes had slid in undetected and picked up her slack, filling the role of mother better than Quinn ever did. Being out of the hospital made her absence from her daughter's life more apparent, an open wound that only began to throb now that it was exposed to the air, she was free, but still barred from recapturing all the pieces of her life.

"Does attorney client privilege still kick in even though I'm no longer on trial?" Quinn asked turning her attention back to Artie.

She needed to confide in someone. Dwight's nefarious plot was twisting her in knots. Sam had been her ally, her shoulder, her confidant, together they were able to heap the stress of this secret on each other, but he was being so distant, and Quinn just needed something strong to hold on to, just until she got her footing back on track.

"You can trust me." Artie assured her with a gentle squeeze of her hand.

Quinn knew it was true. She had trusted Artie almost since the first time she met him. He was yet another unexpected blessing in her life.

"I need complete discretion."

"You got it. What's up?" he asked leading her by the elbow to a slightly more secluded spot in the room.

Quinn took a deep breath. "My release from the mental hospital wasn't without conditions."

"I figured. You'll still have to meet with your doctor I'm sure."

"The conditions were more for Sam than me." Dwight didn't give a damn about her, that had always been the case, and giving birth to his granddaughter had done little to change her standing with the man. Dwight's deal with Sam was only about keeping Sam as far away from her as possible. Setting Quinn free had been an easy bargaining chip that Dwight used to get his way with his son.

"I don't understand."

Artie scratched his brow in confusion, and Quinn couldn't help but smile. Sam did that sometimes when he was confused or even nervous. Everything reminded her of Sam now, he encompassed every aspect of her life, even when she was standing in a dark corner talking to another man, her mind instinctively drifted back to him.

"OH my goodness! Quinn Fabray! Is that you hiding in the corner?"

"Ugh Kitty Wilde," Quinn groaned. Inside she retched, it was starting to feel like tenth grade all over again, just at the sight of the woman. "Do you think I can make a run for it?"

"A little late for that," Artie chuckled. "She's headed this way."

If she could survive the scary women at the hospital and a swarm of reporters, then Kitty would be a breeze. Quinn had dealt with her insults and catty comments for years. Her skin had thickened like armor by the time graduation rolled around. She was practically immune to Kitty Wilde and her hateful group of friends. But the PPD had changed her, softened her edges, slowed her reactions, and weakened her armor making her so quick to bleed. Quinn wasn't sure how things would go in her new more emotional state, the impulse to turn and flee was strong, but she didn't want Artie to see her so weak. He had sung her praises to the media, and Quinn was determined to live up to the image he had of her. She wanted to be the woman he saw when he looked at her, strong, moral, healthy, a woman worthy enough to raise Sam's child.


	104. Tailspin3 Ch50

**Chapter 50**

Santana squeezed Sam tightly around the torso. "It's just so good to see you awake."

"Thanks, Santana." Sam said feeling a little winded as he fought for air in her tight embrace. "You can let go of me now."

"Okay okay," she hugged him even closer.

"Ugh, Santana," he said as loud as he could, but it came out as nothing but a whisper.

"Sorry," she laughed. "I suppose you need to breathe." She let him go, but continued to rub his arm affectionately.

"Ya think?"

"I missed having you around Sam."

"I missed being around," he smiled. He was finally getting used to all the touching. Virtually everyone he encountered at the party wanted to give him a hug. It was nice to be missed.

"So are you going to head over to the press room? Quinn might still be talking?"

"I don't think that's a good idea," said Sam.

When he first saw Quinn on Santana's cellphone screen he was more than a bit surprised. She was beautiful and poised, every bit the shining star he remembered. The fact that she handled the reporters so well didn't surprise him. It was the fact she had talked to the reporters at all that had him in shock. They had discussed keeping a low profile, not drawing attention to her release and her presence in the house, for a number of reasons, first being CPS, and second and almost just as important was his father. So while he liked seeing Quinn, and really liked what she had to say, Sam couldn't deny that her description of their relationship had made him smile, but mostly he was worried that her little impromptu conference was going to prove to be a serious hindrance to their goals.

"Are you afraid of a few questions Sam? You've got to face the music some time, you grew up with. You should know what to do."

"I have no problem answering questions, that's not the issue. I just don't think I need to be doing interviews without my wife by my side."

"Boooring. You don't have to put on the hubby act with me. Miss Monchichi has skipped off to play."

"Leave her alone Santana."

"Why should I? She's such a little witch. Do you know she actually didn't invite me to this party? She told Puck he couldn't bring me."

"Well you're here now."

"Because I had to make sure my girl got in to see her man. How did you like her surprise visit?"

"Loved it." Sam smiled, remembering Quinn entering his room in her black coat, just like their first date back in high school. "But it wasn't the best idea. Beth's here."

"You worry too much. Beth's fine and Quinn hasn't been near her anyway. No harm, no foul. And you two got to spend some quality time. Did you talk about anything interesting?"

"Yeah we had a few very revealing conversations," Sam admitted halfheartedly.

"I knew it!"

"I don't know why you're so excited. I wish we hadn't talked at all."

If only he could rewind back to when she first appeared in his room like a goddess, giving him smiles and kisses. That was the best birthday present he could've asked for, just spending time with Quinn. Then they started getting deep and everything went downhill from there. Not that he didn't love hearing her pour her heart out about her feelings for him, and how he was her dream and that he completed her, those things were going to be bronzed and framed and hung on the walls of his memory banks, but all the rest, the sad stuff, the painful stuff, the Mike stuff, he could have done without.

Which he knew made him a hypocrite, demanding the truth, then wanting to hide from it once he heard it. It was just so much nicer when things were drama free, spending time with Quinn and Beth, planning their life together, that was perfect, the rest, the reality of their situation, threatened all those plans and deflated his dreams. For once Sam would've liked a day where everything went smoothly and the future was looking up, instead he got thirty minutes max.

Of course these were all delusions anyway, his situation had been complex since the moment he woke up from the coma, actually drama had been the backdrop of his life since birth. Being the son of Sue Sylvester and Dwight Evans pretty much ensured he would never lead a quiet existence. Though when he thought about it, seems like he came pretty close to quiet, well as close as an Evans could get, in his life with Mercedes.

"Your Quinn's still in there," Santana said unexpectedly, her words seeming so random in light of their conversation thus far.

"Do you think she's well enough to be back home, to handle all of this?" Sam asked following the lead Santana had set for them.

"As long as she has you in her corner, she'll make it through. It has been a tough few months for her with you gone."

"Puck told me. He said the press hounded her relentlessly."

"Yeah there was that, but I meant that it was hard for her to harbor feelings for you that she had to deny. Pent up emotions take a toll."

"I know. I used to be an expert at living with pent up emotions."

"You can still talk to me you know," Santana said softly. "The way you used to."

"I don't remember us talking. I do remember you stealing my wife and siccing your pitbull Dave Karofsky on me."

"Bygones Sam. Neither one of us is with Brit now anyway. So talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm just happy to be alive." When he focused on that all his problems seemed smaller, well at least not as important, despite all his complaints, he was truly grateful to be back among the living.

"You looked happy on top of Mercedes. Really, really happy."

Sam shook his head at Santana's audacity. Was there no line she wouldn't cross? "Santana. I can't believe you just barged in here."

"Excuse me for thinking this was a family friendly affair. If I had known it was the 'boom boom room' I would've brought myself a date." Sam shot Santana a disapproving glance, as pointless as that gesture was. Santana wasn't the type to be squelched by a simple look. "I warned Quinn about this," Santana continued as she made herself comfortable on the soft leather couch. "She has no idea who you married and neither do you for that matter. Quinn might put up a good front, playing all cynical and aloof, but she really does try to see the best in people, even when that best is buried real deep. She's friends with me after all I put her through, that's saying a lot."

Sam took a seat beside her. "Quinn used to have a kind and forgiving heart."

Santana was different than he remembered, not so much in her appearance, she was still brass and overbearing, but there was a different air about her. Calmer, less harried and eager, Santana used to be always moving, always thinking, on the take, plotting her next score. Now she seemed relaxed, almost content. Sam couldn't help but wonder what had changed in her life to take away her hungry aggression and replace it with the sated person at his side.

"She still does, just like you, no matter how much you try to hide it. I know what kind of man you are Sam. You, Puck and I spent a lot of time together all our lives. I know you pretty well."

Sam remembered those years with Santana. She had somehow become his confidante when his parents' relationship was in disarray and he was falling in love for the very first time. Santana wasn't too much older than he was, but those few years made all the difference. Santana had life experiences that Sam could barely imagine. He knew Santana was on the take most of the time, using whatever means for some ill-conceived plan, but underneath all the conning, resided a woman with a truly romantic soul. That was what had connected Sam to her then. They both had a softer side they desperately needed to hide.

"I'm not seventeen anymore Santana." Lately he had been wishing he still were. Things seemed so much easier then. He'd rather battle Puck again for Quinn's affections than have to deal with being stuck between two women.

"Could've fooled me," she laughed. "Last night pledging your undying love to Quinn, tonight dry humping your wife, only high school boys and porn stars switch gears so fast."

"I can't believe you just went there."

Santana was right though, his sex drive had been getting out of control lately. Nine months was a long time to go without, and his body was craving a release. What was worse was that his body was craving it in specific forms. Sam wasn't attracted to any woman in a skirt that passed his direction, if only he were, he could take care of his hormones quickly without hurting anyone in the process, but his body had other plans, only seeming to go into overdrive when Quinn or Mercedes were nearby. Another thing that made no sense, Quinn and Mercedes were nothing alike physically. Where Mercedes was soft and rounded, Quinn was lean and defined. Black hair versus blonde, one was mouthy and direct, the other more quiet and reserved, both were sexy as hell, but while Quinn's sex appeal was obvious, always on display in the curve of her breasts, the brightness of her smile, and the startling green of her eyes. Mercedes's sexiness was less apparent, deceptively hidden behind her endless curves and sad eyes.

"You've got a good thing going with Quinn, don't let your wife ruin it. She'll play you and get you ensnared and you won't know what hit you."

How much did Santana know? She seemed pretty insightful about his feelings for Quinn. Perhaps Quinn had confided more than he realized. Not that he minded especially, he was glad that Quinn had someone to be close to, even if it were someone as unlikely as Santana, but he couldn't help but worry if Quinn had let too much slip out. If she had revealed to Santana the true nature of his marriage to Mercedes and the reasons he couldn't just walk away from it.

"I get you don't like her…" Sam started, surprising himself with his need to defend Mercedes at this moment.

"It's not that," said Santana cutting him off. "I just know what kind of person she is. Being raised by a woman like Keisha Jones, what she put her through, you don't get out of a childhood like that unscathed. It makes you needy, and determined to fill those needs at any unscrupulous cost. She will use you and not even think twice about it, because you have what she wants Sam. The name, the money, the power, she's not going to let you leave her for Quinn."

This wasn't the first time he'd heard disturbing tidbits about Mercedes' past. While none of it added up to much in his mind, just more confusing pieces to the mystery that was his wife, he found himself increasingly discomforted about what he was hearing. Something terrible had happened to Mercedes that no one was willing to say out loud.

"You paint a pretty dire picture of her when all she's ever been was nice to me."

"Never bite the hand that feeds you." Santana said quickly, as if that summed it all up.

It didn't. Mercedes wasn't just being nice to him out of obligation or some desire to control his wallet, Sam knew that now. She had proven herself to him these past few weeks. She wasn't sticking with him for any other reason besides the fact that she cared as far as he could tell. And Sam knew all of his back and forth, his harsh words, and his utter denial of her existence had taken a toll. She hadn't held it against him, yet, she kept giving him more chances to make amends, to come around. It was as if she were waiting for something to happen, maybe a rainbow to sprout from behind the clouds, or to catch sight of a four leaf clover. It felt like he was expected to grant her a miracle, the curative to make all the tears go away and Sam was leaden with that responsibility. He knew he didn't have what she needed stored anywhere in his meager reserves. He was barely surviving himself, holding together his fragmented mind, and raw emotions with nothing more than stubborn tenacity and southern pride. He couldn't save Mercedes, not when he couldn't even save himself.

"So say Mercedes is out to keep me, so what? I married her I must have had some idea about what she was like."

"Yeah you did, and I think you liked it. Finally a woman that didn't try to rein you in, and I guess every boy wants to marry someone like his mama, though why you'd want to have a Sue clone in your bed is beyond my comprehension."

"This conversation is getting disturbing." Sam's stomach turned. "I did not marry a clone of my mother."

"If you say so, my point is this, you only married Mercedes because Quinn was no longer an option, but now she is. And you are like one swipe of your pen away from being free."

"It's a little more complex than that." Thanks to his dad and his inability to find the switch in his brain that turned off his feelings for his wife.

He had willed himself to stop caring before. He'd done with Quinn when he joined the Army. A switch was flipped in his mind and Quinn went from the truest love to just a friend in a matter of weeks. Only in the silent darkness on base did he allow himself to think of Quinn in any greater terms. Unfortunately for Sam, nightfall was an everyday occurrence, so his thoughts were filled with Quinn whenever the sun set, but during the day, his mind was clear and his heart ached less. Sam needed to find that switch again to use with Mercedes, he thought he had flipped it, he had spent a couple weeks successfully blocking her from his mind and focusing completely on Quinn, except for those times when she crept in, those eyes haunting him cruelly, not even bothering to contain themselves to only after dark.

"Only because you're making it that way, you need to control your libido and back away from the little girl."

Did Santana have a pill to make that happen? Because Sam was more than willing to take it. He had been so close to throwing everything away with Quinn right on this very couch. He had taken a moment, debated in his mind the pros and cons of having his way with Mercedes in the middle of his birthday party, and in the end his brain had just stopped working and something else took over, something more primal and unrelenting. He was going to have her and if it weren't for Santana's intrusion he would have. Sam wasn't proud that he almost let his impulses rule him, he prided himself on being a man in control of his own destiny, but apparently not his own body, because the consequences of the act were not a factor once he saw her breasts start to spill from her teal blue bra.

The same thing had happened to him the night before at the hotel with Quinn. There were no thoughts about how sleeping with Quinn would impact his marriage, not when his beautiful Quinn was writhing beneath him, clawing at his back. He needed to get laid that was all there was to it. Tomorrow and his night out with Puck and Mike couldn't come fast enough for Sam. He wondered if the rumors about Higleys' champagne room were true and that every wish could be fulfilled behind those golden doors. Sam hoped they were, because he was in desperate need of some fulfillment.

He brought his mind back to Santana and their current conversation. "You are like the only person encouraging me to end my marriage. Well you and Rachel. Everyone else seems to think I was better with her."

Santana paused before she answered, as if she were giving things serious thought. "You and Mercedes were cute. I could see the appeal, sort of, but true passionate forever love? I don't think so. You and Quinn are the real deal."

"How do you know that?" Sam asked, very interested in her response.

"You keep coming back to each other, no matter the situation, no matter the person, it always comes back to the two of you. How can you ignore a love like that?"

This was true. It always came back to him and Quinn. Sam knew that, he loved that. It was the one constant in his life he could rely on – her. Even now when he wanted to turn back time and erase the last few hours with her, he still knew it. They would find a way past all of this, and it would be back to the two of them. He just wasn't sure how or when that would happen. He only knew that it would.

"I'm not ignoring anything. I feel all that for her. There's just more to it."

Santana stood up, smoothing out the wrinkles in her gown. "I'm going to find Quinn, maybe she can talk some sense into you."

"Santana, stop," said Sam grabbing her by the hand. "I'm focusing on my wife tonight so I don't think a conversation with Quinn is in the cards. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell her about anything you saw happen between me and Mercedes."

"Covering your misdeeds with lies is a slippery slope," Santana gave his hand a gentle squeeze, then released it. "You don't want to wreck the trust that you and Quinn share."

Sam winced slightly at Santana's words. He didn't want to ruin any trusts, especially after the dents it already had in it, but he couldn't let Quinn know about this either. Not so bluntly, without something to cushion the blow. Quinn was jealous, she had made it clear, and while Sam was flattered and honestly amazed that Quinn Fabray would ever have such feelings about him, he didn't want to fuel them.

He wasn't proud of how he had lashed out at Quinn earlier, throwing his wishes for his memory's return in her face. He knew it would hurt her, and he wanted that, because she had kicked him so squarely in the chest with all the withholding of truth. It was childish and vindictive and typical him, but he couldn't take it back, and he wasn't even sure he was over the feelings that made him react that way in the first place, but at least now he knew he didn't want to make things worse.

"I'm not lying. It's just private between me and my wife. I'd appreciate it if you'd respect that."

"Okay that's my cue to go. You're turning into pod Sam and I can't stomach all the propriety bs you're trying to sell. I'm starting to feel like I'm talking to Puck."

"Do I have your word Santana?" Sam asked, rising to his feet. He wasn't going to let Santana out of the room without reaching an understanding.

"You don't have to worry about it Mr. Evans, my lips are sealed, but not to preserve your precious rep. I just don't want my girl going through any more stress. The last thing she needs to hear is that the man she loves can't keep it zipped around the little troll he married."

Sam could tell Santana was irritated at being forced to comply, but at least she had agreed. A wave of relief washed over his body. One more disaster averted.

"I appreciate your discretion."

"Don't close your window this time Sam," said Santana as she walked slowly toward the door.

"I'm not sure what you mean." Talk about a non sequitur, Sam was thoroughly confused.

"There was this window when Quinn was just starting out with Mike and you had broken things off with that college girl. You had an opportunity to finally get Quinn back in your life, for good, and you just closed it." She turned to face him, eyes shining, a sad smile on her face. "Don't do that again Sam. Take it from me windows don't open very often."

"Are you talking about Puck?" Sam asked, struggling to connect where this turn in the conversation was heading. "I know he cares about you…"

"I'm not talking about Puck," Santana said holding up her hand. That one gesture somehow had the power to stop his words. "I'm talking about you. And Quinn. I know you have something going on with your wife. And it probably seems exciting and mysterious, having an attraction to someone you know next to nothing about. That will suck you in, overpower all your rational thoughts, like a drug."

"Santana, it's not what you think. Mercedes and I…"

Again she held up her hand, stopping him. "I've been there. I know the look. I see it in your eyes. Being with Mercedes is probably like the ultimate high, but you can't stay high forever, eventually you'll come crashing back to earth. And what if Quinn's not still there when you land?"

"I'm married to her Santana," Sam said falling back to lean against the arm of the couch, the impact of her words suddenly making him feel unsteady on his feet. "She stuck by me, waiting for me to recover. She took care of me, of my daughter. I can't just turn my back on her."

"Quinn's been waiting for you too. You mean so much to her. How can you turn your back on someone that snuck past guards to get into this house just to tell you she loves you?"

Sam looked up at the empty spot where Santana once stood, stunned. That was why she had come to see him tonight?

Sam had suspected that Quinn's feelings ran deep for him, especially after their heartfelt conversation in the nursery, but she never outright said anything to him. Sam could read Quinn fairly well, he had been able to since they were teens, but he didn't want to have to rely on his unconfirmed assessments. For once he wanted solid facts to back up what he knew in his heart. Why couldn't she tell him how she felt? Didn't she know he had been waiting over a decade to hear it? She had to know, and still she'd never spoken the words, never released him from his protracted state of misery.

Quinn loved him, he knew it long before Santana had said a word. He felt it when she looked at him, when she kissed him, the way she said his name, this time Quinn Fabray wanted him as much as he'd always wanted her. Just because she hadn't said the exact words, didn't make it any less true. It hurt to think about the fact that she hadn't been totally honest with him about Mike and the events that led to her losing Beth. It was a side of Quinn he never expected to see, but even though his image of her was totally shaken, and at times felt on the verge of utter collapse, his love for her, that remained, unchanged, solid, forever. He needed to hold on to that faith in their feelings, it was the key to enduring every challenge they faced now and in the future.

Like an alien attack, his mind flashed to Mercedes on his lap, mouthing 'I love yous' all over his neck, his chest, across his lips. It was heady and seductive knowing he was wanted so absolutely and completely. Never had he felt so desired in every way. Santana was right, it was like a drug, and Sam felt himself swiftly succumbing to its illicit control. He had to find a way to snap out of it before he became truly addicted.


	105. Tailspin3 Ch51

**Chapter 51**

Mercedes stepped out onto the cement patio, her bare feet getting a shock against the cold ground. She had originally intended to retreat upstairs with Beth as her small scapegoat to explain her disappearing act. Not that many would notice her disappearance, the night was about Beth and Sam, as it should be, as she had wanted. Marcel ruined her plans however, whisking Beth from her arms and making off with her before Mercedes could utter a protest, leaving her standing at the foot of the stairs barefoot and lonely. 

She had only been outside a few minutes when she heard footsteps behind her. She almost thought it was Finn, finally finding her after she had deserted him on the dance floor. It didn't seem right to have her arms around another man, holding him close, swaying in time with the music when she'd never gotten the chance to do it with the one person she longed to dance with the most.

They had talked about their missed wedding dance a number of times, especially when he was in the hospital healing from an infection. Mercedes would curl up beside him, nuzzled against his neck as he told her how they'd get their dance one day, how he couldn't wait for it, how much he thought about finally getting to hold her close and lose himself in her. Mercedes tried to make light of their loss, not wanting Sam to feel any regret in his decision to marry her, not even a regret as trivial as missing out on a dance, so she reminded him that just holding his hand was more than enough, sleeping by his side was perfect, they didn't need music, they were close enough already. Sam disagreed, stressing that rituals were important, and traditions were upheld for a reason, to honor relationships, to show respect, to ward off bad luck. His last point made her shudder, bad luck seemed already a shadow over their lives, maybe missing that dance had invited in their troubles. Silly thoughts really, Mercedes wasn't that superstitious, but she couldn't help but wonder if all the pain they had endured in their brief marriage was in part because they never had that dance.

Sam had wanted to dance tonight, probably because it looked good to the guests, helped give them an appearance of a happy couple. Sam was all about appearances once he took over at D&E, apparently that was something else he hadn't forgotten in the crash. She could tell Sam wanted to present himself as a loving husband, devoted father, and perfect son. He had been working hard all night to keep all those hats firmly on his head. And despite her flare up of stubbornness, Mercedes had wanted to help him juggle, after all she had managed to keep his image positive even while he was in a coma. She never spoke of divorce, if she addressed the subject of his affair with Quinn at all, she always stressed that forgiveness and working on their marriage were her top priorities. She spoke about their love and her hopes for the future whenever any media outlet was present.

Behind closed doors was a different story, she kept her true feelings private, even from her family and friends, never letting on the struggle within herself to forgive Sam, to live with the guilt that was tearing her apart, to maintain any hope that they could get beyond all this pain when he woke up. Now Mercedes realized she wasn't fooling anyone, everyone close to her and Sam knew that she was in love and staying that way, they all were just waiting for her to admit it out loud, giving her space until she accepted the inevitable. She was stuck with Sam Evans, and nothing seemed to be able to change that.

Arms surrounded her from behind as a jacket cloaked her shoulders, falling over her, still warm from his body, smelling like his cologne.

"What are you doing out here? It's freezing," said Sam, one hand on her shoulder and his chin on the crown of her head, comfortable, natural, as if everything were fine between them.

"I like it. It's peaceful." Mercedes let herself enjoy the pretense for a brief moment. She sunk back into his chest and willed herself to believe Sam was there because he wanted to be.

"I was waiting for you to come back," he said wrapping his arms around her. "You just up and left me."

Mercedes stiffened in his arms. "I'm shocked you even noticed I was gone, the way you were so engrossed in that video of Quinn." Thoughts returned about what happened between them, breaking through her wall of fabricated calm.

"I wasn't engrossed, I was interested. I was surprised she'd do something so public." Sam's body tensed. He was on the defense, prepping himself for any impending attacks.

"You must have been over the moon, when she called you the best man on the planet on national TV. Why aren't you with her now, giving her a thank you hug?" Mercedes stepped away from Sam, no longer able to bear being that close to him, not after what he'd done.

"I'm with you tonight," he said not meeting her eyes.

He looked even better without his jacket. The white of his shirt against his pale skin made his eyes gleam a brilliant green. He was breathtaking in the cold, licking his reddened lips and running his hands through his jagged hair, like a vampire form a romance novel, enticing and scary all at once.

"Oh so it's my turn with you. You're going to have to give me a schedule so I can keep track. Wouldn't want to encroach on any of Quinn's days."

She wanted to take a shot at him, to make his nostrils flare and his eyes darken with anger. She wanted to impact him, affect him, find a way to break through his indifference and get him to truly know how much all of this hurt. The cheating, the coma, the amnesia, Quinn, all of it.

"Mercedes, why are you being like this?" Sam asked taking a step forward, hesitating when she gave him a warning glance.

Tears burned in her eyes, hot and thick, blurring her vision. "Let's see. Do you know we were just all over each other?"

"Yeah I was there so…" he responded slowly.

"You had your hands up my dress, and I had my hands down your pants, literally. And then Quinn comes on the screen and it's like I'm a ghost. You shoved me aside so quick," she said angrily, her voice breaking as she fought for control of her emotions.

"I didn't do that. Come on." Sam shook his head in denial, a hint of a scowl on his face. He never did like to be called out on his misdeeds.

Her nose felt raw from her tears and the cold winter air. Tears fell into her mouth as they came faster than she could brush them away. "You shushed me! So you could hear her, you fucking bastard! We were about to have sex and you threw me over for Quinn."

A look of shock registered on Sam's face, but he quickly recovered. Sam always had an excuse at the ready. "That's not what happened. Santana…"

"Sam can you at least try to be straight with me? I deserve at least that much respect, since I no longer have your love."

Honesty was the one button she knew she could push to stop his excuses and manipulations. Ironic since Sam lied like breathing. It was instinctive to him, as it was for her. The ability to twist the truth to suit their needs was something they shared in common. At least it was until they decided to stop and give the truth a chance. Sam didn't remember their honesty pact now, but it didn't matter. A plea for the truth would affect him the same. He was gentleman at his core, tarnished and dented, but still buried deep within him was a noble soul. He might put up a fight, try to hold her off as long as he could, but ultimately he would not deny her request.

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry if you mistook my actions. I just wanted to hear what Quinn was saying. It had nothing to do with us."

The word 'us' used to make her heart beat faster whenever he said it. The word made her feel connected, loved, like a partner. Now Mercedes knew that the word didn't hold the power, it was the fact that Sam had felt the meaning behind it, and every time he said it he verified and sealed their bond, renewed his commitment to their little family of two. The word 'us' was special, because they were special, brought together painfully but inevitably, to find a peace with each other. It was just a two letter word now, the accident had stolen all the beauty and meaning from it, just as it had stolen the same from their marriage.

"Us? There is no us. The cameras aren't rolling. There are no guests around. You can stop pretending you give a damn about our marriage."

It was all an act, this entire night orchestrated for someone else's benefit, definitely not her own. Mercedes hadn't quite figured out why Sam was trying so hard to play the role of super husband, she supposed it was to impress the media, get his reputation back on track. Not that being an Evans afforded him a spotless reputation, all of his exploits were documented and exposed, but there was still a few lines the Evans' didn't like to cross. Family was everything to them and no matter what suspicions were cast on the legalities of their business dealings, or what dirty laundry was aired, never were any rifts in the family exposed.

"Mercedes, don't be like this." Sam was invading her space and she was stuck. The empty pool and the large patio chaise blocked any easy exits. "Things were so good."

"Things were good for you," she said shaking him off, though she was unable to move away. "You must feel like a real stud, a woman on each arm, ready to please you."

"It's not like that. Tonight I've been all about you."

"Only because you don't want to talk to Quinn, so good ole Cede was here to lick your wounds and help you pick up the pieces. I am such an idiot. I honestly believed that some part of all this crap you were spewing tonight was real. That it wasn't just some elaborate con or you needing a shoulder to cry on."

"What do you want from me?" he asked stepping back, giving them both a bit more breathing room. "I'm human and you were in my lap. I'm not going to deny that I liked it." He let his eyes run over her body, slow and penetrating, making Mercedes feel uncomfortable under his gaze. Sam dropped his voice and stepped closer, breathing room gone as quickly as it came. "You're cute and sexy and I've seen you naked, so yeah I went there with you. And you were right there with me, no complaints." He pointed his finger at her, inches from her heart. "You wanted it too, so this is not all on me."

Was there ever a time when she didn't want Sam Evans? If she claimed there was, she was lying. Loving him, hating him, wanting him close, pushing him away, it was all the same to her heart and her body. There was this fire that always burned for him, usually a dull warmth that filled her belly, giving her reason to get up in the morning some days, others the reason she hid under the covers, but the fire never went out, and when he was in her presence, engaging her, touching her, doing anything to her, the flames intensified, igniting her all over.

Mercedes threw her shoulders back, determined to hold her own with him even when her stomach was turning over at his closeness. "You could've just found Quinn and fondled her. I'm sure she would have been eager to fulfill your needs. Or was it just an issue with proximity? I was the closest warm body so ding, ding, ding I get the prize of a joy ride with the great Sam Evans."

"Oh my God, do you ever think before you open your mouth? You just made what happened between us seem like a cheap roll in the hay."

She shrugged. "I just tell it like it is."

"No I think you downplay stuff as a means of protecting yourself. If you act like it didn't matter it would somehow hurt less." He looked proud of himself, like he'd found another piece of a puzzle.

"You should know all about that." She shot back. "Since you've been downplaying things with me since the hospital."

"I readily admit that. I try my best to stay on guard around you, but lately I've been failing at it miserably. If Quinn knew the truth about how I feel…" He shook his head as he let his thought die on his lips.

"Back to your top priority – Quinn Fabray!" If only she could turn him upside down and shake Quinn from his scrambled brain. His every thought was about her now.

"I have not denied I wanted Quinn since the moment I woke up. I was honest with you, I confided in you. You know how I feel."

Oh she knew in excruciating detail, enduring the tales of his missed chance with his true love when they were at the hospital. Mercedes had held her tongue, and tried to be supportive, even while each word was slicing through her. Sam wasn't himself she had reminded herself. He wasn't in his right mind, this was only temporary, time will heal this, all the lies she told herself to survive the changes in her husband. Now two months later, nothing had changed, in fact things were so much worse.

"Now that you've twisted the knife even deeper..."

"Stop playing the victim." Sam closed the gap between them, one more inch and there would be contact. It was almost worse to be this close to him without touching. Her breath caught in her throat as she waited for the moment when he'd move and his arm would brush against hers or he'd lean in and touch her hair. Every part of her was on edge waiting for him. "You know I want you, you've felt it, used it against me. You're not some little homely wallflower waiting for me to ask you to dance." She felt his breath against her cheek, warm and tingly in the bitter cold. This was it, she could feel the shift, the air between them filling with so many things unsaid. They wanted each other, it was intense and real, almost a living thing that existed between them. "You've got me right by the balls and I think you like having that power over me."

Mercedes narrowed her eyes at his accusation. "So I'm just a seductress and poor little Sammy is powerless under my spell?"

She felt trapped in her own skin, aching for him touch her and end her agony. He had all the power in this relationship, even if he didn't realize it. Mercedes would do anything for him, even as angry as she was, she couldn't deny it.

"There's no other explanation for why I should be so drawn to you, so attracted, and intrigued when I finally have Quinn back. There's no logical reason I should want you when I have her."

With an open palm, Mercedes smacked the side of Sam's head.

"Ow!" Sam recoiled, rubbing the spot she hit. "What the…"

"You're such an idiot. You know what the secret is? The magic?" She grabbed the collar of his shirt with both hands, pulling him down to her level. "It's that I love you and somewhere in that huge, thick, head of yours, you still love me. That's why you're drawn to me and you want me," she said as she let go of his shirt.

Sam stared at her, quiet for a few minutes. She could tell her words had penetrated but to what extent she didn't know.

Finally he spoke, slow and deliberate, like he were weighing each syllable. "Mercedes I know you want to believe that but…"

"Don't fight me Sam," she said cutting off his denial. "I'm begging you, please for once just let me in."

"I have let you in. You are in."

"No I'm not. Sam please…"

All her pride had disappeared somewhere between almost sleeping with Sam in the game lounge and this moment. She wanted her husband back. As infuriating and as screwed up as he was, she wanted him. This stuff with Quinn was tough, and it felt like far too much to handle, but then she thought about Sam dying in front of her, the agonizing minutes of CPR to bring him back, all the tubes, the monitors, the months of his coma, and Quinn was meaningless compared to all of that. She threaded her fingers through his, holding on tightly, as if this were the exact moment she could lose him for good, as if a strong grip on his hand would keep him with her, if he truly wanted to go.

"I can't." He shook his head. "I can't remember."

"You haven't even tried. You fired your doctor and surged ahead with this fantasy with Quinn that you created in your mind. Not once did you look back and think about your actual life with me."

Watery eyes and shaking palms, Sam grabbed her around the waist, clinging to her as he spoke. "Quinn is my actual life. She's the most real thing in my world. If I let myself remember you where will that leave her? Will my feelings for her just disappear? Will there be this huge void in my life I won't know how to fill?"

Mercedes put her hand on his cheek, stroking it gently with her thumb. It was too cold for him out here, he needed to be inside, safe and warm. Sam shivered against her, but Mercedes could tell it wasn't from the weather. He was actually scared at the thought of losing Quinn.

"There won't be any voids or holes. You'll have me. I'll always be here for you. I promised you in the car I'd stay by your side holding your hand, and when you were in the coma I told you I would never leave. And I meant that Sam. You wouldn't be alone or empty, you'd have me. Always."

"I don't even know who you are. Not really." Sam gave her a small smile, tilting his head, watching, straining to see her, even though she was inches away. He ran his fingers through her hair, along her face, tracing her lips, before clasping his hands on the small of her back, pulling her flush against him, his forehead falling against hers.

Taking a breath and closing her eyes, Mercedes tried to let it all out, all that was trapped inside her, all that she had been holding back. She wanted to give it to him now, so he'd know that no matter what he'd be okay, that he'd always have her.

"That pull you have toward me that you can't explain, what you've been feeling since you first saw me at the hospital, the reason why you're holding me so close right now, it's because you know me. I'm the one you love, the one you married. You can feel it Sam, I know you do. Just let me in." Silently she prayed it would be enough to calm his fears.

"Mercedes I'm sorry." He gripped her hips, fingers boring into her skin, the silk of her dress offering no protection. He stared upward, focused on the stars, his voice broke and his whole body trembled, but he continued to speak words that seemed to hurt them both. "If I remember you, I might lose Quinn, and I can't take that chance. I can't lose her."

Finally he looked at her.

Her Sam. So sad, yet so resolute.

She fought to free herself from his arms, listless pounding against his chest with her fists. Her heart wasn't in it, and Sam seemed determined not to let her go. He was choosing Quinn over her. The son of a bitch didn't even care about the life he had forgotten, all he wanted was the here and now with her. A rancid, bitter pill that Mercedes was desperate not to swallow. He just needed time, he's not in his right mind, this is only temporary, those lies from the hospital reemerged in her mind, calming her a bit with their false security. Mercedes relaxed in Sam's arms, allowing him to finally fold her into an embrace the way he had inexplicably seemed to have wanted to do.

Mercedes sobbed against his chest, hating that he was the one to hold her, to see her like this, devastated and covered in tears, and still there was nowhere else she'd rather be. This had to be some sort of sickness, a condition she caught and couldn't shake, needing the man that was hurting her was wrong on so many levels, yet it had always been this way for her. She wanted Sam's comfort even when he was the one pushing her away.


	106. Tailspin3 Ch52

**Chapter 52**

"Quinn Fabray that is you," said Kitty far too loudly as she made her way over to them. People turned their heads at the commotion. Kitty definitely liked to be the center of attention and she forced everyone to be right in the spotlight with her, just by her loudness. "Hard to recognize you without a straitjacket. I'm just playing girl, don't make that face. Glad to see you free."

"Hi Kitty," Quinn said at a far lower volume and with much less enthusiasm. "It's been awhile."

"Not since Sam's wedding, seems like forever ago."

"Yeah." Quinn hoped she looked friendly and that the tightness around her lips was actually formed into the shape of a smile. "You look great though considering." She paused and tried to look contrite, even as she was snickering on the inside. "Sorry about your divorce."

Kitty tussled her hair and shrugged. "Some things aren't meant to be."

"Must be hard though, fourth divorce under your belt, not even thirty."

It was a sucker punch but Quinn couldn't stop herself from throwing it. Kitty's tumultuous love life had been the hottest topic among the people in her graduating class, dating and marrying a steady stream of rich older men in rapid succession was bound to get tongues moving. She was one of the most infamous graduates of McKinley High, until Quinn's latest drama that is. Cheating on your fiancé with his cousin, conceiving a child, then endangering said child, blew Kitty's exploits out of the water.

"It is hard, thanks for caring, but I keep my chin up, and I find strength in knowing things could be worse. I could have your life for instance, lost the kid, lost the man, last known address the crazy house."

"I don't think we've met, I'm Artie Abrams," said Artie, clearing his throat and extending his hand.

"MM hello. Quinn's handsome attorney, you look even better in the flesh," said Kitty letting her eyes sweep over Artie flirtatiously. "Kitty Wilde." She took his hand and held it as she spoke. "Are you here with Quinn?"

"As a matter of fact I am. She's my date." Artie smiled as he dropped Kitty's hand and put his arm around Quinn affectionately

"Always land on your feet don't ya? You have those suckers lined up."

Quinn wasn't sure if Kitty meant that as an insult or a compliment, her toothy grin never dropped, no matter the words coming from her mouth.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh just that I get all the flak about always being on a man hunt and you're the one that has never been seen without a man on your arm."

"That's not true. I'm single now."

Yet when she thought about it, she realized there was a hint of truth to Kitty's nasty insinuations. She had never been without a date, a suitor, a potential love interest since high school. Before coming to Lima, boys were not on her radar, and the ones that noticed her were pigs, mixing hateful taunts with their catcalls. Losing the dark makeup and baggy clothes and smiling more than she scowled probably had helped her social life immensely, after that the men flocked to her. Quinn still struggled with how her outward appearance made men blind to her inner assets. It was strange at first to go from being virtually invisible, to being the object of so many attentive eyes, but once she got used to the attention, she discovered the perks of looking a certain way and embraced them. Like everything else in life, every positive came with a negative, so while she got to enjoy freebies and the attention that came with her looks, she also had to deal with the preconceived notions and the judgment, like Kitty's comments tonight, or being painted as a morally challenged bimbo by the press.

"Artie you're a lucky man to slide in there during one of her rare unattached moments."

"I feel lucky to be with Quinn tonight," said Artie smiling down at Quinn.

"And the night is still young. Think of how lucky you'll feel later when she's tipsy and very frustrated because Sam didn't have the decency to give her the time of day. I bet…"

Artie opened his mouth to respond, but Quinn stopped him, placing a hand on his arm. She could handle Kitty, just as she always had.

"You're calling me a slut?" Quinn asked interrupting her mid insult. "I'm not the one that was dating an eighty year old man."

"He was seventy-five, and what we had was very special," replied Kitty, her smile widening at the subject. "And unlike Sam Evans, he was available to be with me."

"There is nothing going on with me and Sam," Quinn said hoping she sounded convincing.

It was so hard not to let her feelings for Sam show. Smiles tickled her lips at the very thought of him. Even now when she was scared that his silent treatment would go on forever, she couldn't help but smile at the sound of his name. Sam loved her and wanted to be with her. How could she not be happy about that? All those impossible dreams were so close to coming true.

"I just figured you and Sam were a thing, especially after last night."

"I guess you saw that photo," said Quinn bowing her head.

If only they had paid more attention, not let themselves get so caught up in each other, ignoring their surroundings then maybe the photo never would have happened. It complicated things so much, made people talk, probably jeopardized her freedom, but a part of Quinn also was glad the picture existed. Forever captured was their happiness, their love, so apparent that even perfect strangers could see it. There would be other pictures, other chances to be close, Quinn was hopeful of that, but almost losing Sam also forced her to remember the finite nature of human life, that moments were fleeting, and lost as quickly as they were made. So she cherished that snapshot that had the power to wreck her life, send her back to the hospital, keep her away from her daughter and Sam, because it was a symbol of a moment she treasured. Quinn had to hang on to every bit of good that came her way these days, since there were no guarantees she would get more.

"Who hasn't?" Kitty's eyes lit up. "I bet half the people here are waiting for a showdown between you and the wife."

"That's not going to happen. Mercedes and I have no reason to fight." They had plenty of reasons actually, but Kitty didn't need to know that.

"If you were all over my husband like you were in that photo with Sam, I would kick your ass without a second thought."

Sex wasn't even on her mind when it came to Sam, well not that much. Through the course of most of their relationship sex, attraction, that undeniable chemistry had kept her drifting toward Sam, most of the time something physical happened when they collided, caresses, kisses, really good sex, but now all of that seemed secondary, an afterthought. Sure she still wanted him, it took all of her willpower at the hotel to not throw reason to the side and let him make love to her the way he so clearly wanted to, but just being around Sam was enough for her now, having him up and talking, looking at her with those slanted eyes, flashing those lips. Sex would be great, but just having the right to go up to him and hold his hand, or kiss his cheek seemed like everything to Quinn now. She wanted that intimacy, that bond, she wanted to be the one. The only one.

"Sam and I are just friends. Everyone knows that," Quinn said dismissively.

Kitty probably was exaggerating. Mercedes and Sam had been very visible all night, showcasing their perfect marriage and renewed love, Quinn highly doubted that most guests suspected he was still being unfaithful. Even she was starting to worry that Sam looked too happily married, too caught up in his role as husband. The lines between pretend and real were blurring from where Quinn stood, and it bothered her to see Sam so at ease with Mercedes, which was pretty much counterproductive to her needs since the better Sam and Mercedes got along the better the chances for her freedom. Yet with every passing hour, Quinn's ability to squash her jealous thoughts, and keep her eyes on the big prize, was getting hard to accomplish.

Kitty put her hand on her hip and raised her voice as if she were broadcasting to all the nearby guests. "What everyone knows is that you two had an affair and made a baby. It's not a stretch to think that the affair would still be going strong."

"I've heard about all I can take," said Artie, who had been silently by Quinn's side up to this point. "I care about Quinn too much to stand here and continue to listen to you trash her. A greedy hotel employee sold one misconstrued photo to the gossip blogs and suddenly Quinn is accused of sleeping with a married man. That's not right. I know that Quinn is not interested in Sam Evans and I can prove it."

Quinn looked at Artie in surprise. What was he up to?

"Oh really?" asked Kitty brushing her blond hair out of her face as she leaned forward. "Do tell."

Artie eased closer his dimples peeking on his face as he smiled. He smelled like aftershave spicy with a hint of sweet, not overpowering, just enough to linger, to penetrate, to seduce. Inches away from her face, his eyes fading from brilliant blue to almost gray, like some mesmerizing parlor trick. He moistened his lips and took a breath, before he leaned in the rest of the way and pressed his lips against hers. Pulling her closer, her body sweeping his, she could feel his firm chest and hard abs hidden beneath his shirt. Quinn wrapped her arms around his neck, letting her eyes shut and her lips part because that's what you do when you're being kissed. And she was being kissed, very well, soft strokes of his tongue against hers, minty and warm, deeper he pressed, his kiss becoming more intense, like he was asserting his dominance, commanding her full participation. Letting Artie take control, she relaxed into him, kissing him back with matching intensity.

Somewhere in the recesses of her mind she could hear a voice telling her to back away, to make him stop, to think of Sam. And she was thinking of Sam and that kiss she saw him give Mercedes, and those voices disappeared the longer the image of the two them lingered. Sam was obviously willing to go the extra mile to keep her out of the hospital, why shouldn't she do the same? They all had sacrifices to make. This kiss was nothing more than an act of self-preservation. At least that's what she told herself as she continued to kiss her attorney right in front of Kitty Wilde.  
>-<p> 


	107. Tailspin3 Ch53

**Chapter 53**

A weight pressed against his chest as he stood in the cold overlooking his empty pool with Mercedes crying in his arms. The glimmer of starlight illuminated the tile bottom casting a spooky glow over the area. It seemed like a perfect backdrop for such a surreal moment, his wife in tears, cursing his name under her breath, still struggling to break free while holding him tighter at the same time. He should have been the one to walk away, to give her space, because he knew he was the reason for all of this, all of her pain.

He shouldn't have told her about Quinn and his feelings about his memory loss, he should have kept those thoughts buried deep, but his tongue got away from him, and something about Mercedes made him want to talk, to reveal himself. She provoked him with those eyes and her hopeful accusations about his forgotten feelings. Maybe Mercedes was right, maybe the man she married was somewhere still inside of him. It certainly was possible, but how to get to that part of himself, to let those feelings out, Sam didn't have a clue. When he closed his eyes and concentrated, putting all of his energy on remembering, something, anything, all he got was green. Beautiful green eyes on a face he could never forget, Quinn was all he could see.

"Please no more tears." She was killing him with all the pain. It was his birthday. He should be inside enjoying his party, catching up with friends and family, trying to find a way to talk to Quinn, instead he was trapped in the cold with her, caring far more than he should. "Mercedes, look at me." He tilted her head up by the chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay," she said miserably. "I thought there was something between us." She sniffled as she searched the words. "I thought I was more than just the woman you wanted to get into bed, but I see that was wrong. I really am nothing to you."

His chest tightened as he held her against him. Half of him wanted to comfort her to finally put a stop to those endless tears, and the other part of him was holding her there because he knew if he let her go, she would run. And Sam couldn't take the chance that he'd be able to catch her again, to get her to talk to him, to listen. Time was running out and if he didn't secure things with Mercedes, get her to try to make their marriage work, Quinn would be screwed.

"Don't say that. You aren't nothing. You could never be nothing. You kept me sane in the hospital. You held my hand, talked to me, when I was scared out of my mind because I lost this huge chunk of my life. I wouldn't have made it through that without you." Hugging her tighter, hoping she felt the truth in his words. No matter where life took him he would never forget all she had done to help him recover.

Sam let the soft strands of her hair fall through his fingers. The sensation relaxed him, calmed his crazy, conflicting emotions that stormed inside of him, just the touch of her hair and the warmth of her body pressed against his was enough to renew his confidence. He could do this. He could keep her with him and keep Quinn free.

"So what you feel is gratitude? I'm not buying it Sam. Gratitude doesn't make people jump into bed together."

"It can," he said weakly.

Arguing this would be impossible. He wanted her and she knew it. Sam kept his mouth shut hoping the subject would just peter out on its own.

"You're so full of it," she said pushing away, leaving him feeling cold to match her icy glare. "You just admitted you were blocking me out on purpose because you don't want to lose Quinn." She ran her hands down her face smearing tears and what was left of her makeup over her brown skin. "I am trying to be understanding because you were ill and I'm sure this is hard for you, but it's hard for me too. You're not the only one suffering here. You're not the only one that was impacted by your coma."

"I know that." Sam shoved his hands deep in his pockets, forcing himself to resist the urge to touch her again. "I see how much you've done for me and Beth, all the sacrifices to take care of us, I owe you so much, but Mercedes I need you to understand, I mean truly understand. I don't remember loving you, those feelings are just no longer inside of me."

Far more direct than he planned, but maybe brutal honesty was the best approach with her, she certainly didn't pull punches with him, so maybe he shouldn't either. He wasn't trying to deceive her, he wasn't secreting away recovered memories. When he looked at her there was just nothing there. Nothing old that is, no color or depth that came when he looked at people he knew. He didn't get flashes of memories when he saw her. He didn't think of lost moments or recollect on shared times when he looked into her eyes. Mercedes was completely new, a blank canvas that was slowly getting filled in the longer he knew her. She was a complete mystery and he liked it. He liked discovering all the little things that made her unique. She intrigued him, but that wasn't what she wanted to hear. She only wanted the past, old memories, things he couldn't give.

"Enough. I don't want to hear anymore. I'm done. Go bury your head in the sand with Quinn, live out the rest of your days in deluded bliss."

She turned her back and headed toward the door, her bare feet padding lightly on the concrete. Sam didn't bother to follow her or try to stop her retreat. He knew she wouldn't get far. This was all a bluff, she wasn't ready to leave him, not yet anyway.

"If you are back on the divorce thing, then stop right now, because that's not happening," he called out once she reached the door.

Mercedes' shoulders slumped as she leaned her forehead against the glass panel in the door. "Why are you doing this Sam? Why are you holding me here?"

"I'm not the one holding you here, it's you. You don't want to go."

She looked over at him, but Sam couldn't make out her expression, his vision blurring momentarily. Slowly she pushed off the glass and made her way back across the patio to stand a few feet away from him.

His fingers itched in his pockets. It was hard not to touch her when she was this close and in obvious pain. "I'm sorry that the fact that my feelings changed hurts you but I can't keep going like this, staring into your sad accusing eyes, blaming me for things I can't change, like I stole something from you, like I broke your heart."

"You did break my heart."

"I don't remember that." And he was so happy he didn't. It would've been far worse if he understood all the meaning behind the hurt reflected in her eyes.

"You're breaking it right now. Why did you have to come back different? All I wanted was my Sam back, and instead I got…"

"You got me," he said completing her thought. Again she was back to him being wrong somehow, an inferior version of the original, even after spending the whole night together, things still hadn't changed. He still didn't measure up. He still wasn't enough.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this. We made promises, we had plans. This was supposed to be a second chance for us, not for you and Quinn. Then you touch me and hold me, and the kisses, just makes it worse, because I start getting this hope that maybe things are going to be all right and that maybe you'll love me again, but then something always happens and it's back to her. The door slams and you leave me on the outside, I'm not even sure you know you're doing it. But you do, you swing from me to her and I can see the shift as it happens. You look at me like I'm some intruder that invaded your space. Sometimes it's like you hate me and you just want me gone. And it hurts, worse than if you ignored me, because you let me in, gave me a glimpse, and I know I'm still somewhere inside you, but you don't want me to be there."

Oh God. This was never going to get better. There was no way out of this without breaking her completely. He could lie and flirt and say all the right things to make her stay. What she wanted and needed was so clear to him now. All he had to do was tell her he'd give up Quinn and she'd do just about anything for him. That level of deceit turned his stomach. How could he be married to someone, even if it was a sham, and not be honest with her?

Keeping such huge secrets between them felt wrong, he wasn't that cold. He couldn't lie to her face day after day for nine months. Although he guessed he had already done that last year when he didn't tell her about sleeping with Quinn. Perhaps he was capable far more than he gave himself credit. This time it would probably be even easier for him, since he didn't have emotional ties or feelings of love to hold him back. He was an Evans after all and lying was second nature, a valued trait in his family, and Sam was good at it, he always had been, but lying to his own wife didn't sit well with him. His father would call him squeamish for letting his feelings keep him from necessary actions, but for Sam it was the marriage that gave him pause, not his feelings. Marriage was sacred, it was a vow he made, a promise. He didn't like to break promises, even ones he didn't remember making.

"I don't know how to make this better for you. I'm out of ways to apologize to you." He clenched and unclenched his hands in his pockets as he helplessly watched her cry.

Mercedes sighed. "Let's end this, then both of us can stop feeling tortured."

Skin glowing golden in the moonlight, her eyes wide and bloodshot, her nose with a hint of red, she looked worn, and suddenly so frail, like just standing up was hard for her.

"I'd pay a million dollars to stop you from crying over me." And he meant it.

"I don't think that would work," she said still sniffling.

"Five million." He meant that too. If there was a price to make this all go away, he'd pay it. She gave him a crooked smile, her face brightening a bit. "At least I got you to smile. That's something."

"I can't seem to stay mad at you," she said reaching out to touch is face.

Fingers glided across his cheek, leaving a cold trail on his skin. Sam closed his eyes and leaned into her palm, welcoming her soft touch. This is where the confusion set in, the nagging questions as to why he craved the smallest of things from her, something as simple as her hands in his hair, or her fingers on his face. How could he want to be with her like this when his heart was so fully invested in another woman? There was nothing he could say to give Mercedes any solace, any explanations for his actions, he didn't even understand any of it himself.

"Please forgive me for how I feel about Quinn. I can't help that I love her," he said softly, still nuzzled against her hand.

Sam turned his head inward, kissing her palm, before pulling away to look in her eyes. Hopeless as it was, he still had to try to get Mercedes to understand that his feelings for Quinn weren't meant to hurt her, that they were something beyond his control.

"I know you can't help who you love," she said dropping her head. "I just can't stop wishing you could love me again."

Wrapping herself in his jacket, like a tight hug, the fabric stretching against her full chest, she watched him with a hint of a smile on her face. For a moment he was transported to another time, and another cold night where he'd given Quinn his jacket and she smiled at him in much the same way. It felt so vivid, like he could reach out and touch Quinn, run his hands through her blonde hair, the past and present mingled so perfectly in his mind. Mercedes' voice pulled him back, fading Quinn to the background as he returned to the present.

"I'm just glad you're alive. I have no right to ask for more from you. I'm being greedy. All I ever wanted was you back and healthy and I got that."

"You're not greedy for wanting more. You're allowed. You're my wife."

"One day I hope you'll call me your wife and actually feel the meaning behind the word again, that you'll see me as more than some anchor holding you down. I want you to feel me in here again," she said pressing her palm over his heart.

"I already do," he said trapping her hand against his chest.

No matter how he looked at it he was betraying one of them. Quinn would be hurt to know he was sharing so much with Mercedes out here in the cold. Only he couldn't help himself, the truth was being pulled from him every time she looked into his eyes. Mercedes deserved to know what was going on inside his head. That was the least he could give her, since he couldn't give her his heart.

"Sam, don't do that." Mercedes shook her head as she pulled her hand from his. "I can't take you faking it with me."

"I'm not. You're right, like you said earlier, I'm up to something. I have ulterior motives and I never planned to spend tonight with you. I was all set to come to this party with Quinn."

Her eyes widened. "What stopped you? Your mom?"

"No, you did." Opening his fist slowly he showed her the pair of cufflinks that he had stashed in his pocket. "Figgins handed me these cufflinks and I saw you in my head, crying, looking at me so devastated and you had on those earrings that match." He pointed toward the emeralds sparkling on her ears.

"You remember that?"

"It was real? I thought I had made it up from guilt."

Things he was forced to do by his father, his mother's lectures about responsibility and being a better man, not even Quinn's prodding toward making peace with Mercedes were enough to push him over the edge, his mind had been made up, he was going to spend as much time with Quinn as he could and he didn't care who knew. Then in a flash all that stubbornness disappeared and he was holding his wife's hand as he entered his birthday party. All it took was the thought of her in tears to change his course. And now he knew why it had impacted him so dramatically, since seeing Mercedes in tears was nothing new for him, it was that he was remembering an actual moment from their past, more than remembering it, feeling it.

"The night I found out about you and Quinn we were wearing this set."

If only he could make her forget, give her a little of his amnesia so she could let all that was hurting her go. Sam barely remembered specifics from the flash he felt upstairs, no descriptive details about location or clothing but he did remember the emotions, powerful and raw, throbbing like he'd been kicked repeatedly in his ribs. Sam could only imagine how much more Mercedes felt since she remembered everything about that night, about his betrayal. Years had passed and thinking about Quinn leaving him for Puck or Brittany leaving him for Santana still hurt at times, phantom pain from wounds long since healed. Mercedes' scars were still open, unhealed, mentioning his cheating made her flinch, seeing Quinn tonight cut her deeply. This was all too present for her, if only he could find a way to help her, to get her to let go, maybe then she'd smile more and cry less.

"It was strange because it wasn't really about what I saw, but what I felt. For a moment there was this intense connection. I felt you were my wife in here," he said pointing to his chest. His breath caught in his throat as he realized the importance of what he had just admitted, it was terrifying to reveal that much of himself to her, yet he couldn't bring himself to regret it.

"Sam do you mean that?" she asked stepping forward and wrapping her arms around his torso.

"I do," he said against her hair as he hugged her closer.

"So what does that mean for us?" she asked.

Hands wound in his hair, clutching the short strands, urging his head downward toward her mouth, she whispered his name before she brushed her lips against his. So soft and sweet, Sam couldn't resist a small taste of what she offered so freely. Alarms sounded in his head. It wasn't supposed to be like this, he wasn't supposed to let his hormones take control.

Finding some hidden reserve of strength he pulled away, leaving her wide eyed and panting. "Mercedes, I can't do this."

"You don't want to kiss me? I thought…" she trailed off, looking hurt and maybe a little embarrassed.

"Of course I want to kiss you," He ran his fingers along the contours of her lips. "I always want to kiss you, but this isn't right. I'm doing everything all wrong. I should have my hands in my pockets, three feet away from you, not this close, not like this."

"So step back and let me go," she said sharply, putting the space between them that he couldn't seem to be able to do.

Hands safely back in his pockets, he paced in slow circles as he talked. "I've never been good at letting go of what I know is mine. Not money, not power, not women, especially not women. I almost killed Dave Karofsky after Santana sicced him on me over my ex-wife Brittany. Didn't matter that we were headed for divorce and that Santana and Brittany had always loved each other long before I even entered into things, I just couldn't let her go."

"Eventually you did."

"She begged me. I loved her, I couldn't stand hurting her anymore." Sam looked over at her, staring until she lifted her eyes to meet his own. "You're not going to get off so easy."

It sounded ominous even to his ears, but it was the truth. Between needing to stay married to help Quinn and the overwhelming pull he felt toward her, there was no way he was letting her go. He had been talking about walking away from her for weeks, yet here he still was, closer to her than ever. Sam wondered if his father knew it would be like this when he came up with his plan. Did he know he would be so drawn to his wife? Had it been what his father wanted all along, to keep him near Mercedes for as long as possible so that in the end he would find it impossible to walk away?

"Because you don't love me," she said quietly, the words drenched in the fresh tears that had started to fall.

He didn't want to respond to that, but how could he leave her there with wet cheeks and shivering with no excuses or answers? She had been brave enough to listen to him talk about Quinn, the least he could do was be brave enough to tell her the truth, no matter how much he feared revealing it.

"Because you're mine," he finally answered.

The one thing he could never block, the sole reason he couldn't turn his back on her and walk away. It started when he thought she was his nurse and it grew from there, building in intensity the longer he knew her. Ever present like the beat of his heart, as true and real as anything he felt for Quinn, yet so very different, almost organic, a part of him now like a second skin.

No amount of denial could shake this feeling. It just simply was.

She was his.

And now she knew it too.

"What does that even mean?" Mercedes asked through her heavily flowing tears. "You want her, not me."

"Doesn't change what I know, what I feel in my gut, you're mine to take care of. You're mine to protect. I've felt it since I was in the hospital, before you even told me we were married. It was just there unwanted but unshakable."

"I don't need you to take care of me," she said wiping her face with the back of her hand.

"Don't you? You're out here shivering in the cold. Your feet are probably like ice cubes. Come here."

Sam took her by the hand and led her to sit on the chaise. Squatting in front of her, he picked up one of her feet, resting it on his thigh, rubbing it softly to warm it with his hands.

"You don't have to do this. I told you I'm fine."

Without a response, he gently picked up her other foot placing it on his opposite leg and proceeded to give it the same treatment. Avoiding her eyes, he focused on her feet, and the way her pink painted toes wiggled each time he got near them.

"When we were trapped in the car during the accident, you took care of me like this. You worried about my safety, my injuries, my warmth, when you were the one losing blood and pinned to the door. I remember thinking how lucky I was to have a man that cared about me so much, that would put my well-being before his own. And I was divorcing you. I had pretty much been nothing but hateful to you for weeks and still you took care of me."

"That's what you do when you love somebody," he said braving her eyes for just a moment. She was so pretty, even when she was this sad and miserable. "From everything I've been told, you did the same for me that night. Sounds like we took care of each other."

As hard as it was to face the disappointment in Mercedes' eyes, to see how acutely she missed him and their old relationship, there was a part of him that liked knowing he had gotten so close to someone, that he had loved her well and completely. Sam had always wanted that kind of love, and knowing that he had it once, even briefly, gave him hope he could have it again.

"Yeah, we did. It's just what you're doing now and the way you're looking at me, brings it all back, makes me think that my Sam is still in there," she said running her hands through his hair briefly.

"I don't think I can do this," he said pushing her feet from his thighs and standing up.

"Do what?"

Sam pounded his fist against his leg trying to pull himself together. "This." Sam waved his hand in her general direction. "With you. I was about to give you a long speech about how much fun I had with you tonight and how I think you're funny and sexy and a sore loser."

What the hell was he doing? The plan was simple and it was working, for the most part. Mercedes was enjoying his company and well on her way to giving him another chance. These attacks of guilt were messing everything up. Why should he care about the feelings of a woman he barely knew? The point was to keep Quinn out of the hospital and help put their family back together, Mercedes' feelings weren't supposed to be a factor. Except they were, she was more than just some abstract idea, a foreign concept, she was his living breathing wife and he had a whole other life with her that he used to want. Not remembering it now, didn't make those things any less true, and it was eating him up inside. He had spent the better part of the day trying to manipulate, control, and deceive a person that had done nothing but care about him since he came out of the coma. Thinking about how low he had stooped made him ill.

She raised her eyebrow attempting to decipher his change in behavior. "This coming from the man that threw a tantrum when I beat him at poker?"

"You were cheating."

"I was not."

"Yeah you were, but that's okay, because I kind of like that you're a shark and I like that you don't fight fair, that you're scrappy and tough." He smiled thinking of all the little things he'd learned about her in such a short time. "And all that makes this even harder, because I like you Mercedes. A lot. More than I should. And all of this is so wrong and not fair to you and…let's go." Sam effortlessly scooped Mercedes up in his arms, holding her tight against his chest when she started to squirm.

"Put me down. Where are you taking me?" she asked placing her arm around his neck for balance.

He could tell she didn't like to be caught off guard in this way. His wife was a complete control freak, Sam had learned that pretty early on with her schedules and lists, being swept off her feet seemed to take her out of her comfort zone.

"We need to get out of the cold, but I'm not ready to go back to the party." Without another word he carried her over to a darkened section of the house with floor to ceiling windows and double doors. Shifting Mercedes in his arms, he twisted the knob, and pushed the door open. It was dark except for the glow from the moon, a wide open space filled with furniture covered with heavy white sheets. The place obviously hadn't been used in some time. "No one will interrupt us in here," he said setting Mercedes on her feet.

"What is this place?" she asked squinting in the near darkness.

"Our pool house. When I was growing up, I used to have pool parties and this is where we'd change into our swimsuits or just hang out. I guess my father doesn't use it much anymore."

"Sam what's going on? If this were a scary movie, I'd be getting pretty freaked about now. Some green slimy monster with super sharp teeth isn't going to jump out and kill me right?"

Sam laughed, she was strange. "The monster would have to get through me first. You could run for help while I fended him off."

She pulled his jacket tighter around her shoulders. "I couldn't leave you behind to be monster bait. I think we could take him together."

Pausing for a moment, he took her in, so much spirit in such a small package. "You would battle a monster with me, wouldn't you?"

"What's going on with you?"

If she was brave enough to take on monsters then he should be able to suck it up and face her. He had been a soldier after all.

"I'm a liar," he said quickly before he could change his mind and hold the words back. "I've been lying to you all night, actually all day, and I can't do it anymore."

Mercedes visibly tensed. "What did you lie about? About Quinn? About sleeping with her?"

"I didn't sleep with Quinn last night, and this isn't about her, not really. I've been lying about us, about wanting to be with you, and about wanting to be married to you." He'd said it, but still he felt no relief, not when she was looking at him with those angry, hurt eyes.

"I knew you were full of crap. Why did you even bother pretending? I told you I was walking away, divorcing you."

"That's just it. You can't divorce me."

"The hell I can't."

"We have to stay married, those are the rules." The truth tumbled out of him like dominoes falling. There was no way he could stop now. He would have to tell her everything.

"Whose rules?"

"Dwight Evans, the lord of the manor, the master manipulator, he made the rules. My father cares about you so much that he cooked up a whole blackmail scheme just for you."

It was all so clear to him now, as he watched Mercedes interact with his family all night. They loved her and accepted her, practically as one of their own. She was a part of the family. His father hadn't made that deal to help him, or to get Beth back with her mother, he did it for Mercedes. It was all about her.

"What are you talking about?" she asked taking a seat on the covered couch.

"He's blackmailing me. That's how I got Quinn out of the hospital, in exchange for my cooperation."

"Why would your father let Quinn go free for me?"

"That part was for me, but in order for her to get out, I had to promise to stay married to you, for at least 9 months."

Her mouth slacked open as she brought both hands to her hair. "What? Your father bartered me like chattel?"

"I think it was more about him hoping I'd get my memory back during that time and we'd stay together." His father wanted them married. For the first time in his life, his father actually gave a damn by his romantic life and it was when he was with the wrong woman.

"So you get your mistress out of the nut house and I get to be your obligation for the rest of the year?"

She was angry. He'd expected that, but what he hadn't expected was the lack of tears. Mercedes was always so visibly emotional but now she was dry eyed and quiet.

"I wasn't supposed to tell you about any of this. And it's not about obligation it's more about me getting to know you again."

"While doing Quinn on the side?"

"No. I would only be involved with you for the 9 months. If my father ever finds out I was with Quinn the deal would be off and she would be sent back to the hospital."

The more he told her, the crappier it sounded. This was no way to treat her, using Mercedes as a placeholder until he was free to be with Quinn. Did his father even realize how cruel this was when he masterminded this scheme? Or had his belief that Mercedes would somehow erase Quinn from his heart cloud his thinking on it all?

"So that paparazzi pic pretty much screwed you up?"

"I'm hoping he doesn't know about that yet." Although he probably did. Everyone had seemed to have seen that photo.

"Why are you telling me all of this? Isn't the fact that I know against the rules?"

She had a lot of questions and still no reaction. Sam was dying to know what she was thinking about it all. He couldn't tell whether she was all set to blow Quinn out of the water with his dad or if she was feeling compassionate toward his plight.

"It is, but I always felt bad about even taking this deal, I just couldn't come up with any other way to get Quinn freed."

Taking a seat beside her on the couch, careful to give her ample space, he tried to read her face in the shadows of the room.

"How about this? You could have let Quinn do her time and get well."

"She doesn't belong there Mercedes. She can get the help she needs here, not three hours away."

"Obviously there's more to this sudden bout of conscience, why are you telling me this now?"

"Because you want a divorce, and I can't let that happen. If you leave me, Quinn goes back."

"Oh. Now I get it. All that flirting back at the house, those kisses, the whole dream date idea, I knew you were up to something, but this? Wow. You really will do anything to be with her. I didn't think I could feel worse than I did when I found out Quinn was back, but you topped that. This is much worse."

Finally the tears started to flow and oddly Sam was relieved to see their return. This he understood. The coldness from before had thrown him. He didn't like seeing her detached and withdrawn.

"I need you Mercedes," he said taking her hand.

"Oh no you don't." She snatched her hand away and rose to her feet. "Sex is not going to work on this one."

"I'm not talking about sex. I mean I need you in my life. I need you to help me with Beth, I need you by my side while I try to get my life back, I need …"

Crossing her arms over her chest she sneered. "You need me to not divorce you so you can have access to your baby mama."

Sam let his head fall to stare at his feet. This conversation was going downhill fast. "Yes I need that too, but not for why you think. I need Beth to have her mom. It's the right thing for her. Every child should have her mother around."

"I know." She sniffled. Sam looked up. "I want her to have that too."

Suddenly encouraged he jumped to his feet. "Let's work together to make that happen."

Beth was their common ground, just as Quinn had said. Maybe he should have followed her suggestion and used Beth to sway Mercedes like she wanted. The idea hadn't set right with him at the time, feeling uneasy about using their child as a pawn in their mess, but Quinn would never suggest anything that would hurt their daughter, perhaps he was just being overly sensitive. Not that it mattered now, he had opted to follow his own course and tell Mercedes the truth.

"It's not up to us. The courts have to decide when Quinn is ready to get her back."

"I know, but she'll never get a chance to prove herself locked away in a hospital. She has to be out in the world making a life for herself and while she's doing that it will be you and me taking care of Beth."

A knot formed in Sam's chest. It felt a little like betrayal saying that. Quinn should be the one taking care of Beth with him, but the reality of the situation made that impossible and Sam had to get right with that for now. He had been hiding from the truth long enough. He was married to Mercedes, she was Beth's stepmother and those two details majorly impacted how he had to handle his life. Running off with Quinn, their daughter in tow, had been simply a dream, something pretty to hang onto when his life felt so confusing and out of control, but the fog was starting to lift and though his memory was far from returning, his senses had come back full blast. He had to be the responsible adult here and own up to the truth that he had a family he needed to take care of, he couldn't continue to ignore his wife and child while he indulged in idle fantasies about a future with Quinn. He had to deal with in the here and now.

"Does Quinn know about Dwight's arrangement?"

"Yes she does," he replied with a quick nod.

"And she's okay with you being with me, staying married to me?" asked Mercedes pacing in front of him.

"Her first priority is Beth and she knows that whether she is in the hospital or out, I'd still be married to you."

Quinn had been trying to get him to understand all of this last night, that his life was far more complicated than he was making it seem. Sam had thought she was making excuses, once again letting her fears keep her at bay from getting involved with him, but now he could see she was being realistic. Quinn was well aware of the life he was choosing to ignore. He just hadn't wanted to hear about it.

"Unless we get divorced."

"I'm not sure that's something I really want," he glanced quickly over at her to gauge her reaction. She wasn't buying it.

"Could have fooled me. How many times did you tell me I'm in the way of you and Quinn? You've made it very clear I'm nothing but an inconvenience."

He was a bastard, such a shitty thing he'd done to her, making her feel like a nuisance because he didn't want to deal with his attraction to her. Taking his confusion and frustration out on her was such a cowardly thing to do.

"I only said that because you make my life more complicated. I just want to be with Quinn and Beth, no mess, no drama, but you make that so hard."

"Because we're married?" she asked.

"Because I have feelings for you. I told you all of this."

Either he was unbelievably brave or incredibly stupid but he took the chance and reached out to touch her, tugging on a curl at the end of her hair. He wanted to connect with her physically, feel proof that she was still there with him, and not shutting him out.

"Sorry I have a hard time keeping all your bullshit straight," Mercedes said smacking his hand away.

"I'm being real, no bullshit. I care about you."

He couldn't really blame her for not trusting his words. He'd been so back and forth with her, pushing her away one moment, pulling her in the next. Tangled emotions ruled him when it came to her and at times he didn't know where the lies ended and the truth began. All he knew for sure was that he felt something, and that it bothered him to see her in distress.

"If you really cared you wouldn't ask me to do this. Can't you see how hurtful it is? We would be playing the perfect family for nine months, and then it would be over. And I'd be back where I started, brokenhearted over you. I don't think I can do it Sam. It's too much. I'm in love with you, and you're teasing me with this chance to have this life we used to dream about, it's so cruel. I don't just want you for nine months, you promised me more than that."

Sam watched her lower lip tremble as she fought back her tears. The urge to comfort her, to hug her, to tell her it was going to be okay, anything to stop the pain, was consuming him. He didn't think she would accept anything from him at this point but he had no choice but to try, he couldn't let her persist in this state.

"Then let's make it real. I'll move in with you and Beth and we'll be a family."

He stepped closer to her, opening his arms slightly, praying she wouldn't see the move as a threat, and take off running. Mercedes looked up at him, deep watery eyes, filled with so many emotions, anger, hurt, and love. The love was so clear, so present, boldly on display. She wanted him to see it. She was trying to make him understand without words. This was about so much more than a bargain he made with his father, this was her life, her heart.

"You can't just snap your fingers and make something like that happen. Your heart has to be in it, and Sam yours just isn't."

"I told you I wanted this too."

"You also told me you didn't want to remember our life together because of Quinn. She's the reason we are even having this conversation."

"It started out about her, but now I see there's more to it. I owe it to myself to get to know you."

"And if Quinn were still upstate? Would you be so eager to learn about your old life?"

He liked her, truly, before he even knew she was his wife. That had to mean something. It had to make this about more than keeping Quinn free.

"I don't know."

"I deserve a better answer than that."

"I know you do, but that's all I got."

Saying what she wanted wasn't going to happen, he couldn't promise her more than he felt. Mercedes wanted him to love her and he simply didn't.

"It's not enough for me. I want my husband back, for real, for good, not some half-baked fantasy just to help Quinn."

What if Quinn were out of the picture, still with his brother or if she were engaged to Puck? What would he want? Sam forced himself to let Quinn go for a moment and considered the alternatives. Would he be fighting his feelings for Mercedes so much if there were no one else in his heart? Still wouldn't change that he didn't know her, it wouldn't magically make him fall in love, but maybe it would let him be open to the possibilities, help him feel free to explore why he was so drawn to her. Basically he could be in the moment with her, enjoying her company, finding out about her, just as he had begun to in the hospital. That's what he needed to do now, grant himself permission to get to know his wife and not feel so guilty if he actually liked what he discovered. Letting Mercedes in might be the only way to keep Quinn free.

"Things have changed, I've changed, you've changed. We can't go back Mercedes. All we have is this right now. It's not perfect and it's very complicated, but this is it. This is our life. I have a baby with Quinn. I have feelings for her, she's familiar and comfortable, and I need her in my life. I know you don't like hearing it, but that's the truth, but at the same time I care about you so much. You sort of wormed your way into my world when I was in the hospital and, I can't imagine you not being around. I want to get to know you, spend time with you and create new memories, actually add to the ones we have. We have a few that I think are pretty special like watching the sunrise in the hospital, feeding Beth sweet potatoes for the first time together, seeing you in your blue lingerie." Mercedes rolled her eyes and laughed lightly as he took her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. "All of those moments and so many more from these past two months are ours, good and bad, we have memories, we are rebuilding our relationship, and I want the chance for that to continue. Wow." He chuckled nervously. "I don't think I've said that much at once in a long time."

That had been more than he had planned to admit, but as usual when he was with her, his tongue ran away from him. He felt uneasy and exposed, one word from her and she could strike him down, diminishing all that he had just said. It was from his heart, all of it, and Sam prayed Mercedes would believe him now.

"It was quite a speech."

"I meant every word." Holding both her hands, locking his eyes on hers, silently pleading with her to give him a shot to make things right, to really try with her this time. The timing was late, and the circumstances seemed suspect, but Sam wanted this chance with her. Suddenly her response felt so important. "Do this with me, please."

Shaking her head she tried to break away, but he couldn't let go of her, not yet. "I can't play house with you so Quinn can stay free."

"Mercedes, please."

"It's just too painful."

"Okay you're right," he said dropping her hands, feeling utterly defeated. This was the last card he had to play. There was nothing else. "I don't want you to. I knew it was wrong to ask you from the start, I just got desperate, and I thought maybe..." He let his words fade on his lips. What was the point in continuing? She didn't care anyway.

"You thought what?"

"It was nothing. Forget it." In his mind, he was moving on, already contemplating how he would break the news to Quinn that he had ruined everything. He gambled on a hunch he thought he had about Mercedes and how she felt about him, and he had lost.

"Tell me." Mercedes insisted, tugging at his wrist.

"I thought maybe we could be a team, partners, and find a way to make this work together. I thought if I put it all out there with you and let you in then maybe…" Crushed hopes hit him squarely in the chest. He had wanted there to be something more between them, he had been hoping it was the answer to his plaguing questions about why he cared so much about her, about why he couldn't turn away. She told him she loved him, she said she chose him and wanted to be married to him, and if any of that were true then she would know what he was feeling now. She would understand what he needed from her. "I thought you were mo anam cara, but I guess I was wrong. Let's go back inside."

All that she had said about them and their car crash, the way she talked about how they took care of each other, the fact that she kept threatening to leave and never seemed to go, all of that made him believe that there was something deeper there, something that transcended all of her hurt feelings and his fuzzy memory.

"Sam wait." One hand on the door, he reluctantly looked back. "I'll do it," Mercedes said as she made her way toward him.

"Really? You'll help me appease my father? You'll help me keep Quinn free?"

Small hands inched up the front of his shirt before wrapping around his neck, rooting him to the spot. Holding his breath he watched her, waiting for an explanation for this sudden change.

"On our wedding day you called me your anam cara for the first time. It was after our kiss and everyone was applauding and you whispered that in my ear and I didn't know what it meant but I knew it was something important just by the way you said it. Later you told me it meant 'my soul mate'."

Sam smiled because now he knew all that he'd been feeling had been right and for the first time he saw a glimpse of himself in her, proof that she wasn't an imposter pasted into his life by his father, but she was actually someone he had chosen at one point in his life.

"I said that?"

"You did and you said you wanted us to be a team, partners in everything." Lifting her off her feet in a tight hug, he couldn't contain his happiness and his relief. "I wanted that too. I still do." Leaning back, still snuggly in his arms, she captured his face in her hands, studying him before she spoke. "So we do this together," she finally said.

Sam hugged her again, grinning so wide his cheeks were starting to ache. "Awsiteng," he said in Na'vi against her ear.

They'd make this work together. Finally everything was starting to fall into place and all it took was a little honesty and letting Mercedes in.  
>-<p>

**Notes: Anam Cara refers to the Celtic spiritual belief of souls connecting and bonding.**

**In Celtic Spiritual tradition, it is believed that the soul radiates all about the physical body, what some refer to as an aura. When you connect with another person and become completely open and trusting with that individual, your two souls begin to flow together. Should such a deep bond be formed, it is said you have found your Anam Cara or soul friend. **

**Awsiteng = TOGETHER in Navi**


	108. Tailspin3 Ch54

**Chapter 54**

A taste of caviar, a bite of lobster, a lick of chocolate cake from his fingers, in a whirl they indulged in the party, doing it all in merely an hour. Artie was an excellent date, attentive, funny, daring, he braved the dance floor twice, showing off his abysmal dancing skills with a smile on his face. He made her laugh, telling her stories about life in LA, and all the Hollywood types he'd grown up with. Maybe it was too much of the champagne she shouldn't have been drinking, or simply the fact that for first time in the whole night Sam wasn't on her mind, but Quinn felt free, lighthearted. She had fun.

Artie had come through again saving her from drowning in a pool of her own misery. When he first took her case, his infectious energy and sheer belief in her right to be free, helped Quinn cling to hopes that had been swiftly fading. Sam may have ultimately been the one to pull the strings to get her released, but without Artie she would have been too much of an emotional mess to actually leave the hospital. Just like tonight, Quinn had been letting Dwight's deal, the prying eyes of the media, and Sam's cold shoulder, get her down, making her lose sight of all the positives in her life, like her freedom and her ability to even have the right to be at a party dancing with her horribly uncoordinated lawyer.

Leaning back against the wall, the sounds of the party more muted in the foyer, Artie smiled at her, without saying a word, his blue eyes sparkling in a way she had never noticed before. It looked like her attorney might be just a little bit drunk.

"I think we've managed to give your friends the slip," declared Artie his words slurring slightly.

"They are not my friends. Kitty Wilde and Jacob Ben Israel used to torment me in high school."

"Seems like they are keeping the tradition alive. That Kitty was oddly eager to share the news about our 'relationship'." Artie made quotes in the air with his fingers as he said the word.

"Jacob is a reporter for the Sioux City times."

"Ah it all makes sense now."

"I could just hug you. In fact, I'm going to," Quinn said wrapping her arms around Artie. "You saved my life tonight. I don't know how to repay you."

"What'd I do?" he asked with a goofy grin.

"All the stuff with Kitty, you were great."

Artie rubbed her back, accepting the hug for a moment, before giving her one last squeeze and stepping away. "Shutting Kitty down was a pleasure. I used to know girls like her in high school. And here I thought LA had the market cornered on fake tasteless women."

"Lima has a fair share."

"I can see that. The Midwest has a reputation of being filled with sweet, warm girls, the kind you settle down and marry. What happened in this town?"

"Lima still has Mercedes. According to just about everyone on earth she's the sweetest, warmest, bestest little wife. Sam got himself a catch when he married her." Quinn rolled her eyes. "If I hear another word about her I just might scream."

"It is her house." Artie shrugged. "People have to be nice."

Quinn disagreed, if people were going to kiss up to anyone, it should be Sam. "It's Sam's house. His family's home."

"Mercedes is a part of his family. Did you know if anything ever happened to him she stands to inherit this house?"

"Dwight would never let an outsider have ownership of this mansion."

Dwight barely even liked houseguests. Quinn could remember in vivid detail her torturous stay at the house. Although there were some good points she couldn't forget, like finally making love to Sam after years of downplaying their attraction. Being with Sam in that way was worth the pain of facing Dwight Evans at breakfast.

"The way Burt tells it, Dwight's will leaves practically his entire estate to Sam. Sam married Mercedes with no pre-nup, and his will leaves the bulk of everything to her."

"I had no idea she had that much to gain."

Mercedes really set herself up well. She was in a position to bring Sam to his knees. Quinn couldn't help but wonder if this was her plan the whole time, ingratiate herself into the family, earn their trust, then bilk them out of millions. She used to con men all over California, something like this wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility for Mercedes. The big question was how did Sam let himself get trapped by her? Sam was usually so shrewd, even if he had a tendency to lead with his heart, he rarely let his love affairs impact his family or his business, but this marriage to Mercedes had done exactly that.

"If Mercedes ever divorced him she could really clean him out, especially with the infidelity and the baby, and…"

"And me back in his life. No wonder Dwight's working so hard to keep them married. He doesn't want to lose a cent."

Quinn should have known this was ultimately about money. Dwight never cared enough about Sam's personal life before to go to such an extreme as this deal. There always had to be something in it for him. Dwight never did anything that didn't bring him personal gain.

"What's Dwight up to now?" asked Artie distaste evident on his face.

"Besides orchestrating my entire release in exchange for Sam's promise to stay married to Mercedes?" Quinn threw it out there. She had to confide in someone and Artie was the only person that she could trust to be discreet.

"Are those the conditions you were going to tell me about before?"

"Yep. Sam has to stay married to Mercedes for nine months and I get to be free. Yippee." Saying the terms of her release out loud made her heart sink. Sam would be basically giving up another year of his life just for her. Quinn couldn't help but feel guilty about the sacrifice he was making.

Artie rubbed his hand over his dimpled chin, pondering what Quinn disclosed. "All things considered, that's not too bad."

"It is when Sam and I want to be together. We want to get on with our lives, be a family with Beth."

"You can't be with Beth yet anyway so…"

"I know." Artie was right of course. It wasn't like she and Sam were going to be able to be together right away. He had a marriage to consider and she had the very real task of getting her life straight so she could be with Beth again. "It is just the principle of the matter though. Who is Dwight to tell us what to do?"

"He got you out of the hospital. I say let him dictate all he wants. Nine months is nothing in the grand scheme of life. You'll be working to get back Beth and before you know it the months will have passed."

Quinn smiled at Artie. "So logical, must be what makes you such a good lawyer." It was turning out to be really nice to have someone so sensible in her life.

"What Dwight came up with is twisted, but at least he isn't forcing you into indentured servitude or banishing you to Wyoming."

"True," Quinn sighed in agreement. "Things could be worse. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I really am so happy to be out of the hospital, but I guess, it's just that tonight's been rough for me and Sam. It's hard being in the same room with him and not be able to talk to him. I don't know how we're going to make it through all these months."

Sneaking around wasn't an option, she didn't want to be his secret fling or his mistress, but enduring this night where she was on the outskirts of Sam's life, all those convictions about being a good person and morally upstanding were flying from her brain. Morality be damned, she loved Sam and she didn't want to miss another moment with him. Not being able to talk to him just these few hours was maddening, she couldn't even imagine what it would feel like to be shut out for months.

"You're strong, smart, and determined. You are going to rebuild your life and you don't need Sam to do that," said Artie as he patted her lightly on the shoulder.

Once again Quinn was floored that someone that barely knew her could see so much in her. Did she really exude those attributes, when inside she felt weak, scared, and foolish?

"I'm not that strong. Look at all the things I've done. I sunk so low these past few months. I don't think I can pull myself out of this hole without him. Sam's my anchor, my support. I need him in my life."

It sounded pathetic even to her, but Sam had brought her through losing Puck, her pregnancy and her time in the hospital. He had been a force in her life without even being conscious. Quinn wasn't ready to give up something so powerful, not when she still had so much farther to go.

"Stop selling yourself short. I know you can do this." Artie turned Quinn to face him. "I have complete faith in you, and I don't put my faith in hopeless causes. I remember the first time I saw you. I was sitting on the couch in my apartment in Chicago, channel surfing after a long day in court, a beer in one hand and Chinese takeout spread out on the coffee table. You came on my TV screen and stopped me in my tracks."

"I thought you said you hadn't heard of my case before coming here."

Artie looked away with a sheepish smile on his face. "I might have altered the truth a little there. I didn't want you to feel weird that I saw you on TV and volunteered to represent you."

"Volunteered?" Quinn stepped back in shock. "Do you mean you're working for free?"

"No. No." He chuckled. "A guy has to eat, but I did call up Burt that night I saw you on TV, and I asked if I could help. He promptly turned me down of course, which was understandable. I was a pretty inexperienced attorney offering up my services like I was Johnny Cochran. I am surprised Burt didn't hang up on me."

This all was sounding a little strange, like something out of a movie. Artie had actually sought her out, wanting to help her with her case.

"So if Burt turned down your help, how did you get on my case?"

"Oddly enough a couple of weeks later I got a call asking me to take on your case. I guess it was meant to be for us."

A chill ran through Quinn's body, unnerved at the strange way Artie had revealed he'd come into her life. This story he told her made it clearer that Artie was some sort of miracle brought into her world by a higher power. Quinn looked down at their joined hands. How did that happen? Somehow during their conversation they had ended up connected.

"It sounds like it. Who hired you Artie? You said before it wasn't Puck."

"No not Puck. Who hired me isn't important. It only matters that I took the job and was able to help you in some small way."

Quinn let him evade her question for now, hoping that in time he would trust her with all the answers she sought.

"You helped in a big way. I only wish I could thank my anonymous benefactor as well."

"You using your freedom to the fullest will be thanks enough. That's why I need you to start thinking positively and think of these nine months as a gift, a second chance to make things right with your baby, and create a new future. I'm not saying it will be easy, it won't be, but don't you ever think you're alone in this. I'm not going to let you stay down in that hole. I am here for you, whenever you need me."

"I can't even begin to find the words to thank you." Quinn hugged him again, she couldn't help herself, the man was incredible.

"No need," he grinned. "This is what attorneys slash fake boyfriends do."

"You're a good friend."

Friends were such a rarity in her life, especially male friends. The men she knew were usually exes or just pretending to be platonic in the hopes of building a romance down the line, but Artie was different, he was on her side because he wanted to be, because he believed in her, no ulterior motives seemed to be directing his actions at all.

"Finally she gets it. That's what I've been trying to tell you all along. Friends help each other. Let Sam worry about his end of things, and we'll focus on you getting Beth back. Together."

"That sounds really good. I can't wait to get Beth back and away…" Quinn's voice faded as she saw Beth carried into the foyer by her nurse.

"Okay mom petit, votre fête est finie," said Marcel to the baby.

Quinn watched from the far end of the foyer as the really tall nurse Marcel buckled Beth into her car seat. The baby squirmed and kicked her feet giving the man a hard time with his task. Marcel talked to Beth in French saying what Quinn suspected were words to quiet infant down. Beth wasn't hearing it, adding squeals to her repertoire. Quinn was sure Beth would start bawling at any moment.

"Let's go," said Artie tugging at her elbow.

Quinn stepped away from him, moving toward her daughter. She was so close to her. How could she just leave and not acknowledge her baby?

"She's fussing," Quinn whispered.

"I know, but we need to go." Artie was right beside her, urging her back.

"I can't leave her like this. She needs me. No one's here. I will just be a minute."

"Quinn you can't," he called out.

Ignoring Artie, Quinn walked over to Beth and Marcel. The nurse looked up from his kneeling position, a blank expression on his face.

"I'm Beth's mother," Quinn announced, unsure if Marcel knew who she was.

"Oui. I know."

Quinn knelt beside him, unable to stop herself from grabbing one of Beth's little waving hands. The baby instantly stilled when she touched her. "Hey there my sweet princess, it's your mommy."

"You cannot be here. Mr. and Mrs. Evans…"

"I won't be long," said Quinn cutting him off. "I just want to kiss my sweet baby goodnight." Undoing all of Marcel's work, Quinn unhooked Beth from her car seat and picked the baby up in her arms. Rising to her feet, she held her daughter close, swaying her gently as she walked around the foyer with her. "How's my sweet girl? I've missed you so much tonight." Beth looked up at her with wide eyes, her whining ceased now that she was in her arms.

"Quinn if anyone catches you with Beth," said Artie coming over to her. He rubbed his hand over Beth's head. "Things could go very badly for you, if you are caught," he said at a lower volume.

"I just want to hold her. I'm not going to hurt her. I swear." Quinn kissed Beth's head the way she longed to since watching Mercedes do the same earlier in the evening. It wasn't right that another woman got to be mother to her child, while she was forced to stand by and watch it all from the sidelines.

"CPS doesn't see it that way. We need to abide by their rules. The fact that you're even in the same house as Beth is a violation."

"How can loving my daughter be a violation?"

"Quinn there's nothing wrong with loving her. That's a good thing in fact. It will be the driving force as you fight to get back to her back, legally, the right way, but this sneaking hugs in the Evans house is definitely not right. You have to give her back."

"Just a few minutes more," Quinn pleaded, moving away from Artie toward the front door.

"Mademoiselle, I must take the bebe home now," said Marcel reaching out to take Beth from Quinn. Instinctively she recoiled as if Marcel were a threat, in a way he was, he was the one trying to snatch her own baby from her arms.

"Quinn give him back the baby," said Artie looking suddenly stressed as he guarded the door that led to the party with his body. "Someone could come through this door at any second."

"Look she's not crying. She likes being with me. Look at her Artie."

"Quinn," he began softly. "I promise we'll find a way to reunite you two, but it can't be tonight."

"Sam let me see her before. Sam won't care if I hold Beth for a bit."

"Sam doesn't know the truth," said Artie bluntly. "We don't know what Sam's real reaction is until he knows everything."

"He knows a lot Artie. I told him things. Sam understands." She was starting to cry, her emotions overflowing unexpectedly. For the first time in a really long time she realized she didn't want to let Beth go. She wanted to take her baby home and care for her. She wanted to be her mother again, for real this time.

Artie was beside her again, his hand on her shoulder, speaking to her in a gentle coaxing tone. "I will work on you getting supervised visits as soon as I can. Monday morning. You'll see her again. I promise." Artie grabbed Beth under his arms, attempting to pull the baby from her.

Quinn tensed, feeling cornered. Jerking away she tightened her hold on Beth and edged even closer to the front door.

"I don't want to give her back. She's my baby, mine and Sam's. We should be the ones raising her, not Mercedes. I don't want her to go back to Mercedes."

"Mercedes has been taking good care of her. Isn't that right?" Artie asked turning to Marcel.

"Oui. Mrs. Evans is an excellent mother."

"She's not her mother!" Quinn yelled with tears streaming down her face. Beth's head shot up at the noise, her green eyes grew wide, and filled with large tears. Within seconds the baby began to cry.

"I heard yelling. What is going on out here?" Sue asked rushing through the door into the foyer. "Marcel? Oh my God! What is she doing? She's not supposed to be near the baby."

"Oui Mrs. Sylvester but..."

Sue lashed out angrily. "No buts you'll lose your job again over this."

"Quinn was just about to give her back," said Artie.

"I thought you were an officer of the court. Are you in on this too?"

"There's nothing to be in on," said Artie stepping in front of Quinn. "She was telling her child goodnight, not perpetrating a heist."

"Why is she by the door like she's going to leave with her? Step aside right now so I can get my granddaughter."

"I'm not letting you anywhere near my client. I know your reputation."

"Brave and stupid, the way Quinn likes them. If you know my reputation then you know to get out of my way," said Sue as she shoved Artie aside. "Quinn hand over the baby."

Quinn had pressed herself against the wooden door trying to shield herself from Sue and comfort Beth at the same time. Beth continued to wail in her arms, no matter how much she rocked her or hummed in her ear.

"She's my baby Sue," Quinn said contemplating her options from her trapped position. There was no way Sue would let her get around her with the baby. Opening the door and stepping outside might be her only means of escape.

"Please don't make me get violent in front of a child. I will have Marcel go get Daley or one of the other guards."

"We don't really need to go there," said Artie trying to get Sue to see reason.

"I think we do. She's a threat to my grandchild."

"She's her mother," Artie persisted, totally clueless how hopeless it was to talk to Sue rationally. "Quinn would never hurt her and deep down you know that's the truth."

"Sue doesn't care about the truth. She's only out to get me."

"I don't give a damn about you Quinn. You're a lying slut that has done nothing but bring misery down on my sons. I don't need any guards, I'm tired of playing with you. Give me back my granddaughter!"

Taking Quinn by surprise Sue pushed her hard against the door, the carvings in the wood scratching Quinn's back, then swiftly she yanked Beth away.

Beth was shaking and red as she screamed in Sue's arms. Quinn wanted to close her eyes and cover her ears to block out the horrible scene.

"Why did you have to be so rough? Can't you see you're scaring her?" asked Quinn.

Sue gave Beth a kiss and handed her over to Marcel. "Beth will be fine. She's tough. She survived your attempts on her life. This was nothing."

"Quinn, I think we should go," said Artie.

"Why do you keep throwing what happened in my face? I was sick Sue!"

"Stop hiding behind excuses. Until you admit that you were a drunken, crazy, slut and a poor excuse for a mother, I'm going to keep bringing up what you did. I'm not going to let you or anyone else forget what you did to my granddaughter, because Beth's life depends on it. I'm not letting anything like that happen again."

"She's in treatment, she's basically cured," said Artie.

"Oh don't let this pretty package distract you, so many men far smarter than you have made that fatal mistake. Quinn's not even close to being cured. Are you Quinn?"

"I've been released from the hospital. I'm feeling better. I've paid for my crimes."

"You think a few months in a mental ward is payment? You should be tied to a tree and left for dead, just like you did to my grandchild."

"I didn't mean to hurt her." Quinn sniffed back her tears.

"She was an innocent and you unleashed your crazy on her. My baby was in a coma fighting for his life and you turned on the one part of him that we had left, his own flesh and blood, you tried to wipe his daughter off the face of the earth." Tears poured from Sue's eyes, which she dabbed at furiously with a napkin clenched in her hand. "I will never forgive you for that. Never. I don't care what Dwight says or if Sam passes out again, I'm not letting him go another minute without knowing what you did. I'm telling Sam."

Sue turned fast on her heels only to run straight into Sam who had just appeared through the door, no jacket, shirt sleeves rolled up, hands stuffed in his pockets.

"What are you telling me mom?"

"Sue, wait," said Quinn stepping forward, swallowing the knot in her throat. "I should be the one to tell him."

"Tell me what?" asked Sam looking from Quinn to Sue. "Someone needs to start talking here."

"I don't trust you bitch," Sue said bitterly. "You'll distort the truth to make yourself look better. So here it goes…"

"Sue!" Quinn yelled in a last attempt to stop her. Sam didn't need to hear about it all this way, so abrupt and cold, in the middle of his birthday party.

"Sweetie," said Sue taking Sam's hand. "This is about Beth and what happened to her."

"Just say it mom. What happened?"

"Quinn tried to kill her. That's why she was locked away."

"What?" Even at a distance, Quinn could see Sam's eyes clouding, the rims growing moist with tears. Just the thought of something happening to Beth was killing him. "No. She left her alone, she forgot about her but…"

"Sam," Quinn stepped in front of Sam, blocking Sue from his view. His eyes were so open now, in shock and maybe horror.

He was processing all he had heard trying to make sense of what probably sounded like lies. She had made things so much worse on him, on them both actually, by telling him tidbits of the truth. Sam deserved more than that. He needed to hear it all, so that they could move forward and work through it together.

Shaking with fear she touched his cheek, slightly shocked when he welcomed her touch, leaning into her palm. She guessed all that tension from earlier about Mike had disappeared now. Sam seemed open to her again. Hopefully that wouldn't change now that he was going to know everything that was hidden between them.

"Quinn, is what my mom saying true?" asked Sam leaning in closer to her so only the two of them could hear.

"Yes, it is true," she said slowly. "I hurt Beth. I almost killed our baby."  
>-<p> 


	109. Tailspin3 Ch55

**Chapter 55**

"Does Sam know you're here?" Mercedes asked without looking up. She continued to focus on the twinkling lights like the stars on Beth's ceiling polka dotting the dance floor in a random pattern hypnotizing her the longer she stared.

Dwight Evans sunk his large frame into the seat across from her. "No I thought it best to not disturb them now that everything is finally coming out."

"You were the one that insisted he not be told in the first place."

"I wanted to make sure he was ready to handle it. The timing was key."

"What makes you think now is the time?" Mercedes finally looked over at him, impeccably dressed in a navy suit, showing no signs of rumples or wrinkles from his flight. "He's been pretty emotional all night, not to mention the passing out part."

"I know my son."

"I hope so because Sam doesn't need to get hurt over this."

It was hard to believe that just an hour ago Sam was happier than she'd seen him in a long time, since before the accident, since before their marriage fell apart. After she had agreed to help him keep up his father's deal, Sam's whole demeanor changed, it was as if a weight had been lifted and a sense of peace had settled over of him. They'd come in from the cold, emerged back into the grand salon, like a very different couple than they had been when they left. Well Sam was very different, Mercedes was being pulled along for the ride. He never dropped her hand, dragging her through the party until they reached his mom and Will at the far end of the dance floor by the stage. Stevie, Stacy and Maria were there, so excited to see their uncle, throwing themselves at him with that boundless little kid energy, and Sam couldn't get enough. He twirled and spun, hair and ribbons flying, giggles filling the air, almost louder than the music. And that smile, Sam's face was glowing with his full grin that caused the corners of his eyes to crinkle and his ears to point up ever so slightly. Sam managed to get that dance, not with her, Mercedes still wouldn't allow that, but with his mom, his eager partner, swaying in time to "Oh Mandy" by Barry Manilow, while she looked up adoringly at her son.

Mercedes couldn't help but smile as she watched Sam dance, he was so handsome and alive, doing things she had only dreamed he'd be able to do again. Everything about him being able to celebrate his birthday with such enthusiasm and joy was a miracle. The problem was that all of it was based on lies and deceptions. Sam was happy because she agreed to pretend, to keep up a charade, to be his accomplice in duplicity. That was a place she had been before and had no problem occupying again, she'd do anything for him, always had, and probably always would, but this time there was a marked difference. This time she wasn't really doing it for him. She was doing it for her. All of this was about Quinn, helping her stay out of the hospital, supporting her efforts to win back custody of Beth. It might have been Sam that made the request, but when she looked past his pink lips and pleading eyes, all Mercedes could see was Quinn, and that was very hard for her to swallow.

"Sam is free to react how he sees fit. His family is here to support him, and once Kurt clears all these people out of my house, there will be no audience to broadcast his reaction to the world."

"I am just scared to think about what that reaction might be."

A part of her couldn't stop thinking about him on the floor of the nursery, as he had been earlier in the night, unresponsive, blood pooling above his lip, so very pale. Even if it had been a reaction to alcohol, and she wasn't fully convinced of that, seeing Sam that way had unnerved her. Mercedes wasn't sure if she could deal with another incident like that tonight. Then there was that other part of her, the more cynical side, her realistic side, the part of her that kept her from dreaming and stopped any of her hopes from getting too carried away. That part of her knew that she shouldn't fear for Sam's health, there would be no more passing out tonight, because whatever Quinn told him about Beth would never be enough to impact his feelings for her, to get him to turn away from Quinn in anger or hurt, and definitely not pain. Mercedes hadn't known much about Sam and Quinn's relationship before the crash, it was only while they were trapped in the car that Sam became so free with his stories about his ex-girlfriend, but that conversation in the car, combined with all she had pieced together since, made it very clear that there was pretty much nothing Quinn could do to get Sam to stop caring about her. Not even hurting their baby.

"I know you must be worried about what's going on in there with them, but I assure you if Quinn doesn't tell him the truth I will," Dwight stated, his mouth stretched into a tight thin line. Mercedes could tell that the situation behind the closed doors of his study was worrying him far more than he was letting on.

"Oh I know," she said with a slight raise of her shoulders. "I'm not worried about that. Sue is camped outside the door right now just waiting for the chance to pounce with the truth. My thoughts about Quinn are more complex."

"Please explain."

Mercedes uncrossed her legs and leaned forward toward her father-in-law. "I'd like to know what in the hell you were thinking letting a crazy woman loose on Sam, on Beth, on my marriage."

"Sam was the one that made that decision," said Dwight his expression never changing. "If you have issue with it take it up with him."

Mercedes rolled her eyes. It was an Evans trait to deny and shift the blame whenever possible. Direct was never their style, not when they were guilty. "Cut the crap Dwight."

"Excuse me young lady." Dwight raised an eyebrow, but allowed no other expression to disturb his carefully crafted mask of indifference. "Watch how you speak to me."

Dwight no longer intimidated her, maybe he still should have, after all his reputation was deadly, but after seeing him break down at Sam's bedside, it became clear he was mortal like everyone else. He wasn't made of steel, there were definite vulnerabilities in his body armor, and his love for Sam was one of the biggest.

"Sam told me all about that little deal you made with him to get Quinn free."

"He told you?" Dwight sat up more erect, hands on his thighs, as if he were ready to spring into action, yet he didn't move from his chair. "So soon? I explicitly told him not to involve you in this."

"Well he did. Turns out my husband still has some respect left for me. Unlike my father-in-law that used me like a bargaining chip."

Mercedes felt her emotions rising and she fought to keep them in check. There was no way in hell she was going to lose it in front of Dwight Evans, he obviously viewed her emotions as weakness, her sadness as a sign she was incapable of running her own life. Why else would he step in and do this act of charity forcing Sam to stay married to her as if she were too pathetic to keep him interested on her own without resorting to bribery? The simplest answer was that her own father-in-law didn't think she had what it took to keep Sam away from Quinn.

"I was merely trying to ensure that Sam took the time to get to know you before running off with that slut. He had these ideas in his head about becoming a family with Quinn and Beth."

If Dwight only knew what his son was up to tonight, he wouldn't be so calm right now. Sam wasn't letting any deals hold him back from the life he wanted, a life with Quinn.

"He still has those ideas. Your arrangement with him hasn't changed that. He still wants to be with her and not me." Mercedes almost choked on that last sentence, hating to admit the glaring truth of her situation out loud. Sam might be giving her attention at the moment, at times being flirty, sometimes turning up the heat, but none of it was about her. It was all an act to keep her appeased so she would help him with Quinn.

"I wouldn't jump to that conclusion yet. Everything is working out just as I anticipated." Dwight leaned back in his seat, looking more relaxed than ever.

The more relaxed Dwight became the more agitated Mercedes grew. What the hell was going on with the man? He was acting like everything was normal and completely ignoring the fact that Sam was locked in a room with Quinn receiving the worse news of his life, on his birthday no less.

"So you anticipated Quinn crashing this party, and Sam blacking out?" asked Mercedes her voice rising. "Oh and did you anticipate Quinn trying to leave the house with the baby?"

"Sam has always been a bit high strung and Beth was never in any danger." Dwight lowered his voice as he observed a handful of stragglers slowly leaving the room. "The guards were watching Quinn all night. She wouldn't have made it past the front steps with the girl. Just like when Sam let her hold the baby in the nursery. They were being watched the entire time."

"Sam let her hold the baby?" Mercedes's throat went dry. Quinn had gotten close to Beth twice in one night.

"Yes earlier this evening, but it wasn't the same as when she broke into Beiste's house and got to Beth. Sam was with her the whole time."

"She broke into our house?" Mercedes asked her eyes widening in shock. "How come you never told me about that?"

"We didn't want you to worry. I had handled it. I made sure she went upstate so she wouldn't get that close to Beth again."

This must have been the night they found Quinn wandering the streets of Lima. She hadn't been lost at all, she knew exactly where she was going, right to the house to steal Beth from them. Fear gripped Mercedes as her mind replayed all the ways Quinn had hurt Beth in the past, like a slide show in rapid motion, now she had a new image to add, Quinn getting to Beth right under their noses.

"It was you that sent her up there?" asked Mercedes still trying to process everything. Beiste, Dwight, even her dad had neglected to tell her about Quinn's little break-in.

"It didn't take much. All I did was report that she escaped from the hospital and broke into the house in an attempt to kidnap my granddaughter. Judge Leery was more than eager to send Quinn to a more secure facility."

"So why the hell did you let her out now? She's still a threat. Her actions tonight proved it."

Mercedes hadn't been witness to Quinn's episode in the foyer, she had only Sue's teary account of events to go on, but she didn't need to be there to understand the fear Sue must have felt. Seeing Beth in intensive care, hooked up to machines, her little body clinging to life, all because of something her own mother had done, those were the images that kept Mercedes up at night, silently blaming herself for not protecting Beth, for not preventing Quinn from hurting her. Both she and Sue had been concerned about Quinn, had discussed just how unstable she seemed, but neither of them did anything about it. The sad results of her inaction were something she would have to live with. She'd spent each day since Beth was discovered in the woods trying to make it up to her, make her feel safe and loved. Having Quinn back made all of that harder, because Mercedes wasn't sure what she was capable of. All she had was her gut, and it was telling her to protect Beth at all costs, even from her own mother.

Dwight signaled to Figgins with a wave of his hand. "Sam is awake and able to keep her in check now. She's his problem."

Beth was easier to handle, she was small, immobile for the time being, but Sam was a whole different matter. He was a fully functioning adult with a mind of his own. There was no way that Mercedes could control his movements, keep him safe from Quinn, or even from himself. Since he woke up, Sam had been fixated on Quinn and renewing a relationship with her, as far as Mercedes could tell there wasn't anything she could do to stop him from following that road.

"No, she's my problem. Sam has no objectivity when it comes to Quinn. Do you really think he'll keep Beth from her?"

"Once he knows the whole story, he will do what needs to be done." Dwight assured her.

"You have no idea how important Quinn is to him do you?" she asked almost laughing. Dwight was totally underestimating Sam's feelings for Quinn. "The lengths he'll go to for her? He asked me to play along with his charade, keep up appearances with him, so he could fool you into thinking that he wanted to be married to me."

"And I take it you turned him down? Since you are divulging all of this to me right now."

"Actually no." Mercedes paused. "I told him I would do it," she added quietly.

"I see." Dwight said watching her as Figgins handed him a glass of scotch.

Mercedes reddened under his dark stare. "What choice did I have?" she asked defensively. "He was giving me the hard sell about Beth needing her mother, and he was being honest with me, completely, and he started talking about anam cara…" Her list of excuses faded on her lips, too weary to keep up the pretense.

"So you agreed to help him save Quinn?"

"In a sense, yes."

He was so upset when she turned him down looking so lost and alone, like she was his last hope and now he was left with nothing. Mercedes never could handle seeing Sam in pain, especially not when it was so blatantly displayed on his face. When they had first broken up last year, Sam had kept showing up at the door, with the very same pained expression he wore tonight in the pool house, slamming the door in his face day after day was all Mercedes could do to stop herself from reacting to his feelings, to prevent herself from caring about a man that had devastated her so completely. She had tried to slam the door on him tonight, turning down his request to help him keep Quinn free, for once putting her own feelings above his, and it had worked, until she looked over at him and saw his face. After that she knew it was hopeless, she would do whatever he asked.

"I can't help but think back to that time when you helped Sam with Rachel."

Mercedes groaned. "Don't remind me that I'm being the same fool twice." The parallels between her past and present were really starting to unnerve her. It felt like she was trapped in some endless loop of all her misdeeds, forced to relive them over and over again with different players in the role.

"I don't think you're being foolish," said Dwight as he took a drink from his glass. "I think you are looking out for Sam's best interest, that you care about his wellbeing, and that you're incredibly loyal. I always knew Sam got it right when he married you."

Mercedes shot her father-in-law a disbelieving look. "You thought I was a gold digger."

"True, but I also thought you were smart and tenacious. You've got backbone and heart. You're exactly the kind of woman Sam needs.

Totally surreal to be sitting in the middle of an empty room with Dwight Evans as he plied her with compliments, something he had never done before. Mercedes suspected it had more to do with who she wasn't, than who she was. Dwight would have wanted Sam married to a serial killer, as long as she wasn't Quinn Fabray.

"I knew Sam was up to something all night, trying to pull one over on me, I just didn't know what. And there were times when I almost believed that some of what he was saying and doing could be real, but it was all to keep Quinn free and hold up his end of the bargain with you. The only reason Sam needs me is to keep Quinn out of the psych ward. He doesn't really care about me," she said sniffing back tears.

Dwight handed her a handkerchief, silk, monogramed with an E. Mercedes dabbed at her eyes, disgusted with herself for showing weakness in front of Dwight. She didn't want to cry over this, not anymore. This was her life now and tears would do nothing to change it or make it better.

"My son botched a multi-million dollar deal because of you." Dwight grimaced. The loss clearly still pained him. "He had that deal sealed tight and it all came apart because he couldn't handle his feelings for you."

"That deal fell apart because I double crossed him and passed info to competitors." Something she wasn't proud of, especially since it cost the company millions, but back then it felt like the only way to get Sam's attention.

"Something that never would have happened if he hadn't been acting like a six year old with a crush. Sam is a shrewd business man, intelligent, forward thinking, perceptive, and don't you ever tell him I said any of this, he's not ready to hear it, but I thought he had the makings of a damn fine CEO," he said gruffly. "I see so much of myself in him, but he has this other side, led by his emotions that cause him to be irrational, impulsive, and downright stupid, clearly all traits he inherited from his mother."

"What does any of that have to do with the fact that you set Sam up to use me to get to Quinn?"

"He had a choice Mercedes, then and now. He didn't have to take my deal, he could've found another way to help Quinn. Just like back when he was dealing with you and your antics at D&E, he had options to handle you, hell I told him numerous times to sue you, have you jailed, shipped out of town, you name it."

"I'm so touched Dwight," Mercedes said dryly, not surprised that he had encouraged Sam to run her out of Lima.

"It wasn't personal, merely business. Sam wouldn't hear any of that though. He rather you stay in town making him miserable and his job so much harder, jeopardizing his company and his relationship with me, all because he was attracted to you."

"Sam and I have always had an attraction, but so what? It's never been enough."

He had wanted her even while he was with Rachel, they had an almost instant connection and attraction. Sam tried to downplay it, but Mercedes could always see the feelings he tried to conceal. In the end it just didn't matter much, Sam chose Rachel over her, leaving Mercedes to spend many months coping with the fact that she wasn't good enough for someone like him.

"Sam no longer works for D&E, Rachel is gone, and you're the one he married. I think that attraction proved to be more than enough. He's forgotten you, and yet here you are, still very much in his life."

Mercedes couldn't be fooled. Still being married to Sam had nothing to do with their enduring connection and everything to do with Quinn.

"Only because you forced him into it. I deserve better than to be his obligation."

"Family is not obligation. It is responsibility. He is a husband and a father and he can't just run away from that. I just helped him remember his priorities," Dwight stated resolutely, as if no fault could be found with his reasoning.

"I have a responsibility too as his wife wouldn't you say?"

For weeks people had been trying to convince her that Sam felt more than he let on, that his memories of her and his feelings were lurking just beneath the surface and patience and understanding would lure them out and she'd have her husband again. Back and forth she swung between clinging to those hopes and being completely disillusioned by them. Walking away from him made the most sense. He didn't want her, definitely didn't love her, what was she hanging on for? Then Emma, of all people, pushed her toward sticking it out, hinting that she would be quitting if she gave up so quickly, but it wasn't until Quinn confronted her in the middle of the hallway, throwing her feelings for Sam around, making declarations about second chances and having a future with Sam that Mercedes dug her heels in and decided to fight. Maybe there was nothing left between her and Sam, their marriage erased forever from his mind, but Mercedes wasn't just going to hand her husband over to another woman, especially not Quinn. If in the end Quinn ended up with Sam it would only be after a long hard battle.

"Indeed, that's why I was certain you would stay with him and not divorce him. I knew you would support him."

Dwight seemed so proud of himself, though his facial expression hadn't changed very much. Mercedes still could sense the satisfaction exuding from his pores.

"There are limits to how much a person is willing to take."

"Understood, but you have not reached that limit. Before his accident when you two were contemplating divorce for the first time, I encouraged my son to fight for you, to do whatever it took to keep you in his life and now that he can't remember his fight or even what it was he was fighting for, I am picking up the slack for him, I am helping him keep the life he wanted."

There was that crack again, a bit of humanity slipping through the armor. Dwight honestly seemed to believe that he'd done all of this for Sam and that one day when his memory returned he would actually be grateful. Mercedes almost felt sorry for the man, so much money and power and yet he didn't have a clue about the human heart.

"And that life can't happen if I don't cooperate?" asked Mercedes playing along, despite feeling queasy that her father-in-law thought it was okay to wheel and deal with human lives.

"Yes, but you just said you agreed to stand by Sam, so everything is going according to plan," he said with a hint of a smile.

"Beiste doesn't know what you've been up to does she?" asked Mercedes observing him closely for any tells.

"Shannon doesn't have anything to do with what we are talking about here."

There it was a little twitch around his lips. Finally Mercedes had something she could use.

"I know Beiste very well and I know with the most certainty that she wouldn't like you playing God with our lives like this."

"Shannon will be thrilled Quinn is no longer upstate. She never wanted her there in the first place." Dwight tried to maintain his façade of calm but his mouth's little twitches continued to give him away.

"You're probably right," said Mercedes rising to her feet. "I think I'll just give her a call and tell her about Quinn being back in Lima and how that miraculous feat came to be." She started to move away from the lounge area, onto the dance floor and towards the door.

"You're lucky I like you," Dwight called out from his seat.

Mercedes smiled. "I'm lucky you like Beiste," she said as she walked back over to him.

"What are you getting at?" asked Dwight.

"I need to know my family is safe. One of the reasons I agreed to go along with helping Sam was because I needed to be in the loop to look out for him. He has no idea what he's getting himself into with Quinn."

"I'm not going to penalize him for telling you about our agreement, if that's what you're concerned about. I knew he would end up doing it anyway."

Dwight stood up in front of her, a visual reminder of his size and strength. Mercedes was not going to be deterred, she dug her bare toes into the plush carpet and continued.

"I need you to do the exact opposite. I want you to penalize Sam to the max," she said twisting the silk handkerchief in her hands. "There's a picture of him and Quinn together at a hotel last night. And he's admitted to me that they were physically intimate at that hotel. I think both of those things plus the fact that he told me about your deal is enough to make your plan null and void."

For better or worse she'd done it. There was no other choices, the matter had to be handled.

Dwight shook his head. "I gave Sam my word. I'm not going back on that."

"Quinn is after my husband. Do you want her as your new daughter-in-law?"

This was what she feared most, not Quinn hurting Beth, although that concerned her too, but Quinn getting intertwined with Sam, sucking him in and destroying him in the process. Her dad was still a wreck hiding behind work and random women because he felt like he lost a daughter, Mike fled the country, and Puck had lost the ability to commit, all because of Quinn.

"That won't ever happen," he scoffed. "Quinn will find a way to muck things up, like she always does."

"And what if this time she gets it right? I'm not willing to take that chance. Are you?"

"Things are fine, you have nothing to worry about. I promise you," said Dwight patting her on the shoulder.

"Everything's not fine!" Mercedes yelled jerking away, all the emotions she had tried to hide from him spilling out in a warm gush of tears. "I feel like I'm being attacked from all sides, by Quinn, by Sam, by the reporters, I need to get some control over my life."

"Calm down girl. I told you I am handling things."

"The way you handled tonight? Quinn got into the house, into Beth's nursery, she and Sam had some emotional exchange, and things were said. Things that Quinn later threw in my face."

A shiver ran down Mercedes' spine as she recalled the smug look on Quinn's face as she told her about Sam wanting to be with her and wanting to marry her one day. Quinn had been very pleased to stab Mercedes with those particular truths. There was no compassion for their long medical ordeal, no respect for their marriage, Quinn seemed only to care about finally getting her shot with Sam. Someone that focused and determined could be dangerous, Mercedes knew from personal experience, as she had been in a similar position when she set out to steal Sam from Rachel.

"What kinds of things?" asked Dwight.

"It doesn't matter." Mercedes tried to pull herself together, wiping her face with Dwight's handkerchief. "I just need you to help me get rid of Quinn."

"Mercedes, I told you I made a promise to Sam," said Dwight, turning his back to signal the end of the conversation.

Mercedes wasn't about to give up so easily. She had to see this through for Sam.

"What about the promise you made to me?" she asked rushing in front of Dwight. "When Sam was first in the hospital, you promised me that he'd come back to me. You told me that I'd have my husband again."

"That's what this is all about," he said opening his arms wide for emphasis. "This is me keeping my promise."

"But don't you see? I don't have him back, she does. I need you to fix this for me. Get Quinn away from Sam and Beth. Send her upstate, to prison, wherever. I don't care how you do it, but I want her gone from our lives."

"You agreed to help him. Sam is counting on you. I'm sure you don't want to go back on that."

For a moment, Dwight reminded her of Beiste, a small sign that the pair weren't so mismatched after all. Beiste had employed similar tactics before, in an effort to push Mercedes toward making morally acceptable decisions. Sometimes it had worked, Mercedes wanted to be a better person, to do the right thing, but not tonight. The right thing might seem wrong to some, but it was what she needed to do to put her family back together.

"I'm doing what I have to do."

"You could lose him over this," said Dwight in almost a gentle tone.

"I can't lose what I don't have," she said tears welling in her eyes. "At least I'll know he's safe."

Mercedes looked across the now empty room, only the remnants of the party remained, the debris from what was supposed to be a happy night. One thing was still intact, undisturbed by the partygoers. The gift table she didn't want to have, overflowing in a corner of the room, a rainbow of packages he never even opened. Sam probably hadn't even thought twice about them all, since the only gift he truly wanted, Quinn back in Lima, had been delivered to him wrapped in a shiny bow.

What Sam didn't know, and she hoped he never would discover, was that what she was asking of his father right now was a gift too. A present she was sure he didn't want, but one he desperately needed. 


	110. Tailspin3 Ch56

**Chapter 56 **

"Sam, are you okay? You haven't said a word to me since we came in here."

He let out a large sigh, the breath he had been holding since the words passed through Quinn's lips that she had almost killed their daughter. His mind had sort of shut down after that and he was sure all of his bodily functions had stalled. Breathing seemed more than he could muster, and words, there really were none. Almost on autopilot he led Quinn into his father's study, the closest refuge he could think of to get away from all the eyes. Although once in the room he realized the eyes he truly wanted to escape followed him wherever he went. Beth's big green eyes were engraved in his mind. A part of him had known this was coming, the images of Beth cold and blue still filling his head even after he had been assured it meant nothing. His gut knew better, and even as he tried to ignore it, a sliver of doubt remained. Now he was face to face with the truth, a truth he wasn't so sure he was ready to hear.

"The music stopped," he said without looking at her. Sam wasn't sure where Quinn was in the room. He kept his eyes focused out the window and on the people that filed out of his house. The party was most definitely over.

"Maybe the band is on a break."

"I think they are done. Guests are heading home."

"But it's early still."

Sam could hear the shock in her voice, as if a party ending before midnight was the worst thing in the world, and not the fact that they were sitting alone in a room with a huge secret between them.

"My mom must have told them I wasn't coming back," responded Sam continuing the inane small talk. Anything to stall the more pertinent conversation seemed good to him at this point.

"This room hasn't changed much since the last time I was in here. I guess Dwight isn't big into decorating," she said lightly.

"When were you here last?" Sam asked still watching the action pass him by through the window.

"Strange enough it was another one of your birthdays. We were in high school."

"You remember that?" Sam asked finally looking over at her.

His stomach twisted, he wished he hadn't looked. She was so beautiful in her red dress perched on the edge of the bench against the far wall. Usually seeing her made him smile, an instant pick me up no matter his mood, but now he felt ill, disgusted, like he had no clue who this woman was in the room with him.

"How could I forget? That was one of the few times you invited me to dinner with your family."

"I always tried to spare you the agony."

"I used to think that maybe -" she stopped abruptly, looking down.

"What?" Sam asked subtly leaning in with interest.

She continued to hesitate. "I thought that maybe you were ashamed of me," she said finally.

Sam shook his head slowly already feeling drained from this conversation. "You were the best part of my life," he said softly. "There was no way I was ashamed of you. I was ashamed of them. My family can be so…"

"I know," she interrupted with a hint of a smile. "I just worried sometimes."

Sam had forgotten how insecure she used to be, doubting herself at every turn. Sam never understood it really. Quinn seemed quite perfect in his eyes.

"I thought about that birthday dinner earlier tonight and you coming in here to find me. How did you ever manage that?"

"I don't know. I just knew." She smiled, her head still bowed.

"I've been thinking about climbing under this desk again," he said letting his fingers trail the dark wood.

His father's desk seemed smaller now that he was a grown man, but still he longed for the safety it used to bring to his life. Sometimes the only place he could think in the big old drafty house was under this desk.

"Were you in here before? Hiding out from the party?"

"No. Not that the thought hadn't crossed my mind, especially when I first found out about you and Mike."

She wouldn't let him hide, catching him just when he was on the verge of collapse, his little clueless wife. Had she any idea that she was soothing the pain caused by another woman? Of course Mercedes had known, there was no hiding anything from her, she had this uncanny ability to read him, even when he was doing his best to hide his true feelings. The night would have been so much worse without her.

"Sam I never meant to hurt you with all that."

Quinn was on her feet moving toward him. Sam wasn't sure if he wanted to intercept her path, capture her in his arms and hold her, or move out of the way. In the end she chose for him, stopping midway, as if she noticed his internal struggle from across the room.

"I know. I'm actually over all that."

"You are? Earlier you were so cold to me."

"It was hard at first, letting all that sink in. You with my brother, engaged to him and cheating on him, didn't seem like something you would do."

Was he disappointed? Did he get so upset with her when she told him about her relationship with his brother because it wrecked the perfect image of her in his mind? Sam wasn't sure what hurt him worse at this point, the fact that she withheld yet another truth from him or that she had something to hold back at all. His mind jumped to the foyer, his mom and Quinn in tears, horrible words tumbling from their mouths. Sam physically shook himself free from that recent memory, forcing himself to stare at the beautiful woman in front of him.

"I'm not proud of my actions, if you'd just let me explain, maybe you'd understand…"

"You don't have to explain," said Sam cutting her off. "I'm fine with it all. I wish you would have told me about it sooner, but I get that you didn't want to go into all that our first night together."

"So you're not mad at me?" Quinn asked, her eyes widening in surprise.

Sam shook his head, unable to form the words he needed for a response. He wasn't mad, truly, but he just didn't want to talk about that stuff anymore.

"Actually I was in a great mood before," he paused, a pain shooting across his head, fleeting, over almost before it began. "Before I saw you and my mother together. I was inside playing with Stevie, Stacy, and Maria. They've gotten so big, especially Maria she was just a baby last I saw her."

It had struck him as he swung little Maria in his arms that she was the living embodiment of all he had lost, a human calendar that marked his missing years.

"Maria was such a sweet little girl." Quinn smiled, almost to herself, as if she didn't want him to see it, hiding her face behind her hair. "Mike had custody of her while we were together, so I got to know her," she explained.

"Right." It was back to Mike and the life she had with his brother. No wonder Quinn seemed tense. "So uh they made me a present," Sam said, changing the subject. He took a small book made out of light blue construction paper from his pocket and held it out in Quinn's direction, extending his fingers slightly when she took the book from his hand. Their fingertips grazed and she looked up, searching his face for a beat before turning her attention to the little book. "Stacey and Maria claim they did all the work and Stevie only helped a little."

"Aww they drew you pictures," she said as she studied the pages carefully.

Sam shoved his hands deep in his pockets as he watched her admire his gift. "Emma said these were pictures the kids drew while I was in the coma."

She smiled but didn't look up. "This is so nice Sam."

He held his breath, mentally counting the seconds, almost praying that she would raise her head just a bit and grace him with that smile he loved so much. Seeing her face suddenly felt so important, like this could be the last time he would ever see her eyes shine or her smile widen for him. He was left disappointed however, as she never glanced his direction, only at the small book in her hands.

"See according to Stacy I was just sleeping the whole time and these little bubbles above my head are what I was dreaming about."

Sam pointed toward the picture, inhaling the fresh citrusy scent of her hair as he leaned closer. Quinn smelled like oranges and the sun. A ridiculous thought, since the sun had no smell, but if it did it would be warm and sweet and fresh like the scent of her hair. That had never changed. He would know that smell anywhere.

"Are you fishing?" she asked disturbing Sam from his thoughts.

"Yep," he nodded. "Will must have told them stories about our fishing trips we used to take."

Finally, without notice, she looked at him, catching him off guard, his heart stopping. She was so beautiful, even now, when there was this ugliness looming all around her. Further proof that what he had heard had to be wrong, what he had been feeling for weeks had just been imaginary. Nothing tainted could ever be from someone so sweet. Not from his Quinn.

"Do you remember anything from when you were in the coma? Were you dreaming?"

He couldn't remember, but he prayed to God he was dreaming now.

"It's all a blank," he said gesturing toward his head. "The only dreams I remember are the ones I've had since I woke up."

"I hope they were good dreams."

Their eyes met and Sam was trapped there unable to look away, like watching a train wreck he was compelled to watch her bright green eyes grow murky the longer he stared.

"Not all of them," he replied, his voice cracking as he dropped his head.

"Sam…" Quinn touched him, her slender fingers on the exposed skin of his lower arm.

He shook his head. "Not yet, not yet," he warned, not willing to meet her eyes when she was so close.

He wasn't sure if he could handle seeing what her eyes held now that they had made contact. Barely hanging on to his sanity as it was, he was steps away from ignoring it all and taking her in his arms the way he had wanted to all night. The distance between them had felt unbearable, being unable to be near her, and then later unwilling to bridge that gap. Now there was no more space, they were alone in the same room, but she felt farther away than ever. One short statement had built a trench between them and Sam couldn't see how to make it over to her side. So all he could do was wait, stick with her in this awkward holding pattern until something dropped into his lap, some answer to all the questions that he was trying so hard to quell in his head. Was this really Quinn right next him? Or had some other woman slipped in while he had been sleeping away years of his life?

Finally he found the strength to move his arm from under her fingers. With a deep steadying breath he returned to the impasse he had created. "So you see this purple blob here?"

"What is that? It's in all the pictures."

"That's Mercedes."

Ever present Mercedes, she had become a fixture in his life, always just within reach even when he didn't want her to be. Sam almost expected to see her now lurking in a darkened corner of the room.

"Of course," Quinn said quickly. "Did you notice the cat in almost every picture?"

"Yes I did." He smiled. "That's Garfield."

"As in the cartoon?"

"The very same. Apparently Mercedes told the kids that I was a lazy cat like Garfield and that's why I slept all the time." Sam laughed lightly. "I thought that was pretty clever."

"That's Mercedes, clever," said Quinn with a deliberate roll of her eyes. She closed the book and placed it on the desk.

Sam ignored Quinn's tone. He knew she wanted to tear Mercedes down but Sam couldn't let her, not now, not after all his wife had done for them.

"She's really good with Stevie, Stacy and Maria, actually she's good with everyone in my family. She just fits. You know?"

"It's amazing how well a person can fit when they're not hated."

She sounded bitter, her words laced with an old resentment. Sam couldn't blame her, his family had always treated her poorly. From what he had been told, Mercedes hadn't been too well received by his family at first either, but somehow she managed to work her way into their favor. Quinn apparently hadn't figured out how to do the same in the years he had forgotten. Instead of things getting better between his parents and Quinn, things had become decidedly worse.

"Not many women would do something like that, take in a baby conceived in an affair."

The comment was uncalled for. He knew it would rile Quinn up, but a part of him wanted her on edge. Sam was barely holding it together and she looked far too calm for his liking. It was petty, but he just couldn't help but try to provoke a reaction.

"You think the fact she took in Beth makes her a hero? Some kind of a saint?"

Quinn was rattled now, her posture erect, her body language tense, his mission was accomplished, yet he felt no better with the result. Still he couldn't quite bring himself to protect her feelings, to turn back from the dangerous waters they were headed into.

"I think it means she loves me," he answered honestly.

Mercedes' feelings for him were written all over her face since he had emerged from his coma. At first he didn't understand it, why would a nurse feel so strongly about a patient, and later he didn't want to understand it, because truly acknowledging the depths of Mercedes' feelings would mean that he would have to acknowledge all the rest – his marriage, the commitment, the fact that he wasn't free. Sam wasn't prepared to travel down that road, it led him too far from Quinn and all he wanted to have with her, but now he had no choice. Mercedes had made it impossible for him to ignore her feelings, to just walk away. Against his will, and completely unexpectedly she had altered the course of things, and Sam wasn't sure what his next step would be. Before he entered the party, he had a plan, convince Mercedes to stay so he could do his father's deal and be with Quinn, that was all that mattered, but now, the plan was destroyed. The first hit was when Mercedes actually agreed to stay with him, catching him by surprise and putting all he believed into question, and the second, well the second was staring him in the face, there could be no plans or deals if Quinn actually hurt his daughter in some way.

"Yeah well she's not the only one."

Sam looked at Quinn in surprise. He didn't expect her to respond in that manner, to actually hint at the feelings he suspected she had for him. Sam didn't need Santana to spell it out for him as she had in the game room, he already knew that Quinn was struggling to reveal some inner workings of her heart, but he had resigned himself to the belief that it would never happen, that she would never find the courage to just say the words to him, at least not tonight. Yet here she was teetering on the brink of saying three little words he had longed to hear from her for over a decade.

Sam held his breath half hoping and half dreading what she would say next. He waited for her to continue, a long pause, where the only sound was the gentle tick of his father's old bronze clock. Finally Quinn looked away, turning her back to him and moving across the room, saying nothing.

"Far as I can tell she is," he said feeling more than a little pissed.

Why couldn't she just say the words? What was so hard about it? She already knew how he felt, he took the leap first, all she had to do was trust him and follow his lead. If she felt it, why not tell him? And maybe that was it. She didn't feel it, maybe she only wished she did.

"Don't let her devoted act fool you," she snapped. "Mercedes just wanted a piece of you. You were in a coma so Beth was the next best thing."

It was mostly about him and Mercedes' feelings for him, Sam could see that pretty obviously, and he didn't understand the problem with that. There were far worse motives to do things than love. All Mercedes had done was take in his child and love her as her own. Sam was starting to see they had been blessed she had done it. Beth could have landed God knows where, with strangers, or in another state with Quinn's parents, Mercedes saved them from all that. They had Beth right in arm's reach, happy and safe.

And she had done it all for him, he knew it. Somehow she had managed to keep loving him through all the hits he had inflicted on her, and to actually forgive him for his crimes, when he certainly didn't deserve it, yet she continued to stick it out by his useless comatose side and wait for him to come back. And how did he repay her? By waking up in love with another woman. He was a piece of shit, and she deserved better, but real love endured such things. The same way his love for Quinn had helped him endure all she had done to him, the chunks she had extracted from his heart over the years, and even now love was letting him ignore the warning signs in his head, doubt his instincts and silently pray for a miracle to make all of this go away.

"You make it seem like she stole her. But didn't she just step up for Beth when no one else could?"

"You weren't there Sam, even before I got really sick Mercedes was always around, so eager to help, always holding Beth, taking care of her," she said angrily.

"You told me you let her, that you pushed Beth off on her. Which was it Quinn did she take over or did you give her control?" he asked pressing the issue.

"Why are you twisting my words around? What happened between you two tonight?"

"We had our first date." He almost smiled.

The date was meaningless now. What happened between them tonight was so much more. Sam finally got a glimpse of his wife, a true understanding of who she was and why he married her. No wonder he had been having a hard time walking away from her. She was pretty amazing, and some part of him must have remembered that.

"I'm glad you had a good time while I was stuck in the shadows feeling ignored and forgotten," Quinn sniffled though there were no tears.

"Funny Mercedes has told me repeatedly that's how I've made her feel since I came out of the coma."

She wasn't the only one upset and it felt important to let her know that. They had been so selfish plotting a life and not considering the third party in their relationship. He was so stupid to believe he could just go through the motions with his wife and not care, not when every time Mercedes looked at him he felt sucker punched.

"So suddenly you're on her side and not mine?"

"I've never left your side," he said shoving his hands in his pockets to resist grabbing hers. "I needed some space, but the whole reason I was even with Mercedes tonight was because of you and trying to convince her to stay married to me so that I can keep you in Lima. You're the one that insisted I go back to Mercedes remember? You said you didn't want to be my mistress. I'm just doing what you want."

"Don't you dare make this my fault," she said with a hint of anger. "I wanted you to walk away from all this. Send me back to the hospital, run away from Lima…"

"Those are not options," he said sharply. "I can't just run off. I have responsibilities, and besides I can't leave her behind, not after…." He felt himself falter not sure he could say what he needed to her. Even now with his anger threatening to consume him, breaking past his fortified mask of control, he still couldn't handle the idea of knowingly hurting Quinn, but he needed her to understand, even though he didn't understand it fully himself. Something had changed between the three of him. "I owe her this time Quinn. She's sacrificed so much."

There were pictures in the room now, photographs of family and friends. His father never allowed pictures before, insisting that business and personal never mingle, but somewhere in the past few years his stance had changed, because now his office was littered with framed photos. There was one of Will, Emma and the twins, a small one of Kurt, one of Puck, one of himself as boy, and another from when he was a soldier. Sam scanned the walls and shelves looking for more. Behind him there was an old photo of his grandparents that used to be in the living room, on the wall there was a picture of Aunt Elizabeth with his dad, and on the desk, his father's hallowed ground of all things D&E and nothing family, there was a cluster of photographs. There was one of Beiste and Beth, another of his parents with him and Mercedes at their wedding. Sam couldn't believe the man he grew up with had taken such a sentimental turn. If he weren't witnessing it with his own eyes he never would have believed it.

"Everything seems to be about Cede now. Have you joined the rest of the world thinking Mercedes is perfect and that I'm trash?"

She looked miserable, even without tears. Her face held a map of pain and distress that probably mirrored his own.

"How can you say that to me? I could never feel that way about you. Don't you know by now how much you mean to me?"

Inside he was raging, it was taking every ounce of strength to keep his temper in check. He didn't want to go off like he did earlier in the night, when he had made her cower and her eyes fill with fear. Quinn was making it so hard, taking digs at Mercedes, letting her jealousy rear, when there was something so much more important between them. True he had stopped her from telling him about it before, needing a bit more time to adjust, but all this talk about Mercedes and accusing her of somehow being wrong for their daughter was getting to be too much, especially now, when Mercedes had proved herself so thoroughly.

He grabbed her firmly on her upper arms, shaking her slightly as his emotions started to overwhelm him. He stopped, maintaining his hold, just to breathe. Quinn wrapped her arms around his waist taking her place against his chest, and Sam relaxed letting his hand glide down her hair and onto her back.

"I want to believe you but there's so much I need to say." Her voice was muffled as she spoke against his chest. "I'm scared of what you'll think once you hear it."

Panic gripped him, tight around his heart. He wasn't ready. It was too soon for her to disappear, he only just had her back.

"I'm scared too. I don't want things to change between us. You are the biggest and brightest part of my life. When I think about my past, when I dream about my future, all I can see is you and Beth. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either. I want to be a part of your life, not on the fringes of it. I was so scared that all this stuff about me and Mike had destroyed us."

"I never believed anything could destroy us until…" He couldn't even finish the thought. It was too painful to believe.

"Don't say it Sam," she said gripping him tighter. "We're going to be fine, like we always are."

No tears just assurances. Was it strength or cold indifference? Did she care that they were on the edge of losing everything? She brought up Mike as if he were the cause of their current hellish state. Sam extracted himself from her arms, moving back a safe distance.

"I'm trying to hang on to that, but I'm not so sure. She's my baby." His voice hitched as he reached toward the desk to steady himself. He felt sick, stomach lurching as he saw Beth in his mind, blue and lifeless.

Maybe he had it all wrong, since waking up he felt like Mercedes was the interloper, the wrong woman, tearing apart his future, but now as pain twisted within him and red flashed before his eyes, he was starting to think that Quinn was the one doing him harm.

"Let's sit under the desk," she suggested tugging his hand. "I think we both still can fit."

She was on him again, hugging him around the shoulders, placing kisses on his neck, and cheeks, soft pecks he tried to resist, turning his head from side to side in hopes of escaping her, but it was of no use, Quinn persisted, so he allowed himself to relax. Warm and citrusy like the summer sun, surrounded by that scent, he fell into her, letting her surround him, holding her tighter. He loved being with her like this, nestled in the softness of her hair. As a teen he would spend hours touching it, never getting enough of the feel, of her.

"We can't just hide out in here," Sam said starting to feel choked by the citrus scent that was a few moments ago so inviting. It was getting harder to pretend that things didn't feel right, that she seemed more like a stranger the longer he let uncertainties fester in his head. He was going to have to face things soon, as much as he longed never to have to. "We're going to have to face things at some time."

How could she have spent last night with him and again today in the nursery and not say a word about what she had done? Sam remembered her unease upstairs, the tale she told about her PPD and later about her suicide attempt and it all sounded so awful and impossible, unreal experiences for the Quinn he remembered to have gone through, but there was also another feeling one Sam tried to swallow, to push down from surfacing. Sam couldn't shake the feeling that as awful as everything sounded there still was something more left unsaid, because despite all Quinn had revealed none of it truly explained the looks that crossed everyone's faces when Quinn's name was mentioned.

"I know." She let him go. "And we will, but for now let's just sit."

He'd done it again, allowed himself to become lost in her, mesmerized by her beauty and all that was inherently Quinn. She had this way of clouding his mind, filling it with fanciful thoughts of a future that would probably never happen. She had said it herself, she was a liar and a cheater, she looked him in the eyes and swore there was nothing more to tell about Beth and he had known it was a lie, deep down, but he couldn't let himself see that other side of her, let what his parents had said all these years be right, that Quinn wasn't just the light he believed, she was the dark as well.

Still he couldn't bring himself to broach the subject he was so eager to speak about, not ready to let go of his beautiful Quinn just yet. What harm would it be to indulge in her as she existed in his memory for a little while longer?

"Dance with me instead," he said reaching for her hand.

One dance with the dream of Quinn as his wife, their beautiful baby girl at their feet, the happiness that he had longed for, finally realized.

* * *

><p>"Now? You want to dance now?" she asked uncertainly, although she still put her hand in his.<p>

"Yes right here, right now. I want to be close to you."

"But we have no music." Butterflies fluttered inside her stomach as she looked in his eyes. Quinn wasn't sure if they were from the thrill of finally being near him after their distance all night or from her fears about all they weren't saying.

"When did we ever let that stop us?" Stepping closer he wrapped his arms around her waist, gently swaying her to a rhythm only he could hear. "Remember when we used to do this in high school?"

"Under the stars with only the crickets for music," she smiled against his shoulder, letting herself get lost in the memory.

"I used to love those nights. We were alone together, I got to hold you close, and you would sing in my ear."

"I can't believe you remember that," she said smiling wider.

"It doesn't seem that long ago in my mind. I can still see you in your bare feet even though it was a little chilly, and you had on this pink dress with little flowers across the top."

"That was the night I came home from the hospital. We danced in the field behind my house."

The wildflowers, the feel of grass between her toes, the wind across her face were all the things she had missed while in the hospital, that night Sam had given them all back to her.

"Our last dance," he said in a near whisper.

He hadn't looked at her since they had begun their dance, his eyes trained at some unknown spot across the room as he spoke. Then without warning he turned his head and gave her his full attention. His eyes were filled with so much emotion, most Quinn couldn't place, whatever filled his mind was about more than just dancing.

"We've danced since then."

"Not that I can remember," he said sadly. Sam placed a kiss on her forehead, a ghost of kiss, just skimming her skin. "Sing me a song Quinn, the way you used to," he said as he held her close.

He pressed his cheek against the side of her head, and Quinn relished their newfound closeness. It was so nice to be surrounded by him again when most of the night she had feared her past would keep them apart.

"I don't know if I can. It's been so long."

Singing had been the one constant in her life, her refuge when all else went bad. PPD had stolen the music from her, taking away her desire to even form a note. Depression was such an awful disease that attacked not only her mind but everything she loved leaving her isolated and trapped within her own mind. She had managed to still care about Sam when she felt little for anyone or anything else, perhaps because she could relate to his condition so well, he too was trapped and isolated. Now they both had made it out of the fog, back into the living world, and they both were trying to interpret all the changes that occurred since they left. Just like they had been last year when they stayed at the Beacon, holding onto each other because no one else understood their pain, they were again bound together by their circumstances.

"Just a little, for me," he said against her ear.

How could she deny him, especially when he asked her like that? The lyrics popped in her head as she closed her eyes tightly and prayed she could make it through this.

_"I held you in_  
><em>My arms last night<em>  
><em>I dreamed we were<em>  
><em>Riding on a star<em>  
><em>I kissed you and<em>  
><em>The sun began to shine<em>  
><em>In dreams I can do anything<em>

_It seems like I'm on my own_  
><em>It feels like I'm losing it all<em>

_White lines_  
><em>And headlights in my eyes<em>  
><em>White lines<em>  
><em>I'm ready to drive all night<em>  
><em>White lines<em>  
><em>How many 'till I'm in your arms<em>  
><em>White lines<em>  
><em>Will bring me<em>

_Seems like I've been here before_  
><em>I know the way<em>  
><em>Seems like I've been on my own<em>  
><em>So long<em>  
><em>So long<em>

_White lines_  
><em>And headlights in my eyes<em>  
><em>White lines<em>  
><em>I'm ready to drive all night<em>  
><em>White lines<em>  
><em>How many 'till I'm in your arms<em>  
><em>White lines<em>  
><em>Will bring me home…"<em>

She had started out shaky, croaking out a few notes barely above a whisper. As the meaning of the song coursed through her she felt stronger and she started to sing to him in earnest, hoping he would feel the words just as she did.

"That was beautiful," he said with a sad smile. Sam stepped away from her, holding both her hands between them. "Thank you," he said before leaning over and kissing the back of each of her hands.

"I'm rusty." Quinn laughed nervously, feeling shy and exposed as he looked at her.

"You sounded just as I remembered." He dropped her hands and turned away, heading back toward the large window. The moon was bright casting an eerie glow over the dimly lit room. "You know I tried to get Mercedes to dance with me all night," he said looking out the window. "She wouldn't though, said she was saving her dance for her Sam."

Quinn shuddered at the pain in his voice. He sounded so hurt by Mercedes' rejection. "She's wrong to say that. You're the same person." She had tried to convince him of that before, but apparently her attempt had failed.

"I'm not the same. She's right. I'm not her Sam." Sam looked at her, flooring her with sad green eyes. "My heart is lost to you and she knows it."

"So you couldn't convince her to stay with you?" Quinn asked her face falling.

She had been so positive that Mercedes would keep herself attached to Sam. After their encounter in the hall while Sam was passed out, Quinn could tell that Mercedes was far from ready to walk away from her marriage.

"Mercedes is not going to leave me." Quinn's head shot up in surprise, a smile forming on her face. Sam had really pulled it off. She was actually going to stay in Lima. "I'm not sure if she'll ever leave me," he added quietly.

"So what does that mean?" This was good news. Why was Sam acting so gloomy about it?

He exhaled heavily. "That means I'm a hypocrite and a liar."

"I don't understand."

"All night long I've been mentally lashing out at you for lying to me about Mike."

Quinn closed her eyes briefly in comprehension. Mike was still between them. This was still about all her mistakes coming back to haunt her. If only she could find the words to make it right.

"I wasn't lying. I just was trying to find the right moment…"

"I know," he said abruptly. "You've said. The funny thing is that I was the one lying tonight. Actually not just tonight I've been lying for weeks." Slowly he made his way across the room to stand in front of her.

"You've been lying?" Quinn asked grabbing his hand.

For some reason she felt unnerved, as if Sam were about to say something that could wreck all of their plans. Sam gave her hand a quick squeeze before releasing it, perhaps he had done it for reassurance, but Quinn felt no calm. His gesture caused her to worry even more.

"All night I've been lying to Mercedes trying to fake it with her to get on her good side. Or so I thought, turns out the main person I was lying to was myself. I wasn't faking it with Mercedes. I had fun with her tonight."

"I was witness to that fun when I saw you kiss her."

Quinn couldn't help herself and she let her comment fly. Watching him kiss Mercedes was just this side of horrible. Years had passed since she and Sam were an actual couple, they had spent more time apart than together at this point. She'd seen him married and divorced, and married again, along with all the hits and misses in between. It was nothing for her to see Sam with another woman, in fact it was the norm, but somewhere between last year and now that had all changed. Seeing Sam with Mercedes had become so hard to endure. The pit of her stomach burned as she watched them together and desperately wished to be in Mercedes's place.

"The kiss was part of it, but it was more than that. It was more about spending time with her, getting to know her. I like her Quinn and just as I have since I met her at the hospital, but I thought it was wrong somehow to feel that way. Like I was being disloyal or unfaithful to you, but that's crazy. She's the one I'm married to. She's the one I owed my loyalty and fidelity."

If she closed her eyes it would almost be like they were back at the Beacon last summer, listening to Sam go on about Mercedes. His words were different now, but his tone, the look in his eyes, were both very much the same. It almost was like getting a glimpse of Sam's memory struggling to return. In that moment he seemed so close to being as he was before the crash.

"So what are you trying to tell me Sam? That you and Mercedes are getting back together for real?"

Santana had warned her that this could happen. Sam spent a few hours alone with Mercedes and suddenly he was talking about loyalty and faithfulness, when earlier he had been so eager to ignore his wife and his marriage. Mercedes wasn't much to look at, chubby and somewhat unassuming but all that was a front, it had to be, because this girl had the hidden power to turn Sam's head. Even now with his memory gone he was still reacting to Mercedes and caring about her.

"It's what you wanted right? When you told me last night to go home and make it work with my wife," he said with a clip to his voice that made Quinn uneasy.

"Things have changed between us now. I'm not sure I can be without you for nine months."

Quinn knew she was being hateful. She was Sam's best friend and before his accident getting Mercedes' attention again was all he could think about. She would have been happy for him back then, or at least pretended to be, if Mercedes had given him a second chance last summer, but too much had happened to Quinn now for her to just sit back and watch Mercedes reconnect with Sam. Life had kicked her around, making her hit as close to rock bottom as she ever wished to get, and during the beat down of the past months something else had happened besides her pride being stripped and her sanity called into question, something big. Finally she had opened her eyes and had seen what was right in front of her, what had always been there, Sam, and the feelings she had for him. It might have been selfish but Quinn couldn't quite find the strength to ignore her own heart and let him go back to his wife, not when she had lost so much already, not when Sam wanted her too.

"Things have changed between me and Mercedes too. I told her the truth about my father's deal to get you out of the hospital."

"You told her? But your father said -"

"I don't care. My father will just have to deal with this one little breach. I couldn't keep lying to her face all night, and I definitely wouldn't be able to do it for months. So I had to put a stop to it, and now I need to do the same with you."

"With me? What have you been lying to me about?"

"You know," he said holding her captive with his eyes. He looked tired, his lids heavy and the color of his eyes unclear. "You called me out on it last night."

Finally she looked away, not wanting to see his reaction when she said the truth out loud. "You have feelings for Mercedes."

In so many ways she had tried to deny it, she'd allowed herself to believe his thin excuses about why he was flirting and then fighting with Mercedes on the phone last night and why he had been wearing his ring around his neck. Keeping alive the dream of being with Sam was so much easier when their only obstacle was his father, but Quinn had known all along that Mercedes was just as much a factor in their fate.

"Feelings," he sighed leaning against the edge of the desk. "What does that even mean?"

"Why don't you tell me what it means?"

Quinn had a pretty good idea what Sam meant even if he wouldn't say it. Those feelings reared up between them every time Mercedes' name was mentioned. Sam fluctuated between emotions, his facial expressions showing a wide range from defensive, to dumbfounded, to drooling. Quinn had tried to be understanding, realizing that sex during times of stress or vulnerability was fairly common, she had experienced similar in her own life. There was no way she was in a position to judge. The fact that he had been denying it all so vehemently, telling her that Mercedes meant nothing to him, all while hiding some deeper feelings was the upsetting part. Sam didn't need to hide anything from her, he knew that after all these years. Yet he was doing exactly that right now. Quinn was tempted to bring up his physical encounter with Mercedes at the hospital again. She even thought about goading him into revealing whatever secrets he was clearly hiding from her, but she stopped herself not wanting to make things between then any more awkward.

"She's always waiting for me, appearing just when I need her, to make me feel better, or to just listen. I've hurt her every day I've been awake, probably every time I open my mouth and still she keeps waiting for me. How do I handle something like that? A woman that loves me like that?" he asked as he twisted the band on his finger.

"How should I know?" she asked blinking back tears that threatened to fall. This strange connection he seemed to have with Mercedes was starting to give her concern. Sam had no memory of Mercedes, barely knew her as his nurse, so why did he seem to care so much about her? "Isn't there some soulmate manual you can refer to?"

The 'inside your soul' inscription on his ring still irked her. Sam had married a girl he had known for less than two years, and for most of that time he had pretty much despised her. Then in a blink of an eye Mercedes goes from sworn enemy to soulmate. It didn't make sense. Sam was a romantic, but that was crazy even for him. The possibility of his marriage to Mercedes lasting seemed like an extreme long shot. Everyone in town had been probably betting against them, and they all had been right. Mercedes was planning to divorce him after only months of marriage. They were dead in the water if not for that crash. Quinn still was convinced that guilt and more than likely greed were the main factors keeping Mercedes by Sam's side. Sure Mercedes loved Sam, she put that on pretty obvious display, but Quinn just wasn't sure how genuine that emotional display was. Mercedes was raised by a known con woman after all.

"Why are you getting so upset?" Sam asked.

Quinn angrily wiped at a tear that rolled down her face. "I'm upset because you're talking about her like she's so amazing, like how she feels about you is so rare, but so many people love you Sam and we all were here waiting, not just her."

"Were you one of those people waiting?" he asked softly, taking her hand.

Quinn nodded, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. "I used to sneak and see you in the hospital, timing it so Mercedes or Julian wouldn't catch me and I'd sit by your bed and hold your hand, praying that you'd wake up."

"Why didn't you want Mercedes or Julian to know you visited me?"

Sam's voice was soft like he was coaxing a frightened animal from a hole. He tightened the grip on her hand, as if he feared she might run away.

"Guilt mainly, I was pregnant, back together with Puck. I wasn't supposed to be having feelings for you beyond friendship and I was. I felt like what was in my heart was written all over my face."

"I don't know if thanks is the right word, but I feel like I need you to know that I appreciate you coming to see me all those times, risking it all for me, just like you did tonight," he said pulling her into his chest.

"Love makes you do crazy things," Quinn said as she squeezed him tighter loving the simple act of hugging him.

"Love?" he asked leaning back to look at her.

"Uh...I...uh…" Her face warmed as she felt the all too familiar rumblings of her nerves whenever this subject was broached. Saying those three words to Sam was all she wanted to do tonight and every time the opportunity was presented she had wimped out.

"It's okay I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that or make you uncomfortable," he said bowing his head.

She could tell he was disappointed she hadn't said more. Quinn struggled to pull herself together and face her fears head on. Nothing catastrophic would happen if she told him she loved him, probably just the opposite and things would be even better. Now if only she could convince her tongue to cooperate. A light coat of sweat formed on her forehead as she squirmed in front of him.

"I never can quite find the words to say what I feel around you, not the big stuff." She took a breath, mentally egging herself on. "I get nervous and I start to go off on weird tangents and-"

"I know you Quinn," he interrupted. "I know who you are. I can see inside your heart."

"Even still?" she asked her heart skipping. "Because Sam I'm not sure if I'm the same anymore. I've been through so much, I feel like a different person sometimes, and I'm so scared that you can't see me."

"I see you Quinn." Sam ran his fingers through her hair, watching her face intently.

"Really?"

Sam was giving her an out, mercifully letting her know that words weren't need between them, but one look in his sad eyes and Quinn knew that wasn't true. Sam needed to hear the words, he deserved them.

"Really." He smiled, briefly revealing the dimples that had been strangely absent during all the time they had spent in the study.

Quinn wanted to see those dimples again, permanently etched on his face. She wanted to give him that happiness back, let him know that he had someone in this world that loved him deeply and completely. Right now he thought Mercedes was the only one that cared, but Quinn needed him to know that he had someone else that loved him just as much. Not willing to run from this any longer, Quinn decided it was time to bare her heart.

"I've been trying all night to work up the nerve to let you in, to let you see my heart and I think I'm ready now because of our dance and the way you're looking at me right now and about a hundred other things that you do to make me feel safe, and special and loved. I sang that song to you for a reason because that's how it feels to me to be here with you. It has been such a long road, since high school really, but finally I made it home. I love you Sam and I needed you to know that. I came here tonight just to tell you that."

She'd done it. She had been brave and finally direct and she had told him how she felt and it was perfect. In the midst of their crazy tension she had created a little oasis with her simple heartfelt admission. She loved him and now he knew it.

Quinn couldn't contain her joy, her heart beating wildly as she threw her arms around his neck. Sam was more subdued staring at her with a closed mouth smile, searching her face. He brushed the hair out of her eyes, but then let his arm drop. She was doing all the touching, hugging him close, pressing her body against his, still feeling too far away even as she was all over him. Finally his one arm encircled her waist, holding her in place along his body.

His smile widened, dimples on display and Quinn couldn't resist those lips. Placing both hands on the sides of his face, she kissed him on the mouth, full and solid, putting every ounce of her love into that kiss. This is what she had been missing all these years, the feeling of being with him when he loved her and she loved him. There was magic in this new mutual connection, Quinn waited for him to deepened the kiss, to moaning into her mouth, and let his hands roam her back and tangle in her hair the way he always did.

Kissing him felt different, better, now that she had freed her heart from its cell and let him know her true feelings. So she waited for that passionate shift, but the kiss ended far too soon. Quinn leaned in trying to create their usual intensity, but Sam released her, staggering back against the desk.

"Wow," he said shaking his head vigorously. "I think I need to sit down." He pulled himself up to sit on top of the desk.

"Are you feeling okay?" she asked touching his cheek with the back of her hand. Quinn surveyed the room looking for a wet bar or maybe a bottle of water. Dwight Evans had bars in practically every room of the house but his office seemed to be a drink free zone.

"Yeah and no," he replied with a sad chuckle. "I've waited so long to hear those words from you. I was starting to give up hope you ever would say them, but now that you did, I'm a little confused."

"Confused about what?" Quinn asked running her hand down his arm.

Sam placed his hand over hers, stilling her motions. "About you and about Mercedes," he said looking her straight in the eyes.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading! The song is "White Lines" by Alexz Johnson<br>-


	111. Tailspin3 Ch57

**Chapter 57**

The first time he told Quinn he loved her he was in high school. The feelings he had for her then were so overwhelming, totally consuming that it all came to this explosive head and he had to tell her. So he did, and she said nothing. That didn't discourage him though. Saying I love you was hard, it left you open, and exposed, so Sam tried to put Quinn at ease, make her feel safe enough with him to share her heart. He upped his romantic gestures, hitting a level of sap that he still hadn't managed to live down, and he told her he loved her repeatedly, each time feeling more at ease with the words and the emotion. And still Quinn said nothing. Again that was fine with Sam. Quinn had always been sort of shy. All she needed was time. Then along came Puck and suddenly shy didn't seem like such a plausible excuse any longer. Years had passed and while they kept in touch despite going their separate ways, all talk of love was shoved away. It was easier to just be friends and forget that they were once more to each other. Then the limo crashed and their lives were on the line, and finally Quinn hinted at what Sam had suspected back then, what he had hoped all along. She had felt something like love for him. Quinn didn't say those three little words that night, but she got closer to them than she ever had before. Sam's hopes were renewed and he once again started to believe that what they shared as teens was still there, just under the surface.

Memories hazy, but the emotions so vivid, Sam came out of his coma emboldened with the promise of reconnecting with Quinn. Despite some miscommunication and a bit of distance, they had finally made it to a place where another chance was more than possible, it was actually happening. And now as the hour crept past midnight, the dawn of his 29th birthday, Quinn had let him in, said the words, and it was absolutely awesome. For a moment after she said it and the words penetrated his mind, he was seventeen again, on her front porch, staring at her in the moonlight. All those emotions he had for her then, when she was the first and only person that made him feel anything that strong and that overwhelming, when just looking at her made his heart pound in his chest, and if she kissed him, wow, pure heaven. At seventeen she was everything he wanted and would ever need, Sam couldn't imagine anything better than spending each day with her. All that came back to him tonight as she told him she loved him and kissed him with a passion that he had never quite felt from her before. Birthday wishes do come true it seemed, because Quinn had given him something amazing, definitely a wish granted, except it wasn't what he had asked for at all.

Sam had spent the better part of the night wishing Quinn out of his heart, out of his life, so devastated that she lied about her relationship with Mike, that she looked into his eyes and swore she was holding nothing back, only to find out it was all false, that she was false. He'd imagined Quinn, as she was now, everyone had tried to tell him, even Quinn herself, that life had moved on, even if in his mind it hadn't. Sam wouldn't listen, following his heart had always been his way, and that hadn't changed with his amnesia, he still trusted his gut, his heart to lead him in the right direction, and his heart led him straight to Quinn. Sure he could see some physical changes in her, he could tell Quinn had a baby, and he could see some of the lines that the stress of her illness caused, but none of that took away from her full picture, from the essence of her, and for Sam she was the same Quinn she always was. Yet now he could see she wasn't. What else had he missed in his fervent denial, what signs had he ignored so that he could keep Quinn as she was in his mind?

"You're bringing up Mercedes?" Quinn's voice lured him out of his thoughts. He had forgotten she was there, beside him, loving him. "She doesn't have anything to do with this."

"She's my wife," he said blandly.

There was nothing more to say beyond that. Mercedes always popped into his head, especially when he didn't want her to, for that very reason. She was the woman he married and he couldn't ignore it.

"And? She didn't matter to you last night. She didn't even matter to you a few hours ago."

Quinn was upset with him, understandably so, she had just taken them to a new level in their relationship and he was ruining the moment with talk of wives.

Sam tried to explain, though he wasn't sure anything he could say would make it better for Quinn at this point. What she wanted from him, a passionate response, declarations of love in return, just couldn't happen, at least not tonight, not when his mom was outside the door probably still crying over something that Quinn had done to his daughter.

Sam had tried to push aside his thoughts about what Quinn had said in the foyer. He had perfected the art of denial and it was coming in handy tonight, but even he had his limits, and despite his best efforts the time of blissful ignorance was coming fast to an end.

"A few hours ago I was still pretending that she didn't mean anything to me. I had somehow managed to convince myself that my wife and my nurse were two separate people. My nurse was this gift that dropped into my life that I had to leave behind when I was discharged from the hospital. Then my wife, this person I didn't know, I treated like shit and ignored in the hope that she would just go away. But she never left and the more time I spent with her I could see my delusions weren't working. She's one person and I hadn't left anything behind."

No wonder Puck had been laughing at him, probably Will, Mike, his father, even Kurt, they all could see what he couldn't, that his attempts to deny Mercedes were failing miserably.

"Why are you telling me this now? We should be talking about us. I just told you how I feel about you."

Sam could tell Quinn was distressed. She was probably confused by this sudden about face especially now after all she had just said to him. It was just typical of them, their timing never seemed to be right.

"I know and that was so amazing to hear. I'm sort of floating from it still, but this is not just about us. You said it yourself last night. I'm not free and you don't want to be my mistress. I get it now, overhearing some things at the party, seeing a little of your press conference. I know the media has been very harsh with you."

The whispers that died as he walked by, all night he'd heard them. People wondering about his marriage, about his daughter, about what was going on with Quinn. From what Sam could piece together it was clear most people thought that he was still having an affair and that Mercedes was faking it with him for the cameras. Although no one had ever said anything of the sort to his face, every guest he spoke to had welcomed him back to health with a smile and wished him endless happiness with his wife. It was only when they thought he wasn't listening did their real opinions surface. Seemed like the citizens of Lima thought he and Quinn were carrying on a torrid affair right under Mercedes' nose, and that photo from the hotel confirmed it all.

"Well that was before." She looped her arm through his, leaning against his shoulder. "You're back now. We can face it all together."

His beautiful Quinn, trying so hard to find the positive in their profoundly bleak circumstances, Sam used to love that about her, how she could craft such wonderful dreams from something that was dark and void.

"I need a drink," said Sam untangling himself from her and walking around the desk to take a seat in the large leather upholstered chair. "Do you want a drink?" He opened the lower drawer and pulled out a bottle of scotch and two glasses. "Dad always keeps his stash hidden in here, only the good stuff for his secret meetings."

Quinn shook her head looking apprehensive. "We're not supposed to…"

"There are lots of things we're not supposed to do," said Sam filling one glass almost to the brim and the other half way. "I'm not supposed to be in love with you when I've made promises to someone else, took vows, but here I am hopeless. Let's drink to hopeless." Taking a gulp from his glass not waiting for a toast, he handed Quinn hers.

Quinn took the glass he offered. "Sam we're not hopeless. I think I had it all wrong last night. I should've believed in you. We can make this work."

"Sure we can make things work if I'm willing to be a scumbag," he said scowling into his glass, before drinking some more. The burn of scotch against his throat was like coming home. He missed the warmth that a drink used to give him. "I can sneak around with you, make you feel like a whore."

"You would never make me feel that way." She didn't sound convincing.

"No?" He eyed her over his glass. "You've already accused me of treating you like a mistress more than once tonight."

"I was just upset," she said tucking the hair behind her ears.

Sam could tell she was trying to sound dismissive, as if the subject meant nothing, but he knew otherwise. Quinn had seen him kiss Mercedes a couple times that night and after each encounter she never failed to subtly inform him that he had crossed a line. Maybe it was her passive way of guilting him into keeping the promise he made in the nursery, to use no physical tactics to sway Mercedes. A promise he had failed to uphold more times than even Quinn knew. He hadn't planned on kissing Mercedes, in fact he was hoping his stellar conversational skills and his charm would woo his wife into submission. However things hadn't gone according to his mental script. Mercedes had her own brand of charm and she had freely used it on him all night.

"You were right Quinn. You would be my mistress if we were together now. There will be other parties, family events, business dinners and every single time I would have to take Mercedes and not you. If a journalist poked a mic in my face I would be forced to speak glowingly about my wife and my marriage, just like I did tonight and you would barely rate a mention."

He'd actually done it with surprising ease, playing the part to perfection, as much as he resisted for weeks, once he was forced to be the doting husband, it was effortless. Mercedes followed his cues, hit all the right notes, and they put on a synchronized happy face for all of Lima. Although he was past questioning the validity of his marriage by this point, if he had any doubts left they were completely cleared during the party. He had been married to Mercedes, no question. She knew him in ways only a wife would, and as much as it pained him to think it, she knew him in ways that even Quinn didn't.

"Sam, why are you being like this?" Quinn placed her drink on the desk, untouched. "It's like you're deliberately being cruel?"

"I'm being honest for the first time since I woke up. I've seen the light you were trying to show me last night. My father won. There's no way out. Drink up Quinn," he said nudging the glass back toward her.

Quinn ignored his gesture and came around the desk to him, spinning his chair so he was forced to face her. "Please don't say that. Don't let your father stand in our way and definitely don't let Mercedes hold us back. She's not what she seems. She's a user and a gold digger and a-"

"Don't! Don't even say that about her." He got up brushing past Quinn, grabbing the bottle of scotch from the desk as he left. "She fucking saved me tonight."

"You don't have to be so rude," said Quinn sniffling somewhere behind him.

He cringed at the sound of her tears. He didn't mean to hurt her feelings, he just didn't want to go down the road she was heading.

"Sorry," he said his back to her. "I just don't want you talking about her like that."

Not after everything that Mercedes did for him, he couldn't stand to hear her ripped in any way. She was standing by him, through all of this mess, with so much grace. It was inconceivable that he had done anything in his life to deserve to be married to someone like her. All he had done since he woke up, since he met her from what he had been told, was hurt her, and yet she loved him anyway. What had he done to earn such loyalty?

"I wish I could stop talking about Mercedes forever." The tears were replaced by anger and something about that switch set him off.

"Fine!" Sam slammed the bottle on the desk, then after emptying his glass he slammed it down beside it. "You want to stop talking about Mercedes? Let's do that. Why don't we talk about something else? Like say," he hesitated, his head spinning briefly. "Let's talk about you and what you did to Beth. Are you ready to go there now Quinn? Because that's what we should be talking about anyway."

"Sam, I think you've had too much to drink. You're getting out of control."

"Oh you don't want me to stop drinking Quinn. It's the only thing keeping me together right now. You think this is out of control? Take away my scotch and find out how much I'm actually holding back."

"It wasn't supposed to be like this. You're letting Mercedes ruin everything."

"Mercedes?" He laughed bitterly with a shake of his head. "She hasn't done a thing wrong. All she's done is take care of me and Beth."

"Oh my God! If you're jumping back on the Mercedes ass kissing train, count me out. I can't listen to any more of that. Mercedes is deceitful and manipulative and if it wasn't for your money, she'd probably be long gone by now. But go ahead Sam, keep kissing her ass, believing she's the only one that loves you. I guess how I feel isn't good enough, since you have barely even acknowledged-"

"What the hell Quinn! I've spent years telling you I loved you only to hear nothing in return. So now after all this time you decide to bless me with those words and you're actually mad at me because of my reaction?"

"It's all about Mercedes! I'm the one that said it, not her."

Clenching his hands into fists, he mentally counted to ten, trying to keep his temper in check. As he waited for the red behind his eyes and the throbbing in his ears to dissipate, he watched her silently fuming. Wrong move, the sight of her pissed him off even more.

"Quinn I'm sorry let me make it up to you. Let me show you how much you mean to me. How about right here on this desk?" Sam plowed the contents of his father's desk onto the floor with the sweep of his arm, pictures and papers hitting the floor around them. He reached toward the computer when Quinn stopped him, grabbing his arm. "What's wrong Quinn?" he asked stroking her hand that held him. "You don't want to make love on my father's desk? Can't you just picture his reaction if he ever found out?"

Slowly stalking around the desk, keeping contact, until he was in front of her. Pulling her against him he let his hands slide down her curves, paying special attention to the sides of her breasts.

"Stop it," she said pushing him away, tears in her eyes. "You're being a jerk."

His stomach dropped. Sam never could stand to see Quinn cry, especially when he was the one that made her do it.

"I know." He looked at the mess on the floor and sighed. "I'm sorry. I lost control."

"Maybe if you'd stop drinking."

"Maybe." Braving her face, he looked at her, wiping away the streak of tears that marred her face with the pad of his thumb. "I'm sorry," he said again. "But she's been good to me Quinn. Good to us. She's my anam cara."

She pressed a hand against his chest and held it there, almost as if she were gauging the tempo of his heart. "Yeah I know she's helped us. So what does anam cara mean? Savior? Angel of mercy?"

"It means soul friend technically. Like a kindred spirit," said Sam ignoring her sarcasm. "Actually it means more than that, in my family at least. Before I married Brittany, my dad told me that I needed more than a wife, that I needed an anam cara to share my life with, someone that would get me, understand the business, be loyal. Probably the closest he ever came to being sentimental in his life, but I kept those words with me and I hoped Brittany would be that person, however unlikely."

"She wasn't?" Quinn asked.

"No. I knew she carried Santana in her heart. She wasn't all mine. Besides I had always thought my anam cara was you," he said running his hand through her hair.

"But I was with Puck." Her head lifted and her remarkable eyes sparkled with surprise. It was endearing how much she didn't seem to understand about the depths of his feelings for her.

"Didn't matter, I knew you were the one for me. I see now I was so wrong though." Sam downed the last of his glass and then quickly refilled it. His chest tightened as he thought about what he had just said. It was so hard for him to believe that things had changed, always it had been Quinn, the constant unfilled wish in his heart. "I had to have been. You had no clue what anam cara meant, that means I never shared it with you."

"I told you we weren't together all these years." Even with a curtain of hair shielding her face, hiding the pain written there, Sam could still see it. Quinn wanted to be the one.

"I know, but I said it to Mercedes at our wedding. I wouldn't have said that to her if I still felt that way about you, and the fact that I felt that about her." On a sigh he looked upward, at a loss from where to go from here. "I don't know. Things make more sense now."

If only he could rewind to a time when he believed Quinn was all he would ever need, but he wasn't a magician, and he realized that there would be no escape from what appeared to be indisputably true. He had felt something for Mercedes that he never had for Quinn. The realization was startling and disturbing, casting a shadow over all he had believed since coming to. Mercedes seemingly was his chosen one, his kindred spirit, his soulmate. So why had he forgotten her and woke up loving Quinn?

"What things?"

"Like why she has control over my affairs, and why she has Beth, and why she saved us tonight."

Agreeing to help them had been the final act, the answer to the questions that plagued him for weeks. Why she was still there when all he'd done was cause her pain? A single sentence and he finally knew. She had pledged herself to him and he'd done the same back during a time he couldn't remember.

"How did she save us?"

"I told Mercedes the whole truth and I asked her to help me keep you free, and she agreed."

"She's not going to divorce you?"

"Nope she's going to help me keep up appearances with my dad. She totally blew me away when she said she'd do that. I didn't even know what to say."

Utterly speechless then and still tongue tied now, Mercedes had given him the one thing he wanted the most, hurting herself in the process, all because she loved him. It killed him that he didn't feel the same for her. She deserved someone to love her unselfishly and completely. He wanted that for her, he needed her to have that.

"Funny I can think of quite a few things, like for one I don't trust her. Why would Mercedes do anything to help me?"

"For Beth, so she can have her mom, and she can have her family back together."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Yeah, maybe she did it for Beth a little bit, but something tells me this was all for your benefit. She's up to something."

"When did you get so cynical? I thought that was my role. Mercedes is helping us. That's a good thing."

"Yeah that's good but you're acting like she's the patron saint of generosity. Other people are on our side too like Artie. He helped us tonight when he kissed me."

"You kissed your attorney?"

He asked the question but really he wasn't surprised. Men were always coming on to Quinn. In high school, Sam had expended endless amounts of jealous energy confronting other guys that dared to look at his girlfriend. Eventually he learned to suck it up and let them look. He was the one she wanted to be with, at least he was until Puck showed up.

Quinn's smile grew as she recounted her story. "No he kissed me to throw off Kitty Wilde. I ran into Kitty and she was making cracks about us having an affair so Artie stepped up and kissed me in front of her and made her think we were a couple."

"Such a gentleman to sacrifice his honor and associate himself with you. Sounds like I owe him a drink."

"I'm being serious. Kitty could have made real trouble for us, but now that she thinks I am with Artie we're safe. Half of Lima probably knows now thanks to her. Which means we won't be suspected of anything scandalous when we're seen alone together from now on."

She seemed pretty impressed with Artie and their little diversionary plot. Too bad none of it was necessary. Being caught alone with Quinn after tonight was the last thing he planned to do.

"I saw Kitty too. She hasn't changed much. She talked about you."

"Do I even want to know?"

"She told me about all the gossip at my wedding and how you stood by my decision to marry Mercedes, you stood up for me, defended my relationship. I thought that was so cool and just like you. You always were so supportive."

She threaded her fingers through his. "That's because I've always been on your side."

"I know and thank you for that. But I have to wonder, why aren't you standing up for me and Mercedes now?"

Sam couldn't understand her negative reaction to all of this. Mercedes was helping them, it was what they had hoped for, the whole reason they had developed a plan in the first place. Jealousy couldn't really be clouding Quinn from seeing the good here. There had to be something more going on with her.

She let go of his hand and ran her fingers through the front of her hair, pushing it out of her face. "So much has changed since your wedding. I didn't know then all the ways she would hurt you. I have a hard time trusting her after everything that's happened."

So Quinn was being protective of him, which was sweet, but totally unnecessary. He didn't need to be shielded from Mercedes. Now that he had stopped and taken the time to actually get to know Mercedes, paying attention to her instead of pushing her away, he could see she wasn't out to hurt him at all. She wasn't in his life to take his money or as part of some elaborate con, Mercedes was simply there because she loved him.

"Mercedes' motives are pure."

"No one's that selfless, I don't care how much she loves our daughter. She hates me, pretty openly."

"Sounds like the feeling's mutual."

"I don't hate her. I just hate that she gets to be around Beth and I don't. Your family and the media praise her, and I am the one trashed. She's done her fair share of dirt in her life but I haven't seen her pay for any of it. Ever think maybe she fits in with your family because she's just like them? She's far from innocent. She has this whole other side."

"What other side?" A chill ran through him. Santana had hinted at something similar when she was talking about Mercedes too. Was there a darker reason why she seemed to be accepted by his family?

"I'm so tired of talking about Mercedes," she said throwing her arms up. "I ended up in the psych ward, lost my child, my reputation is destroyed and she has done just as much wrong as I have and nothing happens to her. She still has it all. She has my baby, she has her perfect little nursing career, and she has…never mind."

"What were you going to say?"

"How is it that she can file for divorce, put you out of your house, cause a car accident, all while being involved with another man and still she ends up with you."

"I don't remember her though, I think that might be a pretty hefty payment for her supposed crimes."

"Supposed crimes? Last night you were accusing her of the same things, now what you don't blame her for anything anymore?"

"I've gotten to know her better since then. I didn't want to see it before because I was so worried about you, and myself, but she's going through as much as we are. I think we had the kind of relationship where I was everything to her, the center of her world, you know? I'm thinking my coma and now this amnesia have really destroyed her life."

It probably was wrong to bring all this up with Quinn, her jealousy now was as prominent as the color of her eyes, but even with all the ways Quinn had disillusioned him tonight, distorted his image of her and their relationship, she still was the one person he trusted to be real with him. She said they were best friends. Telling her about the things he had been struggling with seemed natural. It still felt like he could tell her anything, even if she was no longer doing the same.

"Mercedes is stronger than she looks. She spent years on her own, practically raised herself. She just wants you think she's lost without you."

Quinn spilled that info so casually as if it wasn't appalling and incredibly sad to think of someone living that way. He was quite surprised by her lack of compassion, given her own troubled upbringing.

"She's proven herself to me. I know she loves me."

Quinn visibly flinched and he instantly regretted his words. Hurting Quinn wasn't something he wanted to do, but she wasn't listening to him, and he felt compelled to convince her Mercedes wasn't a threat, so that maybe she'd cut her some slack and back off with her comments. Being in the middle of two feuding women was the last place he wanted to be, but the way it seemed now, that was how it was going to be. Nothing he had said had changed Quinn's opinion of Mercedes.

"And you know this how? Because she threw you a party, and agreed to help you with the deal? Can't you see how those deeds just serve her needs to help her look better in your eyes? She's playing you Sam."

Irritated and tense, her face strained, every muscle in her body on edge as she was clearly fighting for control. She was ready to blow up and Sam knew he should probably drop the subject of Mercedes, but he was an idiot with an overactive mouth, so he kept talking.

"I trust her. My gut says she really cares."

Sam spotted the wedding photo of him with Mercedes and his parents on the floor. He retrieved it from the mess of papers and set it back in its spot on the desk. It felt wrong, almost disrespectful to let it stay on the floor, discarded and forgotten. That pretty much summed up the way he had treated Mercedes for the past few weeks, something he wasn't proud of and wished he could take back. Even though he didn't remember her and didn't want to be with a woman that was essentially a stranger, he still was a married man and he needed to find a way to honor his vows. Picking up the picture felt like a step in the right direction.

"What is going on Sam? Mercedes agrees to help you with one thing and suddenly you're her biggest fan? I thought you wanted to be with me."

Pain was evident in her eyes and the urge to do anything to wipe it away, to make her feel better overwhelmed him. Placing his drink on the desk, he went to her and hugged her close. She burrowed into his arms, embracing him tighter, letting out a contented sigh in his ear.

"I do want to be with you Quinn," he said against her hair. He wanted that so much, but it was getting harder to believe it would actually happen. So much was in their way.

"It feels like things are changing. You're going on and on about her, like she's your new trusty sidekick, when it was supposed to be you and me in this together, not you, me and her."

"It kind of always was the three of us though," he said loosening his hold. His drink was beckoning him from the desk. "If Mercedes decides to leave me, it's over. You're going back upstate. I needed her to save you and she came through big time. I can't ignore that. What she's doing means something to me."

In the end Quinn was the one to let go, pushing him away from her body.

"But what does it mean for us?" she asked wrapping her arms around herself. "You're acting different with me now."

"I don't think you can blame Mercedes for what's changed here. You've been less than honest with me. It's going to take time to get back from that."

"You don't seem to need time to get over it with Mercedes. She didn't tell you about your marriage or Beth, yet here you are talking about her like she's the perfect wife."

"Well she was advised by my doctors…."

"Right the doctors, they make a pretty good excuse for her to keep quiet. She has so many secrets, so many things she's done, and you don't have a clue."

"What don't I know?"

"Let me refresh you on something that you forgot after the crash, Mercedes was going to leave you at the altar for another man."

"I know all that Quinn. Mercedes told me everything."

"What you don't know is how hurt you were. You came to my door a wreck, already drunk, staggering, and told me your wife was in love with another man. Then you sat on my couch with tears in your eyes, ready to end it all in, because of her. And there was nothing I could do to help you. All I could do was hold you and tell you things would get better, but honestly Sam, I wasn't sure if they would. I had never seen you so messed up before. So don't tell me that your gut knows best. It doesn't."

It sounded like him. He had raided his father's wine cellar, stealing as many bottles as he could carry, and hid out in his room getting drunk out of his mind after Quinn left him for Puck. So finding out he had been drunk and reckless over Mercedes and some other guy was no surprise.

"All of that might have been true, but obviously I found a way to get over it."

"I don't see how."

"Maybe because I had practice? I forgave you didn't I?" he asked as he sipped from his glass.

Her chest rose in anger, her eyes narrowing, and her lips tight. "What happened with Puck was so different than this. I didn't sneak around and hide my feelings from you. And I told you about Mike back then too. So don't you dare compare me to her." She looked like she wanted to hit him.

"I guess you're right. I shouldn't compare, things were different. Mercedes actually chose to be with me over the other guy, whereas you didn't, either time. Isn't that right?" He took a seat in his father's chair.

A low blow that was totally uncalled for but he felt he had to point it out. His feelings for Mercedes were complex, uncertainty, concern, begrudging respect all mixed up with an intense attraction. There was so much stewing in his head. At times he wished he could go back to his denial where he could hide behind his hatred and disgust, but he couldn't, not after tonight. Mercedes had chosen him then and now, and that mattered to him, as much as he wished it didn't.

"What the hell happened between you two tonight? One kiss and your whole brain shifted. I don't know how she did it. You are clouded by her, she has some hold over you."

Sam hit the desk with his fist, putting his anger into it. "She doesn't have the hold, you do. I'm here tied up in knots scared to death to hear what really needs to be said about what you did to our baby, talking to you about all these things that aren't even important anymore. We're bickering about Mercedes and my father's deal when there's something huge between us."

So much for keeping his temper in check, now that he started yelling he knew he would have a hard time stifling it. Quinn never did take his outbursts well, recoiling from him or wincing as if his words had a physical impact. His anger didn't turn her on the way it seemed to with Mercedes.

"You spilled your drink," she said wiping at the newly wet spot on his leg.

Sam fanned her off not wanting to be touched. "Good maybe it will wake me up. I've been living in this dream world for far too long. You and I aren't going to be together. We're not going to be a family."

Everything was falling apart before his eyes. He couldn't keep up the charade he constructed much longer, reality was starting to bleed through. And the real was too much, Mercedes and Quinn hated each other, there were huge chunks missing from his life, his family was coddling and tiptoeing around him, and his daughter, he couldn't even bring himself to think about what happened to her.

"Yes we are." Quinn knelt on the floor in front of him, between his legs. "Our dreams will come true I know it."

"How do you know that Quinn?"

Taking both his hands she guided him to the floor with her, inching them slowly under the desk on their knees. Once completely under, pressed together in the tight space, filled with her, the scent of her hair, the soft curves her body, and her hands on his thigh. Without warning she kissed him, gently on the lips, lingering for a moment before pulling back with a sigh. Resting her head on his shoulder she relaxed, as if they were on a moonlight picnic in the yard instead of under a dark wooden desk in his father's study.

"There are signs. You woke up to my voice and we are here together now. That has to mean something."

He had seen the signs too, believed that they all led them in one direction, to each other. Yet the more he lived in this new world, the less he was certain about. Maybe he had misinterpreted things. Waking up with Quinn could have just been a coincidence, she had merely been there at the right time. The fact that she loved him now, when she never had before could also be explained. Quinn could be lonely, scared, or too caught up in missing him. And his feelings for her, as strong and as consuming as they felt, might just be because of his amnesia. His mind had trapped him in a reality that no longer existed, but if he suddenly were cured would he still feel the same for her? Then there was Beth, there was no denying the little miracle they made together was a sign of something. But was she a sign that they were meant to be? Right now Beth was being raised by Mercedes and Quinn had no claim to her. How were they going to make a family when they were so separate from each other? Maybe it was the scotch, the lateness of the hour, or that the words Quinn said in the foyer about trying to kill their baby that kept playing in his head, but suddenly all of his optimism was gone. A pit was before him, urging him to jump and discover the truths hidden in its depths. There seemed to be nowhere else to go but down.

"We are here now because out of the blue you decided to sneak into my house and tell me you loved me after ten freaking years. Why did you pick tonight? Because the moon was full, because it was my birthday or was it because you knew Mercedes would be here and it would hurt her somehow?"

As happy as he was to hear her admit she loved him, something about it burned him too. Why did she wait so long to say it? Why did she choose to do it now after he spent the entire night in the company of his wife? It might have been wrong to blame Quinn, she had always been shy with her emotions around him, perhaps he should have been yelling skyward at the gods for making his life such hell. Only a spiteful god, one that derived some evil pleasure from his torment, would have Quinn finally say she loved him on the same night that he decided not to let go of his wife.

It had happened quite unexpectedly, even after spending a fun first date with Mercedes, he still hadn't lost sight of his ultimate goals. Enjoying his wife's company wasn't enough to push Quinn out of his heart, even when he was so upset over her. It was when he was backed into a corner, forced to reveal all the specifics of his agreement with his father in the hopes that somehow he could convince her to help him that everything changed. Shattered in the dusty pool house, her eyes gleaming with tears, all had seemed lost as she denied him and told him she couldn't pretend to be his wife when he wanted Quinn. And that was the end, everything was over, he would have to go to his father defeated and admit that he couldn't hold up the deal and Quinn would have to go back upstate. It was devastating and Sam couldn't imagine how he would ever find a way to break such news to Quinn. But then his little wife had surprised him, stepping into the role he had glimpsed a few times in her actions, loyal, supportive, his. When Mercedes put him first and agreed to help him after all, Sam had been elated at the news. He had lifted her off her feet, spun her in a circle, hugged her until she begged to be released. What she had done meant everything to him, there really were no words to describe how touched he was.

Then in the midst of his happiness he saw it, the sadness she was trying to hide. It was killing her to do this for him and she didn't want him to know. Nine months she had waited, patiently by his side, tirelessly taking care of him and then later his child. She'd spent nights with him curled up in his hospital bed, taken extra classes to learn about his condition, put every part of her life on hold all for him. And now he was rewarding her by asking her to live a lie. He was a real selfish bastard for even thinking any part of that was okay.

The thing about being anam cara is that it's a two way street, a balanced partnership where each person has the other's back no matter what. If roles were reversed he would have been the one waiting and praying for months. She sacrificed nine months of her life for him yet he couldn't be bothered to do the same? Suddenly his father's crazy deal made a whole lot more sense. It restored the balance, it kept them bonded, but only if it were real, only if he meant it. That's why his dad had included all the conditions about having a real marriage and not sneaking around with Quinn. He was trying to keep Sam honest and true to the vows he had made a year ago. When had his father developed this kind, thoughtful streak where he valued marriage and plotted to uphold it?

So as Mercedes watched him play with his nieces and nephew and dance with his mom, letting her smile drop as soon as she thought no one was looking, Sam had decided he wasn't willing to live a lie either. He was going to stay in his marriage, really try, not just for the deal, but for Mercedes, and for himself. It was like Quinn had said, they weren't liars and cheats, they were better than that. They had to be. For Beth. The decision was easy once he faced the truth. The hard part was going to be telling Quinn. He had planned to give himself one night to work up the nerve. Now it seemed he wouldn't need it after all. There would be nothing to say about the deal and his marriage if Quinn had done the unthinkable.

"I didn't even know about the party until Santana told me. I came here only for you. I risked everything, running into Mercedes, ruining your father's deal, just to see you."

"Quinn what are we doing? We can't hide anymore. Don't you see? The deal doesn't matter if you really need to be locked up. I'll drive you back upstate myself if you really are a threat to my child."

"You don't mean that. You're letting your mom influence you or maybe Mercedes. They both want me out of your life."

He wrapped his arm around her, the only way he had to give her some sense of protection. He hated how detested she felt. It was something she seemed to have struggled with all her life, acceptance. He knew life before coming to Lima hell for her, but then things had gotten better from what Sam could recall. But now with the small glimpses he had of the media and his family's attitudes, it was worse for her than ever. Yet this time it was starting to feel like some of what had fallen on her was warranted. She had done something to turn so many against her this way, and Sam feared to his core that he was about to become one of the masses that spurned her. Everything inside of him was screaming not to let that happen, as his mind scrambled to find a way out of this mess.

"I've been in here with you for the past hour desperately trying to hang on to what we have. I can barely wrap my mind around the idea that you could have done something to Beth, but then on the other hand I am starting to feel like a complete idiot because I've known something was off all along. I've just been praying that it was some weird side effect of my coma and nothing based in reality, because this isn't you, Quinn. How could you have hurt Beth?"

"It's not like you think, just let me explain," she said as she backed away from him as far as the confines of the desk would allow.

If only he could reach the scotch that was on the desk above them, that would ease this pain, or if Mercedes would appear. She'd know what to do to soothe his head and make the red disappear from behind his eyes. For the first time since leaving the hospital he truly missed her and the most shocking of all, he was craving her company with Quinn right next to him. Further proof that Quinn was becoming someone unrecognizable, a woman he didn't know. The Quinn he loved was fading before him replaced by this apparition in red, red like blood, like his fear.

"I don't want you to explain. I want it not to be true. Tell me it's not true, then we can go back to all our plans. Getting together tonight at the Beacon, celebrating how Mercedes agreed to help us out, how we are on the right path to building our life, our family. Did you know when I came out into the foyer before and found you with my mother, I was actually coming to look for you?"

Sam reached for Quinn, dragging her back against his side. With his arms around her, he held her close, shutting his eyes as she leaned her head on his shoulder once more. Like this she still felt real, like the Quinn he always knew. If only he could keep her this way, nestled beside him, her arms around his waist, surrounded by her, maybe then he'd know things would be okay. They'd make it through this confusion, and back to their dreams of a house with a yard and a swingset for their daughter. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled her scent, filling himself with her warm sunshine. If only he had a way to capture this moment, this feeling, they could remain like this forever, in love, and happy.

"Really?" she asked lifting her head slightly to look up at him.

Sam urged her head back down on his shoulder with a gentle rub of his hand, afraid that if she moved their little cocoon would be destroyed.

"Yes I wanted to tell you the good news about Mercedes. I wanted to apologize to you for acting like an ass all night about Mike. I wanted to tell you that I couldn't wait to spend time with you at the hotel."

For one night it was going to be perfect. They'd celebrate his birthday and their future. Sam had planned to spend the night stroking her hair, talking about their dreams, memorizing every part of her to help him get through the nine months he would have to spend without her.

"You were still going to come? When you shut me out tonight I thought…"

"I know you saw me kiss Mercedes," he said interrupting her. "And I know it must have hurt, a part of me wanted it to hurt you at the time. Maybe you would feel a little of the pain I felt over the years every time I saw you with Puck and tonight when I had to picture you with my own brother."

It was petty but he hadn't been able to help himself, for once he was in the position to hurt her a little bit, let her know what it felt like to be on the outside, filled with jealousy. The tables had turned and Sam wasn't able to resist pushing her buttons.

"Sam I'm so sorry," she said against him.

"You don't have to apologize Quinn, not about that. I was being immature and a jerk. It doesn't matter about who you were with before, all that matters is now. And Mercedes, I was going to clear that up for you too, because I know you are a little jealous of her, and I wanted you to know that you had no reason to be."

"But you just told me you liked her." Quinn sat up, her knees pressed against his thigh in the tight space.

"I do like her, she gets to me, but she's not you. I tried to forget you all night, put you out of my mind, and just be her husband. And it worked for a while, I felt what it was like to be hers. It was surprisingly nice. She's so sweet but fiery too, with all that attitude and mouth. I can't deny I let her in tonight, I let her get close again, like at the hospital, but it couldn't erase you," he said squeezing her knee. "No matter how much I wished you away, and God knows I wished that so hard tonight because I was hurt, but you never went away. You're still right here in my heart," he said placing his hand on his chest. "And every part of me loves you. I missed you tonight, and we were under the same roof, but being without you felt so wrong."

"Sam I feel the same way. Being without you feels wrong to me too. I love you."

Quinn kissed him again, smiles on their lips, eyes fluttering shut, just them, melting away the rest of the world, the dark cloud above them disappeared and all that remained was the feel of his hands in her hair, her arms around his neck, and her tongue sweeping against his. He gave into the feeling the way he hadn't before, pushing down the images of Mercedes' sad brown eyes that were trying to invade the moment. He could make this only about Quinn, the way it used to be. She loved him, finally, the very idea of that flooring him once more.

"You said it again," he said smiling, as they broke apart.

"Yeah I did." She dropped her head, a blush on her cheeks, and a smile on her lips.

"Now I know I wasn't dreaming before."

He raised her head so that she would look at him, hoping to see love reflected in those beautiful green eyes. He wasn't disappointed. It was there.

"No dreams, this is very real. I was sort of scared to say it again. I thought you might not want to hear it after all you said before."

"Of course I want to hear it. I hope you never stop saying it, never stop feeling it. But now I need you to say something else. I need you tell me that what you said earlier about hurting Beth isn't true. You were trying to get a reaction from my mother. And my instincts are all haywire from the coma. And those looks everyone gets whenever I mention your name, it's not fear, it's something else, just weirdness right? Just tell me it's not true and we can forget all about it. I can start breathing again."

Sam's heart raced as he watched her squirm beside him. Then she stilled, like a porcelain doll with glass eyes staring straight through him. Everything went dark, and the air in the tiny space thickened, choking his lungs. Silence as she said nothing. Then there were tears and he knew it was done.

"I'm sorry," she finally said, her voice low and hollow, her head falling forward to rest on his arm.

He had been holding his breath and hadn't realized it. All this time waiting for her to say something to him, anything to burst his bubble and end their torture or lift him up and set them free. Either from her would have worked as his head began to pound and his eyes slid closed. He rested his head against the cool wood of the interior of the desk. This was no longer a place of solace, he realized, his torment was within, there was no running from it. Quinn's head on his arm felt like a weight imprisoning him under the desk forcing him to remain in hell.

"Quinn no." Sam crawled from under the desk, quickly rising to his feet.

Quinn followed him out, crawling from under the desk, but she did not stand, instead she remained on her knees at his feet. "We can't forget about it Sam because it's all true."

"Tell me what happened," he said drifting toward the light streaming through the window.

The moon gleamed brightly through the window, and Sam was drawn to its light. There seemed to be a message in the sky tonight, the stars and the moon illuminating his path to the truth.

"I don't even know how to start I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this since you came to get me last night."

"Seems there were a lot of things you didn't know how to tell me," he snapped. "You would think telling me you had a hand in our baby almost dying would be high on your list of disclosures."

Sam held his head between his hands, applying steady pressure to relieve the tension. If he could just squeeze hard enough maybe the throbbing was end and the ringing in his ears would stop. Half a bottle of scotch was nothing to him before, he could drink that and still go on with his day, but tonight it was hitting him hard. The coma must have weakened his tolerance because the room was beginning to slide and the red spots behind his eyes were starting to spread into a mass of color. He wasn't even drunk, at least not that he could tell, but somehow he had skipped the buzz and gone straight to the hangover, which absolutely sucked, but was par for the course for his life right now.

"I wanted to spend some time with you first, without all the drama," she replied shakily.

"You should have told me. You're the one person in this world I trusted completely. Maybe I was an idiot for feeling that way especially after all we've been through, but there was always a link between us, a trust. Where did that go Quinn?"

"We still have that link. Nothing has changed. We're still us right? When you get past the rest, it's still the same with us."

"We haven't been us for a long time," he said refilling his glass. "Once you ran off with Puck everything changed."

"That's not true. We kept in touch, we still talked. We got past all that."

"No, you got past all that, went on tour, moved to New York, I was caught somewhere between here and the desert dreaming of you and trying to make it work with yet another woman that didn't really want me." Sam downed his drink, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He was such a sucker, again. When would he ever learn that women were never what they claimed? "You and I exchanged emails, wrote a few letters but things had definitely changed."

"Maybe you're right, but after that crash it all started to come back. I felt it, and I know you did too."

"Did I? Because according to you I played you for another woman." His hands were shaking, so he stuffed them in his pockets to hide them from view.

"Sam, don't do this. Don't tear away at everything that is good and solid between us."

She was crying and for the first time in forever he didn't care. Sam welcomed her tears, they were the least she could give him after all this. A part of him was enjoying that she was starting to crack in front of him, her constant cool exterior was unnerving. He was a mess, hands shaking, head throbbing, and she looked as beautiful as ever. It wasn't right. Their daughter had suffered, some fate he still wasn't quite clear on, and Quinn barely seemed like she cared. Where were her emotions, the remorse, the guilt?

"I think it was torn already and I just couldn't see it."

"Our friendship is what kept me whole during my PPD, even with you in a coma just thinking about you gave me strength."

"How can you sit there and lie to me again Quinn?"

"I'm not lying. I felt all of that for you," she said reaching out to him from the floor.

If she touched him he would lose it. Never had he wanted so much distance from her before, not even when he had fled to the Army. She made his stomach churn and his head hurt with her perfect line of tears that streamed down her cheek. Her face wasn't flushed, her nose wasn't red, besides her glistening eyes she looked flawless.

"I was your strength? I kept you whole? You were sick Quinn! There was nothing whole about you."

Sam wasn't sure which one of them was more delusional. He had actually let himself believe he had been some otherworldly source of strength for her during that time. None of it was true. They both had manufactured all of this, wanting so badly to find a reason to be together again, while ignoring the very real obstacles. But the truth was that he was trapped in a bed while she was losing her mind.

"Maybe I wasn't myself but…"

He cut her off, not willing to hear any more excuses. Everything she said was starting to sound like lies to him. "My mother said she thought you were going to leave the house with the baby."

"She's exaggerating. I just wanted to hold her and kiss her goodnight. Maybe she thought CPS would find out and that's why she said that."

"Ok so angry I would get," he said roughly running his hand through his cropped hair. "She already warned us about breaking CPS rules, but she wasn't mad, she was scared. My mom doesn't scare easily. It would take a whole lot to rattle her, and she was rattled in the foyer Quinn. So why was my mom so scared?"

"Sam your mom was trying to make me look bad. She has it out for me. If we just can talk about-"

"What did you do to my daughter?" he asked unwilling to pause for her benefit. He didn't care about her mental state. He needed to know.

"Sam you have to know I didn't mean to do it." Quinn tucked the same piece of hair behind her ear repeatedly. Her ear turned red as she continued her frantic motions. "I just…my mind…Look at this mess," she said, looking at the contents of the desk that surrounded her on the floor. Suddenly she started to stack the papers on the floor into piles. "Your dad's going to flip."

"I can't stand any more of this." Sam grabbed her under her arms and pulled her roughly to her feet. "You tell me what you did or I'm going to open the door and let my mom tell her version."

Quinn shivered in his arms, unable to look him in the eyes. "I left her alone."

"I don't want a rehash of what we talked about upstairs!" he yelled pushing her away from him in disgust. He wanted details not excuses. "I want you to tell me what my mom was so upset about in the foyer."

"I left her alone another time, in the dark, in the cold…" Her words distorted, sounding garbled because of her tears, but Sam didn't need to understand what she was saying, he already knew.

"In the snow," he said finishing her sentence.

Beth wasn't blue from drowning, she was blue from the cold, frozen and lifeless. Spots formed in front of Sam's eyes so he shut them trying to steady himself. He couldn't let his body fade out again, he had to see this through, to the end.

"Yes I left her in the snow, but you don't understand. I had to do it. I did it all for you and for Beth."

Sam stared at her his vision blurring as he struggled to find the Quinn he always knew in this crying heap in a red dress. She had broken down completely, sobbing into the crook of her arm. Not the hysterical whimpers that Mercedes had displayed at the hospital, Quinn was more controlled than that, but clearly she was unraveling before his eyes. Sam couldn't bring himself to make a move toward her, when somewhere in his mind he knew that's what he should have done. He should be cradling Quinn in his arms and plying her with reassurances, but instead he simply watched, sickened yet enthralled by her tears.

"I want to see where you left her," he said calmly taking another sip of scotch.

"It's late and it's dark," she said sniffling back tears and shaking her head.

"It was dark when you left Beth alone wasn't it?" Now there was a reaction. She turned a shade paler. "I want to see what it was like for my daughter." Sam put down his glass and grabbed Quinn by the elbow, heading toward the door. "Take me to the place now."

* * *

><p><strong>Anam Cara refers to the Celtic spiritual belief of souls connecting and bonding. <strong>

**In Celtic Spiritual tradition, it is believed that the soul radiates all about the physical body, what some refer to as an aura. When you connect with another person and become completely open and trusting with that individual, your two souls begin to flow together. Should such a deep bond be formed, it is said you have found your Anam Cara or soul friend.**


	112. Tailspin3 Ch58

**Chapter 58**

"Mercedes what are you doing here?" asked head nurse Cheryl with a hand on her ample hip. "Aren't you supposed to be partying it up?"

Mercedes approached the counter in her floor length black gown, topped with a pink cardigan. She walked on her toes, attempting to dampen the noise of her heels on the floor.

"Malika got called in so I thought I'd hitch a ride with her and come see my dad. I brought some goodies." Mercedes held up the white shopping bag so Cheryl could see it from behind the nurses' station counter.

"Mmm so what'd you have at the party?" She leaned over the counter and peeked inside the bag. "Duck pate? Caviar? Lobster tails?"

"You'll have to see for yourself. I brought some goodies for you too." Mercedes grinned as she revealed the other bag that she had hidden behind her back.

"Oh aren't you a sweetheart," the older woman said with a smile as she took the white paper shopping bag from Mercedes' hand. "So glad I never fired you."

Mercedes smiled, laughing lightly. "No you aren't. I bet you wish I would resign every day."

"Never. You're a fine nurse, shocked the heck out of me, but you are. One of the best here."

"I appreciate you saying that, even if you are probably just being nice because I came bearing treats. I know I haven't been pulling my weight around here, but that's going to change. I want to come back to work full-time."

Weeks had passed and she had barely stepped foot back in the hospital. Half of her was eager to return to work, but her other half was hesitant about spending time in a place that held so many bad memories.

"You listen to me," she said pointing a brown finger in her direction. "Everyone here understands what you've been going through and we were happy to help you out whenever we could."

"I owe you all so much." Mercedes knew she never would have made it through all the months of Sam's coma without the support of her fellow nurses. They went above and beyond to help and support her.

Mercedes let her eyes fall to the closed door across from the desk, the spot she had been avoiding since she stepped off the elevator, Sam's old room, their home for nine endless months. Just looking at the door brought it all back, the not so distant memories flooding her mind. Sam could have died in that room, technically he had, a few times.

"Nonsense. You don't owe us a thing. And don't come rushing back to this place because you think you have to. Stay home and enjoy that man of yours and that precious baby. They need your attention more than ever now." Cheryl squeezed her hand tightly. It felt less like a friendly gesture, and more like a signal for attention. "There will be time enough to come back to work."

Like it was yesterday she could see herself standing outside the door, Dwight and Sue flanked on each side of her as the doctors droned on with their stoic expressions and clinical tones. Mercedes had tried to focus on their actual words, to put her nursing training to use and interpret the meaning of their medical terms, but her brain wouldn't let her, not after she heard them say Sam's prognosis was poor. Latching onto those two words - prognosis poor, everything else faded into the background as she put all her energy into not falling apart in the middle of the hospital.

Sue was wrecked, collapsing into a nearby chair covered in tears, yet still spewing accusations that the doctors were incompetent liars. Dwight was far less demonstrative. His stone face and steel edged posture never crumbled. When he'd heard enough he pivoted and stormed away, grumbling under his breath. Alone Mercedes had stood, the only advocate for Sam's care. It didn't matter that she was only nineteen and terrified. She was expected to handle every kick with calm maturity. And she had, never once letting the doctors or Sam's family see her break.

Once the doctors left and Sam's parents had wandered off to deal with their own pain, Mercedes had made her escape. Walking down the hall as fast as she could without breaking into a run, she got away from the doctors and their 'poor prognosis' and that wretched door that the man she loved was trapped behind. Past closed doors and locked offices, Mercedes searched for a place she could hide, a spot where Sam wasn't sick and her life wasn't a horrible nightmare. Pushing through the double doors of the staff locker room, she choked on the tears she had been stifling. Squeezing herself in a corner between a locker and the wall she started to sink to the floor letting all her tears finally flow, but she never hit the cold hard tile, because soft arms encircled her, holding her up, preventing her fall. Cheryl was there, materializing from nowhere, hugging her tight while she cried.

When the moment had passed and her emotions were easing back into place, Cheryl had released her, handed her tissues, and offered her a smile.

"Are you done now?" she had asked. And Mercedes only nodded. "Good because there's a war to be won."

Mercedes quickly brought up what the doctors' had said that Sam's prognosis was poor and that his chances for recovery were low. Cheryl had brushed all of that off, scoffing at the 'know-it-all' doctors. She had insisted that faith and good care would bring Sam back. And she had been so right.

"Thanks Cheryl." Mercedes shifted away from the nurses' station if she didn't leave soon she would surely become a crying mess in front of her boss. "I guess I need to go hunt down my father now."

"Try the on call room," Cheryl suggested. "That's where he was headed last I saw him."

There was a time when the hospital was one of the few places in town she truly felt at home. Finding her father, meeting Puck and living with Beiste was great, but beyond that the town she adopted as her home still felt very foreign and at times uninviting. She really had no connection to the place outside of Beiste, her dad and Puck. Then she started nursing school and suddenly everything changed. She found purpose and focus, something to dedicate herself to besides her own selfish needs. And she was good at it, her classes were challenging but she still managed to excel, and now her job at the hospital made sense, she finally understood the service she was providing to patients, how she helped and made a difference.

Mercedes' life had changed after that. She made new friends at work and school, met Shane, and finally found a way to stop obsessing so much over Sam, a man she would never be with. Or so she had thought, as luck would have it, that 'never' with Sam turned out to be a 'not right now', since in time he too became a bigger part of her life. Building a friendship with Sam had been such an easy thing, evolving naturally once they both stopped fighting each other, and started talking instead. They got each other, and found they had plenty of common ground. Love might not have bloomed with Sam, he was too hung up on Rachel Berry for that, but a closeness developed nevertheless, and that was almost as good.

Feelings changed with the seasons, for her and Shane and for her and Sam. Mercedes finally found a boyfriend of her own in Shane, her first really, and it was nice and sweet, and on the verge of becoming more, if only she could let go of Sam. He still hid in the dark corners of her heart, silently keeping her small sliver of hope captive, the keeper of her dream that one day Sam would see her as more than a friend. 'Be careful what you wish for' never felt more true of an adage when Sam unexpectedly declared his heart. In the middle of Beiste's kitchen, he asked her give up Shane and give him a chance instead. Life altered before her eyes, an abrupt shift in the plans that she had thought were going so smoothly. Sam Evans had other ideas, as he tried to sweep her off her feet after denying her for almost a year. She loved and hated him equally in that moment, a state she would find herself in a number of times during her relationship with Sam.

Like right now, if she were being honest, her love for Sam was stronger than ever, so deep it consumed her and made her feel whole, without it she wasn't sure if she would be recognizable, so much of her identity was wrapped up in loving him, caring about him, being his wife. Then with a simple request he had shattered all that she held close, diminishing their life together, their marriage, and her being in one blow. He wanted her to pretend, to live a lie, to fake being his wife, a family. It had hurt worse than anything he'd ever done before, and Sam had almost broken her last year, but this was even more painful. An unthinkable request, no way would she fake anything to help keep Quinn free, but in the end she had agreed, swallowing her own pain to end his.

And he had been desperate, she could see it in his eyes, the fear was written all over his face, he'd do anything for Quinn and the thought of letting her down was killing him. So he had sacrificed Mercedes to keep the woman he loved safe, served up her heart as an offering to the gods, ripping it from her chest still beating and hopelessly loving him. And so much she loved him, and he knew it, which is why he had asked in the first place. Her love for him was her weakness and Sam had always been good at preying on the weak.

The door opened and she looked up, a couple doctors rushed from the room giving her a brief glimpse at the patient inside, tethered to the bed by a maze of tubes. Mercedes shuddered at the sight, not long ago she had been in that room, watching Sam trapped in that same maze. And just like that the bitterness left her, that hate she wanted to feel disappeared. Sam had almost left her, hanging on by nothing more than medical miracles and pure faith, but he had survived, hurtling back to life and in some ways back to her, because even though he woke up with no memories of their life together or the love they shared, he still had come back. Sam had leaned on her, squeezed her hand, asked for her support, craved her company. If Mercedes pushed aside all of her hurt about being forgotten, she could see that not everything was lost, Sam didn't know her but he had wanted her in his life all the same. There was something in that, a deeper meaning, a message in his unwillingness to let her walk away from him completely. Of course, now that she knew about Dwight's crazed plot, Sam's clinginess made more sense. It was all about Quinn after all, as it had consistently been since he came out of the coma. Still Mercedes wasn't quite ready to chalk everything up to that deal with his father. There had been something between them before Sam even knew Quinn was locked away, he just had been unwilling to acknowledge it once he found out she was his wife. That seemed to change tonight, through all of his obvious conning to get her to stay married to him, something real had emerged. Mercedes was sure it wasn't just imagination. Sam truly felt something for her, just as he did when he thought she was his nurse. And maybe that something was a part of what he felt for her before the crash.

"Mercedes?" Her father stepped out in the hall catching her by surprise. She hadn't even realized she'd made it to the on call room as she was so lost in her thoughts.

"Hi dad." She smiled. It was good to see her father's face after the roller coaster of a night she had. Seeing him in his usual dress of green scrubs and white sneakers comforted her somehow. "Brought you some food," she said handing him the bag. She almost forgot the purpose for her visit, as she continued to draw comfort from her father's presence.

"Sweetheart, you didn't have to do that, though I'm glad you did." Julian looked inside the bag, surveying its contents. "This smells delicious. How did you even get here?"

"I got a ride with Malika," she said staring down the hall. She had made it past their old room but it felt like ghosts from that time were surrounding her.

Julian looked up shifting his attention from the food to her. "You're shaking. What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing, just a little chill," she replied putting on her biggest smile. Mercedes tried to pull herself together before her father went into overprotective mode.

"Mercedes…" he began clearly not believing her excuse. He led her into the room, his hand on the small of her back.

"I passed by Sam's old room," she said quickly once they were inside. "It just brought it all back, you know?" Her smile dropped and her eyes welled with tears. There was no playing this off. Seeing that room again had shaken her.

"Yeah I know," he said rubbing her shoulder. "But he made it out of there. He's home now."

Mercedes flinched at the word 'home'. It felt like a weapon now. She had no real home once Sam went into the coma. Losing him in that way made it startlingly clear that home for Mercedes hadn't been about a place, but about people. Beiste had felt like home, and she still did, she was comfort and love, but Sam had stepped in and became all of those things to her and more. Sam was her one safe place in the world, even when he was the person that had shattered it with his cheating and lies. All the time Sam was in the coma Mercedes had lived off the hope that one day he would recover and they'd have their home again together. It was what held her there with him even during the times when it felt like she should have given up and walked away.

Now Sam was back with them, conscious and recovering, but still he had not returned home. All night at the party he had brought up that possibility of coming home with her and learning about their life together. Each mention made her heart soar. It was all she wanted, another chance at a life with him, but then she remembered Quinn and all that Sam wanted was a life with her, and just like that her dreams felt flat.

"Right. Home," she said sadly.

"Oh no," said Julian shaking his head. "I told myself I wasn't going to bring this up, but looking at your face right now I know I have to."

"Bring what up?" Mercedes asked though she had a pretty good idea where her father was heading.

"Quinn."

"Oh her." Mercedes deflated. Quinn Fabray was a dark cloud over her life. Everything was about Quinn now.

"Yeah her. What the hell is wrong with that piece of shit husband of yours? How could he do this to you?"

"I'm pretty sure I wasn't on his mind at all. I wasn't part of his decision to have Quinn released." Sam had told her as much, repeatedly. His only concerns were Quinn and Beth.

"Which is another issue. I don't care how hard he bumped his head, the man knows he has a wife. There is no good reason for him to be acting like this, breaking Quinn out of the hospital and bringing her to a party that you threw for him."

"Well in Sam's defense…" Mercedes said in a low voice. Diffusing the situation didn't seem remotely possible but she had to try. Getting into a shouting match with her dad over how much of a deadbeat Sam was in the middle of the on call room didn't seem like a good idea.

"There is no defense for him," her father said sharply.

There really was no arguing that point, Sam's actions were selfish and wrong. Under any other circumstances she would be right next to her dad condemning him, but this wasn't a normal situation, Sam wasn't himself, and it was that impairment that helped Mercedes find ways to forgive him.

"Maybe not, but he honestly didn't know about the party. It was supposed to be a surprise."

"Instead the surprise was on you. I could wring his neck." Julian twisted his hands, pantomiming the act.

Mercedes touched his arm only letting go once she felt her father begin to relax. "Dad it's really okay. I'm over the whole Quinn is free thing."

"Over it?" Julian's voice raised an octave. "Look at you. You're shaking. I don't think you're over a damn thing. Did you eat tonight or were you too busy wasting more tears on Sam?" he asked rubbing her head.

"I'm not some basket case you know? I'm not going to fall apart because of Quinn Fabray."

"I know you're not a basket case." Julian hugged her around the shoulders. "I'm just concerned."

She squeezed her father tightly around the waist. "Don't be concerned about me, be concerned about Sam. Quinn told him about what happened to Beth."

"So how's he handling that?" Julian made his way back to the bag of food that he left on the little table in the room. He opened up a container and gave it a sniff.

"I'm not sure." Mercedes joined him at the table and handed him a fork wrapped in a blue cloth napkin from her purse. "Last I saw him he had locked himself in Dwight's office with her. She was supposedly telling him the whole story."

"Mmm rigatoni caprese one of my favorites from BreadStix," Julian said after putting a forkful of food in his mouth. "So you don't even know if she actually told him. Quinn could have been making excuses."

"Dwight won't let that happen, or Sue either for that matter. Sam is going to find out all tonight one way or another. I'm really worried about him though. It is a lot to take in, and he already passed out once tonight."

"Passed out?" Her father paused mid chew. "How come he wasn't brought to the hospital? He's recovering from a major brain injury. There are a number of things that could've been going on with him."

Julian's concern for Sam's health was evident, and if she hadn't known otherwise she would have taken that as a positive step in father in law/son in law relations, but Mercedes knew the truth. Her father was merely in doctor mode, thinking of Sam as another patient and nothing more.

"Kalina tried to get him to go, but he refused. Seems like he mixed beer with his meds and that's what caused him to faint."

"You don't sound convinced."

Mercedes shrugged. "Like you said he's recovering from a serious injury, but honestly I think it has more to do with his amnesia than anything else."

"I know you were taking that TBI class but there's so much you don't know about his condition. I wouldn't dismiss drug interaction or even complications from the coma."

"I'm open to anything, and I hope he decides to get examined, but my instincts are telling me that Sam passed out because his mind couldn't handle what he was hearing. Quinn and Sue were arguing about what happened to Beth right in front of him when he collapsed," she said with a hint of anger creeping into her voice.

It was upsetting that one conversation between Sue and Quinn had brought Sam to his knees. What would have happened if they had actually revealed all that Quinn had done to the baby at the moment? Would Sam still be incapacitated? That was her worry now, as she remained in the dark about what was happening during the current conversation between Quinn and Sam. What if Sam had again physically reacted to the information, passing out in the middle of the room? Although Mercedes hoped that someone would have called her if that had occurred, so she could only assume Sam was dealing with everything without losing consciousness.

"Plausible theory, it could have been psychological in nature. Hopefully Kalina will be able to get to the bottom of it."

"He fired her," Mercedes said with a sigh.

Julian dropped his fork. "Typical. Sam can be such a stubborn ass."

Mercedes wasn't happy about Sam abandoning his treatment either, especially since said treatment was probably her only hope of getting Sam to remember her again. Even still Sam was a proud and fiercely independent man. He didn't like asking for help or showing any signs of weakness, so Mercedes understood his reluctance to see a therapist, even when he clearly needed to.

"I wish you weren't so angry with him all the time. Sam can't help his memory loss. Can't you cut him some slack?"

"No I cannot," he said in disgust. "I watched Quinn's little press conference tonight."

"You did?" she asked her eyes widening in shock.

"Honey half the hospital did. The news has been playing it nonstop. You'd think the president was giving a speech and not just some woman from Lima blathering on about her feelings."

Mercedes' insides twisted in knots. No wonder Cheryl had made that cryptic statement about focusing on her husband, she had seen Quinn's interview and had known her marriage was under attack. As if the past year hadn't been fraught with one humiliation after another, now there was yet another to add to the list. Not only had her husband cheated on her and conceived a baby, but now he also wanted to leave her for the mother his child.

Mercedes slouched in her chair. "So you heard Quinn talk about how wonderful Sam is and how he's the best man in the world."

"Yes I did. If people didn't think they were having an affair before, they will now. Where was her lawyer all that time? He swooped in at the tail end, after she'd done all that damage to her reputation, fueling rumors, and embarrassing you. I wanted to string him up."

"Who are we talking about here? Sam?" She tilted her head observing her father from across the table. He seemed to be far more upset about Quinn's antics than usual.

"No, Quinn's incompetent attorney Artie Abrams, he was supposed to be a solution in all this mess not part of the problem. He was supposed to be better than a lawyer on the Evans payroll, and I thought since he was so green that he'd be more focused and attentive to her case. But tonight he couldn't be bothered to do his job, he somehow let Quinn off her leash and allowed her to chat it up with the press, revealing to everyone that she was in town and at the Evans house."

"You sure know a lot about Quinn's lawyer," Mercedes said, narrowing her eyes. Her father had never said this much about Quinn's case or legal arrangements before.

"Well how could I not? She's all over the news."

"That's true."

Everyone knew the intimate details of their lives these days thanks to the media. Quinn bore the brunt of the scrutiny, but even Mercedes with her protection from Dwight, still was exposed.

"The baby was at the party wasn't she?" asked her father.

"Yeah she was."

"If CPS sees that tape, and I don't see why they wouldn't since the networks have it on constant loop, then Quinn is screwed. Being in that house tonight with the baby there was a direct violation."

Inwardly she groaned. She hadn't much thought about Child Protective Services tonight, having Quinn around Sam had preoccupied her mind.

"I know and even worse Sam let her hold her."

When Dwight told her about that it was the final straw. Mercedes had been dealing with Quinn's presence with decorum and restraint. She deserved a medal for the level of self-control she managed to achieve. Inside she was filled with rage over Quinn and her sudden appearance at the party. She wasn't sure which made her angrier the fact that Quinn was there at all or that Sam had a hand in bringing her. Either way the result was the same, she hated Quinn barging in on their life in such a big and public way. But she had kept her emotions in check and dealt with the intrusion, until she found out she had been near the baby. Beth's safety was most important and Mercedes wasn't going to let anyone, not even her own parents hurt her again.

"That right there is proof that it's time for you to get out of this."

"Get out of what?"

"Out of this mess with Sam and Quinn. You are legally responsible for that girl right now and they are blatantly breaking rules. CPS could hold this against you too. You are the one that has custody."

Mercedes worked hard to contain her eye roll. Her father was quickly heading into lecture territory. As much as she loved her dad and appreciated their talks, she hated how he insisted on giving his opinion on every part of her life. She guessed she should be glad that he wasn't obnoxious with his advice, he did back off once he said his peace.

"But I didn't know he let Quinn see Beth. I wasn't even there."

If she had been around it never would have happened. Quinn obviously used Sam's ignorance about the situation to her advantage, manipulating him with her big eyes and even bigger breasts.

"You think that matters to CPS? They can argue that you should've known what was going on with that kid at all times."

"Sam is Beth's dad. I want them to spend time together."

Beth had waited long enough for her dad to wake up. Mercedes didn't want to deprive her of any more time with her father. The problem wasn't Sam, it was Quinn. She should have known better than to try to see Beth, after all that happened in court and with CPS. What kind of mother would risk making things worse and potentially losing even more time with her child? Only someone whose sanity was in question would be so stupid.

"Fine let this be Sam's problem then. You need to just walk away. Give him back his daughter and you can finally distance yourself from him. Get that divorce like you wanted before the accident."

Mercedes tensed. She had threatened divorce so many times she doubted anyone was taking her seriously at this point. She was barely taking herself seriously, though she really wanted to. Life would be so much easier if she could let go of her relationship with Sam and move on, but Mercedes had learned early on that her life was never going to be easy. Practically begging Dwight for help with Quinn, swallowing her pride and showing her vulnerability was another step away from that easy life that a divorce could bring.

She had wanted to protect both Sam and Beth from Quinn and any ill effects of her lingering mental instability, but more than that she wanted Quinn safely out of reach, away from her family, back in her little cell upstate, so that she could reclaim her husband and her life. There was no hope of ever winning Sam's affections with Quinn right in town. It may have been a little underhanded to go behind his back after promising to help keep Quinn free, but it didn't feel like she had any other choices. For Mercedes her family was her life, and Quinn was a threat to all she loved.

"Dad no. I just can't walk away. Sam is still recovering, he's not even in his right mind, and Beth needs me."

"That baby is not your problem."

"Her name is Beth! She's named after Kurt's mother. Puck's aunt and your really good friend remember?"

Since the day they found out Beth was Sam's daughter and not Puck's, her father had not spoken Beth's name, only referring to her as "the baby" or "the girl". Mercedes hoped once her father's hurt had subsided, he would be able to see Beth as a person and not just the source of their shared pain. So far that had not happened. He seemed to be nursing old wounds despite his constant claims of being over it all.

"I know her name, though I'm surprised Quinn hasn't changed it by now."

"She doesn't want to change her name and I'm glad she doesn't. It is like a little piece of Puck is with her. Even though I never met Elizabeth Evans Hummel, I feel like I know her from all the stories, you, Kurt, Sam and Puck have told about her. I know you loved her like a sister, so in a way she feels like my aunt too. And that gives Beth a tie to our family."

Pulling the phone from her sweater pocket she scrolled to a picture of Beth, needing to see her face in that moment. She was such a sweet baby, with those chubby cheeks and dimples. Finding out she was Sam's had hurt her too. At first every time she saw Beth she ached for the babies she would probably never have with Sam. Beth felt like a sad reminder of all she had lost in her life and in her marriage. Then she smiled at her, and those dimples appeared on her face, and she knew right there that nothing would change how much she loved that little girl.

"But she's not our family. Quinn suckered us in and made us believe that Puck was going to have a daughter and our makeshift family would be expanding, but it was all lies. She's not a part of us," said Julian his pain very evident in his voice.

Remaining in her chair she watched her father pace the length of the room, dodging the twin sized beds that cluttered the area. "She's a part of me. It doesn't matter if we don't share DNA. I love her just the same. I loved her before she was born and I loved her even more after she came into this world. What I don't get is why you don't love her too? How can you just shut it off?"

Julian stopped, turning to toward her. Mercedes could see the tears rimming his dark eyes. "I can't allow myself to get attached to a baby that won't be a part of my life."

"She is a part of your life. I'm her stepmother. She lives with me, and I want her to know you daddy." She walked over and hugged him. "Beth could use all the love and good influences in her world she can get."

"Everything you are saying is true for right now, but it won't last, it can't. Sam is recovering, and Quinn is out of the hospital. It won't be long before they take their child back and start to make a family together, the three of them. And where will that leave you Mercedes?"

"You don't know that. Sam is married to me. That's not going to change."

"Oh Mercedes, you're lying to yourself." He kissed her on the top of her head before releasing her from his arms. "Where's Sam now? You just gave him a party and instead of being together you're at the hospital with your father? That doesn't seem like such a solid example of marriage."

"I told you he's with Quinn, finding out the truth. And once he knows it, everything will be different. He'll see her for who she really is and start making smart decisions."

"Smart decisions like staying married to you?" her father asked skeptically.

"Yes for one thing. He'll realize that Beth has a good life with me and all we need is for him to come home and be a part of it."

As much as she hated it, Dwight's deal with Sam gave her some leverage and bought her some time. Maybe once Sam took his focus from Quinn and put it on her he'd see what they were together in the past and what they could be now. Maybe he'd even stay with her. Sam had chosen her before, whisking them past dating and straight to marriage, it was possible he could do it again.

Julian shook his head as he sat back down at the table and resumed eating. "If only love relied on smart decisions, we'd all be a lot happier now. But you and I both know that when it comes to love, logic and smarts have nothing to do with it. The heart rules the head."

"I had Sam's heart once," she said staring down at her wedding rings.

Sam's love was etched in the band, a reminder of how she was a part of him, inside his soul. He may not remember right now, but he had given her clues that something was still there, from the way he looked at her in the hospital when they spent the night together, to the intensity of his kisses tonight at the party, to those fleeting memories that managed to break through and reveal themselves. Memories about their marriage, about their life together, Mercedes had to hold onto that, and believe that her Sam was still within the man that had come back from the coma.

"I know baby, but things have changed, for all of us. I think it is time for us to finally come to terms with that."

"You don't fool me. I think you aren't as removed from things as you want me to believe, or else you wouldn't be so interested in Quinn's lawyer or so emotional about Beth. You still care about her. Face it dad, your heart is still ruling your head too."

Suddenly quiet, her father lowered his head and concentrated on his food, leaving Mercedes to ponder the feelings he was trying so hard to deny.


	113. Tailspin3 Ch59

**Chapter 59**

The car seemed to be moving in slow motion as the familiar sites of the city he grew up in passed outside his window. Sam pressed his foot into the floor as if he had his own phantom controls to make the car go faster in the back seat of the sedan. The wool of his coat scratched his cheek as he nestled lower in his seat, eyes still trained out the window. The sole means for blocking out the woman at his side. Although it was an effort in futility really, he was painfully aware of every move Quinn made. The scent of her hair filled the car, the edge of her black coat flapped against his thigh each time she shifted, and the grip on his hand tightened whenever she breathed in or out. As much as he tried to ignore her, Quinn was putting just as much effort into making her presence known, at least that's how it felt to Sam.

They'd gotten in the car without a word. Daley was never given any instruction on where to take them he just started up the car and drove. As they made their way down the mile long driveway and toward the city, Sam waited for Quinn to alert Daley of their destination, he was anxious to hear it in fact, but she said nothing, and neither did he. Sam felt like he was riding blindfolded into an abyss. Making Quinn tell him flat out where she left Beth would have made more sense and definitely would have settled his nerves, but knowing would also make the pain come faster. At least this way he still had time to hold onto his fleeting hopes that all of this was a bad dream. They weren't in a car going to what in all honesty was a crime scene, but instead they were heading to the Beacon and their private birthday celebration they had planned.

The birthday party in his honor seemed so long ago. The mood to celebrate anything had left his body the moment he knew his daughter was left alone in the snow. Just the very idea that something so pure and innocent could be left in the pristine blanket of whiteness was almost surreal. He supposed babies and snow went together metaphorically at least, both were new and pure, fresh, untouched, and at first so perfect. Only the soot from chimneys and cars or the plodding of human feet destroyed its beauty. Babies were the same unmarred by the harshness of life until their parents get hold of them and take a bit of their innocence away each day. Sam had always loved the snow, as a child it meant snow days, hot chocolate, throwing snowballs at Figgins, and that love never faded as he grew up, snow still made him smile, made him secretly long to pack it into balls to hurl at Figgins, but now that had changed, the thought of snow was making his stomach turn as he struggled to keep the image of Beth cold and blue from his mind.

Quinn's nails grazed his skin, his palm tingling from the contact. It was as if she were in his mind monitoring his thoughts since whenever he seemed to think about what happened to Beth too long she did something to pull him out of it. He would have thanked her for keeping him out of that dark place, he didn't want to focus on his baby in peril, but the problem was Quinn was the one that caused the danger to their daughter. So instead of her efforts to pull him from the depths being a comfort, it was more like being seesawed from one hell to another. Sam wasn't quite sure which was worse, being trapped with the images of his daughter freezing in the snow, or being stuck beside the woman that put her there.

Sam put his other hand in the pocket of his pants, for safety, in the unlikely event Quinn leaned across his lap and tried to hold that hand too. How did this happen? Never had he felt so on edge around Quinn before. She'd always been the person he wanted closest to him. Now just the fact that she was holding his hand was bothering him, yet he couldn't bring himself to let go. What would happen if he did? Would the last piece of life as he knew it slip away into the night? Sam wasn't ready to take that chance, so instead he endured her touch and tried not to focus on the stranger she had become.

Sam wiggled his fingers in his pocket, reaching for one last chance for peace, perhaps for their salvation. Hidden in the depths was the ring he bought for Quinn all those years ago, that brilliant green emerald that held so much promise for their future, yet he never had the chance to give it to her. When he dragged her out of his dad's study insisting she take him to the spot where she had left Beth, he had been a little unsteady from their emotional conversation and all the scotch he had consumed. He had yelled for Figgins in the foyer, ignoring his mother's questions on the way up the stairs to retrieve Quinn's coat and a bit of his sanity. Alone in his room he let out the silent scream he had been stifling since Quinn told him she left Beth alone in the cold. Nothing about any of it seemed real and he actually banged his head against the wall a few times just hoping that all of this could be knocked out of his mind. The only thing gained from that exercise was an increased throbbing in his head.

He had spotted the ring on the way out, a glint from the stone in the light brought him to it and instinctively he picked it up, running his finger over the smooth gold. A couple of weeks ago the ring had meant so much, a symbol of all the good things ahead, even earlier that evening when Quinn came into his room like a beautiful angel, Sam had dreamed about the moment when he would give her that ring, he was so tempted to pull it out then and there and place it on her finger, but he couldn't because of Mercedes and the commitments he had with her. Now he held onto that ring in his pocket, rubbing it with his thumb like a lucky rabbit's foot, but its magical powers had yet to be revealed. Despite all of his rubbing and wishing, he was still in a car with Quinn heading toward possibly the worst moment of his life.

Quinn seemed to be stuck in a dream state of her own as she discarded her usually subdued demeanor and began to chatter on enthusiastically like a maniac travel agent trying to get him to make a reservation. Apparently the suites at the Beacon were spacious and the service impeccable, and the views of the city unmatched. Then her mood shifted suddenly and her voice took on an almost wistful tone when she brought up the sunset, as if she were physically wrapping herself in the words.

"You were beautiful in the sunset," she said unexpectedly. "I never knew it was possible to be happy in the midst of so much pain, but with you at the Beacon it happened."

Sam turned to look at her, for the first time in many miles, praying that braving her face would somehow make her words make sense. The incongruity of the moment had him reeling almost as much as the knowledge of what she'd done to Beth. What was filling Quinn's head that she would rather focus on the sunset than their daughter?

"Did you leave Beth at the Beacon?" he asked trying to pull her and himself back to the reality before them.

Quinn didn't seem to hear his question as she continued on with her memory tour of the Beacon.

"Every night we sat together on our balconies watching the sunset, though really I watched you more than the sun. It was almost like I was waiting for something, a signal maybe of when everything would change."

"What did you want to change?" he asked unable to help himself.

"You, me, us, I know such a cliché answer, but I realize now that last year at the Beacon all I wanted was for you to turn your head and look at me, see what was right in front of your eyes, you never did. So I kept on waiting."

"Quinn you're not making sense. What about Beth?"

"Beth was with us the whole time and we didn't even know. Do you think she was what brought us together? What made me finally see what was in my heart for you for so long?"

"If you would have asked me this last night I would have said yes without hesitation. It has felt like something greater than the both of us has been pulling us together since I came out of the coma. Once I found out that we had Beth together, it all just fell into place. Our baby was a part of that force that was bringing us finally together. But now…" He shook his head unable to continue.

"I feel that too," she said as if he had never hesitated. "That force, we're meant to be Sam."

"I am finding it really hard to hang onto that Quinn. You're talking about love and being together when all I can wonder is when did you start hating me?"

"I don't hate you."

"Was it when you left me for Puck?"

"Sam no."

"Was it when I hurt you with that other girl and you ended up with Mike? Was it when our night together made you lose Puck again?" The questions flew like bullets. He needed answers.

"I don't…"

"I gotta know," he said not letting her finish. "Maybe if I know the exact moment when you started hating me this would all make sense. I could reconcile all these thoughts spinning in my head."

"Sam I don't hate you. I've never hated you. How could I?" she asked finally dropping his hand.

"If you didn't hate me then why did you do it? Why did you leave my daughter alone and helpless? Did you leave her because you were disappointed she was mine?"

It felt personal, like she had been attacking him with this hideous act. Maybe she hadn't wanted his child so she disposed of her. The thought felt wrong, but so did every other explanation he could come up with. There was no reason for her do something like this.

"I told you before I wanted Beth to be your daughter," she replied. "I prayed for it."

"If you prayed for that like you say, how could you do this?"

"It's not that easy to explain. I was confused and my PPD was clouding my judgment. All I could think was that Beth deserved better than me as a mother."

He had heard this before, he knew her PPD had left her feeling disconnected with Beth but that didn't explain how she had gone from pushing their daughter off onto Mercedes to abandoning her in the snow.

"But you said Beiste and Mercedes were taking care of her anyway, why did you have to leave her out in the snow? Why couldn't Beth have stayed with them?"

"I didn't want her with them, I wanted her with you. I didn't leave her alone I left her for you."

His eyes widened. He had been in no position to take care of a child then, and she knew that. "So you left her outside the hospital?"

"Don't look at me like that. I feel like you're judging me."

"I'm just trying to understand what happened."

"I was confused Sam! Beth was screaming in the backseat and I could barely hear myself think and all I knew is that we needed you."

"I was in a coma!"

As much as he hated he was incapacitated and useless to his family, it was still very much beyond his control. The guilt persisted, even with Kali trying to convince him the feeling was unfounded. Sam couldn't help but wonder if things would have turned out differently if he had been conscious to save Quinn, or more importantly save his daughter.

"I know that! I just thought you would come back for her, for our little miracle."

"Do you know how crazy that sounds?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"I'm not crazy. I was sick," she said jutting her chin out defiantly.

"I get that you were sick, but weren't you getting help by this time? On medication?"

"I stopped taking my pills."

He slowly shook his head a sickening sense of dread was filling him. None of what she was saying made sense. Maybe she was worse off than he realized. "I am trying so hard to understand all of this. It just is all so unbelievable to me. You wanted our daughter with me so you leave her out where she could freeze to death instead of safely at home with my wife. It just doesn't make sense."

"I left her to Mercedes too. I put that in my note."

"There was a note?" Sam was floored everything was feeling so deliberate now. He had convinced himself she had left the baby and ran off confused into the night, not thinking, not feeling, but now her words were proving those thoughts untrue. Quinn had known on some level what she was doing to their daughter.

"I pinned it to her blanket, before I…." She hesitated. Sam could hear the tears choking her words. For the first time during the entire car ride, she seemed emotional about their current situation. "Before I walked away."

"You walked away?" Sam was stunned. Intellectually he knew that was what had happened but to hear Quinn say the words was overwhelming. "How could you do that? Was she crying?" he asked tears stinging his eyes.

He prayed his imagination was far worse than the actual act, because if his daughter endured half of what he was thinking he was going to lose it. The cap on his temper would blow and he didn't know what he would do to Quinn.

"A little, but she stopped once she knew I was leaving. Beth didn't really like me anyway."

And just like that his anger subsided, his heart clenching at her words as he remembered Quinn in the nursery with Beth, so frightened of her own daughter. How could he blow up at Quinn for this when she clearly had suffered with all of this?

He wanted to grab her and shake her get her to realize once and for all the error of her thoughts. Beth didn't hate her, how could she? She was the person that gave her life, the one she was closest to in this world. Even their separation couldn't change that. Sam truly believed that the ties of blood and family transcended any distance. That had to be true, he needed to hang onto that belief because he too had been separated from Beth and he prayed that his bond with his daughter was still strong despite his inability to be a part of her life.

"Quinn stop this. Listen to yourself. Beth is your baby, she needs you and loves you. She probably was frightened when you left her all alone. Can't you see that?"

"At the time she seemed happier without me. Actually she still does. Do you want to know what I was thinking when I walked away from Beth?" Her head fell against his arm as she awaited his response.

"Oh God." Sam shifted away from her turning his whole body toward the window, so tempted to open the door and roll out of the moving car. The backseat was closing in on him and the throbbing in his ears intensified as he tried to push visions of Quinn walking away from his crying baby from his mind. He could hear her sniffling against him, she had eased herself into the middle seat, her thigh skimming his. "I need some air," he said his voice hoarse.

He didn't want to hear anything more, he only wanted to forget, to drown this night in more scotch and wallow in oblivion. Sam rolled down the window a few inches letting in the bitter cold night air. He had been trying to keep calm since he got into the car with her, but now his patience was wearing thin. Repeating the phrase 'she was sick' in his mind was no longer doing the trick to keep his temper at bay now that Quinn had gone from clutching his hand to practically sitting in his lap.

"Quinn please," he pleaded, his forehead pressed against the cold glass. "I need you to give me a little space."

"I'm scared to let go of you."

"I'm right here. I just need some breathing room."

"You're pulling away from me," she said as she cried, her tears stinging him like acid, though it was impossible that he could feel their wetness through the wool of his coat. "I feel like I'm losing you."

He exhaled heavily, fogging up the glass with his breath. "You'll never lose me, we're like the sun and the moon," he said almost under his breath.

He linked his fingers through hers, the only comfort he could offer while maintaining emotional control. A part of him hoped she didn't hear him. It didn't feel right to make false promises. He wasn't sure what would happen to them once he knew everything about what happened to Beth. Sam wasn't sure if they could survive something as big as this.

Finally she let him go, backing away, moving to her seat at the opposite end of the car. "I was finally free when I left her. This weight was lifted the further I got from her and when I got in my car and started driving it was like finally I was myself again."

"Oh Quinn, I don't even know…I don't know what to say now," he said as he stared into her tear filled eyes. With each passing car her eyes illuminated brilliant green, the tears sparkling like stars. It was a breathtaking sight, his Quinn with her pain on display.

"I'm better now. I swear it. I won't hurt her again."

"But how can I know for sure?" he asked turning to stare out the window. He needed to escape those eyes.

Silent miles stretched on as they drove, at least they seemed to be picking up speed, trees whizzed by his window, blurs of houses, and the haze of street lights, their destination a mystery he still was unwilling to solve. His hope was they were heading to the hospital. Quinn had left their daughter bundled up out front of the building before creeping off into the night. Or maybe they were going to a church. Sam could imagine Quinn leaving their baby under God's protection even in her undoubtedly confused state of mind. But as they headed west away from University Hospital, Sam's hopes were dashed. He scrambled to think of another place that Quinn could have left Beth, outside of a shelter, the police department, a school, but when the edge of town came into focus outside of his window and Daley turned onto the interstate, Sam knew that his hopes were leading them nowhere, which was exactly where they seemed to be heading - to nowhere.


	114. Tailspin3 Ch60

**Chapter 60**

The cold earth cracked under Quinn's feet, the sound unnaturally loud in the dead silence of the night. The moon was full, but beneath the thick canopy of trees, even without their leaves it was barely visible. Luckily Daley had thought to bring flashlights, giving each of them one before they started their trek into the darkness. Sam hadn't said a word to her since they started walking, in fact his silence began in the car before they had even arrived. Quinn had done most of the talking during the car ride, something that was quite unusual for her, not that she was shy as she used to be especially around him, but Sam was always the more talkative one. She couldn't blame him for keeping quiet. Quinn could only imagine what was going through his mind after finding out she left their daughter in the snow. What worried her most was what he might say once he started talking again.

Sam's temper was known to surface especially when he was under great stress. Quinn had witnessed it a few times already that night. She could only brace herself for his rage again. Worse than his rage was the unknown, Sam being mad was to be expected, but what would happen after that? How would he be with her once he knew everything that had happened to Beth? Quinn's stomach was in knots as her own imagination illustrated numerous outcomes to that scenario, none of them pleasant. So she tried to sway things, smooth things over with him by talking about happier times, like their stay at the Beacon. Really it had been more for her than him. She felt compelled to cling to all the good memories she could remember just in case there would never be any again.

Thinking of the best of times with Sam always led her back to one place, the Beacon. It was there that everything she had ever felt for him came to an inevitable head. Now that she was able to admit to herself that she started to fall for Sam at the Beacon, remembering that time was so much easier. She felt less guilty for cherishing those weeks they had spent together. And with the weight lifted she felt free to share those memories with him. The timing was all wrong, but again it was more about her than him, so she tried to get him to see that what was between them happened long before the crash, before she lost her sanity and did the unthinkable. Quinn guessed she wanted Sam to see that loving him was not a condition of her illness but something remarkable that grew before PPD took hold. Sam didn't seem to understand her though, and perhaps she was rambling, it was difficult to express what was in her heart, even now, after she had finally told him she loved him.

Quinn couldn't help but smile at the thought. She was in love with Sam Evans. Never would she have thought life would have brought her here, full circle to where they began. It made her shiver with emotion as she contemplated that her first love turned out to be her deepest and truest love. Their feelings for each other had somehow managed to survive, weathering every storm, only to deepen and strengthen just like those initials Sam had carved in that tree all those years ago. They were bolder and more entrenched than they had ever been, a permanent mark, resilient, and strong like the tree he had chosen to carve on.

Now with her heels partially sinking into the frozen earth, and the dim light of their two flashlights guiding their steps, they made their way back to that spot where their love began. When she had brought Beth along this very path last year, it had felt like she was marching toward something big, toward a light, toward hope. In her mind she was certain that Sam would find a way to meet them there by that tree, he would somehow be guided to that spot, to be with them, to save them. Quinn had almost broken into a run with Beth's baby seat in one hand, the sound of her cries muted in her mind. All she could think about was getting to the place where Sam would be waiting. Of course when they arrived at the clearing and Quinn pointed her flashlight to the great oak tattooed with their initials she found herself painfully alone. Beth's cries broke through, echoing at full volume, and reality came crashing in, if only for a moment. Sam wasn't there, and he wasn't coming. He was lost to her, just as he had been for so many months.

"Quinn where are we going?" Sam asked from behind her.

She shook herself from her thoughts, pulling herself to their current task. This wasn't a leisurely lover's stroll back to the place that used to mean so much. Sam wasn't holding her hand or staring into her eyes. He was tense behind her, uncomfortably silent as he probably thought the worst of her the longer they walked.

"We're almost there," she replied reaching back to grab his hand. Surprisingly he took it, his cold strong fingers gripping hers.

"Where's here?" he asked closer to her now.

"Don't you recognize it? I guess you wouldn't it is pretty dark and things have grown since you were last here. They've grown since last year actually. I guess it is true what they say about the woods, that it's a living breathing animal that consumes."

"Quinn…"

"Sorry," she laughed nervously. "I guess I am trying to fill the silence."

"I don't like not knowing where I am. I feel like we are hiking to nowhere."

"It's not nowhere Sam. I promise." She squeezed his hand tighter and picked up her pace fearing that she might lose him before they got to their destination. She could feel him pulling against her as they walked.

Tree branches hit her face as she walked and she stumbled over the uneven ground as she pushed forward in the near darkness. Sam moved his hand to her back, steadying her as she walked.

"The last time I was here. It wasn't dark. The sun was starting to set, but I didn't need a flashlight. It is much harder to navigate now."

Sam stopped turning her around by her elbow. "I'm not going any further until you tell me where we are? Why are we in the woods in the middle of the night? I asked you to take me to the spot where you left Beth."

"I am. It's not much more," she said studying his face. His chiseled features looked jagged in the low light. His face almost expressionless, like marble, frozen and smooth. "Oh, you've got a scratch on your face, must be from a branch," she said shining her flashlight in his direction. She swiped her finger across the spot on his cheek.

Sam recoiled at her touch. "I'm fine Quinn. Just leave it," he said roughly pushing her hand away, his eyes growing cold as he looked at her.

She looked away trying not to let the blank look in his eyes rattle her. "When we get out of here I'll have to put something on it. I would hate for you to have a scar."

"Quinn…" he said with a loud sigh.

"I don't like when you say my name like that. Like you're annoyed with me."

"I'm just tired of being trapped by the unknown."

"Sam I need you to know something." Suddenly it felt so important to get the words out again, to remind him of what was in her heart and of how much he meant to her. In that moment everything seemed to depend on it. "Sam the way I feel about…"

"Quinn what's that?" he asked interrupting her sentence. He was pointing his flashlight over her shoulder into the darkness.

"I don't know," she whispered not daring to turn around.

Her stomach dropped as Sam stepped around her, moving past her in the direction of the light. Quinn remained motionless listening to his footsteps as he walked on.

"Quinn no," she heard him say from a few feet away. She cringed, tears welling in her eyes. "Quinn you didn't. Not here. Not here." His voice was raspy with pain, as if he had been yelling the entire night.

So quickly had everything shifted, minutes ago her hands were on his face, now he was almost a ghost, so removed from her. If she reached out to touch him she knew she would feel only air.

"This is our tree," he said, shock evident in his voice.

"I know," she said quietly, probably too low for him to hear.

"Is this where you left our daughter? Was my baby here cold and alone, in the middle of nowhere?"

Quinn could hear the horror in his voice, like they were standing in the bowels of hell, instead of at their beautiful place in the woods.

"It's not nowhere, it's our spot," she said defensively, her back still to him.

"There are ribbons and bears. Who did this? Did you put this here?"

"I haven't been here since that night."

She hadn't been free to venture anywhere since that night. After Puck pulled her from the river she was quickly taken into custody. Never would she have imagined that her first days of freedom would be spent like this, shivering in the woods with Sam.

"Come over here. You need to see this."

"I don't want to," she said shaking her head. "I haven't been back."

Only in the safety of her mind did she come back to this spot. Not even in her sessions with Dr. Hill did she bring up their tree and its meaning. Keeping it under her protection, away from scrutiny and dissenting voices, she didn't want people that didn't understand to tarnish the beauty of their tree. It was only in the quiet of the woods that she had Sam to herself, where she was free to love him, without judgment. And at the foot of the tree she lovingly placed their daughter, nestled in blankets to wait for her father in the one place he would know to look. Now that her mind was clearer she realized the haziness of her thinking, but for a time these woods were the only place she felt at peace.

"I need you to look at this place and see what you did to Beth." Sam was practically pleading with her.

What could he possibly want to show her so badly? Quinn already knew where they were. She'd memorized it all over the years. When things got bad with Puck, then Mike, and the Puck again, she would think about their tree carved with the heart and wrap herself in the feelings it brought. A reminder that things had been good once, and that she had been loved well and completely.

"I know what I did. I left her at our special place for you." She cried, warm tears streaking her cold face. "You were supposed to come and find her."

"You knew I was in coma. You knew I couldn't come. You left her here to die didn't you?"

Quinn shook her head sobbing. He didn't understand. Sam had it all wrong. Why didn't he understand? He always understood. She never would hurt her baby.

"Answer me Quinn!" His voice moved closer, but she didn't dare turn her flashlight to follow the sound. "Did you leave my baby here to die?"

"No! I wanted her to have you, to have a good life. I couldn't be her mother. But you would come and love her and keep her safe."

All she ever wanted for Beth was him, even when it was wrong to feel such things. When she should have been happy Puck was her baby's father, instead she prayed for a miracle that would give Sam to her unborn child. That miracle was granted and here they were sharing that precious gift, yet the celebration had ended far too soon, as Quinn winced with each word Sam spoke.

"Do you call this safe? You left her in the woods where no one could find her."

"Someone did find her though."

"Who was it?" he asked.

"A hunter. He left something and went back to get it."

"Oh my God." Branches cracked behind her, loud and deliberate as if Sam was breaking the wood with his hands. "So it was a miracle Beth survived?"

"What do you mean? People hunt here all the time."

"Not after dark. Hunters don't go back for things they lost, not in the dark when they can't see shit in the dense forest." More sounds of wood breaking surrounded her, almost rhythmically matching the rise of his voice. "So basically you left her here for anything to get her."

"You're getting upset."

"Of course I'm upset. This is the middle of nowhere and you left a baby here, our baby."

"I thought nothing would happen to her here."

"Come over here," said Sam suddenly beside her, grabbing her by the arm. He yanked her back toward the tree.

"No I don't want to!" she screamed pulling away from him, dropping her flashlight in the struggle. The light went out when it hit the ground. She dropped to her knees to find it, her pantyhose ripping on the rugged terrain. Arms were around her waist lifting her to her feet, then higher still, her feet dangling above the ground.

"Look what you did!" he yelled in her ear as he hoisted her closer to that tree.

Quinn squeezed her eyes shut not wanting to see. He couldn't make her see. She already knew what it was, their beautiful tree with a heart and their initials. She didn't want to see it in the dark with him.

"Quinn open your eyes," he said against her face, the wetness from his cheek transferring to her own.

"Sam don't make me do this. I don't want to," she begged. Twisting in his arms she tried to hold him in an embrace instead of being imprisoned against his chest.

"Open your fucking eyes!" he yelled inches from her face his breath hot against her.

She trembled in his arms, he was scaring her. She had never seen Sam so angry. Abruptly he dropped her on her knees at the base of the tree, her eyes were still closed but she could feel the thick roots beneath her. Something cold and stiff touched her cheek, it smelled like rotted earth, like dying vegetables at the end of the harvest. She turned her head, fleeing the smell.

"What is that?" she asked.

"It's a bear. One of many disgusting dirty bears left out here in the woods."

"They sent her bears in the hospital," she sniffled. Tons of bears arrived for Beth, not that Quinn was there to see them in person, but the news reported on them quite frequently, bears for the little forgotten girl.

"Oh God," she cried harder crumbling at the thought of all the teddy bears mocking her, pointing blame, silently whispering that she was a killer. "She didn't die. Why did they do that?"

"I don't know Quinn. Maybe because they cared, maybe because she could have died."

She hadn't even realized she said that last part out loud.

"She wasn't going to die. You were…"

"Quinn stop! Just stop it! I wasn't coming and you knew it. You dumped my baby in the woods and walked away."

She could hear him pacing in front of her, his shoes scrunching in the dirt with each step.

"It wasn't like that. I told you I left a note for you and Mercedes. I left her for you. You were supposed to come."

A scream, more like a roar into the wind, slicing through the forest like a tidal wave of sound, the leaves trembled and the earth shook, as rage and despair filled the clearing in the woods. And then he was beside her, shaking and out of breath. She knew there were tears, she could hear him trying to gulp them back, to stifle his emotions like men often do, but Quinn felt him next to her losing control.

Crawling forward on hands and knees, keeping her eyes averted toward the ground, she retrieved the flashlight Sam had discarded and brought it back to her spot by his side. Still Sam suffered, his knees pulled to his chest, his head buried there. She'd done this, brought Sam to the edge, pushing him down with all she'd done. Suddenly she saw him next to her standing at the edge of the dock, staring into the dark water, ready to take her hand and jump with her. Her mind was screaming to stop him, even as she knew it wasn't real, she still couldn't shake the feeling that Sam was headed to place where no one would be able to get him back. She couldn't let that happen.

"It felt good when I left Beth here," she said slowly rising to her feet, the flashlight trained toward the ground. She looked out into the darkness, the tree invisible to her eyes, but she knew it was there. She reached for it, her hands hitting its rough bark. "Beth stopped crying as I walked away, and I knew I had made the right decision, because she was always so unhappy with me." Tears flowed into her mouth, but she didn't bother to wipe them away, instead she let her hand trace the surface of the tree searching for the mark she knew would be there. Finally she found it, an indent in the bark. Her fingers followed the outline of a heart, their love forever displayed here. "It wasn't until I was in the car and driving back toward town that I heard her cry again. It was so loud. I even looked in the back seat, as if by some magic Beth had reappeared in the car, but it was empty, but I could still hear her crying. And I kept telling myself, she's going to be alright. She was better off and you and Mercedes would give her a good life. I parked in the warehouse parking lot, and walked toward the docks, the whole time Beth was crying in my ear while I looked in the water, and the crying wouldn't stop. I actually hesitated. I was going to go back and get her, because maybe you hadn't gotten there yet and maybe she needed me. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw her, that other me, that confident girl I used to be, the girl I lost and she was there beckoning to me to come, and then I saw you, and the crying just stopped. I knew then that Beth would be okay. That I had done the right thing."

"And you jumped?" asked Sam startling Quinn from her thoughts.

"No." She smiled raising her flashlight up the tree, to shine its light on their initials. "No, I flew."

She sucked in her breath when she saw it, bolder than she had remembered, deeper now, the carving had become part of the tree, reaching far beneath the surface bark. It struck her the same way it had that night a year before, this was a perfect place that held all that they ever meant to each other in exalted status. Then she looked lower and saw the tattered ribbons surrounding the tree like a sash, one yellow, one pink with sagging faded bows. She tilted the flashlight downward below the bows to the mangy stuffed toys that littered the base of the tree, scattered around it like a fungus, so out of place in the pristine beauty of the spot. She rocked on her feet, suddenly feeling overly warm like all the air had left her lungs and darkness was encroaching on her.

Then he was there, hands on her elbows holding her steady, safe and protected, his chest pressed against her back. She had dreamed of being in his arms in this very spot so many times before. All those nights in the psych ward where she tried to convince herself that leaving Beth by their tree was about loving her daughter and about loving Sam, it was with good intentions, and not because she was selfish or evil like they said in the media, but seeing the tree in the glow of the flashlight she realized she had been deluding herself all this time. There was nothing good about this place now, not in the dark, not in the cold, not with the way she was sure Sam was looking at her.

She hadn't braved his face yet, too terrified at what she might find, but now she had to know. For the first time she couldn't pretend that all of this was romantic and about their family. She had fractured their lives, carved a scar through everything they had dreamed, just as Sam had scarred that oak tree with a promise of a love that never quite came true.

Quickly she turned, shining the light in his face, and Sam didn't look away, he stared back at her, tired, cold, red rimmed eyes. The green that usually held so much warmth, looking through her, unrecognizable after years of finding comfort in his familiar gaze, that light she always saw reflected in his eyes whenever he looked at her had finally gone out.

Quinn let the flashlight fall from her hand, cloaking them in darkness when it hit the ground. This really was nowhere. They were lost in this place and Quinn wasn't sure they would ever find their way back.


	115. Tailspin3 Ch61

**Chapter 61**

The wind had picked up surrounding him with cold air that made his ears tingle and his teeth chatter. Sam turned up the collar of his wool coat to give his ears some meager protection from the elements before quickly stuffing his hands back deep inside his pockets. He hadn't been walking long, maybe about ten minutes, but it was starting to feel longer as each stretch of land looked like the last, on the nearly dark, very deserted road. At least the moon was full, a beacon in the sky to guide him.

He had driven this way more times than he could count, the hidden patch of road right off the interstate. Not many people traveled it anymore, except for hunters and Sam supposed teens looking for a secluded place to park. That was his reason for first coming down this road so many years ago. He wanted a place where he could be alone with Quinn and not have everyone know his intentions. Lima felt so small at times, if he sneezed within the hour everyone he encountered would be asking if he had a cold. Word traveled that fast, especially when it was about him or his family. People always seemed just a little more interested in the activities of the Evans family. Sam had grown up under the scrutiny, usually it didn't faze him, it was just a fact of his life, but once he started dating Quinn and his feelings for her deepened, he longed to be out of the spotlight so he could just be with her.

When Quinn had led him into the woods earlier, he had no idea where they were heading, nothing looked familiar, maybe because of the darkness or maybe it was from all the years he had forgotten. Still Sam was a little unnerved at the fact he didn't recognize the place right away, it was their spot after all. Actually if he were honest it was his spot. Before Quinn even arrived in Lima, Sam used to spend time in the old woods that bordered his family's land. As a kid he, Puck and Santana, and sometimes Brittany would trek through the backyard and into the massive forest that surrounded the house. They had even beaten a path, they had ventured there so much. The pond was their place to ice skate in the winter, splash in the summer heat, and play hide and go seek amongst the trees.

As Sam got older, Santana and Puck lost interest in the woods, but he still came from time to time, just to sit, to get away from his crazy mother and always critical father. It had been his refuge. He guessed that was why he took Quinn to that spot in the woods, because in a way she had become his refuge too and he wanted to share a peaceful part of himself, to somehow let her see that he was more than his reputation indicated, and he could appreciate quiet beauty as much as she could. The place became theirs. Skating on the pond, sitting in each other's arms at the base of a tree, talking about their dreams, he recited his first poem to Quinn there. Too nervous to face her, he had stood a few feet away staring into the murky water. It was in Irish Gaelic, one of the old ones, as his father called them. He'd heard it all his life, the poem was so much a part of him, a part he tried desperately to hide, but he wanted her to hear it, to know why the words meant so much.

Sam let the past overtake him as he continued to walk against the wind, they were teenagers again, the sun shining between the trees, and he shared that poem with Quinn, but it felt like he was sharing his heart, a piece of his soul. And when he turned to finally look at her, Sam knew, that all he was feeling was true, and that she was feeling it too. With tears in her eyes she came to him, long blond hair streaming behind her as she took his hand and held it against her lips. In that moment Sam knew he'd love her forever. He'd given her his heart that day and she kept it, cherishing it like a precious gift. Even later when she left him for Puck, Sam still held onto that memory, returning to their beautiful place in the woods, visiting the tree where he'd carved their names and remembering all he used to have with her. Sam had left a piece of his heart in the woods back then, he knew with certainty that he'd never love anyone the way he loved Quinn, and he didn't want to, so he buried that part of him deep, under the roots of that great oak tree and tried to move on and forget what perfect felt like.

The present rushed back in angry and fierce. Everything had changed since then his perfect memories were tainted now, their place defiled. The ground trampled by strangers leaving their stuffed offerings, shedding tears for a little girl they didn't even know, but their tears had drowned his own, their feet had erased his footprints, their bows had wrecked the natural beauty of their tree. It felt like his grave had been unearthed, and that long buried part of himself was left exposed to the world, and it was all because of Quinn. Mental pictures of Beth in the cold by their tree filled his mind, now that he had specifics to flesh out his nightmares he couldn't make them stop. There was no more ignoring his gut, swallowing down the feelings of dread, or explaining away his visions. They were all real, inconceivably so. Never would he have believed Quinn capable of this, yet here he was faced with the undeniable truth, Quinn had hurt their daughter.

Light on the dark pavement and the road illuminated, a car was fast approaching behind him. Sam moved over toward the edge of the shoulder, nearing the grass, to avoid being hit. The car slowed beside him, though Sam kept walking. The window opened and a voice reached out into the darkness.

"Out for a midnight stroll?"

Great it was Dr. Nosey of all the cars to come down the road it had to be hers.

"Yeah something like that. I like to reflect on my birthday," he responded as he kept walking.

The car crept along beside him matching his pace. "I had no idea you were so introspective. I'm impressed."

"I thought we established there is plenty you have no idea about," he said as he walked. "Especially when it comes to me."

"Maybe if you hadn't fired me that wouldn't be the case, we could've gotten to know each other better."

She had raised her voice to the verge of yelling as if increasing her volume would somehow make him interested in what she had to say.

"No you mean you could have pried your nose into my life making snap judgments and bitchy comments, no thanks. I have my mom for that."

"Why don't you get in the car Sam?"

"I'm fine thank you. I'd rather walk." He bundled his coat tighter around him and picked up his pace. If only he had thought to bring a flashlight, he could have veered off into the woods where she couldn't follow.

"It's like 15 degrees and you just got out of a coma, as a doctor I can't just leave you here."

"I'm not your patient. I'm a grown man. You can't force me to get in the car with you."

"You're right I can't, but maybe your mom can. Let me call Mike and he can tell your mother where you are. I know she'll rush right over here and scoop you up."

"Why me?" he asked coming to a full stop. He walked over to the open car window and popped his head in. "Don't you have some other ex-patient you can harass?"

"Harass? Sam I'm hurt. I thought we had come to an understanding after our little road trip together. I thought we might've even bonded."

Sam let out an exaggerated laugh. Was this woman for real? "All you did on that road trip was ridicule and judge me. You were pushy, inconsiderate, way out of line, and –"

"And helpful," she interjected. "I was the one that signed the papers to get Quinn released remember? Where's my thanks for that?"

"Right, my bad, thanks Kali, thanks so much for helping me to release the mother of my child and bring her back to Lima to be reunited with our daughter, the baby she left in the woods to die."

"So you know. Mike told me that's why you came out here, but I wasn't sure if she had told you yet."

Her tone softened and Sam wanted to throw up. He could hear the pity in her voice. That was the last thing he needed was for people to start feeling sorry for him, although they probably had been this whole time, he was just too clueless to realize it. Between his almost yearlong coma, his memory issues, and his abandoned baby, he was doomed to have to endure the whispers from the good people in town.

"Oh she told me, in excruciating detail," Sam said bitterly. "I even got a tour of the very spot where Beth was left. I saw that little monument that was erected, or would you call it a memorial? No it can't be a memorial if the person didn't die right? What would you call that display?"

"Sad. It's all very sad, and I'm so sorry it happened." Sam looked over at her, a little surprised at the crack in her usually icy demeanor. "Quinn had discontinued treatment at the time and a part of me always wonders if I had just tried harder to reach out to her, to get her to come back to sessions that maybe this could be avoided."

Sam sighed heavily staring at the ground, before opening the car door and getting inside. "It's not your fault Quinn's crazy," he said quietly.

"We don't use that word," she scolded, shaking her head at him, her black hair falling into her face. "And furthermore I wouldn't use it to describe Quinn then or now. She was suffering from a mental illness."

"Fine. I won't use the C word, if you'll stop using the past tense. Quinn's still sick isn't she?" he asked needing to know, but fearing her response.

"Sam I shouldn't be discussing…."

"Just tell me Kali, I need to know for my daughter. You don't know the things she said…" he trailed off shaking his head, unable to even get the words out.

"Sam where is Quinn right now?"

"She's nowhere," he said turning to stare out the window. "Just like me."

"Sam, look at me," she demanded pulling on his coat sleeve. "Where is Quinn?"

"Whoa getting pretty intense there doc," he said leaning out of her reach. "Are you worried I left Quinn alone in the woods?"

Standing in the dark, facing that damn tree that seemed to glow neon, the moon playing crazy tricks with his eyes. There she was, head bowed, sniffling loudly, as she tried to explain the unexplainable. Sam didn't want to hear it. Nothing Quinn could say would make things better. He just wished she would stop talking, but he didn't ask her to. Instead he let her continue to go on with her excuses as he tried to tune her out.

It was just that tree, the heart he carved seemed to glow brighter the longer he stared at it in the darkness, blood red now, taunting him with silent accusations. Why had he kept this place at all, protecting it from development like some sick shrine to a relationship that was long over? He had bought the land while he was married to Brittany, secretly of course, because he didn't feel like explaining why he needed almost 100 acres of forest simply to save one oak tree. At the time there were no other options, their tree couldn't be destroyed to make way for a strip mall or another subdivision. Sam hadn't visited the woods since he left Lima that first time for the Army, but knowing the tree still stood, the solid keeper of all he loved so deeply, had been enough for him. Now standing in front of it after so many years, Sam wished he had an axe to chop it down or better yet a match. He'd let the whole place burn and maybe then he could find some relief from this misery.

"Don't call me doc. And I do know your family's reputation, so I think my concern is justified." She put the car in park and turned off the headlights, covering them in the eerie glow from the moon.

"But I thought we agreed not to judge each other by our relatives," he said mocking the agreement they had made during their first meeting.

"You just learned some hard and overwhelming news. It wouldn't be a shock if you didn't take it well, sometimes when emotions run high things happen."

No shit lady was his response in his mind. His emotions were about as high as they could go. Every part of him was on edge. He wasn't sure if he was angry or sad or hurt or some garbled combination of them all. The only thing Sam was sure of was that his life sucked. The woman he loved hurt their child months ago and there was nothing he could do about it. If it had happened today he would have known how to react. It might have been brutal, definitely not pretty, but at least it would have been a real response, but seeing the ghosts of what happened, the weather worn remnants of a terrible act, had him at a loss. It felt pointless to explode or take physical action now, so much time had elapsed. He'd be shadow boxing the past.

"You actually think I could hurt Quinn?" Sam asked, not really as surprised as he probably sounded. Kali didn't have a high opinion of him from what he could tell.

"I don't know what to think Sam. You're being really evasive right now."

"Maybe I just don't want to talk to you. Ever think about that? Just because I don't want to share, doesn't mean that I left my daughter's mother hanging from a tree."

Her eyes widened. "Is that what you wanted to do to her when you found out she left Beth? Hang her from a tree?"

"You're really sick lady. I know psychopathic tendencies run rampant in your gene pool, but not all of us live that way. I'm not a violent man."

In all honesty, if anyone else had done this to Beth he would have been burying the body by now. Sam knew without question he'd kill for his child, but the fact that the villain in this scenario was Quinn, a woman so tied to his heart, he didn't even feel like he had one until he met her, complicated things greatly. Sam had felt the urge to hurt her in the woods. As he dragged her out, unable to bear being near that damn tree any longer, with Quinn close behind him rambling about second chances and spending the night at the Beacon, he had nearly snapped. Turning around abruptly to face her, ready to bite her head off and for a split second maybe wring her neck. She didn't even seem sorry about what she'd done. All the explanations and the hope filled words about their future, not once did she express anything that seemed like remorse. It felt as if she were blaming him for not being there to save Beth from the woods. Maybe it was just his own guilt playing with his mind, Quinn did seem to realize that she had been irrational the night she left Beth out in the cold, but acknowledging her illness was not the same as expressing regret, and that distinction had made it hard for him to communicate verbally with Quinn.

"You're the one that brought up hanging not me. And given your history and questionable relationship with the law, I have a right to be concerned."

"Again with the judging. You have no clue about my family."

"My cousin Santana was married to Dave Karofsky. Your sworn enemy right? And Dave tried to choke the life out of Santana when he discovered that she was still messing around with Brittany."

"I am nothing like Dave!" Sam yelled.

"You and Dave are from the same world. Probably share similar values. If he was enraged enough to almost kill Santana over another woman, I wouldn't put it past you to react the same or worse over your own child."

Okay well that he understood. A man protects his children and family no matter the circumstances. Sam had been raised to think that way, and he was fairly certain the Karofskys held the same belief. That was one similarity he was willing to accept.

"I'd like to think I'm a better man than that. I know how to control my emotions and not allow them to get out of hand."

Stories about his temper had gotten around town, when people mentioned him big lips and temper were probably his two most known traits, but he wasn't an animal. He did know how to reel himself in, especially with a woman. Although for a brief moment tonight he had felt himself starting to lose it. Quinn wouldn't stop talking and all of his mental exercises to keep his temper under control were failing. For a few minutes he actually considered leaving her behind, out in the woods alone, in the dark, to let her feel exactly what she had put their daughter through. He didn't want to rescue her some time later and prove his point, he didn't want her found by a hunter, he wanted her gone, "disappeared" as his dad sometimes said. Then as fast as the idea entered his mind, it left. Even imagining Quinn permanently out of his life felt wrong. He may not want to deal with her right now, but have her gone forever? That just wasn't something he could handle.

"More like you repress your feelings until you're ready to explode. Do I need to call the police? Is Quinn safe?" asked Kali reaching for her phone.

Sam shook his head, feeling incredibly sad. "I would never hurt Quinn. I had Daley take her back to the Beacon." He couldn't stand to look at her anymore so he pushed her sobbing into the car and ordered Daley to drive away.

"Why didn't you just say so?"

"Because I'm not proud of it okay? There Quinn was practically begging me to understand all that she had done, to show her some basic mercy, or give her some comfort and I couldn't even do that. I just watched her cry and did nothing."

"Okay but just because Quinn was looking for all that from you, doesn't mean you had to give her anything."

"But she needed me and again I let her down." He didn't even have the coma to use as an excuse this time. He was here and alert and he still couldn't be the man she needed.

"Sam, you had a whole heap of pain dumped on you, in the most direct and upfront way. I can only imagine what it was like to see that tree and all the mementos left around it."

"It felt like I was staring at a grave, but not my daughter's grave but my own. The man I thought I was, the man I want to become sort of died tonight at the base of that tree. I don't know…" He shook his head trying to clear out the confusion. "If I were better, stronger, if I were around then maybe this would have never happened, maybe the woman I love wouldn't have been driven to such…" He struggled to find the words. "To such a dark place."

Tears stung at the back of his eyes as he beat the cold glass with his fist. Why did this have to happen to them? They were on their way to happily ever after, with Beth and a chance at a life together, finally, but now, after all this, Sam felt cheated once again. Losing three years was nothing next to losing the hope of forever with Quinn and Beth.

"No one expects you to handle this in a day," Kali said softly as she started the car.

"Quinn does. She actually thought we could just move on from here, tonight."

Tuning her out hadn't been a complete success and Sam had heard much of her tearful pleadings. She wanted him to go to the Beacon with her tonight as they had planned, as if nothing had changed. She didn't seem to understand that being around her was killing him, and having to see her face, hear her voice, especially in a confined space would just make things worse for them. Of course, he didn't tell her any of this, he didn't want to speak to her either, but he thought it all as he led them out of the woods to the street.

"Quinn's being positive, which is good for her, given the circumstances. She believes in a future again, but you're not her and you can't be expected to feel the same."

"I kind of feel like I've been handling everything wrong since I woke up and now I have to make things right," he admitted.

"Right for who?" she asked glancing over at him quickly before returning her attention to the road.

"Right for my family. My daughter was abandoned. I don't care if it wasn't that long or that she was too young to understand, I understand and I need to fix things for her. I've been back on my feet for weeks and I have been barely around for her."

"Spending more time with Beth sounds like a good idea, maybe it will make you start to feel like you're handling things better."

"Beth's not the only problem. There's her mother too. Quinn was in tears when I left her. I can only imagine how scared she must be. I promised that I'd never turn my back on her. She expected me to keep that promise, to completely be there for her tonight, even after all this. And I just wasn't."

"I think you're being too hard on yourself. From everything I've witnessed you've kept that promise to Quinn well. You've been a good friend to her."

Getting Quinn free was his singular goal since coming out of the coma. It had shaped all his decisions and interactions from the moment he discovered she was locked away. Selfishly wanting access to Quinn was one of his reasons for wanting her back in Lima, but he had also been thinking of Beth and of Quinn too. Sam couldn't think of any good reason why Quinn should have been stuck in a hospital for the criminally insane, no reason that didn't have his father's underhanded fingerprints all over it that is. Now he knew just how misguided he had been and he felt like a complete idiot. Everyone had tried to warn him in subtle ways that things were not as he assumed, and that Quinn wasn't quite the innocent victim he believed her to be. What if he had made a mistake in having Quinn released? Had he unknowingly unleashed a threat on his daughter? Sam shivered at the idea, still not wanting to believe that Quinn was capable of such acts, even now that he had proof she indeed was.

"Fine I'm a good friend," he said not really in agreement with the assertion. "But you can't dispute that I've been a terrible husband."

He hadn't thought about Mercedes in what seemed like hours. He didn't even want to think about her now, he was so ashamed of his actions toward her. He had been so righteous in his defense of Quinn, tossing Mercedes's subtle hints and visible fear aside, so sure it all stemmed from jealousy. Smacked with the facts, feeling like such a fool, how could he ever look her in the eyes again? She was looking out for him then, trying to protect him from this, and he had berated her for it.

"You'll get no argument from me there," said Kali.

"Thanks." Feeling a little offended she had agreed with that so quickly, but who was he kidding, he had practically told Kali that he wanted to replace Mercedes with Quinn the day they went upstate to the hospital. He didn't tell her all the specifics of the deal with his father, but what he did reveal was enough to make him look like front-runner for the 'husband from hell' award.

"I thought that's what you wanted to hear. You seem intent on blaming everything on yourself."

"Everything is my fault so how could I not? I cheated on my wife and broke her heart, I got Quinn pregnant and she got PPD, I wasn't around to save my daughter and she was left in the woods."

Inwardly he groaned as he listed all his crimes in his mind. Waking up from the coma had only added to his offenses. He was a selfish bastard no matter how he looked at it. If anyone should be "disappeared" it was him. He didn't deserve to be a father, to have the support of his family, to have a wife still loving him despite his flaws. Alone and miserable seemed like the best punishment after all he'd done to the people he was supposed to love.

"Hate to break it to you Sam but life is hard. People go through pain and problems, everyone, not just you, maybe some of your choices caused things to happen but there comes a point when you just have to suck it up and start dealing. Blaming yourself is just another way of running and hiding. The real test is what you do next."

"Next?" he asked staring at her profile as she drove.

"Yes how are you going to deal? You've been in my car, but you've yet to tell me where we're going. Are we going to keep driving around Lima in slow circles or are you going to make a decision about your next move?"

They came to a stop at an intersection, waiting for the light to turn green, but for Sam it felt like so much more. Kali was right, as much as he hated to admit it. This was his chance to set things in a new direction, to change things for the better. Seemed almost appropriate that during the wee hours of his birthday he would be faced with a choice such as this. There was a kind of hope in making a decision, having the power to actually direct the course of his life. Since waking up, life had seemed like it was happening to him, no control over what came next, but now he knew most of the big things he missed. With that understanding it became clear that he didn't have to wallow and hide from things, he didn't need to disappear, he needed to man up and handle it all, find a way to deal with both Quinn and Mercedes, because he had a daughter to think about and Beth was more important than his mangled feelings.


End file.
